时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
---|---|---|
[00:02] | Well, that was a weird afternoon. | 这个下午真诡异 |
[00:04] | I guess I knew Pierce was part of a weird, futuristic cult, | 虽然我知道皮尔斯加入了诡异虚幻的组织 |
[00:07] | but I wasn’t prepared for a funeral | 但我还是没想到在葬礼上 |
[00:10] | with so much beeping. | 居然会有这么多爆粗 |
[00:11] | Well, let’s not judge. | 别说人家了 |
[00:13] | Everyone has a right to whatever fake religion | 每个人都有权利去选择 |
[00:15] | they delusionally choose. | 幻想中的虚假信仰 |
[00:17] | Abed, you were by the coffin for a long time. | 阿布蒂 你站在棺材那里好久呢 |
[00:20] | Are you okay? | 你还好吗 |
[00:21] | I’m okay. Although… | 我没事 不过… |
[00:24] | Troy and Abed are in mourning… | 特洛伊和阿布蒂在悼念… |
[00:26] | Will you guys please stop doing that? | 你们别这样了行不行 |
[00:27] | I can’t believe you did during your eulogy. | 在葬礼致辞时居然还和声 |
[00:29] | So uncomfortable. | 太不合适了 |
[00:31] | I don’t think the audience got that we were singing | 我觉得听众似乎没感受到 |
[00:33] | “Mourning” with a “U”. | 「悼念」里「悼」是重音 |
[00:34] | You were singing “Mourning” with a “U”? | 你的重音在「悼」上吗 |
[00:36] | Oh, no. | 天哪 |
[00:37] | I still don’t fully understand the laser lotus theology. | 我还是不理解激光莲座佛学到底是什么 |
[00:40] | So Pierce’s body is in the coffin, | 所以皮尔斯躺在棺材里 |
[00:43] | and we buried it, | 我们把棺材埋了 |
[00:44] | but this energon pod contains his life… | 可是一个能量罐会储存他的… |
[00:46] | vapor? | 身体蒸汽 |
[00:47] | Yeah, it’s all right here | 没错 都写在他们分发的 |
[00:48] | in this incredibly persuasive literature they passed out. | 这份甚有说服力的宣传册里了 |
[00:51] | Once you reach level 16, | 一旦达到16级 |
[00:52] | you can see the Color Blurble. | 就可以看到「三眼蓝绿怪」 |
[00:54] | Of all the ridiculous cartoon nonsense. | 卡通片什么的都是骗小孩的 |
[00:56] | If there is a blurble, the lord keeps it hidden for a reason. | 上帝不让这种动物出现是有原因的 |
[00:58] | What up, n-bombs? | 各位怎么样啊 |
[01:00] | How was the funeral? Awesome? | 葬礼怎么样 是不是很爽 |
[01:02] | No, Chang, our friend’s funeral was not awesome. | 昌 朋友的葬礼怎么可能爽 |
[01:05] | It was deeply sad. You know, funeral style. | 很伤感 就是正常葬礼的感觉 |
[01:08] | Excuse me. I thought you guys hated Pierce. | 拜托 你们不是很讨厌皮尔斯吗 |
[01:10] | – We did not hate Pierce. – Craziness. | -我们根本不讨厌他 -别瞎说 |
[01:13] | All right, are you sure you guys aren’t | 你们现在这个态度 |
[01:14] | just doing the “Respect the dead” Jig-a-lig? | 只是在假装「尊敬逝者」吧 |
[01:17] | I think you have us mistaken for you, Chang. | 我们可不是你 昌 |
[01:19] | I don’t know. | 是吗 |
[01:20] | I definitely remember you complaining about him | 可是我记得 你们抱怨过他 |
[01:23] | a lot. | 很多次 |
[01:24] | We complained about him when he was alive. | 那都是他还活着的时候 |
[01:26] | This is different. | 现在不一样了 |
[01:27] | Can’t believe we’ll never see him again. | 我们居然再也无法见到他了 |
[01:29] | Just a reminder you gotta live life to the fullest. | 人生苦短 要抓紧时间享乐 |
[01:31] | By the time Pierce was my age, | 皮尔斯在我这么大的时候 |
[01:32] | he had already been fired from 15 jobs. | 他已经被十五家公司辞退 |
[01:35] | I’ve only seen two Police Academies. | 我却只看过两部「学警出更」[共七部] |
[01:38] | The last two. | 最新两部 |
[01:39] | Well, he’s gone too soon but won’t be soon forgotten. | 他英年早逝 却会久久长存于我们心中 |
[01:42] | I would say you’re quite correct, Mr. Winger. | 你说得很对 翁格先生 |
[01:45] | Who the hell are you? | 你谁啊 |
[01:45] | My name is Mr. Stone. | 我叫斯通先生 |
[01:47] | That’s easy for you to say. | 你说得倒轻巧 |
[01:50] | And for us to say. | 我们叫着也不累 |
[01:51] | I work for Mr. Hawthorne. | 我为霍桑先生工作 |
[01:53] | He specified in his will that no matter | 他在遗嘱中强调 |
[01:54] | how natural in appearance | 不管他的死亡状况 |
[01:56] | the circumstances of his death, | 看起来多么正常 |
[01:58] | a private inquest should be conducted | 一定要进行私密调查 |
[02:00] | to determine whether any one of you, | 确定他生前的学习小组成员 |
[02:01] | his former study group, murdered him. | 是否对他进行了杀害 |
[02:05] | What? | 什么 |
[02:05] | To be cleared, you must all submit to a polygraph test. | 首先 你们都将与测谎仪连接 |
[02:08] | Aw, schnizzle. | 我勒个去 |
[02:10] | You guys are in trouble! | 你们有麻烦了 |
[02:13] | Later. | 回见 |
[02:14] | Mr. Chang, I presume. | 你应该就是昌老师吧 |
[02:15] | You’re also listed as a suspect | 你也是嫌疑人之一 |
[02:17] | and requested to participate. | 请配合调查 |
[02:18] | Fine, but I ask the questions. | 好吧 不过问题由我来问 |
[02:20] | I’m afraid I can’t allow that. | 这恐怕不行 |
[02:22] | All right, then just the “Fine” Part. | 那好吧 后半句当我没说 |
