| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | I’ll go check on your salads. | 我去问问你们的沙拉好了没 |
| [00:04] | Oleg, what’s the hold up with the salads? | Oleg 沙拉怎么还没好? |
| [00:07] | I never made one before. | 我以前从没做过 |
| [00:11] | My two favorite guys, Big Doug and Sancho, | 我最爱的两个人 大Doug和Sancho |
| [00:14] | are ordering salads? | 他们点的是沙拉? |
| [00:15] | What happened to their usual BLTs? | 他们平时点的BLT呢? |
| [00:17] | Burgers, lasagna, and tacos? | 汉堡 千层面 玉米饼? |
| [00:20] | They said they want to lose weight. | 他们说想要减肥 |
| [00:22] | And no matter what you order, | 不管点什么 |
| [00:23] | it’s easier to throw up here than at home. | 比起在家吃 在这里更容易吐出来 |
| [00:27] | I don’t get why nobody wants to be fat anymore. | 我不懂 为什么大家都想要减肥 |
| [00:29] | The fat seasons of Oprah were always the best. | 奥普拉胖的时候 节目一直是最棒的 |
| [00:35] | You’re right. | 说得对 |
| [00:36] | Every other year of Oprah was the best years. | 奥普拉不胖的时候也只有一年吧 |
| [00:42] | What is this I hear about you blushing beauties on a diet? | 我听说你们两位害羞小可爱要节食? |
| [00:45] | Oh, we’re not blushing. | 哦 我们不是害羞得脸红 |
| [00:46] | We’re just still flushed from sitting down. | 只是坐下运动过后的脸红 |
| [00:51] | And we’re trying to get in shape. | 我们想保持身材 |
| [00:53] | Yeah, preferably a shape that doesn’t resemble | 对 身材最好不要像 |
| [00:55] | a seasonal gourd. | 一个季节性的葫芦 |
| [00:58] | Plus my girlfriend wants me to slim down | 而且 我女朋友想让我瘦下来 |
| [01:00] | so we can sit on the same side of the plane when we travel. | 这样我们出行时 就能坐在飞机的同一侧 |
| [01:06] | Well, Big Doug, | 大Doug |
| [01:08] | you tell that lucky lady that I would rather date a man | 你告诉那个幸运的女士 我更愿意 |
| [01:12] | with boobs bigger than mine | 和胸部大过我的男人约会 |
| [01:14] | than a man who brings his own salad dressing to a restaurant. | 而不愿跟一个自带沙拉酱去餐厅的人约会 |
| [01:21] | Pie me. | 给我个派 |
| [01:23] | Cherry, pumpkin, or coconut cream? | 樱桃 南瓜 还是椰奶馅儿? |
| [01:25] | Yes. | 全要 |
| [01:29] | Max Black, | 我 Max Black |
| [01:30] | bringing smiles to men’s faces since puberty. | 自发育以来 一直为男人脸上带来微笑 |
| [01:51] | I just talked to this guy at… | 我刚刚聊天的那个人坐在… |
| [01:53] | I think it’s table three, I still don’t know the numbers. | 应该是三号桌 我还是记不住桌号 |
| [01:56] | Anyway, he asked, “What’s new?” | 不管怎样 他问了句”有什么新推荐?” |
| [01:58] | And I told him we were opening a dessert bar | 我告诉他 我们明天将在机场 |
| [02:00] | at the airport tomorrow. | 开一间甜品店 |
| [02:02] | Then I realized he was asking what kind of pot | 后来我意识到 他问的是 |
| [02:04] | I was selling this week. | 这周我卖哪种大麻 |
| [02:07] | Why are you telling people about us and the airport? | 你为什么要跟别人聊我们和机场的事? |
| [02:10] | It’s like when you told everyone you thought you had HPV. | 这就像是告诉别人你觉得自己得了人乳突瘤病毒 |
| [02:15] | That was a state-mandated kind of thing. | 那算是政府委托的 |
| [02:20] | Oh, look who it is… | 哦 看这是谁啊… |
| [02:22] | the airport people. | 机场工作人员 |
| [02:23] | You guys putting together a little happy hour? | 你们俩一起度过欢乐时光? |
