| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | ZZ Top: 美国摇滚三人组 其中两人留着长胡子 | |
| [00:02] | Here’s your check, Mr. ZZ and Mr. Top. | 您的账单 ZZ先生和Top先生 |
| [00:06] | Would you like a to-go box, | 您是要个打包盒 |
| [00:08] | or are you just gonna put it in your beard | 还是打算把剩下的三明治 |
| [00:09] | with the rest of your sandwich? | 直接塞胡子里带走? |
| [00:12] | We’re in a beard-growing contest. | 我们参加了个”留胡子”大赛 |
| [00:13] | They happen all over the country. | 是全国性的 |
| [00:14] | It’s a pretty big deal. | 这可是件大事 |
| [00:16] | What’s first prize? | 头等奖是什么? |
| [00:17] | Blindfold for your girlfriends? | 送女友的眼罩? |
| [00:20] | I’m kidding, I know you don’t have girlfriends. | 我瞎说的 一看就知道你们是光棍 |
| [00:23] | Actually, this level of hair-art | 事实上 像这样的发艺 |
| [00:25] | takes months of hard work and commitment. | 需要数个月的辛苦付出 |
| [00:27] | 鸭子王朝: 美国真人秀节目 主角大多留着长胡子 | |
| [00:27] | Well, quack, quack, Duck Dynasty. | 嘎嘎 “鸭子王朝” |
| [00:32] | My left armpit could beat you both. | 还没我左侧的腋毛长呢 |
| [00:36] | Let me tell you something on behalf of women everywhere. | 我代表所有女人奉劝你们一句 |
| [00:38] | We. Don’t. Like. Beards. | 我们 很不 喜欢 胡子 |
| [00:41] | 又作蓄须随从 即陪伴已婚男子与女友约会 用以掩人耳目的人 | |
| [00:41] | Caroline? Beards? | Caroline? 胡子? |
| [00:43] | I never liked being one. | 我向来不愿给人当 |
| [00:46] | Ladies, if his name is Trace, get the hell out of there. | 姐妹们 要是那男的叫Trace 就趁早闪人 |
| [00:51] | See? So, shave losers. | 看到了吧? 赶紧剃了 衰货们 |
| [00:53] | If you’re chinless or chin-plentiful, | 就连没下巴或多个下巴 |
| [00:56] | it’s better than what you’ve got going on. | 都比你们现在的模样强 |
| [00:58] | There’s your tip, be generous with mine. | 给您的建议 待会给小费也请大方点 |
| [01:02] | You actually insult people and then expect them | 你居然骂了人还指望人家 |
| [01:05] | to give you money? | 白白送你钱? |
| [01:06] | That’s how it works with you and me. | 你我不就是这样嘛 |
| [01:26] | Thanks. | 谢谢惠顾 |
| [01:28] | Everyone’s loving our new cupcake T-shirts. | 咱们新出的纸杯蛋糕T恤真是抢手 |
| [01:30] | I’ve sold four in the last hour. | 光过去四个小时就卖了四件 |
| [01:32] | Three more and we can afford that towel we’ve had our eye on. | 再卖三件就买得起咱们相中的毛巾了 |
| [01:36] | These T-shirts keep selling. | 这些T恤大卖 |
| [01:37] | That means more money. | 意味着财源滚滚 |
| [01:39] | Mo’ means mo’ success. | 越是有钱 越是有本事 |
| [01:41] | Mo’ Success? | “有本事”? |
| [01:43] | I think I dated his cousin, Les. | 我应该和他表弟”没本事”约过会 |
| [01:46] | Hey, everybody. | 嘿 各位亲 |
| [01:49] | Mind if I stop for a breather? | 我能先喘口气吗? |
| [01:51] | I’ve been “briding” my ass off. | 我可是”忙新娘”忙坏了 |
| [01:55] | Sophie, are those all your bridal magazines? | Sophie 这些都是你买的新婚杂志吗? |
| [01:58] | That’s only half. | 这里才一半 |
| [01:59] | Come on, Oleg! | 快过来 Oleg! |
| [02:01] | Look, if those are too heavy, how are you going to be able | 听着 要是这些都嫌重 你打算怎么 |
| [02:04] | to push the wedding donkey down the aisle? | 把喜驴一路推过走道? |
| [02:08] | Wedding donkey? | 喜驴? |
| [02:10] | My excitement level for this wedding just skyrocketed. | 我对这场婚礼的期待值刚刚爆表了 |
| [02:13] | Relax, Sophie. | 别担心 Sophie |
| [02:14] | If I know how to do anything, it’s how to move an ass. | 要是我只会做一件事 那就是怎么推屁股 |
| [02:17] | That’s true. Yeah. | 这话不假 |
| [02:20] | Wow, you’re carrying more heavy issues than Amanda Bynes. | 哇 你手上的杂志数量比阿曼达・拜恩斯的心理问题还多 |
| [02:24] | Look at all these. Beautiful Bride, | 看看这些 “佳丽新娘” |
| [02:27] | Modern Bride, City Bride? | “时尚新娘” “都市新娘”? |
| [02:28] | And do you really need African American Bride? | 你真得需要”非裔新娘”吗? |
| [02:32] | Well, I haven’t ruled out cornrows. | 我这不还没完全放弃玉米辫嘛 |
| [02:35] | Cornrows and a donkey? | 玉米辫配喜驴? |
