| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:13] | Oh, hey. | 你好啊 |
| [00:15] | You ready? | 能点菜了吗 |
| [00:17] | I can’t. I just can’t. | 偶不能 偶真的不能 |
| [00:20] | Everyone feels like that the first few times you eat here. | 每个第一次来这里的客人都有这感觉 |
| [00:23] | It’s like heroin. It makes you sick, | 就跟海洛因一样 吸食后难受 |
| [00:24] | and you think,”I’ll never do that again,” | 让你觉得”我下次不会再吸了” |
| [00:25] | and here we are. | 结果就上瘾到现在 |
| [00:29] | No, we put our project on Kickstarter, | 不是 我们放项目上圆梦网了 |
| [00:29] | Kickstarter 以公众集资方式提供人们进行创意项目的美国筹集资金网站 | |
| [00:31] | and we’re getting major funding right now. | 我们正要拿到一笔大款项呢 |
| [00:34] | And I can’t. I just can’t. | 偶不能 偶真的不能[相信]啊 |
| [00:38] | Kickstarter– that’s the website | 圆梦网 就是那个 |
| [00:39] | where strangers give money for crap | 网民送钱给那些现实生活中 |
| [00:40] | that no one in the real world would invest in, right? | 没人会投资的狗屁项目的网站吧 |
| [00:43] | Exactly, but our project isn’t crap. | 没错 但我们的项目不是狗屁 |
| [00:45] | It’s bananas. | 是超屌好吗 |
| [00:47] | We design candles with arms. | 我们设计了有握把的蜡烛 |
| [00:52] | I can’t. I just can’t. | 偶不能 我也不能了… |
| [00:55] | Don’t you have a passion project– | 你难道没有个激情的梦想吗 |
| [00:57] | something you’ve always wanted to do? | 一个你一直很想做的事情 |
| [00:59] | Yeah, you can’t just want to be a waitress your whole life. | 对啊 你总不会想当一辈子的女服务员吧 |
| [01:04] | Actually… | 其实呢 |
| [01:05] | I do have a Kickstarter idea. | 我还真有个圆梦计划 |
| [01:07] | I’d like to start kicking your asses! | 想”圆”我想踢爆你们屁股的”梦” |
| [01:07] | kickstarter 直译是踢+开始 | |
| [01:13] | You know we work for tips, right? | 你知道我们干活是为了挣小费吧 |
| [01:16] | Yeah. This one got away from me. | 这两个就当老娘放她们一马吧 |
| [01:32] | Okay, listen up, it’s Tuesday, | 大家听好了 今天是周二 |
| [01:34] | And like Martin Luther King, I have a dream. | 我与马丁·路德·金一样 都有一个梦想 |
| [01:34] | 美国著名黑人民权领袖 名言”我有一个梦想” | |
| [01:38] | Tonight you will do side work. | 今晚你得干其他活儿 |
| [01:40] | Hold up, girl. I have ten minutes till my shift starts. | 等等 姑娘 我还10分钟才开工呢 |
| [01:43] | Max, that is not appropriate. | 麦克斯 你太不礼貌了 |
| [01:44] | I’m your boss. Don’t call me “girl” | 我是你老板 不许叫我”姑娘” |
| [01:47] | Yes, ma’am. | 是的 女士 |
| [01:50] | Okay, you want to play? I’ll play. | 行 你想玩是吧 那咱们来玩 |
| [01:52] | Hey, sir. Hey, big manny man. | 先生你好 你好啊 大汉子 |
| [01:56] | Why don’t you show me your penis? | 怎么不把你的鸡鸡亮给我瞧瞧 |
| [02:00] | Han, you know I don’t have a penis. | 阿憨 你明知道我没有鸡鸡 |
| [02:03] | It’s the only thing we have in common. | 这是我们两个唯一的共同点啊 |
| [02:06] | Where’s Caroline? | 卡洛琳呢 |
| [02:07] | In the back at our cupcake shop. | 在后面我们小蛋糕店里 |
| [02:09] | Why you don’t open your walk-up window | 为什么你们不等这边的工作结束了 |
| [02:10] | Till you close here at night? | 才开你们的小店 |
| [02:12] | She’s getting a jump on our side work. | 她先一步开始干”别的活儿” |
| [02:14] | What? We can’t do ours and yours. | 我们不能两边都干啊 |
| [02:16] | Relax, Marjorie. | 放松嘛 玛德丽[女性名] |
| [02:18] | Keep it up, Max, | 麦克斯 你就接着挑衅我 |
| [02:19] | and one day I will show you my penis. | 有天我会亮我的鸡鸡给你看的 |
| [02:21] | And you’ll be sorry. | 你会后悔[觉得可怜] |
| [02:29] | Yes. Yes, I will. | 是的 我会的 |
| [02:32] | That’s it! New rule! | 够了 新规矩 |
| [02:34] | No more making fun of the boss! | 不许再取笑老板 |
| [02:37] | Han doesn’t want us calling him names anymore. | 阿憨不许我们再乱给他取绰号了 |
| [02:39] | It’s like, if you don’t want to be called names, | 要是不想被取绰号 |
| [02:41] | don’t look like that. | 就别长成那副德行吗 |
| [02:46] | Why is the window open? What is all that? | 为什么打开窗口了 那些人在干嘛 |
| [02:48] | It’s me, if I had lived. | 我没破产”死”的话 那就是我 |