| [02:26] | With the jocks at Southwest? | 和西南部的肌肉男一起? |
| [02:27] | Or the “in crowd” at the Virgin Terminal? | 还是和处女终点站的”小圈子”一起? |
| [02:31] | You know who’s going to be a terminal virgin? | 你知道谁会是最后的处子吗? |
| [02:36] | You can make all the death threats you want, | 你们可以随意做尽各种死亡威胁 |
| [02:38] | but you know what will keep me alive? | 但你们知道什么会让我活下来吗? |
| [02:40] | The fact that you two work at the airport. | 就是你们在机场工作的事实 |
| [02:45] | Hey, everybody! | 嘿 姑娘们! |
| [02:50] | Here comes the almost bride. | 准新娘来了 |
| [02:54] | Did you ever see a prettier almost bride? | 你们见过更漂亮的准新娘吗? |
| [02:57] | I mean, you know, besides Jennifer Aniston. | 当然了 除开詹妮弗・安妮斯顿 |
| [03:01] | Sophie, it’s only one week till the wedding, | Sophie 只剩一周就到婚礼了 |
| [03:03] | so this is your last chance to take a run at me. | 所以这是你投向我怀抱的最后机会 |
| [03:08] | Now you won’t be disappointed. | 你不会失望的 |
| [03:09] | I’m still very sexually active | 我在前五分钟 |
| [03:12] | for the first five minutes. | 还是很性致勃勃的 |
| [03:17] | Oh, Earl. | 哦 Earl |
| [03:19] | If I took a run at you, | 要是我投向你 |
| [03:21] | you’d go right through that wall like Wile E. Coyote. | 你会像骗子郊狼一样 直接穿过那面墙的 |
| [03:21] | 骗子郊狼: 出自卡通片”公路奔驰鸟/Road Runner” | |
| [03:28] | Hey, bridesmaid. | 嘿 伴娘 |
| [03:29] | Hey, Sophie. | 嘿 Sophie |
| [03:32] | Hey, Oleg. | 嘿 Oleg |
| [03:33] | You got a message from your brother in the Ukraine. | 你乌克兰的哥哥给你留了言 |
| [03:36] | Yoshinko called? | Yoshinko来电话了? |
| [03:38] | Yeah, hear this message. | 对 你听这条留言 |
| [03:50] | What was the message? | 什么留言? |
| [03:51] | “Hey, Oleg, did you see last night’s Alf?” | “嘿 Oleg 你看见昨晚的外星生物了吗?” |
| [03:55] | Nah… I don’t speak Ukrainian. | 不… 我不会说乌克兰语 |
| [03:59] | I mean, what am I, a plumber in Queens? | 我又不是皇后区的妓女 |
| [04:03] | No, so I brought the whole thing in. | 不是 所以我把整部机器带来了 |
| [04:06] | Here he is. | 开始 |
| [04:07] | Oleg… | 嘿 Oleg… |
| [04:14] | Good-bye. | 再见 |
| [04:19] | What did he say? | 他说了什么? |
| [04:21] | He’s not coming. | 他不会来 |
| [04:22] | I understood a little | 我听懂了一点 |
| [04:23] | ’cause I had a Russian Au pair growing up. | 因为我有个一起长大的俄国交换生朋友 |
| [04:25] | You know, until she bleached my good jeans. | 在她把我好好的牛仔裤漂白之前 |
| [04:28] | Yoshinko can’t come to the wedding. | Yoshinko不能来参加婚礼 |
| [04:30] | He’s on a no-fly list, a no-drive list, | 他上了禁飞名单 禁驾名单 |
| [04:32] | and a no-walk list. | 还有禁走名单 |
| [04:35] | He’s in jail. | 他进监狱了 |
| [04:37] | Oh, but he was gonna be your best man. | 哦 但他本来要给你当伴郎的啊 |
| [04:40] | I got a ham engraved for him. | 我都给他留好火腿了 |
| [04:43] | Don’t worry, baby, I’ll find someone. | 别担心 宝贝 我会找别人的 |
| [04:45] | It could be anyone. | 谁都可以 |
| [04:47] | He doesn’t even have to be the best or even good. | 他不一定是最好的 甚至不好都行 |
| [04:49] | I’ll have to lower my standards. | 我会降低我的标准 |
| [04:54] | Han, | 嘿 Han |
| [04:55] | will you be my best man? | 你可以当我的伴郎吗? |
| [04:57] | You said lower, not sub-basement. | 你说的是降低 不是低到地下两层 |
