| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | Nice and quiet with no work to do. | 一派安静祥和 还没有活儿 |
| [00:03] | Just the way I like it. | 哥就喜欢这样 |
| [00:04] | It’s so boring here. | 太无聊了 |
| [00:07] | All my finely tuned crime-fighting skills are going to waste. | 我精心练过的打击犯罪技巧都用不上 |
| [00:10] | Finally, a little action. | 终于有情况了 |
| [00:13] | Freeze, you piece of shit! | 不许动 你这个混球 |
| [00:15] | I just missed the trash can. I was about to pick it up. | 我就是扔歪了 这就捡起来 |
| [00:19] | Shut up, scumbag. | 闭嘴 混蛋 |
| [00:20] | We’ve got a, uh, 371-261. | 我们这里出现了371-261号情况 |
| [00:24] | You got a litter bug rapist? | 你抓了一个强奸臭虫的? |
| [00:26] | Oh, a rapist too, huh? | 你还是个强奸犯啊? |
| [00:28] | Proceeding with extreme prejudice. | 让我来公正摆平此案 |
| [00:31] | Steve Steve! | |
| [00:46] | Dad, you busted more criminals in this park than any ranger. | 老爸 你是这个公园里抓获罪犯最多的林警 |
| [00:50] | I’ll find a way to make you proud, | 我也要努力让你骄傲 |
| [00:53] | Starting now. | 从现在开始 |
| [00:55] | Starting now. | 从现在开始 |
| [00:57] | Ah, [Bleep] It. | 算逑了 |
| [01:00] | Gross. What’s that smell? | 真恶心 什么味啊? |
| [01:02] | Uh, it’s been about five days since I took a shower. | 那个… 我已经五天没洗澡了 |
| [01:06] | What? Why? | 啊? 为什么啊? |
| [01:07] | I’m going to the gyno next week, and I want him to earn his money. | 下周要去看妇科医生 我可不想便宜了他 |
| [01:13] | What happened, Woody? | 你怎么了 Woody? |
| [01:15] | You been backing up to glory holes again? | 又去寻欢洞鬼混了吗? |
| [01:17] | No, I got a goddamn hemorrhoid. | 没有 我特么的痔疮犯了 |
| [01:19] | Feels like I’m taking it up the ass from a ginsu knife. | 感觉菊花像是在被刀割一样 |
| [01:22] | Now it’s time once again for… | 又到了… |
| [01:27] | The brickleberry crime report. | 脆莓犯罪报告时间 |
| [01:30] | This again? | 又来? |
| [01:31] | I thought my hemorrhoid was a pain in the ass. | 我以为痔疮就够我菊花受的了 |
| [01:33] | There is… | 园里… |
| [01:37] | No crime to report. | 没有犯罪 |
| [01:39] | Haven’t seen that much buildup for a shitty reveal since every M. Night Shyamalan movie. | 狗血铺垫+屎一样的结局 你和M.奈特 沙马兰有得一拼 |
| [01:44] | It’s not my fault nothing ever happens here. | 什么也不发生又不是我的错 |
| [01:46] | It’s a national park. It’s supposed to be boring. | 这里是国家公园 就应该很无聊 |
| [01:49] | If you want some action, go be a cop. | 想玩什么花样 当警察去呗 |
| [01:51] | Maybe I will. | 没准我会呢 |
| [01:52] | They love me down at the station. | 警局的人都特喜欢我 |
| [01:57] | I love you, buddy, but there’s no way they’d let you be a cop. | 我也喜欢你 哥们 但人家绝不会收你当警察的 |
| [02:00] | Don’t feel bad, Steve. You’re just stupid. | 别难过 Steve 你就是蠢点罢了 |
| [02:03] | – I am not stupid. – Oh, yeah? | – 我才不蠢 – 是嘛? |
| [02:05] | Well, how about the time you “saved us” from the zombie apocalypse? | 那上次你从僵尸末世中”拯救我们”是怎么回事? |
| [02:13] | What are you doing? | 你干啥啊? |
| [02:14] | We’re filming a tv show, you idiot! | 我们拍电视剧呢 你个傻X |
| [02:19] | Nice try, Woody, | 想得美 Woody |
| [02:20] | but I don’t take that form of payment anymore. | 我是不会再接受这种形式的付款了 |
| [02:22] | – What? – All right, Woody. Last time, | – 什么? – 好吧 Woody 最后一次 |
| [02:24] | but from now on, you write a check like everyone else. | 但下次开始 你得和其他人一样开支票 |
| [02:26] | No, you lunatic, I’ve got a hemorrhoid. | 滚 你发什么神经 我是犯痔疮了 |
| [02:30] | Hmm, why didn’t you say so, Woody? Nobody likes a cocktease. | 怎么不早说呢 Woody? 害我在兴头上没了性致 |
| [02:33] | Just hack this thing off. It’s killing me. | 你就赶紧看病吧 疼死我了 |
| [02:35] | Sure thing, Woody. | 好嘞 Woody |
