| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | Previously on “Felicity”… | |
| [00:02] | – Hi. | – Hi. Hi! |
| [00:04] | Hey. | |
| [00:05] | NoeI’s gonna give me a walking tour of Bleecker Street. | |
| [00:11] | – Shall we? – Yeah. | |
| [00:14] | I should have come to you and I | |
| [00:15] | should’ve told you something up front. | |
| [00:18] | No. That would’ve been hard. | |
| [00:19] | How do you tell somebody that you’re trying to steal their boyfriend? | |
| [00:22] | I am so sorry. | |
| [00:24] | I really don’t care what the hell you are. | |
| [00:27] | You can be sorry or not. You ‘re just a lying bitch. | |
| [00:39] | Come in. | |
| [00:44] | Hey, Carl. | |
| [00:46] | Hi. | |
| [00:52] | Hey, that’s a, really good eye. | |
| [00:54] | Oh, thanks. | |
| [00:55] | This assignment’s freaking me out. I’ve been staring at my eye | |
| [00:57] | so long it doesn’t even feel like it’s part of me anymore, | |
| [01:00] | just like this freaky, wet, pulsating ball stuck in my head. | |
| [01:04] | I know the feeling. | |
| [01:06] | Do you need something? | |
| [01:07] | Yes. It’s Chuck, | |
| [01:10] | my roommate Chuck. | |
| [01:12] | A friend of his called, Larry. | |
| [01:15] | But the answering machine didn’t turn off, | |
| [01:18] | so it recorded his conversation, | |
| [01:20] | and so I listened to it. | |
| [01:22] | So you overheard Chuck’s conversation with Larry? | |
| [01:26] | Exactly. You really understand me. | |
| [01:29] | So he said all this stuff about me, | |
| [01:32] | on the phone. | |
| [01:33] | Like what? | |
| [01:35] | I don’t know, like, | |
| [01:36] | how I don’t shower very often, | |
| [01:39] | or, or wash my clothes with detergent, | |
| [01:41] | that I eat my hair! | |
| [01:43] | – Things that aren’t true? – No, see, they’re totally true. | |
| [01:49] | Hey there. | |
| [01:51] | You ‘re weird. | |
| [01:52] | You see that? I’m getting this reputation which so pisses me off! | |
| [01:57] | Now I’m just super pissed off and I don’t | |
| [01:59] | know how exactly to channel my anger. | |
| [02:01] | Ok, just relax. It doesn’t matter what anyone says about you. | |
| [02:04] | It is so classic you just said those words. | |
| [02:08] | – Why? – Nothing. | |
| [02:10] | I knew you’d say don’t retaliate. | |
| [02:12] | I think that’s partially why I came to see you. | |
| [02:15] | You know I really respect you. | |
| [02:17] | Oh, thanks. That’s, really nice. | |
| [02:19] | What do you mean, “so classic” I used those words? | |
| [02:22] | I just came from Epstein-Barr where your little friend Julie was performing, | |
| [02:25] | I’m going to sit him down and say, | |
| [02:27] | “Chuck, you ‘re a dick, Chuck. “ | |
| [02:28] | What about Julie? God, it is so infuriating | |
| [02:31] | the way you bait me like this. | |
| [02:33] | Let’s just say that until tonight, | |
| [02:35] | I never realized that Julie overheard you | |
| [02:37] | and Ben conspiring to take that road trip. | |
| [02:40] | – You talked to Julie? – No, I just listened to her performance. | |
| [02:43] | I could just say to Chuck, “If you got a problem with me, let’s talk it out. “ | |
| [02:47] | Are you saying that Julie played a song about me? | |
| [02:50] | The only way people knew it was about you is that the song was called “Felicity. “ | |
| [02:53] | – Shut up! – Ok. | |
| [02:54] | Maybe you ‘re right. | |
| [02:56] | Reacting rationally and calmly, | |
| [02:58] | could be like a new credo for me. | |
| [03:01] | – How did the song go? – I don’t remember the whole thing. | |
| [03:06] | Oh. Yes. I do. | |
| [03:07] | Um, there was stuff about how, | |
| [03:09] | you two started off as friends, | |
| [03:11] | how you found out Julie liked Ben, | |
| [03:13] | how she sacrificed her happiness for you, | |
| [03:15] | and how you ‘re the worst person in the world. | |
| [03:17] | – The worst person in the world? – I’m paraphrasing. | |
| [03:20] | – So, Felicity, I’m gonna go, – Are you making this up? | |
| [03:23] | And there was something about your hair. Um, | |
| [03:26] | “An Astor Place trim, and she thinks she’s Joan of Arc, “ | |
| [03:30] | Oh, God, I don’t remember the rhyme, Something, something, | |
| [03:33] | “slut of Washington Square Park”, | |
| [03:36] | “Slut of Washington Square Park. “ | |
| [03:38] | – Felicity? – It had a good melody. | |
| [03:40] | – That is so rude. – She played it twice. | |
| [03:43] | I’m gonna kill her. | |
