| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:06] | How you like your road eggs? | 这个公路煎蛋你要几分熟? |
| [00:08] | Same way I like my road head: runny and in my mouth. | 跟开车时我给司机口交那样: 一股脑都进嘴里 |
| [00:13] | Uh, how about I just scramble these? | 我就搅合搅合给你煎一下吧 |
| [00:18] | What?! | 哎妈 |
| [00:20] | Who the hell set the thermostat to 38 degrees? | 谁特么把恒温器调到3度多的? |
| [00:24] | – Woody did. – Woody, that is such a waste of energy! | – 是Woody – Woody 你这也太浪费能源了 |
| [00:28] | Don’t you care about our planet at all? | 你就一毛都不关心咱们的地球吗? |
| [00:30] | Oh, shut up, Ethel. Our planet is fine. | 得了吧 Ethel 地球好着呢 |
| [00:33] | It was here 2,015 years before me | 在我之前都存在2015年了 |
| [00:36] | and it’ll be here 2,015 years after me. | 在我之后还将存在2015年的 |
| [00:39] | Don’t you know anything about the history of the Earth? | 你是一点也不知道地球的历史啊 |
| [00:43] | I know plenty. Here’s a free history lesson. | 知道的多着呢 现在我就免费给你上堂历史课 |
| [00:45] | Listen and learn. | 好好听着 |
| [00:51] | ♪ Jesus! Came to Earth in a ball of fire ♪ | ♪ 上帝 乘着火球来到地球 ♪ |
| [00:56] | ♪ Jesus! He killed all the dinosaurs ♪ | ♪ 上帝 他杀光了所有恐龙♪ |
| [00:59] | ♪ Jesus! Uppercutting T. Rex ♪ | ♪ 上帝 他给那霸王龙一记上勾拳♪ |
| [01:02] | ♪ Jesus! Karate kick that mother[bleep] ♪ | ♪ 上帝 他给那个混蛋一个后旋踢♪ |
| [01:05] | ♪ Jesus! Shooting fireballs and lightning bolts ♪ | ♪ 上帝 他施放火球和闪电♪ |
| [01:09] | ♪ Jesus! Making oil for republicans ♪ | ♪ 上帝 他赐予共和党人石油♪ |
| [01:12] | ♪ Jesus ♪ | ♪ 上帝 ♪ |
| [01:15] | And that’s pretty much it. Cue the theme song. | 基本就是这样了 放片头曲吧 |
| [01:30] | Connie, I know that global warming is to blame for this heat wave. | Connie 我知道是全球变暖造成了这场热浪 |
| [01:33] | It’s so hot, my camel toe’s losing its humps. | 天也太热了 我的骆驼趾都萎了 |
| [01:38] | I got this CO2 meter to prove my theory. | 二氧化碳监测仪能证明我的说法 |
| [01:40] | The levels in the park have never been higher. | 以前公园里从没有过这么高的水平 |
| [01:43] | – I wonder what’s causing the spike. – Probably that. | – 不知道是什么造成了这个峰值 – 也许是那个 |
| [01:47] | Woody, this freon’s kind of making me light-headed. | Woody 这些氟里昂搞得我头晕 |
| [01:51] | Says it kills brain cells. | 上边写着会杀死脑细胞 |
| [01:53] | No, you’re in the clear, Steve. | 不 你不会有事的 Steve |
| [01:54] | Woody, what’s this? “Low-efficiency AC unit”? | Woody 你们在搞什么? “低效空调设备”? |
| [01:58] | It’s hot, dummy. | 天气太热了 傻瓜 |
| [02:00] | My ball sack’s sticking to the inside of my thighs. | 我的蛋蛋都粘到大腿上了 |
| [02:02] | When I spread my legs, it looks like the Batman symbol. | 我一伸开腿 这里就跟蝙蝠侠标志似的 |
| [02:05] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [02:06] | Woody, your environmental irresponsibility is part of the reason it’s so hot. | Woody 你对环境不负责正是天气这么热的原因之一 |
| [02:10] | It’s global warming. | 这就是全球变暖 |
| [02:12] | Global warming? You believe in that fairy-tale bullshit? | 全球变暖? 你真信那个一派胡言的蠢话? |
| [02:15] | You also believe in Santa Claus and the myth of the female orgasm? | 想必你也信世上有圣诞老人 女人也会高潮的传说吧? |
| [02:19] | It’s real. We have proof. | 是真的 我们有证据 |
| [02:22] | Yeah, I’ve got all these Indonesian squirting videos that show… | 是啊 我这里有全套的印尼潮吹视频 证明了… |
| [02:24] | Not that, Connie. | 不是那个 Connie |
| [02:26] | Global warming. Even the polar ice caps are melting. | 是全球变暖 极地冰盖都在融化 |
| [02:29] | Oh, no! Ice is melting 5 million miles away! | 天啊 五百万英里外的冰在融化 |
