| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:05] | Mom? | |
| [00:06] | – Hmm? – A guy had to cut off his penis | |
| [00:08] | because he got his dick stuck in a jar. | |
| [00:09] | Don’t tell me that. | |
| [00:11] | He was 50 years old. | |
| [00:12] | Why? | |
| [00:14] | Mom. | |
| [00:15] | Come on. | |
| [00:17] | Well… did he die? | |
| [00:19] | I don’t know. | |
| [00:21] | – Ugh. – Mom? | |
| [00:23] | Remember I told you Paisley’s dating this, | |
| [00:25] | like, 70-year-old guy? | |
| [00:26] | – Yeah? – Well, | |
| [00:28] | he won’t have sex with her until she’s… | |
| [00:30] | Oh, thank God! | |
| [00:32] | Mom, you didn’t let me finish. | |
| [00:34] | Oh. | |
| [00:36] | He won’t have sex with her until she turns 21? | |
| [00:40] | She asked hopefully in a very high voice. | |
| [00:43] | No he won’t have sex with her unless she’s, like, | |
| [00:46] | completely shaved, like, completely. | |
| [00:48] | Max, do you mind? Duke is sitting right there. | |
| [00:51] | What? I can know about it. | |
| [00:53] | – It’s fine. – Allô. | |
| [00:55] | C’est moi. | |
| [01:27] | A Certain Age, $800. | |
| [01:28] | A common Jewish surname. | |
| [01:30] | It’s German for “black.” | |
| [01:32] | – What is Schwartz?! – Schvartze! | |
| [01:33] | – Schwartz. – Correct. | |
| [01:34] | – Jesus. – All In The Family, 2,000. | |
| [01:37] | In the King James Bible, these three words | |
| [01:39] | starting with a relative, | |
| [01:41] | precede “for they know not what they do.” | |
| [01:43] | – What is “Father forgive them?” – “Father forgive them!” | |
| [01:45] | What is “Father, forgive them?” | |
| [01:46] | Right. | |
| [01:47] | Magic and sorcery in the Bible for eight. | |
| [01:49] | This Babylonian king had his own group of magicians, | |
| [01:52] | but it was Daniel who interpreted his dreams. | |
| [01:55] | – Who is Nebuchadnezzar? – Nebuchadnezzar. | |
| [01:57] | – Yes. – Good. We both won. | |
| [02:00] | No, you didn’t win, because you didn’t | |
| [02:02] | put it in the form of a question. | |
| [02:10] | – Oh, thank you. – You’re welcome. | |
| [02:13] | Is it good? | |
| [02:14] | – Yeah. – So, these boys asked me | |
| [02:17] | to do a photo shoot for like, | |
| [02:18] | – their rehab group or… – Mm-hmm. | |
| [02:20] | Some kind of bullshit, | |
| [02:21] | and, um, they asked me to invite | |
| [02:23] | my girlfriends, and it turns out | |
| [02:25] | they were just trying to get me to take naked pictures of them. | |
| [02:28] | And they thought because I was shooting it, it would be okay. | |
| [02:31] | The fuck? | |
| [02:32] | So stupid. | |
| [02:34] | Well, boys will be boys. | |
| [02:36] | They certainly know how to take any advantage | |
| [02:38] | to gawp at young girls’ bosoms. | |
| [02:40] | It’s so childish. | |
| [02:43] | Why did you leave my dad? | |
| [02:47] | What? | |
| [02:48] | Frankie, shut up. | |
| [02:50] | No. | |
| [02:51] | Why did you leave my dad? | |
| [02:57] | Frankie, that was a long time ago. | |
| [03:00] | Well, yeah, but you never told us. | |
| [03:02] | You-you never told us. You… | |
| [03:03] | you sat us down and gave us that bullshit talk | |
| [03:06] | and then we all went to the movies. | |
| [03:08] | But you never told us why. | |
| [03:13] | It’s true, Mom. | |
| [03:14] | You never told us. | |
| [03:23] | Did your father say something to you | |
