| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | Welcome to the diner ATM ribbon cutting ceremony! | 欢迎来到餐厅的提款机剪彩仪式 |
| [00:09] | Everyone knows he’s holding | 大家知道他拿的是 |
| [00:10] | normal-sized scissors, right? | 普通大小的剪刀吧 |
| [00:14] | Han’s just excited that there’s something in the diner | 阿憨只是在兴奋餐厅里终于有东西 |
| [00:16] | the same size as him. | 跟他是一个高度的了 |
| [00:19] | Han, this is just another waste of time, | 阿憨 你这是在浪费时间 |
| [00:20] | like when you opened the diner. | 就像当时你开这家餐厅一样 |
| [00:24] | This machine is now open for business! | 这台机器现在正式投入营业 |
| [00:31] | After you’re done with those, | 你剪刀用完了给我 |
| [00:32] | I need to do a little manscaping on my love mound. | 我的”神龙巢”需要做点杂枝修剪 |
| [00:36] | And after you’re done with that, you can throw them away. | 等你修剪完 可以直接把剪刀扔了 |
| [00:40] | Hey, everybody! | 大家安安 |
| [00:45] | What’s that yellow tape? | 这黄带子是干嘛 |
| [00:46] | Did someone die again? | 又有人死了吗 |
| [00:49] | No, Sophie, we got an ATM. | 苏菲 不是啦 餐厅有提款机了 |
| [00:51] | I thought we already had an ATM. | 我们本来就有”ATM”了啊 |
| [00:52] | “Asian Transgender Male.” | “亚裔变性男”[同一缩写] |
| [00:56] | Well, thank you for saying “male.” | 谢谢你承认我是个”男”的 |
| [01:00] | Well, move outta the way! | 好吧 给姐让个道 |
| [01:01] | This broad’s gotta do some bankin’! | 本宫要从国库取点银子 |
| [01:04] | Be careful, you’re the very first. | 小心点用 你是第一个呢 |
| [01:06] | We know how long you’ve been waiting to say that to a woman. | 我们知道你等着对女人说这句话有多久了 |
| [01:11] | 打工 | |
| [01:11] | 打工 | |
| [01:28] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [01:29] | No sign of Deke, the cops, or nosy white folk. | 没有迪克 条子 与多管闲事白人 |
| [01:31] | Let’s break in. | 快来私闯他家吧 |
| [01:33] | I don’t understand | 我不明白 |
| [01:34] | why we’re breaking into your boyfriend’s dumpster. | 我们为啥要闯进你男人的垃圾箱里 |
| [01:36] | The only thing I understand less is how you pee standing up. | 但我更不懂你是怎么站着尿尿的 |
| [01:41] | Why? How do you pee? | 为啥 不然你怎么尿的 |
| [01:43] | I am breaking up with Deke, | 我要跟迪克分手嘛 |
| [01:44] | so now’s the part of the relationship | 所以现在就到了感情中 |
| [01:46] | where I sneak in his place and get my stuff out | 那段闯进他家拿回我东西 |
| [01:47] | to avoid telling him I’m breaking up with him. | 免去当面说分手的阶段啦 |
| [01:50] | Well, you just cut an hour out of | 所以你直接跳过了每部浪漫爱情喜剧 |
| [01:52] | every romantic comedy. | 一小时左右的剧情 |
| [01:54] | You’re welcome. | 免礼平身 |
| [02:00] | This is the first guy I dated that has a crank. | 他是我第一个有摇把的对象 |
| [02:02] | most of them just did crank. | 其他的都只是吸食冰毒[摇把] |
| [02:05] | Okay, so here’s the plan. | 所以计划是这样 |
| [02:07] | I’m gonna climb up on the garbage, | 我计划爬上垃圾箱 |
| [02:08] | unsnap the windows, dive in the dumpster, | 解开窗子 钻进垃圾箱 |
| [02:10] | and grab his spare key on the counter. | 然后拿走他放桌上的钥匙 |
| [02:12] | Do you look at life as just a game | 生命对你来说是否就是一场 |
| [02:13] | of “Set new lows for Caroline”? | “让卡洛琳再突破下限”的游戏 |
| [02:16] | Why do I have to do it? | 为什么要我来做这些事啊 |
| [02:17] | I’m on parole, Caroline. | 卡洛琳 我还在假释期呢 |
| [02:19] | We’re breaking into a dumpster. | 我们是要闯进一个垃圾箱里 |
| [02:21] | I don’t even think that’s illegal. | 这事想非法都难 |
| [02:23] | I didn’t either. That’s why I’m on parole. | 如果是真犯罪 我就不会只是假释啦 |
| [02:32] | Light on the right, key on the left. | 灯开关在右边 钥匙在左边 |
| [02:37] | We did this once after Deke left his keys at our favorite bar, | 有次我们把钥匙忘在最爱的酒吧里时也这么干 |
| [02:39] | which is actually just a liquor store where they let you drink. | 其实那也只是家让人随便喝的贩酒店 |
| [02:42] | They turn a blind eye. | 他们都当没看见 |
| [02:43] | Well, the guy is blind. | 因为那店员是真瞎子 |
| [02:47] | Yeah, Deke always found cool places. | 迪克总能找到有意思的地方 |