| [02:33] | Let me flash my sweaty sack to the sky and call Batman! | 快用我这汗津津的蛋蛋召唤出蝙蝠侠吧 |
| [02:37] | Look at this. If the CO2 levels go into the red, | 看这个 如果二氧化碳水平到达红区 |
| [02:40] | it could set off an environmental disaster worse than we’ve ever seen. | 就会引起一场环境灾难 比我们以前见过的都要严重 |
| [02:43] | I guess you’ve never been downwind of Connie after a Del Taco run. | 那你是没体验过Connie从Del Taco出来时站在她下风处 |
| [02:46] | Environmental disaster my ass. | 环境灾难个屁啊 |
| [02:49] | Cows fart out more greenhouse gases than we produce. | 牛放屁搞出来的温室气体都比我们造的多 |
| [02:52] | It’s natural. | 这很自然 |
| [02:53] | Carbon dioxide is as safe as that barrel of freon. | 二氧化碳就像这桶氟里昂一样安全 |
| [03:00] | Woody, for once, try not to be such an ignorant, stubborn dickbag. | Woody 就这一次 别再做无知又固执的混球了 |
| [03:04] | We’ve all got to shrink our carbon footprints. | 我们都必须得减少排碳量 |
| [03:07] | I got a better idea. I’m going to expand my carbon footprint. | 我有个更好的主意 我要增加我的排碳量 |
| [03:11] | In fact, this ignorant, stubborn dickbag | 换言之 这个无知又固执的混球… |
| [03:14] | is gonna have the biggest goddamn carbon footprint in history | 要制造出历史上最特么大的排碳量 |
| [03:18] | just to prove you wrong. | 就为证明你是错的 |
| [03:20] | I better get inside. I don’t feel so goo… | 我得进屋歇一会 感觉不舒… |
| [03:27] | Dibs on the back tits. | 胸脯肉我要了 |
| [03:31] | ♪ Happy dappy bird ♪ | ♪ 快乐飞飞鸟 ♪ |
| [03:32] | ♪ I love dappy bird ♪ | ♪ 我爱飞飞鸟 ♪ |
| [03:34] | ♪ I have no life, and I’m dead on the inside ♪ | ♪ 人生已完蛋 我的内心几乎崩溃 ♪ |
| [03:36] | ♪ happy dappy bird ♪ | ♪ 快乐飞飞鸟 ♪ |
| [03:38] | Why’d you throw away my phone? | 干嘛把人家的手机扔了? |
| [03:40] | Because it’s up to us to counterbalance the damage that Woody is doing to this planet. | 因为现在得靠我们来中和Woody对地球进行的破坏了 |
| [03:45] | We’ve got to go green and cut our carbon footprints to zero. | 咱俩必须过得绿色一点 将排碳量降为零 |
| [03:50] | Can I at least keep my vibrator? It’s green. | 那我至少能留着震动棒吧? 绿色的咯 |
| [03:53] | I’m pretty sure it was white when you bought it. | 我很肯定当初你买来时是白的 |
| [03:55] | I feel like we’ve made some good progress here. | 感觉咱俩已经开始取得喜人进展了 |
| [03:58] | I can feel Mother Earth healing. | 都能感受到地球母亲在治愈 |
| [04:03] | Hey, Ethel, how do you like my “global warming’s bullshit” parade? | Ethel 你看我这场”全球变暖扯逑淡”游行怎么样? |
| [04:09] | – Yay! A parade! – Shut up, Connie. | – 好耶 游行 – 闭嘴 Connie |
| [04:12] | This whole thing is a “[bleep] you” to me. | 这根本就是在骂我”去我妈的” |
| [04:14] | – What makes you feel that way? – That sign does. | – 你怎么会这么想? – 上面写着呢 |
| [04:18] | Every float expands my carbon footprint, | 每台游行车都在扩大我的排碳量 |
| [04:21] | including the Woody Johnson musical farting cows. | 包括这些Woody Johnson放屁音乐牛 |
| [04:33] | Now, how can that not put a smile on your face? | 这些逗比玩意儿真是乐死人了 |
| [04:35] | – I hate cows. – What? How could you hate cows? | – 我讨厌牛 – 啊? 你怎么会讨厌牛呢? |
| [04:39] | There’s something off about them. | 它们身上有些地方不对劲 |
| [04:40] | They’re always watching us with those dead eyes. | 总是瞪着死牛眼看着我们 |
| [04:42] | It’s like they’re planning something. | 好像在策划什么事情 |
| [04:44] | – You scared of cows! – I’m not scared of cows. | – 怂熊害怕牛 – 我才不怕牛 |
| [04:48] | – Well, let’s go say hello. – No, no, no! | – 那咱就去打个招呼咯 – 别 别 别 |
| [04:51] | Hey, everybody, Malloy’s scared of cows! | 大家伙 Malloy害怕牛 |
