| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | Oh, yeah, baby. | 爽啊 宝贝 |
| [00:05] | Oh, take it all! | 都赏给你吧 |
| [00:06] | Oh, oh, no, | 不不 |
| [00:07] | You take it, baby. | 赏给你吧 宝贝 |
| [00:08] | No, baby, You take it all! | 不 宝贝 都”给”你吧 |
| [00:11] | Oh, no, you take it, baby. | 不 “给”你吧 宝贝 |
| [00:12] | No, baby, you take it! | 不宝贝 都给你啦 |
| [00:14] | Dear God, | 我的神啊 |
| [00:15] | will one of you just take it | 你俩随便一个”收”了行吗 |
| [00:16] | and get it over with? | 赶紧收了了事吧 |
| [00:18] | Max, there is no way you could be sleeping | 麦克斯 我不信听到他俩那声音 |
| [00:20] | through Oleg and Sophie. | 你还有办法睡觉 |
| [00:26] | Does that actually work? | 你那样真有效吗 |
| [00:28] | It does, | 有啊 |
| [00:29] | with a little help from this. | 配上这个就有效 |
| [00:31] | Give me. | 给我喝 |
| [00:35] | I was hoping that’d be fruitier. | 我还以为这酒有点果香呢 |
| [00:38] | I mean, they’re here. | 他们这边做做 |
| [00:39] | They’re there. | 又到那边搞搞 |
| [00:40] | Then, they’re here again. | 然后又到这边爱爱 |
| [00:42] | It’s like we’re a village under attack. | 我们就跟遭空袭的村子一样 |
| [00:44] | Yup, just a matter of time | 没错 要不了多久 |
| [00:46] | till someone sends in a drone. | 就会有无人驾驶飞机袭击了 |
| [00:49] | and it’s not just that moaning. | 而且不光有淫叫声 |
| [00:51] | I think I heard a big ball rolling around up there. | 我好像还听到有大球[睾丸]滚动的声音 |
| [00:54] | If a ball is rolling around up there, | 如果有颗睾丸在楼上滚 |
| [00:55] | Oleg should stop and see a doctor. | 奥列格就应该停下送医了 |
| [00:59] | This couldn’t be any more intrusive. | 他们还能再更扰邻点吗 |
| [01:11] | Sorry about that. | 抱歉抱歉 |
| [01:16] | A bowling ball? | 保龄球 |
| [01:18] | And why do they need a bowling ball? | 他们为啥会用到保龄球啊 |
| [01:20] | Maybe they ran out of holes. | 可能”洞”不够用了吧 |
| [01:24] | Have you guys seen a ball? | 你们有看到一颗球吗 |
| [01:42] | Pick up, Max. | 麦克斯 上菜 |
| [01:43] | And sorry about the hole in your ceiling. | 抱歉给你们家天花板弄破了个洞 |
| [01:46] | Oleg, I’m not even gonna ask you | 奥列格 我都懒得叫你 |
| [01:47] | to keep it in your pants anymore, | 管好裤裆里的鸟了 |
| [01:48] | but could you keep it in your apartment? | 但你好歹也别让它飞出家门吧 |
| [01:55] | Oh, hey, Sophie. | 苏菲 |
| [01:56] | Hey, Max. | 麦克斯 |
| [01:57] | Oh, spring is in the air. | 春意盎然的季节啊 |
| [02:00] | This is the time of year in Poland | 波兰的这时候 |
| [02:02] | when the snow would melt | 积雪会融化 |
| [02:04] | and all our dead relatives | 那些被冻死的亲戚们 |
| [02:05] | would float back to us. | 就会顺着雪水流回来 |
| [02:08] | I’ve never been to Europe, | 我没去过欧洲 |
| [02:10] | but it sounds beautiful. | 但那景色肯定迷人 |
| [02:13] | Max, where is Caroline? | 麦克斯 卡洛琳呢 |
| [02:15] | And don’t tell me she’s in the ladies’ room, | 别跟我说她在女厕里 |
| [02:17] | because I already peeked under all those stalls. | 我已经从下面偷看了每个隔间了 |
| [02:19] | She wasn’t there. | 她不在里面 |
| [02:21] | But I saw things. | 但我看到了些”东西” |
| [02:25] | Well, congratulations on finally seeing those things. | 恭喜你终于看到那些”东西”了 |
| [02:30] | She’s 20 minutes late, | 她迟到二十分钟了 |
| [02:31] | and, as the boss, I will not have it. | 作为一个老板 我无法接受 |
| [02:33] | Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of his crib. | 某人早上婴儿床起错边 脾气暴躁啊 |
| [02:39] | You’re late. This is unacceptable. | 你迟到了 太超过了 |
| [02:41] | Don’t mind him. | 别理他 |
| [02:42] | He just saw his first vagina, | 他刚第一次见到女人的下面 |
| [02:43] | and he’s furious. | 他气炸了 |
| [02:47] | Okay, here’s the thing. | 是这样的 |
| [02:48] | I had to take a nap | 我不得不多睡一下 |
| [02:49] | because Oleg and Sophie were having sex all night long. | 因为奥列格与苏菲昨晚”激战”了一整夜 |
| [02:52] | Not true. | 才没有呢 |
| [02:53] | We took a break to watch a porno. | 我们有休息一下 看个黄片 |
| [02:57] | Punctuality | 守时 |
| [02:58] | is the number one rule in my employee handbook, | 是我写在员工手册 |
| [03:00] | which I’ve adorably named The Han-book. | 又名”阿憨手册”[音似]的第一准则 |