| [02:53] | Oh, my God. Did you see that rack? | 天啊 你看到那一架子衣服[一对大奶]了吗 |
| [02:56] | See it? I have to carry it around all day. | 何止看到 我还得整天挂着走呢 |
| [02:59] | I’ve been wearing the same clothes | 我已经每天都穿 |
| [03:00] | every day for two years. | 同样的那几套衣服两年了 |
| [03:02] | Now, I know that’s your dream scenario, | 我知道这是你梦想场景 |
| [03:04] | but to me, it’s a horror show. | 但这对我就跟惊悚片一样 |
| [03:06] | Go get new clothes. | 那去买新衣服啊 |
| [03:07] | Just go to the place around the corner | 去街角那家店 |
| [03:08] | and buy some cheap ones. | 买点便宜新衣服 |
| [03:10] | Max, they sell clothes by the pound. | 麦克斯 那些衣服是按”磅”计价的 |
| [03:12] | That’s why it’s called the Fashion Pound, | 所以人家叫”潮流磅磅棒”啊 |
| [03:14] | and that is why it is awesome. | 就是这样才超酷啊 |
| [03:17] | Look, I’m willing to cut a lot of other things, | 我很乐意”割舍”很多方面的东西了 |
| [03:18] | including my wrists, | 包含”割”腕 |
| [03:20] | but I need quality clothes. | 但我要上好材质的衣服 |
| [03:21] | The only reason I’ve been able to wear these pants every day | 这裤子就是因为材质好 |
| [03:23] | is because they’re quality. | 才耐得住我天天穿啊 |
| [03:25] | Well, that and a lot of Febreze, | 还得配合大量除臭清新剂 |
| [03:27] | which reminds me… | 这也让我想起 |
| [03:32] | I used to smell like money. | 我以前身上散发着大钞香 |
| [03:33] | Now I smell like pennies. | 现在只剩硬币味吧 |
| [03:36] | And, Max, you need a hit. | 麦克斯 你也该来一发了 |
| [03:39] | ‘Breze me. | 喷吧 |
| [03:43] | Hi, girls. | 姑娘们 |
| [03:45] | Did you see the high-fashion model shoot? | 看到高级时装模特拍摄了吗 |
| [03:48] | I was too short to be a model in Poland. | 我当年在波兰 因为太矮不能当模特 |
| [03:48] | 苏菲本人身高为1.78米 纯属剧中搞笑哽 | |
| [03:52] | Well, I guess you can’t have it all, right? | 看来我也只能十全九美了 |
| [03:57] | Do I smell Febreze? | 我闻到了除臭清新剂味吗 |
| [03:59] | That’s my second-favorite scent. | 那是我第二爱的香味 |
| [04:02] | Oh, and there’s my first-favorite scent. | 我第一爱的香味就在那里呢 |
| [04:05] | Hey, Sophie. | 苏菲 你好啊 |
| [04:07] | I’m sorry. Have we met? | 抱歉 我们见过面吗 |
| [04:11] | I’m not good with faces that I never want to see again. | 我时常记不起我再也不想见到的人的脸 |
| [04:15] | What happened? | 怎么了 |
| [04:16] | I thought you guys were gonna be friends. | 你们不是说当朋友吗 |
| [04:17] | Yeah, messed-up, passive-aggressive friends | 关系一团乱 笑中藏飞刀 |
| [04:19] | who occasionally sleep together, | 偶尔打一炮的朋友关系 |
| [04:20] | Like Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell. | 就像瑞安·西克雷斯特与西蒙·考威尔那样 |
| [04:20] | 美国偶像节目的男主持与男评审 常被调侃两人像老夫老妻 | |
| [04:24] | Oh, okay, I see what you’re doing. | 我知道你是在玩哪招了 |
| [04:27] | You’re pretending like we don’t have | 你是在装我们没有用电影角色名 |
| [04:29] | movie-character names for our private parts. | 来称呼我们的性器官吗 |
| [04:33] | Well, good-bye, Miss, | 再见了 女士 |
| [04:35] | and give my regards to Mrs. Doubtfire. | 替我向道菲尔太太问好 |
| [04:35] | 电影《窈窕奶爸》里男扮女装的男主角 | |
| [04:39] | Okay, E.T., go home! | 好的 ET 回家去吧 |
| [04:39] | 电影《E.T.外星人》里的外星人 | |
| [04:44] | Here’s your mail, girls. | 姑娘们 这是你们的信 |
| [04:48] | Max, Sophie had a new purse. | 麦克斯 苏菲买了新包 |
| [04:50] | Everybody has something new. | 大家都有新的东西 |
| [04:52] | Even the homeless lady on the bus had a new barrette, | 连公车上的流浪女都有个新发夹 |
| [04:55] | and even though her feet were split open, | 虽然她双脚都开裂了 |
| [04:57] | I still felt jealous. | 我还是好嫉妒 |
| [04:59] | Oh, this is not a bill. | 这不是账单呢 |
| [05:00] | Now, that’s a first. | 真新鲜 |
| [05:03] | “We are offering you a new phone, | “我们要赠送给您一台新手机 |
| [05:05] | as older flip-model phones such as yours have been degraded.” | 因为您手上的老型翻盖手机已经落伍了” |
| [05:08] | They’re slut-shaming phones now? | 他们现在开始羞辱手机了吗 |
