| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | Okay, boys, we’ve got a really large group today, so please stay together. | 好了 孩子们 今天我们的队伍很大 拜托一定待在一起 |
| [00:07] | Oh, Steve, thank goodness. | Steve 感谢上帝 |
| [00:09] | I need you to help me lead these kids down The Rock Eagle Trail. | 我需要你帮我领这些孩子沿石鹰路下去 |
| [00:11] | I’m having a hard time keeping up with them myself. | 光我一个人很难跟得上他们 |
| [00:13] | I wish that I could, but I’m busy. | 我也希望能帮你 但我在忙啊 |
| [00:15] | Doing what? | 忙什么? |
| [00:16] | Updating my status. | 更新状态啊 |
| [00:18] | “Had a hot dog for lunch. | 中午饭吃了个热狗 |
| [00:20] | Any spicy mustard fans out there?” | 有木有辣芥茉酱的粉丝? |
| [00:23] | Uh… Lucas, no! | Lucas 别 |
| [00:26] | Stay with the group. | 和大伙待在一起 |
| [00:28] | Come on, Steve, I really need some help here. | 行行好 Steve 我真的需要帮助 |
| [00:31] | This light is perfect. | 现在光线正好 |
| [00:32] | And, I need a new profile photo. | 正好我也想更新个头像 |
| [00:34] | Here, take it for me. | 来 帮哥照一张 |
| [00:39] | Please stay with the group. | 拜托和大伙待在一起 |
| [00:41] | Loving my hair today. | 超爱今天的发型哦 |
| [00:43] | Ugh. Steve, do you ever think about anybody but yourself? | Steve 除了自己 你还能考虑一下其他人吗? |
| [00:46] | You are the most self-centered man on the planet. | 你是世界上最自恋的人了 |
| [00:48] | Go on. What else about Steve do you find fascinating? | 继续 你觉得Steve还有哪些迷人之处呢? |
| [00:53] | Ugh. Not only do I not find you fascinating, | 我不仅没有这样想 |
| [00:55] | but I doubt there is a single woman alive that would. | 而且我怀疑世上没有女人会这样想 |
| [00:57] | For your information, Denzel and I are doing speed dating tonight. | 实话告诉你 Denzel和我今晚要去闪电速配 |
| [01:02] | – I bet I’ll score. – There is no way that you’re… | – 我敢打赌今晚有戏 – 今晚你绝无可能… |
| [01:04] | Oh, God! | 天呐 |
| [01:06] | Come on, kids. Up into the ferris wheel. | 快来 孩子们 咱们去乘摩天轮 |
| [01:08] | There’s room for everybody. | 大家都可以上哦 |
| [01:11] | Hey! It happened to me, and I turned out all right. | 嘿 这事儿我也遇过 我不也还好好的 |
| [01:27] | So the North Koreans grabbed me, and smuggled me across the border. | 就这样朝鲜人逮住我 把我偷偷运过了边境 |
| [01:30] | I had to spend nine months in a hard labor camp, | 我被迫在劳工营里呆了九个月 |
| [01:32] | while former President Carter negotiated my… | 当时前总统卡特正为此事交涉 |
| [01:34] | I’m sorry, did you say something? | 抱歉 你有说啥吗? |
| [01:35] | I was just making a list of people who could play me in a movie. | 我刚列了个名单 看谁能在电影里演我 |
| [01:38] | I’m a… Kind of a cross between Clooney and Pitt. | 我有点像克鲁尼 又神似皮特 |
| [01:41] | You might say I’m a “Clitt.” | 你可以说我是个”克撸特” |
| [01:43] | So… | 那… |
| [01:44] | Are we gonna get it on, or what? | 我们是活塞一下还是怎样? |
| [01:46] | Denzel. What’s with these women? | Denzel 这些女人怎么都这样? |
| [01:49] | Man, you the problem. You don’t listen to ’em. | 老兄 问题在你 你不会倾听她们 |
| [01:51] | Now, you know me. I like my women like spoiled milk… | 你了解我 我喜欢的妞儿都像变质牛奶… |
| [01:54] | White, and past the expiration date. | 惨白惨白的 过了保质期那种 |
| [01:56] | Watch and learn. | 学着点 |
| [01:57] | So he calls and he says, “grandma, I got accepted.” | 他打来电话说 奶奶 我被录取了 |
| [02:01] | Oh, my goodness, you’re telling me your grandson | 我了个天爷 你说你孙子 |
| [02:04] | got into Tulane on a full scholarship? | 进了杜兰大学还拿全额奖学金? |
| [02:06] | Mazel tov. | 恭喜 |
| [02:07] | Now, how about we go back to your place and knock the dust off that poontang? | 不如我们去你家帮你的蝙蝠洞掸掸灰怎样? |
| [02:11] | Ooh! Thought you’d never ask. | 就等你说这个呢 |
| [02:13] | It’s just like Shakespeare said… | 正如莎士比亚所说 |
| [02:15] | “If you yak about you, your sack will turn blue. | 自讲自话没个完 蛋蛋憋到蓝 |
| [02:17] | But if you watch and listen, her crotch will glisten.” | 耐心观察听她讲 胯下放光芒 |
| [02:20] | – William Shakespeare said that? – Who? | – 这是威廉·莎士比亚说的? – 谁? |
| [02:22] | Nah. My boy Jamarcus Shakespeare. | 不是 我兄弟杰马克思·莎士比亚说的 |
