| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | All right, we’re going from the condemned building where we work | 我们要从我们工作的这罪恶楼房 |
| [00:04] | to the condemned building where we live. | 去我们居住的那罪恶楼房 |
| [00:07] | – Do you have a moment for– – I’m sorry, | -请问您有空… -抱歉 |
| [00:09] | I don’t speak English. | 我不会说英文 |
| [00:10] | Max, there’s a do-gooder outside | 麦克斯 外面有个善心人士 |
| [00:12] | raising money for charity. | 想要筹款做慈善 |
| [00:14] | Probably something like OCD pandas | 估计是要为强迫症熊猫 |
| [00:17] | or owls that say “Whom.” | 或是语法狂魔猫头鹰筹款吧 |
| [00:20] | Another one? | 又来啦 |
| [00:21] | I miss the days when you could just walk outside | 我好怀念当年走在路上最大的担忧 |
| [00:24] | and your biggest fear was getting stabbed in the neck. | 不过就是脖子被人捅一刀的好时光 |
| [00:27] | Okay, no one panic. | 好的 大家不用恐慌 |
| [00:29] | Remember, they can’t come inside unless they’re invited. | 记住 除非受邀请 否则禁止入内 |
| [00:32] | Oh, wait. That’s vampires and me. | 不对 那是限制吸血鬼与色情狂的我 |
| [00:35] | I can’t wait around, y’all. | 我等不了啊 各位 |
| [00:37] | I’m going on a bar crawl with Lionel Richie | 我跟莱昂纳尔·里奇约了去酒吧玩呢 |
| [00:40] | and Lionel, he’s all about punctuality. | 而他这个人 最在意准时了 |
| [00:43] | Otherwise, hello? It’s me he’ll be looking for. | 要是迟到呢 他可就得到处找我啦 |
| [00:46] | – Earl, no! – Excuse me, sir, | -厄尔 别去啊 -不好意思 先生 |
| [00:47] | do you have a minute for– | 能耽误您一分钟… |
| [00:50] | Rest in peace, Earl. | 安息吧 厄尔 |
| [00:52] | Taken seconds before his time. | 最后影像是在死前所拍摄 |
| [00:55] | Come on, let’s go out through the kitchen. | 来 我们从厨房开溜 |
| [00:57] | There’s another one out back! | 后门还有一个 |
| [00:59] | I threw a garbage can in front of her, | 我把一个垃圾桶丢到她面前 |
| [01:00] | but it only made her more cheerful! | 结果她反而更欢脱了 |
| [01:05] | Earl, what happened out there? Is she gone? | 厄尔 外面情况如何 她走了吗 |
| [01:07] | Don’t worry. Everything’s okay. | 别担心 一切都安然无恙 |
| [01:10] | Unless you are the North American honey bee. | 但得了蜂群崩溃综合征的北美蜜蜂就不好了 |
| [01:15] | Oh, no, they got to Earl! | 惨了 厄尔也被洗脑了 |
| [01:17] | for only $19 a month– | 每个月只需19块的善款… |
| [01:19] | Everybody run. | 大家快跑 |
| [01:20] | Or just walk at a moderately fast pace. | 或者稍微加快脚步就行了 |
| [01:23] | No, you see, the American honey bee | 别这样 生态崩解的北美蜜蜂 |
| [01:25] | needs a little sympathy– | 需要你们的同情… |
| [01:28] | Have a nice day. | 祝您好人一生平安 |
| [01:42] | Mmm, cookies and whiskey. | 饼干加威士忌 |
| [01:44] | My favorite after-school snack. | 我最爱的放学后点心 |
| [01:46] | Loving that we turned your childhood trauma | 真是爱死我们能把你儿时的创伤 |
| [01:48] | into a thriving business. | 变成蓬勃发展的生意 |
| [01:50] | Now if we could just cash in on your years in juvie. | 就差把你少管所的经历变成生钱工具了 |
| [01:52] | It’ll come to me. | 我会想到办法的 |
| [01:56] | Ooh, gotta get that. | 这必需得接 |
| [01:57] | It’s either Randy | 不是兰迪打来 |
| [01:58] | or Han clicked “Find my iPad.” | 就是阿憨用了”寻找我的iPad”功能 |
| [02:01] | Hey, Max. Wanted to call you | 麦克斯 我想在 |
| [02:03] | before you opened the dessert bar. | 甜品酒吧营业前先打给你 |
| [02:05] | You know, while you’re still a little sober. | 就是趁你意识还稍微清醒时 |
| [02:07] | Hey, Randy! How was the gym? | 兰迪 健身房如何啊 |
| [02:09] | It was back and bi’s, right? | 今天是练背跟二头肌吧 |
| [02:11] | Well, you should know, you set up my iCal. | 你应该知道啊 是你帮我设的手机日历 |
| [02:13] | Hey, Max, did you get my text about tonight? | 麦克斯 有收到我发给你关于今晚的短信吗 |
| [02:15] | No, we didn’t get it, did we? | 没 没收到啊 有吗 |
| [02:18] | Um, I think he just sent it to my phone | 他应该只发到了我手机上 |
| [02:20] | since I’m the only one of us dating him. | 毕竟咱俩中只有我在跟他交往 |
| [02:22] | Let me look. | 我看看 |
