| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:08] | Hi, I’m Patrick. It’s my first day. | 你好 我是帕特里克 这是我第一天上班 |
| [00:11] | Oh yeah, you’re the guy who won the squire tournament | 你就是那个把蛋蛋夹在腿间 |
| [00:14] | by tucking his testicles between his legs. | 赢得侍卫锦标赛的人吧 |
| [00:16] | Not the rep I hoped for. | 这可不是我期待得到的名誉 |
| [00:18] | ‘Sup, homie? | 嗨 兄弟 |
| [00:20] | Broth, what are you doing here? | 布洛斯 你在这儿干什么 |
| [00:21] | I get to be a squire too! | 我也是一名侍卫了 |
| [00:23] | Turns out my mom is one-quarter Viking. | 多亏我妈有四分之一的维京海盗血统 |
| [00:24] | I’m a diversity hire. | 我是因为多元化名额而入选的 |
| [00:26] | Look at all these white assholes. | 看看这些白人混球 |
| [00:28] | We’re supposed to be training, | 我们应该要接受培训 |
| [00:29] | but the instructor hasn’t shown up yet. | 但是教官还没有出现 |
| [00:31] | Oh, shit! | 我靠 |
| [00:32] | First rule of being a squire- | 作为侍卫的第一条准则就是 |
| [00:34] | – Never let down your guard. – What’s the second rule? | -永远不能降低戒备 -那第二条是什么 |
| [00:37] | Rules two through eight are mostly about | 第二条到第八条大都是说 |
| [00:39] | who goes first at a four-way stop, | 遇到十字路口时谁先走 |
| [00:40] | Secret Santa protocol, that kind of thing. | 秘密的圣诞老人协议之类的 |
| [00:42] | It gets good again around number nine. Line up! | 第九条就回归正常了 排成一队 |
| [00:47] | My name is Sergeant Meghan, | 我是梅根中士 |
| [00:49] | and it’s my job to polish you wet turds into diamonds! | 我的职责就是把你们这些渣滓淬打磨成钻石 |
| [00:53] | I’ve shed blood on battlefields | 从这里到到冥河 |
| [00:55] | from here to the river Styx! | 战场上都是我流血奋战的痕迹 |
| [00:57] | I’ve burned my own pubes for a signal fire! | 为了点信号火我烧了自己的阴毛 |
| [00:59] | I know how to field dress a man | 我知道如何给男人包扎 |
| [01:01] | and use him as a sleeping bag! | 然后把他当成睡袋 |
| [01:03] | Your skin looks cozy as hell. | 你皮肤挺娇嫩 |
| [01:05] | Thank you? | 多谢夸奖 |
| [01:13] | Fairies! They’re so beautiful! | 小精灵 他们真好看 |
| [01:17] | Out in the wild, you eat what you catch | 在野外 抓到什么就吃什么 |
| [01:20] | or you starve. | 否则你就会饿肚子 |
| [01:22] | Wait. You don’t mean…? | 等下 你的意思不会是 |
| [01:30] | The key is not to care about them. | 关键就是不要在意他们 |
| [01:31] | Hey, Patrick, come get in on these tasty wings! | 帕特里克快来尝尝这些美味的翅膀 |
| [01:42] | Oh, hello! I’m Sprinkles! What’s your name? | 你好 我叫小雨 你叫什么 |
| [01:47] | Um, Patrick? | 帕特里克 |
| [01:47] | Patrick? I have a son named Patrick! | 帕特里克 我有个儿子就叫帕特里克 |
| [01:50] | Where are you from? | 你来自哪里 |
| [01:51] | – Well… – Oh, I live in a well too! | -其实吧 -我也住在井里 |
| [01:54] | We have so much in common, Patrick! | 帕特里克 我们共同点真多 |
| [01:56] | Ugh, I can’t eat you. | 我不能吃你 |
| [01:58] | Who am I to be the arbiter of life and death? | 我是谁啊 怎能决定别人生死 |
| [02:01] | Your loss. I’m fuckin’ delicious! | 那就是你的损失了 我可是异常美味 |
| [02:06] | It burns! | 好痛 |
| [02:07] | Because glitter is fairy shit! | 因为发光物质是精灵的屎 |
| [02:11] | What? | 什么 |
| [02:16] | Patrick, you just graduated from | 帕特里克 你刚刚从屎名单 |
| [02:18] | the shit list to the shart list. | 升到了屎屁名单 |
| [02:21] | Prepare to change your clothes. | 准备好换衣服吧 |
| [02:33] | Your Highness, the latest poll numbers are in, | 陛下 最新的民调支持率出来了 |
| [02:36] | and the people are not happy. | 民众不是很开心 |
| [02:38] | What are the walking garbage pails complaining about this time? | 那些行走的垃圾桶这次又在抱怨什么 |
| [02:41] | Well, your decision to trade all of the grain reserves | 抱怨您决定把所有的粮食储备 |
| [02:45] | for a handful of beans. | 换成一把豆子 |
| [02:46] | Magic beans. | 魔法豆 |
| [02:48] | You planted them months ago, Sire, and… | 陛下您已经种了好几个月了 |
