| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | Mecca lecca hi mecca hiney ho! | 看我变变变 |
| [00:08] | Ta-da! | 请看 |
| [00:09] | Uh, I can see the tissues under your arm. | 我看到纸巾在你胳膊下 |
| [00:12] | What are you doing? | 你做什么 |
| [00:13] | You’re supposed to ignore that, | 你应该无视它 |
| [00:15] | act amazed, and reward me with an ice cream sandwich. | 装作惊讶 奖励我冰淇淋三明治 |
| [00:18] | You are not six anymore. | 你不再是六岁了 |
| [00:19] | You are going to have to try harder to amaze me. | 你要想让我惊讶就得更用心 |
| [00:21] | Just a heads-up, I’m staying for dinner. | 提醒一下 我会留下吃晚餐 |
| [00:23] | These are my food allergies. | 这是我的过敏清单 |
| [00:26] | Oh, come on. | 走吧 |
| [00:27] | – Should I get these boots, Mom? – Sure. | -我应该买这种靴子吗 妈 -当然 |
| [00:29] | I assume they’re a gift for a new friend | 我想这是给新朋友的礼物 |
| [00:30] | who’s also a hooker. | 而且她是妓女 |
| [00:32] | So you’re not gonna get them for me? | 所以你不会给我买 |
| [00:33] | No way. Why would you wear open-toed boots? | 不可能 你为什么要穿露趾靴子 |
| [00:36] | Boots are a cold-weather item. | 靴子是冬天用品 |
| [00:38] | Next you’ll want… | 接下来你会要 |
| [00:39] | a down jacket without any sleeves. | 没有袖子的羽绒服 |
| [00:41] | You mean a vest? | 羽绒背心吗 |
| [00:43] | Oh, yeah, bad example. | 例子不对 |
| [00:44] | I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me. | 你要我做的我都做了 |
| [00:46] | I joined the school musical. | 我参加了学校音乐剧 |
| [00:47] | I’m taking the PSAT. | 我参加了学业能力初步测验 |
| [00:49] | Can’t you just meet me halfway | 你就不能迁就我一下 |
| [00:50] | and reward me for all my hard work? | 奖励我的辛苦努力吗 |
| [00:52] | How about I meet you right here | 不如我就迁就我 |
| [00:53] | and don’t give you jack squat? | 啥也不给你买 |
| [00:54] | I’m so tired of you shutting me down all the time. | 我厌倦了你总是拒绝我 |
| [00:56] | I am your mother. | 我是你妈 |
| [00:58] | Shutting you down is in my job description. | 拒绝你是我的工作 |
| [01:00] | Just like you rolling your eyes at me | 就像你冲我翻白眼 |
| [01:02] | is in your job description. | 是你的工作一样 |
| [01:05] | You’re very good at your job! | 你的工作做得很好 |
| [01:14] | Oliver, why don’t you stay | 奥利弗 你不如留下 |
| [01:16] | and help me build Luthor’s new doghouse? | 帮我搭建卢瑟的新狗屋 |
| [01:18] | It’ll be a fun father-son project. | 这是很有趣的父子活动 |
| [01:19] | We just did a father-son project. | 我们刚进行了父子活动 |
| [01:21] | We carried an unbuilt doghouse from the car to the backyard. | 我们把没搭建的狗屋从车上搬到了院子里 |
| [01:24] | – I’ll always remember it, Dad. – Come on. | -我会终生不忘的 爸 -拜托 |
| [01:26] | We’ll listen to music, work a couple hours, | 我们听音乐 工作几小时 |
| [01:28] | take a break, make some hummus. | 休息一下 做点鹰嘴豆泥 |
| [01:30] | I have to finish reading the new Johnny Diamond book | 我得看完强尼·戴蒙德的新书 |
| [01:32] | before I go to his motivational seminar this weekend. | 周末我得去参加他的励志研讨会 |
| [01:35] | Johnny Diamond says, | 强尼·戴蒙德说 |
| [01:36] | “In order to earn people’s trust in business, | 为了在做生意时赢得别人的信任 |
| [01:38] | you need to make a bond with them | 你需要和对方建立感情 |
| [01:40] | by any means necessary.” | 不惜一切代价 |
| [01:42] | Johnny Diamond. | 强尼·戴蒙德 |
| [01:43] | That’s not a very authentic way to interact with people. | 这不是与人互动的可信办法 |
| [01:45] | Neither is making hummus. | 做鹰嘴豆泥也一样 |
| [01:51] | Look at these stupid boots | 看这些蠢靴子 |
| [01:53] | Taylor wants me to buy her. | 泰勒要我给她买 |
| [01:55] | Yikes. | 妈呀 |
| [01:56] | And why are they open-toed? | 为什么是露脚趾的 |
| [01:57] | Boots are a cold-weather item. | 靴子是冬天用品 |
| [01:58] | That’s what I said! | 我也是这样说的 |
| [02:00] | It’s like socks without the feet. | 这就像是没脚部的袜子 |
| [02:02] | – You mean leg warmers? – Damn it. | -你是说护腿吗 -见鬼 |
| [02:04] | It’s really hard to come up with a similar example | 真难想出和这些愚蠢靴子 |
| [02:05] | to those dumb boots. | 相似的例子 |
| [02:07] | Taylor was pretty mad when I said no. | 我拒绝后泰勒很生气 |
| [02:09] | We’ve been fighting a lot lately. | 我们最近经常吵架 |
| [02:11] | We’re just not connecting like we used to. | 我们没有以前感情那么好了 |
