| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | Ladies and waitresses, | 女士们与女服务员们 |
| [00:04] | I am the great Han-dini! | 我就是大魔术师憨迪尼 |
| [00:07] | Somewhere there’s a top of a wedding cake | 世上某个婚礼蛋糕顶上装饰品的 |
| [00:09] | missing its groom. | 新郎娃娃跑掉了 |
| [00:11] | I went to traffic school this weekend | 我上周末重上驾校了 |
| [00:11] | 美国在犯某些较轻微交规后 选择交罚款 或选择回去驾校上课来抵消扣分 | |
| [00:13] | and was taught by a magician. | 教练是个魔术师 |
| [00:15] | My traffic school was taught by a comedian. | 我重回驾校的时候 教练是说单口相声的 |
| [00:17] | It wasn’t funny, but at least I saw | 过程并不好笑 不过好歹知道了 |
| [00:19] | what Jon Lovitz was up to. | 乔恩·拉威茨他最近在忙啥 |
| [00:22] | Did you get a DWI? | 是因为”小酌后驾车”被开单吗 |
| [00:24] | Driving while itty-bitty? | 又小又拙后驾车 |
| [00:26] | I ran a series of red lights. | 我连闯了好几个红灯 |
| [00:29] | I received word there had been a Squirtle sighting. | 就为了去传闻中出现杰尼龟的地方抓神奇宝贝 |
| [00:32] | And now, I’m about to pull a rabbit | 现在 我要从帽子里 |
| [00:35] | -out of a hat. -Big deal. | -变出一只兔兔 -有啥了不起 |
| [00:37] | I just pulled half a raccoon out of the toilet. | 我刚还从厕所变出半只浣熊呢 |
| [00:41] | Presto! | 急急如律令 |
| [00:44] | This is making me depressed-o. | 悲催到要”令”我泪如雨下了 |
| [00:47] | Where are you? | 小兔兔你去哪啦 |
| [00:50] | Pick up. | 上菜 |
| [00:52] | Salad with a rabbit on it. | 兔子沙拉 |
| [00:58] | He just can’t serve a salad without a hare in it. | 他的”夹毛”沙拉总是让人想”兔” |
| [01:14] | Amazing news: | 天大好消息 |
| [01:16] | I found a penny. | 我捡到了一分钱 |
| [01:18] | And our dessert bar is in Time Out Magazine. | 还有 我们的甜品酒吧上了知名杂志啦 |
| [01:22] | “Where are they now? Pizza Rat!” | “披萨鼠 你们都到哪去了” |
| [01:22] | 是网上曾经爆红过的一个小视频 有一只咬着一片披萨要带回家的老鼠 | |
| [01:25] | Not that. Our piece is right here | 不是那篇 我们的报导 |
| [01:27] | next to this Walking Dead ad. | 是在《行尸走肉》广告隔壁这篇 |
| [01:28] | 美国杰出男演员 出生于1944年 2010年确诊患上咽喉癌 | |
| [01:28] | Oh, wait, that’s Michael Douglas. | 不对 不是广告 是迈克·道格拉斯 |
| [01:33] | So, the walking dead. | 那的确是行尸走肉没错 |
| [01:35] | “Former scandal queen Caroline Channing’s | “前丑闻女王卡洛琳·钱宁 |
| [01:38] | cozy Brooklyn dessert bar, M&C’s, that’s beaut–“ | 布鲁克林的温馨甜品酒吧”麦与卡” 美…” |
| [01:40] | “Caroline Channing’s dessert bar”? | “卡洛琳·钱宁的甜品酒吧”吗 |
| [01:42] | This place isn’t like your sex life, Caroline. | 卡洛琳 这店又不是你的性生活 |
| [01:44] | You’re not doing it all by yourself. | 不是全靠你自己”一手”撑起 |
| [01:47] | I don’t even do it by myself anymore. | 我现在都不跟自己”性生活”了 |
| [01:49] | I was talking too much, | 嫌弃自己这个炮友话太多 |
| [01:51] | and, look, I mentioned you right here. | 你看 我在这里提起了你呢 |
| [01:54] | “Partner.” | “搭档” |
| [01:55] | I’m more than just the partner, | 我不只是搭档 |
| [01:57] | I’m the creative inspiration. | 我是一切创作灵感的来源 |
| [01:59] | I’m Steve Jobs | 就好比我是乔布斯 |
| [02:00] | and you’re the fat guy that drives a Segway. | 而你是他那个骑着代步车的胖子搭档 |
| [02:00] | 这位胖子就是斯蒂夫·盖瑞·沃兹尼亚克 与史蒂夫·乔布斯共同创办苹果电脑 | |
| [02:03] | I tried to include you. | 我试过让你参与进来 |
| [02:04] | I told you the interview was on Monday, | 我跟你说过访问是在周一 |
| [02:06] | and you said that’s your whippit night. | 但你说周一夜是你的笑气夜 |
| [02:08] | Oh, I whipped it. | 我的确笑了呢 |
| [02:11] | Whipped it good. | 吸到嗨得不行 |
| [02:15] | Caroline, back that ass up. | 卡洛琳 拜托你大屁股挪远点 |
| [02:19] | I don’t want anyone too close to my baby. | 我不想别人太接近我的宝宝 |
| [02:22] | Is that why you dipped her in perfume? | 所以你把她泡香水里 把别人熏跑吗 |
| [02:25] | I want everyone to treat little Barbara | 我希望大家对待芭芭拉宝宝 |
| [02:27] | like Mariah Carey | 就像对女星玛丽亚·凯莉一样 |
| [02:29] | and never look directly in her eyes. | 并敬畏到不敢直视她双眼 |