| [02:23] | Abs, abs, pecs, penis– | 腹肌 腹肌 胸肌 鸡鸡 |
| [02:25] | oh, here it is. | 找到了 |
| [02:27] | Yeah, I’d be down for a face-to-FaceTime movie night. | 我乐意跟你视频面对面看电影啊 |
| [02:30] | Ooh, anyone in the mood for something Brendan Fraser-y? | 有人有兴趣看布兰登·弗雷泽的电影吗 |
| [02:34] | Not even Brendan Fraser’s parents. | 连他爸妈都不会想看 |
| [02:36] | Well, I’m not watching anything unless someone | 我才不要看任何预告片中 |
| [02:38] | gets kicked in the nuts in the trailer. | 没有人蛋蛋被踢的片 |
| [02:40] | It can be a woman, I’m open. | 女人被踢也行的 我很开明 |
| [02:42] | Well, I’m not. | 我不开明 |
| [02:43] | You know what? I have an idea. | 这样吧 我有个主意 |
| [02:45] | How about I set you up with someone? | 我给你介绍个男人怎么样 |
| [02:47] | I think I have the perfect guy for you. | 我认识一个很适合你的完美男人 |
| [02:49] | A gay guy who doesn’t mind loud chewing? | 不介意女友嚼东西声响大的基佬吗 |
| [02:52] | Um, I’m sorry my teeth aren’t as soft as yours. | 不好意思啊 我的牙不像你的那么软 |
| [02:56] | Tyler’s an up-and-coming associate at our New York office. | 泰勒是我们纽约办公室合伙人中的新星 |
| [02:59] | And I’m pretty sure he’s my Secret Santa. | 我也挺确定他是我的秘密圣诞老人 |
| [02:59] | 一群人中互相抽签决定谁送谁礼物 收礼人并不知道送礼人是谁 | |
| [03:01] | Don’t pity set me up. | 别给我牵同情红线 |
| [03:03] | I like to think I’m above that. | 我想我不至于沦落到这地步 |
| [03:05] | But I’m not! I’m in. | 但我就是 这男人我要了 |
| [03:08] | Hey, girls. | 姑娘们 |
| [03:10] | Raise your hand if you’re super depressed today. | 如果你今天超级不开心就举手 |
| [03:18] | Don’t engage. | 别自投罗网 |
| [03:19] | Just ignore him | 无视他就行了 |
| [03:20] | like he ignores the word “No.” | 就像他无视”不要”这个词那样 |
| [03:22] | Did someone just say, “Yes”? | 刚才有人说”要”了吗 |
| [03:24] | Randy, I have to call you back. | 兰迪 我之后再打给你 |
| [03:26] | There’s a sexual predator that needs my attention. | 这里有个性侵犯需要我的关怀 |
| [03:28] | Hey, Oleg. | 你好啊 奥列格 |
| [03:29] | What’s up, R-Dog? | 你好啊 兰哥 |
| [03:31] | Can I talk to you man-to-man about a pretty serious– | 我能跟你男人与男人间谈谈挺严重的… |
| [03:35] | Bye, guys! | 大家再见 |
| [03:39] | – What? – What? | -怎么了 -怎么了 |
| [03:41] | Sophie wants me to get rid of my beloved Toyota Yaris. | 苏菲想要把我亲爱的丰田小车弄走 |
| [03:44] | That car is a part of me. | 那台车是我生命的一部分 |
| [03:46] | It is the yin to my wang. | 我是鸡儿它是巴 |
| [03:49] | What if we just cement the door to the diner closed? | 我们把酒吧通餐厅的门用水泥封死如何 |
| [03:53] | Oleg, Han is looking for you, man. | 奥列格 阿憨在找你 |
| [03:55] | And he’s really mad because… | 他现在超级火大 因为… |
| [03:57] | well, that’s when I stopped listening. | 他说到这里我就没仔细听了 |
| [04:00] | Sorry, Earl, what’d you say? | 厄尔 你刚说什么了 |
| [04:01] | I stopped listening after you said “Han.” | 你一说到”阿憨”我就放空了 |
| [04:05] | We would need a very strong cement. | 我们需要很强大的水泥啊 |
| [04:06] | Like, brick with cement over it. | 用砖再用水泥覆盖 |
| [04:10] | Oleg, did you really think you could pass this off as you? | 奥列格 你真的觉得你能拿这玩意冒充自己吗 |
| [04:14] | You don’t wear glasses. | 你都不戴眼镜 |
| [04:17] | I thought there was something different about you. | 我就觉得你看起来有哪里不一样呢 |
| [04:21] | I’ve never seen people work so hard at not working. | 我这辈子从没见过有人这么努力偷懒 |
| [04:26] | Hey, everybody! | 大家安安 |
| [04:30] | Take a look at my sweet ride. | 看看我的新座驾 |
| [04:31] | It’s a minivan. | 是面包车呢 |
| [04:33] | I’ve been test driving this bad boy | 我载着这个小野马 |
| [04:35] | with this other bad boy all day. | 试驾这台小野马一整天了 |
| [04:39] | For six hours. | 六小时了 |
| [04:40] | We went through every Wendy’s drive-thru in Queens. | 我们去了皇后区每家温蒂快餐店的汽车取餐口 |
| [04:43] | I wrote “Help me” on a napkin. | 我在纸巾上写了”救我” |
| [04:45] | But nobody did. | 但没人来救我 |
| [04:48] | I wanted to see if all seven of the cup holders worked. | 我想看看车上七个杯座是不是都好用嘛 |