| [02:13] | Same with me and Oliver. | 我和奥利弗也一样 |
| [02:14] | He doesn’t want anything to do with me. | 他不想和我有任何关系 |
| [02:16] | I bought a doghouse for us to build together. | 我买了狗屋就是为了和他一起搭 |
| [02:18] | What teenage boy wouldn’t want to do that? | 有哪个少年不愿意做这个 |
| [02:19] | Every teenage boy in the history of teenage boys. | 少年历史上的每个少年 |
| [02:22] | I just feel like as he gets older, | 我只是觉得他长大了 |
| [02:24] | we have less and less in common | 我们的共同点越来越少 |
| [02:25] | and it’s harder to spend any quality time with him. | 很难和他开心在一起 |
| [02:27] | Then maybe you should do something with Oliver | 那也许你应该和奥利弗做一些 |
| [02:29] | that Oliver is interested in. | 他感兴趣的事 |
| [02:30] | I can’t do another drive through the neighborhood | 我不能再在社区开车 |
| [02:32] | where I play “Guess That Zestimate.” | 玩什么房产估价 |
| [02:34] | How about that Johnny Diamond seminar | 强尼·戴蒙德的研讨会怎么样 |
| [02:36] | that he won’t shut up about? | 他一直在说这事 |
| [02:38] | That guy’s such a phony. | 那家伙就是个骗子 |
| [02:39] | It’s all recycled self-help nonsense. | 全是些循环自助的废话 |
| [02:41] | I’d rather bond over something real. | 我宁愿通过现实一点的东西增进感情 |
| [02:43] | Look, if you’re the one who wants to bond, | 如果你是要增进感情的那个人 |
| [02:44] | then you have to be the mature one and make the sacrifice. | 那你必须成熟一点 做出牺牲 |
| [02:47] | Fine! | 好的 |
| [02:48] | I’ll go to the Johnny Diamond seminar with him. | 我会和他一起去参加强尼·戴蒙德的研讨会 |
| [02:50] | You know, maybe you should take your own advice | 也许你应该接受你自己的建议 |
| [02:52] | and make a sacrifice with Taylor so you two can bond. | 为泰勒做出牺牲 这样你们可以增进感情 |
| [02:54] | What did I say about undermining me in front of the kids? | 关于别在孩子面前让我下不来台 我是怎么说的 |
| [02:57] | – But the kids aren’t — – Anna-Kat! | -但孩子不在 -安娜凯特 |
| [02:59] | What? | 什么 |
| [03:01] | Thank you, honey. | 谢谢你 亲爱的 |
| [03:02] | Good night. | 晚安 |
| [03:09] | Who the hell wants toeless boots? | 谁会想要露脚趾的靴子 |
| [03:11] | Yeah, it makes no sense. It’s like — | 完全没道理 就像 |
| [03:13] | Don’t even try. I was at this for hours last night. | 别费劲了 我昨晚想了几小时 |
| [03:15] | Thought I had one, but I didn’t. | 以为想到了 结果没有 |
| [03:16] | Turns out a hat with no top is just a visor. | 原来没顶的帽子就是鸭舌帽 |
| [03:18] | Are you thinking of caving in on this? | 你打算屈服吗 |
| [03:20] | I’m worried Taylor has started seeing me as the enemy. | 我担心泰勒开始把我当敌人 |
| [03:25] | I just love that necklace on you. | 你戴这项链真漂亮 |
| [03:27] | Thank you. I think it will look even better on you. | 谢谢你 我觉得你戴更漂亮 |
| [03:30] | How did I get so lucky? | 我怎么这么幸运 |
| [03:34] | Why can’t Taylor and I be like that? | 为什么我和泰勒不能像这样 |
| [03:36] | You can. My kids and I are that close. | 你可以 我和孩子们就很亲近 |
| [03:38] | We hug six times a day. | 我们一天拥抱六次 |
| [03:40] | Ugh! What a load of garbage! | 真是一堆废话 |
| [03:42] | Parents and children need boundaries! | 家长与孩子间需要底线 |
| [03:43] | Otherwise, they won’t fear or respect you. | 否则 他们不会害怕也不会尊重你 |
| [03:45] | No, I disagree. | 不 我不同意 |
| [03:47] | I let my kids do whatever they want | 我的孩子们想做什么都行 |
| [03:48] | as long as I’m there to supervise. | 只要有我监督就行 |
| [03:50] | And it will be the same | 他们长大后 |
| [03:51] | when they get older. If they want to have sex, | 也是一样 如果他们想上床 |
| [03:52] | they can do it at my house while I’m home. | 他们可以在我家做 我在家就行 |
| [03:54] | There has to be a middle ground between lifelong bitterness | 在恨你一辈子和听孩子上床之间 |
| [03:56] | and listening to your kids hump. | 肯定有折中 |
| [03:58] | You know, I read in Parenting magazine | 我在家长杂志上看到 |
| [04:00] | that mothers and daughters go on friend dates now to bond. | 现在母女会进行朋友约会增进感情 |
| [04:03] | It’s a fun way to spend time together. | 这是共度时光的有趣方式 |
| [04:04] | No judgments, and you get to establish a new relationship | 不准批评 你们可以建立新关系 |
| [04:07] | where you see each other as equals. | 双方是平等的 |
| [04:08] | Hey! More garbage! | 更多废话 |
| [04:10] | You know, Greg said I should do something | 格雷格说我应该 |
