| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | My new sheets from the “Under a dollar” store | 我从”不到一元店”买来的新床单 |
| [00:06] | feel so luxurious, | 好有奢华风 |
| [00:08] | like they could maybe cost over a dollar, | 感觉价值超过一元 |
| [00:10] | maybe even 2 or 3. | 值个两到三元呢 |
| [00:13] | Yup. It was a good day over at the “Under a dollar.” | 对啊 今天在那店真是走运 |
| [00:17] | Steak, bed stuff, and my new steak eatin’ chair. | 买到牛排 床品 还有我的吃牛排专座 |
| [00:21] | Doesn’t it worry you that you got that meat and furniture | 那块肉跟椅子的价格不让你担心吗 |
| [00:24] | for the price of an Angry Birds update? | 价钱跟愤怒小鸟软件升级一样呢[一块钱] |
| [00:27] | Yeah, it worries me that it’ll never happen again. | 我可担心这种好事以后碰不上了 |
| [00:30] | Sheets and steak? Never dared to dream it. | 床罩加牛排 以前想都不敢想 |
| [00:34] | These sheets smell amazing too, | 这床罩真好闻 |
| [00:36] | thanks to that one little fabric softener ball, | 都要感谢那一颗要价不到一块钱的 |
| [00:38] | also under a dollar. | 衣物柔顺球 |
| [00:40] | I dated a guy with one ball once. | 我也跟”一颗球[蛋]”的男人约会过 |
| [00:43] | He was all self-conscious, but I told him, | 他一直很在意 但我告诉他 |
| [00:45] | “No big deal. It’s just as ugly as two.” | “别担心 一粒跟两粒一样恶心” |
| [00:48] | I am going to get such a good night’s– | 我今晚一定能睡一个好… |
| [00:51] | Oh, sheet! | 我的床罩[操] |
| [00:55] | “Thread count: Yes. | “织物密度 有 |
| [00:58] | Washing instructions: Do not wash.” | 洗涤注意事项 不能洗” |
| [01:02] | Are you sure you want to sit in that? | 你确定你要坐那椅子吗 |
| [01:03] | Woman, don’t talk to me while I’m eatin’ my steak! | 臭婆娘 老子吃牛排时 少跟我唧唧歪歪 |
| [01:11] | “Instructions: Do not sit.” | “使用说明 请勿坐” |
| [01:32] | Yay, root beer barrel! | 沙士桶糖 |
| [01:37] | What? A candy trail. | 什么 有糖果指路 |
| [01:40] | God, are you just getting to me now? | 神啊 你终于要眷顾我了吗 |
| [01:43] | You do work in mysterious ways. | 你显示神迹的方式果然独特啊 |
| [01:46] | I’m not God, but I believe | 我不是神 但我昨晚 |
| [01:47] | I did answer your roommate’s prayers last night. | 的确有满足你室友祈祷的愿望 |
| [01:50] | Andy! | 安迪 |
| [01:52] | So how’d this happen? | 这是怎么回事 |
| [01:53] | Where’d you guys find each other again? | 你们怎么重新勾搭上的 |
| [01:54] | Rematch.Com? | 再合网吗 |
| [01:57] | Empty-vajay date? | 还是空虚阴部佳缘网 |
| [02:01] | No, last night, I thought, | 昨晚我就想 |
| [02:02] | “well, these sheets are already ruined, | “反正床单都毁[乱]了 |
| [02:03] | so I might as well really ruin them with sex,” | 那好歹也该来一炮来真正弄乱它吧 |
| [02:06] | so I called Andy. | 所以我就打给安迪啦 |
| [02:08] | And I was obviously flattered, so I came over. | 接到电话 我受宠若惊 就来啦 |
| [02:11] | Well, I hope you guys spent more than $1 for condoms. | 希望你们用的是超过一元的套套 |
| [02:14] | Hey, there are two things I never skimp on: | 在两种东西上 我从来不省钱 |
| [02:16] | condoms and candy. | 套套与糖果 |
| [02:18] | And Max, did you see what I left over there | 麦克斯 你有看到我在厨房桌上 |
| [02:19] | on the kitchen counter for you? | 留给你的礼物吗 |
| [02:21] | Condoms? Candy? Condoms full of candy? | 套套还是糖果 还是装满糖果的套套 |
| [02:23] | Well, now, you’re going to be disappointed, | 你期望值这么高 那这下要失望了 |
| [02:25] | because it’s just candy. | 因为礼物只有糖果 |
| [02:29] | Ooh, all my favorites! | 都是我的最爱 |
| [02:31] | I wonder if I can get diabetes before breakfast. | 我好奇是否在早餐前 我就染会上糖尿病 |
| [02:34] | Thanks, Andy. | 谢啦 安迪 |
| [02:37] | That candy was just a decoy, | 那个糖果是为了调虎离山 |
| [02:39] | so you didn’t see my push pop when I got out of bed. | 这样我下床就不会让你看见我的”口红糖”[鸡鸡] |
| [02:43] | So…are you and Andy back together? | 你跟安迪又好上啦 |
| [02:46] | No. It was just a one-time thing. | 才没有 只单纯来一炮而已 |
| [02:50] | Look at you. | 瞧你这样 |
| [02:51] | You’re like the greek goddess of booty calls. | 看起来像希腊的约炮女神 |
| [02:53] | Aphro-whitey. | 阿芙洛白罩 |
| [02:56] | Kind of proud of myself. My very first booty call. | 好自豪啊 我的第一次约炮 |