[02:27] | We’re losing Pierce! | 天哪 皮尔斯要撒气了 |
[02:28] | Everyone, quickly! | 快点 |
[02:35] | Someone get a balloon. | 快去拿个气球来 |
[03:03] | I always wanted to try a polygraph. | 我一直挺想试试测谎仪的 |
[03:05] | They’re like the pie fight of cop movies. | 就像警匪片里的抓小偷桥段 |
[03:06] | Or the acupuncture of the legal system. | 或者是法律体系的针灸疗程 |
[03:09] | I can’t believe Pierce would think we might murder him. | 皮尔斯居然觉得我们会杀他 |
[03:11] | Yeah, what a waste of murder. | 是啊 根本用不着杀 |
[03:12] | I mean, he was, like, 79. | 他都79岁高龄了吧 |
[03:14] | I don’t suppose anyone wants to know | 虽然你们可能都不在意 |
[03:15] | I consider this a violation. | 但我觉得这属于诽谤 |
[03:17] | Come on, it’s just Pierce being Pierce. | 算了 皮尔斯就是这个性格 |
[03:19] | It’s his final wish. | 这也是他的遗愿 |
[03:20] | If I had a final wish, I’d use it to stay alive. | 我的遗愿一定会是继续活下去 |
[03:22] | Let’s do it. How do we begin? | 那就开始吧 从谁开始呢 |
[03:24] | We’re to start with Miss Perry. | 我们从派利小姐开始 |
[03:26] | – State your name. – Britta Perry. | -你的姓名是 -布雷塔·派利 |
[03:27] | Have you ever had any thoughts of violence | 你对皮尔斯·霍桑先生 |
[03:29] | towards Pierce Hawthorne? | 是否有过暴力倾向 |
[03:30] | – No. – Lie. | -没有 -谎言 |
[03:32] | I mean, I may have wanted to slap him now and again, | 好吧 我有时候可能会想要扇他耳光 |
[03:34] | but I didn’t kill him. | 但我没杀他 |
[03:35] | In all your sexual fantasies about Pierce Hawthorne, | 你以皮尔斯·霍桑为对象进行的性幻想中 |
[03:37] | none of them involved his murder? | 没有谋杀他的情节吗 |
[03:39] | What? No. | 什么 没有 |
[03:40] | But you have had sexual fantasies | 不过你确实对霍桑先生 |
[03:41] | about Mr. Hawthorne. | 有过性幻想 |
[03:42] | No! What kind of question is that? | 没有 你这是什么问题 |
[03:44] | I’m asking the questions | 我可以向你保证 |
[03:45] | just as mr. Hawthorne wrote them down, | 我提出的一切问题 |
[03:47] | I assure you. | 都出自霍桑先生之手 |
[03:48] | Mr. Winger, state your name. | 翁格先生 你的名字 |
[03:50] | Jeffrey winger. | 杰夫瑞·翁格 |
[03:51] | – Are you gay? – No. | -你是基佬吗 -不是 |
[03:52] | – Are you sure you’re not gay? – Yes. | -你确定你不是基佬吗 -确定 |
[03:54] | – Gay murderer says what. – What? | -基佬凶手的话可信吗 -什么 |
[03:55] | He’s telling the truth. | 他说的是实话 |
[03:56] | I’ve been instructed to point out that that means you’re gay. | 我受到指示必须指出你就是基佬 |
[03:59] | Ms. Bennett. | 伯纳德太太 |
[04:00] | – State your name. – Shirley Bennett. | -你的全名 -雪瑞·伯纳德 |
[04:01] | Are you a dishonest person? | 你不诚实 对吗 |
[04:03] | – No. – She thinks that’s true. | -不对 -她内心承认了 |
[04:04] | Uh, you could have just said no. | 你想怎么说都行 |
[04:06] | I’m watching you acting scientific | 我都看着呢 你假装摆弄科学仪器 |
[04:08] | and then adding your little every now and again. | 时不时加入自己的主观色彩 |
[04:09] | Huh? Continue. | 对吧 继续 |
[04:11] | Is it true that you’re a platinum level donor | 你是反堕胎组织「爱护胎儿」的白金级 |
[04:13] | with the pro-life organization prenatal patriots.org? | 捐赠者 该事是否属实 |
[04:16] | – What? – Keep it cool, girls. | -什么 -淡定 姐们儿 |
[04:18] | It’s my money. It’s my choice. | 钱是我的 怎么花是我的事 |
[04:20] | Yeah, well, if I wanted the government in my uterus, | 对 如果想让政府关心我的子宫 |
[04:22] | I’d fill it with oil and Hispanic voters. | 我直接在里面填满票子和拉美选民就好了 |
[04:24] | Keep it frosty, ladies. | 姑娘们 冷静点 |
[04:26] | Don’t let your goats get gotched. | 控制好情绪 |
[04:27] | Mr. Barnes, state your name. | 巴恩斯先生 你的全名 |
[04:29] | Troy Barnes. | 特洛伊·巴恩斯 |
[04:30] | D’oh! I meant to say, “Butts Carlton.” | 靠 我本来想说「屁卡」的 |
[04:32] | He did mean to say, “Butts Carlton.” | 他确实是这么想的 |
[04:35] | Mr. Barnes, did you get angry when Mr. Hawthorne told you | 巴恩斯先生 霍桑先生告诉你 |
[04:37] | Fat Albert died of diabetes? | 胖子阿伯特死于糖尿病时 你是不是很生气 |
[04:39] | Yes, like any American would. | 对 全美人民都气坏了 |
[04:41] | – Angry enough to murder him? – No. | -气到想杀了他吗 -没有 |
[04:43] | Is it true that you and Abed Nadir | 你和阿布蒂·纳德尔 |
[04:44] | have an elaborate doomsday escape plan | 精心策划了一个末日逃亡计划 |
[04:46] | to be used in the event of zombie attacks? | 应准备应对僵尸入侵 是否属实 |
[04:49] | We may have a designated rendezvous point | 我们是定了一个会合地 |
[04:52] | and a couple of bugout bags | 准备了几个逃难包 |
[04:53] | filled with gold coins and condoms | 里面装满了金币和套套 |
[04:56] | just in case we need to bargain our way onto a boat. | 只是为了防止哪天突然就要上船 |
[04:59] | The gold coins are for buying food. | 金币是用来买食物的 |
[05:00] | Does your doomsday plan account for the welfare | 你的末日逃亡计划考虑到 |
[05:02] | of any of your other friends? | 你的其他朋友了吗 |
