| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | People, I have huge news! | 各位 我有个大消息宣布 |
| [00:06] | Who’s carrying the rest of it in? | “大”的部分是由谁带来呢 |
| [00:12] | I found a way to improve diner business, | 我找到了能促进生意的方法 |
| [00:15] | and the crazy part is I don’t have to fire you two. | 更疯狂的是 居然不用炒了你俩 |
| [00:19] | Are you gonna clean that dead body smell | 你打算要打扫女厕 |
| [00:22] | out of the ladies’ room? | 清掉里面的死人味了吗 |
| [00:24] | No, that’s what plug-in Glade is for. | 不是 买芳香剂不就是为了这个吗 |
| [00:28] | Okay, remember how that ice bucket challenge | 大家还记得之前的慈善冰桶挑战 |
| [00:31] | caught on with celebrities? | 因为艺人们而爆红吗 |
| [00:32] | Han, people did those challenges for ALS, | 阿憨 大家做那个挑战是为了帮助渐冻人症 |
| [00:35] | not to get publicity for a diner that Yelp calls, | 不是点评网上被称为”纯凭运气”的 |
| [00:37] | “A bit of a dice roll.” | 餐厅拿来骗人气用的 |
| [00:40] | Well, I’ve invented the condiment challenge. | 我发明了调味料挑战 |
| [00:43] | Why, ’cause condoms are a challenge | 为啥 是因为使用保险套[音似调味料] |
| [00:44] | to you and other virgins? | 对你跟其他小处男来说 难度太高吗 |
| [00:50] | Earl, you’re on fire! | 厄尔 吐得一口好槽啊 |
| [00:53] | I’m gonna down ketchup and mustard | 我要灌下番茄酱与黄芥末酱 |
| [00:56] | and then nominate Mr. George Clooney. | 然后再点名演员乔治·克鲁尼先生 |
| [00:58] | If you really want this thing to go viral, | 如果你真的想这事爆红 |
| [01:00] | I happen to know that Clooney likes him some spicy sriracha. | 我刚好知道克鲁尼喜欢”是拉差辣椒酱” |
| [01:06] | All I know is that anal is hot. | 我只知道爆菊很火辣 |
| [01:12] | His wife’s name is Amal, not anal. | 人家的老婆是叫宝菊 不叫爆菊 |
| [01:16] | I still stand by my statement. | 我还是支持我刚才的论点 |
| [01:19] | Action! | 开拍 |
| [01:21] | Otherwise known as, “Let’s get this over with.” | 又或者是所谓的”赶紧弄完了事吧” |
| [01:27] | Mr. George… | 乔治先生 |
| [01:36] | Uh-oh! I… hot! | 好辣 |
| [01:38] | Too hot! | 太辣了 |
| [01:45] | I actually think that could go viral. | 我觉得这短片还真可能会爆红呢 |
| [01:48] | Damn! I hit the wrong thing. | 靠 我按错按钮了 |
| [01:49] | Han! Han, do over! | 阿憨 再重拍一次 |
| [01:53] | My insides are on fire! | 我身体里面像烧起来啦 |
| [02:13] | I love Wednesdays. | 我好喜欢星期三 |
| [02:14] | I get to erase all the genitalia | 因为我可以把别人 |
| [02:16] | that was drawn on the cupcake board. | 画在我们小蛋糕黑板上的鸡鸡全擦掉 |
| [02:19] | And I love Thursdays ’cause I get to redraw them. | 我喜欢星期四 因为我又能重新画上鸡鸡 |
| [02:24] | I need some more paper towels. | 我需要多一点纸巾 |
| [02:26] | Oh, I think they’re downstairs. | 多的好像在楼下吧 |
| [02:31] | Max, you do fake stairs so well. | 麦克斯 你好会演假装下楼梯 |
| [02:33] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [02:35] | It’s the second best thing I fake. | 这是我”假”得第二好的事 |
| [02:38] | Hey, isn’t that Andy? | 那不是安迪吗 |
| [02:40] | My Andy? | 我那个安迪吗 |
| [02:42] | Oh, God, it is Candy Andy. | 天啊 还真是糖果安迪 |
| [02:45] | He’s coming over here. | 他要过来这边了 |
| [02:51] | Hey, Max. Wow. | 你好啊 麦克斯 |
| [02:53] | Your chalkboard has really nice legs. | 你黑板的美腿我可以玩好久啊 |
| [02:58] | – Hey. – I know, so silly. | -好啊 -我知道很傻 |
| [03:01] | It’s just I’m not very good at seeing my exes. | 我只是不太擅长见到我的前男友们 |
| [03:04] | Yeah, or hiding. | 你也很不擅长躲 |
| [03:08] | How’s the candy business? | 你糖果生意怎么样了 |
| [03:09] | Sour? Nutty? Full of Nerds? | “酸”溜溜 疯颠颠[坚果] 宅男多[糖果品牌]吗 |
