| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:00] | 明星们恨我们 因此拒绝给我们配音 （其实他们这么做还是蛮明智的…… 故片中明星均非本人配音 包括耶稣 | |
| [00:12] | Am I gonna die, captain? | 队长 我要死了吗? |
| [00:13] | It’ll be all right, private. Do you hear me? | 你会没事的 列兵 听见了嘛? |
| [00:15] | You need to look that angel of death right in the eye and shout– | 你要直视死神的双眼 对他大喊 |
| [00:18] | “what the shit is that?” | 卧槽什么鸟玩意? |
| [00:20] | – Macho man t-shirt. – A macho man t-shirt? | – 肌肉男T恤 – 肌肉男T恤? |
| [00:23] | All right, everyone stop! | 好吧 大家都停下 |
| [00:27] | God damn it, I told all of you we need to make this authentic, and look at you. | 天杀的 我都说过了每个人要做到尽量真实 可看看你们 |
| [00:31] | Uh, yeah, you guys. Don’t you know what rebels look like? | 是啊 你们这些家伙 不知道叛军该长什么样吗? |
| [00:35] | The only one taking this reenactment seriously is Dr. Kuzniak. | 唯一严肃对待这次场景重现的只有Kuzniak医生 |
| [00:39] | Reenactment? What reenactment? | 重现? 什么场景重现? |
| [00:41] | Quick question, can I buy him? | 问个问题 能把他买回家不? |
| [00:43] | This some bullshit. | 什么狗屁玩意 |
| [00:45] | I don’t give a shit about your cotton-picking problems. | 老子懒得鸟你们这帮收棉花的鸟人 |
| [00:48] | See what I did there? | 我这句用词妙吧? |
| [00:50] | I’ma get you for this, asshole. | 你丫给我等着 混蛋 |
| [00:52] | Quit complaining. You’re not the only slave here. | 抱怨个毛啊 这儿又不止你一个奴隶 |
| [00:57] | Denzel, the most important thing in civil war reenactment is historical accuracy. | Denzel 内战重演的重中之重 就是确保历史的准确性 |
| [01:03] | Hold on. It’s a, uh… | 等等 有个… |
| [01:04] | A call from the future. | 来自未来的召唤 |
| [01:06] | What? | 干嘛? |
| [01:07] | Listen, some old woman called claiming to be your mother. | 听着 有个老女人打电话来 自称是你老娘 |
| [01:09] | I said, “that’s a cruel joke. His mom is dead.” | 我跟丫说这玩笑可真没人性 他老娘早死了 |
| [01:12] | Then she got really upset. She said she’s on her way over. | 然后她就气炸了 说正往这边赶呢 |
| [01:15] | Mommy? | 妈咪? |
| [01:16] | No! | 不 |
| [01:20] | Captain’s leading the charge. | 队长打头阵啦 |
| [01:22] | Let’s get them sumbitches! | 俺们去干翻那些狗娘养的 |
| [01:26] | Hey, no fair. I shot you. | 太扯了吧 我打中你了 |
| [01:28] | Lick my musket balls, yankee. | 跪舔老子的”子蛋”吧 北方佬 |
| [01:29] | Four score and seven– | 八十七年前… |
| [01:35] | We just won the civil war. | 俺们打赢了内战嘿 |
| [01:37] | I told you the south would rise again. | 俺说过南方还会东山再起的吧 |
| [01:39] | It’s going to be just like the good old days. | 一切都会跟过去一样兴隆的 |
| [01:43] | Awkward. | 糗了 |
| [01:56] | Wheel… | 幸… |
| [01:58] | Of… | 运… |
| [01:59] | Fortune! | 轮 |
| [02:00] | I’m Pat Sajak, and it’s identical twins week here on wheel. | 我是派特·萨加克 本周幸运轮请到的都是双胞胎 |
| [02:03] | Either that or I’m extremely drunk again. | 不然就是我又喝高了 |
| [02:08] | Pat’s so funny. | 派特好好笑噢 |
| [02:09] | Connie, where were you? | Connie 你跑哪去了? |
| [02:11] | You missed the whole reenactment. | 整场场景重现你都不在 |
| [02:12] | Oh, sorry, Ethel. I’ve been busy. | 抱歉 Ethel 我很忙 |
| [02:15] | Today’s the day my lifelong dream will finally come true. | 今天是我实现毕生夙愿的日子 |
| [02:18] | Connie, they’ve been putting cheese in the crust for years now. | Connie 饭店好几年前就开始往面包皮里加芝士了 |
| [02:20] | No, my other lifelong dream. | 不是那个 另一个毕生夙愿 |
| [02:23] | Wheel of Fortune is coming to Hazelhurst. | 《幸运轮》要来褐丘了 |
| [02:25] | Here, you can read all about it in the Daily Patter. | 你看《派仔日报》上写得清清楚楚的 |
| [02:28] | You subscribe to a daily Pat Sajak newsletter? | 你订了派特·萨加克的日报? |
| [02:32] | No, silly, I write it. | 订什么啦 我是主编 |
| [02:33] | And I’ve been watching 86 straight hours of Wheel to get ready for my tryout. | 为了给选拔赛热身 我已经连看86小时的《幸运轮》了 |
| [02:37] | Want to borrow some tapes? I have every episode ever. | 想借点录像回去吗? 每一集我都有 |