| [02:51] | Then why are you breaking up with him? | 那你为什么还跟他分手啊 |
| [02:53] | He’s perfect for you. | 他跟你是天生一对 |
| [02:54] | You both think living in a tuna can is an acceptable habitat. | 你们都觉得住在个罐头里是可以接受的 |
| [02:58] | So what if he has money? | 他是土豪又如何啊 |
| [03:00] | People with money don’t live in the same reality. | 有钱人与普通人不住在同个现实里 |
| [03:02] | You think Donald Trump would have that hair if he were poor? | 如果特朗普是个穷鬼 他能有那头”秀发”吗 |
| [03:02] | 唐纳德・特朗普 美国地产大亨与电视名人 有过各种怪异发型来掩饰秃头 | |
| [03:05] | Now, come on, let’s get my toothbrush and scram. | 来吧 赶紧拿上我的牙刷就开溜 |
| [03:08] | You bought a toothbrush? Oh, you really liked him. | 你买了牙刷吗 你是真的喜欢他啊 |
| [03:12] | Wait, Max, is that one of your gnomes? | 等等 那是你其中一只花园矮人吗 |
| [03:15] | Oh, my God, you were practically moving in! | 天啊 你之前就是要搬来同居了 |
| [03:18] | and it’s your favorite one, | 而且还是你最爱的那只 |
| [03:20] | Gnome-o-sexual! | “矮呀是小受” |
| [03:22] | No, this is my second-favorite. | 才不是 他是我第二喜欢的 |
| [03:24] | My favorite is “Gnome more drama.” | 我最喜欢的是那只”矮呀别搞事” |
| [03:27] | And he’s not here because he don’t want no more drama, | 而没带他来是因为他很烦这些事 |
| [03:30] | And frankly, neither do I. | 说实话 我也烦这些事 |
| [03:34] | Come on, let’s go. | 来啦 我们走吧 |
| [03:35] | You don’t have to ask me twice to get out of a dumpster. | 你一声令下 我巴不得立刻逃出垃圾箱 |
| [03:43] | If it isn’t Max-a-million. | 这不是麦百万吗 |
| [03:45] | Or should I say, “Max who hates my millions”? | 还是应该说”恨我百万的麦克斯” |
| [03:48] | Shouldn’t you be occupying Wall Street or something? | 你不是该在忙着占领华尔街 抗议有钱人吗 |
| [03:50] | I am just here for my toothbrush, | 我就是来拿回我的牙刷 |
| [03:52] | and then I’ll leave you in your ivory dumpster | 不会打扰到你坐在你象牙垃圾殿中 |
| [03:55] | to sit around and fart diamonds. | 无所事事 下下金蛋玩的时间 |
| [03:57] | So don’t get the wrong idea, Uncle Pennybags. | 所以千万别误会啊 阿土伯 |
| [04:00] | I’m not here to be Aunt Pennybags. | 我不是来当你的阿土婶的 |
| [04:02] | Max, who’s Uncle Pennybags? | 麦克斯 谁是阿土伯 |
| [04:04] | Is he one of the ones who touched you? | 以前性骚扰过你的大叔吗 |
| [04:07] | He’s the monopoly man. | 是大富翁游戏里的那个老头啦 |
| [04:10] | See? You guys are perfect for each other. | 你看 你们两个真是天造地设的一对 |
| [04:12] | Yeah, Max. | 对啊 麦克斯 |
| [04:13] | We’re like a more awesome version of John and Yoko. | 我们就像是约翰与洋子的完美版 |
| [04:15] | 披头士乐队主唱约翰・列侬与妻子小野洋子 小野洋子并不受到世人待见 | |
| [04:16] | Meaning, like, just John. | 也就是… 只有约翰他自己 |
| [04:19] | Who cares if I got a few million dollars? | 就算我有个几百万又如何 |
| [04:21] | A hundred few million. | 是几个亿 |
| [04:23] | And that’s on the low end, according to Bing. | 根据微软必应搜索结果 最少也有这么多 |
| [04:26] | Well, I’ll be by later, Deke. | 迪克 我晚点再来坐坐 |
| [04:28] | Come on, Caroline. | 走吧 卡洛琳 |
| [04:29] | No, Max, you won’t. | 麦克斯 你才不会来呢 |
| [04:32] | You’re taking your stuff ’cause you’re breaking up with me | 你来拿东西就是想跟我分手 |
| [04:34] | and you’re too big a baby pants | 但是你个小孬孬 |
| [04:36] | to tell me you’re breaking up with me. | 不愿意直接跟我说分手 |
| [04:38] | What? | 你说什么 |
| [04:39] | I am not breaking up with you. | 我才没有要跟你分手 |
| [04:42] | I just needed my toothbrush | 我来拿牙刷是因为 |
| [04:44] | because I had dollar shrimp for lunch | 我中午吃了廉价虾子 |
| [04:46] | and I still have some shells in my teeth. | 现在还有些虾壳卡在牙缝里呢 |
| [04:48] | I will see you later tonight for sex | 今晚晚点我再来跟你滚床单 |
| [04:51] | and various whatnots. | 以及做其他有的没的 |
| [04:53] | I am not breaking up with you. | 我没有要跟你分手 |
| [04:56] | That breakup was brutal! | 刚才分手得好狠啊 |
| [05:04] | Yo, Max, I hear our boy Deke got major money. | 麦克斯 我听说咱们的迪克是土豪啊 |
| [05:08] | I shoulda known, | 我早该想到了 |
| [05:09] | ’cause the weed he gave me was real quality. | 因为他给我的大麻那可真是特供级的货啊 |
