| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:09] | To the airport! | 去机场 |
| [00:10] | Your period stain. | 你的大姨妈斑痕 |
| [00:11] | I have weed in my vaginé. | 我阴道里有大麻 |
| [00:13] | Period pants are the ultimate decoy. | 姨妈裤是终极掩护 |
| [00:14] | We’ll have to check your luggage. | 我们必须托运你们的行李 |
| [00:16] | This bag is the bomb. | 这个箱子很酷 |
| [00:17] | This is gonna have to go under the plane. | 这个必须得托运 |
| [00:20] | Welcome to Birthmarc. | 欢迎参加Birthmarc |
| [00:21] | This is an all-expense paid trip to Israel, | 这是一次前往以色列的免费旅行 |
| [00:24] | provided by your living ancestors, | 由你们在世的祖先提供 |
| [00:25] | so we’re seated according to match potential. | 所以我们是按照潜在匹配度安排的座位 |
| [00:27] | Enchanté. | 很高兴认识你 |
| [00:28] | Jews! Jews! Jews! | 犹太人 |
| [00:33] | ♪ Put your tray tables up and put your seat back forward ♪ | ♪托盘放上去 座椅提上来♪ |
| [00:36] | ♪ And if you got something big ♪ | ♪如果有大件行李♪ |
| [00:37] | ♪ Put it in overhead storage ♪ | ♪放到舱顶储物箱♪ |
| [00:39] | ♪ Life vest, seatbelt, oxygen ♪ | ♪救生衣 安全带 氧气罩♪ |
| [00:41] | ♪ You better help yourself before you help a friend ♪ | ♪先救自己再救他人♪ |
| [00:44] | ♪ Safety Yeah ♪ | ♪安全♪ |
| [00:49] | ♪ And you can’t be weird today ♪ | ♪今天你不能搞怪♪ |
| [00:52] | ♪ ‘Cause there’s too much crazy stuff in the world today ♪ | ♪因为世界今天很疯狂♪ |
| [00:56] | ♪ Get real high ♪ | ♪飞起来♪ |
| [00:58] | ♪ ‘Cause we’re flying and zooming the sky ♪ | ♪因为我们要突破天际♪ |
| [01:10] | 4,000 steps. | 4000步 |
| [01:11] | Oh, Winona, you gotta kick it up, girl. | 薇诺娜 你得加把劲了 |
| [01:14] | I just wish I had something to talk about at my reunion, you know? | 我希望在我的同学聚会上能有话可聊 |
| [01:17] | Maybe I shouldn’t even go. | 也许我不应该去 |
| [01:19] | What? | 什么 |
| [01:20] | No, you gotta go. | 不 你必须去 |
| [01:21] | They’re gonna miss you. | 他们会想你的 |
| [01:23] | You need to go give them a load of Mona. | 你要给他们讲很多你的事 |
| [01:25] | I just wish I had a… | 我只希望我有 |
| [01:26] | Like, a talking point, you know? | 有个话题 你懂吗 |
| [01:28] | I need a headline. | 我需要一个头条新闻 |
| [01:31] | Whoa, girl. | 见鬼 |
| [01:32] | Boy, those pilots, they do such a good job. | 那些飞行员 他们工作很出色 |
| [01:35] | – They really work hard. – I’m telling you. | -他们很卖力 -我跟你说 |
| [01:36] | we should go check on them, | 我们该去看看他们 |
| [01:38] | see if they want a little beverage. | 看他们想不想喝点饮料 |
| [01:39] | – I’ll be right back. – Know what I mean? | -马上回来 -懂我意思吗 |
| [01:40] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [01:44] | Everything okay? | 一切可好 |
| [01:45] | Rough winds. | 风很大 |
| [01:47] | Looking good, girl. | 今天很美啊 |
| [01:48] | Well, thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [01:49] | Ladies and gentlemen, we’re about to hit a rough patch. | 女士们先生们 接下来飞机将极不稳定 |
| [01:52] | If you move about the cabin, please proceed with caution. | 如果您在机舱内走动 请注意安全 |
| [02:04] | Up next is Rachel. | 接下来发言的是瑞秋 |
| [02:05] | Hi, I’m Rachel Hanowitz. | 大家好 我是瑞秋·汉诺威次 |
| [02:08] | Uh, Rachel Hoffman already called Rachel H., sorry. | 瑞秋·霍夫曼已经被称为瑞秋·H了 不好意思 |
| [02:11] | So you will be Rachel H-2. | 所以你将被称为瑞秋·H2号 |
| [02:14] | I’m an event planner from Montana, | 我是来自蒙大拿州的活动策划人 |
| [02:17] | decent Jewish population there, actually, | 那里的犹太人挺多的 |
| [02:20] | but I’m looking to make it bigger. | 但我希望能制造更多 |
| [02:24] | That’s what I’m talking about, huh, guys? | 就是要有这样的精神 |
| [02:26] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [02:28] | Uh, Mark? | 马克 |
| [02:32] | Uh, shalom, my name is Mark. | 各位好 我叫马克 |
| [02:33] | I run a booming nail art business outside Boston, | 我在波士顿城外经营一家急速发展的艺术美甲店 |
| [02:37] | And I’m proudly gay– mazel– | 我是个自豪的同志 |
