The Big Sick(大病)[2017]电影台词本阅读、下载和单词统计

电影名称：大病
英文名称：The Big Sick
年代：2017

推荐：千部英美剧台词本阅读

时间	英文	中文
[01:09]	Keep it going for the next performer,	有请下一位表演者
[01:11]	my man, Mr. Kumail Nanjiani.	我兄弟 库米尔·南贾尼先生
[01:17]	Hello.	你好
[01:19]	Um, I’ll tell you about myself.	我说说我自己
[01:22]	I grew up in Pakistan.	我在巴基斯坦长大
[01:24]	And people are always asking me,	人们总是问我
[01:26]	“What was that like?”	那是什么感觉？
[01:28]	Really not that different from here.	真的与此没什么不同
[01:31]	I mean, we played cricket,	我们玩板球
[01:32]	which is just a spicier version of baseball.	一种加了香料的棒球
[01:36]	And we prayed a lot.	我们常祈祷
[01:38]	Well, not a lot. Just five times a day.	也不是很多 一天五次
[01:41]	And we marry someone our parents find for us,	父母早为我们找好了结婚对象
[01:44]	arranged marriage, you know?	包办婚姻 你知道吗？
[01:46]	But, for me, it was probably that we got episodes	但对我来说就是晚看
[01:48]	of Knight Rider a little bit later.	“霹雳游侠”美剧 稍晚一点
[01:50]	And by “little bit later, “	“稍晚一点”的意思是
[01:51]	I mean, we just got episode two.	我们才看到第二集
[01:55]	But other than that, it was exactly the same.	但除此之外 完全一样
[02:31]	So, these are my real journals, honestly.	这些都是我真正的日记
[02:35]	And this is the woman who wrote them.	这是女作者
[02:37]	Poor gal.	可怜的姑娘
[02:38]	Yeah. She She has no idea that, like,	她完全不知道
[02:41]	giant titties are about to sprout	巨型乳房即将发芽
[02:43]	and change her life dramatically.	并戏剧性地 改变她的生活
[02:46]	So, uh, thank you, guys	所以 谢谢你们
[02:47]	There’s no bad crowds, dude, only bad comedians.	没有糟糕的观众 伙计 只有糟糕的喜剧演员
[02:50]	You complain about the crowd, like, all the time.	你总是抱怨观众
[02:51]	Yeah, like, that’s when they’re really bad.	就像他们 真的很糟糕
[02:53]	That’s, like, 90% of the time they’re really bad.	起码90％的时间 他们真的很糟糕
[02:55]	Look, will you just watch and give me notes tonight?	听着 你能关照我 今晚给我提示
[02:57]	All right?	好吗？
[02:58]	If we both give each other notes, I think it helps.	如果我们相互提示 绝对好
[02:59]	Your notes are just, “Add more fucks into the bit.”	你的提示只是在段子乱添“操”
[03:01]	– That doesn’t help anybody. – Hey, fuck’s a funny word.	– 对谁都没用 -“操” 是一个趣味词
[03:03]	It’s soft on the top, and it’s hard on the end.	开始软 最后硬
[03:04]	That was truly horrible.	真可怕
[03:05]	– That was so bad. – What happened?	– 太糟糕了 – 发生什么事了？
[03:06]	– Just watch. – I’ll watch, give you notes.	– 关照一下 – 我会的 还给你提示
[03:08]	– All right. Thank you. – Hey, that was great.	– 好吗 谢谢 – 嘿 太棒了
[03:09]	No, he didn’t even crack a smile.	不 他都没笑
[03:11]	– I thought I was gonna puke. – Who?	– 我以为我要吐了 – 谁？
[03:13]	Bob Dalavan.	鲍勃·达勒万
[03:15]	Who’s Bob Dalavan?	谁是鲍勃·达勒万？
[03:16]	Bob Dalavan works for the Montreal Comedy Festival,	鲍伯·达勒万 为蒙特利尔喜剧节工作
[03:19]	you fucking doof.	你个傻蛋
[03:21]	– He’s here? – Yes.	– 他在这里？ – 是的
[03:22]	Don’t you want to get noticed?	你不想被注意吗？
[03:23]	Don’t you want to move to L.A.?	你不想搬到洛杉矾去吗？
[03:24]	Hang out with Elijah Wood, and shit?	天哪 和以利亚·伍德混？
[03:27]	Nobody’s on stage?	没人上台？
[03:28]	No.	没有
[03:31]	He might’ve been doing cocaine.	他可能在制造可卡因
[03:33]	Was he doing cocaine recreationally?	制造可卡因 因为好玩？
[03:34]	True cokehead.	真瘾君子
[03:35]	– Cocaine. – I wonder if he was.	– 瘾君子 – 我怀疑他是
[03:38]	Now, before I bring out the next guy,	现在 在我猜出下一个家伙前
[03:40]	you guys know tonight is Jell-O shot Tuesday!	今晚是吉露果子冻之夜 星期二
[03:46]	And we all know what happens after eight Jell-O shots.	我们都知道八发果冻杯后会怎样
[03:48]	We urinate all over ourselves and puke.	会尿自己一身 岖吐
[03:51]	Okay, so I’m gonna bring up the next comic.	好吧 所以我要请出下一位演员
[03:53]	– Confidence. Poise. – You know this man.	– 信心 风度 – 这个人
[03:55]	Give it up for Mr. Chris Jones!	欢迎 克里斯·琼斯先生
[03:57]	Smile.	微笑
[03:58]	– Chris! – He’s like if a serial killer	– 克里斯 – 他就像操了
[04:01]	fucked an inspirational speaker.	励志演说家的连环杀手
[04:03]	He’s like Daniel Day-Lewis, except he sucks.	他就像丹尼尔·戴·刘易斯 除了他很逊
[04:06]	I’ve tried his warm-up.	我在替他热场
[04:07]	– It does not work for me. – So unsettling.	– 这对我不管用 – 令人不安
[04:09]	Just bought a laser printer.	刚买了一合激光打印机
[04:10]	Printed out, like, six lasers so far.	打印出来 到目前为止打了六个激光器
[04:13]	– Maybe. – Hey, DODD.	– 也许 – 嘿 多德
[04:15]	Uh, Dalavan’s in the crowd tonight.	达勒万 今晚挺受欢迎
[04:16]	– Can I do ten? – No, five minutes.	– 我能十分钟吗？ – 不 五分钟
[04:18]	You put out chairs, you do five minutes.	你把椅子放好 你五分钟
[04:19]	– You know the deal. – Come on, man.	– 规矩你懂 – 拜托 伙计
[04:21]	I’ll double it up next time. Come on.	我下次加倍 拜托
[04:22]	What are you gonna do in there?	你在那里打算做什么？
[04:23]	I’m making up next week’s schedule.	我正在安排下周的日程
[04:25]	Okay, cool.	好的 酷
[04:27]	I was in bed with my girlfriend,	我和女朋友在床上
[04:28]	and I was trying to mansplain to her that, you know, we	我想对她男人式说教
[04:32]	We are on one little rock orbiting one star in a galaxy	小小地球 不过是银河系一个恒星的小行星
[04:36]	of a billion stars in a universe	全宇宙充满着10亿星系
[04:39]	full of a billion galaxies.	每个星系10亿恒星
[04:42]	You know, so I forgot your birthday.	难怪我忘了你的生日
[04:44]	Who gives a shit?	谁在乎？
[04:45]	Like, you are cosmically overreacting to this.	好比 宇宙规模级的反应过度
[04:49]	Honestly, you are being super selfish.	老实说 你超级自私
[04:51]	You’re right, but you’re selfish.	你是对的 但你很自私
[04:57]	Hey.	嘿
[04:59]	Have you guys heard of this drug cocktail called cheese?	你们听说过别称“奶酪”的鸡尾酒新药吗？
[05:02]	Uh, I saw these news reports, so I looked up what cheese is,	我看了新闻报道 所以我查了这种奶酪的成分
[05:05]	and cheese is a mixture.	它是一种混合物
[05:06]	Cheese is Tylenol PM and heroin.	泰诺林外加海洛因
[05:12]	So, really, it’s heroin.	本质是海洛因
[05:15]	Heroin’s doing the heavy lifting.	海洛因勇挑重担
[05:18]	Just do the heroin. It’s very powerful.	光海洛因本身 就够强大了
[05:21]	You already have heroin.	你已经有海洛因了
[05:24]	Is Pakistan in the house?	这里有巴基斯坦人吗？
[05:28]	Really? You’re not from Pakistan.	真的？你不是巴基斯坦人
[05:31]	I would’ve noticed you.	我早注意你了
[05:34]	– Are you kidding me? – Mmm.	– 开什么玩笑？ – 嗯
[05:36]	He just gave you Montreal? Like, you don’t have to	他刚允许你去蒙特利尔？
[05:38]	showcase or audition or anything?	不需要展示 或者试镜什么的
[05:39]	No. It was too easy, almost.	不要 这太简单了 几乎
[05:41]	Like, I wanted to struggle. I wanted I wanted a story	我也想奋斗 想要故事
[05:44]	to be able to tell on talk shows,	直接上脱口秀
[05:45]	and instead, like	而不是
[05:47]	You guys don’t know how tough it is not to struggle.	你们不知道奋斗有多艰难
[05:49]	It’s It’s a struggle succeeding effortlessly.	这是一场成功的奋斗
[05:51]	– Did he say anything about me? – Sure.	– 他有说我什么吗？ – 当然
[05:56]	– What about me? – He They, both of you.	– 那我呢？ – 你们两个
[05:57]	He said, “Those guys performed.”	他说 “那些家伙演完了”
[06:01]	I truly hate you, actually.	事实上我真的恨你
[06:03]	We all hate you.	我们都恨你
[06:06]	– Hi. – Hi.	– 你好 – 嘿
[06:08]	– Hello. – Um, my name’s Kumail.	– 你好 – 嗯 我叫库米尔
[06:09]	Yeah, we know.	我们知道
[06:10]	Yeah, we saw you perform.	我们看到你表演了
[06:13]	Now that the niceties are out of the way, um,	现在不拘小节
[06:15]	I have to tell you that when you yelled at me,	我得告诉你 当你看我时
[06:18]	it really threw me off,	真的让我分心了
[06:19]	and, uh, you really shouldn’t heckle comedians.	你不应该起哄喜剧演员
[06:21]	It’s so rude.	太粗鲁了
[06:23]	I didn’t heckle you.	我没起哄你
[06:25]	I just whoo-hoo’d you. It was supportive.	我只是呼呼你 这是支持
[06:28]	Okay, that’s a common misconception.	好吧 常见的误会
[06:29]	But yelling anything at a comedian	但对着喜剧演员大喊大叫
[06:32]	is considered heckling.	就是起哄
[06:33]	Heckling doesn’t have to be negative.	起哄不一定是消极的
[06:35]	So, if I If I yelled out, like,	如果我大喊
[06:37]	“You’re amazing in bed!”	“你在床上太棒了”
[06:39]	That’d be a heckle?	那算会是起哄？
[06:41]	Yeah. It would be an accurate heckle.	是的 这绝对是起哄
[06:43]	– Cool. – Whoa.	– 酷 – 哇
[06:45]	Bye.	再见
[06:46]	– Oh. – Don’t go.	– 哦 – 别走
[06:48]	– No, you can – I’m going.	– 不 你可以 – 我要走了
[06:49]	You scared my friend off now.	你把我朋友吓跑了
[06:52]	What’s your name?	你叫什么名字？
[06:53]	Emily.	艾米丽
[06:54]	Emily. Here	艾米丽
[06:56]	I want to show you something, Emily.	我想给你看点东西 艾米丽
[07:02]	This is your name in Urdu.	这是你名字 乌尔都语
[07:06]	Oh.	哦
[07:10]	Does this move work?	这招管用吗？
[07:12]	I’ve had some minor success with it.	我已经小有成功
[07:14]	Bullshit.	废话
[07:17]	So, you just came to a comedy show	你和你朋友
[07:19]	with your friends?	－起看喜剧？
[07:20]	Yeah. We’re all grad students at the University of Chicago.	是的 我们都是芝加哥大学的研究生
[07:24]	What are you studying at grad school?	你在研究什么？
[07:25]	I study psychology. I’m going to be a therapist.	我学习心理学 我要当心理医生
[07:28]	Oh, so you’re gonna sit on a couch, and, like,	所以你要坐在沙发上 然后
[07:30]	ask people, like, “How does that make you feel?”	问别人 比如 “这让你感觉如何？”
[07:32]	I mean, eventually, yeah.	我是说最终 没错
[07:33]	Right now I’m just doing fieldwork	现在我在做现场调查
[07:35]	with this group of guys	和一伙
[07:36]	who are convicted of domestic violence.	被判家庭暴力罪的人
[07:38]	– Jesus. Oh, wow. – Cheers to that.	– 上帝 哇 – 干杯
[07:40]	No, don’t cheers to that. To you being a therapist.	不 别为那个干杯 敬你是个心理医生
[07:43]	Great. To me getting my master’s.	好极了 敬我的硕士学位
[07:46]	We’ll start there, and then we’ll go to the rest of it.	从此处开始 然后我们去其他地方
[07:53]	So, my roommate Chris is probably on the couch.	我的室友克里斯可能在沙发上
[07:55]	He’s gonna want to try and start a conversation.	他会想试着开始心理谈话
[07:57]	So, do not engage.	所以 不要答应
[08:00]	Okay.	好的
[08:00]	Let’s go.	我们上
[08:04]	– Hey, pals. – Hey.	嘿 伙计 嘿
[08:06]	Hi.	你好
[08:14]	Good for him. Good for him.	对他有好处
[08:21]	Do you want to watch a movie?	你想看电影吗？
[08:22]	– Sure. – Okay.	– 当然 – 好的
[08:26]	Should I just, like, put my stuff down or	我应该把我的东西放下 还是
[08:28]	Yeah, I would say it’s safe. You know what?	请吧 我会说挺安全的
[08:30]	That area’s Go for that area.	那个区域 放那里
[08:33]	I cleaned that earlier this year, so	我今年早些时候就清理过了
[08:36]	Should I take my shoes off or is this a shoes-on bed?	我要脱鞋吗 或者这是免脱鞋床？
[08:40]	No, it’s a shoes-off bed.	不 这是“要脱鞋”床
[08:41]	I have I have strict rules.	我有严格的规定
[08:43]	Cool. Cool.	酷
[08:45]	Oh, wow.	哦 喔
[08:46]	That is totally, uh, an inflated mattress.	充气床垫
[08:50]	Yeah. Well, did you think it was gonna be	是的 那你本来期待
[08:52]	a flat, inflatable mattress?	充气床垫？
[08:54]	I did think it might be an actual mattress,	我本认为床垫就是真的床垫
[08:56]	but you know.	但你知道
[08:58]	Well, air mattresses are actual mattresses.	气垫床垫也是真实床垫的一种
[09:00]	You’re being bigoted	你太固执了
[09:02]	– Okay. Uh-huh. – towards air-based	– 好吧 – 靠着空气
[09:03]	Uh-huh.	呃
[09:04]	– Towards air-based mattresses? – comfort items.	– 对 靠着空气底垫？ – 很舒适的物品
[09:08]	Night of the Living Dead?	活死人之夜？
[09:09]	Sure, I haven’t ever seen that movie.	好啊 我从没看过那部电影
[09:11]	Okay, so, basically, the dead start rising.	好了 既然死人都爬起来了
[09:15]	– Mmm-hmm. – And the good guys, um	– 嗯哼 – 那么活人是不是该
[09:28]	Text Lauren.	短信劳伦
[09:30]	You up, girl?	你醒了吗 女孩？
[09:32]	No, fuck, no.	不 妈的 不
[09:35]	What do you want to say to Warren?	你想对沃伦说什么？
[09:37]	She	她
[09:40]	What do you want to say to	你想说什么？
[09:41]	You up, period.	你醒醒 句号
[09:44]	Send.	发送
[09:46]	That may be beyond my abilities at the moment.	这可能超出了我的能力范围
[09:47]	Fuck. No.	妈的 不
[09:57]	What are these scars?	这些伤疤是什么？
[10:00]	Oh, they’re, uh, smallpox vaccination.	天花疫苗
[10:04]	I thought only old people had those.	我以为只有老人有
[10:06]	Well, I’m from Pakistan,	我来自巴基斯坦
[10:07]	and we’re still fighting some battles	我们还在奋斗
[10:09]	you guys have already won.	但你们已经赢了
[10:11]	What were you like in high school?	你在高中是什么样的？
[10:12]	Were you, like, super funny?	你是不是超级搞笑？
[10:14]	Were you really smart?	你真的很聪明吗？
[10:16]	Were you	你
[10:17]	I was very shy.	我很害羞
[10:19]	They called me Chashmullee.	他们叫我 “掐死牡蛎”
[10:21]	What is that?	什么意思？
[10:23]	It roughly translates to “dweeb.”	大致翻译成 “白痴”
[10:25]	I’ll show you a picture.	我给你看张照片
[10:28]	Of you in high school? Oh, my God.	你高中时？哦 天啊
[10:30]	– Boom. – No.	– 嘣 – 不
[10:32]	And I’m thinking I’m killing it right now.	我要删了它
[10:34]	– What inspired this haircut? – Hugh Grant.	– 这个发型的来源是什么？ – 休格兰特
[10:37]	– No. – Yeah.	– 不 – 是的
[10:39]	– Oh, no. – Big fan.	– 不 – 大粉丝
[10:40]	– And you’re so serious, too. – Okay.	– 你好严肃 – 好吧
[10:42]	I read an interview with Hugh Grant.	我读过一篇休格兰特的采访
[10:44]	– He said he doesn’t smile. – No. That’s not real.	– 他说他从来不笑 – 假的吧
[10:47]	‘Cause it makes his face look fat, so I didn’t	因为他笑起来很胖 所以我从不
[10:49]	I didn’t smile in pictures for many years.	我不在照片中微笑 很多年
[10:52]	What were you like in high school?	你在高中什么样？
[10:53]	Um	嗯
[10:55]	Were you, like, voted, like, most sexy?	你是否 被评为 最性感？
[10:59]	No. I was voted most noticeable.	没有 我被评为最引人注目
[11:02]	– That’s good. – No, it’s really not good.	– 很好 – 不 真的不好
[11:05]	I, uh, had acne, and I was a goth, and	我有粉刺 我曾很哥特（不快乐）
[11:09]	I had this terrible perm.	我烫发
[11:11]	Um, yeah, the kids called me Beetlejuice.	嗯 是的 孩子们叫我阴间大法师（蒂姆·伯顿1988年导演电影）
[11:15]	I don’t know why.	我不知道为什么
[11:17]	Actually, I do know why.	事实上 我知道为什么
[11:19]	It’s because they thought I looked like Beetlejuice.	因为他们认为我外形像阴间大法师
[11:21]	I think I’m done with this subject.	我得结束这个话题了
[11:23]	In fact, I think I’m gonna go home.	事实上 我想要回家了
[11:25]	Wait, wait. We haven’t even had sex again yet.	等等 我们还没有再次亲热
[11:28]	Yeah, I’m just not that kind of girl.	我不是那种女孩
[11:29]	I only have sex once on the first date.	第一次约会 我只亲热一次
[11:31]	– Wow. – Plus a hand job.	– 喔 – 外加一份手活儿
[11:33]	Okay, well, I haven’t had that, so	好吧 我还没有手活 所以
[11:35]	You don’t get that because you made fun of me.	你不明白 其实因为你取笑我
[11:37]	What is happening? What are you doing?	怎么了？你在做什么？
[11:39]	I’m changing under this blanket.	我在毯子下面换衣服
[11:41]	I’ve seen everything. Do you remember?	我什么都看过了 记得吗？
[11:42]	We were just having sex.	我们刚做完爱
[11:44]	Yeah, but we were, like, in the throes of passion then,	是啊 但我们刚才是激情的阵痛
[11:47]	and	然后
[11:49]	Listen, I had a really nice time.	听着 我过得很愉快
[11:51]	Thank you very much.	谢谢
[11:52]	I’m just gonna, like, call an Uber, go home,	我得叫优步回家
[11:56]	and I hope	我希望
[11:59]	Just	拜托
[12:02]	Your driver will be ready	你的司机只要穿上裤子
[12:04]	as soon as he puts on his pants.	就准备好出发了
[12:06]	Were you available for rides while we were fucking?	我们亲热的时候 你还在优步接单吗？
[12:09]	Yeah, but I only looked a couple times.	对哦 但我只瞄过几眼
[12:13]	So, maybe I’ll, uh, run into you at the club sometime,	所以 万一我在俱乐部撞见你
[12:16]	and we can grab a drink?	我们可以喝一杯吗？
[12:20]	Um, I’m not	嗯 我不是
[12:23]	I know this sounds like a line,	虽然听起来像排队
[12:24]	but I’m not really, like	但我真没有
[12:26]	I’m not really dating right now. I just	我现在没有真的约会
[12:29]	I’ve got a lot of school and work and	我有很多学校的 工作方面的
[12:32]	– Yeah, yeah, yeah. – Just a lot on my plate.	– 是的 – 我盘子里还有很多供选择的
[12:33]	Yeah, no, I get it. Totally.	我明白 完全
[12:36]	That’s perfect ’cause I’m not	挺完美 因为我
[12:39]	dating right now, either.	现在也在约会
[12:40]	– Okay. – Yeah.	– 是的 – 嗯
[12:42]	And I actually have a pretty strict two-day rule	我实际上有非常严格的两天规则
[12:44]	where I can’t see someone more than two days in a row.	意思是我约会最多连续两天
[12:48]	So, since we hung out for two days,	所以 既然我们傍了两天
[12:51]	even if I were to see you again,	即使我打算再次见你
[12:52]	which I won’t ’cause you’re not dating,	实际上不可能 因为你没在约会
[12:54]	I’m not dating,	我也没有
[12:56]	I wouldn’t be able to see you till Monday.	所以 得到星期一我才能见到你
[12:58]	We haven’t hung out for two days.	我们并没有傍了两天
[12:59]	We’ve hung out for about five hours.	我们才约了五小时
[13:01]	– Yeah, but – Just to be totally clear.	– 是的 但是 – 得彻底解释明白
[13:02]	Yesterday and today ’cause it’s after midnight.	昨天和今天 午夜之后日期跳动了
[13:06]	So, today is actually tomorrow,	所以 现在已经是明天了
[13:08]	earlier tonight was yesterday, so two days.	今晚早些时候是昨天 所以算两天
[13:10]	You see, I don’t date time-nerds,	你看 我不跟时间书呆子约会
[13:12]	so that really takes you off the table.	所以 你被请出了我的餐盘
[13:16]	That works out	也行
[13:17]	’cause I am a hardcore time-nerd.	因为我是个顽固的时间书呆子
[13:19]	Yeah, I can tell.	是的 我看得出来
[13:20]	I’m, like, very strict about a.m./p.m. stuff and	我很严格 关于上午/下午的东西还有
[13:25]	So, wait. So, just to establish,	等等 我们到底
[13:27]	what did we decide?	决定了什么？
[13:29]	We decided we aren’t ever gonna see each other again.	我们决定以后再也不见面了
[13:31]	Great.	好极了
[13:33]	I’m glad we’re on the same page.	很高兴我们意见一致
[13:43]	Look at my jeans, Kumi.	看我的牛仔裤 库米
[13:44]	They’re from Citizens of Humanity.	他们来自“人类公民”
[13:46]	– That’s the brand’s name. – Oh.	– 品牌的名宇 – 哦
[13:48]	They’re so soft. Touch them.	他们很软 摸摸
[13:49]	I don’t want to touch your jeans.	我不想碰你的牛仔裤
[13:50]	– Come on, touch them. – I’ll touch them.	– 快点 摸摸 – 我会摸的 爸爸
[13:51]	They’re like sweatpants, you know.	他们就像运动裤
[13:53]	You should be stylish like your father, you know.	你应该像你父亲－样时髦
[13:55]	It’s not very difficult. Just observe me.	这并不难 只要观察我
[13:56]	– Get some Daddy style. – Yeah.	– 跟爸爸学着点 – 嗯
[13:59]	Kumi, why don’t you grow a beard?	库米 你为什么不留胡子？
[14:01]	Not like Naveed’s, just a small one.	– 不用像纳维德 小一点就行
[14:03]	– Not like his. – Maybe like mine.	– 别像他的 – 是的 也许像我的
[14:04]	Small, cool, and stylish.	虽小 但酷和时尚
[14:05]	Kumi, I’ve been thinking.	库米 我一直在想
[14:06]	You know, why you don’t enroll for LSAT now?	为什么你不去报名法学院？