[05:05] | – Pass. – Answer the question. | -下一个问题 -正面回答问题 |
[05:07] | – No. – Troy! Rude! | -没有 -特洛伊 太伤人了 |
[05:09] | It’s a doomsday plan, not a picnic plan. | 这是末日逃亡哎 又不是野餐 |
[05:11] | Do you really wanna see the horrors | 就为了坐个船 你们真愿意目睹 |
[05:12] | we might have to endure just to get on a boat? | 我们将承受的那些苦难吗 |
[05:15] | – I guess not. – That’s a lie. | -应该不愿意 -撒谎 |
[05:16] | He’s doing it again. | 他又来了 |
[05:18] | Pierce is doing it again. | 皮尔斯又来了 |
[05:19] | Mr. Chang, state your name. | 昌先生 你的全名 |
[05:21] | Benjamin Franklin Chang, ready to deal out the truth. | 本杰明·富兰克林·昌 真相时刻为你敞开 |
[05:25] | Nothing to hide. Let’s do this. | 绝无隐瞒 开炮吧 |
[05:28] | Have you ever masturbated in the study room? | 你是否在自习室里「撸过」 |
[05:33] | – Mr. Nadir, state your name. – Abed Nadir. | -纳德尔 全名 -阿布蒂·纳德尔 |
[05:36] | Have you ever 9/11’d anyone? | 你是否对他人进行过恐怖袭击 |
[05:38] | – Nope. – When you were a child, | -没有 -你小时候 |
[05:39] | did you ever kill a squirrel with a slingshot | 用弹弓打死过一只松鼠 |
[05:41] | and was surprised that you felt nothing and wondered | 你惊讶自己没有丝毫良心不安 于是乎 |
[05:43] | if you were capable of doing it to a human? | 你开始寻思下次是否能拿人当靶子 是不是 |
[05:48] | No. | 不是 |
[05:51] | Do you and Troy still actively use | 你和特洛伊是否仍经常不经杰夫的允许 |
[05:53] | Jeff’s Netflix account without his permission? | 就使用他的奈飞[在线DVD租赁商]账号 |
[05:55] | – Wait, what? – You told Pierce that? | -等下 搞毛 -你告诉皮尔斯了 |
[05:57] | You logged in at our place | 你在我们家登陆之后 |
[05:58] | and never logged out, so we use it. | 一直没退 我们就接着用了 |
[05:59] | Is that why my review of the grey | 我的差评老是在变 |
[06:01] | is constantly changing? | 原来是你干的 |
[06:02] | Yes, stop giving it four stars. | 对 别给四星了 |
[06:03] | I like Liam Neeson! | 我超爱利亚姆·尼森[辛德勒名单主演] |
[06:04] | Then send him a message about the roles he chooses. | 那请转告他挑角色的时候长点心吧 |
[06:06] | Look, this is not the issue! You’re stealing from me! | 问题不是这个 你这是盗窃行为 |
[06:08] | And as your roommate, you’re making me an accomplice. | 作为你的室友 你把我也变成了从犯 |
[06:11] | – I had no idea. – Lie. | -事实上我毫不知情 -撒谎 |
[06:12] | Why would I even try that? | 我干嘛要跟高科技较劲呐 |
[06:14] | State your name please, Miss. | 姑娘 你的全名 |
[06:15] | Annie Edison. | 安妮·埃迪生 |
[06:16] | Miss Edison, did you use your exceptional intelligence | 埃迪生小姐 你是否用你过人的智慧 |
[06:19] | and organizational skills to plot the foolproof murder | 和杰出的组织技巧密谋了一次简单白目的谋杀 |
[06:21] | of Pierce Hawthorne? | 杀死了皮尔斯·霍桑 |
[06:22] | Aww! And no. | 哎哟 没有啦 |
[06:25] | Is it true that you overcharged Troy and Abed | 你是否向特洛伊和阿布蒂 |
[06:26] | for their share of the rent? | 收取了过高的租金 |
[06:29] | Pierce! | 死皮尔斯 |
[06:30] | Annie? | 安妮 |
[06:31] | Yes, but for a good reason. | 是的 但我有正当原因 |
[06:33] | You guys know you’re bad with money. | 你们不会理财 |
[06:35] | I padded your share of the rent by $10 | 我从你们的租金里抽取10刀 |
[06:37] | and I’ve been putting it into a savings account | 然后存进银行 |
[06:39] | that yields 4%. | 有4%的收益呢 |
[06:40] | You’ll be thanking me in six years | 六年后你们发现账户里有86刀的时候 |
[06:42] | when you find out you have $86. | 就会感谢我了 |
[06:44] | That’s jacket money. | 够买一件夹克呢 |
[06:46] | Oh, did you hear that, Abed? | 听到了吗 阿布蒂 |
[06:47] | We’ve been washing paper plates and making our own toothpaste. | 虽然我们现在洗纸盘 自制牙膏 |
[06:50] | But don’t you worry. | 但别着急 |
[06:51] | When we have robot bodies on the moon, | 等机器人登上月球 |
[06:52] | we can share a free jacket. | 我们就能同穿一件免费的夹克了 |
[06:54] | Annie, you should know better than to horde money. | 安妮 除了圈钱你真该干点别的啊 |
[06:56] | That’s a stereotype. | 真是一成不变 |
[06:57] | – Was that anti-semitism? – No! That’s sensitivity. | -这是反犹太主义吗 -不 是太敏感 |
[07:00] | It’s anti-semitic to do things like that | 明知道自己是犹太人还这么做 |
[07:02] | when you know full well you’re jewish. | 这才是反犹太呢 |
[07:04] | We could have bought a tire | 我们可以拿那钱买个轮胎 |
[07:06] | for our tire swing with that money. | 做轮胎秋千呢 |
[07:07] | Or your own Netflix account? | 或者自己注册个奈飞账号 |
[07:09] | – Liam Neeson? Not that great. – Your rating system is flawed. | -利亚姆·尼森一般般 -你根本不会打分 |
[07:14] | All right! | 好了 |
[07:18] | Let’s begin. | 开始吧 |
[07:19] | Wait, wait. | 等等 |
[07:21] | What do you mean, “begin”? | 你说「开始」是什么意思 |
[07:22] | That completes the calibration round of questioning. | 第一轮校准问答结束 |
[07:24] | We’re ready to begin the formal inquest. | 我们可以开始正式讯问了 |
