| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | Whoa! Petey. | 皮特 |
| [00:04] | – What’s going on? – What’s up, buddy? | -最近怎么样 -你好伙计 |
| [00:06] | – Bac from the– back from the college tour, right? – Yeah! | -刚结束大学巡回演出回来吧 -是啊 |
| [00:08] | I’m, uh– I’m back. | 我回来了 |
| [00:10] | I don’t care. | 我不在乎 |
| [00:12] | My boyfriend and I, | 我男友和我 |
| [00:13] | we just took our relationship to the next level. | 我们彼此的关系刚进入了下一个阶段 |
| [00:16] | We broke up. | 我们分手了 |
| [00:17] | Women, you don’t have to shave entirely. | 女人 你们不需要把那里的毛都刮了 |
| [00:18] | Otherwise, it just feels like another part of the thigh. | 不然和大腿没什么两样 |
| [00:21] | If I’m going into a rough neighborhood, | 如果我要进入粗鲁[粗糙]的地方 |
| [00:23] | – I wanna know it. – Oh, boy. | -我得知道啊 -天呐 |
| [00:25] | Yeah? | 什么事 |
| [00:25] | I think women are f– funny. | 我觉得女性都很 有趣 |
| [00:28] | Spread the word. | 记得宣传一下 |
| [00:29] | What am I doing wrong? | 我做错什么了 |
| [00:30] | No one in here knows that you are the next Kevin Hart. | 这里没人知道你就是下一个凯文·哈特 |
| [00:33] | I’m not the next Kevin Hart. | 我不是下一个凯文·哈特 |
| [00:34] | Kevin Hart is Kevin Hart. | 凯文·哈特就是凯文·哈特 |
| [00:35] | We have a Kevin Hart. | 我们已经有一个凯文·哈特了 |
| [00:36] | He’s… perfect for the part. | 他做得很好了 |
| [00:39] | I’m just a… I’m a club guy. | 我就是在俱乐部表演的 |
| [00:55] | Shouldn’t we hustle? | 我们要不要快点 |
| [00:57] | Show’s at eight. There might be traffic. | 表演八点开始 可能会堵车 |
| [00:58] | Easy, Pete. There’s no show without us. | 放松 皮特 没有我们就没有表演 |
| [01:01] | That starts on the way down, baby. | 一直以来都是这样的 |
| [01:03] | It’s an attitude. You gotta… | 这是种态度 你得 |
| [01:04] | You gotta own this thing, you know? | 一切都得在你掌控中 明白吗 |
| [01:06] | Pete… | 皮特 |
| [01:08] | the middle act drives. | 串场表演的人开车 |
| [01:10] | Didn’t I tell you that? | 我没跟你说吗 |
| [01:11] | The middle act drives, baby. Come on. | 串场的人负责开车 宝贝 走吧 |
| [01:13] | Okay. | 好 |
| [01:14] | When I was starting out, I drove Jay Mohr. | 我起步时 给杰伊·摩尔[喜剧演员]开车 |
| [01:17] | Had to listen to “Who Let the Dogs Out?” 17 times. | 不得不听了17遍《谁放的狗》 |
| [01:21] | The guy was obsessed. | 他着了这首歌的魔 |
| [01:23] | Never let them see you sweat, Petey. | 别让任何人看见你流汗 皮特 |
| [01:25] | You’re gonna be doing this for years. | 这活你要干好几年 |
| [01:26] | You gotta learn to relax a little bit. | 最好学会放松一点 |
| [01:28] | Yeah, yeah. No, I… | 知道 只是我… |
| [01:30] | I wasn’t really sure what to do next, | 我不确定接下来要做什么 |
| [01:32] | but I’m kind of saying yes to everything. | 但我做什么都行 |
| [01:34] | That’s good, man. That’s what you gotta do. | 那就好 你就得这样 |
| [01:36] | You gotta get up when you can get up. You gotta grind it. | 大丈夫能屈能伸 你得好好磨练一下 |
| [01:38] | That’s my thinking. I’m even, you know, | 我也是这么想的 我甚至 |
| [01:41] | sort of considering doing this, um, Christian tour. | 还准备做个基督教巡演 |
| [01:45] | I mean, it’s not… it’s not a certain thing. | 其实还没有这种巡演 |
| [01:47] | They just– I did a show at a temple. | 只是有次我在一个教堂表演 |
| [01:49] | A woman said, “I think you’d be good for the religious market”, | 有个女的说 “我觉得你很适合宗教市场” |
| [01:51] | – so I have an offer, but… – Fuck that! | -所以我有个机会 但是… -去他的 |
| [01:55] | Pete, I meant– | 皮特 我的意思是 |
| [01:57] | When I said everything, I didn’t mean everything. | 我说什么都要干 不是真的什么都要干 |
| [02:00] | I mean real comedy. | 我说的是真正的喜剧 |
| [02:01] | Real. Not some fucking whacked-out Jesus shit. | 正宗的 不是什么破烂的耶稣玩意 |
| [02:05] | Right. | 对 |
| [02:06] | Yeah, no. I’m not sure I’m gonna do it, either. | 我也不觉得我会做那个 |
| [02:08] | Good. | 很好 |
| [02:11] | You gonna buckle up? | 你要系安全带吗 |
| [02:14] | You know, the statistics are in. | 统计数据说要系 |
| [02:18] | Come on. | 走吧 |
| [02:24] | Let’s roll, Petey! | 出发 皮特 |
| [03:00] | This is it? | 到了吗 |
| [03:02] | This is it. | 到了 |
| [03:03] | What do you mean, “This is it?” | 你问”到了吗”是什么意思 |
| [03:05] | You never stayed at the Comedy Club condo before? | 你没住过喜剧俱乐部公寓吗 |
| [03:07] | No. | 没有 |
| [03:08] | Is this your first club weekend, your first full weekend? | 这是你第一次整个周末在俱乐部演出吗 |
| [03:11] | Yeah, I’ve only done one-nighters, colleges. | 是 我只在大学里做过单晚表演 |
| [03:14] | You are gonna love this here, man. | 你会爱上这里的 |
| [03:16] | This is not like the city, | 这里跟城里不一样 |
| [03:17] | where they have a bunch of entertainment options | 城里人有一大堆娱乐活动 |
| [03:19] | and nobody really cares that you’re there. | 没人真的在乎你的表演 |
| [03:20] | Here, they’re grateful you just showed up. | 在这 你光出场就能让他们乐呵了 |
| [03:25] | Get ready, baby. This is it. | 准备好 宝贝 我们到了 |
| [03:27] | Do you like waitresses, Pete? | 你喜欢女服务生吗 皮特 |
| [03:29] | Uh, yeah, I like when they call me “Hon”. That’s fun. | 喜欢 我喜欢她们叫我”亲” 很有趣 |
| [03:33] | What the hell are you talking about, Pete? | 你说什么呢 皮特 |
| [03:34] | Why would you ever get into comedy | 如果你不想上女服务生 |
| [03:35] | if you don’t want to bang waitresses? | 还进喜剧界做什么 |
| [03:41] | It’s like an assassin’s hideout. | 这里就像是刺客的老窝 |
| [03:43] | This is a hot scene, baby. | 这里很刺激 宝贝 |
| [03:43] | I’ve got good memories here, believe me. | 我在这有过美好回忆 相信我 |
| [03:46] | Look who it is. | 看看这是谁 |
| [03:49] | Al. | 小爱 |
| [03:53] | What are you– Are you working this weekend? | 你在这 你这周末有工作 |