| [05:04] | Well, Oleg, I’ll need to think about it. | Oleg 我得考虑考虑 |
| [05:07] | Yes. | 可以 |
| [05:09] | Great. So Han, | 很好 那么Han |
| [05:10] | you’re in charge of the bachelor party tomorrow. | 你负责明天的告别单身派对 |
| [05:13] | I want a night that will disgrace all involved. | 我想一个颜面尽失的夜晚 |
| [05:16] | A night where no one can look each other in the eye | 一个人会让所有人都不敢在第二天的早午餐上 |
| [05:18] | at brunch the next day. | 直视对方的夜晚 |
| [05:21] | Wow, Han. | 哇 Han |
| [05:22] | Bachelor party’s a big responsibility. | 告别单身派对的担子可不小 |
| [05:25] | Do you know any grown-ups who can buy you beer? | 你认识能替你买啤酒的大人吗? |
| [05:32] | Max, hurry. | Max 快点 |
| [05:34] | The grand opening of this pink airport dungeon | 这个粉红的机场地牢几分钟后 |
| [05:37] | is in a few minutes. | 就要隆重开张了 |
| [05:39] | That TSA line took forever. | 运输安全局那一关过了好久 |
| [05:41] | The woman with all those nickels? | 那个一身镍币的女人? |
| [05:42] | I haven’t seen that much change on a lady since Chaz Bono. | 自查兹・波诺以来 我没见过一个女人身上有这么大变化(这么多零钱) |
| [05:42] | 查兹・波诺: 女变男的易性人 | |
| [05:47] | Don’t worry, | 别担心 |
| [05:48] | I’m making friends in the TSA. | 我正在跟运输安全局的人交朋友 |
| [05:50] | Judy, big gal, little beard? | Judy 一个大姑娘 有点山羊胡? |
| [05:53] | Having lunch with her at the Wok N’ Roll | 在马航旁边的中餐馆 |
| [05:56] | near Malaysia Airlines. | 跟她一起吃午饭 |
| [05:57] | It’s pretty quiet over there these days. | 这些天 那里特别安静 |
| [06:02] | Hey, ladies. | 嘿 女士们 |
| [06:04] | Opening day, I’m so excited | 开业日 我太激动了 |
| [06:06] | my nipples have been shooting daggers since I woke up. | 从我醒来开始 我的乳头就一直不安分 |
| [06:10] | Seriously, I haven’t been this excited | 说真的 自从我父母把我送去军校以来 |
| [06:12] | since my parents sent me to military school. | 我还没这么激动过 |
| [06:18] | God, does everything have to be fun when you’re gay? | 天啊 你出柜以后 一切不该很有趣吗? |
| [06:20] | If it isn’t, you’re not doing it right. | 要是没有 那你就没做对 |
| [06:24] | I’m just happy I get to be out front here. | 我只是开心 我到前台来了 |
| [06:26] | Finally, I won’t be stuffed in the back. | 我终于不用窝在后厨了(后庭没塞东西) |
| [06:30] | I mean unless I run into a Republican senator | 除非我在男厕所撞见 |
| [06:32] | in the men’s room. | 共和党参议员 |
| [06:36] | Come on, let’s open up. | 快 我们开业吧 |
| [06:39] | But DAT key though? | 但钥匙在这儿? |
| [06:42] | I love this job. | 我太喜欢这份工作了 |
| [06:44] | Wait, should someone make a speech? | 等等 咱们是不是要来个演讲? |
| [06:47] | A speech? | 演讲? |
| [06:48] | If you want to hear my thoughts on opening this place, | 如果你想知道我对在机场开店的看法 |
| [06:50] | I’ll just CC you on my suicide note. | 我可以把我的遗嘱抄送给你 |
| [06:53] | Fine, I’ll make a speech. | 好吧 我来做个演讲吧 |
| [06:56] | To all the school janitors who told me I’d never have | 那些说我的口袋太小 永远别想有 |
| [06:59] | my own giant set of keys, | 自己的巨型钥匙圈的 |
| [07:03] | too big for any pocket, | 门卫大叔们 |
| [07:06] | and that I wasn’t a good kisser? | 和那些说我不是接吻高手的人们 |
| [07:09] | They can all suck it. | 统统见鬼去吧 |
| [07:16] | Yes! Rise, gate, rise! | 耶! 升起来吧 小铁门 升起来吧! |
| [07:20] | Ooh, you go, gate. | 干得漂亮 小铁门 |