| [04:12] | like mother-daughter date night. | 进行母女约会之夜 |
| [04:14] | But ideas just sound better coming from someone else. | 但别人提的意见似乎更好 |
| [04:17] | I don’t know, Katie. You’ll be setting a dangerous precedent | 不好说 凯蒂 你会开创危险的先例 |
| [04:19] | that could lead to your kids coming back to visit | 有可能导致孩子们在搬出去后 |
| [04:20] | after they’ve already moved out. | 还回家看望你 |
| [04:22] | That’s exactly what I want. | 我就希望这样 |
| [04:24] | Yep, that’s what you think now. | 这是你现在的想法 |
| [04:25] | But imagine yourself 30 years older | 但想象30年后 |
| [04:28] | and your kids are yelling at you in your own home | 你的孩子在你家里吼你 |
| [04:30] | for watching TV because screens are bad for the baby. | 因为你看电视 而屏幕对宝宝不好 |
| [04:32] | I’m watching “Game of Thrones,” | 我在看《权力的游戏》 |
| [04:34] | and so is the baby! | 宝宝也在看 |
| [04:36] | They need to learn about violence | 他们要学会暴力 |
| [04:38] | and love. | 还有爱 |
| [04:41] | All right. Oliver’s on board with me | 好了 奥利弗同意 |
| [04:43] | going to the Johnny Diamond seminar with him. | 我和他一起参加强尼·戴蒙德研讨会 |
| [04:45] | Actually, he said, “It might ruin it but maybe it won’t.” | 其实他说的是也许会毁了体验也许不会 |
| [04:47] | – I’m taking that as a win. – That’s great. | -我当这是胜利 -太好了 |
| [04:49] | And Doris and Angela said I should ask out Taylor | 多瑞丝和安吉拉说我应该带泰勒 |
| [04:51] | on a mother-daughter date and buy her the open-toed boots. | 进行母女约会 给她买露脚趾的靴子 |
| [04:54] | Isn’t that exactly what I told you to do? | 这不正是我告诉你的吗 |
| [04:56] | You want me to be the kind of wife | 你希望我做那种 |
| [04:57] | that “Listens” To her husband? | 听老公话的老婆吗 |
| [04:59] | Then we’re gonna have to change this whole operation. | 那所有操作就要变了 |
| [05:01] | I should go read up on Johnny Diamond. | 我得去看强尼·戴蒙德的书 |
| [05:03] | I’ll start with his first book, | 从他的第一本开始 |
| [05:04] | “The Best of Johnny Diamond.” | 《最佳强尼·戴蒙德》 |
| [05:05] | How can his first book be “The Best of Johnny Diamond”? | 第一本书怎么能是《最佳强尼·戴蒙德》 |
| [05:07] | You think that’s strange, his next book is called | 你以为这算奇怪吗 第二本叫做 |
| [05:09] | “Introducing Johnny Diamond.” | 《介绍强尼·戴蒙德》 |
| [05:14] | Hey, there. | 你好 |
| [05:15] | Taylor, huh? Pretty name. | 泰勒吗 好名字 |
| [05:17] | Do you spell it with a “Y”? | 拼写中有个Y吗 |
| [05:19] | Good trick, huh? | 好戏法吧 |
| [05:22] | That’s not a trick. | 这不是戏法 |
| [05:23] | This is a trick. | 这才是戏法 |
| [05:29] | Witch. | 女巫 |
| [05:32] | Why were you talking to yourself? | 你为什么自言自语 |
| [05:34] | I’m practicing asking Taylor on a friend date. | 我在练习邀请泰勒参加朋友约会 |
| [05:36] | Ever since my parents’ divorce, | 我父母离婚后 |
| [05:38] | my mom takes me on friend dates every Saturday. | 我妈每周末都带我进行朋友约会 |
| [05:40] | It’s a lot of Arby’s. | 经常去快餐店 |
| [05:43] | Let me help you. | 让我帮你 |
| [05:44] | Thanks, but I think I got it. | 谢谢 但我想我能行 |
| [05:47] | You can’t ask her out in person. | 你不能当面约她 |
| [05:49] | You have to do it over text. | 你得发短信 |
| [05:51] | Okay. | 好 |
| [05:53] | What should I write? | 我应该怎么写 |
| [05:55] | Just be casual. | 随意一点 |
| [05:59] | What’s up, girl? | 好吗 姑娘 |
| [06:01] | Is this a mistake? | 你发错了吗 |
| [06:07] | Just seeing if you wanna chill. | 就想看看你想不想出去玩 |
| [06:10] | This feels like a trap. | 感觉像陷阱 |
| [06:13] | How about boot shopping and coffee? | 买靴子喝咖啡怎么样 |
| [06:25] | Yes! | 太好了 |
| [06:30] | What? | 怎么了 |
| [06:31] | You’re helping her get closer to your sister? | 你帮她和你姐姐亲近 |
| [06:34] | Not good for you. | 对你不好 |
| [06:36] | Why? You think I’m getting pushed out as the favorite kid? | 怎么 你觉得我会不再是最受宠的 |
| [06:38] | Maybe. I don’t think you can get by | 也许 我觉得你靠装可爱 |
| [06:40] | on just cuteness anymore. | 已经不行了 |
| [06:42] | The big teeth are in now. | 都换大牙了 |
| [06:44] | You’re gonna have to find a new way | 你得找到新办法 |
| [06:45] | to make your parents like you. | 让父母喜欢你 |
| [06:46] | How? | 怎么做 |
| [06:48] | You ever want to take a bite out of your ChapStick? | 你想过咬护唇膏吗 |