| [05:11] | I don’t want a new anything. | 我不想要任何新东西 |
| [05:13] | And I like my old flip. | 我喜欢我的老翻盖手机 |
| [05:14] | Where’s my damn letter from the pants company, | 裤子公司怎么不给老娘寄封信来说 |
| [05:16] | saying, “Girl, those things are tired– | “姑娘 你裤子都被你穿累了 |
| [05:18] | Here’s a new pair for free”? | 免费送你条新的吧” |
| [05:21] | If you want something for free, | 你想要免费的东西 |
| [05:23] | why don’t you just go on Kickstarter like everyone else? | 怎么不跟其他人一样上圆梦网呢 |
| [05:25] | You can’t use it for clothes. | 你不能在上面弄钱去买衣服啊 |
| [05:28] | Can you? | 可以吗 |
| [05:30] | And if you can, can I? | 要是能 我可以吗 |
| [05:35] | Why not? It’s no stupider than candle arms. | 为啥不行 买衣服都没握把[手臂]蜡烛蠢 |
| [05:38] | Now, if the candles had real arms | 如果那些蜡烛真有手臂 |
| [05:39] | and could slap the idiots who bought them, | 而且可以扇白痴买家的巴掌 |
| [05:41] | I’d invest in that. | 那我绝对会投资 |
| [05:43] | Max, we have nothing, | 麦克斯 我们一无所有 |
| [05:44] | And if anybody is giving us something for free, | 如果有人愿意白送我们东西 |
| [05:47] | We’re taking it. | 我们就得收下 |
| [05:47] | You are getting that free phone, | 你得去拿那个免费手机 |
| [05:49] | And I am begging for free clothes. | 我也要去求免费衣服 |
| [05:51] | Things are looking up. | 形势正在好转啊 |
| [05:58] | You might want to Kickstart some underwear. | 要不要先圆个有内裤穿的梦 |
| [06:06] | Well, obviously, they don’t have anything. | 一看他们就没啥东西 |
| [06:08] | Let’s go. | 我们走吧 |
| [06:09] | Max, stop. My pants just ripped some more. | 麦克斯 别走 我裤子又多裂了点 |
| [06:11] | I have to fix them again. | 我得再补一下 |
| [06:19] | Hey, quality, why don’t you just take them | 好材质妹 你怎么不带这条裤子 |
| [06:20] | to Office Depot and get them tailored? | 去办公用品卖场找人”缝补”一下 |
| [06:24] | Let’s shop. | 开逛吧 |
| [06:29] | Uh-oh, they’re ripping again. | 惨了 又开始裂了 |
| [06:32] | I feel a breeze up in my febreze. | 我的水帘洞感觉到一股清风吹过 |
| [06:38] | How can I help you? | 有何能为你效劳 |
| [06:39] | Oh, hey. Hi, uh, Chiandra. | 你好啊 西安卓 |
| [06:42] | Where can I get a new flip phone? | 我可以去哪里弄个新翻盖手机 |
| [06:44] | Mm, let me think. | 让我想想 |
| [06:46] | Guatemala. | 危地马拉吧[第三世界国家] |
| [06:49] | I’ll miss you, phone. | 我会想你的 小机机 |
| [06:50] | This is breaking my heart. | 我的心都要碎了 |
| [06:52] | Come on, boo. | 宝贝 别这样 |
| [06:53] | It’s a phone, not Bruno Mars. | 这只是个手机 不是火星哥 |
| [06:53] | 布鲁诺·马尔斯 火星哥 美国知名流行情歌歌手 | |
| [06:57] | Now, I need that letter. | 把信给我吧 |
| [06:59] | Oh, here it is. I have it. | 有的 就在我这边 |
| [07:00] | It’s in my purse. | 在我包里 |
| [07:01] | What’s her story? | 她是怎么回事 |
| [07:02] | Why is her hand on her ass? | 她干嘛把手放屁股上 |
| [07:05] | Her staples popped. | 她订书针[胃束带]爆了 |
| [07:07] | Lap band? | 减肥胃束带吗 |
| [07:10] | Happened to my cousin. | 我亲戚也发生过 |
| [07:11] | She had a diet 7 up and exploded. | 她喝个健怡七喜 然后就爆了 |
| [07:15] | Then she got M.S. | 然后她被诊断有多发性硬化 |
| [07:16] | According to Judge Joe Brown, | 但法官乔·布朗宣判 |
| [07:16] | 美国电视法庭节目 法官乔·布朗会决定两方人谁说谎 | |
| [07:18] | it was not related. | 这两者间并无关联 |
| [07:21] | Uh, here, I’ll just take this one. | 这台吧 我就拿这台 |
| [07:24] | Slow down, now. Take a look around. | 别着急啊 慢慢看 |
| [07:27] | You got a whole world of possibilities. | 你有各式各样的选择呢 |
| [07:30] | Pick ’em up, get a feel, | 都拿起来摸摸试试 |
| [07:32] | Hold it in your hand for a while. | 握在手里好好爽一把 |
| [07:37] | Chiandra, it’s a phone, not Bruno Mars. | 西安卓 这只是手机 不是火星哥 |
| [07:41] | Oh, “Texting is easy | “轻松发短信 |
| [07:43] | with the new finger friendly keyboard.” | 试试全新手指便利键盘” |
| [07:45] | My fingers are already too friendly. | 我的手指绝对”友善”[便利]啊 |
| [07:46] | Ask my fourth-grade boyfriend. | 问问我的四年级男友就知道 |
