| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | What’s this meeting about? | 这次会议是关于什么的 |
| [00:06] | Did someone find my meatball sub? | 是有人找到我的肉丸三明治了吗 |
| [00:07] | A, we would never have a meeting about that. | 第一 我们绝对不会开关于肉丸三明治的会 |
| [00:09] | – B, you are holding it. – Oh. | – 第二 你自己拿着呢 – 噢 |
| [00:10] | Meeting adjourned. | 那休会吧 |
| [00:11] | Meeting’s not over, dummy. | 会议没有结束 呆瓜 |
| [00:13] | Terry said he had some news | Terry说他有话要说 |
| [00:14] | from the office of Commissioner Wuntch. | 从Wuntch局长办公室传来的消息 |
| [00:16] | What does that human blister want now? | 那个人渣想干什么 |
| [00:17] | Does she intend to demote me even further? | 她是想把我降级降得更低吗 |
| [00:20] | Or perhaps she’ll transfer me to the swamps of New Jersey | 或者是她可能想把我转到新泽西的沼泽里去 |
| [00:22] | so I can patrol the sinkhole where she was spawned. | 这样我就可以在她出生的阴沟里巡逻了 |
| [00:24] | Or it’s possible the announcement has nothing to do with you. | 也可能这次通告跟你并没有关系 |
| [00:27] | Oh, good thinking, Peralta. | 噢 很积极的想法 Peralta |
| [00:28] | You’re right. | 你说得对 |
| [00:29] | Maybe Madeline wants to inform us all that she’s a Cheuksin. | 可能Madeline想告诉我们大家她是一个厕神 |
| [00:31] | – A what? – A Cheuksin. | – 一个什么 – 一个厕神 |
| [00:33] | A Korean toilet ghost, lives in an outhouse, | 一种韩国厕所里的鬼 住在屋外的厕所里 |
| [00:35] | wraps her hair around your throat | 她会在你拉屎的时候 |
| [00:36] | and chokes you to death while you move your bowels. | 把她的头发缠在你的脖子上把你勒到死 |
| [00:38] | You know what? | 你知道吗 |
| [00:39] | I will give you $6,000 if the announcement is she’s a Cheuksin. | 如果这次通告说她是个厕神 我就给你6000美元 |
| [00:43] | Okay, everyone. I have some news. | 好的 各位 我带来了一些消息 |
| [00:45] | That Madeline Wuntch is a Korean toilet ghost? | 是说Madeline Wuntch是一个韩国厕所鬼吗 |
| [00:47] | Boring. We already knew that. | 无趣 我们已经知道了 |
| [00:50] | Madeline Wuntch is dead. | Madeline Wuntch死了 |
| [00:51] | Say what now? | 你说啥 |
| [01:13] | Wait, Wuntch is dead? | 等下 Wuntch死了 |
| [01:14] | Yeah. The Commissioner’s office just notified us. | 是的 局长办公室刚通知我们 |
| [01:17] | No way that’s true. | 不可能 |
| [01:18] | As Wuntch says when she sees deodorant, | 正如Wuntch看到体味除臭剂时会说的 |
| [01:20] | “I’m not buying it.” | “我才不会信(买)” |
| [01:22] | Sir, she’s dead. | 长官 她死了 |
| [01:23] | Oh, Terry. Zombies can’t die. This is some sort of scam. | 噢 Terry 僵尸是不会死的 这是某种骗局 |
| [01:26] | If she were dead, | 如果她真的死了 |
| [01:28] | we would be hearing the sounds of children singing in the streets. | 我们一定会听到孩子们在街上歌唱 |
| [01:30] | I don’t know, sir. | 这不好说 长官 |
| [01:31] | You didn’t believe it | 我们告诉你 |
| [01:32] | when we told you the Disco Strangler died, either. | 迪斯科掐人魔死了的时候你也不信 |
| [01:34] | And I was right. He was faking it. | 我当时确实说对了 他是假装的 |
| [01:35] | Maybe she’s alive. | 可能她还活着 |
| [01:37] | Why would Wuntch fake her own death? | 为什么Wuntch要假装自己死了 |
| [01:38] | The same reason she visits Mexico once a year | 就跟她每年要去一次墨西哥 |
| [01:40] | and sucks the blood from all the goats. | 把所有山羊的血都吸干的原因一样 |
| [01:42] | For kicks. | 好玩刺激呗 |
| [01:43] | Look, I don’t know what to tell you, | 听着 我不知道怎么跟你说 |
| [01:44] | but she’s dead. What do you want? | 但她确实死了 你想怎样 |
| [01:46] | To open up her coffin and check for yourself? | 要亲自去打开她的棺材检查吗 |
| [01:48] | Oh, she’s very dead. | 噢 她确实死透了 |
| [01:50] | Hello, gentlemen. | 先生们 你们好呀 |
| [01:52] | Guess who’s walking the red carpet this Saturday? | 猜猜这周六谁要去走红毯 |
| [01:54] | – Chord Overstreet. – Who? | – 寇德·欧沃斯崔 – 谁 |
| [01:56] | – Sam Evans from “Glee.” – No, me. | – <欢乐合唱团>里扮演Sam Evans那位 – 不 是我呀 |
| [01:58] | Why would you guess that? I was clearly talking about me. | 你怎么会猜他呢 很明显我在说我呀 |
| [02:00] | Okay, but for the record, | 好吧 但是记住了 |
| [02:00] | I bet Chord Overstreet will also be walking one. | 我猜寇德·欧沃斯崔肯定也会要走红毯 |
| [02:02] | Stop talking about Chord Overstreet. | 别再说寇德·欧沃斯崔了 |
| [02:03] | No, I’m going to the world premiere of “Kwazy Kupcakes: The Movie.” | 我要去<疯狂小蛋糕大电影>的全球首映会了 |
| [02:08] | Whoa! How’d you get the invite? | 哇噢 你怎么得到邀请的 |
| [02:09] | My buddy Mikey J hooked me up. | 我哥们Mikey J帮我搭桥的 |
| [02:10] | Oh, your ska friend? Did he work on the movie? | 噢 你牙买加音乐风的朋友吗 他也有份参与这个电影吗 |
| [02:12] | No, he submitted an unsolicited script | 不 他闲着没事提交了一份自己的剧本 |
| [02:14] | that a producer accidentally opened | 然后制片人不小心打开了 |
| [02:16] | so legally they had to give him a “Story by” Credit, | 所以法律上来说他们得给他加上”编剧”的名号 |
| [02:17] | and now I’ve got four tickets. | 所以现在我有四张票 |
| [02:19] | Wow. So who you bringing? | 哇 那你要带谁去 |
| [02:21] | You know, Cagney and Lacey love “Kwazy Kupcakes.” | 你知道 Cagney和Lacey都很喜欢”疯狂小蛋糕” |
| [02:24] | They are crazy Kwazy fans. | 她们也是疯狂的疯狂小粉丝 |
| [02:26] | Huh, cool. Well, if you guys are free this Saturday– | 哈 酷 那如果你们这周六有空的话 |
| [02:28] | Stop, before you say anything you regret, | 等下 在你说出会后悔的话以前 |
| [02:30] | you should know that “Kwazy Kupcakes” means a lot to Nikolaj. | 你得知道”疯狂小蛋糕”对于Nikolaj来说意义重大 |
| [02:34] | At the orphanage that game was his only friend. | 在孤儿院的时候这个游戏是他唯一的朋友 |
| [02:36] | Touching, but Cagney and Lacey don’t have any friends at all. | 很感人 但是Cagney和Lacey根本就没有任何朋友 |
