| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | Oh, my goodness. | 我的天 |
| [00:03] | This dude Brian Nicholera I went to high school with | 我的高中同学布莱恩·尼克莱拉 |
| [00:05] | – just friended me, he just moved here. – Oh, my God. | -刚加了我好友 他才搬过来 -天 |
| [00:07] | People from high school only friend you, like, | 高中时认识的人加你好友的唯一目的 |
| [00:10] | after business hours if they wanna hook up. | 就是为了下班后约一炮 |
| [00:12] | Really? I had a huge crush on him. | 真的假的 我以前很迷他的 |
| [00:14] | – Oh, you should ask him out. – I can’t just do that. | -你应该约他出来 -不能这么直接吧 |
| [00:17] | Oh, my God, he “Likes” “Roseanne.” | 天啊 他喜欢《罗斯安家庭生活》 |
| [00:20] | Okay, this is– this is your new sexual partner. | 好了 这个人就是你的新炮友了 |
| [00:24] | All right, I’m asking him out. | 好吧 我约他了 |
| [00:26] | – I’m just gonna do it. – Do it. | -那我就行动了 -行动吧 |
| [00:29] | This is so great. | 这真是太棒了 |
| [00:31] | Like, why are we waiting for guys to come to us, Ilana? | 为什么要等帅哥来约我们呢 阿拉娜 |
| [00:34] | Did Amelia Earhart wait to be | 难道阿梅莉亚·埃尔哈特是等人 |
| [00:37] | asked to fly around the world? | 请她去飞遍全世界吗 |
| [00:38] | Definitely not. She asked. | 当然不是 她是自己提出的 |
| [00:42] | And then they said no. | 然后其他人不同意 |
| [00:44] | But she still did it. | 但她还是完成了 |
| [00:46] | And she died, but she, like, died doing it. | 虽然她死了 但是她是死在实现梦想的过程中 |
| [00:48] | Exactly. | 就是 |
| [00:49] | I’m doing it again, I’m asking someone else out. | 我还要再来一次 我要再约个人 |
| [00:51] | This is the Abbi I love and fell in love with | 这才是我爱的 爱上的 痴迷的 |
| [00:53] | and I’m obsessed with. | 那个艾比 |
| [00:54] | Skylar Cummings- Conkelmann, I used to babysit for him. | 斯凯勒·康明斯-柯克曼 我以前给他带过小孩 |
| [00:57] | He was adorable. | 他真的好帅 |
| [00:58] | He’s… Yeah, he’s 20, that’s acceptable. | 他… 他20岁 可以接受 |
| [01:02] | Troy Megliarino. | 特洛伊·梅格里亚利诺 |
| [01:03] | He spent a hot sec in jail, but he lives in South Jersey | 他之前蹲过监狱 但是他住在南泽西 |
| [01:07] | and I know he’d steal a car and come up for the night. | 他肯定愿意偷辆车来赴约 |
| [01:09] | Chris Wazcyleski, he was a nude model | 克里斯·瓦茨莱斯基 他是我人体素描课上的 |
| [01:11] | in my life drawing class and he, like, | 裸模 而且他… |
| [01:13] | always angled himself out to me. | 他总是把身子朝向我这边 |
| [01:16] | Chad Michael Fong. | 查德·迈克尔·冯 |
| [01:17] | We met at a hardware store, he was disgusting. | 我们在一家五金店遇见的他 他真恶心 |
| [01:19] | You know, I’m picking all white dudes right now. | 我现在看的都是白人男性 |
| [01:21] | I must be craving pink dick. | 我一定是太想要粉色的丁丁 |
| [01:24] | I’m gonna go with this. | 那我就是要找粉丁丁 |
| [01:25] | Okay, who else, who else? | 好吧 还有谁 |
| [01:26] | Henry Rowdenbush, had a unibrow all through middle school | 亨利·劳登布什 初中长了个一字眉的那个 |
| [01:29] | and then he started waxing it and all of a sudden it was like, | 之后他开始用蜡除眉毛 突然一下 |
| [01:32] | glasses off, you’re gorgeous. | 他眼镜一取 简直帅死了 |
| [01:34] | It’s like “She’s All That.” | 就像《窈窕美眉》里那样 |
| [01:35] | I feel like I’m on coke right now. | 我现在感觉就像吸了可卡因一样 |
| [01:37] | P.J. Mallory. | PJ·马洛瑞 |
| [01:38] | Bobby Cornhauser. | 鲍比·科恩豪瑟 |
| [01:39] | – Johnny Fissinger. – Danny McCarrow. | -强尼·菲兴格 -丹尼·麦克卡罗 |
| [01:41] | Ryan Long. | 莱恩·龙 |
| [01:42] | Rod White. | 罗德·怀特 |
| [01:43] | We are, like, feminist heroes right now. | 我们现在就是女权主义英雄啊 |
| [01:49] | So, okay, that’s 36 guys | 所以现在一共被三十六个 |
| [01:52] | that we’ve been rejected by and one lady. | 帅哥拒绝了 还有个女的 |
| [01:56] | Okay, so what, dude? You know what? | 那又怎样 姐们 |
| [01:58] | The Internet is so ’90s. | 网上约炮真的是太九十年代了 |
| [01:59] | Let’s go find some guys IRL. | 我们去找几个帅哥吧 IRL |
| [02:02] | You know, you can just say “In real life.” | 你可以直接说”在现实生活中”吧 |
