| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | That’s it for tonight. | 打烊啦 |
| [00:05] | Time to count the tip jar. | 是时候来数数小费了 |
| [00:06] | Hand condom. | 手部避孕套 |
| [00:10] | I can’t believe you. | 你真是让人咋舌啊 |
| [00:11] | Using protection is so five years ago. | 直到现在还采取安全措施 |
| [00:14] | This is Williamsburg. | 这里是威廉斯堡 |
| [00:16] | There’s a good chance even the dollars have herpes. | 连钱都可能携带性病病毒的 |
| [00:18] | Well, if those singles have herpes, | 如果那些单身钱都有性病 |
| [00:20] | They should just lie about it till they get married | 那他们应该把病情隐瞒到结婚之日 |
| [00:21] | Like everybody else does. | 就像所有人一样 |
| [00:24] | Oh, good, you’re still open. | 噢 太好了 你们还没打烊 |
| [00:26] | Oh, yes, we are. What can I get you? | 噢 是的 还没 您需要什么? |
| [00:27] | Everything in the register. | 收银机里的全部钱 |
| [00:30] | Oh, my god. It’s a hipster hold-up. | 噢 我去 潮人都来打劫了 |
| [00:32] | Hand it over. I have a gun. | 把钱交出来 我有钱枪 |
| [00:36] | Well, I have a death wish so that’s not gonna work. | 我就想死 所以你这招不管用 |
| [00:41] | Look, pal, we work at this cupcake window | 朋友 我们在这蛋糕窗口 |
| [00:44] | from 2:00 to 4:00, six nights a week, | 从两点工作到四点 每周工作六晚 |
| [00:46] | and that is after eight hours of slinging hash | 而且还是在旁边家破餐厅辛苦工作 |
| [00:48] | at the diner next door for lousy minimum wage, | 八小时后 就赚那么点点的钱 |
| [00:50] | which a bunch of rich politicians out in… Help me out. | 可是那群有钱的政客 身处… 帮帮我 |
| [00:53] | Washington. | 华盛顿 |
| [00:54] | What she said… don’t wanna raise. | 就她说的那地方… 不给我们涨薪 |
| [00:56] | Then, we walk home to our illegal one bedroom apartment, | 然后我们还得走回自己的非法单间 |
| [00:59] | get three hours of nyquil induced sleep | 靠着吃感冒药才能睡上三小时 |
| [01:01] | before we have to get back up and share a bowl | 之后起床 我们只能分食一碗 |
| [01:03] | of spanish language cheerios. | 西班牙语版的脆谷乐 |
| [01:07] | It’s the same thing but the “C” Wears a sombrero. | 都是脆谷乐 只是包装盒印有墨西哥帽 |
| [01:10] | So, no, I am not about to give you our hard-earned money. | 所以 我不会把这血汗钱给你 |
| [01:14] | And if you’re gonna shoot me, better aim good. | 如果你要开枪打我 最好瞄准点 |
| [01:17] | ’cause if you miss, I will climb over this counter, | 否则 如果你失手了 我就会翻出这个柜台 |
| [01:20] | tear off your head, and it’ll be our new tip jar. | 揪下你的脑袋 用来做新的小费瓫 |
| [01:27] | Yeah, I just robbed pizza pizza. | 好吧 我刚打劫了披萨店 |
| [01:28] | Here’s a $20. | 这是二十块钱 |
| [01:30] | Have a good night. | 祝你晚上愉快 |
| [01:37] | I have a way with people. | 我对付人很有一套 |
| [01:57] | Look, I just saw that our cupcake competition, | 我刚看到咱们纸杯蛋糕的竞争对手 |
| [01:59] | “Brooklyn Bitty Bites,” went out of business. | 那家布鲁克林的美味结业了 |
| [02:02] | Yup, it’s being changed into a medical marijuana store. | 是啊 那变成了一家卖药用大麻的 |
| [02:06] | I already have my hole-punch card. | 我这还有一张集孔卡 |
| [02:10] | Buy four brownies and the fifth buzz is free. | 布朗尼蛋糕买四赠一 |
| [02:14] | Brooklyn Bitty Bites beat it! | 布鲁克林的美味倒闭啦! |
| [02:16] | Yeah! We won! | 耶! 我们赢了! |
| [02:18] | Eat it, red haired lady and your asian daughter! | 见鬼去吧 红毛女还有你的亚洲闺女! |
| [02:21] | Max, them going down right after the death | Max 这店是紧跟着纸杯蛋糕巨头 |
| [02:24] | of the cupcake giant, “Crumbs,” is scary. | 克兰布斯店倒闭关门的 太吓人了 |
| [02:27] | It’s like there’s a serial killer out there | 就像是一个连环杀手在追杀 |
| [02:28] | coming after cupcakes. | 纸杯蛋糕 |
| [02:30] | Well, he should be easy to outrun, | 那他应该很容易逃脱 |