[14:10]	Yeah, sorry, Ma, I haven’t done it yet.	对不起 妈 我还没吃完
[14:12]	I like that you bring it up	我喜欢你提起
[14:13]	as if you’ve never brought it up before.	好像你以前从没提起过
[14:15]	How’s the stand-up coming, Bhai?	你的脱口秀怎么样了 巴依？
[14:21]	It’s going fine. Thank you.	一切都很顺利 谢谢
[14:22]	Yeah, since when are you someone to stand up?	你什么时候开始脱口秀的？
[14:24]	You know who I think should stand up is Malala.	我认为说脱口秀的应该是马莱拉
[14:26]	– She has something to say. – Malala, yeah.	– 她有话要说 – 马莱拉 对
[14:28]	– Ooh, I love Malala. – She has something to say.	– 我爱马莱拉 – 她有话要说
[14:29]	– Malala. – Yeah. I know.	– 马莱拉 – 是的 我知道
[14:31]	She does open mics, and she crushes.	她打开麦克风 观众就蜂拥而来
[14:33]	A lot of ethnic material, which I think is a crutch,	许多种族材料 我认为某种段子材料
[14:35]	and that one story gets a lot of play, but	但那个段子说的太多次了
[14:38]	You should be on that show	你应该去
[14:40]	– Saturday Night Live. – SNL.	– 星期六夜间直播 – 简称SNL
[14:41]	That’s a great idea. I should e-mail them.	真是个好主意 我应该给他们发电子邮件
[14:42]	I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of that.	不知道我为什么没想到这一点
[14:44]	You know, I hacked into your cousin	你知道码 我黑了你表哥
[14:45]	Rehan’s Facebook account.	里恩的Facebook账号
[14:47]	– You hacked into it? – Oh.	– 你偷了账号了？ – 哦
[14:48]	Yeah, they were not accepting my friends request,	是的 因为他们不接受我加好友
[14:49]	– so I had to hack into it – Okay.	– 所以我不得不侵入 – 好吧
[14:50]	and I discovered that he and that white woman	我发现他和一起生活的白种女人
[14:53]	that he’s living with are having a baby.	生了个孩子
[14:55]	– They’re married. – Yeah, whatever.	– 他们已经结婚了 – 这并不要紧
[14:57]	And then I hacked into Tumblr, and I discovered that	然后我侵人了博客 我发现
[14:59]	they have named the baby Da-vé.	他们给孩子取名为 “大夫”
[15:03]	– Can you imagine? – Dave.	– 你能想象吗？ – 是大夫
[15:05]	– Dave? – It’s probably Dave.	– 戴夫？戴夫 – 可能是戴夫
[15:07]	Oh. Oh, Dave. Dave.	哦 戴夫 戴夫
[15:08]	– Nobody’s named Da-vé. – It’s very, very, very sad.	– 没人叫大夫的 – 非常 非常 非常悲伤
[15:10]	No one is going to visit that baby, and that baby,	没有人会去看望那个孩子的 那个孩子
[15:12]	mark my words, will grow up without a family.	记住我的话 会在没有家庭的情况下成长
[15:14]	It’s like he’s dead or worse.	就像他死了或更糟
[15:16]	It is very sad. Kumi,	非常可悲的 库米
[15:19]	go and pray now, so then we can eat ice cream. Go.	现在祷告 这样我们就可以吃冰淇淋了 去吧
[15:21]	– Go. Please, go. – Yeah, Ma, I need to finish.	– 去吧 求你了 走吧 – 嗯 妈妈 我先吃完
[15:23]	Hurry up, Bhai. Ice cream.	快点 巴依 冰淇琳
[15:25]	And then we’ll eat ice cream.	然后我们吃冰淇淋
[15:26]	Stop, stop. Janamaz is downstairs. Go.	停 加纳马兹在楼下 去吧
[15:29]	Stop.	站住
[15:31]	What is this?	这是什么？
[15:58]	I don’t know, I think	我不知道 我想
[15:59]	My mother used to make best kulfi.	我妈过去做的印度冰淇淋最好吃
[16:00]	– Your grandmother. – Oh, yeah?	– 你 你奶奶？ – 是吗？
[16:02]	I think ice cream is better than kulfi.	我认为冰淇淋比印度冰淇淋好
[16:04]	No, no, no.	不
[16:05]	Oh. I wonder who that could be.	我想知道会是谁
[16:08]	– Yeah. – Let me check. I don’t know.	– 嗯 – 让我看看 我不知道
[16:11]	I’m guessing it’s a young, single Pakistani woman	我猜是个年轻的单身巴基斯坦女人
[16:13]	who just happened to be driving by our house,	碰巧开车经过我们家
[16:15]	which is on a cul-de-sac.	问题我家是死胡同
[16:16]	– Well – And I’m also guessing	– 嗯 – 我还猜
[16:17]	that the phrase “dropped in”	这句话 “顺路拜访”
[16:19]	will be said in the next ten seconds.	将在接下来的十秒内说出
[16:21]	– Ten. – Ten, nine	– 十 – 十 九
[16:23]	– eight, seven – Quiet.	– 八 七 – 安静
[16:25]	Everyone, this is Zubeida.	所有人 这是祖比达
[16:28]	– She just dropped in. – Salaam.	– 她顺路拜访 – 萨拉姆（你好）
[16:32]	– Come, please. Sit. – Mmm.	– 来吧 请坐 – 嗯
[16:36]	Oh, here, Kumail, for your files.	库米尔 你的档案
[16:39]	– Thank you. – Your X-Files because	– 谢谢 – 你的X档案 因为
[16:41]	– Thank you. – that’s your favorite show.	– 谢谢 – 那是你最喜欢的电视节目
[16:43]	Huh?	嗯？
[16:46]	Thank you so much.	非常感谢
[16:48]	“The truth is out there.”	“真相就在那里”
[16:52]	– Uh-huh. – It’s from the show.	– 嗯 – 这句是里面的台词
[16:56]	Thank you.	谢谢
[16:58]	– Thank you. Yeah. – Bye.	– 谢谢 – 再见
[16:59]	– Bye. – I hope you come back.	– 再见 – 希望再来
[17:03]	Kumi, there’s not just going to be a magic spark, okay?	库米 这样产生不了神奇火花 好吗？
[17:06]	You have to work at it. You have to stay open.	你必须努力 你得保持开放
[17:09]	– Okay, Ma. Okay. Yeah, yeah. – Okay. Good.	– 好的 妈妈 – 好吧 很好
[17:11]	I just wish you were better at it, you know?	我只是希望你能做得更好
[17:13]	I mean, you’ve had so much practice, and you’re still	我的意思是 你练习这么多 你仍然
[17:15]	– You’re not that good at it. – Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.	– 还不够擅长 – 哈 哈 哈 哈哈
[17:18]	Brought your A-game with NAVEED,	很有趣 先是纳维德
[17:19]	but with me, you’re just phoning it in a little bit.	现在又是我 你可以先通知我
[17:21]	Again with the comedy, the comedy.	又来喜剧那套 喜剧
[17:23]	All the time with the comedy. Be serious sometimes.	一切都是关于喜剧 严肃点行不行
[17:26]	I am serious. I want to help you get better.	我很严肃的 我想你表演好一点
[17:39]	So, are you ever gonna let me sit in the front seat?	你会让我坐在前排的位子吗？
[17:41]	No, I’m a professional,	不 我是职业司机
[17:42]	and you’re paying for this ride.	你要付这趟钱
[17:44]	I don’t want to pay for this ride.	我不想付这趟车的钱
[17:45]	It’s surging right now.	太颠簸了
[17:48]	Yeah. Sorry.	抱歉
[17:51]	You shouldn’t have typed in the number.	你不应该输人号码的
[17:53]	Okay, the year is 1969.	好的 1969年的
[17:57]	MGM has had a string of failures,	米高梅经历一连串的失败
[17:59]	so it turns to its most bankable star, Vincent Price.	所以成就了最卖座的明星 文森特·普莱斯
[18:04]	Is this your compatibility test?	这是你的兼容性测试吗？
[18:05]	Like the way some people are with Vonnegut or Big Lebowski?	就像有些人爱好冯内古特或了不起的勒布斯基？
[18:09]	No, just watch the movie and take it seriously	不 只是看电影 认真点
[18:11]	– because it’s very serious. – I’m gonna love it.	– 因为这很严肃 – 我会喜欢的
[18:13]	I love it when men test me on my taste.	我喜欢男人测试我的品珠
[18:15]	I just want to share this movie with you,	我只想和你分享这部电影
[18:16]	so I don’t know why you’re reading into	所以我不知道你为什么要解读
[18:18]	How many women have you showed this movie to?	多少次 这部电影你给多少女人看过？
[18:22]	Zero.	零
[18:23]	How many women have you shown a “B” horror movie to	有多少女人 在第三次约会时会看B级
[18:26]	on, like, a third date?	恐怖电影？
[18:30]	This is not a “B” horror movie.	这不是B级恐怖片
[18:33]	Okay, are you ready?	好吧 准备好了吗？
[18:34]	Just close your eyes ’cause when the menu comes on,	闭上眼睛 DVD菜单出现时
[18:37]	there’s some spoilers in the menu.	那上面有剧透
[18:39]	– Okay? – I’m ready, I’m ready.	– 好吗 – 我准备好了
[18:40]	Okay, I’ll hit play.	好吧 我按播放
[18:43]	Okay, go.	好的 来了
[18:58]	Watch.	看
[19:00]	– I’m watching. – Shh.	– 我在看着呢 – 嘘
[19:02]	Watch this part.	看这部分
[19:06]	– No. – What?	– 不 – 什么？
[19:07]	If you’re tired, we can watch it later.	如果你累了 可以晚点再看
[19:09]	Sorry. Just have that weird, like,	抱歉 奇怪现象 比如
[19:11]	yawning thing that happens	会打哈欠
[19:13]	when you’re watching a really boring film.	当你看非常无聊的电影时
[19:16]	It’s not boring. Just wait for it to kick in.	这不无聊 要沉浸
[19:19]	– The plot kicks in really soon. – Okay.	– 剧情很快就开始了 – 好吧
[19:21]	Your loss. Nine times nine.	你的损失 九乘以九
[19:27]	Nine killed you.	九杀了你
[19:29]	That was fun.	很有趣
[19:30]	Uh, thanks for the ride home, but we got to stop doing this.	谢谢你送我回家 但我们不能再这样了
[19:33]	– Yeah. – I know I’ve said that before,	– 是的 – 我以前说过
[19:35]	but I really do mean it.	但我是认真的
[19:37]	I can’t be doing this right now.	我现在不能这么做
[19:38]	I know, I know. Totally. 100 percent.	我知道 完全的 100%
[19:43]	I agree with you.	我同意你的看法
[19:44]	– So, don’t call me again. – I won’t.	– 别再给我打电话了 – 我不会的
[19:47]	I promise.	我保证
[19:48]	Good luck on all your future endeavors.	祝你今后努力好运
[19:50]	Oh, yeah, thank you.	谢谢
[19:52]	Hey, can we have an awkward hug	嘿 我们永远分开之前
[19:53]	before we part forever?	能尴尬的拥抱吗？
[19:57]	– Okay. – Okay.	– 好吧 – 好吧
[19:59]	Uh	嗯
[20:06]	– Bye. – Bye.	– 再见 – 再见
[20:21]	Uh, you just promised never to call me again, so	你答应过再也不打电话给我 所以
[20:26]	It’s really cold out here.	外面真冷
[20:29]	It’s so cold.	太冷了
[20:30]	You make a pretty good point.	你说得很有道理
[20:32]	It is a lot warmer in here.	这里暖和多了
[20:34]	It is warmer in here.	这里比较暖和
[20:36]	You know, it’s really nice upstairs.	其实楼上更不错
[20:38]	Is it?	是吗？
[20:41]	Whoa Whoa!	喔 喔
[20:44]	What are you doing? Okay.	你在做什么？好了
[20:46]	Just trying to get comfy.	让自己舒服一点
[20:49]	Oh, let me see. Who could that be?	让我看看 那是谁？
[20:56]	Oh, I wonder who that could be.	我想知道是谁
[21:06]	Uncle.	叔叔
[21:08]	Oh, let me see who is that.	让我看看是谁
[21:11]	Emily, so has Kumail told you	艾米丽 库米尔有没有告诉过你
[21:13]	that in addition to being an Uber driver,	除了做接单优步
[21:15]	he also has a one-man show?	他还有演独角戏？
[21:18]	No, he did not tell me that.	不 他没有告诉我
[21:20]	– Do you really? – Oh, it’s really nothing.	– 真的吗？ – 真的没什么
[21:22]	It’s just something I’m fiddling around with.	这只是我不务正业
[21:24]	How is a one-man show different from stand-up?	独角戏与脱口秀
[21:26]	– It’s really not. – I guess it’s because	– 有什么不同？ – 其买没有
[21:28]	there’s lots of, like, wigs and costume changes.	我想是因为有很多 假发和服装的变化
[21:31]	And there’s a lot of acting in it.	里面有很多的表演
[21:32]	Mmm. And then, like, at the end of it,	然后说到底
[21:35]	you’ve got this very awkward conversation where you go,	尴尬的总结为
[21:38]	“I really liked it.”	“我真的很喜欢”
[21:40]	But I thought you really liked it.	但我觉得你是真的喜欢
[21:42]	I really liked it.	我真的很喜欢
[21:44]	– I can’t wait to see this show. – Oh, yeah.	– 我等不及要看这个节目了 – 是的
[21:47]	Okay, you will never see the show because it’s	是的 你永远不会看到那个秀的 因为
[21:49]	– Oh, you have to see it. – You have to.	– 你必须去看看 – 你必须的
[21:50]	– It’s not ready. It’s not – You have to	– 还没准备好 这不是 – 你一定要
[21:51]	– You will love the acting. – You have to see it.	– 你会喜欢演戏的 – 你必须去看
[21:53]	They’re fucking with you. It’s not really like this.	他们在耍你 不是这样的
[21:55]	They’re fucking with me or with you?	他们在耍我还是你？
[21:57]	It’s actually very significant.	这其实很有意义。
[21:58]	It seems like they’re fucking with you.	好像他们在耍你
[22:01]	I’m 12 years old, and this	我12岁了 这里是
[22:05]	This is home.	这是家
[22:08]	Feels like I never left.	感觉就像我从未离开过
[22:11]	Do you smell that?	你闻到了吗？
[22:12]	That’s my mom cooking the murgh rogan josh.	那是我妈妈在煮咖喱番茄炖羊肉
[22:17]	– Fuck. – Do you hear that?	– 他妈的 – 你听到了吗？
[22:19]	That’s my father watching cricket on the telly.	那是我爸爸在电视上看板球
[22:23]	Do you feel that?	你感觉到了吗？
[22:25]	That’s the weight of Pakistan’s history.	这是巴基斯坦历史的重点
[22:27]	Pakistan was formed when it separated	巴基斯坦是在1947年8月14日
[22:30]	from its biggest rival, India, on August 14th, 1947.	与它最大的竞争对手印度分离后成立的
[22:34]	Six runs.	6分击球跑动
[22:36]	Silly mid on. Short mid-wicket.	外野手 短背前内野
[22:39]	Mid-wicket. Deep mid-wicket.	背前内野 深背前内野
[22:40]	Mid on. Long on. Long off. Bowler. Mid off.	右外野手 远右野手 远左野手 投球手 左外野手
[22:44]	A googly is when a	外曲线球是
[22:46]	I have to leave as soon as the show’s over.	演出一结束我就得离开
[22:47]	– I can’t stay. Okay. – Okay.	– 我不能留下 – 好的
[22:49]	So, if you get a silly mid-on fielder,	所以 如果你看到外野手
[22:51]	you know you’re getting a yorker soon.	你知道很快就会有脚前球
[22:54]	So, to review, Pakistan’s biggest exports	回顾一下 巴基斯坦最大的出口
[22:57]	– are cotton and – Concrete.	– 是棉花和 – 混凝土
[23:01]	– Kill me. – That’s right.	– 杀了我吧 – 没错
[23:02]	Eid Mubarak. That’s our Christmas.	开斋节 那是我们的圣诞节
[23:05]	Except instead of the traditional Christmas ham,	取代传统的圣诞火腿
[23:07]	we serve mithai,	我们食用米泰（印度人春节吃的甜食）
[23:08]	which my khansamah, Chris, will serve to you right now.	我的“胡萨米”克里斯 现在会为你提供服务
[23:12]	Khansamah is Urdu for “servant.”	胡萨米是乌尔都语 意为仆人
[23:15]	If you want to make it at home,	如果你想在家做
[23:16]	the main ingredients are condensed milk,	主要成份是炼乳
[23:19]	sugar, and love.	糖和爱
[23:20]	At least, that was my mom’s recipe.	起码我妈妈的食谱是这样的
[23:22]	Hey, you look like a children’s toy from Malaysia.	看起来像马来西亚的儿童玩具
[23:24]	Now would you all please rise	现在请你们起立
[23:25]	for the Pakistani national anthem?	巴基斯坦国歌？
[23:29]	Pak sarzamin shad bad	保佑神圣的土地
[23:34]	Kishwar-i hasin shad bad	物产丰富
[23:39]	Hey.	嘿
[23:40]	Hey. So, what’d you think?	嘿 你觉得怎么样？
[23:41]	– Um, I thought it was great. – Yeah?	– 嗯 我觉得很棒 – 是吗？
[23:44]	I never knew that Pakistan	我从来不知道巴基斯坦
[23:45]	had the world’s largest irrigation system.	拥有世界上最大的灌溉系统
[23:47]	Yeah, something like 14 million hectares	嗯 大约有1400万公顷的土地
[23:50]	are being irrigated.	正在灌溉
[23:51]	Like, as soon as I read that, I was like,	我说到那句的时候 我就像
[23:52]	“Oh, that’s going in the show.”	对了 那就是表演嘛
[23:54]	– Totally. – Hi, Emily.	– 正解 – 嘿 艾米丽
[23:55]	– Hey. – Hi, guys.	– 嘿 – 嘿 伙计们
[23:56]	Hey. Dude, that was You were in the zone, man.	嘿 伙计 那是 你处于巅峰状态 伙计
[23:58]	That was That was the best one we’ve seen.	那是我们见过的最好的
[24:00]	Yeah, that was so honest and good.	是的 那么的诚买和美好
[24:05]	And you know what I realized halfway through?	你知道我中途意识到什么吗？
[24:07]	– You’re from Pakistan. – Yes.	– 你是巴基斯坦人 – 没错
[24:09]	– Cool, good to see you, Emily. – Yes. Okay, bye, guys.	– 很高兴见到你 艾米丽 – 好了 再见 伙计们
[24:10]	– Great. Bye, guys. – Keep up the	– 好极了 再见 伙计们 – 保持
[24:13]	– They seemed to like it. – They’re so nice.	– 他们似乎挺喜欢 – 他们真好
[24:16]	So, really, what’d you think? Like, it’s a work in progress.	所以 你觉得呢？ 就像循序工作
[24:20]	I really liked it. I learned a lot about Pakistan	我真的很喜欢 我更了解巴基斯坦了
[24:23]	and cricket, all those positions.	还有板球知识 占位等等
[24:26]	But I just wish that I had learned more about you.	但我希望能更多地了解你
[24:29]	– Does that make any sense? – Yeah.	– 这样合理吗？ – 嗯
[24:53]	– Hey. – Oh, hi.	– 嘿 – 哦 嗨
[24:57]	It’s 3:00 a.m.	现在是凌晨3:00
[24:58]	Is that, uh, diner around the corner open?	街角的餐馆开着吗？
[25:02]	It’s 24 hours.	24小时的
[25:04]	Why, you want an old lemon meringue pie?	干嘛 你想吃老式柠檬酥皮馅饼？
[25:07]	You’re so funny.	你真有趣
[25:09]	No, actually, um, I just, I really need to, um,	不 事实上 我真的需要
[25:13]	get a cup of coffee.	去喝杯咖啡
[25:14]	I can make you coffee.	我可以给你煮咖啡
[25:17]	I love diner coffee. I just love that burnt taste.	我喜欢快餐咖啡 那种烧焦的味道
[25:21]	All right, I’ll come with you.	好吧 我跟你一起去
[25:22]	No, no, no, no, no. No, why would you do that?	不 不 不 你干嘛？
[25:24]	It’s a bad neighborhood.	这里治安不好
[25:25]	I’m not gonna let you go on your own.	我不会让你自己去的
[25:27]	– Why? ‘Cause I’m a woman? – Okay.	– 为什么？因为我是女人？ – 是的
[25:28]	Seriously, that’s the most misogynous thing	说真的 这是我听过的
[25:29]	I’ve ever heard.	最“厌女”的事
[25:30]	– Why are you being so weird? – Fuck you.	– 你为什么这么古怪 – 去你的
[25:32]	– I’m not being weird. – You’re being so weird.	– 我不是怪人 – 你现在很古怪 –
[25:33]	You’re being weird. You’re being so weird.	你太古怪了 你真是太古怪了
[25:35]	How am I weird? I want to sleep	我怎么就古怪了？ 睡觉的时候
[25:36]	– while it’s sleep time. – This is normal.	– 我想睡觉 – 这是正常的
[25:38]	Girls go to get coffee in the middle of the night.	女孩们半夜去喝咖啡
[25:40]	Have you never had a girlfriend before?	你以前没交过女朋友吗？
[25:41]	– This is what it’s like. – Are you okay?	– 就这样的 – 你没事吧？
[25:43]	Everything is not okay. Everything is not good.	一切都不是 一切都不好
[25:45]	Hey, hey, hey. You could tell me anything,	嘿 嘿 嘿 你可以告诉我任何事
[25:47]	you know that, right?	你知道的吧？
[25:48]	You could tell me anything.	你可以告诉我任何事
[25:49]	I have to take a shit, okay?	我要去大便 好吗？
[25:53]	I have to take a huge, fucking dookie.	我得造个大蛋糕
[25:56]	I can’t poo in your bathroom	我不能在你的洗手间造蛋糕
[25:58]	because you don’t have any matches,	因为你没有火柴
[26:00]	and you don’t have any air freshener.	你没有空气清新剂
[26:01]	What kind of person doesn’t have any matches	什么样的人 浴室里没有火柴
[26:02]	or air freshener in the bathroom?	也没有空气清新剂？
[26:04]	The walls are so thin, and Chris is right out there.	墙很薄 克里斯就在外面
[26:07]	Please, stop laughing. Please, please, please.	别笑了 求你了 求你了
[26:09]	Okay. I have an idea.	好吧 我有个主意
[26:22]	Hey. How are you?	嘿 你好吗？
[26:25]	I do not want to talk about it.	我不想谈这事
[26:33]	Watch and learn, Bhai.	注意学习 巴依
[26:35]	It’s all about shifting the weight and the torque.	全都是为了转移重量和扭矩
[26:38]	Oh, Christ.	天啊
[26:40]	Oh. Okay.	好的
[26:45]	Hey, you’re like a Pakistani Sammy Sosa.	嘿 你就像巴基斯坦的塞米·索萨（棒球明星）
[26:49]	There you go, honey. Yeah. That’s it.	好了 亲爱的 就是这样
[26:51]	He’s pretty good. Just do what he’s doing.	他很不错 想干啥干啥
[26:54]	Okay, great.	好吧 很好
[26:56]	Mine.	我的
[26:58]	Come on, man, just let me	来吧 伙计 让我
[26:59]	Mine. Mine, mine, mine, thank you.	我的 我的 谢谢
[27:01]	– Why do you get the Chana? – You go on that No.	– 为什么你要这样？ – 你继续 不
[27:03]	Mmm.	嗯
[27:05]	This cookie’s really good.	这饼干真好吃
[27:06]	They’re biscuits. Listen to yourself.	只是饼干 听你说些什么
[27:08]	You hardly sound Pakistani.	你听起来不像巴基斯坦人
[27:10]	“Cookies.”	饼干
[27:11]	Sound like Julia Louis-Dreyfus.	听起来像朱丽娅·路易斯·德莱弗斯（世界顶级美丽富豪女第三名）
[27:14]	Such a burger.	好一个汉堡包
[27:15]	– I’m not a burger. – Yes, you’re a burger.	– 我不是汉堡 – 是的 你是个汉堡
[27:17]	– I’m not a burger. – You’re a big, fat burger.	– 我不是汉堡 – 你是个大胖子汉堡
[27:18]	And biscuit is actually a British term.	而饼干实际上是英国术语
[27:20]	Oh, thank you for all the information	谢谢你提供的信息
[27:21]	I don’t give a shit about.	我才不在乎呢
[27:22]	And you should listen to Mom and grow a beard.	你应该听妈妈的话留胡子
[27:25]	Gets really itchy. I’ve tried.	很痒 我试过了
[27:26]	– It’s all patchy. – Oh, is it itchy?	– 零零碎碎的 – 痒吗？