| [02:37] | RSVP yes. | 请告诉是真的 |
| [02:41] | Oh, yeah. | 对了 |
| [02:42] | This one’s hot. | 这妞性感 |
| [02:46] | Save that one for later. | 待我留着回头欣赏 |
| [02:48] | Oh, I forgot I’m getting married. | 我差点忘了我是待婚之人 |
| [02:51] | Keep her. | 留着她 |
| [02:52] | I might need a Tuesday off. | 我周二可能要请个假 |
| [02:56] | Sophie, why don’t you get some help from your Maid of Honor? | Sophie 为什么不找你的伴娘帮忙? |
| [02:58] | I will kill you. | 我要杀了你 |
| [02:59] | Or a wedding planner? | 或者雇个婚礼策划人? |
| [03:01] | Oh, Sophie, my cousin, Svetlana, is a wedding planner. | 想起来了 Sophie 我表妹Svetlana就是策划婚礼的 |
| [03:06] | Okay, but she better be good. | 那好 她最好在行 |
| [03:09] | Because I want everything to be perfect on my big day. | 因为我的大婚之日要求万无一失 |
| [03:16] | Our big day. | 我俩的大婚之日 |
| [03:17] | Yeah. Sure. | 是 行 |
| [03:23] | I can’t believe this. | 真是难以置信 |
| [03:25] | They’re getting married and I don’t have a wedding donkey | 他们就要结婚了 而我的喜驴 |
| [03:27] | anywhere on my horizon. | 却不着天际 |
| [03:30] | OMG, you sell these T-shirts? | 天啊 你们卖这款T恤? |
| [03:33] | I just bought one. | 我刚买了件 |
| [03:35] | Did I just sell you that shirt and already forgot? | 我是刚卖完你衣服 就忘了这事吗? |
| [03:37] | I knew that nine-cent deodorant | 早知道那瓶九分钱的除臭剂 |
| [03:38] | was going to give me brain lesions. | 会给我大脑创伤的 |
| [03:41] | Well, the label did have a picture of a brain | 标签上的确贴了张大脑图 |
| [03:44] | with “No Bueno” written on it. | 还标明”不带甲酮” |
| [03:47] | No, I bought it at a store in Manhattan | 不 我是在曼哈顿的一家店买的 |
| [03:49] | on East Ninth and Broadway. | 就在东九道和百老汇那 |
| [03:51] | I know because I’m OCD and it was 67 steps | 我是因为强迫症才知道的 它离街角 |
| [03:53] | and 14 sidewalk cracks from the corner. | 一共隔了67步和14条人行道 |
| [03:57] | Max, someone else is selling our shirts. | Max 有人在卖我们的衣服 |
| [04:00] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [04:01] | We’re getting hosed by some other hoes. | 我们被别人坑了 |
| [04:07] | I can’t believe they stole our shirt. | 他们竟敢抄袭我们的衣服 |
| [04:10] | The one thing we made that people actually wanted to buy. | 我们唯一受顾客青睐的产品 |
| [04:13] | I feel like MySpace. | 跟”我的空间”一个遭遇 |
| [04:15] | I haven’t seen anything this upsetting in a window | 我好久没对一个展柜如此气愤了 |
| [04:17] | since that time I accidentally caught a reflection | 上一次还是我不小心瞥见镜中 |
| [04:19] | of myself in my waitress uniform. | 自己穿服务生制服的样子 |
| [04:24] | We need to talk to someone | 我们得找人说理 |
| [04:25] | about those damn shirts you jacked. | 评评这些被抬高价钱的衣服 |
| [04:27] | We about to rumble. | 我们来闹事的 |
| [04:28] | What she means is, we wish to speak to someone | 她的意思是 我们想找人谈谈 |
| [04:30] | about the adorable cupcake T-shirts in the window. | 展柜里那些可爱的纸杯蛋糕T恤 |
| [04:32] | Or, we will be about to rumble. | 不然就要闹事 |
| [04:35] | I’m just working here till I get my PhD | 我在这不过是打点零工 |
| [04:37] | in the Eco-Social Dynamics of Western Civilization. | 就等着考上西方文明社会经济学博士 |
| [04:41] | So, forever? | 也就是说 等一辈子? |
| [04:43] | Those T-shirts are our design | 这些T恤是我们设计的 |
| [04:45] | and we need to know why they’re here | 我们想弄清为什么这里有卖 |
| [04:46] | and who knocked them off. | 以及是谁剽窃的 |
| [04:48] | It’s the granddaughter of the woman who owns this shop. | 是本店老板娘的孙女 |
| [04:50] | She’s kind of a monster and she’s walking in right now. | 她算个折腾精 而且她要进来了 |
| [04:52] | Hi, Kemberly and Ashlin. | 嗨 Kemberly和Ashlin |
| [04:54] | These ladies are interested in your T-shirts. | 这两位女士对你的T恤很感兴趣 |
| [04:56] | Aren’t they cute? | 挺可爱的吧? |
| [04:57] | So cute. | 可爱死了 |
| [04:58] | Yeah, super cute. | 是 可爱得不得了 |