| [02:51] | Have a little faith, Blinkerquartz. | 要有点信心 闪烁石英 |
| [02:53] | Take me to the sky. | 带我去天上吧 |
| [02:57] | Luckily, I’m the king. I can’t be voted out of office. | 幸运的是 我是国王 不能被投票罢免 |
| [03:00] | Correct! Which means the people’s first and only option | 没错 这意味着人们唯一的选择 |
| [03:03] | is to revolt and murder you. | 就是造反然后谋杀你 |
| [03:10] | That is graphic. | 这画很形象 |
| [03:11] | On second thought, let’s get those poll numbers up. | 我改主意了 我们把民调支持率升高些吧 |
| [03:15] | Excuse me, Your Royal Majesty. | 打扰一下 国王陛下 |
| [03:18] | Someone’s on Sergeant Meghan’s shart list. | 看来有人晋升到梅根中士的屎屁名单了 |
| [03:21] | I love a good hazing! Lay it on us. | 我最喜欢看人被调戏了 开始吧 |
| [03:25] | Bad bunny, bad bunny, fell down on– | 坏兔子 坏兔子 摔倒 |
| [03:27] | Like you mean it! You’re a bad bunny. | 逼真一点 你是只坏兔子 |
| [03:30] | Bad bunny, bad bunny, fell down on his tail. | 坏兔子 坏兔子 被尾巴绊倒 |
| [03:33] | No carrot cake for Bunny, | 没有胡萝卜蛋糕 |
| [03:35] | ’cause he’s in bad bunny jail. | 因为他进了坏兔子监狱 |
| [03:37] | Thank you, Patrick, for thoroughly wasting our time. | 谢谢你 帕特里克 浪费了我们这么长时间 |
| [03:40] | If we could get back to the poll numbers, please. | 如果我们能回到民众支持率的话题上 |
| [03:42] | Let’s ask bad bunny. | 我们来问问坏兔子吧 |
| [03:44] | What would you do if you were the King | 如果你是国王 想让每个人都喜欢你 |
| [03:46] | and wanted everyone to love you? | 你会怎么做 |
| [03:48] | Well, let’s see here, uh, modernize the sewer system. | 我想想 现代化水道系统 |
| [03:51] | Public education. | 公共教育 |
| [03:53] | Uh, ooh, how about a social safety net? | 构建社会安全网络怎么样 |
| [03:55] | I’m a king, not a genie. | 我是国王 不是魔灯里的神 |
| [03:57] | Give me a shortcut. | 给我个捷径 |
| [03:58] | But shortcuts tend to be bad and wasteful. | 但是走捷径往往会造成恶果 还很浪费 |
| [04:00] | I mean, building statues, starting wars, | 我是说 建雕像 发动战争 |
| [04:03] | parades, public executions– | 游行 公开处刑 |
| [04:05] | Great Caesar’s ghost! | 恺撒大帝的灵魂附身 |
| [04:06] | The kid’s right! We need a public execution! | 这孩子说得对 我们需要公开处刑 |
| [04:09] | – No, I meant– – To the archives! Follow me! | -不 我的意思是 -去档案室 跟着我 |
| [04:13] | Well, congratulations, Patrick. | 祝贺你帕特里克 |
| [04:15] | You’ve just unleashed a fresh hell on all of us. | 你刚刚给我们大家带来了新的麻烦 |
| [04:19] | I know it’s around here somewhere! | 我知道它就在这里某个地方 |
| [04:21] | Due east! Halt! Back! | 正东方向 停 倒退 |
| [04:25] | Perfect! | 完美 |
| [04:30] | Found it! | 找到了 |
| [04:31] | Did you know Gutenberg’s first print job | 你知道谷登堡的第一份印刷工作 |
| [04:34] | was a titty mag? | 是色情杂志吗 |
| [04:35] | It’s true what they say, | 他们说的是真的 |
| [04:36] | every new content platform is driven by porn. | 每一个新内容平台都要靠色情作品推动 |
| [04:40] | Okay, let’s find the other thing. Due west! | 我们去找另一样东西 正西方向 |
| [04:45] | Halt! | 停 |
| [04:47] | I drew it as a wee lad: | 我小时候画的 |
| [04:49] | the world’s greatest execution machine! | 世界上最伟大的处刑机器 |
| [04:52] | I’m not sure this is structurally sound. | 我不确定它的结构是否合理 |
| [04:55] | That’s because you’re a dumb-ass squire | 那是因为你是一个白痴侍卫 |
| [04:57] | and not the royal architect! | 而不是一位皇家建筑师 |
| [04:59] | I am the Royal Architect, and this is unbuildable. | 我是皇家建造师 但这个是建不出来的 |
| [05:03] | The King wants it by tomorrow. | 国王明天就要成品 |
| [05:05] | This is a goddamn fever dream! | 这是烧糊涂了吧 |
| [05:07] | How am I supposed to turn this into a real working machine? | 我要怎么把它建成一个能运转的机器 |
| [05:10] | And this part, it’s just a mean limerick about his dad. | 还有这一部分 就是一首内涵他爸的五行打油诗 |
| [05:13] | Is it supposed to be load-bearing? | 要负责承重吗 |
| [05:17] | As a special treat, | 作为特殊待遇 |