| [02:03] | It’s the same number of syllables. | 音节数都一样 |
| [02:20] | I’m from Philly. Philadelphia. | 我是费城来的 费拉德尔菲亚 |
| [02:23] | When I was five, I was actually an extra | 我五岁的时候 我在《费城故事》里 |
| [02:25] | in the movie “Philadelphia.” | 演了一位临时演员 |
| [02:27] | It filmed right near my dad’s office. | 那部电影就在我爸办公室旁边拍摄的 |
| [02:29] | So I learned about AIDS before a lot of my friends. | 所以我比我的很多朋友都更早了解艾滋 |
| [02:34] | Yeah, this is her. | 这就是她 |
| [02:36] | There’s Abbi again. | 这也是艾比 |
| [02:38] | Ugh, Abbi in outdoor lighting. | 室外光线下的艾比 |
| [02:40] | We’re best friends, and so, it’s– | 我们是死党 所以… |
| [02:42] | it’s like, cool, you know. | 我们之间没什么的 |
| [02:44] | Cell phones are so close to being perfect, | 手机离完美就差一点点了 |
| [02:47] | except that I just miss that there’s like a– | 只是我很怀念那个… |
| [02:49] | – Dial tone. – Dial tone. | -拨号音 -拨号音 |
| [02:51] | – Yes, are you kidding me? – No, yeah. | -你在开玩笑吗 -没有啊 |
| [02:53] | You’re trying to make a connection with someone | 当你在试着打给某个人的时候 |
| [02:55] | and there’s no sound anymore. | 都没有任何声音了 |
| [02:56] | It’s just like, hi, you’re there. | 就像一下子… 打通了 |
| [02:58] | – It’s needed. – Can I get your number? | -拨号音是需要的 -可以给我你的号码吗 |
| [03:01] | Yeah, yeah, sure. | 当然可以 |
| [03:04] | – Yeah, just put it in my phone. -Okay. | -直接输到我的手机里 -好的 |
| [03:07] | Freeze, ass , don’t move, don’t breathe. | 站住 混蛋 别动 不要吸气 |
| [03:10] | When was the last time you were tested? | 你上一次检查是什么时候 |
| [03:12] | – Uh, last week? – Oh, my God, great. | -上周 -真棒 |
| [03:14] | Okay, she’s gonna want to shower first, probably, | 她应该会先洗澡 |
| [03:17] | – and you know, just be patient, okay? – Okay. | -这之后 耐心点好吗 -好的 |
| [03:20] | Great. | 棒 |
| [03:22] | Hey, dude. You should have a sex with him. | 你好 姐们 你应该和他来一炮 |
| [03:26] | – Tonight. – Oh, yeah, what? | -就今晚 -是吗 什么 |
| [03:28] | Hey, Ilana. | 阿拉娜 |
| [03:32] | So, all right, I’m out. | 好吧 我闪了 |
| [03:33] | You’re just giving up? | 你就放弃了吗 |
| [03:35] | On the– on the pink? | 放弃粉… 粉色丁丁 |
| [03:36] | Bitch, please. I haven’t even started yet. | 小婊砸 拜托 我还没开始撩呢 |
| [04:05] | Bitch! | 成功 |
| [04:08] | She’s really fun. | 她很风趣的 |
| [04:09] | Yeah, I know, she seems nice. | 是的 她看上去蛮好的 |
| [04:10] | – Do you want to get a drink tomorrow? – Yeah. | -你明天想一起喝一杯吗 -好啊 |
| [04:12] | – Cool, I’ll text you. – Okay. | -我发短信给你 -好 |
| [04:15] | You’re not one of those hot girls that says | 你不是那种表面上答应回短信 |
| [04:16] | she’s gonna text and then doesn’t, right? | 但实际上不会回的那种美女吧 |
| [04:20] | – Are you still talking to me? -Yeah. | -你是在给我说吗 -对 |
| [04:22] | Yeah, no, I’m not. | 对… 不对 我不是的 |
| [04:23] | I mean, I– I will text back. | 我会回你短信的 |
| [04:26] | – Great. – Okay. | -好的 -好的 |
| [04:28] | – I’ll see you tomorrow. – Okay, bye. | -那我们明天见 -拜拜 |
| [04:31] | Was anyone filming that? | 刚才有人在摄像吗 |
| [04:33] | I’m the hot girl at this bar. | 我是这酒吧里面的美女 |
| [04:34] | Me, me is. | 是我 就是我 |
| [04:36] | Yes– calling my mom. | 棒极了 我要打给我妈 |
| [04:40] | Where’s my phone? | 我的手机呢 |
| [04:42] | Okay, where’s my phone? | 我的手机呢 |
| [04:44] | Sir, have you seen a– is there a missing phone? | 先生 你有没有看到… 有没有人捡到一部手机 |
| [04:48] | So this is it. | 到了 |
| [04:51] | Nice apartment. | 不错的公寓 |
| [04:52] | Thanks. | 谢了 |
| [04:53] | Got any roommates? | 有室友吗 |
| [04:54] | Yeah, but his abuela’s in the hospital, which sucks, | 有 但是他奶奶住院了 很糟糕 |
| [04:57] | but “Silver Linings Playbook,” we have the place to ourselves. | 但”不幸中的万幸” 屋里只有我们两个 |
| [05:02] | Dayum! That penis is pink. | 天啊 这丁丁真粉啊 |
| [05:13] | There’s something I should tell you. | 有件事情我得告诉你 |
