| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | If you get food from a food truck | 如果你在快餐车买到了 |
| [00:05] | that isn’t good, you go up to complain it, | 不好吃的食物 而你想上前抱怨 |
| [00:07] | they’re, like, three blocks away. | 餐车却在三条街以外 |
| [00:08] | Your jokes are funnier now that they’re not my problem. | 自从这些笑话变得不关我事后搞笑多了 |
| [00:12] | My boyfriend and I, we just took our relationship | 我和我男朋友的关系 |
| [00:14] | to the next level… | 刚进入了下个阶段 |
| [00:15] | We broke up. | 我们分手了 |
| [00:17] | That was great. Did you get your tape? | 刚刚真棒 你视频录好没 |
| [00:18] | Oh, uh… no. I hate this place. It’s like a haunted ski lodge. | 我讨厌这里 这里就像闹鬼的滑雪小屋 |
| [00:21] | I think you should take me home. | 我认为你该带我回家 |
| [00:26] | Definitely, you know, take a minute or two | 是啊 花几分钟 |
| [00:28] | to get your stuff together. | 收拾下你的东西 |
| [00:33] | Do you understand how creepy it is | 你知道你还在我家待着 |
| [00:34] | that you’re still in my space? | 有多恐怖吗 |
| [00:36] | What was it about him? | 他是什么原因 |
| [00:37] | He’s just got this, like, star quality. | 他就是有明星气质 |
| [00:39] | Some people are just born with it. | 一些人就是与生俱来的 |
| [00:40] | Or maybe they get it later. | 也许能后天培养呢 |
| [00:41] | I don’t know. I don’t think so. | 我不觉得 我不认为是这样 |
| [00:50] | Great live comedy show? | 超棒的现场喜剧秀 |
| [00:54] | Great live comedy? | 超棒的现场喜剧 |
| [00:59] | Great live comedy. | 超棒现场喜剧 |
| [01:10] | Great live show. | 超棒现场喜剧 |
| [01:14] | Great live show. | 超棒现场喜剧 |
| [01:29] | Appreciate it. Appreciate it. You got a napkin? | 谢谢你 你有餐巾纸吗 |
| [01:31] | – Yeah, of course. – You got a lot of napkins. | -当然 -你拿了好多餐巾纸 |
| [01:33] | I’m a napkin guy. | 我是个纸巾男 |
| [01:36] | – Here you go. – Oh, thank you. | -给你 -谢谢 |
| [01:38] | Hey. Lucas Brothers. | 卢卡斯兄弟 |
| [01:40] | – What up? – I’m– I’m a really big fan. | -你好 -我是你的粉丝 |
| [01:42] | It’s really nice– I’m a fan of both of you guys. | 真棒 我是你们两个人的粉丝 |
| [01:45] | Well, it would be kind of weird if you were a just fan of… | 如果你只是我们其中一人的粉丝 |
| [01:48] | – one of us. – Yeah, we haven’t released any solo records yet. | -就怪了 -我们又没发过个人唱片 |
| [01:51] | But thanks, man. | 但谢了 兄弟 |
| [01:52] | I’m a comic. Well, I’m trying to be. | 我是个喜剧演员 好吧 我正在努力 |
| [01:54] | – All right. – They got me actually– I’m handing out flyers | -好的 -他们让我在外面发传单 |
| [01:57] | for the comedy club the Boston. | 宣传波士顿喜剧俱乐部 |
| [01:59] | I mean, if you guys wanna go up, | 要是你们愿意 |
| [02:00] | the show’s working right now if you wanna pop on. | 现在就有机会上台演出 |
| [02:04] | You wanna go to the Boston? | 你想去波士顿俱乐部吗 |
| [02:05] | – No. No, no, no. – No. | -不 不 -不 |
| [02:06] | No. I– I don’t understand. | 我不明白 |
| [02:08] | – It… why? – Here’s the thing, man. | -为什么 -听我说 老兄 |
| [02:11] | We don’t really perform in places like that. | 我们不在这样的地方演出 |
| [02:13] | Places like… what? | 怎样的地方 |
| [02:15] | Comedy clubs? | 喜剧俱乐部吗 |
| [02:16] | – Dude, we don’t do clubs. – No. No, we’re alt-guys. | -我们不做俱乐部演出 -我们是另类喜剧人 |
| [02:19] | You know what I mean? We’re alternative comics. | 你懂吗 我们是非传统喜剧演员 |
| [02:21] | – Alternative clubs. – Yes. | -另类俱乐部 -是的 |
| [02:24] | I– Everybody’s told me that you gotta get in at the clubs, | 每个人都告诉我必须得进入俱乐部 |
| [02:27] | gotta get your foot in and– it’s rough, but you grind out, | 必须有一席之地 这很困难但是你努力了 |
| [02:29] | you get a little bit better every day, right? I mean– | 你每天都有所进步 对吧 |
| [02:32] | I guess, but there’s some crowds you don’t wanna kill for, | 也许吧 但有些观众你并不想为之付出 |
| [02:35] | and if you stay in clubs like that, | 如果你一直在那样的俱乐部里 |
| [02:37] | you might become a comic like that. | 你可能会变成那样的喜剧演员 |
| [02:39] | I mean, I kinda feel like there are comedians | 我觉得有些喜剧演员 |
| [02:41] | who called people “Fag” in high school… | 是在高中骂别人”基佬”的人 |
| [02:44] | …then there are comedians who got called “Fag.” | 然后有些喜剧演员被别人叫”基佬” |
| [02:46] | – That’s right. That’s right. – And the alt-scene | -是啊 -而另类喜剧秀就是 |
| [02:48] | is for the comedians who got called “Fag.” | 这些被叫”基佬”的喜剧演员的机会 |
| [02:50] | Did you? | 你有过吗 |
| [02:52] | Get called “Fa–” Yeah. | 被叫作”基佬”吗 有的 |
| [02:54] | Yeah. See? | 懂了吧 |
| [02:56] | – On the way here, actually. – Of course. | -就在来这的路上 -是啊 |
| [02:57] | – There you go. – Say no more. | -就是这样 -不用多说 |
| [02:59] | – We got to– we got to go. – We got a bit, man. | -我们得走了 -我们有个小演出 兄弟 |
| [03:01] | Okay. Good luck, man. | 好的 祝你们好运 |
| [03:03] | I– Really, thank you. | 真的谢谢你们 |
| [03:09] | – Hey, Jay. – What’s up, buddy? | -杰 -怎么了 兄弟 |
| [03:12] | Um, I was wondering if it’s okay, uh, | 我在想明天晚上 |
| [03:15] | I thought maybe tomorrow night you’d be okay without me. | 没有我你能忙活过来吗 |
| [03:19] | – Without you? – Yeah, I just– I– | -没有你 -是的 我… |
| [03:21] | You mean take the night off? | 你是说你要请假一晚吗 |
| [03:22] | I wanna take the night off if that’s okay. | 如果可以的话我想明晚请假 |
| [03:24] | Off? Yeah, of course. | 请假 当然可以了 |
| [03:25] | Why not take tomorrow night off? Sure, of course. | 明晚请假有何不可 当然可以 |
| [03:28] | Since we work at Jamba Juice, just have Becky cover your shift. | 我们这是坚宝果汁店嘛 让贝基替你的班 |