| [04:53] | Okay, maybe a little. But it’s because of my animal instinct. | 好吧 也许有点 但这是出于我的动物本能 |
| [04:56] | I have heightened senses. Trust me, I don’t want this gift. | 我有高度敏感的直觉 相信我 我也不想这样的 |
| [05:01] | Connie, it’s going to be a heavy flow day. | Connie 你今天要来大姨妈了 |
| [05:02] | Thanks, Malloy. | 多谢了 Malloy |
| [05:04] | Well, I think cows are cool, especially ones that can fart Mozart. | 我反正觉得牛不错 尤其是这群会屁奏莫扎特的 |
| [05:10] | Oh, Ethel, you should see the look on your stupid fa… | Ethel 你真该看看自己蠢脸上的表忄… |
| [05:19] | C-Cold! | 冷冷… |
| [05:21] | From now on, no more hot water, Connie! What is that light? | 从现在开始 不准洗热水澡 Connie 那道光是什么? |
| [05:25] | A smoke detector. | 烟雾报警器 |
| [05:30] | Whoa. Are you off your meds? | 天哪 你今天吃药没? |
| [05:33] | I mean, yeah, [bleep] you, smoke detector. | 我是说 做得好 去屎吧 烟雾报警器 |
| [05:37] | We’ve gotta go somewhere that’s 100% green. | 我们得找个百分百绿色的地方去住 |
| [05:42] | Why should we accept you two outsiders into our community? | 给我们个接纳外来人入住的理由吧 |
| [05:46] | Because living here free of technology | 因为在这儿过远离科技的生活 |
| [05:48] | is the only way we can stop contributing to global warming. | 是我们唯一能做的阻止全球变暖的事 |
| [05:51] | I’m sorry, but our community doesn’t need any more nagging harpies. | 很抱歉 但我们社区不缺叨叨没完的恼人婆 |
| [05:55] | ow please leave. | 请回吧 |
| [06:00] | Okay. Here’s the key to your house, | 好吧 这是你的房钥匙 |
| [06:02] | and your ox can stay in the barn. | 那头牛可以睡在谷仓里 |
| [06:05] | What? 3 grand? Why the hell is my power bill so high? | 什么? 三千刀? 收我这么多电费搞毛啊? |
| [06:09] | 去屎吧 艾尔·戈尔 (美国前副总统 环保人士 毕生推行环保主义) | |
| [06:13] | It’s beautiful, Woody. | 美极了 Woody |
| [06:14] | Yeah, but trying to make carbon footprint history is making me go broke. | 是啊 但为打破排碳量历史记录 我已经濒临破产了 |
| [06:18] | Steve, climb to the top of that transformer and steal me some electricity. | Steve 去给我爬到变压器上偷点电下来 |
| [06:23] | I guess I gotta cut through this wire. | 就从这根线开始剪吧 |
| [06:25] | Steve, you idiot, you’re gonna get electrocuted! | Steve 你白痴啊 是不是想被电死啊 |
| [06:28] | Be safe. Use the wet, non-grounded metal hedge clippers. | 注意安全 换把沾水 非接地的金属园艺剪 |
| [06:31] | Good thinking! | 好主意 |
| [06:38] | Oh, no! Are you okay… | 我靠 你没事吧 |
| [06:40] | Hedge clippers? God damn it, Steve, you melted them! | 园艺剪? 我了个艹 Steve 被你给电熔了 |
| [06:45] | These were my favorite hedge clippers, you dumb son of a… ow! | 这可是我最喜欢的园艺剪 你个脑子被狗吃的… |
| [06:50] | Woody, move! | Woody 快闪开 |
| [06:51] | The transformer’s going to fall and crush you. | 马上变压器会倒下来把你砸死的 |
| [06:54] | I saw it happen. | 我预见到了 |
| [06:55] | What the hell are you talking about, Steve? | 你在废话些什么鬼啊 Steve? |
| [06:57] | Move! | 快躲 |
| [06:59] | Holy crap, Steve. You can see the future. | 我去啊 Steve 你可以预见未来 |
| [07:05] | Love them farting cows. | 爱死放屁牛了 |
| [07:07] | Now, play us out, ladies! | 送我们出画吧 妞们 |
| [07:18] | And then, Steve saw into the future. He is awesome. | 然后 Steve预见了未来 他真太牛X了 |
| [07:22] | Aw, seeing into the future is impossible. | 得了吧 预见未来只是天方夜谭 |
| [07:23] | So is Steve being awesome. | Steve牛X也是扯淡 |
| [07:25] | Hey, lay off my new favorite ranger! | 嘿 别侮辱我新青睐的林警 |
| [07:27] | Heh, show ’em, Steve. Do it again. | 来 Steve 再给他们看一次 |
| [07:29] | I’m glad you’re impressed, Woody, but I don’t know how I did it. | 能惊喜到你让我受宠若惊 Woody 但我不知道是怎么办到的 |