| [05:15] | I’m bisexual. | 我是双性恋 |
| [05:19] | That is true masculinity. | 这才是真正的男子汉 |
| [05:22] | You are truly evolved and I am truly wet. | 你真的好高级 我下面湿了 |
| [05:26] | Just tell me you don’t shave down there. | 告诉我你下面没有剃毛 |
| [05:30] | Can you pick me up? Can you lift me up? | 可以把我抱起来吗 可以把我举起来吗 |
| [05:37] | Has anyone seen a phone? Is there a phone? | 有没有人看到一部手机 有人看到了一部手机吗 |
| [05:41] | Oh, my God, are you kidding me? | 天呀 开什么玩笑 |
| [05:43] | Where is my phone? | 我的手机在哪里呢 |
| [05:46] | I lose my phone all the time, too. | 我也老是找不到我的手机 |
| [05:49] | I mean, I don’t, like, lose it, lose it, | 我不是… 找不到手机 |
| [05:52] | I just, like, I see it | 我是… 我看见它… |
| [05:54] | fall into the toilet, but… | 掉进了马桶 但是… |
| [05:59] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [06:02] | Could you turn the music off, please? | 可以关一下音乐吗 |
| [06:04] | Maybe when you turn it back on, some ’90s hip-hop? Something cool. | 也许再放的时候可以放下九十年代嘻哈 放点酷的东西 |
| [06:09] | Okay, you guys, listen. I lost my phone. | 大家伙 听着 我手机丢了 |
| [06:12] | This guy is supposed to text me. | 有个帅哥说要给我发短信 |
| [06:14] | He called me hot. | 他叫我美女 |
| [06:16] | So I’m cute, but you guys get it. | 所以我很美 你们都懂的 |
| [06:19] | Can you guys help me find it? | 大家可以帮我找一下手机吗 |
| [06:21] | Yes. | 好 |
| [06:22] | I’m gonna need you to link arms. | 大家手挽手 |
| [06:24] | We’re gonna sweep the bar. | 我们要找遍整个酒吧 |
| [06:31] | Mind if we take a break and I go down on you for 45 minutes? | 我们可以暂停下 我给你口45分钟吗 |
| [06:34] | Don’t ever let society change you. | 永远不要让社会改变你 |
| [06:42] | Yes, dude! | 真爽 哥们 |
| [06:45] | So the volume’s up louder than before, but we should keep | 音量比之前更大了 我们还是要继续找 |
| [06:49] | searching, ’cause I would do it if it was your phone. | 因为换做是你手机不见了我也会帮你的 |
| [06:53] | No, sorry. We’ve all moved on. | 不好意思 我们已经放弃了 |
| [07:02] | This is Abbi, leave a message. | 我是艾比 请留言 |
| [07:04] | Hey, this is Abbi, leave a message. | 我是艾比 请留言 |
| [07:06] | Leave a message. | 请留言 |
| [07:07] | Dude, I’m gonna be so pissed if you’re dead, | 姐们 如果你死了的话我会很生气的 |
| [07:10] | you’ve got to call me back. I’m freaking out. | 快回我电话 我快担心死了 |
| [07:13] | – Morning, beautiful. – Hi. | -早上好 美人 -早上好 |
| [07:15] | You’re– | 你… |
| [07:17] | You’re really good at sex. | 你的床技很赞 |
| [07:18] | – Thanks, you too. – Thanks. | -谢了 你也是 -谢谢 |
| [07:20] | So I’m doing a show tonight if you wanna come. | 今晚我有个演出 你想来吗 |
| [07:22] | That’s hot, you know, maybe. | 真不错 也许吧 |
| [07:24] | You know, I want to, I’m sorry, I just– | 我很想的 不好意思 但是… |
| [07:26] | I’m pretty sure my best friend is dead right now | 我很确定我的死党已经死了 |
| [07:28] | and I am the one who let her go home with a stranger. | 而我是那个让她和陌生人回家的人 |
| [07:30] | She doesn’t have, like, street smarts like me, you know, | 她不像我有街头智慧 |
| [07:32] | and no upper body strength. | 而且她上肢力量很弱 |
| [07:33] | I gotta go, text me about it. | 我得走了 演出的事发短信给我 |
| [07:35] | Shut the door when you leave. | 走的时候记得关门 |
| [07:38] | – It’s “Tyler,” Right? – Yeah. | -你是叫泰勒吧 -嗯 |
| [07:42] | Hey, where at you? | 你在哪呢 |
| [07:43] | I’m at that dog shelter. | 我在狗狗收容所 |
| [07:44] | Lincoln, just get a dog. | 林肯 直接养一条好吧 |
| [07:45] | Ilana, I can’t inflict upon a dog the crazy life of a dentist. | 阿拉娜 我不能让用牙医的疯狂生活迫害狗狗 |
| [07:49] | Anyway, Abbi’s not picking up any of her calls, | 总之 艾比完全不接我的电话 |
| [07:51] | so I’m pretty sure she’s dead. | 我确信她已经死了 |
| [07:52] | I need you to be my eyes and ears here. | 我需要你做我的耳目 |
| [07:54] | Stay on the local news, they only cover rapes and murders. | 关注本地新闻 他们只报道强奸和谋杀 |
| [07:58] | She didn’t even say “Bye, Lincoln.” | 她连”林肯 再见”都没说 |