[27:27]	– I know I sound like a baby. – Well, try being a man	– 我知道我像个婴儿 – 好吧 试着做男人
[27:29]	and conditioning like I do.	和我一样健身
[27:31]	What’s the whole thing with Muslims	穆斯林留长胡子到底是
[27:32]	growing beards, anyway?	怎么回事？
[27:33]	It’s such an arbitrary thing, right?	这是个武断的事情 对吧？
[27:35]	Like, who decided that, “Oh, we have to have beards.”	是谁决定的啊 我们得留胡子
[27:37]	Oh. But you’ll do So, there’s a billion of us,	但你必须的 我们有10亿人
[27:39]	and you’re the only one with the truth.	你是唯一懂真相的人
[27:41]	Is that right?	是吗？
[27:42]	So, the sun is just shining down on you right now.	所以 太阳现在正照耀着你
[27:45]	It’s just parting.	只是离别
[27:50]	You know, I have to tell you something, Bhai.	我得告诉你一件事 巴依
[27:55]	Here we go. Yeah.	说吧
[27:59]	I’ve been dating this girl.	我一直在和这个女孩约会
[28:02]	– She’s white. – Oh.	– 她是白人 – 哦
[28:03]	I thought you were gonna say	我以为你会说
[28:04]	you were involved in a hit-and-run	你肇事逃逸
[28:06]	or you got caught forging some checks,	或者你被发现伪造支票
[28:07]	but a white girl?	但白人女孩？
[28:09]	I mean, that’s such a cliché.	我是说这太老套了？
[28:11]	It’s okay, and we hate terrorists.	没关系 我们讨厌恐怖分子
[28:12]	– It’s – Just sorry.	– 只是 – 抱歉
[28:16]	Listen, I understand. You’re in America,	我明白 你是在美国
[28:18]	and you want to mow a few lawns	你想多修剪几个草坪
[28:19]	and see what it’s like, but	体验外国女人是什么感觉 但
[28:21]	Eventually, you have to marry a Pakistani girl.	最终 你还是要娶巴基斯坦女孩
[28:24]	Like	就像
[28:26]	Like, I hung out with other girls,	我傍马子
[28:28]	but then I married Fatima.	但后来 我娶了法蒂玛
[28:30]	And we hardly spoke two words to each other	头几个月 我们说话几乎
[28:32]	in the first few months, but now, Kumi,	不超过两个宇 但现在 库米
[28:34]	– she’s like my best friend. – I know.	– 她就像我最好的朋友 – 我知道
[28:36]	You have to break up with her immediately.	你必须马上和她分手
[28:39]	If I find someone who’s as good for me	如果我找到和法蒂玛
[28:42]	as Fatima is for you,	一样好的人
[28:43]	Mom would understand, right?	妈妈会理解的 对吗？
[28:45]	I mean, she wouldn’t love me less.	我是说她不会少爱我的
[28:47]	Oh, she’d definitely love you less.	她肯定更爱你
[28:49]	Slowly, it’d sort of	慢慢地 会有的
[28:52]	What’s the word when guys stop returning girl’s calls?	男人不再回女孩的电话的叫什么来着？
[28:55]	– Ghosting? – Yes.	– 鬼影？ – 是的
[28:56]	You have to end it now, or Mom will fucking ghost you.	你必须现在就结束 否则妈妈会鬼影你
[29:00]	Now, come on.	现在 来吧
[29:02]	Batting.	击球
[29:11]	I am getting, like, a lot of bright fruit.	很多鲜艳的水果
[29:13]	I’d say it’s very fruit-forward.	我想说水果向前冲
[29:15]	Mmm-hmm. It tastes like grape juice that’s gone bad.	嗯 味道像坏了的葡萄汁
[29:18]	– Like – Yeah.	– 就像 – 嗯
[29:19]	Why do you know so much about wine?	你怎么这么了解酒？
[29:21]	Um, because,	因为
[29:24]	uh	呃
[29:27]	I was pretty unhappy in my first marriage,	我第一次婚姻很不开心
[29:29]	and I drank a lot,	我喝了很多
[29:31]	and, uh, one way to cover drinking a lot is to just,	有一种方法可以避免喝很多酒
[29:34]	like, know a lot about wine.	比如了解酒类知识
[29:35]	Wait. I’m sorry. What did you just say?	等等 对不起 你刚才说什么？
[29:37]	That knowing a lot about wine covers for drinking a lot.	了解酒类知识
[29:39]	Uh, no, I mean the huge piece of information	不 我是说之前那条
[29:42]	that you’re trying to just blow right past.	你想搪塞的那条
[29:43]	Yeah. Yeah, I was married.	是的 没错 我结过婚
[29:46]	– You were married? – Um I was.	– 你结过婚？ – 嗯 结过
[29:47]	I was married.	我结过婚
[29:49]	Do you want to talk about something else or	你想谈点别的还是 ？
[29:52]	Yeah, ’cause I don’t really have any questions.	因为我没别的问题
[29:54]	– No. – Other than	– 不 – 除了
[29:55]	When did you get married? When did you get divorced?	你什么时候结婚的？ 你什么时候离婚的？
[29:57]	What’s his name? How tall is he?	他叫什么名字？他有多高？
[29:59]	Did you love him?	你爱他吗？
[30:00]	I guess I have a couple questions.	我想我有几个问题
[30:02]	Uh-huh.	嗯哼
[30:04]	Um, his name was is Ryan.	他叫 莱恩
[30:08]	We met in college.	大学里认识的
[30:10]	Everyone I knew was getting married super young,	我认识的每个人 结婚时都很年轻
[30:13]	so we did, and, um, one day I was at a restaurant,	我们也是 有天我去一家餐馆
[30:19]	and I saw this couple making out.	我看到一对夫妻在亲热
[30:23]	And I thought,	我想
[30:26]	“Huh. I don’t think about my husband like that.	“嗯 我不认为我丈夫会喜欢这样”
[30:28]	“But that’s okay.”	“但 没关系”
[30:30]	And then another part of my brain was like,	然后我大脑的另一部分就像
[30:32]	“No, that’s not okay. This is your life.”	“不 这是不好的” “这是你的生活”
[30:36]	I feel like this is freaking you out.	我觉得这吓到你了
[30:37]	– Is this freaking you out? – It’s not freaking me out.	– 吓坏你了吗？ – 没有吓到我
[30:41]	I don’t want to put pressure on you.	我不想给你施加压力
[30:44]	And I know it’s only been a few months,	我知道只过了几个月
[30:47]	but I just wanted to tell you, I	但我只是想告诉你 我
[30:50]	am overwhelmed by you.	被你淹没了
[30:55]	It’s the last thing I was expecting.	这是我曾期待的 最后一件事
[31:00]	This is also the last thing I was expecting.	这也是我曾期待的 最后一件事
[31:03]	And I also feel completely overwhelmed by you.	我也感到完全被你淹没了
[31:09]	– That’s a weird thing to say. – Why?	– 说这话 真奇怪 – 为什么？
[31:11]	I just said what you said, exactly what you said.	我只是重复你的话
[31:14]	Yeah, it wasn’t weird when I said it.	对 我说的时候并不奇怪
[31:18]	– No – It’s okay.	– 不 – 没关系
[31:29]	So, listen, my parents are going	听着 我爸妈
[31:31]	– to be in town this weekend. – Oh, that’s great.	– 这个周末要进城 – 大好了
[31:34]	Will you maybe want to come and meet them for lunch?	你是否愿意来和他们一起吃午饭？
[31:38]	Oh, we can’t ’cause of the two-day rule, right?	我们不能 因为两天的规矩 对吧？
[31:41]	Well, you’ll come to Mary’s party Friday night, right?	星期五晚上你来参加玛丽的派对吗？
[31:43]	And then we’ll probably spend the night,	然后我们可能会过夜
[31:45]	so I won’t be able to see you till Monday, so	不然我星期一才能看到你 所以
[31:48]	Okay. Well, I would love to meet your parents.	是的 我很想见见你的父母
[31:52]	They live in the city, right?	他们住在城里 对吗？
[31:53]	Well, they live in the suburbs,	他们住在郊区
[31:57]	and, uh, you know,	所以 呃 你知道
[31:59]	I don’t really see them very much.	我真的不常见他们
[32:00]	Have they asked about me?	他们问起我了吗？
[32:02]	– What do they think? – Oh, um	– 他们怎么想？- 哦 嗯
[32:03]	Do they Do they want to meet me?	他们 他们想见我吗？
[32:05]	My parents want to meet you.	我父母想见你
[32:06]	Of course, of course. They’re dying to meet you.	当然了 他们很想见你
[32:08]	– Ow. Oh, my God. – Whoa, you okay?	– 上帝 – 你没事吧？
[32:11]	– Yep. – What happened?	– 没事 – 发生什么事了？
[32:13]	– Do you – Totally fine.	– 你 – 完全没事
[32:14]	Do you need	你需要
[32:15]	No, I think I just tweaked my ankle.	不 我只是扭伤脚踝
[32:17]	assistance?	援助？
[32:17]	I took this stupid hip-hop dance class last weekend.	上周末我参加嘻哈舞蹈课
[32:21]	You should get it looked at. Do you want ice?	你应该去看看 你要冰块吗？
[32:23]	– I don’t need anything. – I can get you a bag of ice.	– 我什么都不需要 – 我去拿袋冰块
[32:24]	Look, I’m walking on it. I’m totally fine.	我可以走 我没事
[32:26]	– I can carry you. – Kumail, seriously, stop.	– 我可以带你去 – 库米尔 说真的 别说了
[32:27]	I can carry you the rest of the day.	今天还有时间
[32:28]	Stop.	不许再说
[32:33]	Hey, I liked your friends.	嘿 我喜欢你的朋友
[32:36]	That Craig guy?	那个叫克雷格的家伙？
[32:38]	Or was it Greg?	还是格雷格？
[32:39]	You know, I can never tell with those names.	我永远分不清这些名字
[32:43]	I’m glad I like him ’cause I don’t want have to, like,	我很高兴我喜欢他 因为我不想
[32:45]	come up with excuses to avoid him, you know?	找借口避开他 你知道妈？
[32:47]	Like Like, “Oh, no. I have kite-surfing tonight.”	比如 “不 我今晚要冲浪”
[32:51]	You know, in the UK, Craig is pronounced Crayg,	英国人念克雷格的发音为 “魁哥”
[32:55]	which is good ’cause that’s how it’s written, right?	这挺好 因为念法就是写法 对吧？
[32:58]	Anyway, he’s a great guy.	总之 他是个好人
[33:03]	I was gonna tell you about that.	我正要告诉你那事
[33:06]	Are you judging Pakistan’s Next Top Model or something?	你是在选巴基斯坦下一任顶尖模特？
[33:09]	– No. – Seriously.	– 不 – 说真的
[33:12]	– Who are these women? – Okay, um	– 这些女人是谁？- 好吧
[33:14]	You know how we have arranged marriage in my culture?	你知道巴基斯坦的传统婚姻吗？
[33:18]	These are those women.	这些女人都是
[33:20]	These are women in Pakistan who want to marry you?	这些巴基斯坦的妇女 想嫁给你？
[33:23]	They’re not in Pakistan.	她们不在巴基斯坦
[33:25]	You’ve met these women?	你见过这些女人？
[33:26]	Just with my parents and stuff, but we haven’t, like	是我父母搞的事 但我们没有
[33:29]	But you’re not serious about this, are you?	但你不是认真的吧？
[33:31]	It’s my mom’s thing. I just go along with it.	我妈妈的事 我只是顺其便
[33:35]	So, what does your mom think about you and me then?	那么 你妈怎么看待你和我？
[33:41]	She doesn’t know about me, does she?	她根本不知道我 是吗？
[33:45]	No.	对
[33:54]	– Emily, just – Fuck!	– 艾米丽 只是 – 操
[33:56]	Five fucking months of red flags.	他妈的五个月禁闭
[33:58]	Oh, my God, I’m so stupid.	天啊 我真笨
[34:01]	You ducking my parents.	你躲着我的父母
[34:02]	Oh, my God, the two-day rule.	天哪 两天的规矩
[34:05]	No, that had nothing to do with it.	不 和这事无关
[34:06]	Seriously. Red flag after red flag.	说真的 禁闭复禁闭
[34:09]	You’re such a liar. You lied to me.	你真是个骗子 你骗我
[34:12]	You lied to your parents.	你对你父母撒谎了
[34:14]	And those are just the people you like.	还有你喜欢的人
[34:16]	Is there someone that you’re not lying to?	有没有你不骗的人？
[34:18]	I’d love to meet them because then I could tell them	我很想见见他们 因为我可以告诉他们
[34:20]	– what a fucking liar you are! – You know what?	– 你是个该死的骗子 – 你知道吗？
[34:22]	You didn’t tell me about your divorce until recently.	你直到最近才告诉我你离婚的事
[34:24]	So, you were hiding fucking something, too.	你也在隐瞒什么
[34:26]	My divorce does not mean that our future is impossible.	我的离婚 并不意味我们未来不可能
[34:30]	It actually means the direct opposite.	实际上正好相反
[34:32]	I’m not hiding anything from you. Okay?	我没有隐瞒你 好吧？
[34:34]	I’m an open fucking book.	我是一本公开的书
[34:36]	You want to know what’s in my cigar box?	你想知道我的雪茄盒里有什么吗？
[34:39]	Stickers.	贴纸
[34:40]	Stickers and stamps.	贴纸和邮票
[34:41]	Aren’t you a therapist? Aren’t you supposed to be good	你不是心理医生吗？你不该很善于
[34:43]	– at handling this kind of – Where are my fucking shoes?	– 处理这类 – 我的鞋在哪里？
[34:46]	Aren’t you supposed to be, like, able to deal with this	你不是善于处理
[34:48]	better than you are right now?	这些问题吗？
[34:50]	I am expressing myself!	我在表达自己
[34:55]	You know what we call arranged marriage in Pakistan, Emily?	你知道我们怎么称呼巴基斯坦包办婚姻 艾米丽？
[34:58]	Marriage. Okay? We just call it marriage.	婚姻 是的？我们称之为婚姻
[35:01]	There’s another type of marriage.	还有另一种婚姻
[35:02]	It’s called love marriage, and that’s bad.	叫做爱情婚姻 这很糟糕
[35:04]	My cousin Rehan married an Irish woman,	我的表兄里恩娶了爱尔兰女人
[35:05]	and he was kicked out of the family.	他被赶出了家门
[35:07]	Nobody is allowed to talk to him.	不许任何人和他说话
[35:10]	Why didn’t you tell me any of this?	你为什么不告诉我？
[35:11]	Because I didn’t think you’d fucking understand,	因为我不认为你会理解
[35:13]	and I was fucking right.	我他妈的是对的
[35:15]	You don’t think that I could	你认为我不能看透
[35:16]	fathom your life in any fucking way?	你的生活 他妈的怎么了？
[35:17]	Oh, you think you could understand me?	你觉得你能听懂我的话吗？
[35:18]	I’m fighting a 1,400-year-old culture.	我在和1400年的古老文化抗争
[35:20]	You were ugly in high school.	你高中的时候很丑
[35:22]	There’s a big fucking difference.	有很大的区别
[35:26]	I’m sorry.	对不起
[35:31]	I can’t lose my family.	我不能失去我的家人
[35:38]	Can you imagine a world in w	你能想象那个世界
[35:42]	In which we end up together?	我们最终会在一起那个？
[35:48]	I don’t know.	我不知道
[35:55]	I have to go.	我得走了
[35:57]	Don’t fucking call me.	别他妈的给我打电话
[36:03]	Multigrain, pumpernickel,	杂粮 黑麦
[36:06]	pita bread, hot dog bun, croutons.	皮塔饼 热狗面包 面包
[36:11]	I can’t eat any of it.	我一个都不能吃
[36:14]	I don’t want kids.	我不想要孩子
[36:16]	People say, “Sam, you’re gonna love it.	人们说 “萨姆 你－定会喜欢的”
[36:19]	“This kid You’re gonna have a kid,	“这孩子 你会有一个孩子”
[36:20]	“he’s gonna be your best friend.”	“他将是你最好的朋友”
[36:22]	A best friend that	这个最好的朋友
[36:24]	that pukes on you and shits everywhere	吐满你全身 到处拉屎
[36:26]	and is constantly screaming.	一直在尖叫
[36:27]	I already have friends like that.	我已经有这样的朋友了
[36:29]	People say, “Sam “	人们说 “萨姆”
[36:31]	I know you’re bummed, all right, but, like	我知道你很失望 好吧 但是 就像
[36:33]	Emily’s a good person. I’m not saying she’s not.	艾米丽是个好人 我没说她不是
[36:35]	All I’m saying is, this is the universe	我想说的是 宇宙
[36:37]	telling you, “Seize your moment.	告诉你 “抓住你的时刻”
[36:39]	“Be a little selfish and pursue your career.”	“自私地追求你的事业
[36:41]	Bob Dalavan’s gonna be here on Thursday.	鲍勃·达勒万 星期四会来
[36:43]	If you get the Montreal Comedy Festival,	如果你能进入蒙特利尔喜剧节
[36:44]	it would change things for you.	会改变你的－切
[36:46]	You don’t want to get stuck in Chicago, right?	你不想被困在芝加哥吧？
[36:48]	You don’t want to end up like Sam Highsmith,	你不想像萨姆·海史密斯那样结束
[36:50]	who’s been doing the “People say Sam” bit	他一直重复 “人们口中的萨姆” 的段子
[36:52]	since ’03.	自打2003年
[36:53]	I don’t like kids.	我不喜欢孩子
[36:55]	– People say, “Sam ” – See?	– 人们说 “萨姆 ” – 懂？
[36:56]	– Is that what you want? – It’s like	– 这就是你想要的吗？- 就像
[36:58]	Is that what you want for your life?	这就是你想要的生活？
[36:59]	It’s amazing. And it’s the same material.	太神奇了 同一个段子
[37:01]	– What do people say? – Sam.	– 人们怎么说？- 萨姆
[37:03]	– People say what? – Sam.	– 人们怎么说？- 萨姆
[37:04]	I’m Sam Highsmith. Thank you very much.	我是萨姆·海史密斯 谢谢
[37:06]	You know what, I’m gonna tell him	你知道吗 我会告诉他的
[37:08]	– He’s a hack. – how I feel about it.	– 他是个黑客 – 我对他的感受
[37:09]	– Fucking tell him. – Never writes anything new.	– 他妈的告诉他 – 不要写任何新的东西
[37:10]	– I’m gonna tell him – It’s fucking bullshit.	– 我要告诉他 – 这是狗屁
[37:12]	– Great set, dude. – I’m feeling it, bro.	– 太棒了 伙计 – 我感觉到了 震撼
[37:13]	– Killing me, man. – Crushing. Love the new stuff.	– 杀了我 伙计 – 喜欢新的东西
[37:17]	We should be ashamed of ourselves.	我们应该为自己感到羞耻
[37:18]	We’re weak. We’re weak.	我们很弱
[37:19]	I wouldn’t call it an obsession,	我不会称之为 “心理暗示”
[37:21]	but I’m pretty good at magic.	但我很擅长魔术
[37:23]	Yeah.	对
[37:25]	Can you make his belly disappear?	你能让他的肚子消失吗？
[37:27]	– Oh. – Come on.	– 哦 – 拜托
[37:29]	I’m too happy with my belly.	我对我的肚子太满意了
[37:30]	Does anyone have a dollar?	有人有一美元吗？
[37:32]	– I will give you something. – Okay.	– 我给你 – 好的
[37:34]	Twenty? Big spender.	20块？大款
[37:37]	All right. Andrew Jackson.	好吧 安德鲁·杰克逊
[37:39]	Don’t you think he would look cool	你认为他
[37:41]	with a pair of sunglasses?	戴墨镜酷吗？
[37:43]	Yeah, I really	嗯 我真的
[37:47]	– Okay. Mmm. – Okay.	– 好吧 嗯 – 好的
[37:51]	– Oh, he’s Okay. – Right?	– 好极了 – 是吗？
[37:52]	– Okay, stylish. – Yes. Mmm-hmm.	– 好吧 时尚 – 是的 嗯
[37:55]	Okay.	好的
[37:56]	And now we sprinkle the magic dust on.	现在 我们洒上魔尘
[37:58]	Just a little bit.	就－点点
[37:59]	Yeah, you can’t do it without the magic dust. Yeah.	你不能缺少魔尘的
[38:01]	No, yeah, I need it. All right.	必须要 没有魔尘不行 好吧
[38:04]	– Abracadabra. – Okay.	– 咒语 – 好的
[38:07]	– Watching carefully. – Mmm-hmm.	– 仔细看 – 嗯
[38:13]	That is amazing.	太棒了
[38:14]	And he does look better with glasses.	他戴眼镜确实好看些
[38:16]	– Right? – He does.	– 对吗？ – 是的
[38:18]	How did you do that?	你是怎么做到的？
[38:18]	Oh, no, a magician never reveals her tricks.	魔术师从不透露秘密
[38:21]	Here’s your 20 back, Mr. Nanjiani.	这是你的20块 南贾尼先生
[38:23]	Do you think I can use this $20 bill now to buy something?	这张20美元还能买东西吗？
[38:26]	It look better now, right?	现在看起来好多了 对吧？
[38:32]	I was watching this monster movie with my friend.	我和我朋友在看怪兽电影
[38:34]	And he turned to me, and he was like,	他转向我 他就像
[38:36]	“What would you do in that situation?”	“这种情况下 你会做什么？”
[38:39]	I’m never gonna be one of the last guys alive.	我绝不会成为最后一个活着的人
[38:42]	I’m gonna be the first guy to die.	我会是第一个死的人
[38:44]	I die so the other characters get to find out	我死了 所以其他的角色才能
[38:47]	that something weird’s going on.	继续挖掘奇怪的事情
[38:49]	I go off alone to find the cat.	于是 我独自去找那只猫
[38:53]	I never even find out that there were monsters.	我都没发现有怪兽
[38:57]	To me, the plot of the movie was we’re at a research facility	对我来说 电影的情节就是我们在研究机构内
[39:00]	and the cat’s missing!	那只猫不见了
[39:02]	The end.	剧终
[39:03]	Denise, this	丹尼斯 这个
[39:07]	is your name in Urdu.	你名字的乌尔都语
[39:09]	Wow, that is so cool.	哇 太酷了
[39:12]	– Kumail? – Hey.	– 库米尔？ – 嘿
[39:14]	– Hey, Bob Dalavan. – Yeah. I know you.	– 嘿 鲍勃·达勒万 – 我认识你
[39:17]	Some very interesting premises in your set tonight.	你今晚的表演非常有趣
[39:21]	– Oh, thanks. – Yeah.	– 谢谢 – 是的
[39:23]	I just wanted you to know. I’m about to take off.	我只是想让你知道
[39:24]	But you made it to the finals for the Montreal showcase.	我要走了 但你晋级决赛了 去蒙特利尔
[39:27]	Oh, my God. Thank you.	天哪 谢谢
[39:29]	– You, too, Mary. – Oh!	– 你也是 玛丽 – 哦
[39:30]	– Okay. – Okay.	– 好的 – 好的
[39:32]	So we’ll see you guys up there.	我们那里见
[39:34]	– Yeah. – We’ll be in touch.	– 嗯 – 保持联系
[39:35]	– Well, what about C-Dog? – Who’s that?	– 那么 C狗呢？ – 那是谁？
[39:39]	Uh, me. What about me?	我 那我呢？
[39:40]	Oh, you know what?	你知道吗？
[39:42]	Funny stuff, okay?	你挺有趣 好吧？
[39:49]	I’ll walk you out.	我送你出去
[39:52]	Hey, do you want to go somewhere?	嘿 你想去什么地方吗？
[39:56]	Yeah, let’s go somewhere.	是的 我们去别的地方吧
[40:16]	Hello?	你好？
[40:17]	Kumail, it’s Jessie.	库米尔 我是杰西
[40:20]	Hey. Who?	嘿 谁？
[40:22]	Jessie. I’m in school with Emily.	杰西 我和艾米丽同校
[40:24]	Listen, Emily’s in the hospital.	听着 艾米丽在医院
[40:25]	She has a really bad flu or something.	她的感冒很严重
[40:27]	What?	什么？
[40:28]	Could you just go, please?	请你来一趟 好吗？