| [02:39] | But I’m looking for a nice Jewish girl to marry. | 但我希望找到一个犹太女生结婚 |
| [02:42] | Because that’s the only way I can gain access to my trust fund. | 因为那是我唯一获取我信托基金的方式 |
| [02:46] | Nice! | 不错 |
| [02:47] | Right on, Mark, all right. | 说得好 马克 |
| [02:52] | Uh, Abbalah? | 艾八拉 |
| [03:00] | Hey. | 大家好 |
| [03:01] | Uh, I’m Abbi. | 我是艾比 |
| [03:02] | Just wanted to say that I was one of the few | 只想说我是为数不多 |
| [03:05] | who had to check their carry-on, | 不得不托运手提行李的人 |
| [03:08] | even though I packed really hard for a carry-on. | 即使我尽了全力收拾行李 |
| [03:11] | I practice packed a couple times. | 我为了打包练习了几次 |
| [03:13] | Just felt like that was a sacrifice. | 也算是种牺牲吧 |
| [03:16] | It felt a little Jewwy. | 有点犹太人的感觉 |
| [03:17] | Um, Jewish-like. | 类似犹太人作风 |
| [03:19] | Anyway, I graduated with a fine arts degree. | 总之 我有一个美术学位 |
| [03:22] | So now I am a celebrity trainer. | 现在我是一个名人教练员 |
| [03:26] | Um, Kris Kristofferson comes in, mostly core work. | 克里斯·克里斯托夫森 [乡村音乐歌手]经常来 主要锻炼核心部位 |
| [03:31] | It– uh, it’s pretty cool. | 挺酷的 |
| [03:33] | So I’m a little bit lost and, um, | 我有点迷失了方向 |
| [03:37] | yeah, I’m looking for a spiritual experience, | 希望能得到一次精神体验 |
| [03:40] | kind find myself on this trip. | 在这次旅行中找到自己 |
| [03:44] | I’m sorry, Ilana, are you okay? | 打扰下 阿拉娜 你还好吗 |
| [03:45] | Yeah. | 嗯 |
| [03:46] | I’ll go next. | 接下来我上吧 |
| [03:47] | Okay. Thank you, Abbi. | 行 谢谢你 艾比 |
| [03:48] | – Okay. – Thank you. | -好的 -谢谢 |
| [03:52] | Hey, I’m Ilana, and right now, | 大家好 我是阿拉娜 此刻 |
| [03:54] | I’m just looking to sit next to Abbi. | 我只想坐在艾比身旁 |
| [03:56] | You know, I just want to hang, get new jokes together. | 我只想一起玩 一起想新笑话 |
| [03:58] | Also, um, I’ve never been out of the country, and also– | 还有 我从来没出过国 还有 |
| [04:01] | Also, I’m looking to get into the Mohel Chai club. | 还有我还想加入穆汉生活俱乐部 |
| [04:01] | 音同Mile High Club 高空俱乐部 指在飞机上做爱 这里就单纯指口交 | |
| [04:08] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [04:11] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [04:13] | Let’s see, Rachel H-2, | 我们来看看 瑞秋·H2号 |
| [04:15] | You went to Dartmouth, huh? | 你毕业于达特茅斯学院 对吧 |
| [04:17] | Well, you know what? | 知道吗 |
| [04:18] | I think I could see a really bright future | 我想你和大卫3号 |
| [04:19] | with you and David 3, who went to Cornell. | 能有一个美好的未来 他是康奈尔大学毕业的 |
| [04:22] | Ew, Cornell? | 倒 康奈尔大学? |
| [04:24] | Hey, it’s still an IVY. | 还是常青藤好吗 |
| [04:26] | Ah, you guys sound like an old married couple already. | 你俩已经像是结婚多年的夫妻了 |
| [04:28] | Next up, Lauren, you went to Brown, | 下一个 劳伦 你毕业于布朗大学 |
| [04:30] | and Levi, you went to Tufts? | 理维 你毕业于塔夫茨大学? |
| [04:33] | I mean, red rover, red rover, let levi come over! | 破人墙 破人墙 把理维派过来 |
| [04:36] | Let’s bring it on down to Gingerville! | 大家去红毛村吧 |
| [04:40] | I said, this is j-fuck. | 我说了 这是 |
| [04:42] | Oh, cool. | 嗯 |
| [04:43] | Listen, we should just ask people to switch seats. | 听着 我们应该问他们换座位 |
| [04:46] | Get ya nag on! | 厚起脸皮 |
| [04:48] | Nagga, what? | 黑鬼干嘛 |
| [04:50] | No, no. | 没什么 |
| [04:51] | I don’t– that was like– | 我没 那 |
| [04:53] | Just a joke, I mean– just delete that. | 就是个笑话 当我没说 |
| [04:55] | Yeah, delete. | 嗯 当你没说 |
| [04:56] | We’ll both forget it. | 都忘掉吧 |
| [05:01] | Yo, bud. | 哥们儿 |
| [05:02] | You wanna switch seats? | 想换座位吗 |
| [05:05] | Sweet. | 真好 |
| [05:08] | Thanks so much, my peer. | 非常感谢 伙计 |
| [05:10] | Excuse me, sir? | 打扰了 先生 |
| [05:11] | You are sitting in the lucky seat | 您所坐的座位是幸运座位 |
| [05:13] | we always upgrade to first class midflight. | 我们总会在中途把坐在此的乘客升到头等舱 |
| [05:16] | Congratulations. Come on up! | 恭喜你 来吧 |
