| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | Congratulations, Billy. You win most handicapped. | 恭喜你 Billy 你获得了最残障学生奖 |
| [00:06] | This is bullshit. | 老子不服 |
| [00:08] | And now the award for coolest, most popular kid in school goes to… | 接下来全校最潮最受欢迎学生奖将授予… |
| [00:14] | Woody Johnson Woody Johnson. | |
| [00:17] | Did you forget something, son? | 你是不是忘了啥 孩子? |
| [00:22] | The only award you’ll win is weirdest looking balls. | 你也就配得… 最诡异蛋蛋奖 |
| [00:26] | Damn! | 卧槽 |
| [00:27] | His balls look like they mad at each other. | 他那两颗蛋好像在疯狂搅基 |
| [00:30] | More bad news, Mr. Johnson. | 这还没完呢 Johnson先生 |
| [00:32] | – I called your mother. – No! | – 我还把你妈唤来了 – 不 |
| [00:38] | Woody, you’ve been a bad boy. | Woody 你可真是个淘气的孩子 |
| [00:45] | – Woody! – No, mommy! Don’t hurt me! | – Woody – 不要啊 妈咪 不要伤害我 |
| [00:49] | – Another nightmare? – Yeah. Sorry, little buddy. | – 又做噩梦了? – 是的 抱歉了 小伙计 |
| [00:52] | Oh, that’s nice. | 真够关心我 |
| [00:53] | No, I’m sure “sorry” stops brain swelling. | 一句”对不起”肯定能治好我的肿头 |
| [00:56] | Well, at least I didn’t break my award. | 还好我没打坏奖状 |
| [01:11] | Good morning, rangers. I got great news. | 早上好 林警们 我有好消息 |
| [01:13] | Jeez, Woody, you look terrible. | 天啊 Woody 你看起来状态真差 |
| [01:16] | – Did you sleep last night? – I slept perfectly normal. | – 昨晚没睡好么? – 我睡得和往常一样香 |
| [01:19] | Yep, 20 minutes of sleep, 7 hours of intense screaming. | 没错 熟睡20分钟 其余7小时都在发疯般地尖叫 |
| [01:22] | Sounds like Ethel breaking in her vibrator. | 跟Ethel把振动棒插进自己时一样 |
| [01:25] | Wait, I’m Ethel. Sorry, I’m drunk. | 慢着 我就是Ethel 也是醉了 |
| [01:27] | Oh, enough about my night terrors. | 不要再调侃我的夜惊了 |
| [01:29] | So, that’s why you’re always so irritable. | 所以这就是你经常暴躁的原因了 |
| [01:31] | – I am not irritable! – Tell that to your bowels. | – 我才不暴躁 – 敢跟你肠子这么说么? |
| [01:34] | You get it? | 懂了没? |
| [01:36] | Oh, ha ha. I guess crohn’s disease is funny now. | 好好笑喔 现在克罗恩氏病也成梗儿了 |
| [01:39] | Oh, damn it, I just shit myself. | 我勒个去 我拉裤子了 |
| [01:41] | Anyway, I got great news. | 不管了 现在宣布好消息 |
| [01:43] | 贝蒂·怀特: 90岁高龄美国演员 吞卡手电是一种男性自慰工具 | |
| [01:43] | – You bought us all Betty White fleshlights? – No. | – 你给咱买了贝蒂·怀特款吞卡手电? – 不是 |
| [01:45] | You bought me a Betty White fleshlight? | 你给我买了贝蒂·怀特款吞卡手电? |
| [01:47] | No. Someone’s coming. | 不是 要有人来了 |
| [01:49] | I will be, if I get my Betty White fleshlight. | 给我个贝蒂·怀特款吞卡手电 我肯定能来 |
| [01:51] | Shut up! President Obama is coming to Brickleberry. | 闭嘴 是总统奥巴马要来脆莓公园了 |
| [01:53] | Oh, no. He found me. | 天啊 不 他发现了我 |
| [01:56] | What are you talking about? | 你在说什么? |
| [01:57] | Obama is really into me, sexually. | 奥巴马对我很有性趣 那方面 |
| [02:01] | – Can I shoot her? – Connie, stop being psycho. | – 我能枪毙她么? – Connie 别发神经哟 |
| [02:04] | Yeah, you expect us to believe that a black guy could be into a fat, white woman? | 就是 你想让我们相信黑人兄弟会对白人肥妞有性趣? |
| [02:09] | Can I shoot him? | 能枪毙他么? |
| [02:10] | – Do us a favor. – Everyone, shut up. | – 求之不得 – 全都给我闭嘴 |
| [02:12] | The president is coming to honor me | 总统此次到访是为了表彰我 |
| [02:14] | for 30 years’ perfect attendance as a park ranger. | 作为林警三十年如一日地不间断出勤 |
| [02:17] | Hold on, I’m trying to give a [Bleep]. | 慢着 我努力鸟你试试 |
| [02:20] | No, not happening. | 算了 鸟你个肺 |
| [02:21] | We gotta make sure that nothing happens to ruin my big day. | 必须确保在我的大日子里绝不能有屁事发生 |
| [02:24] | Denzel, you’re in charge of security and… | Denzel 你负责安保工作和… |
| [02:27] | Wait a minute, Woody, you don’t even like Obama. | 等等 Woody 你又不待见奥巴马 |
| [02:29] | What? I love Obama. | 什么? 我爱死奥巴马了 |
| [02:30] | Now, you and Connie are in charge of | 行了 你和Connie负责… |
| [02:32] | disposing of all my anti-Obama paraphernalia. | 清理掉所有我用来反对奥巴马的东西 |
| [02:35] | What’s my assignment, Woody? | 那我呢 Woody? |
| [02:36] | Steve, you have the most important job of all. | Steve 你的工作相比之下就是重中之重了 |
| [02:39] | I need you to travel to King’s Landing | 我需要你出差到君临城 |