| [05:19] | tomorrow will be treating somewhere new. | 明天会去新地点 |
| [05:21] | Naked Lady Island. | 裸女岛 |
| [05:25] | – I’m already hard. – Except you, Patrick. | -我已经硬了 -除了你 帕特里克 |
| [05:28] | The King says you’re on execution duty. | 国王说你要忙处刑机器的任务 |
| [05:30] | I’m what? | 我是什么 |
| [05:33] | Sucks to be you, Patrick! | 做你逊毙了 帕特里克 |
| [05:35] | We’ll tell you all about Naked Lady Island, buddy! | 我们到时会跟你讲裸女岛的 小弟 |
| [05:37] | I just might move there permanently! | 我可能会永久移居到那里 |
| [05:40] | A death machine? You know what we’re putting to death? | 处刑机器 你知道我们处死了什么吗 |
| [05:44] | My hair and makeup budget! That’s what! | 我的头发和化妆品预算 |
| [05:48] | What happened to the old days | 怎么不能像以前那样 |
| [05:49] | when we’d just stone people to death? | 对人们处以石刑 |
| [05:51] | It was such a crowd-pleaser! People like to feel included. | 深受人们喜爱 人们喜欢融入集体的感觉 |
| [05:54] | That’s why we’re doing audience participation. | 正因此我们会让观众参与 |
| [05:57] | This kid could win a college scholarship at halftime. | 这孩子可以在中场休息时间赢得大学奖学金 |
| [06:00] | All I have to do is kick a ball through that hoop. | 我只需要把球踢过那个圈 |
| [06:02] | That’s right, sweetie. A ball. | 没错 亲爱的 一个球 |
| [06:05] | Here, get used to kicking something with a face on it. | 来 习惯踢一个印有脸的东西 |
| [06:08] | I’m gonna be educated! It was my papa’s dying wish! | 我要接受教育了 这是我爸爸的遗愿 |
| [06:11] | – Oh, great. – Her papa was the last guy I executed. | -好极了 -她爸爸是我最后处决的一个人 |
| [06:15] | That’s… haunting. | 这 令人难以忘怀 |
| [06:18] | But perfect segue: | 完美转接 |
| [06:19] | I heard I’ve been assigned to the execution tomorrow. | 我听说我被安排去执行明天的处决 |
| [06:21] | I’m honored but maybe I’m not the best choice. | 我深感荣幸 但我或许不是最佳选择 |
| [06:23] | Why not? | 为什么 |
| [06:25] | Okay. I think the death penalty is, uh, wrong. | 好吧 我觉得死刑是不对的 |
| [06:29] | Kid, I am so with you. We can’t put every prisoner to death. | 孩子 我双脚赞同 我们不能把每个囚犯都处死 |
| [06:33] | – Exactly! – An execution is a “sometimes treat.” | -是啊 -处决是偶尔放纵 |
| [06:36] | – Like ice cream, dancing, butt stuff. – Right! Wait. | -就像冰淇淋 跳舞 塞菊花 -对 等等 |
| [06:40] | And that’s why I can’t execute some average schmoe tomorrow. | 所以我明天不能处决一个普通的混蛋 |
| [06:44] | You go down to the dungeons for me and pick out a real all-star. | 你到地牢里给我选一个全明星 |
| [06:47] | You know, a true shitball. | 你懂的 一个真正的人渣 |
| [06:49] | You want me to decide who dies? I can’t play God! | 你想要我决定谁死吗 我不能扮演上帝 |
| [06:54] | God’ll never know! God doesn’t even know your name! | 上帝永远不会知道 上帝连你叫什么都不知道 |
| [06:57] | It’s the perfect crime! | 这是完美犯罪 |
| [07:01] | Watermelon! Watermelon! Watermelon! | 西瓜 西瓜 西瓜 |
| [07:09] | Stop fucking around! | 别胡闹了 |
| [07:10] | We have to finish in three hours | 我们得在三小时内搞定 |
| [07:12] | and we haven’t even started the hot tub! | 我们还没开始修热水浴池呢 |
| [07:14] | Holy shit! The King’s finally gonna execute me! | 我去 国王终于要处决我了 |
| [07:18] | I’m not ready! I knew I was a huge deal, | 我还没准备好 我知道自己是个大人物 |
| [07:21] | but I didn’t realize my life was in danger! | 但我没意识到自己岌岌可危 |
| [07:23] | I’m terrified but also… so flattered. | 我很怕但同时也受宠若惊 |
| [07:27] | Oh, I can see it now: | 我能看到了 |
| [07:29] | adoring fans chanting my name. | 崇拜的粉丝们叫着我的名字 |
| [07:32] | Ruben! Ruben! Ruben! | 鲁本 鲁本 鲁本 |
| [07:34] | My final words. | 我的遗言 |
| [07:35] | Everyone staring at me. Not a dry eye in the house. | 人人都盯着我 满座皆泣 |
| [07:39] | Ruben, it sounds like you want to be executed. | 鲁本 听上去你想要被处决 |
| [07:41] | Fuck, Dirk, I don’t want to be executed. | 操 德克 我不想被处决 |