| [02:36] | I’ll chop this rhoid off faster than you can say– Jesus Christ! | 我这就手起刀落把痔疮割下来 都不等你喊… 上帝啊 |
| [02:39] | Oh, no, is it that bad? | 不 真有那么糟糕吗? |
| [02:41] | No, you have the face of Jesus Christ on your hemorrhoid. | 不是 你这痔疮上有一张上帝的脸 |
| [02:46] | Oh, no, this episcopalian’s not touching that thing. | 天啊 我这个主教派教徒可不能碰那玩意 |
| [02:49] | Don’t be silly. It’s just a coincidence. | 别犯傻了 这就是个巧合 |
| [02:51] | You got to cut it off for me, doc. | 你得给我切了啊 大夫 |
| [02:52] | I can’t even sit down. | 我能坐不下屁股了 |
| [02:54] | Oh, I would never commit blasphemy, Woody. | 我绝不会犯亵渎罪 Woody |
| [02:56] | Now, go to your goddamn house and sit on the face of Jesus. | 你赶紧滚回家 坐到上帝脸上去吧 |
| [03:00] | So I kicked the door in and emptied my Glock into those two crackheads. | 我破门而入 朝那俩瘾君子打光了我枪里的子弹 |
| [03:05] | So I guess you didn’t read them their rights. | 你都没给人家念他们的权利吧 |
| [03:07] | Sure, I did. Their last rites. | 当然念了 念了他们的悼词 |
| [03:15] | Williams, what the hell are you doing here? | Williams 你特么来这儿干啥? |
| [03:18] | I made an arrest. | 我抓了个嫌犯 |
| [03:19] | Sick bastard was shitting in the woods. | 那个变态居然在林子里拉屎 |
| [03:22] | I put him in a holding cell for you. | 帮你们把他拘留起来了 |
| [03:23] | Oh, no! | 不 |
| [03:28] | I was hoping you guys could put me on a few cases. | 我在想帮你们办点案子啥的 |
| [03:31] | Things have been kind of slow at the park. | 最近公园里也没什么事 |
| [03:32] | Oh, sure. | 可以啊 |
| [03:34] | Why don’t you go talk to chief Pierce? | 那你去找Pierce局长吧 |
| [03:35] | He loves it when people interrupt his hobby time. | 他最喜欢别人在他专心致志的时候打扰他了 |
| [03:38] | Thanks for the tip, Briggs. | 多谢提点 Briggs |
| [03:42] | Chief Pierce! – I’m looming here. | – Pierce局长 – 没看我织布呢嘛 |
| [03:50] | I want to be a cop, daddy. | 我也想当警察 老爸 |
| [03:52] | Well, son, put your ticket in this raffle, and maybe you will. | 好啊 儿子 写个名字放进抽奖箱 万一中了呢 |
| [03:59] | Hey, what are you doing? | 嘿 你干什么呢? |
| [04:01] | Just filling these out for my kids. | 帮我家孩子们填奖卷呢 |
| [04:03] | How many kids do you have? | 你有多少孩子啊? |
| [04:06] | 150? 150? | |
| [04:08] | My wife’s vagina looks like a popped water bed. | 我老婆的桃花洞跟破口水床一样潮湿 |
| [04:14] | Hey, I wasn’t done with that. | 嘿 我还没吃完呢 |
| [04:18] | Keep it. | 你留着吧 |
| [04:19] | I can’t believe that no doctor in town would operate on my mushrooming messiah. | 真不敢相信镇上居然没一个大夫敢动我屁股上那个肿耶稣的 |
| [04:24] | Bunch of religious kooks seeing Jesus everywhere. | 一群宗教狂 看啥都像上帝 |
| [04:27] | Water stains, burnt toast, now my balloon knot. | 水渍 烤面包片 现在又轮到我的菊花了 |
| [04:30] | The lord works in mysterious ways. | 神的做法是你无法理解的 |
| [04:32] | Did you find out anything on Webmd with that picture you took of my so called holy hemorrhoid? | 你把我那张取名圣人痔疮的菊花照发到Webmd上 现在有啥回信没? |
| [04:37] | No, but it’s already got 7,000 retweets. | 没 但已经有7000转发了 |
| [04:40] | – What? – Calm down. I tagged you. | – 啥? – 淡定 我标签打你名字了 |
| [04:44] | Jesu Christo. Let us see him. | 上帝啊 快让我看看他 |
| [04:47] | What are you doing, lady? | 你要干啥 大姐? |
| [04:48] | You can’t worship my turd gutter! | 别朝我菊花做礼拜啊 |
| [04:52] | And the winner of our little cop for a day is | 能够有幸当一天小警察的人是… |
| [04:56] | Steve Williams Steve Williams. | |
| [04:59] | Suck it, losers. | 跪舔吧 败寇们 |
| [05:01] | Jesus Christ. | 我的天呐 |
| [05:02] | All right. Everybody give little officer Williams a warm welcome. | 好吧 大家给小警官Williams来点热烈的欢迎吧 |
| [05:08] | Thank you. It’s an honor. | 谢谢各位 不胜荣幸 |
