| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:06] | uh, what’s happening right now? | 你在干嘛呢 |
| [00:08] | Max, are you smoking crack? | 麦克斯 你在吸毒吗 |
| [00:11] | it’s not crack, it’s lipstick. | 这不是毒品 是唇膏 |
| [00:12] | I can afford crack. | 毒品我倒买得起 |
| [00:15] | I’m at the end of my good lipstick and I can’t afford | 我的好唇膏快要用完了 没钱买新的 |
| [00:17] | to buy a new one so I’m going all Breaking Bad. | 只好学《绝命毒师》 烧一烧炼一炼 |
| [00:19] | “Breaking Bad”? | 《绝命毒师》 |
| [00:20] | We’re more like broke and sad. | 我们更像是”没命毒虱”[又穷又苦]吧 |
| [00:23] | You’re freebasing lipstick and look, | 你在加热提炼唇膏 看我 |
| [00:25] | this heel is starting to wobble. | 这只高跟鞋都摇摇欲断了 |
| [00:27] | here, stick this in and hold it. | 来 塞进去 撑住 |
| [00:30] | I swear I’ve said that before, | 我发誓这种话我以前说过 |
| [00:31] | but I don’t think it was about shoes. | 不过肯定跟鞋子无关 |
| [00:35] | yo, dollface. It’s been ten minutes! | 美人 都过了十分钟了 |
| [00:37] | His chowder, my spaghetti. | 他的杂烩浓汤 我的意大利面 |
| [00:39] | Where’s the food? | 在哪里 |
| [00:40] | “Where’s the food”? | “在哪里” |
| [00:41] | Where’s your neck? | 你怎么不问问 你脖子在哪里 |
| [00:44] | I wasn’t listening. I was looking at your boobs. | 老子根本没再听 我在看你的奶子呢 |
| [00:48] | well, I do what I can | 我会尽我所能 |
| [00:49] | but they’ll never be as big as yours. | 不过老娘胸再大 也没你的男人奶大 |
| [00:52] | Pick up. Meatball. | 上菜 肉丸 |
| [00:54] | Hey, hot stuff. Where’s the hot stuff? | 喂 辣妹 你们的热菜呢 |
| [00:57] | Oh, Max. You were right. | 麦克斯 你做得对 |
| [00:59] | This heel is much more–no. | 这只高跟鞋比以前更…不对 |
| [01:00] | No, wait! No, it’s not. | 不 等等 别这样 |
| [01:01] | It’s gonna– | 这会… |
| [01:04] | Those are the biggest balls those guys have had | 这两男的在打类固醇长肌肉后 |
| [01:06] | in their laps since they started steroids. | 双腿间第一次有这么大的”肉丸”呢 |
| [01:27] | I can’t believe you masking taped the shoe to your leg. | 真不敢相信你用胶带把鞋和脚包在一起 |
| [01:30] | I know but these are Christian Louboutins and | 我知道 但这双可是名牌鞋 |
| [01:33] | even all busted up like this they still have | 即使被包得面目全非 经典的红鞋底 |
| [01:35] | the classic red bottoms. | 还是能显而易见 |
| [01:37] | You know what else has red bottoms? | 你知道什么还是红的吗 |
| [01:39] | Baboons. | 狒狒屁股 |
| [01:40] | Walk around with a couple of them on your feet | 如果你能脚踏两只狒狒 |
| [01:42] | and I’m impressed. | 再下一定钦佩不已 |
| [01:44] | Well, at least now you can’t see those stupid bows. | 至少现在看不见那些白痴蝴蝶结了 |
| [01:46] | Who put bows on their shoes? | 谁会在鞋子上装蝴蝶结啊 |
| [01:48] | What’s the gift? Your stinky feet? | 内装什么礼物啊 你的臭脚吗 |
| [01:50] | You don’t think I hate the bows? | 你以为我喜欢这些蝴蝶结啊 |
| [01:52] | I bought these as an impulse purchase over a year ago. | 我一年前纯粹是一时冲动才买这双鞋 |
| [01:54] | I didn’t know I’d be shackled with them for eternity. | 鬼知道我要套着它们一辈子啊 |
| [02:04] | Oh, Caroline. | 卡洛琳 |
| [02:06] | I never noticed you had a club foot. | 我从来没注意你有一只畸形足 |
| [02:09] | I would have set you up with my brother. | 不然我就帮你跟我兄弟牵红线了 |
| [02:12] | I broke my shoe in the diner. | 我在餐馆把鞋子弄坏了 |
| [02:14] | Oh, I can help. | 我来帮你吧 |
| [02:16] | I always carry my gym shoes in my bag. | 我总是随身装着我的运动鞋 |
| [02:19] | I’m sorry they’re so conservative | 抱歉款式有点过于保守 |
| [02:21] | but the weight room is a real meat rack. | 不过举重房里基佬真的很多嘛 |
| [02:24] | Sophie, that’s so sweet of you. | 苏菲 你真好 |
| [02:25] | But I still have one pair of my own shoes to wear. | 但我还有一双备用的鞋子可以穿 |
| [02:27] | Oh, well take them just in case. | 你拿着吧 有备无患嘛 |
| [02:30] | You should take them. | 你最好还是拿着吧 |
| [02:31] | You’ll make $20 just walking to work. | 没准上班路上 能挣个20块”站街费”呢 |
| [02:34] | And some of your mail got mixed in with mine. | 你的信跟我的混在一起了 |
| [02:36] | This is like the third time that mail lady did that. | 那个邮差大姐已经搞错三次了 |
| [02:38] | All right. Nighty night. | 好啦 晚安咯 |