| [02:59] | Well, actually, it was a booty tweet. | 其实还是网上约炮 |
| [03:01] | Booty’s up with the times. | 约炮也得约得时尚啊 |
| [03:03] | Technically, booty call’s been around | 基本上约炮这事 |
| [03:05] | since the old-timey times. | 几百年前就有了好吗 |
| [03:06] | Alexander Graham bell’s | 发明电话的贝尔打的 |
| [03:08] | very first phone call was “Hey, you up?” | 第一通电话就说”你还醒着呢”[经典约炮金句] |
| [03:13] | Hey, so, um, I gotta go. Is that cool? | 我得走了 没问题吧 |
| [03:17] | Oh, super cool, sure. | 当然没问题 走吧 |
| [03:19] | What do we do, kiss? High-five? | 我们该怎么做 亲一个 还是击个掌 |
| [03:21] | Max, what do you do in this situation? | 麦克斯 你这种时候都怎么做的 |
| [03:23] | I usually wave at him with my arm clenched, | 我通常都夹着手臂跟他挥手道别 |
| [03:26] | ’cause I’m hiding his wallet in it. | 因为我藏着他的钱包呢 |
| [03:30] | Well, nice seeing you. | 很高兴见到你 |
| [03:36] | I don’t usually do the salute, | 我通常不会敬礼啦 |
| [03:37] | but okay, that can be your thing. | 但也没事 能当你的招牌动作 |
| [03:43] | Earl, here’s my last check. | 厄尔 这是我最后一张单 |
| [03:44] | Can you tip me out? I have a possible booty call. | 能帮我结了吗 我准备打电话约炮 |
| [03:48] | Well, Caroline, | 卡洛琳 |
| [03:49] | you’ve reached a new place of familiarity with me. | 你做这事 让我俩之间又更相近了 |
| [03:53] | Unfortunately, I’ve not reached that same place with you. | 只可惜我不是跟你一起”做”这事 |
| [03:59] | Can you cover my tables? | 你能照看一下我这区吗 |
| [04:01] | I’ve been doing that since you started working here, | 打从你第一天来上班 我就在帮你了 |
| [04:03] | so yes. | 所以没问题 |
| [04:04] | Good, ’cause I’m gonna text Andy | 那就好 我要发短信给安迪 |
| [04:05] | for another booty call, and maybe this time | 跟他再约次炮 这次说不定 |
| [04:07] | we can go out and have a booty breakfast. | 我们可以共进个炮后早餐呢 |
| [04:10] | As the president of the casual sex society, local chapter, | 作为约炮地区自治协会的会长呢 |
| [04:15] | I call bull on your booty. | 我认为你假约炮真谈情 |
| [04:17] | What? It’s a booty call. | 哪有 只是约炮啊 |
| [04:18] | Not with you it isn’t. | 约你个大头鬼啊 |
| [04:19] | You think that booty breakfast | 你想着吃完炮后早餐 |
| [04:21] | will maybe lead to a booty dinner | 就能约个炮后晚餐 |
| [04:22] | then maybe booty engaged and booty married | 接着就炮后订婚 然后炮后结婚 |
| [04:24] | and have a couple booty kids and a booty retirement home | 生几个炮后娃 再一起搬进炮后老人院 |
| [04:26] | and then booty die together. | 最后炮后一起死 |
| [04:28] | That’s not true. He’ll die before me, | 才不会呢 他绝对会比我先死 |
| [04:30] | then I’ll take a dance class. | 然后我再去舞蹈班钓男人 |
| [04:36] | What are you doing? Do you have to pee? | 你在干嘛 想尿尿吗 |
| [04:39] | No, I feel something… down there. | 不是 我感觉下面… 有古怪 |
| [04:43] | Yeah, you woke it up. Now it’s hungry. | 废话 “她”现在觉醒了 “饥渴”着呢 |
| [04:52] | But you don’t take it back to the same restaunt. | 但你不可以带她去吃”同一家餐厅的鸡”哦 |
| [04:56] | What is that and why is it wearing a bow tie? | 干嘛穿成这样 还系个领结 |
| [04:59] | Maybe because actual tie would drag on the ground. | 他如果系个普通领带 会垂到地上吧 |
| [05:05] | Speaking of “Dragging on the ground,” | 要说”垂到地上”[地面上拖] |
| [05:07] | maybe you could drag an antelope back to your cave | 你何不去拖一只羚羊回你的淫窝 |
| [05:09] | and have sex with it. | 然后跟它爽一下呢 |
| [05:12] | See, I have a sense of humor too. | 你看 我也是个幽默的人 |
| [05:14] | That’s one of the attributes on my online dating profile. | 我交友网站上的个人档案就有写这一特质 |
| [05:18] | Han, are you all dressed up because you’re expecting a date? | 阿憨 你打扮这么帅是因为要见女孩吗 |
| [05:20] | Oh, I’m expecting a lot more than a date. | 我希望不只是单纯见一下那么简单 |
| [05:22] | Our profiles matched us perfectly. | 我们的个人档案十分般配 |
| [05:24] | – This might be the one. – Which one? | -可能就是她了 -哪个她 |
| [05:26] | The first one? The only one? | 你的第一个她 还是唯一那个她 |
| [05:27] | The one that accidentally steps on you? | 还是不小心踩扁你的那个她 |