| [02:39] | Maybe they can make some at this event. | 或许她们可以趁着这次活动交些朋友 |
| [02:41] | So what do you say, Jake? | 你觉得呢 Jake |
| [02:41] | Whose kids do you like more? | 你更喜欢谁的孩子呢 |
| [02:42] | What? Wait, wait, wait. That’s not what this is about. | 什么 等下 等下 等下 那跟这个无关 |
| [02:44] | No, Boyle’s right. Whose kids do you like more? | 不 Boyle说得对 你更喜欢谁的孩子呢 |
| [02:46] | Tell us now. | 现在就告诉我们 |
| [02:47] | Okay. You guys are being really intense. | 好了 你们现在太剑拔弩张了 |
| [02:49] | I like all of your kids an equal amount. | 我同等地喜欢你们的孩子 |
| [02:50] | Just give me some space and I’ll figure out who I’m gonna take. | 跟我点空间想清楚我要带谁去 |
| [02:53] | Okay, backing off. | 好的 撤退了 |
| [02:54] | Stepping away. | 退到旁边 |
| [02:55] | Making room. | 给你空间 |
| [02:56] | Letting you breathe. | 让你好好呼吸 |
| [02:56] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [03:00] | Did you both just send me pictures of your kids crying? | 你们俩是刚给我发了你们小孩在哭的照片吗 |
| [03:02] | No. | 没有啊 |
| [03:04] | Ding, dong, the Wuntch is dead. | 叮 咚 Wuntch死翘翘了 |
| [03:07] | Bagels for everyone! | 每个人都有贝果吃 |
| [03:10] | So I guess you believe it now. | 我猜你现在是信了 |
| [03:11] | Yep. Wanna see the selfies I took? | 是的 要看我跟她的自拍吗 |
| [03:12] | – Actually, yes. – I’ll share the album with you. | – 实际上 我挺想看 – 我把整个相册都发给你 |
| [03:14] | Oh, my God! | 噢 我的天 |
| [03:15] | I just heard about Wuntch! | 我刚听到Wuntch的消息 |
| [03:16] | She was so young! | 她还那么年轻 |
| [03:18] | For a redwood tree. | 对于一棵红杉树来说 |
| [03:19] | Uh, I don’t understand what’s going on. | 呃 我不明白现在是怎么回事 |
| [03:21] | Why are you crying? | 你为什么在哭 |
| [03:22] | A person is dead. I feel sad. | 因为死了一个人 我觉得很伤心 |
| [03:24] | That’s insane. | 太疯狂了 |
| [03:25] | You don’t feel sad when a monster dies in a monster movie. | 在怪兽电影里面怪兽死了你是不会觉得伤心的 |
| [03:28] | – In “E.T.,” do you feel sad when E.T. Dies? – Yes. | – 在 |
| [03:32] | – He wasn’t a monster. – He caused a real commotion. | – 他不是个怪物 – 他造成了一场骚乱 |
| [03:34] | It isn’t just Wuntch. | 不仅仅是因为Wuntch |
| [03:35] | I started seeing a fertility doctor | 我开始去看一位生育科的医生 |
| [03:37] | and she has me taking hormones to help with ovulation | 她让我服用荷尔蒙来帮助排卵 |
| [03:40] | and my emotions are in overdrive. | 我的情绪现在在超常运作 |
| [03:42] | Well, I know just the thing to cheer you up. | 好吧 我知道有件事能让你振奋起来 |
| [03:44] | Wuntch is dead! Bagel! | Wuntch死啦 来个贝果吧 |
| [03:47] | Bagel! Bagel! | 贝果 贝果 |
| [03:49] | Sir, I am loving this color on you, | 长官 我喜欢你现在的感情色彩 |
| [03:51] | but don’t you think you should tone it down? | 但是你不觉得你应该收敛一点吗 |
| [03:53] | Why, in case I run into her family? | 为什么 以防我不小心碰到她的家人吗 |
| [03:54] | I’m not planning any trips to the Bronx Zoo. | 我又没有要去布朗克斯动物园 |
| [03:56] | Wait. | 等下 |
| [03:57] | Does this mean you’re gonna be captain again? | 这是不是意味着你又可以当警监了 |
| [03:58] | It does. | 确实是 |
| [03:59] | The Chief of Personnel called | 人事部主任刚打来 |
| [04:00] | to say the promotion is in the works. | 说晋升正在进行中 |
| [04:02] | Her death means I’ve won. | 她的死代表着我赢了 |
| [04:04] | It’s finally over. | 终于都结束了 |
| [04:08] | An email from Madeline Wuntch? | 一封来自Madeline Wuntch的邮件 |
| [04:11] | Subject line, “It’s not over.” | 邮件主题是”还没完” |
| [04:15] | My friends, | 诸位 |
| [04:16] | I have a proclamation to bestow upon ye. | 吾有一事欲公之于汝 |
| [04:19] | Why are you talking like that? | 你为什么要这样说话 |
| [04:20] | And why’d you have us come in here? | 还有 你为什么让我们来这里 |
| [04:22] | Is this about the tickets? | 是因为票的事吗 |
| [04:23] | It is indeed about said tickets, | 确实是关于票的事 |
| [04:24] | and said proclamation about said tickets is in fact– | 而关于这个票的这个公告其实就是 |
| [04:27] | Jake, just tell us. No one is liking this. | Jake 你就赶紧告诉我们吧 没人喜欢这样 |
| [04:29] | I’m loving it. You sound so smart. | 我就很喜欢 你听起来真聪明 |
| [04:31] | Oh, thank you, my loyal subject Charles. | 谢谢你 我的忠臣Charles |
| [04:34] | Now, as you know, this decision has been quite hard upon me– | 那么 如你们所知 这个决定对我来说是个艰难的”举”措 |
| [04:38] | title of mine sex tape– | 我的性爱录影带的标题 |
| [04:38] | but I have made it at long last, | 但我终于还是成功了 |
| [04:41] | and it is my decree that the recipient shall be… | 吾宣布 票将施予 |
| [04:46] | Both of you. | 你们俩 |
| [04:47] | What? Did you talk to Mikey J. And get more tickets? | 什么 难道说你和Mikey J谈过了 还弄到了更多的票吗 |
| [04:49] | Indeed I did not, | 我当然没有 |
| [04:50] | but it is my decision | 但是我决定 |
| [04:51] | that I will cut all of said tickets in twain. | 我会把所有的票都一分为二 |
| [04:54] | Twain? | 一分为二 |
| [04:55] | Terry doesn’t want a twained ticket to “Kwazy Kupcakes.” | Terry才不想要分成两半的<疯狂小蛋糕大电影>的票 |
| [04:57] | That’s not how tickets work. | 票不是这样用的 |
| [04:58] | You’d just be ruining them. | 你只会毁了它们 |
| [04:59] | None of us would get in. | 我们谁也进不去 |
| [05:00] | – Are you dumb? – No! | – 你傻吗 – 不 |
| [05:02] | All right, full disclosure. | 好吧 我坦白 |
| [05:03] | I was trying to do that Bible thing | 我是想模仿圣经里的操作 |
| [05:04] | and then one of you was gonna take the high road | 然后你们其中一个人决定选择道德高地 |
| [05:06] | and say that rather than see the tickets destroyed, | 宁可放弃也不愿意看到票被毁掉 |
