| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:35] | Thank you. | |
| [00:38] | Jesus. | |
| [00:45] | What’s good, Shannon? | |
| [00:47] | Oh, Sam. Hey, hey. | |
| [00:50] | – Hey. – Did you got my message? | |
| [00:52] | So, so sorry about this. | |
| [00:54] | What? Something else wrong with the van? | |
| [00:57] | Yeah, so, um, we’re still looking into things, | |
| [00:59] | but it seems like someone made off pretty clean | |
| [01:02] | with a couple vehicles last night. | |
| [01:05] | It was stolen? | |
| [01:06] | Yeah. But don’t worry. | |
| [01:07] | You’re completely covered by our insurance. | |
| [01:09] | And I-I know you got that tracker LoJack thing in there, | |
| [01:11] | so… might turn up. | |
| [01:13] | No, no. That’s okay. | |
| [01:16] | It’s probably totally gone forever. | |
| [01:17] | C-Can you sign this, though, for the insurance? | |
| [01:20] | Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. | |
| [01:22] | – Sorry, Sam. – Yeah. | |
| [01:24] | We did fix that vibrating in the steering wheel, | |
| [01:26] | – so, you know, if it does turn up… – Mm. | |
| [01:28] | Not cool, Shannon. | |
| [01:30] | – Yeah, not… not cool. – Sorry, Sam. | |
| [01:33] | Not cool. Yes! | |
| [01:40] | I was fine, you know? | |
| [01:42] | And then he comes over to tuck the kids in. | |
| [01:45] | And just having him back in the house… | |
| [01:47] | I practically begged him to stay. | |
| [01:49] | – Mm. – I am such a loser. | |
| [01:51] | Uh, uh, uh. Don’t say that. | |
| [01:53] | Ooh. | |
| [01:55] | Um, honey? | |
| [01:57] | I am. I’m one of those people now. | |
| [02:00] | – I’m my mama. – No, you’re not. | |
| [02:02] | Is that a diaper bag? | |
| [02:05] | It’s like I just keep punching myself | |
| [02:07] | in the face right in front of him. Like, “Ain’t I cute? | |
| [02:10] | Don’t you want all this mess?” | |
| [02:11] | And then he comes home for 15 minutes | |
| [02:14] | at the end of the day to tuck the kids in, | |
| [02:16] | and it’s Captain Daddy Bedtime Champion. | |
| [02:19] | He can’t do that. | |
| [02:20] | Oh, uh, you know what, though? | |
| [02:22] | He actually can. | |
| [02:23] | Because you don’t have a mediator | |
| [02:25] | or a schedule or an attorney, so he can do whatever he wants. | |
| [02:29] | You have no boundaries for him. | |
| [02:31] | Sorry, broken record, but I will continue | |
| [02:34] | to be a broken record until you get professional help. | |
| [02:38] | I’m sorry. I know that you’re right. | |
| [02:40] | I know you’re right. It’s just this waiting that’s killing me. | |
| [02:43] | Waiting for? | |
| [02:45] | I just want things to go back to normal. | |
| [02:48] | Oh! | |
| [02:52] | Ooh! | |
| [02:53] | These are g… This isn’t gonna hold. | |
| [02:55] | – No, no, no. – I need a backup. | |
| [02:59] | That’s so nasty. I’m not… | |
| [03:01] | Everybody should have diapers in the car. | |
| [03:04] | – Girl, that’s not… – Whether you have kids or not. | |
| [03:06] | – That’s so nasty. I’m not… – It may look weird, but… | |
| [03:08] | Oh. Ooh! | |
| [03:11] | Okay. | |
| [03:12] | Ready to go. Here comes gym. | |
| [03:15] | That’s some white people shit. | |
| [03:24] | Oh, buddy. | |
| [03:26] | Guess why I’m smiling right now. | |
| [03:28] | Because I’m ridiculous? | |
| [03:30] | No. | |
| [03:31] | Because I see what’s on the other side for you. | |