| [05:14] | And free. | 而且不要钱 |
| [05:16] | Earl, money changes people. I know. | 厄尔 金钱能改变人 我深有体会 |
| [05:19] | Every time the food stamps came, my mother was all, “Max who?” | 每当到了发救济食品券时 我妈就忘了我是谁 |
| [05:24] | ‘ello, my good people! | 在场的各位父老乡亲们 |
| [05:29] | You are quite fortunate today, | 今儿个算你们行大运了 |
| [05:31] | for a rich person has come to dine in your establishment! | 有大土豪来你们这儿下馆子 |
| [05:37] | Caroline, I would like a tabletop in Max’s section, please. | 卡洛琳 替我在麦克斯那片儿给我弄一桌 |
| [05:41] | Because it’s high time she met the person | 这会儿应该让她开开眼 见识见识 |
| [05:43] | I’ve been pretending not to be. | 我一直隐藏的真实身份 |
| [05:45] | The veil has been lifted. She was correct. | 现在不用遮着掩着 她蒙对了 |
| [05:48] | I am the monopoly man. | 我就是大富翁游戏的老头 |
| [05:52] | Right this way, sir. | 先生 这边有请 |
| [05:53] | I believe I have a table here in the overacting section. | 超浮夸演技区 正好有空位 |
| [05:58] | All right, I’ll give it up. You got me laughing. | 好吧 我不得不承认被你逗笑了 |
| [06:04] | And I would miss all this if we didn’t hang out, | 如果我们真的断绝关系了 我很想你的 |
| [06:06] | So I guess we can still be friends | 所以我们还是当朋友 |
| [06:08] | and pastry school partners. | 和烘焙学校搭档吧 |
| [06:10] | Pastry school partners? | 什么烘焙学校搭档 |
| [06:12] | Your breasts are named in my will. | 我都把你的咪咪加进我遗嘱里了 |
| [06:18] | Come on, you can’t be serious about this. | 不是吧 你不会是真的要跟我分手吧 |
| [06:20] | Don’t worry, we can still do all the stuff | 别担心 我们还是可以一起做 |
| [06:22] | we had planned for our future. | 我们计划好未来要做的事啊 |
| [06:23] | Like tping Han’s apartment on the 14th– | 比如14号那天把阿憨家挂满卷纸 |
| [06:25] | I’m not a monster. | 我可不会翻脸不认人 |
| [06:27] | – Max… – Deke, you can’t be my boyfriend. | -麦克斯 -迪克 你不能当我的男朋友 |
| [06:29] | From now on I’m like welfare. | 现在起 我就是穷人救济金 |
| [06:31] | You have to be broke to get some. | 你得是穷人才能拥有 |
| [06:43] | Max, I really wish you’d reconsider | 麦克斯 我真心希望你重新考虑 |
| [06:45] | breaking up with Deke. | 跟迪克分手的事 |
| [06:47] | I mean, you guys get along great. | 你们俩真的很合得来 |
| [06:49] | He lives in a trash can, | 他住在垃圾箱里 |
| [06:51] | he shares your love of pee-pee jokes. | 也跟你一样喜爱尿尿笑话 |
| [06:55] | He can hide things in his hair. | 他的头发能藏东西 |
| [06:58] | Aren’t those the things you didn’t like about him | 在知道他是有钱人之前 |
| [07:00] | before you knew he had money? | 这不都是你讨厌的点吗 |
| [07:01] | Yes, but people can change. | 是啊 但人是可以改变的 |
| [07:03] | So change and like him. | 改变自己 喜欢他吧 |
| [07:05] | Come on, just keep an open mind. | 别这样嘛 至少保持开明的态度 |
| [07:08] | In fact, why don’t you sleep on it? | 你何不现在就上床去想想呢 |
| [07:09] | Right now. Go. Go to bed. | 现在去 去吧 上床去 |
| [07:11] | Go, go, go, go, go. | 去去去去去 |
| [07:13] | Boy, are you eager to masturbate. | 天啊 你就这么着急要自慰 |
| [07:22] | Hey, friend. | 你好啊 伙伴 |
| [07:24] | Come on, get in. | 来吧 快上床来 |
| [07:26] | – I told you I can’t see that anymore. – Why? | -我都跟你说我不能再看见它了 -为什么 |
| [07:30] | You’re my friend, he’s my friend. | 你是我的伙伴 他也是我的小伙伴 |
| [07:32] | We’re all just friends. | 我们都是伙伴而已嘛 |
| [07:34] | Where did you get a key? | 你怎么会有我家钥匙 |
| [07:36] | Don’t be mad. I asked her for help. | 别生气 我请她帮忙了 |
| [07:37] | Caroline, get in here! | 卡洛琳 快滚进来 |
| [07:39] | Can’t. I’m masturbating! | 不行 我在自慰呢 |
| [07:44] | Caroline, what are you doing? | 卡洛琳 你在干嘛 |
| [07:47] | Are those new shoes? | 那些是新鞋子吗 |
| [07:48] | Uh, yes. | 是的 |
| [07:51] | Where did they come from? | 它们从哪来的 |
| [07:53] | They were just here. | 一回家就在这了 |
| [07:56] | In your size? | 刚好合你的脚吗 |
| [07:57] | It’s a miracle. | 这是神迹啊 |
| [08:01] | They’re from me. | 是我送的 |
| [08:02] | I got ’em for her as a gift. | 我买给她的礼物 |
