| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | Here’s your check. | 这是您的账单 |
| [00:03] | Sorry about the entire experience. | 并在此对您整个用餐体验致以歉意 |
| [00:08] | You’re gonna have to take it the rest of the way. | 得麻烦你手伸过来拿了 |
| [00:09] | I slept funny last year. | 我去年睡落枕了 |
| [00:12] | You know, I happen to be a massage therapist, | 我刚好还是个按摩师呢 |
| [00:14] | and I happen to be broke, so what do you say | 而且还刚好一穷二白 要不这样吧 |
| [00:17] | I get that crick out of your neck as your tip? | 我帮你把脖子弄好 当做小费行吗 |
| [00:19] | I miss being able to just say no. | 我好怀念我有骨气直接拒绝的时候 |
| [00:23] | Hold on, I have to run this by a person who’s been poor longer. | 稍等 我得向我贫穷界的前辈请教一下这事 |
| [00:26] | Sadly, that guy over there is offering me a massage as a tip. | 有件惨事 那男的想用按摩来抵小费 |
| [00:30] | Sadly-er, I’m considering it. | 更惨的是 我真心在考虑 |
| [00:33] | Sadly-est, you were here when that old woman punched me | 最惨的是 当时那个老太捶我奶子一拳 |
| [00:36] | in the breast and then asked for change, right? | 然后要求找零的那会 你亲眼目睹了不是吗 |
| [00:40] | We’re not doing great. | 我们就是这么悲催 |
| [00:41] | There’s got to be somebody doing worse than you two. | 世上绝对有人比你俩更惨更可怜 |
| [00:44] | Like that guy who got left on Mars last year. | 比如去年被遗忘在火星上的那男人[电影] |
| [00:48] | Question, girls. | 姑娘们 提问 |
| [00:50] | I’m making a healthier menu. | 我想要设计更健康的菜单 |
| [00:52] | Should I advertise no trans fat, | 我应该写上不含反式脂肪吗 |
| [00:54] | or does that sound like I’m trying to keep out Chaz Bono? | 这是这样会听起来像不让查兹·波诺进 |
| [00:54] | no trans fat有不含反式脂肪或胖变性人不许进的意思 而查兹·波诺就是个胖变性人 | |
| [01:00] | Not now, Han, I have a massage scheduled. | 现在没空 阿憨 我预约了做按摩 |
| [01:03] | All the stress of acting like you’re working | “假装”在工作的压力 |
| [01:05] | starting to get to you? | 终于压垮你的小身板了吗 |
| [01:41] | I just had what she’s having. | 她一人”得到” 我”鸡鸡”升天 |
| [01:59] | Max, are you busy right now? | 麦克斯 你现在忙吗 |
| [02:01] | – No, I’m at work. – Cool. | -当然不 我在上班 -那就好 |
| [02:04] | I’m gonna call a staff meeting. | 我要召集大家开员工会议 |
| [02:05] | I used to call my driver to | 想当年我是打给司机[召集] |
| [02:07] | pick up sushi during Gilmore Girls, | 让他在我看电视剧时去拿寿司外卖 |
| [02:09] | but now I call staff meetings at a diner. | 而我现在是在餐厅召集开员工会议 |
| [02:13] | Only I can call staff meetings at the diner. | 只有我可以在这餐厅里召集开员工会议 |
| [02:17] | It’s one of the perks of the job. | 是我这工作的亮点之一 |
| [02:19] | Well, it’s the perk of the job. | 是我这工作最赞的点 |
| [02:21] | Well, it’s okay. | 好啦 是还行 |
| [02:24] | The staff meeting is about the dessert bar | 这是我跟麦克斯要在小蛋糕窗口 |
| [02:26] | Max and I are opening in our cupcake window. | 新开的甜品酒吧事务的员工会议 |
| [02:28] | If you want, Han, you can call the meeting, | 如果你真想要的话 阿憨 你来召集开会吧 |
| [02:30] | but I can’t imagine you’d be petty enough | 但我觉得你不会可悲到 |
| [02:32] | to take the thrill away from Caroline. | 连这点小快乐都要从卡洛琳那里夺走 |
| [02:34] | Staff meeting! | 员工会议 |
| [02:36] | See, this is what happens | 你看 这就是 |
| [02:37] | when the mother cat refuses to lick the runt. | 母猫不舔小猫 小猫身心不健全的样子 |
| [02:41] | Okay, so I’m checking on the dessert bar assignments | 我要检查一下我给你们每个人 |
| [02:44] | I gave everyone. | 布置的任务 |
| [02:46] | Earl, did you call your cousin | 厄尔 你打电话给你亲戚 |
| [02:47] | at that liquor distributor about getting us a discount? | 问酒供应商能不能给我们折扣的事了吗 |
| [02:49] | Now, why would I call him? | 我为啥要打给他 |
| [02:51] | I owe him $10,000 and a kidney. | 我还欠他一万块加一个肾呢 |
| [02:55] | So that’s a “Not yet.” | 所以就是”还没完成” |
| [02:57] | I haven’t done my thing, either. | 我也还没做我的部分 |
| [03:02] | Caroline, with all your money from Hollywood, | 卡洛琳 你从好莱坞拿到的钱 |
| [03:04] | you could pay other people to do this stuff… | 你完全能付钱请别人做这些事情 |
| [03:07] | and also replace the transmission on a 2012 Yaris. | 还能帮某人的12年款雅力士换变速器 |
