| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | I just got a $20 tip on a $10 check. | 10块钱的账单 我收到20块小费 |
| [00:06] | I may be the greatest waitress ever, | 我可能是史上最棒女服务员 |
| [00:08] | and strangely, that doesn’t make me want to die. | 而奇怪的是 这事并没有让我想死 |
| [00:11] | You’re finally getting the hang of a job you’ve had for years. | 你终于掌握到干了好几年的工作的技巧了 |
| [00:15] | Is your last name Obama? | 你姓奥巴马吗 |
| [00:19] | Another big tip. | 又收到慷慨小费 |
| [00:21] | I think it’s my smile. | 大概是因为我的笑容吧 |
| [00:28] | Well, something’s smiling. | 的确是有东西在开口笑 |
| [00:32] | Pickup. Patty melt. | 上菜 吐司夹奶酪牛肉 |
| [00:34] | Correction: panty melt. | 改正 是屁股夹内裤 |
| [00:37] | – Caroline, you have… – What, Max? | -卡洛琳 你… -干嘛 麦克斯 |
| [00:39] | Pride in a job well done? | 我为工作表现良好自豪吗 |
| [00:40] | Yes, some of us can still feel pride. | 没错 我俩之中有人还能感到自豪 |
| [00:43] | Yeah, but only for about another ten seconds. | 是啊 但是十秒后就要破功了 |
| [00:48] | Caroline. | 卡洛琳 |
| [00:51] | Oh, no. | 要命啊 |
| [00:53] | This reminds me of when I saw my mother’s side boob. | 这让我想起看到我妈侧乳时的情况 |
| [00:58] | Max, you have to say something. | 麦克斯 你说说她啊 |
| [01:00] | Um, Caroline? | 卡洛琳 |
| [01:01] | Hey, look! | 你看 |
| [01:02] | I just got a $10 tip from this guy, | 这男的给我10块钱小费 |
| [01:04] | and I spilled coffee on his face. | 我可是把咖啡洒到他脸上了呢 |
| [01:07] | Screw it. | 管它的 |
| [01:08] | I’m taking the ass train to Money Town. | 我也要靠着屁股发家致富 |
| [01:12] | Oh, nope. Not wearing underwear. | 不行 没穿内裤 |
| [01:31] | I know it’s technically good to have a big order, | 我知道按理说有大单是好事 |
| [01:33] | but I am five cupcakes away | 可是我再做五个小蛋糕 |
| [01:34] | from what professional doctors call T.Rex arm. | 就要患上医生称为恐龙手的病了 |
| [01:39] | Like you always tell me– use your other hand. | 像你平时教我的那样 用另一只手 |
| [01:41] | It’ll feel like a stranger. | 会感觉像陌生人帮你”做” |
| [01:44] | And how about our new business labels | 快瞧咱们的店标贴纸 |
| [01:46] | and my ability to be excited about literally anything? | 以及我对任何事都能嗨的本事 |
| [01:52] | I got them with the money you were saving | 我用你存来买 |
| [01:53] | for that Porky Pig bong. | 猪小弟大麻烟斗买的 |
| [01:57] | But when it’s down to just resin, | 抽到剩渣渣的时候 |
| [01:58] | it says, “That’s all, folks.” | 可以看到”就这么多了”的字样 |
| [01:58] | 该系列华纳卡通的片尾 都是由猪小弟出场说 “这集到此结束了 各位” | |
| [02:01] | I’ll pay you back as soon as we get the money | 等我从订货人那里拿到钱就还 |
| [02:03] | for this big order for…L? | 这笔大单是由”偶”订的吗 |
| [02:06] | Max, someone named L ordered these cupcakes? | 麦克斯 有个叫”偶”的人订了这些小蛋糕吗 |
| [02:09] | Oh, that’s not an L; that’s an I. | 那不是”偶” 那是”我” |
| [02:11] | Sorry, I learned printing mostly from ransom notes. | 抱歉 我印刷体是从绑架信拼贴的字学的 |
| [02:14] | I? | “我” |
| [02:16] | I mean, what kind of person would just be named I? | 什么样的人会取这种名字啊 |
| [02:20] | This kind. | 我这样的人 |
| [02:21] | Hello. That’s my order. | 你们好 那是我下的单 |
| [02:25] | Yes, they’re just about ready, mis…ter… | 好的 马上就好 这位先 生… |
| [02:30] | I’ll spare you the stress and confusion, dear, | 我还是省了你紧张跟困惑的功夫吧 亲 |
| [02:32] | because I can tell by the size of your pores, | 因为从你毛孔的粗细来看 |
| [02:34] | you’re a sweater. | 你肯定很会冒汗 |
| [02:37] | She is. | 她的确是 |
| [02:40] | Sometimes she gets so nervous watching “America’s Next Top Model,” | 她有时候看《全美超模大赛》会紧张冒汗到 |