| [02:42] | and bring me the head of Tyrion Lannister. | 为我取回提利昂·兰尼斯特的人头 |
| [02:45] | King’s landing… is that near the cheesecake factory? | 君临城啊 是不是离乳酪蛋糕工厂不远? |
| [02:48] | Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. | 对对对 随便哪里 |
| [02:50] | But I’ll miss your big ceremony, Woody. | 可我会错过你的盛典诶 Woody |
| [02:52] | Yeah, that’s the point, dumbass. | 没错 我就这意思 傻X |
| [02:53] | There’s no way I’m letting you embarrass me in front of the president. | 我是绝对不会让你有机会当着总统的面让我出糗的 |
| [02:56] | When have I ever been an embarrassment? | 我啥时候让你出过糗了? |
| [02:59] | How about the time you got drunk at Christmas mass? | 你丫记不记得有次你在圣诞弥撒上喝醉了? |
| [03:02] | – So you’re a virgin, huh? – What?! | – 那你还是个处女喽? – 什么? |
| [03:06] | I was talking to the donkey. | 我在和那头驴子说话呢 |
| [03:11] | I can’t believe Woody, of all people, is getting to meet the president. | 真是不敢相信Woody竟然比其他人有资格和总统见面 |
| [03:15] | Trust me, it’s not that big of a deal. | 相信我吧 那没啥了不起的 |
| [03:19] | Connie, do you really expect me to believe that you know the president? | Connie 你真指望我会相信你认识总统吗? |
| [03:22] | I do. | 真的 |
| [03:23] | I worked on his campaign as the media consultant. | 我曾在他的竞选团队里担任过媒体顾问 |
| [03:26] | He wanted me so bad that he tried to fire me, | 他对我实在太饥渴 甚至一度要开除我 |
| [03:29] | but he couldn’t because he was so hot for my body. | 可惜他做不到 因为他对我的身体欲罢不能 |
| [03:31] | Wait a minute. | 你先等等 |
| [03:33] | You’re describing the TV show Scandal. | 你明明是在背《丑闻》里的台词 |
| [03:36] | I know. They based that show on my life. | 我知道 那部剧就是根据我的生活改编的 |
| [03:39] | Connie, you’ve lost touch with reality again. | Connie 你又和现实脱节了 |
| [03:42] | Remember that time you told everyone Oprah was gonna leave Stedman for you? | 还记得那次你说奥普拉要为了你和斯特德曼离婚么? |
| [03:46] | She was! She said she wanted to make my clitoris the color purple. | 是真的 她说想要把我的粉木耳玩成黑的 |
| [03:51] | What do you think, Malloy? | 你觉得怎么样 Malloy? |
| [03:52] | I got these to impress the president. | 我整了这玩意加深总统对我的印象 |
| [03:54] | Do they make me look smarter? | 有木有让哥变得更加智慧? |
| [03:55] | Smarter than what? This table? No. | 比啥更智慧? 桌子嘛? 没有 |
| [03:58] | – Denzel, what the hell are you doing? – Security measure. | – Denzel 你特么地干啥呢? – 安全措施呀 |
| [04:01] | I’ve got to take this TV to my place to check it out for, uh… | 我得把这电视抱回家仔细检查一下… |
| [04:04] | North Korean dirty bombs. | 是否藏有朝鲜脏弹 |
| [04:05] | Uh-oh, check the even bigger one in my bedroom. | 好吧 去我卧室看看有没更大的 |
| [04:08] | Code red! Code red! | 红色警报 红色警报 |
| [04:10] | – It’s a Zenith. – Oh, [Bleep] that shit. | – 一块真力时而已 – 去它丫的 |
| [04:12] | Hey, Woody, I got it. | Woody 我搞到手了 |
| [04:15] | What the [Bleep], Steve? You cut off Peter Dinklage’s head? | 搞毛啊 Steve? 你把彼特·丁拉基的脑袋砍下来了? |
| [04:19] | Yeah, just like you asked. | 没错 正如你所指示呀 |
| [04:20] | He kept screaming, “I’m just a bad actor! | 他不停叫喊 “我只是个糟糕的演员 |
| [04:22] | “It’s a role I play on a television show! | 他只是我所扮演的一个角色 |
| [04:25] | Ugh, why are you doing this to me?” | 你为什么要对我下此毒手? |
| [04:27] | But I just kept sawing. | 我只管专心锯他脖子 |
| [04:30] | Oh, fine, mount it with the rest of them. | 好吧 把他也挂上去吧 |
| [04:33] | So can I go to your ceremony now? | 现在可以参加你表彰大典了吧? |
| [04:36] | No! I have another job for you. | 不行 我再给你安排份工作 |
| [04:38] | I need you to dig an escape tunnel for the president | 我要你为总统挖一条逃生隧道 |
| [04:41] | with this plastic spoon. | 用这个塑料小勺勺 |
| [04:43] | – Where to? – Back to Kenya where he came from! | – 挖到哪儿去? – 挖到肯尼亚他老窝儿去 |
| [04:46] | – I mean, I love Obama. – Hey, cool glasses. | – 那个 我爱奥巴马 – 哇哦 帅气的眼镜 |
| [04:50] | Hi, I’m Professor Steve Williams. | 嗨 我是Steve Williams教授 |
| [04:53] | – Give me those. – Hey! | – 还给我 – 别 |
| [04:57] | – My fake smart guy glasses! Steve! – Off to dig the tunnel. | – 我的装逼眼镜啊 Steve – 我去挖隧道了 |
| [05:01] | I swear to God, | 我向天发誓 |
