| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | I noticed things are starting to happen. | 我发现有些事开始发生了 |
| [00:03] | And I just want you to know, as your manager, | 我只想让你知道 作为你的经纪人 |
| [00:05] | I’m entitled to 20 percent of those things going forward. | 以后你的收入 我占20% |
| [00:10] | Are you going up tonight? | 你今晚会上台表演吗 |
| [00:11] | Well, not here, obviously. But um… | 显然不是在这儿 但是 |
| [00:13] | I do the alt scene a little bit. | 我会做一点另类演出 |
| [00:14] | I know this is weird for a comedian to say, | 我知道作为一个喜剧演员 这样说有点怪 |
| [00:16] | but I’m not used to laughing. | 但我还不习惯笑声 |
| [00:19] | He is funny, right? | 他很有趣 是吧 |
| [00:21] | He’ll be funny in three years. | 还得努力个三年 |
| [00:23] | My dad just told me, | 我爸告诉我 |
| [00:24] | “If you want something, you got to ask for it.” | 如果你想要什么 就要开口去争取 |
| [00:26] | – But– – Your dad sounds like an idiot. | -但 -你爸听起来像个蠢货 |
| [00:28] | I’m trying to get into the college market. | 我正在努力进入大学市场 |
| [00:29] | I just submitted a tape to, uh, NACA, I don’t know if– | 我给校园活动协会寄了录像带 我不知道 |
| [00:32] | – They still have NACA? – They still have NACA. | -还有校园活动协会吗 -是啊还有 |
| [00:34] | NACA changed my life. | 它改变了我的一生 |
| [00:35] | I booked, like, 80 colleges, paid off my student loan… | 我订了80所大学的表演来付清我的学生贷款 |
| [00:39] | That’s what NACA did for me. | 这就是校园活动协会为我做的 |
| [01:03] | We’re right here. | 我们就在你眼前 |
| [01:10] | Babe, you all right? | 宝贝 你还好吗 |
| [01:11] | – Yeah. – You’re making sprinkler sounds with your mouth. | -挺好 -你正在发出洒水车的声音 |
| [01:14] | Yeah, I’m… I’ll calm down when I see the venue. | 是的 我看到会场时我就会冷静下来了 |
| [01:19] | If that makes sense? | 听起来有道理吗 |
| [01:20] | Like you said it’s 300 people, | 就像你说的 这可是300人 |
| [01:21] | That’s way bigger than I’ve performed for. | 我从未在这么多人面前表演过 |
| [01:24] | So, when I see the stage, I think I’ll calm down a little bit. | 所以当我看到舞台 我可能就会冷静些了 |
| [01:28] | Remember? You’re good. We’ve worked on these jokes. | 记得吗 你很棒 我们已经准备好了段子 |
| [01:30] | The NACA showcase is, like, no big deal. | 校园活动协会的展示没什么大不了的 |
| [01:32] | Just do your act, make them laugh, | 做好你的表演 让他们笑出来 |
| [01:34] | and I’m sure you’ll book a lot of colleges. | 我确信会有很多学校相中你的 |
| [01:36] | So relax, and enjoy our ride to Philadelphia. | 所以放松点 享受这次费城之旅吧 |
| [01:40] | – Thank you. I will. – Okay. | -谢谢 我会的 -好的 |
| [01:42] | I mean, you can’t trust her ’cause you guys are fucking. | 你不能相信她 你们搞在一起呢 |
| [01:45] | All right. | 好吧 |
| [01:47] | Uh, hey, can you not look at your phone while we’re driving? | 你能在开车的时候别看手机吗 |
| [01:50] | No, I got it. I do this all the time. | 不 没事的 我一直都这样 |
| [01:53] | Right, but you shouldn’t, ’cause it’s illegal and dangerous. | 但你不该这样 这既违法又危险 |
| [01:57] | It’s basically like drinking and driving. | 这就像酒后驾车一样 |
| [01:58] | I actually put it in my phone, too, | 其实我也把地图放到手机里了 |
| [01:59] | so I can navig– I’m happy to navigate. | 我可以 我很乐意给你导航 |
| [02:01] | You guys talking is actually distracting me more, | 你们说话让我更分心了 |
| [02:03] | – so I’m just trying to focus on– – On killing us? | -所以我正在集中精力… -害死我们 |
| [02:05] | I can only do two things at once– | 我只能一心二用 |
| [02:07] | You’re focusing on trying to murder us by being obstinate. | 你正在用你的顽固来谋杀我们 |
| [02:10] | I’m just trying to keep it simple, phone and road. | 我只是在试着让状况简单些 手机和路面 |
| [02:13] | Just look forward. Just look– I got it. | 你向前看就好了 我来看地图 |
| [02:14] | You’re supposed to go straight. | 你应该直走的 |
| [02:15] | – We’re supposed to go straight. – We got one more. | -我们应该直走的 -还有一个 |
| [02:18] | One more what? | 一个什么 |
| [02:19] | You have– Someone else is coming? | 你有… 还有别人要来吗 |
| [02:21] | Yeah, we’re picking somebody up. | 是的 我们还要接一个人 |
| [02:28] | Is that Melissa Villasenor? | 那是梅利莎·维拉塞纳 |
| [02:31] | You rep Melissa Villasenor from SNL? | 你要接《周六夜现场》的梅利莎·维拉塞纳 |
| [02:33] | Yeah, I rep a lot of people you don’t know about. | 是的 我接的人你不知道的太多了 |
| [02:35] | My finger is in many pots. | 我的圈子很广 |
| [02:40] | Melissa, you can, uh, you can have shotgun. | 梅利莎 你可以坐副驾 |
| [02:41] | – Oh, thanks. – Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | -谢谢 -没事 |
| [02:43] | That’s nice. Thank you. | 好棒 谢谢你 |
| [02:47] | Coming back. | 我回来了 |
| [02:48] | Sorry! Got it? | 抱歉 你好了吗 |
| [02:49] | – Pete, be careful, wow. – I got it. | -皮特 小心点 -我没事 |
| [02:53] | – It’s a nice bag. – Thanks. | -你的包不错 -谢谢 |
| [02:54] | I just wanna say you’re, uh, | 我只想说 你是 |