| [02:43] | Max, you will not believe what just came addressed to you. | 麦克斯 你不会相信是谁寄信来了 |
| [02:46] | Let me explain. I’m not a Scientologist. | 我先解释下 我不是山达基教徒 |
| [02:48] | I just went that one time because I heard | 我只去过那一次 因为我听说 |
| [02:49] | some rich guy was looking for a wife. | 有个有钱人在征婚[教中仪式] |
| [02:51] | No, we’ve been pre-approved for a credit card. | 不是啦 我们申请的信用卡被预先核准了 |
| [02:55] | What? How the hell did we get pre-approved? | 什么 我们怎么会被预先核准呢 |
| [02:57] | It says all we have to do is go online and apply | 上面说我们只要上网申请 |
| [02:59] | and we can be approved in under two minutes. | 两分钟内就能获批 |
| [03:03] | Slow down, Quasimodo. | 别着急 钟楼怪人 |
| [03:05] | I can’t have a credit card. | 我不能有信用卡 |
| [03:06] | Someone gave me a bag of chips Ahoy cookies once | 有人给了我一包趣多多饼干 |
| [03:09] | And I ate the entire thing without breathing. | 我一口气全吃光了 |
| [03:11] | Well, you’re not a child anymore. | 你又不是小孩子了 |
| [03:12] | You have more discipline. | 你有自控能力 |
| [03:14] | The cookies were yesterday. | 这是昨天的事 |
| [03:17] | Okay, what is that thing? What is that spinning wheel? | 那是什么 那个旋转的轮子是什么意思 |
| [03:20] | It’s just processing our application. | 那是在处理我们的申请 |
| [03:22] | No, it’s not. | 不 不是的 |
| [03:22] | It’s finding out everything about us. | 它是在查出我们的一切 |
| [03:25] | Now it’s finding out your dad stole millions of dollars. | 这一秒它查出你父亲偷了数百万美元 |
| [03:27] | Now it’s finding out I got fired from eight Dairy Queens. | 这一秒它查出我被八家DQ冰淇淋店解雇过 |
| [03:30] | Now it’s finding out why I got fired from eight dairy queens. | 这一秒它查出我被八家DQ店解雇的原因 |
| [03:34] | Oh, my god. Max, we’re approved. | 天啊 麦克斯 我们通过了 |
| [03:36] | We’ve just been approved. | 我们的申请通过了 |
| [03:38] | What? What is wrong with them? | 搞毛啊 他们有病吗 |
| [03:39] | Does dairy queen report nothing? | 难道DQ店毛都没举报吗 |
| [03:41] | Get back on there and disapprove us. | 重新回去查 拒绝我们的申请 |
| [03:43] | Okay. Calm down. | 好了 冷静 |
| [03:45] | We need this card for our business. | 为了事业 我们需要这张卡 |
| [03:47] | All we have to do is communicate with each other | 我们只需如实与对方沟通 |
| [03:49] | about every purchase, you know? | 每一笔花销就行了 |
| [03:50] | Keep an open dialogue. | 开诚布公 |
| [03:52] | So, opening dialogue. | 所以 开诚布公地说 |
| [03:54] | For our business,I would like a pair of Louboutins. | 出于商业需要 我要买双美鞋 |
| [03:57] | Opening dialogue. No. | 开诚布公地说 不行 |
| [04:00] | And I felt stupid miming that. I hate the arts. | 这种模仿哑剧的对话蠢爆了 我讨厌艺术 |
| [04:03] | Look, you can’t get everything you want. | 你不能想要什么 就买什么 |
| [04:06] | I would like a box of lizards. | 我还想要一盒子蜥蜴呢 |
| [04:08] | Love lizards, always have, | 我一直很喜欢蜥蜴 |
| [04:10] | but you don’t see me putting that on a credit card. | 但我也没有要用信用卡买啊 |
| [04:12] | I need a new pair of shoes for business meetings. | 我是为了商业洽谈才买新鞋子的 |
| [04:14] | You know what they say, | 俗话说得好 |
| [04:15] | “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have”. | “佛要金装 人要衣装” |
| [04:18] | Okay, fine. | 好吧 |
| [04:19] | If you’re getting the shoes, then I’m getting what I want. | 如果你要买美鞋 那我也要买 |
| [04:22] | I hope you’re happy with an apartment | 希望你不会介意 |
| [04:23] | full of lizards and lipstick. | 一屋子全是蜥蜴和唇膏 |
| [04:25] | Also, some of those lizards will be wearing lipstick. | 并且还会有涂着唇膏的蜥蜴哟 |
| [04:32] | Earl, you are looking particularly gorgeous this evening. | 厄尔 你今晚看着特别帅气呀 |
| [04:36] | Well, I would say, “don’t flatter me” but let’s face it. | 我本来要说”少奉承我” 但确实 |
| [04:39] | Everything came together tonight. | 今晚一切都无懈可击 |
| [04:42] | Is it another woman? Should I be filled with anger? | 又换了个妞吗 我是不是应该满腔怒火呀 |
| [04:45] | I mean, more than I usually am? | 比我平时更凶点吗 |
| [04:47] | I just want to look nice for my son when he comes in. | 我只想在我儿子来的时候 看起来体面点 |