| [05:03] | if I have to spend another second with that dipshit, I’ll shoot him. | 再敢让我跟这逗逼过上一秒 我打爆丫的脑袋 |
| [05:09] | So you think I should spend more time with Woody? | 所以你觉得我应该多花点时间陪陪Woody? |
| [05:11] | Absolutely. | 一点不错 |
| [05:13] | And once he gets to know me better and we become best friends, | 一旦他对我了解更多 让我们成为刎颈之交 |
| [05:16] | he’ll invite me to his big ceremony? | 他就会邀请我参加他的盛典? |
| [05:17] | Of course he will, and make sure to use lots of rap lingo. | 那必须的 别忘了在他耳边多来四五句说唱 |
| [05:21] | – Ah, he loves that. – Thanks, Malloy. | – 他爱死说唱了 – 多谢了 Malloy |
| [05:23] | Now, excuse me while I finish this tunnel to Kenya. | 现在请让我安安心心挖完这段通往肯尼亚的隧道 |
| [05:26] | – I’m al… – Can you tell us how to get to the cheesecake factory? | – 我马上就要… – 请问去奶酪蛋糕工厂怎么走? |
| [05:32] | Bodean, I can’t believe Obama’s coming here. | Bodean 俺不敢相信奥巴马要来了 |
| [05:34] | – Are you as pissed off as I am? – No, I voted for Obama. | – 你和俺一样灰常不爽吗? – 不 我投了他的票 |
| [05:39] | – What did you say? – I said I voted for… | – 你刚说啥来着? – 我说我投了… |
| [05:42] | You been brainwashed! | 你丫被洗脑了 |
| [05:44] | What’s that shit you been watching again? | 你这些时都看的什么狗屎玩意? |
| [05:46] | – Downton Abbey. – Brainwashed! | – 唐顿庄园 – 又是洗脑玩意 |
| [05:48] | Bodean, listen to me. | Bodean 听俺说 |
| [05:49] | These liberals are screwing up our country. | 这些自由派的人要侵吞俺们的国家 |
| [05:52] | They’re gonna ban smoking and junk food, take our guns, | 他们会禁烟 禁垃圾食品 拿走俺们的火器 |
| [05:55] | and probably make us gay marry each other. | 还很有可能让俺们结同性恋的婚呢 |
| [05:57] | – I kind of like Obamacare. – That’s the worst part! | – 俺蛮喜欢奥巴马医改 – 这是最恶心的事儿 |
| [06:00] | Even I could come up with a better health care plan. | 就算是俺都能想个比他更好的医改方案 |
| [06:03] | – Why don’t you do it then? – Maybe I will. | – 那为啥你不实施? – 或许有朝一日我会 |
| [06:05] | Why the hell did you vote for Obama anyway? | 你又是哪根筋不对给奥巴马投票的? |
| [06:07] | Because income inequality is a very significant social issue, | 因为收入不均是严重的社会问题 |
| [06:10] | and it’s reinforced by a series of regressive tax reforms foisted upon us by right-wingers. | 而右翼分子们推行的递减税政策又让其雪上加霜 |
| [06:20] | – I’m awake, Bodean. – I know. | – 我醒着呢 Bodean – 我知道 |
| [06:25] | Thank you, Mr. president. | 谢谢 总统先生 |
| [06:26] | No. Thank you, Mr. president. | 不对 谢谢您 总统先生 |
| [06:28] | No. Thank you, Mr. president! | 不对 谢谢您 总统阁下 |
| [06:31] | No, you’re gonna screw it up, Johnson. | 不 你肯定会出糗的 Johnson |
| [06:33] | Hey, player, | 嘿 哥们 |
| [06:34] | I thought wiggity-we should spend a little tiggity-time togevah. | 小弟觉得咱们应该多花那么些个时间在一起聊聊 |
| [06:37] | Just Big Dubs and Run-DM-Steve. | 只有大哥你和小弟Steve我 |
| [06:40] | Steve, I will murder you. | Steve 别怪我下毒手 |
| [06:43] | Wanna watch Willy wizzle and the chizzle fizzle? | 一起看《威利旺卡和那什么巧克力工厂》吗? |
| [06:45] | – I rented it on blu-rizzle. – I’m warning you, Steve. | – 我租了蓝光版本的哟 – 别怪我没警告你 |
| [06:48] | Give him the pie. | 把派给他 |
| [06:49] | Oh, I made you a p-cuh-p-cuh-p-cuh-p-cuh-p-cuh- | 噢 我给你做了个个个个个个个个个个… |
| [06:53] | p-cuh-p-cuh-p-cuh-p-cuh-p-cuh-p-cuh-p-cuh-p-cuh-p-cuh-pie! | 个个个个个个个个个个个个个个个个个个个个个派 |
| [06:57] | Yes! | 真棒 |
| [06:58] | Uh-oh, my p-cuh-p-cuh-p-cuh-pie. | 啊噢 我的那个个个个个派 |
| [07:01] | Oh, no. Malloy, call an ambu-lizzle! | 不好 Malloy 快叫救护那啥车来 |
| [07:06] | Woody, I have good news and bad news and super bad news. | Woody 我这里有好消息和坏消息 还有超级坏的消息 |
| [07:10] | What’s the super bad news? | 超级坏的消息是什么? |
| [07:13] | Ben Affleck is the new Batman. | 本·阿弗莱克会饰演新蝙蝠侠 |
| [07:15] | Who gives a shit?! What about me? | 谁管这事啊?! 那我这儿呢? |
| [07:17] | Woody, you destroyed your liver, | Woody 你毁了你的肝脏 |
| [07:19] | totally, well, [Bleep] It up. | 毁得彻彻底底傻X了 |
| [07:21] | The good news is, I have a donor liver right here. | 好消息是 我这儿有现成的捐赠者肝脏 |
| [07:24] | Oh, that’s great, doc. | 这可真是好消息 |
| [07:25] | The bad news is that according to page 2,242 of the Obamacare manual, | 坏消息是 根据奥巴马健保手册第2242页的规定 |