| [02:43] | our couch is slick for days. | 让沙发像泡水过一样 |
| [02:46] | Spoiler alert: none of them are America’s next top model. | 剧透警告 节目里没有人会成为美国下一任超模 |
| [02:50] | To be clear, I am neither he nor she, | 我先说清楚 我不是他也不是她 |
| [02:53] | Mr. nor Mrs., male nor female, | 不是先生也不是小姐 不是男性也不是女性 |
| [02:56] | and the only part of me that’s transitioning | 而我身上唯一会变化的 |
| [02:58] | are my heels from day to evening. | 只有我白天穿跟晚上穿的不同高跟鞋 |
| [03:02] | I am simply I, and I cannot be labeled. | 我就是我 无法被贴标签的我 |
| [03:06] | I am gender fluid. | 我是流性人 |
| [03:09] | That’s cool. | 这挺酷啊 |
| [03:10] | As long as none of it gets on us. | 只要别”流”到我们身上就行 |
| [03:14] | Is my order ready, or do I have to wade through | 我的订单是好了呢 还是再忍着 |
| [03:16] | more of this poor man’s Amy and Tina? | 看你们这对山寨版的艾米与蒂娜 |
| [03:20] | I like to think of us more as an Ike and Tina. | 我觉得我们更像是艾克与蒂娜 |
| [03:23] | I’m just finishing boxing them up for you. | 差不多快装盒完毕了 |
| [03:25] | It’s okay for cupcakes to still be put in a box, right? | 你不介意小蛋糕放盒子[阴户]里的吧 |
| [03:27] | Just not people. | 你不”放进”别人身体里就好 |
| [03:30] | I’m using your cupcakes in some performance art. | 我要用你们的小蛋糕做些表演艺术 |
| [03:33] | See, I is a performance artist this month. | “我”这个月是一名表演艺术家 |
| [03:35] | Last month, I was working at the Cold Stone Creamery on 8th Street. | 上个月”我”是在第八街的冰激凌店里工作 |
| [03:40] | Well, I’ve had sex there. | 我在那里面做过爱 |
| [03:44] | Yes, well, who hasn’t? | 谁没在里面”做”过啊 |
| [03:47] | The audience will bite into one of your pretty, pink, | 观众们会咬一口你们精致粉红 |
| [03:49] | femme-looking cupcakes, only to discover | 女性化的小蛋糕 咬完发现 |
| [03:53] | that I have inserted a cocktail weenie inside. | 我在里面塞了根”小香肠” |
| [03:57] | But who wants to be surprised by a little weenie? | 可谁会想被小香肠给惊到啊 |
| [04:04] | I don’t mind it. | 我不介意 |
| [04:07] | It’s an interactive experiment | 这是个互动性实验 |
| [04:09] | that challenges how we instinctively label one another. | 挑战我们直觉性互相贴标签的方法 |
| [04:12] | But I don’t have to explain my performance piece to you. | 但我无需跟你们解释我的作品 |
| [04:14] | You’re not my advisor at The New School. | 你们又不是我在新学院的老师 |
| [04:18] | Forgive me. | 原谅我 |
| [04:18] | I wasn’t criticizing your piece. | 我不是在批评你的东西 |
| [04:21] | Yeah, we’re still not even sure if you have one. | 我们都不知道你还有没有”那根东西” |
| [04:26] | Can you excuse us for a minute? | 能稍等一下吗 |
| [04:27] | And by the way, the fuchsia in your blouse | 对了 你的女衬衫上的紫红色 |
| [04:29] | really brings out the red in your beard. | 把你的红胡子衬托得很美 |
| [04:34] | People are gonna see our adorable labels | 大家以后看到我们可爱的标签 |
| [04:36] | and think all our cupcakes are stuffed with wieners. | 会联想到我们的小蛋糕里面塞了小香肠 |
| [04:39] | Would it kill you to have a wiener | 你的”小蛋糕”里塞了根 |
| [04:41] | stuffed in your cupcake? | “小香肠”是会死咩 |
| [04:44] | Look, someone is paying for them, | 付钱的大爷付了钱 |
| [04:47] | and that someone can do whatever the hell they want with them. | 想对小蛋糕干嘛就干嘛 |
| [04:49] | I said the same thing to the people who bought my kids. | 我对买了我孩子的人也是这么说 |
| [04:53] | We don’t want someone to deface our cupcakes. | 我们的小蛋糕不能被人丑化 |
| [04:56] | They’re meant to be enjoyed by children | 我们的小蛋糕是要给孩子 |
| [04:57] | or single women when a romantic comedy | 或浪漫喜剧情节跟自己经历太像的 |
