| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:06] | All done. | 完成 |
| [00:09] | Perfect! | 完美 |
| [00:10] | Now I’m ready for “Crazy Hair Day” At school. | 现在我已经准备好参加学校的”疯狂发型日”了 |
| [00:13] | What about you, Franklin? | 你呢 富兰克林 |
| [00:14] | No one messes with my hair, man. | 没人能动我的头发 老兄 |
| [00:17] | I was just doing the 10-year update on our will, | 我刚刚在做我们遗嘱十年一轮的更新 |
| [00:19] | and I discovered my parents are still the kids’ guardians | 我发现如果我们发生意外 |
| [00:21] | if anything happens to us. | 我父母还是孩子们的监护人 |
| [00:23] | Why did we ever choose them? | 我们当初为什么会选他们 |
| [00:24] | Well, that’s when we thought they were good people, | 当时我们还以为他们是好人 |
| [00:26] | before we discovered that my dad had a secret family | 直到我发现我爸过去40年里 |
| [00:28] | for the last 40 years. | 在外面还有个秘密家庭 |
| [00:30] | Oh, man, that was hilarious! | 天啊 太好笑了 |
| [00:32] | Best Turkey Day ever. | 有史以来最棒的感恩节 |
| [00:35] | Obviously deeply painful for you. | 显然对你来说很痛苦 |
| [00:38] | Taylor doesn’t need a guardian anymore. | 泰勒已经不需要监护人了 |
| [00:39] | Oliver’s almost 18, but we still need one for Anna-Kat. | 奥利弗也快18了 但我们得给安娜凯特找一个 |
| [00:42] | So I was thinking that we each make a list — | 我觉得我们两个都先列张表 |
| [00:44] | Leave me out of this. | 别带上我 |
| [00:46] | That is your area. | 这是你负责的领域 |
| [00:48] | What are you talking about? | 你在说什么 |
| [00:49] | Wills and legal guardians are your area. | 遗嘱和法定监护人是你的领域 |
| [00:52] | Also, paperwork, telling the kids when a pet dies, | 还有文书工作 告诉孩子们宠物死了 |
| [00:54] | and doom and gloom. | 和杞人忧天 |
| [00:56] | The world’s an unpredictable place. | 世界本就是不可预测的 |
| [00:57] | That’s why people have insurance. | 因此人们有保险 |
| [00:58] | And 14 cases of baked beans in the garage. | 还需要在车库里备十四箱烘豆 |
| [01:02] | You laugh, but when society collapses, | 你笑吧 但等社会崩溃时 |
| [01:04] | baked beans will be the currency. | 烘豆会变成硬通货 |
| [01:05] | That’s why this is your area. | 所以这是你的领域 |
| [01:07] | You wake up in the middle of the night | 你在半夜醒过来 |
| [01:09] | worried about dying in a plane crash. | 会担心死于空难 |
| [01:11] | If I wake up in the middle of the night, | 如果我在半夜醒过来 |
| [01:12] | I turn on the TV and watch “Indian Matchmaking.” | 我会打开电视看《印度媒婆》 |
| [01:15] | Feels like I have all the terrible areas. | 感觉所有糟糕的领域都是我负责 |
| [01:17] | What are yours? | 你的领域是什么 |
| [01:20] | Hey, all you real mothers. | 你们好 真正的母亲们 |
| [01:21] | Today I am showing my husband all the sucky things | 今天我要跟我丈夫展示作为一个母亲 |
| [01:24] | that fall under my area as a mother. | 要负责的一些糟糕领域 |
| [01:27] | First up, “Refrigerator Smell Police.” | 首先是 “冰箱气味警察” |
| [01:36] | Still got another week in it. | 还能再放一个星期 |
| [01:38] | Plus, extra probiotics. | 还能有更多益生菌 |
| [01:46] | I don’t know about you mommies, | 我不知道你们是怎么做的 |