| [03:47] | – Maybe I should just beat my roommate up. – Yeah. Go ahead. Kick his ass. | |
| [03:52] | You know, I think you ‘re a better R.A. than Felicity. | |
| [03:54] | So do I. | |
| [03:57] | Get out. | |
| [04:42] | Dear Sally, | |
| [04:43] | Julie is now performing songs about me. | |
| [04:46] | Can you believe that? Apparently about how evil I am. | |
| [04:49] | I am so mad right now. I don’t mean this literally I would | |
| [04:52] | never actually do this but I want to punch Julie in the face. | |
| [04:58] | – Oh, hey! – Is Julie here? | |
| [05:00] | Uh. No. I don’t know where she is. | |
| [05:01] | Hey, you want to come in and try a brand-new condiment? | |
| [05:03] | No. No, thanks. | |
| [05:05] | Can you just tell her that I stopped by and I really want to talk to her? | |
| [05:07] | Tell her it’s an emergency. | |
| [05:12] | Oh, you heard about the song, didn’t you? | |
| [05:13] | Sean knew about the song! | |
| [05:15] | They live together. | |
| [05:16] | That’s not the point. Julie’s playing this mean song about me as entertainment. | |
| [05:20] | You haven’t even heard it. You don’t know how cruel it is. | |
| [05:23] | It’s obviously cruel enough that Sean | |
| [05:25] | would assume the song is why I was so upset. | |
| [05:27] | I mean, I can’t believe her! I have called her. | |
| [05:29] | I have tried to talk to her when I’ve seen her, | |
| [05:31] | – you know, making real overtures. – I’ve never seen you like this. | |
| [05:34] | How would you feel if you found out I was singing mean songs about you in public? | |
| [05:38] | I’d feel pity for the public. You have a horrible singing voice. | |
| [05:43] | In third grade, this girl wrote a poem about me. | |
| [05:46] | She xeroxed it and passed it out. | |
| [05:48] | It was called “Stinky Girl. “ | |
| [05:51] | I remember it word for word. You want to hear it? | |
| [05:53] | – No, thanks. – See that? 11 years later, | |
| [05:55] | and you still remember the poem. Things like this are traumatic. | |
| [05:58] | All right, look. You and Julie will make up. | |
| [06:00] | I mean, if you and I can start to reconcile, anyone can. | |
| [06:03] | It’s different between us. I mean, | |
| [06:05] | Julie and I were never the friends that you and I are. | |
| [06:09] | Were. Whatever. | |
| [06:13] | Really? | |
| [06:16] | What, what time is it? | |
| [06:17] | Uh, 10:36. | |
| [06:19] | 10:33. | |
| [06:20] | I’m late. I’m so jealous you guys have your own apartment. | |
| [06:24] | – You don’t like living with Meghan? – Oh, no, I love it. | |
| [06:26] | This way I never have to see “The Rocky Horror Picture Show. “ | |
| [06:29] | – Are we still going to The Modern? – Oh, you guys are going to the museum? | |
| [06:32] | Yeah, this is what life after premed is like. | |
| [06:34] | Yeah, I, uh, I invited Ruby, if that’s ok. | |
| [06:36] | Oh, yeah. Hey, of course. | |
| [06:40] | – Uh, how are you guys? – How are we? Uh, | |
| [06:43] | Fine. It’s, it’s not like we’re dating or anything. | |
| [06:45] | – No, I know. – You know? | |
| [06:47] | – Why? Did she say something to you? – No. I mean, uh, nothing. | |
| [06:53] | But my, uh, class is over at 1:00, so | |
| [06:54] | – how about 2:00? – Yeah. 2:00. The Modern. | |
| [06:57] | – Ok. Think of me. | |
| [06:58] | I’ll be examining cyclohexane confirmations. | |
| [07:01] | I don’t feel sorry for you. | |
| [07:03] | Which is so annoying. | |
| [07:05] | – Ok, so I’ll see you at the museum. – Ok. 2:00. | |
| [07:08] | Bye. | |
| [07:11] | * Stinky girl, stinky girl, * | |
| [07:13] | I said I didn’t want to hear it. | |
| [07:19] | Mrs. Sherman, my drawing teacher assigned us | |
| [07:21] | to look at a photography show at The Modern. | |
| [07:25] | So I was on my way there to meet Noel, | |
| [07:27] | and apparently Ruby. | |
| [07:44] | For some reason, which of course turned out later to be the world’s biggest irony, | |
| [07:48] | I was thinking just then how amazing the subway system is | |
| [07:52] | how reliable. how perfect. | |
| [08:07] | I don’t know how but I just knew | |
| [08:11] | when Julie got on that this ride on the subway, was going to be far from perfect. | |
| [08:52] | Hi. | |
| [08:53] | I need 125 brownies by 5:00. Can you handle that? | |
| [08:57] | Can I handle that you really enjoy brownies, um, | |
| [09:01] | I’m a caterer. I’m feeding a CD release | |
| [09:03] | party tonight and my baker’s had an aneurysm. | |