| [03:13] | It’s great. Candy’s not going anywhere, | 很不错啊 糖果们也不会跑掉 |
| [03:15] | like my grandma’s knee fat. | 就像我奶奶膝盖上的肥肉一样 |
| [03:17] | So you guys still over at the diner? | 你们俩还在那间餐厅打工吗 |
| [03:18] | We aren’t still at the diner. | 人家才没有还在那间餐厅上工呢 |
| [03:21] | This is our cupcake window. | 这里可是我们的小蛋糕橱窗 |
| [03:24] | Uh, hello? | 姐两位 |
| [03:25] | Your shift at the diner started five minutes ago! | 你们五分钟前就该到餐厅开工了 |
| [03:30] | Okay, we’re still at the diner too. | 好啦 我们也还在餐厅工作 |
| [03:32] | We’re here, we’re there, we’re all over. | 这里 那里 到处都有我们 |
| [03:33] | Like herpes? | 就像疱疹 |
| [03:35] | – Nice. – Yeah. | -接得好 -妙哉 |
| [03:36] | So what brings you over here | 今日是什么风把你吹来 |
| [03:37] | besides obviously stalking your ex-girlfriend? | 除了摆明是来偷窥前女友之外 |
| [03:40] | Actually, I’m looking for a flower shop. | 其实我是来附近找花店的 |
| [03:42] | Oh, flowers for a girl you never got over? | 给你一直忘不了的女人送花吗 |
| [03:44] | Uh, no, for my fiance. | 不是 是给我未婚妻的 |
| [03:47] | Did he just say Beyonce? | 他刚才说了碧昂丝[音似]吗 |
| [03:51] | Actually, I’m getting married. | 其实我要结婚了 |
| [03:54] | Cool. | 行 |
| [03:59] | Caroline, I’m sorry. | 卡洛琳 抱歉 |
| [04:01] | I was gonna call you and tell you, | 我有想过打给你 告诉你这事 |
| [04:02] | but then I felt like maybe you wouldn’t care. | 但我又想 也许你根本懒得知道 |
| [04:04] | You know, I mean, it’s been a long time. | 毕竟我们分手也好长一段时日了 |
| [04:06] | I hope you’re not hurt. | 希望没伤到你心 |
| [04:08] | Hurt? I’m hurt. | 伤心 我当然伤心啦 |
| [04:10] | Hurt that you didn’t ask me and Max to do your wedding cake! | 因为你没找我跟麦克斯做婚礼蛋糕而伤心 |
| [04:14] | Oh, God. I’ll be downstairs. | 我去 我还是先下楼了 |
| [04:20] | Well, yeah. | 好吧 |
| [04:24] | Actually, Romy and I haven’t decided on a cake yet. | 其实罗米跟我还没决定要哪个蛋糕 |
| [04:27] | You know, she’s pretty busy. She runs her own business. | 她满忙的 她自己经营个生意 |
| [04:32] | “The Business Bride.” | “商界新娘”呀 |
| [04:34] | Wasn’t that Katherine Heigl’s last movie? | 这不是凯瑟琳·海格尔上一部电影的情节吗 |
| [04:36] | The one that brought her back to TV? | 就是把她踢回电视圈的那部烂片 |
| [04:39] | Max, can you please come back upstairs? | 麦克斯 你可以回来楼上了吗 |
| [04:40] | I’m waiting for the elevator! | 我在等电梯上楼呢 |
| [04:49] | Is that Candy Andy? | 这不是糖果安迪吗 |
| [04:52] | Well, well. | 哎哟哟 |
| [04:53] | You two getting back together again? | 你们俩又重修旧好了吗 |
| [04:55] | – Oh, I’m getting married. – To someone else. | -我要结婚了 -新娘不是她 |
| [04:57] | Oh, Lord, this is why I don’t like to be outside. | 我去 这就是为什么我不爱出来外面 |
| [05:03] | Well, I gotta run. | 好了 我得先滚了 |
| [05:05] | Not really. I’ll be walking away. | 也不是真滚 我会走掉 |
| [05:06] | But if you’re serious about the cake… | 如果你刚才说蛋糕的事情是认真的 |
| [05:08] | So serious. | 超级无敌认真 |
| [05:09] | Major ser-I-osity! | 认真到爆炸 |
| [05:12] | In fact, it’s our wedding gift to you. | 其实 这就当我们送给你的新婚礼物吧 |
| [05:15] | – Oh, God. – Max, stop. | -我靠 -麦克斯 省省吧 |
| [05:16] | There is no downstairs. | 明明就没有楼下 |
| [05:18] | Yeah, it’s not possible to get any lower than this. | 因为节操已经触底到下不去了 |
| [05:23] | Okay, well… | 好吧 那… |
| [05:27] | how about I text you after I talk to Romy? | 我跟罗米谈过之后给你发消息吧 |
| [05:28] | It was great seeing you, Caroline. | 很高兴再次见到你 卡洛琳 |
| [05:30] | You too, Max. | 你也是 麦克斯 |
