| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:05] | It kind of sounded like you | 听上去 |
| [00:05] | were getting down and dirty last night. | 你昨晚挺逍遥的呀 |
| [00:09] | Hey, Pete. | 皮特 |
| [00:10] | Did you just now arrive or? | 你是刚到 还是… |
| [00:12] | – No. – No. | -不 -不 |
| [00:14] | Are you seriously telling me | 你是认真的吗 |
| [00:15] | that you haven’t, I don’t know, drop your good boy routine | 你还没放下循规蹈矩的生活方式 |
| [00:17] | long enough to get into something that’s none of my business? | 过着没有我的生活 |
| [00:20] | What are you to her that you walk over to me on her behalf? | 你代表她来找我 对她来说有什么意义 |
| [00:23] | I’m trying to impress her. I’m a comic. | 我想给她留下好印象 我是喜剧演员 |
| [00:26] | I’m trying to get into the college market. | 我正在努力进入大学市场 |
| [00:28] | NACA changed my life. | 它改变了我的一生 |
| [00:29] | I booked like 80 colleges. | 我订了80个大学左右 |
| [00:31] | Who here has a car? Anybody have a car? | 有人有车吗 谁有车吗 |
| [00:33] | You ever treat yourself and get full service? Gas it up. | 有没有享受过全套服务 加满油 |
| [00:36] | Gas it up. | 加满油 |
| [00:39] | I got six so far and | 我目前有六个预约 |
| [00:40] | – I’m working on more. – Six? | -我在争取更多 -六个 |
| [00:42] | Yes. | 太棒了 |
| [01:04] | Thanks for coming, Artie. | 谢谢你过来 阿迪 |
| [01:06] | Well, listen, man. I– I worry about you, too. | 哥们 我也担心你 |
| [01:09] | What’s going on? | 怎么了 |
| [01:11] | Uh… I’m kind of freaking out. | 我有点慌 |
| [01:13] | You are? | 是吗 |
| [01:14] | About the– you know, the roast. | 吐槽大会那事 |
| [01:16] | It’s not really my natural habitat to be, uh… | 我这个人本来不 |
| [01:19] | – Funny? I mean, uh… – To be mean. | -搞笑 -会怼人 |
| [01:21] | See, no, but that’s good, that’s why I wanted | 没事 这挺好的 所以我才想 |
| [01:23] | to talk to you. I wanna see if I can– | 跟你聊聊 我想看看自己能不能 |
| [01:25] | I’m trying be mean, and I thought I could run some by you. | 我想怼人 所以想来问问你 |
| [01:27] | I can’t help you with roast jokes, you know. | 我不能帮你想吐槽端子 |
| [01:29] | I’m a judge on the same show, you know that. | 我是节目的评委 你知道的 |
| [01:31] | I have a code of ethics, | 我有职业准则 |
| [01:32] | despite what you might think. I really do. | 不管你怎么想 我真的有 |
| [01:34] | I know, I’m not asking for you to write jokes for me. I just– | 我知道 我不是想让你帮我写段子 我只是 |
| [01:36] | Yes, you are, that’s what you’re asking. | 你就是啊 你不就在问么 |
| [01:38] | Just a sounding board, just a sounding board. | 就是借鉴一下 借鉴 |
| [01:39] | Honestly, you’re gonna be fine. I’m serious. | 说真的 你可以的 我认真的 |
| [01:42] | You just need a little ammo going in. | 想点料就行了 |
| [01:43] | You’re better at this than you think. | 你比你想的要厉害 |
| [01:45] | You need fat guy stuff, ugly guy stuff, | 你需要胖子梗 丑人梗 |
| [01:46] | gay stuff, uh, fat ugly gay stuff. | 基佬的段子 又肥又丑的基佬的段子 |
| [01:51] | All the word– I don’t wanna call somebody fat, | 这些话… 我不想说别人胖 |
| [01:53] | somebody I don’t even know, somebody ugly. | 说我都不认识的人丑 |
| [01:55] | – So? – I don’t– it’s just not– It doesn’t feel good. | -所以呢 -我没法… 这感觉不好 |
| [01:59] | The only part of a roast that I like | 我唯一喜欢的吐槽部分 |
| [02:00] | is when you say the nice parts at the end. | 是结尾会说一些好话 |
| [02:02] | – Oh, okay. – Maybe I’ll just do that. | -好吧 -或许我就该那么做 |
| [02:04] | I didn’t know I was having brunch with Michael Landon. | 我以为在和迈克尔·兰登吃早午餐呢 |
| [02:07] | If this freaks you out so much, why are you even doing it? | 如果这件事让你这么慌 你为什么要干 |
| [02:09] | Well, Ali’s doing it, | 爱丽在这么做 |
| [02:10] | and I wanted to show her that I could do it, too. | 我想让她看看我也可以 |
| [02:13] | She– She– She thinks I’m like a fluffy butterfly man… | 她觉得我是个轻浮的人 |
| [02:17] | Of course she does. | 她当然这么认为 |
| [02:17] | …that has no spine. She doesn’t think I have any grit. | 没什么骨气 她觉得我很懦弱 |
| [02:19] | I wanna show– I wanna do good for her. | 我想表现… 我想为她表现得好一点 |
| [02:21] | You have to do this for yourself. | 你必须得为你自己这么做 |
| [02:22] | You gotta get at the jugular vein with this. | 你得找到它的诀窍 |
| [02:25] | Honestly, you know what happened to me once? | 你知道我身上发生过什么事吗 |
| [02:26] | I was on a dais with Rich Vos, | 我和里奇·沃斯一起站在舞台上 |
| [02:28] | and he said this about me: He said, the worst thing about 9-11 | 他对我这么说 他说911事件最糟的地方 |
| [02:32] | was Artie Lange lives in New Jersey. | 是阿迪·兰格住在新泽西 |
| [02:34] | If I said that, I wouldn’t sleep for a week. | 如果我那么说了 我会一周都睡不着 |
| [02:37] | If you said that, you might have a development deal. | 如果你说了 你的事业可能就上升了 |
| [02:39] | I don’t like being mean. | 我不想变毒舌 |
| [02:49] | Battle! Battle! Battle! | 大战 大战 大战 |
| [02:52] | Battle! Battle! Battle! Battle! | 大战 大战 大战 |