[07:26] | I think we’re ready to end. | 我觉得可以结束了 |
[07:27] | We’ve humored this long enough. | 我们忍够了 |
[07:28] | Jeff…It’s for Pierce. | 杰夫 都是为了皮尔斯 |
[07:31] | Look, respect for the dead is only a thing | 尊重逝者只是因为 |
[07:33] | because the dead usually don’t do any more damage. | 他不会再给我们带来伤害了 |
[07:36] | That’s true. | 真理啊 |
[07:37] | You can quit any time you like. | 不能由着你们想走就走 |
[07:39] | But it should be noted that Mr. Hawthorne’s estate | 不过我应告知你们霍桑先生的资产价值 |
[07:41] | is worth over $20 million | 超过2000万美元 |
[07:43] | and only those cleared of his murder | 只有洗清谋杀嫌疑的人 |
[07:44] | can receive their bequeathments. | 才能得到遗产 |
[07:46] | I’m only gonna say this once. | 我只说一次 |
[07:48] | Clearly, Pierce is trying to lure us into a labyrinth of | 显然 皮尔斯想要把我们引入 |
[07:51] | emotional manipulation and strategic instigation. | 一场情感操控和战略性教唆的迷宫 |
[07:54] | And I think we’re all smart enough to know | 我认为我们有这个判断能力 |
[07:56] | we should quit while we’re not ahead. | 知道我们应该在陷得太深前退出 |
[07:57] | – I do believe we should… – Yes, definitely. | -我的确这样认为 -是的 没错 |
[07:59] | – Quit while we’re ahead. – Absolutely. | -在陷得太深前退出 -绝对的 |
[08:02] | They’re all lying. | 他们都在说谎 |
[08:03] | We all know that, you judgmental bitch! | 我们心里清楚 你个评判别人的贱人 |
[08:09] | 改良的新佛教 皮尔斯·安纳斯塔西亚·霍桑 五级激光莲座巫师 注意: 内有人类生命 不要打开顶盖 | |
[08:12] | Miss Perry, have you eaten at the sandwich shop | 派利小姐 你光顾过伯纳德太太和霍桑先生 |
[08:15] | started by Mrs. Bennetter and Mr. Hawthorne? | 联手开的三明治店吗 |
[08:17] | Yes. | 光顾过 |
[08:17] | And what sandwich would you order from Shirley’s Sandwiches ? | 你在雪瑞的店里点什么三明治 |
[08:20] | The only one I can, the helen of soy with no mayo. | 唯一的素食三明治 海伦大豆不加蛋黄酱 |
[08:22] | – Helen of soy. – Are you aware that in order | -海伦大豆 -你知道雪瑞为了省钱 |
[08:23] | to save money, Shirley stopped using real tofu | 不再使用真正的豆腐 |
[08:26] | and replaced it with a midwestern tofu substitute | 而是换了中西部的豆腐替代品 |
[08:29] | called “Meatfu”? | 「肉腐」 |
[08:31] | Oh, my god! | 老天啊 |
[08:33] | It’s still not actually meat…legally. | 不是肉 从法律上讲 |
[08:35] | You have never respected anything that I hold sacred! | 你从来不尊重我尊崇的东西 |
[08:39] | – I’m sorry! – Shirley, did you know | -抱歉 -雪瑞 你知道 |
[08:41] | that Britta was high on marijuana at your son’s baptism? | 布雷塔在你儿子洗礼上 吸大麻吸嗨了吗 |
[08:44] | I’m sorry? | 啥玩意 |
[08:45] | – Well, no higher than usual. – Not true. | -没比平常嗨 -说谎 |
[08:48] | You did drugs in my church? | 你在我家教堂吸毒 |
[08:50] | No, I did drugs in the parking lot of your church. | 没有 我在你家教堂的停车场吸的毒 |
[08:53] | How else do you expect somebody | 不然你要人家 |
[08:54] | to sit through something like that? | 怎么熬过这么长时间 |
[08:55] | At least with a bris there’s an element of suspense. | 至少犹太割礼还有点紧张气氛 |
[08:58] | Well, next time, I’ll have Cheech and Chong do the warm-up! | 那下次 我让「奇昌二人组」暖场好了 |
[09:01] | Guys, these questions are obviously designed | 伙计们 这些问题就是为了 |
[09:03] | to turn us against each other. | 让我们窝里斗 |
[09:04] | If we want to beat Pierce at his game, | 如果我们不想让皮尔斯得逞 |
[09:06] | we have to own up to our mistakes and forgive each other. | 我们就得承认错误 并原谅彼此 |
[09:09] | Mr. Winger, is it true that you keep trophies | 翁格先生 你收集约炮对象的战利品 |
[09:11] | of your sexual conquests? | 是真的吗 |
[09:13] | In a church, Britta? | 在教堂吸毒 布雷塔 |
[09:15] | For shame. | 丢人 |
[09:16] | It’s where jesus gets his mail. | 那是上帝收信的地方 |
[09:18] | Answer the question, Adrian Grody! | 回答问题 艾德里安·恶心迪 |
[09:20] | I know what Pierce is referring to. | 我知道皮尔斯在指什么 |
[09:22] | I have a box of forgotten items in my apartment. | 我公寓里有一箱别人落下的东西 |
[09:26] | I happen to be a single male. Visitors leave things. | 我是单身 客人总会落东西 |
[09:29] | Is one of your trophies a pair of Miss Perry’s panties? | 其中一个战利品是派利小姐的小内内吗 |
[09:32] | You told me a hawk stole them! | 你跟我说是一只鹰偷走的 |
[09:34] | You exploited me and made me believe | 你剥削了我 还让我相信 |
[09:37] | in a slightly more magical world. | 一个稍稍有魔法的世界的存在 |
[09:39] | If you want to collect women’s underwear, | 如果你想收集女人的内衣 |
[09:40] | can’t you just buy them? | 直接买不就好了 |
[09:41] | They have to be won in battle. | 得是在性斗中赢下的才行 |
[09:42] | Gross! | 恶心死了 |
[09:44] | – Jeffrey! – Awesome. | -杰夫瑞 -赞 |
[09:45] | I think we can all agree that the gross thing here | 我想我们能达成共识最恶心的是 |
[09:48] | is that Pierce is snooping through my stuff. | 皮尔斯乱翻我的东西 |