| [03:25] | when you saw him on Tuesday? | |
| [03:27] | This is not about what my father said to me. | |
| [03:30] | This is about what you haven’t said to me. | |
| [03:35] | Why did you leave my dad? | |
| [03:45] | Oh, I beg your pardon. | |
| [03:47] | I’ve made a pong. Uh-oh. | |
| [03:51] | Oh. | |
| [03:53] | Gran. | |
| [03:55] | Oh, okay. Gross. | |
| [03:59] | Goodness me. | |
| [04:12] | Thanks, Mom. | |
| [04:14] | No problem. | |
| [04:26] | Okay. | |
| [04:29] | Yeah. | |
| [04:32] | No, I’m not okay, but… | |
| [04:34] | Bye. | |
| [04:37] | I don’t know what you want me to say. | |
| [04:45] | ♪ I’m the fattest person in the land ♪ | |
| [04:48] | ♪ I’m the fatty patty patty man. ♪ | |
| [04:55] | Hi. How are you? | |
| [04:58] | – How you doing? – I’m okay. | |
| [05:03] | What’s wrong? | |
| [05:05] | Why you cry? | |
| [05:08] | Doesn’t matter. | |
| [05:10] | I just… | |
| [05:11] | Bleh. | |
| [05:14] | What were you doing today? | |
| [05:16] | Hmm. | |
| [05:18] | Well, I have therapy. | |
| [05:21] | Yep. | |
| [05:22] | Yep, I do. | |
| [05:24] | I have doctor medical prescribed | |
| [05:27] | mental therapy. | |
| [05:30] | Good, Mom. You need it. | |
| [05:32] | Oh, thank you so much. | |
| [05:35] | What are you gonna do today? | |
| [05:38] | I… don’t know. | |
| [05:40] | I’m supposed to see a show tonight. | |
| [05:42] | I’m shooting a band. | |
| [05:44] | Cool. | |
| [05:48] | – Can I borrow your boots? – Nope. Absolutely not. | |
| [05:51] | – Mom! – No, you can’t. | |
| [05:52] | Mom, they’re just gonna stay in your closet. | |
| [05:54] | Please, please, can I borrow the boots? | |
| [05:56] | Nope. No. | |
| [05:57] | No, you can’t, honey. | |
| [06:04] | What’s wrong? | |
| [06:09] | My boyfriend broke up with me. | |
| [06:12] | Oh. | |
| [06:15] | Which one? | |
| [06:17] | Um, the black ones with the roses. | |
| [06:20] | No, I meant which boyfriend. | |
| [06:25] | Okay, that’s really funny, Mom. | |
| [06:28] | Now I feel bad about myself again. | |
| [06:36] | Come on. Come on. | |
| [06:55] | Turn around. | |
| [06:56] | Turn around, turn away. | |
| [06:58] | – Turn away. – Why do you have that? | |
| [07:00] | It’s so weird you keep your fucking boots in a safe. | |
| [07:06] | Oh, what about those? Can I have those? | |
| [07:08] | No! No, no, no, no. | |
| [07:10] | You absolutely can’t, no. No, honey. | |
| [07:13] | You know why? | |
| [07:14] | My grandmother left me a gold bracelet, | |
| [07:17] | I had a rare book and a ruby ring, | |
| [07:20] | and you know what? They’re all gone. | |
| [07:23] | They’re all gone. | |
| [07:24] | You guys just take it. | |
| [07:25] | You take away things. So… | |
| [07:30] | Go ahead. Take these boots. | |
| [07:33] | I’m never gonna see ’em again. | |
| [07:34] | But I am keeping these boots. | |
| [07:38] | And my safe. | |
| [07:43] | You’re welcome. | |
| [07:46] | Can we go out? Can we get tacos? | |
| [07:49] | Didn’t you hear what I was singing before? | |
| [07:51] | I’m the fatty, patty, patty, patty, fatty man. | |
| [07:55] | Duh. Yes. | |
| [07:57] | – Okay. – Tacos. | |
| [08:08] | Seriously? I could… | |
| [08:10] | climb over the… | |
| [08:14] | Okay. | |
| [08:28] | Well, this kind of stress at home is very common. | |
| [08:31] | Oh, really? Is it? Is this common? | |
| [08:33] | Uber, Uber, Uber, Uber, | |
| [08:36] | Uber, Uber, Uber, Uber, Uber, Lyft, Lyft, | |