| [03:11] | We have to save all our movie money for the dessert bar. | 我们得所有的钱都省下来给甜品酒吧 |
| [03:14] | Believe it or not, my boobs can’t get us zoning permits. | 而我的胸部居然没法帮我们搞到区域许可证呢 |
| [03:18] | But they did get us kicked out of an architect’s office. | 但它们成功让我们被赶出建筑师办公室 |
| [03:21] | Oleg, did you talk to your connection at City Hall | 奥列格 你跟你在市政厅里的人 |
| [03:24] | about expediting our liquor license? | 谈过加快审批我们酒水许可证的事了吗 |
| [03:26] | Yes, she told me, “Don’t ever sneak into my home | 有啊 她跟我说”不许再从 |
| [03:28] | through the bathroom window again.” | 我浴室窗口溜进我家” |
| [03:31] | Oh, this is rich. | 真是妙哉 |
| [03:33] | Now you two see some of the hell I go through | 现在你们俩终于知道我经营小生意 |
| [03:35] | as a small business owner. | 经过怎么样的地狱般磨难了吧 |
| [03:37] | No, you go through hell ’cause nobody wants to | 不 你会有地狱般的磨难是因为 |
| [03:39] | see your small business. | 没人想看你裆中的”小生意” |
| [03:43] | Staff meeting over! | 员工会议结束 |
| [03:45] | Small staff meeting. | 小员工会议 |
| [03:48] | Max, your boyfriend is a lawyer. | 麦克斯 你男朋友是个律师 |
| [03:49] | When you’re at his hotel tonight, | 你今晚去他酒店的时候 |
| [03:51] | can you ask him to look at our liquor license? | 能请他帮忙看一下酒水许可证的申请表吗 |
| [03:53] | Also, could you fill an ice bucket with mini shampoos | 然后 你能倒满一冰桶的酒店小瓶洗发水 |
| [03:55] | and bring it home? | 然后带回家吗 |
| [03:56] | No on both counts. | 两件事都不行 |
| [03:58] | You’re not using Randy for legal advice. | 不许你找兰迪做法律咨询 |
| [04:00] | And as for the shampoo, they switched to a pump bolted to the wall, | 而洗发水现在改成固定在墙上的壁挂式 |
| [04:02] | ’cause I was getting greedy. | 因为我上次太贪心了 |
| [04:05] | Hey, Randy. | 兰迪 |
| [04:07] | Hey, Earl. | 你好啊 厄尔 |
| [04:08] | Saw your rant on Twitter last night. | 看到你昨晚在推特上发的抱怨文了 |
| [04:10] | And I agree; | 我也同意 |
| [04:11] | what self-respecting Sizzler runs out of Sprite? | 一间自重自爱的自助餐店雪碧怎么会缺货 |
| [04:15] | I put that on Twitter? | 我写到推特上了吗 |
| [04:16] | I thought I was writing an email to my brother. | 我还以为我是给我兄弟写了电邮呢 |
| [04:21] | Hey there, beautiful. | 你好啊 小美人 |
| [04:27] | So I thought we’d try something different tonight. | 我在想 我们今晚应该换点不一样的 |
| [04:30] | You on top? | 换你来上面吗 |
| [04:33] | No, I’m not talking about changing our whole power dynamic. | 我说的不是换我们整个权力结构 |
| [04:37] | I’m talking about staying at your apartment. | 我是指去你的公寓住 |
| [04:39] | So, you on bottom? | 所以你在下面吗 |
| [04:42] | ‘Cause that’s where I live. | 毕竟那可是我的巢穴 |
| [04:44] | No, really. | 我是说认真的 |
| [04:46] | We’re living in a fantasy world, that hotel room. | 我们那个酒店房间就像是梦幻之地 |
| [04:48] | I mean, a really sexy fantasy world, | 我是指很香艳的梦幻之地 |
| [04:50] | with people cleaning up after us | 而且事后还有人帮我们打扫房间 |
| [04:52] | and a maid who knew you from high school. | 还有个高中跟你同校的家政人员 |
| [04:54] | Boy, was she surprised to see me naked and alive. | 她看到我没死加全裸时简直吓呆了 |
| [04:59] | I know I always am. | 像我就每次都吓呆了 |
| [05:02] | And Max, I’ve been to your apartment. | 麦克斯 我已经去过你公寓了啊 |
| [05:03] | It wasn’t that bad. | 没那么糟啊 |
| [05:05] | Uh, okay, fine. We can stay at my place. | 好吧 行 我们可以住我家 |
| [05:08] | But it’s BYOC. | 但请自带一侦 |
| [05:09] | Bring your own carbon monoxide detector. | 自己带一氧化碳侦测器 |
| [05:16] | Well, here we are. | 到啦 |
| [05:18] | Slum, sweet slum. | 窟 温馨的贫民窟 |
| [05:21] | She says that every time she walks in here. | 她每次走进这里都这么说 |
| [05:23] | It’s usually to scare the crack addict out of our kitchen. | 通常是为了吓走跑进我们厨房的吸毒毒虫 |
| [05:26] | Allen, are you here? | 艾伦 你在里面吗 |
| [05:29] | All right, well, this is it. | 好啦 就是这样啦 |
| [05:31] | What do you want to do now? | 你现在想做什么 |
| [05:32] | We usually go to sleep so death comes sooner. | 我们通常都是睡觉 这样死亡来得快一些 |
| [05:35] | You guys, I can handle an apartment. | 你们别这样 这区区公寓我不在话下 |
