| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | More lemonade, sir? | 再来点柠檬水吗 先生 |
| [00:03] | Full disclosure, it’s a pitcher of water | 事先声明 这其实是一壶 |
| [00:04] | we can’t get the lemon taste out of. | 我们去不掉柠檬味的水 |
| [00:08] | Sir? | 先生 |
| [00:13] | Max, either this guy’s pretending to be dead | 麦克斯 这男的如果不是装死 |
| [00:15] | to get out of paying the check | 来骗霸王餐 |
| [00:17] | or Oleg’s chili has killed again. | 就是奥列格的辣椒又害死人了 |
| [00:20] | This is my Earl mirror. | 这是我的厄尔小镜 |
| [00:21] | I use it during naps to make sure he’s still breathing. | 是我在他小睡时专门用来探鼻息的神器 |
| [00:24] | And 80% of the time he is. | 而八成时候他都还有呼吸 |
| [00:33] | Han, there’s a dead body at table three, | 阿憨 第三桌有个死人 |
| [00:36] | the saddest place to die other than table two. | 这是除了第二桌之外 最悲哀的死处了 |
| [00:39] | Oleg, get out here! | 奥列格快出来 |
| [00:41] | Someone’s deader than Max’s emotions. | 有人比麦克斯的内心还死翘翘 |
| [00:45] | I really should throw away that chili. | 我真该把那批辣椒给扔了 |
| [00:48] | Let’s prop him up outside with a Salvation Army bucket. | 把他放到街上 再放个捐款筒 |
| [00:51] | Whatever he collects, we split in the morning. | 他这尸体能讨到多少善款 我们明早分了 |
| [00:54] | Uh, count me out. | 我就不参加了 |
| [00:56] | If they catch the five of us with a dead body, | 如果条子抓到我们五个人与这个尸体 |
| [00:59] | you know they’re gonna blame the black guy. | 想都不用想 肯定是我这黑人扛罪 |
| [01:02] | Okay, everyone grab a limb and lift. | 一人抓一肢把他抬起来 |
| [01:10] | How’s everything tasting? | 餐点味道还满意吗 |
| [01:24] | Max, you’re not gonna believe it. | 麦克斯 你一定不敢信 |
| [01:26] | Bobby’s in the shower! | 鲍比在我们家洗澡呢 |
| [01:28] | That’s how much he likes me, he’s using our shower. | 他就是这么喜欢我 连我们家浴室都敢用 |
| [01:33] | He makes me so happy. | 他令我太开心了 |
| [01:36] | Yeah, I heard. | 我都”听”到了 |
| [01:39] | It sounded like someone was trying to connect | 那叫声听起来像是有人想在我们家 |
| [01:41] | with a dial-up modem out here. | 用拨号上网一样 |
| [01:45] | Sorry. | 对不起啦 |
| [01:46] | That’s just what I sound like when I go online. | 我连”上”网时就是这声响 |
| [01:50] | But really, he makes me feel like that all the time. | 但说真的 他让我每分每秒都如此快乐 |
| [01:53] | He’s perfect. We’re perfect. | 他好完美 我跟他太完美 |
| [01:56] | Caroline, you shouldn’t get too carried away. | 卡洛琳 你别一下子就忘乎所以 |
| [01:58] | Nothing is perfect. | 世上没有什么完美的事 |
| [02:00] | Except that game I pitched for the Yankees. | 除了我帮纽约洋基队投球的那场完全比赛 |
| [02:03] | Actually, it is perfect. | 其实真的是完美无缺 |
| [02:05] | We’re amazing together, | 我跟他是天生一对 |
| [02:06] | and I really don’t want to hear from Negative Nancy. | 而且我也不想听毒鸡汤女王的评论 |
| [02:09] | What the… who’s Negative Nancy? | 谁… 谁是毒鸡汤女王啊 |
| [02:11] | Everyone knows I go by “Negative Juggs McGee.” | 谁不知道老娘的诨号是”毒奶波霸” |
| [02:16] | I’m just saying you don’t know him that well yet. | 我只是想说你还没真正了解他 |
| [02:18] | I know what this is about, and it’s not me and Bobby. | 我知道你为什么这么说 跟我与鲍比无关 |
| [02:21] | You’re worried I’m gonna get hurt | 你是担心我哪天受伤 |
| [02:23] | because of what happened between you and Randy. | 因为有你跟兰迪的前车之鉴 |
| [02:25] | It’s not about that. | 跟那个才没关系 |
| [02:26] | I just know guys, | 我只是特别了解男人 |
| [02:28] | and you haven’t been in a relationship | 而你上一次谈恋爱的时候 |
| [02:29] | since Ben was the best Affleck. | 大本还是最棒的那个阿弗莱克呢 |
| [02:29] | 本·阿弗莱克与弟弟卡西·阿弗莱克都是演员 近年弟弟的作品与声势丝毫不输哥哥 | |
| [02:32] | Hey there. | 两位 |
| [02:33] | It’s amazing, I’m somehow less clean now | 真是绝了 我洗完澡后 |
| [02:36] | than when I went in. | 莫名其妙比洗之前更脏了 |
| [02:39] | I gotta get going, babe. | 宝贝 我得先走了 |