| [01:48] | but I have got a whole system for batteries. | 但我有一整套用电池的流程 |
| [01:51] | When the TV remote loses its oomph, | 当电视遥控器失灵了 |
| [01:53] | I put fresh batteries in | 我会把新电池放进去 |
| [01:54] | and shuffle the weak batteries down the line. | 然后把旧电池逐级再利用 |
| [01:56] | It goes kids’ toys, then junk-drawer flashlight, | 顺序是孩子们的玩具 杂物抽屉里的手电筒 |
| [01:59] | then smoke detectors. | 最后是烟雾检测器 |
| [02:00] | So our smoke detectors aren’t working? | 所以我们的烟雾检测器不工作吗 |
| [02:01] | Relax, it’s a rental. | 放心 是租的 |
| [02:02] | But your family isn’t a rental. | 但家又不是租来的 |
| [02:04] | Oh, if only, right? | 是就好了 对吗 |
| [02:19] | Ha. You missed. | 你失手了 |
| [02:21] | This time I won’t. | 这次我不会了 |
| [02:25] | What the hell? Now I have to change! | 搞什么 现在我得换衣服了 |
| [02:28] | Good idea. Start with your face. | 好主意 从脸开始换吧 |
| [02:30] | Stop it, both of you! | 停下 你们俩都是 |
| [02:31] | This is my least favorite area — | 这是我最讨厌的领域 |
| [02:33] | refereeing these two. | 给他俩调解 |
| [02:34] | He started it! | 是他挑起来的 |
| [02:35] | What have you ever started, | 你又干过什么呢 |
| [02:36] | besides the slow death of my brain cells when you talk? | 除了用你的话让我的脑细胞缓慢死亡以外 |
| [02:39] | Hey, instead of always turning on each other, | 你们能不能不要总是惹恼彼此 |
| [02:41] | you are going to support each other. | 你们应该支持彼此 |
| [02:43] | As a matter of fact, you are going to learn | 事实上 你们要去学习 |
| [02:45] | what it means to support family | 支持家庭意味着什么 |
| [02:47] | by hanging your father’s campaign signs around town. | 通过把你们爸爸的竞选标语挂满整个小镇 |
| [02:50] | Aw, honey, thank you — | 宝贝 谢谢你 |
| [02:51] | Because he’s running for City Council for some dumbass reason. | 因为他为了一些很蠢的理由在竞选市议会 |
| [02:53] | A little premature with my gratitude. That’s on me. | 我感激得太早了 怪我 |
| [02:56] | How much trouble will we get in if, like, say, | 我们会惹上麻烦吗 如果 |
| [02:58] | you found these in a trash can two blocks away? | 你在两个街区外的垃圾桶里发现了这些标语 |
| [03:00] | Hypothetically speaking. | 我只是假设 |
| [03:02] | Oh, great job, genius. Now we can’t do that. | 干得好 天才 现在我们没法这么干了 |
| [03:04] | They don’t know that. I said “Hypothetically.” | 他们又不知道 我说了假设了 |
| [03:06] | I can’t believe you, Taylor. | 我简直不敢相信 泰勒 |
| [03:08] | Geez, Mom, fine. | 天啊 妈妈 好吧 |
| [03:09] | We won’t put them in the trash cans. | 我们不会把它们扔到垃圾桶里 |
| [03:11] | No, not that. | 不 不是那个 |
| [03:12] | You actually used the word “Hypothetically” correctly. | 你居然把”假设”这个词用对了 |
| [03:21] | Hey, big guy! | 大块头 |
| [03:23] | Looks like you’re really chewing on something. | 你看起来很忙啊 |
| [03:25] | Franklin shouldn’t you be with Anna-Kat? | 富兰克林 你不是应该跟安娜凯特在一起吗 |
| [03:29] | I needed a little break from the old ball and chain. | 我得从甜蜜的枷锁中喘口气 |
| [03:31] | You know how it is. | 你知道的 |
| [03:32] | Plus, she’s playing cards with her grandma. | 再说了 她现在跟她奶奶打牌呢 |