| [07:23] | Yes, I’m drunk with power. | 没错 我被权力冲昏了头了 |
| [07:26] | Also, a little drunk. | 不过我确实喝了点小酒 |
| [07:29] | All right. Here they come. | 好了 顾客们都涌进来吧 |
| [07:35] | Yep. | 或许 |
| [07:37] | Any minute. | 再等等 |
| [07:39] | Just our luck. | 或许我们点太背了 |
| [07:40] | The one day the airport isn’t crowded. | 赶上今天机场没什么人 |
| [07:44] | Well, I guess I have time to go check my make-up | 好吧 我想我可以去男厕 |
| [07:46] | in the men’s room. | 补个妆了 |
| [07:51] | It’s Han. | 是Han |
| [07:53] | He wants us to come to Oleg’s bachelor party tonight. | 他想让我们今晚去参加Oleg的告别单身派对 |
| [07:56] | I’ve gotten a call like this before, | 之前也接到过这种电话 |
| [07:57] | but usually it’s through a service that involves | 不过通常都是那种贴了流苏胸片 |
| [07:59] | making some tassels spin in opposite directions. | 还能两边不同方向甩的舞女打来的 |
| [08:05] | No way. | 我才不去呢 |
| [08:06] | You know I was planning on going home and crying tonight. | 你知道的 我打算今晚回家痛哭一场 |
| [08:09] | Han is planning a party. | 这可是Han策划的派对 |
| [08:10] | You will cry there for sure. | 肯定能让你哭出来的 |
| [08:13] | That’s true. I really can cry anywhere now. | 这倒没错 我现在在哪都能哭出来 |
| [08:16] | I guess I’ve got that at least. | 我想这点我还是能做到的 |
| [08:19] | I can’t believe I work at the airport, Max. | 我简直不敢相信我会在机场工作 Max |
| [08:23] | Hey, would you feel better if you held my giant keys? | 嘿 要是我把钥匙圈给你 你会不会好受点? |
| [08:30] | Hello? | 你好? |
| [08:34] | Hello. | 你好 |
| [08:36] | Welcome, you’re our first customer. | 欢迎光临 你是我们的第一位顾客 |
| [08:38] | Do I get a prize? | 那有什么奖励吗? |
| [08:41] | Is it you? | 奖品就是你吗? |
| [08:45] | I’m on board now. I love this job. | 我上道了 我爱上这份工作了 |
| [08:56] | Welcome, everyone. | 大家晚上好 |
| [08:58] | I’m your M.C., Han Lee, | 我是今晚的主持人Han Lee |
| [09:00] | gonna get the crazy party started here | 请允许我以几个风趣幽默的色情笑话 |
| [09:02] | with some dirty, racy jokes. | 拉开疯狂派对的帷幕 |
| [09:05] | This is the deadest place I’ve ever been to, | 这是我到过的最死气沉沉的地方 |
| [09:08] | and I once woke up in Heaven. | 比天堂都死气沉沉 |
| [09:12] | Okay, here we go. | 好 那我们开始吧 |
| [09:14] | What do a Rubik’s Cube and a penis have in common? | 魔方和阴茎的共同点是什么? |
| [09:19] | The more you play with it, the harder it gets. | 越玩越硬(难) |
| [09:25] | A Rubik’s Cube was a popular ’80s toy. | 魔方是上世纪八十年代一种非常流行的玩具 |
| [09:29] | You suck! Next act. | 弱爆了! 下一个 |
| [09:34] | What do a walrus and a Tupperware have in common? | 海象和特百惠(塑料产品品牌)有什么共同点? |
| [09:39] | Hold on a minute. | 等一下 |
| [09:40] | Something about a seal being tight… | 是和密封条有关的… |
| [09:46] | Oh! | 噢! |
| [09:47] | I just got a text from Josh, the pilot. | 那个飞行员Josh给我发短信了 |
| [09:50] | He says, “What’s up, you?” | 他说 “嘿 你在干嘛?” |
| [09:52] | Isn’t that cute? | 是不是很可爱? |
| [09:54] | Cute that he forgot your name? | 忘了你的名字很可爱? |
| [09:59] | It’s really been a long time for you, hasn’t it? | 你是不是真的很久没恋爱过了? |
| [10:02] | I took off my underwear last week and a coyote howled. | 我上周脱了内裤 结果一匹狼嚎叫了起来 |
| [10:08] | Tough crowd. | 太棘手了 |