| [07:32] | I just got a shock and then… | 那时我刚好被电 然后… |
| [07:36] | – Denzel, you’re about to get punched. – See, this is bullshit. | – Denzel 你马上会挨打 – 看 一派胡言 |
| [07:39] | Nobody’s about to pu…Hey! | 没人会来打… |
| [07:41] | – That’s for ruining 60 years of marriage. – See? I told you. | – 这是你毁了我钻石婚的报应 – 看? 我说吧 |
| [07:45] | Steve, I am gonna put your power to good use. | Steve 我得好好利用你的超能力 |
| [07:48] | – It is amazing. – Not really. | – 碉堡了 – 才不是呢 |
| [07:50] | Denzel gets punched by old men ten times a day. | Denzel每天都要被老头围殴十多次 |
| [07:53] | – I guess I do… Ow! – You son of a bitch. | – 我想我确实是… – 你这狗杂种 |
| [07:55] | How am I supposed to follow that black anaconda? | 我特么怎么追得上你裤裆里那条黑蟒? |
| [07:58] | It’s like I’m [bleep] a basketball hoop. | 跟特么让我投篮一样扯淡 |
| [08:05] | – What time is it? – 4:30 A.M. | – 几点了? – 清晨四点半 |
| [08:07] | This was your first night, so we let you sleep in. | 头晚入住 我们就让你睡了个懒觉 |
| [08:10] | Morning, Ethel. | 早安 Ethel |
| [08:12] | You took away my electric razor, remember? | 你把我的电动剃须刀拿走了 记得不? |
| [08:15] | That’s the saddest beard I’ve seen since Kelly Preston. | 这是我打凯利·普雷斯顿之后见过最寒碜的胡子 |
| [08:19] | We don’t know who that is. | 不知道那是哪根葱 |
| [08:20] | Sister Ethel, you will do the house chores. | Ethel姐妹 你来打点家务吧 |
| [08:23] | Brother Connie, you will work with the rest of the men in the fields. | Connie兄弟 你就和地里的其他人一起务农吧 |
| [08:51] | Stupid cows. | 蠢X牛 |
| [08:54] | What was that? | 什么动静? |
| [08:56] | Is that you, blue oyster cult? | 是你吗 蓝蚝帮? |
| [09:10] | – You’re a little pussy. – I wasn’t scared! | – 你个小怂X – 我才没被吓到 |
| [09:13] | Oh, cow, don’t stab me with that knife that you’re somehow holding with no hands | 牛牛 别用你那一没手掌二没指头三没大拇哥的蹄子 |
| [09:17] | or fingers or opposable thumbs. | 拿刀来戳我啊 |
| [09:19] | Just leave me alone. | 不要理我啦 |
| [09:21] | Hey, is that Slaughter house 5? | 嘿 你在玩屠宰场5? |
| [09:23] | Watch this. I know how to unlock the bolt gun. | 给你露一手 看看怎么解锁电击枪 |
| [09:34] | All right, Steve, let’s not draw any attention to ourselves. | 好了 Steve 放低调点 不要声张 |
| [09:40] | 28 black. | 28点黑 |
| [09:43] | – Winner. 28 black. – Yes! | – 28点黑 赢了 – 棒 |
| [09:47] | We are just getting started, Steve-arino. | 好戏才刚刚开始呢 Steve兄弟 |
| [09:49] | But, Woody, I could die from all these shocks. | 但是Woody 这么下去我会电死的 |
| [09:52] | Let’s check. Do you die from all these shocks? | 让我看看 你会被电死吗? |
| [09:56] | – No. – Then let’s clean this bitch out! | – 不 – 那就走起赢他个精光 |
| [10:08] | I never thought I’d say this, but good job, Steve. | 没想到我会表扬你 但做得不错 Steve |
| [10:11] | Thanks, Woody. But, uh, what are you gonna do with all of this money? | 谢谢你 Woody 那… 这么多钱你打算怎么花? |
| [10:15] | I’m gonna use it to keep a little promise I made to Ethel. | 我要用它来兑现我许给Ethel的承诺 |
| [10:25] | With us today is Woody Johnson, | 我们今天的嘉宾是Woody Johnson |
| [10:27] | the man with the biggest carbon footprint on Earth. | 地球上排碳量最大的男人 |
| [10:29] | Neil, your head is even more gigantic in person. | Neil 你脑袋比平时电视上看到的还要大 |
| [10:32] | – It’s very impressive. – Thanks. | – 真是太壮观了 – 谢谢夸奖 |
| [10:34] | Woody, what exactly does your company, Woody Johnson Inc., produce? | Woody 你这个Woody Johnson公司到底生产什么东西呢? |
| [10:38] | We produce carbon dioxide. | 产二氧化碳啊 |