| [05:10] | Briggs, cut it out. | Briggs 打住吧 |
| [05:12] | Just for that, Williams will be your partner for the day. | 就凭这枪 今天派你和Williams搭档共事 |
| [05:14] | – Yeah, but–but, chief. – Briggs! That’s an order. | – 但 但是… – Briggs 这是命令 |
| [05:17] | Come on, partner. Let’s go fight some crime. | 来吧 搭档 我们去打击犯罪 |
| [05:26] | – Tell me who you work for. – Let me handle this. | – 告诉我你为谁卖命 – 我来招呼他 |
| [05:32] | What? I thought we were playing good cop/gay cop. | 干啥? 我们不是在玩”好警察/基警察”的把戏嘛? |
| [05:35] | I can break him. | 看我撬开他的嘴 |
| [05:41] | No rubbers, no duct tape, no roofies? | 没套套 没绑带 连蒙汗药都没有? |
| [05:44] | What kind of rape kit is this? | 这算哪门子野炮套装? |
| [05:47] | Hmm, what is that? | 这又是什么鬼? |
| [05:52] | Jesus! Jesus! | 耶稣 耶稣 |
| [05:55] | Please, bless my sick child. | 求求你 保佑我的病子吧 |
| [06:01] | I haven’t seen this many screaming Mexicans since bus passes went up. | 上次见到这么多墨西哥人诈尸 还是公交车票涨价的时候 |
| [06:04] | This is your fault, Malloy. | 还不都怪你 Malloy |
| [06:05] | Why don’t you just show it to them? | 你就大大方方给他们看呗 |
| [06:06] | No, there’s no way I’m showing my disgusting hemorrhoid to anybody. | 不 我绝不会让任何人看我那不忍直视的痔疮 |
| [06:10] | I bought this cream to shrink the bastard. | 已经买好药膏准备把它压下去了 |
| [06:14] | Oh, jesu Christo. Dios mio. | 噢 耶稣基督 我的上帝 |
| [06:18] | Dios mio. Jesu Christo. | 我的上帝 耶稣基督 |
| [06:20] | Dios mio. | 我的上帝 |
| [06:22] | Jesu Christo. | 耶稣基督 |
| [06:24] | God damn it! | 我了个艹 |
| [06:26] | Just a little blessing. | 保佑一下下咯 |
| [06:29] | That’s it! I’m gonna saw this thing off myself. | 够了 我非亲手割了它不可 |
| [06:32] | Don’t do that, my son. | 别这样 我的孩子 |
| [06:34] | – Who said that? – It is I, Jesus. | – 谁在说话? – 是我 耶稣 |
| [06:38] | Now, I want you to show my face to the people. | 我希望你将我的脸于众人面前展示 |
| [06:41] | Spread the word by spreading your cheeks. | 拨开你的双腚 让众生知道这一切吧 |
| [06:43] | Whatsoever thou sayeth, my lord. | 随您吩咐 我的主 |
| [06:48] | Thank you, Jesus voice app lite version. | 多谢啦 简版耶稣语音应用 |
| [06:51] | 此梗出自圣诞老人hohoho 英语中ho亦指妓女 因此有人提议hohoho改为hehehe或hahaha | |
| [06:51] | Where my hos at? | 吼吼吼 |
| [06:57] | Shouldn’t we check that out? | 不该停车看看情况吗? |
| [06:58] | Not if you want to live, rookie. | 想找死就去 菜鸟 |
| [07:00] | No cop has ever been able to take down the Satan’s Bffs. | 现在为止 还没有警察能清剿撒旦闺蜜帮 |
| [07:03] | So you’re afraid of those guys? | 那你是怕这些家伙咯? |
| [07:05] | Watch your mouth, Williams. I’m the toughest cop on the force. | 说话小心点 Williams 我可是警力中的佼佼者 |
| [07:08] | If I wasn’t, you think chief would’ve given me this? | 如果我真没胆 局长会把这个发给我? |
| [07:12] | Oh, man. | 我去啊 |
| [07:13] | I’ve only got ten more minutes as a cop. I want to do something cool. | 只能再当十分钟警察了 让我做点牛X的事 |
| [07:17] | I’ve got the perfect last assignment for you, Williams. | 最后这项任务对你再合适不过 Williams |
| [07:20] | Eh, go buy me a coffee and a hot dog. | 去给我买份咖啡 再买支热狗 |
| [07:24] | Stupid Briggs. | 傻缺Briggs |
| [07:30] | – Cool ski mask. – Hands up, pig! | – 滑雪面罩不错嘛 – 举起手来 猪头 |
| [07:32] | Holy crap! | 我了个艹 |
| [07:42] | Briggs, you taking a nap? | Briggs 你还在打盹? |
| [07:43] | I just got an urgent text from my fat wife, who I love very, very much. | 刚我胖老婆发了条紧急短信 此人我爱她爱得要死 |
| [07:47] | She’s in that store being held hostage. | 说她在店里被绑架了 |
| [07:49] | Either that or she smelled sausage. | 不然就是她在吃香肠 |
| [07:51] | It’s hard for her to text with her fat [Bleep] fingers. | 毕竟她手指太粗 打错字在所难免 |