| [04:59] | hits too close to home. | 单身女郎享用 |
| [05:01] | Money is money. It doesn’t matter. | 钱就是钱 其他那些事无所谓 |
| [05:03] | Just put the cupcakes in the bag. | 赶紧把小蛋糕装起来就是了 |
| [05:05] | I don’t feel good about this. | 我觉得这样不好 |
| [05:06] | Sorry, but we’re just not comfortable selling you our cupcakes. | 抱歉 我们不乐意卖小蛋糕给你 |
| [05:10] | He is right here. Bag it! | 他人都来了 快装 使劲咯[死基佬] |
| [05:13] | What did you just call me? | 你刚才叫我什么 |
| [05:15] | – Oh, no. – Oh, no. | -不是 -不是的 |
| [05:17] | No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | 不是不是不是 |
| [05:18] | I did not say the thing you thought I said. | 我没有说你以为我说的那个词 |
| [05:21] | I didn’t even think it. | 我连想都没想过 |
| [05:22] | In fact, I wasn’t listening to half that crap you said. | 其实 你说的屁话我有一半都没听进去 |
| [05:25] | She said, “bag it,” with a B, as in boy– | 她说”使劲咯”[装袋] 是指像男人般 |
| [05:28] | or not a boy. | 或不像男人般 |
| [05:30] | Oh, I see what this is. | 我懂你们是什么意思了 |
| [05:32] | This is just another homophobic bakery | 这里又是一家恐同蛋糕店 |
| [05:35] | trying to deny service to people like me. | 不愿意对我们这种人提供服务 |
| [05:37] | Well, I don’t have to stand here | 我不必站在这里 |
| [05:39] | to tell you how upset I am. | 跟你们说我有多伤心 |
| [05:41] | That’s what Yelp is for. | 我可以上点评网慢慢写 |
| [05:47] | Oh, no. | 惨了 |
| [05:48] | I think Kathy Bates is really mad at us. | 我觉得”凯西·贝兹”一定恨死我们了 |
| [05:52] | Well, that sucks. | 这下好了 |
| [05:54] | Now I want a hot dog. | 我想吃热狗了 |
| [06:02] | Where are all the customers? | 客人们都上哪去了 |
| [06:04] | I haven’t seen this few people since… | 我上次见到这么少人 是在… |
| [06:06] | You went on Tinder? | 你用约炮软件的时候吗 |
| [06:08] | Your sweet 16 party? | 你的少女16岁生日派对吗 |
| [06:11] | Caroline, throw one in there. | 卡洛琳 你也来一个 |
| [06:12] | Your season of “The Bachelor”? | 你上《非诚勿扰》的时候吗 |
| [06:15] | I was going to say | 我本来是要说 |
| [06:16] | so few people since a sale at your cupcake window. | 像小蛋糕窗口搞打折却没人来的时候 |
| [06:20] | Boom! I just schooled you. | 虐了你们一顿 |
| [06:23] | Well, preschooled us. | 哪有一顿 顶多一口 |
| [06:27] | Hey, everybody. | 大家安安 |
| [06:32] | Oh, my gosh. | 我的老天 |
| [06:34] | You girls, I raced over here so fast, | 我冲来这里的速度快到 |
| [06:36] | I left half my hair in Midtown. | 我一半的头发还在市中心 |
| [06:40] | Love the babushka, baby. | 爱死你的女式头巾了 宝贝 |
| [06:42] | Reminds me of my Aunt Schmirna. | 让我想起我的一位阿姨 |
| [06:44] | Great boobs: one big, one small. | 奶子超赞 一边木瓜奶 一边荷包蛋 |
| [06:47] | Something for everyone. | 各种口味的人都能满足 |
| [06:50] | Yeah, the gays, they’re real mad at you. | 同志族群对你们超级火大啊 |
| [06:54] | Yeah, my stylist, Carl, told me about two girls | 我的发型设计师卡尔跟我说在布鲁克林 |
| [06:58] | with a cupcake shop in Brooklyn | 有俩小姑娘开小蛋糕店 |
| [07:00] | who didn’t want to serve a member of the LGBTQ community. | 拒绝服务”LGBTQ”族群的人 |
| [07:05] | LGBTQ? | LGBTQ吗 |
| [07:07] | Those are the trains I take to get here. | 我上班就是坐这几号线的地铁来的 |
| [07:11] | Oh, my God. Max, this is terrible. | 天啊 麦克斯 这太糟糕了 |
| [07:13] | I know. | 对啊 |
| [07:14] | Earl only lives a block away. | 厄尔家离这里就一个街区 |
| [07:18] | Why is he taking five trains? | 他为什么要转五班地铁啊 |
| [07:20] | The gays are steaming mad. | 同志们气得冒烟了 |
| [07:23] | You know, if I were you girls, | 如果我是你们俩 |
| [07:25] | I would stay away from the Village, | 我就会远离同性恋大本营的那区 |