| [05:30] | She was supposed to be here a half hour ago. | 她半小时前就该到了 |
| [05:33] | Well, you know, subways run late, | 你懂的 地铁总是晚到 |
| [05:35] | especially if you don’t get on them | 尤其是人家根本没上去 |
| [05:37] | because you don’t really exist | 因为那人根本不存在 |
| [05:38] | in our money-scamming man in Nairobi. | 只是个网上骗钱的而已 |
| [05:43] | Hi, I’m looking for Han Lee, the owner. | 您好 我想找老板 李憨先生 |
| [05:45] | There she is. Pretty, blonde, | 她来了 漂亮 金发 |
| [05:47] | and clearly not a man. | 而且明显不是男人 |
| [05:48] | Who’s laughing now? | 现在谁爽啊 |
| [05:50] | You shouldn’t jump to conclusions. | 别太急着下定论 |
| [05:52] | I once had a date with a blonde woman. | 我也曾经跟一个金发美女约过会 |
| [05:54] | Turns out, the curtains matched the penis on that one. | 结果我跟他的共同点 就是都有鸡鸡 |
| [06:01] | Hello. Are you Ashley? I’m Han Lee. | 你好 你是艾希莉吗 我是李憨 |
| [06:04] | Hi. Nice to meet you. | 你好 幸会幸会 |
| [06:07] | I left something in my car I’ll be right back. | 我有东西忘车上了 马上回来 |
| [06:12] | Is she coming back? | 她会回来吗 |
| [06:13] | Han, Jesus is coming back before she is. | 阿憨 耶稣回来人间救赎都比她快 |
| [06:21] | Han, you’re too good for her. | 阿憨 她配不上你 |
| [06:22] | I don’t understand. | 我就不懂了 |
| [06:24] | We were 97% compatible on the website. | 网站显示我们9成7相配呢 |
| [06:27] | Let me see your profile. | 让我看看你的个人档案 |
| [06:29] | – Who’s that? – That’s me. | -这头像是谁 -我啊 |
| [06:31] | No, that’s the hot asian star from Hawaii Five-0. | 屁咧 这明明是《天堂执法者》里的亚洲帅哥 |
| [06:37] | What? We kinda look alike. | 干嘛 我们有点像好吗 |
| [06:39] | The only thing you have in common | 你们俩唯一相像的地方只有 |
| [06:41] | with this guy from Hawaii five-0 | 人家是《夏威夷5-0》[直译] |
| [06:43] | is that you are 5’0″. | 而你是5尺0寸 |
| [06:50] | And Han, “athletic”? | 阿憨 你还填”运动型”啊 |
| [06:51] | In school, I ran track. | 我以前是田径铁人呢 |
| [06:53] | Running under the hurdles doesn’t count as track. | 从跨栏下方跑过不算是田径好吗 |
| [06:58] | Han, this is totally lame. | 阿憨 你这弱爆了 |
| [06:59] | Let me help you find the right girl. | 让我帮你找个适合你的姑娘吧 |
| [07:01] | You give me so much joy at your expense, | 你让我建筑无数快乐在你痛苦上 |
| [07:04] | I feel like I need to give back. | 我觉得我该报答你 |
| [07:06] | Thank you, Max, | 谢谢你啊 麦克斯 |
| [07:07] | I’m insulted and honored at the same time. | 让我受辱之余还能倍感光荣 |
| [07:11] | Seeing Han and Ashley together for that one second | 看到阿憨与艾希莉相会的那一秒 |
| [07:13] | made me realize I want to be back in a relationship. | 让我发觉我想要一段感情 |
| [07:16] | I’m going to text Andy. | 我要发短信给安迪 |
| [07:17] | I knew it. I called that. I booty called that. | 我就知道 我早说中 我早约中了 |
| [07:20] | Your casual sex card is being revoked. | 你的约炮资格证被取消了 |
| [07:23] | Unfortunately, Andy is still an active member. | 很遗憾的是 安迪还是个活跃会员呢 |
| [07:26] | – Very active. -What are you talking about? | -十分活跃 -你这是什么意思 |
| [07:29] | I’m saying he has an active member. | 他有”根”很活跃的”会员” |
| [07:31] | He told me he’s seeing someone. | 他说他有跟别人有交往 |
| [07:33] | He’s seeing someone? | 他在跟人交往吗 |
| [07:35] | Actually, he’s seeing a few someones. | 其实 还”交”了不只几个人呢 |
| [07:37] | How many someones? | 多少个人啊 |
| [07:39] | Oh, it’s back. | 感觉又来了 |
| [07:41] | Do you think this itch has anything to do | 你觉得这瘙痒跟 |
| [07:43] | with those many someones? | 他那”几个人”有关吗 |
| [07:45] | Do you think he gave me something? | 会不会是他传染了什么病给我啊 |
| [07:47] | Well, if he did, you just gave it to the counter. | 如果他真传染给你 那你也传染给这柜台了 |
| [08:00] | What did poor people do before WebMD? | 穷人在有线上医生网前都怎么过的啊 |
| [08:03] | They died. | 病了就死了呗 |
| [08:07] | Ooh! What is that? | 靠 那是什么啊 |
| [08:08] | It’s all red and chunky. I hope that’s not what you have. | 红红稠稠的 希望你别中了这个啊 |
| [08:12] | Max, that’s salsa. | 麦克斯 那是你的莎莎酱 |
| [08:18] | – But look. – Oh! What the hell is that? | -但你看 -哇 这又他妈是啥啊 |