| [07:44] | I want them to want me to be executed. It means I’ve made it! | 我希望他们想让我被处决 意味着我成功了 |
| [07:51] | They’re going to execute me! | 他们要处决我 |
| [07:54] | You seem unusually okay with it. | 你似乎不介意 这很反常 |
| [07:55] | Coconut, they’ll never catch me. | 椰子 他们永远抓不到我 |
| [07:58] | But do you realize how rare it is | 你知道对于一个女人来说 |
| [08:00] | for a woman to get recognized in this industry? | 在这行里被认可有多罕见吗 |
| [08:06] | Is it true? | 是真的吗 |
| [08:07] | The squire who couldn’t even eat a delicious fairy | 连一个可口精灵都不敢吃的侍卫 |
| [08:11] | now holds power over life and death? | 现在掌握了生杀大权 |
| [08:13] | What are you doing here, Sprinkles? | 你在这干什么 小雨 |
| [08:14] | Do I own you by fairy law now? | 我现在根据精灵法是你的主人吗 |
| [08:17] | Oh, no. I’m haunting you till the day you die. | 不 我要纠缠到你死的那天 |
| [08:20] | All your friends ate my friends! | 你所有朋友吃了我朋友 |
| [08:24] | I saw my fiancé get eaten like a fucking corn on the cob! | 我看到我未婚夫像玉米棒一样被吃掉 |
| [08:28] | We just sent out our save-the-dates! | 我们刚刚发出我们的婚礼请柬 |
| [08:31] | We hired a calligrapher, who was also eaten! | 我们雇了一个书法家 也被吃了 |
| [08:36] | Are you trying to make me cry? | 你是想让我哭吗 |
| [08:38] | 今日处决 奉国王之令 | |
| [08:42] | Big commotion at the castle! Oh, talk of the town! | 城堡里一阵骚动 街谈巷议 |
| [08:45] | Hear they’re executing someone pretty important! | 听说他们要处决一个重要人物 |
| [08:48] | Kind of a bigwig. Everyone wants to blow him. | 一个大亨 人人都想给他口 |
| [08:50] | – I wonder who, though. – Ain’t been announced yet. | -真想知道是谁 -还没宣布 |
| [08:52] | As the flier guy, I’d be first to know. | 作为贴传单的人 我会是第一个知道 |
| [08:55] | My money’s on Ruben the Rogue. | 我赌是流氓鲁本 |
| [08:58] | – No. Never heard of him. – Ruben the Rogue? | -没听过 -流氓鲁本 |
| [09:01] | Robs people in the forest, wears a lot of green, | 在森林里打劫 穿很多绿色 |
| [09:03] | feather in the cap, real panty-dropper of a mustache. | 帽子上有羽毛 帅气的小胡子 |
| [09:06] | – Come on, man! – That sounds like Robin Hood. | -拜托 -听上去像是罗宾汉 |
| [09:08] | Fuck Hood. That’s because he’s been ripping off Ruben for years! | 去他妈的罗宾汉 那是因为他坑骗鲁本多年 |
| [09:11] | So, big execution, huh? My money’s on Coral, the pirate queen. | 盛大处决啊 我赌是海盗女王柯萝尔 |
| [09:15] | Piss off, Coral! You don’t know shit. | 滚 柯萝尔 你屁都不懂 |
| [09:17] | This is my year! I mean, Ruben’s year! | 今年是属于我的 鲁本年 |
| [09:19] | That’s crazy talk! | 真是胡扯 |
| [09:21] | Who do you think is the best worst criminal, random flier guy? | 你觉得谁是最棒最坏的罪犯 传单小哥 |
| [09:25] | Well, if you ask me, best, worst– | 要我说的话 最棒 最坏 |
| [09:27] | it’s all a big popularity contest, ya know? | 其实就是人气竞赛 |
| [09:30] | Just a big execution industry circle jerk that– | 就是个处决行业的马屁大会 |
| [09:32] | oh, they’re gone. | 他们走了 |
| [09:36] | Stick together, people! | 要走在一起 |
| [09:38] | – Jesus! – The itinerary said nude beach. | -老天 -旅行指南说是裸体海滩 |
| [09:42] | There was no itinerary. | 没有旅行指南 |
| [09:45] | Guys! I found them! | 各位 我找到她们了 |
| [09:49] | Hell yeah! | 爽 |
| [09:53] | Uh, naked ladies? Hello?! | 裸女 有人吗 |
| [09:59] | Guys, I’ve never seen a naked lady before. | 各位 我从没见过裸女 |
| [10:03] | Are they supposed to… hiss? | 她们是会发出嘶嘶声吗 |
| [10:11] | Look, guys! Barry’s rock hard! | 看啊 巴里石化[硬]了 |
| [10:14] | Broth! Shut the fuck up and run! | 布洛斯 闭嘴 快跑 |
| [10:21] | Enjoy the teamwork exercise! | 好好享受团队合作练习 |
| [10:30] | What in the blue hell? | 搞什么 |
| [10:30] | 柯萝尔 处决研讨会 | |
| [10:32] | Do they know I’m in charge of the execution? | 他们知道我负责处决吗 |
| [10:34] | Oh no. Everybody’s getting them. | 不知道 人人都有 |
| [10:35] | 鲁本 处决研讨会 | |