| [09:06] | Can you deliver the brownies or am I wasting my time here? | |
| [09:09] | My manager’s downstairs. Let me go call him. | |
| [09:14] | – Uh, I’m sorry, was that, uh, – 125 brownies, yes. | |
| [09:18] | 125. | |
| [09:24] | Javier? Yeah. It’s Ben. | |
| [09:27] | I’m upstairs. | |
| [09:29] | Yeah, so listen, someone needs 125 brownies by 5:00. | |
| [09:34] | I don’t know. Some. Uh. Some party or something. I don’t know. She’s a caterer. | |
| [09:38] | Blond hair, Javier. Come up if you want to see her. | |
| [09:43] | Yeah? You sure? | |
| [09:46] | All right, all right. | |
| [09:49] | You, uh, you got your brownies. | |
| [09:51] | Great. Here, and run it through quickly. I’m on a schedule. | |
| [09:57] | Yes, ma’am. | |
| [09:59] | Ok, ladies and gentlemen, | |
| [10:00] | I am not selling these items for charity. | |
| [10:03] | None of the items you purchase from me are tax deductible, | |
| [10:06] | just quality product at a quantity price, ok? | |
| [10:10] | I’ve got yo-yos, slinkys, sunglasses, | |
| [10:12] | sewing kits. Watches. Flashlights. Batteries, | |
| [10:15] | umbrellas, 5 bucks. | |
| [10:30] | Did you get the message that I stopped by? | |
| [10:33] | Yep. | |
| [10:36] | That was last night. Were you, | |
| [10:39] | – were you goin to call me? – No. | |
| [10:44] | Is this seriously the way, you’r always going to talk to me? | |
| [10:48] | Yep. | |
| [10:49] | Fine. | |
| [10:54] | At that moment, the only comforting thing, | |
| [10:56] | was knowing that I only had 4 stops to go, | |
| [10:58] | before I was no longer in the same subway car, | |
| [11:01] | as Julie Emrick. Singer of evil songs. | |
| [11:28] | Please remain calm, | |
| [11:38] | The only 2 words I could make out, | |
| [11:40] | were “remain” and “calm”, | |
| [11:42] | which I definitely would not have done if I understood what was about to happen. | |
| [11:48] | That, | |
| [11:50] | that turned out to be the weirdest day of my life. | |
| [12:16] | Excuse me, | |
| [12:18] | I just moved to New York on Thursday. | |
| [12:22] | Is it normal for the subway to stop like this? | |
| [12:30] | Ladies and gentlemen, | |
| [12:32] | I’m here to announce to you a very, very special going-nowhere promotion. | |
| [12:36] | Everything has been reduced to $4.00. | |
| [12:38] | $4.00! That’s 1/5 off. | |
| [12:43] | Because I’m thinkin’ this might be sarin, | |
| [12:46] | gas, | |
| [12:48] | poisonous gas. | |
| [12:50] | That happened in Japan. | |
| [12:52] | The only thing that saved lives is that the people ran. | |
| [12:55] | On the track. They got off the train and ran. | |
| [12:59] | We are all so conditioned to be polite, | |
| [13:02] | not to seem crazy. | |
| [13:06] | Ah, just being passive like this could kill us! | |
| [13:13] | Ok, I got yo-yos over here. | |
| [13:16] | Hey, hey, hey, hey. | |
| [13:19] | I got exactly what you need. | |
| [13:21] | You play the guitar? | |
| [13:22] | – Yeah. – Yeah? | |
| [13:24] | Well, you ain’t never gonna be | |
| [13:26] | the female Bob Dylan unless you pick up one of these bad boys. | |
| [13:33] | That’s nice, but no, thank you. | |
| [13:34] | Sweetheart, I’m not going to sell you this one. | |
| [13:36] | I got others, all nice and wrapped in plastic for you. | |
| [13:40] | That’s ok. | |
| [13:41] | You go up there to the real world to buy one of these things, | |
| [13:44] | it’s gonna cost you 10 bucks easy. | |
| [13:46] | No. Thank you. | |
| [13:47] | You ‘re going to pass up a 60% savings? | |
| [13:49] | Hey. She doesn’t want the harmonica. Ok? | |
| [13:52] | Ok. Yeah. Excuse me. | |
| [13:55] | But I was engaged in a dialogue with this nice young lady. | |
| [13:58] | First of all, I don’t know how nice she is and secondly, you ‘re annoying her. | |
| [14:01] | Hey, ok, serious. I’m sorry. | |
| [14:04] | Sorry if I was overbearing. | |
| [14:06] | It’s fine. | |
| [14:08] | Ok. I’ll scoot. | |
| [14:11] | You didn’t have to do that. | |
| [14:16] | Look, I heard about your song. | |
| [14:18] | – What song? – You know what song, | |
| [14:20] | and I think you can understand why I’m so upset. | |
| [14:22] | I mean, you writing and performing a song about what a monster I am? | |
| [14:25] | – You haven’t even heard it. – I got a pretty good idea. | |
| [14:28] | Actually, you have no idea and that’s how | |
| [14:30] | I deal with my anger is through my music. | |