| [04:51] | And now we can drink Diet Coke as a family. | 现在我们可以一家人一起饮用健怡可乐了 |
| [04:55] | You want me to give up my sexy Yaris for a minivan? | 你想让我卖了我的性感丰田小车来换面包车吗 |
| [04:59] | Why don’t I just drive around in a uterus with wheels? | 那我何不干脆开一台加了轮子的子宫呢 |
| [05:03] | I’m not asking you to buy a Prius. | 我又没叫你去买普锐斯 |
| [05:03] | 很多人觉得混合动力的丰田普锐斯 是基佬 娘娘腔才爱开的车款 | |
| [05:06] | Oleg, all we have to do now is sell the Yaris. | 奥列格 我们现在把你丰田小车卖了就行了 |
| [05:10] | Are you allowed to sell evidence? | 犯罪证据可以随便卖吗 |
| [05:14] | Okay, Jose, you can show me how it corners | 好了 何塞 我们开回科尼岛的路上 |
| [05:17] | on the way back to Coney Island. | 你可以演示一下它的转弯性能 |
| [05:18] | Then can I please go home? | 然后我就能回家了吗 |
| [05:21] | This guy’s hilarious. | 这人太搞笑了 |
| [05:23] | He’s been saying that all day. | 这句话他说一整天了 |
| [05:32] | Tyler, hi. I’m so sorry we’re late. | 泰勒 你好 抱歉我们迟到了 |
| [05:35] | Someone jumped in front of our subway car. | 有人跳到我们地铁列车前挡路 |
| [05:37] | I keep telling you to stop doing that. | 我跟你说过多少次别那样了 |
| [05:40] | There was a coupon for a free falafel on the track. | 铁轨上有中东蔬菜球的免费券嘛 |
| [05:43] | You must be Max. | 你一定是麦克斯 |
| [05:45] | Guilty as charged. | 正是本罪人 |
| [05:47] | But never convicted. | 虽然从未被判刑 |
| [05:49] | And you must be Caroline. | 那你一定就是卡洛琳 |
| [05:51] | Wow, you are even prettier than your Facebook pictures | 你本人比你脸书上的照片还美 |
| [05:54] | I definitely wasn’t trolling through. | 我绝对没有去挖坟 |
| [05:56] | I do what I can with a shadeless lamp | 我尽力用唯一有的无影灯 |
| [05:58] | and an iPhone 2. | 与iPhone 2拍出最好照片了 |
| [06:01] | You’re waiting for one more? | 还有一位没到吗 |
| [06:02] | Uh, nope. My boyfriend’s in my purse. | 都到齐了 我男朋友在我包里 |
| [06:07] | Well, my boyfriend’s a poster of Tom Hardy, | 我的男朋友是一张性格男星的海报 |
| [06:09] | but this is sadder. | 但你这个比我还可悲 |
| [06:12] | Hey, Randy. | 兰迪 |
| [06:13] | You look nice tonight. | 你今晚看起来挺帅啊 |
| [06:15] | It’s the “Hefe” filter. | 我用了暖色滤镜 |
| [06:18] | Are these prices? ‘Cause they’re all two numbers. | 这些数字是价钱吗 怎么都是两位数字的啊 |
| [06:22] | Don’t worry, it’s on me. | 别担心 这顿我请客 |
| [06:24] | Can we have a kids menu? | 有儿童菜单吗 |
| [06:25] | My girl may want noodles and butter. | 我的姑娘可能会想点黄油炒面 |
| [06:28] | Oh, does this guy know me or what? | 这家伙真是太了解我了 |
| [06:30] | I think you’ll really enjoy the lobster quesadilla. | 我觉得你会喜欢龙虾油炸玉米粉饼 |
| [06:33] | Oh, I love tapas. | 我可喜欢西班牙餐前小吃了 |
| [06:36] | Well, have you ever been to Barcelona? | 你去过西班牙巴塞罗那吗 |
| [06:38] | On the way to Ibiza! | 去地中海伊比沙岛有经过 |
| [06:43] | Yeesh. | 恶心 |
| [06:45] | Remind me to never go to France. | 提醒我永远别去法国 |
| [06:49] | Hey, you mind if I put a puppy face on you | 你介意我在这场约会进行过程中 |
| [06:51] | while we do this? | 往你脸上加个狗脸特效吗 |
| [06:52] | You haven’t yet? I assumed I had a snout. | 你还没加吗 我本以为我脸上有个猪鼻呢 |
| [06:56] | All right, let me see what I’m gonna have for dinner. | 我看看今晚吃什么 |
| [06:57] | Either Cookie Crisp or Cinnamon Toast Crunch. | 饼干脆早餐片 或肉桂吐司早餐麦片 |
| [07:01] | You have both? I love dating a rich guy. | 你两种都有吗 我爱死跟大款约会了 |
| [07:05] | Hey, Caroline. | 卡洛琳 |
| [07:06] | You know Tyler spends his weekends at the soup kitchen? | 你知道泰勒周末都去慈善粥棚帮忙吗 |
| [07:09] | That is so sweet. | 你心地真善良 |
| [07:11] | So do we. | 我们也每周都去 |
| [07:13] | Best hot dog beans in the city. | 全市最好的热狗煮豆 |
| [07:16] | We’re holding hands. | 来牵个手吧 |
| [07:22] | Yeah, I’ll just have a roll instead. | 拉倒吧 我还是吃东西吧 |
| [07:26] | My boyfriend is dying! | 我的男朋友要死啦 |
| [07:29] | Hi, um, he’s at 3%. | 你好 他生命力就剩3%了 |
| [07:31] | Can I, uh, plug my date in anywhere? | 我能把我男人插到哪里去补个生命力吗 |