| [05:07] | you would just bow out, | 于是那个人就会退出 |
| [05:08] | and then that person was gonna get the tickets. | 然后他就能得到票了 |
| [05:11] | Nope. | 不 |
| [05:11] | If I don’t get them, no one does. | 如果我得不到 其他人也得不到 |
| [05:13] | Agreed. Boyles or bust. | 同意 要么给Boyle 要么丢掉 |
| [05:14] | Cut them up. | 把它们撕开吧 |
| [05:15] | I’m not gonna do that. | 我不会那么做的 |
| [05:16] | I’m just gonna have to think of another way to figure this out. | 我得想个别的办法解决这个问题 |
| [05:18] | Stupid Bible with stupid lessons never solved crap! | 愚蠢的圣经和愚蠢的教训屁用都没有 |
| [05:20] | So you were right. | 你是对的 |
| [05:22] | Wuntch was not able to claw through her coffin | Wuntch不可能从棺材里钻出来 |
| [05:23] | and write the email herself. | 亲自给我发邮件 |
| [05:25] | It turns out, the lawyer for her estate sent it. | 原来是她的遗产律师寄来的 |
| [05:27] | I wish I had taken the LSATs. | 我真希望我参加了法学院入学考试 |
| [05:29] | Not to be a lawyer. Just seems like a fun test. | 我不是想做律师 只是这看起来像是个有趣的考试 |
| [05:32] | – Dude, you’re bumming us out. – All right. | – 伙计 你把我们的兴致搞没了 – 好了 |
| [05:34] | Uh, the email contains a link to a video. | 邮件里有一段视频的链接 |
| [05:36] | I’m going to play it. Brace yourselves. | 我要准备播放了 做好准备 |
| [05:38] | If it shows Madeline, | 如果出现了Madeline的话 |
| [05:39] | be sure not to look directly into her eyes. | 千万记得 别直视她的眼睛 |
| [05:41] | – Because we’ll turn to stone? – No. | – 因为我们会变成石头吗 – 不 |
| [05:42] | Because her eyes are ugly. | 因为她的眼睛很丑 |
| [05:44] | Hello, Raymond. Surprised to see me? | 你好 Raymond 看到我很惊讶吧 |
| [05:46] | Well, I didn’t say Bloody Mary three times, so yes. | 我还没有默念三次血腥玛丽呢 所以 没错 |
| [05:49] | When did she record this? | 她是什么时候录的这个视频 |
| [05:51] | Judging by the flames around her, | 从她周围的火焰来看 |
| [05:52] | it could be a livestream. | 这可能是现场直播 |
| [05:53] | Very good, Rosa. | 说的好 Rosa |
| [05:55] | I’m sure you consider my untimely death a victory, | 我相信你觉得我的早逝是一场胜利 |
| [05:58] | but I’d never let you win. | 但我是不会让你赢的 |
| [05:59] | I told everyone that in my final days, we reconciled | 我告诉所有人在我最后的日子里 我们和解了 |
| [06:02] | and you insisted on hosting and organizing | 而且你坚持要主持并组织 |
| [06:05] | my NYPD memorial service. | 我的纽约警局追悼会 |
| [06:07] | I know you won’t be able to resist badmouthing me at the service. | 我知道你会忍不住在仪式上说我坏话的 |
| [06:10] | All the top brass will be there, | 到时所有高层都会到场 |
| [06:12] | and when you speak ill of me, | 当你说我坏话的时候 |
| [06:13] | it will end your career. | 你的职业生涯就结束了 |
| [06:15] | It’s over. I won. | 结束了 我赢了 |
| [06:17] | Bye, Raymond. | 再见 Raymond |
| [06:18] | Oh, no. I’m doomed. | 噢 不 我死定了 |
| [06:20] | Seriously? | 真的吗 |
| [06:21] | All you have to do is not insult a dead woman | 你所要做的仅仅是不要在一个已经死了的女人的 |
| [06:23] | at her own memorial service. | 追悼会上侮辱她而已 |
| [06:25] | Exactly. | 没错 |
| [06:25] | It’s impossible. | 不可能做到的 |
| [06:30] | Oh, you must be feeling better. | 你一定感觉好多了 |
| [06:32] | You’re heating up your favorite meal; beans. | 你在加热你最喜欢的食物 豆子 |
| [06:33] | They’re refried. | 它们被翻炒过了 |
| [06:34] | It’s bad enough they were cooked once, | 被煮过一次就已经够糟了 |
| [06:35] | let alone twice, | 更别说两次 |
| [06:36] | and now the toaster oven makes it three times. | 现在放烤箱里加热已经算是三次了 |
| [06:38] | I couldn’t be crying for help any louder. | 我的求救信号已经不能再明显了 |
| [06:40] | So I take it you couldn’t get out of organizing Wuntch’s memorial. | 那我就当你是不得不去组织Wuntch的追悼会了 |
| [06:43] | Oh, no. It’s impossible. | 噢 不 不可能 |
| [06:45] | She has bested me yet again. | 她又一次打败了我 |
| [06:46] | Well then stop being such a moron, you idiot. | 那就别傻了 白痴 |
| [06:49] | – Amy! – Sorry, it’s the hormones. | – Amy – 抱歉 是荷尔蒙作怪 |
| [06:52] | They’re making me really irritable. | 它们让我变得很烦躁 |
| [06:53] | Angry Amy’s right. | 愤怒的Amy说得对 |
| [06:54] | All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial. | 你只需要在追悼会上说几句好话就行了 |
| [06:56] | As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, | 正如上帝在Wuntch试图从天堂大门溜进去时对着她说 |
| [06:59] | “It ain’t happening, honey.” | “这是不可能的 亲爱的” |
| [07:01] | I tried to write a kind speech about her last night, | 我昨晚试图写一篇友善点的关于她的演讲稿 |
| [07:04] | and this is what came out. | 结果写成了这样 |
| [07:05] | Oh. | 噢 |
| [07:07] | It’s, like, 20 pages long. | 大概有20页长呢 |
| [07:08] | Why is it in all caps? | 为什么全都是大写的 |
| [07:09] | So I remember to yell it. | 为了让我记得要喊出来 |
| [07:11] | Oh, well, you obviously can’t read any of this. | 噢 显然这些字你一个都不能读出来 |
| [07:14] | Look, since you can’t say anything nice, | 听着 既然你不能说好话 |
| [07:16] | try saying the opposite of whatever you’re thinking. | 那就试着说与你想法相反的话 |
| [07:19] | Interesting. | 有意思 |
| [07:20] | I’ll give it a whirl. | 我来试试 |
| [07:23] | Madeline Wuntch was… | Madeline Wuntch是 |
| [07:27] | A friend. | 一个朋友 |
| [07:28] | See? It’s not that hard to say something ni– | 看到了吗 说点好话也没有那么难 |
| [07:29] | oh, you’re vomiting. | 噢 你在呕吐 |
| [07:32] | Hi, Jake. It’s me, Nikolaj. | 你好 Jake 是我 Nikolaj |
| [07:34] | Hey, bud. What are you doing here? | 嘿 小老弟 你在这里干什么 |
| [07:35] | It’s Thursday. | 今天是星期四 |
| [07:36] | Shouldn’t you be at tailoring class? | 你不是在上裁缝课吗 |