| [08:05] | What makes you think you could buy my roommate? | 你凭啥觉得你能收买我的室友 |
| [08:08] | She said, “I’ll give you the key if you buy me new shoes.” | 她说”你给我买新鞋我就给你钥匙” |
| [08:12] | For love! | 是为了爱情 |
| [08:14] | I did it for love! | 我是为了爱情啊 |
| [08:17] | You two belong together. | 你们俩应该在一起 |
| [08:19] | Like me and these shoes. | 就像我跟小鞋鞋一样 |
| [08:21] | Come on, just give me a chance to express | 别这样 求你给我一次机会 |
| [08:23] | my deep feelings about this. | 告诉你我内心深处的感受 |
| [08:25] | Max, what I’m trying to say is… | 麦克斯 我想说… |
| [08:30] | I don’t wanna be your friend. | 我不想当你的朋友 |
| [08:32] | I wanna be your boyfriend. | 我想当你的男朋友 |
| [08:34] | Well, right now it looks like you want to be my girlfriend. | 你现在看起来像要当我的女朋友 |
| [08:38] | Maybe I can help clear things up. | 我给你指点迷津一下吧 |
| [08:40] | How much is this gonna cost me? | 这又得花我多少银子 |
| [08:42] | Nothing. Look… | 分文不收好吗 |
| [08:43] | Max doesn’t think she deserves someone rich | 麦克斯觉得自己不应该拥有个有钱人 |
| [08:46] | because she has… | 因为她… |
| [08:47] | – Well, low self-esteem. – Wrong. | -自尊心超低 -错了 |
| [08:50] | I have no self-esteem. | 姐没有自尊 |
| [08:53] | And I can see the bottom of your balls. | 还有 我现在能看到你的蛋蛋底 |
| [08:59] | Max, remember two days ago | 麦克斯 还记得两天前 |
| [09:00] | when you loved the bottom of my balls? | 你曾是个爱我蛋蛋底的姑娘吗 |
| [09:04] | That’s when they were poor and I felt sorry for them. | 那时候以为它们很穷 我心疼它们 |
| [09:09] | Come on, you two belong together. | 何苦呢 你们是天生一对 |
| [09:11] | You’re like the Romeo and Juliet of ball banter. | 像是蛋蛋笑话界里的罗密欧与朱丽叶 |
| [09:14] | I’m sorry, it’s just never gonna work. | 抱歉 但这就是不行 |
| [09:16] | It’s like we were raised with different religions, like… | 我们就像是两个不同宗教家庭长大的 像… |
| [09:18] | What are two religions? | 宗教有哪些啊 |
| [09:22] | Are you taking suggestions from the audience, | 你是想要观众给点意见呢 |
| [09:24] | or do you really not know the names of two religions? | 还是你真不知道两个任意宗教的名字 |
| [09:29] | Let’s say… | 比如说 |
| [09:30] | a witch and a smurf. | 一个女巫与一个蓝精灵 |
| [09:33] | Question answered. | 你的问题有答案了 |
| [09:36] | So it’s like I’m a witch and you’re a smurf. | 比如我是个女巫 而你是个蓝精灵 |
| [09:38] | We could never be together. Everybody knows that. | 大家都知道我们是不可能在一起的 |
| [09:41] | I’ve only lived like a witch. I’ve never lived like a smurf. | 我一辈子都当个女巫 没当过蓝精灵 |
| [09:43] | So I don’t get you. | 所以我完全不懂你 |
| [09:44] | What’s it like being blue and soft? | 又蓝又软弱是什么感觉啊 |
| [09:46] | I don’t know, I’m a witch. I’m green and all-powerful. | 我不知道 我是个女巫 我又绿又强大 |
| [09:49] | So you’re saying you can’t relate to me | 所以你是说 咱俩不是同一个世界的人 |
| [09:51] | because you’ve never been a smurf? | 因为你从没当过蓝精灵吗 |
| [09:54] | Wow. That’s heavy. | 哇 五雷轰顶啊 |
| [09:56] | Well, I’m gonna go. | 好吧 我该走了 |
| [09:57] | Oh, I better take off this silly robe and put on my skirt. | 我最好脱下这傻袍子 换回我的短裙再走 |
| [10:02] | And she’s giving back the shoes. | 她也得把鞋子还回去 |
| [10:05] | Oh, no, she is not! | 别想 她才不会还 |
| [10:16] | “Language preference: | “语种选择 |
| [10:17] | English, Spanish, Chinese, French.” | 英语 西班牙语 中文 法语” |
| [10:19] | They should’ve made this more specific to the diner. | 这玩意应该根据餐厅人群来定制语种 |
| [10:21] | “Hipster, hobo, junkie, pregnant teen.” | “嬉皮士 流浪汉 瘾君子 少女孕妇” |
| [10:25] | Don’t forget “Ballerina with a head wound.” | 别忘了还有”撞伤头的芭蕾舞女” |
| [10:29] | “Would you like to see your account balance?” | “您是否要查看账户余额” |
| [10:31] | That ATM’s a real bitch. | 那台提款机就是一贱人 |
| [10:35] | Yeah, I got a hot 17 in here that’s dying to get out. | 我有个17岁的辣妹[17块钱] 想[取]出来 |
| [10:38] | So did Oleg when that cop pulled him over. | 之前奥列格也这么说 后来被警察拦了下来 |
| [10:42] | Caroline, look at this receipt. | 卡洛琳 瞧瞧这收据 |