| [03:56] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [03:57] | I mean, yeah, I just saw the lineup. | 我刚看到表演名单了 |
| [04:00] | We could have, you know, come up together. | 我们可以一起登台 |
| [04:03] | Yeah, I wish I had known. | 是啊 早知道就好了 |
| [04:04] | Hey, guys, let’s get some ground rules down, huh? Road shit. | 两位 我来说几条基本规矩 出门的规矩 |
| [04:07] | I sleep all day, so keep it down before four p.m., | 我要睡一整天 所以下午四点前不要吵 |
| [04:09] | unless, of course, I’m still sleeping. | 当然 除非四点后我还在睡 |
| [04:11] | Also, if you eat some of my food, | 还有 要是你们吃了我的食物 |
| [04:13] | I will eat all of your food. | 我就把你们的食物都吃光 |
| [04:14] | That is the Chicago way. Connery, Untouchables. | 芝加哥方式 康纳利 《铁面无私》 |
| [04:18] | I’m gonna go take a nap. | 我去睡一会 |
| [04:19] | If you hear any noises, I’m doing push-ups. | 要是有什么动静 就是我在做俯卧撑 |
| [04:30] | That, uh, that must have been a fun commute. | 你们一路上肯定很有意思 |
| [04:34] | Did he bring a book of CDs with him? | 他带了唱片集吗 |
| [04:36] | No, but he did think Spotify is a laundry app. | 没有 不过他以为声破天是个洗衣应用 |
| [04:42] | – I don’t know. – So many feelings, so many thoughts. | -说不好 -太多想法 一言难尽 |
| [04:45] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [04:50] | I’m surprised to, you know, see you in deep Jersey. | 看到你在新泽西这么偏远的地方 我很意外 |
| [04:54] | Yeah, I, um… | 是啊 我 |
| [04:56] | – I’m still running that, that late-night set. – Oh, right. | -我还在做那个深夜秀 -对 |
| [05:01] | Yeah, I was working on it in the city, but I just | 我是在城里做的 但我 |
| [05:04] | kind of felt like I needed to get a new read on it. | 觉得我应该换一换观众群体 |
| [05:07] | – Oh, absolutely. – Yeah. | -那是自然 -是啊 |
| [05:09] | – You gotta make sure it works for, you know, real people. – Yeah. | -你得确保表演能被大众接受 -是 |
| [05:12] | – Uh, how are you? – I’m good. | -你还好吗 -挺好的 |
| [05:15] | Good, good, good. | 不错 不错 |
| [05:16] | I started, um… I’m actually dating somebody now, | 我现在其实有对象了 |
| [05:19] | so that’s… that’s nice. | 所以挺好的 |
| [05:22] | – Cool. – Very nice. | -不错 -真的很好 |
| [05:23] | Yeah. Kat, her name’s Kat. Kitty. | 她的名字叫凯特 凯蒂 |
| [05:28] | – How’s it going? – It’s great. | -进展怎么样 -很顺利 |
| [05:30] | – Yeah? – Yeah, it’s going really great. | -是吗 -是的 非常顺利 |
| [05:33] | It’s actually going so well, | 实在是太顺利了 |
| [05:33] | the only thing I worry about is how well it’s going. | 以至于我唯一的担心是还能有多顺利 |
| [05:37] | – Glad you could still find a way to worry about it. – Oh yeah. | -很高兴你还能找到担心的地方 -是啊 |
| [05:42] | That’s my specialty. | 这是我的特长 |
| [05:43] | I’m like Anxiety MacGyver. | 我就像焦虑的麦凯弗 |
| [05:46] | I can make a bomb out of even a good thing. | 就算是好东西 我也能把它变成炸弹 |
| [05:52] | Fun fact. | 有意思的是 |
| [05:54] | There’s a lot of cheese in the fridge. | 冰箱里有很多芝士 |
| [05:56] | Like, whoever was here before just left all the cheese. | 不管以前住的是谁 反正他留了很多芝士 |
| [05:59] | Great, I’m starving. | 好啊 我正饿着呢 |
| [06:02] | Are you seriously gonna eat the cheese? | 你真打算把那些芝士吃了 |
| [06:04] | – No! – I really thought you were! | -当然不是 -我还真以为你要吃 |
| [06:06] | I do not want to eat Pablo Francisco’s cheese. | 我可不想吃帕布鲁·弗朗西斯科留下的芝士 |
| [06:22] | 欢笑小屋 7月5号和6号 杰森·韦伯 | |
| [06:24] | You know they got a go-kart track | 你知道这家商场二楼 |
| [06:25] | on the second floor of this mall, Pete? | 有条卡丁车赛道吗 皮特 |
| [06:28] | Maybe we’ll go. | 也许我们会去 |
| [06:29] | – Can I help you? – What’s up, man? | -有什么可以效劳 -你好 伙计 |
| [06:32] | – Can I help you? – Yeah, sure. I’m the headliner. | -请问有什么事 -我是这次的主角 |
| [06:34] | I, uh, I’m the guy. | 我就是那家伙 |
| [06:38] | Okay, what’s your name? | 好吧 你叫什么 |
| [06:41] | Serious? My– Jason Webber, I’m on the marquee. | 你认真的 杰森·韦伯 我在招牌上呢 |
| [06:43] | I got a big fucking poster out front. | 外面的大海报上印着我呢 |
| [06:46] | I have Jason Webber at the front entrance. | 杰森·韦伯在前台 |
| [06:48] | Have you seen the poster? | 你没看到海报吗 |
| [06:51] | Let me do the poster for him. | 我给他摆个海报的造型 |
| [06:55] | That’s the face he does on his poster. | 海报上他就是这幅脸 |
| [06:57] | – I do it right there on the poster. – Do it again. | -就在那张海报上 -再做一次 |
| [06:58] | – Watch this. – Look at this. | -看好了 -看着 |
| [07:00] | That’s– See? | 就这样 看到了吗 |
| [07:02] | Sorry, man, I’m not a comedy fan. | 抱歉 老兄 我对喜剧兴趣不大 |
| [07:05] | Follow me. | 跟我来吧 |
| [07:07] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [07:11] | Here you go. | 到了 |
| [07:13] | Okay, okay. | 不错 不错 |
| [07:16] | Nice. | 真不错 |
| [07:18] | It smells like leather. | 一股皮革味 |
| [07:20] | Hi. Hello. | 你们好 |
| [07:22] | I’m Gavin. I’m the club manager. | 我是盖文 俱乐部的经理 |
| [07:24] | Now, you met Steve. Deborah’s gonna be taking care of you. | 你们见过史蒂夫了 黛博拉会照顾你们 |
| [07:27] | What happened to Richie? | 里奇去哪了 |
| [07:29] | Remember Richie? Richie was a great guy. | 还记得里奇吗 他是个不错的人 |
| [07:31] | I’m sorry, I don’t know Richie. I don’t have any idea | 抱歉 我不认识里奇 我不知道 |
| [07:33] | what occurred here before the club was acquired. | 这家俱乐部被收购之前发生了什么 |
| [07:35] | The guy was a blast, a lunatic, but a great guy. | 那家伙又疯又闹 但他是个好人 |
| [07:37] | He used to keep his gun on the desk when we settled up. | 他总在我们结账的时候把枪放在桌上 |
| [07:40] | – It was a bit. – Yeah, hold on. | -这是个段子 -等一下 |
| [07:43] | No. Yeah, but… | 不 是的 但… |