| [05:18] | Let’s get you a blanket and a glass of champagne. | 给你找条毛毯和一杯香槟 |
| [05:21] | Ilana! Ilana! | 阿拉娜 阿拉娜 |
| [05:23] | Ilana, there’s a seat! | 阿拉娜 这有个座位 |
| [05:24] | Ilana! | 阿拉娜 |
| [05:25] | No, no. | 不要啊 |
| [05:32] | I’m good… | 我不饿 |
| [05:33] | I’m good. | 谢了 |
| [05:34] | Shalom. | 你好 |
| [05:35] | Sir, would you like to switch seats? | 先生 你愿意换下座位吗 |
| [05:57] | We did it, dude. | 我们成功了 |
| [05:59] | – Um, excuse me, sir? – Ab, Ab. | -打扰下 先生 -小艾 小艾 |
| [06:01] | Let the guy rest in peace. | 让他安心睡吧 |
| [06:02] | Okay. | 好 |
| [06:03] | I guess we’re close enough. | 我们坐得够近了 |
| [06:04] | Yeah. | 是的 |
| [06:05] | So I’ve been meaning to tell you, | 我一直想跟你说 |
| [06:06] | that was a sick mile high joke. | 那个高空俱乐部玩笑真变态 |
| [06:08] | I wasn’t joking. | 我没开玩笑 |
| [06:09] | The Mohel Chai club. | 穆汉生活俱乐部 |
| [06:11] | You know how Mohels suck baby dick? | 你知道穆汉怎么吸婴儿鸡鸡吗 |
| [06:12] | Wait, wait, what’s a Mohel? | 等等 什么是穆汉 |
| [06:14] | Honestly, are you Jewish? | 老实说 你是犹太人吗 |
| [06:16] | You’re not supposed to be on this trip if you’re not. | 如果不是的话你不就该来参加这次旅行 |
| [06:18] | Dude, I’m sorry, what the fuck is a Mohel, | 姐们儿 抱歉 到底什么是穆汉 |
| [06:20] | and why are they sucking baby dick? | 为什么他们要吸婴儿鸡鸡 |
| [06:21] | A Mohel is the Jewish dude who performs the circumcisions. | 穆汉就是施行割礼的犹太人 |
| [06:24] | You know, like a– a bris. | 你懂的 类似洗礼 |
| [06:26] | So they don’t do it in the hospital, | 他们不在医院里做 |
| [06:27] | so these rAbbis can do whatever they want. | 所以这些拉比可以随心所欲 |
| [06:31] | So they take the detached baby foreskin, | 他们把分离后的婴儿包皮 |
| [06:33] | and they roll it around in their mouths with wine. | 和酒一起吞到嘴里 |
| [06:39] | And then they suck the baby dick itself to stop the bleeding. | 然后去吸婴儿鸡鸡来止血 |
| [06:43] | What the fuck are you talking about? | 你特么在说什么 |
| [06:44] | Literally Judaism. | 真实的犹太教 |
| [06:46] | So at every bris, someone sucks a baby dick? | 所以每次洗礼 就有人吸婴儿鸡鸡吗 |
| [06:49] | Only the most sacred ceremonies | 只有在最神圣的仪式上 |
| [06:51] | do we get to have the baby dick sucking. | 才有吸婴儿鸡鸡 |
| [06:53] | They get to have it? | 他们可以这么做吗 |
| [06:54] | Yeah, it’s like, Christian people get the nilla wafer | 对 就像基督教里有蛋香酥脆香草饼干 |
| [06:56] | – And we get– – Like a sacrament. | -而我们 -像一场圣礼 |
| [06:57] | What? | 什么 |
| [06:58] | It’s a wafer and when you take it in your mouth, | 就是一块圣饼 当你吃进嘴里 |
| [07:00] | – you let go of all your sins. – All right. | -你释放出你所有的罪恶 -好吧 |
| [07:02] | It’s actually like, a beautiful ceremony. | 挺美的一个仪式 |
| [07:03] | So we’re going to Israel right now, | 我们现在是要去以色列 |
| [07:05] | and we’re supposed to be Jewish. | 我们应该是犹太人 |
| [07:06] | Anyway, Mohel Chai club. | 总之 穆汉生活俱乐部 |
| [07:08] | I want to suck a dick on this flight, babe! | 我想在这航班上吃鸡鸡 |
| [07:10] | An adult dick, obviously. | 当然是成人鸡鸡 |
| [07:13] | I can’t believe that you want to suck a dick | 不敢相信在你说了刚才那番话后 |
| [07:16] | after everything that just came out of your mouth. | 你还想吃鸡鸡 |
| [07:18] | Something about doing it in the sky. | 在空中吃太有诱惑了 |
| [07:21] | Ilana, look! | 阿拉娜 看 |
| [07:22] | Oh, my God, dude, this is a free movie! | 天啊 姐们儿 这是免费电影 |
| [07:25] | Maybe you are a Jew. | 也许你是个犹太人 |
| [07:26] | Look, look! | 看 看 |
| [07:27] | His headphones! | 他的耳机 |
| [07:28] | You are dark, dude. | 你真暗黑 姐们儿 |
| [07:30] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [07:41] | Shit, dude. | 靠 姐们儿 |
| [07:43] | I just got my period. | 我大姨妈来了 |
| [07:46] | Okay, it’s fine, I packed tampons. | 没事 我带了卫生棉条的 |
| [07:50] | In my bag! | 在我箱子里 |
| [07:56] | Dude, what if you use my period pants? | 姐们儿 你用我的姨妈裤怎么样 |
| [07:59] | For what? | 干什么 |
| [08:00] | I… I don’t know. | 我 我不知道 |