| [07:59] | That takes one more second. | 这花得了多长时间 |
| [08:00] | People have no phone etiquette these days. | 现在的人都没有电话礼仪 |
| [08:03] | Abbi! | 艾比 |
| [08:13] | – Oh, my God. – Oh, my God. | -天啊 -天啊 |
| [08:15] | – What? – You wouldn’t pick up your phone. | -怎么了 -你一直不接我的电话 |
| [08:16] | I thought you got SVU’d. | 我以为你遇害了 |
| [08:17] | No, dude, I’m fine, I just lost my phone. | 没 我没事 我只是手机掉了 |
| [08:20] | Remember that hot dude at the bar? | 还记得酒吧里的那个帅哥吗 |
| [08:21] | He was supposed to text me, so now, I’m, like, | 他说要给我发短信 所以我… |
| [08:22] | never gonna hear from him again. | 我再也不会有他的消息了 |
| [08:24] | Oh, my God. | 我的天 |
| [08:25] | You should use the FindMyPhone app. | 你应该用那个”查找我的手机”应用 |
| [08:26] | I watch myself run around the city all the time on it. | 我经常在那上面看自己在城里跑 |
| [08:28] | Oh, okay, well, we’ll just do that. | 好吧 那就试试 |
| [08:30] | There’s my phone, I knew it was stolen. | 我看到我的手机了 就知道是被偷了 |
| [08:32] | Ugh. Okay, it’s in Harlem. | 在哈勒姆 |
| [08:33] | Great, let’s go track it down. | 棒 我们去追踪吧 |
| [08:35] | No, wait, wait, wait, it’s moving south. | 不 等等 它在向南移动 |
| [08:40] | – It’s in the Upper East Side. – Oh, dude. | -朝上东区去了 -姐们 |
| [08:42] | – I— I don’t want to go there. – Must we? | -我不想去那里 -我们必须去吗 |
| [08:46] | My son-in-law’s such a disgrace. He went to Cornell. | 我的女婿太丢人了 他读的是康奈尔大学 |
| [08:50] | I’m fine with the tsunami, but not in St. Bart’s. | 我对海啸没意见 但是别在圣巴托洛缪岛 |
| [08:53] | Anywhere else is fine. | 其他地方都没问题 |
| [08:55] | It’s the tenth horse that died this year. | 这是今年死的第十匹马了 |
| [08:57] | That’s ten horses I’ve had to replace. | 也就是得更换十匹 |
| [09:00] | Why does anybody come up here? | 为什么有人想要来这里 |
| [09:01] | It is a horrible, vapid wasteland. | 这是个恐怖 毫无生气的蛮荒之地 |
| [09:03] | Um, excuse me, where’s the Met? | 打扰一下 大都会博物馆在哪里呢 |
| [09:05] | Oh, right down here, you make a right. | 就在那里 右转就是 |
| [09:07] | – Yeah, you can’t miss it. – Thank you. | -很好找的 -谢谢 |
| [09:09] | Okay, your phone’s heading west. | 好了 你的手机在往西走 |
| [09:11] | We gotta hustle, ’cause Tyler’s show’s | 我们得快点 因为泰勒的表演 |
| [09:12] | 8:00 and I just bet he’s the drummer. | 八点开始 我猜他是鼓手 |
| [09:16] | What are we supposed to do up here, like, | 我们应该在这里做些什么呢 比如 |
| [09:18] | get a caricature or something? | 画幅漫画肖像什么的吗 |
| [09:24] | Abbi, you should really wear a ball gown IRL. | 艾比 你在现实生活中应该穿晚礼服的 |
| [09:26] | Ilana, come on, my soul mate could’ve texted me. | 阿拉娜 我的灵魂伴侣可能发短信给我了 |
| [09:28] | We’ve gotta get my phone, someone here has it. | 我必须找到我的手机 它就在这里 |
| [09:31] | You know what? I’ll call it, | 我打你电话 |
| [09:31] | – listen for the vibration. – Okay. | -听震动的声音 -好 |
| [09:33] | It’s ringing. | 打通了 |
| [09:39] | Oh, my God, I thought this was my bag. | 我的天 我以为这是我的包 |
| [09:43] | I had this– this– I had one. | 我有… 我有一个一模一样的 |
| [09:47] | This is mine, though. | 不过这个是我的 |
| [09:48] | This is the mine, this is easy to– | 这是我的包 这很容易… |
| [09:50] | Okay Ab, I have an idea and it’s hot. | 好了 小艾 我有个点子 现在好热 |
| [09:54] | Ilana. | 阿拉娜 |
| [09:56] | Are you kidding me? Ilana, stop. | 你认真的吗 阿拉娜 快停下 |
| [09:57] | No, this park is full of pervs. | 不 这公园遍地都是变态 |
| [09:59] | Get ready, because everybody’s gonna whip their phone out. | 准备好 因为所有人都会把手机摸出来 |
| [10:01] | and we’re gonna find yours in three, two, one. | 三秒之后手机就找到了 |
| [10:04] | Okay. Find your phone. | 快去找你的手机 |
| [10:05] | – All right, you’re doing this right now, okay. – Find your phone. | -你动作真快 -快找你的手机 |
| [10:08] | This is crazy right now. | 这简直不可思议 |
| [10:09] | Only in NYC! | 只在纽约市才见得到哟 |