| [14:32] | Oh, so this is you after, you’ve dealt with your anger? | |
| [14:36] | She said 2:00. right? | |
| [14:38] | Yeah, yeah. 2:00. Um, | |
| [14:42] | – I hope she’s ok. – I’m sure she’s fine. | |
| [14:45] | Yeah. | |
| [14:46] | – I like your watch. – Oh, thank you. | |
| [14:49] | It’s a new G-Shock I got off the Internet. | |
| [14:52] | Wow! So you ‘re like a real geek. | |
| [14:58] | Yes, I, I am. | |
| [15:01] | I’m real, I’m really embarrassed right now. | |
| [15:03] | No, don’t be embarrassed. | |
| [15:05] | Now you ‘re being whatever your version of nice is. | |
| [15:07] | No, I mean it. I’m telling you, | |
| [15:10] | guys with smooth hands. | |
| [15:15] | What? | |
| [15:16] | There’s a whole theory about it. | |
| [15:18] | The connection between the roughness of a man’s hands, | |
| [15:20] | and his place in the modern world. | |
| [15:23] | See, thousands of years ago, the most successful | |
| [15:26] | men, the real leaders, had the roughest hands. | |
| [15:28] | And the weakest, most inadequate men, had the smoothest. | |
| [15:32] | So, I guess over the years, | |
| [15:35] | that statistic, that measurement, | |
| [15:37] | has switched entirely. | |
| [15:40] | You can have your hand back. | |
| [15:41] | Thank you. | |
| [15:46] | well, maybe we should go, uh, you know, | |
| [15:49] | just check out the show. | |
| [15:51] | Yeah. Felicity will find us inside. | |
| [15:55] | Yeah. | |
| [16:13] | Listen, Julie. | |
| [16:15] | I am sorry about everything that happened, and I don’t, I don’t | |
| [16:19] | blame you for being mad, or working it out through your music, but | |
| [16:22] | performing that song at a club, where our mutual friends hang out, | |
| [16:26] | I mean, that’s like passive-aggressive or something. | |
| [16:28] | No, it’s not. | |
| [16:30] | You ‘re right. It’s aggressive-aggressive. | |
| [16:32] | I mean, it’s one thing to feel those things, | |
| [16:35] | – It’s another thing to publicize them.- It’s called free speech, | |
| [16:39] | and I didn’t perform that song, so that you would come running to me. | |
| [16:42] | I would just appreciate it, if you didn’t advertise our history to everyone. | |
| [16:46] | Why do you care so much? What do you feel so guilty about? | |
| [16:58] | Technical problems, my ass. | |
| [17:00] | I just heard what happened. | |
| [17:02] | We hit someone. | |
| [17:03] | Oh. God! Was it suicide? | |
| [17:07] | Did he get dragged under? | |
| [17:08] | You’d have to be really depressed, to step in front of a train. | |
| [17:11] | – Who would do something like that? – It was probably just a friggin’ mole. | |
| [17:15] | A what? | |
| [17:16] | Yeah, you know, mole people. That’s what they call ’em, | |
| [17:19] | people who live under New York City. | |
| [17:21] | Under? | |
| [17:23] | Oh, yeah. There’s a whole society down here. | |
| [17:26] | You know. I’ve heard stories. | |
| [17:27] | Some people are chased down here. | |
| [17:29] | Others, God knows why, choose to come. | |
| [17:32] | He’s right. | |
| [17:33] | Diane Sawyer did a whole segment on that. | |
| [17:36] | Hey, take a look outside. | |
| [17:39] | What you call darkness, they call home. | |
| [17:42] | We’re foreigners down here where the mole people live. | |
| [17:45] | It ain’t right underneath the city. | |
| [17:48] | It just ain’t right. | |
| [17:56] | Ok, how about, um, | |
| [17:58] | how about smoothaise? | |
| [17:59] | Smoothaise? | |
| [18:01] | Smoothaise is terrible. | |
| [18:02] | Think about it, ok? | |
| [18:03] | I’m developing a condiment. | |
| [18:05] | What if there was no such thing as mustard, | |
| [18:07] | and I said, “Ben, what do you think about mustard?” | |
| [18:10] | – Right? – Yeah. All right. | |
| [18:12] | Why don’t you just, like, just read me what you got. | |
| [18:14] | Ok. Um, | |
| [18:16] | fat-tastic. | |
| [18:17] | Fat-tastic?! | |
| [18:18] | Must-ooze, lard spread, wasabe gooze, | |
| [18:21] | – spice-o-rio? – That’s pretty bad. | |
| [18:25] | – Uh, zestrica? – No | |
| [18:27] | Um, and, smoothaise. | |
| [18:30] | Well, yeah, I guess smoothaise isn’t so bad. | |
| [18:32] | I need cookies now too. | |
| [18:34] | Oh, ok. Well, uh, | |
| [18:35] | I need 25 each of chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, and cinnamon. | |
| [18:38] | And I need this delivered. Do you understand that? | |
| [18:40] | Yeah, I did. I’m just gonna have to go ask the manager– | |