| [02:56] | Uh, you know, Mike Lawrence, you’re a really good writer. | 麦克·劳伦斯 你真是很棒的段子手 |
| [02:59] | I’ve always loved your writing, | 我很喜欢你写的段子 |
| [03:00] | especially all that stuff you do on cardboards at red lights. | 尤其是你那些等红灯时的无聊段子 |
| [03:08] | Sarah is like a good breakfast. | 萨拉就像顿营养早餐 |
| [03:10] | She’s got pancake tits, a butter face, | 她有煎饼咪咪 黄油脸 |
| [03:12] | and a limited supply of eggs. | 和限量供应的卵子 |
| [03:16] | Mike, you, uh, | 麦克 |
| [03:17] | you have such a beach body. | 你真是有海滩身材 |
| [03:18] | And by that I mean the body of somebody | 我的意思是有人被谋杀后 |
| [03:20] | that’s been murdered, and washes up on the shore. | 又被冲上海滩的那种尸体 |
| [03:26] | Sarah’s from Georgia. You know, | 萨拉来自格鲁吉亚州 |
| [03:27] | it’s been tough for her finding a man. | 她很难找到男朋友 |
| [03:29] | She just can’t seem to find Mr. Alt Right. | 她没法找到极右分子[凑合的人] |
| [03:40] | Are you nervous? | 你紧张吗 |
| [03:43] | I’m freaking out. | 我快吓死了 |
| [03:44] | Okay. Just get a drink. | 好吧 喝点东西 |
| [03:46] | – Yeah, maybe I will. – Yeah. | -我会的 -是啊 |
| [03:47] | Uh, who’s your first… battler? | 你的第一个对手是谁 |
| [03:50] | Uh, ooh, uh, Damien Lemon. | 达米安·莱蒙 |
| [03:53] | I think he’s– yeah, he’s right over there. | 他就在那里 |
| [03:57] | He looks, you know… he doesn’t look too mean. | 他看起来… 嘴不是很贱 |
| [04:00] | Uh, maybe I’ll get a Pino Grig. | 我可能会跟皮诺·格雷格比赛 |
| [04:02] | Feels appropriate. | 感觉不错 |
| [04:03] | Whatever’s fresh. Chard. | 随便来点什么新鲜的 甜菜 |
| [04:06] | Hey, hey, sorry. They’re almost done upstairs. You’re next. | 抱歉 楼上的表演快结束了 你是下一个 |
| [04:09] | – Oh, okay. – Cool, yeah. | -好的 -棒极了 |
| [04:10] | How’d it go? | 情况如何 |
| [04:12] | Man, Matteo called me Cedric the Entertainer. | 马泰奥叫我塞德里克·凯尔斯 |
| [04:14] | Knocked me right out. Fucking twerp. | 把我气晕了 该死的蠢货 |
| [04:17] | I don’t look like him. | 我跟他不像啊 |
| [04:18] | – No. – I don’t think you do. | -不像 -我也觉得不像 |
| [04:20] | At least you can relax now. | 至少现在你可以放松一下了 |
| [04:21] | Relax? You don’t want $5,000? | 放松 你不想要5000美金了吗 |
| [04:24] | Yeah, of course, but, you know– whew, you know, you’re done. | 当然了 但你结束了呀 |
| [04:27] | I’m– I’m Pete, we haven’t met. | 我是皮特 初次见面 |
| [04:29] | That’s Pete. | 这是皮特 |
| [04:29] | – Hey, Pete. – I’m Ali’s boyfriend. | -皮特 -我是爱丽的男朋友 |
| [04:32] | It’s your boyfr– He’s straight? | 这是你男朋友 他是直的 |
| [04:34] | You look like you coach girls’ field hockey. | 你看起来像女孩子们的曲棍球教练 |
| [04:36] | You look like He-Man’s flabby brother. | 像希曼的很弱的弟弟 |
| [04:38] | He-Flab. | 希弱 |
| [04:40] | Everybody’s, uh, still in roast mode. | 看来每个人还在吐槽模式 |
| [04:42] | You look like you’re the mascot for soup. | 你看起来像是喝汤的吉祥物 |
| [04:44] | How much food for winter are you storing in your neck? | 你脖子里储存了多少过冬的粮食 |
| [04:46] | Girl, fuck me instead, I got a bigger dick than he does. | 妹子 跟我上床吧 我的家伙比他的大 |
| [04:49] | I’m on fire! | 我现在火力十足 |
| [04:51] | Let me roast you next time. You suck. | 下次让我来吐槽你 你太糟糕了 |
| [04:53] | All right, I’m gonna get a drink. | 好了 我要去喝点东西 |
| [04:58] | You’ll do great. | 你会表现很棒的 |
| [05:00] | It looks like we found Waldo, you guys, in a ditch. | 看来我们在沟里找到了沃尔多 |
| [05:05] | Yeah, I was lying next to your career. | 嗯 我就躺在你前途旁边呢 |
| [05:18] | That was a bloodbath. | 这真是一场大屠杀 |
| [05:20] | Artie, who do you like in this one? | 阿迪 刚才的表演你更喜欢谁 |
| [05:22] | In honor of, uh, everyone in Jersey, | 为了表达对新泽西人们的敬意 |
| [05:23] | I’m going with the broad. | 我就跟个风了 |
| [05:25] | Sarah. Good job. Sarah. | 萨拉 干得漂亮 萨拉 |
| [05:29] | Beth Stelling? | 贝思·斯特林 |
| [05:30] | Sarah, blink twice | 萨拉 眨了两次眼 |
| [05:31] | if this is actually a hostage situation. | 仿佛这真的是人质事件 |
| [05:34] | Listen, I– I never side with the victim, | 我从来不站在受害者这边 |
| [05:36] | so I’m going with Mike. | 所以我支持迈克 |
| [05:38] | Ooh, tied up, Jeff. | 平手了哦 杰夫 |
| [05:40] | Who do you like? | 你更喜欢谁 |
| [05:41] | Well, you both had some great jokes, | 你们两个都有些很棒的段子 |
| [05:42] | you both killed. | 你俩都很棒 |
| [05:43] | This is tricky. Sarah’s from the South, | 这有点纠结 萨拉是从南部来的 |
| [05:45] | but Mike looks like the Confederate general | 但迈克看起来像个南军将领 |
| [05:48] | she named her cat after. | 她的猫就叫这名字 |
| [05:51] | I think Mike squeaked this one out. Congrats, Unabomber. | 我觉得这次迈克胜出了 祝贺你 炸弹客 |
| [05:54] | That’s Mike Lawrence! | 迈克·劳伦斯获胜 |
| [06:03] | That brings us to our next challengers. | 下一轮的挑战者们要上场了 |
| [06:05] | She’s a left-leaning Jew, his dad left when he was two. | 她是左倾犹太人 他爸在他2岁时就离开了 |
| [06:08] | It’s Black Lives Matter versus Stepford Wives. | “黑人的命也是命”对决”复制娇妻” |
| [06:10] | Make it loud for Damien Lemon and Ali Reissen! | 热烈的掌声送给达米安·莱蒙和爱丽·瑞森 |