| [02:33] | ’cause that’ll be one fat dexter. | 因为有个胖胖的嗜血法医 |
| [02:35] | Seriously, we have a big problem. | 严肃点 我们要摊上大麻烦了 |
| [02:38] | I’m back! | 我回来啦! |
| [02:40] | And there’s our little problem. | 我们的小麻烦来了 |
| [02:43] | Wow, you don’t usually see the ventriloquist’s dummy | 一般很难看到腹语表演者的玩偶 |
| [02:44] | out of his suitcase alone. | 独自从箱子里跑出来的 |
| [02:49] | Hello, Earl. Hello, Caroline. | 哈喽 Earl 哈喽 Caroline |
| [02:51] | Hello, reason I do two hours of phone therapy | 你好 你这个劝我在上班前要接受三小时 |
| [02:53] | every Wednesday before work. | 电话治疗的人 |
| [02:57] | So, did you all miss me? | 大家想我吗 |
| [02:58] | You were gone? | 你有出门吗? |
| [03:00] | ’cause I swear I just saw you yesterday. | 我发誓我昨天还见到你 |
| [03:01] | Wait, maybe that was a cat. | 等等 有可能我见到的是猫 |
| [03:04] | I was gone, people! | 我出门了 同志们! |
| [03:05] | To San Francisco for a convention. | 去旧金山参加一个会议 |
| [03:07] | The restaurant and diner association. | 餐饮协会 |
| [03:09] | “RADASS.” | 简称为”拉丝” |
| [03:11] | You were at something called “RADASS” In san francisco? | 你在旧金山参加了一个叫”拉丝”的东东? |
| [03:16] | Are you sure it wasn’t “Redass”? | 你确定它不是叫拉稀？ |
| [03:20] | I am not gay. I’m restaurant curious. | 我不是去搞基 我只是关心餐厅发展 |
| [03:24] | I discovered an exciting new item for our menu. | 我找到了一个适合咱们餐厅的新菜 |
| [03:27] | No way. No new menu additions. | 不要 菜单已经满了 |
| [03:29] | I already lie awake in bed | 我都担心得睡不着觉了 |
| [03:31] | worrying about how high the food bar is here. | 担心食物堆积得过高 |
| [03:35] | Pick up! Pulled pork. | 端菜! 手撕猪肉 |
| [03:37] | And it’s good ’cause before I pulled it, | 这道菜味道会很好 因为我在撕之前 |
| [03:39] | I gave it a dry rub. | 因为我已经给它做了个干擦 |
| [03:44] | It’s $4 toast. | 新菜是标价四美元的土司 |
| [03:46] | $4 toast? | 四美元的土司? |
| [03:48] | That’s $5 more than our toast is worth. | 比我们现在的土司还贵五美元 |
| [03:51] | Delicious, homemade artisan bread. | 美味的手工面包 |
| [03:54] | At first, I was reluctant to put something so big in my mouth. | 起初 我有点人抗拒把这么大的玩意塞进嘴里 |
| [04:01] | But the hot butter drizzling down my chin | 但是当那热呼呼的奶油顺着我的下巴流下 |
| [04:06] | was my sticky reward. | 是我黏糊的嘉奖 |
| [04:11] | Han, that toast is trendy foodie food. | Han 这个土司太前卫了 |
| [04:14] | It’ll die here, like my soul did. | 它会死在这里的 正如我的灵魂 |
| [04:18] | Our customers are just plain, normal people. | 我们的顾客都是些庸人 凡人 |
| [04:21] | Hey, everybody! | 嘿 同志们! |
| [04:26] | And Sophie. | 以及苏菲 |
| [04:27] | Guess what? | 你猜怎么着? |
| [04:29] | 78 guys want me on Tinder. | 有78个人在交友应用上给我点喜欢 |
| [04:32] | Oh, 79! | 噢 79! |
| [04:35] | Now it’s 80! | 现在是80! |
| [04:37] | How long have you been on Tinder? | 你用交友应用多久了? |
| [04:39] | Ten minutes! | 10分钟! |
| [04:41] | Oh, look, oh, my gosh! | 噢 看啊 噢 我的天啊! |
| [04:43] | This guy’s a plumber. Are you kidding me? | 这家伙是个水管工 是真的吗 |
| [04:45] | Yes, that’s a match! | 好的 牵线成功! |
| [04:48] | And this guy isn’t even wearing a shirt! | 这男人连衣服都没穿 |
| [04:50] | That’s another big yes! | 又一个成功! |
| [04:53] | Oh, gosh, girls, I’ll be over here, | 天啊 姑娘们 我要去自己的专座 |
| [04:55] | Looking at boys in my booth. | 坐着欣赏这些小鲜肉们 |
| [04:59] | Hey, I know a girl who met her husband on Tinder. | 嘿 我知道有个女的在交友应用上遇到她老公 |
| [05:02] | No, wait, she saw her husband on Tinder. | 不对 她是在那看见她老公 |
| [05:06] | Hey, are wheelchairs sexy? | 嘿 轮椅是不是也很性感? |
| [05:09] | I guess it depends on who’s in one. | 我觉得这得看是谁坐在那上面 |