| [07:49] | These sample texts are getting kind of racy. | 这些范例短信越来越猥亵啦 |
| [07:52] | “Bad news–I think the condom broke last night.” | “坏消息 昨晚的避孕套好像破了” |
| [07:58] | Why would anyone put that on a display model? | 怎么会有人放这种短信在展示机上啊 |
| [08:01] | That’s mine. | 那是我的手机 |
| [08:17] | I left it there by accident. | 我不小心把它放在上面 |
| [08:20] | But that’s not your problem. | 但不关你们的事 |
| [08:25] | Now, tell me, what are your phone needs? | 告诉我 你需要什么功能的手机 |
| [08:28] | Uh, my needs are simple. | 我的需要很简单 |
| [08:31] | I need a phone that can draw a mustache on people | 我需要一台能给别人乱画胡子 |
| [08:33] | and occasionally will call my mother and hang up. | 偶尔会打给我妈再自动挂电话的手机 |
| [08:36] | And she needs one with a good camera, | 她还需要有好相机的手机 |
| [08:37] | because I have to film my video pitch for new pants. | 因为她要帮我录 讨新裤子的视频 |
| [08:42] | I have a hole in my butt. | 我的屁股有个洞 |
| [08:48] | You know you’re supposed to, right? | 你知道谁的屁股上都有个洞 对吧 |
| [09:00] | Max, I might be a virgin again. | 麦克斯 我好像又变处女了 |
| [09:10] | I love my new phone! | 我爱死新手机了 |
| [09:11] | It’s so cool and red. | 又酷又红 |
| [09:13] | It feels like anything could happen! | 感觉充满了无限可能呢 |
| [09:15] | But it probably won’t. | 但应该是不会啦 |
| [09:17] | My first call. | 我的第一个电话 |
| [09:19] | What do I do? What do I do? | 我该怎么做 该怎么接电话 |
| [09:22] | Oh. Hello? | 你好 |
| [09:24] | Oh, hey, girl, good for you. Bye. | 小妞 恭喜你啊 再见 |
| [09:27] | Chiandra’s not pregnant. | 西安卓没怀孕 |
| [09:31] | Max, why are you taking calls from Chiandra? | 麦克斯 你为什么在接西安卓的电话 |
| [09:33] | We have to do my video. | 你应该来拍我的视频啊 |
| [09:34] | I had to take her call. | 我必须得接她电话 |
| [09:35] | She gave me a bunch of free apps– | 她送了我好多免费软件 |
| [09:37] | Angry birds, Doodle Jump. | “愤怒小鸟” “涂鸦跳跃” |
| [09:38] | If you want to look like a dog, I could do that. | 如果你想看起来像只狗 也能弄哦 |
| [09:40] | Look, here’s me as a St. Bernard. | 你看 这是圣伯纳犬版的我 |
| [09:40] | 圣伯纳犬犬常为救难犬 在阿尔卑斯山地区 有着脖子上装着小酒桶的救难圣伯纳犬 | |
| [09:42] | See my neck keg? | 看到我脖子上的酒桶了吗 |
| [09:45] | Okay, I’ve done some research, | 我研究了下 |
| [09:46] | And here’s some things other people want money for. | 这些是别人想网上募款弄的东西 |
| [09:48] | One woman wants money for a new leg. | 一个女人想募款弄一条新假腿 |
| [09:51] | Scrolling. | 页面往下 |
| [09:53] | Wait. If she only has one leg, | 等等 如果她只有一条腿 |
| [09:55] | Shouldn’t she be on can’t-Kickstarter? | 她应该上”不能开踢网”吧 |
| [10:00] | Oh, I’m no longer working with them. | 它们跟我中止合作了 |
| [10:01] | They denied my project. | 它们拒绝了我的计划 |
| [10:02] | Apparently, I’m not artsy enough | 它们说我不够有艺术感 |
| [10:05] | and have too many legs. | 而且还有太多条腿 |
| [10:07] | So now I’m on Go Fund Yourself. | 所以我上了”为己投资网” |
| [10:09] | Oh, perfect. | 正好 |
| [10:10] | I’ve been telling you to go fund yourself for years. | 我也叫你去死好久了[音似] |
| [10:13] | The future of my pants hinges on the video pitch. | 我新裤子的未来就靠这个视频了 |
| [10:16] | The tone needs to be sad and pathetic. | 气氛语气一定要又可怜又凄惨 |
| [10:18] | Uh, preparation done. | 那你已经不用练习了 |
| [10:21] | What’s sadder than former billionaire Caroline Channing | 还有什么比前亿万富翁卡洛琳·钱宁 |
| [10:24] | asking for money for pants? | 上网求人给钱买裤子还惨 |
| [10:26] | Oh, they’re not gonna know it’s me. | 他们不会知道是我 |
| [10:33] | Are you being funded by Al-Qaeda? | 资助你的是恐怖组织吗 |
| [10:38] | If they’re buying, I’m taking. | 他们要是真愿意资助 我也照收不误 |
| [10:41] | And action. | 开拍 |
| [10:43] | Hi. I can’t tell you my name, | 大家好 我不能告诉你们我的名字 |
| [10:46] | and I can’t show you my face because I’m too ashamed. | 我也不能露出我的真容 因为实在太难为情了 |
| [10:49] | Sadly, I find myself in a situation | 可悲的是 我发现自己处于一种困境 |