| [07:31] | this liver must go to a gay, illegal immigrant. | 这份肝脏必须移植给一名非法移民的基佬 |
| [07:34] | Holy shit, Fox News was right. | 我了个艹 福克斯新闻说得没错 |
| [07:37] | Woody, since we can’t find you a liver, you’ll be sharing one. | Woody 我们找不到捐赠者 只有让你和人共享肝脏了 |
| [07:41] | Share a liver? With who? | 共享肝脏? 和谁? |
| [07:43] | – Hey, liver buddy! – What? | – 好啊 肝友 – 什么? |
| [07:45] | You attached me to this moron? | 你怎能把我和这痴呆捆一起? |
| [07:47] | Why didn’t you just put me on dialysis? | 为什么不直接让我上透析? |
| [07:49] | Trust me, Woody, I tried. Isn’t that right, Dialysis? | 相信我 Woody 我试过了 对吧 投茜? |
| [07:52] | Ain’t nobody getting on dialysis unless they put a ring on it. | 没人能上投茜 除非他和我结婚 |
| [07:56] | If you had to sew me to someone, | 如果必须把我和别人缝起来 |
| [07:58] | why did you have to pick captain dumbass? | 为什么得给我找这头蠢驴? |
| [08:00] | Well, Woody, he was the only one who would volunteer. | 诶呀 Woody 他是唯一自愿捐赠的人呀 |
| [08:03] | ‘Cause that’s what friends do. | 这就是身为朋友的义务 |
| [08:05] | If you were a real friend, | 如果你真想做我朋友 |
| [08:07] | you would have just given me your liver and died! | 就应该把肝脏整个给我然后去死 |
| [08:10] | This is even better. Now we can really get to know each other. | 这样更好 让我们有更多的机会了解彼此 |
| [08:13] | Doc, when can you saw this talking tumor off of me? | 大夫 啥时能把这会说话的瘤子从我身上割掉? |
| [08:15] | I got an event to go to. | 我还要出席盛典呢 |
| [08:17] | Let’s see. Actually, it says here that… | 我看看 这里说 |
| [08:19] | if a gay, illegal immigrant does not need the liver within 48 hours, | 如果那个非法移民基佬48小时之内不需要肝脏捐赠的话 |
| [08:23] | huh, it’s all yours. | 这肝脏就归你了 |
| [08:25] | – Great, just in time to get my award. – Speaking of awards, | – 很好 刚好赶上我领奖前 – 说到拿奖 |
| [08:28] | have I shown you my Bruce Jenner “horrors of medicine” trophy? | 你们有看过我的布鲁斯·詹那”医疗噩梦”奖杯吗? |
| [08:34] | There goes our number one tourist attraction. | 我们公园的头号景点这下算是玩完了 |
| [08:38] | “Give me, give me some of that big, flappy ass.” | “让我享用享用你那肉颤颤的丰臀” |
| [08:41] | – Ew! Who is that from? – Ugh, Barack. | – 谁发的这恶心玩意? – 呃 贝拉克 |
| [08:45] | Let me get this straight. | 容我整理下思路 |
| [08:46] | The President of the United States of America just texted, | 美国总统刚给你发了条短信 |
| [08:50] | “give me, give me some of that big, floppy ass”? | “让我享用享用你那肥美美的丰臀” |
| [08:54] | – No, he said, “flappy.” – Let me see that. | – 不 他说的是”肉颤颤” – 让我看看 |
| [08:57] | – There’s nothing there. – I know. He used a snapchat. | – 我啥都没看到 – 我知道 他用的快照 |
| [09:01] | Connie, you better cut out this nonsense before the president gets here, | Connie 你最好在总统来之前停下这些胡思乱想 |
| [09:04] | or you could get into some real trouble. | 不然你就吃不了兜着走了 |
| [09:06] | It’s not nonsense, Ethel, I swear. | 不是胡思乱想 Ethel 我发誓 |
| [09:09] | “Flap, flap, flappy ass. Give me that big, flappy ass. | “肉颤 肉颤 肉颤颤的丰臀 让你给我一发入魂” |
| [09:14] | Give me, give me, flappy dappy, floppity, sucking titties.” | “肉颤 肉颤 肉颤颤的丰臀 我想你的奶子想得要命” |
| [09:20] | Snapchat. | 快照哦 |
| [09:23] | Welcome to o’Bobbycare. | 欢迎加入奥巴比健保社 |
| [09:26] | Now just sign here, and give me your premium. | 请在这里签字 给俺你的会员费 |
| [09:28] | – Okay, Bobby. – This is easier than I thought. | – 好的 Bobby – 这比俺想得简单得多 |
| [09:31] | As long as you don’t get hurt, everything will be okay. | 只要你不受伤 一切就都好说 |
| [09:33] | – I got a pencil stuck in my eye, Bobby. – Jesus, Bodean, you gotta be careful. | – 我眼睛里有支铅笔 Bobby – 老天 Bodean 你得过点细啊 |
| [09:37] | Now I got two pencils stuck in my eye, Bobby. | 现在我眼睛里有两只铅笔 Bobby |
| [09:39] | Stop sticking pencils in your eye. | 别望你眼里插铅笔了 |
| [09:42] | – Damn it, Bodean. – What? Pens too? | – 搞毛啊 Bodean – 怎么? 钢笔也不行? |
| [09:49] | Steve, turn left. | Steve 向左转 |
| [09:50] | – – My left or your left? – They’re the same goddamn left. | – 我左边还是你左边? – 都特么是一个左边好吧 |
| [09:56] | Shit! Steve, get your ass up! | 靠 Steve 快滚起来 |
| [09:58] | As you can all see, I have grown a dork. | 如诸位所见 我长出个傻X |
| [10:01] | Woody, tell me if this hurts. | Woody 告我疼不疼 |