| [03:03] | Relax, Han. | 别紧张 阿憨 |
| [03:04] | Nobody’s gonna die | 我没来给客人 |
| [03:05] | if I’m not here to drop off a tuna melt. | 端金枪鱼三明治 客人也不会死啦 |
| [03:07] | In fact, they’re more likely to die | 其实 我真给他们上菜 |
| [03:08] | if I do drop it off. | 他们吃了还更可能会死呢 |
| [03:10] | Late, and with an attitude. | 迟到了还这么嚣张 |
| [03:12] | You think you’re too good for the diner? | 你觉得在这干活很掉价吗 |
| [03:14] | Of course she thinks that. | 她当然是这么想啦 |
| [03:16] | I think sourdough bread is too good for this diner. | 这店连酸酵种面包都不配卖好吗 |
| [03:19] | Well, what other career option do you have, Caroline? | 那你又有什么其他工作选择呢 卡洛琳 |
| [03:22] | Hmm, let’s see. Cupcakes? | 比如说 小蛋糕店吗 |
| [03:24] | No, wait, your shop didn’t last six months. | 不 你那店开张不到半年就倒了 |
| [03:26] | Don’t go there, Han. | 别哪壶不开提哪壶 |
| [03:27] | Oh, I’m already there. And now I’m back. | 我偏要提 我提起又放下了 |
| [03:31] | Why so moody, Han? | 干嘛这么大脾气啊 阿憨 |
| [03:32] | Are you man-struating? | 你”大姨夫”来了吗 |
| [03:35] | Is it that time of the man-th? | 又到了每月[男人]流血的时候了吗 |
| [03:38] | That shop was our dream, Han, | 阿憨 那店是我们的梦想 |
| [03:40] | and this is just a dumb diner. | 而你这只是个傻逼餐厅 |
| [03:43] | You’re fired. | 你被炒了 |
| [03:44] | Ooh! I’m fired? | 还炒我啊 |
| [03:45] | Max, Han just fired me. | 麦克斯 阿憨炒了我呢 |
| [03:47] | You lucky son of a whore. | 你个幸运的小骚货 |
| [03:50] | I’m serious, Caroline. | 卡洛琳 我是认真的 |
| [03:51] | You called my diner “dumb.” | 你居然说我的餐厅”傻逼” |
| [03:53] | Well, at least my diner’s still open and successful, | 好歹我的餐厅现在还没倒闭 开得好好的 |
| [03:55] | whereas your cupcake shop was so dumb, it failed. | 但你的傻逼小蛋糕店 都傻逼得倒闭了吧 |
| [03:58] | Ooh, he did not go there. | 他不是真提了这壶吧 |
| [04:00] | I went there, and then I came back, | 我就提这壶 然后又放下 |
| [04:02] | and then I went there again. | 然后我再提一遍 |
| [04:05] | You know what? I don’t need this. | 我干嘛要受你的气 |
| [04:07] | Well, actually, you do kinda need this | 因为我们还真需要这薪水 |
| [04:09] | ’cause we broke. | 我俩是穷光蛋 |
| [04:10] | Broke or not, | 管它的 |
| [04:11] | I don’t have to stand here and take this. | 老娘就是不要在这听他放屁 |
| [04:13] | I quit. | 我不干了 |
| [04:14] | Oh, really? You quit? | 是吗 你不干啦 |
| [04:16] | You must be dumber than my diner | 你脑子比我这餐厅还傻逼吧 |
| [04:17] | because I already fired you. | 你都被炒了 还怎么不干 |
| [04:20] | Han, I know you’ve had it up to here, | 阿憨 我知道你火气上脑到这高度了 |
| [04:23] | but you need to relax. | 但你太过了 |
| [04:34] | Can you believe Han fired me? | 你能相信阿憨居然炒了我吗 |
| [04:36] | I mean, where does he get off? | 他想啥 凭啥呢[停下] |
| [04:38] | Probably in Buffy the Vampire Slayer chat rooms. | 大概会在《吸血鬼猎人巴菲》聊天室驻足吧 |
| [04:43] | Have you been standing here by the door this whole time? | 你不会是一直站在门口等我回家吧 |
| [04:46] | I didn’t even pee. | 我连去尿尿都不敢 |
| [04:47] | I was afraid I’d miss you. | 就怕错过你进门 |
| [04:48] | So, hold on. | 所以先等我一下吧 |
| [04:51] | So, basically, You had the same day as a puppy? | 所以你今天过得跟小狗一样嘛 |
| [04:54] | Han’s lucky I work there. | 我在那工作是他的福气 |
| [04:56] | I bring class and sophistication to that place. | 我让他的餐厅变得高级和有档次 |
| [04:59] | There’s no toilet paper, | 没厕纸了 |
| [05:00] | and I just used the last coffee filter. | 最后一张咖啡滤纸我也用掉啦 |
| [05:03] | You are sophisticatin’ the hell | 你还真是让那间厕所 |
| [05:05] | out of that toilet right now. | 变得无比高级呀 |
| [05:09] | And you know what? | 而且啊 |
| [05:10] | You can tell Han that the only way | 你可以告诉阿憨 |
| [05:12] | I am ever going back there is if he apologizes. | 要我回去的唯一办法就是他来道歉 |
| [05:15] | Okay, but first, | 可以 但首先呢 |
| [05:16] | he wanted me to tell you this. | 他也留话要我对你说 |
| [05:17] | The only way you’re ever going back there | 你唯一能回去的方式呢 |
| [05:19] | is if you apologize. | 就是你跟他道歉 |
| [05:21] | Well, an apology from me is not happening. | 要我道歉 他想都别想 |