| [04:50] | What? No way, I’m going to meet your kid? | 不是吧 我要见你的孩子了吗 |
| [04:53] | Well, one of them. | 其中之一而已 |
| [04:55] | “One of them”? How many do you have? | “其中之一” 你有几个孩子呀 |
| [04:57] | So far? | 目前为止吗 |
| [04:59] | Oh, Earl, I love you. | 厄尔 我真是爱死你了 |
| [05:01] | This is my son, Darius. | 是我的儿子达瑞斯 |
| [05:02] | He’s the number one Chrysler salesman in all of Detroit, | 他是全底特律的是克莱斯勒头号销售员 |
| [05:06] | and he’s my very favorite, | 如果我没记错他的话 |
| [05:08] | if he’s the one I’m thinking of. | 他是我最喜欢的一个儿子了 |
| [05:11] | Excuse me, but aren’t you Max | 抱歉 请问您是 |
| [05:14] | Of Max’s homemade cupcakes? | 麦克斯自制小蛋糕的麦克斯吗 |
| [05:18] | Earl, look. | 厄尔 瞧瞧 |
| [05:19] | Our credit card came in the mail today. | 今天我们的信用卡寄过来了 |
| [05:21] | See? “Max black”. | 看见没 “麦克斯·布莱克” |
| [05:23] | No more using the card I found at Six Flags. | 可以挥别我在六旗乐园捡到的卡了 |
| [05:27] | Thank you for never checking your statement, Agnes Chin. | 感谢你从不查看结算单 艾格尼丝·琴 |
| [05:32] | Girls, take my advice | 姑娘们 听我一句 |
| [05:34] | and be very careful with that thing. | 要慎用那玩意 |
| [05:36] | Credit cards are more trouble | 信用卡比 |
| [05:37] | than a priest at a Wiggles concert. | 在儿童演唱会出没的牧师还可怕 |
| [05:40] | Yes, Earl. | 收到 厄尔 |
| [05:42] | I can’t believe it. A credit card for our business. | 真是难以置信 我们事业专用的信用卡 |
| [05:45] | So when are we getting the shoes and lizards? | 那我们什么时候去买鞋子和蜥蜴呀 |
| [05:47] | Max, remember. | 麦克斯 记住 |
| [05:48] | We have to be grown-ups about this. | 我们得用成熟的心态去对待 |
| [05:50] | Of course. | 当然 |
| [05:52] | “Two lizards, please. No, make it three.” | “来两只蜥蜴 不 来三只好了” |
| [05:57] | Hi, I’m looking for Earl. | 你好 我是来找厄尔的 |
| [05:59] | And no, I’m not here to return a bag of skunky weed. | 不 我不是来还过期大麻的 |
| [06:02] | Oh, my god. I’m so excited to see you. | 天啊 见到你非常激动 |
| [06:06] | Come on in, I’ll take really, really good care of you. | 来进来 我会好好招待你的 |
| [06:08] | Oh, you need to know I just separated from my wife, | 告诉你 我刚跟我老婆分居 |
| [06:11] | so I’m a little vulnerable. | 所以我可是有点脆弱哦 |
| [06:13] | She’s not usually this nice to customers. | 她一般不对顾客这么好 |
| [06:16] | She’s just excited. | 她只是太激动了 |
| [06:17] | She’s about to come into some lizards. | 因为她要买蜥蜴啦 |
| [06:21] | Yeah, again. | 再重申一遍 |
| [06:24] | I’ve been out the dating pool for a while, | 我重回泡妞战场有一段时日了 |
| [06:26] | so everything sound like a sexual innuendo to me. | 所以一切对我来说 都是性暗示哦 |
| [06:30] | He is not a customer. Look at him. | 他不是顾客 你仔细看看 |
| [06:32] | Don’t you see the resemblance? | 你不觉得像谁吗 |
| [06:36] | Oh, my God is he your father? | 天啊 敢情他是你父亲吗 |
| [06:41] | Yes. He’s my father. | 是啊 他是我爸 |
| [06:44] | And my mother is a piece of chalk. | 然后我妈是一根粉笔 |
| [06:48] | Daddy! | 老爹 |
| [06:50] | Thank god, it is the one I thought. | 谢天谢地 就是我想的那一个 |
| [06:52] | There’s my little boy! | 我的乖孩子哟 |
| [07:01] | So, Darius, what was Earl like as a dad? | 达瑞斯 厄尔是个什么样的爸爸 |
| [07:04] | It must have been great, huh? | 感觉一定很棒吧 |
| [07:05] | I bet he packed the coolest lunches. | 我敢说他一定给你准备最酷的午餐 |
| [07:07] | A joint for recess, and a gin and juice box. | 还给大麻让你休息时间抽 一盒琴酒混果汁 |
| [07:10] | Oh, yeah, yeah. He was a great dad. | 对啊 他是个很棒的爸爸 |
| [07:12] | I mean, he was always there. | 我是说 他一直陪在我身边 |
| [07:14] | Except for my childhood. | 童年时期之外啦 |
| [07:17] | You’ve gotta laugh! | 这不笑不行啊 |
| [07:20] | Earl is sitting right there. | 厄尔就坐在你旁边呢 |
| [07:22] | Well, it’s a joke. Take it easy there, fun size. | 说笑而已嘛 别太较真了 小不点 |
| [07:27] | Han, take no offense. | 阿憨 别生气 |
| [07:28] | He’s just pulling your leg a little. | 他只是跟你开个小玩笑 |
| [07:30] | Darius has always been funny. | 达瑞斯一直很搞笑 |
| [07:32] | Why am I thinking about Terrence? | 为什么我会想起特伦斯呢 |
| [07:34] | I don’t know. I’m the funny one, dad. | 不知道 我才是搞笑那个 爸 |
