| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:10] | Ugh! God, it’s so ridiculous that we can’t, like, | 天啊 真是太扯淡了 |
| [00:12] | control the heat in our own apartment. | 我们连自己公寓里的暖气都控制不了 |
| [00:13] | It’s like, we’re old enough to drink, | 就好像我们到了可以喝酒的年龄 |
| [00:15] | we’re old enough to chaperone a high school dance, to vote. | 到了在舞会里当监护 投票的年龄 |
| [00:17] | Like that did anything. | 就跟你有投出你想要的总统一样 |
| [00:19] | But to control your own temperature, no. | 但是想控制你自己的公寓 不行 |
| [00:21] | Some crazy landlord in the sky gets to do that. | 某个在天上的房东才能控制 |
| [00:24] | And I was this close to being able to afford | 我差点就买得起那个 |
| [00:26] | the Hot Dream Q20-X space heater. | 热梦Q20-X空间加热器了 |
| [00:29] | It’s the one that Drew Barrymore uses. | 德鲁·巴里摩尔也用那个 |
| [00:30] | Do you, like, get her credit card statements or something? | 你是有她的信用卡账单还是什么 |
| [00:32] | I think she’s got great taste, and, like, a pixie spirit. | 她品位很好 像精灵一样 |
| [00:35] | Dude, just let me buy it for you. | 姐们 让我给你买吧 |
| [00:36] | I’m a waitress. | 我是服务员 |
| [00:37] | I am for real rich, not rich. | 我真的很有钱 不是一般的有钱 |
| [00:40] | No, I don’t want you to buy it for me. | 不 我不想你给我买 |
| [00:41] | I should be able to buy this stuff for myself. | 我应该有能力自己买 |
| [00:44] | I mean, it’s just hard right now without a job. | 只是现在没工作有点困难 |
| [00:46] | I’m a little hard right now. | 我现在有点硬 |
| [00:51] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [00:54] | Oh, my God, when were you gonna tell me? | 我的天 你打算什么时候跟我说 |
| [00:56] | About what? | 说什么 |
| [00:57] | About this, Abigail. | 这个 艾比盖尔 |
| [00:59] | The most powerful moment in a woman’s life: | 女人一生中最强大的时刻 |
| [01:02] | Your first gray hair! | 你的第一根灰发 |
| [01:03] | No, is it– Oh, my gosh! No, no, no! | 不 是 天啊 不要啊 |
| [01:05] | – Yas, rejoice, yas, yas! – No! | -棒呆 欢庆 棒呆 -不 |
| [01:07] | I’m not rejoicing, I’m freaking out! | 我没有在欢庆 我这是不知所措 |
| [01:08] | What happened? You guys okay? | 怎么了 你们还好吗 |
| [01:10] | Dude, aren’t you freezing? | 你不冷吗 |
| [01:12] | No, I was snuggled under a blanket. | 不冷 我刚盖着毯子 |
| [01:14] | What’s going on? | 怎么了 |
| [01:14] | Dude, Abi got her first gray hair. | 艾比长了第一根灰发 |
| [01:16] | I’m full-on flooding with envy. | 我快嫉妒死了 |
| [01:18] | Well, you can have it if you want it. | 你要你就拿去吧 |
| [01:20] | God, I wish it were that simple. | 天 有这么简单就好了 |
| [01:21] | Don’t you see? You’re becoming a witch. | 你还不明白吗 你要变成女巫了 |
| [01:24] | A dope and powerful witch. | 一个酷炫屌炸天的女巫 |
| [01:27] | Like Dame Judi Dench. | 就像朱迪·丹奇女爵士 |
| [01:28] | And Stacey London from “What Not to Wear” before you. | 还有在你之前 《不要穿什么》的史黛西·伦敦 |
| [01:31] | You’re ascending. | 你要升天了 |
| [01:32] | Witches aren’t real, you guys. | 女巫不是真的 各位 |
| [01:37] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [01:38] | What do you think this is all– | 那你觉得 |
| [01:39] | What do you think is happening here? | 你觉得这是什么情况 |
| [01:40] | You think this is all just literal stuff? | 你以为这都是原原本本的东西吗 |
| [01:45] | Dude, if witches aren’t real, then who makes all the kombucha? | 要是女巫不是真的 那红茶菌是谁做的 |
| [01:49] | And where do scarves come from? Scarf tree? | 围巾哪儿来的 围巾树吗 |
| [01:51] | There’s people that knit all over the place. | 有人编织 |
| [01:53] | You are magical. | 你有魔力 |
| [01:55] | It’s a swirling chasm of magic. | 一个充满魔力的旋转深渊 |
| [01:59] | Okay, I just thought that by the time I’d have gray hair, | 我以为等到我长灰发的时候 |
| [02:02] | I’d have– I don’t know, | 我会 我也不知道 |