| [10:51] | where I am no longer able to provide myself | 就是我再也买不起衣服 |
| [10:54] | with the garments I need in order to be the best | 让自己在日常生活中 |
| [10:56] | in my day-to-day life. | 看起来明艳照人 |
| [10:58] | I’m aware that this is not a problem for everybody. | 我知道这对各位来说可能不是个问题 |
| [11:00] | Stop, stop! I need to take a picture of myself | 停 等下 我得自拍一张 |
| [11:02] | having the most fun I’ve ever had. | 因为我现在处于人生最欢乐的时刻 |
| [11:05] | Your nose is coming out of your eyehole. | 你鼻子从你眼洞冒出来了 |
| [11:10] | No. | 不行 |
| [11:12] | No, no, no, Max, don’t stop. | 不行 麦克斯 不能停啊 |
| [11:13] | I’m in a groove. | 我正进入状态呢 |
| [11:14] | No, you’re in a bag. | 错 你进入的是纸袋 |
| [11:17] | Please let me take a picture of you in a bag | 拜托让我拍一张你戴着纸袋的照片 |
| [11:18] | and then turn it into a dog | 然后弄成狗的版本 |
| [11:19] | and then call it a doggie bag. | 这样就是俗称的”外带狗食袋”了 |
| [11:24] | Go, Max, I’m running out of oxygen, | 继续拍 麦克斯 我快不能呼吸了 |
| [11:26] | and I think there was cheese in here. | 而且我觉得袋子里有残留的芝士 |
| [11:29] | And action. | 开拍 |
| [11:31] | If I achieve my goal– | 如果我能达到目标 |
| [11:33] | specifically, a new pair of quality pants– | 尤其是能凑够钱买一条高品质的裤子 |
| [11:39] | then I promise I will give back to the community, | 我答应大家 我一定会穿着那条裤子 |
| [11:42] | wearing said pants. | 去回报社会 |
| [11:44] | All I need is $1,500. | 我只需募集一千五百美元 |
| [11:46] | Stop! Whoa! $1,500? | 停 什么 一千五 |
| [11:49] | How many pounds of clothes are you getting? | 你要买多少磅的衣服呀 |
| [11:51] | Look, it’s for one pair | 听着 这是一条 |
| [11:53] | 德赖斯·范诺顿 比利时著名提花设计师 | |
| [11:53] | of amazing Dries Van Noten silk brocade pants– | 德赖斯·范诺顿设计的丝织锦缎裤的价格 |
| [11:56] | super cute. | 超级好看的哦 |
| [11:57] | And, yes, it’s a lot, | 没错 这笔钱是不少 |
| [11:58] | but my investors will get something in return. | 但我的投资者会得到相应的回报 |
| [12:01] | For $5, they will get | 只要捐出5块钱 |
| [12:04] | the feeling of goodwill in their heart. | 他们的内心将充满善意的喜悦 |
| [12:05] | Pbbt! | 放屁 |
| [12:07] | For $10, I’ll send them a selfie | 捐出10块钱 我会送他们 |
| [12:09] | in the new pants that they bought. | 我穿着新裤子拍的自拍照 |
| [12:11] | For $20, I’ll send them a selfie without pants. | 捐20块的 我会送他们不穿裤子的自拍照 |
| [12:17] | Nobody is gonna give you money for the stuff you offered. | 没有人会因为你所谓的”回报”白给你钱 |
| [12:20] | “Goodwill in their hearts”? | “内心充满善意的喜悦” |
| [12:21] | This is the internet. We’re animals. | 拜托 现在是互联网世界 人们都是衣冠禽兽 |
| [12:24] | You’re right. | 你说得对 |
| [12:26] | I have an idea. | 我想到个主意 |
| [12:27] | Camera up. | 打开相机 |
| [12:29] | And action. | 开拍 |
| [12:32] | I’m sure a lot of you are probably thinking, | 我知道你们大多数人会觉得 |
| [12:34] | “Look at this spoiled, indulgent, clueless girl.” | “看这个被宠坏任性没大脑的蠢妞” |
| [12:37] | Well, I am. | 没错 我是这样想的 |
| [12:40] | And you’re also probably thinking, | 而且你们甚至还会产生 |
| [12:42] | “God, I want to slap her.” | “天啊 真想冲上去给她一巴”的想法 |
| [12:44] | Well, guess what. You can! | 如你所愿 这个还真可以有 |
| [12:47] | For $500, you can come here | 只要捐出500块 你就可以亲自上门 |
| [12:49] | and slap my spoiled, clueless face. | 往我宠坏白痴的脸上使劲甩一巴 |
| [12:54] | And cut. | 停 |
| [12:56] | Pretty good, huh? | 很不错吧 |
| [12:57] | Genius. Now, here, take the camera. | 太有想法了 来 现在换你拿相机 |
| [12:59] | I want to film my video to raise $500 to slap you. | 我要拍一个募集500块甩你耳光的短片 |
| [13:09] | Earl, look! | 厄尔 瞧 |
| [13:10] | I just got 20 more dollars from one of my backers! | 我其中一个赞助人刚又给我多捐了20块 |
| [13:13] | Now, let me get this straight. | 让我把这件事搞清楚 |
| [13:15] | You just ask people for money, | 你管人们要钱 |
| [13:17] | and they give it to you– | 然后他们就给你 |