| [07:37] | I want to say thank you. | 我想说谢谢 |
| [07:38] | Dad said that you were giving us tickets | 爸爸说你要给我们票 |
| [07:40] | to the “Kwazy Kupcakes” Movie. | 让我们去看<疯狂小蛋糕大电影> |
| [07:41] | Oh, he did, did he? Excuse me one second. | 他这么说了 是吗 失陪一下 |
| [07:45] | – Of all the twisted moves! – Don’t hate the player. | – 你居然用这种阴招 – 可别怪我过分会玩 |
| [07:48] | Go ahead. Tell Niko he’s not going. | 你继续 告诉小Niko他不能去 |
| [07:49] | I dare you. | 我看你敢不敢 |
| [07:51] | Hey, listen. | 嘿 听着 |
| [07:53] | Niko, there’s something I gotta tell you. | Niko啊 我有件事要告诉你 |
| [07:55] | Uncle Jake! Uncle Jake! | Jake叔叔 Jake叔叔 |
| [07:56] | Slow down, girls. No need to run. | 慢点 姑娘们 不用跑 |
| [07:59] | Uncle Jake is family. | Jake叔叔是家人 |
| [08:00] | Now, what do you wanna say to Uncle Jake? | 现在 你想跟Jake叔叔说什么 |
| [08:03] | Thank you for the tickets. | 谢谢你的票 |
| [08:05] | Oh, that’s so cute how you said that at the same time | 你俩异口同声地说真的太可爱了 |
| [08:08] | without rehearsing it in the car. | 还不用在车里提前排练 |
| [08:10] | It sure is. Hey, Terry, Charles, | 当然 嘿 Terry还有Charles |
| [08:12] | can I speak with you in the break room for a moment? | 我能在休息室和你们谈谈吗 |
| [08:13] | Uh, hey, kids, look at this. | 孩子们 看这个 |
| [08:16] | Pimping out your kids? | 居然用你们的孩子来竞争 |
| [08:17] | I hate to say this, but you two are acting like bad dads, | 我也不想这么说 但你们俩表现得像坏爸爸一样 |
| [08:20] | and I should know. | 我也该知道 |
| [08:20] | One time my father forgot to pick me up from school | 有一次我爸忘了接我放学 |
| [08:22] | ’cause he was having sex with my best friend’s mom. | 因为他在和我好朋友的妈妈滚床单 |
| [08:24] | Oh, my God. That’s terrible. | 天呐 太过分了 |
| [08:25] | Yeah. I was 15. | 是啊 我才15岁 |
| [08:27] | I just walked to the mall | 我就一个人走进超市 |
| [08:27] | and watched “Empire Records” By myself, | 独自看完了<帝国唱片行> |
| [08:29] | but the point is, you’re both acting ridiculous. | 但重点是 你们都表现得很荒唐 |
| [08:31] | No, this is on you, Jake.You need to make a choice. | 不 这都怪你 Jake 你必须做出选择 |
| [08:34] | That’s not fair. | 这不公平 |
| [08:35] | You both want to go and I don’t want to hurt either of you. | 你们都想去 但我不想伤害你们任何一个 |
| [08:38] | But maybe I don’t have to. | 不过我也许不用伤害你们 |
| [08:39] | I can let fate hurt you. | 我可以让命运伤害你们 |
| [08:41] | We’ll flip a coin. | 我们掷硬币决定 |
| [08:42] | Terry, call it in the air. Heads or tails. | Terry 硬币落下前猜 正面还是反面 |
| [08:45] | Neither. | 哪面都不是 |
| [08:46] | Oh, my God. | 噢 天呐 |
| [08:47] | Did you just fold my quarter in half? | 你刚刚是不是把我的25美分硬币对折了 |
| [08:49] | Fate’s a bitch. | 命运就是个贱人 |
| [08:51] | You make the choice. | 你来做决定 |
| [08:52] | Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. | 哇 哇 哇 哇 哇 哇 |
| [08:55] | Just so you know, I would never bend your money. | 我只想让你知道 我可绝不会把你的钱掰弯 |
| [08:58] | Yeah, ’cause you can’t. | 是呀 因为你做不到 |
| [08:59] | Correct, I cannot. | 有道理 我做不到 |
| [08:59] | No one can. How did he do that? | 没人做得到 他怎么做到的 |
| [09:02] | Now these fertility drugs are making me sweat. | 这受孕药让我流很多汗 |
| [09:04] | – Is it noticeable? – No. | – 看得出来吗 – 看不出来 |
| [09:06] | Yes. | 看得出来 |
| [09:06] | Oh. I thought we were gonna lie to her | 噢 我以为我们要骗她 |
| [09:08] | because it’s so upsetting to look at. | 因为是真不忍直视 |
| [09:09] | Just tell me what room the memorial is in. | 直接告诉我追悼会在哪 |
| [09:11] | We don’t have a lot of time to set up. | 我们没多少时间来准备 |
| [09:13] | About that. | 关于那个 |
| [09:13] | Yesterday before you convinced me to hold a respectful service, | 你们昨天说服我 办一个体面的追悼会之前 |
| [09:17] | I sent some instructions for how I wanted the room to look. | 我发了一些我想要追悼会场地的布置指示给了工作人员 |
| [09:20] | We may need to make some tweaks. | 我们可能需要稍微调整一下 |
| [09:26] | So many balloon arches. | 气球拱门也太多了吧 |
| [09:28] | I know. It all has to go. | 我知道 这些都要拿走 |
| [09:30] | Okay! Everyone, we have work to do. | 好啦 各位 我们有事要忙了 |
| [09:35] | – Better? – Much. | – 好点了吗 – 好多了 |
| [09:37] | But to be clear, | 不过我先说清楚 |
| [09:37] | the first version was dope | 第一个版本酷毙了 |
| [09:38] | and you have my respect for life. | 我对你一生敬重 |
| [09:40] | Excuse me. | 打扰一下 |
| [09:41] | Is this the memorial for Madeline Wuntch? | 这里是Madeline Wuntch的追悼会吗 |
| [09:44] | Yes, this is the memorial for Madeline Wuntch. | 是的 这里就是Madeline Wuntch的追悼会 |
| [09:47] | Just saying her name brings tears to my eyes. | 单是说出她的名字都让我饱含泪水 |
| [09:51] | Why, because her heart was made of onions? | 为什么 因为她的心是洋葱做的吗 |
| [09:53] | Excuse me? | 你说什么 |
| [09:54] | Madeline Wuntch was what you get | Madeline Wuntch这人就是 |
| [09:55] | when you cross a slug with an anal fissure. | 用鼻涕虫和肛裂杂交出来的产物 |
| [09:58] | We spent our entire lives trying to destroy each other. | 我们花了一辈子来毁了对方 |
| [10:01] | I was her one true nemesis. | 我是她唯一的宿敌 |
| [10:07] | No. | 不 |
| [10:09] | Hey there, Jake. | 你好啊 Jake |
| [10:10] | I felt bad about folding your quarter in half, | 我觉得很愧疚 把你的25美分硬币对折了 |
| [10:13] | so I got you a new one. | 所以我还你一个新的 |
| [10:16] | Thank you. But that’s not a quarter. | 谢谢 但那不是25美分硬币 |
| [10:18] | Wow, you’re right. | 哇 你说得对 |
| [10:19] | That happens to be an 1883 carson City silver dollar | 这碰巧是一枚1883年卡森城银币 |