[09:49] | Not really, Abed and I go through your stuff all the time. | 不怎么恶心 我和阿布蒂经常翻你东西 |
[09:51] | Why do you keep bread in the freezer? | 你为什么把面包放冰箱里 |
[09:53] | And why does your bathroom mirror say, | 为什么一起雾 你洗手间镜子上会出现 |
[09:54] | “You’re special,” when you fog it up? | 「你很特别」的字样 |
[09:55] | Look, I don’t have to answer these– | 我不必回答这些问 |
[09:57] | – You took a shower? – Yeah. | -你还进去冲澡了 -是的 |
[09:58] | – Mr. Barnes. – Okay! I did it! | -巴恩斯先生 -好吧 是我干的 |
[10:00] | Okay? I killed Pierce! | 是我杀了皮尔斯 |
[10:01] | – Lie. – Okay, good. | -说谎 -很好 |
[10:03] | Just making sure. | 就是确定一下 |
[10:04] | You and Abed Nadir have a specialized, | 你和阿布蒂是有一种特殊 |
[10:06] | exclusive handshake that you refuse to do with your other friends? | 专有的握手吗 从不对其他朋友使用 |
[10:09] | Absolutely. | 当然 |
[10:10] | Mr. Barnes, did you invent that handshake? | 巴恩斯先生 是你创造的这种握手吗 |
[10:13] | Yes. | 是的 |
[10:14] | Lie. | 说谎 |
[10:15] | Mr. Barnes, are you a subscriber | 巴恩斯先生 你是订阅了 |
[10:17] | to the video blog “Fun For Friends”? | 「朋友好有趣」播客吗 |
[10:19] | – No. – Lie. | -没有 -说谎 |
[10:20] | Silence, witch! | 安静 你个巫婆 |
[10:23] | Hi, I’m Kevin, | 嗨 我是凯文 |
[10:24] | this is Kyle, and here’s a fun handshake | 他是凯尔 教给大家一种 |
[10:26] | you can do with your best friend. | 跟最好朋友握手的有趣方式 |
[10:29] | All right! Thanks for watching, guys. | 好了 感谢收看 |
[10:31] | Don’t forget to rate us, comment, and subscribe. | 别忘了点赞 评论 订阅 |
[10:34] | Can’t look at you right now. | 没法正视你 |
[10:35] | Then you should know I’m crying. | 那你应该知道我泪流满面 |
[10:36] | I forgive you, but only to escape the established pattern | 我原谅你 不过只是为了避免落入 |
[10:38] | of self-righteous indignation followed by immediate comeuppance. | 「自以为是的愤慨后立即现世报」的固有模式 |
[10:41] | Mr. Nadir. | 纳德尔先生 |
[10:42] | Okay, I guess it’s happening anyway. | 好吧 该来的终会来 |
[10:43] | You broke my heart. Continue. | 你伤了我的心 继续 |
[10:45] | Is it true that you planted geo-trafficking devices | 你在小组每个人身上放置了定位追踪装置 |
[10:47] | on everyone in the group so that you would know | 以便知晓每个人随时随刻的所处位置 |
[10:48] | – where they are at all times? – Yes. | -是不是真的 -是的 |
[10:53] | Okay, you guys are changing your faces. | 你们怎么变脸了 |
[10:54] | Are you mad at me or hungry? | 生我气还是饿了 |
[10:55] | You’re tracking us? | 你在追踪我们 |
[10:57] | We’re mad at you, Abed. | 我们生你气 阿布蒂 |
[10:58] | – Why? – Because we already live | -为什么 -因为我们已经 |
[11:00] | in a totalitarian surveillance state. | 生活在一个被极权主义监控的环境下 |
[11:03] | Do you not read my status updates? | 难道你从来不看我的状态更新吗 |
[11:05] | But I’m not the government. I’m your friend. | 但我不是政府 我是你的朋友 |
[11:06] | That’s what governments say, nimrod. | 政府就是这么说的 大猎手 |
[11:08] | It’s cool. When one of you gets kidnapped, | 挺酷的 当你们谁被绑架的时候 |
[11:10] | you’ll be glad you don’t have to count | 你们就不用在车厢里 |
[11:12] | the bumps on the highway from the trunk of the car. | 数高速公路上的减速带了 |
[11:13] | Are those blinking dots us? | 那些一闪一闪的点是我们吗 |
[11:15] | Well, what’s this one all the way to the side? | 那个在边上的点是什么 |
[11:17] | That’s where Pierce is buried. | 那是皮尔斯下葬的地方 |
[11:20] | Is that why you were spending so much time by the coffin? | 你在棺材前呆那么长时间就是为了这个东西吗 |
[11:24] | I was trying to get it back. They’re expensive. | 我想拿回来 那东西很贵的 |
[11:25] | And he’s not moving anymore. | 反正他不会再移动了 |
[11:26] | Abed, where did you plant these things? | 阿布蒂 你把跟踪器藏哪儿了 |
[11:29] | If it makes you feel any better, you’ll never find them. | 你们找不着的 这么说你们会开心点吧 |
[11:30] | I know you know it’s wrong to do that without telling us. | 我知道你明知自己不该未经我们同意就这么做 |
[11:34] | – Shame on you! – Okay, I’m ashamed. | -你真不要脸 -好吧 我承认 |
[11:36] | – Lie. – Lie. | -说谎 -说谎 |
[11:37] | Miss Edison, is it true you once secretly dosed | 埃迪生小姐 你是否曾给小组成员 |
[11:39] | The members of your study group | 偷偷服用过 |
[11:41] | With a pharmaceutical amphetamine? | 安非他明[抗抑郁药] |
[11:47] | – Oh, uh, yes, kind of. – What? | -内啥 貌似 有过吧 -神马 |
[11:49] | It sounds worse on paper than it was. | 它的副作用没有说明书说的那么可怕啦 |
[11:52] | We were cramming for the anthro final. | 当时我们正在复习人类学的期末考 |
[11:54] | Everyone was falling asleep. | 但大家都昏昏欲睡 |
[11:55] | I put 5 milligrams of something-something | 我只在你们的咖啡里 |
[11:58] | In your coffees and we all got an “A.” | 加了5毫升的那东西 然后大家都考了A |
[11:59] | Done! | 就这样 |
[12:00] | I’m a bad person for tracking your location, | 就因为跟踪定位你们 我被当作坏人 |