| [06:51] | Oh, Franklin. You almost made it through | 富兰克林 你差一点一次完整对话中 |
| [06:52] | one full conversation. | 没犯傻 |
| [07:10] | Where my Diamond Dogs at?! | 我的钻石狗在哪里 |
| [07:19] | Let’s maximize those relationships, D-Dogs. | 让我们将关系发挥到极致 钻石狗们 |
| [07:22] | That’s why you’re here! | 所以你们来这里 |
| [07:29] | I want you to turn to the person next to you | 我要大家转向你旁边的人 |
| [07:33] | and talk with them. | 和他们说话 |
| [07:35] | And when I say “Talk with them,” | 我说的和他们说话 |
| [07:37] | I mean connect with them! | 意思是与他们建立联系 |
| [07:42] | No small talk! | 不要聊天 |
| [07:44] | I want you to ask them the best thing | 我要你问对方这周 |
| [07:48] | that happened to them this week. | 碰到的最开心的事是什么 |
| [07:50] | Get real! | 现实一点 |
| [07:52] | My Diamond Dogs need to gnaw through the lies | 我的钻石狗需要咬断谎言 |
| [07:55] | and taste the truth. Leashes off! | 品尝真实 狗链松开了 |
| [08:04] | We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. | 如果你不想 我们不用这样做 |
| [08:06] | No, no, no. We should do the work. | 不 我们要照做 |
| [08:07] | – That’s what we’re here for. – Okay. | -这是我们来这的原因 -好的 |
| [08:09] | What was the best thing that happened to you this week? | 你这周碰到的最开心的事是什么 |
| [08:12] | Well, um, | 好吧 |
| [08:14] | there’s this girl I like at school | 在学校有个我喜欢的女生 |
| [08:16] | that sat with me at lunch. | 午餐时坐在我旁边 |
| [08:18] | I didn’t have the guts to ask her out, | 我没勇气约她出去 |
| [08:19] | but at least I know she knows I exist. | 但至少我知道她知道我的存在 |
| [08:23] | That’s the first time you’ve mentioned a new girl | 这是你和吉娜分手后 |
| [08:25] | since you and Gina broke up. | 第一次提到女生 |
| [08:26] | I’m proud of you. | 我为你骄傲 |
| [08:28] | Thanks, Dad. | 谢谢你 爸 |
| [08:30] | We usually don’t talk about this kind of stuff. | 我们通常不会谈这些东西 |
| [08:31] | Or any stuff really. | 或任何东西 |
| [08:32] | This is nice. | 感觉真不错 |
| [08:36] | What was the best part of your week? | 你这周最开心的事是什么 |
| [08:37] | – Is it too cheesy to say right now? – Definitely. | -说是现在太俗气吗 -当然 |
| [08:40] | Then I’m gonna go with the apple fritter I had this morning. | 那就是我今早吃炸苹果饼 |
| [08:42] | Now howl if you had a substantial emotional breakthrough. | 如果你有了实质性的情感突破就嚎叫吧 |
| [08:55] | You want to maximize your relationship with me? | 你想把和我的关系发挥到极致吗 |
| [08:58] | Uh, sure. | 当然 |
| [09:01] | Ask me the best part of my week. | 问我这周最开心的事是什么 |
| [09:03] | Okay, what was the best part of your week? | 好 你这周最开心的事是什么 |
| [09:04] | This. Right now. | 就这个 现在 |
| [09:07] | It’s too cheesy for your son there, but not for me, man. | 你儿子觉得俗气 我不觉得 |
| [09:09] | Come here. Bring it in here. | 过来抱抱 |
| [09:12] | We should hang out or something, huh? | 我们应该一起玩 |
| [09:13] | Get some tacos later. | 等下去吃玉米饼 |
| [09:21] | Oh, my God, Mom. I love them. | 天啊 妈 我好喜欢 |
| [09:22] | They look painful. | 好痛苦的样子 |
| [09:24] | Well, sometimes the coolest stuff | 有时候最酷的东西 |
| [09:25] | – isn’t the most comfortable. – That’s true. | -穿上去并不舒服 -没错 |
| [09:27] | I might have made some fashion choices when I was your age | 我在你这个年纪做出的有些时尚选择 |
| [09:29] | that weren’t based on comfort. | 也不是出于舒适 |
| [09:30] | Like? | 比如说 |
| [09:31] | Tight chokers were big in the ’90s. | 90年代非常流行勒脖项链 |
| [09:34] | I passed out from time to time, | 我时不时地晕倒一下 |
| [09:35] | but Mama looked fine as hell. | 但老娘可美了 |
| [09:38] | You should try on a pair of these. | 你应该试一双 |
| [09:39] | Open-toed boots? I don’t think so. | 露趾靴子 还是算了吧 |
| [09:42] | I’ve been nursing my pedicure since Christmas. | 从圣诞节开始我就自己美甲了 |
| [09:45] | Although I did a touch-up with a red Sharpie yesterday. | 不过昨天我用红色记号笔补了色 |
| [09:47] | I think you can pull them off. | 我觉得你穿会很漂亮 |
| [09:49] | You think? | 真的吗 |
| [09:55] | Gotcha. | 扶住你了 |
| [09:58] | So, do you want to grab coffee? | 你想喝杯咖啡吗 |
| [10:00] | Actually, let’s grab lunch. | 我们去吃午餐吧 |
| [10:02] | Play it cool. Play it cool. | 冷静 冷静 |
| [10:04] | Whatever. | 随便 |
| [10:05] | Okay. Never mind. | 好吧 算了 |