| [05:11] | I say no. | 我拒绝了 |
| [05:15] | Hold the presses. | 先不点了 |
| [05:17] | I just got a new tweet from my gal, | 我刚收到我闺蜜发的新推特 |
| [05:20] | Kim Kardashian. | 她叫金·卡戴珊 |
| [05:21] | Oh, she just bought her some new boots in Manhattan. | 噢 她刚从曼哈顿买了好多靴子 |
| [05:25] | Kim Kardashian is epic. | 金·卡戴珊是个传奇 |
| [05:26] | She was on the cover of Vogue. She’s on fire. | 她上了”服饰与美容”的封面 火到不行 |
| [05:29] | So? I’ve been on fire. | 那又怎样? 我也曾经火过 |
| [05:31] | That’s the last time I try witchcraft for the free snacks. | 那是我最后一次试图用魔法获得免费零食 |
| [05:36] | I love the Kardashians. | 我爱卡戴珊家族 |
| [05:39] | They’re like the Kennedys but with bigger asses. | 她们就像肯尼迪家族一样 只不过屁股更大 |
| [05:46] | Text me next time. | 下次给我发信息 |
| [05:48] | This whole talking thing is insane. | 打电话会让我抓狂 |
| [05:52] | Hi! | 嗨 |
| [05:54] | Who would I talk to about finding the owner | 请问一下我要怎么才能联系 |
| [05:55] | of Max’s homemade cupcakes? | Max手工蛋糕店的老板 |
| [05:57] | That’s Max. I’m Caroline. | 这位就是Max 我是Caroline |
| [05:58] | We’re the owners of this store. | 我们是这家店的老板 |
| [05:59] | And about four pairs of socks. | 穷得只剩四双袜子 |
| [06:02] | Great. Wonderful. Such a cute shop. | 好极了 非常好 这家店很可爱 |
| [06:05] | Would you be interested in having a popular… | 你们是否有兴趣让一个很受欢迎的… |
| [06:07] | Yes. | 好的 |
| [06:08] | I didn’t finish my sentence. | 我还没说完 |
| [06:10] | Sorry, I just haven’t heard the word “popular” in so long. | 抱歉 我只是很久没听到”受欢迎”这几个字眼了 |
| [06:11] | Oh, yeah, she’s over. | 嗯 是啊 她太老土了 |
| [06:13] | She’s the Blockbuster video of people. | 她是那种会去租录像带的人 |
| [06:16] | Would you be interested in having | 请问你们是否有兴趣让一个 |
| [06:19] | a popular reality show filmed here? | 很受欢迎的真人秀在本店拍摄? |
| [06:21] | Y… | 好… |
| [06:24] | I’m so sorry. I have to take this. | 非常抱歉 我得接个电话 |
| [06:25] | Just a minute. | 一分钟 |
| [06:27] | What? | 搞毛啊 |
| [06:28] | Just say it already. Come on. | 说吧 快点 |
| [06:32] | Max, this is great. Think of the exposure. | Max 这太好啦 想想曝光度 |
| [06:34] | I wonder which reality show it is. | 我比较好奇是哪部真人秀 |
| [06:36] | Ooh, maybe 16 and Pregnant is doing | 也许”少女妈妈”正在拍摄 |
| [06:37] | a “Where are they now” segment and they found me. | “看看她们的近况”环节 然后找上了我 |
| [06:42] | Or that one about you, “Here comes honey boobless.” | 或者是找你的 “平胸甜心来了” |
| [06:47] | Do you have any idea who I am? | 你到底知道我是谁吗? |
| [06:51] | You just do what I say or you are out! | 照我说的做 不然滚出去 |
| [06:56] | Okay. | 好 |
| [06:57] | Mommy loves you. | 妈妈爱你 |
| [06:59] | Sorry, my baby’s Nigerian. | 抱歉 我孩子是尼日利亚人 |
| [07:01] | I mean, if you’re gonna live here, learn the language. | 要想住在这里 就得学英语 |
| [07:04] | Jeez. | 天啊 |
| [07:07] | So what are we thinking? | 你们意下如何? |
| [07:09] | We’d love it. We’re in. What show? | 大爱 我们加入 哪个节目? |
| [07:11] | Keeping Up with the Kardashians. | 与卡戴珊姐妹同行 |
| [07:13] | Finally, God opens a door. | 上帝终于为我们开了一扇门 |
| [07:14] | And I’m closing a window. | 所以我要关一扇窗 |
| [07:16] | Max! | Max 住手! |
| [07:17] | She’s overwhelmed. Big fan. | 她是个忠粉 所以太激动了 |
| [07:18] | Do you have a card? | 有名片吗? |
| [07:20] | Mm-hmm. And listen, text me. | 给 听着 给我发短信 |
| [07:22] | Don’t call. It freaks me out. | 别打电话 我会抓狂的 |
| [07:27] | Just give me one good reason | 给我一个理由 |
| [07:29] | why we shouldn’t keep up with the Kardashians. | 为什么不和卡戴珊姐妹同行 |