| [07:28] | the East River, the Hudson River, | 东河 哈德逊河 |
| [07:31] | Melissa Rivers, | 住纽约的演员梅丽莎·里弗斯[河] |
| [07:33] | Pinkberry, | 同志最爱的酸奶铺 |
| [07:35] | Broadway. | 同志最爱去的百老汇 |
| [07:37] | Yeah, and good luck shopping for dog clothes. | 你们这辈子也别想去给狗买衣服了 |
| [07:41] | Come on, Sophie. It’s not that bad. | 别这样 苏菲 哪有这么糟 |
| [07:44] | Not that bad? | 什么没那么糟 |
| [07:45] | If it wasn’t that bad, | 如果没那么糟 |
| [07:46] | would I have left the salon looking like this? | 我头发弄完时会是这副德行吗 |
| [07:52] | Oh, my God. | 我的天啊 |
| [07:53] | They sent you out like that? | 他们这样就送客啦 |
| [07:54] | They do hate us! | 他们真是恨透我们了 |
| [07:56] | I know. Tell me about it. | 对啊 这还用说 |
| [07:58] | I look like Donald Trump | 我看起来就像川普 |
| [07:59] | before they Velcroed that dead cat to his head. | 还没把那像死猫一样的假发贴上脑袋前 |
| [08:09] | A classic good news/ bad news situation. | 一个经典喜忧参半的时刻 |
| [08:12] | Good news: I figured out where all the customers are. | 喜的是 我知道客人都上哪里去了 |
| [08:15] | Bad news: they’re aggressively protesting your cupcake shop. | 忧的是 他们都激动地在外面抗议小蛋糕店 |
| [08:22] | You went to Supercuts, didn’t you? | 你去了廉价理发厅对吧 |
| [08:26] | I hope you’re happy, girls. | 希望你们现在高兴了 |
| [08:28] | Now even Han thinks he’s better than me. | 现在连阿憨都觉得自己比我强了 |
| [08:33] | No cake equals hate. | 蛋糕≠歧视 |
| [08:35] | No cake equals hate. | 蛋糕≠歧视 |
| [08:37] | No cake equals hate. | 蛋糕≠歧视 |
| [08:39] | No cake equals hate. | 蛋糕≠歧视 |
| [08:40] | Okay, this is bad. | 好吧 情况不容乐观 |
| [08:43] | I haven’t seen this many angry gay people | 我上次看见那么多愤怒的基佬 |
| [08:45] | since that NBC “Peter Pan.” | 还是看NBC台的《彼得潘》时 |
| [08:49] | There they are. | 主角来了 |
| [08:50] | That’s the one that refused to sell me cupcakes. | 就是那个人拒绝卖我小蛋糕 |
| [08:53] | Hey, all right, come on now. | 好啦 别这样 |
| [08:56] | The one with the bee-stung lips, | 是香肠嘴的那个 |
| [08:57] | or the one with the unfortunate side bang? | 还是留着倒霉斜刘海的那个 |
| [09:01] | This is just a misunderstanding. | 这只是个误会 |
| [09:03] | Max’s Homemade Cupcakes is pro-gay. | 麦克斯自制小蛋糕支持同性恋 |
| [09:05] | – I love gay people. – She does. | -我爱同性恋 -她的确是 |
| [09:07] | She’s pretty much dated them exclusively. | 她几乎只跟他们约会 |
| [09:11] | This little business is our dream. | 这个小门店是我们的梦想 |
| [09:16] | ♪ I dreamed a dream ♪ | ♪ 我仍怀抱昔日梦想 ♪ |
| [09:16] | 在电影版《悲惨世界》由安妮·海瑟薇演唱 她曾公开表示支持同性恋的权利 | |
| [09:20] | ♪ In time gone by ♪ | ♪ 纵使时光飞逝 ♪ |
| [09:23] | ♪ When hope was high and life worth living ♪ | ♪ 当时希望闪耀 生活充满阳光 ♪ |
| [09:29] | ♪ I dreamed that love would never die ♪ | ♪ 我梦想爱永不凋零 ♪ |
| [09:35] | Wrong dream, blondie. | 你做错梦了 金发妞 |
| [09:37] | No cake equals hate. | 蛋糕≠歧视 |
| [09:39] | No cake equals hate. | 蛋糕≠歧视 |
| [09:43] | No cake equals hate. | 蛋糕≠歧视 |
| [09:45] | No cake equals hate. | 蛋糕≠歧视 |
| [09:47] | No cake equals hate. | 蛋糕≠歧视 |
| [09:49] | – No cake equals hate. – I’ve called every one | -蛋糕≠歧视 -我打给所有前任 |
| [09:50] | of my exes to come down and vouch for me, | 让他们过来声援我 |
| [09:53] | and they’re freezing me out. | 而他们却冷落我 |
| [09:54] | It’s like I’m asking them for sex again or something. | 就像我是来求他们跟我做爱还是干嘛的 |
| [09:57] | I was sure this would clear up on its own, | 我本来确信这事会有所好转 |
| [09:59] | but I always think that | 不过我总是这么想 |