| [05:26] | Oh, yeah, baby. | 爽啊 宝贝 |
| [05:27] | Ooh, take it all. | 都赏给你吧 |
| [05:28] | Oh, oh, no, | 不 |
| [05:29] | you take it, baby. | 都给你吧 亲爱的 |
| [05:30] | Oh, baby– | 宝贝 |
| [05:31] | And that is not happening again tonight either. | 这今晚也不许再发生了 |
| [05:40] | Again? | 又来啊 |
| [05:41] | That could’ve hit us. | 那可能砸到我们呢 |
| [05:43] | Now, that’s unsafe sex. | 这才叫”危险性行为”啊 |
| [05:48] | I think it’s pretty neighborly of us | 我们还送他们的性爱保龄球回来 |
| [05:49] | to return someone’s sex bowling ball. | 还真是够敦亲睦邻的啊 |
| [05:53] | You know we have to bury those mitts now. | 这双手套之后得去埋了才行 |
| [05:54] | And we have to tell them to stop | 无论他们在玩什么花样 |
| [05:56] | whatever it is they’re doing up here. | 我们都得叫他们停下 |
| [05:58] | Probably a 7-10 split. | 估计是7 10号瓶分叉球吧 |
| [06:03] | And now they’re not making noise. | 现在他们又消停了 |
| [06:04] | It’s like when you go to the zoo, | 感觉就像去动物园时 |
| [06:06] | and the lion goes inside. | 狮子跑进山洞内休息了 |
| [06:09] | It’s Max and Caroline. | 是麦克斯跟卡洛琳 |
| [06:10] | Your ball came into our yard again. | 你们的球又掉进我们家了 |
| [06:15] | Hi. Yeah, it’s not a good time. | 现在有点不太方便 |
| [06:17] | Uh, we’re role-playing, | 我们在玩角色扮演 |
| [06:19] | and, obviously, I’m Beyonce. | 我在扮碧昂丝 |
| [06:26] | Hey, Jay Z? | 杰斯 |
| [06:28] | Look at all the single ladies. | 看看这些单身女郎们啊[碧昂丝歌曲] |
| [06:31] | Oh, yeah, baby. | 好啊 宝贝 |
| [06:32] | Jay Z and I have a lot in common. | 杰斯跟我有很多共同之处 |
| [06:34] | He bought the Brooklyn Nets. | 他买下职篮布鲁克林篮网队 |
| [06:35] | I bought my hairnets in Brooklyn. | 我则是在布鲁克林买的发网 |
| [06:39] | I’m not surprised that you’re Jay Z and Beyonce, | 你们扮杰斯与碧昂丝我一点都不意外 |
| [06:41] | but I am kinda surprised that they bowl. | 不过他们打保龄球我倒很惊讶 |
| [06:45] | Where should I put this? | 这要我放哪 |
| [06:46] | Oh, well, I’ll tell you what I told him. | 我告诉你们我对他说的吧 |
| [06:48] | Put it anywhere You want. | 你想把它放哪都行 |
| [06:58] | So that’s basically our ball at this point. | 所以现在这颗球基本算我们的了 |
| [07:01] | Look, you two may be crazy in love, | 我知道你们俩爱得疯狂 |
| [07:04] | but your love is driving us crazy. | 但我们也要被你们搞疯了 |
| [07:07] | Crazy in love? | 爱得疯狂吗 |
| [07:09] | Oh, come on. We’re not in love. | 拜托 我们才不相爱 |
| [07:12] | Oleg and I are just shtup buddies. | 我们只是炮友而已 |
| [07:15] | Shtup buddies? | 炮友吗 |
| [07:16] | I wouldn’t say that’s all we are. | 我们不止如此吧 |
| [07:18] | Oh, no, you’re right. | 我错了 你说的有道理 |
| [07:19] | We also share a CVS points reward card. | 我们还共用一张药房集奖卡 |
| [07:24] | Is it really a reward if it comes from CVS? | 如果是药房给的东西 能算是奖励吗 |
| [07:28] | Can’t you two ever do it over at Oleg’s apartment? | 你们难道就不能去奥列格家”做”吗 |
| [07:31] | Or are all the lanes reserved? | 还是他睡的路边都停满车了 |
| [07:34] | I have no idea where he lives. | 我完全不知道他住哪里 |
| [07:36] | Wait, you’ve never been to Oleg’s apartment? | 等等 你还没去过奥列格家吗 |
| [07:38] | No, with my busy work schedule, | 没有 我工作这么忙 |
| [07:41] | I don’t have the time to get | 我哪有空去注射 |
| [07:42] | the battery of shots that I would need. | 去他家需要打的疫苗啊 |
| [07:46] | You’d be surprised by my apartment, Sophie. | 看到我家会吓死你的 苏菲 |
| [07:49] | It’s more than just the place | 那里可不光只是 |
| [07:50] | the quadruple orgasm was born. | 四重高潮的发源地呢 |
| [07:54] | Yeah, well, That sounds nice. | 这听起来倒是很棒啊 |
| [07:57] | Oh, yes. Beyonc– | 碧昂… |
| [08:03] | Um, Beyonce’s hair just fell out. | 碧昂丝的头发掉了 |
| [08:05] | I gotta go get my hot glue gun. | 我先去拿我的热熔胶枪黏上 |
| [08:14] | Girls, I may have oversold my apartment. | 女孩们 我有点夸大我家了 |
| [08:17] | What, by saying she won’t need to get shots? | 跟她说不需要先打疫苗吗 |
| [08:20] | Yes. | 是是是 |
| [08:23] | Maybe you two could help me fix it up a little, | 你们俩个可以来帮忙布置一下吧 |
| [08:25] | give it a feminine touch. | 添加点女人元素 |
| [08:27] | Well, I’m out. | 我不干 |