| [05:38] | Don’t let my broad shoulders, stubble, and Adam’s apple confuse you; | 别被我宽阔的肩膀 胡渣与喉结所迷惑 |
| [05:41] | I am, in fact, a man. | 我真的是纯爷们 |
| [05:44] | Coming up straight ahead is the kitchen. | 接下来我们正前方就是厨房 |
| [05:46] | But I don’t have to tell you that. | 但不说你也知道 |
| [05:47] | You can smell the gas. | 因为你能闻到瓦斯的味道 |
| [05:50] | Fun fact: those paper towels you see aren’t actually paper, | 有趣小知识 这些纸巾其实不是真的纸 |
| [05:53] | but they do cause cancer. | 但绝对会致癌 |
| [05:56] | Ooh, let me guess: the Grim Reaper? | 我猜猜 是死神来敲门吗 |
| [05:58] | No, the Grim Reaper comes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. | 错 死神都是周二跟周四晚来 |
| [06:04] | Hey, girls. | 姑娘们 |
| [06:09] | And Randy. Oh. | 还有兰迪迪 |
| [06:13] | Someone’s been taking his handsome pills. | 某人一直有在吃帅气药呢 |
| [06:17] | Well, they make them in chewable now. | 他们现在有做咀嚼片版本 |
| [06:19] | Makes it a lot easier. | 比以前容易吃下去 |
| [06:21] | Oh, Randy’s here? | 兰迪来啦 |
| [06:23] | Hey, hey, hey, bro. | 你好呀 兄弟 |
| [06:25] | We should hang upstairs later. | 我们等会应该一起在楼上玩 |
| [06:27] | We can eat pizza and watch dirty movies. | 我们可以一起吃披萨然后看三级片 |
| [06:30] | It’s not delivery; it’s diporno. | 不是外送加急 是变态加三级 |
| [06:34] | That’s a hard no. | 确定一定以及肯定拒绝 |
| [06:36] | Girls, we need to store some stuff in your place. | 姑娘们 我们有些东西想暂放你们家 |
| [06:41] | Oleg and I are baby-proofing our apartment. | 我跟奥列格要在公寓装婴儿保护措施 |
| [06:44] | My mom baby-proofed our house for me. | 我妈也为了我装了家庭婴儿保护措施 |
| [06:46] | She put a club on the steering wheel. | 在我们住的车上的方向盘加了方向盘锁 |
| [06:48] | So in this duffle bag, I have– | 在这个行李袋里 我放了… |
| [06:51] | He’s opening it! | 他要打开了 |
| [06:52] | Randy, close your eyes! | 兰迪 快闭上你的眼睛 |
| [06:54] | Relax. | 放轻松 |
| [06:55] | It’s just swords | 只是剑 |
| [06:56] | and sex toys. | 跟性爱玩具罢了 |
| [06:58] | Oh, I think one of them’s both. | 其中一个好像两者兼是啊 |
| [07:01] | Are you referring to sex-calibur? | 你是在说我们的亚射王石中出剑吗 |
| [07:05] | Oh, I love this one. | 我好爱这一把 |
| [07:07] | This is the sword we used | 这把剑是我们用来演 |
| [07:09] | when we were playing Bonan the Barbarian. | “屌王柯南”时所用的道具 |
| [07:13] | And you know what? | 而且你知道吗 |
| [07:15] | It’s good to give to the less sexually fortunate. | 把它们送给那些不那么”性运”的人 挺好的 |
| [07:18] | Yeah. | 是的 |
| [07:19] | The sex toys are for you, Caroline. | 这些性爱玩具就是给你的 卡洛琳 |
| [07:23] | I’m good, I had a massage. | 我不缺 我刚享受完”按摩” |
| [07:34] | What are you doing? | 你在干嘛 |
| [07:35] | This is how all the great ninjas eat their bagels. | 厉害的忍者们都是这么吃贝果的 |
| [07:38] | Where’s Randy? | 兰迪呢 |
| [07:39] | Did he go back to the land of not-expired milk, | 他回去没过期牛奶 |
| [07:42] | and not-expired honey? | 与没过期蜂蜜之地了吗 |
| [07:44] | No, he’s stronger than I thought. | 没 他比我想象中还坚强 |
| [07:46] | Much like that little person I arm wrestled at Chelsea Piers. | 跟我在运动娱乐场里掰手腕的侏儒差不多强 |
| [07:51] | I love it here. | 我很爱这里 |
| [07:53] | I just took the grayest shower of my life. | 我刚洗了灰常棒的澡 |
| [07:55] | Did you just say “grayest” or “greatest”? | 你刚才是说”灰”常还是”非”常 |
| [07:58] | No, I said gray. | 我说的是”灰” |
| [07:59] | I was being kind. | 我不想说得太毒 |
| [08:01] | It was brown. | 其实是大便色 |
| [08:03] | All right, well, come on, your sword bagel is ready. | 来吧 剑砍贝果准备好了 |
| [08:06] | God, I do miss having sex. | 天啊 我还真的好想念做爱 |
| [08:10] | Also, what is the deal with– | 对了 那是怎么回…. |
| [08:12] | Oh! God! Oh! | 我操 |
| [08:14] | Ugh, I just stepped on something painful. | 我踩到了让人很痛的东西 |
| [08:15] | Really painful! | 超级痛 |
| [08:17] | Is there a nail sticking up through the floor? | 地板上是有突出的钉子之类的吗 |
| [08:20] | Oh no, he stepped on Nail Patrick Harris! | 惨了 他踩到钉子·帕特里克·哈里斯 |
| [08:20] | 美国知名同性恋男演员 名字中的尼尔与钉子拼法近似 已入行多年 | |
| [08:24] | Oh, I forgot to warn you about that stupid nail. | 我忘了警告你有钉子了 |