| [08:22] | What the hell does Jen from New Rochelle have? | 新罗谢尔市的珍得的是啥鬼玩意啊 |
| [08:25] | It’s a rash. Jen says | 只是皮疹 珍说 |
| [08:26] | “It was bad for awhile, then disappeared.” | “有段时间挺糟的 后来又消失了” |
| [08:29] | So Jen came down with a case of “My father”? | 所以珍的病 基本就是”我老爸”嘛 |
| [08:33] | A rash. That doesn’t sound so bad. | 皮疹而已 感觉还好啊 |
| [08:35] | I could live with a rash. | 我可以接受皮疹 |
| [08:36] | Except Dr. Web thinks it might be herpes. | 但网上医生认为是疱疹呢 |
| [08:39] | Trust me, I don’t have it. | 相信我 我没得那个 |
| [08:41] | Jen’s obviously a whore. | 这珍一看就是个骚货 |
| [08:44] | Well, does it look like this? | 那你那里看起来像这样吗 |
| [08:46] | I don’t know, I can’t quite bend over far enough to see it. | 不知道啊 我没这么柔软可以自己弯腰看到 |
| [08:49] | Fine. I’ll look at it. | 好吧 那我帮你看 |
| [08:51] | What? No! | 什么 不行 |
| [08:53] | What? Jen showed me hers. | 有何不可 珍都让我看她的了 |
| [08:57] | I’m sure mine is just a rash. | 我肯定我只是得了个皮疹 |
| [08:59] | Cathy from Colorado says, | 科罗拉多的凯西说 |
| [09:01] | “I thought it was just a rash, but guess what? | “我以为只是个皮疹 结果呢 |
| [09:03] | Rashes are always herpes.” | 皮疹永远都是疱疹” |
| [09:08] | I can’t have herpes. | 我不能得疱疹 |
| [09:10] | Sex is the only fun thing poor people can afford. | 性爱是穷人唯一玩得起的娱乐了 |
| [09:13] | Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. | 天啊 神啊 菩萨啊 观音啊 |
| [09:17] | Just let me see it. | 就让我帮你看嘛 |
| [09:19] | Max, I could not continue to live here if you ever saw it. | 麦克斯 让你看 那我就没脸住下去了 |
| [09:21] | Well, then definitely let me see it. | 那我绝对要看了 |
| [09:24] | It’s okay, I have one too, | 怕啥啊 你有的我都有 |
| [09:26] | except mine has a “Welcome” mat. | 除了我的那里有个”欢迎进入”的脚踏垫 |
| [09:32] | I know, I’ll just take a picture of it. | 我知道了 我拍张那里的照片就行了 |
| [09:34] | And that’s how Kim Kardashian became famous. | 这就是金·卡戴珊出名的原因 |
| [09:37] | It’s bad enough I’m taking a picture of my vagina, | 拍我”小妹妹”的照已经够惨了 |
| [09:39] | I’m doing it with an Iphone 3. | 更惨的是我还得用Iphone 3来拍 |
| [09:46] | Too dark. Needs a flash. | 太暗了 要闪光灯 |
| [09:48] | All right, but watch out for red-eye. | 行 但注意红眼啊 |
| [09:57] | Ohh…There she is. | 这下瞧见她了 |
| [10:01] | Yeah, that’s definitely something. | 看样子绝对有问题 |
| [10:02] | – Let me see it. – Wait, it needs a filter. | -让我看看 -等等 这得加个滤镜 |
| [10:06] | Lo-fi, no. Valencia, no. | 低保真度 巴伦西亚滤镜 都不要 |
| [10:09] | – Oh, maybe just a border. – Just give it to me. | -还是加个边框啊 -快给我看 |
| [10:13] | Oh ho, that’s not good. | 哎哟 这绝对有问题 |
| [10:16] | I just want to go on the record. | 我就想声明一下 |
| [10:17] | It doesn’t always look like that. | 她平常不是这样的 |
| [10:18] | It’s actually quite pretty. | 平常还挺美的呢 |
| [10:21] | Well, now it has a good personality. | 现在她则是丑得很有个性 |
| [10:26] | Oh, that’s probably the center for disease control | 估计是疾病管理局的人来敲门 |
| [10:28] | coming to get me with their van. | 开着隔离车要把我带走了 |
| [10:30] | I’ll get it. The walking helps. | 我去开吧 走路时舒服点 |
| [10:33] | Oh, my God. | 我的老天啊 |
| [10:34] | Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. | 神啊 菩萨啊 观音啊 亲娘啊 |
| [10:37] | Hi, girls! I got chinese food. | 姑娘们 我打包了中餐 |
| [10:39] | You want to hang out? | 要不要一起玩啊 |
| [10:41] | Sophie, this isn’t a good time. | 苏菲 现在不是时候 |
| [10:46] | Uh-ohh, someone’s got the herp walk. | 惨了 有人在走疱疹步 |
| [10:51] | Sophie, we don’t know what it is. | 苏菲 还不知道是什么病呢 |
| [10:53] | It could just be a rash. | 可能只是个皮疹而已 |
| [10:54] | Yeah, it could, but it probably isn’t. | 的确有可能 不过基本不会的 |
| [10:57] | – Yeah, let me see. – Stop it. | -来 让我看看 -住手 |
| [10:58] | What? It’s okay, I was a nurse back in Poland. | 干嘛 没事的 我以前在波兰是个护士呢 |
| [11:03] | You’ve heard of “Doctors without borders”? | 你听说过”无国界医生”吗 |