| [06:21] | Battlers, are we ready? | 勇士们 准备好了吗 |
| [06:22] | Oh, yeah, I mean, I think this is gonna be a fair battle, | 是的 我觉得这会是场公平竞争 |
| [06:24] | ’cause even though I have more experience roasting, | 因为就算我有更多吐槽的经验 |
| [06:26] | Damien has more experience speaking in front of judges, so… | 达米安在评委[法官]面前更有经验 所以 |
| [06:31] | Hear, hear. | 同意 |
| [06:33] | Guilty. | 有罪 |
| [06:33] | Speaking of judges, | 说到评委[法官] |
| [06:34] | this is the closest I’ve felt like O.J. Simpson, | 这是我最像OJ·辛普森的一次 |
| [06:36] | because I’m about to murder this white bitch | 因为我马上要谋杀这个白种贱人 |
| [06:38] | and walk off Scot-free! | 然后毫发无伤地离开这 |
| [06:42] | Not guilty! Not guilty! Not guilty! | 无罪 无罪 无罪 |
| [06:45] | All right, all right. Save that heat. | 好了好了 保留点你们的热情 |
| [06:46] | Who wants to go first? | 谁想先来 |
| [06:48] | Ladies first. | 女士优先 |
| [06:49] | Oh, I totally agree. Damien? | 我完全同意 达米安 |
| [06:51] | – Whoa! Damien, you’re up. Let’s roast! – Fair enough. | -达米安你先来 开始吐槽吧 -很公平 |
| [06:54] | Roast! Roast! Roast! Roast! Roast! Roast! | 吐槽 吐槽 吐槽 |
| [06:58] | Ali, I’m on MTV. | 爱丽 我上MTV |
| [07:00] | I think you should be, too. | 我觉得你也应该在 |
| [07:02] | You know? You got the body of a Teen Mom, | 你知道吗 你有《少女妈妈》一样的身材 |
| [07:04] | you got the face of a Catfish, | 有《鲶鱼》一样的脸 |
| [07:07] | and your pussy is Wild ‘n Out! | 你下面《狂野与开放》 |
| [07:09] | Wild ‘n! Wild ‘n! Wild ‘n! Wild ‘n! | 狂野 狂野 |
| [07:13] | That joke was weaker than Damien’s credit score. | 这段子比达米安的信用评分还弱 |
| [07:16] | Now, listen… | 现在 听着 |
| [07:18] | It’s true, Damien, you book a lot of roles, | 这是事实 达米安 你被好多角色挑中 |
| [07:20] | even though you’re a shitty actor. | 即使你是个很差劲的演员 |
| [07:23] | Before each take, the director has to yell, | 每次拍摄前 导演必须大叫 |
| [07:25] | “Affirmative… action!” | “平权…行动[开拍]” |
| [07:29] | Ali, you look like if white privilege had a HR department. | 爱丽 你看着像是白人特权有了人力资源部 |
| [07:37] | Damien, you look like a black ghost that haunts barber shops. | 达米安 你像是一个经常去理发店的黑鬼 |
| [07:43] | Ali, your name is beautiful. | 爱丽 你的名字很美 |
| [07:46] | You know, your parents | 你知道吗 你的父母 |
| [07:46] | named you after the place you were conceived. | 用怀上你的地点来给你起名 |
| [07:59] | Hey, Tony. Pete Holmes. | 托尼 我是皮特·福尔摩斯 |
| [08:02] | Uh, we’re roasting each other. | 我们要互相吐槽对方 |
| [08:05] | Have you done this before? | 你以前干过这个吗 |
| [08:09] | I’d rather not talk. | 我不想说话 |
| [08:12] | Excuse me? | 你说什么 |
| [08:13] | It’s just, anything I say could be something | 我说的话可能会 |
| [08:15] | that you use against me. | 被你用来攻击我 |
| [08:17] | Oh, no, I– I already wrote my jokes. | 不会的 我已经写好了我的段子 |
| [08:19] | They’re not even that mean. | 根本就算不上刻薄 |
| [08:21] | Are– are yours? | 你的呢 |
| [08:24] | Serious. Truce, you know, we can just shoot the breeze. | 说真的 休战吧 我们可以随便侃大山 |
| [08:27] | I– I– I don’t– | 我不… |
| [08:28] | See? Now I know you say things like “Shoot the breeze,” | 看吧 现在我知道你说”侃大山”之类的话 |
| [08:31] | and that you have really soft hands. | 而且你的手特别柔软 |
| [08:36] | They’re sweaty, too. | 手还容易出汗 |
| [08:41] | Ali, you had some great jokes, some really great jokes, | 爱丽 你的笑话很棒 真的很棒 |
| [08:44] | super hilarious. You got my vote. | 超级好笑 我投你一票 |
| [08:48] | Thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [08:49] | Beth Stelling, who do you like? | 贝思·斯特林 你喜欢谁 |
| [08:51] | I pick Ali! | 我选爱丽 |
| [08:52] | Ali wins! | 爱丽获胜 |
| [08:55] | – Hug each other! – Sorry! | -拥抱一下吧 -抱歉啦 |
| [08:57] | Sorry! | 抱歉 |
| [09:02] | – Peter! – What? | -皮特 -什么 |
| [09:04] | Hey, man, sorry we’re late. Did we miss anything? | 伙计 抱歉迟到了 我们错过什么了吗 |
| [09:06] | No. What… What are you doing here? | 没有 你们怎么来了 |
| [09:09] | We came here to support you, brother. | 我们是来支持你的 兄弟 |
| [09:10] | Yeah, Leif saw it on your Instagram. | 是的 利夫在你的图享网上看到了 |
| [09:12] | And, I mean, frankly, | 而且坦白说 |
| [09:13] | I couldn’t imagine you roasting anyone, so… | 我想象不出你会怎么吐槽别人 所以… |
| [09:15] | Yeah. Yep. You never used to come to my shows, | 好吧 你以前从不来看我的演出 |
| [09:19] | so it’s a little bit… you know, | 所以有点… |
| [09:21] | it’s jarring to see you, you know. | 看到你有点震惊 |
| [09:22] | I– I’m being supportive. | 我只是来支持你 |
| [09:24] | Yeah… you are, thank you. | 好吧 谢谢你 |
| [09:27] | Thank you both. Why don’t we see if the– | 谢谢你们两个 我们去看看… |
| [09:29] | Hey, who’s this? | 这是谁 |
| [09:30] | – Hey, man, I’m Leif. This is Jess. – Hi. Jess. | -我是利夫 这是杰茜 -杰茜 |
| [09:32] | Are you competing, too? | 你也参赛吗 |
| [09:33] | Yeah, Pete and I are roasting | 没错 今晚皮特和我 |