| [02:56] | my favorite part of SNL right now, really. | 《周六夜现场》里我最喜欢的人 |
| [02:58] | I think you’re sensational. | 我觉得你非常棒 |
| [02:59] | Your Owen Wilson, it’s like– | 你模仿的欧文·威尔逊 |
| [03:02] | and David, uh, Pumpkins. Mr. Pumpkins. | 还有大卫 南金 南金先生 |
| [03:04] | – Yeah, yeah, yeah. – David S. Pumpkins. | -对对 -大卫·S·南金 |
| [03:05] | – Yeah, thanks. – That’s one of my favorites. | -没错 谢谢 -那是我的最爱之一 |
| [03:07] | Just relax. She just sat down. | 放轻松 她才刚坐下 |
| [03:10] | She seems okay with it. | 她好像没什么意见 |
| [03:12] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [03:14] | I’ve never, uh, met a cast member before. | 我从来没见过《周六夜现场》的演员 |
| [03:18] | I– I really think you’re the next Kristen Wiig | 我真的认为你将会是下一个克里斯汀·韦格 |
| [03:20] | but with better impressions. | 但更擅长模仿 |
| [03:23] | I just think you’re phenomenal. | 我觉得你是不同凡响的 |
| [03:24] | What’s it like working with Lorne? | 跟洛恩一起工作是什么感觉 |
| [03:27] | He’s a funny one. | 他很有趣 |
| [03:29] | Hey, what did you do for your audition? | 你试镜会做什么 |
| [03:30] | Oh, I did a lot of, mainly, impressions. | 做很多 主要是做模仿 |
| [03:32] | Like Christina Aguilera was one of my first singing impressions. | 克里斯蒂娜·阿奎莱拉是我最先模仿的歌手 |
| [03:36] | It was just one really one letter, you know, just… | 事实上只是一个词 只是… |
| [03:45] | Really fills the car. Fills the car with joy. | 让整个车都充满了欢声笑语 |
| [03:48] | – It’s so good! – Thanks. | -太棒了 -谢谢 |
| [03:51] | I’ve been working on Malkovich. | 我在研究模仿马尔科维奇 |
| [03:53] | Which is just… “I’m better. I’m stronger. I’m faster.” | 只是…”我更棒 我更强 我更快” |
| [03:58] | It’s just overenunciating. | 发音有点过头了 |
| [03:59] | Sarah Silverman: “I’m here in the car. | 萨拉·西尔弗曼 “我现在在车上 |
| [04:03] | My vagina is here.” | 我的阴道也在这” |
| [04:08] | What would Christina Aguilera sound like singing a lullaby? | 克里斯蒂娜·阿奎莱拉唱催眠曲听起来会怎样 |
| [04:11] | *Hush little baby don’t say a word* | *宝贝安静点 不要说话* |
| [04:15] | And she’d wake up the baby. | 然后她会把孩子吵醒的 |
| [04:24] | Wanda Sykes impression: “What the hell is this shit?” | 旺达·赛克斯的经典台词 “这都什么鬼” |
| [04:27] | Oh, it’s so good! | 这简直太棒了 |
| [04:38] | I gotta get on Snapchat. | 我得开始玩快照了 |
| [04:40] | Yeah, apparently. | 显然 |
| [04:42] | – Name? – Uh, Woods. | -名字 -伍兹 |
| [04:44] | Here for NACA? | 为校园活动协会而来 |
| [04:45] | – Yes. – Great. | -是的 -很好 |
| [04:47] | Three people in a standard double for one night. | 三个人在一个标间住一晚 |
| [04:50] | – Yeah. – Great. | -是的 -很好 |
| [04:53] | Sir, are they with you? | 先生 他们是跟你一起的吗 |
| [04:57] | No. | 不是 |
| [04:58] | Well, uh, two– one– uh, two of them are. | 好吧 两个 一个 两个人是的 |
| [05:00] | The other guy is… he’s staying somewhere else. | 另一个人 他住在其他地方 |
| [05:03] | Okay, because the maximum is three. | 好的 因为最多只能容纳3个人 |
| [05:08] | you’re allowed only three in the same room. | 在一个房间只能住3个人 |
| [05:10] | Because we have a lot of people abusing our extra guest policy. | 因为有很多人滥用我们的额外客人规定 |
| [05:15] | I wouldn’t do that. I would never abuse a policy. | 我不会的 我从来都不会滥用规定 |
| [05:18] | That’s one of my policies: never abuse policies. | 我的规定之一就是 从不滥用规定 |
| [05:21] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [05:24] | And, uh… how many keys would you like? | 你想要几把钥匙 |
| [05:27] | Uh, let me do four. | 我想要四把 |
| [05:30] | Great. | 好 |
| [05:31] | And, uh, we’re gonna need a cot. | 我们需要一张加床 |
| [05:46] | Melissa, what is that stuff? | 梅利莎 那是什么 |
| [05:49] | That’s my sleep mask, | 这是我的睡眠眼罩 |
| [05:51] | my noise-canceling headphones, and my white noise machine. | 我的防噪声耳机 和我的白噪声仪器 |
| [05:54] | So, what do you play in the headphones? | 那你会在耳机里放什么 |
| [05:57] | Brown noise. | 褐噪声 |
| [06:00] | I need some dinner. | 我想吃晚饭 |
| [06:01] | – Oh, man, me too. Can I come? – Sure. | -我也是 我可以一起吗 -当然 |
| [06:04] | Do you want anything? | 你想要点什么吗 |
| [06:05] | Mm, I’m okay. | 不用了 |
| [06:06] | – Melissa? – I’m good, thanks. | -梅利莎 -不用了 谢谢 |
| [06:12] | The elevator’s this way. | 电梯在这边 |
| [06:13] | Hey, I’m glad you came. | 你能来我很高兴 |
| [06:15] | We need to talk about your college act. | 我们需要聊聊你的大学表演 |
| [06:17] | What do you mean? I don’t really have a college act. | 你什么意思 我没有大学表演 |
| [06:19] | I just have my act. | 我只有我的表演 |
| [06:21] | Yeah, that’s the problem, okay? These kids are super sensitive. | 这就是问题 好吗 这些孩子很敏感 |
| [06:23] | You never know what’s gonna set ’em off. | 你不知道什么话题会让他们爆炸 |
| [06:25] | You grew up in the ’80s, when everybody thought bullying | 你成长在80年代 那个时候人人都觉得 |