| [05:00] | We designed them. | 我们设计的 |
| [05:01] | Yeah, we designed them. | 对 我们设计的 |
| [05:03] | What? | 什么? |
| [05:04] | Yeah, what? | 对 什么? |
| [05:06] | Ashlin and Kimberly, is it? | Ashlin和Kimberly 对吧? |
| [05:08] | It’s Kemberly, with an “E”” | 是Kemberly 带字母E的 |
| [05:10] | I changed it myself ’cause I’m original. | 我自己改的名 因为我很独特 |
| [05:13] | Yeah, she’s an original. | 对 她是独特的 |
| [05:15] | You know what’s not original? | 你知道什么不算独特(原创)吗? |
| [05:17] | Those shirts. You stole them from us. | 这些衣服 你们抄袭我们的 |
| [05:20] | We did not steal your idea. | 我们没剽窃你的创意 |
| [05:21] | Yeah, we did not steal your idea. | 对 我们没剽窃你的创意 |
| [05:24] | We copied it from this lame cupcake shop in Brooklyn. | 我们抄袭的是布鲁克林一家破纸杯蛋糕店 |
| [05:28] | Wait a minute… | 等等… |
| [05:31] | we have a lame cupcake shop in Brooklyn. | 我们就在布鲁克林开了一家纸杯蛋糕店 |
| [05:35] | Ashlin, you talk too much. | Ashlin 你太多嘴 |
| [05:38] | This is why everyone knows about my lap-band. | 大家就是这么知道我做了胃束带手术的 |
| [05:40] | I think they know about it because you lost 200 pounds | 我觉得他们之所以知道 是因为你短短一个春假间 |
| [05:42] | over Spring break. | 瘦了200镑 |
| [05:45] | It’s hard to believe she was once twice this obnoxious. | 真不敢相信她过去比现在还可恶两倍 |
| [05:48] | If you don’t stop selling our T-shirts, | 若不停售我们的T恤 |
| [05:50] | we’re gonna have to get our lawyer involved. | 就只能让我们的律师接管了 |
| [05:52] | Yeah, we’re gonna have to get our lawyer involved. | 对 让我们的律师接管 |
| [05:55] | And he’s gonna kill you. | 然后他会杀了你的 |
| [05:58] | I don’t know what lawyers do. | 我不知道什么是律师 |
| [06:00] | We’re totally not doing this for us. | 我们绝不是为了私利而为 |
| [06:03] | We’re rich. | 我们很有钱的 |
| [06:04] | Yeah, we’re rich. | 对 我们很有钱 |
| [06:05] | A percentage of every shirt that we sell goes to charity. | 每卖出一件衣服 就有一部分善款捐给慈善组织 |
| [06:08] | Yeah, it goes to charity. | 对 捐给慈善组织 |
| [06:10] | We are the charity that it needs to go to. | 我们就是需要被捐助的人 |
| [06:14] | You’re old and desperate for money. | 你们又老又缺钱 |
| [06:16] | And I totally get it. | 我很能理解 |
| [06:18] | My aunt’s one of the Real Housewives of New York. | 我姑姑也是纽约的”绝望主妇”之一 |
| [06:20] | But, sorry. | 但是 抱歉 |
| [06:22] | It’s the one without the leg. | 是缺一条腿的那个 |
| [06:27] | What just happened here? | 刚刚在这里发生了什么? |
| [06:29] | That girl just called you old. | 那姑娘刚刚说你老 |
| [06:41] | Earl, I don’t think I’m going to be buying you that pinky ring | Earl 我想我最近一段时间不会给你买 |
| [06:44] | you wanted any time soon. | 你要的尾戒 |
| [06:47] | No rush, Max, you got plenty of time. | 不急 Max 你有的是时间 |
| [06:50] | I got like, six or seven months before I turn to dust. | 在我入土之前 我还有六七个月的时间 |
| [06:55] | It’s ’cause our T-shirts got ripped off | 这是因为我们的衬衫 |
| [06:57] | by a couple of prep school girls in Manhattan. | 被几个曼哈顿的预科学校的妹子给剽窃了 |
| [07:00] | It’s like a bad 80’s movie. | 就像一部80年代的劣质电影 |
| [07:02] | I don’t know whether to date James Spader | 我不知道该去跟詹姆斯・斯派德约会 |
| [07:04] | or teach this town how to dance. | 还是去教镇上的人跳舞 |
| [07:10] | This is so unfair. | 这太不公平了 |
| [07:11] | Those girls can’t just steal from us. | 那些姑娘不能就这么偷我们的东西 |
| [07:13] | This isn’t 7-Eleven. | 这又不是7-11便利店 |
| [07:16] | Max, I can’t believe your naivete? | Max 我没想到你居然这么天真 |
| [07:19] | What does my body spray have to do with anything? | 这跟我飞溅的口水有什么关系? |
| [07:23] | Look, there is no reason to be so upset | 听着 我们没理由对那俩姑娘 |
| [07:25] | about those two girls. | 感到不爽 |
| [07:27] | They’re not going to affect our business. | 他们不会影响我们的生意 |
| [07:29] | Plus, they have to live with themselves. | 而且 他们不得不自我煎熬 |