| [10:38] | “The sea has never been scarier.” | 大海从来没这么可怕过 |
| [10:40] | This seems like an enormous waste of money. | 这感觉完全是在浪费钱 |
| [10:45] | Hi everybody! I have good news and bad news. | 大家伙 我有好消息和坏消息 |
| [10:52] | The good news is, I brought lollipops! Yay! | 好消息是 我带了棒棒糖 耶 |
| [10:57] | The bad news is, I need a volunteer… to die. | 坏消息是 我需要一个人 志愿牺牲 |
| [11:02] | Anyone wanna take one for the team? | 有人想拿一根吗[为了集体牺牲个人] |
| [11:07] | Anyone feeling terminally ill? Maybe just sad in general? | 有人得了绝症吗 或许就是难过 |
| [11:12] | I’d say we’re all sad in general. | 我觉得我们都很难过 |
| [11:15] | I guess we’re doing this the hard way. | 看来只有来硬的了 |
| [11:17] | Phillip Smallface? Arsonist? | 菲利普·斯墨菲斯[小脸] 纵火犯 |
| [11:20] | Let me break it down for you. | 我来给你解释下 |
| [11:21] | If I light a church on fire and it doesn’t rain, | 如果我点燃了一个教堂 然后没有下雨 |
| [11:24] | I ask you, is that on me or is that on Jesus? | 我问你 那是怪我还是怪耶稣 |
| [11:30] | Okay. Charles Reinhold, AKA Chuckster the Huckster. | 好了 查尔斯·莱茵霍德 又名精明小贩 |
| [11:35] | It says you stole the life savings of hundreds of grandmas, | 这上面说你偷了上百个外婆 |
| [11:38] | meemaws, nanas, abuelitas, bubbies, babbas, and obaasans. | 娭毑 奶奶 祖母 阿嬷 阿婆和欧巴桑的毕生积蓄 |
| [11:42] | Yes, I used it to buy a gold yacht for my underage mistress, | 是的 我用那些钱给我未成年情人买了一艘黄金游艇 |
| [11:46] | and they both sank to the bottom of the river. | 他们都沉到了河底 |
| [11:49] | Yikes. Okay, Engelbert Tinklepaw, | 好惨 好了 英格伯·廷克珀 |
| [11:53] | you… ate your dad? | 你 吃了你爸 |
| [11:54] | I didn’t eat him on purpose. He fell into the barbecue pit. | 我不是故意吃他的 他掉进了烧烤炉 |
| [11:58] | It was a tragic, but in a certain light, hilarious mix-up. | 很悲剧 但从某种程度上来说 是一次滑稽的失误 |
| [12:03] | Right. Uh, Pam. | 好吧 帕姆 |
| [12:05] | – You’re a witch? – I’m not a witch! | -你是女巫 -我不是女巫 |
| [12:07] | I’m just asking for equal pay for men and women! | 我只要求男女同工同酬 |
| [12:10] | Witch! Witch! | 女巫 女巫 |
| [12:13] | What about this guy over here? | 这边这人呢 |
| [12:16] | Blarney?! Why are you here? | 布拉尼 你怎么在这儿 |
| [12:18] | Hey, Patrick. | 帕特里克 |
| [12:19] | I couldn’t live under that bridge a second longer, man! | 我没法再生活在那桥下了 |
| [12:22] | My roommate’s a real troll. | 我室友是个小臭妖 |
| [12:23] | He kept posting lies about me on the web. | 他老是在网上散布关于我的谣言 |
| [12:34] | Mm-kay. Who did I miss? | 好的 我漏掉了谁 |
| [12:36] | What about in here? | 这里面有谁 |
| [12:45] | What the…? | 什么鬼 |
| [12:46] | Oh, hi! Welcome to the Queen’s sex dungeon, | 你好 欢迎来到皇后的性爱地牢 |
| [12:49] | AKA the “fun dungeon”! | 也就是”玩乐地牢” |
| [12:51] | Now, a couple of ground rules. The safe word is “S! Xty-n! Ne.” | 基本准则 安全词是”69″ |
| [12:54] | But spelled out, capital S, and the I’s are exclamation points. | 不过拼写要大写S i用感叹号替代 |
| [13:00] | – So, who’s the big winner? – This is my worst nightmare. | -所以谁是大赢家 -这是我最糟糕的噩梦 |
| [13:04] | Eh. Flip a coin. | 扔硬币吧 |
| [13:06] | I’m gonna take a deep dive into that “fun dungeon.” | 我要去”玩乐地牢”里探索一番 |
| [13:09] | Oooo, “fungeon”! | “乐牢” |
| [13:16] | Hang in there, O’Brien! Ol’ buddy, ol’ chum! | 坚持住 奥布莱恩 老伙计 老兄 |
| [13:27] | On the count of three, I’m gonna be back in my sunroom | 我数三声 我就会回到我的日光室 |
| [13:29] | drinking sweet tea with my labradoodle. | 和我的拉布拉多德利犬一起喝甜茶 |
| [13:30] | One, two, three. Ahhh! | 一 二 三 |
| [13:37] | Guys, remember, don’t look them in the eye! Shing! | 各位记住 别看她们的眼睛 |
| [13:41] | Just stare at their tits. | 盯着奶子就行 |
| [13:42] | In this case, it’s perfectly appropriate! | 在此情况下 这行为相当得体 |
| [13:46] | So, what do you do when you’re not slithering around a cave, | 你不在洞里徘徊的时候都做什么呢 |