| [03:31] | Pete, this is comedy. You gotta get up every night, man. | 皮特 这是喜剧 你必须每晚都上台 |
| [03:35] | No, I’m gonna go to a comedy show. | 不 我会参加喜剧秀 |
| [03:37] | I’m gonna go. It’s just– I’m not– I don’t wanna come here. | 我会去的 只是…不想来这里 |
| [03:41] | I– I wanna go to the alt-scene. | 我想去另类喜剧秀 |
| [03:43] | – Oh, the alt-scene. – Yeah. | -另类喜剧秀啊 -没错 |
| [03:45] | Oh good. Okay. All right. Well, yeah, no, sure. | 好的 行行 可以 不 当然了 |
| [03:47] | I mean, if you wanna go watch a pack of nerds | 如果你想去看一堆呆子 |
| [03:48] | lightly tickle the audience with a feather, suit yourself. | 用羽毛轻骚观众 随便你 |
| [03:51] | Sorry, I… I just want to do something– | 抱歉 我只是想做一些… |
| [03:55] | – Have you been to an alt-show? – Have I been? | -你去过另类喜剧秀吗 -我去过吗 |
| [03:57] | I’ve been to a Chinese restaurant | 我曾去过一家中国餐厅 |
| [03:59] | where a show broke out that was alternative to funny, | 那里表演还真不算是搞笑 |
| [04:01] | just five guys in glasses in flannels | 就是五个戴眼镜穿法兰绒的人 |
| [04:03] | talking about their journaling. | 大谈特谈他们的日志 |
| [04:05] | Have I witnessed that brand of comedy terrorism? | 我见识过喜剧恐怖主义的耻辱烙印吗 |
| [04:06] | Yeah, I’ve seen that. | 没错 我见过 |
| [04:08] | No thanks. | 不了 谢谢 |
| [04:09] | I don’t need to see five brats from Williamsburg | 我不需要再看到五个威廉斯堡来的熊孩子 |
| [04:11] | shitting on whatever the hell their parents handed them. | 拿着他们父母给的东西没完没了地吹 |
| [04:15] | Okay, I’m just letting you know, tomorrow night… | 好吧 我只是告诉你一声 明晚… |
| [04:17] | – Yeah. – someone else can take my corner. | -好 -可以找别人替我的位置 |
| [04:20] | Sure. Absolutely. I’d happily fill your slot. | 好的 没问题 我很乐意填你的缺 |
| [04:22] | It’ll be waiting for you when you come back in the year 2090 | 等你2090年回来 对他们提及莫里西 |
| [04:26] | after you’re done fake-laughing at Morrissey references | 以及从纸袋里吸蓝带啤酒假笑完之后 |
| [04:29] | and sipping Pabst Blue Ribbon out of a paper bag, | 你的位置还会在这里等你 |
| [04:32] | you fucking wuss! | 你个死娘炮 |
| [04:38] | Do you wanna come? It sounds like you wanna come. | 你想一起去吗 听起来你也想去啊 |
| [04:55] | Uh, I found out– I turned 30, | 我发现… 我满30岁后 |
| [04:57] | I realized, you know, everything’s pretty easy. | 突然意识到 一切都相当容易 |
| [04:59] | There’s no– there’s no gray areas. | 没有灰色地带 |
| [05:00] | It’s all pretty black and white. | 全是黑白分明 |
| [05:03] | Anyways, so… | 总之… |
| [05:05] | if you need any advice, just let me know. | 如果你们需要建议 问我就行 |
| [05:07] | Like, for example, I got into the elevator the other day, | 比如 有天我进了电梯 |
| [05:10] | I was alone, and so I farted, which is legal, you know? | 就我一个人 我就放屁了 这是合法的吧 |
| [05:16] | But I– I got out at the lobby, | 可是等我走出电梯进大堂了 |
| [05:18] | and then someone I knew came into that same elevator car. | 有个我认识的人进了那个电梯 |
| [05:21] | Now, that’s a tricky situation, ’cause the doors are closing, | 当时情况棘手 因为电梯门要关了 |
| [05:24] | buttons are being pushed. I mean, what can you do? | 他已经按了电梯 我能怎么办 |
| [05:26] | You know, and so then– so what can you do? | 所以… 我能怎么办 |
| [05:30] | You send an email, you know? | 给那人发一封邮件 知道吗 |
| [05:33] | Subject to “I’m sorry.” | 主题”对不起” |
| [05:35] | “Buddy, it was me.” | “哥们 是我干的” |
| [05:38] | “My body– my body did that.” | “是我的身体 我的身体干的” |
| [05:41] | So anyway, guys, I think this was really helpful for you, | 总之 我想这对各位都很有用 |
| [05:46] | and thank you guys so much. | 非常感谢你们 |
| [05:48] | Keep it going for Lizzy, everybody. | 掌声欢迎丽兹 各位 |
| [05:52] | Guys, keep it going for Jo! | 大伙 掌声继续送给乔 |
| [05:54] | She popped out her Invisalign for this! | 她为来此专门去掉了隐形牙套 |
| [05:58] | This is a nice, intimate room. | 这是一个美好亲密的房间 |
| [06:01] | Do you think Abraham Lincoln liked the play he was watching, | 你们觉得林肯总统喜欢他看的演出吗 |
| [06:03] | or was he like, “Somebody put me out of my misery?” | 还是他会想”快来人结束我的痛苦” |
| [06:08] | Uh, I have to say out of all the addresses, | 我必须说在所有地址[演讲 称呼]中 |
| [06:11] | my favorite address is Gettysburg | 我最喜欢的是葛底斯堡[演讲] |
| [06:14] | and my least favorite address is, “Hey, bitches.” | 我最不喜欢的是”婊子们” |
| [06:18] | Don’t address me that way! | 别那么叫我 |
| [06:21] | I thought we were friends. | 我们不是朋友吗 |
| [06:25] | All right, are we ready for our next act? | 好了 准备好看下一场了吗 |
| [06:28] | I am so excited. | 我太高兴了 |
| [06:30] | Please welcome to the stage the hilarious Ali Reissen! | 有请幽默诙谐的爱丽·瑞森登台 |
| [06:39] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [06:40] | Lizzy Cooperman, there she is. | 丽兹·库伯曼 掌声送给她 |
| [06:43] | Best topknot in Brooklyn. | 布鲁克林最佳丸子头 |
| [06:46] | Fun fact about Lizzy: she studied piano at Juilliard. | 好笑的是 丽兹在茱莉亚音乐学院学的钢琴 |
| [06:50] | She was taught by Cookie Monster. | 老师是甜饼怪 |
| [06:53] | Do you guys like impressions? | 你们喜欢模仿秀吗 |
| [06:56] | Okay, cool. | 那好 |
| [06:57] | So, okay, here’s my first one. | 我先来模仿第一个 |
| [06:59] | This is my impression of a pretentious orphan. | 我要模仿一个自命不凡的孤儿 |
| [07:03] | Okay, this is a pretentious orphan. | 一起来看这个自命不凡的孤儿 |
| [07:07] | Do you know who my father is? | 你们知道我爸是谁吗 |
| [07:12] | Okay, this is my impression of Meryl Streep… | 接下来我要模仿梅丽·史翠普 |