| [07:31] | And karma is a bitch. | 因果报应向来很准 |
| [07:32] | I mean, I littered once and look what happened to me. | 我是说 我曾经乱丢垃圾 再看我遭了什么报应 |
| [07:38] | Hey, everybody. | 嘿 各位亲 |
| [07:42] | I’m up to my nuts in bridal junk. | 婚礼的废品把我弄疯了 |
| [07:48] | There she is. | 她来了 |
| [07:49] | The love of my life. | 我一生的挚爱 |
| [07:50] | The yin to my yang. | 她是我勃起时要的阴道 |
| [07:52] | The zing to my wang. | 也是我阳痿时的性奋剂 |
| [07:56] | Save that gold for the vows. | 把你的金句留到宣誓再说 |
| [08:00] | I am Svetlana, Oleg’s cousin. | 我叫Svetlana 是Oleg的表姐妹 |
| [08:02] | Well, darling, it could be worse. | 亲爱的 还能更糟点 |
| [08:04] | You could be his sister. | 你可以当他的亲姐妹 |
| [08:07] | Svetty! | 嗨 Svetty! |
| [08:09] | And you must be Sophie. | 你一定就是Sophie |
| [08:12] | Yeah. | 是 |
| [08:14] | No. | 不 |
| [08:17] | But you haven’t even heard any ideas. | 她还什么都没说呢 |
| [08:20] | Caroline. | Caroline啊 |
| [08:23] | Sophie, why did you just say my name? | Sophie 你为什么叫我的名字? |
| [08:25] | Oh, it’s Oleg’s and my safe word. | 哦 这是我和Oleg的暗号 |
| [08:31] | Yeah. It means no. | 意思是”不” |
| [08:36] | It’s the one word we both agreed we would never say during sex. | 这是我们一致同意不会在做爱过程中说的话 |
| [08:43] | Are you sure? | 你确定吗? |
| [08:44] | Because I give free oil change with every wedding. | 因为预定婚礼策划附赠汽车换油保养一次哦 |
| [08:49] | Caroline. | Caroline啊 |
| [08:53] | All right, well, I’ll be in my booth. | 好吧 我要坐我的位置 |
| [08:59] | You know, this wedding planner thing is as crappy as the movie | 婚礼策划人和同名电影”婚礼策划人” |
| [09:02] | of the same name. | 一样垃圾 |
| [09:06] | Girls, I forgot to tell you, | 姑娘们 我忘了告诉你们 |
| [09:08] | a man came by today with this letter for you. | 今天来的一个男人拿了封信给你们 |
| [09:11] | This reminds me of when I was a young, hot-shot courier. | 这让我想起自己还是年轻能干的快递员的时候 |
| [09:17] | I was a young, hot-shot courier once, too. | 我以前也是年轻能干的快递员 |
| [09:19] | I used to deliver drugs to my mother at work on my tricycle. | 我曾经踩着三轮车 给正在上班的我妈送毒品 |
| [09:24] | Oh, my God, Max, you’re not gonna believe this, | 天啊 Max 你不会相信的 |
| [09:26] | but those two girls have issued a Cease and Desist order. | 但那俩姑娘已经申请了停止不正当竞争的命令 |
| [09:30] | Those bitches. | 那俩贱人 |
| [09:31] | What’s that? | 那是什么? |
| [09:32] | They’re saying we have to stop selling our T-shirts. | 她们要求我们必须停止出售我们的衬衫 |
| [09:35] | That’s what I told them we were going to do. | 这正是我告诉他们 我们要做的事 |
| [09:37] | They even copied this idea. | 他们连这个想法都抄袭了 |
| [09:39] | We need to get a lawyer. | 我们需要一个律师 |
| [09:41] | How? We can’t even afford Law & Order on iTunes. | 怎么请? 我们连iTunes上的”法律与秩序”(美剧)都买不起 |
| [09:45] | Hey, do you think we could afford that lawyer | 嘿 你觉得我们请得起地铁广告牌上的 |
| [09:46] | on the subway billboards? | 律师吗? |
| [09:48] | The one who has a gavel in one hand and a chicken in the other? | 一手拿着锤子一手拿着只鸡的那个? |
| [09:52] | I think he just does acidentes. | 我想他只会导致交通事故 |
| [09:56] | What is going on here? | 这是什么情况啊? |
| [09:58] | There’s food waiting in the window, | 菜在窗口晾着 |
| [10:00] | periodicals strewn about. | 杂志四处散着 |
| [10:02] | Someone’s on his periodical. | 某人大姨夫又来了 |
| [10:05] | Han, we just got served. | Han 我们刚刚被人摆了一道 |
| [10:06] | At least someone in the diner has. | 至少餐厅里还有人被招待 |
| [10:11] | You’re lucky your boss is so chill. | 你们很幸运 你们的老板这么冷静 |
| [10:13] | Of course you’re chill, you’re one of Mr. Popper’s penguins. | 你当然冷了 你是”波普先生的企鹅”中的一只 |
| [10:22] | How about this? | 这么着怎么样? |
| [10:24] | We’ll do the jobs you already pay us for | 如果你同意假扮我们的律师 |
| [10:26] | if you agree to pretend to be our lawyer. | 我们就会完成你付了工钱的工作 |