| [10:40] | – That’s it? – Yep. | – 只产这个? – 没错儿 |
| [10:42] | We need more heroes like you, Mr. Johnson. | 咱就缺你这种敢做还敢说的英雄 Johnson先生 |
| [10:44] | – Wouldn’t you agree, Bill Nye? – No, I couldn’t disagree more. | – 你同意吗 比尔·奈? – 不 我完全不同意 |
| [10:48] | That bow tie makes me want to punch the shit out of you. | 你那领结逗得老子想扁你个屁滚尿流 |
| [10:51] | Neil, global warming is real. | Neil 全球变暖并非虚构 |
| [10:53] | And the CO2 level in Brickleberry industrial park is the highest on record. | 脆莓工业园的二氧化碳水平已达到历史新高 |
| [10:57] | A scientist is basically a gay wizard. | 科学家就是搞基的江湖骗子而已 |
| [11:00] | Scientifically speaking, it’s almost in the dangerous red zone. | 严谨地来说 指数马上就到危险的红区了 |
| [11:04] | What happens if it goes into the red? | 到了红区会怎么样? |
| [11:06] | We don’t really know, but it won’t be good. | 还没遇到过 但肯定不是好事 |
| [11:08] | Knowingly increasing your carbon footprint | 故意增加排碳量 如Woody Johnson先生所为 |
| [11:11] | like Mr. Johnson is doing is absolutely despicable. | 绝对是可耻的行迳 |
| [11:14] | I’m Bill Nye. This dick tastes so good. | 我是比尔·奈 这屌味道真好 |
| [11:17] | Nummy, nummy. Mmm-mmm-mmm. | 好吃 好吃 呣呣呣 |
| [11:21] | This was the worst day of my life! | 老娘这辈子都没这么糟心过 |
| [11:24] | This was the best day of my life! | 我这辈子都没这么开心过 |
| [11:26] | – How was your day, sister Ethel? – Greatest day ever. | – 今天过得如何 Ethel姐妹? – 好得不能再好 |
| [11:30] | Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. I think we should live here forever. | 好哎 好哎 好哎 咱们一辈子都住这儿吧 |
| [11:32] | I really feel at home among the Aim-ish. | 跟”屙米屎人”在一起真是无拘无束 |
| [11:35] | First of all, it’s Amish! | 首先 发音是”阿米什人” |
| [11:36] | Second, your face looks like a fat turd rolled in orangutan hair. | 其次 你那张脸就像一坨裹了猩猩毛的翔 |
| [11:40] | But at prayer service, | 但做祷告的时候 |
| [11:41] | you said I looked like Abe Lincoln raped Carrot Top. | 你不是还说我长得像林肯强奸”胡萝卜头”留下的种吗? |
| [11:44] | I need some alone time! | 老娘要自己静一静 |
| [11:46] | I guess I’ll go read the bible by candlelight. | 老娘只能借着烛光去读圣经了 |
| [11:51] | Ethel, I’m sorry I mispronounced Am-osh. | Ethel 抱歉我刚才说成了”阿妈屎人” |
| [11:54] | – I, uh, hey! – Connie…! | – 我… 嘿 – Connie |
| [11:58] | Is that Happy dappy bird? | 你在玩”快乐飞飞鸟”? |
| [12:01] | How could you do this after you made me throw away all my stuff? | 你怎么能这样? 当时是你逼着我扔掉我的东西 |
| [12:04] | Living like this was just too hard. | 这样的生活实在好艰苦 |
| [12:07] | You’re a hypocrite, and you broke the rules of our Aa-mish people. | 你个装逼婊 而且你还破了咱”爱妹屎人”的戒规 |
| [12:10] | – I’m sorry, Connie. – Sorry?! | – 对不起嘛 Connie – 对不起?! |
| [12:12] | Do you know how much it sucks using a hand-cranked vibrator? | 你知道用手摇式震动棒有多痛苦吗? |
| [12:18] | Now if you’ll excuse me, | 对不起 失陪了 |
| [12:19] | I’ve got to go pick the splinters out of my cooch. | 老娘得去挑鲍鱼里的木刺 |
| [12:22] | I’ve been pissing toothpicks since Tuesday! | 从周二起老娘就一直在尿牙签 |
| [12:26] | Every 3 feet. You know what that means? | 每三英尺一坨 知道这意味着什么吗? |
| [12:30] | – That cows shit a lot? – It’s a sign! | – 奶牛很能拉? – 这是种征兆 |
| [12:32] | The cows are trying to communicate something. | 奶牛们在尝试传达某种信息 |
| [12:35] | What are you, some kind of conspiracy nut? | 难不成你是阴谋论患者? |
| [12:37] | These cows are probably just trying to say | 这些牛很可能只是想说 |
| [12:38] | “free psychedelic mushrooms.” | “来尝免费致幻小蘑菇” |
| [12:40] | You haven’t been eating those, have you? | 你不会一直在吃那玩意儿吧? |