| [08:03] | It just figures because I packed, like, | 一切都说得通了 因为我打包了 |
| [08:05] | every type of tampon I could find. | 我能找到的所有类型的卫生棉条 |
| [08:08] | It’s all in my bag, under the plane. | 都在飞机下 我的箱子里 |
| [08:11] | All right, woman up. | 行了 像个女人 |
| [08:12] | Wad up a bunch of toilet paper and shove it up your pussy. | 揉一团卫生纸塞到你阴道上面 |
| [08:15] | Up? | 上面? |
| [08:16] | Between the lips and the undies. | 阴唇和内裤之间 |
| [08:17] | Dude, it’s the first day. | 姐们儿 这是第一天 |
| [08:19] | Oof, first day. | 第一天 |
| [08:20] | That’s like putting your spoon into a molten lava cake. | 就像把勺子插进一块熔岩蛋糕 |
| [08:23] | It’s like the first bite of a jelly doughnut. | 就像品尝果酱甜甜圈的第一口 |
| [08:24] | It’s like a side of chutney. | 就像酸辣醬配菜 |
| [08:25] | It’s like fruit on the bottom. | 就像水果放底部的酸奶 |
| [08:27] | That’s you right now. | 就是现在的你 |
| [08:28] | You ever seen that movie “The Impossible”? | 你有看过电影《海啸奇迹》吗 |
| [08:29] | Where that wall of tsunami water just, like, | 一墙的海啸 |
| [08:32] | gushes up onto the beach? | 涌上海滩 |
| [08:33] | Yikes. | 好惨 |
| [08:34] | I was just gonna say, that movie is so sad. | 我是想说 电影很伤感 |
| [08:36] | Oh, yeah. | 当然 |
| [08:37] | I really need a fucking tampon. | 我真的需要一根卫生棉条 |
| [08:39] | Shit, the line for the bathroom is so long, | 靠 上厕所的人好多 |
| [08:42] | Even if I did want to stick a wad up– | 就算我想把卫生纸塞进 |
| [08:44] | This must be what homeless women feel like. | 这应该就是无家可归的女人的样子吧 |
| [08:48] | Dude, we’re just in coach, it’s not that bad. | 姐们儿 我们只是在经济舱 没那么糟 |
| [08:50] | No, no. | 不是 |
| [08:50] | Like, how do they get tampons? | 她们怎么获取卫生棉条 |
| [08:52] | If you get a couple bucks, | 如果你有几块钱 |
| [08:53] | do you buy food or do you buy tampons? | 你是买食物还是买卫生棉条 |
| [08:56] | Tampons should be free. | 卫生棉条应该免费 |
| [08:57] | Every woman should have access to tampons, all different sizes. | 每个女人都应该能获得卫生棉条 不同型号的 |
| [09:00] | And the only reason it’s not that way | 而没有这样的唯一原因 |
| [09:02] | is because the government hates women. | 是因为政府讨厌女人 |
| [09:04] | This is true. | 是的 |
| [09:05] | Elbows in, sir. | 请把手放进去 先生 |
| [09:06] | Here’s a reunion story. | 我给你说个同学聚会故事 |
| [09:07] | Tell them your Beyonce’s fourth-weekend nanny | 告诉他们你是碧昂斯第四个周末的保姆 |
| [09:10] | and that she loves you. | 她爱你 |
| [09:11] | I don’t speak French. | 我不会说法语 |
| [09:13] | Can I get you anything? | 你们需要点什么吗 |
| [09:15] | Do you guys have any tampons I could– | 你们有卫生棉条 |
| [09:16] | So sorry, no, we don’t. | 抱歉 没有 |
| [09:18] | But we have soft drinks and food, for an additional charge. | 不过我们有不含酒精的饮料和食物 额外收费 |
| [09:22] | – Okay. – You know what? | -好吧 -这么着吧 |
| [09:23] | Let’s get something to distract from all of this. | 我们买点能远离这一切的东西 |
| [09:26] | We got a– a kosher snack pack for two. | 我们有犹太小吃双人套餐 |
| [09:28] | – How much is that? – $38. | -多少钱 -38 |
| [09:30] | – Oh, okay. – All right. | -好吧 -好嘞 |
| [09:32] | There’s a lot of good stuff in there. | 里面有很多好吃的东西 |
| [09:34] | It’s yummy, you’ll love it. | 很可口 你们会喜欢的 |
| [09:36] | All right, elbows in now. | 把手放进去 |
| [09:38] | Let’s get this out of the way. | 把这个拿开好了 |
| [09:40] | I am loving your comfort despite the circumstances. | 尽管状况多多但我喜欢你的舒适 |
| [09:43] | Well, I’m currently sitting | 我现在坐在 |
| [09:44] | in a pool of my own uterine lining, so… | 自己的子宫内膜中 所以 |
| [09:47] | I’m feeling pretty comfortable. | 我感觉挺舒服的 |
| [09:49] | Hey, hey, hey. | 嘿 嘿 嘿 |
| [09:50] | You know what you need to do? | 你知道你该做什么吗 |
| [09:51] | You need to tell them about all that money | 你该跟他们讲你把所有钱都捐给 |
| [09:53] | that you gave to charity. | 慈善机构的事 |
| [09:55] | Then I have to tell them that I had to ask for it all back | 那我就必须跟他们讲我不得不去把钱要回来 |