| [07:45] | Right, it’s a boneless wing. | 是的 那是无骨鸡翅 |
| [07:47] | Right. But no, it’s a wing. | 是的 但不 它是鸡翅 |
| [07:50] | Right, so if you’re looking for it alphabetically, | 所以如果你按字母顺序查 |
| [07:51] | it’ll be under W. | 它会在W的目录里 |
| [07:52] | Okay, I’ve got the running order here. | 我拿到了表演的顺序 |
| [07:55] | Ali, you’re hosting. It’s ten. | 爱丽 你来主持 10分钟 |
| [07:58] | We need, you know, big energy, bright. | 我们需要你很活泼 充满活力 |
| [08:00] | Okay. Yeah. I’m just running a late-night set, so that’s fine. | 好啊 我只是做深夜秀的 所以没关系 |
| [08:03] | And here are the announcements. Please read all of them. | 这是介绍 请全部念出来 |
| [08:06] | A lot of info on there: | 上面有很多信息 |
| [08:07] | social media, drink specials, upcoming events. | 社交网络 特色饮品 接下来的活动 |
| [08:10] | Even a couple jokes on there. | 上面还有几个笑话 |
| [08:12] | Oh, you wrote… You guys wrote jokes for me to say? | 你们写好了笑话让我念 |
| [08:14] | Yeah, just to make it easy on you. | 是的 为了让你轻松点 |
| [08:15] | Oh, that’s really helpful. Thank you. | 的确很有帮助 多谢了 |
| [08:18] | Please read those verbatim. They do work. | 请逐字朗读 很有效的 |
| [08:20] | Cool. | 好的 |
| [08:21] | – All right, Pete. – Yes. | -皮特 -在呢 |
| [08:22] | – You’re our middle. You’ll do 25. – Right on. | -你负责中间串场 25分钟 -好的 |
| [08:25] | And you do 45. Please keep to time. | 然后你表演45分钟 请遵守时间 |
| [08:28] | There’s a red countdown clock right at your feet. | 你脚下就有一个倒计时的钟 |
| [08:30] | You can’t miss it. | 你肯定看得见 |
| [08:31] | Not a problem. 45, tight as a drum, wall-to-wall laughs. | 没问题 45分钟 紧锣密鼓 哄堂大笑 |
| [08:34] | I’m not prepping some late-night set that nobody’s gonna see. | 我准备的可不是没人看的深夜秀 |
| [08:40] | – Okay. – Okay. | -好的 -好的 |
| [08:43] | Kid runs a tight ship. | 这小子管理挺严啊 |
| [08:45] | – Dude, what the fuck was that? – What? | -老兄 刚刚什么情况 -怎么了 |
| [08:49] | Are you that insecure you have to | 你就这么没有安全感吗 |
| [08:50] | tear me down in front of the manager? | 非得在经理面前贬低我 |
| [08:53] | Tear you… | 贬低你 |
| [08:54] | Oh, sorry, Ms. Seth Myers. | 对不起 赛斯·梅耶斯女士 |
| [08:58] | You know, listen, I wasn’t talking about your set specifically. | 我不是针对你 |
| [09:01] | I’m talking about all of it. | 我是说在座的 |
| [09:03] | It’s all bullshit. | 都是垃圾 |
| [09:05] | If you were doing late-night, you wouldn’t think it was bullshit. | 如果你做深夜秀 你就不会觉得是垃圾了 |
| [09:08] | Let me tell you something. Late-night died with Letterman. | 告诉你 深夜秀终结于大卫·莱特曼 |
| [09:11] | Late-night sets are now just YouTube videos | 现在的深夜秀就像带着跳不了的 |
| [09:13] | with the Hyundai commercials you can’t fucking skip. | 现代汽车广告的油管视频 |
| [09:16] | That’s what it is. Nobody watches this shit anymore. | 就是这样 没人再看这种垃圾了 |
| [09:19] | There’s a billion fucking channels. Nobody sees it. | 频道多得是 没人看这玩意 |
| [09:22] | Okay, all right. Whatever. | 行吧 随你怎么说 |
| [09:29] | “Whatever”. | “随我怎么说” |
| [09:37] | All right, Chuckle Shack. | 欢笑小屋 |
| [09:39] | Are we ready for a great show tonight? | 大家准备好欣赏精彩演出了吗 |
| [09:43] | Your host tonight is a very funny and talented comedienne. | 今晚的主持人是一位幽默又有才的女喜剧演员 |
| [09:47] | Please give it up for the lovely and talented | 请掌声欢迎 可爱又才华横溢的 |
| [09:49] | Ali Reissen! | 爱丽·瑞森 |
| [09:59] | Hello. How are you guys? | 你们好吗 |
| [10:02] | Yeah? Okay. | 不错 好吧 |
| [10:03] | Clap it up for yourselves… | 为你们自己鼓鼓掌 |
| [10:07] | and these wonderful high ceilings. | 还有这些漂亮的天花板 |
| [10:09] | It’s so great to be here. Oh, my God! | 很高兴来到这里 我的天哪 |
| [10:12] | I have to say, of all the clubs I’ve done in New Jersey | 我得说 我在墨西哥餐厅和百货中间的 |
| [10:15] | between a Chipotle and a Target, | 演出过的新泽西俱乐部 |
| [10:17] | this is the one I’m doing right now. | 只有今天这个地方 |
| [10:23] | I was told I have to do some of these announcements, | 我被要求念一下这些介绍 |
| [10:26] | so, um, here we go. | 所以 来吧 |
| [10:28] | You can find the Chuckle Shack on social media. | 你们可以在社交网络上关注欢笑小屋 |
| [10:31] | You guys have social media? Yeah! | 你们有社交网络吧 |
| [10:34] | They are @TheChuckleShackComedy | 可以在推特 脸书 图享 阅后即焚 |
| [10:36] | on Twitter, on Facebook, on Instagram, on Snapchat. | 关注@欢笑小屋喜剧 |
| [10:39] | Okay, it’s shocking they have a Snapchat. | 没想到他们还有阅后即焚 |
| [10:41] | Every Sunday this month at one p.m. | 本月每周日下午一点 |
| [10:43] | There’s something called Two-Milk Minimum. | 有一档叫《至少两杯奶》的秀 |
| [10:46] | It’s family friendly comedy. | 是一档合家欢的喜剧秀 |
| [10:48] | The show is so funny, you’ll laugh till you squirt… | 这场秀会让你笑到把奶… |
| [10:52] | milk out of your nose. | 喷出鼻孔 |
| [10:55] | It’s actually real. That’s actually written here for me to say. | 是真的 这上面就是让我这么说的 |
| [10:59] | All right, guys. Well, it’s so cool to be here. | 各位 很荣幸来到这里 |
| [11:04] | I actually have some exciting news. | 我其实有个好消息 |
| [11:05] | I am doing stand-up on television next week on Seth Myers. Yeah. | 下周我要上电视在赛斯·梅耶斯秀表演单口 |
| [11:10] | Would it be okay if I ran my set for you guys? | 我可以为你们先演演那一段吗 |
| [11:14] | Okay, awesome. I’m just gonna get into it. | 好极了 我就直接开始了 |
| [11:16] | Okay, here we go. I’m gonna do the whole… | 来了 我要先… |
| [11:20] | Hey, guys. Great to be here. | 大家好 很高兴来到这里 |
| [11:26] | Oh, my God. My name is Ali, | 天啊 我叫爱丽 |
| [11:29] | which is short for Allison. | 是爱丽森的缩写 |
