时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
---|---|---|
[00:24] | Whoa! What the fuck are you doing?! | 你在干什么啊 |
[00:27] | I was watching you surf. | 我在看你冲浪呢 |
[00:28] | Well, that wasn’t me, I surfed two hours ago. | 那不是我 我两小时前冲的浪 |
[00:30] | I get up much earlier than you do. | 我起得比你早多了 |
[00:32] | This is the same reason I hate watching football. | 这就是为什么我讨厌看橄榄球比赛 |
[00:35] | You can’t tell anyone apart! | 根本分不清谁是谁 |
[00:38] | Oh, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. | 对不起 真抱歉 |
[00:40] | How on earth did you learn to punch like that? | 你是怎么学会出拳这么有劲的 |
[00:42] | Well, earlier this year, | 今年早些时候 |
[00:44] | Stella and I went to this bonfire where Stella ended up meeting | 我和史黛拉去参加篝火晚会 |
[00:46] | her “Ayurvedic soul mate” or whatever. | 她遇到了”阿育吠陀式灵魂伴侣” |
[00:48] | But it turned out, he had a girlfriend who got drunk | 但是后来发现 他有女朋友而且还喝多了 |
[00:51] | and lit Stella’s fashion poncho on fire. | 直接把史黛拉的时尚斗篷点着了 |
[00:53] | We brought top-shelf tequila, | 我们带了顶级龙舌兰 |
[00:54] | so technically no one should’ve been upset about anything, | 本来应该没人生气的 |
[00:57] | but people are irrational. | 但是有的人就是不理智 |
[00:59] | Anyhoo, we were like, that obviously can’t ever happen again. | 总之 我们觉得不能再有这种事 |
[01:02] | We need to know how to protect ourselves, | 我们得学会保护自己 |
[01:04] | so, we enrolled in a self-defense class. | 于是就报了防身术的课 |
[01:06] | – Wait. Which one is Stella again? – Unironically owned a rabbit, | -等等 史黛拉是哪个来着 -养了一只兔子 |
[01:09] | dated her therapist, sometimes house-sits for Macklemore. | 跟她心理医生约会 有时候会帮迈克摩尔看家 |
[01:11] | I thought Stella was the, | 我以为史黛拉是那个 |
[01:12] | uh, sad girl who doesn’t wash her hair, | 不洗头的可怜女孩 |
[01:14] | the one with the cat. | 养了一只猫的那个 |
[01:15] | – Yeah, no, that’s Jules. – Okay, so then Izzy | -不 那个是茱尔斯 -那伊兹是不是 |
[01:18] | is the one who just broke up with her boyfriend, | 刚跟男朋友分手 |
[01:20] | brought a puzzle to a bar. | 拿着拼图去酒吧那个 |
[01:21] | No, that’s… also Jules. | 不 那个 也是茱尔斯 |
[01:30] | – I wanna meet them. – What? Wait… | -我想见见她们 -什么 等等… |
[01:33] | I thought we had to keep things private | 你之前不是说 |
[01:34] | until the divorce finalized? | 在正式离婚之前 先不公开吗 |
[01:36] | Well, that’s true, but I know how you hate it | 是这样 但是我知道你很不喜欢 |
[01:37] | that I don’t know your friends, and I wanna meet them. | 我不认识你的朋友们 所以我想见见 |
[01:39] | You know, if she gets the house, she gets the house. | 要是回头房子归她 那就归她好了 |
[01:43] | I’m kidding. | 开玩笑的 |
[01:45] | Let’s do dinner, all of us. | 一起吃个饭吧 我们几个 |
[01:46] | I can’t imagine | 你应该没有真的 |
[01:47] | you’ve actually kept me a secret from them, have you? | 对她们保密我们的事吧 |
[01:49] | – No, I have. – Are you lying? | -我保密了 -你在撒谎吗 |
[01:51] | – I am. – Then let’s do dinner! | -对 -那就吃个晚餐吧 |
[01:53] | All of us. Your place. Come on. | 我们几个 去你家 怎么样 |
[01:55] | Oh, God. I mean, oh good! | 天哪 我是说 太好了 |
[01:57] | Because I… definitely know how to cook. | 因为我 厨艺很好 |
[02:00] | Unless if you think it’s too awkward, you know, | 除非你觉得太过尴尬 |
[02:02] | with the age difference and everything. | 因为我们年龄差距太大什么的 |
[02:03] | No, no way! | 不 怎么会呢 |
[02:04] | My friends are crazy mature for their age. | 我的朋友们特别成熟 |
[02:07] | I mean, I can’t remember a time when we weren’t discussing | 我们随时都在讨论 |
[02:09] | our portfolios and deductibles, or 2008. | 我们的投资组合和免税 还有2008 |
[02:13] | Do you think Gordon Gekko is coming for dinner? | 你觉得戈登·盖柯[《华尔街 金钱永不眠》角色]要来吃饭吗 |
[02:15] | The lizard in the commercials? He has a name? | 你是说那个广告里的蜥蜴吗 它还有名字 |
[02:18] | Never mind. It was… | 算了 我说的是… |
[02:19] | – Oh, right, from the… – I was just kidding. | -哦对 你是说… -我开玩笑的 |
[02:22] | – Obviously. – Yeah. | -当然 -对 |
[02:23] | This is gonna be great. | 一定会很开心的 |
[02:26] | Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck… | 操操操操操操操操操操 |
[02:57] | It wasn’t me. | 不是我 |
[03:02] | Again, Turtle? | 你又来 乌龟 |
[03:06] | God, and I’m hosting Ramona’s bachelorette party today. | 天哪 我今天要举办雷蒙娜的单身派对 |
[03:08] | I don’t need this. | 别给我添乱 |
[03:11] | Don’t give me that look, I don’t feel bad for you. | 你别摆出这幅表情 我不同情你 |
[03:14] | Just because you miss Jeremy’s dog | 你想念杰瑞米的狗 |
[03:15] | doesn’t mean you can just fly off the handle. | 也不能这样乱发脾气 |
[03:18] | Get your emotions under control! | 把你的情绪处理好 |
[03:21] | If I may, | 容我说一句 |
[03:22] | you two are in a destructive cycle of conflict. | 你们俩陷入了恶性的矛盾循环 |