| [10:01] | because I can’t afford penicillin. | 因为我买不起青霉素[治性病] |
| [10:04] | The diner’s still empty. | 餐厅还是没人来 |
| [10:06] | Did you two get bored killing your own business | 你们俩是祸害自己的生意没意思了 |
| [10:08] | and decide to go after mine? | 于是决定来祸害我的吗 |
| [10:11] | I can say, on behalf of all women, | 我敢代表所有的女人说一句 |
| [10:13] | none of us are ever going after your business. | 我们对你的”小生意”没兴趣 |
| [10:17] | Apparently you’ve never met Martha, | 显然你没见过玛莎 |
| [10:19] | the portly cashier at my neighborhood Rite Aid. | 我小区药店的一个饥渴肥婆收银员 |
| [10:22] | I’m gonna go talk to them, set them straight. | 我要去跟他们说说 捋直他们的想法 |
| [10:25] | Well, as much as I can, given the circumstances. | 鉴于他们都是弯的 我只能尽力而为 |
| [10:32] | We have been trapped in here for two days. | 我们被困在这里两天了 |
| [10:35] | It’s like we’re in Gaytanamo Bay. | 就像是被关在”基”达那摩湾[监狱] |
| [10:39] | I’m gonna open this window and tell them to screw off. | 我要打开这扇窗 叫他们滚蛋 |
| [10:42] | Free speech. | 言论自由 |
| [10:43] | Your feelings got hurt. | 你的幼小心灵受伤了 |
| [10:45] | Too bad, so sad. | 真遗憾 太惨了 |
| [10:48] | Oh…my God. | 老天 |
| [10:52] | You should have sold him the damn cupcakes. | 你应该把该死的小蛋糕卖给他 |
| [10:54] | I’m Cher, bitch. | 我是雪儿 蛋糕婊 |
| [10:59] | What happened? | 发生什么事了 |
| [11:01] | Cher hates us too. | 雪儿也恨咱们了 |
| [11:05] | We must be wrong. | 我们一定是做错了 |
| [11:06] | That’s not the Cher, Max. | 那不是雪儿 麦克斯 |
| [11:08] | It’s a Cher impersonator. | 那是雪儿模仿者 |
| [11:10] | Then why do I have chills? | 那我为什么会起鸡皮 |
| [11:15] | I love Cher. | 我爱雪儿 |
| [11:16] | I used to imagine she was my real mom | 我以前常幻想她才是我的亲妈 |
| [11:18] | and that one day she’d pick me up | 总有一天会来接我 |
| [11:20] | and take me away with her, | 把我接回她的身边 |
| [11:21] | and then we’d get matching see-through body stockings | 然后我们一起穿配套的透明情趣连身袜 |
| [11:24] | like normal mothers and daughters. | 就像普通的母女那样 |
| [11:27] | Aw, that’s so disturbing. | 那画面真恶心 |
| [11:30] | Max, we did nothing wrong. | 麦克斯 我们没有错 |
| [11:32] | You can’t just back down | 你不能因为某个 |
| [11:33] | because of some female impersonator. | 模仿女性的人而打退堂鼓 |
| [11:38] | Now you’re blonde. | 你变金发了 |
| [11:42] | Look, Cher, we did nothing wrong. | 听着 雪儿 我们没有错 |
| [11:46] | Hey, look. I want a cupcake, | 听着 我要一个小蛋糕 |
| [11:48] | and nobody– and I mean nobody– | 而且没人 我是指没有任何人 |
| [11:49] | is gonna rain on my parade. | 能扫爷的兴 |
| [11:52] | Attention, everyone. | 各位注意 |
| [11:54] | Attention, everyone. | 各位注意了 |
| [11:56] | This is the owner of the diner next door, | 这是隔壁餐厅的老板 |
| [11:59] | and he has something to say, | 他有话要说 |
| [12:01] | so let’s listen to our gay comrade. | 所以大家先听这位”同志”说几句 |
| [12:05] | Oh, I’m not gay. | 我不是弯的同志 |
| [12:07] | Well, that explains the sweater vest. | 怪不得穿这么没品味的毛衣背心 |
| [12:11] | Yep, I’m straight. Love the ladies. | 对 我是直的 喜欢女人 |
| [12:14] | I’m a bit of a chick magnet. | 我可是吸妞石哦 |
| [12:17] | You’re barely the size of a refrigerator magnet. | 你都没有冰箱吸铁石那么大 |
| [12:21] | There. | 听 |
| [12:22] | Another insensitive remark, | 又一句不友善的话 |
| [12:24] | this time about the little people community, | 这次是攻击侏儒族群的人 |
| [12:28] | just like my friend here. | 就像我身旁这位”小”朋友 |
| [12:31] | Oh, I’m not a little person. | 我才不是小人国的好吗 |
| [12:34] | Max, do not say anything. | 麦克斯 千万别说话 |