| [05:31] | You guys are gonna watch my butt as I walk away, right? | 我慢慢走掉时 你们会盯着我的小翘臀吧 |
| [05:34] | You gonna make it clap for daddy? | 你的两片屁屁会为大爷拍”屁”叫好吗 |
| [05:37] | I cannot make it clap, but I can make it go, “Whoo!” | 拍屁是没办法了 但我可以让它来一下 |
| [05:43] | Um, couple things. | 几件事情 |
| [05:46] | One, he’s still hot. | 一 他还是很帅 |
| [05:48] | And two, are you insane? | 二 你是不是疯啦 |
| [05:50] | You want us to do your ex-boyfriend’s wedding cake? | 你想我们给你的前男友做婚礼蛋糕吗 |
| [05:53] | Max, I broke up with him. Remember? | 麦克斯 是我甩了他的 还记得吗 |
| [05:57] | I’m a mature, evolved, sophisticated, | 我可是个成熟世故 见过风浪 |
| [05:59] | sexy but not in your face about it woman. | 带有低调性感的女人 |
| [06:03] | I can handle this. | 我能行 |
| [06:04] | I think it’s a bad idea. | 我觉得这主意烂透了 |
| [06:06] | And I know bad ideas. I was one. | 烂主意我特了解 我就是别人生的”烂主意” |
| [06:09] | I… | 是 |
| [06:11] | broke up… with him. | 老娘 甩了 他 |
| [06:15] | Dramatic… talking… | 戏剧化的 说话方式 |
| [06:18] | is… annoying. | 超 欠扁 |
| [06:25] | How’s it going there, hot stuff? | 还好吗 火辣帅哥 |
| [06:27] | Is your tongue working? | 你的舌头好使了吗 |
| [06:29] | I’m gonna think of another video to go viral | 我得再想另一个能爆红的影片内容 |
| [06:31] | to set this place on fire, and if not, | 来让这里生意红红火火 如果还不行 |
| [06:34] | I’ll eventually have to set this place on fire. | 总有天我得把这店一把火烧到红红火火 |
| [06:37] | Either way, I’m not giving up. | 无论如何 我决不放弃 |
| [06:40] | You tell your clothes that? | 你有跟你的衣服这么说吗 |
| [06:41] | ‘Cause they didn’t get the memo. | 它们感觉都放弃治疗了 |
| [06:43] | Get this. Andy says that he and Romy | 听我说 安迪说他跟罗米 |
| [06:46] | would love to meet us to talk about wedding cakes | 很乐意跟我们见面谈婚礼蛋糕的事 |
| [06:48] | at their loft in Manhattan. | 去它们曼哈顿的阁楼公寓谈 |
| [06:50] | Queen Romy has summoned us | 罗米皇后宣召我们两位草民 |
| [06:52] | to a cake tasting at their loft! | 进公寓城堡谈试吃蛋糕事宜呢 |
| [06:58] | Uh, can I borrow your phone for a sec? | 我能借用一下你的手机吗 |
| [07:01] | There. I deleted his text. | 好了 我删了他的短信 |
| [07:02] | I deleted his number. | 删了他的号码 |
| [07:03] | I also deleted my number. | 还顺便把我的号码也删了 |
| [07:07] | We aren’t doing this. You are not that cool. | 我们不接这活儿 你没这么大度 |
| [07:09] | Everyone knows that. | 全世界都知道 |
| [07:11] | You’re not. Cool girls don’t freak out | 你真不是 酷妹们才不会因为 |
| [07:13] | when you cop a feel in the freezer. | 在冷冻库里被人摸奶就吓到 |
| [07:19] | You know his number by heart. | 你心里会默背他的号码 |
| [07:21] | This has nothing to do with my heart. | 这跟我心里没有关系 |
| [07:22] | It’s business. I broke up with him. | 这是纯生意往来 是我甩了他 |
| [07:25] | It’s like you don’t know that I broke up with him. | 你怎么感觉好像不知道是我甩了他啊 |
| [07:28] | I broke up with him. Didn’t know if you caught that | 是我甩了他 不知道你刚才有没听到 |
| [07:30] | ’cause my back was to you. | 因为我刚才背对你 |
| [07:32] | Hey, everybody! | 大家安安 |
| [07:40] | Good news! | 好消息宣布 |
| [07:42] | My baby was delivered today. | 我的宝宝今日送到[出生]啦 |
| [07:45] | Oh, my God! | 我的老天爷啊 |
| [07:47] | Did I black out for nine months again? | 我又断片九个月了吗 |
| [07:51] | The baby didn’t come out of my box, Earl. | 厄尔 这个宝宝不是从我下面出来的 |
| [07:54] | It came out of this one. | 是从这盒里出来的 |
| [07:58] | Wow, you can really get anything on Amazon. | 这年头网上购物真是啥都能买啊 |
| [08:02] | It’s called a “Maybe Baby.” | 这个叫”或许宝宝” |