| [02:31] | Is that why she’s wearing sunglasses? | 所以你让她戴墨镜吗 |
| [02:35] | I just got off. | 我刚”完事儿” |
| [02:37] | And also, I’m done with work. | 上班也是刚完事儿 |
| [02:40] | There’s my girls. | 我的女人们 |
| [02:42] | We’re not your girls, Oleg. | 奥列格 我们才不是你的女人 |
| [02:44] | I have it in writing from a judge. | 我可是有来自法官的书面证明 |
| [02:46] | Oleg, give her some space. | 奥列格 别离她太近 |
| [02:49] | Her spray tan hasn’t even dried yet. | 她的美黑都还没干呢 |
| [02:52] | Sophie, I’ve been reading a parenting blog called | 苏菲 我最近在读一个育儿的博客 |
| [02:55] | “So, You’ve Ruined Your Life,” | 名叫”这下毁了自己人生了吧” |
| [02:58] | and they say it’s very important for a dad to bond with his baby. | 上面写 孩子父亲与孩子建立感情十分重要 |
| [03:02] | I think that’s only true for human dads. | 这只对人类父亲有效 |
| [03:05] | Maybe you can bond with the baby later. | 你可以跟宝宝之后再建立感情 |
| [03:07] | You know, like, when she has a baby. | 比如等到她生了宝宝之后 |
| [03:10] | I can’t wait 12 years. | 我等不了12年 |
| [03:14] | Sophie, I’m her father. | 苏菲 我是她爸爸 |
| [03:16] | I helped make her. | 她的诞生 我出了”材料” |
| [03:17] | This wasn’t a Virgin Marski situation. | 又不是圣母玛丽亚斯基 处女怀孕 |
| [03:20] | There was nothing immaculate about this conception. | 你们这对的”结合” 跟纯洁差了十万八千里 |
| [03:24] | Well, the fun part’s over now. | 好玩的部分已经结束了 |
| [03:26] | Yeah, she’s mine. | 她是我的 |
| [03:32] | Excuse you. | 好狗不挡路 |
| [03:46] | She’s getting really good with that thing. | 她推车技术越来越纯熟了啊 |
| [03:49] | I’m gonna do what I do when all women tell me | 所有让我别接近她们的女人 |
| [03:51] | not to be near them. | 老子都会做一件事 |
| [03:53] | I’m gonna follow her. | 跟踪她 |
| [03:56] | Uh, Caroline Channing? | 卡洛琳·钱宁吗 |
| [03:58] | Hi, I’m Doug Reynolds, I’m a professor at Wharton. | 你好 我叫道格·雷诺兹 沃顿的教授 |
| [04:01] | Hey, I went to Wharton. | 我以前也在沃顿商学院上学 |
| [04:03] | Yeah, I know. | 我知道 |
| [04:04] | I saw your interview in Time Out. | 我在杂志上读到了你的访问 |
| [04:05] | You mentioned it several times. | 你提了好多次呢 |
| [04:07] | Once when you were asked where the dessert bar was located. | 其中一次是在人家问你甜品酒吧地点时 |
| [04:10] | Well, it is east of Wharton. | 的确是在沃顿的东边啊 |
| [04:12] | You haven’t heard her Wharton song. | 你还没听到她的沃顿小曲呢 |
| [04:14] | ♪ Wharton, Wharton, Wharton, Wharton ♪ | ♪ 沃顿 沃顿 沃顿 沃顿 ♪ |
| [04:15] | ♪ Wharton, Wharton, Wharton Wharton, Wharton ♪ | ♪ 沃顿 沃顿 沃顿 沃顿 沃顿 ♪ |
| [04:17] | Yeah, it’s not a great song, | 还真不是什么好曲儿… |
| [04:20] | but the story about how you built your business | 但你摆脱父亲丑闻 涅槃重生 |
| [04:22] | from the ashes of your father’s infamy, | 最终创业成功的故事 |
| [04:24] | that’s inspiring. | 十分鼓舞人心 |
| [04:26] | You’re the business world’s Rudy. | 简直就是商界的《追梦赤子心》 |
| [04:26] | 1993年的美国知名真人真事改编体育电影 讲一名运动员排除万难 实现梦想的故事 | |
| [04:28] | Well, now you’re just quoting me. | 你干嘛直接引用我的话来夸我啦 |
| [04:31] | Hi, I’m “Partner.” | 你好 我是文中的”搭档” |
| [04:34] | Howdy, Partner. | 你好 搭档 |
| [04:36] | Hey, I teach a business class over at Penn | 我现在在宾大教商科 |
| [04:38] | because the stock market crashed in 2008. | 08年股市崩盘后我就沦落去那里了 |
| [04:41] | I would love it if both of you would come | 我很希望能邀请到你们俩来 |
| [04:43] | and talk to the students. | 跟我的学生们聊聊 |
| [04:45] | Like a scared-straight thing? | 是类似那种吓唬到不敢犯错吗 |
| [04:48] | Not the pen. | 不是监狱[音似宾大] |
| [04:49] | Penn, the University of Pennsylvania. | 是宾大 宾夕法尼亚大学 |
| [04:51] | That’s where Wharton is. | 沃顿是它的一个院系 |
| [04:52] | If you’d listen to my whole song, | 如果你好好听我的沃顿小曲 |
| [04:53] | you’d hear it in the third verse. | 你会在第三段听到我有提 |
| [04:56] | We’d pay for your train to Philadelphia | 我们会报销你们来费城的火车票 |