| [08:26] | It’s been there forever. I just know to avoid it by now. | 在那里很久了 我都习惯自动避开了 |
| [08:28] | Everyone does; that’s why we named it | 大家都是啊 所以我们才叫他 |
| [08:30] | “Nail Patrick Harris.” | “钉子”·帕特里克·哈里斯 |
| [08:32] | Are you okay? | 你没事吧 |
| [08:33] | You look like you’re in a lot of pain. | 你看起来好像很痛啊 |
| [08:35] | Do you want to roll the dice | 你想碰碰运气 |
| [08:36] | with one of the pills in the couch? | 吃一颗从沙发里挖出来的随机药丸吗 |
| [08:37] | I’m fine. It’s not that bad. | 我没事 没这么严重啦 |
| [08:39] | Okay, well lift up your foot. Let me see. | 把你的脚举起来 我看看伤口 |
| [08:49] | Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! | 天啊 天啊 天啊 |
| [08:54] | Randy? | 兰迪 |
| [08:55] | This is bad. | 这严重了吧 |
| [08:57] | I think we have to take you to Hapitalito. | 我们得带你去医淤安院看看 |
| [09:01] | Well, I must be losing consciousness. | 我一定是要失去意识了 |
| [09:03] | That sounded like gibberish. | 你的话我听起来像胡言乱语 |
| [09:04] | No, you heard me right, I said Hapitalito. | 没 你没听错 真的就是医淤安院 |
| [09:06] | That’s our healthcare provider. | 那是我们的医疗保险提供者 |
| [09:08] | It’s a guy with a shopping cart filled with Band-Aids, | 是一个推着一推车邦迪的人 |
| [09:09] | and most of them aren’t used. | 而且里面大部分都是没用过的好货呢 |
| [09:11] | Max, I have insurance. | 麦克斯 我有医保 |
| [09:13] | Well, I don’t think he takes insurance, | 我觉得他那边不接受医疗保险 |
| [09:15] | but if you have old TCBY cards, | 如果你有旧的冻酸奶店的卡 |
| [09:17] | five is good for “Uno surgeria.” | 五张可以换”一次手术”呢 |
| [09:21] | Well, maybe it stopped. | 可能止血了 |
| [09:28] | I’m Carrie! I’m Carrie at the prom! | 我是嘉丽 被泼了猪血的嘉丽 |
| [09:28] | 电影与小说《魔女嘉丽》中 杀人魔女主角在舞会上被人泼了一桶猪血 | |
| [09:33] | Caroline, come on, we have to go. | 卡洛琳 好啦 我们得去医院了 |
| [09:35] | I’m already covered in blood. Just leave me to die. | 我已经浑身是血了 就让我自己死去吧 |
| [09:38] | Oh, calm down! | 冷静点好吗 |
| [09:40] | If this had happened with any of my regular type of guys, | 如果是我平常约会的那个等级的男人 |
| [09:42] | you’d be halfway to Hep C right now. | 你现在已经差不多得丙肝了 |
| [09:47] | Help! Help! | 救人啊 救人啦 |
| [09:49] | My apartment tried to kill my boyfriend! | 我的公寓想谋杀我男朋友 |
| [09:51] | He’s gonna die! | 他要死了 |
| [09:52] | I’m not gonna die, Max. | 我不会死的 麦克斯 |
| [09:54] | Although, this CVS bag you tied around my foot | 不过我被你用药房塑料袋绑住的脚 |
| [09:56] | has completely cut off the circulation. | 勒太近完全影响我的血液循环 |
| [09:58] | And the ten-foot receipt’s caught in the wound. | 而且袋子里那3米长的收据要跑进伤口了 |
| [10:02] | My boyfriend needs medical attention. | 我的男朋友需要接受治疗 |
| [10:05] | Oh, really? | 是咩 |
| [10:06] | I thought he was here for a sensible pantsuit | 我还以为他来是想买一套看起来精明干练 |
| [10:09] | at a reasonable price. | 价钱又合理的裤装的呢 |
| [10:12] | Oh, I recognize you | 我认得你 |
| [10:16] | I wasn’t attracted to you then, | 我当时就不被你外表所吸引 |
| [10:17] | but I see you’ve added balding and a beard to the mix. | 你这一次还加入了秃顶跟大胡子呢 |
| [10:21] | Ha, ha, I remember you too. | 呵呵 我也记得你呢 |
| [10:23] | The devil wears Target. | 穿着超市货的恶魔 |
| [10:26] | We need a good doctor, | 我们需要好医生 |
| [10:27] | so he better not be from America. | 所以最好不是来自美洲的医生 |
| [10:31] | ‘Cause he has insurance. | 他可是有医疗保险的人 |
| [10:32] | Show him the card, Randy. | 兰迪 把医保卡给他看 |
| [10:35] | Could I touch it? | 我能摸一下吗 |
| [10:39] | Oh, good for you, a PPO. | 不错啊 医疗保险是好的那种呢 |
| [10:42] | You know, I cleaned up some PPO right there. | 就那块 我也清理过”屎”好的那种 |
| [10:46] | Come on, this is serious! | 别闹了 这很严重 |
| [10:47] | He might have “Tetris”! | 他可能会感染”俄方块”呢 |
| [10:50] | He’s got the beloved Russian puzzle game? | 他得了受人喜爱的俄罗斯方块游戏吗 |
| [10:54] | Are you sure he doesn’t have a case of the | 你确定他染上的不是 |
| [10:56] | Super Mario Brothers? | 超级马里奥兄弟吗 |
| [10:59] | Well, there’s a lot of people ahead of you, | 前面还排有很多人呢 |