| [07:30] | I’ll give you five good reasons. | 我可以给你五个 |
| [07:32] | Kim, Kamber, Klondike… | 金 坎伯 克朗代克… |
| [07:38] | and the little ones, Krispy and Kreme. | 小的那俩叫”香脆”和”奶油” |
| [07:43] | Not even close. | 根本不对 |
| [07:45] | Fine. Kim, Kooky, Kool aid, | 好吧 金 饼干 “酷爱”饮料 |
| [07:49] | and the little ones, Kaptain and Kangaroo. | 小的那俩叫”船长”和”袋鼠” |
| [07:53] | It’s Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kylie, and Kendall. | 是金 克特妮 克洛伊 克莱和克恩黛儿 |
| [07:55] | That mother has some nerve, naming a kid | 她们的妈妈真大胆 竟然给一个也许 |
| [07:57] | who’s probably never even read a book “Kindle.” | 从未看过Kindle电子书的孩子起这名字 |
| [08:02] | We need this. | 我们需要这个机会 |
| [08:03] | Everyone watches Keeping Up with the Kardashians. | 所有人都看”与卡戴珊姐妹同行” |
| [08:06] | It’s like Dancing with the Stars, | 就像没有明星版的 |
| [08:07] | but without the stars. | “与星共舞” |
| [08:08] | So, dancing with the stars. | 与星星共舞 |
| [08:11] | Okay, tell me one good thing about this show that I hate, | 好吧 这让我讨厌的节目 你给我说个优点出来 |
| [08:16] | ’cause I’ve never seen it. | 因为我从来没看过 |
| [08:19] | Well, it’s all about this family | 这个秀讲的是一个家庭 |
| [08:20] | and their struggle to… | 他们努力地想要… |
| [08:23] | keep up. | 同行 |
| [08:27] | Yeah, okay. I’ve never seen it either. | 好吧 我也没看过 |
| [08:38] | Sophie, thank you so much for letting us come up | Sophie 真是太感谢你了 让我们在下班后 |
| [08:41] | after work to watch your TV. | 到你家来看电视 |
| [08:42] | Max turned our old one into a bong. | Max把我们的旧电视给炸了 |
| [08:46] | That was another time I was on fire. | 那时候我也火了一把 |
| [08:49] | Well, which episode do you want to watch? | 你们想看哪一集? |
| [08:51] | “Kim gets a new hat.” | “金买了新帽子” |
| [08:53] | Or “Kylie cries at Coachella”? | 还是”克莱在科切拉音乐节痛哭”? |
| [08:57] | Or “Khloe gets a bikini wax”? | 还是”克洛伊来了次比基尼蜜蜡脱毛”? |
| [09:00] | Now that one’s a classic. | 这集太经典了 |
| [09:03] | How many of these do you have DVR’d? | 你录了多少集? |
| [09:05] | Well, I got 17 on this TV | 这个电视录了17集 |
| [09:08] | and 53 on the one in the bedroom. | 卧室里那个录了53集 |
| [09:11] | I like to go to sleep with the sound of Kim’s voice. | 我喜欢听着金的声音入睡 |
| [09:14] | It’s so comforting when she says, | 她说这句话的时候太怡人了 |
| [09:17] | “this is super awkward.” | “真是超级尴尬的” |
| [09:23] | And you know, sometimes she arches her back | 要知道她有时候会弯下腰 |
| [09:26] | when she says it, like this. | 做这个动作说 |
| [09:28] | “This is super awkward.” | “真是超级尴尬的” |
| [09:35] | This is super awkward. | 真是超级尴尬的 |
| [09:37] | You know, I bet you if I stayed in Poland, | 我打赌如果我留在波兰 |
| [09:41] | my sisters and I would have had our own show. | 我和姐妹们也会有自己的真人秀 |
| [09:44] | It would’ve been called, Keeping Up with the Kachinskis. | 名字就是”与卡金斯基姐妹同行” |
| [09:48] | It’s too bad we all didn’t live to see 20. | 可惜她们没活到20岁就死了 |
| [09:53] | It’s not cute. | 真不好 |
| [09:55] | You know I need someone to make me laugh. | 你知道我想有人能逗笑我 |
| [09:57] | Where’s Kim? Kim is always late. | 金在哪儿? 她老是迟到 |
| [10:03] | Stop! | 住手! |
| [10:05] | Thanks, guys. | 谢谢 各位 |
| [10:07] | That’s it, we’re done. Money. | 就这样 结束了 给钱吧 |
| [10:10] | Hey, get the hell out! It’s morning! | 嘿 你们出去! 都早上了! |
| [10:14] | I know, I know, but we couldn’t stop | 我知道 但是看着她们无所事事 |
| [10:15] | watching them do nothing. | 让我们看上瘾了 |
| [10:18] | This show is freaking genius! | 这真人秀太厉害了! |
| [10:21] | Is the blonde one crying? | 金发妹子是在哭吗? |