| [11:05] | Well, we were “Nurses without credentials.” | 我当年则是”无执照护士” |
| [11:10] | Yeah. Our motto was: “What? We want to help.” | 我们当年的口号是”干嘛 我们就想帮忙嘛” |
| [11:13] | Quit–stop it! | 不 不许 |
| [11:15] | Max, don’t show Sophie– | 麦克斯 不准给苏菲看… |
| [11:17] | Oh, my God! | 我的天啊 |
| [11:21] | Oh, I mean, come on, slap a filter on this thing. | 拜托哦 你好歹也给这图上个滤镜吧 |
| [11:27] | Okay. I’m done. | 好了 我受够了 |
| [11:29] | I’m done with nurses without credentials | 我受够无执照护士 |
| [11:31] | Or doctors without faces. | 也受够远端线上医生了 |
| [11:32] | Tomorrow, I’m going to a free clinic. | 明天 我要去免费诊所 |
| [11:34] | Well, is real bad. | 你真的挺严重的 |
| [11:36] | You better run, don’t herp walk. | 你最好跑着去 别走疱疹步了 |
| [11:41] | Whoa, this thing says one out of six people have herpes! | 这上面说平均每六个人就会有一个得疱疹 |
| [11:49] | Max, anyone in here could be the “one in six.” | 麦克斯 这里任何人都可能是那”六分之一” |
| [11:52] | Are you sure you don’t want to get tested while we’re here? | 既然我们都来了 你不顺便测一下吗 |
| [11:54] | Nah, I’m bad at tests. | 不了 我任何测试成绩都很烂 |
| [11:56] | Besides, if you can’t afford a doctor, | 再说了 如果花不起钱看医生 |
| [11:58] | it’s better to just spend whatever money you got on weed | 那你最好把所有钱花在大麻上 |
| [12:00] | to help you forget whatever you got. | 这样有助于让你忘记病痛 |
| [12:03] | Caroline Channing. | 卡洛琳·钱宁 |
| [12:04] | That’s so embarrassing. | 太尴尬了 |
| [12:05] | Could she say my name any louder? | 她还能再大声点叫我名字吗 |
| [12:07] | Caroline Channing! | 卡洛琳·钱宁 |
| [12:10] | – I guess she could. – Miss channing, | -看来她能 -钱宁小姐 |
| [12:12] | now, you wrote here the reason for your visit | 你这里写来看病的原因是 |
| [12:14] | is an “uncomfortable sensation in your nether regions.” | “私处有不舒服的感觉” |
| [12:18] | Could you be more specific? | 你能说得更详细点吗 |
| [12:20] | Is there a more private area | 我们能去更私密处 |
| [12:22] | we could discuss my private area? | 讨论我的私密处吗 |
| [12:25] | Oh, I’m sorry! | 真是抱歉 |
| [12:26] | Let me bring out my hot air balloon | 让我把我的热气球拿出来 |
| [12:28] | and we’ll take a tour of the city… | 我们边来一趟环市之旅 |
| [12:33] | while we discuss your uncomfortable lady sensation. | 边讨论你不舒服的女人”位” |
| [12:37] | Shirley, the only lady sensation | 雪莉 我觉得这办公室 |
| [12:39] | I’m seeing in this office is you. | 唯一有女人”味”的就是你 |
| [12:41] | Oh, well, I appreciate that, girl. | 谢谢夸奖 妹子 |
| [12:44] | I try to lighten the load with a little humor. | 我试着用幽默感减轻工作负担 |
| [12:46] | Well, I don’t need the jokes. Thank you. | 我不需要你的冷笑话 谢谢 |
| [12:48] | Oh, they not for you. They for us. | 笑话不是说给你听的 是我们自娱自乐的 |
| [12:52] | I need to be tested for… herpes. | 我是来做疱疹测试的 |
| [12:55] | Girl, you sound like you’re doing a perfume ad for herpes. | 你的声音听起来就像在做疱疹香水广告 |
| [12:59] | Just give her the phone. | 把手机拿给她看 |
| [13:05] | Well, this is either herpes | 这要么是疱疹 |
| [13:06] | or something I ain’t never seen before. | 要么就是我没见过的怪病 |
| [13:09] | Now, the HSV-2 is not a standard pap. | 单纯疱疹病毒2型不属于普通标准检测 |
| [13:11] | It is a specific blood test, and it is $250. | 这是专门的血液检测 需要250块 |
| [13:16] | Well, the only way I know how to get money for that test | 我知道能在接下来一小时挣到钱的 |
| [13:18] | in the next hour will probably give me an STD. | 唯一办法会让我染上性病 |
| [13:21] | Can we maybe work out a cheaper price? | 或许我们可以讲讲价便宜点 |
| [13:24] | We’re waitresses nearby at the Williamsburg diner. | 我们是附近威廉斯堡餐厅的服务员 |
| [13:26] | I can give you free food for as long as I work there. | 只要我在那上班一天 你来吃饭都不要钱 |
| [13:28] | And now that I may have this, I mean, where else am I going? | 如今我可能得这种病 我还能有什么出路 |
| [13:32] | Blood test or denial? | 验血还是否认 |
| [13:35] | Blood test. | 验血 |
| [13:37] | I’ll just ask Andy for a loan. | 我去管安迪借钱好了 |
| [13:39] | But it’s actually more of a buy, | 但这其实是照价赔偿 |