| [02:24] | Ran a chop shop in Detroit. | 他在底特律拆车卖零件 |
| [02:25] | Brother pulled more hos than a Fire Department. | 他掏出”水管”的次数比消防队还多 |
| [02:29] | Ethel and Denzel don’t know what they’re talking about. | Ethel和Denzel都不知道他们自己说些什么 |
| [02:31] | I’m not self-centered. Am I? | 我才不自恋呢 对吧? |
| [02:34] | No. Don’t even say that. You’re amazing! | 对啊 不要这样说自己 你是最棒的 |
| [02:37] | Thank you. Finally, someone who makes a little sense around here. | 谢谢 总算啊 终于有个明白人说话了 |
| [02:41] | I appreciate how amazing you are. | 我看得出来你是最棒的哦 |
| [02:44] | Why don’t you tell me everything there is to know about you? | 要不要把你的点点滴滴都讲给我听? |
| [02:48] | Me? My favorite subject. | 说我自己? 我最擅长了 |
| [02:50] | My earliest memory was being the fastest sperm in the balls. | 最早啊 我是蛋蛋里游得最快的精子… |
| [03:00] | Well, if it ain’t the house bear. | 哟 这不是那头家熊吗? |
| [03:02] | Where you going, you spoiled little pussy? | 你要去哪儿? 你个娇生惯养的胆小鬼 |
| [03:04] | Inside, where I live. | 进去啊 我住里面 |
| [03:06] | You guys have fun digging through the garbage, though. | 也祝你哥俩刨垃圾愉快啊 |
| [03:08] | Ooh, I forgot, we put rocks on the lids. Tough break, guys. | 忘了说 我们在盖上压了石头 真是悲剧啊 两位 |
| [03:11] | – Yo, gimme those. – Hey, those are mine! | – 哟 这个拿来 – 嘿 那是我的 |
| [03:16] | Okay, okay, you win. | 行 行 你们赢 |
| [03:18] | Tell you what. | 我给你说啊 |
| [03:19] | I’ll bring you some food from inside, just wait right here. | 我从家拿点吃的出来 你们在这儿好好等着啊 |
| [03:24] | Malloy, what are you doing? | Malloy 你这是干嘛? |
| [03:26] | Getting a gun. | 拿枪啊 |
| [03:27] | What have I told you about guns? | 关于枪 我之前告诉过你什么? |
| [03:29] | To scratch the serial number off before you murder someone. | 在杀人之前 先把枪上的序列号刮花 |
| [03:32] | No. | 不是 |
| [03:33] | Only rangers can carry guns inside of a National Park. | 在国家公园里只有林警才允许配枪 |
| [03:36] | That rule sucks. | 那规定烂得可以 |
| [03:37] | I just need to command a little respect around here. | 我只想在附近获得点尊重而已 |
| [03:40] | Trust me, I don’t need a gun to get respect. | 相信我 尊重什么的不需要枪就能得到 |
| [03:43] | What’s up, you fat old mother… | 做啥呢 干你娘的老胖… |
| [03:45] | Handsome, strong… | 帅哥 壮男 |
| [03:46] | Stupid, ignorant-ass… | 二货 傻缺 |
| [03:48] | All-around nice guy. | 360度无死角大好人 |
| [03:49] | All right, maybe you’ve got a point. | 行吧 也许你说得对 |
| [03:52] | So then, we get to her place and start going at it. | 然后我们去了她家 开始准备那啥 |
| [03:55] | Everything is getting hot and heavy. | 真是干柴遇上烈火啊 |
| [03:57] | She smells like menthol rubs and female excitement, | 她闻着就像薄荷脑 还夹杂着雌性的饥渴 |
| [04:00] | when all of a sudden the parlor door opens. | 突然间客厅的门打开了 |
| [04:02] | – Mom… – You got a mom? | – 妈… – 你妈还活着? |
| [04:04] | You go to your room at once, young lady! | 你马上给我回房间去 小姑娘 |
| [04:07] | Cock blocked by a 90-year-old. Ain’t that some shit? | 差点被90高龄捉奸在床 很是牛逼吧? |
| [04:09] | I am really sorry I asked about that. | 我真心后悔问了你昨晚怎样… |
| [04:14] | I will have you know that my self-centered ass | 都给我听清楚了 你们所谓的自恋狂 |
| [04:17] | just scored with the hottest, sexiest woman in the whole world! | 刚跟世界上最热辣 最性感的女人上了床 |
| [04:21] | I don’t believe it. | 打死我也不信 |
| [04:22] | And, she only wanted to talk about me. | 而且 她只想谈关于我的事 |
| [04:25] | She didn’t waste my time talking about her. | 根本没浪费时间讲她的破事 |
| [04:27] | Oh, yeah, and we had the wildest sex you could imagine. | 我们OX时那种狂野 你们想也想不到 |
| [04:30] | It wasn’t until it was all over that she finally asked for something for herself. | 直到事儿办完了 她才开口为自己要点东西 |
| [04:34] | – What was that? – Five hundred dollars. | – 要的啥? – 500刀咯 |
| [04:36] | I’m assuming it was for cab fare. | 我猜是打车钱 |
| [04:38] | And I’m assuming the cab had to take her to a different state. | 我猜出租车是要送她去别的州 |
| [04:40] | I’m assuming, Mexico. | 我猜 应该是墨西哥 |
| [04:41] | Steve, I think that woman was a… | Steve 我觉得那女人是… |