| [10:22] | in near-mint condition | 接近全新 几乎完美 |
| [10:23] | complete with commemorative case. | 还附送纪念套盒 |
| [10:26] | That’s gotta be worth $138. | 这样一来就价值138美元 |
| [10:28] | You know what? Keep it. | 这样吧 送给你了 |
| [10:30] | Shame. | 无耻 |
| [10:31] | Shame, Terrence Jeffords, shame! | 真无耻 Terrence Jeffords 你实在是太无耻了 |
| [10:32] | You probably didn’t realize this, Jake, | 你也许没意识到 Jake |
| [10:34] | but the lieutenant over here is trying to bribe you. | 不过你面前的警督在尝试贿赂你 |
| [10:36] | Yeah, I don’t think he’s hiding that. | 是啊 我觉得他都没掩饰一下 |
| [10:37] | – I am not. – Well, neither am I. | – 我没掩饰 – 好吧 那我也不掩饰了 |
| [10:39] | Here’s a check for $200. | 这是200美元的支票 |
| [10:41] | Another silver dollar. | 我还有一枚银币 |
| [10:43] | Ooh, looks like I’m up to 276. | 噢 看来我加码到276美元了 |
| [10:45] | Well, here’s a second check for $77. | 行 我再给你开一张77美元的支票 |
| [10:48] | – I am up one dollar. – Four more. | – 我领先一美元 – 我还有四个银币 |
| [10:51] | How many silver dollars do you have? | 你到底有多少银币 |
| [10:52] | As many as it takes. | 要多少有多少 |
| [10:53] | Well, this checkbook is only on 304, | 我支票簿有304页 |
| [10:55] | so I can write checks all day long. | 所以我可以开一整天的支票 |
| [10:57] | Well, you know what? Here’s my watch. | 是吗 看看 这是我的手表 |
| [10:58] | Yeah, melt this down. | 可以 把这个融了 |
| [10:59] | Enough! I’m tired of being stuck in the middle of this. | 够了 我真受不了被这样夹在中间 |
| [11:02] | You figure out who gets the tickets and tell me. | 你们自己弄清楚谁可以得到电影票然后再告诉我 |
| [11:05] | That should keep them busy for a little while. | 那应该能让他们忙活一阵子了 |
| [11:07] | Hey, Jake, we’ve decided how to settle this. | 嘿 Jake 我们想好要怎么解决了 |
| [11:10] | We’re gonna duke it out in the ring. | 我们要在拳击台上一决雌雄 |
| [11:12] | What? | 什么 |
| [11:14] | That man is lying. | 那个人在说谎 |
| [11:16] | I don’t believe Wuntch had another rival. | 我不信Wuntch还有别的竞争对手 |
| [11:19] | I saw it in her eyes. | 我能从她眼睛里看出来 |
| [11:20] | She only had hate for me. | 她只对我有恨意 |
| [11:22] | – Are you jealous? – Of course I am. | – 你吃醋了吗 – 我当然吃醋 |
| [11:25] | I despised her with my entire being | 我浑身上下都鄙视她 |
| [11:27] | while she was only despising me with a fraction of hers? | 结果她只从她的鄙视里分了一部分给我 |
| [11:30] | Sir, you were doing so well, okay? | 长官 你一直做得很好 好吗 |
| [11:32] | Don’t let this rattle you. | 别为这个慌了神 |
| [11:33] | Are you wearing sponges in your armpits? | 你是把海绵夹在胳肢窝里吗 |
| [11:35] | If you have a better way to soak up sweat, | 如果你能有更好的办法来吸干这些汗 |
| [11:36] | I would like to hear it. | 我倒是想知道一下 |
| [11:37] | Where are you going? | 你要去哪 |
| [11:38] | To find out if there was another man. | 去搞清楚是不是真有”第三者” |
| [11:43] | – So, um, Adam is it? – Mm-hmm. | – 那么 是Adam吗 – 是的 |
| [11:45] | I only ask because Madeline never mentioned you. | 我这么问只是因为Madeline从来没提起过你 |
| [11:47] | Interesting, ’cause she mentioned you to me, | 真有意思 因为她倒是和我提起过你 |
| [11:50] | – as a friend. – Friend? | – 以朋友的名义 – 朋友 |
| [11:51] | – Mm. – I think you added an “R” to the word “Fiend.” | – 是的 – 我觉得你在魔鬼这个词上加了个”R” |
| [11:53] | No, I’m sure it was friend. | 不 我很肯定就是朋友 |
| [11:55] | I mean, based on context alone, | 我的意思是 单看语境 |
| [11:56] | I wouldn’t say somebody was one of my closest fiends. | 我不会说谁是我亲近的魔鬼之一 |
| [11:58] | Oh, you might. | 噢 那可不一定 |
| [11:59] | We had a very contentious relationship. | 我们的关系一直很紧张 |
| [12:01] | She never forgave me | 她永远不会原谅我 |
| [12:02] | for embarrassing her in front of Derek Jeter. | 曾让她在德瑞克·基特面前出丑 |
| [12:04] | Well, I embarrassed her in front of A-Rod and J.Lo together. | 那又怎样 我曾让她同时在A-Rod和J.Lo面前出丑 |
| [12:04] | A-Rod 即艾力克斯·罗德里格斯 前美国职业棒球明星 J.Lo 即珍妮弗·洛佩兹 美国歌手 演员 2019年3月与A-Rod订婚 | |
| [12:08] | For 15 years I replaced her anti-wrinkle cream with sour cream. | 15年来 我把她的抗皱霜换成酸奶油 |
| [12:11] | I replaced her Lactaid pills with Tic Tacs. | 我把她的乳糖酶片换成嘀嗒糖 |
| [12:14] | Dead moron was crapping her pants for months. | 这刚死了的傻子之前拉了几个月肚子 |
| [12:15] | She hacked into my Netflix account | 她黑进了我的网飞账号 |
| [12:17] | and watched the “Lizzie McGuire” Movie on repeat | 反反复复看<莉琪的异想世界> |
| [12:19] | to ruin my algorithm. | 来打乱我的推荐算法 |
| [12:20] | She made me guard that doctor who came back to New York with Ebola. | 她让我看守那个带着埃博拉病毒回纽约的医生 |
| [12:23] | Sir, maybe you want to keep it down. | 长官 要不你小声一点 |
| [12:24] | – There’s people – That witch ruined my life! | – 还有别人在 – 那个巫婆毁了我的生活 |
| [12:26] | She demoted me from captain to uniformed officer. | 她把我从警监降职到制服巡警 |
| [12:29] | Eight years ago she had me kicked off the force entirely. | 八年前她彻底把我从警队里踢出去了 |
| [12:32] | You were not her greatest rival, | 你不是她最伟大的对手 |
| [12:33] | and the proof is right here. | 证据就在这里 |
| [12:35] | Hello, Adam. | 你好 Adam |
| [12:36] | I may be dying but | 我也许是快死了 但是 |
| [12:37] | I burned down your cabin in Maine. | 我把你在缅因州的度假小屋烧了 |
| [12:40] | You were my one true rival. | 你才是我唯一真正的对手 |
| [12:43] | There you have it. | 听见了吧 |
| [12:47] | I meant nothing to her. | 她根本不在乎我 |
| [12:49] | That cockroach Madeline was two-timing me! | 那个臭蟑螂Madeline玩弄了我的感情 |
| [12:55] | No sign of Holt anywhere. | 哪里都找不到Holt |