[03:26] | Come with me. | 跟我来 |
[03:29] | We need to open this up. | 我们需要好好谈一谈 |
[03:35] | Jules, our goal is to remove the blockages | 茱尔斯 我们的目标是扫除障碍 |
[03:38] | that are stopping you from connecting with Turtle. | 让你和乌龟能够好好谈心 |
[03:41] | You’re the one who agreed to be Ramona’s bridesmaid, not him. | 毕竟是你同意当雷蒙娜的伴娘 不是它 |
[03:44] | My only blockage is my cat destroying my kitchen | 我唯一的障碍是 猫把厨房搞得一团糟 |
[03:47] | on the one day it needed to look like the kitchen | 可是今天我最需要厨房整整齐齐 |
[03:49] | of a person who is healthy and adjusted | 显得主人非常健康而有条理 |
[03:52] | and not completely heartbroken over anyone’s brother. | 而不是因为任何人的弟弟而心碎 |
[03:55] | Remember, Jules, it’s not you against Turtle, | 记住 茱尔斯 你和乌龟不是敌人 |
[03:58] | it’s you and Turtle against the problem. | 你们要一起解决问题 |
[04:02] | Why don’t you talk about how you’re feeling | 不如你来说说你的感受 |
[04:04] | as opposed to what you’re thinking? | 不要只说你的想法 |
[04:07] | I feel like I think | 我觉得我认为 |
[04:11] | Ramona needs to see that I’m doing amazing | 雷蒙娜需要知道我过得很好 |
[04:13] | and report that back to Jeremy. | 然后告诉杰瑞米 |
[04:14] | Do you think that maybe what’s going on | 你觉得或许现在的情况是 |
[04:16] | is that you’re not over your breakup | 分手的事你还没有释怀 |
[04:18] | and instead, you’re making the problem about your cat? | 却把问题转移到了你的猫身上 |
[04:22] | Exactly. The real problem is the cat. | 没错 问题就在猫身上 |
[04:25] | Turtle is sad because when we moved out of Jeremy’s, | 乌龟很伤心 因为我们从杰瑞米家搬出来 |
[04:27] | we had to leave Johnny Drama and now he’s acting out. | 被迫离开强尼·抓马 现在它在发脾气 |
[04:30] | But I can fix this. | 但我能解决 |
[04:33] | For the record, this session was unproductive! | 我声明 这次咨询很没有成效 |
[04:37] | It’s only weird if you make it weird. | 你觉得奇怪才会奇怪 |
[04:40] | There you go. See, Turtle? | 你看 怎么样 乌龟 |
[04:42] | Feeling better already. | 是不是感觉好多了 |
[04:44] | Hey, uh, so I feel a little weird | 不好意思 打扰了 |
[04:47] | to just come up and tell you this, but– | 我也觉得直接过来说很奇怪 但是… |
[04:49] | Oh, God. Look, I’m sure plenty of people come here | 天哪 我知道也许很多人来这里 |
[04:51] | hoping for a pet-inspired meet-cute situation, | 都会想要借助宠物来一段邂逅 |
[04:54] | and I’m very flattered, but it is not a great time for me. | 我受宠若惊 但是现在时机不是很好 |
[04:58] | You just stepped in shit. | 你踩到屎了 |
[05:06] | Lucky for you, I am kind of a compulsive cleaner. | 你很幸运 我有轻微洁癖 |
[05:10] | Here. | 给你 |
[05:11] | Um, I’m really sorry, by the way, about that | 我很抱歉 之前我擅自揣测你的意思 |
[05:14] | whole speech before, um… | 还说了那番话… |
[05:16] | Honestly, I just got a little freaked out | 说实话 我就是有点吓到了 |
[05:17] | because I thought you were gonna hit on me. | 因为我以为你要跟我搭讪 |
[05:19] | Right, and I would obviously freak you out | 对 你之所以会吓到 |
[05:21] | because upon first glance, I’m either totally revolting | 是因为初见之下 我要么看起来很恶心 |
[05:24] | or seem like a serial killer? | 要么像连环杀手 |
[05:26] | No. Nope. No, it’s not that. | 不 不是的 没那回事 |
[05:28] | You, you don’t seem like a serial killer, trust me. | 你看起来完全不像连环杀手 相信我 |
[05:31] | I mean, not “Trust me” Like I have experience with serial killers, | 我说这句”相信我”不是说我对连环杀手很有经验 |
[05:33] | because I don’t. | 我没经验 |
[05:35] | I mean, I don’t think I do just because I’m alive? | 我不是说我这么说是因为我还活着 |
[05:40] | Anyway, I’m Jules. This is Turtle. | 不管怎样 我是茱尔斯 这是乌龟 |
[05:42] | I’m Wes, this is Ollie. | 我是韦斯 这是奥利 |
[05:45] | So is Turtle one of those species-fluid cats? | 所以乌龟是那种物种流动的猫吗 |
[05:48] | Very woke of him. | 很觉悟啊 |
[05:49] | Well, he’s used to being around a dog and, um, | 它以前经常和一只狗在一起 |
[05:52] | he’s been a little depressed lately, | 它最近有点抑郁 |
[05:54] | so I thought this might be a good idea. | 所以我想这也许是个好主意 |
[05:56] | – I don’t know, is that crazy? – No, it’s not crazy at all. | -我不知道 这疯狂吗 -不 一点也不疯狂 |
[05:58] | A lot of people don’t realize it, | 很多人没认识到 |
[06:00] | but animals can struggle with separation anxiety, | 但动物也会面对分离焦虑 |
[06:02] | and all sorts of mental health problems that people do. | 以及人类有的各种心理健康问题 |
[06:05] | What are you, a cat doctor? | 你是干什么的 猫科医生吗 |
[06:06] | Most people just say “Veterinarian,” | 大多数人称之为”兽医” |
[06:08] | but, yeah, I guess technically I’m a doctor of cats and such. | 但从技术层面来讲我的确是个给猫之类看病的医生 |
[06:15] | Well… I just put my foot in my mouth. | 我把脚放进了我的嘴[说错话了] |
[06:18] | I’d strongly advise against that given the circumstances. | 鉴于现在的情况我强烈反对 |
[06:23] | Anyway, I don’t want to take up your time | 好了 我不想占用你的时间 |