| [02:40] | I’ll meet you at the dessert bar. | 到时候跟你在甜品酒吧见 |
| [02:41] | We’re having lunch with his mom and his sister. | 我们要跟他妈妈与姐姐共进午餐 |
| [02:43] | I’m almost part of the family now. | 我也差不多算是家庭的一员了 |
| [02:45] | Well, if you were part of the family | 如果你真的是我家的人 |
| [02:46] | you’d be addicted to Diet Pepsi | 那你会对无糖百事可乐上瘾 |
| [02:48] | and get into mall fights on Black Friday. | 而且会在黑色星期五特卖跟人打起来 |
| [02:50] | Then I might be a cousin. | 那我们可能是亲戚啊 |
| [02:53] | Oh, you know what? I’ll walk you out. | 这样吧 我送你出去 |
| [02:54] | If Homeless Larry tries to grab you, | 要是流浪汉拉里想抓你 |
| [02:56] | – I can fend him off. – Yeah. | -我可以把他挡开 -好啊 |
| [02:58] | Oh, careful, he’s got barbecue tongs now. | 小心点 他现在还有兵器烤肉夹了 |
| [03:06] | Look at those two. | 看看这对小情侣 |
| [03:07] | That PDA is making me want to M-A-S-T-U… | 大庭广众秀恩爱让我想”自己身寸… |
| [03:12] | Ah, I would stop you, | 我想让你别说 |
| [03:14] | but I doubt you know what comes after U. | 但我好奇你”身寸”后面接什么 |
| [03:17] | Usually me. | 身寸”我”后面 |
| [03:23] | What do you guys want? | 你们俩有何企图 |
| [03:25] | Well, we’re looking for some entertainment. | 我们想找点新娱乐 |
| [03:28] | Oleg and I have binge-watched everything. | 我跟奥列格最近狂看了各种节目 |
| [03:32] | You know, we even watched the Santa Clarita Diet. | 我们连超难看的《小镇滋味》都看了 |
| [03:35] | Now that’s one diet I’m not gonna stick to. | 那可真是这辈子都不想再尝的”滋味”啊 |
| [03:38] | Oh, Bobby must have left his phone here. | 鲍比好像把手机忘在这里了 |
| [03:43] | – Oh, crap. – What’s wrong? | -靠 -怎么了 |
| [03:45] | It’s a text from Bobby’s ex, Jessica. | 是鲍比的前女友杰西卡的短信 |
| [03:48] | It says, “Call me about baby.” | 写着”打给我 是宝宝的事” |
| [03:51] | Do Bobby and Jessica have a baby? | 鲍比跟杰西卡有宝宝了吗 |
| [03:53] | Are they going to have one? | 还是他们要生一个 |
| [03:55] | And why does Bobby have a rose gold iPhone? | 还有为什么鲍比会用玫瑰金的苹果手机啊 |
| [03:58] | Maybe he got it with his yearly mammogram. | 说不定是他做年度乳房摄影检查时送的 |
| [04:03] | I knew this relationship was too good to be true. | 我就知道这段感情好得蹊跷 |
| [04:06] | Looks like I’m not Negative Nancy, | 我果然不是毒鸡汤女王 |
| [04:08] | more like Reality Check Rita. | 而是醒醒吧一姐 |
| [04:12] | Then why the hell have I been calling you Max? | 那我以前干嘛叫你麦克斯啊 |
| [04:17] | Oh, just a heads-up, | 先提醒一下 |
| [04:18] | Bobby’s family is on its way over, | 鲍比的家人正在来的路上 |
| [04:19] | so any X-rated puppeteering you have to do, | 你想做的任何限制级布偶演出 |
| [04:22] | now is the time. | 请在现在就表演完 |
| [04:24] | Speaking of Bobby and people he knows, | 说到鲍比与他认识的人 |
| [04:28] | uh, does he still talk to what’s-her-name, Jessica? | 他跟那个什么杰西卡还有联络吗 |
| [04:32] | Pfft, no. | 当然没有 |
| [04:33] | She is long gone, like my bangs | 早已是过去式 就如同我的刘海 |
| [04:35] | or democracy. | 与这国家的民主一样 |
| [04:39] | Bobby never brings her up. | 鲍比从来不会提起她 |
| [04:40] | We just talk about our common interests, | 我们通常都是聊我们的共同爱好 |
| [04:42] | like how much we like my hair | 比如我们有多喜欢我的秀发 |
| [04:44] | or how pretty I am. | 以及我有多漂亮 |
| [04:45] | Yeah, but circling back to other people, | 再绕回刚才说到的其他人 |
| [04:48] | which is very hard with you, | 真的很难跟你聊除你以外的事物 |
| [04:50] | Jessica, do they talk? Text? | 杰西卡 他们还有通话 短信 |
| [04:53] | Share custody? | 或共同抚养权吗 |
| [04:55] | Max, why are you asking about her? | 麦克斯 你为什么一直要问她 |
| [04:57] | Jessica is his ex-girlfriend. | 杰西卡是他的前女友 |
| [05:00] | All Bobby’s ever said about her is that she’s a wedding planner | 鲍比只说过她是一名婚礼规划师 |
| [05:02] | and she’s out of his life. | 他们早就没联络了 |
| [05:04] | I know that’s hard for you to believe, | 我知道这对你来说很难相信 |
| [05:06] | like the moon landing. | 就像当年的月球登陆一样 |