| [08:39] | Postmates, Venmo, | |
| [08:41] | Spotify, Instafollow, | |
| [08:43] | Lyft, Uber, Uber, Uber, | |
| [08:45] | Uber, Uber, Lyft, | |
| [08:47] | Postmates, Postmates, Editing Bunny. | |
| [08:50] | I don’t know… why this makes me so angry. | |
| [08:55] | I know they have to get places | |
| [08:56] | and I can’t be everywhere. | |
| [08:58] | I just… I-I… | |
| [09:01] | It… When I see it | |
| [09:02] | in this big, giant, pile | |
| [09:05] | of turd money bullshit… | |
| [09:08] | I need somebody to weigh in. | |
| [09:10] | Like, is this okay? Is this how people are doing it? | |
| [09:14] | Or am I completely screwing everything up? | |
| [09:16] | Yes. | |
| [09:18] | “There are no strangers here, | |
| [09:20] | only friends we have not met.” | |
| [09:24] | ♪ Fried ham, fried ham ♪ | |
| [09:26] | ♪ Cheese and bologna, after the macaroni ♪ | |
| [09:28] | ♪ We’ll have… ♪ | |
| [09:30] | ♪ Pickles, onions, and pretzels ♪ | |
| [09:33] | ♪ Then we’ll have some more fried ham, fried ham. ♪ | |
| [09:39] | ♪ I’m gonna pack my bags and turn around ♪ | |
| [09:41] | ♪ I’m gonna turn this camp right upside down ♪ | |
| [09:44] | ♪ I’m gonna drink and smoke and neck and peck ♪ | |
| [09:47] | ♪ So what the heck, to hell with the… ♪ | |
| [09:51] | I guess it really has been that long. | |
| [09:53] | – ♪ To hell with the Ca… ♪ – ♪ Camp ♪ | |
| [09:55] | – ♪ Camp Teak girls ♪ – ♪ Camp Teak boys ♪ | |
| [09:58] | – ♪ Camp Teak girls ♪ – ♪ Camp Teak boys ♪ | |
| [09:59] | – ♪ Wear boxers ♪ – ♪ Are fairies ♪ | |
| [10:05] | – Hoh… – Yeah, you see that? | |
| [10:08] | I knew I wasn’t that forgettable. | |
| [10:12] | Blowing your mind a little bit? | |
| [10:16] | A little bit. | |
| [10:17] | Yeah. | |
| [10:20] | Hi. | |
| [10:32] | Little Deezy Miller. | |
| [10:34] | And now Dr. Little Deezy Miller. | |
| [10:36] | But I’ll take David from my old camp buddy. | |
| [10:39] | Oh. Okay. | |
| [10:42] | What? We weren’t buddies? | |
| [10:44] | Oh, no, I don’t know. | |
| [10:46] | I mean, is that what you call every girl | |
| [10:48] | you went behind the infirmary with? | |
| [10:51] | You are every girl I went behind the infirmary with. | |
| [11:05] | I was red team. 60s? | |
| [11:07] | Oh, God, that’s right. Yeah, and you wore that, uh, | |
| [11:10] | Led Zeppelin shirt with the sleeves cut off | |
| [11:12] | for that whole week. | |
| [11:14] | You were so cute. God, you killed me. | |
| [11:19] | So… | |
| [11:23] | still got that shirt? | |
| [11:30] | Yes! | |
| [11:41] | What happened? | |
| [11:43] | You’ve been playing in the street again is what happened. | |
| [11:46] | No, I… I wasn’t, I… | |
| [11:49] | If your mother finds out | |
| [11:51] | you’ve been playing in the street again, | |
| [11:52] | you’re gonna be in a lot of trouble. | |
| [11:55] | I don’t feel good. | |
| [11:56] | All right. Come on. You’re fine. | |
| [11:59] | Just a little shaken up. | |
| [12:00] | How many fingers? | |
| [12:03] | Three. | |
| [12:04] | Good girl. All right. | |
| [12:07] | Need a little lie down is all. | |
| [12:09] | Now, get yourself back in and get cleaned up | |
| [12:12] | before your mother catches you. | |
| [12:14] | Okay. Wait, where’s my skateboard? | |
| [12:16] | Go. | |
| [12:41] | We should probably talk about you at some point. | |
| [12:43] | Mm-hmm. Sure. Yeah. | |
| [12:45] | Or, I don’t know, you could maybe just give me the drugs. | |