| [12:42] | Now what makes you say that? | 你怎么会这样说? |
| [12:46] | Okay, Steve, I need some more important information about the future. | 好啦 Steve 我还需要更多关于未来的重要信息 |
| [12:50] | Will I like that new Adam Sandler movie? | 我会喜欢亚当·桑德勒的那部新电影吗? |
| [12:55] | You say it’s about as funny as Schindler’s List. | 你说它跟《辛德勒的名单》一样搞笑 |
| [12:58] | Wow! That funny?! One more, Steve. | 哇 有那么搞笑?! 再来一次 Steve |
| [13:01] | Will this chalupa give me the shits? | 吃了这个卷饼会窜稀吗? |
| [13:11] | This environmental disaster that could mean the end for mankind | 这次环境灾害可能意味着人类的灭绝 |
| [13:15] | is being blamed on one man: Woody Johnson. | 祸根归咎于一个人 Woody Johnson |
| [13:18] | – Oh, Jim, don’t stop. – I can’t stop. I’m stuck. | – Jim 不要停 – 停不下来 卡在里面了 |
| [13:27] | Oh, you’re alive. I’ll just save this for later then. | 你还活着啊 这东西我就先留着吧 |
| [13:30] | Woody, Ethel was right about everything. | Woody Ethel之前所说都是对的 |
| [13:33] | You’ve got to shut this place down. | 你必须关掉这鬼地方 |
| [13:35] | God, don’t tell me you’re going to start with this global warming horseshit. | 老天 别告诉我你也要开始逼逼全球变暖这种屁话了 |
| [13:39] | Woody, we both know that I can see the future, right? | Woody 你我都清楚我可以预见未来 对吧 |
| [13:42] | – Uh-huh. – So when a person that can see the future | – 嗯哼 – 那能预知未来的人 |
| [13:45] | tells you that global warming is real, | 告诉你全球变暖真实存在 |
| [13:47] | don’t you think you should believe him? | 你是不是应该相信他才对? |
| [13:48] | I only believe hard facts, like pregnant virgins, talking snakes, and magical Jews. | 我只信不争的事实 比如怀胎的处女 会说话的蛇 会魔法的犹太人 |
| [13:53] | It’s simple. Shut this place down, or everyone will die! | 现实很骨感 关掉这地方 否则大家都得死 |
| [13:58] | If you want Woody Incorporated shut down, | 如果你想让Woody公司停工 |
| [14:01] | you’ll have to kill me first. | 你得先干掉我 |
| [14:04] | Now, future boy, tell me if you saw this coming. | 现在 未来仔 你预见到爷要做啥没? |
| [14:12] | – What’s up, Woody? – Steve, real quick before you go splat, | – 咋滴啦 Woody? – Steve 在你碎一地前快告诉我 |
| [14:15] | – will the chalupa give me the shits? – Yes, it will. | – 吃了这个卷饼会窜稀吗? – 会的 |
| [14:18] | Ah, [bleep] it. I’m eating it anyway. | 管它娘的 老子还是要吃 |
| [14:22] | Oh, that was quick. | 真是立竿见影 |
| [14:24] | – Denzel, we have to kill Woody. – Yep. | – Denzel 咱们得杀掉Woody – 对 |
| [14:27] | – Don’t you want to know why? – Nope. | – 你不想知道原因吗? – 不 |
| [14:29] | But I’m no match for Woody. | 但我打不过Woody啊 |
| [14:30] | Steve, you have the ability to see into the future. | Steve 你有预见未来的能力 |
| [14:33] | – You’re like a superhero! – That’s only when I’m being shocked. | – 你就像个超级英雄 – 我得被整麻了才有能力 |
| [14:36] | Yeah, well, I guess it’s one in the pee-hole and two in the b-hole. Let’s get to it. | 那好吧 一指插你独眼龙 两指开你后庭花 咱开工吧 |
| [14:39] | With electricity. | 我是说被电整麻了 |
| [14:40] | Oh, then we need to come up with some new technology, | 哦 那我们需要整点高科技 |
| [14:42] | so you can control your superpower. | 让你能控制你的超能力 |
| [14:44] | A shock collar? Aren’t these for dogs? | 电击项圈? 这不是狗用的吗? |
| [14:47] | Yeah, just bark to activate it. | 对 学狗叫就来电了 |
| [14:49] | I thought you said this would be cool, like Iron Man. | 你刚才不是说会像钢铁侠一样 酷炫得一逼 |
| [14:52] | One, Tony Stark is a billionaire. | 首先 托尼·史塔克可是亿万富翁 |
| [14:54] | And two, I’m still high as [bleep] on mushrooms! | 其次 哥的蘑菇劲儿还特么没过呢 |