| [12:36] | Fine. | 好吧 |
| [12:37] | But this used to be America, | 但这里曾经是美国 |
| [12:38] | home of the free and land of the insult. | 自由之乡 羞辱之地 |
| [12:42] | Everyone, maybe I can clear this up. | 各位 或许我能为大家澄清一下 |
| [12:44] | That woman over there doesn’t hate gay people. | 那个女人不讨厌同性恋人群 |
| [12:48] | – She hates all people. – Yeah. | -她讨厌所有人群 -没错 |
| [12:52] | No cake equals hate. | 蛋糕≠歧视 |
| [12:54] | Sophie, what are you doing? | 苏菲 你在干什么啊 |
| [12:58] | Oh, hi. Sorry, girls. | 抱歉 姑娘们 |
| [13:01] | No cake equals hate. | 蛋糕≠歧视 |
| [13:02] | Hey, be fair and fix my hair. | 拜托公平公正 复原我的秀发 |
| [13:09] | Hi. Excuse me. | 抱歉 打扰了 |
| [13:10] | Oh, no, did we also say something | 不是吧 我们还说了 |
| [13:11] | to offend the L.L.Bean community? | 冒犯户外运动品牌的话吗 |
| [13:14] | Max, now straight people are mad at us too. | 麦克斯 现在连直男都不爽我们了 |
| [13:17] | The cashier in the diner said | 餐厅的收银员说 |
| [13:18] | this was the best way to get to you. | 最好从这个门进来找你们 |
| [13:20] | He also told me his CD was a bargain at $5.99. | 他还说他的CD只卖5.99块 实在很划算 |
| [13:24] | I can’t believe you got past the protestors. | 真不敢相信那群抗议者能让你过来 |
| [13:26] | I would have thought those boys | 我还以为那些男孩 |
| [13:27] | would have the back door covered. | 会把”后门”守得紧紧的 |
| [13:30] | Man, it’s crazy out there, right? | 天啊 外面那些人真的很疯狂 |
| [13:32] | I mean, however people run their business | 我是说 别人怎么做生意 |
| [13:33] | should be their own business. | 是别人的事 |
| [13:35] | That was always the company line | 以前为贩毒集团工作时 |
| [13:36] | when I worked for that cartel. | 我们的口号就是这样 |
| [13:39] | I read about your situation on the internet, | 我在网上得知你们俩的处境 |
| [13:42] | and I want to order 500 cupcakes. | 我想订购500个小蛋糕 |
| [13:44] | Is there a Mrs. L.L.Bean? | 请问你有老婆吗 |
| [13:47] | There is. Happily married 15 years. | 有 婚姻幸福美满15年 |
| [13:50] | Terry Williams. | 我是特里·威廉姆斯 |
| [13:51] | “Family Foremost Foundation”? | “家为本 家至上 家第一” |
| [13:53] | Yep, the FFF. | 对 家家家 |
| [13:56] | Wow, three of them. | 哇 三个家 |
| [13:58] | You people really like a good F. | 你们有好多家庭喜欢好好”搞”啊 |
| [14:01] | Well, we’re a group of independent business owners like you. | 我们是一群个体户 就像你们 |
| [14:04] | We’re in town for a convention on Sunday. | 周日会到这里开个大会 |
| [14:06] | Information is on the card. | 信息都在卡片上了 |
| [14:08] | We’ll bet there with 500 cupcakes. | 我们一定会带着500个小蛋糕去 |
| [14:10] | Oh, Terry, what kind of cupcakes? | 特里 你们要什么样的小蛋糕 |
| [14:13] | It’s your business. You decide. | 你们的生意 你们说了算 |
| [14:17] | – Max, how about that? – I know. | -麦克斯 这下怎么样 -我知道 |
| [14:20] | The Brawny paper towel guy just saved our asses. | 这位像某厨房纸代言人的哥们拯救了我们 |
| [14:27] | Good afternoon, family. | 下午好 家人们 |
| [14:28] | Good afternoon, Terry. | 下午好 特里 |
| [14:31] | It’s so weird for me to hear the word “Family” | 听到”家”这个字后面不是接”庭法院” |
| [14:33] | not followed by the word “Court.” | 我感觉好奇怪啊 |
| [14:35] | I hope you have some energy left | 希望大家还有精力 |
| [14:37] | for the leader of our family, | 欢迎我们家庭的领袖 |
| [14:39] | the man who always puts family foremost, | 总是把家放在第一位的 |
| [14:42] | Brother Dan. | 大丹兄 |
| [14:56] | Good afternoon, family. | 下午好 家人们 |
| [14:58] | Good afternoon, Brother Dan. | 下午好 大丹兄 |
| [15:00] | And thank you, Brother Terry, | 谢谢你 特里兄 |