| [05:09] | You never see their faces. | 又没人看见太空人的脸 |
| [05:10] | They brought back no cheese. Just saying. | 他们也没有带回来乳酪 信不信由你 |
| [05:10] | 这句话源自于”月球是由新鲜乳酪做成” 是指人盲目好骗的俗语 | |
| [05:14] | – Now, please, just drop it. – Fine-ah! | -好了 你别在扯这事 -好啦 |
| [05:17] | Fine-ah. | 好啦 |
| [05:20] | Oh, hi, Denise. | 丹妮斯你来啦 |
| [05:22] | Where’s your mom and Bobby? | 你妈妈跟鲍比呢 |
| [05:24] | Oh, we don’t ride the subway together | 我们不搭同一班地铁 |
| [05:25] | in case there’s a crash. | 以防发生意外时全家团灭 |
| [05:27] | Somebody’s gotta be around for Black Friday. | 家里总得有人活着迎战黑色星期五特卖 |
| [05:30] | Well, now that Bobby’s sister is here, | 现在鲍比的姐姐来了 |
| [05:32] | I don’t wanna mess up your perfect brunch. | 我就不给你们的完美早午餐添乱了 |
| [05:34] | I’m going to the diner, where the only perfect thing | 我要过去餐厅了 那里唯一完美的事物 |
| [05:36] | is the owl-to-rat ratio. | 就是猫头鹰与老鼠的黄金比例 |
| [05:39] | So you own this place? | 所以这家店是你的啊 |
| [05:41] | Man, I’d love to be my own boss. | 我也好希望能当自己的老板 |
| [05:44] | Mine treats me like garbage. | 我老板把我当垃圾一样对待 |
| [05:45] | If I want to get freaky with the UPS guy on my break, | 如果我想在休息时间跟快递员”搞一发” |
| [05:48] | that’s my time. | 那也是我的私人时间 |
| [05:51] | So what is it you do, besides the UPS guy? | 所以你除了搞快递员还搞些什么 |
| [05:55] | I work the counter at the Mail Boxes and Other Things. | 我在”邮寄与其他事务”公司的柜台工作 |
| [05:57] | It’s like Mail Boxes Etc, but we have other things. | 很像”邮寄与其他”公司 但我们有”其他事务” |
| [06:01] | I know it sounds cool, | 我知道听起来很酷炫 |
| [06:02] | but my boss is always on me. | 但我老板总是找我麻烦 |
| [06:05] | Well, maybe you should talk to your boss. | 或许你该跟你老板谈谈 |
| [06:06] | You know, tell him how you feel, stand up for yourself. | 把你的心情告诉他 维护自己的权利 |
| [06:09] | I’m not great with confrontation, | 我不太擅长跟人正面对峙 |
| [06:10] | partially because I had bad depth perception. | 部分原因是因为我不知”深浅” |
| [06:13] | Like, I have no idea how far away you are right now. | 比如我现在就搞不清你跟我的距离 |
| [06:20] | I’m right here. | 我就在这 |
| [06:23] | On second base. | 在”二垒”上 |
| [06:27] | Well, I think you’re great, | 我觉得你人很好 |
| [06:30] | and not inappropriate at all. | 而且行为完全不会不合适 |
| [06:33] | And if your boss can’t see that, well, maybe you should quit. | 如果你的老板看不出这点 或许你该辞职 |
| [06:37] | So the gentleman who looked like Abraham Lincoln, | 那个看起来像林肯总统的男人 |
| [06:41] | was that a hipster or an Orthodox Jew? | 是留胡子的非主流 还是正统犹太人 |
| [06:44] | Either way, I don’t understand why you gave him a dollar. | 无论是哪种 我不懂你为啥塞给人家一块钱 |
| [06:50] | Mom, I quit! | 妈 我辞职 |
| [06:54] | Wait, your mom is your boss? | 等等 你妈就是你老板吗 |
| [06:57] | Is it the UPS man? | 是因为快递员吗 |
| [06:58] | He’s your godfather. It’s untoward. | 他可是你教父啊 太有违伦理了 |
| [07:01] | Where’s this coming from? | 辞职想法哪来的 |
| [07:03] | From my new best friend | 我最新的挚友 |
| [07:04] | and women-in-business mentor, | 以及商界女性的导师 |
| [07:06] | Caroline. | 卡洛琳 |
| [07:12] | You told my daughter to quit working for me? | 你让我女儿从我这里辞职吗 |
| [07:15] | I’m sure she meant a different Caroline. | 我相信她是在说另一个卡洛琳 |
| [07:18] | I don’t know. | 我不知道啊 |
| [07:19] | Everything got blurry after she touched my boobs. | 她摸完我胸之后 我意识就模糊了 |
| [07:26] | Han, I’m about to say what you said to me | 阿憨 我要对你说一句 |
| [07:29] | when you were trying to get into an R-rated movie. | 你让我带你去看限制级电影时说的话了 |
| [07:32] | I need your help. | 我需要你的帮忙 |
| [07:34] | I told you three times, I don’t fit up drain pipes. | 我跟你说过三次了 我钻不进排水管 |
| [07:38] | Listen, I just saw this text on Bobby’s phone | 听我说 我在鲍比的手机上 |