[06:26] | or be that vet at a dog park handing out his card, | 或者做那种在狗狗公园发名片的兽医 |
[06:30] | but just in case something comes up. | 但以防万一还是给你一张吧 |
[06:33] | Okay. | 好 |
[06:36] | – Nice to meet you. – Bye. | -很高兴认识你 -再见 |
[06:38] | Hey. Follow me. | 跟着我 |
[07:00] | It legit smells fucked up in here. | 这里闻起来真是糟透了 |
[07:02] | I’m getting notes of a burnt something. | 感觉是什么东西烧坏了 |
[07:04] | I can’t quite put my finger on it. | 但我不知道是什么 |
[07:06] | I set Ina Garten on fire during the third chicken. | 我在做第三只鸡的时候把艾娜·加藤的书点着了 |
[07:09] | Toasted book, that’s what I was smelling. | 烤焦的书 我闻到的原来是这个 |
[07:11] | Less judging, more helping. | 少评判 多帮忙 |
[07:12] | Colin’s gonna be here in an hour | 柯林一小时后就到了 |
[07:14] | and I’ve gotta cook something that 46-year-olds eat. | 我得做点那个46岁的人能吃的东西 |
[07:16] | My grandpa always gets it up for a nice piece of fish. | 一条好的鱼能让我外公坚挺 |
[07:18] | I’m sorry, can your grandfather’s boner | 不好意思 可以不聊 |
[07:20] | not be a part of this conversation? | 你外公勃起的事吗 |
[07:21] | Hey, don’t hate on my grandfather’s boner. | 别讨厌我外公勃起 |
[07:23] | I wouldn’t be here without my grandfather’s boner. | 我外公不勃起的话就没有我了 |
[07:25] | Is this a Gucci belt in your silverware drawer? | 你的餐具抽屉里是放了一条古驰腰带吗 |
[07:28] | This is my overflow closet. I don’t cook a lot. | 这是我的后备衣橱 我并不怎么做饭 |
[07:30] | Why don’t we just Postmates? | 为什么不点外卖 |
[07:32] | You know, maybe the Postmates guy will be cute, | 说不定外卖小哥很帅 |
[07:34] | and then you can go on a date with him | 然后你就会和他约会 |
[07:35] | instead of cooking dinner for this old fuck. | 而不是给这个老东西做晚饭了 |
[07:37] | Stella, was I this unsupportive that time you dated that mime? | 史黛拉 你和那”哑巴”的约会的时候我也是这么不支持吗 |
[07:40] | Yes. You called him “Quiet Clown” | 是的 你叫他”安静的小丑” |
[07:42] | and then kicked him out of your birthday dinner. | 然后把他赶出了你的生日晚宴 |
[07:44] | Well, he made me wanna… myself. | 他让我想把我自己… |
[07:47] | Look, Colin wants to meet you guys, | 柯林想见你们 |
[07:49] | so this dinner has to be elegant, adult and sophisticated. | 所以这顿晚饭必须优雅 成熟和精致 |
[07:52] | Which reminds me, no one can act like themselves. | 这也提醒了我 你们都不能做自己 |
[07:54] | – I have experience with that. – Izzy, | -这方面我有经验 -伊兹 |
[07:56] | don’t talk about your Ariana Grande blog. | 别提到你的爱莉安娜·格兰德博客 |
[07:58] | Or how you got that permanent bottom retainer. | 或者你为什么装了永久下牙套 |
[08:01] | Or that dream where you’re a Christmas tree. | 亦或者你梦到你是一棵圣诞树 |
[08:03] | And don’t call things “Fire.” | 不要描述东西”爆了” |
[08:04] | It never sounds natural when you say it. | 你每次说的时候都感觉很奇怪 |
[08:07] | Really? “That dress is fire. That dress is fire.” | 真的吗 “那裙子好看爆了 那裙子好看爆了” |
[08:10] | I just want to painstakingly construct an aura | 我只是想用心构建一个 |
[08:13] | of sophistication and maturity | 精致 成熟的氛围 |
[08:14] | that is both effortless and natural. | 既不费力也很自然 |
[08:16] | This feels like the domestic equivalent of faking an orgasm. | 感觉像是假装高潮一样 |
[08:19] | You know, they’re never gonna get better if we keep pretending. | 如果你一直装的话 情况是不会变好的 |
[08:22] | It is not pretending. | 不是假装 |
[08:23] | It’s like when you put on tinted moisturizer, | 就像你抹润色乳液 |
[08:25] | clear brow gel, brown mascara, | 透明眉胶 棕色睫毛膏 |
[08:27] | loose setting powder, and matte lip balm | 素颜粉 哑光唇膏 |
[08:28] | in order to achieve a carefully crafted makeup-free look. | 就是为了达到一个看起来像是素颜的效果 |
[08:31] | Holy shit. Can you repeat that? I gotta write it down. | 我去 你能再说一遍吗 我得记下来 |
[08:33] | Just stick to the areas of conversation | 就记住对话要显得我们 |
[08:34] | that make us seem worldly and cosmopolitan. | 久经世故和见多识广 |
[08:36] | The following is a list of dinner party approved topics: | 下面是晚餐可以聊的话题列表 |
[08:39] | “The dangers of social media, the absence of the middle class, | “社交媒体的危险 中产阶级的缺席 |
[08:42] | “Travel anxiety, Lipitor, classic rock, | “旅行焦虑 立普妥 经典摇滚 |
[08:45] | airline reward points, and Frasier.” | 航空公司奖励积分 《欢乐一家亲》” |
[08:46] | Stella, I need you to email that list to Jules. | 史黛拉 你把列表发给茱尔斯 |
[08:49] | Okay, that’s adorable you think I listened to that | 你觉得我会认真听 |
[08:51] | and could regurgitate it into an email. | 还能原封不动写到邮件里真是太可爱了 |
[08:55] | Jules says she’s gonna be late, | 茱尔斯说她得晚点到 |
[08:56] | she has her cousin’s bachelorette party. | 她要参加她表姐的单身派对 |
[08:58] | Don’t mention the bachelorette party to Colin, | 别和柯林提单身派对 |
[09:00] | it makes it sound slutty and young. | 听起来很淫荡 年轻 |