| [04:44] | How should I put this? | 该怎么说呢? |
| [04:45] | That bitch was a ho! | 那婊子是个鸡 |
| [04:46] | Don’t talk about Lady Tanqueray like that! | 不准这样说添加利女士 |
| [04:48] | Besides, if she was a prostitute, why didn’t I wear a condom? | 而且 如果她是妓女 为毛我没戴套? |
| [04:54] | Right? | 对吧? |
| [04:57] | Steve, how many times have I warned you about taking part in high-risk behaviors? | Steve 警告过你多少次了 不要参加高危活动 |
| [05:01] | Oh, my God. | 天哪 |
| [05:02] | Someone just left this laying here? | 有人居然把这乱扔在这儿? |
| [05:04] | Well, it is cold and flu season. | 刚好现在是流感高发季节 |
| [05:07] | Is that corned beef? | 是腌牛肉的吗? |
| [05:08] | I’ll give you three bucks for a bite of that. | 我给你三刀让我咬一口 |
| [05:10] | Who wants to become blood brothers? | 谁想歃血为盟当兄弟啊? |
| [05:13] | All of you? Okay! | 大家都想? 好啊 |
| [05:15] | Frankly, it’s a statistical miracle that you haven’t gotten sick yet… | 老实说 你没染病简直就是统计学上的奇迹… |
| [05:18] | See? | 我说没事吧 |
| [05:19] | – Until now. – What? | – 现在… 有事了 – 什么? |
| [05:21] | Steve, medicine doesn’t have words to describe how horrific your illness is. | Steve 医学上已经没词能形容你染上的病有多可怕了 |
| [05:25] | I’ve never seen it before, but… | 我见都没见过 但… |
| [05:27] | Well, try to imagine if syphilis did it with cancer and got full-blown aids. | 你可以想像一下梅毒搞完癌症 还染上了艾滋病晚期 |
| [05:32] | Can-a-syphil-aids? | 梅毒艾滋癌?! |
| [05:34] | Yes, can-a-syphil-aids. | 对的 梅毒艾滋癌 |
| [05:36] | That has a nice ring to it, Steve. | 这名字起得很贴切 Steve |
| [05:38] | The good news is, you’ll only be sick for two weeks. | 好消息是你只会病上两星期 |
| [05:40] | Yes! | 好哎 |
| [05:40] | Because after that you’ll be dead. | 因为之后你就死翘翘了 |
| [05:44] | Oh, my God, Steve. | 我的上帝啊 Steve |
| [05:46] | This is horrible news. | 这真是可怕的消息 |
| [05:48] | Feels like someone’s ripped my heart straight out of my chest. | 就像有人活生生把我的心从胸口挖出来一样 |
| [05:50] | Don’t worry, Woody. It’ll be okay. | 别担心 Woody 会没事的 |
| [05:52] | No, it won’t! | 怎么可能没事 |
| [05:53] | Do you know how much of a hassle it is to hire a new ranger, you stupid dying idiot? | 知道聘个新林警得费多大劲吗? 你个黄土埋脖子的傻缺 |
| [05:58] | Malloy, what are you doing? | Malloy 你这又是干啥? |
| [05:59] | Just practicing the jig I’m going to do on Steve’s grave. | 练习下在Steve坟上要跳的爱尔兰吉格舞 |
| [06:04] | Can you believe my luck? That moron’s dying. | 我还真是赶巧 那痴呆要死了 |
| [06:07] | Now make me the new ranger and give me my gun. | 现在把我弄成新林警 然后把枪给我 |
| [06:11] | A bear ranger? What’s next? | 林警小熊熊? 以后还会有什么? |
| [06:14] | Forgiving your dad for making you wear panties and a padded bra just because he missed his dead wife? | 原谅你那个因为想念亡妻就逼你穿女式内裤 戴胸罩的爹吗? |
| [06:19] | I’m not mom, dad! | 我不是我妈 爸爸 |
| [06:20] | She’s gone! | 她已经死了 |
| [06:31] | Steve, I can’t believe that you’re dying. | Steve 我真不敢相信你要死了 |
| [06:33] | Yeah, Steve. I’m sad. | 是哦 Steve 我也好难过 |
| [06:36] | Don’t be so sad, guys. | 不要如此悲伤 朋友们 |
| [06:37] | In two weeks, I’ll be in heaven. | 两周以后 我就在天堂了 |
| [06:44] | What? You guys don’t think I’m going to heaven? | 笑啥? 你们认为我去不了天堂? |
| [06:46] | Uh, no. | 没错 |
| [06:51] | My son, in order to get to heaven you need to accept Jesus Christ into your heart | 我的孩子 要上天堂 你需心中接纳我主耶稣 |
| [06:56] | as your personal Lord and savior. | 他是你的主和救星 |
| [06:59] | Done. I [Bleeping] Love him. What else? | 搞定 我特么爱死主了 还要干嘛? |
| [07:01] | You need to do nice things for people. | 你要为人们干好事 |
| [07:02] | On it. I just bought myself an iPad 3 | 那还不简单 我刚买了iPad3 |
| [07:04] | and an all-access pass to a website called PubeTube… | 还自费买了”阴酷网”的全权限帐号 |
| [07:07] | Steven, I mean good deeds for other people. | Steven 我的意思是你要与人为善 |
| [07:11] | Uh, hypothetically, what if I’ve never helped another person… Ever? | 假设一下 如果我从没帮过别人… 会怎样? |
| [07:15] | Then you’ll burn in hell for all eternity. | 那就永远活在地狱的烈焰中吧 |