| [18:42] | Do it now, because I’ve got a half hour before– | |
| [18:44] | Excuse me! You don’t talk to people the way you do, | |
| [18:47] | especially when they’re on their break, which I currently am, all right? | |
| [18:49] | This is me on my break. | |
| [18:51] | You know, I don’t mind helping you, through your little cookie crisis. | |
| [18:54] | I don’t mind that you ‘re freaking out, as long as you ‘re polite about it. | |
| [18:58] | You know, I don’t even care if I get fired over this. | |
| [19:00] | And finally, Maggie, and I know that’s your name, because, | |
| [19:03] | you know that’s the name on the credit card, | |
| [19:04] | you shoved in my face last time you came in here, | |
| [19:06] | my name is Ben, and I’m a person, all right? | |
| [19:10] | Just, just like Sean here. | |
| [19:13] | Sean. | |
| [19:17] | Hi. | |
| [19:19] | Well, um, | |
| [19:22] | Ben, I’d, uh, appreciate it, | |
| [19:26] | if you wouldn’t mind finding out, if I could get 75 cookies by 5:00. | |
| [19:33] | All right, I’ll go check. | |
| [19:40] | So what do you think of smoothaise? | |
| [19:43] | What? | |
| [19:44] | Smoothaise. | |
| [19:52] | About what you said, I’m not guilty, I’m angry. | |
| [19:56] | I’ve called you and tried to talk to you, and you won’t. | |
| [19:59] | Instead, I have to hear what you ‘re thinking through Meghan. | |
| [20:03] | Look, I am sorry. | |
| [20:06] | Julie, I’m sorry that I went with Ben. | |
| [20:11] | What do you mean you ‘re sorry? | |
| [20:14] | I mean that, | |
| [20:16] | I know that I hurt you, and I hate that. | |
| [20:18] | Would you do it again if you could? | |
| [20:22] | That was a pause. That was a long pause, and | |
| [20:24] | that means yes, which I’m not surprised about. | |
| [20:27] | If you and Ben were still dating, of course I wouldn’t have gone. | |
| [20:29] | Don’t try and justify what you did. | |
| [20:31] | – You knew how I felt, and you still went with him. -Yeah. | |
| [20:33] | after you went and told Noel what you’d heard. | |
| [20:35] | Which was that you were going with Ben. | |
| [20:37] | But we never decided that. | |
| [20:38] | That’s because I walked in on you, when you were about | |
| [20:40] | to kiss him, and I’m not going to forgive you for that. | |
| [20:42] | The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you. | |
| [20:44] | No, I think the last thing you wanted to do, was do the right thing. | |
| [20:47] | Sometimes the right thing isn’t always an easy answer. | |
| [20:49] | All right. All right. All right! | |
| [20:52] | Will you two shut the hell up?! | |
| [20:56] | I mean, I’m trying to sit here, give | |
| [20:58] | my best impersonation of a patient man. | |
| [21:02] | Trying to think, what could be so wrong between | |
| [21:04] | you two, that you can’t solve in 30 seconds? | |
| [21:07] | What, she, uh, she stole your boyfriend? | |
| [21:11] | What, she, she hurt your feelings? | |
| [21:13] | No. No. No. Better yet, | |
| [21:15] | she borrowed your favorite jacket, and didn’t ask for your permission? | |
| [21:20] | Open your eyes. These aren’t problems. | |
| [21:24] | They’re luxury items. | |
| [21:29] | Do you know where I was going today? | |
| [21:33] | Here. Trying to get a loan, | |
| [21:36] | so maybe me and my family could eat. | |
| [21:43] | Shut your mouths, ’cause I’m tired of hearing about your frills, | |
| [21:47] | that you call trouble. | |
| [21:50] | I know just what he’s talking about. | |
| [21:53] | I saw the show “Rent. “ | |
| [21:55] | Problems are relative. | |
| [21:57] | A broken heart can be even more | |
| [22:00] | painful than a broken rib. | |
| [22:02] | I have taken a pill, | |
| [22:06] | and am not entirely of | |
| [22:08] | my own mind, but, | |
| [22:11] | my sympathy lies with the girl in purple. | |
| [22:14] | I think you were betrayed. | |
| [22:16] | – What? – Thank you. | |
| [22:20] | Well, you know, uh, | |
| [22:22] | I tell you what, | |
| [22:24] | neither one of you get my sympathy. | |
| [22:26] | Uh, hi. Judd Berman. | |
| [22:27] | I’m an attorney. | |
| [22:29] | Yeah, that was hard to spot. | |
| [22:31] | And none of you, can pass judgment | |
| [22:33] | on these 2 girls, without all the facts. | |
| [22:37] | What are you two so upset about? | |
| [22:39] | Well, I think we’ve got it pretty well taken care of– | |
| [22:41] | She’s mad because I wrote a song about her, and then I performed it in public. | |