| [07:53] | What? I just sent Williams in there. | 什么? 我刚把Williams派进去了 |
| [07:55] | Williams? Somebody call the funeral home. | Williams? 给殡仪馆打电话吧 |
| [07:58] | Tell ’em to get a king-sized casket and a tub of butter | 让他们准备一副超大号棺材和一桶黄油 |
| [08:00] | to squeeze her fat ass in there. | 好把老婆的大屁股塞进去 |
| [08:03] | Better cancel that order, chief. | 还是收回命令吧 局长 |
| [08:05] | Williams, my fat wife-you saved her. Thank god. | Williams 我的胖老婆 你救了她 谢天谢地 |
| [08:08] | Glad I could do something right during my last few minutes as a cop. | 很高兴能在当警察的最后几分钟做点有意义的事 |
| [08:11] | Williams, you have got a job on the Hazelhurst PD as long as you want it. | Williams 只要你乐意 尽管来褐丘警署就职好了 |
| [08:18] | Ooh, I get so horny watching her eat. | 一看到她的吃相 我就欲火焚身 |
| [08:27] | I’d like to thank Steve Williams for his act of bravery. | 在此我衷心感谢Steve Williams的英勇举动 |
| [08:30] | This man saved my fat wife, | 这个人救了我的胖老婆 |
| [08:32] | who seems to be in a sugar coma after wiping out our doughnuts. | 她刚吃光了我们的甜甜圈 现在已经晕糖了 |
| [08:37] | And so it gives me great pleasure | 因此我很荣幸… |
| [08:38] | to name Steve Williams our new top cop. | 任命Steve Williams做我们的新头警 |
| [08:41] | But I’m the top cop. | 但我才是头警 |
| [08:43] | Give me the bracelet, Briggs. Give me the bracelet, Briggs. | 把手环给我 Briggs 把手环给我 Briggs |
| [08:48] | What an honor. | 不胜荣幸啊 |
| [08:50] | My dad would be so proud. | 我老爸肯定高兴死了 |
| [08:52] | Steve, I have to say that we’re impressed. | Steve 不得不说我们真的被感动了 |
| [08:55] | – By your accomplishment, not by your bracelet. – Yeah, that’s super gay. | – 被你的成就而不是手环感动 – 是啊 那玩意儿太基了 |
| [08:58] | – We’re gonna miss you at the park, man. – I’d say the same, but… | – 我们回去会想你的 哥们 – 我也想这样说 但是… |
| [09:01] | top cop doesn’t have time for human emotions. | 头警可没有时间品味人间忧愁 |
| [09:03] | Multiple shots fired at satan’s Bffs Motor Club. | 撒旦闺蜜帮机车会所发生多起枪击 |
| [09:06] | Possible 187. | 可能为谋杀 |
| [09:09] | This sounds like a job for our new top cop, | 看来我们的新头警有得忙了 |
| [09:11] | unless you’re scared of a few bikers. | 是不是被那些飞车党吓怂了啊 |
| [09:15] | No. | 没有 |
| [09:16] | Officer Williams will get the 411 on that 187. | Williams警官绝对会给这些谋杀犯当头一棒 |
| [09:21] | I’m not afraid to 69 a couple of bikers. | 我才不会对这些飞车党胯下留情呢 |
| [09:25] | Police talk. | 警察行话 |
| [09:26] | Don’t drop that beautiful fat bitch. | 千万别把这胖娘们摔着了 |
| [09:28] | She’s my soul mate. | 她是我灵魂伴侣 |
| [09:30] | Behold, the almighty in my tighty-whities. | 且看 我白花花腚沟之间的全能之神 |
| [09:36] | Santa maria! | 我的天啊 |
| [09:39] | Attention, weak-minded sheep. | 注意了 意志薄弱的羔羊们 |
| [09:42] | Don’t forget to buy your jeez-ass T-shirts and lunch boxes. | 别忘了购买”痔稣”牌T恤和午餐盒 |
| [09:45] | Thousands of people, mostly Mexicans, | 上万民众 大部分都是墨西哥人 |
| [09:48] | have made the pilgrimage to see this holy hemorrhoid, | 不远万里只为前来朝拜这颗圣人痔疮 |
| [09:50] | what some, mostly Mexicans, are calling a modern-day miracle. | 他们中一些人 大部分都是墨西哥人 称其为”现世奇迹” |
| [09:55] | People are flocking to see it, your excellency. | 教皇殿下 人们都成群结队地朝拜去了 |
| [09:58] | Bring him to me. What is that? | 带他来见我 那是啥? |
| [10:00] | Oh, you like it? Cafe Press. | 哦 您喜欢吗? “个性印品”订制的 |
| [10:03] | Here, I got you a mouse pad | 给 我帮您买了个鼠标垫 |
| [10:05] | and an altar boy love doll. | 还捎了个侍童充气娃娃 |
| [10:18] | Excuse me. | 打扰一下 |
| [10:21] | I got a disturbance call about a possible murder? | 我接到报警电话说 这里可能发生了凶杀? |
| [10:26] | I just came to say it’s okay. We forgive you. Bye. | 我就是来告诉大家 没关系的 可以原谅 拜啦 |