| [10:09] | I’m talking about you, Max. | 我是说你 Max |
| [10:12] | Oh come on, Han. Loosen up. | 拜托 Han 放轻松 |
| [10:14] | Have a drink. | 来 喝一杯 |
| [10:15] | A martini, an appletini, anything teeny. | 马提尼 苹果马提尼 随便什么提尼(同”小”的英文发音相同) |
| [10:21] | Nah, just do a vodka shot. | 别了 还是来一杯伏特加吧 |
| [10:22] | If nothing else, the glass will look normal-sized in your hand | 要是没有参照物 伏特加的小酒杯在你手上就和正常酒杯一个大小 |
| [10:25] | and I’ll have a laugh. | 我照样能笑 |
| [10:28] | Can’t hurt. | 伤不了我 |
| [10:31] | But it did. | 不过这酒确实挺烈的 |
| [10:34] | Thanks for the party, Han. | 谢谢你能来帮我主持派对 Han |
| [10:36] | What time is it starting? | 不过派对什么时候开始啊? |
| [10:39] | I’ve never been a best man. | 我从来没当过伴郎 |
| [10:40] | It’s a lot of pressure. | 压力山大啊 |
| [10:43] | Yeah, being a man would be hard for you. | 没错 做一个男人对你来说就挺不容易的 |
| [10:45] | You’ve never been one before. | 你还是个小男生呢 |
| [10:48] | Let alone the best one. | 更别说当伴郎了 |
| [10:55] | What’s in that, ground glass? | 这里面都是什么 毛玻璃片吗? |
| [11:01] | Ugh, this party is worse than the communist party. | 呃 这个派对还不如共产党呢 |
| [11:04] | And they killed half my family. | 共产党可是杀了我一半的家人 |
| [11:08] | Oleg, don’t worry, I’ll get this party started. | Oleg 别担心 我来让大家嗨起来 |
| [11:11] | I’m making a call to some girls I went to school with. | 我打电话把和我一起上学的妹子叫来 |
| [11:14] | The Slut Academy on Seventh. | 我们学校号称是第七街的荡妇学院 |
| [11:17] | Commonly known as NYU. | 简称NYU(同纽约大学的简称) |
| [11:20] | I’m more concerned about my cousin. | 我更担心我的堂哥 |
| [11:22] | He has something I need. | 我让他帮我带一些重要的东西 |
| [11:24] | Soap? Deodorant? The toughest actin’ Tinactin? | 肥皂? 除臭剂? 还是药效最强的牛皮癣喷雾? |
| [11:28] | Oh, there he is! | 噢 他来了! |
| [11:31] | Hey, hey. | 嘿 嘿 |
| [11:32] | Mwah, mwah. | 木嘛 木嘛 |
| [11:35] | Well, he didn’t bring the deodorant. | 好吧 看来不是除臭剂 |
| [11:38] | Yuri, you made it. | Yuri 你赶来了 |
| [11:41] | Are you the stripper? | 你是脱衣舞女吗? |
| [11:43] | Probably in a few years. | 可能几年后就是了 |
| [11:46] | Did you bring the papers? | 你把文件带来了吗? |
| [11:47] | The papers I need to get married? | 我结婚要用的文件? |
| [11:49] | And those little Ukrainian candies I love? | 还有我喜欢的乌克兰糖果? |
| [11:52] | Bad news. | 坏消息 |
| [11:53] | The guy who made the fake papers got deported. | 那个伪造文件的家伙被驱逐出境了 |
| [11:55] | They took the papers. | 他们没收了文件 |
| [11:56] | I ate the candy. | 糖果也被我吃了 |
| [11:59] | What’d I miss? | 我错过了什么? |
| [12:00] | Besides my chance to become something? | 除了我成名的机会 |
| [12:03] | Are you the stripper? | 你是脱衣舞女吗? |
| [12:05] | Nyet. | 不是 |
| [12:08] | A compliment and an insult in just one word. | 褒贬全都涵盖在一个词里了 |
| [12:12] | Oh, no. | 噢 不 |
| [12:14] | Oh no, no, no, no, no. | 噢 不 不 不 |
| [12:17] | Did I mention “no”? | 我说了”不” 吗? |
| [12:20] | How can you say the word “no” | 你这不是知道”不”的含义吗 |
| [12:21] | but not understand it when women say it? | 为什么女人说”不”的时候 你却听不懂? |
| [12:25] | This is a disaster. | 简直是晴天霹雳 |
| [12:26] | And not the kind where I can loot. | 重点是我还没机会浑水摸鱼 |