| [10:24] | Mm-hmm. Kris and Kim are in Vienna | 恩 克丽斯和金在维也纳的时候 |
| [10:26] | and someone stole Kris’s Bottega bag | 有人偷了克丽斯的宝缇嘉定制包 |
| [10:29] | and her Chanel clutch with the matching pumps | 香奈儿手包 以及她在巴黎买的 |
| [10:31] | that she bought in Paris. | 配套高跟鞋 |
| [10:35] | All right, well, I have to go take my morning tinkle. | 好吧 我要去吃早晨醒神药了 |
| [10:40] | But when I come back, I want you two to be out of here | 但我回来的时候 你们必须得走 |
| [10:44] | because I need that swing for my exercises. | 因为我需要那个秋千做运动 |
| [10:52] | We have to do this show. | 我们必须参与这个真人秀 |
| [10:54] | It’ll be so great for our business. | 对我们的生意很有好处 |
| [10:56] | The only way we’d get more exposure | 否则要想得到同样的曝光度 |
| [10:57] | is if Orlando Bloom and Bieber bitchslapped each other | 除非是奥兰多·布鲁姆和贾斯汀·比伯 |
| [11:00] | in front of our shop. | 在我们店门口对扇耳光 |
| [11:03] | Who cares about our business? | 谁还管我们的生意呀? |
| [11:05] | I want that mother to adopt me! | 我要那妈收养我! |
| [11:08] | Her kid makes a sex tape, she turns it into millions. | 她家小孩拍了个性爱录像带 她能用它赚了几百万 |
| [11:12] | The only thing my mother ever did with my sex tape | 我拍了个性爱录像带 我妈竟然只是 |
| [11:14] | was copy it and give it to her boyfriend. | 拷贝了一份给她男朋友 |
| [11:22] | I’m so excited. | 我太兴奋了 |
| [11:24] | Max, this is what I look like when I’m happy. | Max 这就是我高兴时候的样子 |
| [11:26] | You’ve never seen it. | 你从来没看到过 |
| [11:28] | Please call me by my new name, Khlamydia Kardashian. | 请叫我的新名字 克拉米迪娅 卡戴珊 |
| [11:36] | Don’t say anything stupid like that. | 千万别说这样的傻话 |
| [11:38] | I won’t have to say anything. | 我什么都不会说的 |
| [11:40] | Kris will see me and recognize me | 克丽斯看到我的嘴唇和大胸 |
| [11:41] | as one of her own with my lips, my boobs, | 以及我想住富人区的念想 |
| [11:43] | and my willingness to live in some place called Calabasas. | 就会觉得我是她亲生的 |
| [11:48] | They’re here. My life changes now! | 他们来了 我的人生要改变了! |
| [11:50] | This is what I look like happy. | 这就是我高兴时候的样子 |
| [11:51] | You’ve never seen it. | 你从来没看到过 |
| [11:54] | Hi, we are so, so excited about this. | 嗨 我们真的是非常兴奋 |
| [11:58] | There has been a change. | 情况有变 |
| [11:59] | They’re not coming. | 她们不来了 |
| [12:00] | It’s too far to walk in heels. | 穿高跟鞋走过来太远了 |
| [12:02] | See? She might as well have been my real mom | 看看 她也许真的是我亲妈 |
| [12:04] | ’cause she just chose a heel over me. | 因为她选了高跟鞋而不要我 |
| [12:07] | Hi, here I am to meet Kiki, my bff. | 嗨 我是来见我的闺蜜金金的 |
| [12:11] | And look at my new dress! Twinsies! | 看看我的新裙子! 和她同款的! |
| [12:14] | They certainly are. | 肯定是同款 |
| [12:18] | Sorry, she’s not coming. | 抱歉 她不来了 |
| [12:20] | We had to film them in Jamba Juice instead. | 我们在姜巴果汁店取景了 |
| [12:23] | Oh. | 噢 |
| [12:25] | Well, this is super awkward. | 这真是超级尴尬的 |
| [12:41] | Stupid Kardashians! | 愚蠢的卡戴珊姐妹! |
| [12:43] | Kim, Kankels, Krank, | 金 大脚踝 臭脾气 |
| [12:45] | and the little ones, Kegel and Kickball, | 小的那俩叫”性爱运动”和”儿童足球” |
| [12:47] | You can kiss my keister. | 才不屑你们拍马屁呢 |
| [12:50] | Max, stop it! I’m trying to sleep. | Max 停下! 我想睡觉 |
| [12:52] | Well, sorry, but I’m pissed and it’s 11:30 anyway. | 抱歉 但我很生气 反正也11点半了 |
| [12:55] | What’s going on? | 你怎么了? |
| [12:56] | Even one tweet from Kim would have exposed us | 金哪怕发一条状态 她那两千两百万的 |
| [12:59] | to 22 million followers. | 粉丝就会知道我们了 |
| [13:02] | Scientology doesn’t even have those numbers. | 基督教科学派都没那么多教众 |