| [09:35] | – each other tonight. – Roasting each other. | -吐槽对方 -吐槽对方 |
| [09:36] | Oh, boy. Careful though, | 天啊 不过要当心 |
| [09:38] | ’cause he looks really sweet, but he’s not. | 因为他看上去良善 其实不是 |
| [09:40] | He practices his roasting on me all the time. | 他一直吐槽我来练手 |
| [09:43] | I see. And who are you, exactly? | 明白了 你们到底是谁来着 |
| [09:45] | – No. – No, it’s a short, fun, cool story. | -不 -其实很简单 说来有趣又精彩 |
| [09:47] | I don’t really think that’s a fun story. | 我并不觉得这事有趣 |
| [09:49] | Not for the guy who’s roasting me. | 他可是要吐槽我的人 |
| [09:51] | Well, he’s– We’re intertwined souls. | 他… 我们的生活交织在一起 |
| [09:52] | – No. No. No. – We were married. | -不 不 不 -我们曾是夫妻 |
| [09:54] | – Ah! This is the… – Now we’re roommates. | -所以这是… -现在我们是室友 |
| [09:56] | – No! Stop that! – We were. It’s not a big deal. | -别说了 停 -是的 这没什么 |
| [09:59] | He’s our friend. | 他是我们的朋友 |
| [10:00] | This is worlds colliding, I like my– | 不同世界撞一起了 我喜欢… |
| [10:02] | One galaxy, though, Peter. It’s the same galaxy. | 可还是同一星系 皮特 同一星系 |
| [10:04] | – Worlds colliding– – It doesn’t matter now. | -不同世界碰撞 -现在都无所谓了 |
| [10:06] | Why don’t we see if there are seats for you guys? | 我们去看看能不能给你们找到座位吧 |
| [10:08] | – Okay, great. – Good to see you. | -好的 -很高兴认识你 |
| [10:11] | – Hey, good luck! – Good to meet you guys. | -祝你好运 -很高兴认识你们 |
| [10:19] | Tony Hinchcliffe looks like a schoolboy, | 托尼·欣奇克利夫看起来像学校的学生 |
| [10:22] | and Pete Holmes looks homeschooled. | 皮特·福尔摩斯看着像家里蹲大学的 |
| [10:26] | Make it loud for Pete Holmes and Tony Hinchcliffe! | 掌声欢迎皮特·福尔摩斯和托尼·欣奇克利夫 |
| [10:35] | All right, are we ready to do this, gentlemen? | 准备好了吗 先生们 |
| [10:37] | – Yes. – Yeah. I, uh, I met Pete before the show. | -是的 -是的 我上台前就见到了皮特 |
| [10:39] | His hand’s so clammy that he doesn’t masturbate, | 他的手特别粘腻 他都不需要自慰 |
| [10:42] | he just waterboards his own dick. | 手汗都能把老二淹了 |
| [10:46] | Are– are we starting? | 这就开始了吗 |
| [10:48] | Yes. | 没错 |
| [10:49] | I thought you had to say, “Let’s roast, everybody.” | 我还以为你说了”各位 开始吐槽”才算 |
| [10:53] | Well, you could be funny anytime you want, Pete, | 你随时都可以搞笑 皮特 |
| [10:55] | there’s a microphone in front of you. | 你面前就有麦克风 |
| [10:57] | I’d like to… play by the rules. | 我想按规矩来 |
| [11:00] | – Jesus! – Okay, good– good intro. | -天啊 -好吧 开场不错 |
| [11:02] | Who wants to go first? | 谁想先来 |
| [11:03] | Let Pete go first, | 让皮特先吧 |
| [11:04] | he has to get back to being the Muppet | 他急着回去做 |
| [11:06] | that’s gonna gentrify Sesame Street. | 维护《芝麻街》规矩的布偶 |
| [11:15] | I– I don’t mind– I don’t mind going first. | 我不介意先来 |
| [11:17] | Uh, unlike all the women here, I don’t mind if Tony follows me. | 我不像在座的女士们一样介意托尼跟着我 |
| [11:24] | Soft jab. Pete, Tony, let’s roast! | 小怼 皮特 托尼 开始吐槽吧 |
| [11:31] | Hey, Tony, um… why the extremely long face? | 托尼 你为什么脸拉这么长 |
| [11:39] | Is that it? | 就这样吗 |
| [11:41] | Uh, yeah, you look forlorn. | 是的 你看上去很绝望 |
| [11:45] | Pete is somehow both creepy and nonthreatening. | 皮特不知怎地既诡异又没有威胁 |
| [11:48] | He’s like the blond mustache on a paraplegic man. | 他就像下肢瘫痪的人脸上的浅色胡须 |
| [11:55] | Tony Hinchcliffe, uh, you look like Tony Robbins. | 托尼·欣奇克利夫 你长得像托尼·罗宾斯 |
| [11:58] | And simultaneously someone | 同时也像一个 |
| [12:00] | who desperately needs the help of Tony Robbins. | 急需托尼·罗宾斯帮助的人 |
| [12:06] | Pete looks like if someone put all of Donald Trump’s sons | 皮特看着就像有人把特朗普的所有儿子 |
| [12:09] | in the microwave at the same time. | 同时放进了微波炉 |
| [12:13] | Yeah! | 棒 |
| [12:15] | Tony, uh, Tony looks like he’s hiding the fact | 托尼 托尼就像是在极力隐藏 |
| [12:17] | that he got bit by a zombie four hours ago. | 他四小时前被丧尸咬了的事实 |
| [12:24] | Pete’s career is a lot like his ex-wife’s pussy. | 皮特的事业就像他前妻的阴道 |
| [12:27] | They’re both gonna be | 余生都将 |
| [12:28] | opening for losers for the rest of their lives. | 对失败者开放 |
| [12:33] | Too soon. | 太早了 |
| [12:37] | What? It’s funny. | 怎么了 很好笑啊 |
| [12:38] | Pete! Last joke. | 皮特 最后一个段子 |
| [12:41] | Uh, Tony, you’re so thin and white, | 托尼 你如此细小洁白 |
| [12:43] | I’m only standing here to make sure Artie doesn’t snort you. | 我站在这里只为了让阿迪不把你当毒品吸进去 |
| [12:57] | That was incredible. | 不可思议 |
| [12:58] | Judges, what do we think about this one? | 评委们 你们对这一组有什么看法 |
| [13:00] | Dude, what the fuck was that? You were so nice offstage. | 伙计 刚是咋回事 你在台下还挺友善的 |
| [13:03] | Yeah, when did you grow some balls? | 就是 你什么时候变得这么有种了 |
| [13:05] | Seriously, look at him, he looks like a priest. | 说真的 瞧瞧他 看起来像个牧师 |
| [13:07] | That makes sense, actually, | 也说得过去 |
| [13:08] | ’cause he just fucked this little boy. | 因为他刚完胜[操]了这位小兄弟 |