| [11:31] | Allison sounds way more sophisticated, right? | 爱丽森这名字听起来洋气多了 |
| [11:35] | Like, Allison could win a Pulitzer Prize. | 爱丽森能获得普利策奖 |
| [11:38] | Ali could win a free Blooming Onion | 爱丽可能会因为在苹果蜂餐厅露奶 |
| [11:40] | for taking a tit out at Applebee’s. | 而赢得一盘免费炸洋葱球 |
| [11:42] | You know what I mean? It’s a different… | 你们懂我意思吗 这是不同的… |
| [11:45] | It’s a different vibe. | 不同的感觉 |
| [11:48] | Oh, stop. | 别这样 |
| [11:49] | She’s doing good. | 她演的不错 |
| [11:52] | – If you’re into that, I guess. – I am. | -除非你喜欢这种 -我喜欢 |
| [11:56] | Hey, guys. I’m Deborah. | 你们好 我叫黛博拉 |
| [11:58] | I’m gonna be your server tonight. | 今晚由我为你们服务 |
| [12:00] | Can I get you anything right now? | 你们需要点什么吗 |
| [12:01] | Oh, yeah. Can I please have the Cedric the Enchilada? | 请给我来一份塞德里克辣肉馅玉米卷 |
| [12:07] | Amazing. And for you? | 好的 你呢 |
| [12:09] | I’ll have a couple of Heinekens and a shot, whiskey. | 我要两瓶喜力和一杯威士忌 |
| [12:11] | – Okay. – Pete, whiskey? | -好的 -皮特 要威士忌吗 |
| [12:13] | – No, I– No. – No? | -不要 我不喝 -不要吗 |
| [12:16] | I… I got to go up. | 我还要上台 |
| [12:20] | I’m traveling with Paddington Bear, I apologize. Uh… | 原来我是和帕丁顿熊一起出门呢 抱歉 |
| [12:23] | Okay, so couple of Heinekens and a shot. | 那就两瓶喜力和一杯威士忌 |
| [12:24] | Can I get you a shot? Shot of whiskey? | 我能请你喝一杯吗 一杯威士忌 |
| [12:26] | Oh, no, I can’t drink while I’m working the tablet. | 不了 我用平板工作时不能喝酒 |
| [12:29] | It starts to get all blurry. | 不然会看不清的 |
| [12:31] | Blurry tablet, okay. Um… | 看不清平板 好吧 |
| [12:34] | – All right, I’ll, uh– – So a shot for you? | -那我就… -一杯威士忌 |
| [12:36] | Yeah, just a shot for me. | 对 给我拿一杯就好 |
| [12:37] | Okay, thanks. | 好的 谢谢 |
| [12:38] | Oh, if you could chill it, please. | 麻烦帮我加块冰 |
| [12:41] | – Perfect. Bye, guys. – Thanks, Deborah. | -好的 两位再见 -谢了 黛博拉 |
| [12:47] | How ’bout that? | 感觉如何 |
| [12:49] | Pays to be the headliner, huh, Pete? | 做头牌演员值得吧 皮特 |
| [12:55] | I don’t like it. I don’t like the museum. | 我不喜欢 我不喜欢博物馆 |
| [12:57] | It’s boring. I don’t want to go. | 很无聊 我不想去 |
| [12:59] | When I’m at the museum, | 我去博物馆时 |
| [13:00] | I’m not looking at paintings to appreciate them. | 我看画不是为了欣赏 |
| [13:03] | I’m staring at the painting, | 我只是盯着画 |
| [13:05] | trying to figure out how long is appropriate to look at it, | 想弄明白盯着看多长时间才合适 |
| [13:09] | so when I walk away, the other people in the room aren’t like, | 这样我走开时 旁边的人才不会想 |
| [13:12] | “Well, he didn’t get it at all.” | “他根本没看懂” |
| [13:15] | So I make a real serious face. I’m like, | 我会装出一副很严肃的表情 |
| [13:16] | “Mm-mm. Look at the brush strokes. Oh, yeah.” | “看看这笔触 真棒” |
| [13:20] | But in my head I’m just like, | 但我脑子里想的是 |
| [13:21] | *Honey Nut Cheerios!* | *蜂蜜坚果脆谷乐* |
| [13:25] | *Have ’em for breakfast or lunch, you decide!* | *早餐还是午餐吃 由你选* |
| [13:29] | It’s not even a real song. | 这连歌都算不上 |
| [13:30] | Give it up for Jason Webber! | 掌声欢迎杰森·韦伯 |
| [13:45] | All right! What’s up, fucker? | 你们好啊 贱人们 |
| [13:49] | I don’t know. Listen. | 我也说不好 |
| [13:50] | Sometimes stereotypes are just kind of a reality, you know? | 有时候刻板印象是对的 |
| [13:55] | So, that’s not racism, you know? It’s pattern recognition. | 这可不是种族歧视 这是模式识别 |
| [13:59] | I mean, if you want to go see a film in a quiet theater, | 如果你想去家安静的影院看电影 |
| [14:04] | steer clear of Harlem, you know what I mean? | 绝不会选哈莱姆区[居民多为黑人] 对吧 |
| [14:08] | We’re all a little bit racist, right? | 我们都有点种族歧视 |
| [14:10] | I mean, who hasn’t walked onto an airplane, seen a Chinese pilot | 谁没有过登上飞机 发现飞行员是中国人 |
| [14:14] | and thought, “I’m gonna buckle up a little bit tighter.” | 心里想着 “我可得把安全带再绑紧点” |
| [14:20] | What do you want from me? | 你们想让我怎么办 |
| [14:21] | I mean, I don’t know how to be a man sometimes, right? | 我有时候都不知道怎么做男人 |
| [14:25] | I mean, I’m not sure how to approach a woman, | 我不知道该如何接近女人 |
| [14:28] | how to approach a girl, you know? | 如何接近一个女孩 |
| [14:30] | We live in a time where, uh, you know, we’re all on thin ice. | 我们生活在一个大伙都要小心翼翼的时代 |
| [14:34] | I mean, I don’t know– I don’t know how– | 我不知道 我不知道该… |
| [14:36] | What am I supposed to say, right? | 我该说什么呢 |
| [14:37] | I mean, what’s more creepy | 还有什么事能比 |
| [14:40] | than asking a girl whether or not you can kiss her? | 问一个女孩你能不能吻她更诡异呢 |
| [14:43] | “Hey, do you mind if I, um… | “你介不介意我… |
| [14:46] | I mean, I just wanna… | 我只是想… |
| [14:48] | I wanna… I’d like to take this… | 我想要用这里… |
| [14:51] | this one and this one and… | 这里和这里… |
| [14:53] | Could I…” | 我可不可以…” |
| [14:55] | You know, “Do you mind if I use tongue? Could you…” | “我能伸舌头吗 你能不能…” |
| [14:58] | You know, I don’t know how to talk to a girl. | 我真不知道怎么和女生说话 |
| [15:00] | And how are we supposed to get into actual sex? | 我们又该怎样开始做爱呢 |
| [15:03] | I mean, do you write out a form and say, | 是不是该按照格式说 |
| [15:05] | “Hey, do you mind if we, uh, do a little fucking? | “你介意我们小小地做一下吗 |
| [15:08] | Would you– Is it okay if I put it in missionary? | 我可以从上面把它插进去吗 |
| [15:11] | How about dog-style?” | 或者后入式呢” |
| [15:13] | Do I say, “Hey do you mind if I, uh, slip this in?” | 我是不是该说 “你介意我滑进去吗” |
| [15:17] | “Oh, okay.” “All right.” | “好的” “好嘞” |
| [15:19] | “Do you mind if I, um– Is it okay if I pull it out?” | “你介意我… 把它拔出来吗” |