| [10:03] | Shouldn’t you two still be in the hospital? | 你俩现在能出院了么? |
| [10:06] | What? And ruin my perfect attendance record? | 咋地? 让我断了三十年如一日出勤记录? |
| [10:09] | Hell, no. It’s business as usual. | 绝逼不行 该咋上班咋上班 |
| [10:11] | Now let’s get ser… | 现在说下… |
| [10:13] | – Tickle fight. – Stop! | – 挠痒痒噜 – 停 |
| [10:15] | I swear to God, Steve. | 我向天发誓 Steve |
| [10:16] | Why are you so mean, Mr. Grumpy Lumps? | 你为神马这么刻薄嘛 火爆肥仔先森? |
| [10:24] | Now let’s have a [Bleep] party. Denzel, security report. | 好了 开始张罗疯狂派对 Denzel 上安保报告 |
| [10:27] | I took all your electronics down to the pawn shop. | 你那屋所有电器都让我拿到当铺了 |
| [10:29] | Uh, yeah, they defuse dirty bombs down there. | 因为吧 人家得把里面的脏弹给拆了 |
| [10:31] | Good job. Okay. That’s lunch, everybody. | 干得漂亮 好了 该吃午饭了 大家伙 |
| [10:34] | Come on, liver boy, we’re going to Hooters. | 走着 肝仔 我们去吃猫头鹰餐厅 |
| [10:35] | Sorry, I practice over lunch, and I can’t miss it. | 抱歉 午饭时我要排练 不能不去诶 |
| [10:38] | Practice what? | 练毛? |
| [10:39] | I like to sing a capella… | ♪ 我如此喜爱清唱 ♪ |
| [10:41] | – Oh, I hate a capella. A capella sucks! – ♪ Makes me a most happy fella ♪ | – 我恨清唱 清唱是傻X – ♪ 变成最快乐的孩子 ♪ |
| [10:44] | – Stop it. Stop it. – ♪ I sing songs loud or mellow ♪ | – 住嘴 住嘴 – ♪ 听我馥郁芬芳的喉咙 ♪ |
| [10:48] | ♪ all the girls’ legs turn to jell-o ♪ | ♪ 妹子们全都自动躺倒 ♪ |
| [10:53] | How about I wash yours, and you wash mine? | 你帮我洗洗我帮你洗洗会不会更健康? |
| [10:57] | Nooo! | 不要 |
| [11:03] | Do you have insurance? | 你有入保险没? |
| [11:05] | Yep, he’s right there. | 有啊 钱都交给他了 |
| [11:07] | Okay, here we go. | 行吧 走你 |
| [11:09] | – That’ll be $1,200. – $1,200? | – 总共1200刀 – 1200刀? |
| [11:11] | Don’t thank me. Thank the greatest health care system in the world. | 不用谢我 要谢就谢这世上最棒的健保制度吧 |
| [11:15] | That’s it, Bodean. I am dropping you from o’Bobbycare. | 我决定了 Bodean 你被”奥巴比健保”除名了 |
| [11:18] | Well, according to page one of the o’Bobbycare manual, you can’t do that, Bobby. | 但根据”奥巴比健保手册”第一条规定 你无权除名呢 Bobby |
| [11:22] | Damn it. Please tell me there’s nothing else wrong with you. | 我靠 求你告诉我 你身上没别的毛病了 |
| [11:24] | Don’t worry, Bobby… I just got high blood pressure, high sugar, diverticulitis, colitis, | 甭担心 Bobby 俺就是有点高血压 高血糖 憩室炎 大肠炎 |
| [11:28] | gingivitis, bieber fever, and sores on my Peter. | 牙龈炎 丁日热 还有JJ生疮而已 |
| [11:32] | No, no, mommy. | 不要啊 别这样 妈咪 |
| [11:35] | ♪ Hush, little baby, don’t say a word ♪ | ♪ 乖乖睡吧 宝贝 不要吵 ♪ |
| [11:40] | ♪ mama’s gonna fry you a talking turd ♪ | ♪ 妈妈给你油炸大粪糕 ♪ |
| [11:47] | Wow, I don’t know what you did, | 不知道你昨晚做了啥 |
| [11:48] | but that is the best night of sleep I’ve had | 自我妈把我饿到昏迷以来 |
| [11:50] | since my mom starved me into a coma. | 这算是我睡得最香的一晚了 |
| [11:52] | – I feel incredible. – Wait till you try this. | – 感觉好极了 – 等你尝过这个再说 |
| [11:57] | It’s like a coconut angel took a shit in my mouth. | 感觉就像椰子天使在我嘴里拉屎一样 |
| [12:00] | – Thanks. – You know what, Steve? I never thought I’d say it, but… | – 谢谢表扬 – 知道吗 Steve 我以为绝不可能说这种话 但… |
| [12:04] | but I’m starting to hate you a little less. | 我开始不那么恨你了 |
| [12:06] | ♪ Be my, be my, be my, be my, be my, be my BFF ♪ | ♪ 做我 做我 做我 做我 做我的好基友 ♪ |
| [12:10] | ♪ best friends forever, whatever we endeavor ♪ | ♪ 好基友一被子 甭管经历什么事 ♪ |
| [12:15] | ♪ our bond won’t ever sever ♪ | ♪ 肝连肝 不分离 ♪ |
| [12:17] | ♪ no matter whatso-whatsoever ♪ | ♪ 不管啥事都在一起 ♪ |
| [12:19] | ♪ Best friends forever, whatever… ♪ | ♪ 好基友 不分离 ♪ |
| [12:23] | ♪ together wherever ♪ | ♪ 永远在一起 ♪ |
| [12:26] | ♪ I’m happy settled in between ♪ | ♪ 好开心身旁就有你 ♪ |
| [12:29] | ♪ be my, be my, be my, be my, be my, be my BFF ♪ | ♪ 做我 做我 做我 做我 做我的好基友 ♪ |
| [12:33] | ♪ oh, best friend ♪ | ♪ 哦 好基友 ♪ |
| [12:41] | Well, I guess our 48 hours is almost up. | 好啦 咱们的48小时差不多过完了 |
| [12:45] | If I had to be surgically attached to anybody, | 如果我要跟谁做连体手术的话 |
| [12:48] | – I’m glad it was you, Steve. – Really? Thanks, buddy. | – 我很高兴那个人是你 Steve – 真的? 谢啦 老兄 |