| [06:27] | was a hilarious and just normal part of life. | 校园暴力很好笑 很平常 |
| [06:29] | Okay, so, well, like, what? | 好吧 所以 怎么了 |
| [06:31] | – Don’t talk about abortion. – Have you seen my act? | -不要提到堕胎 -你看过我的表演吗 |
| [06:35] | Yeah. No more gypping, okay? | 不要耍小聪明 |
| [06:38] | You don’t wanna talk about gypsies or really any type of group | 不要谈吉普赛人或者任何地区的 |
| [06:41] | from any area. You don’t wanna talk about sex, okay? | 任何族群 不要谈性爱 好吗 |
| [06:43] | – Okay, fine. – Don’t talk about rape. | -行 -不要讲强奸 |
| [06:46] | Don’t talk about overdosing, no suicide, no fire… | 不要讲吸毒过量 自杀 火灾 |
| [06:49] | – none of that. – So, what am I supposed to talk about? | -都不要 -那我该说什么 |
| [06:52] | Just talk about the absurdities of the world | 你就聊聊世界上的荒谬之事 |
| [06:55] | or like, make an observation, | 或者 观察某个现象 |
| [06:56] | and then talk about what’s weird about it. | 然后谈谈它的奇怪之处 |
| [06:58] | I– That’s vague. | 太含糊了 |
| [07:00] | Just do, like, uh, do, like, “There’s always one guy” Stuff. | 你可以说…”总有这样一个人”之类的 |
| [07:04] | – What is that? – There’s always one guy at the office | -那是什么 -办公室里总有一个人 |
| [07:06] | who’s always got a hat on. | 总是戴着帽子 |
| [07:08] | Always got a hat on? | 总是戴着帽子 |
| [07:20] | I don’t have any kids, | 我没有孩子 |
| [07:22] | but doesn’t it kind of feel like I do? | 但我看上去是不是像个有孩子的人 |
| [07:25] | I’m kind of like a fun dad, | 我就像一个搞笑老爸 |
| [07:27] | the dad you see at a barbecue. | 烧烤聚会上的爸爸 |
| [07:32] | Fresca. | 接住饮料 |
| [07:35] | Fresca. | 接住饮料 |
| [07:45] | – Let’s get up. Big day! – No, no. | -起床吧 大日子 -不 不要 |
| [07:50] | Obviously, we don’t want any of you to feel censored | 我们不希望你们感觉自己受到审查 |
| [07:52] | in any way, but I strongly encourage, | 但是我强烈建议 |
| [07:55] | if your creativity or banter within your performances | 如果你们表演中的创意或玩笑 |
| [07:57] | skews towards things like assault, rape, suicide, race, | 倾向于攻击 强奸 自杀 种族等 |
| [08:02] | kindly steer that ship right on over to somewhere else. | 还是请你们转向其他方向吧 |
| [08:05] | Or fire. He said don’t talk about fire. | 还有火灾 他说不要讲火灾 |
| [08:08] | If they would bleep it on The Big Bang Theory, don’t do it. Okay? | 只要是《生活大爆炸》会消音的就别说 |
| [08:12] | When I was a kid, I always eating Bubble Tape. | 我小的时候经常吃泡泡糖卷 |
| [08:15] | You guys remember Bubble Tape? | 你们还记得泡泡糖卷吗 |
| [08:17] | Oh my– yes, right? | 天呐 |
| [08:18] | It’s so good. It’s like the best gum. | 太好吃了 简直是最好吃的泡泡糖 |
| [08:21] | You know, and what’s awesome about Bubble Tape, | 泡泡糖卷的好处在于 |
| [08:22] | instead of it being, like, individually wrapped little pieces, | 它不是分成小块单独包装 |
| [08:26] | like, “Oh, ooh, I gotta put the gum in an envelope,” | “我要把泡泡糖放进信封里” |
| [08:28] | like, what is this, like, a post office or something? | 你是谁啊 邮局吗 |
| [08:32] | Bubble Tape, though, Bubble Tape was just | 而泡泡糖卷是 |
| [08:33] | one, like, long-ass piece o’gum! | 一条长到姥姥家的泡泡糖 |
| [08:37] | Long-ass piece o’ gum! | 长到姥姥家的泡泡糖 |
| [08:38] | I would just bite into that thing like a hockey puck. | 我一般直接咬下去 像咬冰球一样 |
| [08:40] | Nom! More for me! | 我还要 |
| [08:42] | I was like a Cookie Monster but with Bubble Tape. | 我就是吃泡泡糖卷的甜饼怪 |
| [08:45] | I was like… Ohm, nom, nom, nom! | 就像这样 |
| [08:47] | All right, y’all. Thank you, guys. | 谢谢大家 |
| [08:50] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [08:51] | Clay Dayton! | 克莱·代顿 |
| [09:11] | You guys know what’s up. | 你们懂的 |
| [09:14] | All right, are you guys ready for your next act? | 准备好欣赏下一个表演了吗 |
| [09:17] | Please give it up for the lovely and talented | 掌声有请可爱又有才的 |
| [09:20] | Ali Reissen! | 爱丽·瑞森 |
| [09:25] | Oh my God! | 天啊 |
| [09:32] | Thank you! Oh my God, it’s so good to be here. | 谢谢 天啊 很高兴来到这里 |
| [09:36] | So you guys are in college, that’s pretty chill. | 你们都在上大学 太棒了 |
| [09:39] | Yeah? You guys got roommates? | 你们有室友吗 |
| [09:41] | Yeah! | 有 |
| [09:42] | Yeah, that’s a whole thing. | 一言难尽 |
| [09:43] | I had a roommate in college, | 我大学的时候有个室友 |
| [09:45] | she would always walk around naked, you know? | 她总是裸着走来走去 |
| [09:48] | She would always refer to her breasts as “The twins.” | 她把自己的胸部称作”双胞胎” |
| [09:51] | Which I thought was funny, ’cause, I’m like, I’ve seen the twins, | 我觉得很搞笑 因为我见过那对双胞胎 |
| [09:53] | and they’re fraternal. | 它们是异卵的 |
| [09:57] | I was like, I don’t know | 我不知道 |
| [09:58] | if the left one is from the same father, you know? | 左边那个是不是来自同一个爸爸 |