| [12:30] | I needed those fake papers to renew my fake green card. | 我需要这些假文件来给假绿卡续期 |
| [12:33] | Mine expires next month. | 我的绿卡下个月就要到期了 |
| [12:35] | Since when do you care about expiration dates? | 什么时候你开始在意保质期了? |
| [12:37] | You cook with eggs so old they fight back. | 你煮的那些蛋 老得都能孵出来小鸡跟你打架了 |
| [12:41] | Sophie will never believe that I’m not marrying her | Sophie一定不会相信 我不是为了绿卡 |
| [12:44] | just for a green card. | 才跟她结婚的 |
| [12:45] | She has major trust issues | 她很难信任别人 |
| [12:47] | since one day, her father went out for pierogies and… | 因为有一天 她父亲说出去买煎饺… |
| [12:50] | came back without pierogies. | 可是却空手而归 |
| [13:04] | I’m really enjoying the dance stylings | 我还挺喜欢这种展现了 |
| [13:06] | of Camel and Toe up there. | 女性下身魅力的舞蹈服装 |
| [13:10] | Everyone is having fun except Oleg. | 除了Oleg 大家都很嗨嘛 |
| [13:13] | I haven’t seen him so much as put the “V” fingers | 我还没看见他在这些妹子面前 |
| [13:15] | in front of his mouth at any of these ladies. | 举手在嘴边比V的手势 |
| [13:18] | Ooh! | 哦! |
| [13:20] | Wouldn’t mind some over the sweater action with her. | 我不介意跟这个妞来点出汗的运动 |
| [13:25] | Hers or yours? | 她的还是你的? |
| [13:31] | Max, I just did something I’ve never done. | Max 我刚做了件我从没做过的事 |
| [13:35] | Told a story about someone else? | 讲了个关于别人的故事? |
| [13:39] | No, I sent the pilot a boob pic. | 不 我给那飞行员发了一张裸胸照 |
| [13:43] | Girl, you nasty. | 姑娘 你可真下流 |
| [13:46] | I know. I am nasty! | 我知道 我好下流! |
| [13:49] | I just looked into the camera with my boobs out and hit send. | 我裸着胸看着镜头 就点了发送 |
| [13:53] | Ah-ha, that’s awesome. | 啊哈 太棒了 |
| [13:55] | Uh, circling back now, | 回到刚才那句 |
| [13:57] | did you say you looked into the camera? | 你说你看着镜头来着? |
| [14:00] | You didn’t put your face in it, did you? | 你没把脸照进去 对吧? |
| [14:02] | Girl! | 姑娘! |
| [14:04] | You stupid. | 你可真傻 |
| [14:07] | How else would he know it was me? | 不这样他怎么知道是我? |
| [14:09] | You never put your face in it. | 永远不要把脸照进去 |
| [14:11] | Didn’t I raise you better than this? | 我平常都怎么教的你? |
| [14:15] | Well, at least you weren’t smiling in it. | 算了 至少你没笑 |
| [14:20] | All right, what kind of smile? | 好吧 什么样的笑? |
| [14:21] | A flirty smirk could work. | 轻浮的假笑是可以的 |
| [14:23] | A come-hither grin would be great. | 那种轻佻诱惑的笑更棒 |
| [14:26] | More like… | 更像是… |
| [14:33] | So you were in this… pose | 所以你刚刚… 这样 |
| [14:38] | with your yabbos out? | 还露着奶子? |
| [14:41] | So you basically did a nude yogurt ad. | 也就是说 你刚拍了个裸体酸奶广告 |
| [14:47] | Yeah, but like yogurt you want to have sex with, right? | 没错 不过是那种你想上的酸奶 对吧? |
| [14:53] | Oh, my God. | 天啊 |
| [14:55] | Sophie will be here any minute. | Sophie马上就到了 |
| [14:57] | When I called, she was washing her hair. | 我打电话时 她在洗头发 |
| [14:59] | She was going to put it back on her head and come. | 正要把它黏回头上 出门过来 |
| [15:03] | Just be honest with her. | 跟她讲实话就好 |
| [15:05] | Sometimes the truth is ugly. | 有时候真相是丑陋的 |
| [15:07] | But she knows that. She’s seen you naked. | 她肯定明白 她都看过你裸体了 |