| [13:14] | Pete, this is your first battle ever? | 皮特 这是你第一次比赛吗 |
| [13:15] | – Yeah. – I mean, it was a close one, | -是的 -这场你俩势均力敌 |
| [13:17] | but the Tony Robbins joke, the cocaine thing at the end, | 但是托尼·罗宾斯的梗 还有最后可卡因的梗 |
| [13:21] | the zombie joke– you killed it, buddy. | 僵尸梗 干得漂亮 伙计 |
| [13:23] | Congratulations, you’re moving on. | 恭喜你 你晋级了 |
| [13:27] | His first battle! His first win! | 他的第一战 首胜 |
| [13:30] | Pete Holmes! | 皮特·福尔摩斯 |
| [13:32] | Pete, you’re moving on to round two to face Ali Reissen! | 皮特 你晋级到第二轮 迎战爱丽·瑞森 |
| [13:41] | I can’t believe you beat Tony. | 难以置信 你赢了托尼 |
| [13:42] | Holy shit! | 老天爷啊 |
| [13:44] | I don’t– I didn’t– It didn’t feel good. I feel like– | 我不 我没 这感觉不对 我觉得 |
| [13:48] | You did so great. | 你干得太棒了 |
| [13:49] | – Oh, thank you. – Yeah. | -谢谢 -不客气 |
| [13:51] | Oh my God! | 天啊 |
| [13:53] | That was amazing, what was that? – | 表演太出色了 怎么办到的 |
| [13:54] | I don’t know, I– Do you have Tony’s e-mail? | 不知道 我 你有托尼的电邮吗 |
| [13:56] | – I don’t want to– – Are you kidding me right now? | -我不想 -你在开玩笑吗 |
| [13:58] | You wanna e-mail him? You won fair and square. | 你想给他发邮件 你赢得光明正大 |
| [14:01] | Let him lick his wounds. | 让他自己舔伤口吧 |
| [14:02] | Besides, now you get to go against moi. | 再说了 现在你要对付偶了 |
| [14:06] | You two are roasting each other? | 你俩要互相吐槽了吗 |
| [14:07] | – Yeah. – I have nothing. | -是啊 -我什么都没有 |
| [14:08] | – Oh my God. – I have nothing. | -天啊 -我什么都没有 |
| [14:09] | You’re fine. What do you mean you have nothing? | 你挺好的 什么叫你什么都没有 |
| [14:11] | – It’s gonna be so fun. – I didn’t think I’d get this far. | -会很有趣的 -我没想到我能晋级 |
| [14:14] | And now, the judges… the judges are gonna destroy me. | 现在 评委们 他们会打击死我的 |
| [14:17] | If any of the judges fuck with you, you just tell | 要是哪个评委针对你 你就说 |
| [14:19] | Jeff Ross he looks like somebody skinned a penis. | 杰夫·罗斯他看起来像扒了皮的鸡鸡 |
| [14:22] | – That’s funny. – Thank you. | -挺好笑的 -谢谢 |
| [14:23] | – Can I have that? – Of course. | -我能用这句吗 -当然 |
| [14:25] | – I can have that. – Absolutely. | -我可以用这句 -没问题 |
| [14:26] | – Okay. – Keep it loose. This is fun, okay? | -好的 -放轻松 这很好玩的 知道吗 |
| [14:30] | All right, I have to look over these jokes. | 好了 我得检查下这些梗 |
| [14:32] | What are you– Is that for me? | 你干啥 是写我的吗 |
| [14:34] | Mm, maybe. | 也许 |
| [14:35] | You still kiss your mom on the lips, right? | 你现在还会吻你妈的嘴 对吗 |
| [14:38] | – Don’t– – That’s kind of what I’m working with. | -别 -我现在就在写这方面的 |
| [14:41] | It’s gonna be good. See you later. | 会很精彩的 再见 |
| [14:43] | – Bye. – Bye. | -再见 -再见 |
| [14:44] | Bye. | 再见 |
| [14:46] | Uh, she seems pretty pumped. | 她看上去信心十足 |
| [14:48] | I hope you actually have jokes. | 希望你真的有梗 |
| [14:50] | I got nothing. | 我什么货都没有 |
| [14:52] | I don’t know if I can do this. | 我不知道我能不能行 |
| [14:53] | – Why? – Why? | -为什么 -为什么 |
| [14:54] | ‘Cause she’s my– you– That’s my girlfriend. | 因为她是我的女 你 那是我女友 |
| [14:57] | I don’t want to roast my girlfriend. | 我不想吐槽我的女友 |
| [14:58] | If you say something mean to her, | 如果你对她说了恶毒的话 |
| [15:00] | you’re treating her like an equal. | 就是把她当成平等的对手 |
| [15:01] | That’s– that’s what you’re supposed to do. She’s a peer. | 你就应该这样 她和你是对等的 |
| [15:04] | I’m protective of my peer. | 我想照顾和我对等的人 |
| [15:06] | I want her to be good, and safe, and whole, and complete, | 我希望她好 平安无恙且完整 |
| [15:09] | not called… some ugly bitch. I got nothing. | 而不是被称为丑婆娘 我不知道该写什么 |
| [15:14] | If you really love her, then you gotta get up there, | 你要是真的爱她 你就得上台去 |
| [15:18] | and you shit all over her. | 把她吐槽得一无是处 |
| [15:21] | Oh, boy. | 天啊 |
| [15:23] | Yes! I love this show! | 太棒了 我爱这个节目 |
| [15:29] | I love hatred. | 我爱仇恨 |
| [15:32] | Love this show. | 爱死这个节目了 |
| [15:34] | I just want to say, you know, have fun. | 我只想说 祝你开心 |
| [15:36] | And, um, my middle name is Benedict. | 还有 我中间名叫本尼迪克特 |
| [15:40] | I don’t know if you knew, but that might be something. | 不知道你知不知道 但可能用得上 |
| [15:43] | Nah, I don’t need help. I have plenty. | 不用了 我不需要帮助 我多的是梗 |
| [15:48] | I’m excited for this next battle, | 我很期待下一场比赛 |
| [15:50] | because these two comics are dating. | 因为这两个喜剧演员是一对 |
| [15:53] | I didn’t know that, did you? | 我不知道这个 你知道吗 |
| [15:55] | I didn’t. | 我也不知道 |
| [15:57] | Who’s ready to see a live domestic dispute? | 谁想看家庭争端的直播秀 |
| [16:01] | Who wants to see a bloodbath? | 谁想看一场血战 |
| [16:04] | Let’s bring ’em out! | 有请二位 |
| [16:05] | Pete Holmes! Ali Reissen! | 皮特·福尔摩斯 爱丽·瑞森 |
| [16:08] | Woo! Roast! Roast! | 吐槽 吐槽 |