| [10:06] | Darn it. That was too cool! | 见鬼 太冷了 |
| [10:08] | No, no, no. Let’s grab lunch. | 不 我们去吃午餐 |
| [10:15] | All right, Diamond Dogs. | 好了 钻石狗 |
| [10:17] | It’s time for one last relationship maximizer. | 到了最后一项关系极致化 |
| [10:20] | Classic trust fall. | 经典的信任倒 |
| [10:21] | – Come on, Dad. Let’s do it. – Okay. | -爸 我们来 -好 |
| [10:23] | Oh, no. No, no. | 不对 |
| [10:24] | For this fall, | 你们这一倒 |
| [10:25] | I want Dad to fall and Sonny Boy to catch him. | 爸爸倒 儿子接 |
| [10:32] | No, we can’t do that. | 我们不能这样做 |
| [10:34] | If Johnny says we can do it, we can do it. | 如果强尼说我们能做到 我们就能做到 |
| [10:36] | – I trust us. – It’s not about trust. | -我相信我们 -这不是相信的问题 |
| [10:38] | It’s about me being way heavier than you. | 而是我比你重很多 |
| [10:39] | Did I mention the apple fritters this morning? | 我说了今早吃的炸苹果饼吗 |
| [10:41] | Full disclosure — I have those every morning. | 我得坦白 我每早都吃 |
| [10:43] | If we can do this, we can do anything! | 如果我们能做到这个 就没有什么事做不到 |
| [10:50] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [10:55] | I got you, Dad! | 我接住你了 爸 |
| [10:57] | Yes, you do! I’ll never doubt you again, Oliver! | 是的 我再也不会怀疑你了 奥利弗 |
| [11:00] | I don’t know where this strength is coming from! | 我不知道这股力量是从哪里来的 |
| [11:02] | It’s like when a parent lifts a car off their baby. | 就像家长抬起压住宝宝的车 |
| [11:04] | It’s love, man! | 是因为爱 |
| [11:12] | All right, that’s it for this seminar. | 好了 研讨会到此结束 |
| [11:15] | But remember, Diamond Dogs, | 但记住 钻石狗 |
| [11:17] | the seminar hasn’t actually ended. | 研讨会并没有结束 |
| [11:20] | It’s just begun. | 而是刚刚开始 |
| [11:22] | Who wants homework?! | 谁要做作业 |
| [11:27] | I want you to go home, find a loved one, | 我要你们回家后 找到爱的人 |
| [11:31] | and do a project together | 一起做一项活动 |
| [11:32] | ’cause this isn’t just about your relationship, right? | 因为这不仅仅是关于你们的关系 |
| [11:36] | This is about your relationship… | 而是你们的关系 |
| [11:39] | with your relationship! | 和你们关系的关系 |
| [11:44] | Dad, I know what we should do. | 爸 我知道我们要做什么 |
| [11:45] | – We should build Luthor’s doghouse. – Yeah! | -一起搭建卢瑟的狗屋 -对 |
| [11:47] | We’ll build a Diamond Doghouse together. | 我们一起搭建钻石狗屋 |
| [11:50] | Excuse me, Mr. Diamond. | 打扰下 戴蒙德先生 |
| [11:51] | I was skeptical about coming today, | 我本来对今天来这里很怀疑 |
| [11:53] | but you’ve helped my son and me very much. | 但你帮了我和我儿子很多 |
| [11:55] | – Thank you. – Well, that’s what it’s all about. | -谢谢 -这就是重点 |
| [11:58] | It’s not about the $200 tickets | 重点不是200块的票 |
| [11:59] | or the $50 T-shirts. | 50块的T恤 |
| [12:01] | It’s about this moment. | 重点是这一刻 |
| [12:03] | Me touching your face. | 我摸着你的脸 |
| [12:06] | You nervous? | 你紧张吗 |
| [12:07] | – Kind of. – Smart. | -有点 -聪明 |
| [12:09] | We don’t validate parking. | 我们没有停车票 |
| [12:13] | He’s amazing, isn’t he? | 他真棒 不是吗 |
| [12:15] | His hands are so soft. | 他的手好软 |
| [12:16] | Should we buy Diamond Dog lotion? | 我们要买钻石狗护手乳液吗 |
| [12:18] | Yeah! | 当然 |
| [12:24] | So, what’s going on? | 出什么事了 |
| [12:25] | You hitting me up for a kidney? | 你是要我捐肾吗 |
| [12:27] | – What? – You bought me shoes you hate, | -什么 -你给我买了你讨厌的靴子 |
| [12:29] | and we’re eating at a restaurant where you don’t have to fill up | 我们吃饭的餐厅 你不必自己 |
| [12:31] | your own cup at the soda machine, | 去汽水机那里接汽水 |
| [12:32] | so something’s up. | 所以肯定有事 |
| [12:34] | I just want to spend quality time with you, | 我只想和你共度美好时光 |
| [12:36] | not just as mother and daughter. | 不仅是母女 |
| [12:38] | – I want to be friends. – Okay. | -我想做朋友 -好 |
| [12:40] | So, like, how do we do that? | 怎么做呢 |
| [12:43] | We can start by talking like girlfriends. | 我们可以像闺蜜一样说话 |
| [12:46] | Let’s spill some tea. | 我们说点秘密 |
| [12:47] | What’s the hot goss at school? | 学校有哪些热门八卦 |
| [12:49] | I’m not sure what topics are on the table. | 我不知道要说什么话题 |
| [12:51] | I don’t want to say too much and then you come down on me. | 我不想说太多你骂我 |