| [04:57] | and campus housing. | 还有免费校园住宿 |
| [04:59] | We’d love to come. | 我们很乐意去 |
| [05:01] | Right, partner? | 对吧 搭档 |
| [05:02] | And my parole officer, | 我的假释官 |
| [05:04] | mother, guidance counselor, | 母亲 辅导员 |
| [05:05] | and the state of Rhode Island | 还有罗德岛州政府 |
| [05:06] | said I’d never go to college. | 还说我这辈子进不了大学呢 |
| [05:08] | I can get your email from the website. | 我可以从网站上找到你的电邮 |
| [05:10] | I’ll send you the info. | 我再把资料发给你 |
| [05:12] | We have a site? | 我们有网站啊 |
| [05:13] | I hope there are no nudies of me on it | 希望我们网站上没有放我的裸照 |
| [05:15] | ’cause Larry Flynt owns the rights to my image. | 因为我的裸照肖像权卖给情色杂志老板了 |
| [05:18] | You know what this means? | 你知道这代表什么吧 |
| [05:20] | ♪ Wharton, Wharton, Wharton, Wharton, Wharton ♪ | ♪ 沃顿 沃顿 沃顿 沃顿 沃顿 ♪ |
| [05:22] | ♪ Wharton, Wharton, Wharton, Wharton, Wharton, Wharton… ♪ | ♪ 沃顿 沃顿 沃顿 沃顿 沃顿… ♪ |
| [05:27] | One bong or two? | 带一个还两个大麻烟斗 |
| [05:30] | Max, this is a business trip. | 麦克斯 这是去出差 |
| [05:31] | We’re not going to Comic-Con with Woody Harrelson. | 又不是跟伍迪·哈里森去漫展 |
| [05:34] | Wait, is that on the table? | 等等 真有这个选项吗 |
| [05:37] | Anyway, this is your trip for the dessert bar. | 你是为了甜品酒吧出差 我不是 |
| [05:39] | So again, one bong or two? | 所以 带一个还两个 |
| [05:42] | I am never gonna live down the “Partner” thing, am I? | “搭档”这件事你是打算说我一辈子了是吧 |
| [05:44] | Like when I threw away those bath salts to save your life. | 就像我为了救你 把”浴盐”扔了的事 |
| [05:48] | 一种迷幻药 曾发生过吸食者攻击流浪汉 并啃咬掉他脸的”丧尸化”举动 | |
| [05:48] | I wasn’t gonna eat your face. | 我又没要啃掉你的脸 |
| [05:52] | I am not having this argument with you again. | 我不想再跟你吵这件事 |
| [05:54] | I’m not mad about the partner thing. | 我没有不爽搭档的事情 |
| [05:56] | I’m excited to go to college. I already told Randy, | 我对去大学可兴奋了 我已经告诉兰迪 |
| [05:59] | and he’s gonna send me a care package. | 他说他会送我一份上学大礼 |
| [06:01] | Emphasis on the package. | 重点放在”大” |
| [06:06] | I broke up with my high school boyfriend | 我之所以跟高中男友分手 |
| [06:07] | when I went to college just to keep my options open. | 为的就是能在大学里多挑挑 |
| [06:10] | Pfft, you’re in Time Out New York with Pizza Rat. | 拜托 你可是跟披萨鼠出现在同期杂志的人 |
| [06:12] | What’s that loser doing now? | 那个废柴现在能有多牛逼 |
| [06:15] | It was Mark Zuckerberg. | 他是马克·扎克伯格[脸书创办人] |
| [06:17] | Just tell me about the parties at college | 跟我说说大学里的派对吧 |
| [06:19] | ’cause that’s the only reason I’m going. | 我纯粹是因为这个才去的 |
| [06:22] | Oh, they were epic. | 屌爆了 |
| [06:25] | You know what they say, | 人们常说 |
| [06:26] | if you remember the parties at Wharton, | 如果你能记得沃顿的每一个派对 |
| [06:29] | you weren’t there. | 那肯定是因为你没去过 |
| [06:30] | You weren’t here, were you? | 你是真的没去过 对吧 |
| [06:33] | -No. -Okay. | -没有 -好吧 |
| [06:35] | But some of those all-night study sessions | 但好几个彻夜读书的夜晚 |
| [06:37] | got pretty punchy. | 后来都”酒”劲挺强啊 |
| [06:39] | Like whackadoo. | 像打地鼠游戏这么有劲 |
| [06:41] | You’re making me punchy right now. | 你让我也很想使劲给你一拳 |
| [06:46] | Hey, girls, | 姑娘们 |
| [06:48] | Oleg isn’t here, is he? | 奥列格不在这里吧 |
| [06:50] | Do you hear us screaming “Get out” or “Put that away”? | 你有听到我们大叫”滚”或”把那玩意收起来”吗 |
| [06:54] | He keeps wanting to bond with the baby. | 他一直不停想跟宝宝建立感情 |
| [06:57] | Why can’t he be more like the men in Poland? | 他会什么就不能多像波兰的男人一点啊 |
| [07:00] | Why can’t he be in Poland is my question. | 我更想知道他为什么不能人在波兰 |
| [07:03] | I mean, they wouldn’t even be in the same room as their baby girl | 那里的男人甚至都不乐意跟女儿同处一室 |
| [07:06] | until it was time to sell her off. | 除非到了卖女儿那天 |