| [10:03] | She was like, “What do you mean?” | 她问”什么意思” |
| [10:03] | I’m like, “The left one’s black,” And, um… | 我说”左边那个是黑的” |
| [10:07] | Colleges are scary now, though, | 不过现在大学有点吓人 |
| [10:08] | like, you got a lot of activities, obviously. | 很明显 你们有很多活动 |
| [10:11] | You can get involved in so many things. | 你们会接触到很多事物 |
| [10:15] | Uh, let’s see, sports, theater, rape is pretty big. | 比如运动 戏剧 强奸是个很大的问题 |
| [10:20] | Yeah, I mean, you know, if you’re a girl, | 如果你是个女生 |
| [10:22] | and you go to a frat party, | 去参加兄弟会派对 |
| [10:23] | like, there is a chance that you could get roofied. | 你就有可能会被迷奸 |
| [10:26] | Um, which– Yeah, don’t laugh at that, ’cause it’s fucked. | 不要笑 这是很糟糕的事 |
| [10:30] | But, uh, yeah, I think– I think | 但是 我觉得 |
| [10:31] | it’s disgusting that we’ve shortened the word | 我们把洛喜普诺简称为迷药 |
| [10:33] | Rohypnol to roofie, right? It’s like Rohypnol, | 是很恶心的事 洛喜普诺听起来 |
| [10:37] | it sounds, like, severe, ’cause it is severe, it’s a rape drug. | 很严重 因为确实很严重 是强奸药物 |
| [10:40] | We’re like, “Mm-hm, roofie,” Like we made it cute… | 我们叫它”迷药” 让它听起来很可爱 |
| [10:44] | …which is so demented. You know what I mean? | 简直是精神病 明白我的意思吗 |
| [10:46] | You can’t take something terrible and make it sound adorable, | 不能把很可怕的东西叫得这么可爱 |
| [10:50] | that’s not acceptable. | 这是不可接受的 |
| [10:51] | Like, you would never be, like, “Yeah, my roommate, | 你永远都不会这么说 “我室友 |
| [10:53] | “She was in a car crash. It’s actually really sad. | 她出了车祸 很悲惨 |
| [10:55] | “Her head got de-cappied, and, um, yeah, it’s a bummer. | 她的头蹦跶下来了 真是不幸 |
| [10:59] | “It was also on 9-elevzies, which is just, like, | 那天还是911罹难者死翘翘的追悼日 |
| [11:02] | “Really weird timing, but it’s okay, it’s okay. | 时机不巧 不过没关系 没关系 |
| [11:05] | “The driver, he was sentenced to, um, life in priz. | 司机 他被判终身关小黑屋 |
| [11:09] | “And… forev’s in priz.” | 永远关小黑屋” |
| [11:13] | Thank you, guys. I’m Ali Reissen. | 谢谢大家 我是爱丽·瑞森 |
| [11:15] | Have a great night. I mean, day. | 祝大家今晚 今天玩的开心 |
| [11:17] | – Ali Reissen! – This was exciting. | -爱丽·瑞森 -太令人兴奋了 |
| [11:28] | This next performer, | 下一位表演者 |
| [11:30] | you may know her from Saturday Night Live! | 你们可能在《周六夜现场》上见过她 |
| [11:32] | Please welcome Melissa Villasenor! | 掌声欢迎梅利莎·维拉塞纳 |
| [11:46] | Hey, you guys are the best! | 你们太棒了 |
| [11:48] | Are you guys Shakira fans | 你们是夏奇拉的粉丝吗 |
| [11:52] | Well, I don’t know if you’ll be now, | 现在可不一定了 |
| [11:54] | ’cause I’ve figured out something, okay? | 因为我都搞清楚了 |
| [11:56] | I realized, I don’t think she’s all that hot | 我发现 我觉得她如果没有背景音乐 |
| [11:58] | if she didn’t have background music. | 就没有那么火辣了 |
| [12:00] | Like, if it was just that singing voice and her dancing, | 如果只有她的歌声和舞姿 |
| [12:02] | it’d be this… *Camel hump* | 就会是这样 *驼峰* |
| [12:07] | *I want to see you in my pants* | *我要和你翻云覆雨* |
| [12:09] | *Oh, hello! Let me take off* | *让我脱下* |
| [12:51] | Here have some pins. | 拿几个徽章吧 |
| [12:58] | Do you want a pin? | 你要徽章吗 |
| [12:59] | It’s my little head. | 上面是我的小头像 |
| [13:02] | Put it on your backpack. | 别在你的背包上 |
| [13:03] | – We can’t wait. – See you in November. | -我们等不及了 -十一月再见 |
| [13:05] | I’m coming to your guys’ campuses, right? | 我会来你们学校表演 |
| [13:07] | You got to book me on your campus. Go ahead, you take a hat. | 一定要预约我去你们学校演出 拿个帽子 |
| [13:09] | Take a hat. Think about it, right? | 拿个帽子 考虑一下吧 |
| [13:14] | This is fun. | 太好玩了 |
| [13:16] | Did you see the slide? | 你看到滑梯了吗 |
| [13:17] | I did, yeah. It looks really fun. | 看到了 看起来很好玩 |
| [13:19] | There’s a magician over there, he read the serial number | 那边有个魔术师 他读出了我钱包里 |
| [13:21] | on a bill that I had in my wallet. | 一张钞票上的序列号 |
| [13:24] | He knew the number. | 他知道号码 |
| [13:26] | That’s crazy. | 难以置信 |
| [13:33] | You did great. | 你的表现很精彩 |
| [13:37] | This is brutal. This is… brutal. | 太残酷了 太…残酷了 |
| [13:41] | I feel like the ugly girl at the kissing booth. | 我觉得自己就像亲吻亭里的丑姑娘 |
| [13:43] | No. | 不 |
| [13:45] | You’re the prettiest girl at the kissing booth. | 你是亲吻亭里最漂亮的姑娘 |
| [13:46] | You’re not even in a booth. | 你根本不在亭子里 |
| [13:52] | Thanks for stopping by. | 谢谢你们过来 |
| [13:54] | – She’s so great! – Look forward to seeing you. | -她真棒 -很期待见到你们 |
| [13:56] | How’s it going? Want a pin? | 你们好 要徽章吗 |
| [13:57] | You were great. | 你太棒了 |
| [14:00] | – Thanks. – I love pins, thank you. | -谢谢 -我喜欢徽章 谢谢 |
| [14:02] | I’m gonna run out. | 我要走了 |