[40:30]	We need someone there. We have exams tomorrow,	我们需要有人陪她 我们明天要考试
[40:32]	so nobody else can go.	所以没人能陪她
[40:34]	She’s still in the ER.	她还在急诊室
[40:35]	Could you just go and sit with her,	你能不能去和她坐在－起
[40:37]	and then drive her home, please?	然后开车送她回家 好吗？
[40:38]	I was there for as long as I could,	我在那里待了很久
[40:39]	but I had to leave.	但我必须离开
[40:54]	Hi. I’m looking for Emily Gardner.	你好 我找艾米丽·加德纳
[40:58]	Um Emily Gardner. She was checked in	嗯 艾米丽·加德纳 她登记过
[41:30]	Hey.	嘿
[41:34]	What are you doing here?	你来干什么？
[41:35]	Um, Jessie called me	杰西打电话给我
[41:36]	and wanted me to make sure you were okay.	想让我确定你没事
[41:43]	– So how are you doing? – Fine.	– 你怎么样？- 好的很
[41:45]	I’m totally fine. Never been better.	我完全没事 好的不要不要的
[41:46]	A 1,000% fine.	1000％的好
[41:48]	Just, like, fainted a little at work.	只是有点晕倒在工作上
[41:51]	I didn’t have breakfast this morning.	今天早上没吃早饭
[41:54]	Breakfast, the most important meal of the day.	早餐 是每天最重要的一餐
[41:56]	You know that.	你知道的
[41:59]	Ms. Gardner, your room will be ready soon, okay?	加德纳小姐 你的房间很快就会好的 好吧？
[42:01]	Oh, no, no, actually, I would just love to go home	不 事实上 我真想回家
[42:04]	and sleep in my own bed.	睡自己的床
[42:05]	Sir, can you step outside for a moment, please?	先生 请你出去一会好吗？
[42:08]	If you want to stay, you have to go to the security desk	如果你想留下 你必须去保安处
[42:10]	and get a pass.	拿通行证
[42:11]	All right. Where is the security desk?	好吧 保安处在哪里？
[42:13]	It’s downstairs,	在楼下
[42:15]	exactly where you walked in at the security desk.	的保安处那里
[42:18]	The security desk is at the security desk. Got it.	保安处在保安处 明白了
[42:23]	Can I get you something?	我能给你拿点什么吗？
[42:24]	Water? Juice? Coffee?	水？ 果汁？ 咖啡？
[42:30]	May I speak with you for a second?	我能和你说几句话吗？
[42:34]	I’ll be right back.	我马上回来
[42:37]	There’s a massive infection in her lungs,	她的肺部感染严重
[42:39]	and all her vitals are elevated.	她所有的生命体征指标升高
[42:41]	Does she have HIV?	她有艾滋病吗？
[42:43]	What? No. I mean, she	什么？不 我的意思是 她
[42:45]	– Are you her husband? – No.	– 你是她丈夫吗？- 不
[42:47]	Oh, we need to intubate her immediately.	我们得马上给她插管
[42:49]	I need a family member to sign this.	我需要家属签字
[42:50]	So I’m gonna ask you again, are you her husband?	所以 我再问你一遍 你是她丈夫吗？
[42:53]	What does, uh, “intubate” mean?	“插管” 是什么意思？
[42:54]	We have to put her on a respirator, and to do that,	我们必须给她安装呼吸机 所以
[42:56]	we need to put her in a medically-induced coma.	我们得制造医学昏迷
[43:00]	– Coma? – Yes.	– 昏迷？ – 是的
[43:01]	To stabilize her so we can work on the infection.	让她稳定下来 以便处理感染
[43:04]	And it needs to happen right now.	现在就得做
[43:06]	So, I’m gonna ask you one last time,	那么 我最后再问你一次
[43:09]	are you her husband?	你是她丈夫吗？
[43:18]	What’s going on?	这是怎么回事？
[43:20]	– What’s going on? – You’re gonna be okay.	– 这是怎么回事？- 你会没事的
[43:22]	– Just relax and – Where are you taking me?	– 放松 – 你要带我去哪里？
[43:36]	You should call her family.	你应该打电话给她的家人
[44:02]	Sorry.	抱歉
[44:22]	Hey, Mrs. Gardner, um,	嘿 加德纳太太
[44:24]	this is Kumail, Emily’s friend.	我是库米尔 艾米丽的朋友
[44:26]	Uh, sorry to call you so late.	抱歉这么晚打电话给你
[44:28]	Um, Emily’s Emily’s fine.	艾米丽 艾米丽很好
[44:30]	Just want to get that taken care of. She’s fine.	只是需要照顾 她很好
[44:32]	Um, she is at City View Hospital in Chicago	她在芝加哥市医院
[44:36]	in a medically-induced coma,	医学昏迷
[44:37]	but the doctors say that all	但医生说
[44:41]	Yes, I did say “coma.”	是的 我说了 “昏迷”
[45:31]	Hey. I’m Kumail.	嘿 我是库米尔
[45:37]	We know who you are, Kumail.	我们知道你 库米尔
[45:38]	Mr. and Mrs. Gardner,	加德纳先生和太太
[45:40]	the doctors would like to see you now.	医生们现在想见你
[45:43]	I’ll be right back.	我马上回来
[45:55]	Uh, listen, the doctor will be here any minute.	听着 医生马上就到
[45:57]	She’s just running a little late.	她只是有点晚了
[46:00]	Don’t read anything into this being the bereavement room.	不要阅读丧亲室里任何文宇
[46:03]	It’s the only room we had available.	因为我们唯一只剩这间房了
[46:05]	– Okay. Thank you. Okay. – Okay.	– 好的 谢谢 – 好吧
[46:18]	– Terry, Terry, I I – It’s	– 泰利 泰利 我我 – 这
[46:20]	– It’s driving me insane. – Yes, I know, I know,	– 这让我发疯了 – 我知道
[46:22]	but it makes me feel better.	但这让我感觉好多了
[46:25]	I just	我只是
[46:27]	Hello. No. Please sit. Please sit.	你好 不 请坐
[46:30]	I’m Dr. Cunningham, Emily’s attending.	我是坎宁安医生 艾米丽的主治医生
[46:33]	I’ll be coordinating all the doctors	我会协调所有的医生
[46:35]	and orchestrating her treatment strategy.	精心策划她的治疗方案
[46:37]	All the doctors? How many are there?	所有的医生？有多少人？
[46:39]	– Five. – Five?	– 五个 – 五个？
[46:40]	Why so many? I mean, is that is that normal?	这么多？这正常吗？
[46:42]	Yes. It’s standard for patients in the ICU.	是的 这是ICU病人的标准
[46:45]	We come at it from many angles, we confer	我们从许多角度来看 我们协商
[46:47]	After assessing her,	我们在评估她
[46:47]	we immediately initiated orotracheal intubation.	我们立即安排呼吸插管
[46:50]	Thankfully, it hasn’t affected her heart at this point.	谢天谢地 目前没有影响心脏
[46:52]	We don’t know the exact nature of the infection yet,	我们不知道感染的确切性质
[46:54]	but we got her on a broad spectrum of antibiotics.	但我们注射了广谱抗生素
[46:56]	battling critical infection	右肺在对抗严重感染
[46:57]	centering around the costodiaphragmatic recess.	以肋隔隐窝为中心
[46:59]	Our theory is methicillin-resistant	我们的理论是耐甲氧西林
[47:01]	staphylococcus aureus.	对抗金色葡萄球菌
[47:02]	Staphyl Hold on. That’s a “P”?	“葡萄菌 ” 等等 是 “球菌” 吗？
[47:03]	Yeah.	是的
[47:04]	That’s an “F” or a “P-H”?	是 “球菌” 还是 “杆菌”
[47:05]	P-H. No. It’s staphylococcus	“杆菌” 不 是金色葡萄球菌
[47:17]	That was very reassuring, wasn’t it?	真让我安心 不是吗？
[47:22]	Apparently, there are good and bad comas,	显然昏迷 有好的和坏的
[47:25]	and the kind that they put her in,	她的那种
[47:28]	the medically-induced coma, are definitely, like,	医学昏迷 肯定是
[47:30]	the good kind of coma.	好的那种昏迷
[47:37]	Like You know how there are good and bad carbs?	你知道 碳水化台物也分好坏？
[47:46]	Gremlins. Those can be good or bad.	小精灵 可以分好坏
[47:48]	Listen, Kumail Uh	听着 库米尔
[47:51]	We’re gonna handle things from here, okay?	我们来处理 好吗？
[47:54]	You’ve been very helpful.	你帮了大忙了
[47:56]	Thank you for For signing the thing, and	谢谢 签字 还有
[47:59]	Yeah, my pleasure.	嗯 我很乐意
[48:00]	But, uh, you can go now.	但是 嗯 你现在可以走了
[48:03]	– Okay. Um – All right?	– 是的 嗯 – 好吗
[48:05]	All right.	好吧
[48:09]	Peace in the Mideast.	中东和平
[48:17]	What about this?	这个呢？
[48:18]	I saw a sniffer dog at the airport.	我看见一只嗅探犬在机场
[48:20]	He had a boner.	他有个错误
[48:21]	Does that mean drugs or bombs?	那是指毒品还是炸弹？
[48:24]	That’s good. What if	很好 如果
[48:25]	What if instead of it being at the airport,	不用机场
[48:27]	you quit comedy and never do comedy ever again?	而是你退出喜剧 永远不再从事喜剧？
[48:30]	Yeah.	是的
[48:31]	Fuck you! It’s a good bit.	操 这是个很好的段子
[48:32]	That’s a funny bit.	为了公众考虑
[48:33]	Just for the sake of the public that they wouldn’t have	他们不会再
[48:35]	to look at your face or hear your words. That’s	看你的脸或听到你的话 那是
[48:37]	Hey, it’s okay that I’m not there, right?	我不去也没关系吧？
[48:40]	Like I don’t need to be there, right?	貌似我并不需要去那里 对吗？
[48:43]	What’s up? What happened?	怎么了？发生了什么事？
[48:45]	He put his girlfriend in a coma.	他让他的女朋友昏迷不醒
[48:46]	– Yeah. – Yeah.	– 是的 – 是的
[48:48]	– You know, the way you do. – She’s not my girlfriend.	– 你知道 你的方式 – 她不是我女朋友
[48:50]	He didn’t, but he signed	不是他女友 但他签字了
[48:51]	a paper that allowed doctors to put	允许医生把
[48:54]	He suggested it.	他只是建议
[48:55]	She’s gonna be fine.	她会没事的
[48:56]	She’s gonna be fine. They said she’s gonna be fine, so	她会没事的 他们说会好的
[48:58]	They’re gonna be fine. Doctors know medical stuff.	他们会没事的 医疗的事医生懂
[49:01]	Mmm-hmm.	嗯
[49:02]	That’s what doctors do. They’re good at medical stuff.	医生的天职 他们很擅长医学
[49:03]	This is a medically-induced coma.	这是医学昏迷
[49:05]	This is their specialty.	他们的专长
[49:07]	Maybe.	也许
[49:08]	You know, it might be a good thing.	这可能是一件好事
[49:09]	Like, she might wake up with a new skill.	她醒来时 可能学会新的技能
[49:11]	Like, my cousin, uh, blacked out once, and then,	就像我的表弟 曾经死过去
[49:13]	when he came to, he thought he knew a different language.	他醒来后 学会了另一种语言
[49:16]	– Did he? – No. Apparently, it was	– 是吗？ – 没有 显然 这是
[49:17]	It was just gibberish that he made up.	他的胡言乱语
[49:19]	It was brain damage.	是脑损伤
[49:24]	I got another Taco Bell one.	我又想到了墨西哥塔可钟的段子
[49:42]	Did you forget somethin’?	你忘了什么吗？
[49:44]	– Is she up yet? – No, she’s not.	– 她醒了吗？ – 不 她没有
[49:46]	And, uh, they won’t tell us anything.	他们不会告诉我们任何事
[49:49]	We’ve been here all morning.	我们整个上午都在这里
[49:52]	I know you guys said that you don’t need me to stay,	我知道你们说不需要我留下来
[49:54]	but I think I’m just gonna wait anyway.	但我想等等
[49:56]	You guys broke up.	你们分手了
[49:58]	I’m not sure why you’re here.	我不知道你为什么在这里
[50:03]	You don’t have to worry	你不用担心
[50:05]	about being committed to anything, Kumail.	任何承诺 库米尔
[50:07]	You didn’t want to when she was awake.	她醒着的时候 你没有承诺
[50:08]	There’s no need to do it when she’s unconscious.	没必要在她昏迷的时候做
[50:11]	It’s more complicated than that.	情况比较复杂
[50:13]	Is it? ‘Cause I know about the two-day rule.	是吗？ 因为我知道两天的规矩
[50:16]	I know about the head shots and the secrets.	我知道照片盒的秘密
[50:19]	She tells us everything.	她告诉我们一切
[50:20]	You really don’t have to stay, Kumail.	你真的不必留下 库米尔
[50:23]	You have already done a lot.	你已经做了很多
[50:28]	I’m just gonna stay for a second.	我只想呆一会儿
[50:32]	Is this seat Okay.	这个位子 好的
[50:51]	Is Is that lady still looking at me?	那位女士还在看着我吗？
[50:59]	Oh. Hey.	哦 嘿
[51:06]	Mr. Cuevas, please see Dr. Toscado.	奎瓦斯先生 请到托斯卡多医生处
[51:09]	Mr. Cuevas, please see Dr. Toscado.	奎瓦斯先生 请到托斯卡多医生处
[51:12]	Yeah.	嘿
[51:13]	Yeah, come on. There’s no reason, uh	来吧 没有理由
[51:16]	Should eat there by yourself, right, hon?	你一个人吃饭 对吧 亲爱的？
[51:19]	It’s a free country.	这是自由国家
[51:26]	How’s your sandwich?	你的三明治怎么样？
[51:28]	Best fuckin’ sandwich I ever had.	我吃过最棒的三明治
[51:33]	Mine’s good.	我的很好
[51:35]	Tuna’s always a gamble, but,	吃金枪鱼总像赌博 但是
[51:38]	you know, we’re not by the water.	你知道 我没在水边
[51:40]	Well, we are by the water. But it’s a lake.	好吧 我们是在水边 但这里是湖泊
[51:43]	There’s no tuna in the lake.	湖里没有金枪鱼
[51:47]	Whatever. I I threw the dice.	无论如何 我掷骰子了
[51:51]	I got the sevens, I guess.	我得到了七 我猜
[51:54]	Whatever Whatever the good dice number is.	再好的骰子号码都无所谓
[51:56]	So, uh	所以
[51:59]	9/11.	911事件
[52:03]	No, I mean	不 我是说
[52:05]	I’ve always wanted to have a conversation with	我一直想谈谈
[52:08]	About it.	这个话题
[52:09]	With people.	与别人
[52:14]	You’ve never talked to people about 9/11?	你从没和人谈过911事件？
[52:16]	No, what’s your What’s your stance?	没有 你的 你的立场是什么？
[52:20]	What’s my stance on 9/11?	我的911立场是什么？
[52:23]	Oh, um	呃
[52:26]	Anti.	反对者
[52:28]	It was a tragedy.	这是个悲剧
[52:30]	I mean, we lost 19 of our best guys.	我的意思是我们失去了19个最好的人（指的是死掉19个劫机歹徒）
[52:33]	Huh?	嗯？
[52:36]	That was a joke. Obviously.	那是个玩笑 显然
[52:39]	9/11 was a terrible tragedy,	911是个可怕的悲剧
[52:41]	and it’s not funny to joke about it.	开玩笑 不好笑的
[52:44]	Mr. and Mrs. Gardner,	加德纳先生和太太
[52:46]	please report to the ICU.	请到ICU报到
[52:49]	Mr. and Mrs. Gardner	加德纳先生和太太
[52:50]	– All right. Come on. – To the ICU. Thank you.	– 好吧 快走 – 请到ICU 谢谢
[52:52]	Hey, can I come?	嘿 我能来吗？
[52:54]	– No. – Yeah.	– 不 – 可以
[52:56]	Yeah.	可以
[52:58]	Whatever.	随便
[53:00]	Hello, come in.	你好 进来
[53:02]	Please, have a seat.	请坐
[53:09]	I know this isn’t the news you were hoping for,	我知道这不是你希望的消息
[53:11]	but we aren’t ready to bring Emily out of the coma yet.	但我们还没打算把艾米丽从昏迷中弄醒
[53:14]	Oh.	哦
[53:15]	Why? Uh, what happened?	为什么？发生什么事了？
[53:17]	The antibiotics aren’t doing what we’d hoped they would,	抗生素不是我们希望的那样
[53:19]	and we don’t want to mess around,	我们不想乱搞
[53:21]	so tomorrow morning, we’re gonna perform surgery	明天早上我们要做手术
[53:23]	to remove the infection.	以消除感染
[53:24]	Oh, wait one second.	等一下
[53:26]	Dr. Spellman told us that the antibiotics would work.	斯派曼医生说抗生素会起作用
[53:29]	Yeah.	是的
[53:30]	I mean, he didn’t say anything at all about surgery.	我的意思是 他没有提起任何手术
[53:32]	So what does that mean? Surgery? What kind of surgery?	那什么意思？手术？什么样的手术？
[53:34]	It’s called thoracentesis. It’s a very common procedure.	胸腔穿刺术 常见手术
[53:36]	We’re gonna go in between the ribs and remove the infection.	我们要在肋骨之间切除感染
[53:40]	How do you spell that, please? And what is it?	请问怎么拼写的？ 那是什么？
[53:42]	What’s the name? What’s the last part?	怎么写？最后一部分是什么？
[53:43]	– Thora – And the infection is is	– 这是什么？ – 我们要切除它
[53:44]	– On the lung. – “Thora” what? “Thora” what?	– 在肺上 – “胸腔” “胸腔” 什么？
[53:45]	– And we’re going to remove it. – What is it?	– 我们要把它切除 – 那是什么？
[53:46]	Thoracentesis. C-E-N-T-E-S-I-S.	胸腔穿刺术C E N E S
[53:49]	– And what’s the risk? – It’s a common thing	– 有什么风险？ – 常规手术
[53:51]	– that they do? – Low. Yes.	– 他们做的？ – 风险低
[53:52]	My advice to you	我的忠告是
[53:54]	is that you go home, you get something to eat,	回家 吃东西
[53:57]	and try to relax.	试着放松
[54:26]	She left the lights on, huh?	她把灯开着 嗯？
[54:29]	My favorite sweater.	我最喜欢的毛衣
[54:37]	– I’m gonna do some research. – Oh, hey.	– 我要做些调查 – 哦 嘿
[54:39]	That’s the book I gave her.	那是我给她的书
[54:41]	No, I gave her that one.	不 我给她的
[54:43]	Hey, do you have that little notebook from the doctor’s?	你的小本子呢 医生的那本？
[54:47]	– This is the book I gave her. – Uh	– 这是我给她的那本书 – 嗯
[54:48]	I’m just gonna clean up Emily’s room real quick.	我马上把艾米丽的房间收拾干净
[54:50]	No, I I remember.	不 我记得
[54:52]	I met her at the Falafel place,	我在炸豆丸子地方见过她
[54:53]	and then we went to that bookstore	然后我们去了那家书店
[54:55]	that’s hardly ever open, and I bought it for her.	几乎没有打开过 我买给她的
[54:57]	You’re not the only one who gives her things.	你不是唯一给她东西的人
[54:59]	What’s up with you?	你怎么了？
[55:01]	I’m just tired of you thinking	我只是厌倦了 你认为
[55:02]	you’re the only one who gives her things.	只有你给过她东西
[55:03]	I gave her that book.	我把那本书给她了
[55:05]	– Look at the inscription. – No. No, that’s stupid.	– 看看题词 – 不 那太蠢了
[55:39]	– Hey, uh, Kumail. – Hey.	– 嘿 库米尔 – 嗨
[55:42]	Oh. Hey. Sorry.	哦 嘿 抱歉
[55:43]	Didn’t mean to surprise you.	不是想给你惊喜
[55:45]	I was just wondering, are we gonna do anything?	我只是想知道 我们可以随意吗？
[55:47]	– You got any parlor games? – I I don’t	– 你有什么客厅游戏吗？ – 我没有
[55:49]	What are parlor games?	什么是客厅游戏？
[55:51]	Card games. Word games.	纸牌游戏 文字游戏
[55:53]	Play any word games?	玩字游戏吗？
[55:54]	– Um, no, I’ve never – You ever play	– 不 我从来没有 – 你玩过
[55:57]	– You Can’t Rhyme It? – How does that go?	– 你不会押韵吗？ – 怎么玩？
[56:00]	It’s Eh, basically, you know,	嗯 基本上
[56:02]	you try to find out a word, a real word,	你找一个词 真正的词
[56:04]	– that nobody can rhyme. – Okay.	– 没人能押韵 – 好的
[56:06]	– And then – Stonehenge.	– 然后 – 巨石阵
[56:09]	Yeah, see, you would win.	看 你会赢的
[56:11]	– Ah. Hmm. – Yeah. That’d be a winner.	– 啊 嗯 – 那算你赢
[56:13]	I don’t play board games. I play, like	我不玩棋盘游戏 我玩
[56:16]	– I play video games. – That’s the thing.	– 我玩电子游戏 – 这就是问题
[56:18]	Everybody now needs, like, you know, a Nintendo.	现在每个人都需要 比如任天堂
[56:20]	A game thing. The thing. Electronics. $1,000.	游戏玩意 电子的1000美元
[56:22]	When I was a kid, piece of chalk and a pavement,	我小时候 一块粉笔 一条人行道
[56:25]	and that’s your entertainment.	这就是你的娱乐
[56:26]	Hopscotch. Tic-tac-toe.	跳房子 井字游戏
[56:28]	Throw the chalk at Jimmy.	把粉笔扔向吉米
[56:30]	There you go. Three games right there.	你看 三场比赛就有了
[56:32]	Jimmy was a real guy?	吉米是真人？
[56:33]	Yeah, well, I mean, there was no particular Jimmy.	是啊 我没有特指吉米
[56:36]	You know, whoever got hit with the chalk,	不管谁被粉笔击中
[56:37]	he was the Jimmy.	他是吉米
[56:39]	Uh	呃
[56:40]	I’m just trying to figure out, you know, what to do.	我只是想 找点事做
[56:43]	Yeah. I Tonight’s no good for me.	是的 今晚我有事
[56:45]	I’d love to, but, um	我很乐意 但是
[56:47]	I’m actually, uh I’m actually gigging tonight,	其实我 我今晚真的很鸡搔
[56:51]	which is, like, an industry word we use	这是我们的行业词汇
[56:52]	for when we do, like, shows and stuff, so	比如我们有表演之类的
[56:55]	– Really? – Yeah, yeah, yeah.	– 真的？ – 是的
[56:56]	There’s a big Montreal Comedy Festival audition coming up,	大型蒙特利尔喜剧音乐节海选即将到来
[56:59]	and, um I’m actually headlining tonight, so, yeah.	我真的是今晚的领衔 所以
[57:02]	Oh, wow. Hey.	哦 喔 嘿
[57:04]	I should I should Run on out.	我应该走了
[57:05]	Wow, that’s cool. I haven’t been to a comedy club since	哇 太酷了 我没去过喜剧俱乐部
[57:07]	Oh, boy. Since the ’80s, right?	从1980年以后
[57:09]	Rita Rudner over at Caroline’s.	丽塔·拉德娜 在卡罗琳家
[57:11]	– Remember that, hon? – Christ. I	– 记得吗 亲爱的？ – 上帝 我
[57:13]	A pleural effusion of the empyema.	胸腔积液 脓胸
[57:17]	Maybe we should go, huh?	也许我们该去 嗯？
[57:18]	Maybe we should go to Kumail’s show. What do you think?	也许我们该去看库米尔的秀 怎么样？
[57:20]	– Wouldn’t that be fun? – Oh, my God!	– 那不是很有趣吗？ – 天啊
[57:22]	– These pictures are horrible. – Okay, listen.	– 这些照片太恐怖了 – 好了 听着
[57:25]	Why don’t we go to the comedy club with him?	我们为什么不和他去喜剧俱乐部呢？
[57:26]	And this It’ll take our mind off of things right now.	会让我们暂时忘却现在的事情
[57:28]	I don’t want to take my mind off it, Terry.	我不想忘却什么 泰瑞
[57:31]	Our daughter’s having surgery tomorrow.	我们的女儿明天要做手术
[57:33]	Please.	拜托