| [12:52] | Well, it’s time, Woody. | 好啦 时间到 Woody |
| [12:53] | Lucky for you, there’s not one single gay, illegal immigrant who needs a liver today. | 你真走运 今天没有同性恋非法移民需要植肝 |
| [12:59] | My liver exploded. | 偶爆肝了 |
| [13:03] | Oh, not good. | 糟了 |
| [13:04] | Are you familiar with a medical term called “jinxing”? | 你们知道”倒血霉”这个医学名词不? |
| [13:07] | Yeah. Looks like you’ll be stuck with Steve for your event. | 看起来你得跟Steve一起参加你的受勋仪式了 |
| [13:10] | God damn it, no! How could this happen to me? | 我靠啊 不会吧 我怎么老遇到这种破事? |
| [13:12] | Woody, what’s the big deal? We’ll just go together. | Woody 有啥大不了的? 咱们一起去就得了 |
| [13:15] | “What’s the big deal?” | 有啥了不起的? |
| [13:16] | I’ve told you a thousand times, Steve! I don’t want you there! | 老子告诉过你一千遍了 Steve 老子不要你在场 |
| [13:20] | But I-I thought things were different now. | 我 我还以为现在咱俩关系不同了 |
| [13:23] | – I thought you liked me. – Nothing is different. | – 我还以为你喜欢我了 – 啥都没变 |
| [13:26] | I was just making the best of a shitty situation. | 摊上那种破事 我只是想好过点而已 |
| [13:28] | I don’t like you, and I never will! | 老子不喜欢你 永远也不会 |
| [13:30] | You don’t deserve a friend like me. | 你不配有我这样的朋友 |
| [13:34] | Can you fellows take this argument someplace else? | 你俩能别处去闹吗? |
| [13:36] | I have an illegal to operate on. | 我这里有非法移民要做手术呢 |
| [13:38] | I need anesthesia. | 我要麻醉 |
| [13:40] | Anesthesia? | 蔴蕞? |
| [13:41] | What you want, mother[Bleep]? I’m tryin’ to sleep! | 吵啥吵 草泥马 老娘刚要睡着 |
| [13:49] | – What the hell are you eating? – Raw bacon. | – 你特么吃啥呢你? – 生培根 |
| [13:51] | – You can’t eat raw bacon. – All right, then, | – 不许你生吃培根 – 行吧 |
| [13:53] | I’ll just drink this 94-ounce Coca-Cola. | 那我喝这杯94盎司的可乐好了 |
| [13:56] | Raw bacon makes me thirsty. | 生培根弄得我好渴 |
| [13:57] | Well, I’m banning big sodas, raw bacon, | 其实 我禁止你喝大杯饮料 吃生培根 |
| [14:00] | and anything else that’ll [Bleep] you up, including guns. | 以及其它任何可能弄废你的东西 包括枪支 |
| [14:03] | Guns? What am I gonna put in my mouth when I jack off? | 枪也不行? 那我撸管时嘴里该放点啥? |
| [14:06] | – Why are you doing this, Bobby? – Because if you get sick or hurt, | – 你为啥这样对我 Bobby? – 因为如果你病了或者受伤 |
| [14:09] | I’m gonna have to pay for it, you dumb son of a bitch. | 埋单的可是老子 你个蠢杂种 |
| [14:12] | You know what? O’Bobbycare took away everything I love. | 知道不? “奥巴比”把我爱的一切都夺走了 |
| [14:15] | Obama would never hurt me like this. | 奥巴马才不会像这样伤害我 |
| [14:21] | Yeah, he’s a real jerk. I can’t stand him. | 对啊 他真是个混蛋 真受不了他 |
| [14:24] | No. He’s right next to me | 没有 他就在我旁边 |
| [14:26] | with his big, stupid Kathleen Turner mustache. | 还留着他那撮凯瑟琳·特纳式的傻X大胡子 |
| [14:29] | [Bleep] You. That’s not even a real phone. | 干你娘 那个电话是假的好吧 |
| [14:31] | – See what I’m dealing with? – Down syndrome? | – 知道他什么人了吧? – 唐氏综合症患者? |
| [14:35] | I’ve got a surprise for you, Steve. | 我为你准备了个惊喜哟 Steve |
| [14:39] | What’s in the box? | 盒子里是什么? |
| [14:40] | I think we’re all hoping it’s Gwyneth Paltrow’s head. | 大家都希望是格温妮丝·帕特洛的脑袋吧 |
| [14:42] | Oh, you’ll see. | 马上你们就知道了 |
| [14:44] | It’s my plan to keep you from screwing up my event | 这法宝能防止你搞砸了我的大事 |
| [14:47] | and make me look like a hero in the process. | 同时还能让我像个英雄 |
| [14:50] | Woody? Woody, no! | Woody? Woody 别啊 |
| [14:52] | No, no, no, no! What are you doing? | 别这样 别这样 你这是干嘛? |
| [14:59] | – Ah, here is the man of the hour. – Hey, great to see you. | – 今晚的主角原来在这儿哪 – 嘿 见到你很高兴 |
| [15:03] | And who is your guest? | 你身边的这位是? |
| [15:04] | This is a cancer kid. I saved his life, | 这小子得了癌症 我救了他一命 |
| [15:07] | had him sewn to me, so he could share my liver. | 把他缝到我身上 他就可以用上我的肝 |
| [15:10] | The cancer took his. | 癌症把他的肝废了 |
| [15:12] | Dear God. What’s your name, son? | 老天爷 你叫什么名字 孩子? |
| [15:16] | Did I mention he’s also a mute and pretty much brain dead? | 忘了告诉你 他还是个哑巴 而且脑子基本瘫了 |
| [15:20] | So he’s brain dead and a mute? | 那他就是个脑瘫的哑巴咯? |