| [07:35] | There’s an outlet on the wall right there. | 那墙边有个插座 |
| [07:38] | Huh. Heck yeah. | 很好 |
| [07:40] | Scusi. | 不好意思 |
| [07:45] | Hello. | 你们好 |
| [07:46] | Mind if I put my wine here while I charge my man? | 不介意我给我男人充电时 把酒放这里吧 |
| [07:54] | You guys are so much cooler than the last couple | 你们比我们前一对 |
| [07:57] | we were on a double date with. | 四人约会的情侣酷多了 |
| [07:59] | Speaking of which, looks like our third wheel | 说到这个 貌似我们的电灯泡 |
| [08:02] | found a guy to make out with. | 找到亲热对象啦 |
| [08:05] | Wow, people can be so inappropriate. | 这年头的人可真是无下限啊 |
| [08:12] | You guys didn’t tell me there was fennel in these! | 你们没告诉我这里面有茴香啊 |
| [08:15] | I say we just call it a night. | 要不我们今晚到此为止吧 |
| [08:16] | Yeah. Ugh. This was a swing and a miss. | 对啊 挥棒落空 毛都没捞着 |
| [08:28] | Um, you know you’re smiling. | 你知道你在笑吗 |
| [08:32] | This is about the time of day you start weeping | 通常这时间应该是你开始在屋顶 |
| [08:34] | and saying “Why me?” at the ceiling. | 哭泣然后喊着”上天不公”啊 |
| [08:36] | I am smiling, Max. | 麦克斯 我的确是在笑啊 |
| [08:37] | Kissing Tyler last night awoke something in my loins. | 昨晚跟泰勒接吻 唤醒了我胯下的某物 |
| [08:41] | Loins? That was out of loin. | 胯下 你这话题”跨”过界限了 |
| [08:44] | And now I need to be aloin. | 现在我想”挎”着脸 自己静静 |
| [08:46] | So do I. Tonight, I’m making Tyler | 我也想 今晚我要给泰勒 |
| [08:48] | a romantic dinner in our apartment. | 在我们家做一顿浪漫晚餐 |
| [08:50] | Also, do we have a second plate? | 另外 我们家里有第二个盘子吗 |
| [08:53] | Yes, I keep it in our limousine, Your Majesty. | 有的 我收在我们的加长轿车里 女王陛下 |
| [08:57] | And I’ll tell you what I tell you any time | 每次有男人对你笑 |
| [08:58] | a guy smiles at you and you start planning your wedding. | 你就开始准备婚礼时 我都对你说了这句话 |
| [09:01] | I’ll have the chicken and the fish. | 婚礼我要吃鸡肉加鱼肉 |
| [09:04] | You’ve made your order clear. | 您的点单我记好了 |
| [09:05] | But this isn’t about that. This is about Stella | 重点不是那个 重点是让斯黛拉 |
| [09:05] | 又称《当老牛碰上嫩草》 1998年浪漫喜剧 讲中年女人碰到小鲜肉的爱情故事 | |
| [09:08] | getting her groove back. | 重振雄风 再战情场 |
| [09:11] | Maybe it should be about updating your references. | 或许重点应该是你的哏该跟上时代了 |
| [09:14] | Stella’s 90 now. | 斯黛拉现在都要90岁了吧 |
| [09:15] | All she wants back is her mobility. | 她唯一想要重振的是她的腿脚 |
| [09:19] | Max, I haven’t had sex in… | 麦克斯 我没做爱的日子已经有… |
| [09:21] | You don’t have to whisper, girl. | 妹子 你不需要小声说 |
| [09:25] | We all know it’s coming up on two years. | 我们都知道快要两年了 |
| [09:28] | That you hear? | 这时候你耳朵就好使了吗 |
| [09:29] | I yelled “Help” into your face for an hour yesterday. | 我昨天冲着你喊”救命”喊了足足一小时呢 |
| [09:33] | Say what? | 你说啥 |
| [09:35] | Max, I don’t want a relationship. | 麦克斯 我不想要谈恋爱 |
| [09:37] | I just wanna break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar. | 我只是想给自己也掰一根奇巧”棒” |
| [09:43] | You know, sexually. | 我是指 床事那方面 |
| [09:45] | Don’t drag Kit Kats into this. | 别把奇巧牵扯进这事里 |
| [09:47] | Who got Kit Kat? | 谁有奇巧 |
| [09:50] | I hope Tyler knows “I’m making you dinner” | 我希望泰勒懂”我给你做晚餐” |
| [09:53] | is code for “I’m DTML.” | 是”我愿跟爱”的意思 |
| [09:55] | Down to make love. | 我愿意跟你做爱 |
| [09:58] | And I’m down to my last conversation with you | 这是”我愿意跟你”聊的最后一段对话 |
| [10:00] | for saying “making love.” | 因为你说了”做爱”两字 |
| [10:02] | But I’m happy for you, girl. | 好姐妹 但我还是为你高兴 |
| [10:04] | I’m also happy for Earl, ’cause he had two years | 我也为厄尔高兴 因为他困在 |
| [10:06] | in the “Will Caroline Ever Have Sex Again?” pool. | “卡洛琳此生还能再滚床单吗”赌局里两年了 |
| [10:09] | – What did you have? – I wasn’t in the pool. | -那你呢 -我不在赌局里 |
| [10:11] | – Aw, thank you. – I just ran it. | -谢谢你相信我 -我是开赌局的人 |