| [03:35] | In this case, the journey is not the reward. | |
| [03:38] | The reward is being on the other side | |
| [03:40] | and being free of this pain | |
| [03:42] | and knowing that he did you a favor. | |
| [03:46] | You could have used less of a blindside, but… | |
| [03:49] | garbage into gold. | |
| [03:51] | Let’s go. | |
| [03:54] | Oh, hi. | |
| [03:56] | Do you want to know why she’s crying? | |
| [03:58] | Is that why you’re looking? | |
| [04:00] | Well, she’s 49. | |
| [04:02] | Her husband just left her. | |
| [04:05] | She’s got macular degeneration. | |
| [04:08] | She’s got a six-year-old and a semi-new baby. | |
| [04:11] | Oh, no. | |
| [04:12] | And, uh, she’s gonna be 50. | |
| [04:14] | So… | |
| [04:17] | She’s 50! | |
| [04:25] | I never did that when I was pregnant, | |
| [04:27] | and I have three. | |
| [04:29] | Hmm. | |
| [04:30] | And now I wish I had done more sit-ups. | |
| [04:32] | This is my fifth. | |
| [04:59] | I said, “I’m not doing this for you. | |
| [05:01] | I’m doing this for the man that I’m leaving you for.” | |
| [05:04] | Amen. | |
| [05:06] | I mean “A-women.” | |
| [05:08] | Oh. He knows I love his fat ass. | |
| [05:10] | I just don’t love mine. | |
| [05:12] | Sam? Sam! | |
| [05:14] | I love seeing you here. It’s Toussaint, President’s mom. | |
| [05:17] | We worked on the bake sale together all those years. | |
| [05:20] | And I made those super strawberry scones, and you were | |
| [05:21] | like, “These are the best things I’ve ever had.” | |
| [05:23] | – Yup. – It’s so good to see you. | |
| [05:24] | – I didn’t know you go here. – Yeah. I go here. | |
| [05:27] | President told me that Frankie skipped a grade. | |
| [05:30] | How did you pull that one off? | |
| [05:31] | I bet you had to really do some backflips for that one. | |
| [05:33] | And boy, oh, boy, that is… I don’t want to scare you, | |
| [05:36] | but that is social suicide to the max element degree. | |
| [05:38] | I mean, don’t freak out… It’s not like she has to go | |
| [05:40] | to the hospital or anything… But you skip someone ahead, | |
| [05:42] | – and they could… – Who knows? | |
| [05:44] | How do I get my kids to give a two clown shit about school? | |
| [05:47] | What’s your magic? I mean, all my kids want to do | |
| [05:49] | is eat toast and masturbate. | |
| [05:50] | I can’t believe what you do. | |
| [05:52] | You’re like an adolescent freak whisperer. | |
| [05:54] | You come to my house, I’ll make you spaghetti. | |
| [05:56] | – I’ll do anything you want. – I fucking love you, Sam Fox. | |
| [05:59] | And you’re popular. But you’ve got roots. | |
| [06:01] | Jessica. We worked together on The Prowler. | |
| [06:04] | Yes. I’m sorry. Baby Jess. | |
| [06:07] | – You were the… – Demon hell child. | |
| [06:09] | How many times did they make you do that vomit sunflower? | |
| [06:12] | No, no, don’t. | |
| [06:13] | Because I still can’t go anywhere near clam chowder. | |
| [06:16] | – Right? – How are you? | |
| [06:17] | I heard you just signed with Mal. | |
| [06:19] | Oh. | |
| [06:20] | And the thing about you is, | |
| [06:22] | you are so brave in your work. | |
| [06:24] | And I love that you have real thighs | |
| [06:27] | and you aren’t afraid to show them. | |
| [06:29] | My wife is gonna die. She loves you. | |
| [06:32] | – Huh. – This is really gonna work. | |
| [06:34] | He is the best. | |
| [06:35] | He just got me a three-show deal at Yougooglelu. | |