| [10:43] | This can’t be right. | 肯定是出错了 |
| [10:44] | I haven’t seen this many zeros in one place | 上次同事见到这么多零 |
| [10:46] | since the diner Christmas party. | 还是在餐厅的圣诞派对上呢 |
| [10:48] | That says $1,000,017. | 上面显示你有100万零17块 |
| [10:51] | Han, your ATM’s broken. | 阿憨 你的提款机坏了 |
| [10:53] | It just gave Max $1 million. | 它刚让麦克斯的账户多了100万 |
| [10:56] | Out of my way! Out of my way! Out of my way! | 闪开 闪开 闪开 |
| [11:02] | This is it–the faulty ATM that gives out millions. | 我终于等到了 提款机出错乱给人钱 |
| [11:05] | I thought it was an urban legend like HPV. | 我以为这跟尖锐湿疣一样 只是坊间传闻而已 |
| [11:10] | Everybody freeze. | 大家别动 |
| [11:12] | The damn thing must be busted. | 那破玩意肯定是坏掉了 |
| [11:13] | And to think I bent over backwards to get that ATM. | 为了搞这台提款机 我腰都要累弯了 |
| [11:16] | Well, I bent over forwards to get a “B” in Spanish. | 我也曾为了西语能得B “弯下腰”求老师 |
| [11:21] | Damn it. My account’s exactly the same. | 靠 我的账户还跟以前一样 |
| [11:24] | Frozen. | 冻结中 |
| [11:27] | So, Deke left this note for you earlier. | 对了 迪克之前有留张条给你 |
| [11:29] | I forgot ’cause I’m 120. | 我都120岁了 能想起来就不错了 |
| [11:35] | Now you know what it’s like to be a smurf. | 现在你知道当蓝精灵是什么感觉了 |
| [11:38] | Can you believe this? Deke gave me $1 million! | 说出来都没人信 那100万是迪克给我的 |
| [11:49] | So that’s real money? | 所以那是真的钱吗 |
| [11:53] | The money’s real? | 那钱是真的吗 |
| [11:57] | You have $1 million? | 你有100万 |
| [11:59] | We’re a millionaire? | 我们成了百万富翁了 |
| [12:12] | Oh, good morning, my good man. | 早上好 我的朋友 |
| [12:14] | I recently came into some money, | 我最近突然得到一笔钱 |
| [12:16] | thus the candy tiara. | 所以给自己买了个糖果皇冠 |
| [12:19] | And I wanted to spread the wealth. | 我想跟大家分享我的财富 |
| [12:21] | Here. | 给 |
| [12:21] | Have a pound of coffee. | 这罐咖啡送你 |
| [12:24] | It’s Folgers, since I’m a millionaire now. | 福爵牌的哦 因为我现在是百万富翁啦 |
| [12:24] | 福爵咖啡是美国最常见的廉价咖啡品牌之一 | |
| [12:28] | Best part of waking up rich! | 这是”一觉醒来变有钱人”最爽的部分 |
| [12:32] | I come bearing gifts for all my best friends. | 我为所有的好朋友们都准备了礼物 |
| [12:36] | Here, guy who stands behind me… | 站在我身后的男人 给 |
| [12:39] | A 12-pack of triple-a batteries for you. | 给你一盒12节的7号电池 |
| [12:42] | And yes, they did have to open the glass case at CVS | 没错 便利店的人专门为我打开玻璃橱 |
| [12:46] | for me to get these. | 我才能拿来送你 |
| [12:48] | Here, lady on the other side. | 站在我旁边的女人 给 |
| [12:50] | A shampoo and conditioner! | 洗发水和护发素 |
| [12:55] | Herbal Essences, no big deal. | 伊卡璐的 不值几个钱啦 |
| [12:58] | And don’t think I forgot about you, peek-a-boo hair. | 我不会忘了你那份的 怪发妹 |
| [13:02] | A Godiva box of chocolates. | 送你一盒高迪瓦的巧克力 |
| [13:05] | No, you’re not dreaming. I said “Godiva”! | 你不是在做梦 这真的是高级巧克力哟 |
| [13:10] | Max, I have great news. | 麦克斯 我有个好消息 |
| [13:12] | And you, woman who sold me out for shoes. | 还有你 为了一双鞋子出卖我的女人 |
| [13:15] | I got you something very special | 我出去扫货的时候 |
| [13:17] | when I was out gift shopping. | 为你挑了一份特别的礼物 |
| [13:18] | You know how you always say, | 你还记得你经常说 |
| [13:20] | “Who do I have to bang to get a chip clip around here?” | “我要跟哪个学员搞 才能搞到一个食品封口夹” |
| [13:22] | Me! | 答案就是我 |
| [13:25] | Wait, you spent money? | 什么 你花那笔钱了吗 |
| [13:27] | How much of our million did you spend on your… | 我们那100万 你花了多少 |
| [13:29] | we’ll call it a shopping spree. | 在你这次”疯狂购物”上 |
| [13:32] | Almost all of it. | 差不多全花掉了 |
| [13:34] | $143! | 一共143块 |
| [13:37] | Okay, our public schools have failed you. | 看来公立学校连花钱都没教好 |
| [13:40] | Or they would have if you’d went. | 但你没去上过 它们想没教好你都没机会 |
| [13:43] | But I’m too excited to care. | 但我现在太兴奋 顾不上这个了 |
| [13:45] | First things first. When do we quit the diner? | 先说重要的 我们什么时候辞掉餐厅的工作 |