| [15:22] | “Okay.” | “好的” |
| [15:24] | “And do you mind if I speed it up? | “你介意我加速吗” |
| [15:25] | “Do you mind if I– Yeah! Oh, oh! | “你介意我… |
| [15:27] | Was that okay? Sorry, I didn’t know. | 可以吗 对不起 我没想到 |
| [15:29] | Is it okay? Is it not okay? | 行吗 不行吗 |
| [15:30] | Is it okay? Is it not okay?” | 行吗 不行吗” |
| [15:40] | – Hi. – Hi, pedo. | -好啊 -好啊 |
| [15:43] | There you are. | 你好啊 |
| [15:45] | Oh, my God. | 天啊 |
| [15:47] | – I miss you so much. – I miss you, too. | -我好想你 -我也想你 |
| [15:50] | – How was the show? – It was good. | -表演顺利吗 -还不错 |
| [15:52] | I’m in a Comedy Condo. | 我住在喜剧公寓 |
| [15:55] | I feel like I’m on a stakeout | 感觉就像执行监视任务 |
| [15:57] | or in witness protection. | 或者被当做证人保护 |
| [15:59] | Hey, Pete, you’re cutting out a little. | 皮特 你那边有点卡 |
| [16:01] | Sorry, can you hear me? | 抱歉 能听到吗 |
| [16:03] | – Um, yes. Okay, yeah. – There’s like no cell service here. | -可以了 -这边信号特别差 |
| [16:07] | I think it’s a Verizon community. | 运营商应该是威瑞森 |
| [16:11] | But, yeah, I’m good. How are you? | 我很好 你呢 |
| [16:13] | Oh, I’m good. It was a long day at work. | 我还好 今天工作很累 |
| [16:15] | It was… Yeah, it was just busy. | 我忙了一整天 |
| [16:17] | Now what? You got your pajama-jams on? | 现在呢 你穿上睡衣了 |
| [16:20] | Yeah, now I’m just in bed just thinking about you. | 我在床上想你呢 |
| [16:24] | I wish I was there. | 真想去陪你 |
| [16:26] | Yeah? | 是吗 |
| [16:28] | Why do you wish you were here? | 为什么想来陪我 |
| [16:32] | Yeah? | 真问啊 |
| [16:49] | This is fucking ridiculous. | 难以置信 |
| [16:53] | Hello. | 怎么 |
| [16:55] | We just tore the club down and you’re drinking tea? | 我们的演出大获成功 而你却在喝茶 |
| [17:01] | I’m drinking tea, and I’m pretty psyched about it. | 我在喝茶 还很享受 |
| [17:07] | Where’s Pete? | 皮特去哪儿了 |
| [17:09] | I think he’s in his room. | 他好像在自己屋里 |
| [17:12] | What, am I on the road with the fucking Osmonds? | 我是和奥斯蒙德兄弟一起出门了吗 |
| [17:17] | Enjoy your chamomile. | 喝你的洋甘菊去吧 |
| [17:19] | Enjoy your push-ups! | 做你的俯卧撑去吧 |
| [17:22] | Fucking weirdo. | 怪胎 |
| [17:25] | I’m so deep right now. | 我插得好深 |
| [17:26] | I’m so deep. | 好深啊 |
| [17:28] | Oh, fuck. | 操 |
| [17:29] | – How– Are you close? – I’m fucking close. | -你快到了吗 -我快到了 |
| [17:32] | – Yeah? – Are you– Are you close? | -是吗 -你呢 你快到了吗 |
| [17:33] | Yeah, I’m close. | 我快了 |
| [17:35] | I want you to– | 我想让你… |
| [17:36] | Hold on. Kitty, you’re cutting out. | 等等 凯蒂 卡住了 |
| [17:39] | – Can you hear me? – Yeah, I can hear you. | -能听到吗 -能听到 |
| [17:41] | – Can you hear me? – Fuck. I’m close. Are you close? | -你能听到吗 -我快到了 你呢 |
| [17:43] | – Yeah. I want you to come. – I’m so close. | -我也是 你射吧 -马上就到了 |
| [17:45] | – I’m gonna come. Are you close? – Yeah. | -我要到了 你呢 -我也是 |
| [17:47] | – Yeah, do you wanna come for me? – Are we gonna come? | -你要为我射吗 -你要到了吗 |
| [17:49] | I’m gonna come. Come with me. Come with me! | 我要到了 我们一起去吧 |
| [17:51] | Oh, God! | 我的天 |
| [17:53] | Oh, God. | 天啊 |
| [18:03] | Kitty, yeah, that was amazing. | 凯蒂 太棒了 |
| [18:08] | Are you close? | 你快到了吗 |
| [18:11] | I’m– Are you there? | 我…你能听到吗 |
| [18:13] | Can you hear? Are you close? | 能听到吗 你快到了吗 |
| [18:14] | Kat, I– I’m done. | 凯蒂 我已经到了 |
| [18:17] | Oh, you– Fuck, okay. | 你…操 好吧 |
| [18:18] | I’m sorry, I thought you– I thought you were coming… | 对不起 我以为你到了… |
| [18:20] | No, I’m right there. I’m right there. | 不 我马上 马上就到 |
| [18:21] | – I’m so close. – You’re close? | -就差一点 -快了吗 |
| [18:22] | Yeah, just keep on talking to me. | 继续说话 |
| [18:23] | – Talk dirty for me. – Okay. | -说点淫荡的 -好 |
| [18:25] | Yeah, talk about your hard cock for me, Pete. | 跟我说说你的大鸡巴 皮特 |
| [18:28] | It’s a… It’s a sad scene down there. | 它…它现在很可怜 |
| [18:31] | – Okay, just– – It looks like a cheese doodle in the rain. | -你别… -就像淋了雨的芝士条 |
| [18:33] | Pete, no bits. Don’t do bits right now. I just– | 皮特 现在别讲段子 我… |
| [18:38] | I’m fucking… | 我在干… |
| [18:39] | I’m making you beg for my big hard one. | 我要你乞求我的大肉棒 |
| [18:42] | I’m fucking you so hard and so deep. | 我要狠狠地插到深处 |
| [18:45] | Gonna wedge my soft one in there. | 把我的小蚯蚓塞进去 |
| [18:47] | Pete! | 皮特 |
| [18:49] | I’m just gonna– Just give me a second. | 我正要…等一下 |
| [18:51] | No, no, no. Don’t– I’m fucking you. | 不不不 别…我要干你 |
| [18:52] | I’m fucking you, I’m sorry. I’m fucking you… | 我在干你 对不起 我在干你 |
| [18:55] | with my Sorcerer’s Stone. | 用我的魔法石 |
| [18:57] | – Pete! – Here comes my Goblet of Fire. | -皮特 -火焰杯来了 |
| [18:58] | Stop! It’s not funny. I’m not… | 够了 不好笑 我不… |
| [19:01] | I lost it. I’m not… | 没感觉了 我不… |
| [19:03] | I’m sorry. I’m sorry, it’s just, | 对不起 对不起 只是 |
| [19:06] | as soon as I come, you know, sex, | 我射了以后 性爱 |
| [19:08] | like, it doesn’t really make any sense. | 就没什么感觉了 |
| [19:09] | I can’t– I’m really sorry. | 我没法… 真的对不起 |
| [19:11] | No, it’s fine. I’m glad you came. I’m gonna, um… | 没关系 你射了就好 我要… |
| [19:15] | This is just like the sex shop all over again. | 就像那天在成人用品店一样 |
| [19:18] | I’m s– Shit. | 对不… 完了 |
| [19:19] | I’m not in the mood anymore. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. | 我没心情了 明天再说吧 |
| [19:22] | Kitty… | 凯蒂 |
| [19:24] | Bye. | 再见 |