| [14:04] | – Why? – I think I’m… scaring the bookers away. | -为什么 -我觉得我把客户都吓跑了 |
| [14:06] | So maybe if you’re just here, | 也许如果只有你在这儿 |
| [14:08] | they’ll… “Oh, that’s the girl,” Right? | 他们会想 “就是她” 对吧 |
| [14:11] | Later. | 再见 |
| [14:13] | – Ali Reissen. – All right, just go. | -爱丽·瑞森 -行了 走吧 |
| [14:15] | – From the nine a.m. Show. – Okay, bye! Bye, bye, bye. | -早上九点的表演 -再见 再见 |
| [14:17] | – Be right back. I’ll be right back. – Okay, bye. | -很快回来 我很快就回来 -再见 |
| [14:23] | Cool shirt. | 衣服不错 |
| [14:31] | You know, this is all a big part of it, the mingling, | 与人交际 深入人群 |
| [14:33] | and the, you know, meeting people. | 是喜剧演出很重要的一部分 |
| [14:37] | I was also thinking, uh… | 我还在想 |
| [14:39] | you should try to get on SNL, you know? | 你应该尝试上《周六夜现场》 |
| [14:41] | That’s been huge for Melissa. | 那让梅利莎大火了一把 |
| [14:42] | Yeah. No. It’s– it’s a big show for her, | 好吧 不了 对她以及所有出演的人 |
| [14:45] | and everybody who’s on it. | 那都算大型演出 |
| [14:47] | So maybe as a next step, I think that’d be– | 或许把这当你的下一步 我觉得… |
| [14:49] | that’d be good for you. | 这对你有好处 |
| [14:50] | Totally.Totally, totally, totally. | 绝对的 绝对的 |
| [14:52] | But because we had this conversation, | 不过因为我们谈了这个话题 |
| [14:53] | if you do get SNL, | 如果你真上了《周六夜现场》 |
| [14:55] | I get 10 percent. | 我得一成报酬 |
| [14:56] | Just so you know, that’s how it works. | 就告诉你一声 这是规矩 |
| [14:58] | Yep. Okay, you’re so helpful. Thank you, this was awesome. | 好吧 你帮了大忙 谢谢 太棒了 |
| [15:00] | Great chat. Okay. | 聊得很愉快 好的 |
| [15:37] | Are these really two bucks? | 这些真的只要两元吗 |
| [15:39] | Yeah, they’re a real steal. | 是的 超值大甩卖 |
| [16:05] | There you are. | 终于找到你了 |
| [16:06] | Any bookings? | 有预约了吗 |
| [16:08] | No. Not yet. | 没 还没有 |
| [16:10] | Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [16:11] | What are you doing? | 你在做什么 |
| [16:13] | It’s my merch. | 这是我的商品 |
| [16:15] | I ran out and I got some. | 我跑出去买了一些 |
| [16:17] | “Gas it up.” | “加满油” |
| [16:18] | Yeah. I thought it was, uh, it might work, | 是的 我觉得这样或许可行 |
| [16:21] | as, like, a catchphrase, something to help me stand out. | 这个标语能让我脱颖而出 |
| [16:23] | It’s from a gas station. | 是在加油站买的 |
| [16:25] | So you’re gonna write a joke to match this shirt? | 所以你准备写个笑话匹配这短袖吗 |
| [16:30] | Yeah. It’s like a sales pitch. | 是的 就像推销辞令 |
| [16:31] | This is like a marketing play. | 这就像营销手段 |
| [16:33] | You’re spiraling. Why would you do that? | 你疯了吗 为什么要这样 |
| [16:36] | – I just– – You have a great act, just do your set. | -我只是 -你的表演很棒 原本的就行 |
| [16:38] | I don’t know if a great act is enough. | 我不确定”表演很棒”够不够 |
| [16:40] | – What do you mean? – They need laughs and a takeaway. | -什么意思 -他们需要欢笑还有小礼物 |
| [16:44] | I’m not trying to, like, play to the back of the room. | 我不想演出后只能缩在一角 |
| [16:46] | I’m trying to get a bunch of dorks that book campus activities | 我想让一群预约校园活动的傻瓜 |
| [16:50] | to think that I’m a neat-o fella, you know? | 认为我是非常棒的人 懂吗 |
| [16:52] | – Right. – So, like, nostalgia stuff, | -好吧 -所以怀旧之类的 |
| [16:54] | obviously impressions are killing really hard… | 明显模仿秀非常有效 |
| [16:57] | so I– I wanna do some “Remember when” stuff, | 所以我想讲”还记得…”之类的 |
| [17:00] | – for these guys. – Okay, well… | -给这些人听 -好吧 |
| [17:03] | sounds like you have a master plan. | 听起来你有了大蓝图 |
| [17:06] | I’m not gonna try to mess with it. | 我不会试图扰乱 |
| [17:09] | – I mean… – Good luck with this. | -我是说… -祝你好运 |
| [17:10] | It’s like a business card. | 这就像名片 |
| [17:12] | – That you can wear. – That’s– I know you’re joking. | -能穿的名片 -我知道你在开玩笑 |
| [17:15] | – Sassy. – We’ll see who’s laughing. | -别致 -等着瞧谁会笑到最后 |
| [17:17] | Keep it going for the Chicago Boys! | 掌声送给芝加哥男孩们 |
| [17:24] | Are you guys ready for your next comic? | 你们准备好看下一场喜剧了吗 |
| [17:27] | A super funny dude, put your hands together for Pete Holmes! | 超级滑稽的哥们 掌声欢迎皮特·福尔摩斯 |
| [17:35] | Hello! How’s it going, NACA? | 大家好 校园活动协会你们好吗 |
| [17:40] | – Let me hear you say “Hey!” – Hey! | -跟我说”嘿” -嘿 |
| [17:41] | – Ho! – Ho! | -哈 -哈 |
| [17:42] | – NACA! – NACA! | -校园活动协会 -校园活动协会 |
| [17:44] | – Yeah! – Yeah! | -棒 -棒 |
| [17:45] | Yeah! You guys are good! | 你们真棒 |
| [17:48] | I love High School Musical. | 我喜欢《歌舞青春》 |
| [17:49] | You guys remember High School Musical? | 你们记得《歌舞青春》吗 |
| [17:52] | That was the best. | 最好看的电影 |
| [17:53] | That ruined regular basketball for me. | 它让我再难喜欢常规篮球 |