| [02:03] | a MacArthur Genius Grant or at least be posting pictures | 获得麦克阿瑟奖或者至少在我的Instagram上 |
| [02:07] | of “Akai” bowls on my Instagram account. | 发巴西草碗的照片 |
| [02:09] | Acai. | 巴西莓 |
| [02:10] | Whatever. | 随便 |
| [02:12] | Well, where am I now? Nowhere. | 我现在在哪 哪儿都不在 |
| [02:14] | I mean, what do I have? Nothing. | 我有什么 什么都没有 |
| [02:16] | You have a gray hair on your head. | 你头上有根灰发 |
| [02:18] | He’s right. That’s something. | 他说得对 这很了不起 |
| [02:19] | First of all, I don’t like what’s going on with you two. | 首先 我不喜欢你们两个现在的样子 |
| [02:21] | But you know what? | 不过知道吗 |
| [02:22] | I’m gonna take my life into my own hands right now. | 我现在要掌握自己的生活 |
| [02:25] | I am gonna buy that Drew Barrymore space heater | 我要用我卖自己艺术品赚的钱 |
| [02:28] | with my money that I make selling my artwork. | 去买德鲁·巴里摩尔用的那款空间加热器 |
| [02:31] | Double, double, toil and trouble, | 加倍又加倍 劳身又劳神 |
| [02:33] | fire burn and cauldron bubble, bitch! | 锅底火烈烈 锅中沸滚滚 我去 |
| [02:35] | Oh, my God, I totally forgot! | 天啊 我完全忘了 |
| [02:36] | I have 250 handmade Christmas cards | 我有250张手工制作的圣诞贺卡 |
| [02:38] | that I was planning on sending my 250 camp friends. | 本打算寄给我250个营地朋友 |
| [02:40] | 250 camp friends? | 250个营地朋友 |
| [02:41] | But not anymore. I am selling ’em. | 不过不会了 我要拿去卖掉 |
| [02:44] | You know what? I am gonna set up my table at the Met. | 知道吗 我要在大都会歌剧院摆摊 |
| [02:48] | – Yes! – This is perfect. | -棒 -完美 |
| [02:50] | Can you set up with me? | 你能帮我去摆吗 |
| [02:51] | Totally. | 当然 |
| [02:51] | I just have to meet up with my dad for pedicures. | 我只是得和我爸去修脚 |
| [02:54] | Oh, I thought that you said that you were | 你不是说你今天 |
| [02:56] | doing the ice skating with your mom today. | 要和你妈去溜冰吗 |
| [02:58] | Whole… family day planned. | 家庭日计划都排满了 |
| [03:00] | I just gotta make sure that I find the time | 我要确保我有时间 |
| [03:02] | for a powerful genital sneeze, or four. | 来一次强有力的喷射 或者四次 |
| [03:05] | ‘Cause I’m a cum kween! | 因为我是爱液女王 |
| [03:08] | I just have to come sometimes. | 我有时需要射出来 |
| [03:09] | Like today, so much, so maybe you guys | 比如今天 极度想射 所以你们两个 |
| [03:12] | can get the out so I can jerk off real quick. | 赶紧他妈的出去 好让我快速打一发 |
| [03:16] | – What? – What? | -什么 -什么 |
| [03:18] | I’m okay. | 我没事 |
| [03:20] | I’m okay. | 我没事 |
| [03:21] | Am I allowed to behave that way? | 我能像她这样吗 |
| [03:30] | 手工圣诞贺卡 年轻艾比制作 | |
| [03:34] | Knish, k’witch? | 要吃炸饼吗 女巫 |
| [03:35] | Uh, yes, please. | 要 谢谢 |
| [03:38] | So much better. | 好多了 |
| [03:39] | I think it’s warmer out here than it is in my apartment. | 我觉得这里比我公寓还暖和 |
| [03:41] | I can finally feel my toes. | 我终于能感觉到我的脚趾了 |
| [03:42] | Yeah, I love these knishes, | 我喜欢这些炸饼 |
| [03:44] | all pressed up on me and that heat, you feel that steam. | 全部贴在我身上 那热量 感觉那蒸汽 |
| [03:47] | So how much do you have to sell to get that space heater? | 你得卖多少才能买到那个空间加热器 |
| [03:50] | Well, with the BB&B coupon, it comes to, like, 69 bucks– | 加上BBB优惠券 要69块 |
| [03:53] | Horny number! | 性欲数字 |
| [03:54] | Ooh, yowza, love it! | 太棒了 喜欢 |
| [03:57] | All right. | 好 |
| [03:58] | Gotta run to my, uh, hair appointment. | 我得走了 预约了理发 |
| [04:00] | Nice to see you. | 很高兴见到你 |
| [04:00] | I thought you said you were getting pedicures | 你不是说要和你父母 |
| [04:02] | and going ice skating with your parents. | 去修脚 溜冰吗 |
| [04:04] | Yes, and– and then haircuts, with Eliot. | 是的 然后和艾略特去理发 |
| [04:08] | It’s kinda like the Wexlers Take Manhattan. | 就像韦克斯勒占据曼哈顿 |
| [04:10] | We actually call it that. | 我们真就这么叫的 |
| [04:12] | – It’s cute. – Yeah. Totally. | -挺可爱的 -嗯 非常可爱 |