| [06:37] | Oh, shit. | |
| [06:38] | I was eavesdropping before on the machines. | |
| [06:40] | You are effing hilarious. | |
| [06:43] | Oh, well, her pain is pretty funny. | |
| [06:47] | Men are shit. | |
| [06:49] | I want to do something with you. | |
| [06:50] | I’ve got some ideas. I’m gonna call Mal. | |
| [06:52] | Are you in town for a while? | |
| [06:53] | Um, sure. Yeah. | |
| [06:59] | So, here is the best part. | |
| [07:03] | We get to go home now. | |
| [07:05] | Longest time ever before more gym. | |
| [07:08] | I’m proud of you. | |
| [07:09] | It does feel pretty good. | |
| [07:10] | Yes! | |
| [07:12] | The endorphins live! | |
| [07:16] | Now we drink. | |
| [07:21] | Just me. | |
| [07:22] | – Hi. | – Hi. |
| [07:24] | U-Untether me, please. | |
| [07:25] | Why? Are you showering? | |
| [07:27] | I don’t track your grooming habits, do I? | |
| [07:29] | Well, you’re not supposed to take it off | |
| [07:31] | – unless you’re showering. – Ugh. | |
| [07:34] | Please. | |
| [07:39] | – Okay. Mm-hmm, well… – And the straps. | |
| [07:42] | Hey, Mom, I need you to sign this for me for school. | |
| [07:46] | Nice tits, Gran. | |
| [07:47] | Thank you, dear. | |
| [07:48] | Is that a new stained glass? | |
| [07:50] | It’s pretty. | |
| [07:52] | No, it’s been there for 20 years, Phil. | |
| [07:54] | – Bye. | – Bye. |
| [07:56] | Okay. | |
| [07:58] | Uh… | |
| [08:00] | – Okay, what is it… for? – Thank you. | |
| [08:03] | What did I sign? | |
| [08:17] | – Hello. – Not your manager, | |
| [08:19] | but I have very crazy professional news for you. | |
| [08:23] | Tasco’s rebooting Ching of the Mill. | |
| [08:25] | – What?! – Donnie wants to meet with you | |
| [08:28] | out in Simi Valley tomorrow. | |
| [08:29] | I will send you all the details. | |
| [08:31] | Oh, my God. | |
| [08:33] | It’s gonna be huge. Everyone wants in on this show. | |
| [08:35] | So I personally suggest you do it. | |
| [08:37] | This is so good! Maybe I can fix my roof. | |
| [08:40] | I’m almost poor. Did I tell you I’m poor now? | |
| [08:43] | Sorry to hear that. Regardless, I’m taking 15% | |
| [08:44] | if this thing is a go. | |
| [08:46] | Also, I’m not your manager. | |
| [08:47] | Also, I will see you Saturday with the kids. | |
| [08:49] | – Love you! See you Saturday. – Love you. | |
| [08:51] | Oh! | |
| [08:53] | Yes! Yes! | |
| [09:27] | We must cover the ribs | |
| [09:31] | so as not to burn them. | |
| [09:54] | Hi. Hi. | |
| [09:56] | Do you have a lady dealer available? | |
| [09:59] | I’m sorry, all of our sales associates | |
| [10:00] | are busy at the moment. | |
| [10:02] | Did you make an appointment online? | |
| [10:04] | Oh, I didn’t know that… | |
| [10:08] | Uh, I thought this was just, like, a car dealership | |
| [10:11] | and you could walk in and look at a car. | |
| [10:14] | We don’t take walk-ins. | |
| [10:17] | – Hey. Sorry I’m late. – I told you. | |
| [10:19] | Nobody will help me. | |
| [10:21] | Are you looking for a new car experience today? | |
| [10:23] | I think it’s my wife here | |
| [10:25] | that needs your help. Come here, Pooh. | |
| [10:27] | Oh. | |
| [10:28] | She’s such a different person | |
| [10:29] | since she went through the change last year. | |
| [10:32] | Do you need your fan? | |
| [10:34] | Do you need some water? | |
| [10:39] | So, what’s the story? | |
| [10:41] | You want to look at the Pacifica? | |