| [07:09] | You know, my father’s first words to me were, | 我父亲对我说的第一句话是 |
| [07:12] | “Next item up for bid.” | “下一件拍卖物” |
| [07:15] | I can’t believe I’m saying this, | 真不敢相信我会说这话 |
| [07:16] | but Oleg’s not wrong here. | 但奥列格没有错啊 |
| [07:18] | He’s wrong, literally, everywhere else. | 尽管他其他地方全是错 |
| [07:23] | Oh, it must be Oleg. | 肯定是奥列格 |
| [07:24] | – Hide us. – Hide you? | -快把娘俩藏起来 -藏你们 |
| [07:28] | That carriage can be seen from space. | 你的婴儿车大到从太空都能看见 |
| [07:32] | All right, tell Oleg I’m definitely not in the barn. | 告诉奥列格我绝对不在畜棚里 |
| [07:37] | Yeah, now, | 好了 |
| [07:38] | I’m gonna be in the barn. | 我要去躲在畜棚里了 |
| [07:43] | This is where we put up grad students | 这里就是我们安置硕士生 |
| [07:45] | and occasional guest lecturers | 以及偶尔会有的 |
| [07:47] | who are too poor to stay in a hotel. | 没钱住酒店的客座教授 |
| [07:49] | Losers. | 废柴们 |
| [07:50] | You guys got any towels? | 你们有毛巾吗 |
| [07:52] | You’ll have to forgive Max. | 请原谅麦克斯的无礼 |
| [07:54] | She’s just excited to be here. | 她只是太兴奋来到贵宝地 |
| [07:55] | We know, obviously, there’ll be a bath sheet | 我们知道你们这里铁定会有 |
| [07:57] | and a hand towel for each of us. | 两人份的大浴巾以及擦手毛巾 |
| [07:59] | Right? | 对吧 |
| [08:01] | And here’s your bedroom. | 这里就是你们的寝室 |
| [08:03] | I’m the RA, but don’t worry, | 我是宿管 不过别担心 |
| [08:05] | I’m not super uptight. | 我不是那种超严肃的人 |
| [08:06] | Just no noise after 10:00 | 只要十点之后不发出噪音就行 |
| [08:08] | or I’ll come at you hard. | 否则我会要你小命 |
| [08:10] | You’ll have no problems from us. | 我们绝不会给你惹麻烦 |
| [08:11] | I was an RA when I went to school here. | 我以前在这里读书的时候也是宿管 |
| [08:13] | I’m Caroline Channing. | 我是卡洛琳·钱宁 |
| [08:15] | The. | 传说中的那位 |
| [08:17] | Caroline Channing? | 卡洛琳·钱宁 |
| [08:19] | You’re Buzzkill Channing? | 传说中的扫兴鬼钱宁吗 |
| [08:22] | I knew Caroline wasn’t your real name. | 我就知道卡洛琳不是你的真名 |
| [08:24] | You’re the most legendary RA we’ve ever had. | 你是我们这里神一般的宿管 |
| [08:27] | I heard you once threw a kid out of a second-story window. | 我听说你有一次把学生从二楼窗口扔下楼 |
| [08:30] | That’s just a myth, | 那只是江湖谣言 |
| [08:31] | but a hookah pipe did take flight. | 但的确是有一个水烟筒被打飞了 |
| [08:34] | And I was a hookah by the airport. | 而我也曾是机场附近的一名妓女[音似水烟] |
| [08:38] | Well, it’s an honor to have your here, Buzzkill. | 扫兴鬼大人造访 深感荣幸 蓬荜生辉 |
| [08:42] | I’m gonna have to search your trash bag before you leave. | 你离开前我得先搜一遍你的垃圾袋 |
| [08:45] | Everything good’s gonna be in my butt. | 所有好东西都会藏在我屁眼里 |
| [08:48] | She’s fun. | 她这人真有趣 |
| [08:51] | Okay, let’s unpack, | 好了 来拿出行李吧 |
| [08:52] | get our shower buckets organized. | 分好我们各自的卫浴用品桶 |
| [08:54] | I’m unpacked. Let’s go par-tois. | 我行李都拿出来了 去派对啦 |
| [08:58] | How many flasks do you have? | 你带了几个酒壶啊 |
| [08:59] | I already took two away from you. | 我都已经从你那里没收两个了 |
| [09:01] | Now, you be the audience. | 来 你当观众 |
| [09:02] | I need to practice my speech for tomorrow. | 我得练习我明天的演讲 |
| [09:04] | We need to party. | 我们需要去派对 |
| [09:06] | Tonight needs to end with us driving a police car | 今晚必须以我们驾着警车 |
| [09:08] | into a fountain on the quad or it is a fail. | 冲进学校中庭的喷水池里 不然就算没玩爽 |
| [09:11] | I am not here to party. | 我不是来派对的 |
| [09:13] | I am here to– to show people | 我是来… 来告诉大家 |
| [09:16] | with determination and perspiration, | 只要有决心和努力 |
| [09:18] | you can become an inspiration. | 你也能鼓舞别人 |
| [09:21] | Max, what do you think of that? | 麦克斯 你觉得这句如何 |
| [09:23] | Max? | 麦克斯 |
| [09:24] | Max? | 麦克斯 |
| [09:26] | I’m not organizing your shower bucket. | 我才不帮你整理你的卫浴用品桶 |