| [08:04] | While Oleg and I are trying to get pregnant, | 在我一边跟奥列格试图怀孩子的这会 |
| [08:06] | we’re gonna use it to practice for the real thing. | 我们打算用这个来为之后的孩子做练习 |
| [08:11] | So you’re having a key-section? | 所以你这是”剖盒产”吗 |
| [08:19] | Strangely, this is not the weirdest birth | 奇怪的是 这并不是我在这家餐厅 |
| [08:21] | we’ve seen at the diner. | 见过最怪的一次生小孩 |
| [08:25] | Do you like him? | 你喜欢他吗 |
| [08:27] | Weren’t you the baby in “American Sniper”? | 你不是电影《美国狙击手》里的那个假娃娃吗 |
| [08:32] | Yeah, it’s got a computer inside to keep track | 他里面有个小型电脑 |
| [08:34] | of our parenting skills. | 给我们带孩子的技术打分 |
| [08:35] | And if we get a score of over 92, | 如果我们能得到超过92分 |
| [08:39] | we get 20% at Papa John’s. | 我们去棒约翰披萨店能打8折 |
| [08:41] | Any Papa John’s! | 任何分店呢 |
| [08:45] | Well, you’re having a fake baby for all the right reasons. | 你弄假婴儿的理由 全都太”正确”了 |
| [08:51] | The baby’s here? | 宝宝到了吗 |
| [08:52] | Aww, you’re a father. Think fast! | 你的父亲 快接 |
| [08:58] | Our first father-son catch. | 我们首次父子玩抛接 |
| [09:01] | Let’s get to know each other… | 我们来了解一下彼此 |
| [09:03] | “Bob”? | “鲍伯” |
| [09:05] | All they had left were the white babies. | 他们只剩下白人孩子 |
| [09:08] | The single actresses over 40 snap up all the minorities. | 40岁以上的单身女演员把少数种族全抢了 |
| [09:15] | Hey, Max. | 麦克斯 |
| [09:18] | Could you maybe babysit my Maybe Baby tomorrow? | 或许你明日愿意照看我的或许宝宝吗 |
| [09:22] | You know, ’cause I-I really need some me time. | 因为我真的很需要一点私人的时间 |
| [09:26] | Fine. 20 bucks an hour. | 行 20块一小时 |
| [09:28] | Extra in case he orders some adult movies | 如果他点播了我想看很久的成人电影 |
| [09:29] | I’ve been wanting to see. | 那我得加收一点 |
| [09:32] | Okay, Max, wash your fancy sweatpants. | 麦克斯 洗好你的上档次运动裤 |
| [09:35] | We are confirmed for Andy and Romy’s | 我们已经确定好明日要去让 |
| [09:37] | wedding cake tasting for tomorrow. | 安迪与罗米试吃婚礼蛋糕了 |
| [09:39] | Andy? You mean that cute guy | 安迪 你是说那个 |
| [09:42] | that you ruined your relationship with? | 感情被你给搅黄的小帅哥吗 |
| [09:45] | Sophie, it wasn’t the right relationship. | 苏菲 那段恋情并不适合 |
| [09:47] | He didn’t support my career. | 他不支持我的事业 |
| [09:50] | The cupcake thing? | 小蛋糕那玩意儿吗 |
| [10:04] | Pickup! | 上菜 |
| [10:06] | Like father like son. | 有其父必有其子啊 |
| [10:17] | Thank you guys so much for coming. | 你们大老远过来真是太谢谢你们了 |
| [10:19] | These cakes look so lovely. | 这些蛋糕看起来好棒 |
| [10:21] | They are. | 的确很赞 |
| [10:23] | Really nice place you got here. | 你这屋子很不错啊 |
| [10:25] | I noticed there was a door on the bathroom. | 我注意到了你们的浴室有门 |
| [10:29] | I don’t want to brag, but check out all the outlets we got. | 我不想炫耀 但是你去看看我们家的插座 |
| [10:32] | Lot of power. Two-prong, three-prong. | 电力十足 双头 三头 |
| [10:35] | You got one of those weird European plugs? | 甚至如果你有欧洲那种奇怪的插头 |
| [10:37] | Bring it. | 欢迎带过来用 |
| [10:39] | How funny is he? | 他是不是很有趣 |
| [10:40] | Oh, the funniest. | 对啊 他最有趣了 |
| [10:44] | Oh, God. | 我的天啊 |
| [10:47] | So, Romy, it looks like you travel a lot. | 罗米 你好像常常旅游啊 |
| [10:49] | I love all your… | 我很喜欢你各种… |
| [10:50] | Objet d’art. | 小古玩[法语] |
| [10:53] | Oh, God. | 要了亲命 |
| [10:55] | I’m a hat designer, so I go to Malaysia | 我是个帽子设计师 我常会去马来西亚 |
| [10:57] | and Sri Lanka a lot for materials. | 以及斯里兰卡去弄材料 |