| [16:09] | Roast! Roast! Roast! | 吐槽 吐槽 吐槽 |
| [16:10] | Roast! Roast! Roast! | 吐槽 吐槽 吐槽 |
| [16:12] | Yes! Roast! Roast! Roast! Roast! Roast! Roast! | 吐槽 吐槽 吐槽 |
| [16:15] | Roast! Roast! Roast! | 吐槽 吐槽 吐槽 |
| [16:16] | Let’s roast! | 开始吐槽 |
| [16:21] | Guys, it’s so good to be here. Um… | 大家好 很高兴站在这个舞台上 |
| [16:23] | Ooh, boy. | 老天 |
| [16:24] | Well, obviously you can see that Pete | 你们可以很明显地看到皮特 |
| [16:26] | looks like a sweet golden retriever. | 像条乖乖的金毛 |
| [16:29] | He’s also like that in the bedroom. | 他在床上也是这样 |
| [16:32] | It’s true, he is. | 他真是这样 |
| [16:33] | When he goes down on me, | 他舔我的时候 |
| [16:34] | he slobbers so much that the only way I can come | 他会流很多口水 我得说 |
| [16:36] | is if I’m, like, “Babe, go fetch my vibrator.” | “宝贝 把我的振动棒捡回来”才能高潮 |
| [16:40] | – Brutal! Brutal! – Oh, my God. | -犀利 犀利 -天啊 |
| [16:42] | You should get laid, babe. | 你该做爱了 孩子 |
| [16:43] | Oh, Jeff, you look like somebody skinned a penis. | 杰夫 你看起来像个扒了皮的鸡鸡 |
| [16:49] | Oh, also, um, Pete sits down to pee. | 还有 皮特坐着尿尿 |
| [16:51] | Okay… It’s fine. No, yeah, you do. It’s not even a joke. | 还好啦 不 真的 这不是段子 |
| [16:54] | I think he sits down ’cause | 我觉得他坐着尿是因为 |
| [16:55] | it’s easier to put the tampons in that way. | 那个姿势塞棉条比较容易一点 |
| [17:00] | I’m sorry, I feel like we need a safe word or something. | 不好意思 我觉得我们需要一个安全密语 |
| [17:03] | No, no, no. You’re right. You’re right. | 不不 你说得对 |
| [17:05] | Um, the safe word should be “Stop being a fucking pussy.” | 安全密语应该是”别他妈跟个八婆似的” |
| [17:11] | Come on, one joke at a time. | 行了 一次一个段子 |
| [17:13] | The rules. Pete goes. | 按规矩来 该皮特的了 |
| [17:16] | I’m not the first comedian that Ali has been with. | 我不是爱丽交往的第一个喜剧演员 |
| [17:19] | Uh, in fact, her list of former lovers | 实际上 她的前任名单 |
| [17:21] | reads like an open mike sign-up sheet. | 就跟即兴表演的签到簿似的 |
| [17:27] | – Sign me up! – Which makes sense, | -给我也签上 -这也说得通 |
| [17:29] | ’cause the only thing you need to get on her | 因为只需要做一件事情就能勾上她 |
| [17:30] | is to buy her two drinks. | 那就是请她喝两杯 |
| [17:33] | – Two drink minimum! – Two drink minimum! | -两杯起 -两杯起 |
| [17:36] | Two-drink minimum! | 两杯起 |
| [17:38] | Pete is a Christian comic, obviously. | 很显然 皮特是个信基督教的喜剧演员 |
| [17:42] | And, you know, he really abides by the commandment | 他就算在台上也遵守清规戒律 |
| [17:44] | when he’s on stage, “Thou shalt not kill.” | “汝不可杀人” |
| [17:49] | News flash, Pete: Jesus isn’t coming back, | 插播新闻 皮特 耶稣不会回来了 |
| [17:51] | and neither is your wife. | 你老婆也是 |
| [17:55] | That’s right. They both got nailed and are in a better place. | 是的 他们都被钉了 去了更好的地方 |
| [18:10] | – Pete, go. Pete, go. – Come on! | -皮特 怼她 皮特 怼她 -加油 |
| [18:26] | Ali, uh, it’s hard to make fun of you | 爱丽 取笑你是很难的 |
| [18:28] | because you already have body dysmorphia, | 因为你已经身体畸形了 |
| [18:31] | which means, Artie, that she thinks she’s fat. | 阿迪 她觉得自己胖 |
| [18:34] | I always have to reassure her, | 我总得安慰她 |
| [18:35] | “Baby, you’re not fat, you’re stupid.” | 宝贝 你那不是胖 你那是傻 |
| [18:41] | Pete has a lot of moles on his face. | 皮特的脸上有很多痣 |
| [18:43] | A lot of moles, but they’re not cancerous, | 特别多 但都不是癌变的那种 |
| [18:45] | they’re completely benign, just like his act. | 完全是良性的 就跟他的表演一样无害 |
| [18:51] | She thinks she has cellulite. | 她觉得自己有橘皮脂肪 |
| [18:53] | I always reassure her, | 我总要安慰她 |
| [18:54] | that’s not cellulite, that’s acne scarring. | 那不是橘皮脂肪 那是痘坑 |
| [19:00] | Well, I mean, it’s true I thought about having plastic surgery, | 我确实想过去做整形手术 |
| [19:03] | but I don’t really think there’s a need for, like, Botox, | 但是我觉得没必要打肉毒杆菌之类的 |
| [19:06] | because, um, the poison that I put in my body is Pete. | 因为我往自己的身体里放的毒就是皮特 |
| [19:11] | Ali, I’m so happy to see you finally acting | 爱丽 看到你在台上的表演 |
| [19:12] | like your vagina onstage, so comfortable and loose. | 跟你的下面一样又舒服又松懈 我很开心 |
| [19:19] | Pete, your ex-wife called. | 皮特 你前妻来电话了 |
| [19:20] | She said she’s really sorry about cheating on you. | 她说她非常抱歉给你戴绿帽子了 |
| [19:23] | At least I think that’s what she said. | 至少我觉得她是这么说的 |
| [19:24] | I couldn’t hear her ’cause | 我听不大清楚 |
| [19:25] | she had so much cock in her mouth, so… | 因为她嘴里塞满了老二 |
| [19:30] | Last joke of the battle. | 本场比赛最后一个段子 |
| [19:33] | Ali, you did great tonight. You did really, | 爱丽 你今晚特别棒 真的 |
| [19:35] | really great, really, really funny. | 特别棒 特别好笑 |
| [19:37] | Eh, not really. I haven’t seen someone choke this hard | 也不算 自从我嘬到你乳头上的汗毛之后 |
| [19:39] | since I sucked on your nipple hair. | 我从来没见谁被噎得这么厉害 |
| [19:45] | Ali’s, uh, right nipple is so hairy… | 爱丽右侧乳头的汗毛特别重 |