| [12:49] | Dr. Babu said that you would try to shake me down. | |
| [12:52] | But so far all I know is either | |
| [12:53] | somebody stole your credit card | |
| [12:56] | or, um, you have a teenager at home. | |
| [12:58] | Two, and a younger. | |
| [13:01] | And you think that they’re contributing | |
| [13:02] | to your sleep issues? | |
| [13:04] | No. No. They don’t keep me up anymore. | |
| [13:08] | I don’t even fall asleep, I just pass out. | |
| [13:11] | All right. | |
| [13:17] | Ugh. | |
| [13:19] | Ugh! | |
| [13:24] | I keep… | |
| [13:25] | I keep having these dreams that I’m constantly | |
| [13:29] | getting sexed on by my ex, | |
| [13:32] | and it’s happening very frequently, | |
| [13:35] | meaning every single night. | |
| [13:38] | How long since the divorce? | |
| [13:39] | Uh, it’s been, like, four or five hundred years. | |
| [13:43] | So was it an amicable split? | |
| [13:46] | Um… jeesh, | |
| [13:47] | I don’t want to… | |
| [13:49] | I don’t… | |
| [13:50] | Well, we don’t have to get into that right now. | |
| [13:53] | But I will say that even after a contentious relationship, | |
| [13:57] | there can be residual feelings | |
| [13:59] | – No. No. No. No. – That have to be dealt with. | |
| [14:01] | – Otherwise they can continue to fester. – Nope. | |
| [14:03] | – Beneath the surface. – No. Nope. Wrong. Wrong. | |
| [14:06] | Sorry, that’s stupid. | |
| [14:10] | If your ex-husband was here right now, | |
| [14:12] | what would you say to him? | |
| [14:15] | Why didn’t you drown in a puddle of diarrhea yet? | |
| [14:28] | Hello, Sam. | |
| [14:32] | Hello. | |
| [14:33] | Be stiffer. | |
| [14:35] | More stiff and awkward, | |
| [14:36] | yet charming. | |
| [14:38] | More stiff and awkward than that? | |
| [14:40] | Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. | |
| [14:43] | Hello, Sam. | |
| [14:45] | Yeah, hi. | |
| [14:48] | What happened? | |
| [14:49] | – Why did you summon me? – Um… | |
| [14:52] | because I’ve been having dreams, | |
| [14:53] | and they’re fairly disturbing to me. | |
| [14:56] | What happens in the dreams? | |
| [14:59] | I don’t want to talk about it. | |
| [15:01] | Well, maybe you better talk about it. | |
| [15:03] | I mean, you called me. | |
| [15:04] | I’ve been having dreams that we’re fucking. | |
| [15:07] | Sex dreams things. | |
| [15:11] | Oh, gosh. | |
| [15:14] | This makes me very, very, | |
| [15:16] | very, very uncomfortable. | |
| [15:21] | I’m not attracted to you. | |
| [15:22] | I’m not attracted to you either. | |
| [15:26] | But do you remember the thing that… | |
| [15:29] | we used to do, we did? | |
| [15:32] | Jesus. | |
| [15:34] | Yeah, of course. I remember, yeah. | |
| [15:36] | – Do you? – I remember. | |
| [15:39] | I don’t think that it’s a good idea | |
| [15:41] | – that we do this. – Same. | |
| [15:43] | But just for the record… | |
| [15:47] | I’ll do it if you want to. | |
| [15:54] | I don’t have that outfit anymore. | |
| [15:56] | You have the boots? | |
| [15:59] | Yes, I have the boots. | |
| [16:01] | – Do you have the underwear? – Shut up. | |
| [16:05] | Yes. | |
| [16:09] | I’m fully erect right now. | |
| [16:11] | Ugh. I’m sick to my stomach. | |
| [16:14] | Well, you were always that way before we did that. | |
| [16:16] | This is bad. I know that this is bad. | |
| [16:19] | You know, and also, I’m offended a little bit. | |