| [22:46] | Well, if this were an actual case, | |
| [22:49] | I mean, if I were bringing this dispute to trial, | |
| [22:51] | first thing I’d do is have you play the song for the jury. | |
| [22:54] | Well, I would be incredibly interested in hearing the song. | |
| [22:58] | Yeah, Julie, right? | |
| [23:00] | – Yeah. – Play the song. | |
| [23:04] | Yeah, fine. Go ahead, play the song. | |
| [23:06] | Ok. | |
| [23:16] | This song is called “Felicity. “ | |
| [23:36] | So is that true? You stole her boyfriend? | |
| [23:39] | – No! – Of course it’s true. | |
| [23:41] | No, they were broken up! | |
| [23:42] | What?! Then what the hell, are you bitchin’ about? | |
| [23:45] | Yes. We had broken up, technically, but, like, the body wasn’t even cold. | |
| [23:48] | Does anybody else feel that spinning? | |
| [23:51] | It’s a sad story. | |
| [23:53] | 2 best friends, torn apart by a man. | |
| [23:57] | Oh, ok, I’m trying to keep track of this. | |
| [24:01] | And here is a line of questioning: | |
| [24:06] | Julie is it? | |
| [24:07] | Yeah. | |
| [24:09] | Julie, ahem, | |
| [24:11] | – is it true you used to date Ben? – Yes. | |
| [24:13] | And is it true that you blame Felicity | |
| [24:16] | here, for betraying your trust? | |
| [24:19] | – Yes, I do. – I cannot believe this. | |
| [24:21] | And unless I misinterpreted your song, | |
| [24:25] | – which had a wonderful melody, by the way. – Thank you. | |
| [24:27] | Objection! Leading the witness! | |
| [24:31] | Ha ha ha! I’m sorry. | |
| [24:32] | Is it true you have since moved in with the same man? | |
| [24:36] | Yes. | |
| [24:37] | So how is it that you could forgive him, | |
| [24:40] | but not your supposed best friend? | |
| [24:43] | That is a good question. | |
| [24:45] | All right. | |
| [24:48] | – 5 double cheeseburgers? – It’s so disgusting. | |
| [24:51] | Well, how did it happen? | |
| [24:53] | No, I’m not telling you this one, ’cause you might not ever speak to me again. | |
| [24:56] | I might not anyway. | |
| [24:58] | Yeah, that’s true. Ok, um, | |
| [25:00] | my friend Felix and I were going out, thinking we | |
| [25:02] | were, like, the coolest guys of all time, which we were. | |
| [25:05] | – Of course. – Of course, yes. | |
| [25:07] | And, uh, we made a bet. | |
| [25:09] | Whoever ate less for the night paid for the whole night. | |
| [25:13] | Uh, so we were at Pepper’s, which was this really cheap burger joint down in Boston, | |
| [25:16] | and we started pounding these burgers, just slamming them in, | |
| [25:20] | like, 1 burger, 2 burgers, 3, 4. It was just, | |
| [25:23] | – so disgusting. – Ooh, I don’t want to hear how this ends. | |
| [25:25] | No, you don’t, but I’m going to tell you, all right? | |
| [25:28] | So we both finish our fifth burger, at exactly the same time, | |
| [25:31] | and we’re both feeling so unbelievably | |
| [25:33] | sick. I can’t even explain it. | |
| [25:35] | And I just assume we’re calling it a draw, right? | |
| [25:39] | Right. | |
| [25:40] | But then Felix picks up a french fry. | |
| [25:44] | Mm-hmm. Ha ha. No. | |
| [25:45] | Yeah, and he takes a bite. | |
| [25:48] | Like, one bite. Like, the winning bite. | |
| [25:51] | And just the idea of it, | |
| [25:55] | I can’t, I can’t handle. | |
| [25:56] | I couldn’t handle it so I just, I threw up, | |
| [26:00] | Which of course made Felix throw up. | |
| [26:02] | So there we are both, Eww! Projectile vomiting. | |
| [26:05] | That’s a horrible story. | |
| [26:07] | Ha ha ha! I know. Thank you. | |
| [26:10] | So you want to go get a burger? | |
| [26:12] | What?! | |
| [26:13] | Or anything? | |
| [26:14] | Definitely not a burger. | |
| [26:17] | All right? | |
| [26:24] | I don’t know if it was cabin fever, or lack of oxygen, | |
| [26:27] | or if we just happened to be stuck, with the strangest strangers of all time, | |
| [26:30] | but it became like a free-for-all, | |
| [26:32] | my relationship with Julie being | |
| [26:34] | dissected, by people we didn’t even know. | |
| [26:37] | Wait, wait, wait. Who’s Ben again? | |
| [26:39] | The boy they both loved. You idiot! | |
| [26:42] | Ok, damn! It was just a friggin’ question. | |
| [26:44] | Don’t kill me. | |
| [26:45] | So hold it. You knew Felicity liked Ben, for, like, years, right? | |
| [26:49] | So? What’s the surprise? | |
| [26:51] | No kidding she’s going to go with him. | |
| [26:53] | My point before was that I went back to my old friends, | |