| [15:23] | Well, he wasn’t born a mute. He had tonsil cancer. | 本来他可以说话的 可惜扁桃体得了癌 |
| [15:26] | Oh, I thought he had liver cancer. | 我还以为他得的是肝癌 |
| [15:27] | Oh, he does. He’s getting it from both ends. | 的确有肝癌 他这是两头堵 |
| [15:30] | Cancer’s running a train on this brain-dead bastard. | 癌症在这脑残小杂种身上开火车一样蹿来蹿去 |
| [15:34] | Well, have a splendid time. | 不打扰你们了 玩得开心点 |
| [15:36] | This sucks. I’ll never forgive you for this. | 你这招实在太贱 我永远都不会原谅你的 |
| [15:38] | You just keep your mouth shut. | 你闭好嘴巴就行 |
| [15:40] | You’re not screwing this up for me, you annoying waste of space. | 别给我瞎胡闹 你个废物 |
| [15:42] | – Oh, hello, Senator Varnadoe. – And who is this with you? | – 你好 Varnadoe议员 – 您身边这位是谁? |
| [15:46] | Just a shit-for-brains cancer mute. | 就是个得了癌的脑残哑巴而已 |
| [15:48] | He’ll be dead soon, so just pretend he’s not here. | 他没几天活头了 无视他就行 |
| [15:50] | – Crab cakes, gentlemen? – Not for me. I’m highly allergic. | – 来点蟹饼吗 先生们? – 我不用 我过敏过得厉害 |
| [15:57] | Yes, this is truly an honor. Whoa, did it get hot in here? | 的确 这真是无上的光荣 哇 怎么突然好热 |
| [16:02] | – Mr. Johnson, are you feeling okay? – Yeah, yeah, I never felt better. | – Johnson先生 您还好吗? – 好好 好得不得了 |
| [16:06] | Attention, everyone, the president has arrived. | 大家注意 总统已到 |
| [16:16] | Now remember, Connie, keep in touch with reality. | 记住了 Connie 别跟现实脱节 |
| [16:20] | You’ll see. | 你瞧着吧 |
| [16:22] | – Hello, Barry. – Connie! | – 你好 “小巴” – Connie |
| [16:24] | – I’m sorry, do I know you? – You should. | – 不好意思 我认识你吗? – 别装了 |
| [16:27] | You’ve sent me over a hundred dirty texts in the last week, you pervert. | 上周你都发了一百多条下流短信给人家了 你个色狼 |
| [16:31] | Who is this guy? He’s funny. | 这家伙谁? 有点搞笑哈 |
| [16:33] | Leave me alone. I mean it. | 别再缠着我 我是认真的 |
| [16:35] | No, no. | 别过来 滚开 |
| [16:41] | Hello, Connie. | 你好呀 Connie |
| [16:45] | Do you know how hard it was to pretend I didn’t know you back there? | 你知不知道 刚才假装不认识你有多难? |
| [16:48] | I had to make up this stupid award just to get close to you. | 我编出这个傻X奖项 为的只是接近你 |
| [16:51] | No, Barry. I’ve told you a hundred times, I’m a lesbian. | 不行 Barry 我告诉过你好多次了 我是女同 |
| [16:55] | So was Michelle. | 我老婆也是啊 |
| [16:57] | I like a challenge. | 哥就喜欢挑战 |
| [16:59] | You smell like a petting zoo on a hot Sunday. | 你闻起来就像星期天的动物园一样 |
| [17:03] | – Stop it. – I remember the first day we met. | – 别这样 – 还记得我们第一次见面那天 |
| [17:06] | I was intoxicated by that big, pasty ass. | 你白花花的大屁股 看得我也是醉了 |
| [17:10] | I’ve been chasing that ginger dragon ever since. | 从那以后 我就一直追寻着你这头红发小母龙 |
| [17:13] | Barry, you’re a married man. We can’t. | Barry 你都结婚了 我们不可以这样 |
| [17:16] | Yes, we can, Connie. Yes, we can. | 我们可以的 Connie 我们当然可以 |
| [17:20] | Mr. president, it’s time to go on. | 总统先生 该您上台了 |
| [17:22] | Damn. I’ll be right there. | 靠 我马上过去 |
| [17:25] | I’ll be back for that big flappy, dappy ass. | 待会再来玩你肉颤颤的丰腴大屁股 |
| [17:31] | Please welcome the President of the United States, | 请欢迎美利坚合众国总统 |
| [17:34] | Barack Obama. | 巴拉克·奥巴马 |
| [17:38] | It’s a privilege to be here on this special day | 很荣幸在这样意义非凡的日子来到这里 |
| [17:40] | to honor a great American | 给这位杰出的美国公民授勋 |
| [17:42] | and one of our nation’s majestic national parks, Brickleberry. | 同时也向我国雄伟壮观的国家公园之一脆莓公园致敬 |
| [17:45] | National parks are both big and beautiful | 国家公园风景辽阔 美不胜收 |
| [17:51] | and flappy dappy. | 肉颤颤而丰腴 |
| [17:52] | The man is a good speaker. | 这小子说得真好 |
| [17:54] | So, without further adieu, | 接下来 言归正传 |
| [17:55] | I’d like to introduce the man of the hour, | 我向大家介绍今天的焦点 |
| [17:57] | accompanied by the brain-dead, mute cancer kid whose life he saved. | 他对自己救下的罹患癌症的脑瘫哑巴仍然不离不弃 |
| [18:00] | Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Woody Johnson. | 女士们先生们 请欢迎Woody Johnson先生 |
| [18:05] | Hey, look, it’s Lena Dunham. | 看啊 莉娜·杜汉姆出场了 |
| [18:07] | She’s so brave. | 长这样还露脸 心太宽了 |