| [10:28] | You have a suit, right? | 你有西装 对吧? |
| [10:30] | Why would I pretend to be a lawyer? | 我为什么要假扮律师? |
| [10:31] | You can’t even pretend to be waitresses. | 你们连假扮服务员都不会 |
| [10:36] | No one’s gonna believe Han’s our lawyer, anyway. | 不管怎样 没人会相信Han是我们的律师 |
| [10:39] | He can’t pass the bar, he can barely see over one. | 他无法通过律师资格考试 他连眼睛都不够吧台高 |
| [10:44] | That’s it! I’ve had it with you two and your non-work ethic. | 够了! 我受够你们俩和你们那套不工作的理论了 |
| [10:47] | And this area is for customers. | 这里是为顾客服务的 |
| [10:48] | I want these out of here! | 我要这些东西出去! |
| [10:50] | Ow! | 嗷! |
| [10:55] | Uh-oh. | 完了 |
| [10:56] | Max? | Max吗? |
| [10:59] | I suppose I could dig up a suit if that could, somehow, | 只要这样做你能忘了我砸你这件事 |
| [11:02] | make this boss striking his employee thing go away. | 我想我会想办法翻出套西装来 |
| [11:15] | Max, of course these girls go to Dalby Hall, | Max 这些姑娘当然会去Dalby Hall |
| [11:18] | all my archenemies did. | 我的所有敌人都去了 |
| [11:20] | I guess Lady Gaga won in the end, though. | 但是我猜Lady Gaga最后会赢 |
| [11:23] | In other news, I kind of like this eye-patch. | 另一则新闻 我有点喜欢这个眼罩 |
| [11:27] | I know you do, you were pretending to be | 我知道你喜欢 你刚刚一直在地铁里 |
| [11:29] | the pirate queen of the subway. | 假扮海盗女王 |
| [11:32] | Well, no one arrrrrgued with us. | 没人敢跟我们撕逼 |
| [11:36] | How long did the eye doctor say you have to keep it on? | 眼科医生说你得带着它多长时间? |
| [11:38] | And by eye doctor, I mean that first-year med student | 我说的眼科医生是我们送了免费点心给他的 |
| [11:41] | we gave the free dessert to. | 那个一年级医学生 |
| [11:43] | A few days, which is a bummer, ’cause only seeing half | 难过的日子只有一只眼能看见 |
| [11:45] | of how sad we are is kind of a blessing. | 也算是种幸福 |
| [11:50] | How are we gonna find them? | 我们要怎么找到她们? |
| [11:51] | Follow the scent of our decaying T-shirts business? | 循着我们没落的衬衫生意的气息吗? |
| [11:55] | According to Instagram, they’re in the cafeteria, see? | 根据Instagram 她们在自助餐厅 看见没? |
| [11:58] | Ashlin just posted a pic of a mini-pizza. | Ashlin刚刚发了一张迷你披萨的照片 |
| [12:00] | #thatpizzalife | #披萨生活 |
| [12:04] | They have mini-pizzas here? | 这里有迷你披萨? |
| [12:06] | My high school didn’t even have heat. | 我的高中连熟食都没有 |
| [12:10] | Sorry I’m late. I had to pick up a suit | 抱歉我迟到了 我得去男士服装大卖场 |
| [12:12] | at the Men’s Warehouse. | 买套西装 |
| [12:13] | Don’t you mean the Not Quite A Man’s Warehouse? | 你说的是”不完全是男士”服装大卖场吗? |
| [12:18] | Han, I love your lawyer costume. So authentic. | Han 我喜欢你的律师服 很逼真啊 |
| [12:21] | Only thing missing is the hole where your soul should be. | 唯一缺少的就是你的灵魂 |
| [12:24] | Well, as I always say, if you’re going to do something… | 我一直都说 如果你要做某件事… |
| [12:26] | Do it with your left hand so it will feel like someone else? | 用你的左手做 这样就会觉得是别人做的? |
| [12:32] | No, if you’re going to do something, do it right. | 不是 如果你要做某件事 就好好做 |
| [12:36] | Last Halloween, I went as Sprout from the Green Giant commercial | 去年万圣节 我扮演的是”绿巨人”广告里的豌豆芽 |
| [12:39] | and I even put pea pods over my pee-pee. | 我还把豌豆荚放在我的鸡鸡上 |
| [12:43] | You laugh, but I won $500. | 你们笑了 但我赢了五百美元 |
| [12:46] | Okay, I created my own Cease and Desist order. | 好了 我写了份自己的停止不正当竞争的命令 |
| [12:49] | Where did you get this? | 你从哪儿来的这个? |
| [12:51] | Same place Max printed out that fake, | 和Max打印那份假的 |
| [12:52] | “I don’t have herpe” doctor certificate. | “我没有疱疹”的医生证明是同一个地方 |
| [12:54] | It works. | 还生效了 |
| [12:57] | And here’s your business card. | 这是你的名片 |
| [12:59] | Where? Where is it? | 哪儿? 在哪儿? |
| [13:01] | I can’t see. | 我看不见 |