| [26:57] | the friends that I had before college, | |
| [26:59] | and they’re still my friends today. | |
| [27:02] | Well, it’s not exactly like that for me. | |
| [27:04] | Why not? | |
| [27:07] | Because I had boyfriends, | |
| [27:10] | lots of them in high school. | |
| [27:12] | But for reasons far too complicated | |
| [27:14] | and too big, for this subway car, | |
| [27:17] | I, um, didn’t have a lot of friend-friends, | |
| [27:20] | – girlfriends. – Oh. Right. | |
| [27:22] | You ‘re one of those guy-chicks, like a sex toy? | |
| [27:26] | – I don’t even know your name! – Dennis. | |
| [27:29] | And I didn’t mean the sex toy like a judgment. | |
| [27:32] | I dated girIs like you. | |
| [27:35] | I applaud you, baby. | |
| [27:38] | Anyway, | |
| [27:41] | Felicity was my first real best friend, | |
| [27:45] | and then you can understand why I would | |
| [27:47] | be so surprised, that she did what she did. | |
| [27:49] | Yeah. Totally. I can | |
| [27:51] | Can I say something? Before college. I didn’t have any girlfriends either. | |
| [27:54] | And not just girlfriends, I’d never had a boyfriend before. | |
| [27:57] | I was, like, a total basket case. | |
| [27:59] | All right. hold on. If you two hate each other | |
| [28:01] | so much, then why are you guys traveling together? | |
| [28:04] | We’re not traveling together. We just happened to get on the same subway car. | |
| [28:08] | I’m going to the museum. | |
| [28:10] | Yeah, me, too. | |
| [28:12] | That’s weird. | |
| [28:13] | Maybe there’s a reason you found yourself, on the same train. | |
| [28:17] | Maybe you two are the reason the train stopped. | |
| [28:20] | Tell that to the dead guy on the tracks. | |
| [28:22] | Well. This is why we’re all here, | |
| [28:25] | to help you two reunite. | |
| [28:27] | Oh. My God! The moles! | |
| [28:29] | The moles! | |
| [28:31] | It’s moles! | |
| [28:33] | Damn. he’s right. | |
| [28:35] | It looks like a safari or something. | |
| [28:37] | Up close and personal, with the weirdest freaks on the planet. | |
| [29:04] | I’ll see you guys. | |
| [29:05] | I caught you. | |
| [29:07] | Hey! | |
| [29:09] | Uh, so what do you need now? Some muffins? | |
| [29:12] | No, I was at the loft, party’s at this loft, | |
| [29:16] | and I was preparing for tonight, | |
| [29:17] | and it just really hit me, | |
| [29:19] | what a complete and total jerk I was to you, today. | |
| [29:23] | Oh, it’s fine. It’s fine. | |
| [29:25] | We got over it. | |
| [29:26] | Yeah, we did. I like that. | |
| [29:28] | Yeah. | |
| [29:30] | I mean, what I mean is that, I like that you | |
| [29:32] | said what you did. It was absolutely merited. | |
| [29:38] | So why aren’t you preparing for your big party? | |
| [29:41] | Because, I am here, inviting you to it. | |
| [29:45] | A good friend of mine is throwing it. It’s one of the reasons | |
| [29:47] | I want it to go so well, why I’m so stressed out, you know. | |
| [29:50] | But I’d like it if you could go. | |
| [29:51] | From 9:00 on, come whenever, all right? | |
| [29:54] | I gotta get back, but, uh, | |
| [29:56] | I’d like to see you there, Ben. | |
| [30:11] | This is really good. | |
| [30:12] | Thank you. Most of the stuff I do is on the computer. | |
| [30:15] | Have you ever used, uh, After Effects? | |
| [30:17] | No. | |
| [30:18] | For multi-media stuff, it’s amazing. | |
| [30:21] | But every now and then, uh, | |
| [30:24] | I like building actual 3-D models. | |
| [30:26] | I’m getting my, uh, soft hands dirty. | |
| [30:30] | You ever use Zap Glue? | |
| [30:33] | Zap Glue? | |
| [30:35] | Yeah, it’s my favorite kind of glue. | |
| [30:38] | So you, so you rate your glues? | |
| [30:40] | Yeah. | |
| [30:42] | So what’s so amazing about, uh, about Zap? | |
| [30:45] | It’s, um, it’s a 2-part glue. | |
| [30:48] | Uh, that is pretty terrific. | |
| [30:50] | No, you haven’t heard the terrific part. | |
| [30:51] | – Oh, ok. – Ok. | |
| [30:53] | You touch the 2 pieces that you want to bind, with the first part, – Uh-huh. | |
| [30:56] | And then you add just a drop of the second part, | |
| [31:00] | and instantly, the, um, | |
| [31:03] | it’s just, | |
| [31:19] | Oh, I crushed your great model. | |
| [31:21] | – Yeah, that’s ok. I’ll just use some of your glue, right? – Ok. | |
| [31:41] | Do you watch the news? | |
| [31:43] | Look, people are living up there. | |