| [10:13] | And I will say, seeing you and Tyler | 我不得不说 看到你跟泰勒 |
| [10:15] | make out in a public place was kind of a– | 在公共场合亲热 感觉有点… |
| [10:18] | – Turn on? – No. | -性致盎然 -不是 |
| [10:19] | – Erotic awakening? – No, | -唤醒兽欲 -不是 |
| [10:20] | it had nothing to do with you. | 跟你一点关系都没有 |
| [10:22] | It made me realize I haven’t actually laid lips on Randy | 是让我想到我们决定重新在一起后 |
| [10:25] | since we decided to be in a relationship again. | 我还没吻到过兰迪的唇 |
| [10:28] | So tell him to fly here. | 叫他飞过来啊 |
| [10:29] | Maybe you can stay at a hotel. | 这样或许你可以住酒店 |
| [10:31] | ‘Cause I may need your bed. | 因为我可能要征用你的床 |
| [10:32] | If I put too much pressure on mine, | 如果我在床上太使劲 |
| [10:33] | it flips back into the wall. | 我的床会弹回墙上 |
| [10:35] | Yeah. I do miss him. | 我的确很想他 |
| [10:37] | And I’m kind of sick of licking my iPad. | 我也有点腻味舔我的iPad了 |
| [10:39] | Know what I mean? | 懂我的意思吧 |
| [10:41] | No. That’s how long it’s been. | 不懂 知道我”寂寞”多久了吧 |
| [10:46] | Hey, everybody! | 大家安安 |
| [10:53] | Ah. Baby Barbara loves that. | 芭芭拉宝宝可喜欢这么玩啦 |
| [10:59] | Oh, we got good news. | 我有好消息要分享 |
| [11:01] | And it’s not just ’cause the guy selling the VHS pornos outside | 不光是因为外面买色情录像带的那个男人 |
| [11:05] | asked if we were sisters. | 问我是不是芭芭拉的姐姐 |
| [11:07] | I have some good news, too. | 我也有好消息哟 |
| [11:09] | I’m gonna have sex tonight. | 我今晚要爱爱啦 |
| [11:11] | If you know what I mean. | 如果你懂我什么意思的话 |
| [11:14] | Oh, no. | 不是吧 |
| [11:16] | I lost the pool. | 老娘赌输了 |
| [11:19] | Yeah, I said ten years. | 我当时下注的是”十年无性” |
| [11:21] | And that’s only ’cause “Never” was already taken. | 那还只是因为”永远无性”已经被人抢先下注了 |
| [11:25] | Sophie, I haven’t been able to sell the Yaris. | 苏菲 我没能卖掉那辆丰田小车 |
| [11:28] | Looks like we’re gonna have to keep it forever. | 看来我们要永远留着它了 |
| [11:30] | I tried, for only, like an hour. | 我试过了 试着叫卖一小时呢 |
| [11:32] | But I tried. | 但至少我试过了 |
| [11:33] | Oh, Oleg. Yeah, well, the good news is, | 奥列格 没事 好消息是 |
| [11:36] | you don’t have to worry about selling it. | 你不必担心卖车这件事了 |
| [11:39] | Good, I didn’t try. | 太好了 我刚骗你的 |
| [11:40] | Ah, ’cause I already sold it! | 因为我已经把车卖掉了 |
| [11:42] | What? Oh, no. | 什么 不会吧 |
| [11:44] | It’s like you’ve just taken my manhood from me. | 这相当于你剥夺掉了我的男性尊严 |
| [11:47] | Okay, I can’t hold this in any longer. | 好吧 我憋不住了 |
| [11:49] | Who had “Never”? | 到底是谁下注”永远无性” |
| [11:51] | I did. | 是我 |
| [11:54] | Hey, Sophie, at least tell me | 苏菲 至少告诉我 |
| [11:56] | you sold it to a stud who will carry on my sexual legacy. | 你把车卖给一个种马 让他来继承我的风流座驾 |
| [12:00] | Guess who’s the owner of a 2008 Yaris? | 猜猜谁买了一辆2008年的丰田小车 |
| [12:05] | Oh, this is tougher to take | 这比好朋友的成功 |
| [12:07] | than the success of a close friend. | 还难以让人接受 |
| [12:10] | Luckily we have my sexcapades to lift everyone’s spirits. | 幸好有我的无性赌局来给大家提提神逗逗乐 |
| [12:14] | I’m gonna go stick my Garfield to the back window. | 我要把我的加菲猫粘到后车窗那 |
| [12:19] | Oh, that car was magic. | 老子的车可是神车 |
| [12:20] | And now, the only tail my Yaris will ever see again | 而现在 我的丰田小车唯一能看见的尾巴[阴部] |
| [12:24] | belongs to a lasagna-eating cat! | 居然属于一只爱吃意面的肥猫 |
| [12:29] | What did Randy say? Did you tell him | 兰迪怎么说 你有没有告诉他 |
| [12:31] | I’m gonna have a horizontal hoedown? | 有人马上要耕耘我这块旱地了 |
| [12:33] | He was on your email blast. | 他在你群发名单里 |
| [12:36] | He’s coming tomorrow night. | 他明晚会来 |
| [12:37] | But don’t worry, I’ll get out of the apartment tonight. | 但别担心 我今晚就不在公寓住 |
| [12:39] | I’ll find a pick-up stick ball game or something. | 我会随便找个棍子球游戏参一脚 或干别的 |