| [02:40] | This one’s a mix tape. | 这集是录像集锦 |
| [02:42] | All love puzzles. | 都是爱情字谜噢 |
| [02:44] | Time for me to go camp out in line. | 是时候去露营啦 |
| [02:49] | Oh, pat, I can’t wait to meet you in person. | 噢 派特 人家已经等不及要见到你真人了 |
| [02:52] | Whoa, you stink. | 喔 你真是臭死了 |
| [02:55] | Code red, Malloy. | 红色警报啊 Malloy |
| [02:56] | We got to clean this place up before mommy gets here. | 我们要在妈咪到来之前好好收拾一下这里 |
| [02:59] | Here. Let me help you. | 走着 我来帮你 |
| [03:02] | I got to clear my google history and my bing history | 我得清除一下谷歌和必应的搜索记录 |
| [03:04] | And all the things I asked jeeves ab out squirters. | 还有所有问过的关于潮吹的问题 |
| [03:07] | You know what? Screw it. | 算了 玩蛋去吧 |
| [03:10] | If your mom’s still alive, then whose ashes are in that urn? | 要是你妈还活着 那那个罐子装的是谁的骨灰? |
| [03:13] | Ex-girlfriend who gave me some lip. | 对我语出不敬的前女友 |
| [03:15] | It also doubles as a swear jar. | 另外这也是个脏话罐 |
| [03:17] | Why did you tell everybody your mom was dead in the first place? | 那你之前干嘛要告诉大伙你妈死了? |
| [03:19] | Because she’s a [bleep] nightmare. | 因为她是个操蛋的噩梦 |
| [03:23] | The year was 1968, | 记得那是1968年 |
| [03:25] | And I was just an average american boy. | 我当时只是个普普通通的美国小男孩 |
| [03:31] | Son! | 儿子 |
| [03:32] | Uh, a fire started on my pee pee, and I had to rub it out. | 我的丁丁着火了 我得摩擦灭火啊 |
| [03:35] | I think it’s time you learned about the birds and the bees. | 我想是时候让你接受一点启蒙教育了 |
| [03:39] | – She talked to you about sex. So what? – About sex? | – 她给你做了性教育 又怎样? – 性教育? |
| [03:42] | She locked me in a closet full of birds and bees! | 她把我关在全是鸟和蜜蜂的衣柜里了 |
| [03:47] | This is what happens to boys who touch their dirty pecker. | 这就是小男孩偷摸那个脏东西的下场哦 |
| [03:51] | Just because you’re a big baby, you deprived me of a grandmother? | 就因为你的幼稚 你就剥夺我享受奶奶疼爱的权利? |
| [03:55] | The one person whose job it is to spoil me. | 这个人的全职可就是溺爱我啊 |
| [03:58] | Someone is going to pay for this. | 有人要为此付出代价 |
| [04:00] | The jews? | 犹太佬吗? |
| [04:01] | Dear god, she’s here! | 我滴个神呐 她来了 |
| [04:03] | Quick! I got to put on this christmas sweater she knitted me. | 快 得穿上她给我织的圣诞毛衣 |
| [04:05] | Well, that puts the “christ” in christmas. | 这件还真是”剩蛋”气息浓重 |
| [04:09] | Woodrow, my dear. | Woodrow 我的小宝贝 |
| [04:11] | Hi, mommy. | 嗨 妈咪 |
| [04:12] | Oh, what a lovely home you have here. | 噢 你住的地方真漂亮 |
| [04:15] | Uh-oh, dusty. | 呃噢 有灰噢 |
| [04:17] | You forgot to dust our plant when you were little. | 你小时候也会忘记给盆栽除尘 |
| [04:19] | That’s why your father left. | 所以你把才抛弃了我们 |
| [04:21] | I’m sorry, mommy. I’m a bad boy. | 我错了 妈咪 我不乖 |
| [04:23] | Spank me. Spank me! | 打我吧 打我吧 |
| [04:25] | Oh, don’t be silly, Woodrow. | 噢 别犯傻了 Woodrow |
| [04:27] | – We’ll just call that strike one. – Oh, okay. | – 这是初犯 三振才出局呢 – 噢 好吧 |
| [04:30] | Malloy, forget you saw that. | Malloy 装作啥也没看见 |
| [04:32] | Oh, I wish I could. | 我倒是想呢 |
| [04:33] | And you must be my cute little grandcubby. | 你肯定就是我可爱的熊外孙孙了 |
| [04:38] | I am, gam-gam. | 是的呢 好奶奶 |
| [04:39] | Oh, I can’t wait to spoil you to death. | 真是等不及要宠坏我乖孙孙了 |
| [04:42] | See, Woody? Grandma’s not a horrible [bleep] like you said. | 看见没 Woody 奶奶才不是你说的那种烂婊子呢 |
| [04:46] | My little comedian. | 我开个玩笑嘛 |
| [04:48] | Don’t listen to him, mommy. I love having you here. | 别听他的 妈咪 我很高兴你能来 |
| [04:50] | Oh, good, because I was thrown out of the nursing home. | 那敢情好 正好养老院也把我赶出来了 |
| [04:53] | Apparently when your roommate cheats at bingo, | 看来就算你室友玩宾果游戏作了弊 |
| [04:56] | You’re not allowed to cut her feeding tube. | 你也不能剪断她的喂食管 |
| [04:58] | So I’m moving here forever. | 所以我打算在这儿常住了 |
| [05:01] | – What? – Yay! | – 什么? – 万岁 |