| [15:10] | Well, still no text back so apparently not as ugly as this. | 他还没回短信 肯定不能比这个再丑陋了 |
| [15:16] | What’s that about? | 那是什么意思? |
| [15:17] | Are you selling real estate now? | 你改做推销房地产的生意了? |
| [15:25] | Oh, wow. | 哇哦 |
| [15:29] | I mean, this party couldn’t get any sleazier | 这个派对不能更下流俗气了 |
| [15:32] | unless you invited Robin Thicke. | 除非你请来罗宾・西克(创作型歌手) |
| [15:36] | I’m looking up at skanky whore city, | 这就是一个放荡卖淫城 |
| [15:38] | but I trust you, Oleg. | 但我信任你 Oleg |
| [15:41] | You do? | 真的? |
| [15:42] | Yeah, why wouldn’t I? | 真的 为什么不呢? |
| [15:44] | Aside from my complicated past | 尽管我过去遇到过 |
| [15:47] | full of men that have lied to me. | 无数个对我撒谎的男人 |
| [15:51] | But you and I don’t have secrets from each other, right, Oleg? | 但你我之间没有任何秘密 对吧 Oleg? |
| [15:54] | Yeah, well, you see… | 是这样的 听着… |
| [15:55] | It is time for the traditional best man speech. | 现在该伴郎致辞了 |
| [15:59] | So listen up, bitches. | 听好了 婊子们 |
| [16:06] | Ow, damn it. | 该死 |
| [16:12] | I am bleeding. | 我在流血 |
| [16:15] | Repeat, I am bleeding. | 重复 我在流血 |
| [16:18] | I can’t believe this. | 简直不敢相信 |
| [16:19] | There’s an app that burps when you shake your phone, | 现在有一摇手机它就能打嗝的软件 |
| [16:21] | but no app that unsends a boob pic? | 但没有软件能撤回裸胸照? |
| [16:27] | Sophie. Oleg. | Sophie 还有Oleg |
| [16:29] | What’s there to say about these two kids? | 关于这两个孩子我能讲点什么呢? |
| [16:32] | Oleg is a bad cook. | Oleg是个烂厨子 |
| [16:35] | Sophie, quite loud. | Sophie挺吵闹的 |
| [16:37] | But somehow, when they get together, magic. | 但不知为何 他俩在一起时 有奇妙的魅力 |
| [16:41] | You suck, next act! | 弱爆了 下一个! |
| [16:44] | Says the lady that works at the airport. | 在机场工作的小姐如是说 |
| [16:48] | And, Oleg, I’m so glad Sophie is marrying you | Oleg 我非常高兴Sophie要嫁给你了 |
| [16:52] | so now you can stay in the country. | 这样你就能留在美国了 |
| [16:54] | Oh, no. Uh… | 哦 不… |
| [16:56] | You suck. Next act? | 弱爆了 下一个? |
| [16:59] | Yeah, I hear ya girl. | 我懂你 姑娘 |
| [17:02] | I mean that last joke didn’t even have a punch line. | 最后一句话都没有笑点 |
| [17:06] | Yeah, I mean, it was sort of sad. | 还有点小悲伤 |
| [17:10] | It was no joke. | 那不是开玩笑 |
| [17:12] | This is serious. | 是严肃的 |
| [17:13] | It’s really serious. | 这问题真的很严肃 |
| [17:14] | That boob pic is up in the Cloud now. | 那张裸胸照已经在云端了 |
| [17:16] | My boob is in the Cloud, y’all. | 我的胸在云端了 伙计们 |
| [17:22] | Sophie, I didn’t know how to tell you. | Sophie 我不知道该怎样告诉你 |
| [17:26] | You wanted to marry me for a green card? | 你跟我结婚是为了绿卡? |
| [17:30] | See, I thought you were marrying me for my bod. | 我以为你是因为我的好身材 |
| [17:34] | Or for my connections at The Container Store, or… | 或是因为我在收纳连锁店的人脉 或是… |
| [17:39] | I mean, I taught you how to read! | 我可是教了你识字的! |
| [17:45] | Sophie, I can explain. | Sophie 听我解释 |
| [17:46] | No, no, no. The wedding’s off. | 不 不 婚礼取消了 |
| [17:48] | Oh, no. | 不 |
| [17:50] | What the hell am I going to do with all those pigeons | 那群被我涂成新娘白的鸽子 |