| [11:01] | so why don’t you take your boyfriend’s boo boo | 麻烦你带着你男人与他的小伤伤 |
| [11:03] | and sit down? | 去那边坐下 |
| [11:05] | Fine. | 行 |
| [11:06] | But he better not die, ’cause if he does, | 但他最好没死 因为要是他死了 |
| [11:09] | I’m gonna take those buttons | 我要把你的那些别章 |
| [11:10] | and pin them to your sack. | 统统别到你蛋蛋上 |
| [11:13] | Promise? | 不许反悔哦 |
| [11:16] | Damn it! | 靠 |
| [11:18] | I guess we’re gonna be here forever. | 我们估计要在这等一辈子了 |
| [11:20] | The exact amount of time Caroline’s shower took. | 就跟等卡洛琳洗澡的时间一样长 |
| [11:23] | Oh, so it’s my fault your boyfriend | 所以你男人像演血腥片 |
| [11:25] | Freddy Krueger-ed all over me? | 喷了我一身血 也怨我吗 |
| [11:28] | Caroline, I am so sorry. | 卡洛琳 真的很抱歉 |
| [11:30] | That’s okay, Randy. | 没关系 兰迪 |
| [11:31] | You can make it up to me. | 你可以补偿我 |
| [11:33] | Right now! | 就现在吧 |
| [11:34] | I just so happen to have our liquor license application, | 我刚好拿着酒水供应许可证的申请表 |
| [11:36] | if you want to take a look-see. | 你要不要帮忙看一下 |
| [11:38] | Do you also want to be pinned to that albino’s sack, Caroline? | 你要不要也别在那个白化猪的蛋蛋上啊 卡洛琳 |
| [11:44] | Okay, coming through. | 伤者要来了 |
| [11:46] | Okay, let me clear a path. | 我先帮你清出一条道 |
| [11:51] | Now I know how my grandma Dorothy felt. | 现在我知道我桃乐茜奶奶是什么感觉了 |
| [11:55] | Oh, good, you’re back. | 太好了 你回来了 |
| [11:56] | Randy, are you okay? | 兰迪 你还好吗 |
| [11:57] | Oh, I’m fine. | 还好 |
| [11:58] | Did some shopping after you left the ER. | 你离开急诊室后 我买了点东西 |
| [12:01] | Like my new bag? | 喜欢我的新袋子吗 |
| [12:04] | If you need a clutch to match, | 如果你需要手拿包来搭配 |
| [12:06] | I have something similar in Ziploc. | 我有款式类似的塑料密封袋哟 |
| [12:09] | Because the nail was rusted | 因为那颗钉子生锈了 |
| [12:11] | and the open wound touched our floor, | 他的伤口又碰到我们的地板 |
| [12:13] | they gave Randy an IV of antibiotics. | 医院给兰迪开了抗生素点滴 |
| [12:15] | And not even a whisper of Vicodin for old Maxie. | 却连一片止痛药都不给姐们儿 |
| [12:19] | Well, Max, one of us has to go to work | 麦克斯 我们总得有一个人去工作 |
| [12:21] | and pretend both of us are there. | 然后假装两个人都在那 |
| [12:23] | Well, it’s gonna have to be you. | 那肯定是你去啦 |
| [12:24] | I can’t leave Randy here. | 我不能把兰迪扔在这里 |
| [12:26] | It’s like a haunted house, but the dangers are real. | 这里像闹鬼的屋子 危险可是真实存在的啊 |
| [12:29] | Max, you’re going to work. | 麦克斯 你去工作吧 |
| [12:32] | I’ll be fine here. | 我自己在这没事 |
| [12:33] | I had a time-share with Sean Penn. | 我曾跟西恩·潘分时使用过同一套度假屋 |
| [12:33] | 好莱坞尽人皆知的暴力分子 媒体曾爆出麦当娜因遭其家暴而离婚 | |
| [12:38] | I’m not going anywhere. | 我哪儿也不去 |
| [12:41] | It’s my fault you got nailed in my apartment, | 是我不好 害你在我家被”搞”成这样 |
| [12:43] | and I’m staying here to protect you. | 我要留在这里保护你 |
| [12:46] | You’re going to work. | 你得去工作 |
| [12:48] | I’ll be okay. | 我一个人没事 |
| [12:49] | But you’re very cute when you’re worried. | 你担心的样子真的好可爱 |
| [12:51] | Like when you thought the hotel didn’t get Cartoon Network. | 就像你以为酒店没有卡通台那时一样 |
| [12:55] | All right, fine. | 好吧 我去 |
| [12:56] | But call me if you need me to come back. | 但如果你要我回来 一定打给我哦 |
| [12:58] | I’ll tell Han I’m working the rest of my shift from home. | 我会跟阿憨说 我在家上班 |
| [13:04] | Oh, my God! | 天啊 |
| [13:05] | I just remembered I didn’t tell Randy | 我刚想起我没告诉兰迪 |
| [13:06] | about the pothole in my bedroom. | 我房间有个坑 |
| [13:09] | Max, relax. | 麦克斯 别紧张 |
| [13:10] | I haven’t seen you this anxious | 我好久没看你这么紧张了 |
| [13:11] | since the Dominos pizza tracker went down. | 上次是因为你看不了外送披萨的进度 |
| [13:14] | Look, woman! | 听着 妹子 |
| [13:15] | Randy came to New York to see if our relationship could work, | 兰迪来纽约是为了看看我们有没有戏 |
| [13:17] | but we never should have left that hotel. | 但我们压根不该离开酒店 |
| [13:19] | It’s like when you go to Vegas and wander off the Strip | 就像当你去赌城 离开繁华的长街 |
| [13:21] | and wind up in a residential neighborhood. | 最终来到了居民区一样 |