| [09:37] | Caroline, are you awake? | 卡洛琳 你醒着吗 |
| [09:39] | No. | 没有 |
| [09:40] | It’s cool, she’s up. Come on in. | 没问题 她醒着 快进来 |
| [09:45] | Who are these people? | 这些人都是谁啊 |
| [09:47] | I’m sorry, but we had to leave the bar. | 对不起啊 可是我们不得不离开酒吧 |
| [09:49] | The roof was on fire. | 酒吧燃到爆了 |
| [09:51] | At first we thought the DJ was just getting the party started, | 一开始我们以为DJ是想让派对燃爆 |
| [09:53] | but it actually was. | 没想到是真的火灾 |
| [09:55] | Anyway, we’ll try not to keep it down. | 总之我们会尽量不保持安静的 |
| [10:05] | Okay, who’s next? I washed it out. | 下一个是谁 我已经洗干净了 |
| [10:07] | Nobody else throw up in this thing. | 不许再有人呕吐进这玩意里了 |
| [10:09] | I mean it. | 真的不行哦 |
| [10:10] | After I crush this, | 等我把这杯干了 |
| [10:12] | you wanna come back to my dorm room? | 你要跟我一起回我宿舍吗 |
| [10:14] | I have a junior suite. | 我住的是小套房哦 |
| [10:16] | You’re sweet, Junior. | 你真贴心 “小”子 |
| [10:17] | but I have a boyfriend who could be your father. | 但我男朋友的年纪都可以当你爹了 |
| [10:19] | He also could be my father, I’ve never met the man. | 他也可能是我爹 反正我从来没见过我亲爹 |
| [10:23] | Uh, Buzzkill, 3:00. | 扫兴鬼来了 三点钟方向 |
| [10:24] | Just a minute, young man. | 等一下 小年轻 |
| [10:25] | There is no underage drinking here. | 这里不允许未成年人喝酒 |
| [10:28] | This is college. | 这可是大学啊 |
| [10:31] | Hello? | 你好 |
| [10:33] | Oh, hi, Oleg. | 是你啊 奥列格 |
| [10:35] | I lost Sophie again. | 我又找不着苏菲了 |
| [10:36] | She’s like a sexy set of car keys. | 她就像一串性感的车钥匙 |
| [10:41] | No random, uncommitted sex here. | 不许随便跟人一夜情 |
| [10:43] | This is college. | 这可是大学啊 |
| [10:47] | I have a computer full of videos that says you’re wrong. | 我有满满一电脑的视频可以证明你是错的 |
| [10:51] | Oleg, I can’t talk now. | 奥列格 我现在没空 |
| [10:53] | I have my own problems. I don’t know where the RA is, | 我有自己的事要烦 我不知道宿管去哪儿了 |
| [10:56] | so I’ve had to step up. | 所以我不得不出手去管他们 |
| [10:57] | We’re like the Marines of no funny business. | 我们就像禁止学生鬼混的海军陆战队 |
| [11:02] | That better not be a joint. | 那最好别是大麻烟 |
| [11:05] | Yeah, that’s a doobie, brother. | 没错 果然是 兄弟 |
| [11:09] | Sophie won’t even let me feed Barbara. | 苏菲甚至不让我喂芭芭拉 |
| [11:11] | She says fathers aren’t equipped for the job. | 她说父亲没能力胜任这份工作 |
| [11:14] | Well, she does have a point. You don’t have boobs. | 她的确说得在理 你没有产奶的能力 |
| [11:17] | Anyone ever tell you you’re a real buzzkill? | 有人跟你说过 你真是个扫兴鬼吗 |
| [11:21] | I have to go. | 我得挂了 |
| [11:22] | I hear zippers unzipping. | 我听到拉链拉开的声音 |
| [11:26] | Were you just on the phone with Poison Control? | 你刚是跟中毒控制中心打电话吗 |
| [11:28] | Because I told you, Steve’s gonna be fine. | 我告诉你 史蒂夫死不了 |
| [11:33] | See? Breathing, I think. | 瞧 还喘着气呢吧 |
| [11:35] | Now take off your top and shotgun a beer with me. | 快把上衣脱了 跟我一起快饮啤酒 |
| [11:35] | 年轻人流行的喝啤酒方式 罐装啤酒底部戳洞 酒罐直立打开拉环 从底下的洞喝 | |
| [11:38] | Max, my speech is tomorrow, | 麦克斯 我明天就要演讲了 |
| [11:40] | and this top gets a lot of compliments. | 再说了 我这件上衣可是广受好评 |
| [11:43] | I just want you to have fun at college for once. | 我只是想你在大学里真正享乐一次 |
| [11:45] | Can you do that for me? | 你就当为了我好吗 |
| [11:47] | I do things for you all the time. | 我经常为了你做各种事 |
| [11:48] | You remember when I told your date it was Chestnut that farted. | 还记得有次我告诉你约会对象 放屁的是栗宝吗 |
| [11:51] | Fine. | 好吧 |
| [11:52] | If I have one drink, will you roll Steve out of here | 如果我喝一杯 你能把史蒂夫滚出去 |
| [11:55] | and get everyone to leave? | 让大家都离开这里吗 |
| [11:59] | Buzzkill! Buzzkill! Buzzkill! | 扫兴鬼 扫兴鬼 扫兴鬼 |
| [12:07] | Who’s the buzzkill now, bitches? | 现在谁才是扫兴鬼呀 小婊砸们 |
| [12:14] | Corrupting dorks is meaningful work. | 带坏书呆真是有意义的工作 |