| [13:47] | What are you talking about? We’re not quitting the diner. | 你在瞎说什么 我们才不会辞职 |
| [13:49] | I’m giving the rest of the money back. | 我要把剩下的钱还给他 |
| [13:51] | Hold on, hold on, pump the brakes. | 等下等下 这念头就此打住 |
| [13:53] | What’s the problem? You got a chip clip–you’re set. | 有什么问题吗 你已经得到你想要的封口夹了 |
| [13:56] | I only spent it to make a point to Deke. | 我花钱是为了向迪克表明我的态度 |
| [13:58] | You can’t give it back. I have plans. Big plans. | 你不能还回去 我已经计划好了 大计划 |
| [14:02] | After we quit the diner, | 我们先辞掉餐厅的工作 |
| [14:03] | I found a guy who can turn that measly million into 3. | 然后我认识个人 他可以把这小100万翻三倍 |
| [14:06] | And don’t worry, he was not named | 别担心 他的名字不在 |
| [14:07] | in my father’s Ponzi Scheme. | 我爸庞氏骗局的涉案人员名单中 |
| [14:09] | Well, not by the name he goes by now. | 至少他现在这个假名不在 |
| [14:13] | What up, smurfette? | 你好啊 蓝妹妹 |
| [14:15] | Oh, hello, Deke. | 你好 迪克 |
| [14:16] | You just missed me passing out | 你刚错过了我用你这100万 |
| [14:18] | all the gifts I bought with your million, | 给大家发礼物的豪气场面 |
| [14:20] | But you’re here in time to see me | 但你正好及时赶到 可以见证 |
| [14:21] | buy Big Mary as my lab partner. | 我收买大玛丽当我搭档这一刻 |
| [14:23] | Who says I’m for sale? | 抱歉 我是非卖品 |
| [14:26] | A fireman’s calendar… | 猛男消防员日历 |
| [14:29] | and another fireman’s calendar. | 再加壮汉消防员日历 |
| [14:33] | Sold. | 成交 |
| [14:37] | I bet you didn’t think I’d spend that money, hmm? | 我猜你肯定没想到我会花这笔钱吧 |
| [14:40] | Well, you were wrong. | 那你就大错特错了 |
| [14:42] | I spent $143! | 我花了整整143块 |
| [14:46] | Max, I wanted you to spend the money | 麦克斯 我就是想让你花这笔钱 |
| [14:48] | so you know what it’s like to be rich. | 好让你知道当有钱人是什么感觉 |
| [14:49] | Now we’re both smurfs. | 现在我们都是蓝精灵了 |
| [14:50] | You can relate to me again. | 我们有是同一世界的人了 |
| [14:52] | Wanna go do hand stuff by the ovens | 想像上周二那样 去烤箱那 |
| [14:54] | like we did last Tuesday? | 干点”手工活”吗 |
| [14:58] | Oh, so you were just trying to buy me with the money? | 所以你是想用这笔钱收买我吗 |
| [15:01] | Well, I’m not a high-priced call girl. | 我不是那种高价的应招女郎 |
| [15:03] | ’cause Super Bowl weekend’s over. | 因为超级碗的欢乐周末已经结束了 |
| [15:03] | 超级碗周末常会有 高价妓女搭配毒品的”派对套餐” | |
| [15:06] | Here. I’m giving you the rest of the money back. | 给 剩下的钱还给你 |
| [15:08] | Okay… | 别冲动 |
| [15:09] | Obviously, she is not mentally competent enough | 她现在精神状态明显不能够 |
| [15:12] | to handle her finances. | 正确地处理她的财务 |
| [15:14] | This is like when my grandma | 就像当时我奶奶 |
| [15:15] | wanted to give all her money to that orphanage, | 想把她所有的钱都捐给一个孤儿院 |
| [15:16] | so they had her diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. | 所以我们不得不对外说她有老年痴呆症 |
| [15:20] | Here. | 还你 |
| [15:21] | I can’t believe I’m losing all of my money | 真不敢相信我会有一个 |
| [15:23] | twice in one lifetime. | 两次失去所有钱的人生 |
| [15:25] | who has an inhaler? | 谁有哮喘吸入器 |
| [15:30] | And check it. I even put your name on there. | 注意看 我还把你的名字写上了 |
| [15:32] | “Deke Mc-Richy Mc-Never-Had-Yo-Work-For-Anything”? | “超级有钱一辈子无需为五斗米折腰的迪克” |
| [15:36] | Oh, sorry, I probably should’ve added, | 抱歉 我还应该写上 |
| [15:38] | “Richy Rich Pretended-He-Was-Poor-instein” | “爱装穷人的有钱佬” |
| [15:41] | So they’d know it’s you. | 好让人们知道那是你 |
| [15:42] | Here, I’ll fix it. | 来 我改一下 |
| [15:45] | Oh, yes. I treat myself well. | 没错 我也赏了自己好东西 |
| [15:49] | You know what, Max? Stop. | 麦克斯 别闹了 |
| [15:51] | I’ve tried everything to show you | 我竭尽全力向你证明 |
| [15:52] | I’m not some cartoon rich guy, | 我不是卡通里的那种土大款 |
| [15:54] | and you still think I’m a joke. | 可你还是认为我是个笑话 |
| [15:55] | You only see me as my money, but I’m not. | 你眼里只看到了我有钱 但我不止如此 |
| [15:58] | That’s how much money means to me. | 这就是金钱对我的意义 |