| [17:57] | I would go to a regular basketball game, | 我去看常规篮球赛时 |
| [17:59] | I’d be like, “Why aren’t you dancing?” | 会大喊”你们为什么不跳舞” |
| [18:02] | Don’t just pass! | 别只传球 |
| [18:04] | Flail! | 狂挥乱舞 |
| [18:06] | What about Harry Potter? Harry Potter, that was the best! | 《哈利·波特》呢 《哈利·波特》最棒 |
| [18:10] | I love Harry Potter! | 我超爱《哈利·波特》 |
| [18:11] | Harold M. Potter. | 哈罗德·M·波特 |
| [18:13] | But I think the most magical thing about all of Harry Potter | 不过我认为《哈利·波特》最神奇的地方在于 |
| [18:16] | is that it made us love books. | 它让我们爱上了书 |
| [18:18] | How did they do that? | 这是怎么办到的 |
| [18:21] | Books? | 书 |
| [18:22] | Is there anything worse than books? | 还有比书更糟糕的东西吗 |
| [18:25] | And suddenly, they’re like, “Oh, it’s about a magical nerd.” | 可突然来一句”这书写的是一个神奇的呆子” |
| [18:27] | We’re like, “Give me that book!” | 我们就会吼”快把书给我” |
| [18:29] | How many pages? A thousand? | 有多少页 一千吗 |
| [18:32] | Not enough book! | 不够看 |
| [18:35] | Who here has a car? Anybody have a car? | 在座的谁有车 有人有车吗 |
| [18:37] | Anybody have a car? Are you out there driving? | 谁有车吗 出去开车 |
| [18:39] | Out there driving? Put it in drive. Put it in D. | 出去开车 开着车 漂移 |
| [18:41] | Put it in D, baby! | 漂移 宝贝 |
| [18:44] | I love getting gas in my car. You ever treat yourself? | 我喜欢给车加油 你们享受过这种乐趣吗 |
| [18:47] | You ever treat yourself and get full service? | 有没有享受过全套服务 |
| [18:52] | Full service! You don’t have to do anything! | 全套服务 你什么也不用做 |
| [18:55] | I like to put my hands behind my head. | 我喜欢手放在头后面 |
| [18:59] | Gas it up. | 加满油 |
| [19:02] | In the road trip of life, don’t go with a half tank, | 在生活的旅途中 别只加半桶油 |
| [19:04] | go with a gas it up! Go with a gas it up! | 要加满油 要加满油 |
| [19:09] | What would happen if Arnold Schwarzenegger | 如果施瓦辛格背后痒痒 |
| [19:10] | had an itch on his back he couldn’t reach? | 却挠不到怎么办 |
| [19:12] | He’s just, like… | 他就像这样 |
| [19:19] | “Bring me the terminator hand that I might reach it!” | “把终结者手臂给我 我就能抓到了” |
| [19:22] | When he finally reaches it, “Oh, yeah.” | 等他终于够着了 “爽” |
| [19:25] | Oh my fucking God. | 我的天啊 |
| [19:26] | And he drives home in his Hummer, goes and gets full service, | 然后开着悍马回家 要求全套服务 |
| [19:29] | “Gas it up!” | “加满油” |
| [19:31] | Gas it up! NACA, thank you so much! | 加满油 校园活动协会 非常感谢 |
| [19:35] | Thank you! | 谢谢 |
| [19:37] | Thank you so much! Come see me in Booth five-five-zero. | 非常感谢 请来550号找我 |
| [19:40] | Gas it up! Gas it up! | 加满油 加满油 |
| [19:50] | Thank you ladies. I’m so glad you enjoyed the show. | 谢谢你们 很高兴你们喜欢我的演出 |
| [19:52] | – Thank you! – It was great. Thank you. | -谢谢 -演出很棒 谢谢 |
| [19:53] | Yes, gas… it… up! | 加…满…油 |
| [19:56] | Gas it up! | 加满油 |
| [19:58] | You got six so far and I’m working on more. | 你目前有六个预约 我在争取更多 |
| [20:00] | Six? Yes! | 六个 太棒了 |
| [20:02] | That’s– Six times 1,100 is like… that’s almost seven grand! | 6乘1100 差不多七千了 |
| [20:07] | Yeah, minus, uh, hotel, travel, and my 20 percent, | 是的 减去住宿 交通 我的两成 |
| [20:10] | that’s not bad for a year’s work. | 一年收入还算不错了 |
| [20:11] | You’re my new show pony. | 你是我新的表演小马驹 |
| [20:13] | I’ve been paying attention to the wrong horse. | 我一直押错马了 |
| [20:15] | I should’ve been sneaking into your stable. | 我应该偷偷潜入你的马厩 |
| [20:19] | You’re the “Gas it up” guy. | 你是”加满油”哥 |
| [20:20] | – You got this. – Yes, yes, yes. | -你可以的 -是的是的 |
| [20:21] | Where do you guys go to school? | 你们在哪里上学 |
| [20:30] | I just wanted to say, you were my favorite. | 我只想说 我最喜欢你的节目 |
| [20:36] | Thank you. That’s really nice. | 谢谢 太好了 |
| [20:37] | – What’s your name? – Nadine. | -你叫什么名字 -娜丁 |
| [20:39] | Hi, Nadine, nice to meet you. | 娜丁 很高兴认识你 |
| [20:41] | What school do you go to? | 你上哪个学校 |
| [20:42] | Earlham. Uh, you’ve probably never heard of it. | 厄勒姆学院 你可能没听说过 |
| [20:46] | I– I go there, and I haven’t heard of it. | 我去那里上学 也没听说过 |
| [20:49] | That’s really funny. | 很有趣 |
| [20:50] | – Really? – Yeah. Do you do comedy? | -真的吗 -当然 你做喜剧秀吗 |
| [20:52] | I would, but I think I’m more, like, situational funny, | 我愿意 不过我觉得自己是情境所致的有趣 |
| [20:55] | and than, like, writing funny. | 而不是能写出有趣的东西 |
| [20:59] | But you were so good. | 但你真的太棒了 |
| [21:01] | Thank you. Like, that one bit you had about dating a mime, | 谢谢 比如你说的那段跟小丑约会 |
| [21:05] | I was like, oh my God. | 我真是 天啊 |
| [21:09] | I don’t– i don’t have a bit about dating a mime. | 我没说跟小丑约会的段子 |