| [15:02] | for that warm introduction. | 这么热情地介绍我 |
| [15:12] | Are they stuck? | 他们是黏住了吗 |
| [15:14] | Um, I think there might be one more F | 我们大丹兄的计划里 |
| [15:16] | in Brother Dan’s plan. | 还想多”搞一家”的样子 |
| [15:20] | Today, we are here to celebrate that most perfect union: | 今天我们来到这里 庆祝最完美的联盟 |
| [15:24] | the family. | 家 |
| [15:26] | We rejoice in the family. | 我们在家里感到欢乐 |
| [15:28] | We live, we love, | 我们为家而活而爱 |
| [15:30] | we lust… | 为家饥渴 |
| [15:32] | wholesomely, of course, for the family. | 当然 是健康的那种 |
| [15:35] | And today, our family has found two new daughters. | 今天我们的大家庭多了两位新女儿 |
| [15:42] | Girls, why don’t you come up on stage? | 姑娘们 你们何不上台露个脸 |
| [15:45] | Oh, you don’t want her to get on stage. | 你不会想让她上台的 |
| [15:48] | In fact, why don’t you get that spotlight off us | 老实说 你何不在她又开口唱歌之前 |
| [15:50] | before she starts to sing again? | 把打在我俩身上的聚光灯挪走 |
| [15:53] | Don’t be shy. You two girls went up | 别害羞嘛 你们俩姑娘敢于挑战 |
| [15:55] | against today’s politically correct mafia. | 当代强迫政治立场正确的黑手党 |
| [15:57] | You stood up to the family destroyers, | 你们抵制家的破坏者 |
| [16:01] | with their tan, shirtless torsos | 抵制他们黝黑的皮肤 裸露的上身 |
| [16:04] | and their free online pornography. | 抵制他们免费的在线黄片 |
| [16:08] | Come on up for a hug. | 快上来抱抱 |
| [16:11] | Come on. | 上来吧 |
| [16:16] | Just walk past the stairs and keep going. | 就从楼梯旁边走过 然后直接走掉 |
| [16:17] | No money is worth being part of whatever this is. | 多少钱都不值得跟这群人摊上关系 |
| [16:19] | Let’s make a break for it. | 趁人不注意就赶紧溜 |
| [16:21] | And we have a big surprise. | 我们准备了大惊喜哦 |
| [16:22] | Here’s a check made out to Max’s Homemade Cupcakes | 这有一张支票是给麦克斯自制小蛋糕的 |
| [16:26] | for $10,000! | 面值一万美元 |
| [16:32] | Let’s make a break for it after we get the check. | 我们拿了支票再溜吧 |
| [16:46] | Every night this week, I have wept in the arms | 这周的每一个夜晚 我都在我挚爱的妻子 |
| [16:51] | of my loving wife, Peggy. | 佩吉的怀里失声痛哭 |
| [16:55] | I have wept about the plight of these two girls, | 我为这两位姑娘的困境而哭 |
| [16:58] | and I am very thankful that we could all pull together | 我非常感激我们可以齐心协力 |
| [17:02] | to ease their pain. | 来减轻她们的痛苦 |
| [17:13] | Max, Caroline, | 麦克斯 卡洛琳 |
| [17:16] | come closer to me. | 靠近我 |
| [17:19] | Closer? | 靠近 |
| [17:19] | Does he know we don’t have penises? | 他知道我们没有小鸡鸡吗 |
| [17:22] | Come close so I can present you | 来近点 我好给你们 |
| [17:26] | your giant check. | 这张大支票 |
| [17:28] | I just wish I’d brought my giant wallet. | 真希望我把我的大钱包带来了 |
| [17:30] | No one has to know we’re getting money from them. | 没人需要知道我们拿了他们的钱 |
| [17:33] | Right now, millions of people are watching | 此时此刻 几百万的人们在看着这幕 |
| [17:35] | as we stream live around the world. | 因为我们在网上全球同步现场直播 |
| [17:39] | Oh, this is streaming right now? | 现在是现场直播吗 |
| [17:42] | Max, this is streaming. | 麦克斯 这在现场直播啊 |
| [17:43] | I’m streaming a little in my pants about this check. | 我也激动得在现场漏了点尿 |
| [17:46] | Right now, all around the world, | 此时此刻 世界各地 |
| [17:49] | people are seeing what morals look like. | 人们看见了什么是道德 |
| [17:55] | These are the girls who are standing up | 这两位姑娘敢于对抗 |
| [17:57] | against the deviants, the divorces, | 那些离经叛道者 离婚者 |
| [18:00] | the scientists, the hip-hop lovers, | 科学家 嘻哈爱好者 |
| [18:04] | and… | 以及… |