| [12:17] | Who wants to see me pretend bang Steve again? | 谁想看我再度假装上史蒂夫啊 |
| [12:24] | Do it for real! | 要上就真上 |
| [12:28] | Caroline, what are you doing? | 卡洛琳 你这是在干什么 |
| [12:29] | You of all people should know, | 你应该是最清楚 |
| [12:31] | you can’t have a party here. | 这里不能开派对的人啊 |
| [12:32] | This is college. | 这可是大学啊 |
| [12:34] | Pfft, get off my back, narc. | 少啰嗦 小报告妹 |
| [12:36] | Ooh, who’s this? | 这是哪位 |
| [12:42] | My fiance. | 我的未婚夫 |
| [12:46] | Guess we gotta make it even. | 看来也得赏你一个吻才能扯平 |
| [12:56] | Oh, my God, I love College Caroline | 额滴神啊 我爱死大学妹卡洛琳了 |
| [12:59] | so much more than all other Carolines. | 简直完胜所有其他版本的卡洛琳 |
| [13:12] | Damn, college is fun. | 妈蛋 大学真好玩 |
| [13:13] | I’m glad I went. | 很高兴我来了 |
| [13:19] | Oh, no, I’m late! | 糟糕 迟了 |
| [13:20] | That’s impossible. | 不可能 |
| [13:21] | You haven’t had sex in years. | 你好几年不做爱 经期肯定超准 |
| [13:23] | Also, you look like an Italian grandmother. | 另外 你看起来像意大利老奶奶 |
| [13:32] | Oh, my God! | 天啊 |
| [13:33] | Who did this to me? | 谁对我下的毒手 |
| [13:34] | This was the compromise. | 这算让步了好吗 |
| [13:36] | They wanted to shave your head. | 他们本来是要剃你的头发 |
| [13:38] | I am still a little drunk, | 我还有点宿醉 |
| [13:40] | and I forget what was in my speech, | 我想不起来我的演讲内容了 |
| [13:42] | and I look like a very pretty Burt Reynolds | 我看起来像是超好看版的伯特·雷诺兹 |
| [13:45] | and this is all your fault! | 这全都要怪你 |
| [13:47] | Is the implication here that Burt Reynolds isn’t pretty? | 你的言下之意是伯特·雷诺兹本人不好看吗 |
| [13:50] | Yes, it is my fault for forcing you | 没错 怪我逼你 |
| [13:52] | to have the time of your life | 放开自己享受生活 |
| [13:53] | and make out with those dudes. | 跟男人们寻欢作乐 |
| [13:55] | Max, you don’t even– | 麦克斯 你甚至不… |
| [13:56] | dudes? | 男人们 |
| [13:57] | Plural? | 还是复数 |
| [13:58] | How many dudes? | 多少男人 |
| [13:59] | I lost count after the third Chet. | 数到第三个叫切特的就没数了 |
| [14:02] | I can’t believe you did this to me. | 真不敢相信你会对我做出这种事 |
| [14:04] | It was more like you doing it to them. | 其实更像是 你对他们”做”出这种事 |
| [14:06] | Max, I am serious right now. | 麦克斯 我很认真跟你说话呢 |
| [14:10] | Calm down, Luigi. | 冷静 路易基 |
| [14:12] | Max, I know you were mad | 麦克斯 我知道你不爽 |
| [14:14] | about the Time Out interview and the “partner” thing, | 杂志采访和我称你为”搭档”这件事 |
| [14:17] | but I can’t believe you sabotaged me on purpose. | 但我真不敢相信你会故意下套害我 |
| [14:19] | Okay, first of all, | 好吧 首先 |
| [14:21] | I don’t think about you that much. | 我对你想法没有这么多 |
| [14:23] | I am sorry I didn’t give you credit, | 抱歉我没说你也有功劳 |
| [14:25] | but ruining this for me is so much worse. | 但搞砸这事对我来说 严重太多了 |
| [14:28] | This was gonna be my comeback. | 这本是我的复出重头戏 |
| [14:29] | I wasn’t mad. | 我没有不爽 |
| [14:30] | You were the only one upset about it. | 从头到尾只有你在不爽而已 |
| [14:32] | I don’t care about that stuff. | 我完全不在乎那玩意 |
| [14:34] | Honestly, I just wanted you to have a good time. | 老实说 我只是想让你尽情享乐而已 |
| [14:36] | I didn’t need to have a good time. | 我不需要享乐 |
| [14:38] | I needed to make people jealous. | 我需要的是让大家羡慕嫉妒恨 |
| [14:40] | Who’s gonna be jealous of me now? | 现在谁还会对我羡慕嫉妒恨 |
| [14:42] | Guys that can’t grow facial hair? | 长不出胡子的家伙吗 |
| [14:45] | Look, you were great at school | 听着 你在学校成绩很棒 |
| [14:47] | and last night you were great at having fun at school. | 昨晚你在学校玩得也很棒 |
| [14:49] | You’re lucky. I have last night, | 你很幸运了 我只能拥有昨晚 |
| [14:51] | but I’ll never get to have both. | 但我永远做不到会读又会玩 |
| [14:53] | What’re you talking about? | 你在说什么啊 |