| [21:13] | Shit, I’m… I just– I saw so many comedians today. | 糟糕 我今天看了太多喜剧演员了 |
| [21:17] | Sure. | 好吧 |
| [21:18] | It’s– You just guys all kind of just blurred together. You know? | 你们的样子都混到一起了 |
| [21:21] | Yeah. | 嗯 |
| [21:24] | – Uh, sorry. – It’s okay. | -抱歉 -没事 |
| [21:27] | – Okay. – Okay. | -那好 -好的 |
| [21:57] | Where’d you go? I– I was looking for you. | 你去哪了 我一直在找你 |
| [22:00] | Everybody’s down there. | 大家都在下面 |
| [22:02] | Came here. | 来这 |
| [22:04] | Didn’t book any colleges, | 我没订到大学 |
| [22:05] | so I’m just, you know… eating my feelings. | 所以在这借吃消愁 |
| [22:12] | Turkey club? | 火鸡三明治 |
| [22:15] | They do avocado or…? | 他们加鳄梨还是 |
| [22:17] | I don’t think they have that in Philadelphia. | 费城应该没这个 |
| [22:22] | I booked six. | 我约了六场 |
| [22:24] | On the marketplace floor, and then I actually booked another one | 在市集那里 然后又在搅拌机那里社交 |
| [22:27] | just networking at the mixer. | 又约到了一所 |
| [22:30] | Don’t say networking. | 别说社交 |
| [22:32] | I’m sorry. What… What’s going on? | 抱歉 到底怎么回事 |
| [22:35] | Are you– What’s happening? | 你 怎么了 |
| [22:38] | You deserve it, Pete. You did everything they wanted, you know? | 这是你应得的 皮特 他们要的你都做了 |
| [22:42] | You were out there gassing it up. | 你在那一直说着”加满油” |
| [22:44] | Are you upset? At me? | 你生我气了 |
| [22:47] | I… I just did what I thought we came here to do. | 我就是来这完成任务的嘛 |
| [22:51] | We’re here to book shows. We’re here to make some money. | 我们来这约演出的 要挣钱嘛 |
| [22:55] | – It’s not about the money. – I didn’t– | -这跟钱没关系 -我没 |
| [22:56] | It’s about the craft, and this whole place is a circus. | 而是技艺 这里就是个马戏团 |
| [22:59] | – Yeah, I– I– – You really think Chris Rock would stand out there | -嗯 我 -你真的以为克里斯·洛克会站那 |
| [23:02] | and wait for some teenager to validate his existence | 等着某个年轻人用珍贵的预订 |
| [23:05] | with a precious booking? | 来证明自己吗 |
| [23:07] | Chris Rock doesn’t work at a Cold Stone Creamery, right? | 克里斯·洛克不在酷圣石冰淇淋上班对吧 |
| [23:10] | I mean, we take the opportunities as they come. | 我们要抓住机会 |
| [23:13] | We can’t pick and choose. | 咱们没有挑三拣四的资本 |
| [23:15] | I really… I’m sorry you didn’t book. | 我真的 你没约成真是太可惜了 |
| [23:18] | But, you know… | 但你知道 |
| [23:20] | it’s not– you didn’t exactly play ball. | 你也不怎么配合 |
| [23:23] | Excuse me? | 什么 |
| [23:24] | You’re up there swearing, and you told rape jokes. | 你在那乱爆粗口 还说强奸的段子 |
| [23:29] | I was doing my act! | 我在表演 |
| [23:31] | – No, I know… – And it was an anti-rape joke, | -我知道 -那是反强奸的段子 |
| [23:33] | if you were even listening. | 你根本就没听 |
| [23:35] | Yeah, see? ‘Cause, what I do is, | 瞧 我想做的是 |
| [23:36] | I use that opportunity to make young people feel less alone, | 用这个机会让年轻人觉得自己没那么孤单 |
| [23:40] | as opposed to what you did, | 跟你正好相反 |
| [23:41] | which was, um, take a shit on the stage. | 你就会在那扯淡 |
| [23:45] | How can you say that? We’re not here to change lives. | 你怎么能这么说 我们来这不是改变人生的 |
| [23:48] | We’re here to change our lives. | 我们是改善自己的生活的 |
| [23:50] | They just said, don’t say “Rape,” and you open with rape. | 他们说了别说”强奸”的段子 你还上来就说 |
| [23:53] | I don’t care what they said. | 我才不管他们怎么说 |
| [23:54] | I know what kind of stand-up I should do! | 我知道自己表演什么 |
| [23:57] | I don’t need someone else dictating my act! | 不用别人来告诉我说什么 |
| [23:59] | Read the situation. This wasn’t the time to take a stand | 看清现状啊 现在不是站出来 |
| [24:02] | and try and change lives. We’re trying to get work. | 改变人生的时候 我们需要工作 |
| [24:04] | Do you know what it was like for me to watch | 你知道我看着自己的男朋友 |
| [24:06] | my boyfriend up there sucking NACA’s dick? | 跪舔校园活动协会是什么感觉吗 |
| [24:09] | We’re supposed to suck NACA’s dick, that’s why we came here! | 我们就是来跪舔校园活动协会的 |
| [24:12] | You came here to suck NACA’s dick, suck NACA’s dick! | 我们的目的就是跪舔校园活动协会 那就干呗 |
| [24:15] | Honestly, honetstly you’re disgusting. | 说真的 你太恶心了 |
| [24:18] | I don’t need advice from you on how to book, Pete, okay? | 我不需要你来教我怎么约演出 好吗 皮特 |
| [24:21] | Well, I’m sorry. If you’re so above this, why did you come, | 不好意思 如果你真的够厉害 既然都来了 |
| [24:24] | if you don’t wanna gas it up a little bit? | 为什么不拼尽全力去表演呢 |
| [24:26] | I came here to book. | 我来这约演出的 |
| [24:27] | I came here to try to turn this into a career. | 我来这想找份稳定工作 |
| [24:29] | I don’t wanna be a fucking open miker! | 我不想当开场的 |
| [24:31] | Do you? | 你想吗 |
| [24:33] | Yes! That’s my dream! | 想啊 这是我的梦想呢 |