| [03:36] | As Peter Frampton once said to me on a transatlantic flight, | 就像彼得·弗兰普顿在一次跨大西洋航班中跟我说的 |
| [03:40] | let’s see ’em. | 让我看看它们 |
| [03:44] | Oh, so you have nothing. I have a flush. | 你什么都没有 而我是同花 |
| [03:46] | I win. | 我赢了 |
| [03:47] | Well, you told me to go all-in! | 是你叫我全压的 |
| [03:50] | That was my whole allowance. | 那是我所有的零花钱 |
| [03:52] | You still have Christmas money, don’t you? | 你还有圣诞节红包 不是吗 |
| [03:54] | Let’s play again. | 我们再来 |
| [03:56] | So, what’s going on? | 你在干什么 |
| [03:57] | I’m just trying to figure out if something were to happen | 我只是想弄清楚 |
| [03:59] | to Katie and me, who would take care of… | 如果我和凯蒂出了意外 谁会照顾 |
| [04:02] | Luthor. | 卢瑟 |
| [04:06] | Life, death, animal companions. | 生 死 动物伴侣 |
| [04:08] | You’re dealing with all the big ones. | 你处理的都是大事 |
| [04:10] | Katie and I have always said we want…Luthor | 凯蒂和我一直说我们想 |
| [04:13] | to go to someone in the family, | 在家里找个人照顾卢瑟 |
| [04:14] | but there aren’t a lot of great candidates. | 但是没有很多好的选择 |
| [04:16] | What about Kathryn? | 凯瑟琳怎么样 |
| [04:18] | Would you like a little treat? | 你要吃点东西吗 |
| [04:22] | Yeah, just to take the edge off. | 就用这个来填肚子吧 |
| [04:24] | There you go. Good boy. | 就这样 好孩子 |
| [04:26] | I guess it is just until college. | 我猜得照顾到上大学 |
| [04:28] | Luthor’s going to college? | 卢瑟要去上大学 |
| [04:30] | Oh, he’s not gonna be a student or anything. | 他不会去当学生什么的 |
| [04:32] | He’s just auditing some classes. | 只是旁听一些课程 |
| [04:33] | Oh, that makes more sense. | 更说得通了 |
| [04:37] | God, I love Second Breakfast. | 老天 我爱死二轮早餐了 |
| [04:38] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [04:39] | You know what’s a good follow-up to waffles? | 你知道吃完华夫饼吃什么最好吗 |
| [04:41] | Waffles! | 华夫饼 |
| [04:42] | It’s not just about eating. | 不仅仅因为吃的 |
| [04:43] | It’s about having people to talk to who aren’t named Greg. | 更是因为能跟不姓格雷格的人说话 |
| [04:46] | Or Matt. | 或者马特 |
| [04:47] | Or Siri. | 或者语音助手 |
| [04:49] | I am all alone. | 我孤身一人 |
| [04:51] | But not for long, thanks to you | 但这不会持续太久 多亏了你 |
| [04:52] | swiping my potential egg donors’ names from the fertility clinic. | 从生育诊所里帮我把潜在捐献者的名字偷了出来 |
| [04:55] | Now I have to find out how to meet them in person | 现在我得想办法跟她们见面 |
| [04:57] | so I can make my decision. | 然后才能下决定 |
| [04:59] | You need to stalk their social media. | 你得偷偷关注他们的社交媒体 |
| [05:00] | That’s where you’ll find your answers. | 那里你会找到答案 |
| [05:02] | That feels like an invasion of their privacy. | 这有点侵犯她们的隐私吧 |
| [05:04] | Something else feels like an invasion of privacy. | 有别的东西像是在侵犯她们的隐私 |
| [05:06] | What is it? | 是什么呢 |
| [05:07] | Oh, yeah, you. | 对了 是你 |
| [05:08] | Oh, you’re gonna end up loving me. | 你最后会爱上我的 |
| [05:10] | That’s how it always is. | 每次都这样 |