| [10:30] | You know what happened to the last cops that came in here? | 你知道上次来这儿的条子是什么下场吗? |
| [10:35] | How would your mother feel about this mindless killing? | 你这样盲目地杀戮 你妈妈会怎么想? |
| [10:38] | Why don’t you ask her? | 你直接问她好不好? |
| [10:42] | I know what we should do to this cop. | 我知道该怎么弄这条子了 |
| [10:45] | – Jerk him off. – What the [Bleep], rodney? | – 撸死他 – 你特么傻吧 Rodney? |
| [10:47] | – Why would we do that? – To teach him a lesson. | – 撸他有什么好处? – 教他做人啊 |
| [10:50] | What lesson? | 你想教他啥? |
| [10:51] | That satan’s bffs give handjobs to every dude that comes in here? | 只要是男人进来 咱”撒旦闺蜜帮”就帮他撸一管? |
| [10:54] | – So we’re on the same page? – Shut up, rodney! | – 那咱俩达成共识了? – 闭嘴 Rodney |
| [10:57] | We’re gonna give this guy a dirt slide ride. | 给这小子来一趟”飞沙走石”吧 |
| [11:01] | Hey, that sounds fun. | 嘿 听起来好好玩 |
| [11:04] | This isn’t fun. | 一点都不好玩啊 |
| [11:07] | Wait, wait, stop, stop. It’s important. | 等等 停 停下 我有重要事情 |
| [11:10] | What’s so important? | 啥重要事情? |
| [11:12] | I-I need to run to my car for a second. | 我… 我得回我车上一趟 |
| [11:14] | I forgot to set the parking brake. | 忘记拉手刹了 |
| [11:16] | Yeah, we’re not gonna fall for that. | 少来 我们才不吃这一套 |
| [11:23] | We’re gonna murder you, pig. | 我们要弄死你 猪猡 |
| [11:25] | Where’d he go? | 他跑哪去了? |
| [11:26] | I don’t mean to be an asshole, | 不是我想放马后炮啊 |
| [11:28] | but this wouldn’t have happened if we’d went with plan j-o. | 要是采用”撸管计划”就不会有这档子事了 |
| [11:31] | 快来膜拜 痔稣 他从天上来 下凡到腚间 | |
| [11:33] | Looking great. | 表情超赞 |
| [11:34] | That’ll be 50 bucks and all of your self-respect. | 50美刀不谢 自尊什么的估计你也用不着了 |
| [11:37] | I’m not worthy to look upon your face. | 我何等卑微 却能亲睹您的真颜 |
| [11:40] | I love you, Jeez-ass! | 我爱您 痔稣 |
| [11:44] | You must be the prophet, Woody Johnson. | 想必您就是先知大人Woody Johnson吧 |
| [11:46] | Yup, doing god’s work here. | 对 咱可是在奉天行事呢 |
| [11:51] | I’ve been sent here by his holiness, the Pope. | 我是教皇大人派来的 |
| [11:53] | The pontiff wants to verify your hemorrhoid as a true miracle. | 圣座他想核实一下您的痔疮是否真是神迹 |
| [11:56] | He requests that you come with me to the Vatican at once. | 大人要求您马上随我一同回梵蒂冈一趟 |
| [11:59] | Did you hear that, Malloy? | 听见没 Malloy? |
| [12:00] | We’re going to the Vatican to meet the Pope. | 咱们要去梵蒂冈觐见教皇喽 |
| [12:03] | I’m not sure that’s a good idea. | 我看这不是个好主意吧 |
| [12:04] | Haven’t you ever read any of those horrible Dan Brown novels? | 你没读过丹·布朗的那些烂小说吗? |
| [12:06] | Don’t be silly. It’s a great idea. | 别傻了 这主意好得很 |
| [12:09] | – Hey, Cardinal, how are we getting there? – To the pope jet. | – 嘿 红衣主教大人 怎么去呢? – 教皇专机走着 |
| [12:18] | The pope will meet you first thing in the morning for the vetting process. | 教皇明早会第一时间接见您进行审查流程 |
| [12:21] | If everything goes well, your hemorrhoid will be verified as a true miracle. | 如果万事顺利的话 您的痔疮会被鉴证为神迹 |
| [12:25] | And what happens if it’s not? | 要是不顺利会怎样? |
| [12:28] | Well, according to biblical law, | 根据圣经法典 |
| [12:29] | a false witness who breathes out lies must be punished. | 撒谎的假见证人必须受到惩罚 |
| [12:32] | Oh, shit. | 惨了 |
| [12:33] | I’m not worried, | 我才不担心呐 |
| [12:34] | ’cause this 100% real, right, Malloy? | 这可是百分百的真货 对吧 Malloy? |
| [12:37] | As real as every story in the bible. | 真得就像圣经里那些故事一样 |
| [12:39] | As guests of his excellency, | 作为圣座大人的宾客 |
| [12:41] | I urge you to make yourselves at home. | 请务必不要拘束 |
| [12:43] | What are you doing? | 你们这是搞毛? |