| [24:35] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [24:38] | I don’t– Can we… Can we back this up a little bit? | 我不 我们别吵了好吗 |
| [24:41] | I’m… I’m sorry. | 对不起 |
| [24:44] | Okay? I really am. | 好吗 真的 |
| [24:44] | I’m sorry that it didn’t go your way. I thought it would. | 很抱歉这事没有如你所愿 我以为会一切顺利的 |
| [24:48] | I thought you were great. Okay? | 我觉得你特别棒 好吗 |
| [24:50] | But, you know, I booked. | 但我约到了 |
| [24:54] | That’s… That’s some– That’s good for us. | 这还挺 对咱俩都是机会 |
| [24:57] | Listen. | 听着 |
| [24:58] | I’m probably gonna need somebody to open for me, | 我需要有人帮我开场 |
| [25:03] | if you want to– | 你愿意的话 |
| [25:05] | Someone to open for you? | 帮你开场 |
| [25:06] | – Something we can– – Fuck you! | -我们可以 -去你妈的 |
| [25:09] | – Come on, I– – Throw yourself on a fucking fire, Pete. | -拜托 我 -去死吧你 皮特 |
| [25:18] | Fuck. | 靠 |
| [25:21] | Hey, we leave in five. | 五分钟后走 |
| [25:23] | Also, can you call downstairs | 你给前台打个电话 |
| [25:24] | and tell ’em we never got any robes? | 说我们没有浴袍 |
| [25:27] | What are you… you stealing robes? | 你在干吗 偷浴袍 |
| [25:30] | Yeah, I take a lot of baths. | 是的 我经常冲澡 |
| [25:47] | We’re gonna get going soon. | 我们马上就要走了 |
| [25:50] | You okay? | 你没事吧 |
| [25:56] | Yeah, I guess, I’m fine. | 嗯 我没事 |
| [26:00] | You know, the first time I did a NACA, I bombed really hard. | 我第一次在校园活动协会演出时 演砸了 |
| [26:04] | All right. | 得了吧 |
| [26:05] | No, I’m serious. Like, I was standing in the booth, | 我说真的 我在展位上 |
| [26:08] | and there was a juggler near me and a hypnotist, | 旁边有个杂耍和催眠师 |
| [26:10] | and they’re just showing off, | 他们在那显摆 |
| [26:12] | and I was like, well, I just talk, you know? | 我就只能一直说说说 |
| [26:15] | Well, you know, things worked out for you, so… | 但你成功了呀 |
| [26:20] | You don’t wanna be good at this thing, though. | 但擅长这个没好处的 |
| [26:23] | You’re not a can of Coke. | 你不是一罐可乐 |
| [26:25] | You have a different path. | 你有另一条路走 |
| [26:28] | There’s certain comics that know this world | 有的喜剧演员了解这个世界 |
| [26:31] | and… but then sometimes, they’re stuck in it. | 但有时候他们也会陷进去 |
| [26:36] | And that’s kind of creepy. | 还挺可怕的 |
| [26:42] | – What happened to your voice? – What do you mean? | -你声音怎么了 -什么意思 |
| [26:45] | I mean, you always sound like kermit the Frog | 你不一直像是青蛙柯密特 |
| [26:47] | just got kicked in the nuts. | 被踢到蛋了吗 |
| [26:50] | – I guess so. – Right now, you just sound like a human. | -是吧 -现在就是正常人的声音了 |
| [26:54] | What’s up with that? | 怎么搞的 |
| [26:56] | What’s up with that? | 怎么搞的 |
| [26:59] | Are you doing me? | 你在学我吗 |
| [27:01] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [27:03] | That’s, like, such a compliment. | 感觉被人夸奖了 |
| [27:05] | You’re easy. | 学你很简单 |
| [27:09] | Just like someone stepped on a cat. | 就像有人踩到猫了一样 |
| [27:13] | It’s okay. I’m an acquired taste. | 没事 慢慢就喜欢上了 |
| [27:16] | That’s pretty good. | 挺好的 |
| [27:27] | “All right, all right, all right. | 好了 好了 |
| [27:29] | – All right.” – Is that McConaughey? | -好了 -这是麦康纳 |
| [27:32] | – Yeah. – That’s good. | -是的 -挺好的 |
| [27:36] | All right, I’m Matthew McConaughey. | 好了 我是马修·麦康纳 |
| [27:39] | “I’m Matthew McConaughey. Gotta find my surfboard.” | 我是马修·麦康纳 我得去找我的冲浪板 |
| [27:43] | Pete, you got Holy Cross. | 皮特 你约到圣十字学院了 |
| [27:45] | – I did? – Congrats. | -是吗 -恭喜 |
| [27:47] | Congrats. | 恭喜 |
| [27:49] | – Thanks. – That’s awesome. Congrats. | -谢谢 -太棒了 恭喜 |
| [27:53] | Thanks. | 谢谢 |
| [27:56] | Let’s, uh, we can… We’ll catch up,we’ll catch up later. | 我们回头再说 |
| [28:00] | All right. | 好 |
| [28:02] | “The law says you cannot touch…” | 法律说你不可触碰 |
| [28:05] | “…but I think I see a lot of lawbreakers out there. | 但我看到很多犯法者 |
| [28:13] | I’m starting a buyer’s club in Dallas.” | 我在达拉斯开了个买家俱乐部 |
| [28:16] | – Good news? – Yeah, you know… | -好消息 -嗯 |
| [28:23] | It was a good, yeah. | 是的 |
| [28:25] | – That’s good. – “I’m a true detective…” | -挺好的 -我是真正的侦探 |
| [28:27] | – Yeah. – That’s awesome. | -嗯 -真棒 |
| [28:31] | Thanks. | 谢谢 |
| [28:32] | “All right, all right, all right. | 好了 好了 |
| [28:38] | “I gotta get through this wormhole | 我得通过这个虫洞 |
| [28:41] | “To meet my daughter and send her a message through books.” | 去见我女儿 用书给她传递个消息 |
| [28:45] | “Message, I need to send her a message through books.” | 消息 我要用书给她传递个消息 |
| [28:50] | “I drive a Lincoln.” | 我开林肯 |
| [28:56] | – “I love a Lincoln.” – “Dallas Buyers.” | -我超爱林肯 -达拉斯买家 |
| [28:59] | “People ’round here call me Mud.” | 大家都叫我污泥 |