| [07:16] | – Sorry. – trying to take a compliment. | -借过 -试图接受别人的称赞 |
| [07:23] | Are you okay? | 你没事吧 |
| [07:25] | You seem a little… | 你看起来有点… |
| [07:30] | Hey, Ali. | 爱丽 |
| [07:33] | Pete. | 皮特 |
| [07:35] | Yeah. Hang on one sec. | 稍等 |
| [07:36] | Pete from the other night. | 那天晚上的皮特 |
| [07:40] | – Great set. – Thank you. | -段子不错 -谢谢 |
| [07:41] | – Killer. – Thank you. | -秒杀全场 -谢谢 |
| [07:43] | Really. I haven’t– | 真的 我还没 |
| [07:45] | – You owned the room. – Oh, thank you. | -你掌控了全场 -谢谢 |
| [07:48] | – Really funny. – Thanks. | -非常好笑 -谢谢 |
| [07:50] | – Still trying to… make a tape? – Yes. Yeah. | -还是想做一段录像 -是的 |
| [07:54] | Yeah, you know. | 你知道的 |
| [07:55] | – It can be hard. – I just– I feel like I’m a lot more natural | -不容易 -我觉得不录自己的时候 |
| [07:59] | when I’m not taping myself. | 更自然一些 |
| [08:00] | – Curse of the tape. – Yeah. | -录像魔咒 -是的 |
| [08:05] | – Sorry about the other, uh, other day. – Yes! | -那天非常抱歉 -嗯 |
| [08:08] | Really glad you said something. | 你能提起来真是太好了 |
| [08:10] | Yeah. If it’s any consultation– | 要是算得上”尉”藉的话 |
| [08:13] | – “Lation.” – Consolation. | -“慰” -慰藉 |
| [08:16] | Yeah. “Consultation” is for… | 对 那个词是去美发时 |
| [08:18] | – hair. – Yeah, yeah, if I could give you a brief consultation… | -用的 -我想简单向你表示慰藉 |
| [08:21] | – Please don’t. – Uh, I’m new at all this. | -别这样 -这方面我没经验 |
| [08:24] | I-I– I know it might have | 我知道看上去可能 |
| [08:25] | seemed a little creepier than I intended it. | 比我的本意要猥琐一些 |
| [08:28] | – Yeah. – I– so, I… | -确实 -所以 我 |
| [08:31] | – Are sorry. You’re sorry. – I– I are sorry. | -很抱歉 你很抱歉 -我很抱歉 |
| [08:34] | – You are sorry. – Toys “R” Us. I are sorry. | -你很抱歉 -我很抱歉 |
| [08:38] | Okay. Yeah. I’m also sorry. I– We both could’ve | 我也很抱歉 我们在那种情况下 |
| [08:42] | been our better selves in that situation, so I’m sorry, too. | 本来可以更体面的 我也很抱歉 |
| [08:47] | I’m also sorry ’cause I truly do have to run right now. | 还要抱歉的是 我现在真的有事要走了 |
| [08:49] | I have a show. | 我有个演出 |
| [08:52] | – No problem. It was good– I– – Okay. Yeah. | -没关系 很好 -那好 |
| [08:57] | – Have– – Unless… Do you wanna come with me to my show? | -那… -要不 你想跟我一起去吗 |
| [09:01] | – Now? – Yeah. | -现在吗 -对 |
| [09:03] | – Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. – To my show? | -当然愿意 -去看我演出 |
| [09:05] | All right. I would love to come, love to see another show. | 我愿意 愿意再看一场 |
| [09:08] | Okay, guys, I gotta go. | 朋友们 我要走了 |
| [09:09] | – Bye, great to see you. – Very funny. | -再见 见到你们真高兴 -非常逗 |
| [09:11] | – You were so funny. – Oh, thanks. | -特别搞笑 -谢谢 |
| [09:12] | I love your long shirt, that’s cool. | 我喜欢你的长衫 特别酷 |
| [09:15] | – Thanks. – Okay, yeah, don’t talk to them. | -谢谢 -行了 别跟他们聊了 |
| [09:25] | I feel– I feel like if an elf… | 我觉得要是有个小精灵 |
| [09:29] | If an elf trips at the North Pole, | 要是有个小精灵在北极摔倒了 |
| [09:32] | they give him a candy cane. | 他们给他一个拐杖糖 |
| [09:36] | – It’s sad but sweet. – Sad– Yeah, ’cause he’s a little disabled. | -有点丧但很暖 -丧 因为他有点残疾 |
| [09:39] | It’s the only candy based on medical equipment. | 那是唯一一种以医疗器械为原型的糖果 |
| [09:41] | Yeah, right? That’s like, um… | 确实 有点 |
| [09:45] | That’s like a dad joke. | 这像是老一辈讲的笑话 |
| [09:48] | – I like Dad jokes. – No, I– That does not surprise me. | -我喜欢这种笑话 -我一点都不意外 |
| [09:51] | That’s completely your vibe. You’re kind of like a… | 你就是那种类型的 你有点 |
| [09:55] | You’re kind of like a dorky dad at a barbecue. | 你有点像在烧烤聚会的土老爹 |
| [09:58] | That’s kind of your essence. | 那是你的本质 |
| [09:59] | Like a Tom Arnold character in the ’90s. | 就像九十年代的汤姆·阿诺德 |
| [10:01] | Yeah. Yes! | 对 就是 |
| [10:05] | To be honest, of all the things I could be, | 说实话 在所有我能胜任的角色里 |
| [10:08] | I don’t mind being a fun… like, a fun dad. | 我不介意做一个搞笑老爸 |
| [10:11] | – Can I have that? – Yeah. | -能把这段子给我吗 -能 |
| [10:14] | – I may? – Yeah. My gift to you. | -真的 -算是我给你的礼物 |
| [10:20] | Is this, um… Is this your last spot or you doing– | 这是你最后一场了吗 还是 |
| [10:24] | No, I have this one and then, um, two more after. | 不 这场之后还有两场 |
| [10:28] | – Two, really? – Yeah. | -两场 真的 -真的 |
| [10:31] | – In one night? – Yeah. | -一晚上 -对 |
| [10:35] | My record in one night is, uh, is one. | 我一晚上的最高纪录就是一场 |
| [10:39] | – Serious? – Yeah. | -真的吗 -真的 |
| [10:41] | I can’t even think– I don’t | 我连想都不敢想 |
| [10:42] | know four places in the same night to go up. | 我一晚上哪找四个地方都不知道 |
| [10:45] | That’s insane. Why do you live in the city? | 不可能 那你为什么住城里 |
| [10:47] | That’s the whole point of New York, | 这就是纽约的意义所在 |
| [10:48] | is you can, like, bounce around to different spots. | 就是你可以穿梭于不同的场子 |
| [10:50] | How long have you been doing comedy? | 你干喜剧这行多长时间了 |
| [10:52] | Uh, well, short answer, three years, | 简而言之 三年 |
| [10:55] | but I’ve been more focused the past couple of months. | 但是也就这几个月比较专心发展 |
| [11:01] | My, uh, my wife, I was– | 我老婆 |
| [11:03] | – Your wife? – My ex-wife. Sorry. | -你老婆 -我前妻 抱歉 |
| [11:08] | All right. You’re not an adulteress. | 你不是小三 |
| [11:11] | Okay. Good. | 太好了 |