| [08:29] | You know what? I’ll do it. | 我愿意帮你 |
| [08:30] | But I’m very recently out of work, | 但我最近刚失业 |
| [08:32] | so I’m gonna have to charge you. | 所以帮忙的部分是要收费的 |
| [08:33] | If you didn’t, you’d be the only girl | 如果你不收钱 那你就会是 |
| [08:34] | who ever went to his apartment without getting paid. | 第一个进他家又不收他钱的女人了 |
| [08:38] | You got a deal. | 成交 |
| [08:44] | Oleg’s apartment’s this way. | 奥列格家肯定是这间 |
| [08:45] | I can smell the AXE body spray. | 我闻到了体香剂的味道了 |
| [08:48] | I’ll just throw a couple of these pillows around, | 我们把这几个枕头布置进去 |
| [08:49] | and then we’ll be gone. | 然后就可以走了 |
| [08:50] | I can’t believe I’m walking up to Oleg’s apartment. | 我真不敢相信我要自己步入他家里 |
| [08:53] | I always thought I’d be dragged here unconscious | 我一直以为那天会是我被他下药迷晕 |
| [08:54] | with electrical tape over my mouth. | 嘴被胶带封住 然后拖进去的 |
| [08:58] | Afternoon, ladies. | 女孩们 下午好 |
| [09:00] | This is where the magic happens. | 这里就是奇迹[魔术]发生之地了 |
| [09:02] | Well, I’m sure you’ve made some women disappear here. | 我肯定你肯定让不少女人在里面”消失”过 |
| [09:08] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [09:10] | Just off the top of my head, | 就我第一眼的观察判断 |
| [09:11] | I think we’re gonna need a couple more pillows. | 起码就还需要不少可爱枕头了 |
| [09:15] | If you keep your apartment Like this, | 如果把公寓弄成这样 |
| [09:17] | do you get to pay 1980s rent prices? | 是不是就能按1980年的物价付租金啊 |
| [09:20] | You haven’t even seen the best part yet. | 你们都还没看到最棒的地方呢 |
| [09:21] | Look. | 瞧 |
| [09:26] | Goin’ up the stairway to heaven, baby. | 我要走上天堂的阶梯了 |
| [09:29] | Oh, yeah. There it is. | 没错 就是这里啦 |
| [09:32] | That’s my bed. | 这就是我的床 |
| [09:35] | Where are we? Studio 69? | 这是哪啊 69夜店吗 |
| [09:38] | That’s 1,500 tracer bulbs. | 那可是1500颗灯泡组成 |
| [09:40] | I tore most of them out of the new Cineplex 14 in Queens. | 都是我从皇后区的电影院拆来的 |
| [09:45] | First of all, I am smelling something | 首先 我闻到了一股 |
| [09:47] | that can only be described as anti-antiperspirant. | 只能解释为反除汗味剂的味道 |
| [09:51] | And, secondly… | 第二 |
| [09:53] | no woman wants to walk into this. | 不会有女人想走进这里的 |
| [09:55] | According to this, | 根据这个显示 |
| [09:56] | 685 already have. | 685个女人进来过了 |
| [09:59] | Actually, it’s 1,685. | 其实是1685个 |
| [10:01] | After a thousand, the counter resets. | 过一千后 那个计数器就归零了 |
| [10:04] | look, if you don’t want Sophie to feel | 如果你不想苏菲觉得 |
| [10:06] | like she’s next in line at the DMV… | 自己在排队等着进机动车辆管理局 |
| [10:08] | More like the S-T-D-mv. | 其实是性病传染局吧 |
| [10:11] | – Then we have a lot of work to do. – Okay. | -那我们有很多地方需要改进 -好吧 |
| [10:14] | Make it look romantic. | 弄得浪漫一点 |
| [10:15] | When she comes in, I want her to feel special, | 当她走进的那一刻 要她觉得自己很特别 |
| [10:18] | like she’s the only woman that’s ever been here | 感觉自己是第一个走进这里的女人 |
| [10:20] | today. | 今天第一个 |
| [10:22] | Let’s just sit down and talk about this. | 咱们坐下来好好谈吧 |
| [10:25] | Oh, my God. Max, is she dead? | 天啊 麦克斯 她死了吗 |
| [10:28] | No. She’s Alexis. | 不是啦 她是阿丽西斯 |
| [10:30] | You have one of those anatomically-correct real dolls! | 你居然有个人体仿真性爱玩偶 |
| [10:33] | It’s rare to see one without a short, fat man | 很少看到她旁边没有个 |
| [10:35] | standing next to it with a button penis. | 矮肥短鸡鸡的男人呢 |
| [10:38] | They sell for $6,000, | 这原价要6000块 |
| [10:39] | but I got her for half off. | 但我半价买到了 |
| [10:41] | She was previously loved. | 她是”已被人疼爱过”的 |
| [10:44] | Max, you are not doing that. | 麦克斯 你不许那样 |
| [10:45] | The hell I’m not. | 去你的不许 |
| [10:47] | This is my one chance to see a woman naked | 这是我唯一一次看完裸女后 |
| [10:48] | without having to spoon her after. | 不用再跟她们抱抱的机会 |
| [10:52] | Respect. | 佩服佩服 |
| [10:55] | Well, you’ve made a lot of strong choices here, | 你这里有很多”个人风格”鲜明的东西 |