| [12:53] | How about I go first and break the ice | 不如我先说打破僵局 |
| [12:54] | and share some high school stories of my own? | 分享一些我的高中故事 |
| [12:59] | Can’t tell that story. | 这事不能说 |
| [13:02] | Really can’t tell that story. | 真的不能说这事 |
| [13:04] | I’ll get straight-up arrested if I tell that story. | 如果讲这事我就会被捕的 |
| [13:07] | Okay. When I was a junior, | 好吧 我还是少女时 |
| [13:10] | I dated two brothers at the same time, | 同时和一对兄弟约会 |
| [13:12] | but neither of them knew. | 但他们都不知道 |
| [13:14] | – Wh– Mom! – But I got busted | -妈 -我被抓个现行 |
| [13:17] | when one of them saw me making out with the other one | 其中一个看到我和另一个接吻 |
| [13:20] | when we went off-campus to smoke. | 当时我们逃学去抽烟 |
| [13:21] | Wow! That is so crazy! | 太疯狂了 |
| [13:26] | I didn’t know you smoked. | 我不知道你抽烟 |
| [13:27] | Just a little. It was high school. | 一点点 高中嘛 |
| [13:29] | I tried vaping over the summer. | 我暑假时试过电子水烟 |
| [13:33] | You’re her friend, not her mom. | 你是她朋友 不是她妈 |
| [13:34] | You’re her friend, not her mom. | 你是她的朋友 不是她妈 |
| [13:36] | This is some good gossip. | 有则劲爆八卦 |
| [13:37] | So there’s a girl in the musical | 音乐剧中有个女生 |
| [13:38] | who had to quit because her boyfriend — | 必须辞演 因为她男友 |
| [13:40] | You know, vaping is the same as smoking. | 电子水烟和抽烟是一样的 |
| [13:42] | I know. Anyway, | 我知道 总之 |
| [13:43] | he made her quit because he was jealous — | 他让她辞演 他嫉妒 |
| [13:44] | So did you buy your own vape pipe? | 你自己买的烟枪吗 |
| [13:46] | It’s called a vape pen. | 那叫蒸发器 |
| [13:47] | And no, I used someone else’s. | 不 我用的别人的 |
| [13:49] | So anything could have been in there — | 所以里面有可能什么都有 |
| [13:51] | tobacco, pot, rat poison. | 烟草 大麻 老鼠药 |
| [13:53] | You could have died! | 你可能会死 |
| [13:55] | Wait, I thought we were trying to be friends. | 慢着 我们不是要做朋友吗 |
| [13:56] | It sounds like you’re momming me right now. | 听起来你又在当妈教训我了 |
| [13:58] | That’s because I am a mom! | 因为我是你妈 |
| [13:59] | Do you know how dumb it is to vape? | 你知道抽电子水烟有多愚蠢吗 |
| [14:03] | You just literally told me you smoked in high school! | 你刚告诉我你高中时抽烟 |
| [14:05] | I know, but my mother wasn’t involved in my life. | 我知道 但我妈从来不管我 |
| [14:08] | I’m up your ass constantly! | 我一直管着你 |
| [14:09] | I knew this was a trap. | 我就知道这是陷阱 |
| [14:11] | You tricked me into admitting stuff | 你骗我说我们是朋友 |
| [14:13] | by saying we were friends! | 骗我坦白 |
| [14:14] | Well, that won’t be a problem anymore | 这不再是问题了 |
| [14:15] | because we’re no longer friends. | 因为我们不再是朋友 |
| [14:17] | I think that’s a world record for the shortest friendship. | 这是最短友谊的世界纪录 |
| [14:18] | – A whopping 20 seconds! – Great! | -整整20秒 -很好 |
| [14:20] | You can go celebrate with a big, fat vaping session. | 你可以去盛大的电子水烟大会庆祝 |
| [14:23] | – No one says that! – Ugh! I’m out of here. | -没人这样说 -我走了 |
| [14:25] | Now you’re definitely not getting my kidney! | 现在你绝对得不到我的肾 |
| [14:27] | I don’t want your kidney. And even if I did, | 我不要你的肾 就算我需要 |
| [14:29] | I don’t want it because it’s full of vape! | 我也不要 因为上面全是电子水烟 |
| [14:31] | That’s not how it works! | 本来就是这样 |
| [15:01] | It says attach piece 1 to piece 2. | 这上面说1号板连2号板 |
| [15:04] | But the pieces aren’t labeled. | 但板上没有标号 |
| [15:05] | This is a waste of time. | 真是浪费时间 |
| [15:06] | Remember what Johnny Diamond says. | 记得强尼·戴蒙德说的吗 |
| [15:08] | When you drift to the negative, SBH — | 出现负面情绪时 停呼嚎 |
| [15:11] | Stop, Breathe, Howl. | 停下 呼吸 嚎叫 |
| [15:16] | – What the hell are you doing? – We’re Diamond Dogs, honey. | -你们在做什么 -我们是钻石狗 亲爱的 |
| [15:18] | We’re maximizing our relationship | 我们将关系发挥到极致 |
| [15:20] | and forging a lifelong bond. | 打造终生的感情 |
| [15:22] | Great. You’re both in a cult. | 很好 你们加入了邪教 |
| [15:24] | I look forward to your six-part Netflix series. | 我期待看到以你们为主角的Netflix六集纪录片 |
| [15:26] | How was your friend-date with Taylor? | 你和泰勒的朋友约会怎么样 |
| [15:27] | Terrible. | 糟透了 |