| [16:21] | I resent you | |
| [16:23] | for pulling us into this moment, because we both know | |
| [16:25] | that you’re the one that’s in control. | |
| [16:26] | – It’s not fair, Sam. – I don’t care, | |
| [16:28] | you can hang up any time. | |
| [16:30] | I’m going back to my hotel. | |
| [16:32] | If you want, you can go home, get the boots, | |
| [16:34] | get that underwear. | |
| [16:36] | My flight leaves tomorrow at 7:00 a.m. | |
| [16:38] | And I don’t know how I’ll feel or even what I’ll do | |
| [16:40] | if you come over, but… | |
| [16:57] | Elevators ain’t running. | |
| [16:59] | Come on. | |
| [17:00] | Shouldn’t be getting out of bed, Miss. | |
| [17:02] | Has he been here? Have you seen him? | |
| [17:04] | I ain’t seen him for a week. | |
| [17:05] | Where’s Cornell? | |
| [17:06] | He’s watching the other door. | |
| [17:08] | Oh, you’re swell. Oh… | |
| [17:16] | Now, that’s crazy… it’s 14 floors. | |
| [17:18] | I… I just got hit by a car. | |
| [17:22] | Oh. Is that what that noise was? | |
| [17:26] | I think I’m in trouble. | |
| [17:29] | Mm-hmm. Maybe. | |
| [17:38] | And I can’t tell Mom, but… | |
| [17:42] | …I think I’m really hurt. | |
| [17:45] | What? | |
| [17:49] | Did you-did you hit your head? | |
| [17:51] | No. | |
| [17:53] | Well, does it hurt? Are you-are you bleeding? | |
| [17:57] | Well, where? | |
| [18:00] | I don’t see any blood. | |
| [18:02] | Duke. | |
| [18:04] | Maybe it’s… | |
| [18:07] | someplace else. | |
| [18:10] | Someplace else? What… w-what do you mean? | |
| [18:22] | Oh. | |
| [18:24] | Um… | |
| [18:27] | Okay. | |
| [18:28] | No, no, no, no, no, hey. Hey, hey, hey. | |
| [18:29] | It’s okay, you’re okay. Um, | |
| [18:31] | why don’t we just… we’ll go upstairs, okay? | |
| [18:33] | I have something you need up there. Yeah? | |
| [18:37] | No sense in going up there… | |
| [18:38] | I’ve been here for hours. He ain’t here. | |
| [18:40] | Let me go, would you? | |
| [18:53] | I want to call Max. | |
| [19:25] | – Keep it close. – Mm-hmm. | |
| [19:44] | Hello, Mom. | |
| [19:47] | Well, don’t linger there like a huckster. Come in. | |
| [19:59] | Is everything okay? | |
| [20:09] | You called me to come over here, Phil? | |
| [20:26] | My car keys. | |
| [20:28] | I’ve decided it’s time. | |
| [20:30] | And I don’t want to talk about it. Ever. | |
| [20:33] | – Do you understand? – Yes. | |
| [20:36] | I do have conditions, however. | |
| [20:39] | I want unlimited Ubers for life | |
| [20:42] | and a black American Express card. | |
| [20:46] | Is there anything else, or… | |
| [20:48] | What? | |
| [20:50] | No, what do you mean? | |
| [20:51] | I… | |
| [20:53] | Nothing. | |
| [20:54] | You agree to the terms, then? | |
| [20:56] | Phil, yeah, we can’t get a black American Express card. | |
| [20:59] | Well, Ubers, then. | |
| [21:02] | And I want the service… The one that brings you | |
| [21:05] | a different flavored popcorn every month. | |
| [21:11] | I’ll look into that. | |
| [21:13] | Good. | |
| [21:15] | Okay. All right. | |
| [21:17] | Well, I’m making dinner now. | |
| [21:19] | – That’s very nice. – So you should leave. | |
| [21:20] | Huh. | |
| [21:38] | Again. | |
| [22:17] | Oh, no. | |
| [22:30] | What…? | |
| [25:54] | Guys? | |
| [25:57] | Somebody? | |
| [26:00] | I need a tampon. | |
| [26:06] | I gave your last one to Duke. | |
| [26:10] | What?! |