| [12:42] | Okay, now who do I give my $5 to for the pool? | 好了 赌输这5块钱该给谁 |
| [12:46] | You know what? I think I’m gonna hold onto it | 算了 我还是先别急着给了 |
| [12:50] | till it actually happens. | 等真的睡了再说 |
| [12:56] | Ooh, fancy. | 不错嘛 |
| [12:58] | You got all the kinds of cheeses. | 各种芝士 任君选择 |
| [13:00] | White, yellow, orange. | 白色 黄色 橙色的都有 |
| [13:02] | Whatever he doesn’t eat is our lunch for the week. | 他不吃的就是我们这周的午餐 |
| [13:06] | Well, I’ll be back in a few hours. | 我几个小时后回来 |
| [13:08] | I’d say break a leg, but you’re so out of practice, | 我本来想祝你好运[断条腿] 但你太疏于练习 |
| [13:10] | you just might. | 没准还真会搞断腿 |
| [13:11] | Thanks, Max. I really need this. | 多谢 麦克斯 我真的很饥渴了 |
| [13:14] | I’ll try to text you when it’s over. | 结束后我会发消息给你 |
| [13:16] | I’ll know when it’s over, right? | 结束的时候 我会知道的 对吧 |
| [13:18] | Yeah, he’ll leave immediately. | 当然 男人打完就跑啊 |
| [13:23] | I believe that’s my FedSex delivery. | 我的联”棒”快递来了 |
| [13:28] | Godspeed. | 祝成功 |
| [13:29] | And thank you for your service. | 谢谢你的服务 |
| [13:39] | That’s enough small talk. | 别寒暄了 来吧 |
| [13:41] | Unbelievable! | 太过分了 |
| [13:45] | Randy just canceled! | 兰迪不来了 |
| [13:47] | He can’t leave L.A. ’cause of “Work stuff.” | 他因为”工作的事”走不开 |
| [13:49] | And now my phone died, so I can’t Google ways to kill him. | 我手机又没电 害我不能上网搜索如何杀男友 |
| [13:52] | I’ll have to do it from memory. | 我只能凭着记忆里的杀人手法宰了他 |
| [13:54] | Ugh, I need to charge this. | 我得充下电 |
| [13:57] | Oh, that is so rude of me. | 我真是太失礼了 |
| [13:58] | Do you guys need this outlet? | 这个插座你们用吗 |
| [14:06] | – Olive? – I’m allergic. | -吃橄榄吗 我过敏 |
| [14:07] | It’s gone. | 那不吃了 |
| [14:09] | So, what’s the main course? | 主菜是什么呀 |
| [14:11] | Me: the other white meat. | 我 另一种白肉 |
| [14:15] | That sounds great, but maybe some crackers first. | 听起来不错 但或许该先吃点咸脆饼[白人] |
| [14:17] | Your text did say, “Come hungry.” | 你在短信上写明”饿着来哦” |
| [14:20] | And thirsty! | 还有要口渴[饥渴]哦 |
| [14:24] | Well, I’m always thirsty, ’cause I’m an alcoholic. | 我向来容易口渴 因为我是酒鬼 |
| [14:28] | That’s so funny. | 真好笑 |
| [14:29] | I don’t even care if you’re not kidding. | 我甚至不在乎你是不是在开玩笑 |
| [14:33] | I’m just mad you’re not coming. | 我只是生气你不来看我 |
| [14:34] | I’m not yelling! | 我没有大声嚷 |
| [14:36] | I am angrily whispering | 我只是愤怒地低语 |
| [14:38] | because my phone still isn’t charged, | 因为我的手机还是没电 |
| [14:39] | and Caroline’s in the other room | 而卡洛琳在另一间房 |
| [14:40] | trying to remember how to have sex. | 努力回想该怎么做爱 |
| [14:43] | She’s kidding. | 她说笑的啦 |
| [14:45] | Nothing’s changed, right? | 就还是那一套 对吧 |
| [14:47] | I think there’s more choking now, but it’s not my thing. | 我想可能现在更多玩窒息 但我不玩这种 |
| [14:50] | All right, my phone’s at 23%. | 好了 我的手机电量还有23% |
| [14:53] | I’m gonna go steal a car and finish charging it. | 我要去偷辆车 继续充电了 |
| [14:55] | Okay, see you in the morning, not before, bye. | 好 早上之前不要见 快走不送 |
| [14:59] | It’s Randy. I’m not getting it. | 是兰迪 我做不到接他电话 |
| [15:01] | Hm, you and me both, sister. | 咱俩一样 臣妾”做”不到啊 |
| [15:04] | Okay, that should do it. | 好 这样应该可以了 |
| [15:06] | Good-bye, Randy. | 再见 兰迪 |
| [15:11] | It’s Randy. | 兰迪打给我了 |
| [15:12] | Don’t you dare get it. | 你敢接试试 |
| [15:14] | Max, please don’t threaten my date. | 麦克斯 拜托不要威胁我的约会对象 |
| [15:15] | He’s not a kid with a McFlurry. | 他不是拿着麦旋风的小孩好吗 |
| [15:18] | I kinda have to get this. He’s sort of my boss. | 我好像必须得接 他算是我的老板 |
| [15:20] | And he doesn’t know it yet, but he’s my Secret Santa. | 而且他还不知道 可他是我的圣诞送礼对象 |
| [15:23] | I’m warning you, she’s not having sex with you | 我警告你 你要接了这个电话 |
| [15:25] | if you answer that. | 就别想跟她上床了 |