| [15:28] | – I think we broke up. – You’re mother and daughter. | -我想我们分手了 -你们是母女 |
| [15:31] | You can’t break up. You just have to figure out | 你们不能分手 你必须想清楚 |
| [15:32] | the relationship you want to have with her. | 你想和她拥有什么样的关系 |
| [15:33] | I think I know what you guys need | 我想我知道你们要做什么 |
| [15:35] | to maximize your relationship. | 将你们的关系极致化 |
| [15:37] | Johnny Diamond has some exercises | 强尼·戴蒙德有一些练习 |
| [15:38] | to help you fulfill your potential. | 可以帮你们发挥你的潜力 |
| [15:40] | I don’t like this pairing. | 我不喜欢你们这对组合 |
| [15:42] | Disturbs me. | 令我不安 |
| [15:45] | Hey. Come on. | 来吧 |
| [15:48] | Let’s go post this on Johnny Diamond’s Facebook page. | 发到强尼·戴蒙德的脸书页上 |
| [15:51] | Hashtag building a hashtag doghouse | #搭建#狗屋 |
| [15:54] | with my hashtag son | 和我#儿子 |
| [15:56] | for our hashtag other hashtag Diamond Dogs. | 为我们的#另一#钻石狗 |
| [15:59] | # Hashtag. | |
| [16:01] | Trying to stay positive, Dad, | 我也不想消极 爸 |
| [16:02] | but you’re misusing hashtag to an alarming degree. | 但你对#的滥用已经到了令人担心的程度 |
| [16:05] | Oliver, all these people are posting reports | 奥利弗 这些人都在发报道 |
| [16:06] | that Johnny Diamond got arrested. | 强尼·戴蒙德被捕了 |
| [16:08] | – What? – The FBI raided his ranch in Utah. | -什么 -联调局突袭了他在犹他州的农场 |
| [16:11] | He had people being held against their will writing his books. | 他强迫别人给他写书 |
| [16:13] | Okay, so he’s a busy guy. | 他是个大忙人 |
| [16:15] | He had to outsource a little labor. | 他必须外包一些工作 |
| [16:16] | And he had children making his merchandise. | 他让孩子们给他制造商品 |
| [16:18] | You’re making a child build a doghouse. Think on that. | 你让一个孩子搭建狗屋 想想看 |
| [16:21] | He sold all his followers’ identities. | 他出卖所有追随者的身份 |
| [16:23] | My credit score! | 我的信用积分 |
| [16:24] | This guy sucks so hard. | 这家伙太可恶了 |
| [16:26] | Oliver, we don’t need Johnny Diamond. | 奥利弗 我们不需要强尼·戴蒙德 |
| [16:28] | We can maximize our relationship by ourselves. | 我们可以自己将关系发挥到极致 |
| [16:30] | Dad, I can’t believe I’m saying this, | 爸 我不敢相信我这么说 |
| [16:33] | but Johnny Diamond’s a fraud. | 但强尼·戴蒙德是个骗子 |
| [16:35] | Which means our entire bond is built on a lie. | 就是说我们的感情建立在谎言上 |
| [16:39] | It’s over. | 结束了 |
| [16:43] | My high school bully is dead. | 我高中时的恶霸死了 |
| [16:47] | Here’s some ideas so your parents can like you again. | 这里有一些让你父母再次喜欢你的主意 |
| [16:50] | – Can you cook? – No. | -你会做饭吗 -不会 |
| [16:52] | Can you tell the future? | 你能预知未来吗 |
| [16:54] | If I could, I would have walked out of the room | 如果我能 我就会在20秒前 |
| [16:56] | before you farted 20 seconds ago. | 你放屁之前离开房间 |
| [16:58] | Oh, you can be the funny one of the family. | 你可以做家里搞笑的那个 |
| [17:01] | You need to learn a dirty joke. Adults love those. | 你要学会下流笑话 大人们喜欢那些 |
| [17:03] | Okay. | 好 |
| [17:06] | “Good dirty jokes.” | 很棒的下流笑话 |
| [17:10] | I don’t get that. | 不明白 |
| [17:11] | I don’t get that. | 不明白 |
| [17:13] | Oh, that one has a funny word. | 这个里面的词很好笑 |
| [17:14] | Oh, yeah. | 对 |
| [17:16] | Okay, I’ll learn it and tell it to my parents later. | 好 我学会了稍后讲给爸妈听 |
| [17:18] | I should not have eaten that ChapStick. | 我不应该吃那支护唇膏 |
| [17:26] | Why are you throwing that shirt out? | 你为什么扔掉T恤 |
| [17:29] | I thought Johnny Diamond was your hero. | 强尼·戴蒙德不是你的英雄吗 |
| [17:30] | He’s a fraud. He got busted for, like, 10 felonies, | 他是个骗子 他被抓个现行犯了十项罪行 |
| [17:33] | so all his advice to help me succeed is meaningless. | 那些帮助我成功的建议根本没意义 |
| [17:44] | You know, you are always looking for someone to worship. | 你总是在找让自己崇拜的人 |
| [17:48] | Well, look outside. | 看外面 |
| [17:54] | See that guy? | 看那个人 |
| [17:55] | That’s the guy that you should worship. | 你应该崇拜他 |
| [17:59] | He went out of his way to try to connect with you. | 他尽全力和你增进感情 |
| [18:02] | You should do the same. | 你也应该这样做 |
| [18:13] | It’s really unfortunate | 太遗憾了 |
| [18:15] | when I have a great parenting moment, | 我当妈当得这么出色的时刻 |
| [18:16] | and Greg is not here to give me credit. | 格雷格没在这里表扬我 |