| [05:02] | You can have Woody’s room. | 你可以和Woody住一起 |
| [05:03] | Wonderful. | 棒极了 |
| [05:05] | You ought to make Woody one of those “don’t touch your pecker” sweaters… | 您这礼拜最好赶着给Woody织一件写”别碰你脏蛋”的毛衣 |
| [05:09] | for every day of the week. He’s got a problem. | 他病得不轻呢 |
| [05:21] | Would you like to solve the puzzle? | 请问能把字谜解出来吗? |
| [05:24] | Tuh-hee caht… Eyen…Tuh-hee hawt. | 那个啥… 喵… 在那… 头戴的… 玩意里 |
| [05:30] | Next. | 下一位 |
| [05:31] | Okay. Give the wheel a spin. | 好的 转一下幸运轮吧 |
| [05:35] | – Oh, [bleep] this. – Next. | – 我擦嘞 – 下一位 |
| [05:38] | Tell us a little something about you. | 请简单做下自我介绍 |
| [05:39] | My name’s Connie, and if I ever met Pat Sajak, I’d probably crap myself. | 我叫Connie 如果能见到派特·萨加克 我会兴奋得拉一裤子屎 |
| [05:44] | Good job, Connie. | 好样的 Connie |
| [05:45] | – Okay, Connie. This first one is a phrase– – I’d like to solve the puzzle. | – 好的 Connie 第一关是个短语 – 我知道答案是什么 |
| [05:49] | “a partridge in a pear tree.” | “梨树旁的鹧鸪” |
| [05:52] | Oh, my god. | 我的天 |
| [05:53] | That’s amazing. Looks like we filled our last slot. | 简直不可思议 看来最后一位参赛者出现了 |
| [05:56] | Very impressive. | 真厉害 |
| [05:58] | P-p-pat Sajak? | 派-派-派特·萨加克? |
| [06:10] | And this is his first day of kindergarten. | 这张是他第一天上幼儿园的照片 |
| [06:12] | I think we all know what bus he was riding. | 我想大家都知道他坐的是什么车 |
| [06:15] | I had to come to school six times that day. | 那天我去了六趟学校 |
| [06:18] | Because he missed his mommy? | 因为他想妈咪了吗? |
| [06:19] | No, because he refused to consume anything but my breast milk until he was 17. | 哪儿呀 因为他17岁以前啥都不吃就吃我的奶头 |
| [06:26] | You made me do that! | 都是你逼我吃的 |
| [06:28] | You said solid food would give me polio. | 你说固体食物会让我得小儿麻痹症 |
| [06:30] | What’s that, Woodrow? | 再说一遍 Woodrow? |
| [06:31] | Uh, mommy milk is nummy yummy. | 呃 妈妈的奶奶好香甜呀 |
| [06:34] | Damn, who’s the kinky hottie with the wrinkly body? | 天 哪里来了这么一位皮肤皱巴骨头软塌的美女? |
| [06:39] | Oh, no. Oh, no, no. No, you don’t. No way. | 噢不 噢不不 不 别打她主意 不要 |
| [06:41] | Call me Denzel. | 请叫我Denzel |
| [06:43] | Oh, my. | 天呐 |
| [06:45] | Well, aren’t you just the sweetest young man? | 哎呀 你一定是这世上最可爱的年轻人吧? |
| [06:48] | Anita Johnson. | 我叫Anita Johnson |
| [06:50] | Good, ’cause you about to get a big one. | 很好 因为一会儿你肯定会被我惊艳到的 |
| [06:52] | You certainly come on strong. | 你确实是个令人惊艳的小伙子 |
| [06:54] | Oh, I come on a lot of things. Want me to show you? | 我还有很多地方能惊艳到你呢 带你见识见识呗? |
| [06:56] | All right, Denzel. Get out of here! | 够了 Denzel 快滚出去 |
| [07:00] | Oh, my baby’s upset. | 噢 我的宝贝来脾气了 |
| [07:03] | Maybe he needs some of mommy’s nummy yummy. | 没准他需要来点妈妈那甜甜的奶奶 |
| [07:05] | Great idea, Malloy. | 说得对 Malloy |
| [07:07] | Oh, no, no, no! I had a big breakfast. | 不用不用不用 我早餐吃不少了 |
| [07:09] | Suck it, Woodrow. | 快吸 Woodrow |
| [07:14] | Milk’s gone bad. | 这奶过期了 |
| [07:17] | So, uh, what time should I be here for the taping? | 那我… 什么时候再来录节目? |
| [07:20] | Connie, the insurance adjuster is telling us | Connie 保险理算员告诉我们 |
| [07:21] | The smartest thing to do would be to set fire to this building. | 我们放把火把这楼给烧了是最明智的 |
| [07:24] | Even the soil on which this building stands | 就连这大楼底下的土地 |
| [07:26] | Has been rendered barren for generations to come. | 都会因此贫瘠化 数代人无法于此耕种 |
| [07:29] | So short answer, there will be no taping. | 简而言之就是 不会录节目了 |
| [07:31] | Not for you, not ever, please go. | 不给你录 永远不录 消失吧 |
| [07:33] | No! I can’t go! | 不 我不能走 |
| [07:34] | This is my dream! | 这是我的梦想 |
| [07:36] | We got a spinner. Tranq her and yank her. | 这儿来了个瞎转的 麻了她 把她带走 |
| [07:44] | Mommy, listen. You got to stay away from this Denzel guy. | 妈咪 听我说 你得离Denzel这家伙远点 |