| [07:39] | from his ex-girlfriend, Jessica. | 看到他前女友杰西卡给他的短信 |
| [07:41] | I think they might have a secret baby together. | 我觉得他们私底下有个宝宝 |
| [07:44] | Wow, that would really devastate Caroline. | 这事绝对会让卡洛琳崩溃 |
| [07:48] | More importantly, | 但更重要的是 |
| [07:49] | Bobby and I are rose gold buddies. | 我跟鲍比是玫瑰金兄弟啊 |
| [07:52] | I just have to make sure before I say anything | 我想在说出任何让卡洛琳惊慌失措的话前 |
| [07:55] | to panic Caroline. | 先去确认过 |
| [07:56] | I need to do some detective work, | 我想先去明察暗访一下 |
| [07:58] | so you and I are gonna go down | 你跟我一起去 |
| [07:59] | to Jessica’s wedding planning business | 杰西卡的婚礼规划公司 |
| [08:00] | and pretend we’re a couple. | 然后假装是一对情侣 |
| [08:01] | Obviously I’ll be the groom. | 显然 我来当新郎 |
| [08:04] | Max, this might come as a surprise to you, | 麦克斯 这事虽然你可能听了会惊讶 |
| [08:06] | but I’m a very busy man. | 但我很忙好吗 |
| [08:08] | I don’t have time for your sophomoric high jinks. | 我没时间陪你去幼稚胡闹 |
| [08:10] | Uh, that’s what they said to Adam Sandler, | 大家也这么说亚当·桑德勒的喜剧电影 |
| [08:13] | and it only made him richer. | 结果只让他更富上加富了 |
| [08:15] | I’m flattered I was your first choice. | 作为你的陪伴首选 我深感荣幸 |
| [08:17] | Man, she asked me five people ago. | 兄弟 我早你好几轮就被邀请了 |
| [08:20] | I think she was down to you or a broom, | 她好像问到最后就剩你跟扫帚 |
| [08:22] | and the broom was busy. | 而扫帚又在忙 |
| [08:26] | If I’m doing this, we have to use our best acting skills, | 如果我真陪你去 那我们得拿出最佳的演技 |
| [08:29] | ’cause who’s gonna believe you landed me? | 毕竟谁会相信你能钓到我这金龟婿 |
| [08:33] | Ugh, really wish Steve the Broom didn’t have Pilates at 4:00. | 要是”扫帚”先生4点没普拉提课就好了 |
| [08:39] | I’m so sorry, Mrs. Ferraro. | 真的很对不起 菲拉罗太太 |
| [08:41] | I had no idea you were the awful boss | 我真的不知道你就是那个 |
| [08:44] | that was making her life miserable. | 让她生活苦不堪言的恶魔老板 |
| [08:46] | Bobby, why didn’t you tell me | 鲍比 你为何没告诉我 |
| [08:47] | your mom owns a Mail Boxes and Other Things? | 你妈妈有一家”邮寄与其他事务”啊 |
| [08:50] | I didn’t want you to date me for the unlimited bubble wrap. | 我怕你因为我家无限量的气泡膜而爱我 |
| [08:53] | Denise can’t cope out in the world. | 丹妮斯无法适应外面世界 |
| [08:55] | You know how many times she’s touched | 你明知道她摸过 |
| [08:56] | our neighbor’s electric fence. | 我们邻居的通电篱笆多少回了 |
| [08:58] | To be fair, they installed it | 讲道理 他们装电篱笆 |
| [09:00] | to keep her from falling in their pool. | 也是为了防止她再掉进他们泳池 |
| [09:02] | Well, you did this. You take care of it. | 事是你惹的 你得负责摆平 |
| [09:04] | She’s your responsibility now. | 她现在是你的责任了 |
| [09:06] | Bobby, bring home some deserts for me. | 鲍比 帮我外带一点甜品回家 |
| [09:08] | From Dunkin’! | 从甜甜圈连锁店带 |
| [09:11] | Bobby, I am so sorry. | 鲍比 真的很对不起 |
| [09:13] | I don’t want our first fight to be over a misunderstanding. | 我不想我们首次吵架是因为一些误会 |
| [09:15] | I want it to be about something important, | 我希望我们是因为某件大事而吵 |
| [09:17] | like if you want a soul patch. | 比如你想留唇下一撮小胡子 |
| [09:20] | We’re not fighting. | 我们不是吵架 |
| [09:21] | This is a bump. | 只是点小摩擦 |
| [09:22] | I think you’re overreacting. | 你反应过度了 |
| [09:24] | Then why are you yelling? | 那你干嘛吼我 |
| [09:26] | I’m not yelling. | 我没吼你啊 |
| [09:28] | Man, what’s with all the yelling? | 天啊 怎么吼成这样了 |
| [09:30] | Oh, Oleg, let’s see where this goes. | 奥列格 快来看好戏 |
| [09:35] | It’s already better than everything on Amazon. | 已经比亚马逊拍的所有电视剧都好看了 |
| [09:38] | Just with it was a little bit more Game of Thrones-y. | 要是能更《权力的游戏》风就好了 |
| [09:41] | And by that, I mean a little more topless. | 我指的是 露奶什么的 |
| [09:44] | And by that I mean, oh, oh, | 而露奶我指的是 |