[57:34]	– That’s a fair point. – Please, please listen.	– 这是公平角度 – 请听我说
[57:36]	I need the distraction.	我需要分心
[57:38]	– Well, then why don’t you go? – No.	– 那你为什么不去呢 – 不
[57:39]	I want you to come with me.	我要你和我一起去
[57:41]	I don’t want to go alone.	我不想一个人去
[57:43]	Okay. But I’m bringing my iPad.	好 但我要带上我的iPad
[57:47]	Ah, it’s sold out.	啊 票卖完了
[57:48]	I should have said it	我应该早说
[57:50]	before you guys had the whole discussion.	在你们整个讨论之前
[57:53]	It sold out, like, super quickly.	很快就卖完了
[57:54]	They were shocked at how quickly it sold out.	他们对卖得多快感到震惊
[57:56]	– Like – Well, you can get us in.	– 比如 – 你可以带我们进去
[57:59]	You’re the headliner, right? That’s what you said.	你是头牌吧？你说过
[58:01]	I mean, if you’re the headliner,	如果你是头牌
[58:02]	you can get two more in, right?	多两人没问题吧？
[58:03]	– That’s a good point. – Yeah.	– 不错的主意 – 嗯
[58:05]	We’ll sit in the back, right? We’ll sit in the back.	我们坐后面 好吗？我们坐在后面
[58:08]	They got food there?	那里有卖食物吗？
[58:09]	Yeah, they’ve got waffle fries and, um	他们有华夫炸薯条
[58:12]	Yeah.	嗯
[58:16]	The hospital had the waffle fries, too.	医院也有华夫饼薯条
[58:17]	Right.	对
[58:20]	I I actually have never been to Pakistan.	我 实际上我从未去过巴基斯坦
[58:22]	My parents moved here for grad school,	我父母搬来这里读研究生
[58:24]	and then they just stayed here.	然后他们就呆在这里
[58:26]	I’ve never even been to Canada.	我从没去过加拿大
[58:30]	So, um, when is Kumail coming?	库米尔什么时候来？
[58:33]	He’s coming. Right, NAVEED?	他正赶来 对吧 纳维德？
[58:35]	– Ah. Huh. – Traffic.	– 啊 是的 – 交通问题
[58:37]	I heard there’s, uh, bumper-to-bumper traffic	我听说交通堵到天
[58:39]	on the Dan Ryan Expressway.	在丹瑞安高速公路
[58:41]	– That’s weird, because – You know, rush hour.	– 这很奇怪 因为 – 你知道高峰时间
[58:42]	I took the Dan Ryan Expressway here.	我是从丹瑞安高速公路来的
[58:48]	What is your dad’s sister’s	你爸爸的姐姐
[58:50]	favorite kind of music to dance to?	最爱的舞蹈的音乐是什么？
[58:54]	– Emily’s parents are here. – Aunts, aunts, aunts, aunts.	– 艾米丽的父母来了 – 阿姨 阿姨 阿姨 阿姨（嘻哈音乐）
[58:56]	– Tonight? Why? – Get it? ‘Cause it’s “aunt.”	– 今晚？为什么？- 懂吗 “阿姨”
[58:58]	It’s “aunts.” It’s “aunts.”	此乃 “阿姨”
[58:59]	All right, forget it. All right.	好吧 算了
[59:01]	Uh, is anybody here from out of town?	这儿有人从城外来的吗？
[59:04]	All right, a few, a few.	好吧 有几个
[59:06]	What’s your name, sir?	你叫什么名字 先生？
[59:08]	Uh, Terry.	我 泰利
[59:09]	Terry. And, uh, who’s this lovely lady next to you?	泰利 你旁边的这位可爱的女士是谁？
[59:11]	Oh, my God. That’s Emily’s dad.	天哪 那是艾米丽的爸爸
[59:13]	Is that cloth? Little terry cloth?	那是熊吗？小泰迪熊？
[59:14]	It’s Beth.	是贝丝
[59:16]	Beth. That’s pretty close.	贝丝 差不多嘛
[59:18]	Why would he do this?	他为什么要这么做？
[59:20]	Terry, Beth, where you guys from?	泰利 贝丝 你们从哪里来？
[59:21]	– We’re from North Carolina. – Ooh.	– 北卡罗来纳州 – 哦
[59:24]	North Carolina. Tar Heel state.	北卡罗莱纳州 焦油脚人
[59:27]	– Stop. Stop it. – Oh.	– 别说了 – 哦
[59:28]	Home of Krispy Kreme donuts. What brings you to Chicago?	甜甜圈的家 焦油脚人 什么风把你吹来芝加哥？（焦油脚人 美国北卡罗来纳州人的绰号）
[59:31]	Our daughter’s in a coma.	我们的女儿昏迷了
[59:39]	Yeah, uh, how What, uh Where are you from?	嗯 那么 你是哪里人？
[59:44]	Okay, it’s getting late.	好了 很晚了
[59:45]	– I should go. – No, no, no.	– 我该走了 – 不
[59:47]	– Betho, betho. He will be here. – Hold on, hold on.	– 贝托 他会来的 – 等等
[59:48]	I think I should call him up. I’ll just call him up.	我应该给他打电话 我这就打
[59:51]	Hello? Kum-beta?	你好？库-比？
[59:52]	What do you mean, who’s calling?	你什么意思 谁在打电话？
[59:54]	This is your father.	你父亲
[59:56]	Okay, okay, okay.	好的 好的
[59:57]	He will be here any moment.	他随时会来
[1:00:04]	I I think I should make something clear. Um	我应该把事情弄清楚
[1:00:37]	I want to name my kid Void,	我想给我的孩子取名为无效
[1:00:40]	so he won’t be able to cash any of his paychecks.	这样他就不能兑现他的工资了
[1:00:44]	“I’m sorry, sir, this says ‘Void’ on it.”	“对不起 先生 这上面写着无效”
[1:00:47]	“But that’s my name.	“但这是我的名宇”
[1:00:49]	“Curse you, Father!”	“诅咒你 父亲”
[1:00:53]	I work on the second floor of the bank	我在银行二楼工作
[1:00:56]	– in this fantasy scenario. – Go back to ISIS.	– 在这个幻想场景中 – 回伊斯兰国吧
[1:00:59]	Did he just say that?	他刚才这么说吗？
[1:01:02]	Toast is a really strange food.	吐司是一种非常奇怪的食物
[1:01:04]	What What did you just say?	你刚才说什么？
[1:01:05]	You put bread, and you make it	你用面包做的
[1:01:06]	It was nothing. Come on.	没什么 算了
[1:01:08]	I said he should go back to ISIS.	我说 他应该回伊斯兰国去
[1:01:12]	– Toast is the only food – No, I mean,	– 面包是唯一的食物 – 不 我是说
[1:01:14]	that is a really confusing position.	这是立场混乱
[1:01:16]	I mean, do you want ISIS to have more people?	我指 你想有更多伊斯兰国教徒？
[1:01:18]	No, I was saying that	不 我是说 –
[1:01:19]	Guess what, everybody? We got an ISIS recruiter here.	大伙猜怎么着？这里有个伊斯兰国的招聘人员
[1:01:22]	All right, glad we got to the bottom of that.	好吧 很高兴我们弄清真相了
[1:01:25]	Toast is like a	烤面包就像
[1:01:26]	What is it about him that made you say that?	你凭什么这么说？
[1:01:27]	I think we know what the answer is. I don’t	我想我们知道答案 我没有
[1:01:29]	Lady, I wasn’t talking to you.	女士 我没有跟你说话
[1:01:30]	What is it about him?	他怎么了？
[1:01:32]	We don’t have to go down this path.	我们不必沿路走下去
[1:01:32]	We know what’s at the end of it	适可而止
[1:01:33]	‘Cause of how he looks.	就凭他的长相
[1:01:35]	There it is.	就在那儿
[1:01:37]	That is like saying	这就像说
[1:01:39]	that all frat boys wearing country club hats	兄弟会男孩 戴着乡村俱乐部的帽子
[1:01:41]	and Hawaiian shirts	穿着夏威夷衬衫
[1:01:43]	have shriveled-up, tiny, little dicks.	都长着干瘪的 超小 小老二
[1:01:45]	Okay, actually Actually, Beth,	好吧 事实上 贝丝
[1:01:47]	this is a bad way for you to find out, but he’s right.	你的发现并不好 但他是对的
[1:01:49]	I actually am a terrorist.	我其实是个恐怖分子
[1:01:52]	I just do stand-up comedy on the side	我只是兼职演喜剧
[1:01:54]	to keep a low profile.	保持低调
[1:01:55]	Fuck you.	操你妈
[1:01:58]	First of all, very clever.	首先 非常聪明
[1:02:00]	What? Did you Did you write that at home?	什么？你 你在家里写的吗？
[1:02:06]	Toast	面包
[1:02:07]	– is a very strange – Fuck you!	– 很奇怪 – 去你妈的
[1:02:08]	– Fuck you. – No, fuck you.	– 操你妈 – 不 操你
[1:02:09]	You’re a bitch, you know that?	你是个婊子 你知道吗？
[1:02:10]	Fuck you!	操你妈
[1:02:14]	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.	喔 喔 喔 喔
[1:02:16]	Hey, no. No, no, no, no. No. Listen.	不 听好了
[1:02:18]	Fucking kill you!	妈的杀了你
[1:02:20]	What’s your fucking phone number?	你他妈的电话号码是多少？
[1:02:25]	Sorry, everybody.	对不起 各位
[1:02:26]	I’m sorry.	抱歉
[1:02:28]	I I’m not sorry, actually,	我 事实上我不抱歉
[1:02:32]	’cause you’re a terrible person.	因为你是 一个可怕的人
[1:02:35]	I don’t want to kick your ass here in front of everybody.	我不想在大家面前踢你的屁股
[1:02:38]	Yeah, that’s right.	是的 没错
[1:02:40]	I got levels, motherfucker. Okay?	我有等级证书的 混蛋 明白吗？
[1:02:42]	This elevator goes all the way fucking down,	壮士一去兮不复返
[1:02:44]	you fucking prick!	你这个混蛋
[1:02:56]	I think I’ll make tea.	我要泡茶
[1:03:00]	Actually, I’ll open a bottle of wine.	事实上我会开瓶酒
[1:03:03]	Actually, um, does Emily have whiskey?	事实上 艾米丽有威士忌吗
[1:03:06]	On top of the fridge.	在冰箱顶上
[1:03:09]	So, uh, Cubs doing good, huh?	所以 联赛还不错吧？
[1:03:12]	I don’t know anything about baseball.	我对棒球一无所知
[1:03:14]	No? Hmm.	不懂？嗯
[1:03:16]	I’m so sorry about that.	我很抱歉
[1:03:19]	That was	刚才
[1:03:22]	I just sort of lost control.	我只是有点失控了
[1:03:24]	– I thought it was sexy. – Me, too.	– 我觉得很性感 – 我也是
[1:03:28]	Not like sexy,	不止性感
[1:03:29]	but like cool sexy, not like aroused sexy.	是超级性感 不是激昂性感
[1:03:35]	I’m gonna not say “sexy” anymore.	我不会再说 “性感” 二字了
[1:03:37]	Hey, you guys want to get something to eat?	你们想找点吃的吗？
[1:03:41]	I know you guys got a formula.	我知道你们有惯例
[1:03:42]	You know, I’ve been to a couple shows now.	我去看过几场表演了
[1:03:43]	So is it always like that?	总是这样吗？
[1:03:44]	– Oh, like tonight? – Yeah.	– 今晚这样？ – 有的
[1:03:46]	No, usually a different mom comes in to help me.	不过通常是其他老妈救场
[1:03:50]	I’m joking. No, it’s	我在开玩笑 其实
[1:03:52]	It’s not always like that. I’d quit if it was.	不是一直都这样 不然我辞职了
[1:03:54]	– Here’s a joke. No. – No. Terry, don’t.	– 我有个笑话 不 – 不 泰利 不要
[1:03:56]	Terry’s about as funny as a fart at a funeral.	泰利搞笑的技术 就跟葬礼放屁一样
[1:04:00]	No. This is funny. This is a funny one.	不 这很好笑 好段子
[1:04:02]	– Okay. – All right.	– 好 – 听好了
[1:04:04]	A giraffe walks into a bar,	长颈鹿走进酒吧
[1:04:06]	and he says to the bartender, “Highballs on me.”	他对酒保说 “我请你们喝高球”
[1:04:13]	You get it, right?	你懂笑点么？
[1:04:14]	Oh, that was the end of the joke?	笑话讲完了？
[1:04:16]	Yeah, of course it was.	当然
[1:04:17]	– That was the whole joke? – That’s the joke.	– 整个玩笑？ – 全部笑话
[1:04:18]	That’s the beauty of it. Boom.	这就是它的妙处 嘣
[1:04:19]	– I thought there was more. – But you get it?	– 我以为还有更多 – 但你找到笑点了吗？
[1:04:21]	He’s giraffe, he’s tall,	他是长颈鹿 个子高
[1:04:24]	so it would stand to reason, his testicles are high.	所以他的睾丸很高 道理是这样的
[1:04:28]	– Yeah. – And a highball is a drink.	– 嗯 – 海波（高球）是一种饮料
[1:04:31]	And you ruined it by saying I wasn’t funny first.	而你却说我不解风趣
[1:04:34]	– That’s what it was. – No. No.	– 就是这样 – 不 我没有
[1:04:36]	No, it’s good. I like my jokes,	不 很好 我喜欢笑话
[1:04:37]	like, thoroughly explained.	解释很彻底
[1:04:39]	You’re just busting You’re bustin’ my highballs.	你只是在破坏 你破了我的高球（海波）
[1:04:41]	Yeah.	耶
[1:04:44]	Hmm. Mmm-hmm.	哈 嗯
[1:04:46]	Complex finish, flamboyant mouth-feel.	复杂回味 火焰般的嘴感
[1:04:49]	Good. How about you?	很好 你怎么样？
[1:04:50]	– My turn? – Yeah.	– 轮到我了？- 是的
[1:04:54]	Mmm-hmm.	嗯
[1:04:55]	Fruit-forward.	水果向前冲
[1:04:56]	Good term, absolutely. Fruit-forward.	绝对是好词 水果向前冲
[1:04:58]	– Yeah. No. – I’m impressed.	– 是的 不 – 我印象深刻 –
[1:04:59]	This one It’s in the front seat.	这就像开着运酒车
[1:05:00]	– It’s driving the wine car. – Exactly. It is.	– 前排就座 – 绝对 是的
[1:05:02]	I like wine ’cause of the buzz.	我喜欢葡萄酒 因为巴斯
[1:05:06]	Mmm. She’s a bit of a lightweight, Beth.	她是轻量级段子手 贝丝
[1:05:08]	– So is Terry. – Come on.	– 泰利也是 – 拜托
[1:05:10]	He’ll be passed out on the sofa in less than an hour.	他会昏倒在沙发上 不用一小时
[1:05:13]	Aah. That’s nonsense. You know that’s not true.	胡说八道 你知道那不是真的
[1:05:18]	You weren’t supposed to be on the show tonight, were you?	今晚本不该你上节目的吧？
[1:05:20]	Oh, me, on the show tonight?	我今晚的节目？
[1:05:21]	Yeah, I was. I was the headliner.	必须的 我是头牌
[1:05:26]	Okay.	好吧
[1:05:29]	I lied about the show	我撒谎要演出
[1:05:30]	to get out of hanging out with you guys,	是为了摆脱你们
[1:05:33]	and then I lied about headlining	然后我还撤谎领衔
[1:05:35]	to impress you guys.	来打动你们
[1:05:37]	Well, that didn’t work.	嗯 那行不通
[1:05:40]	Also, I think I screwed up with your daughter.	还有 我想我和你女儿搞砸了
[1:05:44]	Yeah.	是的
[1:05:46]	You did.	你做到了
[1:05:49]	I don’t know how people do it when their family’s sick.	我不知道人们是怎么做到的 当他们家人生病的时候
[1:05:52]	My Uncle Lew, he got cancer.	我叔叔卢 他得了癌症
[1:05:54]	Then he had a stroke, then a heart attack.	然后中风 然后心脏病发作
[1:05:58]	Then he had a recurrence of the cancer.	然后他又复发了癌症
[1:05:59]	But you know what killed him?	但你知道是什么杀了他吗？
[1:06:00]	– Cancer? – Car accident.	– 癌症？ – 车祸
[1:06:03]	We think maybe it was a heart attack	我们以为是心脏病发作
[1:06:04]	while he was driving, and he did still have cancer, too.	他开车的时候还有癌症
[1:06:07]	And you know what?	你知道吗？
[1:06:09]	He ate sprouts his whole fucking life.	他一生都在吃豆芽
[1:06:12]	Hadn’t had a yolk in 30 years.	30年没吃蛋黄了
[1:06:19]	I don’t know how I’m gonna sleep tonight.	我不知道今晚怎么入睡
[1:06:22]	You want to stress eat?	你想化悲愤为食量吗？
[1:06:24]	Fuck, yeah.	操 是的
[1:06:27]	Oh, my God.	上帝
[1:06:28]	I know. “Most noticeable.”	我知道 “最引人注目的”
[1:06:32]	Oh, now, now, hold on, hold on.	现在 等等
[1:06:33]	There’s more. Look.	还有更多 看啊
[1:06:36]	The legendary cemetery photo shoot.	传说中的墓地 拍的照
[1:06:39]	Oh. Oh My God.	上帝
[1:06:41]	– Nah! – Oh! Wow!	– 不 – 哦 哇
[1:06:44]	Oh. I laughed so hard when I saw these,	我看的时候 笑到抽筋
[1:06:46]	she got so So mad at me.	她对我很生气
[1:06:48]	You’re gonna wake him up.	你得把他叫醒
[1:06:50]	Are you kidding? He could sleep though anything.	你在开玩笑吧？他怎么样都睡得着
[1:06:52]	– Hey, Terry! – Shh!	– 嘿 泰利 – 嘘
[1:06:54]	How did you and Terry meet?	你和泰利是怎么认识的？
[1:06:56]	I was, um, going to East Carolina University.	我念东卡罗莱纳大学
[1:07:00]	And I was, um, waiting tables,	我在等桌子
[1:07:03]	and, you know, we met at this coffee shop.	我们在咖啡店认识的
[1:07:04]	I was waiting on him,	我在等他的桌子
[1:07:05]	you know, and I liked his hair.	我喜欢他的发型
[1:07:08]	He was a teacher already, you know.	他是老师
[1:07:10]	Thick New York accent,	纽约口音很浓
[1:07:12]	like like nobody I’d ever met, you know.	我从未见过这样的人
[1:07:14]	Totally wrong for me.	我完全错了
[1:07:16]	So, naturally, we fell in love.	自然地 我们坠入了爱河
[1:07:18]	My family could not stand him.	我的家人受不了他
[1:07:21]	We’re all military people. Army pilots.	我家祖传军人 陆军飞行员
[1:07:23]	All my brothers played football.	我的兄弟们都踢足球
[1:07:25]	Terry couldn’t even change a tire.	泰利连轮胎都没换过
[1:07:27]	My father got so mad at me,	我父亲生我气了
[1:07:30]	he broke every dinner plate we had.	他砸碎了所有餐盘
[1:07:32]	Now back then, um, you go to the gas station,	那时有活动 去加油站
[1:07:36]	you fill up your tank, you get a dinner plate.	加满油 就会送餐盘
[1:07:38]	Oh.	哦
[1:07:38]	But just one at a time, like cup, saucer.	但一次一个 例如茶杯 茶托
[1:07:40]	It took a year of fill-ups to get the whole set back.	花了一年的时间 才揍齐一套
[1:07:43]	And Terry Terry just stuck around.	而泰利 泰利一直这么搞
[1:07:46]	Eventually,	最终
[1:07:47]	they just all got over it.	他们都关张了
[1:07:50]	– They just got over it? – Mm-hmm.	– 就这么没了？ – 嗯
[1:07:52]	How?	什么意思？
[1:07:54]	Lots of fucked-up dinners.	很多次乱七八糟的晚餐
[1:07:57]	How’d your parents meet, Kumail?	你父母是怎么认识的 库米尔？
[1:08:00]	So we have arranged marriage, as you know,	包办婚烟 如你所知
[1:08:02]	and a big group got together to go see a movie,	集体看电影
[1:08:05]	but really it was just a set-up	实际上是圈套
[1:08:07]	so my mom and my dad could meet.	便于我妈和我爸见面
[1:08:10]	What movie did they see?	他们看的什么电影？
[1:08:12]	I have no idea.	我不知道
[1:08:15]	I never asked.	我从没问过
[1:08:19]	– She’s great, you know? – Yeah.	– 她很棒 你知道吗？ – 嗯
[1:08:23]	I know.	我知道
[1:08:25]	I feel good about the surgery.	我对手术感觉很好
[1:08:27]	Yeah. Me, too. These doctors know what they’re doing.	我也是 这些医生懂他们在做什么
[1:08:30]	No, they don’t.	不 他们不知道
[1:08:33]	They’re just winging it like everybody else.	他们是即兴表演 像其他人一样
[1:08:47]	Oh fuck.	他妈的
[1:09:01]	Hey, it’s me.	嘿 是我
[1:09:02]	So, um, I tried making some Pakistani food,	我试着做巴基斯坦菜
[1:09:05]	uh, to surprise you, and either I’m a bad cook	给你惊喜 不是我厨艺不好
[1:09:09]	or all Pakistani food is terrible.	就是巴基斯坦食物都很可怕
[1:09:11]	I don’t know yet. Bye!	我还不知道 再见
[1:09:18]	Hey, it’s me. Um, if you just want to come over	嘿 是我 如果你想过来
[1:09:21]	and, like, kiss me for two seconds,	然后吻我两秒钟
[1:09:23]	I’d really love that tonight.	我真的很喜欢今晚
[1:09:25]	Okay, bye.	好的 再见
[1:09:31]	Hey, it’s me. So, uh, did you want to meet at the gallery?	嘿 是我 你想不想约在画廊？
[1:09:34]	Oh, my God!	上帝
[1:09:36]	Oh, my God!	上帝
[1:09:37]	Oh, my God! A bird just hit me in the head!	上帝 一只鸟撞了我的头
[1:09:39]	Oh, my God! I’m not kidding!	我的天 我没开玩笑
[1:09:43]	I’ll call you right back. Oh, my God, is it okay?	我马上给你回电话 天哪 没事吧？
[1:09:52]	The infection around the lungs has been removed.	肺部周围的感染已经被清除
[1:09:55]	We should be able to pull her out soon.	我们应能尽快把她弄醒
[1:09:56]	Oh, boy! Whew.	哦 孩子
[1:09:58]	Oh. Well, how soon?	哦 那么 多快？
[1:10:01]	She should be up by tomorrow morning at the latest.	她应该在明天早上醒来
[1:10:03]	Oh, wow.	哦 喔
[1:10:04]	We’ll also test the pleural fluid from the thoracentesis	我们还会用胸腔穿刺术测试胸腔液 以便采用
[1:10:06]	to create a more targeted antibiotic strategy.	更有针对性的 抗生素治疗方案
[1:10:09]	– So this is good news? – It’s very good news.	– 这算好消息吗？ – 算好消息
[1:10:13]	– Yeah. – We’ll just hold on to her	– 是的 – 我们再观察她
[1:10:14]	for a few more days, and then you can have her back.	几天 她就可以出院了
[1:10:16]	She’s a fighter, right?	她是个斗士 对吧？
[1:10:18]	Yes.	是的
[1:10:22]	I was so worried.	我很担心
[1:10:23]	We saw on the news that a train derailed,	新闻上看到火车出轨
[1:10:25]	and we thought that you were on the train,	我们以为你在火车上
[1:10:26]	and you had died.	你已经死了
[1:10:27]	Nobody died on that train, Ma.	没人死在火车上面 妈
[1:10:29]	But did they look under the train?	那他们有没有检查火车下面？
[1:10:31]	So where were you last night? What were you doing?	昨晚你在哪？你在做什么？
[1:10:33]	Nothing. I wasn’t doing anything.	没什么 我什么都没做
[1:10:35]	– Kumail? – All right, I’ll tell you.	– 库米尔？ – 好吧 我交代
[1:10:38]	– Tell. – I was	– 交代吧 – 我
[1:10:41]	I was studying for the LSAT.	我在法学院入学考试复习
[1:10:44]	– Really? – Yup.	– 真的？ – 嗯
[1:10:46]	I signed up, and if I pass, I’m going to go to law school	我报名了 如果通过 我要上法学院
[1:10:51]	and become a lawyer	成为一名律师
[1:10:54]	and do law.	从事法律事务
[1:10:55]	Hmm.	嗯
[1:10:57]	Oh, let me see who that could be.	让我看看那是谁
[1:10:59]	– Really, Dad? – What?	– 真的吗 爸爸？ – 什么？
[1:11:01]	You said that nobody was going to come, it was just	你说没人会来 只是
[1:11:03]	– Gonna be just us. – Kumail, do you know this guy?	– 只有我们 – 库米尔 你认识这个人吗？
[1:11:04]	People say Sam!	人们说的萨姆
[1:11:06]	People say Sam! Do you know him?	人们说的萨姆 你认识他吗？
[1:11:08]	Yeah, I know him.	我认识他
[1:11:09]	He should be on Saturday Night Live.	他应该是星期六夜场的（SNL）
[1:11:10]	SNL SNL.