| [04:14] | Hey, new blood. Welcome to the steps. | 你好 新人 欢迎加入 |
| [04:17] | I’m Margo. | 我是玛格 |
| [04:19] | Would you like a hit of some soup? | 想要喝杯热汤吗 |
| [04:21] | Homemade lentil. | 自制扁豆汤 |
| [04:22] | Oh, my goddess. You two have the same thermos. | 天啊 你们有一样的热水瓶 |
| [04:24] | Oh, wow, that’s– that’s neat. | 真巧 |
| [04:26] | Same wheelie cart, too. | 推车也一样 |
| [04:28] | Soul sisters. | 灵魂姐妹 |
| [04:30] | What a hot coincidence. | 多么火热的巧合 |
| [04:31] | Well, it’s actually the only one where… | 那其实是唯一一种 |
| [04:33] | … the wheels don’t turn to squares | 在雪花盐上推的时候 |
| [04:35] | when you roll over snow salt. | 轮胎不会变成方轮的推车 |
| [04:38] | That was spooky. | 真吓人 |
| [04:40] | Cute cards, Young Abbi. | 贺卡真可爱 年轻艾比 |
| [04:42] | You’re gonna be a hit here. | 你生意会很好的 |
| [04:44] | Thanks. | 谢谢 |
| [04:45] | That Margo’s a mighty witch. | 那玛格是个强大的女巫 |
| [04:48] | She nearly gave me a clit, throat and butt-gasm. | 她差点让我阴蒂 喉咙 屁股同时高潮 |
| [04:51] | I’m a crazy, sick sex addict, | 我真是个疯狂的性瘾者 |
| [04:53] | like David Duchovny in that show, and in real life. | 就像那个节目里以及现实生活中的大卫·杜楚尼 |
| [04:57] | Ilana, you’re being really weird. | 阿拉娜 你真的很古怪 |
| [04:58] | Oh, I gotta… run. | 我得闪了 |
| [04:59] | My annual family massage appointment. | 我一年一度的家庭按摩聚会 |
| [05:01] | Damn, I am so horned up, dude. | 该死 我欲火焚身 |
| [05:04] | Better jerk off before I get on the subway. | 在上地铁前得打一发 |
| [05:06] | Ew, Ilana, chill. | 恶 阿拉娜 淡定 |
| [05:07] | Later, Ab. Super wet! | 回见 小艾 好湿啊 |
| [05:19] | You must be Ilana Wexler. | 你一定是阿拉娜·韦克斯勒了 |
| [05:21] | Come in. | 进来 |
| [05:22] | Hi. Thanks. | 你好 谢谢 |
| [05:24] | Beautiful apartment. | 公寓很漂亮 |
| [05:25] | Is this, um, pre– pre-war, or… yeah. | 这是战前 还是 |
| [05:28] | Yeah, I’ve lived here 50 years. | 是的 我在这住了五十年了 |
| [05:32] | There’s a lot of history in these walls. | 墙上有很多历史 |
| [05:35] | So cozy. | 好舒服 |
| [05:37] | – Wow, you can keep plants alive. You’re an adult. – Yeah. | -你能养活植物 你真的是成人 -嗯 |
| [05:41] | Go on in, don’t be shy. | 进去吧 别害羞 |
| [05:49] | So, Ilana… | 所以 阿拉娜 |
| [05:51] | Show me your vulva. | 给我看看你的阴户 |
| [05:56] | So basically, I’ve had more sex than, like, | 差不多呢就是 我比全世界 |
| [05:59] | anybody in the entire world. | 任何人做的爱都多 |
| [06:00] | Not just average sex, but, like, dank ’70s porno sex. | 不是普通的做爱 而是70年代色情片那种 |
| [06:05] | I can squirt, and like, spray. | 我可以潮喷 喷射 |
| [06:07] | I leave a cum trail wherever I go, | 我所到之处都会留下爱液痕迹 |
| [06:09] | kind of like a slutty slug. | 有点像淫荡的鼻涕虫 |
| [06:12] | I’m just really on the edge of orgasm at all times. | 我随时都想高潮 |
| [06:15] | So then what seems to be your problem today? | 那你今天是有什么问题 |
| [06:18] | It’s not, uh, my problem, | 不是我的问题 |
| [06:20] | it is my friend Abi’s problem, | 是我朋友艾比的问题 |
| [06:23] | so I’m just here for her by proxy. | 我今天代她过来 |
| [06:27] | She hasn’t, uh, orgasmed in months. | 她已经很多个月没有高潮过了 |
| [06:32] | And she’s too embarrassed to come, L-O-L, here, to see you. | 她又不好意思来[射] 哈哈 这看你 |
| [06:36] | I just want to help her be a cum kween | 我只想帮她成为像她闺蜜一样的 |
| [06:39] | like her best friend, me, is. | 爱液女王 也就是我 |
| [06:41] | So your friend hasn’t come in months and you’re here for her. | 所以你朋友数月没有高潮 你为了她来这 |
| [06:46] | Exactly. | 没错 |
| [06:53] | Okay. If that’s what you want to do. | 好吧 如果这是你想要的 |
| [07:04] | – How’s business, Young Abbi? – Oh, my God. | -生意怎么样 年轻艾比 -天啊 |
| [07:08] | It’s going okay. | 还行 |
| [07:09] | I’ve only made five bucks so far. | 目前只赚了5块 |