| [18:06] | the doobie smokers. | 大麻吸食者 |
| [18:09] | I don’t like people or science, either, | 我虽然也不喜欢人和科学 |
| [18:11] | but ain’t nothing wrong with a righteous doob. | 但正直的大麻君有什么错 |
| [18:14] | We need to show the world that we will not tolerate | 我们要告诉世界我们再也不会容忍 |
| [18:18] | these deviants and these degenerates any longer! | 那些离经叛道者和堕落的人 |
| [18:25] | I don’t want to be associated with these people. | 我不想跟这些人扯上半毛钱关系 |
| [18:27] | The gays will hate us forever, and when I get an interior, | 同性恋们会永远恨我们 我以后有房子的话 |
| [18:30] | I want it decorated. | 我还指望找同性恋设计师装修呢 |
| [18:33] | People watching everywhere, | 全世界的人们都在看 |
| [18:36] | meet the two new faces of family. | 这就是我们家庭的两位新面孔 |
| [18:42] | You know what we have to do, right? | 你知道我们该怎么做 对吧 |
| [18:44] | On the count of three. | 数到三 |
| [18:45] | One, two… | 一 二 |
| [18:49] | Look away, Peggy! | 别看 佩吉 |
| [18:52] | Hold me, Terry. | 抱我 特里 |
| [18:52] | 其实是在恶搞许多反同性恋团体领导 本身就是深柜的同性恋 | |
| [18:57] | I believe this is yours. | 我相信这是你的 |
| [19:08] | I can’t keep up with all these drinks. | 饮品都供应不过来了 |
| [19:10] | I’m running out of tiny umbrellas. | 小伞快用光了 |
| [19:12] | How will you get home if it rains? | 那下雨你怎么回家呀 |
| [19:16] | Yes, it’s I. | 没错 是我 |
| [19:18] | Saw your kiss on Instagram, | 在网上看见你俩的吻照了 |
| [19:20] | and I wanted to apologize for the whole mix-up. | 我想为整场误会道歉 |
| [19:22] | I can be a little overly sensitive. | 我有时的确是有点过于敏感 |
| [19:25] | Just ask anyone that works at Lancome. | 不信可以问问兰蔻的柜姐 |
| [19:28] | Oh, they know me at Lancome. | 她们都认识我 |
| [19:29] | They call me No More Free Samples. | 她们称我为蹭试用品狂魔 |
| [19:32] | Listen, I get it. | 听着 我明白 |
| [19:33] | Nobody wants to be reduced to some label. | 没有人希望被贬低至某些标签 |
| [19:36] | You should hate people for other reasons: | 我们应该因别种理由而讨厌别人 |
| [19:37] | because they’re gross or mean | 比如他们很恶心或毒舌 |
| [19:39] | or you owe them money. | 或是你欠他们钱 |
| [19:41] | At the end of the day, | 到头来 |
| [19:42] | we are all just trying to get by. | 我们只是想凑合过日[得到双性恋] |
| [19:44] | Bi? Now, those people I don’t trust. | “双”性恋 我可不信任那些人 |
| [19:48] | Hi, sorry I’m late for the party, girls, | 抱歉我来晚了 姑娘们 |
| [19:50] | but I was just outside talking to my new friends, | 但我刚在外面跟我的新朋友聊天 |
| [19:53] | Lisa Newcar and Ginger Vitis. | 鸡冠头丽莎和芽龈研 |
| [19:56] | We all wear the same shoe size! | 我们的鞋码都一样哦 |
| [20:00] | Ah, ladies, ladies. | 姑娘们 姑娘们 |
| [20:02] | I would love to stay and celebrate, | 我很想留下来庆祝 |
| [20:05] | but I’ve got a hot date | 但我有约了 |
| [20:06] | with that fine young thing at table four. | 跟四号桌的年轻小妞 |
| [20:10] | Good for you, Earl. | 不错嘛 厄尔 |
| [20:12] | But I don’t know if that’s exactly a woman. | 但我不知道那到底是不是女人 |
| [20:16] | Ladies, I’m almost 80. | 姑娘们 我都快80岁了 |
| [20:18] | I don’t know that that’s exactly a problem. | 我不知道男女这件事还是不是问题 |
| [20:23] | A few of the girls and I took up a collection | 我和几个姑娘筹了点款 |
| [20:25] | for shutting your business down the last couple days, | 作为这几天让你们停业的补偿 |
| [20:28] | so here. | 给 |
| [20:31] | Cher, you got me a present? | 雪儿 你居然送我礼物 |
| [20:34] | I’ve waited for this my whole life. | 我等这一刻等了一辈子啊 |
| [20:38] | You know my name is Chad, right? | 你知道我其实叫查德 对吧 |
| [20:41] | So snap out of it! | 要振作起来 |