| [07:47] | He’s trouble. | 他很危险 |
| [07:48] | Trust me, he eats old ladies for breakfast. | 相信我 他每天早上都会吃老妪 |
| [07:50] | Oh, you don’t need to tell me, son. | 噢 你不用和我说啦 儿子 |
| [07:53] | He’s doing that to me right now. | 他现在就在吃我呢 |
| [07:55] | ‘Sup, Woody? | 咋的 Woody? |
| [07:56] | You son of a bitch! I’ll kill you! | 你这狗畜生 我干死你 |
| [07:59] | Woody, stop. That’s no way to treat your father. | Woody 住手 哪儿有这么对爸爸的? |
| [08:02] | My father? | 我爸爸? |
| [08:03] | Oh, you didn’t hear? We got married. | 你没听明白? 我们结婚了 |
| [08:06] | I’m your daddy. | 我现在是你老爹 |
| [08:11] | Good morning, son. | 早上好呀 儿子 |
| [08:12] | I hope all that screaming your mama did last night didn’t keep you up. | 但愿昨晚你妈的尖叫没害你睡不着 |
| [08:15] | – I didn’t notice. – Really? | – 我没听到 – 是嘛? |
| [08:17] | Well, how about the sound of my balls | 那你总该听到我的蛋蛋… |
| [08:19] | Slapping against her big old ass? | 撞她那又肥又老的屁股了吧? |
| [08:21] | You had to hear that. | 这你肯定听得见 |
| [08:24] | I know what you’re doing. | 我知道你在想什么 |
| [08:26] | You’re just getting back at me for the whole slave thing, | 你只不过是拿这套来报复我让你演奴隶这事 |
| [08:28] | But you have gone too far, Denzel. | 但你做得太过分了 Denzel |
| [08:30] | Please, call me daddy. | 拜托 叫我老爹 |
| [08:32] | I’ll call you a son of a– bestest daddy in the whole wide world. | 我叫你个狗东… 懂得儿子的最佳老爹 |
| [08:36] | Good morning, boys. | 早上好呀 男孩们 |
| [08:38] | Morning, baby. | 早啊 宝贝 |
| [08:39] | I’m surprised you can walk straight. | 没想到你这老腰还挺得起来 |
| [08:41] | Hey, boy, run into the kitchen and grab your daddy a beer. | 嘿 小伙子 快去厨房给老爹拿罐啤酒来 |
| [08:44] | You are not the boss of me! | 你没权利对我指手划脚 |
| [08:46] | Woodrow, Denzel is your father now, | Woodrow Denzel现在是你爸爸 |
| [08:48] | And you’re going to do what he says. Understand? | 他说什么 你就得做什么 明白? |
| [08:51] | But… Yes, mommy. | 但是… 明白 妈咪 |
| [08:55] | Me and you, we’re gonna have a lot of fun, son. | 就让我和你享受天伦之乐吧 我的儿 |
| [09:15] | Hi, Pat. | 你好 派特 |
| [09:22] | Where am I? | 我这是在哪? |
| [09:24] | Help. Someone help me! | 救命 来人救救我 |
| [09:26] | Relax, Pat. | 放轻松 派特 |
| [09:28] | We’re going to be best friends. | 我们会成为好朋友的 |
| [09:30] | You? You’re the shit woman. | 你? 你是那个喷屎的娘们儿 |
| [09:33] | What do you want? | 你要做什么? |
| [09:35] | It feels as perfect as it looks. | 摸上去就和看上去一样完美 |
| [09:37] | Get away from me, you crazy stalker. | 快滚开 疯色鬼 |
| [09:40] | I’m not a crazy stalker. | 我可不是什么疯色鬼 |
| [09:42] | Just ask Back-Pat. | 你问问背面小派吧 |
| [09:44] | Well, hello there, Pat. I’m Back-Pat. | 你好 派特 我是背面小派 |
| [09:47] | Look, I’m not sure what you want from me, | 听着 我不知道你想从我这儿得到什么 |
| [09:49] | – but– – Say hello back, Pat. | – 但是… – 快回礼 派特 |
| [09:52] | I’m confused. Are you telling Back-Pat to say hello again, | 我不明白 你是让”背面小派”再打招呼呢 |
| [09:55] | Or do you want me to say hello back to Back-Pat? | 还是让我向”背面小派”打招呼? |
| [09:58] | Don’t [bleep] with me, Sajak. | 别特么耍嘴皮啊 姓萨的 |
| [09:59] | Just because I love you and your smooth botoxed skin | 虽然我爱你 爱你这除过皱的小嫩皮儿 |
| [10:02] | Doesn’t mean I won’t snap your goddamn spine! | 耍花招我一样会拆了你的后脊梁 |
| [10:05] | Be careful. I think she’s crazy. | 小心喔 我觉得她有病 |
| [10:09] | Hey! What are you doing? I’m watching the hockey game. | 嘿 你搞毛啊? 我在看冰球赛呢 |
| [10:11] | Shut your ass up! | 给我闭肛 |
| [10:13] | Man, white people. | 哎呦 白种人哪 |
| [10:14] | You know what I’m saying? | 你们懂的 |
| [10:19] | What’s so goddamn funny? | 这特么有毛好笑啊? |
| [10:20] | Quiet, boy. | 儿子别吵 |
| [10:21] | Whi-I-I-I-I-ite people! | 白唉唉唉唉种人哪 |
| [10:27] | I did not see that coming. | 真没想到还有这么一手 |
| [10:30] | I can’t take this crap! | 老子受不了啦 |