| [11:13] | – She is. – Oh no. | -她是 -不是吧 |
| [11:16] | Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | 是的 是的 |
| [11:20] | – It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine. – She, uh, she had an affair– | -没事 没事 -她…她出轨了 |
| [11:23] | there was a whole thing– and because I’m now single, | 说来话长了 因为我现在单身了 |
| [11:27] | for the first time in my life, I’m doing a lot more sets. | 人生中第一次单身 所以我现在做更多演出 |
| [11:30] | Totally. You channel the pain into performing. | 没错 你把痛苦化为了表演的动力 |
| [11:34] | – But I also– – I totally get that. | -但我也… -我完全能理解 |
| [11:36] | Is– Why did you get into stand? | 你为什么开始表演 |
| [11:39] | I don’t know. My parents, they work together, | 我不知道 我的父母一起工作 |
| [11:42] | and they both cheated on each other. Yeah. | 他们都背着对方出轨了 没错 |
| [11:45] | So, it was like this really weird household. | 所以我就是处在这样一种奇怪的家庭环境中 |
| [11:46] | Actually, I kind of tried to start talking about this on stage. | 我开始慢慢尝试着在舞台上把这些讲出来 |
| [11:49] | But my– so, my mom was cheating on my dad with this guy | 但我妈的出轨对象 |
| [11:53] | who had a really long, gross, gray ponytail, | 他留着又长又恶心的灰色马尾辫 |
| [11:57] | like a sex commune ponytail. | 性爱社团的人留的那种 |
| [11:58] | It was braided into a tip. You know what I mean? | 编成了尖尖的辫子 你能理解我的意思吗 |
| [12:00] | – Oh no. – He wore a lot of turquoise jewelry. | -不 -他戴了好多蓝绿色的珠宝 |
| [12:02] | It was really rough. And I didn’t know that that was happening, | 很粗犷 我不知道当时已经出轨了 |
| [12:06] | but I did notice that my | 但我注意到 |
| [12:07] | dad started to try to grow his own ponytail, | 我爸也开始试着留马尾辫 |
| [12:11] | but he couldn’t, his hair just doesn’t do that, | 但他失败了 他的头发就是留不起来 |
| [12:14] | so he had this little, like, broccoli floret. | 然后他就有了一头像西兰花一样的头发 |
| [12:18] | But he did it for your mom? | 他是为你妈才留头发的吗 |
| [12:21] | He did it to get my mom back. | 他是为了追回我妈妈 |
| [12:23] | Yeah, so that’ll fuck you up for good, | 这可够让你糟心一辈子的了 |
| [12:26] | and make you go into stand-up. | 让你开始说单口相声 |
| [12:30] | – Your parents are still together? – Unfortunately. | -你父母还在一起吗 -很不幸 |
| [12:33] | Yeah, really, they’re hanging on by a thread– | 还在一起 就好像被一根绳子拴住一样 |
| [12:35] | not even a– not even something as thick as a thread. | 拴住他们的东西甚至 甚至还不如绳子结实 |
| [12:37] | A ponytail. A thin, wiry ponytail. | 马尾辫 一条又细又结实的马尾辫 |
| [12:42] | That’s not a train laugh. I need to hold it in. | 这可不像训练过的笑 我要矜持点 |
| [12:46] | Let’s give a nice shout out to Kenny DeForest | 让我们来为肯尼·德福雷斯特呐喊庆祝一下 |
| [12:48] | – for quitting high school basketball. – Yeah. | -祝贺他以后不在高中打篮球了 -对 |
| [12:50] | Hey, also, keep it going for black Bart Simpson, everybody. | 大家把祝贺声也送给黑黑的巴特·辛普森吧 |
| [12:53] | I think this guy is really something special. | 我觉得他真的是一个特别的人 |
| [12:55] | Give it up for adult Bart Simpson. | 掌声有请长大了的巴特·辛普森 |
| [12:59] | Give it up for Lisa. | 掌声有请丽莎 |
| [13:01] | Oh shit. Ali brought this | 该死 爱丽把 |
| [13:03] | Paul Bunyan-looking motherfucker through. | 这个像保罗·班扬一样的混账东西救活了 |
| [13:05] | He just got cut by the Utah Jazz, man. | 他刚被犹他爵士队裁掉 |
| [13:07] | Hey, Jimmy Jones’ nephew, everybody, invented the chest pass. | 吉米·琼斯的侄子 发明胸前传球的 |
| [13:11] | America’s first center. | 美国第一中锋 |
| [13:14] | Do it like your daddy. | 跟你爸学学吧 |
| [13:15] | Is this even legal? I mean, it’s like a college party. | 这样合法吗 这像一个大学聚会 |
| [13:19] | I like how everyone in the crowd– | 我喜欢每个人在人群中的样子 |
| [13:21] | At my college, we didn’t have parties. | 在我的学校 我们没有聚会 |
| [13:23] | We had prayer parties. | 我们有祷告聚会 |
| [13:25] | Some times we’d– we’d swing dance. | 有时候我们会 我们会跳摇摆舞 |
| [13:28] | Fun excuse to touch a lady’s waist. | 这是一个摸女生腰的好机会 |
| [13:30] | I bet they’d put you up, actually. | 我打赌他们会让你上去表演 |
| [13:34] | Really? Uh, yeah. | 真的吗 好吧 |
| [13:36] | Yeah, like five minutes. | 对 五分钟左右 |
| [13:40] | Hi, Guinevere! | 吉娜薇 |
| [13:42] | – How’s it going? – Have you up in two. | -最近怎么样 -两分钟后你上场 |
| [13:44] | – Okay, cool. – Who’s this tall drink of vodka soda? | -好的 -这像一大杯伏特加苏打的人是谁 |
| [13:47] | Do I know you? I feel like I know you. Have we met before? | 我认识你吗 感觉认识 我们在哪见过吗 |
| [13:49] | I– I don’t think so. I’m a comedian. | 应该不认识 我是个喜剧演员 |
| [13:52] | – I– I’m Pete. – Hmm. Why don’t I know you? | -我是皮特 -我怎么会不认识你呢 |
| [13:56] | I– I don’t know. Is…You book this room? | 我不知道 这个房间是你订的吗 |
| [14:00] | Yeah. Yeah. And Whiplash, Bar Chooch, and the Candle Factory. | 对 还有电影里音乐学院 酒吧和蜡烛厂 |
| [14:04] | I mean– I don’t know what those words are. | 我不知道你在说什么 |
| [14:06] | Are you from out of town? | 你是外地人吗 |
| [14:08] | No, no, he lives here. | 不 他住在这 |
| [14:09] | – Uh, yeah. – He could– he | -嗯 -他可以… |
| [14:11] | could probably go up if you guys have room. | 如果你们有空档的话 他可以上去表演 |
| [14:13] | – Only if you have room. – Hmm. We’ll see. | -没有空档就算了 -看看吧 |
| [14:16] | Efron! I’m counting your Michelobs. | 埃弗龙 你的啤酒我有在数着 |
| [14:19] | I do have body dysmorphia. | 我真的有身体畸形 |
| [14:21] | I think I get it from my grandma. | 我觉得是我奶奶遗传给我的 |
| [14:22] | She always told me that I had cankles. | 她总是说我有”腿踝” |