| [07:36] | I don’t recall there being a Terrence in our family, | 我不记得我们家有人叫特伦斯啊 |
| [07:38] | But then again, I don’t know how far you’ve thrown your seed. | 不过 我哪知道你的”种”播了多远呀 |
| [07:42] | You’ve gotta laugh. | 这不笑不行啊 |
| [07:44] | Do you? | 是咩 |
| [07:46] | Darius was voted the funniest salesman | 达瑞斯被克莱斯勒代理商 |
| [07:48] | at the Chrysler dealership. | 选为最搞笑的销售员 |
| [07:50] | Yes, I was. And that’s why I quit my job. | 没错 所以我辞了我的工作 |
| [07:53] | To pursue my dream to become a comedian. | 去追求梦想 当一名单口相声员 |
| [07:58] | See? See, he’s funny. | 看见没 他好好笑 |
| [08:00] | Always making jokes. | 一直在开玩笑 |
| [08:02] | That’s not a joke, daddy. | 那不是玩笑 老爹 |
| [08:03] | No, no, that’s why I’m in town. | 真的不是 我进城 |
| [08:06] | To audition at the comedy club tomorrow night. | 就是为了明天晚上喜剧俱乐部的面试 |
| [08:08] | I already got my stage name. | 我已经想好我的艺名了 |
| [08:10] | “Darius the hilarious”. | “笑星达叔” |
| [08:13] | I think it’s a good choice, right? | 名字超有才的 对不对 |
| [08:15] | Is it? | 是咩 |
| [08:18] | Well, obviously, big D, | 放心吧 达哥 |
| [08:20] | we will all be there to support you. | 我们都会到场支持你的 |
| [08:23] | Will we? | 是咩 |
| [08:25] | hold up, Darius. How did all of this happen? | 慢着 达瑞斯 这事是怎么搞的 |
| [08:28] | Well, I mean, I knew a guy at Cadillac | 我认识一个卖卡迪拉克的家伙 |
| [08:30] | who knew a guy at Toyota who knew a guy at Subaru | 他认识个卖丰田的 那人又认识卖斯巴鲁的 |
| [08:33] | who sold the club owner a dodge. | 卖斯巴鲁的卖了一辆道奇车给俱乐部老板 |
| [08:35] | And then he hit a kid with it. | 然后老板开着道奇车撞了个小孩 |
| [08:36] | The kid should have dodged. | 那孩子应该闪开”道”的 |
| [08:38] | You gotta laugh! | 这很好笑吧 |
| [08:41] | There’s a dead kid in the mix and we got to laugh? | 有小孩死了呢 这事还笑得出来吗 |
| [08:46] | It’s not his fault he’s not funny. | 他没幽默感不是他的错 |
| [08:47] | We put his sense of humor on a high shelf. | 我们把他的幽默感放到一个很高的架子上 |
| [08:51] | Hey, Max, you know, | 麦克斯 |
| [08:53] | daddy always told me you were special, | 老爹总是对我说你很特别 |
| [08:54] | and now I see it. | 现在我见识到了 |
| [08:55] | And it’s not just because you think everything I say is funny. | 不仅仅是很捧场我的笑话 |
| [08:59] | – You feel like family. – I do? | -你有家人的感觉 -是吗 |
| [09:01] | Oh, I always wanted a brother… | 我一直想要个大哥 |
| [09:03] | who was a brother. | 大哥级的大哥 |
| [09:09] | Max, do you expect me to wait on all the tables tonight? | 麦克斯 你是想我今晚一个人招待所有人吗 |
| [09:12] | well, I am kind of in the middle of | 拜托 我现在有点忙 |
| [09:13] | my family reunion right now. | 忙着一家团聚 |
| [09:17] | And where is Mr. Hilarious’ soup? | 笑星先生的汤呢 |
| [09:20] | Look at blondie, here. She’s like, | 瞧这位金发妞 她一定在想 |
| [09:21] | “Oh my God, do black people even eat soup?” | “老天啊 黑人也喝汤的吗” |
| [09:26] | “It’s like, whatever.” | “随便啦” |
| [09:29] | That is a dead-on Caroline. | 后面这句超级像卡洛琳的 |
| [09:32] | Is it? | 是咩 |
| [09:36] | Here is your order ticket from tonight. | 这是你今晚的点菜单 |
| [09:38] | This pile is for the people who found hair. | 这叠是发现食物里有头发的食客账单 |
| [09:42] | These are the hairs that the people found. | 这些是食客们发现的头发 |
| [09:46] | Oh, you sound russian. | 你的口音像俄国人 |
| [09:47] | That’s funny because you’re not rushin’ to make my soup. | 真讽刺 那你还不赶紧[与俄国人音似]去做汤 |
| [09:52] | No, no, no, no. I’m kidding you, man. | 不 不 我在开玩笑呢 |
| [09:53] | I get it. You’re just too busy back there | 我懂 你在后台太忙了 |
| [09:55] | not putting on deodorant. | 忙着不擦除臭剂 |
| [09:58] | You gotta laugh. | 这很好笑吧 |
| [10:00] | Do you? | 是咩 |
| [10:03] | Max, I might be crazy but now I feel like | 麦克斯 可能是我神经敏感 |
| [10:05] | the heel of this shoe’s starting to– | 但我觉得这鞋又要… |
| [10:09] | Oh, gosh. Now I got to go wipe this down. | 惨了 我得去擦一擦 |
| [10:11] | You know, I was going to wear this for my audition. | 我明天本来打算穿这件去面试呢 |
| [10:14] | – And that’s gotta go well. – Yes, it does. | -只许成功不许失败 -是啊 |