| [12:56] | I know that’s important, | 我知道找他很重要 |
| [12:57] | but I don’t think I can just breeze past the outfit, “Sister Act.” | 但是我觉得我没办法无视你这套<修女也疯狂>装扮 |
| [13:00] | I sweat through my clothes | 我出汗把自己的衣服浸湿了 |
| [13:01] | and I found this in the back of a closet, okay? | 这件儿是我在一个衣柜后面找到的 好吗 |
| [13:03] | – Deal with it. – You look great. | – 不爱看别看 – 你穿着挺美的 |
| [13:04] | Oh, there he is. Sir, over here. | 哦 他在那儿 警监 这儿呢 |
| [13:05] | Where were you? | 你去哪儿了 |
| [13:07] | Why are you holding the mean yelling speech? | 你为什么拿着这份刻薄大吼版的演讲稿 |
| [13:09] | Because I’m gonna yell it, meanly. | 因为我就是要吼出来 还得很刻薄 |
| [13:10] | I wasted half my life hating that duplicitous hag, | 我浪费了我半辈子时间痛恨那个奸诈的母夜叉 |
| [13:14] | and she didn’t even have the decency to truly hate me back. | 她却连真正痛恨回来的礼貌都没有 |
| [13:17] | Well, screw her. | 行啊 那去她的吧 |
| [13:18] | – I’m gonna ruin her memorial. – No, you can’t do that. | – 我就要毁了她的追悼会 – 不 你不能那样做 |
| [13:20] | If you read that speech, you’ll be fired. | 你要是读了那份演讲稿 你就会被开除 |
| [13:23] | You’re right. | 你说得对 |
| [13:24] | And that would ruin my career. | 那我的事业就毁了 |
| [13:27] | And it’s worth it. | 并且 这样做是值得的 |
| [13:29] | I’m giving the speech. | 我会演讲这份稿子 |
| [13:30] | No, that’s what Wuntch wanted. You’re letting her win. | 别啊 那样正中Wuntch下怀 你是在让她胜利 |
| [13:33] | Sweaty Amy’s right. | 汗涔涔的Amy说的没错 |
| [13:35] | If you really wanna get back at her, you’ll team up with Adam | 你要是真想报复她 你应该和Adam联合起来 |
| [13:36] | and give her a nice funeral. | 给她一个好的葬礼 |
| [13:38] | It’s like |
就像<德雷尔一家在科孚岛> |
| [13:40] | when Prudence and Louisa joined forces | 当Prudence和Louisa一起加入了军队 |
| [13:42] | To sink the catamaran of the bookseller Yorgos | 合力把书商Yorgos的双体船打沉了 |
| [13:44] | who wronged them both. Yes! | 因为Yorgos曾经冤枉了他们俩 对 |
| [13:46] | I will team up with Adam. | 我要和Adam合起伙儿来 |
| [13:50] | Wow. | 哇哦 |
| [13:52] | For a moment there, | 有那么一瞬间 |
| [13:53] | I almost forgot who the real villain was. | 我差点忘了真正的恶棍是谁 |
| [13:56] | – The woman who recently died. – Mm. | – 是最近死的那个女的 – 嗯 |
| [13:59] | Charles, why did you let Terry choose boxing? | Charles 你为什么同意Terry选拳击啊 |
| [14:01] | He didn’t. I picked it. | 不是他 是我自己挑的拳击 |
| [14:02] | But you’ll die. | 可是 你会被他打死的 |
| [14:04] | Don’t worry about it. Boxing’s in my blood. | 别担心 我有拳击手的血统 |
| [14:06] | My Nana Boyle boxed in the Navy. | 我的Boyle奶奶在海军里打过拳击 |
| [14:07] | I’m sure she did but– and hear me out– | 我信她打过但是 你听我说完啊 |
| [14:11] | what if you’re not as strong as your Nana Boyle? | 万一你不如你的Boyle奶奶强壮怎么办呢 |
| [14:12] | I can handle myself. | 我没问题的 |
| [14:14] | She taught me her signature punch; the Strawberry Basket | 她教会了我她的招牌拳法 草莓小花篮 |
| [14:16] | That does not reassure me | 这名字不够让我松心 |
| [14:18] | Hey there, big guy. | 嘿 这位大个儿 |
| [14:19] | You sure you’re feeling okay about ending Charles’ life? | 你确定终结Charles的生命你心理上能过得去吗 |
| [14:23] | Yep, my girls are gonna see this movie. | 必须的 我们家宝贝儿们必须得看上这场电影 |
| [14:25] | Right, well, before you commit manslaughter, | 行吧 但是你犯过失杀人罪之前 |
| [14:27] | I do feel compelled to tell you that the movie | 我觉得我不得不告诉你 |
| [14:29] | only has a 38 on Rotten Tomatoes. | 那电影在烂番茄上评分也就38分 |
| [14:30] | Jake, stop yapping and let them fight. | Jake 别逼逼叨叨的了 快让他们打架吧 |
| [14:32] | I wanna see the big guy pop the little guy’s head off. | 我想看大个儿把小个儿的脑袋瓜子打掉 |
| [14:34] | Yeah, let’s start the fight! | 对 开始战斗吧 |
| [14:35] | I wanna pop that little guy’s head off! | 我要把那小个儿的脑袋瓜子打掉 |
| [14:37] | You’re clearly the little guy. | 你很显然是那个小个儿的好吗 |
| [14:39] | Good one, Jake. | 挺搞笑 Jake |
| [14:39] | All right. I guess this is happening. | 好吧 看来不打不行了 |
| [14:42] | Touch gloves. | 互碰拳套 以示友好 |
| [14:45] | Charles, it’s been very nice being your friend. | Charles 很荣幸做了你这么久的朋友 |
| [14:48] | Terry, I’ll visit you in prison. | Terry 我会去监狱探望你的 |
| [14:50] | And… | 那么 |
| [14:52] | Fight. | 开赛 |
| [14:52] | Strawberry basket! | 草莓小花篮 |
| [14:55] | Whoo, yeah! | 呜 耶 |
| [14:56] | You mess with Grandma, | 别跟奶奶斗 |
| [14:57] | you’re gonna get the basket! | 小花篮有你受 |
| [14:59] | Charles, you punched him in the nards. | Charles 你直接怼他蛋蛋了啊 |
| [15:00] | Yeah, Nana fought nasty. | 可不 奶奶招数很下流 |
| [15:02] | Now if you don’t mind, I’d like those tickets. | 你不介意的话 那票可以给我了 |
| [15:03] | I didn’t hear no bell! | 我可没听见铃响 |
| [15:06] | Jake, I think those tickets are mine. | Jake 我觉得票是我的了 |
| [15:08] | Strawberry basket! | 草莓小花篮 |
| [15:12] | Guys, stop! It’s a movie about cupcakes! | 你们俩 停下来 那只是部关于纸杯蛋糕的电影啊 |
| [15:15] | You don’t understand! | 你不会懂的 |
| [15:16] | You don’t have kids! | 你又没有孩子 |
| [15:19] | Wow, that speech would have been amazing. | 哇 那演讲本来能震撼全场的 |
| [15:21] | I had to look up what a toilet ghost was. | 我还得查厕所幽灵是什么 |
| [15:23] | Uh, yes, I took a trip to Korea | 啊没错 我去韩国出了趟差 |
| [15:25] | just to research a new Wuntch insult. | 只为了调查一个新的辱骂Wuntch的词 |
| [15:27] | In fact it’s been a motivation for most of my international travel. | 事实上她是我大部分出境旅行的动力 |
| [15:30] | Mm. So you guys are friends now? | 嗯 所以你们俩现在是朋友了吗 |