| [09:57] | ’cause I’m addicted to online poker. | 因为我沉迷于玩在线扑克 |
| [09:59] | Okay, tell them about the bone marrow transplant that you gave me. | 那你跟他们说你捐骨髓给我 |
| [10:02] | You gave me a bone marrow transplant. | 是你捐给我 |
| [10:05] | Ooh, I forgot about that. | 我都忘了 |
| [10:07] | What? | 什么 |
| [10:08] | This was $38? | 这要38 |
| [10:11] | Dude. | 姐们儿 |
| [10:11] | Someone on this plane has got to have a tampon. | 这飞机上肯定有人有卫生棉条 |
| [10:14] | Yeah, you’re right. | 你说得对 |
| [10:15] | – Let’s do this. – Okay. | -行动吧 -嗯 |
| [10:19] | Do you guys have a tampon? | 你们有卫生棉条吗 |
| [10:23] | Absorbency… | 吸收能力 |
| [10:29] | Um, excuse me. | 打扰下 |
| [10:30] | Do you by any chance have a tampon? | 有没有可能你刚好有卫生棉条 |
| [10:32] | Oh, my goodness, no. | 天啊 没有 |
| [10:33] | I’m flattered you asked, | 我很荣幸你问了 |
| [10:35] | even though many women my age do experience spotting. | 尽管很多我这个年龄的女人确实会来大姨妈 |
| [10:38] | I totally forgot about menopause. | 我完全忘了绝经期了 |
| [10:41] | Menopause isn’t represented in mainstream media. | 主流媒体里很少报道绝经期 |
| [10:44] | Like, no one wants to talk about it. | 没人想谈论它 |
| [10:48] | Hey! Hold on, there! | 嘿 等等 |
| [10:49] | Could I get that pita? | 能把皮塔饼给我吗 |
| [10:51] | This pita? | 这个皮塔饼? |
| [10:52] | – That’s almost in my mouth? – Yeah. | -几乎都进了我的嘴了 -对 |
| [10:53] | My friend just got her period and she doesn’t have any tampons | 我朋友来大姨妈了 她没有卫生棉条 |
| [10:56] | and it’s first-day flow. | 第一天流血 |
| [10:58] | Really heavy, and her underpants are filling and– | 很严重 她内裤里全是 |
| [11:00] | – Just take it. – Thank you. | -拿去吧 -谢谢 |
| [11:02] | I do have one. | 我确实有一根 |
| [11:03] | Hold on, let me get my Longchamp. | 等等 我去拿我的珑骧包 |
| [11:04] | Oh, yes! | 太好了 |
| [11:14] | Can you please return to your seat? | 你能回到你的座位吗 |
| [11:16] | Again. | 再次 |
| [11:16] | Yes, sorry. | 好的 抱歉 |
| [11:17] | I was just, um, gathering materials. | 我在收集材料 |
| [11:19] | Okay. Thank you. | 嗯 谢谢配合 |
| [11:28] | You’re kidding, right? | 你在开玩笑吧 |
| [11:28] | What do you mean? | 你什么意思 |
| [11:29] | Oh, you’re serious? | 你认真的? |
| [11:31] | I thought that these, were, like, | 我以为这是所有女人 |
| [11:32] | a joke that all women shared. | 都分享的一个玩笑 |
| [11:35] | I guess I’m just the monster | 我想我只是个有着 |
| [11:37] | with a humongous vagina over here. | 巨大阴道的怪物 |
| [11:39] | Fuckou, Lindsay. | 去死吧 林德赛 |
| [11:42] | Does yarmulke size have anything to do with dick si– | 圆顶小帽的大小和鸡鸡大小有关吗 |
| [11:45] | Sorry, shlong size? | 不好意思 老二大小 |
| [11:46] | I think so. | 应该有吧 |
| [11:48] | Then it is way too big. | 那就太大了 |
| [11:49] | But can I borrow this yarmulke? | 我能借下这顶圆顶小帽吗 |
| [11:51] | You’re probably not gonna want it back afterwards. | 用完后你可能不会想要回去了 |
| [11:53] | It’s just so thick. | 好厚 |
| [11:56] | I’m so glad you’re finally getting into it. | 真开心你终于进入角色了 |
| [11:58] | This is David 5, | 这是大卫5号 |
| [11:59] | He’s in his third year of orthopedic residency– | 他从事整形外科医生已经三年了 |
| [12:01] | Wait, do you have a tampon? | 等下 你有卫生棉条吗 |
| [12:02] | N-no, why– | 没 为什么 |
| [12:04] | Do you have any interest | 你有任何兴趣 |
| [12:05] | in meeting eligible young Jews on this trip? | 在这趟旅行中认识单身年轻犹太男吗 |
| [12:07] | Yeah, that was the first thing I said, | 当然 我一开始就说了 |
| [12:09] | that I wanted to join the Mohel Chai club. | 我想加入穆汉生活俱乐部 |
| [12:11] | And why don’t you just let it happen naturally? | 你怎么就不能让这事自然发生呢 |
| [12:13] | Jews are so horny. | 犹太人性欲都很强 |
| [12:15] | Horny. | 性欲强 [角状] |
| [12:17] | Oh, my… | 天啊 |
| [12:18] | – That’s offensive. – Sorry. | -你说得过头了 -抱歉 |
| [12:20] | Look, forgive me if I want to perpetuate the glorious | 原谅我如果我想让犹太人辉煌的 |