[09:03] | Oh, my God! | 我的天 |
[09:04] | Did someone turn on the oven? | 有人开烤箱了吗 |
[09:05] | You were trying to cook a whole chicken on the stove. | 你刚才试图在烤炉上烤整只鸡 |
[09:07] | No! Shit, I keep my heels in there! | 不 该死 那是我放高跟鞋的地方 |
[09:10] | It doesn’t feel like it was my responsibility to know that. | 我怎么会知道 |
[09:13] | My shoes! My Louboutins! | 我的鞋 我的鲁布托 |
[09:21] | Another supermodel is ready for the runway. | 又一名超模准备闪亮登场 |
[09:25] | What do you think? | 你们觉得怎么样 |
[09:27] | Oh, my God! | 我的天 |
[09:28] | Oh, my God. | 我的天 |
[09:30] | It screams “Me.” | 太有我的风格了 |
[09:33] | You are getting the full Dallas treatment today. Oh! | 你今天将会感受到全套达拉斯招待的 |
[09:36] | Thank you to my besties for being here. | 谢谢大家捧场 |
[09:39] | Especially my girls who flew out from Texas. | 特别是从得克萨斯州飞来的姐妹们 |
[09:42] | Oh! You brought like a little bit of home here to L. A. | 你们给我的单身周末 |
[09:44] | for my batch weekend. | 带来了一点家的味道 |
[09:45] | Hash tag HolyMatramona, tag your Instas. | #雷蒙娜美翻了 Instagram上记得加上这个话题标签 |
[09:48] | Oh, uh, quick housekeeping announcement from the maid of honor. | 首席伴娘说个内务问题 |
[09:52] | For those of you who haven’t, | 还没有给我转钱的 |
[09:54] | if you could Venmo me the $576 for the tea, | 记得转我576元的茶水 |
[09:58] | sachets, decor and hotel. | 香袋 装饰和酒店的钱 |
[10:00] | Oh, and that doesn’t include the party bus or dinner this evening. | 对了 这不包含派对巴士和今晚的晚餐 |
[10:04] | Now, gettin’ into games, | 现在来玩游戏吧 |
[10:06] | let’s each go around and talk about the first time | 我们轮流说一说 |
[10:10] | we met Ramona. | 我们第一次见雷蒙娜的场景 |
[10:14] | Miss Maid of Honor, | 伴娘女士 |
[10:15] | you have one minute for your answer. | 你有一分钟时间 |
[10:19] | I’ll never forget the first time I met Ramona. | 我永远都忘不了我第一次见雷蒙娜的时候 |
[10:22] | It was the first day of kindergarten, | 是上幼儿园的第一天 |
[10:25] | and her Barbie lent my Barbie the most incredible pair | 她的芭比借给我的芭比一双超美的 |
[10:29] | of plastic open-toed espadrilles. | 塑料露趾帆布鞋 |
[10:32] | Thank you, Miss Maid of Honor. | 谢谢伴娘女士 |
[10:34] | Miss Friend from Camp? | 有请露营伙伴小姐 |
[10:36] | Ramona and I made friendship bracelets | 我和雷蒙娜做了友谊手链 |
[10:39] | that we promised we’d give our daughters one day. | 并承诺有一天会送给我们的女儿们 |
[10:43] | Go Camp Wannaweepweep! | 想哭哭营地万岁 |
[10:47] | Miss Dumped by the Bride’s Brother? | 被新娘弟弟甩小姐 |
[10:54] | I’ll repeat the question. | 我来重复一下问题 |
[10:56] | When did you first meet Ramona? | 你第一次见雷蒙娜是什么时候 |
[10:58] | I think it’s when I came to a Thanksgiving. With Jeremy. | 应该是我和杰瑞米去参加感恩节的时候 |
[11:07] | Are you still harboring secret and unresolved feelings for him? | 你还对他念念不忘吗 |
[11:11] | No one else got a second question. | 没人被问两个问题 |
[11:12] | It’s a two-parter. | 这是一个含有两个小问的问题 |
[11:14] | I mean, am I completely over it? | 你是问我完全放下了它吗 |
[11:17] | Define “Completely.” | 请定义一下”完全” |
[11:18] | Define “Over.” Define “It.” | 定义”放下”和”它” |
[11:21] | It must be so hard to put on a brave face in a situation | 在如此令人崩溃的情况下 |
[11:24] | that is so obviously totally crushing you. | 一定很难勇敢面对吧 |
[11:28] | Uh, did we do away with swimsuit? | 我们取消泳装秀了吗 |
[11:31] | Because I feel like that’s gonna be more comfortable than this. | 我觉得那会比这自在很多 |
[11:35] | Something just touched my foot! | 有东西碰到我的脚了 |
[11:43] | I’m so sorry about your face, Ramona. | 很抱歉你的脸受伤了 雷蒙娜 |
[11:45] | Turtle has been acting out lately. | 乌龟最近有点调皮 |
[11:48] | I… I totally understand if you don’t want me to be | 你要是不想让我参加你的婚礼 |
[11:50] | in your wedding anymore. | 我完全能够理解 |
[11:51] | Are you kidding? | 你在开玩笑吗 |
[11:53] | You can’t back out, not because of your cat, | 你不能走 不能因为你的猫 |
[11:55] | and not because of my idiot little brother either, okay? | 也不能因为我那愚蠢的弟弟就走 好吗 |
[11:58] | Dumping you before my wedding was so selfish of him. | 他在我的婚礼前甩了你 真的很自私 |
[12:01] | Yeah, that was my first thought after the breakup too. | 嗯 分手后我也是这么想的 |
[12:04] | – This isn’t about Jer, right? – No. No, no, no. No. | -这与小杰无关吧 -对 与他无关 |
[12:07] | You’re an only child as far as I’m concerned. | 在我看来 你没有弟弟 |
[12:09] | I’m just glad you’re not mad at me. | 我只是很高兴 你没生我的气 |
[12:11] | Oh, it wasn’t your fault. | 那不是你的错 |
[12:12] | Just tell me, is it bad? | 老实告诉我 很糟糕吗 |
[12:17] | No. | 不糟糕 |
[12:22] | Hey, Mads. My thing ended early | 麦子 我这边提早结束了 |
[12:24] | because of a third-degree burn situation, | 因为发生了一场三级烧伤事故 |
[12:26] | so I’m just gonna wash my face and head over– | 我洗个脸就过去… |