| [10:12] | If I were you, I’d pull my phone out and take a pic! | 是我的话 我就会拿出手机拍照 |
| [10:16] | Why is no one taking a picture of her? | 为什么没有人拍她呢 |
| [10:19] | That girl’s been here for hours. | 那个妹子已经在那里几个小时了 |
| [10:22] | All right, well, I understand that. | 好吧 我懂了 |
| [10:25] | Oh, my God, the dot is over water. | 天 那个点已经到水上去了 |
| [10:27] | – What? – Oh, the lake. | -什么 -那个湖 |
| [10:29] | All right. | 好吧 |
| [10:30] | What, are we following, like, some sort of duck? | 什么 我们难道是在追踪一只鸭子吗 |
| [10:33] | Hey, one of you stole our phone. We know you’re in here! | 你们当中的一个偷了我们的手机 我们知道你在这 |
| [10:37] | We live in an ugly city of monsters. | 我们住在一座坏人遍地的城市 |
| [10:42] | The dot’s moving south. | 那个点又在向南走 |
| [10:44] | – Okay, let’s go. – Let’s go. | -好的 快走 -快走 |
| [10:48] | We’re close, dude. I can, like, smell it. | 很接近了 姐们 我能闻到它 |
| [10:51] | Yeah, we just have to find it. | 我们必须要找到它 |
| [10:52] | – Like, I need to get it, ’cause I– – Wait, stop. | -我需要找到 因为… -等等 |
| [10:55] | Times Square, ew! | 时代广场 恶心 |
| [10:57] | We can’t go in here, dude, it’s– it’s too disgusting. | 我们不能进去 姐们 那里太恶心了 |
| [11:00] | Ilana, we have to, he called me hot. | 阿拉娜 我们必须进去 他叫我美女 |
| [11:01] | Like, we’re going in. | 我们现在就进去 |
| [11:04] | What? | 怎么了 |
| [11:05] | – Oh, my God. – What? | -天 -怎么了 |
| [11:07] | It’s gone. | 点不见了 |
| [11:10] | Oh, my God. | 我的天 |
| [11:11] | I bet my battery died. | 多半是我电池没电了 |
| [11:13] | I’m never gonna see him again, I mean. | 我再也见不到他了 |
| [11:15] | I am so sorry, dude. | 我很抱歉 姐们 |
| [11:16] | It’s gonna be unfair to whoever I marry, | 不管我和谁结婚 可能都对他不公平 |
| [11:18] | because I’ll probably, like, always compare them to Ben. | 因为我会不由自主地拿他和本做比较 |
| [11:20] | It’s gonna just tear us apart immediately, or throughout. | 这会瞬间破坏我们的关系 或者一直影响 |
| [11:24] | We could go to Tyler’s show. | 我们可以去看泰勒的表演 |
| [11:25] | I think he’s in a boy band, so. | 他好像是在一个男团里 |
| [11:28] | All right, just give me a sec. | 好吧 给我点时间 |
| [11:31] | Goodbye, Ben something. | 永别了 本·某某 |
| [11:34] | I think– I guess we’ll always have that beer. | 我会永远记住我们在一起喝啤酒 |
| [11:36] | I thought it was– | 我以为… |
| [11:37] | It was fun, it was just fun, you know? | 我们聊得很开心 |
| [11:38] | – It just, like, fit, and I felt like– – Move! | -我感觉… -走开 |
| [11:40] | Oh! Jesus. What? | 老天 干什么 |
| [11:43] | – Fuck you both, you yuppie trash! – No, what? | -你们两个垃圾雅皮士去死 -什么 |
| [11:45] | Tax the rich! | 收富人的税 |
| [11:49] | Dude, I– I thought he was in a band. | 姐们 我以为他是乐队的 |
| [11:50] | I didn’t know this was gonna be, like an improv show. | 我不知道会是即兴演出 |
| [11:52] | Yeah, me too, I don’t know. | 我也是 我不知道 |
| [11:55] | What’s hotter than a pink dick with a sense of humor? | 还有什么比有幽默感的粉色丁丁更性感 |
| [11:59] | I mean, a black dick, but… | 黑丁丁 但… |
| [12:02] | You know that you’re so anti-racist sometimes | 有时你过于反种族歧视 |
| [12:05] | that you’re actually really racist? | 以至于你变得种族歧视 |
| [12:12] | All right, thank you all for coming. | 感谢各位的到来 |
| [12:14] | We are Statutory Crepe. | 我们是法定可丽饼 |
| [12:16] | Everything you’re about to see will be fully improvised. | 接下来你看到的一切都将是即兴表演 |
| [12:19] | All we need to get started is one word. | 我们只需要一个词开启我们的表演 |
| [12:21] | – Eggroll! – I heard “Eggroll.” | -蛋卷 -我听到了”蛋卷” |
| [12:24] | Dude. | 拜托 |
| [12:27] | – Mom. – Yes, son? | -妈 -怎么了 儿子 |
| [12:30] | I need to talk to you about my penis. | 我需要跟你谈谈我的阴茎 |
| [12:34] | Yes, son? | 怎么了 儿子 |
| [12:35] | I love answering questions about penises, | 我和你喜欢回答关于阴茎的问题 |
| [12:38] | even though I have a vagina! | 尽管我只有阴道 |
| [12:44] | – How much for this shirt? – I can– | -这件衬衫多少钱 -我可以… |