| [10:16] | Because son, there are two jobs in Detroit, | 是啊 儿子 底特律就两种工作 |
| [10:19] | and you just quit one of them. | 而其中一种你还不干了 |
| [10:21] | Don’t worry, daddy. I’ll make you proud. | 老爹 别担心 我会让你以我为荣 |
| [10:23] | All right? You’ll see. | 看到成果你就知道了 |
| [10:25] | Daddy’s been wrong before. | 老爹也不是没判断错误过 |
| [10:26] | He didn’t think I could make it on Soul Train, | 他当年也觉得我上不了《灵魂列车》 |
| [10:28] | But there I was, | 我也上了啊 |
| [10:29] | in the bottom left corner on Soul Train. | 节目上左下角的小角落露了脸 |
| [10:38] | I feel so terrible. | 我好过意不去 |
| [10:39] | Well, you know we have to buy him a new shirt. | 我们肯定是得给人家买件新的啦 |
| [10:41] | Max, I’ve made seven dollars so far. | 麦克斯 我今晚才赚了七块 |
| [10:43] | We can’t afford to buy him a shirt. | 我们哪买得起啊 |
| [10:45] | We can go shopping for a reasonable shirt. | 可以买件价钱过得去的衣服嘛 |
| [10:47] | We have to. He’s family. | 他也算自己人 这是应该的 |
| [10:49] | Is he? | 是咩 |
| [10:51] | And I have to say, I don’t like that brand of put-down humor. | 但我真不喜欢他那种嘲笑人的幽默 |
| [10:54] | And that blonde stereotype? | 他那对金发妞刻板印象的嘲笑 |
| [10:56] | I mean, I don’t even say “Whatever”. | 我什么时候说过”随便啦”这词了 |
| [10:57] | But, you know, it’s fine. Whatever. | 算了 无所谓 随便啦 |
| [11:05] | Max, slow down. | 麦克斯 慢点 |
| [11:06] | I can’t walk any faster in Sophie’s giant sneakers. | 穿着苏菲的大号”运动鞋” 我走不快 |
| [11:10] | I can’t believe she benches 250 in these. | 她居然能穿着这玩意举250磅重的哑铃 |
| [11:15] | Oh, my God. | 我的老天啊 |
| [11:16] | My hand just touched the subway floor. | 我的手摸到了地铁站的地板 |
| [11:18] | How do I know someone didn’t pee here? | 怎么才能知道这块地还没被人尿过呢 |
| [11:21] | Oh, honey, I’ve peed here. | 宝贝别紧张 我在这尿过 |
| [11:24] | This is New York. It’s made of pee. | 纽约不就是尿尿之城嘛 |
| [11:27] | And pee hand is what you get for refusing to wear flat shoes. | 满手沾尿就是你不穿平底鞋的报应 |
| [11:30] | No way. | 想都别想 |
| [11:31] | I’m living so close to the gutter as it is. | 住的地方离下水道已经够接近 |
| [11:33] | I can’t risk being any shorter. | 再矮下去还得了 |
| [11:35] | Here’s where we’re meeting Darius. | 我们就跟达叔约在这里 |
| [11:37] | “Subway style”. | “最炫地铁风” |
| [11:38] | Every time I walk by this place I wonder | 每次我经过这个地方 我都在想 |
| [11:40] | “who would ever shop here?” | 谁会买这里的衣服啊 |
| [11:42] | Now I know — us. | 原来就是我们这种人 |
| [11:44] | First my heel breaks, | 首先我的鞋跟断了 |
| [11:45] | and now I’m shopping underground. | 然后还在地下的商店采购 |
| [11:47] | How much lower can I get? | 我的人生低谷还能更低吗 |
| [11:48] | Brunch on the earth’s core? | 低到得在地核吃早午餐吗 |
| [11:53] | Oh. Excuse my mouthful. | 原谅我还在一边吃东西 |
| [11:56] | Mm, I wasn’t expecting ladies. | 没想到会有女士来 |
| [11:58] | We usually just sell to pimps and pastors. | 通常都是皮条客跟牧师来这逛 |
| [12:02] | What can I help you dolls with? | 有何能为两位美女效劳的吗 |
| [12:04] | Actually, we’re just here meeting a friend. | 我们是来跟朋友碰面的 |
| [12:06] | We’re going to help him pick out a shirt. | 来帮忙他选衣服 |
| [12:07] | Oh, that guy? | 那位男士啊 |
| [12:08] | He’s already in the dressing room trying one on now. | 他已经在试衣间试衣服了 |
| [12:11] | Now, listen, if the price is too high, | 先告诉你们 如果嫌太贵 |
| [12:14] | you and I can, uh, negotiate. | 你可以跟我来”讲讲价” |
| [12:18] | Or you. | 你也行啦 |
| [12:21] | I still can’t believe we’re using our tip money | 我不敢相信我们要用辛苦赚的小费 |
| [12:23] | to buy him a shirt. | 来给他买新衣服 |
| [12:24] | We’re only going to spend like $40. | 估计也就花个40块钱嘛 |
| [12:26] | And you heard the man. It can go down. | 而且人家也说了 你头”下去” |
| [12:28] | if you go down. | 价钱就跟着下去 |
| [12:31] | Oh, hey ladies. There you are. | 女士们 你们来啦 |
| [12:33] | Look, I switched it up a little bit. | 你们看 我改穿高调一点 |
| [12:35] | Do you like me in pink? | 我穿粉红色好看吗 |
| [12:37] | My boyfriend does. | 我的基男友觉得好看 |
| [12:39] | He says it makes my cheeks look rosy, all four of them. | 让我俏脸泛红 屁股发红 |