| [09:45] | Bobby. | 鲍比露 |
| [09:48] | Caroline, we’re not fighting. | 卡洛琳 我们真不是吵架 |
| [09:50] | But please, don’t get in the middle | 但拜托你以后别再介入 |
| [09:52] | of my ma and Denise again. | 我妈跟丹妮斯之间的事了 |
| [09:53] | My aunt tried once. | 我阿姨试过一次 |
| [09:54] | Now she’s really scared of ceiling fans. | 现在她超级害怕吊扇 |
| [09:57] | I gotta go. I still can’t find my phone. | 我得走了 我还是找不到我的手机 |
| [10:01] | Oleg, this is our new show. | 奥列格 这是我们消遣的新节目 |
| [10:03] | Grab the popcorn from my purse. | 快把我包里的爆米花拿出来 |
| [10:07] | You want cheddar cheese or kettle corn? | 你想吃咸的还是甜的 |
| [10:10] | You know I can hear you, right? | 你们知道我听得见你们说话 对吧 |
| [10:14] | Okay, this must be Jessica’s office. | 这里肯定是杰西卡的办公室 |
| [10:16] | Oh, here, better put this on for the bit. | 给 最好把这个戴上 |
| [10:19] | This was smuggled out of North Korea | 这可是来自朝鲜 |
| [10:21] | by my great-grandfather in his great backside. | 是我曾祖父藏在屁股里偷带出来的 |
| [10:24] | Oh, the classic tush cut. | 经典的屁股形切割 |
| [10:29] | Now remember, we’re detectives. | 记住 我们是侦探 |
| [10:31] | We’re like Cagney | 我是警花 |
| [10:32] | and the only guy I could get to come with me. | 而你是唯一能拖来跟我办案的家伙 |
| [10:36] | Hi. | 你们好呀 |
| [10:37] | You must be Max and Han. | 你们肯定是麦克斯和阿憨 |
| [10:39] | I’m Jessica. | 我是杰西卡 |
| [10:41] | Thanks so much for coming in. | 非常感谢你们能来店里 |
| [10:43] | Oh, you guys are so super cute. | 你们这对真是超级无敌可爱 |
| [10:47] | How does our cuteness compare to, say, a baby? | 我们的可爱度能直逼…宝宝吗 |
| [10:51] | Wow, you’re thinking ahead. | 你们想得真远 |
| [10:53] | Or are you expecting a little one? | 还是你已经怀有小不点了 |
| [10:55] | Ha, I’ve already got a little one. | 我已经有一个小不点了 |
| [10:59] | What about you? | 你呢 |
| [11:00] | Making fun of my size is kind of our thing. | 取笑我的身型是我们专属的秀恩爱方式 |
| [11:03] | Like, making sweet love. | 比如还有 甜蜜地滚床单 |
| [11:10] | So I’m with child. Are you? | 所以我有”孩子” 你呢 |
| [11:13] | Actually, I’m… | 老实说 我… |
| [11:15] | So for the wedding, | 关于婚礼 |
| [11:16] | I was thinking of a nature theme. | 我想要自然主题 |
| [11:18] | Something in the park, whimsical of course, | 在公园里举办 各种奇思妙想 |
| [11:21] | with lanterns and flowers, a big tent. | 比如彩灯和鲜花 以及一个大帐篷 |
| [11:23] | Oh, oh, really? | 你不是吧 |
| [11:25] | You want a big top, Pee-wee? Jessica was talking. | 小笑星你还想要大帐篷啊 别打断杰西卡 |
| [11:28] | Sorry, dear. | 抱歉 亲爱的 |
| [11:29] | The old ball and chain hates when I get a word in. | 我老伴很讨厌我插嘴 |
| [11:33] | Sign me up for a lifetime. | 让我们长相厮守 永不插嘴 |
| [11:36] | Sorry, uh, I missed what you were saying about having a baby. | 抱歉 我刚没听清你说生小孩的事 |
| [11:40] | We’re not here to talk about me. | 今天的主角可不是我 |
| [11:41] | Let’s talk about you and your affair. | 是你们和你们的喜事[婚外情] |
| [11:44] | Oh, I’m definitely gonna have one. | 放心 我绝对会有的 |
| [11:52] | Thanks for texting, Caroline. | 多谢发短信给我 卡洛琳 |
| [11:54] | I’ve been a little lost since you made me quit my job with Ma. | 自从你让我炒掉我妈后 我有点迷失方向 |
| [11:57] | Mostly ’cause I couldn’t find the L train. | 大部分是因为我找不到来这儿的地铁 |
| [11:59] | But I saw a guy kill a chicken. | 但我看见一个男人杀一只鸡呢 |
| [12:02] | I thought you and I could get together | 我是想着跟你聚一聚 |
| [12:04] | and figure out your next career move, | 一起想想你职业生涯的下一步该怎么走 |
| [12:07] | which does not necessarily need to be forward. | 其实不一定要往前走 |
| [12:11] | No, I’m not going back to my ma’s store | 不 我才不会回我妈的店里 |
| [12:13] | no matter how much I miss hiding in boxes | 无论我有多怀念藏在箱子里 |
| [12:15] | and scaring people. | 到处吓唬别人 |
| [12:17] | Well, let’s brainstorm on your next career move. | 让我们发散思维 想想你该找什么工作 |