| [12:45] | Oh, I just noticed that your ceiling needed some restoration. | 就是觉得你们的天花板需要翻修一下了 |
| [12:49] | Holy crap, the ark of the covenant. | 我了个擦 这是约柜啊 |
| [12:51] | Watch this, Malloy. | 瞧好了 Malloy |
| [12:52] | Hey, you! | 叫你呢 |
| [12:57] | Got him. | 整到他了 |
| [13:01] | – They’ll never find me here. – Who won’t find you? | – 他们不可能找到这儿来的 – 谁在找你? |
| [13:05] | Quick, call the cops. | 快 快报警 |
| [13:06] | – You are the cops. – Oh, yeah. | – 你就是警察好吧 – 哦对 |
| [13:09] | Briggs, send backup. | Briggs 快派增援来 |
| [13:11] | These bikers are gonna kill me. | 这些飞车党会宰了我的 |
| [13:14] | I was hoping they might. | 那我正好如愿以偿 |
| [13:15] | You’re on your own, top cop. | 没人会帮你的 头警 |
| [13:18] | Don’t worry, baby. | 别担心 宝贝儿 |
| [13:20] | Soon you’ll be back in my sweet, sweet ass. | 很快你就会回到我温暖甜蜜的菊花里来 |
| [13:25] | You blew up our clubhouse. | 你丫爆了我们的会所 |
| [13:27] | And now we’re gonna blow you. | 现在轮到我们口爆你了 |
| [13:29] | God damn it, Rodney! We talked about this. | 我日啊 Rodney 我们都说好了 |
| [13:33] | We’re gonna kill him. Then blow him? | 我们要宰了他 然后再口爆? |
| [13:35] | No! | 不 |
| [13:36] | These are some weird-ass [Bleep] bikers. | 这些飞车党真特么够奇葩 |
| [13:39] | Time to die, porky. | 送你上西天吧 猪崽子 |
| [13:41] | Wait, what if I replace your clubhouse? | 等一下 我还你们一个会所怎么样? |
| [13:44] | – With what? – How about this place? | – 拿什么还? – 这个地方如何? |
| [13:46] | If you let me live, you can have the ranger station. | 只要你让我活命 林警站就归你们了 |
| [13:50] | Hmm, nice feng shui. | 风水倒是不错 |
| [13:52] | Open concept, exposed brick. | 空阔式设计 砖结构裸墙 |
| [13:55] | You got a deal. | 成交 |
| [13:56] | I guess the piggy gets to live another day, | 猪崽子又可以苟活一天 |
| [13:58] | but he still needs to learn a lesson. | 但仍要好好调教调教 |
| [14:01] | Where’d he go? | 他又去哪了? |
| [14:02] | I’m teaching him a lesson, boss. | 我正调教他呢 老大 |
| [14:04] | It’s a good one. | 调教得我好舒服 |
| [14:10] | Well, you wanted more crime in the park. You got it, Steve. | 你想要咱公园犯罪率升高 现在满意了吧 Steve |
| [14:13] | Sorry, guys. This is all my fault. | 对不起大家 全都怪我咯 |
| [14:16] | Maybe we should just find a new park to work at. | 要不我们重新找个公园干活吧 |
| [14:18] | I hear Six Flags is hiring. | 听说六旗乐园在招人呢 |
| [14:20] | Oh, don’t be a pussy, Steve. What would your dad say? | 别那么怂好吧 Steve 你爹会怎么说? |
| [14:22] | Yeah, Steve, this park is our jurisdiction. | 是啊 Steve 这个公园是我们的辖区 |
| [14:25] | We’re the cops here. | 我们就是这里的警察 |
| [14:26] | Yeah, and it’s up to us to bust them. | 对 逮捕他们是我们的责任 |
| [14:34] | Ooh, I’m so excited to meet the pope, Malloy. | 能觐见教皇我真激动啊 Malloy |
| [14:37] | – Malloy? – Woody, my son. | – Malloy? – Woody 我的孩子 |
| [14:39] | Oh, hey, what up, Jesus? | 噢 嘿 咋滴啦 上帝? |
| [14:41] | When you meet the pope today, | 今天觐见教皇的时候 |
| [14:42] | there’s a chance he may lock you up and throw away the key. | 他有可能会把你关起来 然后扔掉牢房钥匙 |
| [14:45] | – Why would he do that? – That’s not important. | – 他为毛要那样做? – 那倒不重要 |
| [14:48] | Just remember to tell them | 你只管记得告诉他们 |
| [14:49] | that your bear cub had nothing to do with this scheme. | 你的熊宝宝跟这个骗局没有任何关系 |
| [14:52] | Scheme? What scheme? | 骗局? 什么骗局? |
| [14:53] | – Over and out, my son. – Malloy! | – 通话完毕 孩子 – Malloy |
| [14:56] | You tricked me. | 你骗了我 |
| [14:57] | This whole thing is a lie? | 这一切都是谎言吗？ |
| [14:59] | Holy shit. | 该死的 |
| [15:00] | The pope will probably send us to vatican prison. | 教皇会把我们送到梵蒂冈监狱的 |
| [15:02] | We got to get out of here. | 我们得抓紧逃走 |