| [07:18] | I can’t spend nine months in hell! | 我在地狱可熬不过九个月 |
| [07:20] | That’s maternity, Steven. | 你说的是”有孕” Steven |
| [07:22] | Eternity is forever. | 我说的是”永远” |
| [07:23] | Oh, no! You gotta get me out of this! | 不要啊 你得想法儿救我 |
| [07:26] | Please! | 求你了 |
| [07:27] | There’s still time, son. | 还有时间的 孩子 |
| [07:28] | Just go out there and help others. | 出去助人为乐吧 |
| [07:30] | Ethel. She does good stuff. | Ethel 她尽做好事 |
| [07:32] | She even started a camp for blind kids. | 她甚至还办了个瞎眼孩子营 |
| [07:34] | Good! Do what she does. Oh, she’ll help you get into heaven. | 不错 就像她那么干 她会帮助你上天堂的 |
| [07:37] | Wait. Wouldn’t it be better if I just followed you around? You’re a priest. | 等一下 跟着你不是更好么? 你是神父啊 |
| [07:41] | Too busy, Steven. I’ve got this other gig where I dress as a clown. | 我很忙的 Steven 我还要去演出扮小丑呢 |
| [07:50] | I need to ask you something important. | 我有重要事情问你 |
| [07:51] | Steve, I told you, the juice boxes are for the campers. | Steve 我说过了 果汁只能给营员喝 |
| [07:54] | I wanted to ask for your forgiveness. | 我是来请求你原谅的 |
| [07:56] | I’m sorry for being so self-centered, and I want to help you do good deeds. | 我为我的自私自利道歉 还有我想帮你一起做好事 |
| [08:00] | I’m a brand-new Steve, who just wants to help other people. | 我是改头换面的Steve 就想助人为乐 |
| [08:03] | Like this one. | 比如这样 |
| [08:05] | You shouldn’t be playing with sticks. You could put your eye out. | 你可不能玩棍儿啊 会戳瞎眼睛的 |
| [08:10] | Steve, if you want, you can read to the kids. | Steve 如果你想的话 可以读书给孩子们听 |
| [08:12] | Come on, kids. Story time! | 都过来 孩子们 故事时间到 |
| [08:16] | Hello? | 你好 |
| [08:17] | Hello, this is Dr. Kuzniak. | 你好 我是Kuzniak医生 |
| [08:19] | I have some very important information for Steve. | 我有重要消息得告诉Steve |
| [08:21] | Can you tell him that he’s not dying? | 你能否告诉他 他不会死 |
| [08:23] | It turns out I accidentally mixed up his blood sample with another patient’s. | 是我不小心把他的血样跟另一个病人的弄混了 |
| [08:26] | In the name of the Father, the Son, and the holy… | 以圣父 圣子 圣灵… |
| [08:37] | Steve, the doctor called! He has important news for you! | Steve 医生打电话来要我转达重要消息 |
| [08:40] | Page 43. We’re into the lace corset section. | 43页哈 我们到了《蕾丝胸衣》专栏了 |
| [08:44] | It’s the same chick from page 12, but you can see her jugs better. | 虽然还是12页那个妹子 但胸部露得更多了 |
| [08:48] | Oh, Steve. It’s like you’ve helped the blind to see. | Steve叔叔 你让盲人觉得有如亲眼所见 |
| [08:51] | Now, what was that doctor’s big news? | 那 医生的重要消息是什么? |
| [08:53] | Um… Just that you’re still dying. | 他说… 你还是快死了 |
| [08:56] | So I’m supposed to believe that he called me, just to tell me I’m still dying? | 那我得相信他专程打电话 就是说我还是要死了? |
| [09:05] | Man, that doctor’s a [Bleeping] asshole. | 靠 那医生还真特么混蛋 |
| [09:09] | Kids, this is the last day… | 孩子们 放开束缚 |
| [09:11] | being blind is going to prevent you from doing anything you want. | 不要因为看不见东西就不敢去做你想做的事 |
| [09:15] | Draw… | 拉弓 |
| [09:17] | Release! | 放箭 |
| [09:23] | How’d we do? | 我们射得怎么样? |
| [09:27] | Ethel. I’ve spent the whole day showing blind kids | Ethel 我花了一整天让瞎眼娃儿们 |
| [09:30] | that they can do anything non-crippled kids can. | 知道他们也能做正常孩子们做的事情 |
| [09:33] | That’s wonderful, Steve. | 真是太好了 Steve |
| [09:35] | Wow. It’s amazing how much this dying thing has changed Steve. | 因为行将就木 Steve改变这么多 真是不可思议 |
| [09:39] | I know, right? He’s actually kind of pleasant to be around. | 我也这么说 有他在其实挺好的 |
| [09:42] | Which is why I… Connie, can I tell you something? | 那个我… Connie 能跟你讲个事吗? |
| [09:45] | Steve isn’t really dying. | Steve其实不会死掉 |
| [09:47] | The doctor called. It turns out he isn’t even sick at all. | 医生打过电话来了 他根本没生病 |
| [09:50] | That’s great news! Let’s tell him. | 真是好消息 我们去告诉他吧 |
| [09:52] | Would it be horrible if we hold off telling him? | 我们先不跟他说 也没什么吧? |