| [10:32] | – I’m sick of your bullshit! – Stop it! | – 受够你这些狗屁了 – 住手 |
| [10:34] | Like it or not, we are a family now. | 不管喜不喜欢 咱现在是一家人了 |
| [10:37] | You two need to spend the day together | 今天你俩必须好好相处一下 |
| [10:38] | Like father and son. | 拿出个父子的样儿 |
| [10:40] | – But, mommy– – Oh, Anita, I don’t want to. | – 可是妈咪… – Anita 我可不想这样 |
| [10:42] | No arguments! | 这事没商量 |
| [10:44] | Yes, ma’am. | 遵命 陛下 |
| [10:45] | Oh, what’s the matter, Malloy? | 怎么不高兴啊 Malloy? |
| [10:47] | Daddy and grandpa Denzel were fighting. | 粑粑和Denzel爷爷掐架呢 |
| [10:50] | I’m scared, gam-gam. | 好怕怕哟 好奶奶 |
| [10:51] | Oh, you poor little bear. | 你这只可怜小熊仔儿 |
| [10:53] | Here, I found this stack of hundreds in woody’s underwear drawer. | 拿去花 这叠百元大钞是从Woody内裤抽屉里找到的 |
| [10:57] | White people. You know what I’m saying. | 白种人啊 你们懂的 |
| [11:02] | One for me and one for Pat | 一个给我 一个给派特 |
| [11:04] | And four for me and one for Pat. | 四个给我 一个给派特 |
| [11:06] | Connie, what are you doing? | Connie 你干嘛呢? |
| [11:07] | You’re taking enough food for ten people. | 你拿了十人份的食物哎 |
| [11:09] | You usually only take enough for nine. | 通常你只拿九人份的 |
| [11:13] | Um, there’s a good re– uh, a good explana– | 有一个很好的理… 呃… 很好的解… |
| [11:18] | Day two in the mysterious disappearance of television icon Pat Sajak. | 电视巨星派特·萨加克神秘失踪已进入第二天 |
| [11:21] | Last seen at his hotel, | 最后露面是在旅馆 |
| [11:23] | witnesses report seeing some sort of giant orange sea cow in the vicinity. | 证人声称 当时附近有某种巨型橙色海牛出没 |
| [11:27] | Connie’s hoarding food, and Pat Sajak is missing? | Connie在囤食物 派特·萨加克与此同时失踪了? |
| [11:30] | Steve, are you doing the math on this? | Steve 你盘算清楚没有? |
| [11:33] | Yes. | 清了 |
| [11:36] | Boobies! | 奶子一对 |
| [11:40] | It is kind of nice out here. | 这儿风景挺好哒 |
| [11:42] | I’m only here because mommy’s making me. | 我来这儿全是我妈逼的 |
| [11:44] | You are on my everlasting shit list! | 我的烂人榜上永远有你大名 |
| [11:46] | Okay, look, I was a little hard on you, but… | 好啦 之前我的确有点打击报复 但… |
| [11:49] | I’d say we’re even now. | 现在我觉得咱俩扯平了 |
| [11:50] | Plus I really do like your mama. | 而且我也挺喜欢你娘的 |
| [11:52] | Whatever. | 随你怎么说 |
| [11:53] | Oh, damn it. I don’t know how to bait this hook. | 靠啊 我不知道这钩子怎么装饵 |
| [11:56] | Here you go. | 这样就行了 |
| [11:57] | Didn’t your dad ever take you fishing? | 你爹从来没带你钓过鱼? |
| [11:58] | Only once, and it took that hooker all night | 只有一次 那个妓女花了一整晚 |
| [12:01] | To get her fists deep up my– | 才把她双拳深深插进我… |
| [12:02] | Oh, “fishing.” | 哦 你问”钓鱼”啊 |
| [12:04] | No, he didn’t. | 没 没带过 |
| [12:07] | Oh, I got one. I got one! | 钓到了 钓到了 |
| [12:08] | Oh, get him! Reel him in! | 别放跑了 快收线 |
| [12:10] | I got him. | 快上来了 |
| [12:12] | We got him. | 我们成功了 |
| [12:13] | Good job, son. This a nice fish. | 干得好 儿子 这鱼真不错 |
| [12:16] | He bit me. | 它咬我 |
| [12:17] | Man, [bleep] that fish. | 靠 操翻这死鱼 |
| [12:27] | Ouch! My leg! | 哎哟 我的腿 |
| [12:34] | You goddamn– | 你们特么… |
| [12:42] | Oh, my god. | 天哪 |
| [12:43] | I knew it. | 我就知道 |
| [12:44] | She killed Pat Sajak and chopped him up. | 她杀了派特·萨加克还分尸了 |
| [12:47] | I’m not seeing that. | 我看不见呢 |
| [12:53] | Oh, my god. Ethel’s dead! | 我勒个去 Ethel死了 |
| [12:56] | Then who the hell are you? | 那你特么是谁? |
| [12:57] | I’m Ethel. | 我才是Ethel |
| [12:58] | Then if you’re Ethel, I must be… | 你是Ethel的话 我肯定是… |
| [13:00] | Pat Sajak! | 派特·萨加克 |
| [13:02] | So this is a mask! | 我脸上肯定戴了面罩 |
| [13:04] | It’s stuck on there pretty good. | 粘得还真牢哇 |
| [13:07] | Okay, maybe this knife will help. | 好 也许动刀就可以了 |
| [13:10] | Oh, yeah. | 爽 |
| [13:11] | Okay, it’s working! It’s working! | 好哎 割下来了 割下来了 |
| [13:15] | I’m not Pat Sajak! I’m a skeleton! | 我不是派特·萨加克 我是骷髅哥 |