| [13:04] | Here. And Han, I hope you’re a better actor than Max. | 给你 Han 我希望你是个比Max更好的演员 |
| [13:07] | Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is a better actor than Max. | 巨石强森(摔角选手)是个比Max更好的演员 |
| [13:12] | Mr. Lu Su? | 鲁诉先生? |
| [13:13] | That’s what you came up with? | 这就是你想出来的? |
| [13:14] | Mr. Lu Su? | 鲁诉先生? |
| [13:16] | Well, you’re a lawyer, so the “Su” part is totally on point. | 你是个律师 所以”诉”这个字完全符合 |
| [13:21] | But Lu Su? | 但是鲁诉? |
| [13:23] | No Asian was ever named that. | 从来没有亚洲人叫这个名字的 |
| [13:25] | Maybe not in this galaxy, | 这个星球上也许没有 |
| [13:27] | but might I remind you of a Mr. Sulu. | 但我可以提醒你有个苏鲁先生(星际迷航) |
| [13:33] | Oh, yeah. I mixed it up. Genius! | 没错 我把它重组了 天才啊! |
| [13:37] | Han, you don’t have to use the cards. | Han 你不必用这些名片 |
| [13:39] | I can make it work. | 我会好好利用的 |
| [13:41] | Two Halloweens ago, I was an Ewok | 两年前的万圣节 我扮演的是伊沃克人(星球大战) |
| [13:42] | and turned an orange bath-towel into a turban. | 然后把橙色的浴巾变成了穆斯林的头巾 |
| [13:46] | Second place. $250. | 二等奖 奖金250美元 |
| [13:49] | And next Halloween, you can wear that | 明年万圣节的时候 你就能穿着那个 |
| [13:50] | and goes as a lesbian minister. | 扮成蕾丝边了 |
| [13:57] | Okay, so the plan is, we go in there | 好吧 我们这么办 我们进去 |
| [13:59] | and calmly confront them with our attorney. | 和我们的律师一起 冷静地和她们对质 |
| [14:01] | I’ll do the talking. | 我来负责说话 |
| [14:02] | Han, you stand there and try to look smart. | Han 你站着 装作你很聪明就可以了 |
| [14:05] | Ah. I’m already Asian. So, done. | 啊 我是个亚洲人 所以这事已经搞定了 |
| [14:13] | Wow, this brings me back. | 哇 这让我想起了过去 |
| [14:16] | I had a seat at the popular table, the Debate Team table, | 我曾和校园风云人物 辩论队 |
| [14:19] | the Student Council table, | 学生会的人 |
| [14:20] | and the Waiting For Marriage table. | 还有一起等结婚的人坐过一桌 |
| [14:22] | But that table kind of fell apart | 但是那一桌后来就散了 |
| [14:23] | when everybody got pregnant but me. | 因为除了我以外 所有人都怀孕了 |
| [14:26] | I ate in the school parking lot with a wino. | 我和一个酒鬼在学校的停车场里一起吃饭 |
| [14:30] | He was so nice to me, I thought he might be my dad. | 他对我非常好 我还以为他可能是我爸呢 |
| [14:33] | But then he never made a move on me, | 但他一直没有对我动手动脚 |
| [14:34] | so I guess he wasn’t. | 所以看来他不是 |
| [14:36] | Attention everyone, attention. | 各位注意一下 |
| [14:39] | Yeah, attention everyone, attention. | 是啊 各位注意一下 |
| [14:42] | Ashlin and I are here today to sell our T-shirts | Ashilin和我今天来卖我们的T恤衫 |
| [14:45] | and to talk about bullying and how it’s not cool. | 并告诉你们 欺负人是件很不好的事 |
| [14:48] | It’s so not cool. | 太不好了 |
| [14:49] | I was talking, Ash. | 我在说话呢 Ash |
| [14:51] | Yeah, she was talking. | 是啊 她在说话呢 |
| [14:55] | Their charity is bullying? | 她们是为校园欺凌筹钱? |
| [14:57] | That’s like Kanye West trying to raise money for laying low. | 这就好像坎耶・维斯特为低调而筹钱一样 |
| [15:02] | A $3 donation will be made to our anti-bullying fund | 每买一件我们的超可爱T恤 |
| [15:05] | with each purchase of one of our super, super cute tees. | 就会给我们的反校园欺凌基金捐款3美元 |
| [15:08] | Super, super cute tees. | 超级 超级可爱的T恤 |
| [15:11] | My super cute tee! | 这是我的超可爱T恤! |
| [15:13] | Best idea I ever had. | 那是我这辈子最好的主意 |
| [15:15] | Right up there with the bong with a chin strap | 还有就是一个下巴带 |
| [15:17] | so you could be hands-free to change the channel. | 可以让你把手空出来换台 |
| [15:20] | So buy a shirt right now and then we’ll be back later | 赶紧买一件T恤吧 我们马上回来 |
| [15:23] | for the rest of the anti-bully talk. | 继续我们的反校园欺凌演讲 |
| [15:25] | Yeah, buy them or my dad won’t pay | 是啊 你们要是不买 |
| [15:27] | for the lacrosse equipment this year. | 我爸爸今年就不给大家买长曲棍球装备了 |