| [19:48] | How hairy is it? | 有多重 |
| [19:50] | She named the left one “And the Hendersons.” | 她给左边起名叫”和亨德森一家” |
| [19:50] | hairy和Harry同音 《Harry and Hendersons》电影 | |
| [20:01] | Wow, you two! | 你们俩 |
| [20:03] | Really! | 太棒了 |
| [20:07] | What do we think about that one? Beth? | 大家对这场怎么看的 贝思 |
| [20:09] | Wow, Pete, you were like Jesus. | 皮特 你跟耶稣一样 |
| [20:10] | You died, and then three jokes later, rose again. | 先是死了 三个段子之后 你又复活了 |
| [20:15] | Artie Lange, who do you like? | 阿迪·兰格 你喜欢谁 |
| [20:17] | I… I don’t know. I– I like Pete, | 我不知道 我喜欢皮特 |
| [20:19] | uh, but I don’t want him back on my fucking couch, | 但是我不想让他再上我家睡沙发了 |
| [20:22] | to tell you the truth, uh, so it’s a dilemma. | 说实话 真的很难取舍 |
| [20:24] | I gotta give it to Ali. | 我还是投给爱丽 |
| [20:27] | Tied up, Jeff. Who do you wanna see win this thing? | 平局 杰夫 你想让谁赢 |
| [20:29] | Well, first of all, this was the best battle of the night for me, | 首先 对我来说这是今天最棒的一场对决了 |
| [20:32] | so give it up for these two, you killed it. | 掌声鼓励一下 你们很棒 |
| [20:36] | Vicious. | 嘴够黑 |
| [20:39] | Ali, you had some killers that got super personal, | 爱丽 你的一些段子太人身攻击了 |
| [20:42] | but, Pete, you really went for the jugular today, and, uh, | 但是 皮特你直接把人颈静脉给割了 |
| [20:45] | I’m proud of you, buddy. You got my vote. | 我为你骄傲 兄弟 这票我投你了 |
| [20:48] | Pete Holmes is the winner! | 皮特·福尔摩斯获胜 |
| [20:59] | Pete’s gonna face Mike Lawrence in the finals! | 皮特将进入决赛跟迈克·劳伦斯对决 |
| [21:08] | Hey, whoa. Congrats, Pete. | 恭喜你 皮特 |
| [21:09] | Yeah, that was so awesome, man, cold-blooded. | 特别棒 哥们 杀伤力真强 |
| [21:12] | Thanks. Excuse– I’m sorry, I have to find Ali. | 谢谢 抱歉 我得去找爱丽 |
| [21:14] | Excuse me. | 借过 |
| [21:25] | You were incredible. | 你太棒了 |
| [21:28] | That was incredible! | 特别棒 |
| [21:30] | Oh my God. The back and the forth. | 天啊 以退为进 |
| [21:32] | It was like rough sex. | 像是一场粗野的性爱 |
| [21:34] | In a good way. | 感觉很爽 |
| [21:36] | You… are sexy when you’re mean. | 你怼起人来真性感 |
| [21:41] | – Al… – What? | -小爱 -怎么了 |
| [21:44] | You just– you just used a lot of stuff that I told you, | 你用了很多我跟你说的事情当段子 |
| [21:48] | private stuff, in confidence, against me. You just– | 而且是个人的 私密的事情 用来怼我 |
| [21:51] | – Pete… – You totally sold me out. | -皮特 -你完全出卖了我 |
| [21:52] | You did the same thing to me, it’s a roast battle. | 我们彼此彼此 这是吐槽比赛 |
| [21:55] | I did it to you because you did it to me. I was just… | 我是在学你 我只是 |
| [21:57] | What is this? I know you are, but what am I? | 这是干什么 我知道你是什么人 我呢 |
| [22:00] | What are you talking about? | 你说什么呢 |
| [22:02] | I didn’t… | 我没… |
| [22:03] | It didn’t feel the same, I was… retaliating. | 感觉不一样 我是在反击 |
| [22:08] | followed your lead, you know? | 跟着你的步调 |
| [22:10] | I wasn’t– I didn’t even write most of that. | 大部分内容我都没写过 |
| [22:13] | I’m just scrambling to think of mean shit to say to keep up. | 我只是急中生智想出刻薄的话好跟上节奏 |
| [22:18] | That’s even worse. Then you were just speaking from the heart. | 那更糟糕了 你说得都是心里话 |
| [22:21] | I just… | 我只是… |
| [22:25] | I didn’t want to throw you under the bus. | 我不想把你的私事说出来 |
| [22:27] | – I don’t care! I’m fine! – I didn’t want you– | -我没事啊 我不在乎 -我也不想 |
| [22:29] | I didn’t want you to throw me under the bus. | 我也不想你把我的私事说出来啊 |
| [22:31] | I thought we had different rules than Damien Lemon. | 我以为我们之间和达米安·莱蒙不一样 |
| [22:34] | – I– I thought– – What kind of comedian can’t take a joke? | -我以为 -受不了怼还算啥喜剧演员 |
| [22:37] | Are you even a comedian? | 你算喜剧演员吗 |
| [22:41] | Fuck… you. That’s what you say to me right now? | 妈的 你现在这么说我 |
| [22:45] | – No… – I’m not Tony Hinchcliffe. | -不是的 -我不是托尼·欣奇克利夫 |
| [22:47] | – No! – We have an alliance! | -不是 -我们是同盟 |
| [22:50] | – And you just– – Not when we’re onstage, performing! | -而你… -我们在舞台上不是啊 |
| [22:53] | Okay. What, do you want me to go up and be, like, | 你难道想让我在舞台上 对大家说 |
| [22:55] | “Oh, Pete’s a great guy!” | 皮特是个大好人 |
| [22:56] | No laughs, like, that doesn’t make sense! | 谁会笑啊 这是干嘛呢 |
| [22:59] | I don’t think you had to say | 我觉得你没必要说 |
| [23:00] | that my wife had cock in her mouth or that– | 我老婆嘴里塞着别人的老二 |
| [23:02] | – She did! – Yeah. | -我没说错啊 -好吧 |
| [23:03] | It’s funny! | 多搞笑啊 |
| [23:08] | I don’t know how I walk away | 我不知道我该怎么办 |
| [23:09] | from that and just forget that you said it. | 怎么忘记你刚才说的话 |
| [23:11] | I’m just gonna delete the memory of that? | 直接删掉那一段记忆吗 |
| [23:14] | – You want to go to dinner tomorrow… – God, this is so exhausting! | -明天要出去吃饭吗 -天呐 真要命了 |