| [13:21] | White people, now I get it! | 白种人这梗现在我懂了 |
| [13:27] | Hey, uh, everything cool, Woody? | 你还好么 Woody? |
| [13:29] | Yeah. It’s just… | 还好 就是… |
| [13:30] | Well, they’re having a father-son picnic this weekend, | 其实 有人周末要办父子野餐会 |
| [13:33] | and it makes me sad. | 我感觉好难过 |
| [13:35] | That they have to advertise these things in bars? | 难过他们都把广告打到酒吧来了? |
| [13:37] | No, because my dad promised to take me to one once, | 不是 是因为有一次我爹答应带我去野餐 |
| [13:39] | But he never showed. | 但根本没露面 |
| [13:41] | If only I’d dusted that [bleep] plant. | 都怪我没给那狗日的植物掸灰 |
| [13:43] | Hey, you know what? | 嘿 不如这样 |
| [13:44] | I’ll take you to the father-son picnic. | 我带你去参加父子野餐会好了 |
| [13:46] | You’d really do that for me? | 你真的肯带我去? |
| [13:48] | I still want to buy your slave. | 我还是想买你的黑奴 |
| [13:50] | – Him. – He’s not a slave! | – 就是他 – 他不是黑奴 |
| [13:52] | He’s my father. | 他是我爸 |
| [13:59] | Uh-oh. It’s 9:30. | 不好 九点半了 |
| [14:00] | Mommy told me to be home at 9:00. | 妈咪让我九点前回家的 |
| [14:02] | Don’t worry about your mama. This is father-and-son time. | 别担心你妈 现在可是老爹的亲子时间 |
| [14:05] | Now let’s bash this mother[bleep]’s skull in together | 咱们齐心协力开了这王八蛋的脑袋 |
| [14:08] | Father-son time! | 亲子时间 |
| [14:13] | Shh. My mom’s a sheep. | 嘘 我妈是羊羊 |
| [14:15] | Did I say “sheep”? I meant to say “asleep.” | 我说”是羊羊”了? 其实我想说”睡觉觉” |
| [14:17] | Woodrow, you missed your curfew. | Woodrow 你没按时回来喔 |
| [14:20] | What am I going to do with you? | 我该怎么惩罚你呢? |
| [14:21] | I got an idea. | 我有个主意 |
| [14:28] | Oh, Pat, have I got a surprise for you. | 派特 你等着看我准备的惊喜吧 |
| [14:31] | Please don’t tell me there’s a front Pat. | 请别告诉我你还有”正面小派” |
| [14:35] | What do you think? | 你觉得如何? |
| [14:37] | Now you can live the game with me forever. | 现在你可以跟我永远活在游戏里了 |
| [14:40] | Wheel… | 幸… |
| [14:41] | Of… | 运… |
| [14:42] | Fortune! | 轮 |
| [14:44] | Oh, my god! | 哎哟天哪 |
| [14:45] | Connie kidnapped an oompa loompa! | Connie绑架了一个隆帕小矮人 |
| [14:47] | That’s Pat Sajak, you idiot. | 那是派特·萨加克 你个傻缺 |
| [14:49] | Right. Oompa loompas aren’t that short and orange. | 也对 小矮人没那么矮 颜色也没那么橙 |
| [14:52] | I’m calling the cops. | 我报警吧 |
| [14:53] | If you do that, Pat Sajak will die. | 报警的话 派特就没命了 |
| [14:56] | Your friend Connie has snapped. | 你们的朋友Connie已经疯了 |
| [14:58] | If you want to save his life, you will do as I say. | 如果你们想要救他的命 就得照我说的做 |
| [15:01] | – Who are you? – Name’s Buzz Buzzer. | – 你哪位? – 请叫我”谣言扩散器” |
| [15:04] | I’m a professional game show “host-age” negotiator. | 我是真人秀《人质》的洽谈人 |
| [15:06] | How often are popular game show hosts held hostage? | 话说当红竞赛节目主持人经常被绑架吗? |
| [15:10] | More than you think. 2012, Family Feud. | 超乎你想象 2012年《家庭骗局》 |
| [15:13] | You think Richard Dawson died of natural causes? | 你以为主持人理查德·道森是自然死亡吗? |
| [15:17] | 2006, Press Your Luck. | 2006年《强棒出击》 |
| [15:19] | You think Peter Tomarken retired? | 你以为彼得·汤玛肯是退休了? |
| [15:24] | Dick Clark was kidnapped and killed on seven separate occasions. | 迪克·克拉克遭绑架杀害后 被抛尸在了七个地方 |
| [15:27] | We had to keep tracking down look-alikes. | 我们只能去找一些像他的人去主持 |
| [15:29] | By the time he had the stroke, | 所谓中风去世的那位 |
| [15:31] | We were on our tenth Dick. | 其实是第十任迪克了 |
| [15:33] | Sounds like Ethel on a slow weekend. | 听来Ethel这周末约炮前戏缓慢呀 |
| [15:34] | Gam-gam bought me this, by the way. | 顺便说下 好奶奶给我买的骚车 |
| [15:36] | See you later, assholes. | 回见了 傻X们 |
| [15:41] | Damn, Woody. | 该死 Woody |
| [15:42] | That woman’s never going to stop treating you like a child | 你要是再不挺起腰板儿 |
| [15:44] | unless you stand up for yourself. | 那娘们会一辈子拿你当孩子 |