| [15:34] | Let’s go. They are making a fortune on us. | 我们走 他们在利用我们赚大钱 |
| [15:36] | And if I’m gonna get screwed, it better be by someone over 21. | 如果我要被人搞 那最好也是21岁以上的人 |
| [15:41] | Yeah, that sounds like a job with a two drink minimum. | 是啊 这好像只需要两杯酒就可以搞定了 |
| [15:44] | Han, don’t mess this up or you’ll be eating those glasses. | Han 别把这事搞砸了 否则就让你把这眼镜吃了 |
| [15:48] | Might I interest you in an anti-bullying pamphlet? | 你想要反校园欺凌的小册子吗? |
| [15:52] | Might I interest you in a seat on my finger? | 你想坐在我的手指上吗? |
| [15:55] | Hey, how did you two get in here? | 嘿 你们两个怎么进来的? |
| [15:57] | The school pays guards out front to keep out the homeless. | 学校花钱请了门卫 不放流浪汉进来呢 |
| [16:00] | Yeah, well, jokes on you. | 是啊 真好笑 |
| [16:02] | ‘Cause they just let us walk in. | 因为他们刚刚就直接让我们走进来了 |
| [16:05] | Hello, girls. You can “Cease and Desis” | 你们好啊 小姑娘 你们可以停止 |
| [16:07] | selling our T-shirts as of now. | 售卖我们的T恤了 |
| [16:09] | This is our attorney, Mr…. | 这是我们的律师 他叫… |
| [16:11] | Lu Su. | 鲁诉先生 |
| [16:13] | And he is holding our Cease and Desist | 他手里拿着我们的禁止令 |
| [16:15] | to counter your Cease and Desist. | 来回应你们的禁止令 |
| [16:19] | Okay, well, first, your lawyer looks like a teacher | 好吧 首先 你们的律师看上去像个 |
| [16:21] | on a Disney show. | 迪士尼里的老师 |
| [16:23] | Is that a bad thing? | 这不好吗? |
| [16:26] | And if you have anything further to say, | 如果你们还想说什么的话 |
| [16:28] | you can take it up with my lawyer. Her dad. | 你们可以去找我的律师 也就是她爸爸 |
| [16:30] | And he’s real good. | 他真的很厉害 |
| [16:32] | He got that CEO guy who admitted he killed his whole family | 他用了技术手段帮一个承认自己杀了他全家的 |
| [16:35] | out on a technicality. | 首席执行官脱了罪 |
| [16:38] | I forgot how mean girls can be. | 我忘了女孩们能有多恶毒了 |
| [16:40] | How? I’m your roommate. | 这怎么会? 我可是你室友啊 |
| [16:43] | Thank you, Kemberly. Thank you, Ashlin. | 谢谢你 Kemberly 谢谢 Ashilin |
| [16:49] | A little help. | 能帮帮忙吗 |
| [16:56] | Hello, girls, you all look very nice. | 姑娘们 你们好 你们看上去人挺好的 |
| [17:00] | What is he doing? | 他在干什么? |
| [17:01] | Hopefully a tight ten and then he’ll bring up the headliner. | 希望他干得漂亮点 然后就能吸引到人给来个头条 |
| [17:05] | This may be hard to believe, looking at me | 也许看着我 穿着这么帅气的西装 |
| [17:07] | in this totally awesome suit, | 会很难相信 |
| [17:09] | but I know a little something about being bullied. | 我比较了解被欺负的感受 |
| [17:12] | As a little child… | 当我还是小孩的时候… |
| [17:13] | And as a slightly bigger adult. | 还是一个稍微大一点的成人 |
| [17:16] | Seriously? In the middle of his bullying speech, you’re bullying? | 你怎么这样? 他在进行校园欺凌演讲 你还要欺负他? |
| [17:19] | Kind of surprised even myself. | 我自己都有点吃惊 |
| [17:23] | I have someone who bullies me. | 有人欺负我 |
| [17:25] | Okay, let’s get out of here while I can. | 好吧 趁来得及我们先出去 |
| [17:28] | It’s not just the hitting and the name-calling. | 这不仅仅是打我和叫外号 |
| [17:30] | Although, not gonna lie, that’s a real bummer. | 虽然 说实话 这很令人沮丧 |
| [17:33] | You see, girls, the bad thing about being bullied | 但你们看 姑娘们 被欺负的坏处在于 |
| [17:37] | is that every time it happens, it steals a little piece | 你每一次被欺负 生命的一小部分 |
| [17:41] | of who you are. | 就会被偷走 |
| [17:42] | And then, if it happens enough, little by little, | 反复多次之后 一点一点的 |
| [17:46] | you become just a little less of who you were meant to be. | 你就会变得不如你能成为的那种人 |
| [17:51] | And that’s not cool. | 而这很不好 |
| [17:53] | And these two girls up here, without knowing it, I’m sure, | 这里的两个女孩虽然还没意识到 但我相信 |
| [17:55] | stole a little piece of Max and Caroline. | 她们在偷走Max和Caroline的创意时 |