| [15:31] | Uh, yes, it seems we have a great deal in common. | 呃 是的 我们貌似有不少共同点 |
| [15:33] | Well, one thing. | 其实 一个就够了 |
| [15:35] | Hating Wuntch | 痛恨Wuntch |
| [15:36] | I read him the obituary I wrote for her, | 我给他读了我写给她的讣文 |
| [15:38] | but the “Times” Wouldn’t publish it. | 但是<时代杂志>不肯刊登 |
| [15:39] | It had too many obscenities. | 因为有太多污言秽语 |
| [15:41] | And I read him my all caps speech. | 我给他念了我整篇大写的演讲 |
| [15:43] | And I loved it. It was like poetry. | 我可喜欢了 他写得像诗一样 |
| [15:45] | Madeline smelled like dog crap. | Madeline闻起来像狗屎 |
| [15:47] | Raymond convinced me the best way to get back at Wuntch | Raymond说服了我 报复Wuntch最好的办法 |
| [15:50] | is to make sure he doesn’t get fired. | 就是保证他不被开除 |
| [15:52] | Also I’m just gonna chisel a penis onto her headstone. | 而且我会去她墓碑上凿个鸡鸡出来 |
| [15:55] | And I’m gonna watch. | 我会在一旁欣赏 |
| [15:56] | Please take your seats. | 请就座 |
| [15:57] | Well, uh, time for me to go make a tear-jerker of a speech. | 那么 是时候做一个催人泪下的演讲了 |
| [16:00] | Hey, I thought of the best hashtag | 嘿 我想到了一个绝妙的标签 |
| [16:01] | to post with my photo of the grave penis. | 可以配在我发的墓碑鸡鸡照片下面 |
| [16:03] | I’m not on board with that friendship. | 我不赞同这种友情 |
| [16:04] | Yeah, there’s something weird about that guy. | 是 那男的哪里奇奇怪怪的 |
| [16:06] | Hey, when did he say he got kicked off the force? | 嘿 他说他什么时候被踢出警队的 |
| [16:07] | – Eight years ago. – That doesn’t add up. | – 八年以前 – 那不对啊 |
| [16:09] | He said Wuntch sent him to guard the Ebola doctor. | 他说Wuntch送他去监视得了埃博拉的医生 |
| [16:12] | – Wasn’t that six years ago? – Yeah. | – 埃博拉爆发不是六年以前的事儿吗 – 是啊 |
| [16:13] | Oh, my God. | 我的天啊 |
| [16:14] | Wuntch sent him to destroy Holt. | 他是Wuntch派来摧毁Holt的 |
| [16:16] | Good afternoon. | 下午好 |
| [16:17] | On this sad day, | 在这悲伤的一天 |
| [16:18] | I’d like to say a few words about Commissioner Wuntch. | 我想说些与局长Wuntch有关的感想 |
| [16:22] | Madeline smelled like dog crap. | Madeline闻起来像狗屎 |
| [16:24] | I’m sorry. | 不好意思 |
| [16:25] | I–I don’t know what– | 我 我不知道怎么 |
| [16:26] | From a sick dog. | 还是一条病狗拉的 |
| [16:29] | Adam, what are you doing? | Adam 你干嘛呢 |
| [16:30] | I’m showing everyone your true colors, Raymond Holt. | 我在向所有人揭露你的真实面孔 Raymond Holt |
| [16:33] | Enjoy the show, people! | 大家好好看看吧 |
| [16:37] | Madeline Wuntch will not soon be forgotten. | 人们不会很快忘记Madeline Wuntch的 |
| [16:39] | Trick or Treaters will dress like her for generations. | 接下来的几代人都会在万圣节扮成她的样子去要糖吃 |
| [16:42] | Hey! Diaz, delete all the videos. | 嘿 Diaz 把视频都删了 |
| [16:45] | Deleted. | 删完了 |
| [16:47] | – It’s over. – Yeah, for you. | – 已经完结了 – 是的 是你完了 |
| [16:48] | Everyone who’s anyone in NYPD just saw you for your true self. | 纽约警局的所有人刚刚都看到了你的真面目 |
| [16:52] | Your career is ruined, Ray-Ray. | 你的事业毁了 Ray-Ray |
| [16:54] | Who are you? Why are you doing this? | 你到底是谁 你为什么要这么做 |
| [16:56] | I’m Madeline Wuntch’s nephew. | 我是Madeline Wuntch的侄子 |
| [16:58] | She sent me here to carry out the final phase of her master plan, | 她派我来执行她绝妙计划的最后一步 |
| [17:01] | and now it’s all over. Wait, why are you smiling? | 而现在一切都结束了 等等 你笑什么 |
| [17:04] | Because, Adam, this isn’t the real memorial. | 因为 Adam 这并不是真正的追悼会 |
| [17:08] | It’s all a ruse. | 这都是我的局 |
| [17:10] | What? | 什么 |
| [17:10] | Yeah, what? | 对啊 什么鬼 |
| [17:11] | I knew Wuntch had one final trick up her sleeve. | 我早知道Wuntch还留了最后一手 |
| [17:14] | I didn’t know what it was, | 但我不知道到底是什么 |
| [17:15] | so I had to be prepared for anything. | 所以我必须做好一切准备 |
| [17:17] | This whole thing was staged. | 这现场的一切都是假的 |
| [17:19] | None of these people are real mourners. | 这些人都不是真正的哀悼者 |
| [17:20] | They’re not even in the NYPD. | 他们甚至都不是纽约警局的人 |
| [17:22] | – You hired actors? – Worse. | – 你还雇了演员 – 还不如演员 |
| [17:24] | They’re members of local improv troupes, | 他们是当地即兴剧团的成员 |
| [17:27] | and they did it for “The exposure.” | 他们来是为了”曝光率” |
| [17:30] | This has been a blast, | 这次合作非常愉快 |
| [17:32] | but we have to go start a flash mob at the Freedom Tower. | 但我们得去自由塔”快闪”了 |
| [17:33] | Oh, check out our YouTube channel. | 记得看我们的YouTube频道哦 |
| [17:35] | No. Sit down. | 不 坐下 |
| [17:36] | I have to hand it to you, Adam. | 我必须承认 Adam |
| [17:37] | You almost fooled me, | 你差点就骗了我 |
| [17:38] | but no other man could possibly | 但其他人不可能 |
| [17:40] | have what Wuntch and I had. | 有我和Wuntch一样的纠葛 |
| [17:41] | We were star-crossed haters. | 我们的恨是命中注定的 |
| [17:44] | Whatever. | 随便吧 |
| [17:45] | I still inherit half her estate just for trying this. | 我只要尝试这么做了就能继承她一半遗产 |
| [17:48] | Cool. | 挺好的 |
| [17:48] | Who gets the other half of every child’s nightmares? | 谁会继承剩下那一半童年阴影啊 |
| [17:51] | I love it, Rosa. Great work all day. | 说得好 Rosa 你今天一天表现不错 |
| [17:54] | So how are you two feeling after your little boxing match? | 你们俩在拳击比赛后感觉怎么样 |
| [17:57] | – My head hurts. – I can’t feel my strawberries. | – 我头疼 – 我感觉不到我的”草莓”了 |
| [18:00] | I meant more emotionally and less groinally, | 我想问的是心理上的 不是下体上的 |
| [18:03] | but listen, ever since I brought these tickets up, | 但是听着 自从我提到了这些票 |