| [17:53] | that I had painted wedding white? | 该怎么办呢? |
| [17:56] | Sophie, wait. | Sophie 等等 |
| [18:10] | Aww, well, look who it is. | 哦 看看这是谁 |
| [18:13] | My dearly deported. | 要被驱逐出境的小亲亲 |
| [18:17] | I worked on that the whole way over. | 我刚刚一路上都在想这句话 |
| [18:21] | Sophie, I’m not gonna be deported. | Sophie 我不会被驱逐的 |
| [18:24] | I’m gonna marry someone so I can stay in this country | 我要娶个人 来留在美国 |
| [18:27] | and win you back. | 然后赢回你的心 |
| [18:28] | I don’t care who my new bride is. | 我不在乎我的新娘是谁 |
| [18:35] | Just upfront, it can’t be me. | 先说好了 不可能是我 |
| [18:38] | ‘Cause everybody knows I’m married to my work. | 因为所有人都知道我已经嫁给我的事业了 |
| [18:44] | And it can’t be me. | 也不能是我 |
| [18:46] | It just can’t. | 就是不能 |
| [18:49] | They don’t even have to be the best or even good. | 她们不一定是最好的 甚至不好都行 |
| [18:52] | Standards are out the window. | 我已经没要求了 |
| [18:58] | Look, it’s a California Raisin. | 看啊 加州葡萄干来了 |
| [19:05] | Ooh. Sunglasses and Advil. | 墨镜和布洛芬 |
| [19:07] | Last night was mad real. | 昨晚真是太疯狂了 |
| [19:10] | Han, | 嘿 Han |
| [19:11] | will you marry me so I can stay in the country? | 为了我能留在美国 你愿意跟我结婚吗? |
| [19:15] | I’ll need to think about it. | 我得考虑考虑 |
| [19:17] | Yes. | 我愿意 |
| [19:20] | Apparently the only thing he won’t say yes to is health care. | 很明显 他唯一不同意的就只有医保 |
| [19:24] | Oleg, I don’t believe you. | Oleg 我不相信你 |
| [19:27] | This is just another trick to get me to do | 这只是另一个小伎俩 来诱惑我 |
| [19:30] | what you want me to do. | 做你想让我做的事情 |
| [19:32] | Like when you kept “dropping” your ice cream into your lap. | 就像那次你总把冰淇淋”掉”到大腿上一样 |
| [19:37] | No trick. | 不是伎俩 |
| [19:39] | Sometimes love makes you do crazy, disgusting things. | 有时 爱会让你做疯狂又恶心的事 |
| [19:43] | Like this. | 像这样 |
| [19:44] | Come here, Han. | 过来 Han |
| [19:52] | And now I love this job, too! | 我现在也爱上这份工作了! |
| [19:56] | Thank God he picked Han. | 谢天谢地他选了Han |
| [20:01] | Wow, Sophie. Oleg must really love you. | Sophie 听着 Oleg一定很爱你 |
| [20:04] | That had to be hard for him. | 那对他来说一定很难 |
| [20:07] | And from what I can see, a little hard for Han, too. | 也能看得出来 Han也有点硬了(难) |
| [20:14] | At our wedding, maybe two pumps of breath spray. | 咱俩的婚礼上 记得喷两次口气清新剂 |
| [20:19] | Han, you’re not marrying Oleg. | Han 你不能跟Oleg结婚 |
| [20:23] | ‘Cause Oleg’s marrying me. | 因为他要娶的是我 |
| [20:28] | I believe you now. | 我相信你了 |
| [20:31] | ‘Cause you kissed Han, | 因为你亲了Han |
| [20:33] | and Asian girls aren’t even your thing. | 而你从不喜欢亚洲女生 |
| [20:44] | Oh my God, Max, it’s my boob pic. | 天啊 Max 是我的裸胸照 |
| [20:47] | Someone made it into a meme. | 有人用它做了个迷因 |
| [20:51] | A mammo meme? | 大咪咪迷因? |
| [20:54] | You’re not supposed to need those ’til you’re 40. | 你到四十岁前是不会需要这个的 |
| [20:57] | My boob pic is gonna be hanging over me for the rest of my life. | 我的裸胸照片会缠着我一辈子的! |
| [21:01] | Oh, come on, | 算了吧 |
| [21:02] | your boob couldn’t hang over a pencil. | 你的胸连根铅笔都缠不住 |