| [18:19] | So, uh, | 那个 |
| [18:21] | that was pretty weird | 蛮奇怪的 |
| [18:23] | today when we went… | 今天我们 |
| [18:28] | I’m trying to have an awkward moment with you, Taylor. | 我在和你进行尴尬的对话 泰勒 |
| [18:30] | Okay. Fine. | 好的 |
| [18:34] | I’m sorry that I blew up at you, | 抱歉冲你发脾气 |
| [18:36] | but when you screw up, I have to come down on you. | 但你做错时 我必须骂你 |
| [18:38] | – It’s my job. – You’re very good at your job, Mom. | -这是我的工作 -你的工作做得非常好 妈 |
| [18:40] | You’re gonna have a lot of friends in your life, | 你这一生会有很多朋友 |
| [18:42] | but only one mother. | 但只有一个妈 |
| [18:44] | And I refuse to give that role up. | 我拒绝放弃这一角色 |
| [18:46] | But you’re the one who wanted to be friends. | 但是你想做朋友的 |
| [18:47] | And one day we will be, but right now, | 总有一天我们会是朋友 但现在 |
| [18:50] | I need you to be afraid of me, | 我需要你怕我 |
| [18:52] | but know, if you’re ever out in the world | 但要知道 如果你在外面 |
| [18:54] | and find yourself in a bad situation, | 发现自己身处困境 |
| [18:55] | you can call me and I’ll come get you. | 你可以打我电话 我会来救你 |
| [18:58] | – No questions asked? – No. | -不问问题 -不 |
| [19:00] | Like a thousand questions asked. | 问无数的问题 |
| [19:05] | – What’s up? – Anna-Kat has a joke | -什么事 -安娜凯特有个笑话 |
| [19:07] | – she wants to tell us. – Great. | -想讲给我们听 -太好了 |
| [19:09] | Okay, so three guys are shipwrecked on an island | 三个人乘船出事流落到岛上 |
| [19:11] | and are captured by locals. | 被当地人抓住了 |
| [19:12] | Their leader says to the first guy, | 首领对第一个人说 |
| [19:14] | “You must choose: death or ooga-mooga,” | 你必须选择 死还是乌嘎木嘎 |
| [19:17] | so the first guy says, “I choose ooga-mooga.” | 第一个说 我选择乌嘎木嘎 |
| [19:19] | Then they throw him down… | 然后他们把他扔进… |
| [19:35] | So after seeing what happened to the first two guys, | 看到前两个人的遭遇后 |
| [19:37] | the third guy says, “I choose death,” | 第三个人说 我选择死 |
| [19:40] | and the leader says, “Okay. | 首领说 好 |
| [19:42] | Death by ooga-mooga!” | 死于乌嘎木嘎 |
| [19:45] | Franklin, do you even get the joke? | 富兰克林 你听懂这个笑话了吗 |
| [19:47] | She said “Ooga-mooga.” | 她说了乌嘎木嘎 |
| [19:49] | Anna-Kat, that was filthy. | 安娜凯特 太恶心了 |
| [19:51] | What would possess you to tell a joke like that? | 你为什么要讲这样的笑话 |
| [19:55] | I was afraid I was losing my position | 我害怕我不再是家中 |
| [19:56] | as the favorite in the family, | 最受宠的孩子 |
| [19:58] | so I thought maybe I could be the funny one. | 所以我想我可以做搞笑的那个 |
| [20:00] | Honey, you’re always going to be the baby, | 亲爱的 你永远是最小的那个 |
| [20:03] | so you always are going to be the favorite. | 所以你永远是最受宠的 |
| [20:05] | That’s just a fact. | 这是事实 |
| [20:08] | You got me all crazy. | 你让我发疯了 |
| [20:09] | You are super grounded for looking up that joke online. | 你在网上查这种笑话 你被禁足了 |
| [20:12] | Go to your room. | 回你房间 |
| [20:17] | Can someone drop me off at Arby’s? | 能送我去快餐店吗 |
| [20:19] | I have a date with my mom. | 我要和我妈约会 |
| [20:23] | Can you set Anna-Kat’s parental control | 你能给安娜凯特设置家长监控 |
| [20:25] | so it blocks all the dirty stuff? | 拦截所有黄色内容吗 |
| [20:26] | I’ll also block that weird website she likes | 我还会屏蔽那个她喜欢的网站 |
| [20:28] | that shows death row inmates’ last meals. | 专播死囚最后一餐饭的 |
| [20:31] | That… | 那个 |
| [20:33] | was a really funny joke. | 真是个好笑的笑话 |
| [20:34] | Ooga-mooga. | 乌嘎木嘎 |
| [20:42] | Luthor says, “Great job, boys!” | 卢瑟说 做得好 小伙子们 |
| [20:46] | Oliver, Johnny Diamond might have ended up being a fake, | 奥利弗 虽说强尼·戴蒙德是个骗子 |
| [20:48] | but the fun I had bonding with you wasn’t fake at all. | 但我和你增进感情享受的乐趣不是假的 |
| [20:51] | I’m glad your mom forced us to finish it. | 我很高兴你妈逼我们完成狗屋 |
| [20:52] | Yeah, me, too. | 我也是 |
| [20:53] | I’m starting to get what you see in her. | 我开始明白你看上她什么了 |
| [20:58] | You guys need help building anything else? | 你们还需要帮忙搭建什么吗 |
| [21:00] | No thanks. Here you go. | 不用 谢谢 给你 |
| [21:01] | You don’t have to pay me. | 你不用给我钱 |
| [21:02] | We’re Diamond Dogs! | 我们是钻石狗 |