| [23:17] | – Yes! – …and just act like you didn’t say that shit? | -是的 -表现得就像什么都没发生过一样 |
| [23:19] | – Yes! – That you want my moles– | -是的 -你是想把我的痣… |
| [23:21] | What, do you think I’m sitting here obsessing about my cellulite? | 我还要在这对橘皮脂肪自怨自艾吗 |
| [23:25] | – That was– – I mean, get over yourself. | -这真是… -别想了 |
| [23:28] | – Great. – You’re just as selfish, | -太好了 -你就是个自私 |
| [23:31] | and fucked up, and mean, as everybody around you. | 无能又恶毒的人 就像你周围的所有人一样 |
| [23:35] | They just have the balls to say that they have those qualities, | 但是他们都敢于承认自己是什么样的人 |
| [23:38] | while you act like you’re better than everybody! | 只有你表现得永远高人一等 |
| [23:43] | You’re afraid of God, so you hide your feelings. | 你害怕上帝 所以你把自己的感情藏起来 |
| [23:55] | I don’t… want to date. | 我不想跟你约会 |
| [24:03] | I’m sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [24:09] | – I just– – This is good. No, this is good. | -我只是… -这很好 很好 |
| [24:13] | How is that good? I… | 有什么好的 我… |
| [24:15] | Because I don’t want to be with | 因为我不想跟一个 |
| [24:15] | someone who doesn’t fucking know who they are. | 不知道自己是谁的人在一起 |
| [24:20] | Pete, they’re ready for you. | 皮特 该到你了 |
| [24:28] | I– I’m with– I’m against Mike Lawrence, | 我要对战麦克·劳伦斯 |
| [24:31] | – I have to– – Oh, yeah. Go be nice. | -我要去… -去吧 好好表现 |
| [24:42] | Pete is the first person to have stepdad bod. | 皮特是第一个中年发福的人 |
| [24:45] | Pete, you Pillsbury dough adult. | 他长得像个白面团似的 |
| [24:48] | The only difference between you and white bread, | 皮特和白面包之间的唯一区别在于 |
| [24:50] | is that white bread has less carbs. | 白面包的碳水化合物可少多了 |
| [24:55] | He looks like he was kicked out of the Mormon Church | 他看起来就像是因为长得太丑 |
| [24:57] | for not being cool enough. | 而被踢出了摩门教会 |
| [25:04] | The only adventure Pete’s ever been on was trying Chipotle. | 皮特唯一一次探险是尝试墨西哥快餐 |
| [25:14] | Your comedy is like conversion therapy. | 你的喜剧能活生生改变别人的性取向 |
| [25:17] | It’s not working for you. | 但是对你却不适用 |
| [26:31] | Okay, Pete. I’m just going to do | 好了皮特 在我把钥匙交给你之前 |
| [26:32] | a quick assessment of the vehicle before I give you the keys. | 要对这辆车做一个简单的评估 |
| [26:35] | I would highly recommend getting second-party insurance | 我强烈建议你购买一份第二方保险 |
| [26:37] | in the event that you have an incident with another vehicle. | 以应对发生的车祸 |
| [26:43] | – So…? – Yeah. | -怎么样 -好的 |
| [26:46] | Whatever you recommend. | 你说了算 |
| [27:08] | Excuse me? Excuse me. | 您好 请问一下 |
| [27:11] | Hi. Um, I’m a little turned around. | 我有点迷路了 |
| [27:13] | I’m looking for, uh… Bundt? | 我在找圆盘 |
| [27:17] | Bundt Cafeteria? | 圆盘自助餐厅 |
| [27:19] | It’s up the hill, to the left. | 就在小山坡上 向左转 |
| [27:21] | Thanks. | 谢谢 |
| [27:23] | I’m competing with steamed vegetables. | 我在和蒸菜作斗争 |
| [27:25] | Serving up hot and fresh jokes, uh, and also broccoli. | 为大家献上有趣的玩笑 还有花椰菜 |
| [27:29] | There’s also broccoli here today. | 今天餐厅里也有花椰菜 |
| [27:31] | It’s kind of weird, I– I don’t have any kids, | 这就有点奇怪了 我没有孩子 |
| [27:33] | but doesn’t it kind of feel like I do? | 但我是不是看起来就像有孩子一样 |
| [27:35] | Like, don’t I kind of feel | 我是不是看起来 |
| [27:36] | already like a dorky… like a dorky dad? | 已经很像一个蠢爸爸了 |
| [27:39] | Just like a fun dad at a barbecue? | 就像做烧烤时有趣的爸爸 |
| [27:42] | Just like… Fresca. | 就像… 接饮料 |
| [27:46] | Throwing Frescas to children. | 我会把饮料扔给孩子们 |
| [27:48] | I’m kind of intimidated. You guys are younger than me, | 我有点害怕 你们都比我年轻 |
| [27:50] | but you have– some of you have beards. | 但是你们有 你们有些人还有胡子呢 |
| [27:52] | I can’t– I can’t grow a beard. | 我就长不出来胡子 |
| [27:53] | I haven’t shaved in weeks. | 我好几周都没刮胡子了 |
| [27:56] | That’s real. This is– This is what happens. | 真的 就是这样 |
| [27:58] | Nothing. | 什么都没有 |
| [28:00] | Which isn’t really a problem, | 这其实也不是个问题 |
| [28:01] | unless, sometimes I think, | 除非 有时候我会想 |
| [28:03] | what happens if I’m stranded on a desert island, | 如果我流落荒岛该怎么办 |
| [28:05] | and I have to live there for, like, six years– | 如果我必须在荒岛上待上六年 |
| [28:08] | It’s been an hour, you can stop whenever. | 已经一个小时了 你可以随时结束 |
| [28:10] | Okay. Thank you. | 好的 谢谢 |
| [28:13] | Uh, I’ll do a little bit more. | 我还是再说一会吧 |
| [28:15] | If, uh, if that’s okay. | 可以吧 |
| [28:20] | You know, if if I’m on a deserted island for six years, | 如果我要在荒岛上待上六年时间 |
| [28:23] | the rescue chopper’s gonna come, I’m gonna come out | 救援直升机到来的时候 我依然 |
| [28:25] | baby-faced, loincloth. | 是张娃娃脸 裹着遮羞布 |
| [28:28] | I look like a guy who’s been there 15 minutes. | 就像十五分钟之前刚来岛上一样 |
| [28:33] | Just couldn’t wait to wear a loincloth. | 已经等不及要裹遮羞布了 |
| [28:40] | Rescue me! | 来救我啊 |