| [10:42] | I’m not getting another van. | |
| [10:44] | But you have a lot of people. | |
| [10:46] | I really don’t. Max drives herself, | |
| [10:47] | and I’m usually alone now. | |
| [10:50] | You’re never alone. | |
| [10:52] | So that’s it? I’m just neutered. | |
| [10:54] | I used to drive an eight-cylinder ’88 Fox-body | |
| [10:57] | which was absorbed into the dealership | |
| [11:00] | when I traded it in for the mommy van. | |
| [11:02] | You’re a mommy. | |
| [11:04] | I want something cool. | |
| [11:06] | Why do you get to drive this truck? | |
| [11:08] | – You have kids. | – You have kids. |
| [11:12] | It’s different for guys. | |
| [11:13] | I know. | |
| [11:21] | Jesus. | |
| [11:23] | Look how fucking low I am. | |
| [11:25] | I need, like, ten pillows. | |
| [11:27] | I feel like I’m driving my dad’s car. | |
| [11:29] | Do you have anything with a stick? Like, anything fun? | |
| [11:32] | Pretty much everything’s automatic these days. | |
| [11:34] | – Mm… – Can you even drive a stick? | |
| [11:36] | What are you talking about? Zombie escape plan. | |
| [11:38] | I tell all the girls that they have to learn to drive a stick. | |
| [11:42] | Because in the apocalypse, there’s gonna be | |
| [11:44] | one lone prospector with a gas pump, a slash of rope | |
| [11:48] | and a landline, and he’s gonna fix the end of the world. | |
| [11:52] | – She actually tells them this. – Sounds like a good plan. | |
| [11:54] | Just maybe I should do | |
| [11:57] | the responsibly thing and get an electric job. | |
| [12:00] | Oh, we got the i3 over here. | |
| [12:03] | Whoa. | |
| [12:04] | That car is ugly as shit. | |
| [12:06] | Some people really like it. It’s good for the environment. | |
| [12:08] | You should take it for a couple days and try it out. | |
| [12:11] | I don’t have a charger thingy. | |
| [12:12] | Just go to the mall or any parking lot. | |
| [12:14] | They’ve got them everywhere. | |
| [12:15] | “Almost Nude Maids”? What the hell? | |
| [12:18] | That’s how I met my wife. | |
| [12:22] | I’m kidding, I’m kidding. | |
| [12:24] | Hey, hey. | |
| [12:26] | Oh. Hey, Brad. | |
| [12:28] | Hey, Sam. What happened to the minivan? | |
| [12:30] | Oh, this is a loaner. | |
| [12:36] | So, you know, we really like your mom. | |
| [12:39] | – Oh, God. – But she’s been swimming | |
| [12:41] | in our pool. | |
| [12:43] | A-Actually, that’s not even the issue. | |
| [12:45] | I mean, we don’t mind if she wants to swim, but… | |
| [12:47] | if she could just… | |
| [12:50] | cover herself up? | |
| [12:51] | It’s just, we got young boys, and, well, y-your mother | |
| [12:54] | doesn’t exactly have the body of a woman her age. | |
| [12:59] | God. Brad, I’m so sorry. | |
| [13:01] | We-we really don’t want to make this into a thing, you know? | |
| [13:05] | Actually, you know, we’re thrilled that she dropped | |
| [13:08] | the lawsuit against our dogs. | |
| [13:09] | If she could wear a swimsuit or something, | |
| [13:13] | – we’d be really grateful. – Yeah. | |
| [13:15] | – No. I know. – Say anything, just… | |
| [13:16] | – Can you…? Bye. – Oh. Oh. | |
| [13:19] | Sorry. | |
| [13:20] | – Say hi to your wife. – Okay. | |
| [13:22] | – Laura? Laura, I think. – Lisa. It’s Lisa. | |
| [13:27] | ♪ Paradise, feeling’s nice ♪ | |
| [13:30] | ♪ When you turn out the lights ♪ | |
| [13:34] | ♪ La, la, la… ♪ | |
| [13:35] | Okay, what’s the point? | |