| [16:00] | But you were right. | 但你说得对 |
| [16:01] | It’s not gonna work with us. | 咱俩的确不合适 |
| [16:11] | Max. Oh, I got your gift. | 麦克斯 我收到你的礼物了 |
| [16:15] | I love my new vibrator. | 我超爱我新的电动棒 |
| [16:20] | It’s not a vibrator, Sophie. | 那不是电动棒 苏菲 |
| [16:22] | It’s a Dustbuster. | 那是吸尘器 |
| [16:27] | Well, there’s no dust there anymore. | 好吧 现在我”那里”也一尘不染了 |
| [16:31] | I’ll be in my booth. | 我去我卡座坐着啊 |
| [16:34] | Waitress. Waitress. | 小二 小二 |
| [16:36] | “Waitress”? Who’s she talking to? | “小二” 她在喊谁呢 |
| [16:40] | Miss… | 小姐 |
| [16:41] | This salmon tastes like chicken. | 我的三文鱼吃起来像鸡肉 |
| [16:42] | That’s weird, ’cause it’s pork. | 那就奇怪了 因为那是猪肉做的 |
| [16:45] | I don’t need attitude from some waitress. | 就个小二跟我耍什么脾气 |
| [16:48] | Who is this waitress you keep referring to? | 你一直喊的小二到底是谁啊 |
| [16:52] | Your job is to take my order, | 你的工作是帮我点餐 |
| [16:54] | put a smile on your face, and serve me. | 对我笑脸相向 然后好好服务我 |
| [16:57] | Oh, hell, no! | 当然不是 |
| [17:02] | I don’t have to take this. | 老娘才不用受你的气 |
| [17:04] | Let me show you something, doll. | 我给你看样东西 肥婆 |
| [17:07] | This is my receipt from the last time I used the ATM. | 这是我上次用提款机时打的余额单 |
| [17:11] | You see where it says “Account balance” at the bottom there? | 你看见最后一行的”账户余额”有多少吗 |
| [17:13] | Read that number to me, please. | 麻烦念给我听 谢谢 |
| [17:15] | If you have $1 million, why would you be working here? | 如果你有100万 你干嘛还在这里工作 |
| [17:19] | Good question. | 问得好 |
| [17:24] | You seem cranky. You want to use my Dustbuster? | 你好像很暴躁 要用我的吸尘器治疗”积怨”吗 |
| [17:31] | That woman just asked me | 那女人刚才问我 |
| [17:33] | if I have $1 million, why am I working here? | 如果我有100万 我干嘛还在这里工作 |
| [17:36] | That’s what I’ve been saying. | 我之前不就说了嘛 |
| [17:38] | I mean, I have $1 million. | 我是说 我有100万耶 |
| [17:40] | That’s what I’ve been saying. | 我之前不就说了嘛 |
| [17:42] | I don’t need to be in this dump! | 老娘不用在这垃圾地方上班 |
| [17:44] | Again, that’s what I’ve– | 重申一遍 我之前不就… |
| [17:45] | You’ve been saying! I know, I’m an idiot! | 你是说了 我知道 我是个白痴 |
| [17:47] | I’m keeping that money! | 钱我决定不还给他了 |
| [17:48] | That’s what I’ve been saying! | 我之前不就说了嘛 不能还啊 |
| [17:50] | – Max, Caroline– – No. | -麦克斯 卡洛琳 -闭嘴 |
| [17:52] | You don’t even know what I was about to say. | 你都不知道我要说什么呢 |
| [17:53] | Whatever it is, no. | 不管是什么 都给老娘闭嘴 |
| [17:55] | We have $1 million. | 我们有100万 |
| [17:56] | Yeah, we have $1 million. | 是的 我们有100万 |
| [17:58] | Yeah, we have $1 million, and I quit! | 没错 我们有100万 老娘不干了 |
| [18:00] | And I quit too, baby! | 老娘也不干了 小宝贝 |
| [18:02] | I have hated this hellhole from day one. | 我从上班第一天就恨这个破地方 |
| [18:05] | Sayonara, short stuff! | 再见[日文] 小矮子 |
| [18:09] | I don’t know what’s more offensive. | 我不知道哪个词更过分 |
| [18:11] | “Sayonara” or “short stuff”! | 是被当做”小日本” 还是”小矮子” |
| [18:13] | I would go with “Sayonara,” short stuff. | 我觉得是”小日本”比较狠 小矮子 |
| [18:22] | That got off quicker than | 这脱衣速度比12岁的小毛孩 |
| [18:23] | a 12-year-old looking at Megan Fox. | 看见梅根・福克斯的”缴械”速度还快 |
| [18:23] | 梅根・福克斯 曾在《变形金刚》中担任过女主角的 好莱坞性感女星 | |
| [18:26] | Quick? | 快吗 |
| [18:27] | I’ve been trying to get out of this thing for three years. | 三年以来 我一直梦想着脱掉这身制服 |
| [18:29] | This zipper is stuck! This is like a horror movie! | 拉链卡住了 这就像部恐怖片 |
| [18:32] | Help me! Get this damn thing off me! | 帮我 快帮我把这死玩意脱下来 |
| [18:34] | Tear it off, cut it off, light it on fire! | 扯下来 剪烂 再一把火烧了它 |
| [18:36] | Well, watch my hair. | 但小心我的头发 |
| [18:37] | Oh, who cares! I’ll buy new hair! | 无所谓了 反正我有钱可以买新头发 |
| [18:39] | Damn it, I’ll just go over. | 靠 我从上面脱吧 |
| [18:41] | Yes! We’re out of here. | 太棒了 我们解脱了 |