| [15:26] | Uh, hello! | 喂 |
| [15:27] | Who are you trying to punish here? | 你到底想惩罚谁啊 |
| [15:29] | All right. The phone stopped ringing. | 行了 电话也不响了 |
| [15:31] | Everybody calm down. | 大家都冷静 |
| [15:33] | You did not vacuum your bed for nothing. | 吸尘器没白用 你的床能派上用场 |
| [15:36] | I mean, you can’t be too mad at Randy, | 你不能对兰迪发这么大火 |
| [15:37] | given the situation between you two. | 你也不想想你俩现在啥情况 |
| [15:42] | What situation? | 我俩现在啥情况 |
| [15:44] | – Oh, no. – Is there a bathroom here? | -糟糕 -这里有厕所吗 |
| [15:46] | This whole place is a bathroom. Start talking. | 整个房子就是个厕所 少废话快说 |
| [15:49] | You know, you choosing your business | 你宁愿选择你的事业 |
| [15:51] | over seeing where things could go with you two. | 也不愿给你们的感情一个机会 |
| [15:54] | Kinda. | 算是吧 |
| [15:55] | Am I still talking? | 我还在说话吗 |
| [15:58] | Max, please don’t hit him in his sex parts, | 麦克斯 拜托不要打他的性器官 |
| [16:00] | which, if I remember correctly, is in his winkle. | 如果我没记错的话 应该是他的小鸡鸡 |
| [16:04] | Continue, Tyler. | 继续说 泰勒 |
| [16:06] | I’m just saying, what do you expect | 我只是说 你对远距离恋爱 |
| [16:08] | from a long-distance relationship? | 还能有什么期待 |
| [16:10] | If he’s not moving here and you’re not moving there, | 如果他不搬来你这里 而你又不搬去他那里 |
| [16:12] | what’s the point? | 那还有什么意义 |
| [16:14] | The point is that anything can happen. | 意义就是 一切皆有可能 |
| [16:16] | And maybe Randy will move here. And even if he doesn’t, | 或许兰迪会搬来我这里 就算他不来 |
| [16:19] | we’re gonna have jetpacks in, like, a year. | 喷气飞行器马上面世了 再一年吧 |
| [16:21] | Everybody knows that. | 地球人都知道啊 |
| [16:24] | It’s Randy. I’m not getting it. | 是兰迪 我做不到接他电话 |
| [16:26] | Or anything else tonight. | 今晚我啥都”做”不到 |
| [16:27] | – Gimme that phone. – Max, no! | -电话给我 -麦克斯 不要 |
| [16:29] | I wanna remember what it’s like to be touched on the boob. | 我想重温胸部被摸是什么感觉 |
| [16:31] | And not by a guy at LensCrafters | 而不是被眼镜店的男人揩油 |
| [16:33] | who didn’t even work there. | 那人还不是员工 白被摸了 |
| [16:36] | Hello, Randy. | 你好呀 兰迪 |
| [16:38] | It’s the person that, uh, chose her business | 我就是那个宁愿选择她的事业 |
| [16:40] | over seeing where things– what was that, Tyler? | 也不愿给我们的感情…怎么说来着 泰勒 |
| [16:43] | This is exactly how my parents got divorced. | 我的父母就是这么离婚的 |
| [16:46] | He wants to talk to you. | 他想跟你说句话 |
| [16:52] | Hey, buddy. | “好”兄弟 |
| [16:53] | Hey, Randy, can’t hear you. | 兰迪 我听不清 |
| [16:54] | I’m going through a tunnel. | 我过隧道呢 |
| [16:56] | I wish. | 我的”隧道”欢迎你 |
| [16:59] | Are you ever gonna move to New York? | 你将来会搬到纽约吗 |
| [17:01] | Are you ever gonna move to L.A.? | 你将来会搬到洛杉矶吗 |
| [17:03] | I asked you first. | 我先问你的 |
| [17:04] | Max, do you really wanna do this now? | 麦克斯 你真的要现在闹这个吗 |
| [17:06] | Yeah, now’s not great for me. | 对啊 现在对我来说不是好时机 |
| [17:08] | Yeah, I do. If I’m not moving there, | 我就要 如果我不搬去你那里 |
| [17:10] | and you’re not moving here, what’s the point? | 你又不搬来我这里 那还有什么意义 |
| [17:13] | So, I guess this is it. | 那…就这样吧 |
| [17:16] | I want a boyfriend I’m not afraid of | 我想要一个男朋友 不用害怕 |
| [17:17] | dropping in the toilet. | 会掉进马桶的那种 |
| [17:21] | Yeah. | 就这样吧 |
| [17:22] | So this is good-bye. | 所以要分手说再见了 |
| [17:24] | I guess so. Good-bye. | 我想是的 再见 |
| [17:29] | Why? | 上天不仁 |
| [17:31] | Why me? | 老天不公 |
| [17:34] | – Should I go? – No, I will. | -用我走吗 -不用 我走 |
| [17:37] | Max, you and Randy just broke up. | 麦克斯 你和兰迪刚分手 |
| [17:38] | You can’t go. | 你不能走 |
| [17:40] | Unless you really, really want to. | 除非你真的真的很想走 |
| [17:44] | I need to be alone. | 我想一个人待着 |
| [17:45] | Maybe I’ll go to a taping of Carson Daly. | 或许我会去看卡森·达利录节目 |