| [14:55] | You’re the smart one. | 你是聪明优等生 |
| [14:56] | You deserve your moment of triumph, | 你该享有成功的时刻 |
| [14:58] | but you also deserve not to be Buzzkill Channing | 但你同时也该享有余生不被人称为 |
| [15:00] | for the rest of your life. | 扫兴鬼卡洛琳的权利 |
| [15:02] | You really weren’t mad about the interview? | 你真的没有因为访问的事而不爽吗 |
| [15:05] | A little, | 有一点 |
| [15:05] | but I’m always a little mad at you. | 但我永远都在不爽你啊 |
| [15:08] | I’m sorry if I screwed things up. | 如果我害到你了 那很抱歉 |
| [15:10] | You don’t have to be. | 不必了 |
| [15:12] | I really did have fun, Max. | 我的确玩得很开心 麦克斯 |
| [15:15] | See if you like the googly-eyes I drew around your nipples. | 看看你喜不喜欢我在你奶头上画的傻子眼睛 |
| [15:19] | Fun how they go in different directions. | 真有意思 眼珠子的方向还不一样呢 |
| [15:27] | Sorry we’re late. | 抱歉我们来晚了 |
| [15:27] | I had to scrub the googly-eyes off my– | 我得把大眼睛擦掉 因为画在我的… |
| [15:29] | bicycle traffic. | 自行车太多 有点堵了 |
| [15:32] | Well, let’s get started. | 我们开始吧 |
| [15:33] | I’m supposed to have lunch with my son, Steve. | 我本来应该跟我儿子史蒂夫吃午饭的 |
| [15:35] | We had a little fight last night before he left for a party. | 但昨晚他去派对前 我们俩吵了一架 |
| [15:37] | If anything ever happened to him, I’d be devastated. | 如果他发生什么不测 我一定会悲痛欲绝 |
| [15:41] | Praying for a different Steve. | 希望不是昨晚那个史蒂夫 |
| [15:44] | Wow, you made out with half the people in this room. | 这教室有一半的学生跟你亲热过 |
| [15:47] | I’m pretty sure you got one of the Chets pregnant. | 我敢肯定其中一个切特被你搞大肚子了 |
| [15:51] | Caroline Channing is an alumni of Wharton, | 卡洛琳·钱宁是沃顿的校友 |
| [15:54] | and also the brains behind | 同时也是布鲁克林 |
| [15:55] | a thriving new dessert bar in Brooklyn, | 一家成功的新甜品酒吧的策划人 |
| [15:58] | and she is here to tell us how she did it. | 今天她来说说她的成功创业史 |
| [16:00] | Oh, also, um, whoever keeps writing “Wash me” in the back of my car, | 对了 提醒一下总在我车后面写”洗我”的同学 |
| [16:03] | there’s no R in wash. | 洗字应该是三点水 |
| [16:06] | Caroline. | 有请卡洛琳 |
| [16:08] | It is a great honor to be here today. | 今天非常荣幸来到这里 |
| [16:11] | I learned a lot at this fine institution. | 这所优秀的学校教会我很多东西 |
| [16:14] | Hard work, integrity, | 努力工作 诚实正直 |
| [16:16] | a lot of math I’ll never use. | 还有一堆我永远用不上的数学 |
| [16:19] | There are a lot of smart people here, | 这里有很多非常聪明的人 |
| [16:21] | but the smartest person I know, | 但我所认识的最聪明的人 |
| [16:23] | I met waiting tables in a diner. | 是跟我在餐厅当服务员的人 |
| [16:25] | Max, turn around. | 麦克斯 转过来 |
| [16:29] | The other way. | 转过脸来 |
| [16:33] | And I am proud to call her my partner. | 我很骄傲地称她为我的搭档 |
| [16:37] | Gay. | “拉拉”味有点重 |
| [16:38] | This woman is the reason I’m here today. | 我能来这里全拜她所赐 |
| [16:41] | She should be giving the speech because she’s how I did it. | 应该由她来演讲 她才是我成功的最大原因 |
| [16:44] | Her name is Max Black. | 她叫麦克斯·布莱克 |
| [16:48] | Um, what’re you doing? You’re leaving? | 你这是干什么 你要走了吗 |
| [16:50] | They’re jealous enough, | 他们已经够羡慕嫉妒恨了 |
| [16:52] | and I want you to have your moment. | 我想你拥有自己的成功时刻 |
| [16:54] | You should get to have both too. | 你也该两者兼得 |
| [16:56] | And also, chug-chug has to puke-puke. | 而且我要去吐了 |
| [17:01] | And, uh, all right… | 那… 好吧 |
| [17:04] | I didn’t go to college, | 我没有上过大学 |
| [17:06] | but after spending some time here, | 但在这里待了一晚后 |
| [17:08] | I think I could teach you a few things. | 我想我可以教你们几招 |
| [17:12] | Beer… | 先喝啤酒 |
| [17:14] | before liquor, | 再喝烈酒 |
| [17:17] | never sicker. | 小命不久 |
| [17:19] | Liquor before beer, | 先喝烈酒 再喝啤酒 |
| [17:22] | never fear. | 问题没有 |
| [17:25] | And weed before and after everything. | 任何酒类前后 大麻常伴左右 |