| [10:58] | but I’m not sure they’re all working together. | 但我不确定它们放在一起搭不搭 |
| [11:01] | For example, that sex swing is fighting the goat. | 比如说 那个性爱秋千就跟山羊对冲 |
| [11:04] | Now, why don’t we start by you going | 等你去给我们弄来橡胶手套后 |
| [11:06] | and getting us some rubber gloves? | 我们就动手开始改造吧 |
| [11:07] | Lots of them, | 手套记得多弄点 |
| [11:08] | and the strongest bleach and soap products you can find. | 以及市面上最强的漂白剂以及肥皂 |
| [11:10] | Oh, and a hazmat suit. | 还有一套生化防护服 |
| [11:12] | Don’t worry about the size. I can belt it. | 别担心尺寸大小 我可以系腰带 |
| [11:14] | But you’re gonna keep my good stuff, right? | 但我的好东西你会留着的 对吧 |
| [11:17] | If I see any, I’ll consider it. | 如果我看见有的话 会考虑保留 |
| [11:19] | Go. | 快去 |
| [11:20] | What are you going to do with Alexis? | 那你打算怎么处置阿丽西斯 |
| [11:22] | Rehab, and then a women’s shelter in Montana. | 先送康复中心 再送到蒙大拿州妇女收容所 |
| [11:24] | Go! | 快去 |
| [11:26] | I’ve got a lot of work to do. | 我有很多工作要做 |
| [11:28] | But first… | 但首先 |
| [11:33] | Can not do it. | 忍不住啊 |
| [11:34] | Can not do it. | 实在忍不住 |
| [11:37] | Can you please turn that off, Max? | 你能把那个关掉吗 麦克斯 |
| [11:39] | I’m starting to feel a little dizzy… | 我都开始觉得头晕了 |
| [11:42] | And I can’t fall on the floor, | 我可不能晕倒在这地上 |
| [11:43] | ’cause I might stick to it. | 可能会被不明液体黏住 |
| [11:46] | You don’t have to do this! | 你没必要干这种工作 |
| [11:47] | Just call Han and apologize, | 快打电话给阿憨道歉 |
| [11:49] | and we can get outta here | 然后在梅毒攻击前 |
| [11:50] | before the syphilis sets in. | 咱们赶紧闪人 |
| [11:52] | No, he said some really hurtful things to me, | 不要 他对我说了一些很伤人的话 |
| [11:54] | and I’d rather stay here | 我宁愿待在这里 |
| [11:55] | and work for Oleg and Alexis. | 为奥列格和阿丽西斯工作 |
| [11:57] | At least I’ll have my dignity. | 至少我的尊严还在 |
| [11:59] | Now, if you’ll excuse me, | 容许我先失陪了 |
| [12:00] | I have to go climb the sperm-ship enterprise. | 我得爬上精床探险号[星际迷航] |
| [12:03] | Let me just get these curtains open | 先把窗帘拉开 |
| [12:05] | so I can see better. | 好让我能看清楚这里 |
| [12:06] | Seeing better? | 看清楚点 |
| [12:07] | Is that the way to go? | 这不太对吧 |
| [12:11] | I’m walking on a water bed. | 我走在一张水床上 |
| [12:15] | This is harder than it looks. | 这比想象中的要难[硬]啊 |
| [12:16] | How many times has that been said on this bed? | 这句话不知道在这张床上说过多少遍了 |
| [12:21] | Oh, my heel! | 我的鞋跟 |
| [12:28] | I swallowed! | 我咽下去了 |
| [12:29] | I accidentally swallowed. | 我不小心咽下去了 |
| [12:32] | You know that’s been said. | 这句话肯定也常有人说 |
| [12:40] | Max, we got a problem. | 麦克斯 有个问题 |
| [12:42] | See that girl? | 看见那个女孩了吗 |
| [12:43] | Oh, what? The usual drill? | 干嘛 像平时那样吗 |
| [12:44] | You hold her arms, | 你抓住她的手臂 |
| [12:45] | and I punch her till she tips 20%? | 我揍到她愿意给百分之二十的小费吗 |
| [12:47] | As much as I enjoy that when we do it, | 虽然我很喜欢这么做 |
| [12:50] | no. | 但不是 |
| [12:51] | She’s here to apply for Caroline’s job. | 她是来应征卡洛琳的工作 |
| [12:54] | What? | 什么 |
| [12:55] | Han’s really going through with this? | 阿憨是来真的吗 |
| [12:57] | I thought It was all talk, | 我以为他只是说说而已 |
| [12:58] | like when a chihuahua barks at a big dog. | 就像吉娃娃冲着大狗叫 也只是叫叫而已 |
| [13:01] | Me too. I thought it would blow over. | 我也是 我以为会这事很快会消失 |
| [13:03] | You know, like Han did in the wind that time? | 就像阿憨上次被风吹不见那样 |
| [13:05] | But, no, He is serious. | 但这次不是 他是来真的 |
| [13:07] | No way. I got this. | 不行 我来解决 |
| [13:10] | Hi, is that your resume? | 你好 这是你的简历吗 |
| [13:12] | Let’s take a little look-see. | 让我看看 |
| [13:16] | Oh, you worked there? Cool. | 你还在那工作过啊 真厉害 |
| [13:17] | Yep. I’m a very hard worker. | 是的 我工作非常努力 |
| [13:19] | Good. Can you block a punch? | 很好 你会挡拳头吗 |
| [13:20] | ‘Cause the owner hits us. | 因为老板会打人哦 |
| [13:22] | He broke my femur. When I complained, | 他把我大腿打骨折了 当我抱怨时 |
| [13:24] | he broke the other one. | 他又打折了我另一条腿 |