| [13:04] | They screwed us. I know. | 我们被耍了 我就知道 |
| [13:06] | That is why I’m making hate cupcakes | 所以我在为卡戴珊姐妹 |
| [13:09] | for the Kardashians, see? | 做恶意满满纸杯蛋糕 瞧 |
| [13:10] | “Eat it,” “Bite me,” | “吃屎” “去死” |
| [13:13] | and these three… “Get” “A” “Job.” | 还有这三个… “找” “攻” “做” |
| [13:17] | Oh, and one for the mom that says, “I still love you,” | 还有一个以防万一 是给她妈妈做的 |
| [13:19] | just in case. | “我还爱你” |
| [13:21] | Now come on, get up. | 快点起床 |
| [13:22] | Your son needs to go out and take an 8-foot crap. | 你儿子要出去散步拉屎了 |
| [13:26] | No, I’m done. | 不 我罢工了 |
| [13:28] | If everyone’s done with cupcakes, so am I. | 如果大家都不要纸杯蛋糕了 我也不要了 |
| [13:30] | I’m done pretending that everything’s gonna work out. | 我不想再假装一切都会顺利了 |
| [13:32] | In our reality show, it’s not. | 在我们的真人秀里 一切都糟透了 |
| [13:36] | Look, get up, or I will close this bed with you in it, | 听好了 现在起床 不然我就把你连床一起合起来 |
| [13:39] | and your new reality show will be True Life: I live in a wall. | 你的新真人秀就是”真人真事: 我住在墙里” |
| [13:44] | I’m not getting up. Ever. | 我绝对不会起床的 |
| [13:48] | Aah! Max, stop, stop it! Stop it! | 啊! Max 住手! 住手! |
| [13:50] | Put me down! Put me down! | 放我下来! 放我下来! |
| [13:54] | What’s happening? | 怎么了? |
| [13:57] | I can’t lift my head. | 我抬不起头了 |
| [13:59] | Did I have a stroke? | 是不是中风了? |
| [14:00] | Calm down. No one has stroked in your bed | 冷静点 没人在你床上中风过 |
| [14:02] | Since… What is it, going on a year? | 除非… 做上一年? |
| [14:05] | Max. My hair is caught. | Max 我的头发被夹住了 |
| [14:08] | My hair is caught! My hair is caught! | 我的头发被夹住了! 我的头发被夹住了! |
| [14:10] | Who are you yelling at? | 你在对谁吼呢? |
| [14:11] | The whole situation! Do something! | 这该死的状况! 想想办法! |
| [14:13] | Let me look. | 我来看看 |
| [14:16] | Oh yeah, it’s all caught up in the bed gears here. | 没错 都卷进床的齿轮里了 |
| [14:20] | Oh my god, I have a bed with gears | 天啊 我的床竟然有齿轮 |
| [14:21] | and my hair is caught in it! | 我的头发还被夹住了! |
| [14:26] | Ooh, nope. | 不行 |
| [14:28] | It’s really all stuck up in there. | 真的完全卷进去了 |
| [14:30] | It’s so odd. | 太奇怪了 |
| [14:32] | I don’t know how a thing like this could happen. | 真不知道怎么会发生这种事 |
| [14:34] | Uh, you put me up into the wall. | 是你要把我翻到墙上的 |
| [14:39] | And now I’m trapped in a murphy bed | 现在我被卡在折叠床上 |
| [14:40] | like some welfare rapunzel. | 就像个倒霉版的长发公主 |
| [14:43] | Stop panicking, I’ll get a scissors. | 别惊慌 我有剪刀 |
| [14:44] | Oh, yeah, yeah! Get the scissors. | 对 没错! 快去拿剪刀 |
| [14:46] | Then plunge ’em into my heart ’cause I’d rather die | 然后一下扎进我胸口 因为要剪头发 |
| [14:48] | than cut my hair. | 我宁愿死 |
| [14:50] | Okay, Max, I think I have something that might work, | 好吧 Max 我想到办法了 |
| [14:53] | but you have to promise me | 但你得保证 |
| [14:55] | that you will never bring this up again. | 不会再提起这件事 |
| [14:58] | What? The fact that your head | 什么事? 你的头卡在 |
| [14:59] | is stuck to your bed? | 床上这件事? |
| [15:00] | Sorry, that’s coming up again. | 抱歉 我肯定会再提的 |
| [15:04] | Go into my nightstand | 去翻我的床头柜 |
| [15:05] | and get my cinnamon-flavored make-up remover. | 然后把我那瓶肉桂味的卸妆油拿出来 |
| [15:09] | You mean the lube? | 你是说润滑油吧? |
| [15:12] | Can we please call it make-up remover? | 我们能不能就叫它卸妆油? |
| [15:14] | Please! I need us to do that. | 求你了! 就这样叫吧 |
| [15:18] | It’s almost empty. | 快用完了 |