| [13:40] | since he already ruined the property. | 因为他毁坏了物业 |
| [13:42] | Classic “you break it, you buy it.” | 经典的”损坏了就要赔偿” |
| [13:45] | Hey, Max. | 麦克斯 |
| [13:47] | Good to see you. | 很高兴见到你 |
| [13:55] | I hooked up with that guy once. | 我跟这男的搞过一次 |
| [13:57] | Um, do you know what he was here for | 你知道他是来这是看什么病 |
| [13:59] | and how long he’s had it? | 得病了多久吗 |
| [14:02] | You know what, give me one of those sexual history forms. | 算了 给我个过往性史表格吧 |
| [14:07] | This sexual history list is hard. | 这个性史名单太难填了 |
| [14:09] | Can’t it just be a top ten? | 不能直接选个前十名吗 |
| [14:11] | Well, Andy’s not here yet. | 安迪还没来 |
| [14:12] | He’s probably busy getting busy | 他可能忙着周旋于 |
| [14:14] | with his ragtag team of gutter skanks. | 他那帮下贱反社会骚货吧 |
| [14:17] | “Gutter skanks”? | “下贱反社会骚货” |
| [14:18] | Didn’t I see them open for Cannibal Corpse? | 她们不是最爱死亡金属乐队吗 |
| [14:21] | Look, you need to relax. | 你要放轻松 |
| [14:23] | Why don’t we just get a drink, or nine? | 我们何不喝一杯 或连喝九杯 |
| [14:25] | Two double Jack and Gingers. | 两杯双份的杰克姜味鸡尾酒 |
| [14:27] | Oh, yeah, Jack. Number 38. | 对了 杰克 第38位 |
| [14:30] | Oh, and that ginger. Number 39. | 还有那位姜色头发男 第39位 |
| [14:33] | Max, look, Jen from New Rochelle | 麦克斯 瞧 新罗谢尔市的珍 |
| [14:35] | put up a new update on WebMD. | 在线上医生网站上更新状态了 |
| [14:37] | She says her life has gotten so much better | 她说在加入一个叫做”疱男疹女”网站后 |
| [14:39] | after joining a site called “His-and-herpes.” | 她的人生比以前好多了 |
| [14:44] | Hi, Andy. Have a seat. | 安迪 请坐 |
| [14:46] | Remember, you don’t know that he gave it to you, | 记住 你不知道是不是他传给你的 |
| [14:48] | and you don’t know that you have it, so be cool. | 你也不知道你是否中招了 所以要淡定 |
| [14:50] | Don’t worry, Max, I got this. | 别担心 麦克斯 我有分寸 |
| [14:52] | And Andy, I got that! | 安迪 我得病了 |
| [14:57] | I thought it was annoying | 我曾经认为 |
| [14:58] | when people took pictures of their food. | 人们拍下自己的食物挺讨人厌的 |
| [15:00] | When were you gonna tell me, Andy? | 你打算什么时候跟我说实话 安迪 |
| [15:02] | When my vagina burst into flames | 要等我的阴道瘙痒炙热 |
| [15:04] | and became an actual burning bush? | 转成怒火燎原的”森林”大火时吗 |
| [15:08] | Wait, that’s yours? | 慢着 那是你那里吗 |
| [15:09] | Worst selfie ever, right? | 史上最烂的自拍照 对吗 |
| [15:12] | Wow, I didn’t recognize it. | 我完全认不出来 |
| [15:15] | Was it out in the sun? | 是不是被太阳晒焦了 |
| [15:18] | You owe me $250 for the blood test, Andy. | 你欠我验血费250块 安迪 |
| [15:21] | And $9 for that drink. | 还有9块钱酒钱 |
| [15:24] | Look, everybody just calm down. | 你们俩先冷静下来 |
| [15:26] | Andy, you may or may not have given her herpes. | 安迪 你可能有或没有传染疱疹给她 |
| [15:29] | She may or may not be overreacting. | 她可能有或没有反应过度 |
| [15:31] | I may or may not have slept with that bartender. | 我可能有或没有睡过那位酒保 |
| [15:34] | He is my type, | 他虽然是我喜欢的型 |
| [15:35] | and yet, he has a job, so he’s not, | 但他现在还有工作 所以应该没有 |
| [15:38] | and he goes in the “Maybes.” | 那就把他归为”可能”那一类 |
| [15:41] | Look, Caroline, I’m really sorry, | 卡洛琳 真的很抱歉 |
| [15:43] | but I am totally clean. | 但我干净得很 |
| [15:45] | Since we broke up, I have only had safe sex | 分手之后 我只跟两个女人发生过安全性行为 |
| [15:47] | with a special ed teacher and a dental hygienist. | 一个是专科教师 一位是牙科清洁师 |
| [15:49] | I mean, that job has “hygiene” right in the title. | 她的工作名都有着”清洁”两个字了 |
| [15:53] | Wait, oh, there were a couple of times | 等等 是有那么几次 |
| [15:55] | where I did have unsafe sex with myself. | 我跟我的手有过危险性行为 |
| [15:58] | But only when I couldn’t sleep. | 但只有在我睡不着的时候 |
| [16:00] | And a lot of other times. | 以及其他很多时候 |
| [16:02] | I will go get tested tomorrow, | 我明天就去做检测 |
| [16:03] | but please, in the meantime, | 但拜托 与此同时 |
| [16:05] | try not to go to the worst-case scenario. | 不要总往最坏的情况想 |