| [18:08] | Now, this man not only saves cancer-stricken children’s lives, | 这位好人不仅多次救助过罹患癌症的儿童 |
| [18:11] | but more importantly, shows up for work every day, | 而且更重要的是 几十年如一日地按时上班 |
| [18:14] | and so I present this award to you. | 因此 我要把这个奖颁发给您 |
| [18:16] | Thank you, Mr. presid… | 谢谢您 总统先… |
| [18:22] | U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! | 壮哉美国 美国最高 美国加油 |
| [18:33] | Oh, God, how did this happen? | 天哪 怎么会变成这样? |
| [18:35] | Hmm, it wasn’t that tray of crab cakes I ate, was it? | 该不会是我吃的那盘蟹饼的问题吧? |
| [18:40] | You did this? You son of a bitch, | 你害的我? 你个王八犊子 |
| [18:42] | you ruined the best day of my life! | 你毁了我人生中最好的一天 |
| [18:43] | You wouldn’t have a life if it wasn’t for me. | 要不是我 你有个屁的人生 |
| [18:46] | I just wanted to be your friend, | 我只是想跟你做朋友 |
| [18:47] | and all you did was treat me like shit. | 你却像对待一坨翔一样对待我 |
| [18:50] | And you gave me cancer. | 还说我有癌症什么的 |
| [18:51] | – I’m gonna kill you. – Not if I kill you first. | – 老子要宰了你 – 我先宰了你再说 |
| [18:58] | Mr. Johnson, I’m from Fox News. | Johnson先生 我是福克斯新闻频道的 |
| [19:00] | I’d like to present you | 因为您吐了总统一身 |
| [19:01] | with our “man of the year” award for puking all over the president. | 我特此向您颁发我们的”年度人物”奖 |
| [19:04] | Well done, sir. | 干得漂亮 先生 |
| [19:05] | Oh, my God, I don’t know what to say. | 哎哟 我都不知道说什么好 |
| [19:08] | What an honor. | 真是太荣幸了 |
| [19:09] | Well, this beats the shit out of a stupid presidential medal, | 这可比总统的什么傻X奖章强多了 |
| [19:12] | and I owe it all to my friend Steve. | 这一切都应该归功于我的朋友Steve |
| [19:14] | – We’re friends? Really? – You bet, buddy. | – 我们是朋友? 真的? – 绝对的 老弟 |
| [19:17] | Sorry for being such a dick. | 抱歉我之前太混蛋了 |
| [19:19] | I guess we all learned a good lesson today. | 我想其实我俩都学到了宝贵的一课 |
| [19:22] | Why don’t you wash that lesson down with some delicious crab cakes? | 来点美味的蟹饼好好巩固下这一课怎么样? |
| [19:25] | Oh, great idea, Malloy. | 好主意哦 Malloy |
| [19:27] | No, Steve, no! I’m highly allerg… | 别吃 Steve 别 我过敏… |
| [19:32] | – Hey, Bobby. – I told you, Bodean, I’m flat broke. | – 嘿 Bobby – 说过了 Bodean 我一分钱都没了 |
| [19:35] | – I can’t take you to the doctor. – That’s okay, Bobby. | – 不能再带你去看医生了 – 没关系的 Bobby |
| [19:37] | The pain will go away when I bleed out and die. | 等血流干 我挂了也就不疼了 |
| [19:40] | I sure do wish you had dependable health coverage like I do. | 我真希望你像我一样有个可靠的健保制度 |
| [19:43] | I didn’t know you had health insurance. | 我都不知道你有健保 |
| [19:44] | Yeah, after I spent all that money on your medical bills and went broke, | 有啊 我花光所有钱付清你的医药费破产之后 |
| [19:47] | I qualified for Obamacare. It’s awesome. | 就符合入奥巴马健保的条件了 叼爆了 |
| [19:50] | Too bad there ain’t no way to get on your policy. | 只可惜我没法儿捞点好处 |
| [19:52] | Well, there is one way. | 办法倒是有一个 |
| [19:54] | I now pronounce you husband and husband. | 我现在宣布你俩结为”夫夫” |
| [19:58] | Have fun in hell. | 下地狱玩个快活吧 |
| [20:01] | Well, good news, Bodean, | 好消息啊 Bodean |
| [20:02] | you got insurance now, because we’re officially married. | 因为我们现在算正式结了婚 你现在有健保啦 |
| [20:05] | It ain’t official until we consummate it. | 不交媾算啥正式结婚 |
| [20:16] | Connie, you’re lucky they didn’t commit you. | Connie 真走运他们没有告你 |
| [20:18] | I was telling the truth the whole time. | 我说的一直都是大实话 |
| [20:20] | Barack really does want me. | 总统真的好想占有我 |
| [20:24] | Hello? | 喂 |
| [20:25] | Connie, I’m sorry I got swept away last night. | Connie 昨晚不辞而别真是抱歉 |
| [20:27] | I’ll be back for that flappy ass soon. | 我很快就会回去玩你的肉屁股 |
| [20:29] | In the meantime, I sent a present to tide you over. | 而且 我送了你个小礼物先让你解解馋 |
| [20:32] | Let me guess. That was “Barry,” right? | 让我猜猜 又是”小巴”对吧? |
| [20:35] | Yep, and he said he sent me a present. | 是啊 他说送了我个小礼物 |
| [20:37] | I wonder what it could… | 到底会是什么呢… |
| [20:40] | Gross. Obama sent me a dick pic. | 恶心 奥巴马发了张JJ照给我 |
| [20:43] | – It’s just a black screen. – It’s a close up! | – 这只是黑屏好吧 – 这是特写 |