| [07:12] | Would you like a puff of my wand? | 你想抽一口我的魔杖吗 |
| [07:14] | It’s pretty magical. | 很有魔力的 |
| [07:16] | Sure. | 好啊 |
| [07:17] | Cool wand. | 很酷的魔杖 |
| [07:19] | You seem cold. | 你似乎很冷 |
| [07:21] | You know, most people don’t realize this, | 你知道 很多人不知道 |
| [07:24] | but you lose most of your body heat from your upper wing area. | 你丢失的大多数热量都来自你的上翼区 |
| [07:28] | Wing area? Oh, I just– | 翼区 我只是 |
| [07:33] | That feels really good, actually. | 感觉真的很不错 |
| [07:34] | Yeah, thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [07:36] | All right, well…. | 那好 |
| [07:37] | Holler if you need anything else. | 还有什么需要就叫我 |
| [07:39] | It’s lunchtime. | 午饭时间到了 |
| [07:41] | I guess it is lunchtime. | 估计是了 |
| [07:44] | Hey! Same Tupperware! | 嘿 一样的保鲜盒 |
| [07:47] | Oh, yeah. Twinsies, I guess. | 是啊 我们可能是双胞胎 |
| [07:54] | Beautiful, isn’t she? | 真漂亮 对吗 |
| [07:56] | Straight up gorgeous. | 太美了 |
| [07:58] | Ilana, I want you to name your vulva. | 阿拉娜 我想你给你的阴户取个名字 |
| [08:01] | What about… “Abbi”? | 艾比怎么样 |
| [08:05] | All right, Ilana, | 好 阿拉娜 |
| [08:06] | I want you to have a conversation with Abbi. | 我想你跟艾比聊天 |
| [08:09] | Tell Abbi how you’ve been feeling lately. | 告诉艾比你最近的感受 |
| [08:11] | Abbi… | 艾比 |
| [08:13] | you’ve been stubborn lately. | 你最近很固执 |
| [08:16] | Like, withholding. | 在克制 |
| [08:17] | You’re so full of shit. | 你真的很扯淡 |
| [08:19] | You can’t even focus enough to relax. | 你连放松都做不到 |
| [08:22] | You’re not even a vulva or a vagina. | 你甚至不是阴户或者阴道 |
| [08:23] | You’re just a butthole that happens to bleed. | 你只是个刚好会流血的屁眼 |
| [08:26] | I hate you, bitch! Fuck you! | 我恨你 贱人 操你妈 |
| [08:28] | It’s okay. It’s just the first layer: rage. | 没事 这只是第一层感受 愤怒 |
| [08:32] | Go deeper. | 再深入点 |
| [08:32] | Tell Abbi what’s in your heart. | 告诉艾比你心里有什么 |
| [08:36] | Abbi, I… | 阿碧 我 |
| [08:39] | I know it’s not you. | 我知道问题不在你 |
| [08:40] | It’s me. | 在我 |
| [08:41] | I increased my dosage of antidepressants. | 我增加了我的抑郁药药量 |
| [08:44] | And I’ve also just been more anxious and depressed, | 这恶心反胃的一年里 |
| [08:46] | this whole disgusting, gross year. | 我更焦虑和抑郁了 |
| [08:50] | And now I have dead pussy. | 而如今我有一个死逼 |
| [08:53] | Dead pussy. | 死逼 |
| [08:55] | Dead pussy. | 死逼 |
| [08:56] | Dead pussy. It’s essentially dead. | 死逼 本质上就是死的 |
| [09:04] | Dead pussy. | 死逼 |
| [09:06] | How about a little hug for the Donald? | 给唐纳德一个拥抱吧 |
| [09:07] | It’s like a magnet. Grab ’em by the pussy. | 就像磁铁一样 吸住她们的逼 |
| [09:11] | Grab ’em by the pussy. | 吸住她们的逼 |
| [09:13] | USA! USA! USA! | 美国 美国 美国 |
| [09:16] | Grab ’em– Grab ’em by the pussy. | 吸住 吸住她们的逼 |
| [09:18] | I won. I won. | 我赢了 我赢了 |
| [09:20] | Let’s go, ladies. | 加油 女士们 |
| [09:21] | Oh, my God! | 天啊 |
| [09:23] | Game show president in chief! | 游戏节目总统特**获胜 |
| [09:26] | I haven’t come since the election! | 大选后我就没再高潮过了 |
| [09:28] | And come is a lot of who I am. | 而高潮很大程度上代表了我是谁 |
| [09:29] | I’m a cum kween. | 我是爱液女王 |
| [09:32] | Good. | 很好 |
| [09:32] | Let it out, Ilana. | 释放出来 阿拉娜 |
| [09:35] | You’re not alone. | 你不是一个人 |
| [09:36] | Orgasms have been down 140% since was elected. | 特**当选后高潮率下降了140% |
| [09:41] | It’s been horrible for everyone. | 大家日子都不好过 |
| [09:43] | Great for me, though. | 不过对我挺好的 |
| [09:45] | I’m technically the only small business owner | 严格来说我是人类皮赘 |
| [09:47] | that that human skin tag has ever helped. | 唯一帮过的小企业老板 |
| [09:52] | Betty, can you help me? | 贝蒂 你能帮我吗 |
| [10:02] | You have a little– | 你有一个 |