| [09:55] | You know, maybe ride the “nice Steve” wave a little bit longer? | 你知道的 趁势再让Steve当一阵子好人 |
| [09:58] | Ethel, that’s really selfish of you. | Ethel 你这样实在够自私的 |
| [10:00] | Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, but it’s for the good of the kids. | 你会这样想我深感遗憾 但这是为了孩子们好 |
| [10:04] | Now who’s having fun? | 现在看看谁会赢 |
| [10:10] | What’s going on in here? | 这些人干嘛的? |
| [10:11] | Oh, I’m interviewing for our next ranger. | 都是来面试林警的 |
| [10:13] | Just hire me, and let’s be done with this. | 签我得了 也省得你费那么多周折 |
| [10:16] | Daddy’s busy, honey. Why don’t you go outside and play? | 老爹很忙 宝贝 为啥你不出去找点乐子? |
| [10:19] | – No, I’m good. – Suit yourself. Next! | – 不 我好得很 – 随便你咯 下一位 |
| [10:22] | Good afternoon. Welcome… | 下午好 欢迎… |
| [10:24] | Eh! I’m gonna stop you right there. | 请允许我打断一下 |
| [10:26] | What’s the company policy on angel dust? | 你们单位禁食天使粉吗? |
| [10:28] | It’s illegal in the park, and in these United States of America. | 园内不允许使用 美国境内也不允许使用 |
| [10:31] | Well, shit! I’m back in the States? Since when? | 见鬼 难道我又回美国了? 我怎么不知道? |
| [10:34] | Man, you know what can really make you forget where you are? | 伙计 知道什么能让你嗨翻天吗? |
| [10:36] | Angel dust. | 天使粉 |
| [10:37] | By the way, can you advance me 20 bucks to score some angel dust? | 顺带问问 能借我20刀买点天使粉吗? |
| [10:40] | – Next! – Man, I love angel dust. | – 下一位 – 伙计 我爱死天使粉了 |
| [10:42] | – Next! – I can only ejaculate by setting things on fire. | – 下一位 – 只要让我放把火 我就高潮了 |
| [10:46] | – Next! – I like lollipops. | – 下一位 – 我爱棒棒糖 |
| [10:47] | Next! | 下一位 |
| [10:48] | I want this job because I like animals. | 我来面试是因为我喜欢动物 |
| [10:50] | No, I love animals. | 不 是因为我爱动物 |
| [10:52] | Some people say I love animals too much, you know what I’m saying? | 有人说我爱动物有些过头了 你懂啥意思不? |
| [10:55] | Next! | 下一位 |
| [10:56] | – And, I’m a certified lifeguard. – Well, I’m impressed. | – 而且我是经过认证的救生员 – 真有两下子 |
| [10:59] | Well, everything looks good. | 好吧 就这样了 |
| [11:01] | He’s Canadian. | 他是加拿大人 |
| [11:02] | What?! Get out of my office, you disgusting freak! | 什么?! 给我滚出办公室 你这恶心的怪胎 |
| [11:05] | That is what you get when you put an ad in a newspaper. | 这就是报纸打广告能找到的货色 |
| [11:08] | Stupid dying medium. | 要死不活的弱智媒体 |
| [11:10] | Malloy, can you help me post an ad on the Internet | Malloy 能帮我在网上打个广告 |
| [11:12] | that doesn’t attract a bunch of wacko nut jobs? | 给我找个正常点的家伙来吗? |
| [11:15] | Oh, I think I can help you with that. | 我想我能帮上你的忙 |
| [11:22] | – Hello? – It’s Denzel. | – 你好 – 是我 Denzel |
| [11:24] | Oh, right. The colored kid. | 噢 对 那个黑人小伙子 |
| [11:26] | Oh, well, Myrtle isn’t here right now… | 这样的 Myrtle现在不在 |
| [11:29] | Oh, I didn’t call to talk to Myrtle. | 我不是和Myrtle通话的 |
| [11:30] | I called to talk to you, baby. | 我是来和你通话的 宝贝 |
| [11:32] | Oh, I see. | 我明白了 |
| [11:34] | Agnes, I think you fine as hell. I like mature women. | Agnes 我觉得你棒极了 我喜欢成熟女人 |
| [11:37] | Myrtle’s just too young and naive for me. | 对我而言Myrtle就是没成熟的小鸡仔 |
| [11:40] | Oh, Denzel, stop it. | 拜托 Denzel 打住吧 |
| [11:41] | You’re embarrassing me. | 我都要给你羞死了 |
| [11:43] | So, uh, what are you wearing right now? | 那么 你现在穿什么呢? |
| [11:45] | A polyester housecoat and gown. Why? | 化纤材质的家用睡袍 怎么了? |
| [11:48] | No, I mean under that. | 不 我问里面穿的什么 |
| [11:50] | Oh… Well, a brassiere and a girdle. | 好吧 胸罩和紧身褡 |
| [11:54] | No, baby. I mean under that. | 不 宝贝 我问下面穿的什么 |
| [11:59] | A diaper. | 尿布 |
| [12:00] | Now, that’s nasty. | 这才够恶心 |
| [12:04] | Thanks for the best week of my life, Steve. | 谢谢你 Steve 这是我一生最愉快的一周 |
| [12:06] | Don’t cry, Frankie. We’ll see each other soon. | 不要哭 Frankie 我们很快就能再见面了 |
| [12:09] | Well, I’ll see you soon. Oh, wait. I’ll be dead. | 是我很快能见到你 哦不 我就要死了 |
| [12:17] | Steve, you have been so amazing. | Steve 你能做得这么出色 |