[12:01] | But you altered my brain chemistry? | 但你肆意改变了我的脑化学反应 |
[12:03] | I was up for three days that week. | 那周我亢奋了整整3天 |
[12:05] | I invented an entire language, | 我甚至创造出了一门语言 |
[12:06] | You fliztbarping gitzgorg. | 你这个…[请见《阿布蒂词典》] |
[12:08] | – I’m sorry. – You messed with my brain. | -对不起 -你损伤了我的大脑 |
[12:09] | That’s a big deal. This is a big deal. | 你摊上事了 摊上大事了 |
[12:11] | I don’t mess with your brain, Annie. | 我可不会伤害你的身心 安妮 |
[12:12] | – You kind of do. – I don’t think I do. | -你其实伤害过了 -我不觉得 |
[12:14] | What about her Facebook boyfriend? | 她在Facebook上的虚拟男友呢 |
[12:15] | – What? – That’s different. | -什么 -这不一样 |
[12:16] | You made a profile for a fake dude | 你编造了个虚假的身份 |
[12:18] | And lured her into an online relationship. | 还虚情假意地勾引她网恋 |
[12:20] | He’s catfishing you. | 他这是个网恋骗子 |
[12:21] | You’re Olympic pole-vaulting hopeful Brent Underjaw? | 你就是高额宽颌的奥运撑杆跳种子选手 |
[12:25] | I noticed whenever you were in a relationship, | 我发现只要你一恋爱 |
[12:27] | You hummed a lot and made pancakes in the morning. | 你就会哼着小曲做煎饼早餐 |
[12:28] | It wasn’t about hurting you. | 我并不想伤害你 |
[12:29] | I did what I did in the name of breakfast. | 我这么做都是为了早餐 |
[12:30] | I bore my soul to you! | 我对你可是掏心掏肺的 |
[12:34] | I told you about my holding hands at disneyland fantasy. | 我就连迪士尼梦幻牵手的心事都告诉你了 |
[12:37] | Do you care about people at all, Abed? | 你还有点人性么 阿布蒂 |
[12:40] | Answer on the polygraph! | 对着测谎仪回答 |
[12:43] | Jeff made me apply for handicapped parking | 杰夫叫我申请残疾人专用车位 |
[12:44] | So he can get a better spot. | 以方便他停车 |
[12:46] | Britta’s the one that invited Garrett | 是布雷塔邀请了盖瑞特 |
[12:48] | To Annie’s birthday party! | 参加安妮的生日派对 |
[12:49] | Troy won’t sit on a toilet seat after Jeff! | 只要是杰夫坐过的马桶 特洛伊都不愿坐 |
[12:51] | When we’re alone, Shirley refers to you guys | 和我独处时 雪瑞把你们叫做 |
[12:53] | As “Those people.” | 「那些家伙」 |
[12:54] | Oh! When Annie’s with other females, dude, | 和其他人在一起时 安妮会说 |
[12:55] | She calls Jeff her uncle! | 杰夫是她叔叔 |
[12:56] | Shirley thinks we’re all going to hell! | 雪瑞认为我们都会下地狱 |
[12:58] | – You are all going to hell! – Oh, what? | -你们就该下地狱 -所以嘞 |
[13:04] | Guys, stop! | 大家 冷静 |
[13:05] | We have to stop letting Pierce do this to us! | 不要再让皮尔斯挑拨我们了 |
[13:08] | Mr. Hawthorne hasn’t asked a question | 翁格先生 刚才这段时间内 |
[13:10] | In quite some time, Mr. Winger. | 霍桑先生并没有发问 |
[13:13] | He’s right. | 他说的没错 |
[13:15] | I actually forgot for a second that Pierce was dead. | 我差点忘了皮尔斯已经不在了 |
[13:17] | Maybe that’s what he wanted. | 也许这正是他想要的 |
[13:19] | Or maybe he wanted us to know | 也许他想让我们知道 |
[13:21] | we’re no better off without him. | 没有他我们好不到哪里去 |
[13:22] | Or no better than him. | 至少没他过得好 |
[13:26] | He kind of nailed it, didn’t he? | 他的目的达到了 不是吗 |
[13:28] | I didn’t just masturbate in the study room. | 我不仅在自习室「撸过」 |
[13:31] | I masturbated everywhere. | 我在所有地方都「撸过」 |
[13:34] | Everywhere! | 所有地方 |
[13:41] | Confession is good for the soul. | 自白确实有益身心健康 |
[13:44] | You should try it sometime. | 你们有空也试试 |
[13:51] | There’s another round of questions if you’d like to continue. | 如果你们不反对 我还有一些问题 |
[13:54] | You want to give us a moment to sit in our own filth | 你之前激起的公粪[愤]我们还没弄干净 |
[13:57] | Before you heap another bucket on us? | 你居然还敢继续接着来 |
[13:58] | It’s strange after all these years | 我们都认识了那么多年 |
[14:00] | How much we’ve kept hidden from each other. | 却还藏着掖着这么多秘密 |
[14:02] | You’d think by now we would have learned to be better people. | 本以为我们早该进步成更好的人了 |
[14:05] | I think we got into this mess by thinking | 就因为我们以为有「更好的自己」存在 |
[14:06] | there was such a thing as better people. | 我们才会落得这般田地 |
[14:10] | Wait. That’s it. | 等等 我懂了 |
[14:13] | If we’re no better than Pierce, | 如果我们并不比皮尔斯好 |
[14:14] | and Pierce is no worse than us, then that means | 而皮尔斯也不比我们坏 这说明 |
[14:17] | nobody’s really that bad. | 一开始就没有所谓的坏人 |
[14:19] | So what if we’re willing to suffer and inflict pain | 就算我们是为了蝇头小利 |
[14:22] | at the mere prospect of material reward? | 而不惜令他人和自己痛苦 这又如何 |
[14:25] | If we stop now, that doesn’t make us better. | 即使现在改邪归正 我们也不会变得更好 |
[14:27] | It just makes us so dishonest that we would rather be poor | 那么做只会令我们变得伪善 |
[14:30] | Than admit we’re flawed. | 我们宁愿装穷 都不愿承认自己装逼 |
[14:32] | Pierce admitted he was flawed, and he died rich. | 但皮尔斯既没装逼 也不用装穷 |