| [10:03] | It’s a gray! | 灰发 |
| [10:04] | No. On your nose. Here. Take a look. | 不 在你鼻子上 你看 |
| [10:10] | Oh, it’s a– It’s a lentil. | 这是扁豆 |
| [10:11] | It’s a lentil from way… earlier. | 很早前吃的扁豆 |
| [10:13] | I don’t know how that got up there. | 不知道怎么跑到鼻子上去的 |
| [10:14] | It’s not a wart. | 不是疣 |
| [10:17] | Did you really do all of these yourself? | 这些真的都是你自己做的吗 |
| [10:19] | Oh, yes, I’m– I’m the artist. | 是的 我是艺术家 |
| [10:21] | I went to this small school called MICA. | 我是马里兰艺术学院毕业的 |
| [10:23] | Get out. | 不会吧 |
| [10:24] | My daughter goes to MICA. | 我女儿在那上校 |
| [10:26] | Sorry, but how old are you? | 不好意思 你多大了 |
| [10:28] | – I’m 51. – What?! | -我51了 -什么 |
| [10:30] | Wait, you’re 51. Fuck you. | 等等 你51 我操 |
| [10:32] | Sorry, I’m so sorry. You’re 51 years old? | 抱歉 真抱歉 你51了 |
| [10:34] | I get that a lot. I’m a dermatologist. | 我习惯被人质疑了 我是皮肤医生 |
| [10:37] | An Upper East Side dermatologist, | 上东区皮肤医生 |
| [10:39] | if you catch my drift. | 如果你懂我意思的话 |
| [10:40] | Yeah, okay, I see. | 这样啊 |
| [10:43] | But what do you mean by that? | 不过你是什么意思 |
| [10:45] | Let’s just say I can get my hands on whatever a girl needs | 这么说吧 我可以接触到任何女生需要 |
| [10:47] | to stay fresh and young-looking. | 保持好气色和年轻的东西 |
| [10:49] | Botox, fillers, bat feces. | 肉毒杆菌 填充物 蝙蝠粪便 |
| [10:52] | Ew, wait. Fillers? | 恶 等等 填充物 |
| [10:54] | I tell you what. | 这样 |
| [10:55] | I’m gonna take five stacks of these cards. | 我买五叠这卡片 |
| [10:57] | My clients are gonna love them. | 我客户会很喜欢的 |
| [10:59] | Wow, okay. Cool. | 好 酷 |
| [11:01] | That’s awesome. That’ll be 50 bucks. | 太好了 一共50 |
| [11:04] | And what a steal. That’s, like, free. | 真划算 就跟免费一样 |
| [11:07] | Yeah, it’s nothing for me, either. | 是啊 对我来说也不算什么 |
| [11:10] | That’s my business card. | 这是我名片 |
| [11:11] | My office is just around the corner, | 我办公室就在街角 |
| [11:12] | 伊丽莎白·富勒 皮肤医生 | |
| [11:13] | you know, if you’re ever in the mood to… freshen up. | 你懂的 如果你哪天想 焕然一新 |
| [11:17] | I’m still in my 20s. | 我才20多岁 |
| [11:18] | I mean, the gray is super premature, | 那根灰发是长得太早了 |
| [11:20] | and the hunchback is just a scarf to protect my wings. | 驼背只是保护我上翼区的围巾 |
| [11:23] | No pressure. | 不要有压力 |
| [11:24] | Okay, thanks. | 好的 谢谢 |
| [11:27] | I went to MICA, too! | 我也是从马里兰艺术学院毕业的 |
| [11:29] | You could hear all that? | 你能听到我们说话 |
| [11:32] | Spooky. | 吓人 |
| [11:42] | I think I’m just… broken. | 我觉得我是坏了 |
| [11:44] | You look perfectly healthy to me. | 我觉得你很健康 |
| [11:46] | Then why aren’t I coming yesterday? | 那为什么我昨天没射 |
| [11:49] | Orgasms are a journey. | 高潮是一段旅行 |
| [11:51] | They start in your mind. | 从你心中开始 |
| [11:53] | You’re traumatized by the fact | 你因为一个自夸的卖牛排的 |
| [11:54] | that a sexual-assault bragging steak salesman | 性侵犯成为了我们的总统 |
| [11:58] | has become our president. | 精神上受到了打击 |
| [12:00] | You need to find a way to rise above it in spite of him. | 你得无视他 克服这道坎 |
| [12:04] | Look inside yourself. | 看看你的内心 |
| [12:13] | Wait! | 等等 |
| [12:14] | God, I’m never gonna come again! | 天 我再也射不了了 |
| [12:16] | It’s not going to be easy. | 这不是易事 |
| [12:18] | Stay in the moment. | 专注于此刻 |
| [12:21] | Fuck you, ! | 去死吧 特** |
| [12:23] | I’m going back in. | 我要重新开始 |
| [12:27] | That’s not too bad. | 还不算太糟 |
| [12:29] | Oh, my God. Abbi? | 天啊 艾比 |
| [12:32] | Jeremy? | 杰瑞米 |
| [12:45] | – I thought that was you. – Hey! Hi! | -我就说是你 -嗨 |
| [12:47] | How’s it going, man? | 你过得怎样 哥们 |
| [12:48] | “Man”? | “哥们” |
| [12:48] | Natalie, this is Abbi, my old neighbor. | 娜塔莉 这是艾比 我以前的邻居 |