| [12:46] | One million dollars. | 一百万美元 |
| [12:51] | I’m embarrassed that I’m here. | 我真丢人 竟然来看这个 |
| [12:52] | I’m embarrassed that he was inside of me. | 他还进入过我身体呢 |
| [12:57] | I’m not watching this by myself, get– | 我不要一个人看这个 |
| [12:59] | You should come down here. | 你应该趴下来 |
| [13:00] | Sit in your seat, you brought me here. | 坐回你的位置 你带我来这里的 |
| [13:04] | Oh, my God. | 天 |
| [13:05] | Scene! | 结束 |
| [13:07] | We’re gonna take a quick break and be back | 我们稍事休息 回来再带给大家 |
| [13:08] | with another hour of Statutory Crepe! | 奉献一个小时的法定可丽饼 |
| [13:15] | Oh, my God, that was the worst thing I’ve ever seen. | 天 这是我看过的最烂演出 |
| [13:17] | I feel like I’ve been hate-crimed. | 我觉得我遇到仇恨犯罪了 |
| [13:19] | Oh, my God! The dot’s back! | 我的天 那个点又出现了 |
| [13:21] | Ew, it’s still in Times Square! | 它还在时代广场 |
| [13:22] | I bet the freak was seeing a play and turned it off to be polite. | 那个变态刚刚肯定在看表演 所以出于礼仪关了机 |
| [13:25] | Oh, my God, dude. Times Square, Central Park? | 天 时代广场 中央公园 |
| [13:27] | Upper East Side, means it’s a tourist. | 上东区 说明是游客 |
| [13:29] | Ew! The dot’s moving down Eighth Ave. | 恶心 那个点又在朝第八大道移动 |
| [13:32] | What tourist spot is down there? | 那里有什么旅游景点 |
| [13:34] | I don’t know, but let’s get out of here | 不知道 趁杰瑞·刘易斯看到你之前 |
| [13:35] | before Jerry Lewis sees you again. | 我们赶快撤吧 |
| [13:38] | Oh, my God, oh! | 我的天 |
| [13:40] | I’ve been pulled back in. | 我又被他征服了 |
| [13:41] | It’s too– I can’t– I can’t not. I can’t say no. | 实在太… 我没办法 没办法拒绝 |
| [13:44] | Okay, you go with Dr. Evil, because | 好吧 你去找邪恶博士吧 因为 |
| [13:46] | I just figured out where the thief took my phone, | 我知道小偷是在哪偷走了我的手机了 |
| [13:48] | the last place every tourist goes. | 每个游客的最后一站 |
| [13:51] | – The airport? – No, not– | -机场吗 -不 |
| [13:53] | Not literally the last place. | 不是真的最后一站 |
| [13:55] | Magnolia Bakery. | 木兰面包店 |
| [13:56] | – Right, right, right, right. – Right? | -对 -是吧 |
| [13:58] | – Yeah, do it. – Okay, I’m going. | -那你去吧 -好 我去了 |
| [13:59] | – Get your hot piece. – All right, I’m going. | -去找你的帅哥 -嗯 我去了 |
| [14:00] | Get it. | 快去 |
| [14:11] | Wait, you guys don’t have wine? | 你们这里居然没有红酒 |
| [14:13] | What about white wine? | 那有白葡萄酒吗 |
| [14:15] | You, you have my phone. | 你偷了我的手机 |
| [14:16] | Oh, my God, hey! | 我的天 你好啊 |
| [14:18] | How did you find out about this place? | 你是怎么找到这个地方的 |
| [14:20] | I thought it was a secret. | 我以为这是个秘密地点 |
| [14:21] | Okay, can you please check your bag for my phone? | 你可以翻翻你的包帮我找下我的手机吗 |
| [14:23] | This is, like, an emergency. | 很紧急 |
| [14:25] | Oh, my God, look, a Mike and Ike. | 看 是麦克和艾克糖 |
| [14:29] | Oh, no, wait, that was, like, a pinto bean. | 等下 这是… 斑豆 |
| [14:33] | – High-five. – All right. | -击个掌 -好吧 |
| [14:35] | You know what? I’m gonna help you out, okay great, great. | 那个 我来帮你找 好极了 |
| [14:38] | So this is my phone, this is your phone. | 这是我的手机 这是你的手机 |
| [14:41] | My phone, your phone, okay? | 我的手机 你的手机 好吧 |
| [14:43] | – There’s two. – Oh, my God. | -这有两部 -我的天 |
| [14:45] | I must have taken that on incident. | 我肯定是无意间错拿的 |
| [14:48] | I swear. | 我发誓 |
| [14:49] | Like, that makes sense ’cause I called my mom | 这就讲得通了 因为我给我妈打电话 |
| [14:50] | and she was like, way nicer than usual. | 她比平常和气了很多 |
| [14:53] | I’ve been following you, like, all day today, | 我今天一直在跟着你 |
| [14:55] | I don’t know how you didn’t feel this vibrating at all. | 我不知道你为什么一点没有感受到震动 |
| [14:58] | This purse is enormous. | 我的包太大了 |
| [15:00] | I carry it to make me look petite. | 我带着它是为了显得我娇小一点 |
| [15:03] | Oh, my God, Ben texted me. | 天 本发了短信给我 |