[1:11:11]	People don’t say “Sam.” They say salaam.	人们不会说 “萨姆” 他们说 “萨朗姆”（你好）
[1:11:12]	Everybody, you remember Khadija?	大家记得卡蒂嘉吗？
[1:11:14]	She just dropped in.	她顺道来的
[1:11:15]	She was just in the neighborhood.	她刚好在附近
[1:11:17]	And these are her parents, Rahan and Tina.	她的父母 拉罕和蒂娜
[1:11:21]	They also just dropped in.	他们也是顺道
[1:11:35]	I’ve just been on so many of these appointments,	我这么多次约会
[1:11:38]	and I just never have anything in common with the guys.	从来没有和他们有共同点
[1:11:41]	Yeah.	是的
[1:11:41]	You know, when girls at work complain to me about dating,	当女同事向我抱怨约会的时候
[1:11:44]	I just I want to body-slam them.	我只是 我想抱摔她们
[1:11:46]	They have no idea.	她们没脑子
[1:11:47]	– Right. – I don’t know.	– 对 – 我不知道
[1:11:49]	My mom says I’m becoming like the bruised apple	我妈妈说我变得像伤痕累累的苹果
[1:11:52]	at the bottom of the apple bucket.	在苹果桶的底部
[1:11:54]	– No. No, no, no, you’re not. – Yeah.	– 不 你不是 – 嗯
[1:11:56]	– I am. – No, you’re not.	– 我是的 – 不 你不是
[1:11:59]	So, do you want to hang out sometime?	你想出去玩吗？
[1:12:02]	Like, without our parents.	不带父母
[1:12:04]	Have you been to the Cat Café?	你去过猫咖啡馆吗？
[1:12:06]	The cats just come up to you	猫咪向你走来
[1:12:08]	and nestle in your lap, and you just pet them.	蜷缩在你的大腿上 你爱抚猫咪
[1:12:12]	I don’t think that’s a good idea.	我不认为这是个好主意
[1:12:13]	You don’t like cats?	你不喜欢 猫咪？
[1:12:15]	I mean	我的意思是
[1:12:17]	I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to hang out again.	我不认为我们再约是个好主意
[1:12:21]	It’s not you.	不是你的问题
[1:12:23]	You’re fantastic.	你太棒了
[1:12:25]	I just can’t do this arranged marriage thing.	我只是不能授受包办婚姻
[1:12:28]	With anybody.	和任何人
[1:12:30]	So why did you meet me?	那你为什么要见我？
[1:12:33]	It wasn’t my idea.	这不是我的主意
[1:12:40]	I’m just really tired.	我只是太累了
[1:12:43]	Do you ever want to just be in a relationship	你是否想过某段感情中
[1:12:45]	so you can just finally relax?	终于不用太紧张？
[1:12:50]	I’m sorry.	对不起
[1:12:54]	You deserve better than me.	你应该得到比我更好的
[1:12:58]	People always telling me what I deserve.	人们总是告诉我我应得的
[1:13:01]	It’s bullshit.	这是胡址
[1:13:03]	And stop being so sorry about everything.	别对所有的事感到抱歉
[1:13:08]	I’m gonna go.	我要走了
[1:13:11]	And do you know what? I watched The X-Files.	你知道吗？我看过X档案
[1:13:13]	Like, three whole episodes, and it’s a bad show.	三整集 很难看的剧集
[1:13:30]	Wow, they should call this web site,	他们应称此网站为
[1:13:31]	“everything is cancer dot-com.”	“一切都是癌症.com”
[1:13:33]	Whatever symptom you put in, it could be cancer.	无论你有什么症状 都可能是癌症
[1:13:37]	Hiccups could be cancer. Come on.	打隔可能是癌症 拜托
[1:13:40]	Take the fun out of hiccups now.	打隔也有段子
[1:13:42]	But, you know, this is the 17th best hospital in Chicago?	但这里是芝加哥第十七好的医院？
[1:13:46]	– Really? Out of how many? – I don’t know.	– 真的？总数是多少？ – 我不知道
[1:13:50]	But Northwestern’s number one.	但排名第一的是西北大学医院
[1:13:52]	How do they rate,	他们怎么计算的
[1:13:53]	– or what’s the methodology? – I don’t know, Terry.	– 采用什么方法？ – 我不知道 泰利
[1:13:55]	But 17th is bad.	但第十七够糟糕了
[1:13:57]	It’s not great. Unless the sample size is	不太好 除非取样范围是
[1:14:00]	You know, that all depends.	你知道 取决于样本总数
[1:14:01]	Here, look at the comments.	这里 看看评论
[1:14:03]	This is why I don’t want to go online	这就是我不想上网的原因
[1:14:04]	’cause it’s never good.	因为从来没有好评
[1:14:06]	You go online, they hated Forrest Gump.	网上 他们讨厌阿甘
[1:14:09]	Frickin’ best movie ever.	有史以来最棒的电影
[1:14:13]	Yeah, I know.	是的 我明白
[1:14:14]	Well, it, no, it hasn’t been that long.	嗯 不 没多久
[1:14:17]	Like, three hours, maybe.	大概三小时吧
[1:14:20]	Oh, hey, I I All right, I got to go.	我 好吧 我得走了
[1:14:23]	– Terry, hi. – Hey.	– 泰利 你好 – 嘿
[1:14:25]	– Can we talk? – Yeah, yeah.	– 我们能谈谈吗？ – 嗯
[1:14:26]	Okay.	好的
[1:14:28]	We got the biopsy results.	我们拿到了活检结果
[1:14:30]	They are, unfortunately, inconclusive.	不幸的是 没有定论
[1:14:33]	Uh, we’re concerned because it is also	我们很担心 因为可能是
[1:14:37]	Well, wait, wait, what does that mean?	等等 那是什么意思？
[1:14:39]	It means it’s aggressive. It means that	可能是俱略性的 意思是
[1:14:51]	I mean, they They couldn’t find out what	我是说 他们不能确诊病因
[1:14:53]	the disease was or where the	也无法分析病毒的
[1:14:55]	Where the virus came from, the bacteria, whatever.	原发地 细菌什么的 无论什么
[1:14:56]	But they took out the infection,	但他们清除了
[1:14:58]	– so it shouldn’t matter. – I know. That’s what I said.	– 感染应该问题不大 – 我知道 这正是我说过的
[1:14:59]	But, uh, her vitals didn’t normalize.	但是她的生命体征没有正常化
[1:15:01]	And now they say, the infection,	现在他们说感染
[1:15:02]	it’s continuing to spread. It’s in her kidneys now.	还在继续扩散 现在到肾脏了
[1:15:05]	But the kidneys are so far from the lungs.	但是肾脏离肺部太远了
[1:15:07]	I know.	我知道
[1:15:08]	It’s an aggressive infection, and they said	这是主动感染 而且他们说
[1:15:11]	what they got to do now is they just got to figure out	他们现在要做的是 就是找出
[1:15:13]	what this mystery disease actually is.	神秘疾病究竟是什么
[1:15:14]	Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.	啊 啊 啊
[1:15:19]	I’m calling Northwestern.	我打电话给西北大学医院
[1:15:20]	– Just hold on, hold on. – Terry, Goddammit	– 等一下 – 泰利 该死的
[1:15:22]	I think we should talk about	我想我们应该谈谈
[1:15:23]	Shut up.	闭嘴
[1:15:24]	I’m sick of this shit, Terry. We’re getting her out of here.	我受够了 泰利 我们转院
[1:15:27]	They’re in the middle of the	现在在清除
[1:15:28]	Of the whole process of elimination.	治疗过程中
[1:15:30]	So you’re saying Northwestern can’t take that information	你是说西北大学医院不采用
[1:15:32]	and continue the search?	信息并继续诊断？
[1:15:33]	This place is a shithole. I’m sorry.	这地方是狗屎 对不起
[1:15:35]	Anna, could I have that?	安娜 能给我吗？
[1:15:37]	Will you just stop for a second, all right?	你先停一下好吗？
[1:15:38]	They are the doctors.	他们是医生
[1:15:39]	You act like you know what you’re talking about.	你的表现就像你很懂
[1:15:40]	– Doctors are not the same. – You don’t.	– 医生都不一样 – 你不
[1:15:42]	I can’t find my cell phone.	我找不到手机
[1:15:43]	– You got a phone? – Yeah.	– 你有手机吗？ – 有
[1:15:45]	Don’t give her the phone.	别给她
[1:15:46]	Don’t You don’t need a phone.	你不需要电话
[1:15:47]	You don’t need to call anybody right now. The	你现在不需要打电话
[1:15:49]	They’re doing it. They’re the experts here, and	这些专家在努力 而且
[1:15:51]	– And I trust them. – One, five	– 我相信他们 – 很好
[1:15:52]	Oh, well, that’s very nice, but I don’t.	这很好 但我不信
[1:15:53]	Can you unlock that thing?	你能解锁吗？
[1:15:55]	There There’s a reason they’re number 17	所以他们排名17
[1:15:56]	and Northwestern’s number one.	而西北排第1
[1:15:57]	And that’s not because people trust them. Thank you.	并不是因为人们信任他们 谢谢
[1:15:59]	Wait, you think you’re smarter than me.	等等 你以为你比我聪明
[1:16:01]	You say big sentences.	你说大话
[1:16:02]	Okay, well, you’re not. You’re not.	好吧 其实你没有
[1:16:08]	I don’t think I’m smarter than you.	我不认为我比你聪明
[1:16:09]	You just don’t think you’re as smart as I am.	你只是自己觉得没我这么聪明
[1:16:11]	– That’s not my fault. – Right, it’s	– 那不是我的错 – 对 这是
[1:16:13]	It’s never your fault. Everything’s my fault.	这不是你的错 一切都是我的错
[1:16:15]	Oh, there are some things that are definitely	有些事情肯定是
[1:16:18]	just your fault.	你的错
[1:16:22]	Okay, that’s That’s bullshit.	好吧 胡扯
[1:16:24]	You need to stop freaking out and calm down.	你要冷静下来
[1:16:26]	And you need to stop being a coward.	你别再懦夫了
[1:16:30]	Right.	好吧
[1:16:32]	The greatest hits comin’ back.	精选辑又来了
[1:16:33]	Okay, you can just Well, you can stop.	好的 你可以停下了
[1:16:35]	I’ll I’ll replay the rest of this from memory.	我会从记忆中回放其余部分
[1:16:41]	Yeah, don’t Listen to me	别走 听我说
[1:17:09]	Oh. You’re giraffe-ing it.	你有长颈鹿
[1:17:11]	It’s the biggest thing they had.	店里卖的最大的东西
[1:17:13]	I don’t even know if she likes giraffes.	我甚至不知道她是否喜欢长颈鹿
[1:17:15]	We never talked about	我们从来没有谈过
[1:17:18]	giraffes.	长颈鹿
[1:17:20]	Hey, do they know what they’re doing?	他们知道自己在干什么吗？
[1:17:21]	‘Cause they don’t tell us anything.	因为他们什么都不告诉我们
[1:17:24]	Like, uh, Lyme disease.	比如莱姆病
[1:17:26]	You know, the girl on The Real World had it.	那个女孩现实世界中得过此病
[1:17:27]	– Did you guys look for that? – Yes, we did.	– 你们研究过吗？ – 是的 我们做过
[1:17:30]	You know, she gets hurt all the time,	她总是受到伤害
[1:17:31]	and she messed up her ankle recently. Could that be lupus?	她最近伤了脚裸 会不会是狼疮？
[1:17:34]	Listen, we’re looking into everything.	我们正在搜寻一切可能
[1:17:36]	We’re not holding anything back from you.	目前没有答案
[1:17:39]	We’re still just eliminating possibilities.	我们只是在消除可能性
[1:17:42]	‘Cause Beth wants to move her to Northwestern.	因为贝丝想把她移到西北医院
[1:17:45]	No. Emily should not be moved.	不 艾米丽不该被移动
[1:17:49]	The hospital will approve it	医院需要批准
[1:17:50]	because it’ll get the liability off their hands.	不然会担责的
[1:17:53]	But we put her in a coma for a reason,	但我们让她昏迷是有原因的
[1:17:55]	to stabilize her.	为了稳定她
[1:17:57]	Moving her could be very dangerous.	移动她 可能非常危险
[1:18:00]	Trust me, she is fighting this, and so are we.	相信我 她和我们一样在抗争
[1:18:08]	Hey, Terry, I was just talking to the	嘿 泰利 我只才和他们谈过
[1:18:11]	– You okay? – Yeah.	– 你没事吧？- 嗯
[1:18:13]	Yeah, of course.	当然
[1:18:15]	Fine. Totally fine.	完全没问题
[1:18:17]	Just, uh Beth went to Emily, so, uh	贝丝去了艾米丽家 所以
[1:18:20]	I’m gonna wait here till they kick me out, you know?	我要在这里等他们赶我走
[1:18:25]	Just keep an eye on her.	盯着她
[1:18:32]	Do you want to crash at my place?	你想去我家打盹吗？
[1:18:34]	– You got Golf Channel? – No.	– 你有高尔夫频道吗？ – 没有
[1:18:37]	That wasn’t funny, right?	那不好笑 对吧？
[1:18:39]	Oh, I didn’t I thought that was a serious question.	我没有 我认为目前应严肃点
[1:18:42]	Let’s get the fuck out of here.	我们离开这鬼地方
[1:18:49]	So	那么
[1:18:51]	This is the place.	就是这里了
[1:18:52]	Huh. Wow.	啊 喔
[1:18:55]	This place is terrible.	这地方太可怕了
[1:19:02]	Hey, uh, I talked to Nurse Judy,	我和朱迪护士谈过了
[1:19:05]	and she was saying that, like,	她说
[1:19:07]	moving Emily could be a bad idea.	搬动艾米丽 可能是个坏主意
[1:19:10]	Really?	真的？
[1:19:11]	Yeah, she said it could be dangerous.	是的 她说可能很危险
[1:19:16]	Like, something	像是
[1:19:17]	Yeah, I hear you.	对 我听到了
[1:19:20]	And Hmm.	嗯
[1:19:22]	I just I’d give anything just to	我愿意付出一切
[1:19:26]	trade places with Emily.	如果能与艾米丽对换处境
[1:19:27]	You know?	你知道吗？
[1:19:30]	Being a parent, it’s It’s a nightmare.	身为父母 这是噩梦
[1:19:33]	Loving somebody this much sucks.	爱一个人 这种情况太糟
[1:19:38]	Yeah.	是的
[1:19:40]	And, uh,	还有
[1:19:41]	I guess you’ve noticed the tension	我想你已经注意到了
[1:19:43]	between Beth and me.	贝丝和我之间的紧张关系
[1:19:47]	Uh, not really.	嗯 不 这真的
[1:19:49]	Uh, it’s none of my business,	嗯 这不关我的事
[1:19:50]	– so I don’t try to – Yeah, well, it’s	– 所以我不想 – 对 这是
[1:19:52]	Uh, it’s there.	既来之
[1:19:54]	Big-time.	则安之
[1:19:57]	It’s getting really late. We should go to sleep.	真的很晚了 我们应该睡觉了
[1:20:09]	I cheated on her.	我背叛了她
[1:20:11]	Fuck.	妈的
[1:20:13]	I did.	真的
[1:20:16]	It was just a one-night stand.	那只是一夜情
[1:20:17]	– Okay. – We met at some bar	– 是的 – 我们在某个酒吧相遇
[1:20:19]	in Cincinnati.	在辛辛那提
[1:20:20]	They They have these teacher conferences.	开教师会议
[1:20:24]	Who goes to a math conference to get laid?	哪个参加数学会议还会劈腿?
[1:20:27]	Math teachers?	数学老师？
[1:20:28]	Yeah.	是的
[1:20:30]	I I think I was depressed.	我觉得我很沮丧
[1:20:32]	– That’s what it was. – Yeah.	– 就是这样 – 是的
[1:20:35]	Let’s talk about it tomorrow.	我们明天再谈吧
[1:20:37]	Get a full night’s sleep,	好好睡一觉
[1:20:39]	tackle it fresh in the morning	早上再说
[1:20:40]	She just smelled so good.	她只是 闻起来很香
[1:20:45]	It was horrible, too.	太可怕了
[1:20:47]	As soon as I was finished, as soon as I’d finished,	我－搞完 搞完后
[1:20:50]	I was like, “What did you fucking do?	我就说 “你他妈的做了什么？”
[1:20:53]	“What did you just do?	“你刚刚做了什么？”
[1:20:58]	“What did you do?”	“你做了什么？”
[1:21:02]	You know, that that, uh,	你知道那个
[1:21:04]	moment of clarity you get, right after an orgasm.	瞬间的清醒 就在高潮之后
[1:21:09]	Yeah.	嗯
[1:21:11]	I told Beth right away.	我马上告诉贝丝
[1:21:13]	I had to.	我必须这么做
[1:21:16]	She was devastated.	她很伤心
[1:21:18]	And now she hates me.	现在她恨我
[1:21:21]	She might be mad at you, but	她可能会生你的气 但是
[1:21:23]	But she doesn’t hate you.	但她不恨你
[1:21:25]	Should’ve heard the way she was talking about you.	听她说话的方式 能看出来
[1:21:27]	Mmm.	嗯
[1:21:29]	Hey, can I ask you something?	嘿 我能问你点事吗？
[1:21:33]	Why’d you tell her?	你为什么告诉她？
[1:21:34]	Oh, I had to.	我不得不这么做
[1:21:36]	I’m no good with guilt.	我不擅长内疚
[1:21:39]	Do you guys talk about it?	你们谈过吗？
[1:21:40]	Not anymore.	后来没有
[1:21:42]	She said she forgave me, but but, no.	她说她原谅了我 但是
[1:21:46]	She hasn’t.	她没有
[1:21:49]	Let me give you some advice, Kumail.	让我给你一些建议 库米尔
[1:21:54]	You’re gonna know the woman that you want to spend	与你共度余生的
[1:21:56]	the rest of your life with	那个女人
[1:21:59]	when you cheat on her.	当你欺骗她的时候
[1:22:01]	When you cheat on her and you just feel like shit.	当你欺骗她时 你会觉得自己很蠢
[1:22:06]	So to fully know I love someone,	所以 如果我彻底爱一个人
[1:22:09]	I have to cheat on them?	我得骗她们？
[1:22:13]	Out loud, it sounds stupid.	大声点 听起来很愚蠢
[1:22:17]	Eh, it’s Yeah, that’s terrible advice.	嗯 这是 糟糕的建议
[1:22:22]	Love	爱
[1:22:23]	Love isn’t easy.	爱并不容易
[1:22:26]	That’s why they call it love.	所以被称之为爱
[1:22:29]	I don’t really get that either.	我也不太明白
[1:22:30]	I know. I thought I could just start saying something,	我知道 我以为我会说些什么
[1:22:33]	and something smart would come out.	会触动聪明的神经
[1:22:55]	Hey, did you see Terry?	你看到泰利了吗？
[1:22:56]	Yeah, I heard him leave this morning.	我今天早上听到他离开了
[1:22:58]	I’m going to Subbies. You want anything?	我要去便利店 你要带什么吗？
[1:23:00]	Nah, I’m good. Thank you.	不 我不用 谢谢
[1:23:01]	You don’t want a hot dog or nothin’?	你不想要热狗吗？
[1:23:03]	Dude, it’s 8:30 in the morning.	伙计 现在是八点半
[1:23:04]	Okay. No hot dog.	好吧 不要热狗
[1:23:09]	Oh, hi.	嘿
[1:23:10]	Oh, yeah, you can go right in.	请进吧
[1:23:14]	We just spoke to Khadija’s parents.	我们刚和卡蒂嘉的父母谈过
[1:23:16]	– What are you doing here? – What is wrong with you, Kumi?	– 你们来干什么？ – 你有什么毛病 库米？
[1:23:18]	Nothing is wrong with me. I’m sorry.	我没有毛病 对不起
[1:23:20]	Sorry? That’s all you have to say?	对不起？这就是你要说的？
[1:23:22]	Okay, I I don’t I wasn’t that into her.	好吧 我 我没那么中意她
[1:23:23]	– Into her? – Yeah.	– 中意她？ – 是的 –
[1:23:24]	Do you know how difficult it is	你知道这有多难吗？
[1:23:25]	to get an appointment with her?	把她约出来？
[1:23:27]	She’s in very high demand.	她要求很高的
[1:23:28]	– Okay, so? – So?	– 是的 所以？ – 所以？
[1:23:30]	Can we please talk about this another time? I I	我们能不能改天再谈？我
[1:23:32]	No, no, Kumi. We will talk about this now.	不 库米 我们现在就得谈
[1:23:35]	We have sacrificed everything for you.	我们为你牺牲了一切
[1:23:38]	I know. Okay?	我知道的 对吧？
[1:23:40]	We have left our family.	我们离开了 我们的大家庭
[1:23:42]	We have left our home.	我们离开了家园
[1:23:43]	I have missed the birth of my sister’s daughter.	我错过了我妹妹女儿的出生
[1:23:47]	I have not seen my mother for 15 years.	我已经15年没有见过我的母亲了
[1:23:51]	Your father, he had to do his graduate school again.	你的父亲 他不得不再次去研究生院
[1:23:56]	He had to give exams again.	他不得不 再次参加考试
[1:23:58]	I was in my mid-50s.	我已经50多岁了
[1:24:00]	They were in 20s. They used to call me Father Time.	年轻人都是20多岁 他们过去常叫我时光老人
[1:24:03]	Okay, okay. I know that.	好吧 好吧 我懂
[1:24:06]	And I I really appreciate everything you did for me.	我真的很感激你们为我做的一切
[1:24:10]	But can we talk about this another time?	但我们能不能改天再谈？
[1:24:13]	Kumi, if you don’t want to be a lawyer, fine.	库米 如果你不想当律师 很好
[1:24:16]	If you want to do the stand-up comedy	如果你想做脱口秀喜剧
[1:24:19]	and embarrass us as a family, fine.	让我们家庭难堪 那好
[1:24:22]	There is only one thing	只有一件事
[1:24:23]	that we have ever asked for you, Kumi,	我们曾经对你要求过 库米
[1:24:26]	that you be a good Muslim	你是个好穆斯林
[1:24:27]	and you marry a Pakistani girl!	你应娶巴基斯坦女孩
[1:24:29]	That is it! One thing!	就是这样 只此一事
[1:24:32]	Can I ask you something?	我能问你点事吗？
[1:24:34]	Something that has never made sense to me.	对我来说没有意义的事
[1:24:36]	Why did you bring me here if you wanted me	既然你们不想美国人参与
[1:24:38]	to not have an American life?	何必带我来美国？
[1:24:39]	We come here, but we pretend like we’re still back there.	我们来到这里 但我们假装还在国内
[1:24:43]	That’s so stupid.	太蠢了
[1:24:44]	Don’t you talk to your mother like that.	你不可以对你妈那样说话
[1:24:46]	You don’t care what I think.	你们不在乎我的想法
[1:24:47]	You just want me to follow the rules.	你只是想让我遵守规则
[1:24:49]	But the r the rules don’t make sense to me.	但这些规则对我来说 没有意义
[1:24:57]	I don’t pray.	我不祈祷
[1:24:59]	I don’t.	我不
[1:25:00]	I haven’t prayed in years.	我好多年没祈祷了
[1:25:04]	I just go down there,	我只是去楼下
[1:25:06]	and I play video games.	玩电子游戏而已
[1:25:07]	You don’t believe in Allah?	你不相信真主吗？
[1:25:08]	I don’t know what I believe, Dad.	我不知道我相信什么 爸爸
[1:25:10]	I don’t know.	我不知道
[1:25:15]	And I can’t marry someone you find for me.	我不能娶你们指定的人
[1:25:17]	And why not?	为什么不呢？
[1:25:21]	Because I am in love with someone.	因为我爱上了一个人
[1:25:24]	I am.	真的
[1:25:25]	Her name is Emily.	她的名宇是艾米丽
[1:25:27]	And she’s gonna be a therapist.	她会成为一个治疗师
[1:25:29]	And right now she’s very sick.	现在她病得很重
[1:25:32]	But I couldn’t tell you that.	但我不能告诉你