| [19:30] | Petey! Come on, baby, let’s roll! | 皮特 起床 宝贝 燥起来 |
| [19:33] | What the fuck? | 干什么 |
| [19:34] | You don’t want to get tea-bagged, do ya? | 你不想让我把蛋塞到你嘴里吧 |
| [19:35] | We’re going to the mall, bitch! | 我们去逛商场 |
| [19:37] | Let’s go. Come on, Petey! | 快走 起来 皮特 |
| [19:38] | We’re gonna make it happen. You’re gonna love it. | 我们要去大干一场 你会喜欢的 |
| [20:25] | Okay, good. You’re all here. | 很好 你们都在 |
| [20:28] | I’ve been trying to get a hold of your manager. | 我一直在联系你的经纪人 |
| [20:31] | I manage myself. What do you think, | 我就是自己的经纪人 你以为 |
| [20:31] | I’m gonna pay somebody ten percent to pick up a phone, | 我会花一成收入雇人替我接电话 |
| [20:34] | maybe answer an e-mail? No, thanks. | 回邮件吗 不用了 谢谢 |
| [20:37] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [20:38] | Well, I need you to middle tonight. | 今晚你负责串场 |
| [20:43] | What are you talking about? I thought we had a nice flow. | 说什么呢 我以为我们效果很好 |
| [20:46] | We’re gonna try something new. | 我们要试试新安排 |
| [20:47] | Okay. Hey, Pete, are you comfortable headlining tonight? | 皮特 你今晚可以担任头牌吗 |
| [20:51] | Uh, yeah, I can do 45. | 行 我可以讲45分钟 |
| [20:54] | What the fuck are you talking about? | 你他妈说什么呢 |
| [20:57] | We received complaints about your set, okay? | 有人对你的演出提出了投诉 |
| [20:59] | – Comment cards? – No. Yelp. | -评价卡吗 -不 点评网 |
| [21:03] | – Yelp. – Yes, Yelp. | -点评网 -是的 点评网 |
| [21:05] | We dropped a full half-star in one night. | 我们的评分一晚上就降了半星 |
| [21:07] | We take that very, very seriously. | 我们对此非常重视 |
| [21:09] | Yelp. Really? | 点评网 真的假的 |
| [21:11] | You dropped half a star | 你们降了半星 |
| [21:13] | and you’re gonna give these fucking jerk-offs the power? | 然后就把权力给这些混蛋吗 |
| [21:16] | If somebody’s a pussy, fuck ’em! | 那是他们没种 去他们的 |
| [21:18] | Honestly, you should just be happy | 说实在的 我们还让你上台 |
| [21:19] | we’re keeping you on the show at all, | 你就该偷着乐了 |
| [21:21] | if you can tone it down. | 如果你的表演别那么激进 |
| [21:24] | If I can tone it– Did you see that room? | 别激进 你看到观众的反应了吗 |
| [21:27] | Who do you think packed that room? | 你觉得为什么会满座 |
| [21:28] | We papered the house. | 我们发票的啊 |
| [21:31] | That was our mailing list. We gave them free tickets. | 我们寄给他们的票是免费的 |
| [21:36] | This is… This is bullshit. This… | 狗屁 这… |
| [21:39] | This is bullshit. | 全是狗屁 |
| [21:42] | Jay… | 杰 |
| [21:44] | No, yeah. | 不 对的 |
| [21:45] | Well, it is in the system under “open food”. | 确实在系统里 “开放食物”一栏下 |
| [21:48] | Hold on. Yes? | 等一下 什么事 |
| [21:50] | I was just wondering if maybe I should headline. | 我想问问能不能让我当头牌 |
| [21:53] | ‘Cause, uh, I’m not trying to, like, overstep my boundaries. | 我不是得寸进尺 |
| [21:55] | It’s just that I have more credits, | 只是我更有名气 |
| [21:57] | and, you know, I didn’t get complaints. | 而且我没被投诉 |
| [22:01] | – So… – Yeah. | -所以… -好吧 |
| [22:02] | Actually, the owner did have some suggestions for you. | 其实老板给你提了意见 |
| [22:07] | Really? Wa-was he here? | 真的吗 他来看演出了吗 |
| [22:11] | He watches on a livestream from Florida, so… | 他在佛罗里达看的直播… |
| [22:14] | Mainly, just the global note is just have more enthusiasm overall. | 主要就是让你多些热情 |
| [22:18] | Have fun with it, you know, smile more. Right? | 乐在其中 多笑笑 好吗 |
| [22:21] | – Smile more? – Yeah. | -多笑笑 -是的 |
| [22:23] | Just did it. | 看我笑了 |
| [22:25] | I just feel like right now, | 我就是觉得吧 |
| [22:26] | it feels like you’re pretending to want to read the announcements, | 你现在好像是假装想要读介绍词 |
| [22:28] | I want you to want to read the announcements. | 我希望你发自内心地想读介绍词 |
| [22:31] | – Right. – You know, you’re excited about saying them. | -好吧 -很喜欢说介绍词 |
| [22:32] | Okay, yeah. | 好的 明白 |
| [22:33] | Great. Good luck, everyone. Have a good show. | 好 祝你们好运 演出顺利 |
| [22:36] | – Thanks. – Thank you. | -谢谢 -谢谢 |
| [22:39] | Smile more. | 多笑笑 |
| [22:41] | Cool. | 行吧 |
| [22:44] | I’m sorry, Al. | 抱歉 小爱 |
| [22:45] | And I thought you smiled just the right amount. | 我觉得你笑得刚刚好 |
| [22:49] | It’s code, sweetheart. | 那是暗示 亲爱的 |
| [22:50] | It means they want a bubbly chick to open the show. | 暗示他们想要一个欢快爱说的女孩开场 |
| [22:53] | It’s tits and teeth. | 重点就是胸大露牙 |
| [22:54] | Dude, you just got demoted to middle. | 老兄 你刚被贬为串场演出 |
| [22:58] | How are you lecturing me? | 有什么资格教育我 |
| [22:59] | Tits and teeth, that’s all you are. | 胸大露牙 你就这本事了 |
| [23:04] | Um, two drink specials tonight. | 今晚有两种特饮 |
| [23:06] | We’ve got the Chuckle Shackery and the Jack and Joke. | 一种欢笑小屋饮 一种杰克笑话料 |
| [23:11] | It’s, uh… Yeah. | 就是… |
| [23:12] | And, uh, for an extra ten dollars, | 只需加十美元 |
| [23:14] | you can get it served to you in a laugh carafe. | 我们就会用笑哈哈玻璃杯为您奉上 |
| [23:17] | You should definitely do that if you’re utter trash. | 如果你们是垃圾就点吧 |
| [23:22] | All right. Well, now that I only have three minutes left, | 现在我只剩下三分钟了 |
| [23:25] | I guess I’ll start my set. | 那就开始我的表演 |
| [23:27] | I’m eating into the time as I speak. | 我说这话都是耗费时间 |
| [23:32] | You know, I think I’m gonna do some new material tonight. | 我今天想说些新玩意儿 |
| [23:35] | How do you guys feel about that? | 你们觉得怎么样 |
| [23:41] | I just have to say… | 我不吐不快 |
| [23:42] | I don’t get these idiots who don’t understand the concept of consent. | 真不明白那些不懂征求同意的白痴 |