| [12:20] | And… Look, I’ll be honest. | 而且… 好吧 我直说吧 |
| [12:22] | You always disgusted me. I found you repulsive. | 你总让我反胃 让我觉得恶心 |
| [12:25] | You know, like when fat people kiss. But you’ve changed. | 你知道 就像看着胖子接吻 但你变了 |
| [12:28] | You now seem so… | 现在的你看起来… |
| [12:29] | Sweet and compassionate. | 可爱而且富有激情 |
| [12:32] | And now that we’re alone… | 现在既然只有我俩… |
| [12:33] | Ethel, as much as I’d love to dip my diseased donk in your bonk, | Ethel 虽然我很乐意把我感染的插头插入你的插座 |
| [12:37] | I need to find some more good deeds to do or I’m gonna burn in hell! | 但我还得多行点善事 不然我就要下地狱了 |
| [12:42] | Please stop dragging me across the street. | 拜托别再把我拖过街了 |
| [12:45] | Three more times and I’ll let you go. | 再来三次你就可以走了 |
| [12:47] | At least let me use my wheelchair. | 总得让我用轮椅吧 |
| [12:49] | No time! | 没时间了 |
| [13:01] | Come on, kitty. Jump. | 来吧 小猫咪 跳下来 |
| [13:07] | “Craigslist.” Now what? | “克雷格列表” 接下来呢? |
| [13:09] | Okay, first things first. | 好吧 首先呢 |
| [13:10] | You don’t want to hire a child, so click on the “adults only” section. | 你不想雇小孩 点击一下”成人专属”区域 |
| [13:15] | “Adults only.” Good thinking. | “成人专属” 很好 |
| [13:16] | Now we don’t need another female ranger, right? | 话说咱不需要再雇个女林警的 对吧 |
| [13:19] | – Hell, no! – And you’re a man, of course. | – 当然不要 – 而你是个男人 |
| [13:21] | So go ahead and click “men seeking men.” | 直接点击 “男性 搜寻对象 男性” |
| [13:25] | Wow, this is easier than I thought. | 这比我想得还轻松 |
| [13:28] | Hey, Steve. What are you doing? | 嘿 Steve 你在干嘛? |
| [13:30] | I’m doing good deeds for the rangers. | 我在为林警们办好事 |
| [13:31] | The ones I tried to do in town didn’t work out so well, and I’m running out of time. | 我在镇上办的好事都没什么成效 我快没时间了 |
| [13:35] | – Can we talk for a second? – Not now. | – 我们能谈谈不? – 现在不行 |
| [13:37] | Denzel asked me to swallow these condoms and drive to Mexico. | Denzel要我吞了这些套套然后开车去墨西哥 |
| [13:39] | But first, I promised Connie a spa day. | 但我得先给Connie涂防晒霜 |
| [13:42] | Steve! I need another mimosa. | Steve 我的含羞草喝完咯 |
| [13:45] | Listen, Connie. What you said before about telling Steve? | 听着 Connie 记得你劝我告诉Steve真相吗? |
| [13:49] | I agree with you now. It’s time I told him the truth. | 现在我明白了 是时候和他说了 |
| [13:52] | No way. This is great. | 不行 维持现状就好 |
| [13:55] | I’ve never been so pampered in my life. | 我这辈子从没这么舒坦过 |
| [13:57] | You are taking advantage of him. It’s not right. | 你这是利用他 这可不对 |
| [13:59] | I’m gonna tell him right… Oh! | 我现在就去告诉他… |
| [14:01] | If you ruin this, I will break you. | 你敢把事捅破 看我不灭了你 |
| [14:05] | Your ad said you need a man who is willing to submit to your authority? | 你广告上说需要一个愿意服于你权威之下的人吧? |
| [14:09] | Yes, Sir. And I’m gonna work you long and hard. | 是的先生 我会像机器一样用你到废 |
| [14:13] | I’m willing to get down on my hands and knees | 我愿意对你俯首帖耳 |
| [14:15] | and do whatever it takes to satisfy you. | 不惜一切代价来满足你 |
| [14:17] | See, Malloy? That’s what you call commitment. | 看到没 Malloy? 这就是人们说的一诺千金 |
| [14:19] | If you say so. | 随你怎么说 |
| [14:20] | I want you to shove your fist up my ass and work me like a puppet. | 我想让你用拳头打我屁股 让我像布偶一样工作 |
| [14:24] | Well, if that’s code for having a good work ethic, let me go get the paperwork. | 好吧 如果这是好好工作的另一种说法 我来给你登记吧 |
| [14:31] | Whoa! What the [Bleep]? | 这是搞毛啊 |
| [14:41] | So, Steve, I was thinking. You’re about to die a horrible death. | Steve 我想你马上就要痛苦地呜呼了 |
| [14:44] | Condolences. Anyhow, I was wondering if you could do me a small favor. | 真是痛心 话说回来 我在想你能不能帮我个小忙 |
| [14:49] | Sure, I’ll help you. | 没问题 我会帮你 |
| [14:50] | Hear that, God? I’m helping an animal. | 看到没 老天爷 我在帮助这只动物呢 |
| [14:53] | Just tell Woody that your dying wish is for me to have your job. | 就和Woody说你的遗愿是让我接手你的工作 |
| [14:57] | God put three types of animals on Earth. | 上帝为这个世界创造了三种动物 |