| [12:50] | “Old”? | “以前” |
| [12:52] | – Hi, Zabby! Nice to meet you. – Oh, hi. | -你好 扎比 很高兴认识你 -你好 |
| [12:55] | And this is Milo. | 这是麦洛 |
| [12:57] | Yeah. | 是的 |
| [12:59] | He adopted us. | 他收养了我们 |
| [13:01] | Congrats. | 恭喜 |
| [13:04] | I mean, and you’re married, that’s– that’s awesome. | 你结婚了 真好 |
| [13:06] | Oh, no, no, no. | 没有 没有 |
| [13:08] | No, no, we’re not married. | 没有 我们没结婚 |
| [13:09] | She’s not my property. | 她不是我的财产 |
| [13:11] | – No, yeah. – No, no. | -是啊 -没有 |
| [13:12] | We’re best friends. Soul mates. | 我们是最好的朋友 灵魂伴侣 |
| [13:15] | Co-parents. | 联合家长 |
| [13:17] | Yeah, obviously, you’re not married. | 当然了 你没结婚 |
| [13:19] | This is not what I do for a living. | 这不是我谋生的工作 |
| [13:21] | This is– I lost a bet, so that’s why. | 这是 我赌输了 所以才在这 |
| [13:24] | Nice cards. | 卡片不错 |
| [13:26] | Babe, we should get some. | 宝贝 我们该买点 |
| [13:27] | “Thank you” cards, for the Planned Parenthood fundraiser. | “感谢”卡 计划生育募捐活动 |
| [13:30] | Oh, my God, that’s a great idea. | 天啊 真是个好主意 |
| [13:31] | – These are great, Abbi. – Thanks. | -这些卡片很好看 艾比 -谢谢 |
| [13:34] | Oh, I guess we need ’em all. | 我们全都要了 |
| [13:36] | How much do you want for all of these? | 一共多少钱 |
| [13:38] | This– This– | 一共 一共 |
| [13:40] | Like, uh, 80 bucks would be good? | 80块行吗 |
| [13:43] | Totally reasonable. | 非常合理 |
| [13:44] | And I love helping struggling artists. | 我喜欢帮助挣扎中的艺术家 |
| [13:46] | Actually, you know what? Keep it. | 知道吗 别找了 |
| [13:49] | No, I don’t– I can’t. A hundred bucks? | 不 我不能 一百块 |
| [13:53] | Okay, I mean that’s– That’s a fair price. | 好吧 这价格也合理 |
| [13:55] | God, it’s crazy running into you. | 撞见你挺惊喜的 |
| [13:58] | Stay warm. Good to see you. | 注意保暖 见到你很高兴 |
| [14:00] | You too, family. | 见到你们一家人我也很高兴 |
| [14:02] | Say bye, Milo! | 说拜拜 麦洛 |
| [14:08] | I should be pounding that ass tonight. | 今晚我该操那屁股的 |
| [14:19] | Hey, Margo, can you watch my stuff for a sec? | 玛格 你能帮我看下摊位吗 |
| [14:21] | I got money to spend. | 我得去花钱 |
| [14:22] | Money is a mind control technique | 钱是量化父权制社会发展的 |
| [14:24] | that quantifies the progress of the patriarchy! | 精神控制技巧 |
| [14:28] | Yeah, I’ll watch your stuff. | 好 我会帮你看着 |
| [14:29] | Okay. Thanks. | 好的 谢谢 |
| [14:32] | An average-sized dick… | 一根普通大小的鸡巴 |
| [14:33] | Yes. | 是的 |
| [14:35] | Electoral college! | 选举团 |
| [14:36] | Come on. | 加油 |
| [14:40] | Fat titties. | 大奶子 |
| [14:42] | Mike Pence! | 迈克·彭斯[线人美国副总统] |
| [14:43] | Focus, focus… | 专注 专注 |
| [14:47] | Hairy taints… | 多毛下体 |
| [14:50] | Tiny, tiny hands! | 小小手 |
| [14:52] | Push through. | 挺过去 |
| [14:53] | Tap in. You are powerful. | 进去吧 你很强大 |
| [14:56] | You are woman. | 你是女人 |
| [14:57] | Yes. | 是的 |
| [14:58] | You… are… cum kween! | 你是爱液女王 |
| [15:02] | Yes. No! | 是的 不是 |
| [15:04] | Yes. | 是的 |
| [15:07] | When they go low, we go high. | 当他们没有底线 我们要有节操 |
| [15:09] | Women can get stuff done. | 女人能办事 |
| [15:24] | He can never, ever take away our cumming. | 他永远夺不走我们的爱液 |
| [15:27] | Yes. Yes. | 没错 没错 |
| [15:35] | Looking good. | 情况不错 |
| [15:36] | Just let that sink in for a little longer | 让皮肤吸收一会儿 |
| [15:38] | before we hit the other side. | 我们再打另一边 |
| [15:40] | So, uh, this is what you use personally | 你本人就是用这个 |
| [15:43] | to look so young, right? | 保持年轻的吗 |
| [15:44] | That and 20 of its cousins. | 这个以及它的20个表亲 |
| [15:46] | It’s hard to be beautiful these days. | 现如今做美人可不容易 |
| [15:48] | It is my full-time job, but for most other women, | 这是我的全职工作 但对大多数其他女人来说 |