| [13:18] | without using a weapon? | 全程没有用到武器吗 |
| [13:22] | Well, Earl, I guess desperation cuts like a knife. | 厄尔 我的绝望就跟刀割一样令他们就范吧 |
| [13:25] | Man, being White is easy. | 当白人 人生就是简单模式啊 |
| [13:33] | Um, we’re ready to order. | 我们准备好点餐了 |
| [13:44] | Caroline, I just unlocked the candy hammer. | 卡洛琳 我刚解开新道具糖果锤 |
| [13:44] | 《糖果粉碎传奇 Candy Crush Saga》是一款消除游戏 棒棒糖铁锤是可以用来敲碎某一糖果的道具 | |
| [13:46] | Can you go over there and take those girls’ orders? | 你能过来帮着俩妹子点餐吗 |
| [13:48] | I can’t. I just can’t. | 偶不能 偶真的不能 |
| [13:53] | Oh, no way! I just hit $1,000! | 不是吧 我居然募集到一千块了 |
| [13:56] | That’s almost both legs paid for! | 这钱够买两条腿的布料了 |
| [13:59] | Uh, hello? | 你们好 |
| [14:01] | You’re dinging and donging right in front of my face. | 你们俩当着我的面玩手机也太过分了吧 |
| [14:03] | Can’t you at least put your phones on vibrate? | 至少把手机调成震动行吗 |
| [14:06] | I don’t like to mix business with pleasure. | 我不喜欢把工作和”乐趣”混在一起 |
| [14:10] | You two need to be off your phones and working. | 你们俩不许玩手机了 给我干活 |
| [14:13] | Now. And no back talk. | 现在就去 不许回嘴[在背后说我坏话] |
| [14:17] | Totally. | 完全正确 |
| [14:22] | Totally. | 完全正确 |
| [14:29] | – Totally. – Totally. | -完全正确 -完全正确 |
| [14:32] | Oh, I know what’s going on. | 我知道这是怎么回事了 |
| [14:33] | You’re group-texting insults about me! | 你们用群聊来暗骂我 |
| [14:36] | We are not. | 我们才没有 |
| [14:38] | I got your text! | 我收到你们的短信了 |
| [14:41] | Han does look like those minion things in Despicable Me! | 阿憨的确看起来像《卑鄙的我》里面的小黄人 |
| [14:47] | And I thought bullying would end when I hit four feet. | 我还曾以为长到1米2后 就没人会欺负我了 |
| [14:52] | Oh! Oh, my God! | 天啊 |
| [14:53] | I’m getting my new pants! | 我筹够钱买新裤子了 |
| [14:54] | I just got a $500 pledge! | 刚收到了500块定金 |
| [14:56] | Somebody wants to slap me! Somebody wants to slap me! | 有人想赏我巴掌 有人想赏我巴掌呢 |
| [15:00] | Just one person? | 居然只有一个人吗 |
| [15:06] | Hey, Han insists we can’t leave tonight | 小憨憨说了 今晚不把其他活儿做完 |
| [15:08] | without doing our side work, | 就不能下班回家 |
| [15:09] | So I made him into a chihuahua wearing a diaper. | 所以我把他的头改到穿着尿布的吉娃娃图上 |
| [15:13] | Check your phone. | 快看你的手机 |
| [15:15] | Caroline? | 卡洛琳 |
| [15:16] | Someone got some new pants! | 某人终于有新裤子啦 |
| [15:18] | * When a fire starts to burn, right * | * 当激情开始四射 * |
| [15:20] | * And it starts to spread * | * 当激情开始蔓延 * |
| [15:22] | * She gonna bring that attitude home * | * 她会把这激情带回家 * |
| [15:24] | * Don’t wanna do nothing, what they like * | * 不想做自己不爽做的事 * |
| [15:26] | * When a fire starts to burn, right * | * 当激情开始四射 * |
| [15:29] | I wasn’t finished! | 我还没秀完呢 |
| [15:30] | No, I was. | 但我看够了 |
| [15:32] | Max, I didn’t want to tell you this, | 麦克斯 我本来不想告诉你的 |
| [15:34] | but I was secretly worried my booty was gone. | 但我曾私底下担心我的翘臀没了 |
| [15:36] | Turns out, it was just the pants. | 但结果是裤子的问题 |
| [15:38] | It’s still there. Take a picture of it. | 老娘的翘臀还在 快拍个照留念 |
| [15:41] | Okay, let me see. | 好的 给我看看 |
| [15:43] | Perfect! | 太完美了 |
| [15:44] | Now, let’s send a group-text to our diner family, | 快群发给我们餐厅的群成员 |
| [15:46] | And I’d like you to copy me on that, | 对了 你也要给我发一份 |
| [15:48] | because I want to send it to my dad in prison. | 因为我想把这照片发给我监狱里的爸爸 |
| [15:50] | He’ll be so proud. | 他肯定会为我感到骄傲 |
| [15:51] | Yeah, ’cause I’m sure he’s not seeing any asses there. | 是啊 他在监狱里肯定”见不着”什么屁股 |
| [15:54] | You know what I love about these pants? | 你知道我喜欢这条裤子什么吗 |
| [15:56] | How they make my butt look– | 它让我的屁股看起来 |
| [15:58] | Can you see it through the window? | 你关了窗户还能看见吗 |
| [16:02] | I got new pants. | 我有新裤子啦 |