[14:36] | Let’s celebrate his life and death in the honest way, | 让我们诚实地为他悼念 |
[14:40] | Not by saying fake nice things around a casket, | 与其在棺材边假惺惺地说好话 |
[14:42] | But by admitting we’re monsters | 还不如承认「人不为己天诛地灭」 |
[14:45] | And clawing joyfully for some of his cash. | 并理直气壮地偷花一点他的钱 |
[14:48] | So does anybody have anything left before we continue? | 继续问答之前 大家还有想说的吗 |
[14:52] | Let’s empty our tanks of lies once and for all. | 所有的谎话就在这儿一吐为快吧 |
[14:56] | I’m Jeff winger, and if I had my choice, | 我是杰夫·翁格 如果让我选的话 |
[14:59] | I would rather look at myself naked | 我宁愿看自己的裸体 |
[15:00] | Than the women I sleep with. | 也不要看枕边那个人的 |
[15:03] | I’m the one who hit Jeff’s Lexus in the parking lot. | 是我在停车场撞坏了杰夫的雷克萨斯 |
[15:05] | It wasn’t a taco truck, and it was racist of me | 不是卖墨西哥卷的小哥撞的 |
[15:08] | to improvise such an ethnically specific vehicle. | 我更不该编这种带种族歧视的谎话 |
[15:10] | I only give money to homeless people | 只有当身边有人同行时 |
[15:11] | when I’m walking with someone. | 我才会施舍零钱给流浪汉 |
[15:13] | I’ve never been to Legoland. | 我从没去过乐高主题乐园 |
[15:15] | I just wanted you guys to think I was cool. | 我只想让你们觉得我很酷 |
[15:17] | I can be passive-aggressive sometimes. | 我有时会消极对抗 |
[15:20] | Don’t everybody disagree at once. | 竟然没人反驳我 |
[15:22] | Oh, Lord, I did it again. | 老天 我又来了 |
[15:23] | When any of you chew gum, I want to punch you. | 只要有人嚼口香糖 我就想抽他 |
[15:25] | You may as well have submachine guns in your mouths. | 嚼口香糖好比在嘴里开冲锋枪 |
[15:26] | It vibrates my skull. | 嚼得我头骨乱颤 |
[15:28] | Everybody clear? All right. | 大家都说完了吗 好的 |
[15:31] | Mr. Stone, hit us with your grand finale. | 斯通先生 开始提问吧 |
[15:34] | May it be as brutal as we deserve. | 让各种问题来得更猛烈些吧 |
[15:37] | Very well. | 很好 |
[15:38] | Mr. Hawthorne’s final round of questions. | 开始霍桑先生的最后一轮提问 |
[15:41] | Britta perry… | 布雷塔·派利 |
[15:43] | Do you know that you hate yourself more than you should | 你是否知道 你不该如此厌恶自己 |
[15:45] | And that your passion inspired me? | 你的激情令我倍受鼓舞 |
[15:49] | No. | 不知道 |
[15:50] | That’s true. She didn’t know. | 是真话 她不知道 |
[15:51] | To Miss Perry, I leave my ipod nano | 给派利小姐我装满歌曲的ipod nano |
[15:54] | filled with music to take life less seriously by. | 可以让生活少些严肃 |
[15:57] | Oh, that’s nice. | 太温馨了 |
[15:59] | I also leave you this liquid nitrogen cooled cylinder | 还有液氮制冷罐保存的 |
[16:02] | of my hyper-virile sperm | 我超级雄壮的精子 |
[16:03] | in case your lesbian lifestyle one day wears out | 以免你的女同生活过腻了 |
[16:06] | and you wish to raise an army of geniuses. | 寻思着孕育一支天才军团 |
[16:09] | Shirley… | 雪瑞 |
[16:10] | Did you know that you are not only a credit | 你的贡献不能仅仅造福了 |
[16:12] | to your race and gender, but to our species, | 你的种族和性别 更造福了全人类 |
[16:14] | and that I was intimidated by your strength of character | 我被你的骨气和商业头脑 |
[16:16] | – and business acumen? – Yes. | -深深的震撼了 -必须的 |
[16:18] | To Shirley Bennett, | 给雪瑞·伯纳德 |
[16:19] | I leave my spacious timeshare in florida… | 我在佛罗里达宽敞的度假别墅 |
[16:22] | Where she can take what’s-his-name | 她可以带着某某男子 |
[16:24] | and however many children she has now. | 还有生多少孩子就带多少孩子去 |
[16:26] | I also leave you a cylinder of my sperm. | 我也给你留了一罐精子 |
[16:30] | Annie Edison… | 安妮·埃迪生 |
[16:32] | Did you know that you were always my favorite? | 我最爱你了 知道吗 |
[16:34] | You mentioned it once, but– | 你提过一次 但是… |
[16:35] | I leave you this tiara, which you once refused to accept. | 我将此皇冠留给你 你曾经拒绝接受过 |
[16:38] | It’s the same tiara I used to wear | 这顶皇冠曾是我戴过的 |
[16:40] | when my mother would verbally assault me | 当时我妈妈用语言羞辱我 |
[16:41] | for not being a little girl. | 说我怎么不是个小姑娘 |
[16:43] | Also sperm. | 还有精子 |
[16:45] | Jeff Winger, did you know you’re gay? | 杰夫·翁格 你是基佬你知道吗 |
[16:48] | – No. – Agree to disagree. | -不是 -保留意见 |
[16:50] | To you, I leave this bottle of fine scotch | 给你 这瓶上好的威士忌 |
[16:52] | So that you’re less tempted to drink | 这样你就不会喝 |
[16:54] | this cylinderof even finer sperm. | 我这罐上好的精子 |
[16:57] | Abed Nadir, did you know that you are insane | 阿布蒂·纳德尔 你是个疯子 你知道吗 |
[16:59] | and nothing that you said ever made any sense to me? | 你说的话我从来没听懂过 |
[17:02] | – Yep. – Here’s your sperm. | -对 -给你精子 |
[17:04] | Troy Barnes, did you know that you possess | 特洛伊·巴恩斯 你现在正在享受 |
[17:07] | the greatest gift life can give– | 生命能给予的最棒的礼物 |
[17:09] | The heart of a hero– and that it’s up to you | 英雄之心 是否像我一样将它浪费掉 |