| [17:52] | Maybe we should have done this at my place. | 或许我们该约在我家 |
| [17:54] | I live with my ex, but she’s a lesbian. | 我跟我的前任住在一起 但她是个拉拉 |
| [17:56] | Not because of anything I did. | 她变拉拉绝不是因为我做了什么 |
| [17:58] | I’m still talking! | 我就是管不住自己的嘴 |
| [17:59] | Let’s let our bodies do it for us. | 让我们用肢体语言沟通吧 |
| [18:07] | See, she loves it. | 瞧 她可喜欢啦 |
| [18:11] | Ah, can you believe that Oleg still won’t buy the minivan? | 你能相信奥列格至今不愿意买那辆面包车吗 |
| [18:14] | Sophie, I’m telling you. | 苏菲 我都说了 |
| [18:15] | A van with windows? What’s the point? | 有窗户的面包车 脱裤子放屁嘛 |
| [18:20] | Never had such a hard time closing the deal. | 从来没试过出货出得这么艰辛 |
| [18:23] | Yeah, me neither. | 是啊 我的”货”也出不去 |
| [18:25] | Wow, you put out your lunch cheese. | 哇 午餐芝士都舍得摆出来 |
| [18:31] | I like this guy for you, Caroline. | 这男的适合你 卡洛琳 |
| [18:33] | You should have sex with him. | 你们真应该来一发 |
| [18:35] | Don’t love his outfit, | 不喜欢他的外套 |
| [18:37] | but he’s only gonna be wearing the belt, right? | 但他等下身上就剩皮带了 对吧 |
| [18:39] | Did you tell him how long it’s been? | 你有告诉他你多久没做爱了吗 |
| [18:41] | I got five bucks riding on this. | 我对你这事可是下注了5块钱呢 |
| [18:47] | Max, you’re really upset about Randy. | 麦克斯 兰迪真的让你很难过啊 |
| [18:49] | Usually you high-five me when we pass | 每次我们经过”只准后入[式]”标识 |
| [18:51] | a “Rear Entry Only” Sign. | 你都跟我击掌 |
| [18:54] | After last night, I’m too upset | 经过昨晚后 我太难过了 |
| [18:55] | for sophisticated humor. | 没心情欣赏有高深歧义的幽默 |
| [18:57] | I feel like it’s my fault. | 感觉好像是我的错 |
| [18:59] | If you hadn’t set me up, none of this would’ve happened. | 如果你们不帮我牵红线 这事就不会发生 |
| [19:01] | It’s not your fault, it’s your date– | 不是你的错 是你的约会对象 |
| [19:04] | I wanna say his name is Triscuit. | 他的名字是 跟某饼干牌子一样吗 |
| [19:07] | It was Tyler. | 人家叫泰勒 |
| [19:09] | Well, I’m sorry you didn’t get in the bone zone with him. | 抱歉你没有跟他滚成床单 |
| [19:11] | It’s okay. He was a talker. | 没事 他话太多了 |
| [19:13] | And if I’m saying that… | 连我这个话唠都这么说… |
| [19:16] | And I’m surprised you’re taking this so hard. | 我很惊讶你这次居然这么难过 |
| [19:18] | You and Randy are more on and off | 你和兰迪的分分合合 |
| [19:20] | than a jacket in early fall. | 比早秋的天气还多变 |
| [19:22] | I must be feeling a little better. | 我现在肯定好点了 |
| [19:24] | “Heavy Load.” | “重负载[一大泡屎]” |
| [19:33] | Hey, girls. | 姑娘们 |
| [19:34] | Guess who just hit a guy in her brand new minivan? | 猜猜谁刚开着她的全新面包车撞了人 |
| [19:38] | This thing is so smooth, we barely even felt it. | 这玩意开起来太平稳了 撞了人都没啥感觉 |
| [19:42] | Oleg, I thought you said you’d only get a minivan | 奥列格 我还以为你说自己决不会买面包车 |
| [19:44] | over your dead body. | 除非等你死了 |
| [19:45] | And no offense, but we all kind of got excited. | 无意冒犯 但我们都对此挺兴奋的 |
| [19:48] | Jose failed to mention that you could fit | 何塞之前没有说后座可以放进 |
| [19:50] | a full-size mattress back there. | 一块全尺寸的床垫 |
| [19:53] | Not a great salesman. | 这个销售员不称职啊 |
| [19:55] | Let’s park this thing so I can show you the inside. | 把车停下 我给你们展示一下内部 |
| [20:05] | What the hell, man? | 搞什么啊 兄弟 |
| [20:10] | We have lit candles in here. | 我们这里面有点蜡烛呢 |
| [20:13] | Han’s with a girl? | 阿憨居然跟一个妹子在一起 |
| [20:14] | Oh, ho, that is one magic car. | 老子的车果然是神车 |
| [20:18] | You know what that means. | 你知道那意味着什么吗 |
| [20:20] | Even Han got sex before Caroline. | 就连阿憨都比卡洛琳早”开张” |
| [20:27] | Who had 32 years for Han in the pool? | 谁下注说阿憨”32年无性”的 |
| [20:30] | Uh, I did. | 是我 |
| [20:33] | He heard that? | 这他又能听见了吗 |
| [20:35] | Hey, Han, can Caroline borrow that Yaris sometime? | 阿憨 卡洛琳改天能借一下你的丰田小车吗 |
| [20:38] | Real soon? | 改天就是马上 |