| [15:46] | Be a man. I raised you better than that. | 霸气点 老子可不是养怂逼的 |
| [15:48] | You know what, dad? You’re right. | 知道吗 老爹? 你说得对 |
| [15:50] | It is time for me to stand up for myself. | 是时候挺起我的腰板儿了 |
| [15:54] | Those [bleep] birds ate my hamstrings. | 那帮傻X鸟把我的筋给挑了 |
| [15:57] | Once you’re in, just act like contestants and play the game. | 一旦进去 你们就是选手了 游戏正式开始 |
| [16:00] | When Connie wins, the euphoria will distract her. | 等Connie赢了 趁她高兴分神 |
| [16:03] | Then you grab sajak and get out. | 你抓住萨加克 赶紧往外跑 |
| [16:05] | If the crimson beast loses, | 如果这畜生输了 |
| [16:09] | Game over. | 游戏结束 |
| [16:12] | Anita, your son has something to say to you. | Anita 你儿子有话对你说 |
| [16:14] | What is it? | 想说啥? |
| [16:15] | Uh, you are the prettiest mommy in the whole world. Bye. | 您是全宇宙最美丽的妈咪 拜 |
| [16:18] | Woody, tell her. | Woody 跟她说 |
| [16:20] | All right, all right. | 好吧 好吧 |
| [16:21] | Uh, mommy, when you let africanized bees and bloodthirsty crows attack me, | 妈咪 你让杀人蜂和嗜血乌鸦咬我 |
| [16:26] | It’s not nice, and I– | 这是不对的 我… |
| [16:28] | I don’t want you to do that anymore. | 我不想你再这么做了 |
| [16:30] | Oh, I had no idea. | 我不知道诶 |
| [16:33] | Would it make you feel any better if I whipped you with a rusty bicycle chain? | 要是用这生锈的车链子抽你 你高兴了不? |
| [16:38] | Oh, Jesus Christ! | 诶呀 上帝啊 |
| [16:39] | And you! You put him up to this. | 你 是你怂恿他这么做的 |
| [16:42] | You’re a bad influence on my son. | 你把我儿子带坏了 |
| [16:44] | Don’t you talk that way to me, woman. | 少特么这么和我说话 老娘们 |
| [16:48] | Bitch, you think you’re the only one with a bicycle chain? | 贱人 你以为全世界就你趁车链子吗? |
| [16:53] | I’d like to buy an e. | 我猜有个e |
| [16:54] | You don’t really expect me to play along with this insanity, do you? | 你不会真以为我会和你玩这个疯狂游戏吧? |
| [16:57] | Yeah. | 干嘛不 |
| [16:58] | Unless you want me to cut off your face and feed it to back-pat. | 难不成你想要我切下你的脸 喂给背面小派吃 |
| [17:01] | Do we have any es? | 有没有e呢? |
| [17:03] | Steve? Ethel? Steve? Ethel? | |
| [17:05] | What are you doing on Wheel of Fortune? | 你们来《幸运轮》现场干啥? |
| [17:07] | We’re here to play the game, Connie. | 我们来参加比赛呀 Connie |
| [17:11] | Sorry, Gary. Sorry, Charlene. | 不好意思 Gary Charlene |
| [17:12] | Your time is up. Thanks for playing. | 你们时间到了 感谢参与 |
| [17:15] | Goddamn mother[bleep]! | 都特么给我去死吧 |
| [17:18] | Help me, please! I’m too rich and important to die. I’m Pat [bleep] Sajak. | 救命 我这么土豪这么叼 不能死啊 我可是派特·萨加克啊 |
| [17:25] | $5,000? Crap. | 五千刀? 该死 |
| [17:27] | Remember, Steve, you gotta lose. | 记着 Steve 咱得输啊 |
| [17:29] | Guess the letter q. | 快猜字母q |
| [17:31] | That’s a terrible idea. | 真会出馊主意 |
| [17:32] | I bet this puzzle’s full of qs. | 我打赌这字谜里都是q |
| [17:34] | Is there an s? | 有没有s呢? |
| [17:36] | There are five ses. | 有五个s呢 |
| [17:38] | Huh. What are the odds of that? | 卧槽 不勒个是吧? |
| [17:41] | She’s going to murder you all. | 她会把你们全干掉的 |
| [17:45] | – Don’t touch me with that! – Stop it! | – 你特么敢碰我 – 住手 |
| [17:48] | Woodrow, there’s something we have to tell you. | Woodrow 我们要告诉你一件事 |
| [17:51] | Son, your mama and I are getting a divorce. | 儿子 你妈和我要离婚了 |
| [17:54] | Oh, no! It’s my fault. | 不 全都赖我 |
| [17:56] | Oh, Woody, it’s not your fault. | Woody 这不赖你啦 |
| [17:59] | The divorce fairy came and spriencle some seperation dust | 离婚仙子来了 施了个分离魔法 |
| [18:03] | Of course it’s your fault! | 不赖你赖狗啊 |
| [18:04] | Oh, no! I did it again! | 不 我又害爸妈离婚了 |
| [18:07] | Maybe I wasn’t meant to have a daddy. | 也许我就不配有个爹 |
| [18:09] | Aw, don’t listen to her. This ain’t your fault. | 别听她的 才不是你的错呢 |
| [18:12] | You’re a good boy, Woody. You just got a crazy-ass mama. | 你是个好孩子 Woody 疯了的是你妈 |