[12:28] | Change of plans. We’re having dinner at your place. | 计划有变 我们要在你家吃晚餐 |
[12:30] | Oh, my God, what is this? | 天啊 这是什么 |
[12:32] | – My cousin’s bachelorette party. – The party was here? | -我表姐的单身派对 -在这里办的吗 |
[12:35] | Fuck the dangers of social media, | 去他妈的社交媒体的危险 |
[12:37] | this is what Instagram stories are for. | 你怎么不拍Instagram故事啊 |
[12:39] | I swear I know the model for this. | 我肯定知道这根屌是谁的 |
[12:41] | Why would you move the dinner party to my house? | 你为什么要把晚餐聚会搬到我家 |
[12:42] | Because Izzy set my shoes on fire | 因为伊兹把我的鞋给烧了 |
[12:44] | and I didn’t know you were hosting a penis festival. | 我不知道你在举办阴茎节 |
[12:47] | Penis festival. | 阴茎节 |
[12:48] | Okay, everyone split up. | 好了 大家分头行动 |
[12:50] | Colin’s gonna be here any minute. Hide the dicks. | 柯林随时会到 把阴茎藏起来 |
[13:13] | Okay, I think we got it all. | 好 应该搞定了 |
[13:26] | It won’t deflate! It’s too hard! | 放不了气 太硬了 |
[13:28] | – Try stepping on the balls. – Okay. | -试试踩蛋蛋 -好 |
[13:31] | Knock-knock. I brought Pinot. | 咚咚 带了黑比诺葡萄酒 |
[13:36] | Welcome to my home. | 欢迎来到我家 |
[13:42] | Uh, everyone, this is Colin. | 各位 这是柯林 |
[13:44] | Colin, this is everyone. | 柯林 这是我的朋友们 |
[13:44] | Hey, girls. | 你们好 |
[13:46] | That’s quite the large penis you have there. | 那根阴茎真大 |
[13:48] | It’s an art installation. | 那是个艺术品 |
[13:50] | Uh, Jules is really into feminist modernism. | 茱尔斯非常喜欢女权现代主义 |
[13:54] | Yep. I got it at a… gallery. | 对 我在一个艺术馆买的 |
[13:57] | Cool. Cool. Which one? | 真酷 在哪一个艺术馆 |
[13:59] | It’s just called, um, Gallery. | 它就叫艺术馆 |
[14:02] | It’s minimalist. | 极简主义派 |
[14:04] | Stella, Izzy, why don’t you guys make Colin | 史黛拉 伊兹 去吧台给柯林 |
[14:06] | a drink from the bar cart | 倒一杯喝的吧 |
[14:07] | that houses various types of aged and unaged alcohols? | 那里面有各种各样的陈年酒和新酿酒 |
[14:10] | Sit down, honey. Jules, I need your help in the kitchen. | 坐吧 亲爱的 茱尔斯 来厨房帮帮我 |
[14:12] | Perfect. Well, feel free to make yourself at home. | 好 不必拘束 请随意 |
[14:18] | Normally I would have questions about why you look | 通常我会问你为什么看起来像是 |
[14:20] | like a Dolly Parton impersonator, but we need to focus. | 多莉·帕顿的模仿者 但我们现在需要专注 |
[14:22] | The bachelorette party had this guy doing makeovers. | 之前的单身派对上他们找了个人化妆 |
[14:24] | What, and you did something to make him hate you? | 你惹到他了吗 |
[14:26] | I can see your line. | 我能看到你的线 |
[14:27] | – My what? – Your line. | -我的什么 -你的粉底线 |
[14:29] | The completely unblended line | 你的粉底完全没有抹匀 |
[14:30] | where your foundation dead-ends into the rest of your neck. | 粉底线一直延伸到你的颈部 |
[14:32] | The line that screams, “In case you were wondering, | 它在嘶吼”如果你想知道 |
[14:34] | this is not at all what I actually look like!” | 这根本不是我的真面目” |
[14:36] | Oh, is it anything like the line between normal Madison | 像不像正常的麦迪逊 |
[14:38] | and the person who keeps rearranging the same six Brussels sprouts | 和一个像烹饪雨人一样不断在盘子里 |
[14:41] | on that plate like a culinary Rain Man? | 反复摆放六个球茎甘蓝的人之间的那条线 |
[14:43] | We can insult each other later. | 晚点再互相伤害吧 |
[14:44] | Right now, I need this dinner to go perfectly. | 现在我需要这顿晚餐能完美进行下去 |
[14:46] | Colin seems like a pretty chill guy. | 柯林看起来是个很随和的人 |
[14:48] | Look, I know he says he doesn’t care how mature I am, | 我知道他说他不在乎我有多成熟 |
[14:51] | but his beach house says otherwise. | 但他的海滨别墅可不同意 |
[14:52] | Look, his ex-wife was obviously an incredible homemaker | 他的前妻显然是个了不起的家庭主妇 |
[14:55] | and had the interior design instincts of Jonathan Adler. | 有着乔纳森·阿德勒的室内设计天赋 |
[14:58] | So tonight has to be the definition of sophistication. | 所以今晚一切都得精致 |
[15:04] | Who’s hungry? | 饿了吗 |
[15:07] | Ah. Izzy, Stella, can you help set the table? | 伊兹 史黛拉 能帮忙摆桌吗 |
[15:10] | You know how we normally do | 我们经常举办晚宴 |
[15:11] | during all the dinner parties we’re constantly throwing. | 你们知道通常该怎么做 |
[15:16] | I got it. | 我来开门 |
[15:20] | Hey. Is this Jules’ place? | 你好 这是茱尔斯家吗 |
[15:23] | I’m Steve. I’m here for the party. | 我是史蒂夫 是来参加派对的 |
[15:24] | – Sure, come on in. – Oh, thank you. | -是的 进来吧 -谢谢 |
[15:27] | Jules, your friend Steve’s here. | 茱尔斯 你的朋友史蒂夫来了 |
[15:30] | Oh, my God. Hello, Steve. Uh… | 天啊 你好 史蒂夫 |
[15:33] | So good of you to come. Welcome. | 你能来太好了 欢迎 |
[15:36] | Who the fuck is that? | 这他妈是谁 |
[15:37] | It’s not not the stripper | 这一定是我忘记取消的 |
[15:39] | from the bachelorette party I forgot to cancel. | 请来单身派对的脱衣舞男 |