[1:25:34]	It makes me so sad that I couldn’t tell you any of that.	这让我很伤心 我不能告诉你任何情况
[1:25:40]	I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me.	我真的很感激你们为我所做的一切
[1:25:43]	I truly, truly, truly do. I really do.	我真的 真的 我真的感激
[1:25:46]	And I know Islam has been really good for you,	我知道伊斯兰教很有好处
[1:25:49]	and it has made you good people.	它让你成为好人
[1:25:51]	But I don’t know what I believe.	但我不知道我相信什么
[1:25:55]	I just need to figure it out on my own.	我只需要自己想办法
[1:25:58]	You’re not my son.	你不是我儿子
[1:26:02]	Kumail. You’re being selfish,	库米尔 你太自私了
[1:26:04]	you’re not thinking about us.	你没考虑我们
[1:26:06]	You’re not thinking about Khadija, in fact,	事实上 你没有考虑过卡蒂嘉
[1:26:08]	you’re not even thinking about	你根本都没有考虑过
[1:26:09]	that girl you are in love with.	你爱的那个女孩
[1:26:11]	You think American dream is doing just about	你认为美国梦只是为自己
[1:26:14]	whatever you want and not thinking about other people?	而不用考虑别人？
[1:26:16]	You’re wrong!	你错了
[1:26:18]	You are wrong!	你错了
[1:26:25]	Excuse us, please.	请原谅我们
[1:26:26]	Sorry.	抱歉
[1:26:28]	What’s wrong with you, man?	你怎么回事 伙计？
[1:26:30]	– CHRIS Hey. – Hey.	– 嘿 克里斯 – 嘿
[1:26:32]	I, uh, never went to the store.	我还没去商店
[1:26:34]	I was just listening at the door.	我只是在门外听
[1:26:39]	Hey My mom kicked me out for dealing weed at 16,	我妈把我赶出去了 因为我16岁卖大麻
[1:26:42]	so I get it, man.	我很懂 伙计
[1:26:57]	– Hey. – Hey, um, so,	– 嘿 – 嘿 嗯 所以
[1:26:58]	wh when are we gonna talk to Beth about this thing	我们什么时候才能和贝丝谈这件事
[1:27:00]	– that we talked about? – We we we	– 我们谈过的那件？ – 我们 我们
[1:27:01]	We’re gonna move her,	我们要搬动她
[1:27:03]	is what we’re gonna do.	就这么办
[1:27:04]	What?	什么？
[1:27:06]	– What? We’re gonna move her. – What you	– 什么？我们要把她搬走 – 你
[1:27:08]	What are you talking about?	你在说什么？
[1:27:09]	You fucking caved?	你他妈屈服了？
[1:27:10]	– I didn’t cave. – You fucking caved?	– 我没有屈服 – 你他妈屈服了？
[1:27:11]	– I don’t cave, okay? – Okay, okay, okay, okay.	– 我没有屈服 – 好吧
[1:27:13]	I know you don’t, you don’t cave, you don’t cave,	我知道你没有屈服
[1:27:15]	you’re great.	你很棒
[1:27:16]	But we talked about this last night,	但是我们昨晚谈过的
[1:27:17]	– and we decided – I know. I know.	– 我们决定了 – 我知道
[1:27:18]	that it wasn’t gonna be a good	这不是个好事情
[1:27:19]	– We’re moving her. – No. What?	– 我们要把她搬出去 – 不 什么
[1:27:20]	– Yeah. – I I told you what	– 是的 – 我告诉你为什么
[1:27:21]	– the nurse said. – She’s right.	– 我说了护士的话 – 她说得对
[1:27:23]	Hey, Beth, um, the nurse told me that moving Emily	贝丝 护士说搬动艾米丽
[1:27:24]	could be a very bad idea.	可能是个坏主意
[1:27:26]	Well, Northwestern told us it could be very good.	西北医院说很好
[1:27:27]	Well, they don’t see her, this nurse sees her,	他们没看到她 护士看到过她
[1:27:29]	and she told me herself. She said	她亲自告诉我的
[1:27:31]	That’s okay, Kumail, they don’t need to see her.	没关系 库米尔 他们不需要见她的
[1:27:32]	No, it’s not okay! There.	不 这样不好
[1:27:34]	– That’s – I got it.	– 但这 – 我明白了
[1:27:36]	That’s a map of the garage.	那是车库地图
[1:27:39]	Don’t	不要
[1:27:40]	Wait, wait, wait.	等等
[1:27:42]	You want to be responsible?	你负责吗？
[1:27:44]	Huh?	嗯？
[1:27:46]	She could die!	她可能会死
[1:27:48]	Kumail,	库米尔
[1:27:49]	we’re responsible for her no matter what.	不管发生什么 我们都要对她负责
[1:27:53]	We’re her parents.	我们是她的父母
[1:27:55]	Now, I’m sorry, we’re moving her.	对不起 我们要把她搬出去
[1:28:07]	Welcome to Quick ‘n Hot.	欢迎光临热的快
[1:28:08]	Can I take your order, please?	需要点单吗？
[1:28:10]	Yeah, um, can I get a burger with four slices of cheese?	能给我－份四片芝士汉堡吗？
[1:28:13]	Four burgers. Anything else, sir?	四个汉堡还有什么吗 先生？
[1:28:15]	No, one burger with four slices of cheese.	不 一个汉堡配四片 芝士
[1:28:22]	One burger with four slice	一个汉堡四片
[1:28:23]	I’m sorry, we can’t do that.	对不起 我们不能
[1:28:25]	Just put four slices of cheese on a burger.	放四片芝士 在汉堡上
[1:28:29]	We can’t do that. There’s no button	我们不能 没有按钮
[1:28:30]	Who the fuck is this “we,” man?	他妈的 “我们” 是谁？
[1:28:32]	Who the fuck is this “we”? It’s me and you!	谁他妈“我们”是谁？是我和你
[1:28:34]	We’re just people! Fucking listen to me!	我们都是普通人 他妈的听我说
[1:28:37]	Fuck this corporate entity!	去他的企业实体
[1:28:38]	Put four slices of cheese on the fucking burger!	放四片芝士在该死的汉堡上
[1:28:46]	– We can’t do that. – What the fuck?	– 我们不能 – 搞你妹？
[1:28:48]	You fucking idiot! Hey!	你这个白痴 嘿
[1:28:51]	Hey, look at me, look at me.	嘿 看着我 看着我
[1:28:52]	‘Cause I’m a human being, you are a human being. Look at me!	因为我是人 你是人 看着我
[1:28:55]	Look me in the eyes when you fuck me!	你胡搞的时候 看着我的眼睛
[1:28:57]	Look at me! Please!	看着我 拜托
[1:29:00]	Today’s my first day.	今天是我的第一天
[1:29:01]	Fuck you!	操你妈
[1:29:12]	I’ll just ring you up for four burgers.	我给你叫四个汉堡
[1:29:18]	I’m sorry.	对不起
[1:29:19]	Do you want any fries or drink with that?	你需要薯条还是饮料？
[1:29:24]	I’ll take four fries.	我要四包炸薯条
[1:29:27]	I’m sorry.	对不起
[1:29:42]	Fuck!	操
[1:29:51]	your life dramatically.	你的生活很戏剧性
[1:29:53]	Um, so then I started keeping this journal.	我就开始写日记了
[1:29:56]	And the journal is, like, you know,	日记就像 你知道的
[1:29:58]	me overcompensating and trying to act like	过度补偿 试图表现得像
[1:30:02]	I’m living this, like, cool, rock-and-roll lifestyle.	我活得很酷很自在
[1:30:06]	When, in reality, I’m in third grade,	事实上 我三年级的时候
[1:30:09]	crying all the time.	一直在哭
[1:30:10]	Hey, man, Montreal Finals. You ready?	嘿 伙计 蒙特利尔决赛 你准备好了吗？
[1:30:13]	Oh, wait, are you getting all, like, dark and moody	等等 你会不会忧郁且喜怒无常
[1:30:15]	before your set?	在你演出前？
[1:30:16]	Yeah, punish yourself like a nasty, little baby.	对 像惩罚淘气包一样惩罚自己
[1:30:19]	Okay, okay, I am not in the mood, okay, Chris?	好吧 我没心情 拜托 克里斯？
[1:30:22]	I’ll get you in the mood.	我会让你心情舒畅的
[1:30:24]	– You all right? – I’ll get you all in the mood!	– 你没事吧？ – 我会让你心情舒畅的
[1:30:26]	Why is everybody saying the same fucking thing?	为什么大家都说同样的话？
[1:30:28]	– Yeah, I decide – Dude, are you all right?	– 我决定 – 伙计 你没事吧？
[1:30:30]	Yeah, I’m doing great.	我很好
[1:30:31]	Okay, all right, dude, I’m just checking on you.	好吧 伙计 我看看你
[1:30:33]	It would have stuff, like, you know, like,	类似的东西有
[1:30:36]	an in-unit washer and dryer	一体式洗衣烘干机
[1:30:39]	The fuck have you been, man?	你他妈怎么了？
[1:30:41]	– You’re on next. – Okay, okay.	– 你下一个上场 – 好的 好的
[1:30:44]	Thank you, guys. I love you.	谢谢 伙计们 我爱你
[1:30:48]	Hello?	你好？
[1:30:49]	Kumail, is that you?	库米尔 是你吗？
[1:30:51]	– Yeah. – It’s Terry.	– 是的 – 我是泰利
[1:30:53]	Uh, listen, we’re not moving her.	听着 我们不能动她
[1:30:56]	The doctor, they said	医生 他们说
[1:31:14]	Have you guys heard of this	你们听说过一种
[1:31:15]	new drug cocktail called cheese?	叫做奶酪的鸡尾酒新药吗？
[1:31:18]	Like, that’s the name of it, it’s called cheese.	仅仅是名宇叫做奶酷
[1:31:20]	Um I saw all these news reports, and they were like,	我看了所有的新闻 就像是
[1:31:24]	“There’s a new drug, it’s called cheese.	有一种新药 叫做奶酪
[1:31:26]	“Everyone’s doing it in the Midwest.	中西部每个人都服用
[1:31:27]	“Kids are doing it.”	孩子们也是
[1:31:36]	It’s just really hard to do stand-up comedy	真的很难演脱口秀
[1:31:38]	when your girlfriend is in a coma.	当你女朋友昏迷时
[1:31:42]	Uh	嗯
[1:31:44]	Not quite sure what part you were laughing at.	不太清楚你们会笑什么
[1:31:49]	They say she’s fighting, but she doesn’t look like	他们说她在抗争 但她看起来不像
[1:31:51]	she’s fighting, she looks like she’s just	她在抗争 看起来
[1:31:53]	She looks like she’s just laying there.	她看起来只是躺在那里
[1:31:57]	I said horrible things to her, and, um,	我对她说了些难听的话
[1:32:00]	I said horrible things to her, I h I hurt her.	我对她说了难听的话 我伤害了她
[1:32:03]	Um	嗯
[1:32:06]	She loves birds.	她喜欢鸟
[1:32:07]	Like, she gets excited every time she sees a bird.	她每次看到鸟就会兴奋
[1:32:09]	She’s like,	就像
[1:32:10]	“Look at this, it’s a bird.”	“看啊 一只鸟”
[1:32:11]	I’m always like, “Yeah, they’re all over the place.	我总是说 是啊 他们到处都是
[1:32:14]	“They’re birds.”	因为他们是鸟
[1:32:15]	But she, like	但她
[1:32:17]	She likes that bird, you know?	她喜欢那只鸟 你知道吗？
[1:32:18]	Every bird she sees, she sees it.	她喜欢看到的 每只鸟
[1:32:24]	Her dad just called	她爸爸刚打来电话
[1:32:26]	and said that they can’t transfer her	他们不能转院
[1:32:31]	because the infection has reached her heart.	因为感染已经到达她的 心脏
[1:32:36]	Uh	嗯
[1:32:39]	Which	那
[1:32:40]	Which means she	意味着她
[1:32:45]	Which means she could die.	也就是说她可能会死
[1:32:54]	I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but	我不知道你是否能听到我 但是
[1:32:59]	it would be really good if you pulled through.	如果你能挺过去的话
[1:33:05]	If you have to go, you can go, but	如果你必须走 放心走 但是
[1:33:10]	It would be really great if you stayed.	你留下来更好
[1:33:13]	Uh	嗯
[1:33:14]	And I’m really sorry for what I did, okay?	我对我所做的事很抱歉 不是吗
[1:33:51]	Dr. Singh, to the pharmacy.	辛格医生 请到药房
[1:33:53]	Dr. Singh, to the pharmacy.	辛格医生 请到药房
[1:34:15]	Mom.	妈妈
[1:34:17]	You’re getting your tears all over me.	你的泪水在我身上到处都是
[1:34:20]	When am I gonna be able to feel my face?	我什么时候能感觉到我的脸？
[1:34:22]	Hmm.	嗯
[1:34:24]	Hey, you gave us quite a scare there, scout.	你吓到我们了 童子军
[1:34:25]	– Really. – Scout?	– 真的 – 童子军？
[1:34:27]	Come on, I call you that all the time.	得了 我一直这么叫你
[1:34:29]	No, not since	没有 从来没有
[1:34:30]	– I was a grown-up. – Yes, I do.	– 从我长大后 – 我一直叫的
[1:34:31]	I’ve been calling you that my whole life.	我叫了你一辈子
[1:34:33]	Oh, oh, oh, oh!	哦 哦 哦
[1:34:35]	Oh.	哦
[1:34:36]	– Sorry, hon. – What’s happening?	– 对不起 亲爱的 – 发生什么事了？
[1:34:38]	– You okay? You all right? – What is that crap?	– 你没事吧？ – 那什么玩意？
[1:34:41]	We have to thicken your liquids for a bit.	我们得把流质变稠一点
[1:34:42]	Your esophagus isn’t strong enough to swallow yet.	你的食道还不能吞咽
[1:34:45]	That shit tastes like semen.	那玩惫尝起来像是精子
[1:34:46]	That’s nice	这句很好
[1:34:48]	– for a father to hear. – She won’t have	– 父亲听到的话 – 她没有
[1:34:49]	any social inhibitions until the	任何社会禁忌
[1:34:50]	The anesthetic wears off.	直到麻醉解除
[1:34:52]	Seriously, Mom, you should try this.	说真的妈妈 你该尝尝
[1:34:53]	– No, wait a minute, honey. – Stop saying that.	– 等一下 亲爱的 – 别这么说
[1:34:55]	– Not the cup. – Oh, come on,	– 不要杯子 – 拜托
[1:34:56]	come on, come on.	拜托 拜托
[1:34:58]	They’ll charge us $48 for it, don’t worry about it.	他们会收48美元 不用担心
[1:35:02]	Why are you here?	你为什么在这里？
[1:35:03]	I I haven’t heard her voice in a while.	我好久没听到她的声音了
[1:35:06]	He’s been He’s been here the whole time.	他一直都在这里
[1:35:08]	Could I speak with you both outside?	你们两个外面借一步吗？
[1:35:10]	Yeah.	好的
[1:35:12]	– We’ll be right back. – Yeah, we’ll be right outside.	– 我们马上回来 – 好的 我们马上到外面去
[1:35:14]	All right.	– 好的
[1:35:21]	Hey.	嘿
[1:35:23]	Emily has a rare condition	艾米丽患有罕见的
[1:35:25]	called adult-onset Still’s disease.	成人型类风湿病
[1:35:28]	Kumail mentioned Emily’s hurt ankle,	库米尔 提到艾米丽受伤的脚跟
[1:35:30]	and the swelling still hadn’t gone down	肿胀仍未消退
[1:35:32]	even after several days in bed,	即使在床上躺了几天
[1:35:34]	– which is strange. – Mmm.	– 这很奇怪 – 嗯
[1:35:35]	Still’s disease is when the body thinks healthy tissue	类风湿病是一种机体认为健康组织
[1:35:39]	is an infection, so it tries to fight it.	患有感染 所以机体试图对抗感染体
[1:35:41]	– Uh-huh. – It’s like a big	– 嗯 – 类似的巨大
[1:35:43]	biological misunderstanding.	的生物误解
[1:35:45]	– Yeah, yeah. – So,	– 是的 – 所以
[1:35:46]	we gave her anti-inflammatories,	我们给她消炎
[1:35:48]	and she stabilized within hours.	她几小时内就稳定下来了
[1:35:49]	She’s gonna take time to recover,	她要花点时间来恢复
[1:35:52]	but she’ll be fine.	但她会没事的
[1:35:53]	– Wow. – Full recovery.	– 喔 – 完全恢复
[1:35:57]	What are you doing here?	你在这里干什么？
[1:35:59]	I was visiting someone down the hall,	我在大厅里拜访某人
[1:36:00]	and I was, like, I’ll just pop in	我顺路而已
[1:36:02]	– and say hi to Emily. – Oh.	– 向艾米丽问好 – 哦
[1:36:03]	No, I’m joking. I’m here for you.	我在开玩笑 我是来找你的
[1:36:07]	You’re an asshole, and I don’t like you.	你是个混蛋 我不喜欢你
[1:36:10]	I’m not an asshole. I’m really not.	我不是混蛋 我真的不是
[1:36:12]	Oh, no, you’re an asshole.	不 你是个混蛋
[1:36:14]	You have a lot of drugs in you,	你服了很多药物
[1:36:15]	so you’re, like, not thinking as clearly.	所以你思维不太清晰
[1:36:16]	No, dawg, I’m not joking.	不 伙计 我没开玩笑
[1:36:20]	You’re not funny to me.	你对我一点都不好笑
[1:36:22]	You just make me sad.	你让我很伤心
[1:36:23]	You make me sad inside of my heart,	你让我内心感到悲伤
[1:36:26]	and it makes me sad to look at you.	看着你让我很伤心
[1:36:28]	So, I think you should probably go.	所以我想你该走了
[1:36:32]	Just go, and tell my mom I want her.	快去告诉我妈妈 我要她
[1:36:38]	Will you please get my mom?	请你去找我妈妈好吗？
[1:36:44]	– I’m so sorry about that. – Yeah, it’s fine. Yeah.	– 我很抱歉 – 好的 很好
[1:36:48]	Um, Emily wants to see you.	艾米丽想见你
[1:36:50]	Oh.	哦
[1:36:53]	Um, I’m gonna head out.	嗯 我要走了
[1:36:55]	I don’t think I should be here.	我不该继续呆着
[1:36:58]	Ah, Kumail, here’s the thing.	库米尔 事情是这样的
[1:37:01]	Your living condition, it’s, uh	你的生活状况
[1:37:03]	It’s a potential health risk.	有潜在的健康风险
[1:37:06]	And you’re not that funny.	你也没那么好笑
[1:37:09]	But you’re probably not suited to do anything else either,	但你可能也不适合做其他事
[1:37:13]	so that’s troublesome.	那就麻烦了
[1:37:14]	You really made it sound like you were gonna	听起来你像要
[1:37:16]	say something positive there.	说点积极的话
[1:37:18]	Yeah, I guess I did, didn’t I?	我想是的
[1:37:21]	Well, you know	嗯 你知道
[1:37:24]	You know I know the good stuff.	你知道我有美德
[1:37:26]	I know the good stuff.	我有美德
[1:37:27]	I don’t know, so you know	我不知道 所以你懂的
[1:37:28]	You know how I feel. I got to	你知道我的感受 我要
[1:37:31]	– I got to get in. – Yeah.	– 我得进去 – 是的
[1:37:36]	What’d I miss? What’d I miss?	我错过了什么？
[1:37:38]	Brick on top of the grilled cheese and	烤奶酪浇冰淇淋
[1:37:40]	Yeah.	嗯
[1:37:41]	Yeah, I want that.	是的 我想要
[1:37:43]	– Be right back. – Bacon or something	– 马上回来 – 培根或其他
[1:37:47]	– Hey. – Hey.	– 嘿 – 嘿
[1:37:50]	So you’re gonna hang around Chicago for a while?	你要在芝加哥待一阵子？
[1:37:52]	Yeah.	是的
[1:37:53]	– She’s got physical therapy. – Oh.	– 她要理疗 – 哦
[1:37:56]	Did you ever think you’d be excited	你有没有想过你会很兴奋
[1:37:58]	to have your daughter go through physical therapy?	让你的女儿去接受理疗？
[1:38:02]	It’s so strange that we could go through	如此奇怪 我们一起
[1:38:04]	one of the most intense experiences	经历了生活中
[1:38:05]	of our lives together and just	最强烈的经历
[1:38:09]	Just never see each other again.	所以别再见面了
[1:38:11]	Maybe.	也许
[1:38:16]	But I hope not.	但我希望不会
[1:38:32]	threw a bird at you, and then ran away,	向你扔了一只鸟 然后跑开了
[1:38:33]	and you’re like, “Oh, crap!	然后你就说 妈的
[1:38:35]	“I own a bird now!”	我现在有一只鸟
[1:38:36]	Hi, little sad man.	嘿 悲衰的小人
[1:38:38]	Mopey boy.	郁闷的男孩
[1:38:39]	Hey.	嘿
[1:38:40]	We have something to tell you.	我们有事要告诉你
[1:38:42]	Yes. Tell him.	告诉他
[1:38:43]	– We’re moving to New York. – New York.	– 我们要去纽约 – 纽约
[1:38:45]	– What? – Mm-hmm.	– 什么？ – 嗯
[1:38:46]	And we want you to come with us.	我们希望你和我们一起去
[1:38:48]	Are you serious?	真的吗？
[1:38:49]	You got to do it. It’s gonna suck at first,	必须的 开始会很糟
[1:38:51]	but we’re gonna have each other,	但我们会在一起
[1:38:53]	and maybe we’ll eventually get paid to write jokes.	也许拿报酬写笑话
[1:38:54]	Mm-hmm. It’s gonna be the best.	嗯 这样最好
[1:38:55]	Come on, dude.	来吧 伙计
[1:38:56]	You have to come.	你一定要来
[1:38:58]	I know you did not get Montreal,	我知道你没有去蒙特利尔
[1:39:00]	and that is only because	只是因为
[1:39:02]	you did one of the worst sets I’ve ever seen	你那次表演有史以来最差劲
[1:39:04]	in my goddamn life.	于我一辈子
[1:39:06]	– Yeah. – It was nonsense.	– 是的 – 完全是一派胡言
[1:39:07]	A living disgrace.	活生生的耻辱
[1:39:09]	I would call it shit, but I would be worried	我会称之为狗屎 但我会担心
[1:39:11]	that I’d be insulting actual shit.	我是不是侮辱了 “狗屎” 二宇
[1:39:14]	Yeah, it was so bone-chilling to me,	对我来说大冷了
[1:39:17]	I thought a ghost had passed right through me.	我以为有鬼从我身边经过
[1:39:19]	We don’t have to keep going over	我们不必再继续
[1:39:20]	how bad the set was.	讨伐这次表演了
[1:39:21]	I saw their faces	我看到他们的表情
[1:39:23]	and the noises they didn’t make.	还有他们没有发出的呱噪
[1:39:24]	I felt one of my eggs die.	我觉得我死了一枚卵子
[1:39:26]	Doesn’t that happen, like, every month?	不是每个月都这样吗？
[1:39:27]	It happens every month, Kumail,	每个月都有 库米尔
[1:39:29]	but I don’t always feel it and go	但不是每次都能感觉到它的离开
[1:39:36]	And that’s what you made me do.	是你让我这样的
[1:39:37]	– Yeah. – I	– 是的 – 我
[1:39:38]	I’m packing my things up, and I’m moving to New York,	我把东西收拾好 我要搬去纽约
[1:39:41]	and guess what, baby. You’re coming with me.	你猜怎么着 宝贝 你要跟我走
[1:39:44]	What about Chris?	克里斯呢？
[1:39:45]	Have you ever seen a pigeon	你们见过鸽子
[1:39:46]	try and pick up another pigeon?	打招呼吗？
[1:39:48]	He will be fine.	他会没事的
[1:39:50]	There’s not enough room in the car, probably.	车里没有足够的空间 可能
[1:39:52]	We leave in a week. All right?	我们一周后出发 好吧？
[1:39:54]	And I already called shotgun, Chicago to Pittsburgh.	我已经叫了搭车 芝加哥到匹兹堡
[1:39:56]	Do not fuck this up.	别搞砸了
[1:39:57]	Your destiny awaits.	你的命运在等待
[1:39:59]	This’ll be the biggest move of your life,	这将是你人生中最大的一步
[1:40:00]	other than the one from Pakistan.	比跨出巴基斯坦还大
[1:40:02]	Yeah.	对
[1:40:05]	I didn’t have any kind of epiphany or anything	我没有任何顿悟
[1:40:07]	Hey, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink.	嘿 碰杯 碰杯