| [15:05] | His excellency will see you now. | 教皇殿下现在要见你 |
| [15:09] | What the hell is Renee Zellweger doing here? | 蕾妮·齐薇格在这里干嘛? |
| [15:17] | Hey! That’s my dad. | 嘿 那是我老爸 |
| [15:19] | Give that back. | 还给我 |
| [15:22] | I should’ve known I couldn’t be a cop. | 早该认清我成不了警察 |
| [15:25] | I’m sorry I couldn’t make you proud, dad. | 抱歉不能让你感到骄傲了 老爸 |
| [15:28] | You make me proud every day, son. | 你每天都让我骄傲 儿子 |
| [15:33] | Dad? | 老爸? |
| [15:37] | You’re a brickleberry ranger just like I was. | 你和我一样都是脆莓公园的林警 |
| [15:40] | What more could a father ask? | 做父亲的还能要求什么呢? |
| [15:42] | Didn’t you ever get bored here? | 你在这里不觉得无聊吗? |
| [15:44] | If I did, I’d just go behind a bush | 如果无聊了 我就会躲到树丛后面… |
| [15:47] | and masturbate. | 打飞机 |
| [15:48] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [15:51] | Son, be proud of yourself and what you are, | 儿子 为你自己感到骄傲吧 |
| [15:54] | a brickleberry park ranger. | 你是脆莓公园的林警 |
| [15:57] | Now, get out there and take your park back, | 现在去把你的公园夺回来 |
| [16:01] | and if you need me, | 如果要找我 |
| [16:02] | I’ll be jacking off behind that bush. | 我就在树丛后面打飞机 |
| [16:04] | Yes, sir. | 遵命 |
| [16:15] | I was wrong for not appreciating my job. | 不珍惜我的工作是错的 |
| [16:18] | Sure, being a park ranger can be boring and lame | 诚然 当林警既无聊又差劲 |
| [16:20] | and put you at a high risk for lyme disease. | 还有极高的风险得上莱姆病 |
| [16:22] | Now you got me wanting to quit. | 你这一说我也不想干了 |
| [16:24] | Oh, sorry. Fog brain. You know I have lyme disease. | 抱歉 脑子烧坏了 你知道我有莱姆病的 |
| [16:26] | Now, I’ve got a plan to get these a-holes out of our park. | 现在我有个计划能把那些混蛋赶出去 |
| [16:30] | Sorry, I was zoning out. I have lyme disease. | 抱歉 走神了 我有莱姆病 |
| [16:33] | We know. We all got lyme disease. | 我们知道 咱都有莱姆病好吧 |
| [16:40] | It’s a good thing Ethel kept that sign from middle school. | Ethel一直留着这个高中的牌子实在太好了 |
| [16:43] | I must have a secret admirer who remembered my birthday. | 肯定有个神秘的崇拜者 知道今天是我生日 |
| [16:47] | A cube of wolves, my only fear! | 卧槽 狼立方 我就怕这个 |
| [16:53] | Are you sure this will work? | 你确定这会管用? |
| [16:54] | Yeah, you’ve been wearing them for ten straight days. | 当然了 这内裤你都穿了十天了 |
| [17:04] | Feels like my lungs are melting. | 我的肺要熔掉了 |
| [17:11] | Greetings, my son. I have heard a lot about you. | 你好 孩子 我听了许多关于你的事情 |
| [17:14] | Uh, Mr. Pope, sir, I got something to confess. | 教皇先生 我有个事情要坦白 |
| [17:18] | This thing, hemorrhoid Jesus, it’s not real. | 就是这个什么痔稣 不是真的 |
| [17:23] | – I know that. – You do? How? | – 我知道 – 你知道? 怎么知道的? |
| [17:25] | Because none of it’s real. | 因为这一切都是假的 |
| [17:27] | Religion’s all a made-up fairy tale. | 宗教就是编出来的童话故事 |
| [17:29] | Well, if it’s all made up, what’s the point of the church? | 如果全都是编出来的 那信教有什么意义? |
| [17:32] | Money. It’s always been about money. | 票子 一切都是为了票子 |
| [17:34] | ♪ Money, money, money, money ♪ | ♪ 票子 票子 票子 票子 ♪ |
| [17:36] | ♪ – Money, money, huh – What? ♪ | ♪ – 票子 票子 – 怎么? ♪ |
| [17:38] | ♪ – Money, money, uh – Yeah ♪ | ♪ – 票子 票子 – 耶 ♪ |
| [17:40] | ♪ – Money, money, muh – What? ♪ | ♪ – 票子 票子 – 怎么? ♪ |
| [17:41] | ♪ – Money, money, huh, uh, huh – get down ♪ | ♪ – 票子 票子 – 来吧 ♪ |
| [17:44] | And the pope gets really angry when some punk bitch steals what’s his. | 要是哪个贱货敢刮教会的钱 教皇会非常不爽 |
| [17:49] | – I’d never do that. – Oh, you did do that. | – 我可没这么做过 – 你当然有了 |