[15:41] | – Jules! – Handling it. Handling it. | -茱尔斯 -冷静 我来处理 |
[15:44] | Make you a drink? You look like an old-fashioned kind of guy. | 要喝一杯吗 你看起来很老派 |
[15:47] | Yeah, sure, just an old-fashioned Jager and Red Bull for me. | 好 我要一杯老式的野格和红牛 |
[15:52] | Okay. | 好 |
[15:55] | Oh, my– No-no-no-no! Oh, boy! | 天啊 不 不 不 天啊 |
[15:57] | We should, uh, it’s cold, right? | 应该… 天气冷 对吗 |
[15:59] | So we should just leave the coat on, I think. | 应该穿着外套 |
[16:00] | Oh, okay, whatever you want. You’re paying for it. | 随你便 反正你给的钱 |
[16:03] | Uh, look, uh, Steve, listen. | 听着 史蒂夫 |
[16:04] | There’s been a little misunderstanding, okay? | 出了点误会 |
[16:07] | And, uh, I think we really need to talk | 我觉得我们得谈谈 |
[16:09] | before this night goes completely off the rails. | 趁今晚还没有彻底乱套 |
[16:15] | We don’t have a lot of time, Steve. | 我们时间不多了 史蒂夫 |
[16:17] | We have to switch gears quickly! | 我们得赶紧换挡 |
[16:27] | I’m very, very sorry no one called to cancel, | 我很抱歉没人通知你取消了 |
[16:29] | but, uh, tonight you are not a stripper. | 但今晚你不是脱衣舞男 |
[16:32] | Okay, Steve? You’re a guest at a dinner party. | 好吗 史蒂夫 你是一个晚宴的客人 |
[16:35] | You understand what I’m saying? | 你懂我的意思吗 |
[16:36] | Got it. I am a “Guest” At a dinner party. | 明白 我是一个晚宴的客人 |
[16:40] | Ooh, Steve, I feel like you’re not following | 史蒂夫 我感觉你没明白 |
[16:42] | and it is very important that we get on the same page right now. | 我们必须要达成一致 |
[16:44] | Okay? Who are you tonight? | 你今晚是谁 |
[16:46] | I am a “Guest” At a “Dinner party.” | 我是一个晚宴的客人 |
[16:50] | No air quotes, Steve. The air quotes are very concerning. | 别用空气引号 史蒂夫 很让人担忧 |
[16:53] | This is a matter of life or death. | 这事生死攸关 |
[17:01] | If this night is a train wreck, Madison is going to kill me. | 如果今晚出差错 麦迪逊会杀了我的 |
[17:05] | No sandwiches! | 别吃三明治 |
[17:07] | We’re as ready as we’ll ever be, Steve. | 我们准备好了 史蒂夫 |
[17:09] | We have to jump. | 我们得跳车 |
[17:11] | Come on! | 快 |
[17:17] | Uh… Keep that closed, Steve. | 衣服拉上 史蒂夫 |
[17:26] | What were you two up to in there? | 你们在里面干什么 |
[17:30] | Kissing. | 接吻 |
[17:37] | This chicken is delicious, Mads. | 这个鸡肉很好吃 麦子 |
[17:39] | I thought your knowledge of food | 我以为你的厨艺 |
[17:40] | ended with takeout from Fat Dragon. | 仅限于从肥龙点外卖 |
[17:42] | We always get takeout when we have our French cinema marathons. | 我们看法国电影的时候总会点外卖 |
[17:46] | Oh, honey, we should watch Moulin Rouge again. | 亲爱的 我们该再看一次《红磨坊》 |
[17:48] | Fully Australian film, shot in Australia. | 完全由澳大利亚制作的电影 拍摄于澳大利亚 |
[17:50] | Anyway, uh, I don’t always have time to cook, | 总之 我不是总有时间做饭 |
[17:53] | I’m a very busy girl-uh, woman, very busy woman. | 我是个很忙的女生 女人 很忙的女人 |
[17:57] | Oh, but it’s such a treat to casually throw together | 但偶尔做一顿美味鸡肉和九道配菜 |
[17:59] | a gourmet chicken and nine sides. | 也会让人心情大好 |
[18:01] | Oh, wow. You are really extra right now. | 你现在真的很多余 |
[18:03] | Extra great wife material. | 超棒的做妻子的料 |
[18:07] | Not that you need a wife. Or have ever had one. | 并不是说你需要一个妻子 或者你曾有过 |
[18:10] | Or still do. Never mind. | 或者现在仍然有 当我没说 |
[18:11] | We weren’t supposed to talk about this. Divorce. | 我们不该说这个的 离婚 |
[18:13] | Honey, uh, would you like more mac and cheese? | 亲爱的 你想再来点芝士通心粉吗 |
[18:15] | Uh, yeah, please, yeah. | 好啊 |
[18:16] | Have I ever told you about the, uh, mac and cheese | 我有跟你说过我在新奥尔良 |
[18:19] | at my favorite spot in New Orleans? | 最爱的芝士通心粉餐厅吗 |
[18:21] | Oh, we’re supposed to go in February for Mardi Gras. | 我们二月打算去参加狂欢节 |
[18:24] | Last time we were there, | 我们上次去的时候 |
[18:25] | I met this guy who had the biggest fetish for a– | 我遇到了一个人 他超喜欢 |
[18:27] | Chicken! Anyone want seconds? | 鸡肉 还有人想再吃点吗 |
[18:29] | There’s so much chicken here. Colin, you? | 这里还有好多鸡肉 柯林 你要吗 |
[18:31] | Uh… Yeah, maybe later. | 过会儿吧 |
[18:33] | – Okay. – Or, right now is good, yeah. | -好的 -现在也行 |
[18:35] | There’s something that tastes so familiar about it. | 味道感觉很熟悉 |
[18:37] | Ass play. That was the fetish. | 肛交 他的癖好是这个 |
[18:41] | Sorry, I got cut off before. | 抱歉 我刚才被打断了 |
[18:44] | Cool. | 好 |
[18:46] | So everyone psyched for the weekend? | 大家都期待这周末吗 |
[18:48] | – Oh my God, are you going, too? – Going where? | -天啊 你也要去吗 -去哪 |
[18:50] | – The Weeknd. – Yeah, but I’m asking where. | -威肯[周末] -嗯 我问去哪 |
[18:53] | Oh, they haven’t announced it yet, but it’s supposed to be | 他们还没宣布 但应该是在 |
[18:55] | a really small venue, really intimate, | 一个很小 很亲密的场所 |