[1:40:10]	Hey, everybody. Thank you for, uh, for coming.	叮叮当 嘿 各位 谢谢赏光
[1:40:12]	I just want to say a couple, uh	我只想说几句 呃
[1:40:14]	A couple of words here.	几句话
[1:40:15]	Mom, why is Kumail here?	妈妈 为什么库米尔在这里？
[1:40:18]	‘Cause he was there the whole time, you know.	因为他一直在那里
[1:40:20]	I invited the nurses, I invited him.	我邀请了护士 我邀请了他
[1:40:24]	And, um, for	以及 呃
[1:40:25]	Emily, come on up, come on up here.	艾米丽快上来
[1:40:27]	I want to say something.	我想说点什么
[1:40:28]	– I want to say something. – Dad.	– 我想说点什么 – 爸爸
[1:40:29]	Talk amongst yourselves.	对你们说
[1:40:31]	This might take a	这可能需要
[1:40:33]	Emily successfully peeled an orange this morning.	艾米丽今天早上成功地剥了一个橘子
[1:40:36]	– Dad! – Yeah.	– 爸爸 – 嗯
[1:40:38]	It was It was a clementine.	那是 橘儿（巴黎女歌手）
[1:40:40]	Full disclosure, a clementine.	完全剥开 一个橘子
[1:40:42]	It’s those little ones that, you know,	就是那些小型的
[1:40:44]	a baby monkey could peel it.	一只小猴就能剥开的那种
[1:40:46]	But, uh, but she did it.	但是她做到了
[1:40:48]	And And, yeah, so that’s all. We just	我的话完了
[1:40:50]	Thank you, everybody. Hey	谢谢诸位
[1:40:56]	Hi.	你好
[1:40:58]	I like your cane.	我喜欢你的手杖
[1:41:01]	– I heard pimpin’ ain’t easy. – Right.	– 我听说拉皮条不容易 – 正解
[1:41:04]	Hey, could we talk for a second?	我们能谈－下吗？
[1:41:06]	Sure.	当然
[1:41:12]	So I’ve been collecting some things, uh,	我收集了一些东西
[1:41:14]	that are important to me,	对我来说很重要
[1:41:16]	and I wanted to show them to you.	我想让你看看
[1:41:18]	I call this my bag of devotion.	我把这称为我的挚爱之包
[1:41:23]	Uh, so this is, uh, all the visitor passes	这是 所有的访客通行证
[1:41:28]	from when I visited you when you were in the	当我去医院着你的时候
[1:41:31]	um	嗯
[1:41:40]	So these are the tickets	这些是门票
[1:41:43]	from when your parents came to see me perform,	来自你父母看我表演的时候
[1:41:46]	and, uh, I I realized how great they are,	我意识到他们有多棒
[1:41:49]	and how great you are,	你有多伟大
[1:41:53]	and how great honesty is.	伟大的诚实
[1:41:59]	What did you do?	你做了什么？
[1:42:00]	Did you cremate someone?	你火葬了某人吗？
[1:42:02]	These are the ashes of all the Pakistani women	这些是所有巴基斯坦女人的骨灰
[1:42:06]	Not the women	不是人
[1:42:08]	The pictures of the Pakistani women.	是巴基斯坦女人的照片
[1:42:11]	I thought this was a good idea, and it feels kind of	我觉得这是个好主意 感觉有点
[1:42:14]	It feels a little stupid.	感觉有点笨
[1:42:25]	I know I was a terrible boyfriend,	我知道我是一个糟糕的男朋友
[1:42:29]	but I have changed.	但我变了
[1:42:31]	And I am the person you need me to be.	我就是你需要的那个人
[1:42:33]	I really am.	我真的是
[1:42:35]	So	所以
[1:42:38]	Will you take me back?	覆水能收吗？
[1:42:42]	Kumail, I’m really glad that you	库米尔 我真的很高兴你
[1:42:45]	went through this experience,	经历过这种体验
[1:42:50]	but you have to understand that	但你要明白
[1:42:51]	that all happened when I was asleep.	这一切都发生在我睡着的时候
[1:42:54]	Like, you felt one way a few weeks ago,	你几周前是另一种感觉
[1:42:57]	and now you’re saying you feel the total opposite way,	而你现在却说 感觉相反
[1:43:00]	and the only thing that’s changed	问题唯一改变的就是
[1:43:01]	is that I was in a coma.	是我昏迷了
[1:43:03]	Honestly, I I	老实说我
[1:43:06]	I look at all of this, and I just think,	我看着这一切 我想
[1:43:08]	you know, I just can’t do it again.	我不能再来一次
[1:43:10]	– And I can’t – I	– 我不能 – 我
[1:43:12]	I can’t be the reason that you don’t have a family.	我不能成为你不组建家庭的原因
[1:43:20]	It just feels totally different now.	现在的感觉完全不同了
[1:43:23]	And I can’t do that again.	我不能再和你恋爱
[1:43:27]	Do you understand?	你明白吗？
[1:43:34]	– Okay. – Okay?	– 是的 – 明白吗
[1:43:35]	Okay.	明白了
[1:44:47]	Sorry.	抱歉
[1:44:49]	Ma.	妈妈
[1:44:51]	Dad.	爸爸
[1:44:52]	Fatima. Bhai. Kya haal hai?	法蒂玛 巴依 大家好？
[1:44:55]	Oh, there’s no plate.	没有盘子
[1:45:01]	Oh.	哦
[1:45:02]	Oh, I forgot, um, I’ve decided	我忘了 我决定
[1:45:05]	I won’t let you kick me out of the family.	我不会让你赶我走
[1:45:07]	Since I’m a member of the family,	既然我是家庭成员
[1:45:09]	it would stand to reason that I would get a vote	我可以对是否开除我一事
[1:45:11]	in whether or not I get kicked out,	进行投票
[1:45:12]	and that vote would have to be unanimous,	投票必须是一致
[1:45:15]	standard parliamentary procedure.	标准议事程序
[1:45:16]	So, all those in favor of not kicking Kumail	不赞成踢走库米尔的人
[1:45:19]	out of the family, raise your hand.	家庭成员 请举手
[1:45:24]	Great. Motion to kick Kumail out of the family denied.	好极了 将库米尔赶出家庭的动议被驳回
[1:45:27]	So, you guys can just talk to me.	这样 你们就可以跟我说话了
[1:45:31]	Okay, you’re giving me the silent treatment.	好吧 既然你们对我置之不理
[1:45:34]	I figured that was what was gonna happen.	我想接下来
[1:45:37]	I have a solution.	我有个办法
[1:45:38]	So, “Hi, how are you?”	“嘿 你好吗？”
[1:45:41]	That’s just a real basic one. You know.	基本用语
[1:45:44]	“Pass the salt.” Practical.	“把盐递给我” 很实用
[1:45:48]	“Always with the comedy.”	“总是与喜剧有关”
[1:45:50]	Mom, made that one specially for you.	“妈妈 特地为你做的”
[1:45:54]	“Kumail, how did you become so much more handsome	“库米尔 你怎么”
[1:45:57]	“than your brother NAVEED?”	“比纳维德帅那么多？”
[1:45:59]	Bullshit.	废话
[1:46:04]	I admit, this one is designed	我承认 我是来
[1:46:06]	to stir up some controversy.	挑起争议的
[1:46:10]	“It’s interesting how you can’t really	“很有趣 你不能真正”
[1:46:12]	“kick someone out of your family because	“把某人踢出你的家庭 因为”
[1:46:14]	“they will always be your family.”	“他们将永远是你的家人”
[1:46:20]	I agree with that one. That’s a good one.	我同意这一点 写的不错
[1:46:22]	So, I’m gonna leave these here for you.	我把这些都留给你们
[1:46:32]	I am sorry I lied about the girls	对不起 我骗了那些姑娘
[1:46:33]	and the LSAT and all of that.	还有法学院考试
[1:46:35]	That was wrong.	都错了
[1:46:37]	And one more thing.	还有一件事
[1:46:38]	I’m moving to New York to pursue stand-up,	我要搬到纽约去追求自立
[1:46:42]	but I am not leaving this family.	但我不会离开这个家
[1:47:05]	My parents, um, they want me to get arrange married.	我父母想让我接受包办结婚
[1:47:09]	Or, as it’s, uh, called in Pakistan, romance!	巴基斯坦称之为浪漫
[1:47:13]	And earlier today,	今天早些时候
[1:47:14]	I told them everything. I told them	我告诉他们－切 我告诉他们
[1:47:15]	about my life, I told them about Emily.	我的生活 我说了艾米丽
[1:47:19]	They kicked me out of the family.	他们把我赶出了家门
[1:47:21]	I may never talk to them again.	我可能再也不能跟他们说话了
[1:47:24]	So, that happened.	就这样
[1:47:26]	– What is it? – Can I come in?	– 干嘛呢？ – 我能进来吗？
[1:47:29]	Okay.	好的
[1:47:30]	I swear, you and Dad	我发誓
[1:47:32]	are just like my freshman year roommate,	你和你爸就像我大一的室友
[1:47:33]	but instead of just, like, boning random dudes,	除了不搞男人
[1:47:36]	you’re just parenting all the time.	你们到处为人父母
[1:47:39]	All over the place. In every room of the house.	到处都是 在房子的每一个房间
[1:47:43]	Including right next to me.	包括我旁边
[1:47:48]	We got to go.	我们得走了
[1:47:51]	Home?	回家？
[1:47:52]	– No. – Yeah.	– 不 – 是的
[1:47:53]	It’s time.	是时候了
[1:47:56]	I’m not ready.	我还没准备好
[1:47:58]	Yeah, you know what?	你知道吗？
[1:47:59]	You’re strong.	你很坚强
[1:48:01]	And you are.	真的
[1:48:06]	And we would go to the mosque and hear graphic details	我们会去清真寺 听取1400年前
[1:48:09]	of religious people being killed 1,400 years ago.	宗教人士被杀的细节
[1:48:12]	I mean, like, Tarantino-esque details.	我是说 昆汀·塔伦蒂诺式的细节
[1:48:15]	And everyone would be crying,	每个人都会哭
[1:48:17]	like, competing to see who could cry the hardest.	就像比谁会哭的最惨
[1:48:20]	And I could never cry.	我永远不会哭
[1:48:22]	And I was like, what is wrong with me?	我想 我有什么毛病？
[1:48:23]	Am I broken?	我受伤了？
[1:48:24]	The only time I’ve cried that much	我唯一一次哭得很惨
[1:48:26]	is during the first 15 minutes of Up.	是在前15分钟
[1:48:30]	This is a picture of me and my mother.	这是一张我和我母亲的照片
[1:48:32]	I’m seven years old.	我七岁了
[1:48:34]	You know people, they talk about the the New York water.	你知道人们 他们谈论纽约洪水
[1:48:37]	Chicago water is very underrated, I think.	我想芝加哥的洪水被低估了
[1:48:39]	It’s good.	很好
[1:48:40]	Hey, guys.	嘿 伙计们
[1:48:42]	I think I might just pop out for a bit.	我想我出去一下
[1:48:45]	What, by yourself?	什么 你一个人？
[1:48:46]	Yeah, just hop around the block.	是的 就去街区转转
[1:48:49]	Maybe get some frozen yogurt.	也许去喝点冰冻酸奶
[1:48:51]	You okay? Can you do it?	你没事吧？你能行吗？
[1:48:52]	Can you walk by yourself?	你能自己走吗？
[1:48:53]	– Yeah, Dad. – All right.	– 可以 爸爸 – 好吧
[1:48:55]	Have fun.	玩得愉快
[1:48:56]	If you feel a coma coming on, call us.	如果你感觉到不舒服 打电话
[1:48:59]	– Dad, it’s too soon. – Right.	– 爸爸 有那么快吗 – 好吧
[1:49:02]	I love you, I’ll see you in the morning.	我爱你 明早见
[1:49:03]	– Love you. – Bye.	– 爱你 – 再见
[1:49:04]	Okay. Love you. Bye.	好的 爱你 再见
[1:49:05]	– Have fun. – I will.	– 玩得愉快 – 我会的
[1:49:07]	– Got your phone? – Yep.	– 有电话吗？- 是的
[1:49:11]	But you liked it, huh?	但你喜欢？
[1:49:12]	Yeah. I mean	我的意思是
[1:49:15]	Yeah.	耶
[1:49:17]	I mean	我的意思是
[1:49:22]	– Hey. – Hi.	– 嘿 – 你好
[1:49:26]	– What are you doing here? – Uh	– 你在这里干什么？ – 嗯
[1:49:28]	I was in the neighborhood,	我在附近
[1:49:29]	and I saw that you were gonna be here,	我估计你可能在这里
[1:49:32]	so I thought I’d come say hi.	所以 我想打个招呼
[1:49:35]	You look great.	你看起来很棒
[1:49:36]	How’s your blood oxygen level?	你的血氧水平如何？
[1:49:38]	Oh, well within range.	在水平之内
[1:49:40]	Nice.	很好
[1:49:44]	Um, this is my brother, NAVEED.	我的兄弟纳维德
[1:49:49]	– Hi. Hi. – Hi. I’m Emily.	– 你好 – 嘿 我是艾米丽
[1:49:51]	I’ve heard lots about you.	我听说过很多你的事
[1:49:52]	It’s so good to finally meet you.	很高兴终于见到你了
[1:49:54]	Yeah.	是的
[1:49:57]	There’s actually something I wanted to, uh, tell you.	其实我有件事想告诉你
[1:50:05]	Okay, well, I’m gonna just	好吧 我要出去下
[1:50:08]	– Good-bye. – Bye.	– 再见了 – 再见
[1:50:11]	See you, Bhai.	再见 巴依
[1:50:24]	Are you warm enough?	你够暖和吗？
[1:50:26]	Yeah, yeah. I got my two pairs of socks on.	是的 我穿了两双袜子
[1:51:01]	Do you mind?	你介意吗？
[1:51:04]	No.	不
[1:51:15]	I’m glad we’re going home tomorrow.	我很高兴明天要回家了
[1:51:18]	Me, too.	我也是
[1:51:20]	See? I should’ve brushed my teeth.	我应该刷牙的
[1:51:24]	I like it.	我喜欢
[1:51:27]	When something like this happens,	当事情发生的时候
[1:51:28]	there’s this sort of expectation	有－种期待
[1:51:30]	that you’re gonna have this completely,	你会过上
[1:51:32]	like, new lease on life, and	全新的生活
[1:51:36]	feel totally different about everything,	感觉完全不同
[1:51:38]	and, like, cherish every sunrise,	就像珍惜每一个日出
[1:51:42]	and, like, for the most part,	最重要的是
[1:51:44]	I just feel like, ugh, I can’t get up that early.	我只是觉得 我不能这么早起床
[1:51:47]	You know?	你知道？
[1:51:51]	I’m sorry, I feel like	对不起 我觉得
[1:51:52]	I’ve been talking about myself so much.	我一直在说自己
[1:51:54]	No.	不
[1:51:55]	Are you doing a lot of stand-up?	你演了很多脱口秀吗？
[1:51:56]	– Are you – Yeah. I, uh,	– 你 – 对 我
[1:51:58]	bombed my Montreal Comedy Festival audition.	轰炸了我的蒙特利尔喜剧节试演
[1:52:02]	Like, horrifically, like	很恐怖 像
[1:52:04]	I saw the video.	我看了录像
[1:52:07]	Yeah.	是吗
[1:52:08]	– It wasn’t great. – No No.	– 这不太好 – 不
[1:52:09]	I’ll be honest with you, it wasn’t great.	我跟你说实话 真的不太好
[1:52:11]	No. I know.	不 我知道
[1:52:13]	But there was a lot I liked. Like a like a lot I liked.	但有很多我喜欢的 像是我喜欢的东西
[1:52:22]	I’m moving to New York.	我要搬去纽约
[1:52:26]	Really?	真的？
[1:52:27]	Yeah, um	是的
[1:52:30]	Mary and CJ and I are, like	玛丽 CJ 和我
[1:52:34]	Just gonna drive out, and we have a place all ready, and	只需开车离开 地方都准备好了
[1:52:40]	– When do you leave? – Next weekend.	– 你什么时候离开？ – 下个周末
[1:52:43]	I I’m so excited for you. That is so great.	我真为你高兴 太棒了
[1:52:46]	Like, you are going to just	你只要
[1:52:49]	do so great in New York.	在纽约更好
[1:52:54]	What were you gonna say?	你想说什么？
[1:52:56]	What?	什么？
[1:52:58]	You said you were gonna say something to me.	你说你要跟我说些什么
[1:53:01]	What was it?	是什么？
[1:53:05]	Oh, just that I, um, I wanted to thank you.	呃 我只是 嗯 我想谢谢你
[1:53:09]	Uh, my parents told me	我父母告诉我
[1:53:10]	everything that you did for me,	你为我做的一切
[1:53:12]	and I feel like the last time we spoke,	我觉得我们最后－次谈话
[1:53:13]	I didn’t properly thank you, so	我没有好好谢谢你 所以
[1:53:15]	Oh. Yeah.	嗯 是的
[1:53:18]	Totally fine.	完全没问题
[1:53:22]	I should probably go.	也许我该走了
[1:53:23]	– Do you want to call an Uber? – No, I’m gonna walk, actually.	– 你想叫优步吗？ – 不 实际上 我走路
[1:53:26]	So, this has been really great.	所以 这真是太棒了
[1:53:29]	All right.	好吧
[1:53:31]	– Okay, bye. – Yeah.	– 好的 再见 – 嗯
[1:53:40]	The scene is gonna be, like,	你们不在了
[1:53:41]	so different with you guys gone.	场子不一样了
[1:53:43]	Well, you should come out.	你也应该出来
[1:53:46]	No, I’m I’m good here.	不 我很好
[1:53:48]	– I’m gonna miss you. – I’m gonna miss you.	– 我会想你的 – 我会想你的
[1:53:53]	Get out of here, you assholes.	走吧 你们这些混蛋
[1:53:54]	All right.	好吧
[1:53:55]	Come here, you big dummy.	过来 你这个大笨蛋
[1:53:58]	– Bye. – I’ll miss you.	– 再见 – 我会想你的
[1:54:06]	You’re still kicked out of the family.	你还是被家庭开除的
[1:54:08]	But because we did not get a proper chance	但因为我们没有适当的机会
[1:54:10]	to say bye to you, so	跟你说再见 所以
[1:54:13]	Your mother is so angry with you.	你妈很生你的气
[1:54:16]	She’s not going to get out of the car.	她不会下车的
[1:54:17]	She’s not even going to look at you.	她根本不会看你
[1:54:19]	I don’t believe that you kept so much of secret	我不相信你居然对你父亲
[1:54:21]	from me, your father.	保守这么多秘密
[1:54:23]	Sorry.	抱歉
[1:54:26]	Here.	拿去
[1:54:27]	She asked me to give this to you.	她让我把这个给你
[1:54:30]	Mutton biryani.	新法烤米肉
[1:54:31]	For your trip.	祝你旅行愉快
[1:54:32]	Your favorite.	你最喜欢的
[1:54:35]	She made it herself, specially for you, with extra potatoes.	她自己做的 特别为你 额外的马铃薯
[1:54:40]	Thank you, Ma!	谢谢 妈
[1:54:43]	– Is she okay? – Right now?	– 她没事吧？ – 现在？
[1:54:45]	No.	没事
[1:54:47]	I’ll miss you.	我会想你的
[1:54:48]	I’m forbidden from hugging you, so	我被禁止拥抱你 所以
[1:54:52]	it was nice to have you as my son.	很高兴你能成为我的儿子
[1:54:56]	Good-bye forever.	永别了
[1:55:00]	And do me a favor, when you reach New York,	帮我个忙 当你到了纽约
[1:55:02]	just text us and tell us that you’ve reached safely, okay?	告诉我们 你已经安全到达 好吗?
[1:55:07]	I will.	我会的
[1:55:10]	Dad, can I ask you something?	爸爸 我能问你点事吗？
[1:55:13]	When you and Mom went on your first date,	你和妈妈第一次约会的时候
[1:55:16]	what movie did you see?	你们看什么电影？
[1:55:18]	Satte Pe Satta.	七兄弟
[1:55:25]	Her favorite song.	我们最喜欢的歌
[1:55:27]	Why you asking?	你为什么要问？
[1:55:29]	I was just curious.	我只是好奇
[1:55:31]	Okay.	好吧
[1:55:50]	– Let’s do it. – Let’s do it.	– 我们走吧 – 我们走
[1:55:51]	– Okay. – All right.	– 好的 – 好吧
[1:55:52]	– See you later, dudes. – Let’s do it.	– 再见 伙计 – 我们走
[1:55:53]	– See you. – Hey, we’ll text.	– 再见 – 我们会发短信
[1:55:55]	– Ooh, sorry. – Yeah, please do.	– 对不起 – 一定要发
[1:56:01]	So, the first time I came to America,	我第一次来美国的时候
[1:56:03]	I was, like, 14,	我才14岁
[1:56:04]	and I was just visiting my uncle in New York,	我只是去纽约看望我叔叔
[1:56:06]	and it just happened to be Thanksgiving.	刚好是感恩节
[1:56:08]	My first day in America, my uncle took me	我在美国的第一天 我叔叔带我
[1:56:11]	to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.	去梅西百货感恩节大游行
[1:56:14]	And I was like, “This is every day in America!”	我以为美国每天都这样
[1:56:17]	As advertised.	像广告一样
[1:56:20]	Every day, they have a party celebrating Garfield.	每天 他们都有庆祝加菲猫的聚会
[1:56:24]	No day has lived up to that day.	我终于等到了那一天
[1:56:28]	I was, uh, lying to my parents,	我在骗我父母
[1:56:30]	I was telling them I was gonna be a lawyer.	我告诉他们我要当律师
[1:56:33]	And they’re very disappointed	他们都很失望
[1:56:34]	’cause they wanted me to be a doctor.	他们希望我当医生
[1:56:37]	You guys are like, why didn’t you just tell them	为什么不告诉他们
[1:56:39]	that you wanted to be a doctor?	你想当医生？
[1:56:40]	It’s a lie anyway, and I’m like,	这就像吹牛
[1:56:41]	well, it has to be believable.	必须有可信度
[1:56:43]	If I told them “I want to be a doctor,”	如果我告诉他们 “我想当医生”
[1:56:45]	they’d be like, “Bullshit.”	他们就会说 “胡说”
[1:56:47]	If I said “lawyer,” they’re like, “Oh, okay.	如果我说的是 “律师” 他们会说 “好吧”
[1:56:49]	“That’s something.”	那才像话
[1:56:50]	‘Cause there’s a strict hierarchy.	因为有严格的等级制度
[1:56:52]	It’s doctor, engineer, lawyer,	医生 工程师 律师
[1:56:55]	hundreds of jobs,	数以百计的工作
[1:56:58]	ISIS, then comedian.	然后是喜剧演员
[1:57:05]	Ah, I’m sorry.	啊 对不起
[1:57:07]	It’s very rude to heckle comedians.	起哄喜剧演员是非常粗鲁的
[1:57:10]	Oh, that wasn’t a heckle.	那不是起哄
[1:57:11]	I just kind of whoo-hoo’d for you.	我只是想为你点赞
[1:57:12]	Well, see, that’s a common misconception.	这是个常见的误解
[1:57:14]	Heckling doesn’t have to be negative.	起哄不一定是消极的
[1:57:16]	So if I was like, “Oh, my God, you’re amazing in bed!”	所以如果我说 “上帝” 你的床功好惊人
[1:57:19]	That would be a	这算
[1:57:21]	heckle?	起哄吗？
[1:57:22]	Yeah, and now you’re getting more laughs than me,	现在你获得的笑声比我还多
[1:57:24]	and I don’t like that.	我不喜欢这样
[1:57:25]	Do you want to come up, do my job?	你想上来干我的活吗？
[1:57:27]	Let’s talk about	让我们来谈谈
[1:57:28]	So, are you from out of town, ma’am?	你是从外地来的吗 女士？
[1:57:30]	– Chicago. – Ooh, Windy City.	– 芝加哥 – 刮风的城市
[1:57:33]	And what brings you to New York?	什么风把你吹来纽约？
[1:57:36]	– Here to see someone. – And, um	– 来见个人 – 然后 嗯
[1:57:39]	Have you seen him? Or her? I mean, I don’t	你见过他或她吗？我不
[1:57:41]	I don’t know what your deal is, but	我不知道你的目的 但是
[1:57:43]	Yeah, I’ve seen him.	是的 我见过他