| [12:43] | You gotta laugh, you gotta laugh! | 这不笑不行啊 这不笑不行啊 |
| [12:46] | Darius, we’re family, | 达叔 我们当你自己人 |
| [12:48] | so I’m just going to tell you like it is. | 所以我要跟你说实话 |
| [12:50] | That material feels a little funky. | 你这段子有点太过了 |
| [12:52] | I mean, that kind of humor might have worked over at Toyota– | 你在丰田汽车遇见的人能接受 |
| [12:55] | – It’s Chrysler. – Whatever. | -我是在克莱斯勒 -随便啦 |
| [12:56] | But this is New York. | 但你现在来到了纽约 |
| [12:58] | there are a lot of people, be them gays, or blondes, | 这里有很多的同性恋 或者金发人士 |
| [13:01] | who might take offense to that. | 可能听了会不舒服 |
| [13:02] | I mean, I don’t, but, whatever. | 我个人没意见 但随便啦 |
| [13:04] | Oh, no, no, no. I was just playing. | 没事没事 那些只是闹着说 |
| [13:07] | That’s not the kind of stuff I’m gonna do in my act tonight. | 我今晚的演出不会说那些段子 |
| [13:09] | No, I wrote some real jokes with a comic back home. | 我在家乡时 跟另一个说相声的 |
| [13:12] | and, he’s Jewish, so you know it’s gonna be funny. | 一起编了不少段子 他是犹太人 绝对”好笑” |
| [13:14] | And not cheap. | 他也绝对”不小气” |
| [13:16] | Again, see? That’s the kind of stuff… | 又来了 你看 就是这类的… |
| [13:17] | Caroline, come on. It’s so wrong it’s right. | 卡洛琳 大家就爱听重口过火的 |
| [13:20] | Look, I have the jokes right here. | 这些是我今晚要讲的段子 |
| [13:22] | Let’s take them on a little test drive and see how they do. | 先让你们”试驾”一下 看看反应如何 |
| [13:24] | All right? So back it up, ladies. | 来吧 站后退点哦 女士们 |
| [13:27] | You going to need some laughing room. | 留一点让你们笑倒打滚的空间 |
| [13:29] | this is going to be hilarious. | 肯定会很好笑吧 |
| [13:32] | Anybody here have a smart car? | 在场有人开斯玛特吗 |
| [13:34] | Because I don’t think it’s smart to drive half a car. | 开”半台车”在街上溜达 车主肯定不聪明 |
| [13:42] | That was new, I’ll keep working on it. | 你们这反应… 我再琢磨琢磨好了 |
| [13:44] | All right, let’s try another one. | 好啦 再说一个 |
| [13:46] | You know what, maybe we weren’t back far enough. | 我知道了 可能是站得不够远 |
| [13:49] | Yeah! | 这就对了 |
| [13:50] | Yeah, that feels funnier already, right Caroline? | 站过来就感到笑气逼人了 对吧 卡洛琳 |
| [13:54] | All right. | 好的 |
| [13:55] | You know who doesn’t drive a smart car? | 你们知道什么人不开斯玛特吗 |
| [13:57] | Smart people. They don’t do it. | 聪明人 他们没这么笨 |
| [14:03] | You gotta laugh. | 这不笑不行啊 |
| [14:05] | Seriously. | 真的该笑了啊 |
| [14:06] | You’ve got to. I’ve got a lot riding on this. | 必须得笑 我把宝都押在这上面了 |
| [14:10] | I just got it. | 我懂你笑点了 |
| [14:13] | Oh, my God. He stinks. | 老天爷啊 他冷爆了 |
| [14:16] | He stinks on ice. Darius is gonna bomb tonight | 比冰块还冷啊 达叔今晚要出糗了 |
| [14:19] | And worse, he’s going to bomb in front of Earl. | 更惨的是 他会在厄尔面前出糗 |
| [14:21] | And Earl’s pretty sure that’s the son he’s most proud of. | 厄尔最引以为傲的儿子就是达叔了 |
| [14:25] | You’re right. What are we gonna do? | 你说得对 那怎么办 |
| [14:27] | Now I know you lovely ladies came in for a shirt, | 我知道两位小姐是来挑衬衫的 |
| [14:31] | but can I interest you in a nice suit? | 请容在下给你们推荐这西装外套吧 |
| [14:33] | Look at this one. It’s a classic. | 瞧这件 多经典 |
| [14:35] | You can’t get this color above ground. | 地面上开的店可不卖这颜色哦 |
| [14:38] | That’s it. Darius needs a suit. | 就是这个 达叔需要一套西装 |
| [14:42] | All the professional comedians wear suits, | 专业的单口相声员都穿西装 |
| [14:44] | and like you said, | 而且你也说了 |
| [14:45] | you have to dress for the job you want. | 做什么工 |
| [14:47] | And with jokes like that, | 而他的烂段子 |
| [14:49] | he needs the funniest suit they have. | 得靠最搞笑的西装才能救 |
| [14:52] | Do you have anything from the Sinbad collection? | 你们有辛巴达系列的西装吗 |
| [14:55] | I do. | 有的 |
| [14:59] | Max, I don’t think the suit’s gonna be enough. | 麦克斯 光靠搞笑西装救不起吧 |
| [15:01] | I think he needs something else, | 我觉得还得再加点东西 |
| [15:02] | you know, like, a puppet. | 比如搭配一个布偶 |
| [15:05] | A puppet? | 布偶吗 |
| [15:07] | That’s exactly what he needs. | 够蠢够好笑 就是这个了 |