| [12:22] | bloodline of the Jewish people. | 血统永久延续下去 |
| [12:24] | It’s a noble cause. | 这是个高尚的事业 |
| [12:25] | Really? That’s your thing? | 真的吗 那是你的事业 |
| [12:30] | All right, look, I probably shouldn’t tell you this, | 好吧 也许我不该跟你说这个 |
| [12:32] | but I get a commission off of every match made. | 每成功匹配一对 我就能得到一笔佣金 |
| [12:35] | I get double if it’s made before we touch the ground. | 如果在降落前就成功配对 佣金翻倍 |
| [12:37] | – What? – Hey, don’t judge. | -什么 -嘿 不要论断 |
| [12:39] | Look, it’s one thing if you don’t want to take this trip seriously, | 听着 你不想认真对待这次旅行是一回事 |
| [12:42] | Besmirch your Jewish heritage, | 玷污你的犹太习俗 |
| [12:43] | that’s between you and hashem. | 那是你和上帝的事 |
| [12:45] | But if you get between me and my money… | 但如果你阻挠我赚钱 |
| [12:48] | That I will not stand for. | 我绝不接受 |
| [12:56] | This is so against the rules. | 这完全违反了规矩 |
| [12:58] | Well, I won’t tel Aviv, if you won’t. | 如果你不告诉阿维夫 我也不会的 |
| [13:01] | Wait a minute, you know Aviv? | 等下 你认识阿维夫 |
| [13:02] | No, um… | 不 |
| [13:04] | No. | 不认识 |
| [13:08] | Holy sweet mother of moses. | 我的个神啊 |
| [13:13] | Coming! | 马上就好 |
| [13:14] | I gotta go, I gotta go! | 我得走了 我得走了 |
| [13:19] | I– I would, uh… | 我 最好 |
| [13:22] | Just a minute, wait a minute. | 就一会儿 再等一会儿 |
| [13:23] | There’s somebody still finishing in there. | 还有人在里面 |
| [13:25] | Excuse me. | 借过 |
| [13:30] | Dude, I just joined the Mohel Chai club! | 姐们儿 我刚加入了穆汉生活俱乐部 |
| [13:32] | Dude, I’ve been waiting for the bathroom forever. | 姐们儿 我排队排了超久 |
| [13:35] | Did you get me anything? | 你有拿到什么吗 |
| [13:36] | Remember, the wad up the lips? | 还记得 揉纸团 阴唇吗 |
| [13:38] | I got you something better. | 我弄到了更好的 |
| [13:41] | What is that? | 这是什么 |
| [13:42] | It’s a homemade tampon. | 自制卫生棉条 |
| [13:43] | Because I am a woman who has access to tampons normally, | 因为我是个正常使用卫生棉条的女人 |
| [13:49] | I’m not gonna stick a pita up my pussy. | 我不会把皮塔饼塞进我阴道的 |
| [13:51] | I get it. | 我懂 |
| [13:53] | Everyone is gonna be sorry | 所有人都会后悔 |
| [13:55] | they turned their backs on their sisters. | 他们背弃了他们的姐妹 |
| [13:57] | Time is of the essence. | 时间不等人 |
| [13:58] | Any second, there’s gonna be an explosion | 随时都可能爆炸 |
| [14:00] | and there’s gonna be blood, like, everywhere. | 到时到处都会撒满鲜血 |
| [14:03] | Holy… | 天 |
| [14:05] | My headline. | 我的头条新闻 |
| [14:10] | They said “Explosion”. | 她们说了”爆炸” |
| [14:11] | They’re clearly plotting something. | 她们肯定有着什么阴谋 |
| [14:13] | We need to call dispatch. | 我们需要呼叫指挥中心 |
| [14:14] | No, we’re gonna do it. | 不 我们自己来 |
| [14:16] | For my reunion. | 为了我的同学聚会 |
| [14:18] | Okay. | 好 |
| [14:20] | Let’s do it. | 那就来吧 |
| [14:21] | If we don’t die, it’s perfect. | 如果我们没死 就完美了 |
| [14:25] | Okay. | 够了 |
| [14:28] | – Yes! – She said yes! | -愿意 -她说愿意 |
| [14:31] | What? | 什么 |
| [14:33] | I’m buying champagne! | 我要买香槟 |
| [14:34] | I guess he brought that ring. | 我猜那戒指是他借来的 |
| [14:36] | – Thank you. – Congratulations. | -谢谢 -恭喜 |
| [14:38] | – Thank you. – Thank you. | -谢谢 -谢谢 |
| [14:42] | Oh, my God, Ilana, look. | 天啊 阿拉娜 看 |
| [14:44] | Holy yas. | 太棒了 |
| [14:45] | So warm and moist. | 又暖又湿 |
| [14:48] | Ew, what, dude? | 你在说什么 |
| [14:50] | That’s not how to describe a tampon. | 不是这么形容卫生棉条的 |
| [14:52] | Tampons, genius! | 卫生棉条 太有才了 |
| [14:57] | We’re gonna take ’em down. | 我们要把她们制服 |
| [14:59] | I can get the goods if you create a diversion. | 如果你能声东击西我就能拿到东西 |
| [15:02] | I am great at diversions. | 我很擅长声东击西 |
| [15:04] | Like, I’m really good at spilling stuff, | 我真的很擅长泼洒东西 |
| [15:07] | and then people stare. | 然后大家都会盯着我 |
| [15:08] | Like, it’s not usually on purpose, | 虽然通常都不是故意的 |