| [13:37] | So good to see you. My God, how cool is this? | |
| [13:40] | – Huh? – Oh, my God, it’s amazing. | |
| [13:42] | – How are the girls doing? – They’re great, they’re great. | |
| [13:44] | I mean, they’re all older than me now, but… | |
| [13:47] | Well, yeah. I mean, uh, Milo just graduated from Cal Poly. | |
| [13:50] | – Jack’s studying to be a vet. – Wow. | |
| [13:52] | – I know. – I hear it’s harder to be a vet | |
| [13:54] | – than to be a human-people doctor. – That’s true. | |
| [13:55] | That’s ac… Yeah, ’cause you got to master all the, uh, | |
| [13:58] | all the, uh, you know, additional, uh, anatomies… | |
| [14:01] | – …and stuff like that. – Oh, my God. This is so great. | |
| [14:04] | – I can’t believe… – Yeah, so listen, uh, | |
| [14:05] | thanks for doing this. | |
| [14:06] | – I know it’s just like… – When do we start? | |
| [14:07] | …it’s crazy awkward, and… | |
| [14:14] | Oh, God. Your manager didn’t | |
| [14:16] | explain the, uh, the situation. | |
| [14:18] | – Oh, shit. – Well, what? | |
| [14:20] | I’m kind of in between managers right now. | |
| [14:22] | What-what situation? | |
| [14:24] | It’s just a formality, okay? | |
| [14:26] | But, uh, we need you to read for the part. | |
| [14:30] | Oh, that’s fine. | |
| [14:32] | – Which part? – Uh, Rooster. | |
| [14:34] | Look, w-we don’t know, we don’t know if we’re gonna, | |
| [14:36] | uh, age him up, age him down | |
| [14:38] | or do something completely, you know, different. | |
| [14:40] | – Oh… – Listen, listen, listen. | |
| [14:41] | – I know what you can do. Okay? – Mm-hmm. | |
| [14:43] | I mean, you know that. It’s not me. | |
| [14:45] | It’s just these new… exquisite corpse corps. | |
| [14:50] | Yeah. They want me to read for my part? | |
| [14:53] | The part that I did for ten years. | |
| [14:55] | The part I won a Genie Golden Halo Award for? | |
| [14:58] | And well-deserved. | |
| [15:00] | I mean, I mean, well-deserved, right? | |
| [15:05] | There she is. | |
| [15:07] | – Hey. | – Hey. |
| [15:09] | – What’s up? – How are you? | |
| [15:11] | – How are the girls? – Good. They’re great. They’re great. | |
| [15:13] | – How are your girls? – Uh, the girls are great. Yeah. | |
| [15:16] | And then I got-got other kids, too. They’re good. | |
| [15:18] | – Oh. You do? – Um, yeah. Long story short, | |
| [15:21] | I-I had a vasectomy and… didn’t work, and so basically, | |
| [15:26] | I’ve got six kids… They’re all 13. | |
| [15:29] | – Ah. – Not sextuplets. | |
| [15:32] | – 13, yeah. Um… – Wow. Yeah. | |
| [15:34] | And that’s why we’re doing the reboot. | |
| [15:37] | Yeah, you got to get that orthodontia money. | |
| [15:41] | – Yeah. But, uh, hey. – Okay, well… | |
| [15:43] | Kill the people, Sammy. | |
| [15:44] | – Cool. Yeah. – You’re gonna crush it. | |
| [15:46] | – Amazing. Okay. – Come on. All righty. | |
| [15:48] | Good luck. Or… | |
| [15:49] | – You don’t need it. We’ll see you. – Thanks. | |
| [15:50] | – Thanks, boss. – All righty. – Close… Mike. | |
| [15:52] | – Close the fucking door, dude. Come on. – Oh, yeah. | |
| [15:54] | This is just a formality, all right? Everyone is doing it. | |
| [15:56] | – Okay. Yeah. – Okay? You know? | |
| [15:57] | I mean, Maddie, Brittany, Carlos, Henry… | |
| [15:59] | – Oh, they all…? – Yeah. | |
| [16:01] | – That makes me feel better. – Yeah. | |
| [16:04] | And you’re, you know, you’re Rooster, for God’s sakes. | |