| [12:22] | I’ve always wanted to be a model. | 我一直很想当模特 |
| [12:25] | I’ve been told I look great with my pants down. | 有人说我不穿裤子时美呆了 |
| [12:31] | You are more than just a body. | 你的价值并不止于那身皮囊 |
| [12:33] | Hmm, sometimes I’m not so sure. | 有时候我也不确定 |
| [12:36] | Hey, what about working here? | 不如我在这儿工作吧 |
| [12:38] | How hard can it be? You do it. | 能有多难 你都做得来 |
| [12:40] | Actually, this job requires a lot… | 老实说 这份工作需要很多… |
| [12:42] | You don’t have to talk me into it. I’ll do it. | 你不用再说服我了 我就在这儿干了 |
| [12:45] | Give me the Frisbee with the drinks on it. | 把装有饮品的飞盘给我 |
| [12:48] | Okay, I guess you could help out until Max gets back. | 好吧 你就帮忙到麦克斯回来就好 |
| [12:51] | Or until someone gets hurt, probably me. | 又或者到有人受伤了 那个人很可能是我 |
| [12:55] | As magic hour descends over the city, | 傍晚时分 夕照城市 |
| [12:58] | Max and I will retire to the honeymoon suite | 我和麦克斯将前往我们的蜜月套房 |
| [13:01] | where she carries me over the threshold. | 而她会抱着我 跨过门槛 |
| [13:05] | Excited for what’s to come. | 接下来会发生什么 想想都激动 |
| [13:08] | Well, it’s not gonna be either of us. | 反正来什么 我们俩都不会来[高潮] |
| [13:14] | So, uh, back to you, Jess. | 说回你吧 小杰 |
| [13:16] | Ooh, the party favors could be little compasses | 派对礼品可以是小指南针 |
| [13:18] | that lead you to your table. | 这样能指引客人入席 |
| [13:21] | Or to a waiting escape boat. | 或引到一艘等着的逃生船 |
| [13:25] | Are you sure you two are right for each other? | 你俩确定彼此适合结为夫妻吗 |
| [13:28] | Are you kidding? | 开什么玩笑 |
| [13:29] | I am obsessed with him. | 我爱死他了 |
| [13:33] | We’re two people madly in love. Right, Max? | 我们俩疯狂地爱着彼此 对吧 麦克斯 |
| [13:37] | Bring those lips over here and… | 快把你的香唇献上 |
| [13:43] | don’t forget to invite your tongue to the party. | 别忘了接吻的时候舌头不能缺席哦 |
| [13:48] | Oh, I’m sure she can see we’re in love | 我相信她能看出来我们彼此相爱 |
| [13:51] | without having to put our mouths on each other. | 不需要嘴对嘴来证明 |
| [13:55] | Please. | 适可而止好吗 |
| [13:57] | She’s shy. Once she starts, | 她是害羞啦 一旦她来劲 |
| [13:59] | it’s hard to put the snake back in the can. | 就很难劝这头猛虎归山了 |
| [14:33] | Could you feel the heat from where you are? | 你能从那里感受到我们俩的热情吗 |
| [14:37] | Are you wearing lip gloss? | 你是擦了润唇膏吗 |
| [14:40] | Listen, I’ve been down this road before. | 听着 我也曾走过这条路 |
| [14:42] | With a stroller? | 是推着婴儿车走吗 |
| [14:44] | I’m just asking because that’s how I push him around. | 我随口问问 因为我都是用婴儿车推他的 |
| [14:48] | This wedding isn’t making it to the banquet hall. | 这场婚礼肯定撑不到设宴就闹掰了 |
| [14:50] | I don’t even think it’s making it to the car. | 我觉得你们甚至撑不到你们停车那里 |
| [14:52] | You two should go. | 你们俩还是走吧 |
| [14:55] | You’re moody. | 你脾气好差啊 |
| [14:59] | Uh, are you pregnant? | 是不是怀孕啦 |
| [15:09] | Are you sure you want the flantinis? | 你们确定要点果馅饼提尼吗 |
| [15:12] | Little tip, go buy yourself a tub of Breyers | 小建议 自己去买一桶冰淇淋 |
| [15:14] | and a bottle of vodka and save yourself 30 bucks. | 和一瓶伏特加 就能省下这30美元哦 |
| [15:19] | Okay, let’s go back over this. | 好吧 我们再来温习一遍 |
| [15:21] | The job of a waitress is to get people to buy things here. | 服务员的工作是让人们在我店里买东西 |
| [15:25] | Also you’re standing on my feet right now. | 还有 你踩到我的脚了 |
| [15:27] | Are you sure? Because I don’t feel anything. | 你确定吗 因为我一点感觉都没有 |
| [15:31] | Gosh, you know what? Denise is my favorite character. | 天啊 丹妮斯真是我最喜欢的角色 |
| [15:34] | I bet you she looks like a million bucks | 我敢说她不穿裤子的时候 |
| [15:36] | with her pants down. | 一定美呆了 |
| [15:38] | You know who looks like 2 million bucks | 你知道谁的裙子脱到脚踝时 |