[17:12] | not to waste it like I did? | 取决于你的决定 懂了吗 |
[17:15] | I think. | 似乎懂了 |
[17:17] | To Troy, I leave the obligatory sperm. | 给特洛伊 义不容辞地将我的精子留给你 |
[17:21] | Maybe it’s because everyone else got one, | 可能是每个人都有一罐 |
[17:23] | And because it’s an old man’s semen, | 也可能因为这是老男人的精液 |
[17:26] | but, um, I’m kind of disappointed. | 可是 我有点失望 |
[17:30] | In addition, I am prepared to leave Troy Barnes | 除此之外 我准备将我所有的 |
[17:32] | my remaining shares in the hawthorne wipes company, | 霍桑纸巾公司的股份给特洛伊·巴恩斯 |
[17:35] | currently valued at $14.3 million. | 目前价值1430万美元 |
[17:40] | On one condition. | 只有一个条件 |
[17:42] | You must first sail my boat, the Childish Tycoon, | 首先你要驾驶我的船 幼稚大富翁号 |
[17:45] | by yourself around the entire world. | 独自环游全世界 |
[17:48] | What? | 什么 |
[17:49] | Again with the bait and switch. | 又是诱导转向法 |
[17:50] | When I was 23, | 我23岁的时候 |
[17:51] | my father asked me to do the same thing | 我的父亲让我做同样的事 |
[17:53] | to earn my adulthood and his fortune. | 让我获得成熟 获得他的财富 |
[17:55] | Of course I cheated and floated off the coast of belize | 当然我作弊航行到伯利兹沿海 |
[17:58] | for a year doing coke with John Denver. | 跟约翰·丹佛吸了一年大麻 |
[17:59] | I always regretted it. | 我一直都很后悔 |
[18:01] | I’d like to give you a chance to do what I never did: | 想给你一个完成我从来没有做到的机会 |
[18:05] | Become your own man. | 独立成人做真汉子 |
[18:07] | Okay, I’m a lawyer, Troy. | 好 我是一名律师 特洛伊 |
[18:09] | It should be possible | 完全可以 |
[18:10] | to contest these conditions as unreasonable… | 对这些无理条件提出质疑… |
[18:13] | – I’ll do it. – And Pierce can take his mind games | -我会完成 -这样皮尔斯的各种计谋 |
[18:14] | – and his sperm and he can put– – I’ll do it. | -和他的精子都可以… -我会完成 |
[18:17] | What? | 什么 |
[18:20] | Troy? | 特洛伊 |
[18:21] | Pierce was a crazy old coot, yeah, | 皮尔斯是个老疯头子 没错 |
[18:23] | But I think he knew something about me | 但是我觉得他了解我 |
[18:25] | that even I didn’t know until now. | 有些东西我以前都没意识到 |
[18:28] | Because he’s offering me something | 而且他要给我一些 |
[18:29] | I’ve been searching for my whole life. | 我终其一生追求的东西 |
[18:35] | Millions of dollars. | 成千百万美元 |
[18:38] | And being a man or whatever he said. | 还有成为 他刚刚说的那种真汉子 |
[18:41] | Jeff, say something. | 杰夫 快说两句 |
[18:46] | I’m speechless. | 我哑口无言 |
[18:49] | Somebody say something! | 谁来说两句 |
[18:51] | Abed? | 阿布蒂 |
[18:56] | Cool. Cool, cool, cool. | 酷 酷酷酷 |
[19:00] | That’s a lie. | 谎话 |
[19:12] | And that sperm came down. | 结果那精子一出来 |
[19:14] | I couldn’t say anything! . | 我又不能说别的 |
[19:16] | But oh, my God! I was gonna explode! | 我的老天爷啊 我要炸了 |
[19:20] | And then that one, that last question, | 还有那个 最后一轮问题 |
[19:22] | with all of that nice stuff out on the table, | 所有的好东西都放到台面上了 |
[19:25] | and you guys were having this discussion | 你们几个还在讨论 |
[19:27] | about whether or not to quit? | 要不要放弃 |
[19:28] | At first, I was like, “Aaaaah!” | 最开始我想的是 啊啊啊啊 |
[19:31] | But you did it! | 但是你做到了 |
[19:32] | You did it! | 你做到了 |
[19:33] | It was amazing! | 太棒了 |
[19:35] | You’re amazing, man! You’re amazing! | 你真是太棒了 哥们 你太棒了 |
[19:38] | Guys, this is the best. | 同志们 这真是太好了 |
[19:40] | We should do this every week. | 我们每周来一次吧 |
[19:42] | Oh, I’m a fun guy, you know? | 我真人很幽默吧 是不是 |
[19:44] | I mean, you talk about lying. | 你们还说撒谎 |
[19:47] | I was lying the whole time. | 我一直都在撒谎啊 |
[19:48] | This is who I really am. This is me. | 这才是我的样子 这才是我 |
[19:50] | This is the real me. I’m artistic. | 这才是真的我 我是艺术家 |
[19:52] | Ideas come to me all the time. | 创意如尿崩 源源不断 |
[19:56] | I have this idea for a movie. | 我有一个电影的创意 |
[19:58] | It’s about this guy who oversees polygraph tests, | 是关于一个监视测谎测试的人 |
[20:01] | and the biggest obstacle is how good-looking he is. | 他最大的阻碍 是他英俊的面容 |
[20:04] | People can’t focus and tell the truth. | 让人们没办法集中注意力说真话 |
[20:06] | It’s unbelievable. | 不可思议啊 |
[20:08] | By the way, uh, | 顺便问一下 |
[20:09] | we never found out how Pierce died. | 我们一直不知道皮尔斯是怎么死的 |
[20:12] | Oh, my God. | 我的天啊 |
[20:13] | I can’t believe I didn’t tell you yet. | 我居然没跟你们说 |
[20:15] | It was dehydration from filling up all of those cylinders. | 是精尽而亡 为了灌满给你们的罐子 |
[20:19] | I mean, it’s how I want to go, but, hey, I’m a little nutty. | 我也想这么个死法 但咱还是很有料的 |
[20:25] | Are you guys thinking what I’m thinking? | 你们想的和我一样 对不对 |
[20:27] | Shots! | 上酒 |