| [15:17] | I went out with a guy last night. | 我昨晚跟个男人出去约会 |
| [15:19] | Asked me if we could go dutch. | 他问我能不能各付各的[荷兰式] |
| [15:22] | I said, “I don’t know.” | 我说 “不知道呢 |
| [15:24] | “what’s Dutch for cheap-ass bitch?” | 我不会说荷兰语的你个小气废柴” |
| [15:29] | You kick him to the curb! | 把他一脚踹飞啦 |
| [15:33] | We’ll be right back, | 稍后继续 |
| [15:34] | because mama’s gotta go put her feet up. | 老娘要先去休息了 |
| [15:36] | Uh, miss? | 小姐 |
| [15:38] | Can we get another round when you get a chance? | 等你忙完了能给我们再上一轮酒吗 |
| [15:40] | Another round? | 再一轮吗 |
| [15:40] | And keep them coming until we can no longer see. | 我们没喝到瞎了之前 酒都别停 |
| [15:44] | Put it on my card. | 都算我卡上吧 |
| [15:45] | You got it. | 没问题 |
| [15:46] | Man, that feels good every time. | 这句话 怎么说都还是爽 |
| [15:48] | Hey, Max. Just because | 麦克斯 别以为 |
| [15:50] | you’re buying me drinks | 你请我喝酒 |
| [15:51] | doesn’t mean I’m going to put out. | 我就会无节操的对你投怀送抱 |
| [15:55] | My celery stick is my microphone at the comedy club! | 这根芹菜就是我在相声社的麦克风 |
| [16:00] | I’m here, I’m here. | 我来了 我来了 |
| [16:03] | Did you get the puppet? | 有买到布偶吗 |
| [16:04] | Oh, I’ve got the puppet. | 姐出马 当然是办妥了 |
| [16:14] | Hey, come on in. | 请进 |
| [16:17] | Hey, girls. How you doing? | 姑娘们 你们好吗 |
| [16:20] | Darius the hilarious is pumped. | 笑星达叔打了鸡血了呢 |
| [16:22] | I’m totally in my zone right now. | 状态超好 准备笑力全开 |
| [16:24] | And I can’t miss in this suit. | 配这西装 笑死人不偿命啊 |
| [16:26] | Well… | 这个嘛… |
| [16:29] | Darius, that’s what we wanted to talk to you about. | 达叔 我们就是来跟你谈这事的 |
| [16:31] | – You know we’re big fans. – Big, big fans. | -我们都是你的支持者 -铁杆粉丝 |
| [16:33] | You’re amazing, your act’s incredible. | 你人超好 段子超好笑 |
| [16:35] | you are Darius the hilarious. | 传说中的笑星达叔 |
| [16:36] | Max and I love the smart car stuff. | 我们都爱你的斯玛特段子 |
| [16:38] | It’s hilarious, per your name. | 笑星之名 绝非虚传 |
| [16:40] | But, well, it is New York. | 但在纽约这小破村 |
| [16:42] | not a lot of people are smart, or have cars. | 很多人不聪明 也没车 |
| [16:43] | Yeah, you know New York. | 纽约嘛 你懂得 |
| [16:45] | not exactly the cutting edge. | 完全不在时尚的尖端 |
| [16:47] | So, after Max and I left you, we had a thought. | 下午跟你分开之后 我们俩有了个主意 |
| [16:48] | We got you a puppet. | 我们给你买了个布偶 |
| [16:51] | And, yes, I was stoned. | 没错 我是有点喝高了 |
| [16:53] | But Caroline was laughing just as hard as me. | 但卡洛琳看了也笑个不停哦 |
| [16:57] | You got me a what? | 你们买了什么给我 |
| [16:58] | A puppet. We got you a puppet. | 布偶 买了个布偶给你 |
| [17:00] | But I don’t use a puppet. | 我从不用布偶的啊 |
| [17:02] | Until you do. | 用过一次就知道啦 |
| [17:04] | Just imagine, at the end of your act | 想象一下 你说完个段子 |
| [17:06] | – or in the beginning… – Or all the way through. | -或段子开头 -甚至是整个段子中 |
| [17:08] | Ladies and gentlemen, Darius the hilarious | 先生女士们 笑星达叔 |
| [17:10] | and his partner, Justin Beaver! | 与他的搭档 贾斯汀·逼勃 |
| [17:17] | “Damn, girl. And I mean dam.” | “哇靠 女孩 哇靠啊[水坝]” |
| [17:20] | “As in, I built one.” | “我盖了一个水坝哦” |
| [17:24] | And you don’t even have to be funny because | 你就算不好笑也无所谓 |
| [17:26] | Justin Beaver does the work for you. | 贾斯汀·逼勃就已经够好笑了 |
| [17:28] | Show him, Max. | 你也来一次 麦克斯 |
| [17:31] | “I’m straight”. | “我是直男” |
| [17:35] | You gotta laugh! | 你不笑不行啊 |
| [17:37] | Do I? | 是咩 |
| [17:40] | I mean, honestly? | 真的该笑吗 |
| [17:42] | Making fun of Justin Beaver’s sexuality? | 取笑他的性向吗 |
| [17:44] | I find that a tad offensive. | 这过火了吧 |
| [17:51] | This next act comes to us from the Motor city. | 下一段演出 由来自汽车之城的表演者 |
| [17:55] | Please give it up for Mr. Darius the hilarious. | 大家请掌声欢迎 笑星达叔 |
| [18:03] | All right. How’s everybody doing tonight? | 台下的观众今晚好吗 |
| [18:07] | Who out there has a smart car? | 台下的观众有人开斯玛特吗 |
| [18:09] | Because I don’t think it’s smart to drive a half a car. | 开”半台车”在街上溜达 车主肯定不聪明 |