| [15:51] | it’s their second full-time job where you’re losing money. | 这是她们丢钱的第二全职工作 |
| [15:55] | Anyway, while you’re here, can I do a little peel or– | 总之 既然你都来了 我能给你去死皮或者 |
| [15:58] | No, I– I don’t need– | 不 我不需要 |
| [16:00] | Obviously, your chin is of concern. | 当然 你不满你的下巴 |
| [16:02] | I thought I– I had a– | 我以为我有 |
| [16:03] | like, a Reese Witherspoon chin. | 瑞茜·威瑟斯彭的下巴 |
| [16:06] | Or, I can make you whiter. | 或者我能让你更白 |
| [16:10] | You know what? | 知道吗 |
| [16:12] | I think that I’m, um– I’m okay. | 我应该不需要 |
| [16:15] | I think I’m good with just this one. | 这一针就够了 |
| [16:16] | This feels like a big deal. | 感觉是件大事 |
| [16:18] | But that first side hasn’t settled yet, so… | 但那第一针还没有生效 所以 |
| [16:21] | Yeah. | 嗯 |
| [16:23] | I’m feeling like I made a little bit of a mistake. | 我好像犯了个错 |
| [16:26] | I found a gray hair and then I ran into an ex of mine today, | 我发现一根灰发 然后今天又碰到我前任 |
| [16:29] | and I think I just got, like, real swept up in that moment. | 我好像有点被冲昏头了 |
| [16:32] | ‘Cause I actually really like the way that I look, you know? | 因为其实我挺喜欢自己的样子的 |
| [16:35] | I think I’m really hot. | 我觉得我很性感 |
| [16:38] | Usually. I usually feel super hot. | 通常来说 我通常觉得自己特别性感 |
| [16:40] | But thank you so much. You’ve been so kind to me. | 不过谢谢你 你对我很好 |
| [16:45] | And you know what? | 知道吗 |
| [16:46] | I think you’re really beautiful. | 我觉得你很漂亮 |
| [16:48] | And I think that you would be | 我觉得就算你不对你的脸 |
| [16:50] | even if you didn’t do any of this crazy shit to your face. | 做这些疯狂的事 你也会很漂亮 |
| [16:56] | Oh, no. I laughed. | 糟糕 我笑了 |
| [17:05] | Hey, drink up. | 把这喝了 |
| [17:07] | You lost a lot of fluids during that humongous orgasm. | 你在刚才那巨大高潮中流失了很多液体 |
| [17:10] | It’s mostly weed, a little ginger and some cumin. | 主要是大麻 一点姜还有些茴香 |
| [17:13] | It’s really good. | 真好喝 |
| [17:15] | I think I’m gonna cüm again. | 我好像又要射了 |
| [17:20] | The floodgates are open now. | 防洪闸门开了 |
| [17:22] | You’ve got a lot of orgasming to do after a year of | 在经历了一年特**相关的阴道便秘后 |
| [17:25] | -related pussy constipation. | 有好多高潮等着你 |
| [17:28] | I hate to ‘gaz and dash, | 我也不想走 |
| [17:30] | but I want to go tell Abbi what “Abbi” accomplished today. | 但我想告诉艾比今天”艾比”完成了什么 |
| [17:33] | Good. | 好多 |
| [17:34] | I can’t thank you enough for helping m– | 非常感谢你帮我 |
| [17:38] | it’s happening again! | 又来了 |
| [17:41] | It’s gonna be a big one! | 这次会射很多 |
| [17:44] | I’m gonna have to get these rugs cleaned. | 我得把这些毯子洗了 |
| [17:50] | – Oh, Abbi? – Ilana? | -艾比 -阿拉娜 |
| [17:52] | Oh, my God, this timing is weird. | 天啊 我们碰上的时间真是奇怪 |
| [17:55] | Are you sweating? What happened to your face? | 你在流汗吗 你的脸怎么了 |
| [17:57] | Well, I ran into Jeremy and he’s, like, married now. | 我碰到杰瑞米了 他结婚了 |
| [18:00] | And then there was this dermatologist | 然后有个皮肤医生 |
| [18:01] | and she looked like she was in her twenties, | 她看上去像是20多岁 |
| [18:02] | – but she was, like, in her fifties. – Hot. | -但实际已经50多了 -性感 |
| [18:04] | And then I just felt like it’s cooler to be, | 然后我就觉得性感年轻 |
| [18:06] | like, hot and young than warm, | 比暖和好 |
| [18:08] | but then as the Botox was being injected into my face, | 但是在打肉毒杆菌的时候 |
| [18:10] | I was like, it’s– it’s cooler to be warm. | 我又觉得暖和更好 |
| [18:12] | Botox? Abbi, what? | 肉毒杆菌 艾比 什么 |
| [18:14] | Oh, my God, my table’s gone! | 天啊 我的摊位不见了 |
| [18:18] | Oh, my God! | 天啊 |
| [18:20] | – Dude. – Dude. | -姐们 -姐们 |
| [18:25] | “Dear Young Abbi, | “亲爱的年轻艾比 |