| [16:06] | – Just give me a little, would you? – Okay. | |
| [16:08] | Poop-poop, pop, purple, | |
| [16:10] | – people, pretzel. – Good. | |
| [16:13] | – Pencil. – Good. All right, listen, | |
| [16:14] | I’m gonna turn my back on you. | |
| [16:15] | All right? So, I know you know that doesn’t mean I’m being rude | |
| [16:18] | – or anything, okay? Right? – Oh, no. | |
| [16:20] | You did this at my original audition, and… | |
| [16:21] | – All right. All right. – Ain’t no… Okay. | |
| [16:24] | Okay, so, | |
| [16:25] | – whenever you’re ready. Action. – Okay. | |
| [16:28] | A bee stung my head. | |
| [16:30] | Okay, good. Uh, just try, | |
| [16:32] | just try pitching it up a little bit, Sam. | |
| [16:34] | Okay, sure. | |
| [16:36] | A bee stung my head. | |
| [16:40] | Teacher said my toaster was pandiculated. | |
| [16:43] | Santa can’t bring me an uninfect… | |
| [16:45] | All right, fine. Good, stop. | |
| [16:47] | Jesus, God. | |
| [16:49] | God, you’re brilliant. You are. | |
| [16:51] | I mean, you were always so good off the page. Right? | |
| [16:54] | – Yeah. – I’m serious. Huh? | |
| [16:56] | – Thanks. – You gonna be in town for a while? | |
| [16:58] | Yeah, sure, I’m in town. | |
| [16:59] | – Where am I going? – Yeah, right? | |
| [17:01] | – Yeah. – Hey, hey. | |
| [17:03] | Hey. Wait. | |
| [17:05] | It’s Curly. You remember, you remember Curly. | |
| [17:06] | – Yes! Yes. – Yeah. | |
| [17:09] | You’re the P.A. who would stock the green room | |
| [17:11] | with all our favorite snacks. | |
| [17:12] | Slim Jims and wasabi peanuts. | |
| [17:15] | – Still my favorite. – Amazing. | |
| [17:17] | I want to get some for the road, if you don’t mind. | |
| [17:20] | Oh, uh, I’m-I’m actually not a P.A. anymore. | |
| [17:23] | I’m one of the executive producers now. | |
| [17:26] | – I-I’m happy to-to get you some Slim… – Cool. Cool, cool, cool. | |
| [17:30] | – You said Slim Jims? – No, no, no, no, no. You know what? | |
| [17:32] | There’s a 7-Eleven down the street anyway. | |
| [17:34] | – Congratula… That’s great. – Yeah… Thank you. | |
| [17:35] | – Okay. Mm-hmm. – Thank you. | |
| [17:37] | – I love you. I adore you. – Love, yes. | |
| [17:39] | So, I’m gonna see you soon, eh? | |
| [17:40] | Gee, I hope I get my own part. | |
| [17:42] | Peace. | |
| [17:44] | How’d it go? | |
| [17:46] | Awkward as fuck. | |
| [17:52] | ♪ I’ll be a sky so full of empty now ♪ | |
| [17:55] | ♪ That little falcons dive into, lover ♪ | |
| [18:00] | ♪ So when I’m restless they can lead somehow ♪ | |
| [18:04] | ♪ What in the world I’m gonna do out here ♪ | |
| [18:08] | ♪ I feel that I’m a little lost most of the time ♪ | |
| [18:12] | ♪ But I don’t really mind. ♪ | |
| [18:18] | Serious? | |
| [18:56] | Yes. | |
| [19:00] | Oh. | |
| [19:01] | Hi. | |
| [19:05] | Need something? | |
| [19:07] | Uh, yeah. | |
| [19:08] | Can you help me? | |
| [19:10] | Depends how you mean it. | |
| [19:12] | That your golf cart? | |
| [19:16] | Uh, ha! Yeah. | |
| [19:17] | I need a tow truck. | |
| [19:19] | Or an extension cord. | |
| [19:21] | And my cell phone’s being stupid, so… | |
| [19:24] | There’s not very good reception around here | |
| [19:25] | at the end of the world. | |
| [19:27] | Mm. | |
| [19:35] | Feel free to use my landline. | |
| [19:40] | Oh. | |
| [19:48] | Bango. | |
| [19:56] | What do you got under there? | |
| [20:00] | You want me to take it out? | |