| [15:09] | but I think that I can swing it. | 不过我觉得我可以做到 |
| [15:11] | Shabbat Shalom, motherfucker. | 安息日平安 狗日的 |
| [15:13] | Yeah! Let’s do this! Yes! | 耶 开干吧 太好了 |
| [15:16] | Oh, man. | 天 |
| [15:18] | He’s a heavy sleeper. | 他睡得好死 |
| [15:19] | Yeah, he’s dead asleep. | 沉睡中 |
| [15:21] | Okay. Okay. | 好 好 |
| [15:22] | – Let’s do this! – Let’s do this! | -开干吧 -开干吧 |
| [15:24] | We got this. | 我们可以的 |
| [15:26] | I love you. | 我爱你 |
| [15:27] | Okay. | 那个 |
| [15:28] | I have to be honest be– before we do this. | 在我们行动前 我必须说出来 |
| [15:32] | I lost 200 pounds in two years, | 我在两年里减掉了200磅 |
| [15:35] | and you never said anything. | 但你什么都没说 |
| [15:36] | I beat cancer, and come on, | 我战胜了癌症 拜托 |
| [15:37] | I was on “Extreme couponing”. | 我还参加了《极端优惠券一族》 [电视纪录片] |
| [15:39] | We never talk about me! | 我们从来不谈论我 |
| [15:43] | So, yes, I love you, | 所以是的 我爱你 |
| [15:45] | But I don’t like you. | 但我不喜欢你 |
| [15:50] | I’m okay with that. | 我不介意 |
| [15:53] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [15:54] | Let’s do this. | 行动吧 |
| [15:55] | Let’s do it. | 上吧 |
| [16:44] | 10,000 steps! Yes! | 10000步 太好了 |
| [17:04] | Class of ’96! | 96班 |
| [17:15] | Explain it again. | 再解释一遍 |
| [17:16] | My friend was just trying to get me a tampon. | 我朋友只是想帮我拿一根卫生棉条 |
| [17:19] | Your stories are inconsistent. | 你们的说辞不一致 |
| [17:20] | So we wake up in Wantagh, New Jersey. | 我们在新泽西州 旺托市醒来 |
| [17:24] | Abbi’s puking on the side of the road. | 艾比在路边呕吐 |
| [17:26] | No cabs anywhere. | 没有出租车 |
| [17:27] | This is our second date, mind you. | 这才是我们的第二次约会 给你说 |
| [17:29] | She wouldn’t call it a date, but, uh… | 她不愿称之为约会 不过 |
| [17:32] | We scheme. | 我们搞阴谋 |
| [17:33] | We do scheme. | 我们搞阴谋 |
| [17:35] | Your partner hasn’t mentioned a tampon once. | 你的搭档一次卫生棉条都没提起过 |
| [17:38] | Sir, your guess is as good as mine. | 长官 我也不知道 |
| [17:40] | You’re on Birthmarc, | 你们在Birthmarc上 |
| [17:41] | Yet your friend sang a Christian song to create a diversion. | 而你的朋友唱了一首基督歌曲来转移注意力 |
| [17:45] | Is she even Jewish? | 她是犹太人吗 |
| [17:47] | Honestly, your guess is as good as mine. | 说实话 我也不知道 |
| [17:49] | Why did you move seats to sit next to a dead man? | 你们为什么要换座位换到一个死人旁边 |
| [17:52] | That’s suspicious. | 那很可疑 |
| [17:53] | What? No, no. | 什么 没有 |
| [17:53] | He– he was sleeping. | 他是在睡觉 |
| [17:55] | You– | 你 |
| [17:57] | Oh, my God. | 天啊 |
| [17:58] | The dead guy? | 那个死人 |
| [17:59] | Yeah, fully dead. | 对 死透了 |
| [18:01] | Nobody wanted the seats | 没人想坐那儿 |
| [18:02] | and we had to sit next to each other, obviously, so… | 而我们又一定要坐一起 所以 |
| [18:04] | Yeah, it didn’t bother me at all. | 我完全不介意 |
| [18:06] | You said your bag was the bomb. | 你说你的箱子很酷[是炸弹] |
| [18:08] | It is, my bag is the bom– | 没错 我的箱子是酷 |
| [18:11] | Okay, google “Refinery29,” | 好吧 你去谷歌”Refinery 29″ |
| [18:15] | In quotes, “Drew Barrymore,” In quotes. | “德鲁·巴里摩尔” |
| [18:17] | It’s a life-changing bag, | 那是改变人生的一个箱子 |
| [18:18] | You were asking passengers for very strange instruments. | 你向乘客索要一些很奇怪的工具 |
| [18:21] | Twine, someone’s shoelaces, | 细绳 鞋带 |
| [18:23] | Heavy duty scissors. | 重型剪刀 |
| [18:24] | To make a tampon. | 为了制作卫生棉条 |
| [18:26] | What, do you think I was making a fucking bomb? | 怎么 你以为我是在制造炸弹吗 |
| [18:28] | Yeah! | 对啊 |
| [18:28] | You’re here for suspicion of terrorist activity. | 你被捕就是因为有可疑的恐怖活动 |
| [18:30] | Terrorism? I thought this was about the weed in my pussy. | 恐怖主义 我还以为是因为我阴道里的大麻 |
| [18:37] | What? | 什么 |
| [18:40] | God, there’s so much turbulence, what is going on? | 天 晃动得好厉害 什么情况 |
| [18:42] | It’s the pilots giving each other head. | 是飞行员在互相给对方吹箫 |