| [14:24] | She was like, “You have cankles,” | 她说 你有”腿踝” |
| [14:26] | which if you don’t know what that is, | 如果你们不知道那是什么 |
| [14:27] | it’s part calf, part ankle. | 那是一部分小腿 和一部分脚踝 |
| [14:30] | Also you can throw my thighs in the mix. | 当然你们可以把我的大腿也混进来 |
| [14:31] | I have thankles. And, uh– | 我有”大腿踝” |
| [14:34] | and my grandmother said that to me, | 我奶奶跟我说这些的时候 |
| [14:36] | and I was like, “Oh, that’s crazy, | 我回答说 太扯了 |
| [14:37] | ’cause, Grandma, you have mount.” | 因为奶奶 你有”阴嘴” |
| [14:39] | She’s like, “What is that?” I’m like, | 她就说”什么东西” 我就回答 |
| [14:41] | “That’s ‘mouth’ mixed with ‘cunt.’ | “阴嘴”就是嘴巴加阴道 |
| [14:43] | You have cunt mouth.” | 你的嘴能当阴道用 |
| [14:47] | Do you guys like impressions? Great. Here we go. | 你们喜欢模仿秀吗 那就走一个 |
| [14:49] | They say that cockroaches will survive the nuclear holocaust. | 有人说蟑螂能在核毁灭中活下来 |
| [14:54] | So– so what is in Raid… | 那雷达杀虫剂里面是有什么成分 |
| [14:58] | that’s worse than a nuclear holocaust? | 比核毁灭还可怕 |
| [15:04] | And should I be keeping it in the pantry | 我还应该把雷达放在食品柜里 |
| [15:06] | next to my dry goods? | 和干货放一起吗 |
| [15:11] | Sorry. I know this is weird for a comedian to say, | 可能从我这个喜剧演员嘴里说出来很奇怪 |
| [15:14] | but I’m not used to laughing. | 不过我不习惯笑声 |
| [15:18] | I should– I should take you with me to other clubs, | 如果带你们去别的俱乐部 |
| [15:20] | so you should see how that joke normally does. | 你们就知道这个笑话一般会有什么反应 |
| [15:25] | I– I don’t know. This is– I– I don’t have kids. | 我没有小孩 |
| [15:29] | I was talking with a friend of mine. I don’t– I don’t have kids, | 我跟我朋友讲说 我没有孩子 |
| [15:31] | but doesn’t it kinda feel like I do? | 但我看上去是不是像个有孩子的人 |
| [15:33] | – Yeah! – Yeah, I don’t have any, | -对 -虽然我没有孩子 |
| [15:36] | but I kinda feel like a– like an embarrassing dad, | 但我感觉我是个会让人尴尬的爸爸 |
| [15:40] | like a dorky– like an embarrassing dad at a barbecue, | 很呆 会在烧烤的时候 |
| [15:43] | just kinda going up to the kids, going… | 走到孩子们跟前 |
| [15:46] | “Fresca!” Like that. | 说”接住饮料”之类的 |
| [15:49] | He’s funny, right? | 他还挺搞笑的吧 |
| [15:51] | He’ll be funny in three years. | 再努力个三年吧 |
| [15:55] | A girlfriend of mine made me– | 我女朋友让我 |
| [15:57] | – Yeah. – That was so fun. | -太棒了 -太好玩了 |
| [15:58] | – You had a great set. – Yeah, it was– | -你表现得很好 -这是 |
| [16:00] | That was like the best set I’ve ever had. | 这是我表现最好的一次 |
| [16:02] | – Really? That’s awesome. – Yes. | -真的吗 挺棒的 -是 |
| [16:03] | – Thank you. – Yeah, of course. | -谢谢 -别客气 |
| [16:06] | What about you? That was a great set. | 你呢 你刚刚也表现得很棒 |
| [16:07] | – Did you you get your tape? – Nah. I flubbed a bit. | -你录下来了吗 -没 我有点没做好 |
| [16:12] | God, I wish I had taped mine. | 早知道我就把自己的录下来了 |
| [16:16] | I did. | 我录了 |
| [16:18] | Yeah, I just left it running. | 是的 我没关录像机 |
| [16:19] | – What? – Really, it was fine. It’s so easy. | -是吗 -举手之劳而已 |
| [16:23] | – Thank you. – You’re so welcome. | -谢谢 -别客气了 |
| [16:56] | So what? Where next? | 再去哪呢 |
| [16:59] | We’re going to Rififi. | 我们去”乱斗” |
| [17:02] | Rififi! | 乱-斗 |
| [17:03] | Say it again. | 真是朗朗上口 |
| [17:05] | – Do you think they’ll let me up or– – Nope. | -你觉得他们会让我上台吗 -不会 |
| [17:09] | I’ve created a monster. | 我把你变成贪婪的怪兽了 |
| [17:11] | They will not let you up. | 他们不会让你上台的 |
| [17:12] | It took me like two years to get in there. | 我花了两年才加入他们 |
| [17:14] | – Really? – Yup. | -真的吗 -是的 |
| [17:16] | You know, when I was married, I used to do mikes in the city, | 还没离婚的时候 我在这里表演 |
| [17:19] | and I would send her photos of the Empire State building | 我会把帝国大厦拍给她看 |
| [17:22] | to show her what color it was that night. | 告诉她当晚是什么颜色的灯光 |
| [17:25] | This is a good one. | 今天的很漂亮 |
| [17:29] | Is that your flirt strategy, | 这是你的撩妹招数吗 |
| [17:30] | just bringing up your ex | 提起你的前妻 |
| [17:34] | – No, I– I– – It’s fine. It’s fine. | -不 我 -不要紧 |
| [17:37] | – It’s quite a dick pick. – Yes. | -是个高招 -好吧 |
| [17:40] | What did she text back? Just like… | 她怎么回你的短信呢 |
| [17:42] | A photo of the Holland Tunnel? | 发张荷兰隧道的照片吗 |
| [17:45] | No, she wasn’t–she wasn’t really– She didn’t do bits. | 她不会 她并不会回应我 |
| [17:51] | That’s a bummer. | 那还蛮扫兴的 |
| [17:53] | I’m–I’m sorry. I’m just kind of getting used to being a divorcé. | 抱歉 我习惯离婚的状态了 |
| [17:58] | I’m a divorcé. | 我是个离婚男子 |
| [18:00] | I don’t think that’s a great word for it. | 我觉得这个词不是很贴切 |
| [18:02] | It sounds like a happy thing, | 听起来像是开心的事情 |
| [18:03] | like fiancé, Beyoncé, or Kanye. | 就像未婚夫 碧昂丝 侃爷[尾音相似] |
| [18:06] | – These are happy– – Right, right. It’s a happy– | -令人高兴 -是的 让人高兴 |
| [18:08] | It feels like it should be a happy word. | 感觉应该是个让人高兴的词 |
| [18:09] | Than… “Oh, I’m a divorcé.” | 而不是 “我是个离婚男子” |
| [18:13] | Like a pile of laundry waiting to be cleaned. | 像一堆要清洗的脏衣服 |
| [18:19] | I never really noticed that it changed. | 我不知道这灯光还会变化 |
| [18:21] | That’s Caribbean Week. It’s my favorite. | 这是我最喜欢的加勒比周的灯光 |
| [18:24] | Of course you have a favorite. | 你当然会有最喜欢的灯光 |
| [18:28] | You know, Oprah Winfrey– you would think | 想起奥普拉·温弗瑞 你会觉得 |