| [17:29] | Also, pimps up, hos down. | 鸡头站着数钱 婊子跪着干活 |
| [17:32] | Never… | 永不 |
| [17:33] | get high on your own supply, | 吸自己卖的毒品 |
| [17:36] | and, most importantly, | 最重要的一点 |
| [17:38] | shake ya ass, | 屁股摇起来 |
| [17:39] | but watch yourself. | 但招子放亮点 |
| [17:41] | You should be taking notes. This’ll be on the midterm. | 快记笔记啊 这可是期中考的考试内容 |
| [17:48] | Well, like most people straight out of college, | 就像大部分应届大学毕业生 |
| [17:50] | I’m at a job I don’t wanna be at. | 我从事着自己不想干的工作 |
| [17:53] | That’s right. | 没错 |
| [17:54] | She went back and got her degree in “Make-out Slut.” | 她学成归来 学位是”亲热淫娃” |
| [17:57] | And we may have killed a guy. | 还有 我们可能杀了一个男的 |
| [18:00] | I may have too. | 我也有可能 |
| [18:01] | I drove here without my glasses. | 我开车上班没戴眼镜 |
| [18:05] | You know, in Poland, girls don’t go to college. | 波兰的女孩都不上大学 |
| [18:08] | They drop them in a lake, | 人们将她们扔进湖里 |
| [18:10] | and whoever doesn’t drown is a witch. | 谁没被淹死 谁就是女巫 |
| [18:14] | Doesn’t that make you a witch, Sophie? | 那你不就是女巫吗 苏菲 |
| [18:17] | No comment. | 不予置评 |
| [18:21] | If it isn’t Magic No-Johnson. | 这不是无鸟魔术师·约憨逊吗 |
| [18:25] | Pick a card, and don’t show me what it is. | 选张牌 不要让我看见是什么 |
| [18:27] | Don’t worry, I’ll hold it well above four feet. | 别担心 我举过1米2你就看不见了 |
| [18:31] | Whatever puts the card in your hands, toots. | 只要你愿意抽牌 你爱说啥就说啥 亲 |
| [18:35] | Was this your card? | 这是你的牌吗 |
| [18:37] | Nope, it was the Queen of Hearts. | 不是 我的是红心皇后 |
| [18:40] | Oh, my God, | 天啊 |
| [18:42] | Han’s a witch too! | 阿憨也是女巫 |
| [18:46] | Drown him! | 淹死他 |
| [18:50] | I did it. | 我成功了 |
| [18:51] | What hell have I unleashed? | 我释放了什么地狱啊 |
| [18:54] | Whatever it is, keep it in your training pants. | 爱释放啥就放啥 “释放”在你的尿布里就行 |
| [18:57] | I should have just done traffic school online, | 我真该在家上上网课就好 |
| [18:59] | but, no, Han wanted to meet people. | 但死阿憨偏偏想去结识新朋友 |
| [19:03] | Sophie, | 苏菲 |
| [19:04] | I think I found the solution to all our problems. | 我找到了解决我们所有问题的办法了 |
| [19:09] | Microwave in the headboard? | 床头微波吗 |
| [19:12] | I’ve told you repeatedly, | 我反复告诉过你 |
| [19:13] | the science just isn’t there yet. | 科技还没这么先进呢 |
| [19:17] | Make sure I get an email when it is there. | 要真有了 记得发邮件告诉我 |
| [19:21] | This is about us | 这是关于咱俩 |
| [19:22] | and Barbara. | 和芭芭拉的 |
| [19:24] | I want to be more involved. | 我想跟孩子多接触 |
| [19:26] | That’s why I got these. | 所以我搞来这玩意 |
| [19:34] | Moobs… | 男儿奶 |
| [19:37] | To feed Barbara with. | 来喂芭芭拉 |
| [19:40] | Great, now I’m jealous of Oleg’s rack. | 娘的 我开始嫉妒奥列格的奶子了 |
| [19:43] | If he puts Dr. Pepper in there, so am I. | 如果他里面放的是碳酸饮料 那我也嫉妒 |
| [19:47] | Oleg, | 奥列格 |
| [19:49] | tell me you kept your ding-dong. | 告诉我你的鸡鸡还在 |
| [19:52] | Oh, yeah. | 当然 |
| [19:53] | I’m just Mrs. Doubtfiring it for the time being. | 我现在只是暂时当孩子的奶爸而已 |
| [19:57] | We’ve gotta get that kid out of that house. | 我们一定要把那孩子救出来 |
| [20:01] | Well, you know what, Barbara? | 知道吗 芭芭拉 |
| [20:03] | You’re really lucky to have such a good father. | 你真的很幸运能有一位这么棒的父亲 |
| [20:07] | I guess I have been bogarting baby Barbara. | 我想我对芭芭拉的占有欲是有点过强了 |
| [20:10] | Yeah, it really is sweet that you did that, Oleg. | 是啊 你能这么做真是太有爱了 |
| [20:13] | My eyes are up here, Caroline. | 不许盯着我咪咪看 卡洛琳 |
| [20:19] | We’re out of milk in the kitchen. | 厨房没牛奶了 |
| [20:32] | I really hope Earl milking Oleg | 我真心希望厄尔挤奥列格奶这一幕 |
| [20:35] | is our rock bottom. | 是我们人生最低点 |
| [20:37] | It won’t be. | 肯定不会实现 |