| [17:58] | when they stole their little idea. | 也偷走了她们生命中的一小部分东西 |
| [18:01] | And that’s so not cool. | 而那也很不好 |
| [18:04] | Yeah, that’s so not cool. | 是啊 那太不好了 |
| [18:07] | Max, Caroline, we’ll stop making the shirts. | Max 还有Caroline 我们不会再做这些衬衫了 |
| [18:09] | Ash, I never said that. | Ash 我可没这么说过 |
| [18:11] | Ah, no, Kemberly. I did. | 不 Kemberly 我说了 |
| [18:14] | And I liked you more before the lap-band. | 而且我更喜欢接受胃束带手术之前的你 |
| [18:16] | When you were still Kimberly with an “I.” | 当时你的名字还是带I的Kimberly |
| [18:31] | Max, did Han just save us? | Max 刚刚Han是不是救了我们? |
| [18:34] | I wasn’t listening, I was putting mini-pizzas | 我没在听 我忙着把小披萨 |
| [18:36] | in my pocket. | 偷装进口袋呢 |
| [18:46] | Girls, your shift started 40 minutes ago. | 姑娘们 你们四十分钟之前就该开始上班了 |
| [18:49] | What are you doing here so early? | 你们那么早来干什么? |
| [18:53] | Earl, good news. We are now the sole owners | Earl 我们有好消息 现在我们是 |
| [18:56] | of all those cupcake T-shirts. | 纸杯蛋糕T恤的唯一销售商了 |
| [18:58] | And, literally, nothing else. | 我们也没别的东西了 |
| [19:01] | Maybe I could rent a parrot and pick up some shifts | 也许我可以租一只鹦鹉 然后去 |
| [19:03] | at Long John Silver’s. | 梅因餐馆上几天班 |
| [19:06] | Hey, girls. | 嘿 姑娘们 |
| [19:07] | I’m about to meet another wedding planner. | 我马上就要见一个新的婚礼策划了 |
| [19:09] | And this one’s gonna be good! | 这个人会很棒的! |
| [19:11] | He’s gay. | 他是同性恋 |
| [19:14] | Sophie Kuchenski? | Sophie Kuchenski吗? |
| [19:16] | Yes, God! | 是啊 天啊! |
| [19:19] | From the second I walked in here, I said to myself, | 我刚走进这里 我就对自己说 |
| [19:21] | “That has to be her.” And I can see it. | “那肯定是她” 我看得出来 |
| [19:23] | We’re going to make magic together. | 我们要一起创造魔法了 |
| [19:29] | Yeah, what’s gay for no? | 是啊 同性恋怎么说不? |
| [19:33] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [19:37] | Wow, I think we just survived a “Torgaydo”” | 哇 我感觉我们刚刚经历了一场”同卷风” |
| [19:43] | Where am I gonna find another gay wedding planner | 我现在在纽约去哪里再找一个同性恋 |
| [19:47] | in New York now? | 婚礼策划啊? |
| [19:51] | Just throw a tantrum in a Crate & Barrel, | 在Crate & Barrel家装店发一次脾气 |
| [19:53] | and five of them will come running. | 就会有五个跑着过来了 |
| [19:58] | Hey, nice legal work today. | 嘿 今天法律工作干得不错 |
| [20:01] | You should be on the Little People’s Court. | 你都能上儿童法庭了 |
| [20:05] | Yeah, from now on, I’m calling you “Hanny Cochran”” | 是啊 从现在开始 我要叫你Han大律师了 |
| [20:09] | Okay. Next time you want to thank me, | 好吧 下次你们想感谢我 |
| [20:11] | just send me an Edible Arrangement. | 就给我送一份爱蒂宝甜点吧 |
| [20:14] | I don’t know many times I have to drop that hint. | 我都不知道暗示你们多少次了 |
| [20:17] | But that’s just, like, a two-inch drop. | 但那就好像是个两英寸的暗示了 |
| [20:23] | Sorry. I can’t help myself. | 对不起 我忍不住 |
| [20:25] | But I’m going to try because I know I was the bully | 但我还是想问问看 因为我知道我就是 |
| [20:28] | you were talking about in that speech. | 你在那个演讲里说的那个欺负你的人 |
| [20:30] | What? I was talking about the doorwoman in my building. | 什么? 我说的是我那栋大楼的门房 |
| [20:34] | I have to submit to a purple-nurple | 我每次要拿邮件 |
| [20:35] | just to get my mail. | 都得被揪奶头 |
| [20:39] | There’s another woman? | 你还有别的女人? |
| [20:41] | Max, I think Han has a side bully. 428 | Max 我觉得Han有个二房 |
| [20:45] | Well, I’ll just have to try harder. | 好吧 那看来我得更努力了 |
| [20:47] | Because if anyone is gonna mercilessly nurple you | 因为如果有人要揪你的奶头 |
| [20:50] | into an early grave, it’s got to be me. | 那也得是我 |
| [20:54] | I’d like to think so, Max. | 我也想这样 Max |
| [20:57] | You’d also like to ride in a car facing forwards. | 你还想坐车头朝前的车呢 |
| [21:03] | Back to normal. | 又是老样子 |