| [18:15] | Well, we can still go to the father-son picnic, right? | 那… 咱们还是会去亲子野游的 对吗? |
| [18:19] | Not if we’re not father and son. | 咱们都不是父子了 |
| [18:20] | Them’s the rules. | 他们定的规矩 |
| [18:22] | There’s only one thing that’s going to end this pain. | 只剩一个办法能结束这痛苦了 |
| [18:30] | Steve, what are you doing? | Steve 你在干嘛? |
| [18:32] | You’re supposed to lose, you dipshit. | 咱们应该要输的 你个傻缺 |
| [18:34] | I’m trying to lose. | 你以为我不想啊 |
| [18:36] | Would you like to solve the puzzle, Steve? | 你能来猜出这个字谜吗 Steve? |
| [18:37] | Steve, don’t even answer. | Steve 答都不要答 |
| [18:39] | Get off my ballsack, Ethel. | 你给我滚蛋 Ethel |
| [18:41] | That’s correct. | 答对了 |
| [18:42] | The category was “things that Fred Mertz should have said on I love lucy.” | 这个字谜就是弗雷德·默茨在《我爱露茜》中说过的一句台词 |
| [18:46] | And Steve is the winner. | Steve赢了 |
| [18:47] | Connie’s not supposed to lose! | Connie可不会输 |
| [18:49] | Connie smash! | Connie出击 |
| [18:55] | Help! I’m being crushed by a 350-pound monster. | 救命啊 我要被这个320斤的怪物挤碎了 |
| [19:00] | That’s correct. The category was | 回答正确 答案就是… |
| [19:02] | “things Rebel Wilson’s couch might say.” | 瑞贝尔·威尔森的沙发会说的话 |
| [19:06] | Oh, I can’t believe I let myself fall under the voodoo spell of that black man’s dick. | 真不敢相信我会中了那个黑鬼用鸡鸡施下的巫毒咒 |
| [19:12] | You know all the money I took out of your underwear drawer? | 你知道我从你内衣橱里拿出来的那些钱吧? |
| [19:14] | I think he stole some of that out of my purse–typical. | 我觉得是他从我钱包里偷走了 肯定的 |
| [19:18] | Don’t you ever talk that way about him. | 不许你这么说他 |
| [19:21] | Does somebody need a spanking? | 你找抽是不? |
| [19:24] | Screw your spankings. | 抽你妹 |
| [19:25] | Denzel’s right. I am done being pushed around by you. | Danzel是对的 我受够被你呼来唤去了 |
| [19:28] | I’m not the reason daddy left. | 爸爸走了才不是因为我 |
| [19:30] | You are! | 是因为你 |
| [19:32] | What are you saying, Woody? | 你说什么 Woody? |
| [19:33] | Sorry, mommy. That was a little harsh. | 对不起啊 妈咪 这么说有点过分 |
| [19:35] | I guess what I really meant to say is: | 我真正想说的是… |
| [19:37] | Get the [bleep] out! | 快特么给我滚吧 |
| [19:39] | No, gam-gam, don’t go. | 不要 好奶奶 不许走 |
| [19:41] | I n– I need more presents. | 我… 我还要礼物 |
| [19:42] | I m– I mean I love you. | 我是说 我爱你 |
| [19:44] | I don’t have any more money, Malloy. | 我已经没钱了 Malloy |
| [19:46] | Choke on my balls. | 赶紧去死吧 |
| [19:53] | You bastard. | 你个混蛋 |
| [19:54] | You made me love you and your godlike knowledge of the alphabet, | 你让我爱上你 爱上你那猜字谜的渊博知识 |
| [19:57] | and then you made me lose. | 最后你却让我输 |
| [19:58] | Now you must die, Pat! | 现在你要你死 派特 |
| [20:03] | I am not losing another one. | 我不要再失去主持人了 |
| [20:05] | I’ll hold her off! Save Sajak! | 我拖住她 救萨加克 |
| [20:14] | Give me back my Pat! | 把我的派特还给我 |
| [20:15] | Wait, why are we risking our lives for Pat Sajak? | 等下 我们这么拼命救派特·萨加克图个毛? |
| [20:19] | Please don’t hurt me. I’ll do anything. | 求求你不要伤害我 让我做啥都行 |
| [20:21] | Anything? | 啥都行? |
| [20:23] | And please welcome my lovely cohost. | 下面掌声有请我的可爱搭档 |
| [20:25] | Hi, Pat. | 嗨 派特 |
| [20:32] | Daddy, who’s that man? | 爸爸 这个人是谁? |
| [20:34] | Looks like a pedophile, son. | 像个恋童癖呢 儿子 |
| [20:36] | Hey, he’s no pedophile. He’s my son. | 他才不是恋童癖 他是我儿子 |
| [20:38] | Denzel, you came! | Danzel 你来啦 |
| [20:40] | Shh, now let’s crush these five-year-old skulls… | 好了 咱来整死这帮五岁大的小屁孩 |
| [20:43] | Together. | 一起整 |
| [20:44] | ♪ Teamwork ♪ | ♪ 父子齐心 ♪ |
| [20:46] | ♪ You know we’re going to do it together ♪ | ♪ 你知道齐心协力我们所向披靡 ♪ |
| [20:52] | ♪ Teamwork ♪ | ♪ 父子齐心 ♪ |
| [20:54] | ♪ You and me will make it forever ♪ | ♪ 你和我打遍天下无敌手 ♪ |