| [23:47] | They’re like, “I have to ask if she wants a dick in her? | 他们说 “我还得问她想不想被插吗 |
| [23:50] | Wait, what? That’s gonna totally throw off my momentum.” | 等等 什么 那我就没兴致了啊” |
| [23:56] | You ask questions all goddamn day. | 你们还不是每天都问问题 |
| [23:58] | You go to McDonald’s, you say, “Hi. I don’t want pickles on my burger. | 去麦当劳会说 “我的汉堡不要酸黄瓜 |
| [24:01] | Can I make sure that there are no pickles on my burger?” | 能确保汉堡不夹酸黄瓜吗” |
| [24:04] | It shouldn’t be daunting to say to a woman, | 那就不该害怕对女人说 |
| [24:06] | “Hey, can I put my pickle in your burger?” | “我能把我的黄瓜插你汉堡里吗” |
| [24:10] | She’s torpedoing my act. | 她在破坏我的表演 |
| [24:12] | Women love questions. Right? They love them. | 女人爱问题 对吧 超爱的 |
| [24:16] | I get off on questions. | 我一听问题就高潮 |
| [24:18] | “Can I take you to dinner?” You know? | “我能带你共进晚餐吗” |
| [24:21] | “Do you wanna meet my parents?” “Yes!” You know? | “你想见见我父母吗” “想” |
| [24:25] | “Can I fuck you?” “Now you can!” | “我能干你吗” “现在可以了” |
| [24:31] | Guys, this has been such a treat. | 感谢你们的捧场 |
| [24:33] | I’m gonna bring up your middle for the evening. | 接下来有请今晚的串场表演 |
| [24:36] | Are you guys ready for your middle? | 准备好迎接串场了吗 |
| [24:39] | Oh, my God. That’s so wonderful. | 天啊 太棒了 |
| [24:40] | You’re gonna love him. He is a delight and a half. | 你们肯定会喜欢他 他绝对让你们欢笑 |
| [24:44] | Give it up for Jason Webber. | 掌声欢迎杰森·韦伯 |
| [24:55] | What’s up, fuckers? | 大家好吗 贱人们 |
| [24:58] | How about a hand for Ali Reissen? | 掌声送给爱丽·瑞森 |
| [25:00] | Or maybe a fist, that’ll loosen her up. | 要不给一拳 肯定能让她松弛下来 |
| [25:07] | Anyway, um… | 总之… |
| [25:09] | You know, listen. Consent, you know. | 听着 征求同意 |
| [25:11] | She’s– “Oh, consent is so easy. We all get it.” | 她说什么”征求同意太容易了 我们都懂” |
| [25:15] | I don’t know, you know? I’m not sure we all do get it. | 我不确定 不一定人人都懂 |
| [25:19] | Right? I mean, it used to be you got it, you know? I mean… | 对吗 过去是懂的… |
| [25:23] | Is there anything more creepy than asking a girl to kiss her? | 还有比问女孩能不能吻她更诡异的吗 |
| [25:26] | “Hey, do you mind if I put these on-on…” | “你介意我把这个…” |
| [25:29] | You know? And how we gonna make sex happen? | 我们怎么才能做爱呢 |
| [25:32] | Now you gotta ask outright, | 如今都得直白地问 |
| [25:33] | “Hey, do you mind if I put it in? | “我可以插进去吗 |
| [25:35] | Hey, Sweet Pea, are we gonna do it missionary or dog-style?” | 甜豆 我们要用传教士还是后入式” |
| [25:42] | “Hey, do you mind if I insert?” | “我可以插入了吗” |
| [25:46] | “Do you mind if I insert this?” I mean… | “我可以插入这个吗” |
| [25:49] | And then her– And then once you get it in, it’s like, | 然后她… 等插进去了 还得问 |
| [25:52] | “Do you mind if I take it out?” | “我可以拔出了吗” |
| [25:54] | And what about it when I put it in? | 等再插入又要怎样 |
| [25:55] | Do you– You know, what do I do here? | 这样又要怎么问 |
| [25:57] | And, huh? I’m… | 我要… |
| [25:59] | “I’m about to-to…” and then, you know, like, | “我就快要…” 然后问… |
| [26:01] | “Where do I arc the load?” You know? I mean… | “我要射到哪里” |
| [26:04] | “Is it okay on your back? Should I just– | “能射到你背上吗 还是直接… |
| [26:07] | What if it hits you in the foot, you know? You gonna sue me?” | 如果射到你脚上呢 你会告我吗” |
| [26:20] | A female friend of mine… | 我一个女性朋友 |
| [26:24] | Female friend of mine goes to Mexico to get, uh, | 我一个女性朋友去墨西哥 |
| [26:28] | get knock-off birth control because it’s cheaper. | 去做山寨节育 因为更便宜 |
| [26:33] | Do we really think that’s a good idea? | 这真的是个好主意吗 |
| [26:37] | I mean… there are a lot of Mexicans. | 墨西哥人口那么多 |
| [26:42] | …love him, I promise. Give it up for Pete Holmes! | 肯定会喜欢他 掌声有请皮特·福尔摩斯 |
| [26:53] | Hey, just the person I wanted to see! | 正想找你呢 |
| [26:56] | Do you need anything else? | 还需要什么吗 |
| [26:57] | Did you see those dipshits out there? | 你看到那些混蛋了吗 |
| [26:58] | Yeah, that was rough. I’m really sorry. | 嗯 挺不好受的 真的很抱歉 |
| [27:02] | Anyway, do you have– Did you get a shot as well? | 算了 你有没有喝一杯 |
| [27:04] | Um, no, that’s okay. I’m good. Thanks, though. | 没有 我不喝 不过谢谢你 |
| [27:07] | Come on. It’s a tradition. | 来点吧 这是传统 |
| [27:09] | You know, I mean, you’re the only one | 不管怎么说 |
| [27:10] | that seems to be any fun around here anyway. | 这里也就你有点意思了 |
| [27:14] | – Um, no, thank you. – All right. | -不了 谢谢 -好吧 |
| [27:17] | On the clock. I get it. | 你还在上班 我明白 |
| [27:35] | Hey, Deborah, listen. | 黛博拉 |
| [27:37] | I’m at the Club Condo right up the street. | 我在街对面的俱乐部公寓 |
| [27:39] | If memory serves, they got a bottle of tequila back there. | 如果我没记错 那里还有一瓶龙舌兰 |
| [27:42] | I think it’s even the good stuff, might be a gold of sorts. | 说不定挺贵的 可能是黄金龙舌兰 |
| [27:46] | I, uh, um… I was thinking, um… | 我在想 |
| [27:49] | You, me, you know. | 你和我 |
| [27:52] | Uh, sorry. Do you need anything else from me? | 抱歉 你还需要帮忙吗 |
| [27:56] | No, no. I’m– I’m not working. | 不 不 我没在工作 |
| [27:58] | I’m off tomorrow, which means you’re off tomorrow, | 我明天不工作 所以你明天也不工作 |
| [28:00] | – which means we could really– – Dude. Come on. Stop. | -所以我们可以 -别这样 |
| [28:04] | What? What do you mean? | 什么 什么意思 |
| [28:05] | Come on. You know. | 拜托 |
| [28:07] | Did you see that fucking crowd tonight? | 你看到今晚那群混蛋观众了吗 |