| [15:20] | Man, you’ve removed a lot of make-up. | 天啊 你还真是卸了很多妆 |
| [15:23] | Stop it! Just squeeze some out | 别说了! 挤点出来 |
| [15:25] | and put it on the parts that we need to move. | 涂到我们想要润滑的部位 |
| [15:27] | Yeah, I’m familiar. | 这个我在行 |
| [15:31] | Ew! | 呃! |
| [15:34] | Please tell me it’s working. | 拜托告诉我这方法有用 |
| [15:37] | I’m trying, but I don’t think I can get your hair out. | 我在试 但我觉得没法把你的头发救出来 |
| [15:41] | Good news is, I think we can fit a penis in there. | 好消息是 我觉得可以轻松插入了 |
| [15:46] | Who could that be? | 会是谁? |
| [15:47] | A rapist we’ve done most of the work for. | 我们经常为之卖命的强奸犯 |
| [15:59] | Oh, we were just talking about you. | 我们正好说到你 |
| [16:01] | Max, you gotta help me with the bread for Han’s toast. | Max 你得帮我做Han要的土司面包 |
| [16:04] | I’ve already burned ten of these. | 我已经烤焦十条了 |
| [16:05] | Turns out the only thing I can successfully bake is meth. | 事实证明我能成功烤出来的只有兴奋剂 |
| [16:11] | Oleg, come to the bed. I need you! | Oleg 快到床上来 我需要你! |
| [16:14] | All right! | 好啊! |
| [16:16] | Only took you four years, but I’m here, baby. | 尽管等了四年时间 但我就在这里 宝贝 |
| [16:19] | No, it’s not like that, Oleg. | 不 不是你想的那样 Oleg |
| [16:21] | Just get over here! | 快点过来! |
| [16:23] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [16:24] | Hold this. | 拿好 |
| [16:36] | Earl, what are you doing here? | Earl 你在这里干什么? |
| [16:38] | Oleg called me when he couldn’t get Caroline | Oleg打电话给我 说他没法让Caroline |
| [16:40] | to stop the screaming. | 停止尖叫 |
| [16:43] | Hi, Max. Earl gave me part of a brownie. | Max 嗨 Earl分了我一块布朗宁 |
| [16:48] | Turns out, glaucoma and having hair stuck | 事实证明 青光眼和头发被夹住 |
| [16:50] | take the exact same prescription. | 治疗的方子完全一样 |
| [16:54] | Look! | 快看! |
| [16:56] | That’s right, you mothers! | 这就对了 伙计们! |
| [16:58] | I did it! | 我做到了! |
| [16:59] | I made the perfect bread! | 我烤出了完美的面包! |
| [17:05] | You’re a chef who took 19 hours to make one loaf of bread. | 你是个厨师 却花了19个小时才做出一条面包 |
| [17:09] | Stephen Hawking was more successful at the 100-yard dash. | 史蒂芬·霍金百米跑的成绩都比你好 |
| [17:14] | And you… You are aware | 还有你… 你知不知道 |
| [17:16] | that I went all the way into Manhattan, | 我跑去曼哈顿 给金·卡戴珊 |
| [17:18] | cupcake-bombed Kim Kardashian’s hotel, | 住的酒店送了一堆恶意纸杯蛋糕 |
| [17:20] | and you’re still just laying here, right? | 结果回来你竟然还躺着 |
| [17:22] | Didn’t you have to pee? | 你不用嘘嘘吗? |
| [17:23] | I held most of it in. | 大部分尿我都憋住了 |
| [17:27] | This is crazy. You’ve been here all day. | 真是疯了 你都这样一整天了 |
| [17:29] | Let’s just cut your damn hair already. | 我们还是把你的头发剪掉吧 |
| [17:31] | I wouldn’t be me without my hair. | 没了头发 我就不是我了 |
| [17:34] | I can’t live without it. | 我活不下去的 |
| [17:35] | Yes, you can. | 你能活下去 |
| [17:37] | You have lived without money, | 没有钱 没有电 |
| [17:38] | you’ve lived without electricity, | 没人陪你做活塞运动 |
| [17:40] | you’ve lived without plumbing. | 你不都活下来了 |
| [17:41] | What do you think got me through it? | 你觉得我是靠什么撑过来的? |
| [17:43] | My hair. | 我的头发 |
| [17:45] | I’d be like, “Lost all my money, the toilet’s clogged, | 我就想 “钱都没了 马桶堵了 |
| [17:47] | still got my hair.” | 幸好我的头发还在” |
| [17:51] | Darling, I don’t think those brownies are kicking in. | 亲爱的 我想那些布朗宁可能不够劲 |
| [17:53] | I also have some lollipops. | 我还有棒棒糖哦 |
| [17:59] | I hope you’re happy. | 我希望你满意了 |
| [18:00] | I didn’t see anything through the peep-hole, | 猫眼里什么都没看到 |