| [31:45] | There’s a lot of people walking around. | |
| [31:47] | There’s real life. You know what I’m saying? | |
| [31:49] | That’s my biggest, | |
| [31:57] | The way I see it, | |
| [32:01] | you two best friends, | |
| [32:05] | were never best friends to begin with. | |
| [32:08] | Actually, sir, I really think we were. | |
| [32:12] | If I’m understandin’ right, | |
| [32:16] | and I think I’m understandin’ right, | |
| [32:18] | you two met when you were both seriously lonely, | |
| [32:22] | and maybe a little desperate, | |
| [32:25] | when you both needed a best friend. | |
| [32:29] | You shared a few things together, | |
| [32:32] | started to refer to each other as “best”, | |
| [32:36] | but that was premature, | |
| [32:38] | wasn’t it? | |
| [32:41] | ‘Cause what you had, never really earned that title. | |
| [32:47] | I had a best friend for 63 years, | |
| [32:51] | played in the Minors together, | |
| [32:55] | went to war together, | |
| [32:58] | 63 years. | |
| [33:01] | And here’s the fact: | |
| [33:04] | You can’t get a best friend. | |
| [33:07] | Best friends become. | |
| [33:10] | They don’t happen, in a meeting or a year or 2. | |
| [33:15] | It’s a package deal, friendship. | |
| [33:19] | Only as valuable as what you put in, come through. | |
| [33:24] | Judging something like that after one year, | |
| [33:27] | even if you got all the facts, | |
| [33:30] | that’s like looking for the final score, | |
| [33:34] | before you’ve seen the second inning. | |
| [33:39] | I don’t think you two were best friends to begin with. | |
| [34:12] | Now one of 2 things is gonna happen. | |
| [34:18] | You ‘re either gonna come through this, | |
| [34:21] | on your way to becoming, the kind of friends you thought you were, | |
| [34:25] | or you become memories, | |
| [34:28] | memories that will fade, | |
| [34:32] | into nothin’. | |
| [34:48] | Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, | |
| [34:55] | ,thank you and have a nice day. | |
| [35:21] | Hey, so good luck to you two. | |
| [35:23] | Thanks. You, too. | |
| [35:25] | Hey. Man. You got a problem with that loan, you give me a call, all right? | |
| [35:28] | – All right! – All right, man. | |
| [35:30] | Remember, if you can’t work it out, it wasn’t meant to be. | |
| [35:34] | That song was cold. | |
| [35:36] | I got umbrellas, 5 bucks, huh? | |
| [35:38] | Might be raining up there. | |
| [35:39] | Umbrellas. 5 bucks! | |
| [35:49] | Ohh. Wow! Actual air. | |
| [36:03] | It’s been a really weird day. | |
| [36:05] | Yeah, can you believe that? | |
| [36:07] | There’s a lot of strange people in this city. | |
| [36:10] | – And we’re 2 of them. – I guess we are. | |
| [36:18] | So do you want to, you know, | |
| [36:20] | go get a cup of coffee or something? | |
| [36:23] | No, thanks. | |
| [36:24] | I’m just going to go back to the loft. | |
| [36:29] | I’ll see you. | |
| [36:37] | Julie and I spent hours in a subway car, underneath New York City, | |
| [36:41] | and I don’t think we came out very well. | |
| [36:46] | After what I did to Julie, I guess, | |
| [36:49] | all I can do is ask her forgiveness. | |
| [36:51] | It’s up to her. | |
| [36:55] | Still, even if we weren’t ever real best friends, | |
| [36:59] | I miss her. | |
| [37:06] | Come in. | |
| [37:08] | Oh, you ‘re here. | |
| [37:10] | What happened to you? | |
| [37:12] | Oh, the, the subway broke down. | |
| [37:14] | Thank God, | |
| [37:15] | because could Noel Crane be any cuter? | |
| [37:23] | I can’t get over that guy. He’s, | |
| [37:25] | he’s like this nerdy graphic design type, | |
| [37:27] | but with a total stud body. | |
| [37:30] | That almost never happens. | |
| [37:33] | Yeah, he is pretty cute. | |
| [37:36] | He’s also, like, the most amazing kisser. | |
| [37:42] | I know you guys are friends, so don’t say I said anything. Ok? | |
| [37:46] | I just, I want to keep it simple. | |
| [37:48] | Oh, sure. Yeah. | |
| [37:50] | He’s such a hottie! | |
| [37:55] | What? | |
| [37:58] | Nothing. Um, | |
| [38:02] | I’m happy for you. | |
| [38:04] | Me, too. | |
| [38:08] | And seriously, thank you so much for not coming. | |
| [38:12] | You ‘re welcome. | |
| [39:20] | That song was really mean. | |
| [39:25] | Yeah. A little. | |
| [39:29] | But like you said, free speech. | |
| [39:36] | Yeah. I’m not going to play it anymore. | |
| [39:40] | Thanks. | |
| [39:51] | This is really great. Isn’t it? | |
| [39:54] | Yeah. |