| [28:09] | What, are we supposed to walk into the night alone? | 难道我们就各自回家吗 |
| [28:12] | You know, I saw your lower-back tattoo. | 我看到你腰上文身了 |
| [28:14] | – I know what you like, dirty girl. Come here. – Dude! | -我知道你喜欢什么 小贱人 -哥们 |
| [28:17] | Wake the fuck up, okay? | 醒醒 好吗 |
| [28:19] | God, that kind of shit? That’s so over. | 别搞事 太过分了 |
| [28:21] | – Jesus. – Okay, we got some wires crossed. | -天啊 -好吧 我们有点误会 |
| [28:24] | No, fuck you! Fuck you! | 不 操你妈 |
| [28:27] | Do you know what the worst fucking job in this whole club is? | 你知道在俱乐部最糟糕的工作是什么吗 |
| [28:29] | It’s working the fucking green room, | 就是在休息室工作 |
| [28:31] | because you guys think that we all want to talk to you, | 因为你们觉得我们都想和你们搭讪 |
| [28:33] | and we don’t! | 我们并没有 |
| [28:34] | – We really don’t. – All right, okay. | -真的没有 -好吧 |
| [28:36] | So just leave me alone and let me do my fucking job. | 别烦我了 让我好好干活 |
| [28:39] | – Okay? – I hear ya. All right? | -好吗 -我明白了 好吗 |
| [28:41] | I apolo… Look, don’t tell Gavin, would ya? | 我道歉 别告诉盖文 好吗 |
| [28:44] | Because, you know, I gotta work this club. | 因为我得在这个俱乐部工作 |
| [28:46] | This is how I make a living. | 我得靠这糊口 |
| [28:47] | – Besides, you hit on me in the first place. – Oh, come on. | -而且是你先来搭讪的 -滚吧 |
| [28:52] | This fucking… | 该死 |
| [28:58] | …get too comfortable swearing. | 说脏话太爽了 |
| [29:00] | Recently told my doctor, I don’t really fuck with cheese. | 最近我告诉医生 我他妈不吃奶酪了 |
| [29:16] | Do you, uh, you wanna go? | 你要走吗 |
| [29:20] | – Yeah. – You okay? | -嗯 -你还好吗 |
| [29:27] | Fuck… No. | 操 不好 |
| [29:30] | – I-I… – It’s just one weekend, Jay. | -我 -一个周末而已 杰 |
| [29:33] | – It doesn’t matter. – You know they cut my pay? | -没关系的 -你知道他们少给我钱了吗 |
| [29:35] | They paid me as the middle act both nights. | 他们两晚上都是按串场演出付我钱的 |
| [29:39] | I’m sorry. | 很遗憾 |
| [29:41] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [29:43] | This shit used to be fun, Pete. | 这种演出原来很有趣的 皮特 |
| [29:45] | It used to be… It used to be dangerous. | 以前很危险 |
| [29:48] | What do you think Bill Hicks would do if some broad complains? | 如果有人抱怨 你觉得比尔·希克斯会怎么做 |
| [29:52] | He’d give a fuck? He’d flick a cigarette at her tits. | 他会在意吗 他会把烟头弹到她奶头上 |
| [29:54] | – Well… – No! It’s like, if I were a fucking– | -其实 -不会 如果我是 |
| [29:57] | If I were a biracial lesbian doing the same material, | 如果我是混血女同 说了同样的段子 |
| [29:59] | that crowd would have carried me around. | 那群人就会举着我到处走 |
| [30:01] | They would’ve had a parade for me. | 他们会为我举办游行 |
| [30:02] | It’s a shitty time to be a straight white guy, Pete. | 现在当白人直男太难过了 皮特 |
| [30:04] | Oh, my fucking God. | 天哪 |
| [30:05] | Oh, look who it is. Samantha Bee, everybody. | 快看谁来了 萨曼莎·比啊 |
| [30:09] | – I mean, really, dude? – Really. | -不是吧 -是的 |
| [30:11] | Come on, man. It’s a hard time to be a white guy? | 不是吧 伙计 现在白人男的不好过 |
| [30:16] | Have a little accountability, okay? | 有点担当 好吗 |
| [30:18] | You’re not the victim. | 你不是受害者 |
| [30:20] | And just because you’re up there | 就因为你在那 |
| [30:21] | pacing around and wearing a leather jacket, | 穿着皮夹克走来走去 |
| [30:24] | doesn’t mean you’re telling it like it is. | 并不意味着你说的就是对的 |
| [30:26] | Who gives a fuck what you think? I like leather, okay? | 管你怎么想呢 我喜欢皮衣 好吗 |
| [30:29] | – Jay… – And I’ll tell you something else. | -杰 -我再告诉你 |
| [30:30] | You burnt my fucking premises. | 你毁了我的表演 |
| [30:32] | You don’t do that to another comic. | 你不能这样对待其他喜剧演员 |
| [30:33] | Okay, well, a comic does comedy. | 好吧 喜剧演员是搞笑的 |
| [30:37] | What you did was– hmm, let me think… hate speech? | 你所做的 让我想想 是仇恨言论 |
| [30:41] | Let me tell you something. | 我告诉你 |
| [30:42] | When we wake up from all this PC bullshit, | 等我们从这些政治正确的胡扯中醒来后 |
| [30:45] | we’ll see what it looks like for you then, | 到时候看看你是啥样 |
| [30:46] | you fucking Nescafe, chamomile-sipping cunt. | 喝雀巢洋甘菊的傻逼 |
| [30:50] | You know what, Jason? You’re a cunt. | 你知道吗 杰森 你才是傻逼 |
| [30:53] | I am sorry that you’ve been doing comedy for 15 fucking years | 很抱歉你演了15年喜剧了 |
| [30:56] | and all you have to show for it is managing The Boston. | 但你了不起的也只是管理波士顿俱乐部 |
| [31:00] | Twenty-two years! | 22年 |
| [31:02] | Twenty-two! | 22年了 |
| [31:11] | Okay, um… | 好吧 |
| [31:14] | I think my Uber’s here, | 我叫的优步到了 |
| [31:16] | so I’m gonna… | 我要 |
| [31:19] | See ya, Pete. | 再见 皮特 |
| [31:31] | Ah, look, you know… | 其实 |
| [31:33] | It’s gonna be fine. | 一切都会好起来的 |
| [31:36] | Name of the game, right? I mean… | 生活嘛 对吧 |
| [31:39] | You come out to a club, it doesn’t always go your way. | 来俱乐部表演也并不总是顺心 |
| [31:42] | You take a little slap on the wrist. | 哪怕犯点错 |
| [31:44] | You clean it up for a couple of months. | 花几个月来打理 |
| [31:47] | You’re right back in the game. | 就可以继续干了 |
| [31:54] | All right, you’re driving. Middle. Middle drives, baby. | 你来开车 串场的开 |
| [31:58] | Grab your bag. | 拿上包 |
| [32:33] | Thank you guys so much. How are you guys doing? | 非常感谢你们 你们好吗 |
| [32:37] | God is good! | 上帝真好 |
| [32:38] | – All the time! – All the time? | -始终如一 -始终如一 |
| [32:41] | – God is good! – That’s right! | -上帝真好 -没错 |
| [32:42] | Clap for yourselves, everybody. It’s wonderful to be here. | 大家为自己鼓鼓掌吧 很高兴来到这里 |