| [13:23] | You can’t come back from that. | 你绝对缓不过劲来 |
| [13:24] | It’s how I wound up living two years in someone’s shed. | 结果我就这样在某人的棚子里住了两年 |
| [13:28] | I suppose the motivational newsletter | 看来我早上发的激励内刊 |
| [13:30] | I sent out this morning didn’t do any good. | 没有起到任何作用 |
| [13:33] | I don’t even know why I bother publishing | 我甚至不知道我干嘛费劲出版 |
| [13:34] | What’s Going Han? | 《餐厅小事我”憨”你》 |
| [13:37] | I like the comic strip about the fat squirrel. | 我喜欢那只胖松鼠的连环漫画 |
| [13:40] | That picture was me! | 那画上的是我 |
| [13:43] | It can’t be you; he had nuts. | 不可能是你 人家有松果[蛋蛋] |
| [13:47] | And that lady at table four ordered | 四号桌的女士点餐好久了 |
| [13:49] | before she started knitting that sweater she’s now wearing. | 她连上衣都织好穿上了 你们还没上菜 |
| [13:56] | Oh, good, it’s Randy. | 太好了 是兰迪 |
| [13:58] | Hey, I forgot to tell you, | 我忘了告诉你了 |
| [13:59] | you can’t drink the tap water within five minutes | 冲完马桶五分钟内 |
| [14:01] | after flushing the toilet. | 不能喝自来水 |
| [14:03] | Well, can you make yourself throw up? | 你能自己催吐吗 |
| [14:06] | Pickup: breakfast burrito. | 上菜 早餐玉米饼卷 |
| [14:10] | Randy called our landlord | 兰迪打给我们的房东 |
| [14:11] | to complain about Nail Patrick Harris! | 投诉钉子·帕特里克·哈里斯 |
| [14:14] | I’d rather see him host something than Ricky Gervais. | 我宁愿看他主持 也不愿看瑞奇·热维斯主持 |
| [14:17] | We get it: you’re mean, you fat bastard. | 我们知道 你最毒舌啦 你个死胖子 |
| [14:20] | Randy called the landlord? | 兰迪居然打给房东了 |
| [14:22] | But we’re illegal subletters! | 但我们是非法转租客 |
| [14:24] | We’re squatters there! | 我们是非法占用者 |
| [14:25] | And over most toilets. | 对于大部分厕所也是 |
| [14:27] | Come on, Caroline, we have to get to the apartment | 走吧 卡洛琳 我们得赶在房东到之前 |
| [14:29] | before the landlord does. | 回到公寓 |
| [14:32] | You’re leaving? | 你们要走了吗 |
| [14:33] | The tollbooth operator who won Powerball | 中了大乐透的那个公路收费员 |
| [14:35] | stayed at their job longer. | 在岗位上坚持的时间比你们更久 |
| [14:40] | Randy, we got to go! | 兰迪 我们得赶紧跑路 |
| [14:42] | I’ll start packing! You saddle up Chestnut. | 我来打包东西 你给栗宝装上马鞍 |
| [14:44] | Yeah, I know the drill: one pair of shoes, | 好的 我懂规矩 一双鞋 |
| [14:46] | something you can carry on your back, | 一些你可以背着的东西 |
| [14:47] | and a sun hat for Guatemala– | 一顶遮阳帽 以防危地马拉的… |
| [14:48] | I mean, wherever we’re headed. | 我是说 无论去哪里啦 |
| [14:52] | Randy, you better drink up the rest of the that IV fluid, | 兰迪 你最好把剩下这点点滴喝掉 |
| [14:55] | ’cause carrying that around is just gonna slow us down. | 因为拖着那玩意跑路 会跑不快 |
| [14:57] | Max, what in the hell is going on? | 麦克斯 你这是干什么 |
| [14:58] | Why are you freaking out? | 干嘛一惊一乍的 |
| [14:59] | I called the landlord about a nail, | 我打给房东投诉钉子 |
| [15:01] | not the FBI about your passport… | 又不是打给联邦调查局举报你的护照 |
| [15:03] | Frank Delaport. | 弗兰克·德莱波特 |
| [15:06] | Randy, we’re not on the lease to this apartment. | 兰迪 我们的名字不在这房子的租约上 |
| [15:11] | Okay, I’m ready. | 好了 我准备好了 |
| [15:12] | I just need ten minutes to saddle up Chestnut. | 我需要十分钟 来给栗宝装上马鞍 |
| [15:14] | It’ll give me time to practice my accent. | 正好用这时间练练我的口音 |
| [15:17] | We’re totally screwed now. | 真是被你搞死了 |
| [15:18] | Thanks a lot. | 多谢”帮忙”啊 |
| [15:20] | This is why we should have stayed in the hotel. | 所以我们应该待在酒店 |
| [15:22] | You could have screwed me there and I would have loved it. | 你可以在那里”搞死”我 我一定超享受 |
| [15:25] | Max, I just didn’t want you | 麦克斯 我只是不想让你 |
| [15:27] | to live with a nail sticking out of your floor, | 生活在地板上突出一根钉子的环境 |
| [15:29] | and I knew you wouldn’t fix it yourself. | 我也知道你自己不会去处理 |
| [15:31] | What is that supposed to mean? | 这话是什么意思 |
| [15:32] | It’s like you don’t realize | 就像你没有意识到 |
| [15:33] | you don’t have to live like this. | 你根本不用活成这样 |
| [15:35] | Oh, great. | 太好了 |