| [10:59] | I’m poor, so I go to McDonald’s and Taco Bell a lot | 我是个穷鬼 我常会去麦当劳与塔可钟 |
| [11:02] | for my meals. | 去吃便宜餐点 |
| [11:06] | Oh, show ’em one of your hats, Romes. | 罗米 给她们看一顶你的帽子 |
| [11:07] | The purple one Pippa Middleton wore in “Star” Magazine. | 就是八卦杂志上那位社交名媛戴着的紫帽子 |
| [11:10] | Oh! Pippa Middleton, wow. | 社交名媛啊 |
| [11:13] | She was up for a job on “The Today Show,” | 她本来有机会在《今日秀》得到工作呢 |
| [11:15] | but she didn’t get it. | 可惜她最后没得到 |
| [11:21] | Andy, they don’t want to see my hats. | 安迪 她们才没兴趣看我设计的帽子呢 |
| [11:23] | Oh, Andy wants us to see your hats. | 安迪想我们看你的帽子 |
| [11:25] | Let’s see your hats. | 那就看你的帽子吧 |
| [11:27] | Oh, this guy was there when no one believed in me, | 他在没人愿意相信我的时候支持我 |
| [11:30] | and he supported me in every way, | 各方面都为我撑腰 |
| [11:31] | and now I’m in over a hundred department stores worldwide. | 现在我的作品在全球上百家百货都有 |
| [11:34] | Worldwide? | 全球吗 |
| [11:37] | That is wide. | 真是太全了 |
| [11:42] | You know the tasting is for them, right? | 你知道今天是他们试吃吧 |
| [11:45] | Come on, let ’em see what you do. | 来嘛 让她们看看 |
| [11:47] | Sorry, I’m a proud fiance. | 抱歉 我很为我未婚妻感到自豪 |
| [11:49] | It’s a little unmanly, but it’s m’thing. | 虽然有点娘 但我就是这样 |
| [11:51] | Ooh, I’ll go get Black Dahlia. | 我去取黑色大丽花那顶 |
| [11:53] | Max will like that one. | 麦克斯会喜欢那顶 |
| [12:04] | You okay? | 你还好吧 |
| [12:05] | Absolutely. | 当然啦 |
| [12:07] | We didn’t work out, you found someone great, | 我们感情没成 你找到了别的很棒的人 |
| [12:09] | supported her business, and now you’re getting married. | 支持她的事业 现在还要结婚了 |
| [12:12] | Pretty sure he meant, “Are you choking?” | 我蛮确定他是问”你没噎着吧” |
| [12:16] | Yup, that’s where I was headed. | 是的 我的确是在问这个 |
| [12:18] | Caroline, you broke up with me. | 卡洛琳 是你跟我分手的 |
| [12:20] | She broke up with you? | 她跟你提分手的吗 |
| [12:21] | I hadn’t heard that. | 我没听过这事呢 |
| [12:25] | See? All bitter… better. | 看 太有事 没事了 |
| [12:29] | Max, do you want to try it on? | 麦克斯 你想戴戴看吗 |
| [12:31] | Ahem, she doesn’t need a hat. | 她不需要帽子啦 |
| [12:33] | Romes said I could have the sweet hat! | 罗米说我可以戴美帽 |
| [12:36] | Oh, it looks adorable on her. You should have it. | 你戴真是太好看了 这顶送你吧 |
| [12:39] | What is this, a hat tasting now? | 这是啥 试吃帽子吗 |
| [12:42] | Well, it’s not a cupcake tasting anymore | 反正不是试吃小蛋糕 |
| [12:44] | ’cause you ate them all. | 因为全被你吃完了 |
| [12:46] | You guys are hilarious. I don’t need to taste those. | 你们俩真是太有意思了 我不需要试吃啦 |
| [12:49] | You and Max are a part of Andy’s past, | 你跟麦克斯都是安迪过去的一部分 |
| [12:51] | and I would honored if you’d do our cake | 能请你们为我们做蛋糕 |
| [12:53] | and come to the wedding as our guests. | 并且出席我们婚礼将会是我的荣幸 |
| [12:55] | Oh, that is a great idea. Hey, there will be a lot | 这主意很棒 到时会有很多 |
| [12:57] | of self-destructive man-children there. | 自毁前程又长不大的男人在场 |
| [12:59] | Max, feels like your kind of party. | 麦克斯 感觉派对上都会是你的菜 |
| [13:03] | And it’s on this awesome yacht. | 而且是在一艘很棒的游艇上举办 |
| [13:05] | You know, technically it’s not a yacht | 其实不是什么船都能称为游艇 |
| [13:07] | unless it’s over 40 feet. | 除非它超过12米以上 |
| [13:10] | Is it? Okay. | 超过了吗 好吧 |
| [13:13] | Come on. It’ll be fun. | 来嘛 会很好玩的 |
| [13:15] | Gah! I don’t know. | 我不知道 |
| [13:18] | And I’m not really into fun. | 我这人不太爱玩 |