| [13:25] | Run before he sees me talking to you. | 在他看见咱俩说话前 快跑 |
| [13:29] | Earl, I gotta get Han aAnd Caroline to make up. | 厄尔 我得让阿憨和卡洛琳和好 |
| [13:31] | I don’t have access to the pills I need | 我得靠吃药才愿留下工作 |
| [13:33] | to keep working here without her. | 她不在我就买不起了 |
| [13:34] | Any advice or pills? | 你有什么建议或药吗 |
| [13:37] | Well, let’s see. We are kind of like a family here, | 我想想 我们在这里像是一家人 |
| [13:40] | except I can see you unsupervised on the weekends. | 除了我周末见你不用有人监视 |
| [13:44] | And you didn’t use my college fund | 而你也没拿我上大学的钱 |
| [13:46] | to buy a married man a Corvette. | 给已婚男人买跑车 |
| [13:49] | And in my family, | 在我的家庭 |
| [13:50] | when my kids would fight, | 当我的孩子吵架时 |
| [13:51] | I tried to get them to talk to each other, | 我会试图让他们跟对方说话 |
| [13:53] | because honesty is key. | 因为坦诚是关键 |
| [13:55] | But if that didn’t work, | 但如果不管用 |
| [13:56] | I’d lie to their faces– | 我会骗他们 |
| [13:58] | lock them in their room and tell them | 把他们关进房间 然后告诉他们 |
| [13:59] | that the other one had three weeks to live. | 对方只剩三周可以活了 |
| [14:02] | You know, what used to be known as good parenting. | 这在以前 就可以算是模范家长呢 |
| [14:06] | Max, I’ve got 12 overqualified candidates | 麦克斯 我有12个资历过硬的候选人 |
| [14:09] | coming in for the waitress position today. | 今天来应征服务员的工作 |
| [14:11] | Thank you, crumbling economy! | 真要多谢现在不景气的经济 |
| [14:14] | You know, Han, here at this diner, | 阿憨 在这家餐厅 |
| [14:16] | we’re kind of like a little family, and– | 我们就像是一家人 |
| [14:18] | Oh, I can’t do this. | 我编不下去了 |
| [14:19] | Caroline has three weeks left to live. | 卡洛琳就剩三周可以活了 |
| [14:21] | I’m serious. | 我是说真的 |
| [14:22] | She drank Oleg’s water bed. | 她喝了奥列格水床的水 |
| [14:23] | It’s just a matter of time. | 迟早会挂掉的 |
| [14:25] | Nice try, Max. | 想得美 麦克斯 |
| [14:26] | I’m not going to give her back her job. | 我不会把工作还给她的 |
| [14:28] | She should’ve checked herself | 她在跟我装逼之前 |
| [14:29] | before she wrecked herself. | 应该先掂掂自己斤两的 |
| [14:31] | Come on. Hire her back. | 拜托啦 把她请回来 |
| [14:33] | Be the bigger man. | 当个大气的男人 |
| [14:34] | And note, | 声明一下 |
| [14:35] | I did not make a short joke, | 我不是在拿你的身材开玩笑 |
| [14:36] | because this is important, | 因为这事真的很重要 |
| [14:37] | and also because I’m still working on something | 同时也因为我还在想怎么用 |
| [14:39] | with Peter Dinklage’s name. | 彼特·丁拉基的名字开玩笑 |
| [14:41] | No way, Max. I am holding firm. | 不行 麦克斯 我的立场很坚定 |
| [14:44] | You know, firm Han is kinda hot. | 硬气的阿憨蛮性感的 |
| [14:47] | – He is? – Yeah. | -是吗 -是的 |
| [14:48] | I’m kinda feeling firm Han. | 我有点喜欢硬气的阿憨 |
| [14:50] | I have no interest in feeling the firm part, | 虽然我对其他会硬的部位没兴趣 |
| [14:52] | but I’ll hang out with the rest. | 但我可以考虑跟你约会 |
| [14:54] | You want to hang out with me? | 你居然想跟我约会 |
| [14:56] | I’m generally free Mondays through Fridays, | 我基本周一到周五都有空 |
| [14:57] | mornings and evenings, | 白天和晚上都行 |
| [14:58] | and my weekends are wide open. | 而且我周末也空得很 |
| [15:01] | I may have a wedding to go to in June, but– | 虽然我6月可能要参加婚礼 但… |
| [15:03] | Breathe. | 深呼吸 |
| [15:04] | Come over tomorrow. | 明天来我家 |
| [15:05] | Caroline Will be at Oleg’s. | 卡洛琳会去奥列格家 |
| [15:07] | We can get stoned and watch a movie. | 我们可以嗑药磕到嗨 然后看电影 |
| [15:08] | The last time I was stoned | 我上一次还是在演唱会上 |
| [15:10] | was from a contact high I got at a concert. | 因误吸别人抽大麻吐出来的烟而嗨翻天 |
| [15:13] | Well, those wiggle shows do get crazy. | 演唱会的人们很容易变得疯狂啊 |
| [15:22] | Look at us, Max, | 瞧瞧咱俩 麦克斯 |
| [15:23] | hanging outside of work at your place | 就像好朋友那样 |
| [15:25] | like a couple of homeys. | 下班后照样出来厮混 |
| [15:27] | Yeah, and where is my homey? | 是啊 我的好朋友在哪里 |
| [15:29] | Oh, it’s this way. | 这边 |
| [15:30] | I can smell the AXE body spray. | 我闻到了体香剂的味道 |