| [18:43] | No more diner, no more cupcakes. | 再也不用想着餐馆和小蛋糕店了 |
| [18:45] | Wait, wait, no more cupcakes? | 慢着 连小蛋糕店也不要了吗 |
| [18:47] | What are you talking about? | 你在说什么啊 |
| [18:49] | With all this money, we can grow our business. | 我们可以用这笔钱扶植我们的事业 |
| [18:51] | Oh, I’m not growing anything | 我什么都不要扶植 |
| [18:53] | except a big-ass weed plant on my nightstand. | 除了我床头柜那株超级大麻 |
| [18:57] | But it’s our dream. | 但那是我们的梦想 |
| [18:58] | I don’t need a dream. Dreams are for poor people! | 我不需要梦想 穷人才需要梦想活下去 |
| [19:01] | I have $1 million. | 老娘有100万 |
| [19:03] | I’m not going to pastry school, | 我不要去上烘焙学校了 |
| [19:04] | I might not even go to the bathroom. | 我甚至连厕所都不用去上了 |
| [19:06] | And I am definitely not getting out of bed. | 我余生要死赖在床上不下来了 |
| [19:09] | I will never do anything again! | 我以后什么事都不用干 |
| [19:13] | Oh, my god, I’ll never do anything again. | 天啊 我以后什么事都不干了 |
| [19:16] | We’re not quitting. | 我们不能辞职 |
| [19:20] | I knew it! | 我就知道 |
| [19:23] | Between you and this zipper, I’ll never get outta here. | 拜你和这拉链所赐 我永远也摆脱不掉这身制服 |
| [19:26] | I can’t. You heard what I’d be like with $1 million. | 我不行 你也听见我有100万后会变啥样 |
| [19:29] | I’d be dead at 30. | 我肯定30岁就死了 |
| [19:31] | But isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? | 但这不是你一直以来的愿望吗 |
| [19:38] | Hey, Uncle Pennybags, you home? | 阿土伯 你在家吗 |
| [19:40] | I mean, you dumpster? | 我是说 你在垃圾箱吗 |
| [19:44] | Hey, can I come in? | 我能进去吗 |
| [19:45] | Or did you already move on? | 还是你已经放下了 |
| [19:46] | – ’cause I’d get it if you did. – Nah, come in. | -如果是我也能理解 -没 进来吧 |
| [19:49] | Just sittin’ in here fartin’ diamonds. | 我无所事事 下下金蛋玩呢 |
| [19:53] | Look, I think I owe you an apology. | 我觉得我欠你一个道歉 |
| [19:57] | You know how I called you a lazy mc-richy rich who never | 之前我称你为”住在象牙垃圾殿里 |
| [19:59] | had to work for anything and lives in an ivory dumpster? | 超级有钱一辈子无需为五斗米折腰的懒蛋” |
| [20:02] | Is this part of the apology | 这是道歉的一部分吗 |
| [20:04] | Or just the recap of mean things you’ve said to me? | 还是你在重述你伤我的心的过分句子 |
| [20:07] | Just listen. | 乖乖听着 |
| [20:10] | Well, I was right, you never did have to work for anything. | 我说得对 你的确无需为五斗米折腰 |
| [20:12] | Okay, I’m starting to think you don’t know what an apology is. | 我开始怀疑你到底懂不懂什么是道歉了 |
| [20:16] | But even though you never had to work for anything, | 但即使你天生无需为五斗米折腰 |
| [20:19] | You do. | 但你却付出努力 |
| [20:20] | You actually get up, you go to pastry school, | 你真的有乖乖起床 好好上烘焙学校 |
| [20:23] | and you build dumpsters, you do lots of stuff. | 还盖了一个垃圾箱房子 你努力做了很多事 |
| [20:25] | Hey, you’re not even familiar with my charity: | 你还不知道我搞的慈善事业呢 |
| [20:26] | Orgasms for old people. | “为老人谋高潮”机构 |
| [20:29] | I hope you’re not joking. | 这最好不是你开玩笑的 |
| [20:31] | Look, the truth is I couldn’t see past your money. | 真相是 我不能忽略你的钱 |
| [20:35] | All I saw was smurf. | 但我只当你是个蓝精灵 |
| [20:37] | And I thought witches and smurfs couldn’t be together, | 我之前认为女巫和蓝精灵不能在一起 |
| [20:40] | but I was wrong. | 我错了 |
| [20:43] | Yeah, you were. | 没错 |
| [20:46] | Max, did you get back the check yet? | 麦克斯 你把钱要回来了吗 |
| [20:48] | Because I just found a different investment guy. | 因为我刚找到另一位投资人 |
| [20:50] | A legit one in Germany. | 德国的合法投资人 |
| [20:52] | His name is Herr Schluffen. | 他名叫赫尔・斯路芬 |
| [20:54] | Well, I’m sorry. I’m giving it back right now. | 抱歉 我现在就要把钱还回去 |
| [20:57] | Herr Schluffen can schluff off. | 赫尔・斯路芬可以去死橹粪了 |
| [21:01] | Wait, Max, can I hold the million? | 等下 麦克斯 我能握一下这100万吗 |
| [21:03] | For just one more second, I want to be upper-middle class. | 一秒就好 让我重温上层中产阶级的感觉 |
| [21:10] | Caroline, give it back. | 卡洛琳 把钱还回去 |