| [15:40] | with her skirt around her ankles? | 比她美上一千倍吗 |
| [15:43] | How… how… | 我…我… |
| [15:45] | How did I get so lucky? | 我怎么会这么幸运呢 |
| [15:51] | There she is, | 她果然在这 |
| [15:52] | my big shot daughter who doesn’t need me anymore. | 我不再需要自己妈妈 出人头地的女儿 |
| [15:55] | And the woman who keeps taking my babies from me. | 还有那个不停抢走我孩子的女人 |
| [15:58] | I’m getting a drink. | 我去拿杯酒喝 |
| [16:01] | Oh, great, now they’re all working here. | 这下好啦 他们全家都在这工作了 |
| [16:04] | Denise called my ma to brag about her new job | 丹妮斯打给我妈 跟她吹嘘 |
| [16:06] | at your dessert bar. | 在你甜品酒吧的新工作 |
| [16:08] | Bobby, I know you said not to get involved, | 鲍比 我知道你说过不要介入她俩 |
| [16:10] | but I wanted to end our fight. | 但我只是想结束咱俩之间的争吵 |
| [16:12] | Also, I think your sister may have broken my pinky toe. | 还有 我想你姐姐可能踩断了我的小脚趾 |
| [16:16] | Oh, that’s my fault. | 是我不好 |
| [16:17] | I didn’t teach you the stop sign when she gets too close. | 我没有教你当她靠太近时 要摆出的停止手势 |
| [16:19] | Am I too close? | 我靠得太近吗 |
| [16:22] | FYI, Ma, it’s going great here. | 对了 妈 我在这里一切顺利 |
| [16:26] | Well, if things are going so great, | 如果真有这么顺利 |
| [16:27] | why don’t you get your own place | 为什么你不搬出去 |
| [16:29] | and start toasting your own waffles in the morning? | 开始自己早上做华夫饼给自己吃的日子 |
| [16:32] | Maybe I will. | 或许我会 |
| [16:34] | Maybe I’ll move in with Caroline, | 或许我会搬去跟卡洛琳一起住 |
| [16:36] | and she can teach me how to use her toaster oven. | 她可以教我怎么用她的烤箱 |
| [16:38] | We actually have a pretty small place, | 我们家这尊小庙容不下你这尊大菩萨 |
| [16:41] | and our toaster oven is being used | 而且我们的烤箱现在是用来 |
| [16:43] | as a tanning bed for mice. | 给老鼠当日光晒床 |
| [16:46] | Oleg texted me this show was good. | 奥列格发短信说 这节目很好看 |
| [16:49] | I just finished The Walking Dead. | 我刚看完《行尸走肉》 |
| [16:51] | It hit a little too close to home. | 有点感触太深 深到我心坎里了 |
| [16:54] | Yeah, have a seat. | 快坐下 |
| [16:56] | The crazy mom just showed up. | 抓狂老妈刚出场 |
| [16:59] | And the hot sister is yelling at her. | 性感姐姐正跟她吵呢 |
| [17:02] | Caroline! | 卡洛琳 |
| [17:04] | I’m not being negative, but Bobby’s a dirtbag. | 不是我毒鸡汤 但鲍比就是一人渣 |
| [17:07] | I’m 100% sure he has, had, | 我百分之百肯定他已 曾有 |
| [17:10] | or is going to have a baby with Jessica. | 或准备要跟杰西卡生个宝宝 |
| [17:17] | And I’m 100% sure | 我百分之百肯定 |
| [17:18] | I’m gonna have a cold sore in the morning. | 我明天早上会长唇疱疹 |
| [17:22] | Baby? What’s going on? | 宝宝 怎么回事 |
| [17:23] | Bobby, what is going on? | 鲍比 这是怎么回事 |
| [17:25] | This really is the golden age of TV. | 这真是电视节目的黄金时代啊 |
| [17:30] | Max, what are you talking about? | 麦克斯 你在胡说什么 |
| [17:31] | I’m talking about the text I saw on your phone | 我说的是你手机上的短信 |
| [17:34] | from Jessica about your baby. | 我看见杰西卡发消息说你们的宝宝 |
| [17:38] | What are you doing with my phone? | 你为什么会拿到我手机 |
| [17:40] | Bobby, do you have a baby with Jessica? | 鲍比 你跟杰西卡有宝宝吗 |
| [17:42] | Bobby, you have a baby with Jessica? | 鲍比 你跟杰西卡有宝宝吗 |
| [17:44] | That takes the sting out of losing Denise. | 瞬间感觉失去丹妮斯也没这么难过了 |
| [17:47] | A baby? I don’t have a… oh. | 宝宝 我没有… |
| [17:49] | Oh, wait. I have a cat. | 等等 我有一只猫 |
| [17:52] | A cat named Baby with Jessica. | 它叫宝宝 跟杰西卡住在一起 |
| [18:00] | So what’s happening around here? | 这里发生啥事这么热闹啊 |
| [18:03] | Why didn’t you just ask me? | 你干嘛不直接问我 |
| [18:05] | Because I was respecting your boundaries, | 因为我尊重你的隐私呀 |
| [18:08] | which is why I stole your phone. | 所以我才偷了你的手机啊 |
| [18:12] | Makes sense. | 无不道理 |
| [18:14] | Her friend here forced my daughter | 她的朋友逼着我的女儿 |