| [16:06] | I’m not going to the worst-case scenario, | 我没有往最坏的情况想 |
| [16:08] | but if we both have it, no one else is going to want us, | 但如果咱俩都中招了 那没人会要咱俩了 |
| [16:10] | so we should just get married. | 那我们只好结婚了 |
| [16:12] | “You gave me herpes, now you have to marry me.” | “你若传我疱疹 我必生死相依” |
| [16:14] | You want to save that gold for our wedding vows? | 你想把这句金言当成我们的结婚誓词吗 |
| [16:17] | Well, if you don’t use it, I will. | 如果你们不用 那给我用吧 |
| [16:26] | I can’t wait till tomorrow for my test results. | 我现在就想知道测试结果 等不到明天了 |
| [16:28] | I’m going to call the clinic. | 我要打电话给诊所 |
| [16:30] | You’ve left, like, ten messages. | 你都留了10通留言了 |
| [16:31] | You’re acting like the clinic’s crazy ex-girlfriend. | 你就像诊所的疯狂前女友 |
| [16:35] | Well, I’m leaving another message. | 我要再留一通留言 |
| [16:36] | Hand me my phone. | 把我手机给我 |
| [16:42] | What? | 干嘛 |
| [16:43] | I have to stay healthy in case you have it. | 万一你真中招了 我可不能病倒 |
| [16:45] | Someone’s got to pick up your welfare checks. | 总得有人去帮你领福利救济金吧 |
| [16:49] | Well, this is my life now. | 这就是我现在的人生 |
| [16:50] | Working at a diner with herpes. | 身染疱疹 在一家不入流的餐馆工作 |
| [16:52] | The very best I can ever hope to be | 我仅剩的最大希望就是 |
| [16:54] | is a mentor for a younger girl with herpes. | 当一位身染疱疹的年轻姑娘的良师益友 |
| [16:59] | Hi. Maybe you can help me. | 你好 或许你可以帮我 |
| [17:01] | Well, with that smile and my bad heart, | 你的笑容配上我有病的心脏 |
| [17:03] | I’ll die trying. | 我会拼死帮你的 |
| [17:07] | I’m looking for the overly-emotional girl | 我是来找在这家餐厅工作的 |
| [17:09] | that works here as a waitress. | 一位过度情绪化的女服务员 |
| [17:11] | Oh, my god! What are you doing here? | 天啊 你来这里干什么 |
| [17:13] | Am I dying? Are you the angel of death? | 我要死了吗 你是带我走的死神吗 |
| [17:17] | I think I found her. | 我找到她了 |
| [17:19] | Can we have a seat for a minute? | 我们能坐下来聊一句吗 |
| [17:21] | Max, Max, she wants to sit down. | 麦克斯 她要坐下来谈 |
| [17:23] | Come here and hold my hand. | 快过来拉住我的手 |
| [17:25] | Oh, I’ll hold your hand after I find out what you have. | 等知道结果后 我会拉住你的手的 |
| [17:30] | No need to be all dramatic. | 没必要这么小题大作 |
| [17:31] | I just came to tell you that your blood test came back, | 我是来告诉你 你的验血结果出来了 |
| [17:34] | But I am not allowed to give you the results without a doctor. | 但我不能在没有医生的情况下透露结果 |
| [17:39] | – You’re not? – No, I am not. | -不可以吗 -不可以 |
| [17:42] | That’s a neg-a-tive, a neg-a-tive. | 绝对是不行不行[阴性 阴性] |
| [17:46] | Wait. Are you saying it’s negative? | 等等 你是说我没有得吗 |
| [17:48] | I could not tell you that. | 我可没有这么说 |
| [17:52] | I also could not tell you that it was probably | 我也不能告诉你不舒服可能是 |
| [17:54] | an allergic reaction to soap or laundry detergent. | 因为对肥皂或对洗衣粉过敏 |
| [17:58] | Oh, my god! Max, it was that fabric softener ball | 天啊 麦克斯 罪魁祸首是 |
| [18:01] | from the “Under a dollar” Store. | 不到一元店的衣物柔顺球 |
| [18:03] | I’m not a cheap whore. I’m just poor. | 我不是个廉价的妓女 我只是个穷鬼 |
| [18:08] | Shirley, it was really cool of you to come all the way in, | 雪莉 你人真好 还特意过来一趟 |
| [18:11] | because we were really very upset, | 因为我们刚才真的很沮丧 |
| [18:13] | so upset that a caring medical professional like you | 沮丧到像你这么专业有爱的医务人员 |
| [18:16] | would probably help us out | 很可能会给予我们某物[大麻] |
| [18:17] | with something for our anxiety or parties. | 来缓解我们的焦虑 或让我们派对更尽兴 |
| [18:22] | Nice try. | 想得美 |
| [18:24] | But I’m not here just out of the goodness of my heart. | 但我来这里不是因为我心肠好 |
| [18:26] | I’m here for my free fries. | 我是来这里吃免费的薯条的 |
| [18:29] | I’m starving. | 我快饿死了 |
| [18:30] | I haven’t been able to eat since you showed me | 自从看了你手机那张惨不忍睹的照片后 |
| [18:31] | that phone picture of your bits and pieces. | 我就没胃口吃过东西 |