| [13:20] | You know, I’ve had fun and it’s not that fun. | 我已经玩过太多 也没那么好玩啦 |
| [13:22] | Got it. What was I thinking? | 懂了 我想什么呢 |
| [13:25] | Be weird for you, Caroline, right? | 对你来说会很怪吧 卡洛琳 |
| [13:26] | Weird? | 怪什么 |
| [13:28] | Weird if we didn’t come! | 我们不来才怪呢 |
| [13:31] | Oh, God. | 我了个老天爷啊 |
| [13:40] | Look at this, Max. | 麦克斯 你看 |
| [13:42] | Cupcakes and candy. | 小蛋糕与糖果 |
| [13:45] | This could have been me and Andy’s cake. | 这本来可以是我与安迪的婚礼蛋糕呢 |
| [13:47] | Our perfect cake for our perfect marriage. | 我们完美婚礼的完美婚礼蛋糕 |
| [13:50] | No marriage is perfect… except Ice-T and Coco. | 天下无完美的婚姻 除了那对模特与饶舌歌手 |
| [13:54] | Now, he’s not perfect. | 他才不完美呢 |
| [13:56] | You broke up with him for a reason. | 你会跟他分手是有原因的 |
| [13:59] | Andy’s out there now. Come here. | 安迪现在就在隔壁 你过来 |
| [14:02] | Music at a wedding? How original. | 婚礼放音乐 太有”创意”了 |
| [14:05] | Oh, there he is. | 他就在那里 |
| [14:07] | He looks so handsome in a tuxedo. | 他穿燕尾服的样子真的好帅 |
| [14:10] | Calm down. So does Jane Lynch. | 冷静点好吗 简·林奇穿也帅啊 |
| [14:13] | He’s not perfect. Look, there. | 他才不完美呢 你看他 |
| [14:15] | He’s going in for a nose pick. | 他准备要挖鼻孔了 |
| [14:18] | No, just a scratch. | 没有 只是抓个痒 |
| [14:21] | He has such nice hands. Big hands. | 他的手也好好看 好大的一双手 |
| [14:26] | And there’s gonna be a ring on it soon. | 可是手上马上要被套上结婚戒指了 |
| [14:28] | He’s looking over here! Oh, oh! | 他看过来了 |
| [14:31] | – He can’t see me cry! – Okay, come on. | -不能让他看到我哭 -来 |
| [14:34] | Think of something bad about him. | 想想他的缺点 |
| [14:35] | Think, think, think, think, think. | 快想快想快想 |
| [14:37] | Uh… he always took too long to finish during sex! | 做爱的时候 他总是要超久才完事 |
| [14:41] | Oh, wait. That’s a good thing. | 等等 这是个优点啊 |
| [14:45] | It is? All right, come on. | 是咩 好吧 来 |
| [14:48] | There had to be something terribly wrong | 你们感情中肯定是有哪里 |
| [14:50] | with that relationship. | 大错特错 |
| [14:51] | There was. That I ended it. | 有的 就是我结束了这段感情 |
| [14:54] | I kicked the perfect guy for me out of my life. | 我把完美的那人从我生命中踢走 |
| [14:57] | Yup, here come the tears. | 我的眼泪要下来了 |
| [14:59] | And here comes Andy! | 安迪也要过来了 |
| [15:01] | Uh, do you have a bathroom? Oh! | 这里有厕所吗 |
| [15:07] | Hey! Thought I saw you guys peeking out of here. | 我就觉得好像看到了你们俩在这边偷看 |
| [15:09] | So you guys act weird everywhere? | 所以你们俩是到哪都怪里怪气的吗 |
| [15:12] | Yup, that’s our signature. | 没错 这是我们的招牌 |
| [15:14] | Got us bounced out of Six Flags. | 害我们去主题公园时被赶出来 |
| [15:17] | Where’s Caroline? | 卡洛琳呢 |
| [15:19] | The pretty ladies’ room. | 上美女厕了 |
| [15:22] | So it looks like you’re getting married | 看来你要结婚了啊 |
| [15:23] | to Not Caroline. | 跟”非卡洛琳” |
| [15:25] | How’s she doing? | 她还好吗 |
| [15:27] | I’m getting the feeling this has been hard for her. | 我感觉她来婚礼好像挺难受 |
| [15:28] | Temperature check. | 测测温度 |
| [15:31] | Okay, I don’t understand. | 我不太懂你什么意思 |
| [15:33] | Are you asking me to bend over? | 是要我撅起屁股量肛温吗 |
| [15:37] | What if Caroline thought she might have made a mistake | 要是卡洛琳觉得自己犯了错误 |
| [15:39] | by breaking up with you? Would you consider being | 不该跟你分手 你会愿意考虑 |
| [15:41] | a runaway groom and giving it another shot with her? | 当逃跑新郎 再给你们俩感情一次机会吗 |