| [18:15] | to abandon the family’s business. | 抛弃家族企业 |
| [18:17] | Neither one of them knows about boundaries. | 她们俩都不懂得什么叫底线[隐私] |
| [18:19] | I’m throwing these small glasses away. | 我要把这些小玻璃杯扔掉 |
| [18:20] | They’re stupid. | 太白痴了 |
| [18:23] | Well, I’m pretty upset myself. | 我真恨我自己 |
| [18:25] | I wasted $20 on the domain name | 我白花20块钱买了个域名 |
| [18:27] | MaxAndHansWedding.Com. | 麦克斯和阿憨的盛大婚礼 |
| [18:30] | We’re not really getting married! | 我们又不是真的要结婚 |
| [18:33] | We only went to see Jessica to find out | 我们去见杰西卡只是为了查明 |
| [18:35] | if she had a baby with Bobby, you boobie. | 她是不是真的跟鲍比有宝宝 活宝 |
| [18:38] | You went to see Jessica? | 你们去见杰西卡了吗 |
| [18:40] | Seems like everyone’s in a fight except for me and Bobby. | 看来人人都在吵架 除了我和鲍比 |
| [18:42] | Oh, no, we’re fighting now. | 不 我们现在也在吵了 |
| [18:45] | I saw that text on Bobby’s phone, | 我看见鲍比手机的短信 |
| [18:46] | and I didn’t want you getting hurt. | 我不想你受到伤害 |
| [18:48] | The only person who got hurt was me. | 整件事唯一受到一万点伤害的是我 |
| [18:50] | I kissed Han on the lips. | 我跟阿憨嘴对嘴亲亲了 |
| [18:55] | Max, you stalked his ex-girlfriend without me? | 麦克斯 你居然跟踪他的前女友不带我 |
| [18:58] | Pretty shady move by your friend, Caroline. | 你朋友这事干得太不地道了 卡洛琳 |
| [19:01] | We may want to think about finding another roommate. | 我们可能要考虑另觅室友了 |
| [19:04] | Okay, that’s enough. | 好了 真是够了 |
| [19:05] | Denise, you need to go back and work for Ma, | 丹妮斯 你得回去继续帮妈干活 |
| [19:08] | and not only because that’s the only job you’re capable of doing, | 不仅仅是因为那是你唯一做得来的工作 |
| [19:11] | but also ’cause Ma’s lost without you. | 而且没了你 妈浑身不自在 |
| [19:13] | And, Max, you need to trust | 而你 麦克斯 你得相信 |
| [19:15] | that I’m not like every other dirtbag. | 我跟其他渣男不一样 |
| [19:18] | And, Caroline, when two people love each other, | 卡洛琳 当两个人相爱时 |
| [19:20] | they’re gonna fight. | 肯定会发生争吵 |
| [19:22] | Are the two people that love each other us? | 你说的相爱那两个人是指我们吗 |
| [19:25] | Don’t get bullied into anything, Bobby. | 鲍比 别轻易被逼宫而就范 |
| [19:28] | Of course I’m talking about us. | 我当然是说我们啦 |
| [19:31] | I love you, Caroline. | 我爱你 卡洛琳 |
| [19:38] | I love you, too. | 我也爱你 |
| [19:40] | Great. | 好棒 |
| [19:41] | Two white people falling in love. | 两个白人坠入爱河 |
| [19:43] | You don’t ever see that on TV. | 电视史上”头一回”呢 |
| [19:47] | You know what, Ma? This place is dumb. | 其实呢 妈 这店蠢爆了 |
| [19:51] | I’ll come back and work at Mail Boxes and Other Things. | 我回来”邮寄与其他事务”工作吧 |
| [19:54] | You know what? | 你知道吗 |
| [19:56] | You’re the other thing. | 你就是其他事务 |
| [19:58] | Come here. | 来抱抱 |
| [20:03] | Oleg, get the butt wipes out of my bag. | 奥列格 用我包的婴儿屁屁湿纸巾擦 |
| [20:07] | This is a real tear-jerker. | 让我感动到都哭湿了 |
| [20:09] | My second favorite kind of jerker. | 这是我第二爱的那种”湿了” |
| [20:12] | I should get going, too. | 我也该走了 |
| [20:14] | I gotta check some text messages. | 我得去看一下我的短信 |
| [20:16] | And why is my screensaver a shirtless Vin Diesel? | 为什么我的屏保变成裸上身的肌肉男星 |
| [20:20] | You’re welcome. | 不用谢 |
| [20:25] | You know trust is hard for me. | 你知道我这人很难信任别人 |
| [20:27] | That’s why I got kicked out of Cirque du Soleil. | 所以我才因此被踢出太阳马戏团 |
| [20:30] | You’re the first person in my life I can actually count on. | 你是我此生第一个可以托付之人 |
| [20:35] | Be so great if they made out right now. | 她们如果现在开始亲热就太赞了 |
| [20:39] | You were the first person I could count on, too. | 你也是我此生第一位可以依靠之人 |
| [20:42] | I love you, Max. | 我爱你 麦克斯 |
| [20:48] | Okay, we’re not there yet. | 好吧 我们还没情深到那个地步 |