| [20:01] | Oh, no. No, that’s cool. | |
| [20:03] | No. Any excuse to get her out. | |
| [20:13] | I love looking at this car. | |
| [20:16] | – Yeah. – Whoa. | |
| [20:19] | Yes! | |
| [20:22] | Chromey beauty. | |
| [20:24] | Run your fingers along these edges. | |
| [20:26] | Like here and underneath. | |
| [20:29] | You feel that? | |
| [20:30] | Yeah, there’s no rough spots on this car anywhere. | |
| [20:33] | When I was a kid, my neighbor had a car like this, | |
| [20:37] | and it had this weird back thing. | |
| [20:39] | What is this called? | |
| [20:41] | – They call it a truck bed. – Mm. | |
| [20:45] | – Get in. – Oh, no. | |
| [20:47] | I couldn’t. I don’t want to hurt it. | |
| [20:49] | A lot of people will tell you a car like this, | |
| [20:52] | you should just bring it to auto shows on Sunday. | |
| [20:55] | – It’s shameful. – Mm. | |
| [20:58] | This is a driving car. | |
| [21:03] | I feel like a getaway driver. | |
| [21:05] | Not with your hands off the wheel. | |
| [21:07] | Ooh. | |
| [21:10] | And it’s wood. | |
| [21:11] | How bad is it for the environment? | |
| [21:14] | Really bad. | |
| [21:16] | Mmm. | |
| [21:17] | Har-loo! | |
| [21:20] | Hello. I have something very life-changing | |
| [21:24] | to share with you. | |
| [21:25] | Or change of life-ing. Hmm. | |
| [21:28] | – Mom. Mom, Mom. – What? | |
| [21:29] | Can you make me a grilled cheese sandwich | |
| [21:31] | with the Cheshire cheese you bought? | |
| [21:32] | – What? – Can you make me, uh, the… | |
| [21:34] | With the Cheshire cheese that… | |
| [21:35] | Excuse me. | |
| [21:37] | – Hello. – Hi. | |
| [21:39] | Hi. How are you? | |
| [21:43] | Could you please… move… | |
| [21:46] | to the side? | |
| [21:52] | Hmm. Mm-hmm. | |
| [21:56] | Mm-hmm. | |
| [21:57] | What?! No! | |
| [21:59] | What is that?! | |
| [22:00] | Oh, you got to get out. | |
| [22:03] | Can you please get out? Get out. | |
| [22:04] | Please, go to your own homes. | |
| [22:06] | Or to a parking lot. I don’t care. | |
| [22:08] | But just… don’t be in my house right now. | |
| [22:10] | Mom. | |
| [22:11] | – Mom, Mom, look at me. Mom. – Ooh! | |
| [22:13] | Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. | |
| [22:15] | – Ugh. – It’s-it’s a chinchilla. | |
| [22:16] | It’s like a giant furry mouse. | |
| [22:18] | Ooh! | |
| [22:20] | Oh, so, how did this get here? | |
| [22:23] | Did somebody close a zoo? Who paid for this? | |
| [22:26] | Did somebody pay for this? | |
| [22:27] | We didn’t do it on purpose. | |
| [22:29] | We went to the store to get boneys for the dogs. | |
| [22:32] | And Duke fell in love with it. | |
| [22:33] | She hasn’t had a pet like this since Mandy Patinkin died. | |
| [22:37] | Mm-hmm. Okay, so I’m just curious, though. | |
| [22:39] | So you guys went to a store. | |
| [22:42] | So that means that you paid money for this. | |
| [22:46] | So I’m just wondering how you got the money. | |
| [22:50] | I paid for it. | |
| [22:53] | – Oh. – On your credit card. | |
| [22:55] | Oh, that’s awesome. | |
| [22:57] | Max, pick the box up with that thing, | |
| [23:01] | and bring it outside. | |
| [23:03] | – Now. Now. – Mom, Mom, its name is Priscilla. | |
| [23:05] | Priscilla the Chinchilla. | |
| [23:06] | Pick up Priscilla, | |
| [23:09] | and bring her outside | |
| [23:11] | to my new car, which I was gonna celebrate, | |
| [23:14] | but you thunder-stealing chinchilla… | |