| [15:00] | One type to eat, one type to ride, and whales. | 一种用来吃 一种用来骑 还有一种是鲸鱼 |
| [15:04] | So sayeth the Lord. | 这就是上帝的意愿 |
| [15:06] | Would you stop it with all this God crap? | 能别跟我念叨上帝这种垃圾货么? |
| [15:08] | You blasphemer! | 你个亵渎者 |
| [15:09] | Steve, I know that you’re dumb, but try to listen closely. | Steve 我知道你充耳不闻 但是听仔细了 |
| [15:13] | – There is no God. – What? | – 上帝根本不存在 – 再说一遍? |
| [15:15] | If there were a God, how do you explain hunger, suffering, and war? | 要是真有上帝 饥饿 苦难 战争又是怎么回事? |
| [15:19] | You know, Africa. | 想想非洲 |
| [15:20] | I’ll ask God next week when I’m in heaven. | 下礼拜进了天堂我自会问问上帝 |
| [15:22] | Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to give Connie a Brazilian. | 失陪一下 我要去帮Connie做个巴西蜜蜡脱毛 |
| [15:27] | I’m ready. | 准备好咯 |
| [15:30] | You’re right! There is no God! | 你说得对 上帝根本不存在 |
| [15:36] | Steve? Steve? | |
| [15:41] | Damn it! | 见鬼 |
| [15:42] | Come back here, chipyunk! | 都给我回来 花栗鼠 |
| [15:45] | Fight like a man! | 像个男人来战斗 |
| [15:46] | Hey, Steve! Stop it! | 嘿 Steve 住手 |
| [15:48] | Why? There is no God. | 怎样? 反正又没上帝 |
| [15:50] | What’s the difference? | 好人坏人啥区别? |
| [15:51] | The difference is you’re not dying. | 区别就是你不会死 |
| [15:54] | The doctor called last week and told me. | 医生上周打电话告诉我 |
| [15:56] | I just didn’t tell you because I… I really… | 我没跟你说因为… 我真的… |
| [15:58] | I really like the new Steve. | 我真的喜欢新的Steve |
| [15:59] | Bullshit! You’re just lying to me so I don’t blow Bambi’s brains out. | 扯淡 你这是哄我 好让我放过小鹿斑比 |
| [16:04] | Wait, Steve! Okay! Okay! Okay. | 等下 Steve 好 好 好 |
| [16:06] | Su… Suppose you are dying. | 假设… 假设你要死了 |
| [16:07] | Is this really how you want to spend your last few days? | 你真想就这么度过剩下的日子? |
| [16:10] | You know what? You’re right. | 知道吗? 你说得对 |
| [16:12] | – I’m wasting precious time. – Thank you. | – 我在浪费宝贵的人生 – 多谢理解 |
| [16:15] | There’s way more messed up shit I’ve always wanted to do! | 还有更损的路子我一直想去实践呢 |
| [16:31] | Angel dust! | 天使粉 |
| [16:36] | Mother? I need to speak to you about Denzel. | 老妈 我得和你谈谈Denzel |
| [16:39] | You can’t tell me who to date. | 你无权管我和谁约会 |
| [16:42] | Myrtle! I thought you had a dialysis appointment. | Myrtle 我记得你今天要去做透析的 |
| [16:46] | How could you, mother? You’re going down, bitch! | 你怎能这样 老妈? 你死定了 婊子 |
| [16:50] | I just did, on the colored kid. | 我就是做了 跟这个有色男孩 |
| [16:53] | And it was heavenly. | 而且欲仙欲死 |
| [16:59] | Myrtle, no! No! | Myrtle 别 别 |
| [17:02] | Oh, man. | 天啊 |
| [17:03] | Get your hands off me. He’s mine. | 别抓着我 他是我的 |
| [17:10] | Oh, shit! | 该死 |
| [17:12] | I never loved you. | 我从没爱过你 |
| [17:15] | Ladies, ladies, calm down! | 妞们 妞们 淡定点 |
| [17:17] | I know how we can work this out. | 我知道怎么搞定了 |
| [17:20] | Man, y’all are freaks. | 天啊 你俩都挺给力啊 |
| [17:22] | I bet you ain’t smiled like that since you got the right to vote. | 我猜从得到选举权那天后 你就没这么开怀过了 |
| [17:25] | Right, girl? | 是不 妞? |
| [17:30] | Uh, Myrtle, I think your mama dead. | Myrtle 你妈好像死了 |
| [17:32] | Myrtle? Myrtle? | |
| [17:33] | God damn it. | 我勒个擦 |
| [17:41] | Let’s be honest, we all took advantage of Steve. | 打开天窗说亮话 咱都利用了Steve |
| [17:43] | We preyed on his insecurities, and we didn’t tell him that he’s not dying. | 我们害他六神无主 没有告诉他他不会死 |
| [17:46] | Wait, Steve’s not really dying? | 等着 Steve不死了? |
| [17:48] | Damn, you colder than those two dead women I just had sex with. | 擦 你真比昨天我上的俩老太太还冷血 |
| [17:54] | Uh, I mean, uh… How can we help Steve? | 那个… 我是说 咱怎么帮帮Steve? |
| [17:59] | Steve, it’s me. | Steve 是我 |
| [18:02] | God. | 上帝 |
| [18:04] | You can’t be God. You’re black. | 你不是上帝 你是个黑子 |
| [18:06] | Yeah, I’m black. What’s wrong with that? | 是啊 哥就黑了 有啥不对劲吗? |
| [18:08] | Uh… Nothing. | 没啥 |