| [15:05] | 11:00. | 11点 |
| [15:06] | That’s eight minutes. Okay. | 还有8分钟 好的 |
| [15:09] | You know what? I’m gonna get a large banana pudding. | 我要点一个大份香蕉布丁 |
| [15:12] | Great, and she’s gonna pay for it. Awesome. | 她付钱 真棒 |
| [15:14] | Wait, are you kidding? | 等等 有没有搞错 |
| [15:16] | Wait, do you guys have red wine? | 你们这里有红酒吗 |
| [15:18] | Are you serious? This is a bakery. | 你是认真的吗 这里是面包店 |
| [15:25] | Can I get a one-word suggestion? | 有什么单词建议吗 |
| [15:27] | I heard “Cunnilingus.” | 我听到了”舔阴” |
| [15:33] | I’ve got a turtle head poking out! | 我的”龟头”要伸出来了 |
| [15:40] | We also have lobster in the shell. | 我们还有带壳的龙虾 |
| [15:48] | I am a robot and I’m programmed to be horny. | 我是机器人 我被预设为性欲旺盛 |
| [15:57] | I made a poopy in my dipey. | 我在尿布上拉了屎 |
| [16:00] | Oh, stop– no, stop. | 停下 停下 |
| [16:02] | What’s wrong? | 怎么了 |
| [16:04] | Honestly, dude? | 说实话 |
| [16:05] | You are so gorgeous and sexually skilled it’s scary, | 你真的很秀色可餐而且床技很赞 |
| [16:10] | but your improv show was just not good. | 但是你的即兴表演真的不敢恭维 |
| [16:18] | That was one of our best shows. | 那可是我们最好的表演之一 |
| [16:21] | Shut up, you’re an idiot. | 闭嘴 你个傻逼 |
| [16:22] | All right, fuck you. | 去你的 |
| [16:24] | Thank you for your services. | 谢谢你的服务 |
| [16:27] | But seriously, thank you for your services, they were good. | 真的 谢谢你的服务 很不错 |
| [16:30] | Whoa, whoa, just– | 等下 |
| [16:31] | Don’t put your shirt on before you leave. What’s the point? | 你出门之前别穿上衣 有什么意义 |
| [16:39] | I’m so sorry. Ben! | 抱歉 本 |
| [16:49] | Oh, Abbi! | 艾比 |
| [16:52] | Yes. | 太好了 |
| [16:53] | Just give me a second. | 让我缓缓 |
| [16:54] | Oh, yeah. | 好的 |
| [16:57] | I Just look away, I just need– | 别看过来 我需要… |
| [16:59] | I ate banana pudding, I just– | 我吃了一个香蕉布丁 我… |
| [17:01] | I offer clients incentives to stay with the bank, so. | 我的工作就是让客户尽可能留在我们银行 |
| [17:04] | Cool. | 真酷 |
| [17:06] | You know, I used to have an office that didn’t have a window. | 我以前的办公室没有窗户 |
| [17:08] | They just moved me into an office with a window. | 他们刚把我调到一间有窗户的办公室 |
| [17:12] | Oh, that’s great. | 这很不错 |
| [17:13] | I mean, it’s much better to have a window. | 有窗户的话是要好很多 |
| [17:14] | Much better, I look out all the time. | 是的 我总是往窗户外面看 |
| [17:25] | Um so have you been here before? | 你之前来过这里吗 |
| [17:28] | I have. About a year ago. | 来过 大概一年前吧 |
| [17:30] | Or… it was like two years ago. | 或者… 两年前 |
| [17:34] | – Cool. – Or, no. | -嗯 -不对 |
| [17:37] | That was like a year ago. | 就是一年前 |
| [17:41] | 13 months, 14, 13 months, 14 months. | 13个月 14… 13个月前 |
| [17:49] | What’s up, dude? | 怎么了 哥们 |
| [17:50] | They just found a dead girl on Riker’s Island. | 在瑞克岛上发现了一具女性尸体 |
| [17:53] | Was it Abbi? | 是艾比吗 |
| [17:53] | Oh, no, no, no. | 不是的 |
| [17:54] | Abbi’s fine, I’ve been with her all day. | 艾比很好 她一整天都和我在一起 |
| [17:56] | What? Why didn’t you tell me? | 什么 你怎么不跟我说 |
| [17:57] | I was worried, Abbi’s my friend too. | 我很担心的 艾比也是我的朋友 |
| [18:00] | I was so worried, I baked a whole cake. | 我担心到烤了一整个蛋糕 |
| [18:02] | And then I ate a whole cake. | 然后我把整个蛋糕吃掉了 |
| [18:04] | I’m– I’m really sorry. | 我… 真的很抱歉 |
| [18:06] | You know, I got another cake cooking. | 我又烤了一个蛋糕 |
| [18:08] | You can come over and we can eat it. | 你可以过来我们一起吃掉 |
| [18:10] | Or just smash our faces into it. | 或者直接拍脸上 |
| [18:17] | He was so boring. | 他真的好无聊 |
| [18:18] | He told me the rules to some game, Settlers of Catan, | 他给我讲了四十分钟的 |
| [18:21] | for like, 40 minutes. | 《卡坦岛》游戏规则 |
| [18:23] | Oh, God, that should take, like, ten minutes, tops. | 天 最多讲个十分钟就够了 |