| [23:16] | – Wait, when did you get a new car, Mom? – New car? | |
| [23:18] | Did you say new car? | |
| [23:19] | Mom, you promised me the minivan. | |
| [23:21] | You’re full of shit, Mom. | |
| [23:22] | No, I am not. | |
| [23:25] | Did this thing even pass smog check? | |
| [23:28] | I don’t know. I highly doubt it would. | |
| [23:30] | Mom, this car doesn’t fit all of us. | |
| [23:32] | I know. Max, get in. | |
| [23:35] | No fair! | |
| [23:37] | Too bad, sucka. That’s what you get | |
| [23:39] | for buying a chinchilla behind my back. | |
| [23:42] | Go inside. | |
| [23:47] | Yeah, baby! | |
| [23:52] | Unfortunately, there’s no return on pets, only store credit. | |
| [23:55] | I’m not trying to spend $300 on dog food and bones. | |
| [23:59] | We have a very fine selection of pets that you can choose from. | |
| [24:02] | I don’t want another pet. I want my money back. | |
| [24:06] | You’re the one who sold this dog mouse | |
| [24:08] | to a minor without parental consent. | |
| [24:11] | No, I didn’t. I sold it to her. | |
| [24:14] | Anyway, | |
| [24:15] | he’s been returned too many times. | |
| [24:16] | They’ll probably put him down. | |
| [24:18] | – Oh, shit. – Oh… | |
| [24:21] | – Huh, fella? – Jesus. | |
| [24:26] | I’ll be right back. | |
| [24:30] | – Hello. I just would like | |
| [24:32] | to start this phone call by saying I’m not your manager. | |
| [24:35] | – Stop saying that. – Well, it’s true. | |
| [24:37] | And, okay, so they’re going with all the original cast… | |
| [24:41] | That’s great! | |
| [24:43] | …except for Rooster. | |
| [24:45] | What? | |
| [24:47] | They’re getting Lazlo Barber. | |
| [24:49] | Lazlo Barber is dead. | |
| [24:51] | I know. | |
| [24:52] | So, what are you talking about? | |
| [24:55] | Th-They’re doing something, a new technology | |
| [24:58] | called Vocology Sernagraphio. | |
| [25:01] | They piece together his voice. | |
| [25:03] | I mean they have, like, over 10,000 hours | |
| [25:05] | of recordings of him. | |
| [25:06] | Okay, so you’re telling me that an actually dead person | |
| [25:10] | is getting a part over me, which is my actual part? | |
| [25:15] | Ugh, I hate being the bearer of bad news. Jesus. | |
| [25:18] | It’s nothing personal, Sam. | |
| [25:20] | They just wanted to go in a different direction. | |
| [25:25] | It just wasn’t the right fit. | |
| [25:27] | It was the right fit… for a decade. | |
| [25:31] | The guys said they love you and they will keep you in mind | |
| [25:33] | for incidental characters. | |
| [25:39] | Oh, well. | |
| [25:42] | Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke. | |
| [25:44] | Exactly. | |
| [25:57] | Oof. | |
| [26:06] | Mom. Mom. | |
| [26:10] | She’s nice. | |
| [26:11] | Whoa. | |
| [26:12] | – It’s a girl? – Yeah, it’s a girl. | |
| [26:14] | – Look. – Huh. | |
| [26:22] | Okay. | |
| [26:30] | Mom? | |
| [26:33] | What the fuck? | |
| [26:35] | Welcome to my midlife crisis! | |
| [26:44] | Can I drive your new whip? | |
| [26:45] | Hmm. | |
| [26:49] | Okay. | |
| [26:51] | I have to tend to the livestock anyway. | |
| [26:55] | Let’s go home, baby. | |
| [26:57] | Let’s go, snakey. | |
| [26:59] | Oh, cool, it’s raining again. | |
| [27:02] | It’s so cool. | |
| [27:07] | Be careful. | |
| [27:08] | You got the windshield wipers? | |
| [27:10] | I think we should call her Betty White. | |
| [27:13] | Betty White? |