| [15:37] | It’s like I’m in a relationship | 感觉就像跟我高中的 |
| [15:38] | with my high school guidance counselor. | 辅导员在谈恋爱 |
| [15:43] | Again. | 历史重演 |
| [15:47] | You know, your life can be a whole lot better | 你的人生可以比你想象中 |
| [15:48] | than you think it can be. | 好一百倍 |
| [15:50] | Why don’t you just hammer the nail in? | 你何不直接用锤子把钉子敲进去 |
| [15:52] | Because we are used to it. | 因为我们习惯了 |
| [15:55] | We just ignore it, like the rain in my bedroom. | 无视它就好了啊 就像我房间漏雨一样 |
| [15:58] | I knew my apartment would be too real for you, | 我就知道我的公寓对你来说太残酷现实 |
| [16:01] | and now it’s not even gonna be my apartment. | 而现在这甚至不再是我的公寓了 |
| [16:04] | All right, Max. | 好了 麦克斯 |
| [16:07] | I put the double saddle on Chestnut, | 我把双马鞍装上了 |
| [16:09] | filled the satchel with trail mix. | 小背包里装满了什锦干果 |
| [16:11] | That should get us to the George Washington Bridge. | 那应该够咱们撑到华盛顿大桥了 |
| [16:16] | Nobody has to go anywhere. | 你们谁都不用跑路 |
| [16:18] | Not even your friend, the giant pinata. | 那个巨型皮纳塔也不用跑 |
| [16:18] | 一种纸糊的驴形或马形容器 里面装满糖果玩具 在派对上让人打爆取乐 | |
| [16:22] | – Let me deal with this. – But… | -我来跟他说 -但是… |
| [16:24] | we’ve never met this guy! | 我们从未见过房东 |
| [16:26] | All we know about him | 我们只知道 |
| [16:27] | is that even the guy in 2A is afraid of him, | 就连住在2A那家伙都怕他 |
| [16:29] | and he was married to Kirstie Alley. | 那家伙可是柯斯迪·艾黎的前夫呢 |
| [16:29] | 美国女演员 是科学神教的信众 她旗下的减肥产品也曾因不实广告而被起诉 | |
| [16:32] | I can handle myself. | 我能应付得了 |
| [16:34] | Hand me my fluids. | 把我的点滴递给我 |
| [16:36] | That sounded not manly. | 听上去真不爷们啊 |
| [16:41] | Hey, sport, thanks for coming. | 老兄 谢谢你赶过来 |
| [16:45] | He can’t talk his way out of this. | 他肯定谈不拢 |
| [16:46] | He’s wasting his time. | 简直是浪费时间 |
| [16:47] | He might as well be trying to teach shapes to Kendall Jenner. | 他还不如试着去教肯达尔·詹娜认图形 |
| [16:47] | 新晋超模 来自全美著名的金·卡戴珊名媛家族 智商见仁见智 | |
| [16:51] | No, no, you listen! | 不不 你听我说 |
| [16:54] | Well, Randy’s dead. | 得 兰迪挂掉了 |
| [16:57] | No matter how many boyfriends I bury, | 不管我埋葬过多少男友 |
| [16:59] | it’s never easy. | 心还是很难过啊 |
| [17:01] | I can’t believe we’re getting kicked out like this. | 真不敢相信我们要被这样扫地出门 |
| [17:03] | In my fantasy, I bought the building | 我曾幻想有一天 我买下这栋楼 |
| [17:05] | and opened a sadness museum. | 然后开一家悲剧博物馆 |
| [17:09] | Okay, that’s it. | 好了 说完了 |
| [17:12] | Took care of the landlord. | 我把房东解决了 |
| [17:13] | You killed him? | 你杀了他吗 |
| [17:16] | I’ll call Oleg; we’ll get his friend’s truck | 我打给奥列格 借他朋友的皮卡 |
| [17:17] | and take it from here. | 剩下的事咱们办 |
| [17:20] | Okay, first, I believe that you have | 首先我相信你们做过 |
| [17:22] | and would cover up a murder. | 也有能力掩盖一桩谋杀 |
| [17:25] | But nobody’s dead. | 但没人死亡 |
| [17:26] | I just explained to him the situation, | 我只是跟他解释了一下情况 |
| [17:28] | and you’re not getting kicked out. | 你们不会被赶走 |
| [17:29] | All right, which one of us has to marry him? | 好吧 我们谁得委身于他 |
| [17:31] | I’ll go get my wedding sweatpants. | 我去拿我的婚礼运动裤 |
| [17:35] | I just explained to him that I’m a lawyer | 我告诉他我是个律师 |
| [17:37] | who sustained an injury on his property. | 在他的房子里受伤了 |
| [17:39] | Then I mentioned the faulty wiring, the gas leak, | 然后我还提了电线乱接 煤气漏气 |
| [17:41] | the various wildlife living here, | 各种野生动物在这安家 |
| [17:43] | and, oh– that I’m a lawyer. | 最后又说了一遍 爷可是律师 |
| [17:46] | The word “lawyer” makes people crap their pants. | “律师”这个词能直接把人吓”屎” |
| [17:49] | It’s like the juice cleanse of professions. | 就像法学排毒果汁 让你屎了又屎 |
| [17:52] | And that is why you get the next two months rent-free, | 于是他免了你们俩下两个月的房租 |
| [17:55] | and you are now officially on the lease. | 而且把你们的名字正式加进租约 |
| [17:58] | We’re on the lease? | 我们成了租客 |
| [17:59] | We’re legit? | 我们是合法的了 |
| [18:00] | I have never been legit. | 我这辈子从未合法过 |