| [18:09] | That’s right, mother [Bleeper ]. If I wasn’t God, could I do this? | 这就对了 你个傻X 我要不是上帝 能干这个? |
| [18:13] | You are God. I’m sorry I lost my faith, God. | 你真是上帝 对不起我没坚定信仰 上帝 |
| [18:16] | I’ve done bad things. And in three days, I’ll be going straight to hell, huh? | 我坏事干尽 就在过去三天 会直接下地狱的哈? |
| [18:20] | Yeah, that’s what you deserve, but I’m here to heal your shit. | 按理说会 但我不是过来给你擦屁股了么 |
| [18:23] | Behold the power of God. | 尽看上帝之神威吧 |
| [18:28] | You’re healed. | 你没事了 |
| [18:29] | Thank you, God. | 太谢谢了 上帝 |
| [18:31] | I… Don’t feel any different. | 我… 感觉没啥区别 |
| [18:33] | – Trust me, you’re fine. – How can I ever repay you? | – 相信我 你没事了 – 我要怎么报答你? |
| [18:36] | Okay, you know your friend Denzel? | 好办 你知道你朋友Denzel |
| [18:37] | If the cops ask you where he was at last night between 7:00 and 8:30, | 要是条子问你昨晚07:00至08:30他在什么地方 |
| [18:40] | you say he was with you playing Wii bowling or some shit at your crib. | 你就说他在跟你打任天堂保龄球 或者在你屋里瞎玩 |
| [18:43] | Now I gots to bounce. | 我得弹回去咯 |
| [18:44] | Wait! I need to ask you something. | 等下 我还有事相问 |
| [18:46] | I can’t hold this much longer. | 我已经快拽不动了 |
| [18:50] | What, my son? Make it quick. | 问啥 孩儿? 麻利儿的 |
| [18:52] | Will you give me super-strong robot arms? | 您能赋予我一副超强机器手臂吗? |
| [18:55] | – No. – Regular strength robot arms? | – 不行 – 普通机器手臂呢? |
| [18:57] | No! No robot arms! | 不行 没有机器手臂 |
| [18:58] | – Just the hands? – Hell, no. | – 只要机器手? – 更没有 |
| [19:00] | – Fair enough, God. – All right, I’m out. | – 够公道 上帝 – 好了 我走了 |
| [19:05] | Oh, my God. It’s all a sham! | 上帝啊 原来是假的 |
| [19:07] | Steve? Now be cool, man. We just trying to help. | Steve 看开点 哥们 我们只想帮忙 |
| [19:10] | A fake beard, God? You have a fake beard? | 假胡子 上帝? 你居然戴假胡子? |
| [19:13] | Why do you mislead us all? | 你骗我们干嘛啊? |
| [19:14] | Damn, you stupid. | 靠 你个二货 |
| [19:18] | Well, Malloy, turns out you were the best candidate after all. | 好吧 Malloy 事实证明你才是最佳人选 |
| [19:21] | And I know that you will make your daddy proud. | 我知道你会让爸爸骄傲的 |
| [19:24] | And, now that you are an official park ranger, you’re authorized to carry this. | 既然你已成为正式林警 就有权持有这家伙 |
| [19:28] | Please use it responsibly. | 请负责任地使用 |
| [19:30] | Of course. | 必须的 |
| [19:34] | Hey, look. It’s the house bear. | 嘿 瞧啊 是那头家熊 |
| [19:37] | Look at that uniform! | 瞧这一身小制服 |
| [19:57] | I quit. | 我不干了 |
| [19:59] | Hey, everybody, good news! | 嘿 伙计们 好消息 |
| [20:01] | I’m not dying anymore! | 我不会死掉了 |
| [20:03] | Now, Woody, I would like my job back. | 好了 Woody 我想官复原职 |
| [20:05] | I plan on being around for a long time. | 我打算在这儿混上好长一段时间 |
| [20:08] | That is good news. Because your so-called replacement over here just quit! | 还真是个好消息 因为你那个替补人选刚刚辞了职 |
| [20:13] | I knew you weren’t responsible enough to respect a gun. | 我就知道你责任心还没成长到持有枪支 |
| [20:16] | These things aren’t toys, Malloy! | 这家伙不是玩具 Malloy |
| [20:18] | “Look at me, I’ve got a big gun!” | 看过来 我有一支大枪枪 |
| [20:24] | As if I didn’t have enough bullshit, now I’ve got blood on my wall! | 还特么嫌事儿不够多 现在我又得清理墙上的血渍了 |
| [20:28] | Congratulations, Steven. | 祝贺你 Steven |
| [20:30] | I’m glad to tell you you just squeaked into heaven. | 很高兴告诉你 你侥幸挤进了天堂 |
| [20:33] | Who the hell are you? | 你特么是谁? |
| [20:34] | I am God, my son. | 我是上帝 孩子 |
| [20:37] | Welcome to my glorious kingdom. | 欢迎来到这金碧辉煌的王国 |
| [20:39] | This man is a fraud! | 这货是个骗子 |
| [20:41] | Everyone knows God is black! | 大伙都知道 上帝是黑人 |
| [20:44] | You goddamn God impostor! | 你个遭天谴的冒牌上帝 |
| [20:47] | That does it. You just bought yourself a one-way ticket to hell. | 等着吧 你已经给自己买下了没退路的地狱车票 |
| [20:53] | Yup. Makes sense. | 成吧 有道理 |
| [21:08] | jinglili099 | 翻译 |
| [21:14] | P2Pfiend | 鸣谢 |
| [21:16] | David Coleman | 鸣谢 |
| [21:17] | Addi7ed.com | 鸣谢 |