| [13:49] | murdering emotionally available squires? | 谋杀情感自由的侍卫吗 |
| [13:52] | You free later? How do you feel about pub trivia? | 晚点有空吗 有兴趣参加酒吧知识竞赛吗 |
| [13:57] | Fun time is over. | 娱乐时间结束 |
| [13:58] | Guess it’s time to let those idiots out. | 是时候放那些蠢货出来了 |
| [14:03] | 柯萝尔 处决研讨会 | |
| [14:06] | 鲁本 处决研讨会 | |
| [14:09] | 鲁本 处决研讨会 | |
| [14:11] | 柯萝尔 处决研讨会 | |
| [14:13] | I’ve got to admit, advertising works. I want them both to die. | 我得承认 广告有用 我想他们两个都死掉 |
| [14:18] | We’ve had an enlightening two-and-a-half hours | 我们和柯萝尔和鲁本度过了极具启发性的 |
| [14:21] | with Coral and Ruben. | 两个半小时 |
| [14:22] | It’s a tragedy that both of them can’t be executed. | 真可惜他们两个不能都被处决 |
| [14:25] | We have time for one more question. | 我们还能最后问一个问题 |
| [14:27] | This question’s for both of you. | 这个问题是针对你们俩的 |
| [14:29] | What would you say to the King right now | 如果可以 你要对国王说什么 |
| [14:32] | to convince him you deserve to be executed? | 说服他你值得被处决 |
| [14:35] | – Should I–? – Are you–? | -我要 -你 |
| [14:36] | – Oh. No. Oh. – Oh, did you want to–? | -不 -你想 |
| [14:37] | – If you can. – Okay. | -如果你可以的话 -好 |
| [14:38] | Well, first of all, great question. | 首先 这个问题很棒 |
| [14:41] | I would tell the King to follow his heart. | 我会告诉国王听从内心 |
| [14:43] | There’s a lot of great criminals to choose from, | 有很多伟大的罪犯可供选择 |
| [14:46] | but I’ve put together a fantastic body of work | 但我积累了大量优秀的作品 |
| [14:49] | that speaks for itself. | 大家有目共睹 |
| [14:50] | No disrespect to Coral-she’s a fine pirate– | 无意冒犯柯萝尔 她是个厉害的海盗 |
| [14:53] | but I think it’s time for a bandit to be executed. | 但我觉得是时候让一个土匪被处决了 |
| [14:56] | Forest-based crime doesn’t get the recognition it deserves. | 森林里的犯罪没有得到它应得的认可 |
| [14:59] | Uh, actually, what about Robin Hood? | 罗宾汉怎么说 |
| [15:01] | Listen, let me tell you about fuck-stick Robin Hood. | 听着 我来跟你说说傻逼罗宾汉 |
| [15:04] | Steal from the rich and give to the poor? | 劫富济贫 |
| [15:06] | He stole my look and gave it to himself! | 他偷走了我的外貌 给了他自己 |
| [15:08] | Let’s give our panelists a hand. | 掌声送给我们的辩论成员 |
| [15:11] | I’ll see you in hell. | 地狱见 |
| [15:14] | Not if I get there first. | 等我去了再说 |
| [15:16] | Oh, I’ll be there first, | 我会先到的 |
| [15:17] | and I’ll be waiting with a platter of crudités. | 我会带着一盘生菜色拉等你 |
| [15:19] | I’ll bring my friend Satan, | 我会带上我朋友撒旦 |
| [15:20] | because he and I will have already bonded | 因为我们在等你这臭逼到来的期间 |
| [15:22] | while we were waiting for your stinky-ass to show up. | 已经建立起了深厚的友谊 |
| [15:26] | 廷克珀 精明小贩 | |
| [15:30] | – Oof, I gotta boil my fists after that. – Gross. | -我得回去煮沸我的拳头 -恶心 |
| [15:33] | – How’s it going out here? – Well, I’m down to the “ate his dad” guy | -你进展如何 -我现在在”吃了自己老爸”的人 |
| [15:36] | and the “mistress-drowning grandma embezzler.” | 和”淹死情人盗用外婆公款”的人之间纠结 |
| [15:39] | I’m pretty sure he ate his dad on purpose, | 我很确定他是故意吃了他爸的 |
| [15:42] | but the evidence was all circumstantial. | 但是证据都是间接的 |
| [15:44] | – Chuckster is open and shut. – Pffft. Come on! | -精明小贩一目了然 -拜托 |
| [15:46] | You could throw a dart in here | 你朝里面随便扔个飞镖 |
| [15:48] | and hit someone who deserves to be executed. | 都能击中一个值得被处决的人 |
| [15:50] | No one deserves it. | 没人值得被处决 |
| [15:51] | But, as much as it pains me, I think I gotta choose the Chuckster. | 但是 尽管我很难受 我想我得选择精明小贩 |
| [15:57] | – Or do I? – Eh. Good luck with that. | -我也不确定 -祝你好运 |
| [15:59] | Gotta go be a human strap-on. | 我得去做一个人体捆绑式鸡鸡 |
| [16:08] | The most important thing at an execution: | 在处决里最重要的事就是 |