| [15:33] | Now, what movie should we watch? | 我们该看什么电影呢 |
| [15:35] | I brought Shrek, Shrek 2, | 我带了《怪物史瑞克》第一部 第二部 |
| [15:37] | Shrek 3, Shrek 3-d, | 第三部 还有3D版的 |
| [15:39] | and that Cameron Diaz cancer movie. | 以及卡梅隆·迪亚兹照顾癌症病患的电影 |
| [15:42] | Is there one where Shrek has cancer? | 是史瑞克得了癌症那部吗 |
| [15:47] | This is completely– | 这里完全 |
| [15:49] | the same place I always live at. | 就是我一直住的地方 |
| [15:53] | Max, it’s so pretty. | 麦克斯 这里真漂亮 |
| [15:55] | I thought your place would have furniture | 我还以为你家会有 |
| [15:56] | made out of razor blades or something. | 用刮胡刀片做的家具呢 |
| [15:59] | I wish. That sounds bitchin’. | 我还想呢 那听起来超屌 |
| [16:02] | What are you guys doing here? | 你们俩在这里干嘛 |
| [16:04] | What is Caroline doing here? | 卡洛琳在这里干嘛 |
| [16:06] | You said she was going to be at Oleg’s. | 你不是说她会在奥列格家吗 |
| [16:08] | I am at Oleg’s. | 我就是在奥列格家啊 |
| [16:09] | You guys live with Oleg? | 你们俩跟奥列格一起住吗 |
| [16:11] | You told him this was our apartment? | 你告诉他这里是我们的公寓吗 |
| [16:14] | As a wise person once told me, | 一位智者告诉我 |
| [16:16] | sometimes, you gotta lie to keep your family together. | 有时为了家庭和睦 可以撒撒小谎 |
| [16:18] | I’m not letting anyone leave | 在你们跟对方说话前 |
| [16:20] | until you talk to each other. | 谁也别想走 |
| [16:21] | I don’t understand. | 我不明白 |
| [16:23] | Are we not smoking weed? | 我们不是要抽大麻吗 |
| [16:27] | Oh, I already did. | 我已经抽了 |
| [16:30] | I don’t know what his problem is. | 我不知道他哪有毛病 |
| [16:31] | He fired me for missing 20 minutes of work. | 我错过20分钟上班时间就炒了我 |
| [16:34] | Why doesn’t he fire himself for missing puberty? | 他何不因为错过青春期而炒了他自己呢 |
| [16:37] | Let it go, Han. | 任她说吧 阿憨 |
| [16:38] | She spent her morning dusting a strap-on. | 她整个早上都在擦捆绑式假阳具上的灰尘 |
| [16:42] | I didn’t fire you because you were late. | 我不是因为你迟到而炒了你 |
| [16:43] | I fired you because you crapped all over the diner, | 我炒你是因为你说餐厅的坏话 |
| [16:46] | and you forgot that diner lifted you up | 你忘了在你一无所有的时候 |
| [16:48] | when you had nothing. | 是餐厅把你救起来 |
| [16:49] | Well, I lifted you up | 在你拿不到玉米罐时 |
| [16:50] | when you couldn’t reach the canned corn. | 还是我把你举”起来”的呢 |
| [16:53] | So, we’re even. Fight over. | 所以我们扯平了 争吵结束 |
| [16:56] | What the hell did you do to my apartment? | 你把我公寓搞成什么鬼样子了 |
| [17:00] | It looks like you could film | 看起来就像拍 |
| [17:01] | a douche commercial in here. | 阴道清洗液的广告现场 |
| [17:06] | Oleg, this is what you asked for: | 奥列格 这就是你想要的效果 |
| [17:08] | – Romantic. – Romantic? | -浪漫 -浪漫吗 |
| [17:10] | My place went from Fifty Shades Of Grey | 我家从淫乱天堂变成了 |
| [17:12] | to fifty shades of beige. | 屎黄色地狱 |
| [17:16] | Where’s my sex swing? | 我的性爱秋千呢 |
| [17:17] | Where’s my sex chair? | 我的性爱椅子呢 |
| [17:19] | Where’s my poster that says, | 我的那张上面写着 |
| [17:20] | “Poke her in the front, lick her in the back”? | “捅她前面 舔她后面”的海报呢 |
| [17:23] | Oleg, relax. | 奥列格 冷静 |
| [17:25] | All your stuff’s either in the basement or the closet. | 你东西不是在地下室就在衣柜 |
| [17:27] | And I think would know more about what a woman | 我觉得我更了解 |
| [17:29] | would like to come home to | 女人喜欢的家的样子 |
| [17:30] | than a man whose last girlfriend | 这至少比一个男人的前女友 |
| [17:31] | was made in the Philippines. | 是用菲律宾橡胶做的强 |
| [17:35] | It’s me! | 我来了 |
| [17:36] | Hide your kids! | 赶紧把孩子藏起来 |
| [17:37] | Hide your wife! | 把你老婆也藏起来 |
| [17:38] | Sophie! | 苏菲 |
| [17:39] | She can’t know you’re here. | 她不能知道你们在这里 |
| [17:40] | Go, go, all of you. | 快走 你们快走 |
| [17:42] | Han! Get in the closet! | 阿憨 躲进衣柜里 |
| [17:44] | Putting a guy who’s in the closet in the closet? | 叫一个还没出柜的男人躲进衣柜 |
| [17:46] | That’s like gay nesting dolls. | 就像基佬版嵌套娃娃一样 |
| [17:48] | I’m not gay. | 我不是基佬 |
| [17:49] | I’m a metrosexual. | 我是都市花美男 |