| [16:07] | Hey, Earl, you got my text, right? | 厄尔 你收到我的短信了吗 |
| [16:09] | You mean that picture of Caroline in her pants | 你是说那条卡洛琳穿着新裤子 |
| [16:11] | that said, “I’m so sick of her”? | 然后上面写着”我烦死她了”吗 |
| [16:13] | I know, right? | 对 就是那条 |
| [16:14] | If she ever gets a new shirt, just kill me. | 哪天她弄到了新衣服 就直接杀了我吧 |
| [16:17] | I hear you, Max, but I just can’t believe | 我懂你的意思 麦克斯 但我不敢相信 |
| [16:19] | you included her on the text. | 你还把这条短信发给她了 |
| [16:22] | Yeah. What? | 是啊 什么 |
| [16:25] | Oh, my god. I didn’t take her off the chain. | 天啊 我群发忘了踢她出群聊圈了 |
| [16:27] | I mean, if you’re gonna trash a child, | 如果你要说一个孩子坏话 |
| [16:29] | you got to take her off the chain. | 一定得先把她踢出圈子啊 |
| [16:32] | Look, Earl, they’re here! | 瞧 厄尔 新裤子来了 |
| [16:34] | Look what your $10 is buying you! | 瞧你捐的10块钱给你什么好处 |
| [16:35] | Uh-uh, not looking. Don’t want to know. | 不想看 不想知道 |
| [16:37] | I’m taking myself off the chain. | 我要自己退出这圈子 |
| [16:40] | Uh, hey, Caroline. | 卡洛琳 |
| [16:42] | – Uh, did you get my text? – Not yet. | -你有收到我的短信吗 -还没 |
| [16:43] | The front of the diner is a bad reception area. | 餐馆前门的手机信号很差 |
| [16:46] | Uh, no, no, no, no. | 别看 别看 |
| [16:47] | Don’t reach for that. | 别拿手机出来了 |
| [16:48] | It’s probably just an Amber alert. | 可能只是安珀警报 |
| [16:48] | 安珀警报是当发生儿童绑架案时 通过商业广播或交通信号灯等向社会大众传播的一种警戒通知 | |
| [16:53] | Why are you acting weird? | 你干嘛怪怪的 |
| [16:54] | Oh, are you jealous of my new pants? | 你是不是嫉妒我有新裤子 |
| [16:57] | No, but I may have texted something about you | 不是 但是我可能在短信里 |
| [17:00] | that I didn’t mean, | 乱说了你一些事 |
| [17:01] | So just please don’t look at your phone. | 所以拜托不要看你的手机 |
| [17:03] | Uh, okay. | 好的 |
| [17:05] | If it’s something bad, I don’t want to see it anyway. | 如果说的是坏话 那我也不想看 |
| [17:09] | She’s gonna look at it, isn’t she, Earl? | 她一定会看的 对吧 厄尔 |
| [17:11] | I would. | 是我肯定会 |
| [17:13] | She just did. | 她刚看了 |
| [17:17] | You’re so sick of me? | 你烦死我了 |
| [17:19] | ’cause it’s funny! | 闹着玩嘛 |
| [17:22] | “I’m so sick of you” | “我烦死你了” |
| [17:25] | You know, said funny. | 你懂的 就闹着玩而已 |
| [17:27] | You know how I am. Ask earl. | 你了解我的嘛 不信问厄尔 |
| [17:28] | Earl, help. | 厄尔 救我 |
| [17:29] | Oh, I am off the chain. | 我已经退出圈子了 |
| [17:32] | Oleg, help. | 奥列格 救我 |
| [17:33] | I’ll be in my car. | 我在车上等你 |
| [17:35] | Oh, look, look! Here’s Han! | 瞧 阿憨来了 |
| [17:37] | He knows how I’m always just joking. | 他知道我经常开玩笑闹着玩 |
| [17:39] | Han, nod your head and don’t ask why. | 阿憨 别问原因快点头 |
| [17:41] | Oh, no, last time you asked me to do that, | 不要 上次你让我这么做 |
| [17:43] | I wound up on a date with an albino. | 结果我跟得了白化病的人约会 |
| [17:47] | And who didn’t call who back? | 那后来是谁没给对方回电的 |
| [17:49] | I don’t know how they’re so confident. | 我都不知道她们哪里来的自信 |
| [17:55] | Max, you said you were sick of me. | 麦克斯 你说你烦我 |
| [17:57] | Oh, why are you so upset? | 你干嘛这么生气 |
| [17:59] | I say worse things to you all the time. | 我经常对你说一些更难听的话 |
| [18:01] | Yesterday I said you were sad and pathetic. | 昨天我还说你可怜又可悲 |
| [18:03] | But that was to my face. | 但那是当着我的面 |
| [18:05] | I can’t believe you talk about me behind my back. | 我真不敢相信你居然在背后说我坏话 |
| [18:08] | It’s bad. I am sorry. | 这是我不好 对不起 |
| [18:10] | What can I do? | 你要怎么惩罚我 |
| [18:11] | Hit me. Punch me. | 打我 揍我 |
| [18:12] | Tell my mother where I live. | 还是告诉我妈我的地址 |
| [18:14] | Congratulations, Max. | 恭喜你 麦克斯 |
| [18:15] | Now you’re like all my old girlfriends, | 现在你就像我以前的朋友 |
| [18:17] | talking behind my back. | 专在背后说我坏话 |
| [18:23] | Stop looking at that. Delete it. | 别看了 删掉它 |