| [16:11] | don’t lose your head! | 别丢掉你的头 |
| [16:15] | It’s hard to get ahead nowadays! | 现如今很难获得[头]成功 |
| [16:19] | You suck, Bungles! | 你真逊 邦格斯 |
| [16:21] | Who me? | 谁 我吗 |
| [16:25] | It’s Dick Scab Guy from the web! | 他是网上传的那个吃鸡巴结痂的人 |
| [16:31] | The time has come for justice! | 伸张正义的时候到了 |
| [16:36] | The time has come for a favorable impression of the King | 在未来的民意调查里 |
| [16:40] | in all future public opinion surveys! | 大家必须对国王有好感 |
| [16:46] | And stick around as one lucky fan | 不要提前离场 |
| [16:48] | plays the Halftime Scholarship Challenge! | 一个幸运粉丝将在中场参加奖学金挑战 |
| [16:54] | Now, bring out the condemned! | 把罪犯带出来吧 |
| [16:58] | Chuckster the Huckster! | 精明小贩 |
| [17:00] | – Come on, that’s bullshit! – Ho-ho! Of course it’s a man! | -真是扯淡 -当然是个男人了 |
| [17:04] | Chuckster the Huckster? I’ve never even heard of this guy! | 精明小贩 从没听说过这人 |
| [17:07] | If it couldn’t be me, I wish it was you dying up there. | 如果不是我的话 我希望被处死的那个人是你 |
| [17:11] | Oh, thanks, sis. That means a lot. | 谢了 姐姐 这对我意义重大 |
| [17:17] | I’m sworn to protect the realm, and that includes convicts, too. | 我发誓要保护王国 囚犯也不例外 |
| [17:21] | Hope this is the right piece. | 希望这是正确的零件 |
| [17:23] | Sabotage? I didn’t think you had it in you. | 搞破坏 我没想到你有这胆量 |
| [17:26] | Prisoners are human beings. | 囚犯也是人 |
| [17:28] | Even awful ones like Charles Reinhold. | 即使是像查尔斯·莱茵霍德那样的 |
| [17:31] | This murder-tainment is gross. | 这个谋杀消遣太恶心了 |
| [17:33] | If we kill people for our amusement, | 如果我们为了娱乐而杀人 |
| [17:35] | then who are we to judge Reinhold? | 那我们又有什么资格评判莱茵霍德呢 |
| [17:38] | Maybe I didn’t give you a fair shake, Patrick. | 也许我之前没有给你一个公平的机会 帕特里克 |
| [17:40] | Your heart’s in the right place. | 你的心地很好 |
| [17:42] | I mean, I wish you were dead instead of everyone I loved, | 我是说 我希望死的是你而不是我爱的那些人 |
| [17:45] | but you’re an okay dude. | 但你人还不错 |
| [17:47] | Death ma-chine! Death ma-chine! Death ma-chine! | 处决机器 处决机器 处决机器 |
| [17:51] | – I feel a poll rising! – In your pants? Heh. | -我感觉我的支持率要上升了[勃起] -你裤子里的吗 |
| [17:57] | Never step on my punchlines. | 永远别践踏我的妙语 |
| [18:05] | Charles Reinhold, AKA Chuckster the Huckster, | 查尔斯·莱茵霍德 又名精明小贩 |
| [18:09] | you are hereby sentenced to death. Any last words? | 你被判死刑 有什么遗言吗 |
| [18:13] | Quite a few. For you see… | 挺多的 你看 |
| [18:15] | I’m not “Charles Reinhold.” I’m… | 我不是查尔斯·莱茵霍德 |
| [18:20] | Robin Hood?! | 罗宾汉 |
| [18:21] | That’s right! | 没错 |
| [18:22] | The real Charles Reinhold drowned on his gold yacht! | 真的查尔斯·莱茵霍德早已跟着他的黄金游艇沉没了 |
| [18:25] | I took his place to infiltrate the castle, and here I am! | 我接替了他的身份 潜入城堡 现在到了这里 |
| [18:29] | Thief! Thief! He stole my look! | 小偷 小偷 他偷了我的外貌 |
| [18:32] | Once again, King Merriman, I have ruined your evil schemes. | 梅里曼国王 我又一次毁了你的阴谋诡计 |
| [18:35] | Anyone can see this was a stunt to win the favor of the people. | 任何人都能看出这是你为了赢得人心而搞的把戏 |
| [18:39] | Try feeding the poor and fixing the roads. | 试试给穷人食物和修路 |
| [18:42] | But that’s expensive! And boring! | 但那很昂贵 而且无聊 |
| [18:44] | People don’t like stunts. They like results. | 人们不喜欢把戏 他们喜欢结果 |
| [18:47] | And that’s why everyone needs to look under their chairs! | 正因此人人需要看看他们的椅子下面 |
| [18:52] | They’re full of gold coins! | 里面全是金币 |
| [18:54] | Don’t kill Robin Hood! Robin Hood for president! | 别杀罗宾汉 支持罗宾汉当总统 |
| [18:56] | Fuck me, Robin Hood! | 操我 罗宾汉 |
| [18:57] | Goddammit, they’re turning on me! | 该死 他们要背叛我了 |
| [18:59] | Little John! Let’s bounce! | 小约翰 我们走 |