| [18:26] | Don’t worry, you’ll have sexual intercourse very soon. | 别担心 你很快就会有性生活了 |
| [18:30] | Oh, no, I still slept with him. | 没有啦 我还是睡了他 |
| [18:34] | Nice– and you know what? | 不错啊 你知道吗 |
| [18:36] | I had a really sweet day with you, dude. | 我今天和你玩得很开心 姐们 |
| [18:38] | Yeah, me too. | 我也是 |
| [18:39] | Hey, I’m glad you’re not dead, Abbi. | 我很高心你没有死掉 艾比 |
| [18:40] | Thanks, Lincoln. | 谢了 林肯 |
| [18:42] | All right, so it is time for us to do it. | 好了 是时候去做了 |
| [18:44] | Okay, wait, I want to watch. | 等等 我想旁观 |
| [18:46] | I know you do, ’cause you’re a naughty little girl. | 我就知道 你这个调皮的小婊砸 |
| [18:49] | Let’s do this. | 开始吧 |
| [18:55] | Oh, man. | 天 |
| [18:57] | Uh-oh, someone’s making a cake mess. | 有人把蛋糕拍脸上了 |
| [18:59] | You know what’s good for that? | 知道你们现在需要什么吗 |
| [19:00] | Is if you just get a napkin or a paper towel, | 你们需要找到餐巾或者是纸巾 |
| [19:03] | or a thick napkin– | 或者厚的餐巾 |
| [19:04] | – Oh, my God. Please stop. – It’s just… | -天 别说了 -就 |
| [19:06] | – Thanks. – Okay. | -谢谢 -好的 |
| [19:08] | – Goodbye. – Bye! | -拜拜 -拜 |
| [19:10] | And learn Settlers of Catan. | 学着玩《卡坦岛》吧 |
| [19:12] | It’s honestly not that hard. | 没多难的 |
| [19:16] | Do a face that I hate. | 做那个我讨厌的鬼脸 |
| [19:21] | Oh, my God, it won’t let me– | 我晕 拍不了 |
| [19:23] | It says my storage is full. | 上面写的储存已满 |
| [19:25] | That sucks for you. | 真是糟糕 |
| [19:27] | What is… Look at this. | 这是… 快看 |
| [19:31] | Hi, baby. I am in a boat. | 你好 宝贝 人家在小船上 |
| [19:34] | Oh, my God, I love this city. | 天啊 我爱死这座城市了 |
| [19:40] | Where is Central Park? | 中央公园在哪里 |
| [19:41] | – You’re in it. – Oh, my God. Central Perk. | -你就在里面 -我的天 中央公园咖啡馆 |
| [19:46] | The one with Gunther. And “Smelly Cat”? | 甘瑟 臭臭猫 |
| [19:52] | Baby… | 宝贝 |
| [19:54] | I have a sweet surprise for you. | 我有一个甜蜜惊喜送给你哦 |
| [19:58] | Here it comes. | 来了哦 |
| [20:00] | She’s gonna jerk off. | 她要射了 |
| [20:01] | No, no, no, no, no, we shouldn’t watch it. | 不 不 我们不该看这个的 |
| [20:02] | Ilana, we should not watch it. | 阿拉娜 我们不该看的 |
| [20:04] | – This is not a time for prudeness, Abbi. – Okay, fine! | -现在不是假正经的时候 艾比 -好吧 |
| [20:06] | So you ready? | 准备好了吗 |
| [20:20] | That was… you know? | 这… 真的是 |
| [20:22] | -That was phenomenal. – Oh, my God. | -太震撼了 -我的天 |
| [20:24] | Send that to my burner phone, that last one. | 把最后一个视频发到我的一次性手机上 |
| [20:26] | You have a burner phone? | 你有一次性手机 |
| [20:28] | – You didn’t know that? – No. | -你不知道 -不知道 |
| [20:29] | Why do you have that? | 你为什么会有 |
| [20:30] | For dick pics and sex media in general. | 为了存丁丁照和其他与性相关的东西 |
| [20:33] | Why would you need a phone from, like, “The Wire” for that? | 这些没必要用《火线》 里那种手机啊 |
| [20:36] | I’m still on my family plan and I don’t fully understand | 我还绑定着家庭套餐绑 |
| [20:38] | the cloud and I don’t trust it. | 我不是很了解云 不太信任 |
| [20:40] | I mean, I can’t risk having just dicks floating around. | 我不能冒险让我的丁丁照到处乱飞 |
| [20:44] | I feel like they’re gonna, like, | 我感觉有天它们 |
| [20:45] | pop up on my parents’ phone one day. | 会出现在我爸妈的手机上 |
| [20:46] | How many dicks are floating around? | 你是有多少丁丁照啊 |
| [20:54] | You’re counting a lot. | 你数了很多 |
| [20:56] | Like, in the late 20s? | 将近30个 |
| [21:07] | You yuppie trash! | 你们这些雅皮士垃圾 |
| [21:09] | Are you walking– You wanna walk across the street? | 你要… 你要过街吗 |
| [21:10] | – I’m walking. – Are you right now? | -我是要过街 -是吗 |
| [21:12] | Oh, really– Were you gonna walk? | 真的吗 你真的要过街吗 |
| [21:14] | – Stupid… – Oh yeah, let’s just walk. | -蠢… -我们过街吧 |
| [21:16] | Look how easy it is to walk– so easy. | 看我走得多轻松 多轻松 |
| [21:19] | Die slow, Bitch! | 祝你死得慢一点 贱人 |