| [15:43] | Just a thought. | 只是个想法而已 |
| [15:44] | Well, I guess I’d have to say it’s too late. | 我得告诉你 一切为时已晚 |
| [15:46] | I’m getting married to Romy. I love her. | 我要跟罗米结婚了 我爱她 |
| [15:49] | So that’s a firm no? | 所以是确定不可能啦 |
| [15:55] | Uh, Max. | 麦克斯 |
| [15:59] | All yours now. | 您请便 |
| [16:03] | How about we pretend like none of this happened | 我们就假装没听到刚才的话 |
| [16:05] | and you guys come watch me get married, okay? | 你们俩等会出来看我成婚 好吗 |
| [16:07] | Andy, wait. | 安迪 等等 |
| [16:10] | I’m sorry. | 对不起 |
| [16:12] | I really am happy for you. | 我真心为你感到开心 |
| [16:15] | Go live your life. I wish you well. | 去过你的人生 我愿你一生幸福 |
| [16:18] | Thank you. That means a lot to me. | 谢谢 你这话对我意义非凡 |
| [16:24] | I really did love you. | 我真的曾经爱过你 |
| [16:27] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [16:29] | Even though you broke up with me. | 虽然你与我分了手 |
| [16:30] | Yeah, even though I broke up with you. | 是啊 虽然我与你分了手 |
| [16:39] | I did it. I didn’t cry. | 我做到了 我没哭 |
| [16:42] | Max, what’s wrong? | 麦克斯 怎么了 |
| [16:49] | You could have had it all! | 你本来可以拥有一切美好的 |
| [16:55] | Max, I’ve never seen you cry. | 麦克斯 我从来没见你哭过 |
| [16:57] | I’m sorry, but maybe he was the perfect guy! | 对不起 但或许他就是那完美的人 |
| [17:02] | And he loved you! You heard him! | 而且他爱过你 你听到他说的了 |
| [17:06] | Max, it’s okay. Nobody gets it all. | 麦克斯 没事的 没人能拥有一切美好 |
| [17:09] | Max, turn around and look at me. | 麦克斯 转过来看着我 |
| [17:11] | No, I don’t want you to see me cry. | 不要 我不想你看见我哭 |
| [17:14] | Max, turn around. | 麦克斯 转过来 |
| [17:17] | This hat doesn’t even work! | 这帽子的遮挡功能就是个屁 |
| [17:24] | Oh, hey, I was just looking for the bathroom. | 你们好 我想找一下厕所 |
| [17:27] | I wanted to get stoned before Andy got hitched. | 我想在安迪结婚之前先嗨一发 |
| [17:30] | You got some love for me and my friend here? | 有多余的大麻分享给我们吗 |
| [17:32] | We need it. | 我们也需要来一发 |
| [17:33] | They put candy on Andy’s wedding cake? | 做蛋糕的人在安迪蛋糕上放趟过了吗 |
| [17:36] | Brutal, dude. | 太狠毒了吧 兄弟 |
| [17:37] | Why is it brutal, dude? | 为什么狠毒啊 兄弟 |
| [17:39] | ‘Cause of the bald spot where I ate the gumdrops? | 因为我偷吃掉糖果的那块像圆形秃吗 |
| [17:42] | No, I mean with Andy’s business in the toilet. | 不是 是因为安迪的生意吃屎了 |
| [17:44] | Andy’s business is in the toilet? | 安迪的生意吃屎倒闭了吗 |
| [17:47] | Yeah, he had to close it down, but it’s cool. | 是啊 关门大吉了 但没事的 |
| [17:49] | Romy’s, like, loaded now. | 罗米现在富得流油 |
| [17:51] | I can’t believe Andy didn’t tell me | 真不敢相信安迪居然没告诉我 |
| [17:53] | his business was in the toilet. | 他的生意倒闭了 |
| [17:57] | Oh, bummer. | 真扫兴 |
| [17:58] | Looks like I gotta do this wedding thing sobes. | 看来我得清醒着参加这婚礼了 |
| [18:00] | As long as it’s not me, right? | 但只要不是我要结婚就好了 |
| [18:05] | That stoner, who I can easily see | 那个我能清晰看见等会 |
| [18:08] | having very sloppy sex with later, | 我将跟他草率来一发的瘾君子 |
| [18:11] | just saved the day ’cause now we know Andy lied to you. | 拯救了今天 因为我们知道了安迪骗你 |
| [18:15] | And I wouldn’t want to be with someone who can’t be honest. | 而我怎么会想要跟骗我的男人在一起呢 |
| [18:18] | See? He is so not perfect. | 你看 他才不完美呢 |
| [18:20] | You so would not have had it all. | 跟他在一起才不会拥有一切美好呢 |
| [18:23] | – Caroline. – Andy? | -卡洛琳 -安迪 |
| [18:25] | I’m kind of in a hurry but I think you should know something. | 我有点急 但我觉得有件事该跟你说 |