| [18:27] | “At the start of the winter solstice tonight, | “今晚冬至开始时 |
| [18:29] | “Come into the thicket of the park. | “到公园里的草丛来 |
| [18:31] | You’ll know when you’ve arrived.” | 到了你就知道了” |
| [18:33] | Oh, God, that is witchy! | 天啊 好有女巫风 |
| [18:37] | Are you all right? | 你没事吧 |
| [18:38] | I’m phenomenal. | 我好得不行 |
| [18:42] | So my pussy hadn’t popped since the election. | 我妹妹在大选后就没有开喷过 |
| [18:44] | What? | 什么 |
| [18:45] | But Betty coached me through it. | 但是贝蒂指导我挺过了这道坎 |
| [18:47] | She tapped me into this ferocious female current | 她让我进入了强烈的女性激流中 |
| [18:50] | that is just constantly zip-zap-zoppin’ | 像光速一样在宇宙中 |
| [18:55] | around the universe like the speed of light, | 噼里啪啦个不停 |
| [18:58] | and I bazinga’d. | 然后我射了 |
| [19:00] | – Hard. – Oh, my gosh. | -射了很多 -天啊 |
| [19:03] | It was just the most incredible thing. | 超级不可思议 |
| [19:05] | I saw shit, man. | 我看到了很酷的东西 |
| [19:07] | Witches who run the world. | 主宰世界的女巫们 |
| [19:09] | – And witches aren’t monsters, they’re just women. – Yes. | -女巫不是怪物 她们这是女人 -是的 |
| [19:12] | They’re women who cum and giggle | 她们是在夜晚 |
| [19:15] | and play in the night. | 高潮 傻笑 玩耍的女人 |
| [19:17] | And that’s why everybody wants to set ’em on fire, | 所以大家才想看到她们被火烧 |
| [19:18] | ’cause they’re so jealous. | 因为他们嫉妒 |
| [19:20] | Dude, I don’t know why I ever doubted you. I’m in. | 我不知道为什么我以前会怀疑你 算上我 |
| [19:30] | Do you… do you hear that? | 你听到了吗 |
| [19:32] | I think it’s this way. | 应该是这边 |
| [19:34] | I’ve never seen this part of the park before. | 我从没见过公园的这部分 |
| [19:41] | What the frig? | 什么鬼 |
| [19:44] | This is, like, “The Crucible” and “The Witches of Eastwick,” | 这就像是 《萨勒姆的女巫》和《紫屋魔恋》 |
| [19:48] | and Hillary Clinton getting caught in the woods! | 希拉里·克林顿在树林里被抓 |
| [19:52] | Cum kween. | 爱液女王 |
| [19:55] | Betty! | 贝蒂 |
| [19:56] | Young Abbi! You found us! | 年轻艾比 你找到我们了 |
| [19:59] | Ilana… | 阿拉娜 |
| [20:00] | Maybe we really are witches. | 也许我们真的是女巫 |
| [20:02] | Of course we are. | 我们当然是了 |
| [20:03] | We’re gigantic, humongous witches. | 我们是巨型庞大的女巫 |
| [20:06] | – Join us. – Oh, my God. | -加入我们 -天啊 |
| [20:08] | Margo, you are just… | 玛格 你 |
| [20:10] | You know what? I gotta go see about a girl. | 知道吗 我得去见一个女生 |
| [20:14] | Please. | 请来 |
| [20:39] | Hey, Ilana. | 阿拉娜 |
| [20:41] | It’s period blood! | 这是姨妈血 |
| [20:57] | I’m gonna cum! | 我要射了 |
| [21:02] | Thank you so much for buying me the heater. | 谢谢你给我买加热器 |
| [21:04] | Of course, dude. Witches have to have each other’s backs. | 当然了 女巫要互相帮助 |
| [21:07] | What are you gonna do now that you know you have magical powers? | 你打算怎么做 现在你知道你有魔力了 |
| [21:10] | Well, I think I’m gonna whip up a spell to get a job. | 我会施咒找到工作 |
| [21:14] | Good call. | 好主意 |
| [21:16] | It is so bananas that you got Botox. | 你打了肉毒杆菌 真酷 |
| [21:19] | Yeah, it is. | 是啊 |
| [21:21] | But to be for real, I’m like, | 不过讲真 我 |
| [21:23] | I would get it if I wanted it at some point in my life. | 在某个时候如果我想我也会去打 |
| [21:26] | Exactly. I also heard about this thing | 没错 我还听说 |
| [21:27] | where you can freeze your butt. | 你可以冷冻你的屁股 |
| [21:29] | They do that? | 有这操作 |
| [21:30] | Apparently, it makes it really hard and shiny and grippable. | 显然有 会让屁股变硬 发光 易抓 |
| [21:34] | Like a bowling ball, baby, yas. | 就像保龄球 棒 |
| [21:36] | So what are you doing back there? | 你在我后面搞什么 |
| [21:37] | ‘Cause it’s just, like, the one gray, right? | 只有一根灰发 对吗 |
| [21:39] | Oh, yeah, just the one. | 是的 就一根 |
| [21:42] | – Thousand. – Cool. | -上千根 -酷 |