| [17:54] | This is where the magic happens? | 这里就是奇迹发生之地吗 |
| [17:59] | Oh, no. | 不是吧 |
| [18:02] | Do you live With your mother? | 你是跟你妈一起住吗 |
| [18:05] | What? You don’t like? | 怎么 你不喜欢吗 |
| [18:07] | I thought you would enjoy the girl’s touch. | 你以为你会喜欢一些女性的元素 |
| [18:10] | What girls? | 什么女性 |
| [18:12] | The Golden Girls? | 黄金女郎吗 |
| [18:16] | Sophie hates it. | 苏菲不喜欢 |
| [18:17] | I should’ve just thrown a boiled ham on the bed. | 我应该直接把一只煮熟的火腿扔床上的 |
| [18:20] | Oh, no. | 不要啊 |
| [18:21] | My hair’s stuck in Oleg’s clothes. | 我的头发被奥列格的衣服夹住了 |
| [18:23] | Please don’t let it be a pant zipper. | 拜托千万不要被裤子拉链夹到 |
| [18:34] | Han, Alexis. | 阿憨 这位是阿丽西斯 |
| [18:35] | Alexis, Han. | 阿丽西斯 这位是阿憨 |
| [18:36] | Ew, take it away from me. | 快把她从我身上拿开 |
| [18:38] | It’s so heavy– oh, no, oh, no. | 还真沉 不要 不要啊 |
| [18:43] | Help. Get her off of me. | 救命啊 快把她弄开 |
| [18:44] | Why? You’re finally getting some. | 为什么 你终于有机会”爽一下”了 |
| [18:47] | Take it, take it. | 拿开 拿开 |
| [18:48] | I got it, I got it. | 我在弄 我在弄 |
| [18:54] | Look! Han’s fallen | 瞧 阿憨摔倒[堕落]了 |
| [18:56] | and he can’t get it up! | 而且他”起”不来了 |
| [19:01] | What the hell is going on here? | 这到底是怎么回事 |
| [19:03] | I mean, this is freaky even for me. | 重口如我也觉得这场面太恶心 |
| [19:07] | Sophie, I can explain. | 苏菲 我可以解释 |
| [19:09] | I hired Caroline to redo my apartment | 我请卡洛琳来帮我重新布置公寓 |
| [19:11] | so it wouldn’t be the dirty bachelor pad | 好让它看起来不像你预期中的 |
| [19:14] | you were expecting. | 那种下流单身汉公寓 |
| [19:15] | But you are the dirty Bachelor that I’m expecting. | 但你就是我预期中的那种下流单身汉 |
| [19:18] | And why would you hire Caroline? | 为什么你要请卡洛琳啊 |
| [19:20] | She doesn’t know about sexy stuff. | 她根本不懂什么是性感 |
| [19:22] | She couldn’t even figure out what we do | 她甚至连我们拿那个保龄球 |
| [19:23] | with the bowling ball. | 来做什么都不知道 |
| [19:26] | Sophie, you should’ve seen what was in here. | 苏菲 你真该看看这公寓之前的模样 |
| [19:28] | I mean, he had this anatomically correct real doll | 他有一个符合人体仿真的性爱娃娃 |
| [19:32] | He named Alexis. | 还帮她取名叫阿丽西斯 |
| [19:33] | Yeah, well, she’s very pretty. | 是吗 她可真漂亮 |
| [19:38] | He had a sex swing. | 他有一个性爱秋千 |
| [19:40] | Ooh, a sex swing. | 哇 性爱秋千 |
| [19:43] | What are you gonna tell me now? | 你接下来还要说什么 |
| [19:45] | That he had a water bed? | 说他有一张水床吗 |
| [19:47] | I did. | 我的确曾有 |
| [19:48] | It had 1,500 tracer bulbs. | 上面有一千五百个灯泡 |
| [19:49] | It was hot. | 非常香艳 |
| [19:52] | Well, who has it now? | 那床现在在谁手里 |
| [19:53] | I wanna be with him. | 我要跟他在一起 |
| [19:56] | Oh, hell, I’m tired of all this role-playing, | 靠 我已经厌倦那些角色扮演了 |
| [19:59] | so I’m just going to say it. | 所以我要直说 |
| [20:01] | Sophie, I am in love with you. | 苏菲 我爱上你了 |
| [20:09] | Well, I haven’t said this to a man | 我很久很久 |
| [20:12] | in a very long time, | 没对男人这么说了 |
| [20:15] | but I like you a little bit. | 但我有一点点喜欢你 |
| [20:20] | I don’t know what she’s talking about, Caroline. | 我不懂她为什么这么说 卡洛琳 |
| [20:22] | I think it’s pretty. | 我觉得很漂亮 |
| [20:24] | You make everything prettier, | 你让一切都变得更漂亮 |
| [20:26] | even the dumb diner. | 连我那家傻逼餐厅也是 |
| [20:29] | Your diner’s not dumb. | 你的餐厅才不傻逼 |
| [20:31] | I miss the diner. | 我好想它 |
| [20:32] | And it misses you. | 它也很想你 |
| [20:34] | You can have your job back. | 你可以回来工作 |
| [20:36] | Is it just ’cause I’m stoned, | 是因为我现在嗨翻天 |
| [20:37] | or did anyone else feel that deep connection between them? | 还是有人也感受到了他们之间的深情 |
| [20:42] | Could you all leave? | 你们能离开这里吗 |
| [20:44] | I wanna be alone with Oleg… | 我想单独跟奥列格 |
| [20:47] | And Alexis. | 还有阿丽西斯玩会儿 |
| [20:51] | Now are we going to smoke weed? | 我们现在要去抽大麻了吗 |
| [20:54] | Yeah, I’m dying to see you high. | 是的 我超级想看你嗨的样子 |
| [20:56] | Well, as high as you can get. | 看你到底能有多嗨[高] |