| [18:45] | Air head. | 空中吹箫 |
| [18:46] | That’s a good one. | 这笑话不错 |
| [18:47] | Seriously. | 真的 |
| [18:48] | Why do you think they call it the cockpit? | 要不你说为什么他们把驾驶舱叫做鸡鸡舱 |
| [18:53] | Fuck yeah. | 爽 |
| [18:54] | There is just something about doing it in the sky. | 在空中吃太有诱惑了 |
| [19:06] | So, listen, you know how I wanted | 听我说 你知道我 |
| [19:07] | to come on this trip to, like, | 参加这次旅行是想 |
| [19:08] | experience some sort of spiritual epiphany? | 体验某种精神顿悟的吧 |
| [19:11] | Yeah? | 嗯 |
| [19:12] | So when the stewardess slammed me down on the ground, | 所以当空姐把我扑倒在地的时候 |
| [19:16] | for a moment, I swear I had this, like, | 有那么一刻 我发誓我有感到 |
| [19:19] | out-of-body experience where I was in… Heaven. | 灵魂出体 像是进了天堂 |
| [19:24] | You know Jews don’t have heaven. | 你知道犹太教里不存在天堂吧 |
| [19:26] | Well, I saw Jesus. | 我看到了耶稣 |
| [19:28] | You saw Jesus? | 你看到了耶稣? |
| [19:30] | I saw Jesus. | 我看到了耶稣 |
| [19:31] | And he was hot and he had a man bun and he was wearing sandals, | 他很性感 留着发髻 穿着拖鞋 |
| [19:35] | and I usually hate sandals and I loved ’em. | 平时我都讨厌拖鞋的 但我喜欢他的 |
| [19:37] | Dude, he’s like a Jew, but he’s not Jew-ish. | 他像个犹太人 但又没有犹太人的特质 |
| [19:40] | Really good for me. | 特别适合我 |
| [19:41] | The more you talk about it… | 你越讲这事 |
| [19:43] | the more right it is. | 就显得越对 |
| [19:45] | You know, I really liked your intro before. | 我以前很喜欢你的前言的 |
| [19:47] | I was thinking about it, like, using this trip to find yourself | 我在想 利用这次旅行找到你自己 |
| [19:51] | and find your purpose. | 找到你的目标 |
| [19:52] | And then when my face was pressed | 但是当我的脸压在 |
| [19:54] | into the plush carpet of first class, I had this a-ha moment. | 头等舱里的长毛绒地毯上的时候 我突然醒悟 |
| [19:59] | I, like, realized what I wanna do with my life. | 意识到我这辈子想做什么 |
| [20:03] | Ilana, this is huge. | 阿拉娜 这太有意义了 |
| [20:06] | I want to make enough money to fly first class. | 我想赚足够的钱坐头等舱 |
| [20:10] | Yeah, dude, that’s it. | 对 姐们儿 就是它了 |
| [20:12] | – Right? – I’m in, yeah, I’m in. | -是吧 我要为此奋斗 -算上我 |
| [20:13] | No touching. | 不准触碰 |
| [20:15] | And my Birthmarc wish came true. | 我的Birthmarc愿望已经实现 |
| [20:17] | Now we’re sitting together. | 现在我们坐在一起 |
| [20:18] | And I got to fly with my bag. | 而我和我的箱子在一起 |
| [20:20] | And it really is incredible. | 那箱子真的很不可思议 |
| [20:22] | It withstood all those bullet holes. | 挨了这么多子弹仍然坚挺 |
| [20:23] | Yeah, Israelis, like, really love their guns. | 以色利人很喜欢他们的枪 |
| [20:26] | Guns are so gross. | 枪好恶心 |
| [20:28] | I’m really relieved we’re going back home. | 要回家了我终于放松了 |
| [20:29] | Totally. | 那是 |
| [20:38] | Dassit. | 说的就是这个 |
| [20:40] | There’s actually this restaurant on Steinway | 斯坦威街上有家餐厅 |
| [20:42] | that makes falafel that I heard is even better | 我听说他们的法拉费比 |
| [20:46] | than the real deal. | 原产地的还好吃 |
| [20:47] | Let’s just go there. | 我们去试试吧 |
| [20:49] | Yum. | 好啊 |
| [20:50] | That sounds perfect. | 完美计划 |
| [20:52] | Ugh, I miss New York. | 我怀念纽约 |
| [20:56] | Wait, so Jesus is a God, right? | 等等 所以耶稣是个神 对吧 |
| [20:59] | God is, like, daddy God and Jesus is like, the son God. | 上帝相当于父神 而耶稣相当于子神 |
| [21:02] | So he’s really just, like, a hot rich kid. | 所以他就是个有钱的性感小孩 |
| [21:04] | Totally. | 绝对地 |
| [21:13] | Obviously, I love Santa. | 显然我喜欢圣诞老人 |
| [21:14] | Becuase he’s fucking creep. | 因为他是个变态 |
| [21:15] | You’re sneaking into my house. | 你偷偷进入我家 |
| [21:18] | And like you’re so obsessed with children, | 你如此迷恋小孩 |
| [21:20] | – He is fucking sneaking, he’s like… – grow up, grow up. | -他偷偷摸摸 他就像 -成熟点好吗 |
| [21:22] | – He’s like a fat sneak. – I know. | -他就像个胖小偷 -是的 |
| [21:25] | Fat sneak. | 胖小偷 |