| [18:37] | – Fries coming right up. – And thank you so much. | -薯条马上来 -真是太谢谢你了 |
| [18:39] | Oh, it’s nice to give out good news. | 给人们传递好消息的感觉真不错 |
| [18:42] | What about you? When can I give you some good news? | 你呢 我何时能给你带去好消息 |
| [18:45] | I’ll be in tomorrow, I’m just waiting | 我明天就去 我在等 |
| [18:46] | for a call back from John Mayer. | 约翰·梅尔回我的电话 |
| [18:52] | Hi, I’m looking for Han Lee. | 你好 我来找李憨 |
| [18:54] | Oh, that’s the girl I set up Han with. | 那是我要介绍给阿憨的女孩 |
| [18:56] | No visible adam’s apple. Go for it. | 看不见有喉结 你可以上了 |
| [19:00] | Oh, Max, she’s very pretty. | 麦克斯 她很漂亮 |
| [19:02] | Are you sure she’ll go for me? | 你确定她会喜欢我吗 |
| [19:03] | I think she might. Let’s go say hi. | 我觉得有可能哦 过去打个招呼吧 |
| [19:06] | Hi, you must be Jen. Jen, this is Han. | 你是珍吧 这位就是李憨 |
| [19:09] | Han, this is Jen from New Rochelle. | 阿憨 这位是新罗谢尔市的珍 |
| [19:12] | – Hi. – Hello. | -你好 -你好 |
| [19:13] | – Jen from New Rochelle? Max, no! – What? | -新罗谢尔市的珍 不是吧 -怎么了 |
| [19:16] | It could just be a reaction to her laundry detergent. | 她也可能只是对洗衣粉过敏而已啊 |
| [19:24] | I’m clean! Totally clean! | 我没病 干净得很 |
| [19:30] | Shirley was as surprised as I am. | 雪莉跟我一样惊讶呢 |
| [19:33] | Oh, Max, I’m so happy for you. | 麦克斯 我真为你开心 |
| [19:36] | Yep, I dodged a bullet, but from now on, | 对啊 我躲过这一劫 但从今开始 |
| [19:38] | I’m going to be a little more discerning. | 我要变得更加小心谨慎 |
| [19:40] | I’m not 13 anymore. | 我不是13岁的花痴妹了 |
| [19:42] | So I just texted Andy and told him it was a false alarm. | 我刚发短信告诉安迪 这是虚惊一场 |
| [19:45] | – I didn’t have it. – What did he say? | -我没有中招 -他怎么说 |
| [19:47] | He said, “hey, you up?” | 他说”你还醒着呢” |
| [19:50] | But I’m definitely not gonna go. | 但我肯定不会去他家的 |
| [19:52] | Am I? | 我会吗 |
| [19:53] | All right, here’s the thing. | 好吧 我就直说吧 |
| [19:55] | This is about something bigger than Andy. | 这件事比安迪还重大 |
| [19:57] | – Actually, Andy’s quite– – Oh, I know. | -其实安迪蛮大… -我知道 |
| [20:00] | Came out to get a drink of water. | 我出来喝杯水 |
| [20:02] | Saw it, loved it. | 不小心看见 爱死了 |
| [20:05] | Look, I’m going to keep this simple. | 我就长话短说吧 |
| [20:07] | You are using Andy to fill a hole. | 你在利用安迪来填满你的空洞 |
| [20:13] | Yes, Max, that’s how sex works. | 是啊 麦克斯 做爱不就是这样吗 |
| [20:17] | Ever since the business closed, | 自从小蛋糕店倒闭后 |
| [20:19] | you’ve got all this free time, | 你多出了很多空余时间 |
| [20:20] | and you don’t know what to do with yourself. | 你不知道自己该干些什么 |
| [20:23] | I hear you. | 我懂你的意思 |
| [20:24] | You’re right, ever since the business closed, | 你说得对 自从小蛋糕店倒闭后 |
| [20:26] | – I do have a huge hole. – I know. | -我的确有个大洞 -我知道 |
| [20:29] | Came out to get a drink of water. | 出来喝水 |
| [20:30] | Saw it, loved it. | 不小心看见 爱死了 |
| [20:33] | Max, I know we said we were gonna | 麦克斯 我知道我们曾说过 |
| [20:34] | do the cupcake business again, | 总有一天会东山再起 |
| [20:36] | but now we have to make it real. | 但现在我们必须要付诸行动 |
| [20:37] | I mean, I’m a businesswoman. | 我是个商业女强人 |
| [20:39] | I need to have a business, or apparently, | 我得开店做生意 否则 |
| [20:40] | I’m gonna put someone else’s business into my business. | 我会让别人的”生意”来入侵我的”店面” |
| [20:44] | So Max, tomorrow, we start again, | 麦克斯 明天我们就开工 |
| [20:45] | and this time, we have to give it our all. | 这一次 我们一定要全力以赴 |
| [20:48] | Clear vaginas, full hearts, can’t lose. | 洁净私处 全心全意 十拿九稳 |
| [20:52] | Hey, girls. | 姑娘们 |
| [20:54] | I came down with a solution | 我特意下来告诉你 |
| [20:56] | to your herpes problem, Caroline. | 我想到解决你疱疹的问题了 卡洛琳 |
| [20:59] | Just don’t tell anyone! | 千万不要告诉任何人 |
| [21:02] | – Sophie, I don’t have it. – That’s it! | -苏菲 我没有疱疹 -就是这样 |
| [21:04] | That’s the way to do it! | 坚决抵死不认 |
| [21:06] | Problem solved. All right, bye-bye. | 问题解决 好啦 再见啦 |