| [18:28] | I lost my business. | 我失去了我的生意 |
| [18:30] | I didn’t want to tell you because I was too proud. | 我没告诉你是因为我太骄傲 |
| [18:32] | I wanted you to think my life was perfect, and it’s not. | 我想你觉得我的生活一切完美 但并不是 |
| [18:35] | I mean, it’s great, but it’s not perfect. | 我生活挺好 但绝不完美 |
| [18:37] | Okay, I gotta go get married. See you out there. | 好了 我得去结婚了 我们婚礼上见 |
| [18:45] | All right, so he’s perfect. | 好吧 他是完美的 |
| [18:48] | I guess I’m not taking this dress back | 看来我这件裙子是不能再拿回去退货了 |
| [18:50] | ’cause we’re swimming home. | 因为我们要游回家 |
| [18:53] | We’re not swimming. | 我们才不游泳 |
| [18:54] | We’re gonna take the “I hate my life” boat. | 我们要坐”恨我这一生艇”回家 |
| [19:02] | Um, big news. | 大新闻 |
| [19:04] | Andy and Romy are in Mexico for their honeymoon. | 安迪与罗米去墨西哥度蜜月 |
| [19:07] | Weather forecast? | 而天气预报呢 |
| [19:08] | Cloudy with a chance of diarrhea. | 多云并有几率拉稀 |
| [19:12] | Um, can I borrow that for a sec? | 我能借用你手机一下吗 |
| [19:14] | Oh, you’re on her Instagram. | 你在看她的照片分享网啊 |
| [19:16] | Cute. Good-bye. | 真有爱 再见 |
| [19:18] | You unfollowed her? | 你帮我取消关注她了吗 |
| [19:19] | Now it’s gonna look like I’m jealous | 现在我看起来就像嫉妒人家 |
| [19:21] | and can’t handle their happiness. | 受不了看到人家晒幸福 |
| [19:22] | Ya can’t! | 你就是受不了啊 |
| [19:24] | Hey, everybody! Look! | 大家 快看 |
| [19:26] | I got our report card back from the Maybe Baby people! | 我从或许宝宝机构的人那边收到成绩单了 |
| [19:30] | We passed the test! | 我们合格了 |
| [19:32] | We’re gonna be solid “C” parents! | 我们会是很棒的丙级父母 |
| [19:36] | Well, that’s a better grade than the diner got. | 丙级也比我们这家餐厅的评比高分了 |
| [19:38] | I’m gonna miss that little guy. | 我会想念那个小家伙的 |
| [19:40] | What I’m not gonna miss is fighting it | 但我绝对不会想念 |
| [19:42] | to get to Sophie’s boob. | 跟他抢苏菲奶子的这事 |
| [19:46] | Okay, people. | 好了各位 |
| [19:48] | Are you leaving? | 你要走了吗 |
| [19:50] | I hope it was something I said. | 希望是因为我说的某句话让你想走 |
| [19:53] | Well, I have a video that is sure to go viral. | 我有个短片点子 绝对能爆红 |
| [19:55] | I’m gonna stuff myself in this suitcase | 我要把自己塞进这个行李箱 |
| [19:57] | for the Williamsburg Diner challenge. | 来响应威廉斯堡餐厅挑战 |
| [20:00] | Caroline, you film it this time. | 卡洛琳 这次由你来拍 |
| [20:01] | Max, you zip me up. | 麦克斯 你来帮我拉上拉链 |
| [20:03] | And I thought I’d be the first one to die here. | 我一直以为我会是餐厅里第一个死的人呢 |
| [20:07] | I, Han Lee, nominate Mr. George Clooney | 我 李憨 点名乔治·克鲁尼先生 |
| [20:11] | to the Williamsburg Diner challenge | 来参加威廉斯堡餐厅挑战 |
| [20:12] | of packing yourself in a suitcase. | 来把自己塞进行李箱中 |
| [20:15] | I’m also a fan of “The Men Who Stare At Goats.” | 我还是他的电影《以眼杀人》的粉丝哦 |
| [20:18] | Let ‘er zip, Max! | 拉上吧 麦克斯 |
| [20:21] | Han… consider this my birthday present. | 阿憨 这就当你送我的生日礼物吧 |
| [20:27] | I got my Papa John’s gift certificate. | 我拿到棒约翰披萨店的礼物折价卷了 |
| [20:30] | Mama Sophie wants to buy pizza for everyone! | 苏菲妈妈要请大家吃披萨 |
| [20:33] | Well, now is as good a time as any. | 上班时间跟其他时间都一样方便 |
| [20:38] | Hello? | 有人在吗 |
| [20:40] | Are you filming? Hello? | 你在拍吗 在吗 |
| [20:43] | Don’t tell George Clooney! | 别告诉乔治·克鲁尼 |
| [20:47] | Anyone? Are you filming? | 有人在吗 在拍吗 |
| [21:06] | 随时随地查看更新信息 控制路由器远程下载 签到升级更加方便 赶快安装起来吧 |