[18:56] | and The Hadids might be there, but who knows. | 哈迪德也许会去 但谁知道呢 |
[18:59] | Okay, so a concert. | 所以是演唱会 |
[19:02] | Yeah. | 耶 |
[19:05] | Who’s playing? | 谁开唱 |
[19:07] | The Weeknd. | 周末 |
[19:09] | You’re the one who pretended to be someone else, right? | 你就是那个假装是别人的人 对吧 |
[19:12] | Maybe I can be helpful, Colin. | 也许我能帮上忙 柯林 |
[19:13] | Um, the Weeknd is a singer, | 周末就是歌手 |
[19:15] | whose real name is Abel, and he has some… | 他的真名是阿贝尔 他有一些 |
[19:19] | cool tunes. | 很好听的歌 |
[19:20] | They’re called bops. | 叫做波普 |
[19:22] | “I Can’t Feel My Face When I’m with You”? | 《我和你在一起的时候感觉不到我的脸》 |
[19:23] | It’s one of the greatest love songs of our time. | 这是我们这个时代最伟大的情歌之一 |
[19:30] | Right. Yeah. | 嗯 |
[19:33] | So does, uh, anyone else have anything they’d like to say? | 还有人有什么想说的吗 |
[19:36] | – I read something kind of cool. – Anyone other than Steve? | -我看了一篇很有意思的新闻 -除了史蒂夫 |
[19:39] | It was in the Wall Street Journal, about how interest rates | 《华尔街日报》上的 关于利率 |
[19:42] | are at their highest mark since 2011, yet consumers– | 达到了2011年以来的最高点 然而消费者 |
[19:46] | Aren’t able to generate enough income | 无法获得足够多的收入 |
[19:47] | to put money into savings. Yeah, I saw that. | 将钱存进银行 我也看了 |
[19:50] | Do you think it’s going to have an impact on the housing market? | 你觉得会影响到住房市场吗 |
[19:53] | It’s hard to say, you know. If first-time homebuyers | 难说 如果初次买房的人 |
[19:55] | aren’t able to put together a down payment– | 无法凑够首付 |
[19:56] | I know, well then what difference does it make | 是啊 那他们能搞到多少超额贷款 |
[19:58] | how many jumbo loans they can string together? | 又有什么意义 |
[20:00] | It’s pick your poison. | 两难选择 |
[20:01] | I know, that’s exactly what I’ve been saying. Yeah. | 是啊 我一直都在这么说 |
[20:06] | What do you do again, Steve? | 你是做什么的来着 史蒂夫 |
[20:09] | I’m a guest at a dinner party. | 我是一个晚宴的客人 |
[20:12] | Living in the moment. I love this guy. | 活在当下 我喜欢这家伙 |
[20:14] | On that note, I want to propose a toast. | 既然这样 我提议敬一杯酒 |
[20:17] | This dinner was all about | 这次晚餐的意义在于 |
[20:18] | bringing together a group of like-minded adults | 聚拢一组志同道合的成人 |
[20:20] | who’ve really made an impact on my life. | 他们影响了我的生活 |
[20:22] | My boyfriend Colin… | 我男友柯林 |
[20:24] | my best friends in the world… Jules, Stella, Izzy… | 我最好的朋友 茱尔斯 史黛拉 伊兹 |
[20:30] | and Steve. | 还有史蒂夫 |
[20:31] | So let’s all raise a glass. | 大家举杯 |
[20:34] | Let’s… all raise a glass. | 大家举杯 |
[20:37] | Please excuse me while I excuse myself, please. | 我失陪一下 |
[20:44] | Oh shit! | 该死 |
[20:46] | Turtle ate a bag of dicks! | 乌龟吃了一袋鸡鸡 |
[20:50] | Thank you so much for coming. | 谢谢你过来 |
[20:52] | I didn’t know who else to call. | 我不知道还能联系谁 |
[20:53] | Don’t worry. You did the right thing. | 没事 你做了正确的事 |
[20:54] | Do you have any idea how many dicks he ate? | 你知道它吃了多少鸡鸡吗 |
[20:56] | Um, well, I think he got through most of the cookie dicks, | 他好像吃完了大多数鸡鸡饼干 |
[20:58] | but there were also gummy dicks | 但是还有鸡鸡软糖 |
[21:00] | and like a marshmallow dick, I think. | 还有个棉花糖鸡鸡 |
[21:01] | It’s really important I know exactly what was in it. | 我必须知道它具体都吃了什么 |
[21:03] | Um, well, it’s still in the garbage, let me look. | 还在垃圾桶里 我看看 |
[21:11] | Boston Market. That’s what I was tasting. | 波士顿市场 我就说味道怎么那么熟 |
[21:14] | Jules, can you stop the dumpster dive, please? | 茱尔斯 你能别再翻垃圾了吗 |
[21:17] | I’m looking for what he ate, okay? | 我在找它吃了什么 |
[21:19] | Colin, for the record, I did cook a chicken. | 柯林 声明下 我真的有做一只鸡 |
[21:21] | – Just not the one you ate. – She did. | -只是不是你吃的那只 -真的 |
[21:23] | She tried. She cooked like five chickens, | 她试过了 她做了五只鸡 |
[21:25] | and probably would have kept going | 可能会一直做下去 |
[21:27] | if we didn’t set her shoes on fire in the oven. | 要是她的鞋没有在烤箱里烧起来的话 |
[21:28] | Guys, it’s really fine. When I was in my 20s, | 真的没事 我20多岁的时候 |
[21:30] | I couldn’t make a bowl of cereal without screwing something up. | 我连麦片粥都不会做 |
[21:33] | But look at him now. Sixty years later and he’s a doctor. | 看看他现在 60年后 他成了医生 |
[21:36] | Ow! How old do you think I am? | 你觉得我有多老 |
[21:38] | Speaking of doctors, how loose are you with health insurance | 说到医生 如果我要去为潜水认证做体检的话 |
[21:41] | if I need to get a checkup to get scuba certified? | 健康保险宽松吗 |
[21:43] | Uh… not loose. | 不松 |
[21:44] | He’s totally fine, he vomited everything up. | 它没事 它都吐出来了 |