| [15:00] | Okay, Ethel, you can do this. | 好的 Ethel 你能做到的 |
| [15:03] | Screw it! | 去他的吧 |
| [15:06] | See? I told you she was breaking the rules. | 看 我告诉你们她会破坏规矩的 |
| [15:08] | What are we gonna do to her, brothers? | 我们该怎么处置她 兄弟们? |
| [15:10] | Give her extra laundry duty? | 让她多洗衣服吗? |
| [15:12] | Let this be a lesson to all of you. Technology is evil. | 杀一儆百 科技是邪恶的 |
| [15:16] | And those of you who use it must die. | 用科技产品的人必须死 |
| [15:19] | Uh, don’t you guys think this is a little harsh? | 你们不觉得这有点过头了吗? |
| [15:22] | No. And there’s only one thing worse than technology: | 不觉得 只有一个东西比科技更坏 |
| [15:27] | – Tattletales. – God damn it. | – 告密者 – 该死的 |
| [15:34] | You here to kill me, future boy? | 你是来杀我的对吗 未来仔? |
| [15:36] | Woody, I’m gonna give you one more chance to shut this plant down. | Woody 我再给你一次机会 快把这地方关了 |
| [15:40] | Sure. Let me just grab my shut-down button. | 好吧 等我找到关闭的按钮 |
| [15:45] | Looking for this? Give it up. | 在找这个吗? 放弃吧 |
| [15:48] | With this collar, all I have to do is bark, | 有这项圈 我学狗叫就妥了 |
| [15:50] | and I’ll know everything you’re gonna do before you do it. | 不等你下手 我就能看到你要做什么勾当 |
| [15:53] | Crap. Really? | 该死 真的? |
| [15:54] | Well, what happens next? Do I beat the shit out of you? | 接下来发生什么? 我把你揍得屁滚尿流? |
| [15:57] | – No. – I do now. | – 不会的 – 现在会了 |
| [16:05] | Oh, look, over there! | 看你背后 |
| [16:06] | Viggo Mortensen is behind you sucking himself off. | 维果·莫特森正给自己口交口得欢呢 |
| [16:09] | I know you’re lying. | 我知道你在撒谎 |
| [16:12] | I have to look. | 但我必须得看看 |
| [16:25] | I knew you’d hide here. | 就知道你会躲这里 |
| [16:29] | Quick, take me to the airport! | 快 带我去机场 |
| [16:31] | So you can fly to Australia and change your name to Rick Swordfire? | 好让你逃到澳大利亚改名叫Rick Swordfire嘛? |
| [16:35] | Oh, god damn it! | 日了狗了 |
| [16:40] | – My powers are too much for you, Woody. – Yeah, but you’re still stupid. | – 凭我对付你小菜一碟 Woody – 是啦 但你还是蠢蛋 |
| [16:49] | At this rate, we’ll starve to death before we burn to death. | 就这速度 没等烧死 我们得先活活饿死 |
| [16:52] | Well, it’s been five hours, but… | 这都五个小时了 但是… |
| [16:57] | I think I’ve got it just about start… | 看来可以了 |
| [17:01] | Sorry. Front fart. | 抱歉 我放阴屁了 |
| [17:05] | Calm down, people. Stake burnings always take a while. | 别着急 各位 钻木取火总是需要时间的 |
| [17:09] | – Unless you all know a better way. – I’ve got a lighter! | – 除非你们有更好的办法 – 我有个打火机 |
| [17:13] | – God damn it. – Connie, I’ve got an idea. | – 该死的 – Connie 我有个主意 |
| [17:16] | Reach in my pocket and grab my… | 把手放到我裤兜里 抓住… |
| [17:18] | Phone! Grab my phone, you idiot. | 我是说手机 你这个白痴 |
| [17:21] | Oh, I thought you wanted to go out with a bang. | 我以为你让我搞你一次呢 |
| [17:24] | – A finger ba… – Yeah, I got it. | – 指交… – 我知道 |
| [17:27] | Happy dappy bird? | 快乐飞飞鸟? |
| [17:29] | This is evil technology. It’s a… | 这是邪恶的科技 真是… |
| [17:33] | Oh, no, watch out for that pipe, dappy bird. | 小心啊 小心那个管子 飞飞鸟 |
| [17:36] | – Me next! – Me too! | – 下一个是我 – 我也要玩 |
| [17:40] | Wait. What are we doing? | 等等 我们在干嘛? |
| [17:43] | God damn it. Who the hell’s gonna light all these? | 该死的 谁来给我们点火呢? |
| [17:49] | What the hell is all this? | 这是怎么回事? |
| [17:50] | I’ve had a breakthrough, Denzel. What do cows eat? | 我搞明白了 Denzel 牛吃什么? |