| [18:04] | you guys have made my life absolutely miserable, | 你们就让我身心俱疲 |
| [18:07] | but that ends now, because I’ve made a choice. | 但到此为止了 因为我已经决定了 |
| [18:09] | Cagney is sick. We don’t know how long she has. | Cagney病了 我们不知道她还有多久可以活 |
| [18:10] | We do know for Nikolaj. It’s 36 hours. | 我们已经确定Nikolaj只有36小时可活了 |
| [18:12] | Just stop, all right? Stop lying. | 别说了 好吗 别撒谎了 |
| [18:14] | This is exactly the type of behavior | 正是因为这种行为 |
| [18:16] | that has led me to decide that I’m not taking either of you. | 让我决定了你们两个我都不带 |
| [18:20] | Seriously? Oh, man. | 真的吗 天啊 |
| [18:22] | The kids are gonna be so disappointed. | 孩子们会很失望的 |
| [18:23] | No, they won’t, because they’re going. | 不 不会的 因为他们会去 |
| [18:26] | That’s right, I’m bringing all three of them by myself | 是的 我要自己带他们三个一起去 |
| [18:29] | and you two don’t get to go. | 你们两个谁也去不了 |
| [18:30] | Your childish behavior has led you to miss out | 你们这种幼稚行为使自己错过了 |
| [18:33] | on the most exciting movie premiere event | 这周六纽约州 |
| [18:35] | in the state of New York this Saturday. | 最激动人心的电影首映活动 |
| [18:39] | I hope you’ve learned your lesson. | 希望你们能吸取教训 |
| [18:42] | Good day. | 再见 |
| [18:46] | Wait. He’s taking the kids for us? | 等等 他要替我们带孩子吗 |
| [18:48] | It’s just like getting a free babysitter. | 仿佛请了免费保姆 |
| [18:49] | This is incredible. | 太不可思议了吧 |
| [18:50] | People without kids are so stupid. | 没有孩子的人真的太蠢了 |
| [18:52] | – They’re gonna destroy him. – Yeah. | – 他们会搞死他的 – 是啊 |
| [18:55] | So just to be clear, | 我就再问一句 |
| [18:56] | this service is actually real, right? | 这次是真的 对吧 |
| [18:58] | Oh, yes. I figured if I needed two fake memorials | 哦 是的 我觉得如果我需要办两次假追悼会 |
| [19:01] | to smoke out Wuntch’s plan, | 来逼出Wuntch的计划的话 |
| [19:02] | she deserved to win, | 那她值得胜利 |
| [19:03] | but she didn’t win. I did. | 但她输了 赢的是我 |
| [19:04] | Finally beat the old fishwife. | 我终于打败了这老泼妇 |
| [19:06] | It’s crazy. | 太疯狂了 |
| [19:07] | After today you never have to think about Madeline Wuntch again. | 从今天起 你再也不用想起Madeline Wuntch这个人了 |
| [19:10] | Yes, I suppose you’re right. | 是啊 你说得对 |
| [19:11] | Sir, does that make you sad? | 长官 你这是伤心了吗 |
| [19:13] | I don’t know. | 我不知道 |
| [19:15] | I think maybe… | 我想 也许 |
| [19:19] | Yes? | 是吧 |
| [19:20] | Well, I think it’s natural to feel a little down about her death. | 在我看来 她离世你有些伤感也很正常 |
| [19:24] | For the last 20 years, your lives have been entangled. | 毕竟在过去的20年里 你们的生活一直纠结在一起 |
| [19:27] | Because of her ratty hair. | 她发质太烂了才会打结的 |
| [19:29] | No, it’s not the same. | 不 感觉不一样了 |
| [19:30] | Now it just feels like I’m insulting a helpless dead person. | 现在我感觉自己是在侮辱一个无力还击的死者 |
| [19:33] | You are. | 你本来就是啊 |
| [19:34] | It’s what you’ve been doing all week. | 这周以来你一直在侮辱无力还击的死者啊 |
| [19:36] | Yeah, it’s been tight. | 是啊 相当牛了 |
| [19:39] | Well, it’s time for my speech. | 好了 到我发言的时候了 |
| [19:41] | Sir, what are you gonna say? | 警长 你要说些什么 |
| [19:43] | I don’t know. | 我不知道 |
| [19:45] | Maybe I’ll just be honest. | 也许我就实话实话吧 |
| [19:49] | Did he say he was gonna be honest? | 他刚刚说他要实话实话吗 |
| [19:50] | Yeah, this is gonna be bad. | 是啊 场面会很不好看 |
| [19:51] | As many of you know, | 你们很多人都知道 |
| [19:53] | Madeline and I were bitter rivals, | 我和Madeline是死敌 |
| [19:55] | but I’ve come to realize | 但我逐渐意识到 |
| [19:56] | she held a special place in my life. | 她在我生命中的特殊地位 |
| [19:58] | No one challenged me like she did | 没有人像她那样挑战过我 |
| [20:01] | or made me feel as alive. | 或者让我觉得富有生机 |
| [20:04] | Our relationship was like an epic chess match. | 我们的关系就像一场史诗般的象棋比赛 |
| [20:09] | And it’s hard to believe that… | 而我很难相信 |
| [20:13] | She’ll never make another move. | 她再也不会走下一步了 |
| [20:17] | Unless… | 除非 |
| [20:20] | No, it’s just a notification. | 不 不是 只是我手机通知而已 |
| [20:22] | Cheddar’s doggy toothpaste has shipped. | Cheddar的狗狗牙膏发货了 |
| [20:24] | So she is gone, | 所以她走了 |
| [20:27] | and I wish she were not. | 而我希望她还在 |
| [20:31] | I will miss you, Madeline Wuntch. | 我会想你的 Madeline Wuntch |
| [20:34] | Wario, why are you like this? | 瓦里奥你怎么这样啊 |
| [20:37] | Hey, so I don’t know if you noticed, | 嘿 我不知道你有没有注意到 |
| [20:40] | but ever since I started those hormone treatments– | 但自从我开始荷尔蒙治疗后 |
| [20:42] | I didn’t notice anything. | 我什么都没注意到 |
| [20:44] | You said that way too quick. | 你说得太快了 |
| [20:45] | I mean, you did cry at that one car commercial | 我是说 你确实看汽车广告都看哭了 |
| [20:47] | and it wasn’t even an emotional one. | 那广告甚至都不是煽情类型的 |
| [20:49] | – It was about towing capacity. – Yeah. | – 是关于拖航能力的 – 是啊 |
| [20:51] | Well, I called the doctor | 我打电话给医生了 |
| [20:52] | to see if that was a common side effect | 我想知道这是不是常见的副作用 |
| [20:55] | and apparently, it isn’t. | 而显然不是 |
| [20:57] | Oh, no. | 哦 不 |
| [20:58] | – Is everything okay? – Yeah. | – 你还好吗 – 我很好 |
| [21:00] | She did have one guess as to what might be causing it. | 她确实说了一个可能造成这样的原因 |
| [21:03] | And, um, she was right. | 然后 她猜对了 |
| [21:10] | Ames Ames. | |
| [21:12] | – Are we having a baby? – We’re having a baby. | – 我们要有宝宝了吗 – 我们要有宝宝了 |
| [21:20] | It happened! | 美梦成真了 |