| [18:13] | You gotta laugh. | 这不笑不行啊 |
| [18:17] | Oh, no. I ran out of fake laughter. | 惨了 我逼真的假笑用完了 |
| [18:22] | Yeah, I mean, smart car. | 拜托哦 斯玛特 |
| [18:23] | Have you seen this thing? | 你们看过这种车吗 |
| [18:25] | It’s like you driving around in a backpack. | 这车就像个背包一样的大小 |
| [18:30] | You gotta laugh. | 这不笑不行啊 |
| [18:32] | Do we? | 是咩 |
| [18:33] | Why don’t we have a smart car write some jokes for you? | 你叫斯玛特帮你编段子可能还好笑些 |
| [18:38] | Yeah, well, I can see why you would defend the smart car. | 你替斯玛特辩护我也能理解啦 |
| [18:41] | It’s the only car your feet can reach the pedals in. | 只有这种车你的小短腿才够得着踏板 |
| [18:48] | Yeah, but that’s so true. He’s very short! | 说得好对啊 他真的很矮 |
| [18:54] | As is the car. It all lines up. | 车也矮小 非常合理啊 |
| [18:58] | Look at this gray-haired scrub, man. | 大家快看这个灰发老鬼 |
| [19:00] | Apparently black do crack. | 原来黑人还会显老 |
| [19:03] | Hey, Don Kng called. | 唐金都打电话来了 |
| [19:05] | Said he want his whole head back. | 叫你把他的头还给他 |
| [19:09] | Max, look. Look how proud Earl is. | 麦克斯 你看 厄尔好以儿为傲 |
| [19:12] | Hey, hey, hey, blondie. | 喂喂 金发妞 |
| [19:13] | You mind not talking until I finish? | 能等我表演完了再说话吗 |
| [19:15] | Wait, a minute. You’re probably just thinking, | 等等 估计你脑子里也只在想着 |
| [19:17] | “Oh, my god. Shoes, shoes, hairbrush, shoes.” | “我的老天 美鞋 美鞋 梳子 美鞋” |
| [19:23] | Oh, my God. | 我的老天啊 |
| [19:24] | I actually was thinking about shoes! | 我刚的确是在想美鞋呢 |
| [19:28] | I’m sorry, there’s a problem with your card. | 抱歉 您的卡有点问题 |
| [19:31] | It’s been declined. | 显示支付失败 |
| [19:39] | Max. | 麦克斯 |
| [19:40] | Darius told me what you did and that was awful nice of you. | 小达跟我说了你们的做的事 太有心了 |
| [19:43] | Now, here. I am reimbursing you | 给 我要还你那些 |
| [19:46] | for all of the clothes and for that damn puppet. | 衣服以及那个白痴玩偶的钱 |
| [19:49] | Although I swore I would never pay for beaver. | 即使我曾经发过誓 绝不花钱买海狸[逼] |
| [19:53] | Do you think he’ll ever make it, Earl? | 你觉得他会成功吗 厄尔 |
| [19:55] | Who’s to say nowadays, Max? | 现在这年头 谁说的准啊 |
| [19:58] | America’s got talent. Do they? | 美国达人[有才] 真有咩 |
| [20:03] | All I know is he’s my kid, and you went out of your way | 我只知道他是我的孩子 而你特别费心地 |
| [20:06] | to try and help him. | 努力去帮他 |
| [20:07] | Well, I just wanted you to be proud. | 我想你能以儿为傲嘛 |
| [20:10] | I am, Max. Very proud. | 麦克斯 我十分以你为傲 |
| [20:17] | I just talked to VISA. | 我跟信用卡公司通了电话 |
| [20:18] | I think they were disappointed they had pre-approved us. | 他们可能挺后悔预先核准了我们的卡 |
| [20:24] | Look, I killed it. I had to. | 我剪卡了 不剪不行啊 |
| [20:26] | It was telling me to buy a Harley. | 它在引诱我去买台哈雷摩托车 |
| [20:29] | Okay, open dialogue. | 开诚布公地说 |
| [20:31] | I used the credit card for one more thing yesterday. | 我昨天用信用卡又买了件东西 |
| [20:34] | Open dialogue. So did I. | 开诚布公地说 我也是 |
| [20:36] | It’s the fanciest lipstick Payless had. | 这是平价商店里 最好的口红了 |
| [20:40] | And here. | 给 |
| [20:42] | Max, are there lizards in that bag? | 麦克斯 袋子里不会是蜥蜴吧 |
| [20:44] | I wish. | 我倒希望 |
| [20:48] | They’re as good as new and no bows. | 跟新的一样 还没有蝴蝶结 |
| [20:52] | Max, where’d you find a cobbler? | 麦克斯 你上哪找的补鞋匠 |
| [20:54] | A cobbler? | 这年头哪有补鞋匠 |
| [20:56] | I took a time machine. | 我是坐了时光机回过去 |
| [20:59] | I was supposed to kill Hitler, | 本该去宰了希特勒的 |
| [21:00] | but I thought your shoes were more important. | 但想到你的鞋子更重要就没去了 |
| [21:03] | Okay, let’s cut up your card. | 来 剪了你的卡吧 |
| [21:05] | We should keep one for business emergencies. | 还是得留着一张 以防生意急需吧 |
| [21:07] | We just have to have to put it someplace where | 放到一个我们永远也不会 |
| [21:08] | we’ll never be tempted to reach for it. | 想去碰的地方就行了 |
| [21:10] | Oleg, would you put this down your pants? | 奥列格 能把这个收你裤裆里吗 |
| [21:12] | No problem. | 没问题 |