[21:47] | You know, I just think Turtle could maybe use a little space, | 我觉得乌龟需要点空间 |
[21:49] | if you guys don’t mind clearing out. | 你们最好能出去下 |
[21:53] | This is great, Jules. This is going really well. | 这太棒了 茱尔斯 进展相当顺利 |
[21:56] | Your cat’s having an exorcism, | 你的猫在驱邪 |
[21:57] | and my boyfriend thinks I’m an 11-year-old | 我男友觉得我只有11岁 |
[21:59] | – who’s more equipped to make myself Lucky Charms than- – Wait! | -更擅长做幸运符而不是 -等等 |
[22:01] | – He didn’t eat Lucky Charms, did he? – No. | -它没有吃幸运符吧 -没有 |
[22:03] | I can’t believe you’re trying to make this my fault. | 你竟然想把锅扔给我 |
[22:05] | I mean, why the hell would you tell Colin | 你当初为什么要告诉柯林 |
[22:06] | we’re sophisticated in the first place? | 我们见多识广 |
[22:08] | We brought Taco Bell to a Friendsgiving last weekend. | 我们上周末买了塔可钟的东西去朋友家过感恩节 |
[22:10] | Well, sorry for wanting to come off a little more mature. | 抱歉我想表现得更成熟 |
[22:13] | Have you never wanted to | 你就没有想过 |
[22:14] | make yourself a little bit better than you actually are? | 让你自己变得更好吗 |
[22:16] | Are you kidding? | 还用你说 |
[22:17] | I’m constantly trying to seem better than I am. | 我每天都在努力让自己看上去更好 |
[22:19] | I wanna seem like I’m totally happy being single with my girlfriends | 我想让自己看上去即使单身和闺蜜一起玩也很开心 |
[22:22] | and not still heartbroken all the time. | 而不是成天心碎 |
[22:24] | Well, I didn’t realize you were still feeling that way | 我不知道你还这么想 |
[22:26] | and I think it’s really brave of you to admit that. | 你能承认真的很勇敢 |
[22:28] | Well, I think you don’t have to try so hard | 你根本不用那么努力 |
[22:30] | because you’re already perfect the way you are | 因为你本身就很完美了 |
[22:32] | and any guy you’re dating should be able to see that. | 你交往的任何男人都应该能看到 |
[22:34] | Well, I really appreciate that coming from you | 你这么说我很感激 |
[22:36] | ’cause you are my best friend | 因为你是我最好的朋友 |
[22:37] | and I’m so happy you’re back in my life. | 我很开心你回到了我的生活 |
[22:38] | Guys, I think we should all kind of take a breather here. | 各位 都冷静下吧 |
[22:42] | You know, maybe listen to some music. | 或许听听音乐 |
[22:45] | Alexa, play party music. | Alexa 播放派对音乐 |
[22:47] | Okay. | 好的 |
[22:56] | Steve? | 史蒂夫 |
[23:18] | – Oh my God! – Oh my God! | -我的天 -我的天 |
[23:50] | Uh, Steve? | 史蒂夫 |
[23:51] | Colin, I may have slightly | 柯林 我可能稍微 |
[23:53] | exaggerated the maturity levels of my friends and I. | 夸大了我朋友和我的成熟度 |
[23:57] | Yes! | 棒 |
[23:58] | Do you have Venmo? I’m so Venmoing you! | 你有Venmo吗 我要给你转钱 |
[24:01] | Save on haircuts, save on car wash, save on Smog Check. | 理发省钱 洗车省钱 排烟检查省钱 |
[24:04] | What makes you say that? | 你为什么这么说 |
[24:06] | Look, I’m sorry I got so crazy tonight. | 我很抱歉今晚我这么激动 |
[24:08] | I was just so happy you wanted to know my friends and… | 我只是很高兴你想认识我的朋友 |
[24:11] | …now you do. | 现在你认识了 |
[24:12] | Any chance this is endearing? | 这样有没有可能讨人喜欢 |
[24:14] | It’s entirely endearing. | 非常讨人喜欢 |
[24:21] | Oh, remind me to get Steve’s email before I go. | 提醒我在走之前要到史蒂夫的邮箱 |
[24:23] | I want to send him this Forbes article about emerging markets. | 我想发给他《福布斯》一篇关于新兴市场的文章 |
[24:30] | Oh, my God. | 天呐 |
[24:32] | Thank you again for coming to a stranger’s house | 再次感谢你来一个陌生人家 |
[24:35] | to solve a very weird problem. | 解决一个奇怪问题 |
[24:38] | Trust me, I’ve seen weirder. | 相信我 我见过更怪的 |
[24:39] | There was a situation with a ferret and a box of tampons. | 当时有一只雪貂和一盒卫生棉条 |
[24:43] | I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get that image out of my head. | 永远印在了我的脑海 |
[24:45] | Well, could you do me a favor and get this out of your head? | 你能帮我个忙 把这个形象忘掉吗 |
[24:48] | Because, uh, this is not my normal evening look. | 因为 我晚上一般不这样打扮 |
[24:52] | Oh, yeah, I don’t remember your eyelids being | 我不记得你的眼睑是 |
[24:54] | quite so… cerulean? | 蔚蓝色 |
[24:58] | Yeah, I guess I was just, um… | 我想我只是 |
[25:00] | pretending to be something I’m not. | 在假装成另一个人 |
[25:02] | In a lot of ways. | 在很多方面都是 |
[25:03] | Hey, I… I completely get that. | 我懂的 |
[25:05] | I pretend, too, sometimes. | 我有时候也会假装 |
[25:06] | For example, I once gave my card to a woman under the guise | 比如 我有次给了一个女人我的名片 表面上 |
[25:10] | that she would call me if she needed a vet, | 跟她说如果需要兽医可以找我 |
[25:12] | but really, I just wanted her to call me. | 但事实上 我只是想让她给我打电话 |
[25:19] | How about I call you if Turtle eats another dick? | 如果乌龟再吃个鸡鸡我打给你怎么样 |
[25:24] | Or if he doesn’t. | 它没吃也可以打 |
[25:27] | Or if he doesn’t. | 它没吃也可以打 |