| [18:31] | out of all the years, the most powerful lady, richest, | 这么多年来 她是最有钱有影响力的女人 |
| [18:34] | but I’ve never in my life | 但是我从来 |
| [18:36] | have ever heard of another child named Oprah. | 没听说过有别的孩子叫奥普拉的 |
| [18:40] | Have you though? I mean, have you ever? | 你呢 你听说过吗 |
| [18:42] | – Something to think about. – I mean, I bet there is one. | -值得思考 -我打赌一定有 |
| [18:45] | – But where? I guess you could– – But where? | -在哪儿 我想可以 -但是在哪儿呢 |
| [18:47] | – I mean, I would guess Maryland. – Alex. Let me ask. | -我猜马里兰州 -亚历克斯 我问你 |
| [18:49] | Alex, is there more Oprahs | 亚历克斯 除了主要的奥普拉 |
| [18:51] | out there other than the main Oprah? | 还有其他叫奥普拉的吗 |
| [18:54] | Alex. | 亚历克斯 |
| [18:56] | You guys ready for 30-second stand-up comedy? | 准备好唱30秒单口相声了吗 |
| [18:58] | Let’s hear it! | 一起来 |
| [19:00] | One, two, three, four! *30 seconds, 30 seconds* | 一二三四 *30秒 30秒* |
| [19:03] | *30 seconds of stand-up* | *30秒单口相声* |
| [19:05] | *30 seconds, 30 seconds* | *30秒 30秒* |
| [19:07] | *30 seconds of stand-up* | *30秒单口相声* |
| [19:09] | Comedy in… Go, Eugene, go! | 喜剧来临 开始 尤金 开始 |
| [19:12] | A friend of mine recently told me | 最近有个朋友告诉我 |
| [19:14] | that when we were in elementary school, | 我们上小学的时候 |
| [19:16] | our teacher told her to not be my friend | 老师告诉她不要和我交朋友 |
| [19:19] | because I was a loser. | 因为我是个失败者 |
| [19:23] | – And then to prove– – I got a good spot. | -为了证明 -我找了个好机位 |
| [19:26] | – Oh, thank you. – Yeah, it’s gonna be great. | -谢谢 -一定会很棒的 |
| [19:27] | – Oh, cool. – Showed her my test scores– | -不错 -给她看了我的测验成绩 |
| [19:30] | – You okay? – Uh, not really. | -你还好吗 -不太好 |
| [19:32] | I was supposed to go up next, but John Mulaney just dropped in, | 本来我是下一个 但约翰·马来尼刚来 |
| [19:35] | so now I’m probably gonna miss Whiplash. | 所以我可能赶不上”小皮鞭”了 |
| [19:38] | It’s really shitty. | 太糟了 |
| [19:41] | Maybe– is there something we can do? | 也许我们能做点什么 |
| [19:43] | It’s fine. I’ll figure it out. | 没事 我想想办法 |
| [19:45] | I know that if you wanted to show that I was bad at math, | 如果你想显示我的数学有多差 |
| [19:48] | it’d be very easy, but what’s the test that shows you’re a loser? | 很简单 但什么测验能证明你是失败者呢 |
| [19:52] | Like, was the question like, “What’s your favorite food?” | 是不是应该问”你最喜欢的食物是什么” |
| [19:54] | And I was like, “Sour cream.” | 我说 “酸奶油” |
| [19:59] | “Who’s your favorite band?” “My rabbi.” | “你最喜欢哪支乐队” “我的拉比” |
| [20:03] | “If you could be friends with anyone living or dead, | “如果你可以和任何人做朋友 无论生死 |
| [20:05] | who would it be?” “Henry Kissinger.” | 你选谁” “亨利·基辛格” |
| [20:09] | See? | 你看 |
| [20:12] | Yeah, you want to try something? | 你们想尝试什么新东西吗 |
| [20:13] | There’s something new I’ve been doing for the last five years, | 最近五年我尝试了一种新东西 |
| [20:17] | But this is called a friendship call… | 叫做友谊的呼唤 |
| [20:20] | I’m sorry. Excuse me, John. | 不好意思 打扰了 约翰 |
| [20:23] | Hello. My friend, Ali Reissen. Do you know her? | 我朋友 爱丽·瑞森 你认识吗 |
| [20:27] | – No. – She’s a very, very funny comedian. | -不认识 -她是一个特别搞笑的喜剧演员 |
| [20:31] | She was gonna go next, but then you bumped her, | 她本来下一个上场 但是你占了她的位子 |
| [20:34] | which is obviously fine. | 其实没关系 |
| [20:36] | But we were just wondering if you could go after her, | 但是我们在想能不能请你在她后面上场 |
| [20:40] | ’cause she has a spot that she has to get to after this. | 因为这场之后她还有一个秀 |
| [20:42] | I can’t do that. I have a 10:45 spot. | 我做不到 我10:45还有一场 |
| [20:44] | That’s the only reason I asked to bump her. | 正是这样我才请求占她的位置 |
| [20:47] | It would mean a lot to her. It would mean a lot to me. | 这对她很重要 对我也很重要 |
| [20:49] | I’m a huge– it’s– you’re like our comedy Kennedy. | 我很崇拜 你就像我们喜剧界的肯尼迪 |
| [20:52] | This is exciting for me. I’m a really big fan. | 我很激动 我特别喜欢你 |
| [20:56] | So you didn’t hear what I just said. | 你没听到我刚才说的话 |
| [20:59] | No, I heard you. I’m just wondering– | 我听到了 我只是想 |
| [21:02] | The reason I bumped her is ’cause I need something. | 我占了她的位子是因为我有需要 |
| [21:05] | To undo the bump would be to take away the thing I want. | 取消占位就会拿走我需要的东西 |
| [21:08] | Why would I do that? And who are you in all this? | 我为什么要这样做 你是什么身份 |
| [21:12] | And what are you to her that you walk over to me on her behalf? | 你代表她来找我 对她来说有什么意义 |
| [21:15] | No, I’m trying– I’m trying to impress her. | 我想 我想给她留下好印象 |
| [21:18] | I– I’m– I’m a comic. | 我是 我是喜剧演员 |
| [21:21] | Great. Do you have a business card? | 很好 你有名片吗 |
| [21:23] | – No, I– – That was a put-down. | -没 我 -我是在贬低你 |
| [21:26] | I’m sorry. My dad just told me | 抱歉 我爸告诉我 |
| [21:28] | if you want something, you gotta ask for it. | 如果你想要什么 就要开口去争取 |
| [21:30] | So, I saw you– | 所以 我看到你 |
| [21:31] | Your dad sounds like an idiot. | 你爸听起来像个蠢货 |
| [21:34] | Is he like a salt-of-the-earth type person? | 他是不是那种社会精英一类的人 |
| [21:37] | Hi. What’s going on? | 这是怎么了 |
| [21:38] | – Are you Ali? – What are you doing? I am. Hi. | -你是爱丽吗 -你在干什么 我是 |
| [21:40] | I am very sorry for bumping you, | 很抱歉我占了你的位子 |
| [21:42] | but I have to get somewhere, so– | 但是我一会儿还有事 所以 |