| [18:02] | so I’m guessing it’s Han. | 所以我猜是Han来了 |
| [18:04] | Ah, hello! | 你们好! |
| [18:07] | I have an open diner and no diner staff! | 餐厅开门了 员工却没影了! |
| [18:10] | Han, look, I made perfect bread. | Han 看呀 我做出了完美的面包 |
| [18:15] | Oh, wow. It’s bigger than I’m used to. | 哇 这比我习惯的尺寸要大得多 |
| [18:18] | Let me just take a minute and breathe. | 让我冷静一下 深呼吸 |
| [18:23] | And I’m sure I can take it all in. | 我确信自己可以完全吞进去 |
| [18:28] | Well, if you need any help, | 如果你需要帮助 |
| [18:29] | Caroline’s got some make-up remover. | Caroline有卸妆油的 |
| [18:34] | Kiki tweet, Kiki tweet, Kiki tweet! | 金金发了 金金发了 金金发了! |
| [18:38] | She’s saying “Kiki tweet”! | 她是在说”金金发了”! |
| [18:40] | How did he understand that? Is he part dolphin? | 他怎么听懂呢? 难道他是海豚人? |
| [18:46] | Kim Kardashian tweeted a pic of my mean cupcakes | 金·卡戴珊发了我那些恶意蛋糕的照片 |
| [18:49] | and said, “Max’s homemade cupcakes #notcool.” | 然后写着 “Max的手工纸杯蛋糕 #不厚道” |
| [18:55] | Oh, my God, Kim Kardashian hates someone I know! | 天啊 金·卡戴珊竟然讨厌我认识的人了! |
| [19:02] | That went out to 22 million people! | 两千两百万的粉丝都看到了! |
| [19:06] | – I’m so sorry. – Why? | – 我很抱歉 – 干嘛道歉? |
| [19:08] | Do you know how many people can’t stand the Kardashians? | 你知道有多少人受不了卡戴珊姐妹吗? |
| [19:12] | Our cupcake window will be packed! | 我们的蛋糕店窗口会被挤爆的! |
| [19:13] | Cut me loose. | 快来剪掉 |
| [19:16] | Hey, Caroline, we’re finally about to scissor. | 嘿 Caroline 我们终于要动剪刀了 |
| [19:22] | Are you sure? | 你确定吗? |
| [19:23] | We got a business to run. | 我们有生意要做 |
| [19:25] | Cut it, I’ll be fine. | 快剪 我不会有事的 |
| [19:35] | Aah! | 啊! |
| [19:40] | Yeah, you’re gonna need that lollipop. | 好吧 你还是吃根棒棒糖吧 |
| [19:48] | Yeah, I know, those Kardashians are the worst. | 我明白 卡戴珊姐妹最讨厌了 |
| [19:51] | That’s why I don’t keep up with them anymore. | 所以我再也不跟她们同行了 |
| [19:54] | All right, Max. Okay, that’s it. | 好了 Max 挺不错的 |
| [19:57] | Just one left. Not bad. | 只剩一个了 是不错 |
| [19:59] | And your hair’s not bad either. | 你的发型也不错 |
| [20:01] | Yeah, now, | 现在是不错 |
| [20:02] | after the emergency trip to that salon. | 幸好我及时赶到发廊 |
| [20:04] | When you got done with me, | 在你刚剪完的时候 |
| [20:05] | I looked like a baby bird on chemo. | 我看上去就像只做过化疗的小鸟 |
| [20:08] | I’m sorry I had to use the last of our savings for my hair cut. | 抱歉我花光了最后的积蓄去剪了这个头发 |
| [20:10] | – No, you’re not. – No, I am not, I love this. | – 你才不抱歉 – 没错 我爱这个发型 |
| [20:25] | Hi, I’m Kim. | 嗨 我是金 |
| [20:28] | I just wanted to say sorry | 我只是想来道歉 |
| [20:29] | that we didn’t film here the other day. | 我们那天没有过来拍摄 |
| [20:31] | It almost hurts to look at her. | 光看着她 我就快被亮瞎了 |
| [20:35] | I know how hard us girls really work | 我知道你们两个为了生意 |
| [20:37] | to keep our businesses going, | 有多努力工作 |
| [20:38] | so I’ll take a cupcake | 所以我会买个小蛋糕 |
| [20:40] | and I’ll totally tweet about it for real. | 然后认认真真发一条微博 |
| [20:42] | Thank you so much. | 太谢谢你了 |
| [20:44] | Here, here, here, here, here. | 这个蛋糕 拿着 拿着 |
| [20:47] | We can’t break a $100, and anyway, | 100块的我们找不开 无所谓了 |
| [20:49] | this is so on the house. | 这个就当我们请的 |
| [20:50] | Oh, thanks. | 谢谢 |
| [20:54] | Cute hair. | 发型很不错 |
| [20:57] | Wait. Real quick… | 等等 就一个问题… |
| [20:59] | Do you think your mother would adopt me? | 你觉得你妈妈会收养我吗? |
| [21:03] | This is super awkward. | 这真是超级尴尬的 |