| [17:54] | – Grass? – Grass. | – 吃草? – 吃草 |
| [17:56] | Grassy Knoll? Cows killed JFK. | 碧草丘? 是牛刺杀了肯尼迪 |
| [18:01] | Why the hell would a cow want to kill the president? | 为什么牛要刺杀总统? |
| [18:03] | Can’t you see that it’s all coming to a head? | 你看不出这其中的联系吗? |
| [18:05] | They are getting ready for something. | 他们在密谋一些事情 |
| [18:07] | Look at these satellite photos from all over the world. | 看看这些全世界的卫星照片 |
| [18:09] | Cows are grouping together, organizing, | 这些牛在互相联系 秘密组织 |
| [18:12] | – forming into some kind of… – Herd? | – 他们打算组成… – 牛群吗? |
| [18:15] | I was gonna say clan, but I’m in mixed company. | 我打算说要族群的 但是我不能乱说 |
| [18:18] | All right, I’ve had enough of this nonsense. | 好啦 听够你这些胡言乱语了 |
| [18:19] | There’s only one way to beat an irrational fear: Face it. | 对付恐惧只有一个办法 面对它 |
| [18:22] | I’m gonna prove to you that cows are kind, peaceful animals. | 我要向你证明 牛是善良和平的动物 |
| [18:26] | How? | 怎么证明? |
| [18:27] | Hey! No! Off! Ugh! Gross. | 停手 恶心死了 |
| [18:31] | See? She likes you. | 你看? 她喜欢你 |
| [18:39] | Oh, shit! | 该死 |
| [18:40] | You forced me to do this, Woody. | 你逼我这么做的 Woody |
| [18:43] | Don’t do it, Steve. | 别这样 Steve |
| [18:45] | Woody, where did you hide my Christmas presents? | Woody 你把我的圣诞礼物藏哪里了? |
| [18:47] | They’re in the closet, top shelf! | 在壁橱的最顶层 |
| [18:49] | – Fire away, Steve. – Yeah, Steve. | – 开枪吧 Steve – 是啊 Steve |
| [18:51] | This thing you told me to watch but I forgot to watch is almost in the red. | 你让我监视这玩意的 但我忘了 指针马上接近红区了 |
| [19:04] | Oh, shit. | 该死 |
| [19:10] | You see? Nothing happened. | 你看? 什么也没发生 |
| [19:21] | Hands up, humans. | 举起手来 人类 |
| [19:24] | What did I tell you? | 跟你说什么来着? |
| [19:29] | You see, thousands of years ago, | 是这样 几千年前 |
| [19:31] | we sent a small group of our kind to this planet. | 我们派了一些同类来到这个星球 |
| [19:33] | Their mission was to rectally release greenhouse gases | 他们的任务就是不停的排放温室气体 |
| [19:36] | and raise them to a level that our kind can thrive in. | 把环境改造成我们能存活的标准 |
| [19:40] | Okay, is anyone else seeing this shit? | 这玩意不会是我嗑嗨了才出现的吧? |
| [19:41] | We estimated that it would take another 71 million years, | 我们以为还要用七千一百万年的 |
| [19:45] | but thanks to this idiot, we’ll be taking over today. | 但谢这白痴 我们今天就能拿下地球了 |
| [19:50] | B-B-But we can live together in peace and harmony, right? | 但… 但是我们能和平共处的对吧? |
| [19:54] | Sure. That’s the plan. | 没错 计划是这样 |
| [19:57] | They’ve been eating you? | 他们吃你们? |
| [20:00] | Yanking on your teats? | 挤你们的奶 |
| [20:04] | But you’re cool with India? Got it. | 但印度人对你们很好 明白了 |
| [20:06] | Well, so much for peace and harmony. | 去你的和平共处吧 |
| [20:12] | Woody Woody! | |
| [20:14] | Thank god we’re home. We’ll be safe here. | 谢谢上帝我们回家了 这里安全了 |
| [20:17] | Yeah, we got those motherfuckers, didn’t we? | 我们收拾了这群王八蛋了对吧? |
| [20:20] | Denzel! Nooo! | Denzel 不 |
| [20:26] | Thank god. It was all a dream. | 谢谢上帝 只是一场梦 |
| [20:29] | I must went into a coma when I got electrocuted on that transformer. | 我肯定是被电击之后昏过去了 |
| [20:32] | Oh, you’re awake. | 哦 你醒了 |
| [20:33] | Just in time to go into human’s livery. | 刚好赶上我们开始奴役人类 |
| [20:36] | We’ll take it from here, Dr. Moosniak. | 把他交给我们吧 Moosniak医生 |
| [20:38] | No. No, no, nooo! | 不 不 不 |
| [20:46] | This is awesome! | 吊炸天了 |