| [19:03] | – He seems really popular. – He did win fair and square. | -他似乎很受欢迎 -他确实赢得光明正大 |
| [19:09] | Oh, dear. | 老天 |
| [19:20] | Fuck! That could’ve been one of us! | 我靠 那本可能是我们的 |
| [19:22] | In hindsight, who cares about stupid awards? | 后见之明 谁在乎那些破奖啊 |
| [19:26] | Cheer, people! Cheer, for God’s sake! | 欢呼啊 各位 欢呼 该死的 |
| [19:29] | It’s an execution! It’s supposed to be fun! | 这是处决 应该是好玩的才对 |
| [19:42] | Oh, thank Christ. | 谢天谢地 |
| [19:43] | – What’s happening?! – I did it! I saved him! | -什么情况 -我做到了 我救了他 |
| [19:48] | Little John! Anybody! | 小约翰 有人吗 |
| [19:51] | The mercy bolt! It’s gone! | 安全螺栓 不见了 |
| [19:53] | “Mercy bolt”? | 安全螺栓 |
| [19:56] | Oh, God! This is so much worse! | 天 这简直更糟 |
| [20:00] | I can taste the blade! | 我能尝到刀刃的味道 |
| [20:01] | Who would design a machine like this?! | 谁会设计这样的机器 |
| [20:13] | Patrick, is this a bad time to confess | 帕特里克 现在坦白 |
| [20:16] | that Sgt. Meghan didn’t find that fairy field by accident? | 梅根中士不是偶然发现那块精灵地是不是不合适 |
| [20:20] | I traded her the lives of my fellow fairies for opium. | 我用我同胞的性命和她交换了鸦片 |
| [20:23] | What?! | 什么 |
| [20:26] | Get a loan like the rest of us! | 像我们一样去贷款吧 |
| [20:29] | Feels good to get it off my– | 一吐为快感觉真… |
| [20:32] | This could not have gone worse. | 这简直不能再糟糕了 |
| [20:35] | It went about how I expected. | 跟我预想的差不多 |
| [20:37] | What kind of monster built that thing? The King is a madman! | 什么样的怪物才会打造这样的机器 国王是疯子 |
| [20:41] | What if he puts us in the machine? | 万一他把我们放进那机器呢 |
| [20:43] | I think I love the king now! | 我好像爱上国王了 |
| [20:44] | I now approve of our psychopathic king! | 我现在对我们的变态国王予以认可 |
| [20:47] | We’re 100% loyal, your grace! | 我们百分百忠诚 大人 |
| [20:49] | You know, Your Majesty, | 陛下 |
| [20:50] | some say it is better to be feared than loved. | 有的人说宁愿被人畏惧 而不是被人爱慕 |
| [20:53] | Y’know what? I’ll take that W. | 知道吗 这胜利我接受 |
| [20:56] | Patrick– | 帕特里克 |
| [20:57] | I’m sorry! Please don’t put me in the machine! | 对不起 请不要把我放入机器 |
| [20:59] | You’re hilarious. We crushed it today! | 你真逗 我们今天简直震撼全场 |
| [21:02] | We did? | 是吗 |
| [21:03] | Nobody’s gonna mess with a king that puréed a folk hero! | 没人敢惹一个把民间英雄做成糊的国王 |
| [21:06] | This job’s not as black and white as I thought. | 这工作没我想象中黑白分明 |
| [21:09] | Did I help the kingdom or commit murder? | 我是帮了王国还是犯了谋杀罪 |
| [21:15] | “Cheer up, Patrick! You did a good job! | 开心点 帕特里克 你做得很棒 |
| [21:18] | Here, you win a free hat!” | 给 你赢得了一顶免费帽子 |
| [21:21] | Thanks. | 谢谢 |
| [21:26] | This was the worst day of my life. | 这是我这辈子最糟糕的一天 |
| [21:30] | What happened?! | 发生了什么 |
| [21:31] | Naked Lady Island was shit! | 裸女岛就是狗屎 |
| [21:33] | Today’s lesson: | 今天的教训 |
| [21:35] | if you let your guard down for a second, | 如果你放松警惕 哪怕就一秒 |
| [21:37] | – you end up like Barry. – Barry? We lost Barry?! | -你的下场就会像巴里一样 -巴里 我们失去了巴里 |
| [21:41] | I mean, we didn’t really lose him. | 我们并没有真的失去他 |
| [21:48] | Does anyone want to switch bunks? Barry’s creepin’ me out. | 有人想换床吗 巴里吓死我了 |
| [21:51] | Oh, stop asking! Just go to sleep! | 别问了 快睡觉 |
| [21:57] | Patrick, you should’ve seen her! | 帕特里克 你真该见见她 |
| [21:59] | Snakes for hair and built like a brick shit house. | 头发是蛇 修了座砖房 |
| [22:02] | I’m gonna marry that woman. | 我要娶了那女人 |
| [22:04] | Jesus Christ, go to sleep. | 老天 睡觉吧 |
| [22:11] | Oh, my fucking God! | 我的老天 |
| [22:16] | I think I hate being a squire. | 我讨厌做侍卫 |
| [22:18] | Patrick, do me a favor and hiss like a snake for me. | 帕特里克 帮我个忙 模仿蛇的嘶嘶声 |