| [18:25] | This is not what I think. | 这不是我的真实想法 |
| [18:26] | – I’m not sick of you. – Really? | -我没有烦你 -真的吗 |
| [18:28] | ’cause when I see it in writing, it feels like you are. | 可我看着这几个字 就觉得你的确是烦我 |
| [18:30] | It’s not me. It’s this phone. | 这不是我 是这手机在作怪 |
| [18:32] | It brought out the ugliness that was kind of already there. | 它把我本来就丑恶的那面给揭露出来了 |
| [18:38] | There! | 你看 |
| [18:38] | I killed it because it hurt you. | 因为它伤害了你 所以我毁掉它 |
| [18:41] | I swear I didn’t mean it. | 我发誓我不是故意的 |
| [18:43] | You have to believe me. | 你一定要相信我 |
| [18:45] | It’s fine, Max. | 没关系 麦克斯 |
| [18:49] | I feel like I’m gonna throw up. | 我感觉我要吐了 |
| [18:56] | There… I french-fried my phone. | 瞧 我把我的手机炸了 |
| [18:59] | What else can I do? | 你还想我怎么样 |
| [19:00] | I mean, really, it is technology’s fault. | 真的 这是科技的错 |
| [19:02] | It’s turning us against each other. | 它让我们彼此翻脸 |
| [19:04] | Caroline, I swear, I will never accidentally say | 卡洛琳 我发誓 我再也不会意外说出 |
| [19:08] | anything about you again that I never meant. | 任何我不是真心说你的坏话 |
| [19:12] | I have to get ready for work. It’s fine. | 我得开始干活了 没关系啦 |
| [19:15] | Stop saying that. | 别这么说 |
| [19:16] | Please stop saying it’s fine. | 拜托不要再说”没关系”了 |
| [19:17] | “Fine” doesn’t mean fine. | “没关系”就是有关系 |
| [19:19] | The scale goes great, good, okay, | 形容事情好坏的顺序是很棒 很好 还行 |
| [19:21] | not okay, I hate you, fine. | 不行 我讨厌你 没关系 |
| [19:24] | If “fine” meant fine, that’d be great, | 如果”没关系”真的是没关系 那当然是最好 |
| [19:25] | but it doesn’t, okay? | 但它不是 |
| [19:27] | You’re right. It’s not fine. | 你说的对 的确有关系 |
| [19:28] | It sucks. I’m hurt. | 这太过分了 我受伤了 |
| [19:29] | You’re the one person I care most about. | 你是我最在乎的人 |
| [19:31] | No, you are the one person I care the most about. | 不 你才是我唯一让我最在乎的人 |
| [19:34] | Well, right now it doesn’t feel that way. | 但现在感觉就不是那样 |
| [19:36] | It has to feel that way! | 必须是那样 |
| [19:37] | You are my best friend, Caroline! | 你是我最好的朋友 卡洛琳 |
| [19:39] | I love you. | 我爱你 |
| [19:50] | Oh, my god, now I’m really gonna throw up. | 天啊 现在我是真的要吐了 |
| [19:54] | Max, is that the first time you said “I love you”? | 麦克斯 这是你第一次说”我爱你”吗 |
| [19:58] | Don’t look at me. I’m embarrassed. | 不要看人家 人家害羞啦 |
| [20:01] | Now what do we do? | 现在我们干嘛 |
| [20:04] | So you’re not sick of me? | 所以你并不烦我吗 |
| [20:06] | You are the only person in the entire world | 你是全世界我唯一 |
| [20:08] | I am not sick of. | 不会觉得烦的人 |
| [20:10] | Caroline… | 卡洛琳 |
| [20:14] | There’s a woman here who said she paid to slap you. | 有个女的说花了钱要赏你巴掌 |
| [20:17] | If I had known it was an option, | 如果早知道可以这样 |
| [20:18] | I would have thrown my name into that hat. | 我也参与捐款了 |
| [20:23] | Well, time to put this on. | 是时候把这个戴上了 |
| [20:25] | That’s my $500 pledge. | 那可是我价值500块的承诺啊 |
| [20:27] | – I’ll go. – What? | -我去吧 -什么 |
| [20:28] | I’ll take it. I deserve it. | 我替你挨巴掌 我活该 |
| [20:30] | You’ve already gotten a slap in the face from me. | 你已经被我扇了一耳光了 |
| [20:33] | But she’s expecting to see me. | 但她要见的是我 |
| [20:35] | No, she’s expecting to see a clueless woman | 错 她要见的是一个戴着纸袋的 |
| [20:37] | wearing a paper bag. | 白痴女人 |
| [20:39] | And even though I wasn’t planning | 虽然我本计划是20 25年后 |
| [20:39] | on becoming that woman for another 20, 25 years, | 才打算变成这样的女人 |
| [20:42] | I owe you. | 但今天算我欠你的 |
| [20:49] | Seriously? You’re not gonna stop me? | 真的吗 你不打算阻止我吗 |
| [20:53] | Nope. | 不打算 |
| [20:55] | And, Max… | 对了 麦克斯 |
| [20:57] | I love you too. | 我也爱你 |
| [20:59] | I’m so sick of you. | 我真是烦死你了 |