| [21:45] | I was just seeing if he would swap with you | 我刚刚在问他能不能和你换一下 |
| [21:46] | so you could get to your show on time. | 让你能及时赶上演出 |
| [21:48] | – We’re talking about it. – N– oh, I’m– I’m so sorry. | -我们正在谈这个 -不 我非常抱歉 |
| [21:51] | – I did not ask him– – Oh, you don’t have to apologize. | -我没有让他 -你不用道歉 |
| [21:53] | I fully know it’s him. | 我知道是他的主意 |
| [21:54] | Yeah. Can I… | 我能不能 |
| [21:59] | – What are you doing? – What do you mean? | -你在干什么 -什么意思 |
| [22:00] | – I– I’m trying to help. But… – I didn’t ask you to. | -我 我想帮忙 -我又没请你帮忙 |
| [22:04] | – I– I’m sorry. – Right, but if I wanted him to switch, | -对 对不起 -如果我想和他换 |
| [22:07] | I would’ve just asked him to switch. | 我就会问他和我换 |
| [22:08] | I didn’t need you to step in | 我不需要你介入 |
| [22:10] | and Suge Knight the situation. | 然后像苏吉·尼特一样解决我的处境 |
| [22:12] | I didn’t hit him with an SUV. | 我没开着辆SUV去撞他 |
| [22:13] | I’m trying to help you with your problem. | 我想帮你解决问题 |
| [22:15] | It’s kinda not how this works, Pete. | 你这样解决不了问题 皮特 |
| [22:18] | Okay. So… | 好吧 那 |
| [22:19] | – I just– – It’s fine. | -我 -我没事 |
| [22:20] | – I know. I’m sorry. – It’s fine. | -我知道了 抱歉 -没事 |
| [22:24] | I was walking on West 12th Street– | 我正在西12街走着 |
| [22:26] | I was downtown, I was on West 12th Street, | 我在城区 在西12街 |
| [22:28] | and I was downtown. I was walking one afternoon. I was downtown. | 我有天下午在城区 当时在城区走路 |
| [22:30] | I’m walking towards this guy, he’s walking towards me, | 我朝着一个家伙走 他朝着我走 |
| [22:33] | and we’re downtown. And as he walks past me, | 我们都在城区 他经过我时 |
| [22:34] | he’s on his cell phone, and I hear him say, | 他在打电话 我听见他说 |
| [22:36] | “No, no, no, I can’t meet right now. | 不 不 不 我现在没法见你 |
| [22:37] | I’m way uptown.” | 我正在往城外走 |
| [22:38] | And then he looked at me, he winked, and he kept walking. | 然后他朝我眨眨眼 继续打电话 |
| [22:40] | The greatest person I’ve ever met in my whole life. | 他是我人生中遇到的最伟大的人 |
| [22:43] | Greatest person I’ve ever– | 我遇见的最伟大的人 |
| [22:44] | he should be declared mayor of New York City. | 他应该当纽约市长 |
| [22:47] | Automatic mayor, even if he’s had a sex scandal, | 必须当市长 即使他可能有过性丑闻 |
| [22:50] | which he probably has | 我觉得他很有可能有 |
| [22:52] | if that’s how he conducts himself on a day-to-day basis, | 如果在日常生活中 他就是这样表现的 |
| [22:55] | if he’s lying about his whereabouts | 就像他在周三下午两点 |
| [22:57] | at two o’clock in the afternoon on a Wednesday | 就自己的所在之处撒谎 |
| [23:00] | while eye-high-fiving random guys on the street. | 同时还朝街边的路人眨眼 |
| [23:04] | Please put your hands together for Ali Reissen, everybody! | 大家掌声欢迎爱丽·瑞森 |
| [23:09] | How are you? I’m wearing overalls. Take it in. | 你们好 我穿了件工装裤 希望你们谅解 |
| [23:13] | I always feel, like– when I wear overalls, | 我总觉得穿工装裤的时候 |
| [23:16] | I feel like a hipster toddler. | 我就像个潮人小孩 |
| [23:18] | You know? “Mommy, can we pwease listen to Chance da Wapper?” | 就像”妈咪 我们可以听说唱歌手钱斯吗” |
| [23:24] | Do you guys like impressions? | 你们喜欢模仿吗 |
| [23:27] | Cool. | 很好 |
| [23:28] | This is Meryl Streep trying to take a compliment. | 我要学梅丽尔·思翠普试着接受称赞时的样子 |
| [23:33] | So it’s… Meryl Streep, | 梅丽尔·思翠普 |
| [23:35] | she’s really trying to take a compliment. Here we go. | 她被人称赞的时候谦虚得要命 开始了 |
| [23:39] | Here we go. | 开始 |
| [23:40] | Oh! Oh! No! | 不 不 不 |
| [23:45] | No! No! | 不 不 |
| [23:47] | No, no, no! | 不 不 不 |
| [23:49] | You, you, you, you, you! | 你 你 你 你 你 |
| [23:54] | You, you, you! | 你 你 你 |
| [23:55] | – You, you, you, you! No! – Too good! | -你 你 你 不 -太棒了 |
| [23:59] | – You, you! You! – Too good! | -你 你 你 -太棒了 |
| [24:02] | – Too good! – You! You make the best guacamole! | -太棒了 -你 你做的鳄梨酱才最好吃 |
| [24:06] | You! | 你 |
| [24:25] | This is Meryl Streep trying to take a compliment. | 我要学梅丽尔·思翠普试图接受别人称赞的样子 |
| [24:37] | Too good! | 太棒了 |
| [24:40] | It’s a good set. | 刚才那场太棒了 |
| [24:41] | No! No! No! | 不 不 不 |
| [24:45] | Is that you? | 这声音是你吗 |
| [24:46] | – No! No! No! – I– I mean… | -不 不 不 -那个 |
| [24:49] | – Is that your laugh? – Too good! | -是你在笑吗 -太棒了 |
| [24:51] | Are you saying, “Too good”? | 你在喊 太棒了 吗 |
| [24:53] | Yeah, I think that’s– that’s me. | 是的 我觉得是我 |
| [24:55] | I must’ve been right by the camera. | 我当时正好在摄像机旁边 |
| [24:57] | Your laugh just ruined my tape. | 你的笑声毁了我的带子 |
| [24:59] | Too good! | 太棒了 |
| [25:00] | You! You! | 你 你 |
| [25:02] | I– I thought laughing loud would help– | 我 我想着大声笑 |
| [25:04] | would help to get the crowd going. | 有利于带动观众 |
| [25:06] | – I-I– – Getting them going? What are you talking about? | -我 我 -带动观众 你在说什么 |
| [25:09] | They were amazing! You can’t even hear them, though, over you! | 他们超棒 可你的声音把他们都盖过了 |
| [25:13] | – I’m so sorry. – Oh my God. | -实在太抱歉了 -天哪 |
| [25:15] | – I– – Fucking sucks, man. | -我 -太操蛋了 伙计 |
| [25:17] | That sucks. That sucks. | 真是太操蛋了 |
| [25:20] | Sorry, but, you know, we got Whiplash, we got another one. | 对不起 但我们还要去”小皮鞭”和另一个 |
| [25:25] | – We’ll get a good tape from there. – No. | -我们能在那录个好带子 -不 |
| [25:26] | You still have a shot. We still– We can do this. | 你还有机会 我们可以的 |