| [17:51] | Catholics, mostly mexicans, are flocking to see your hemorrhoid | 天主教徒 我是指大部分墨西哥人 都跑去看你的痔疮 |
| [17:56] | instead of going to church, | 而不是去教堂了 |
| [17:58] | and less church attendance is less money. | 去教堂少了就意味着捐款少了 |
| [18:02] | And you know what happens to people who screw with the pope’s money? | 知道那些动了教皇票子的人是什么下场吗? |
| [18:07] | Slap on the wrist with a flimsy ruler? | 用薄薄的尺子打手腕吗? |
| [18:10] | They die. | 是升天 |
| [18:13] | Could you sign this for my niece? She’s half mexican. | 能给我侄女签个名吗? 她有一半墨西哥血统 |
| [18:18] | I guess I’ll take these guys down to the police station. | 我要把这些人带到警署去 |
| [18:21] | Not so fast, Williams. | 慢着 Williams |
| [18:22] | I’ll be the one taking these lowlifes in. | 把这些畜生带到警署的人是我 |
| [18:25] | Taking down the Satan’s bffs will impress the chief so much | 端掉撒旦闺蜜帮会让局长对我另眼相看 |
| [18:28] | he’ll make me top cop again. | 他会让重回头警宝座的 |
| [18:30] | We’ll tell the chief you had nothing to do with it. | 我们会告诉局长这根本不是你的功劳 |
| [18:32] | No, you won’t, because I’m gonna put a bullet in all of you. | 不可能 因为我会把你们全都打死 |
| [18:35] | I’ll just say the bikers did it. | 然后说是这些飞车党干的 |
| [18:37] | Sorry I’m late. I– | 抱歉来晚了 我… |
| [18:38] | hey, whose panties are these? | 嘿 这是谁的小裤裤? |
| [18:44] | All right, time to waste these guys. | 好了 该废掉这帮家伙了 |
| [18:48] | Freeze! FBI! | 别动 FBI |
| [18:50] | No, you freeze. DEA. | 别动 DEA |
| [18:52] | Everybody freeze. ATF. | 谁也不许动 ATF |
| [18:55] | Damn, is anybody else here undercover? | 该死 这里还有谁是卧底吗? |
| [18:59] | So was anybody here a real biker? | 这里有真的飞车党吗? |
| [19:01] | – No. – No. – Nope. – Me neither. | – 不是 – 不是 – 我也不是 |
| [19:04] | So for the past ten years, we’ve all been doing angel dust and murdering people, | 所以过去十年我们又是吸毒又是杀人 |
| [19:08] | trying not to blow our cover, | 只为不暴露身份 |
| [19:09] | and nobody here is a criminal? | 结果却是没一个人是罪犯? |
| [19:12] | Technically I guess he is. | 我想他是的 |
| [19:13] | He’s kind of a dirty cop. | 他算是个坏警察 |
| [19:18] | Steve, be careful out there. | Steve 要小心 |
| [19:20] | You’re lucky you weren’t dealing with real bikers. | 你不去对付真的飞车党算你幸运 |
| [19:23] | Yeah, real bikers wouldn’t have stopped at a handjob and a little sucking. | 没错 真的飞车党不会只给你打飞机和口交的 |
| [19:27] | Good advice. What are you guys gonna do now? | 感谢提点 你们现在要干嘛? |
| [19:29] | Well, I guess we can all go back to our normal lives. | 我们应该回归正常的生活了 |
| [19:33] | Anyone know a good methadone clinic? | 谁知道哪儿有好的戒毒所? |
| [19:35] | Is Denzel okay? | Denzel还好吧? |
| [19:38] | What happened? Where am I? | 怎么了? 我在哪里? |
| [19:41] | Ooh, panties. | 哦 小裤裤 |
| [19:45] | Okay, first your hemorrhoid, then your throat. | 我先割掉你的痔疮 然后割了你的喉 |
| [19:59] | It’s beautiful. | 这太美了 |
| [20:11] | Holy crap, I killed the pope. | 该死 我把教皇杀了 |
| [20:13] | I got to tweet this. | 赶紧发推特 |
| [20:15] | Thanks be onto you for taking down that corrupt pope, my son. | 感谢你把这个腐败的教皇干掉了 我的孩子 |
| [20:18] | – Oh, cut it out, Malloy. – It wasn’t me. | – 你够了 Malloy – 不是我干的 |
| [20:21] | Stand over a mirror so I might gaze upon your face. | 请蹲在镜子前 我好能正对你的脸 |
| [20:26] | Woody, for this great work you did, you’ll be rewarded by an eternity in hell. | Woody 作为对你重大贡献的奖励 你会在地狱里一直呆下去 |
| [20:31] | Hell? | 地狱? |
| [20:32] | Why would you send me to hell, Jesus? | 你为什么要送我下地狱 耶稣? |
| [20:34] | I’m not Jesus. I’m Satan. | 我不是耶稣 我是撒旦 |
| [20:41] | I will vanquish this devil. | 我来驱逐这个魔鬼 |
| [20:45] | Oh, Jesus. | 哦 耶稣 |