| [18:02] | According to my birth certificate, | 根据我的出生证明 |
| [18:03] | I’m actually a Cabbage Patch doll. | 我其实是一个卷心菜娃娃 |
| [18:06] | Thank you so much, Randy. | 非常感谢 兰迪 |
| [18:07] | I’m gonna go tell Chestnut the good news. | 我要跟栗宝分享这个好消息 |
| [18:09] | Chestnut! | 栗宝 |
| [18:11] | How about that? | 怎么样 |
| [18:12] | Your new name doesn’t have to be Pablo. | 你不用把名字改成巴勃罗了 |
| [18:16] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [18:17] | I don’t know what she would have done. | 我不知道她会怎么样 |
| [18:19] | She is not made for the streets. | 她在外面可活不了 |
| [18:21] | She’s not even made for polyester. | 她甚至穿不了聚酯纤维的衣服 |
| [18:25] | This is awkward. | 好尴尬 |
| [18:26] | Just trying to get a horse out of a tiny doorway. | 我在努力把一匹马弄出一扇小门 |
| [18:30] | All right, up. | 好了 起来吧 |
| [18:32] | I have to get back to the hotel. | 我得回酒店了 |
| [18:34] | Have you seen my protective bootie? | 你看见我的防护短靴了吗 |
| [18:36] | Wait, why are you taking your booties back to the hotel? | 慢着 你为什么要穿短靴回酒店 |
| [18:39] | Well, you’re obviously not comfortable with me being here. | 显然我待在这里让你不舒服了 |
| [18:42] | No one’s comfortable being here. | 谁待在这里都不舒服啊 |
| [18:44] | It’s here. | 这里可是个鬼地方啊 |
| [18:47] | Look, Max. | 听着 麦克斯 |
| [18:48] | I wanted to stay here | 之前我想来这里 |
| [18:49] | because I wanted to see how you live. | 是因为我想看看你的生活环境 |
| [18:51] | Now I know you live on an Indian food burial ground. | 现在我知道你生活在一个专门倒印度剩菜的地方 |
| [18:56] | You know what? You’re right. | 好吧 你说得对 |
| [18:58] | My life can be better. | 我可以生活得更好 |
| [19:00] | We don’t have hammer money yet, so… | 我们还没有买锤子的钱 所以 |
| [19:07] | You know what time it is? | 你知道现在什么时间吗 |
| [19:09] | It’s hammer time! | 锤子[行动]时间 |
| [19:12] | Well, that’s the end of Nail Patrick Harris. | 永别了 钉子·帕特里克·哈里斯 |
| [19:14] | Are you kidding? | 开什么玩笑 |
| [19:15] | With charisma like that, he’s not going anywhere. | 他的魅力如此独特 肯定跑不了 |
| [19:19] | I think we just got through our first fight. | 我们顺利度过了我们第一次争吵 |
| [19:22] | And only one of us had to go to the hospital, | 我们俩只有一人进了医院 |
| [19:23] | so I think that’s pretty good. | 所以我觉得算是相当不错了 |
| [19:25] | I think that is pretty good. | 我也觉得相当不错 |
| [19:27] | You know what else I think? | 你知道我还觉得什么吗 |
| [19:30] | I love you. | 我爱你 |
| [19:33] | I love you too. | 我也爱你 |
| [19:38] | That is so sweet. | 真甜蜜 |
| [19:39] | I’ll give you two some privacy. | 我给你俩留点私人空间 |
| [19:41] | I’ll be in my room. | 我去我房间待着 |
| [19:45] | Caroline… | 卡洛琳 |
| [19:46] | Even as a mime, you’re still hot. | 就算跟她一起耍白痴 你还是爆帅 |
| [19:50] | While you were at work, I filled out your application | 你上班的时候 我帮你把酒水许可证的 |
| [19:52] | for the liquor license. | 申请表填了 |
| [19:54] | Randy, I love you too. | 兰迪 我也爱你 |
| [19:57] | Sorry, the walls are thin, and I was listening. | 抱歉 隔墙有耳 我在偷听 |
| [20:03] | Hey, girls. | 姑娘们 |
| [20:05] | And Randy. Oh… | 兰迪迪 |
| [20:08] | I’m gonna need my duffle bag back. | 我来拿回我的行李袋 |
| [20:11] | I hate to be an Uzbeki-giver, | 我也不想送人了还拿回来 |
| [20:13] | but I really miss my vibrating pearl. | 但我真的很想念我的”电动”珍珠 |
| [20:19] | Are these supposed to be doing other things? | 这些珍珠难道还有别的用途吗 |
| [20:22] | Oh, no, does this mean you want your swords back? | 别啊 那你也要把”刀”拿回去吗 |
| [20:24] | ‘Cause I was gonna butter some toast later. | 我打算晚点用来给面包抹黄油呢 |
| [20:27] | I’m sorry, Caroline. | 抱歉 卡洛琳 |
| [20:29] | We really missed our sex toys. | 我们真的很想念我们的性爱玩具 |
| [20:32] | It’s not as exciting when I just put double-A batteries in Oleg. | 当我把电池塞进奥列格时 完全不够来劲儿 |
| [20:43] | That’s weird. | 真是奇了怪了 |
| [20:44] | Sophie’s the one with sex toys, I’m the one with the boyfriend, | 苏菲有性爱玩具 我有男朋友 |
| [20:46] | and Caroline’s the one who’s wet. | 而”湿嗒嗒”的却是卡洛琳 |