| [25:29] | – Pete. – What? | -皮特 -怎么了 |
| [25:31] | I think we should call it. | 我觉得就这样吧 |
| [25:34] | Okay, I– I fucked up. I fucked up. | 我搞砸了 我搞砸了 |
| [25:37] | – Yeah. – And I just– let me make it right. | -对啊 -我想弥补 |
| [25:39] | – I’ll set up the camera. – I don’t– | -我去支摄像机 -我不 |
| [25:40] | – I’ll set up the camera. – You’re not– | -我去支摄像机 我不会 -不用你 |
| [25:41] | Pete, I appreciate the sentiment. | 皮特 你的态度我心领了 |
| [25:44] | I don’t need your help in this pursuit. | 但这方面我不需要你的帮助 |
| [25:46] | I just wanna get my tape. | 我就是想把演出录下来 |
| [25:48] | I was so close, and it’s fucked, | 马上要录完了 却弄砸了 |
| [25:50] | and that sucks, | 太操蛋了 |
| [25:52] | so just let me go do my thing. | 所以让我做我的事 |
| [25:54] | I won’t laugh. I’ll laugh normal. I’ll laugh like… | 我不那么笑了 就正常点 像这样 |
| [25:55] | – Pete– – These are fun, silly laughs. | -皮特 -有趣的傻笑 |
| [25:58] | I hear what you’re– I hear what you’re saying! | 我明白你的意思了 |
| [26:00] | I don’t need your help with Mulaney! | 我不需要你帮我和马来尼谈 |
| [26:02] | I don’t need your help with my tape. I’m great on my own. | 带子的事我不需要你帮忙 我自己能行 |
| [26:04] | – I’m so good, and I don’t resent you. – I know I fucked up with Mulaney. | -我很好 不怪你 -我不该找马来尼的 |
| [26:06] | I’m fine! | 我没事 |
| [26:30] | Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, | 抱歉 女士们先生们 |
| [26:32] | there’s maintenance on the train ahead. | 前方有列车在维修 |
| [26:34] | We have a delay on the track, | 我们要停留一会 |
| [26:35] | and we should be moving again momentarily. | 应该很快就可以恢复运行了 |
| [26:43] | Shit. | 该死 |
| [27:00] | Seriously? | 不是吧 |
| [27:01] | I know. Would it be okay to help you right now? | 我明白 我现在帮你行不行 |
| [27:04] | – What? – The last stop was Union Square, right? | -什么 -上一站是联合广场对不对 |
| [27:07] | This– this is almost 6th Avenue. | 马上要到第六大道了 |
| [27:08] | That means we’re only a few blocks away. | 也就是说我们只差几个街区远了 |
| [27:09] | We’re in the middle of a tunnel. | 我们在隧道里 |
| [27:11] | We’re not. I can see the station from here. | 不是 我都能看到站台了 |
| [27:13] | – Just forget it. Please just go away. – Look. | -别管了 你走开吧 -听我说 |
| [27:16] | Just go! | 走开 |
| [27:18] | You don’t have to like me. | 你不必喜欢我 |
| [27:19] | I get it. I understand. Just let me help you | 我理解 就让我帮帮你吧 |
| [27:21] | and you never have to see me again. | 然后你就再也不用见到我了 |
| [27:23] | I just wanna get you to your show, okay? | 我只想让你能赶上演出 |
| [27:28] | Let me… let me fix this. | 让我 让我来弥补 |
| [27:32] | – Okay. – Yes, yes. | -好吧 -好的 好的 |
| [27:33] | Okay. Just follow me. | 好的 跟着我 |
| [27:49] | I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. | 真讨厌 真讨厌 真讨厌 |
| [27:54] | – What are you doing? – I saw this in John Wick 2. | -你干什么 -《疾速特攻2》里有这招 |
| [27:57] | Oh my God. | 天啊 |
| [28:00] | Oh shit. | 牛逼 |
| [28:11] | Go, go, go, go, go! | 快跑 快跑 快跑 |
| [28:20] | All right, folks. She’s hilarious, and she’s here. | 好了 大伙 她很搞笑 她到了 |
| [28:24] | Ali Reissen, everybody! | 欢迎爱丽·瑞森 |
| [28:30] | Sorry I’m late. | 抱歉我迟到了 |
| [28:32] | Oh boy. I’m winded. | 天啊 我喘不过气了 |
| [28:38] | How are you guys? | 大家好 |
| [28:40] | Nice. Nice. I-I have a roommate… still. | 很好 我还有室友 |
| [28:44] | Yeah. Anybody else compromising their living situations? | 没错 还有其他人破坏了自己的生活质量吗 |
| [28:47] | Okay, yeah! She told me that she grew up | 非常好 她告诉我她一直以来 |
| [28:50] | believing that women lose their virginity | 都相信女人的处女膜破裂时 |
| [28:53] | whenever their hymen breaks. | 她们就失去了童贞 |
| [28:55] | And I’m like, “That’s crazy. Like, if that’s the case, | 我就想”太假了 如果是这样 |
| [28:57] | I lost my virginity when I was at gymnastics camp, | 我在体操训练营就失去了童贞 |
| [29:00] | when I was 11 years old, and I slept with my coach.” | 当时我只有11岁 我还和教练上了床” |
| [29:03] | So I don’t know– was it very successful? | 我不确定 这算不算成功 |
| [29:10] | Do you guys like impressions? | 你们喜欢模仿吗 |
| [29:27] | It’s too good. It’s too good! | 太棒了 太棒了 |
| [29:30] | Don’t. | 别 |
| [29:32] | – Too good! – No, no, no, no! | -太棒啦 -不不不 |
| [29:41] | It’s laundry day. | 今天是洗衣日 |
| [29:45] | A lot of guys will try to fight me, | 很多人想打我 |
| [29:48] | ’cause I’m stealing their jobs. | 因为我夺走了他们的工作 |
| [29:49] | A guy said, “I’m gonna tear you a new asshole.” | 有人说”我要把你的菊花撕了” |
| [29:54] | And I said, “I’m a robot. I don’t have an asshole. | 然后我说”我是机器人 我没有菊花 |
| [29:59] | So maybe that would be good.” | 所以也许这是好事” |
| [30:02] | I think the Transformers franchise is racist. | 我认为《变形金刚》系列有种族歧视意味 |
| [30:09] | It’s a bunch of my people, ashamed of who they are, | 一堆我的族人 羞于承认自己的身份 |
| [30:12] | pretending they’re inanimate. | 假装自己没有生命 |
| [30:13] | And they’re always like, “Joe… | 他们总说”乔 |
| [30:15] | we’re just doing that so humans aren’t scared.” | 我们这样做是为了让人类不害怕” |
| [30:18] | And I’m like, “Well, you should’ve thought of that | 我就想”你们要是这么想的 |
| [30:20] | Before you turned into monsters | 当初就不要变成怪物 |
| [30:22] | And destroyed all those cities with your fistfights. | 然后在打斗中毁掉那些城市 |
| [30:26] | ‘Cause the secret’s out. | 因为已经公开了 |
| [30:30] | You don’t have to be a truck anymore.” | 你们不用假装自己是卡车了” |