| [05:11] | Now, exactly who has ended up loving you? | 具体有谁最后爱上你了呢 |
| [05:14] | No one yet. Yet! | 暂时还没有人 是暂时而已 |
| [05:16] | Alright, send me their names. I’ll get right on it. | 把他们名字发给我 我马上查查 |
| [05:18] | How long is that gonna take? | 要多久 |
| [05:19] | Mm-hmm. Alright, here’s what I got. | 好了 我查到了 |
| [05:20] | According to LinkedIn, uh, this one, | 领英说 这位 |
| [05:22] | whose belly I would use as a charcuterie board… | 小腹紧致平坦 我可以当切菜板用的女性 |
| [05:25] | is looking for a job. | 正在找工作 |
| [05:26] | But this one, who, oh, just accepted my friend request | 但这位 她刚通过了我的好友申请 |
| [05:29] | p-poor thing. | 小可怜 |
| [05:31] | Ah, she works at a coffee shop over in Fairfield. | 她在费尔菲尔德的咖啡店工作 |
| [05:33] | – Boom. – Wow. You are amazing. | -搞定 -天 你真厉害 |
| [05:36] | Also a bit terrifying. | 也有点吓人 |
| [05:37] | Aw, you sound like all my exes. | 你的口气好像我所有前任 |
| [05:39] | Let’s go check her out now. | 我们现在就去看看她 |
| [05:41] | Wait, you mean we’re going from Second Breakfast | 等等 你意思是我们从第二顿早餐 |
| [05:42] | to third breakfast? This is the best day ever. | 直落到第三顿早餐吗 今天真是赛高啊 |
| [05:45] | Yeah, hi, hi. | 你好 |
| [05:46] | I have been here almost five minutes, | 我已经坐了五分钟了 |
| [05:48] | and you have not brought me a menu. | 你还没拿菜单给我 |
| [05:51] | Yeah. I didn’t order the attitude. | 我可没点你这狗屁态度 |
| [05:58] | She’s pretty, friendly, | 她很漂亮 友善 |
| [06:00] | and she seemed to give the exact change. | 而且似乎也没找错钱 |
| [06:02] | But I don’t really feel like I have a sense of her. | 但我好像对她没什么认识 |
| [06:04] | Is she smart? Is she athletic? | 她聪明吗 运动神经发达吗 |
| [06:06] | What’s her teeth-to-gum ratio? I don’t want no big-gum baby. | 她的牙和牙龈比例是多少 我可不想要大牙龈宝宝 |
| [06:12] | I’ll go check her out. You hang back. | 我去观察她 你在这等着 |
| [06:14] | If somehow the fertility place finds out what you’re doing, | 如果生育中心发现了你的所为 |
| [06:17] | they will definitely drop you as a client. | 绝对会拒绝你这个客户的 |
| [06:18] | Oh, you’re the best. | 你最好了 |
| [06:19] | I’m naming this baby after you. | 我要用你名字给宝宝命名 |
| [06:21] | Oh, my God. Really? | 天呐 真的吗 |
| [06:23] | Actually, let me think about it. | 其实 让我再考虑一下 |
| [06:24] | Maybe just something with a “K.” | 或许就选个K开头的名字 |
| [06:26] | Don’t hold me to that. | 我不能保证 |
| [06:30] | Hi. I need three lattes — | 我要三杯拿铁 |
| [06:33] | one hot, one iced, and one just warm. | 一杯热的 一杯冰的 一杯温的 |
| [06:36] | Shot of vanilla in the hot one, almond milk in the iced one, | 热的加一份香草糖浆 冰的加杏仁奶 |
| [06:39] | and then the warm one is half-caf. | 温的要半低咖啡因 |
| [06:40] | One hot vanilla latte, one iced almond milk latte, | 一杯热香草拿铁 一杯冰杏仁奶拿铁 |
| [06:43] | and a half-caf latte, warm. | 还有一杯温半低咖啡因拿铁 |
| [06:45] | Is that right? | 对吗 |
| [06:45] | Uh, maybe. | 也许对吧 |
| [06:47] | Quite the memory! | 记性不错 |
| [06:49] | Very smart. | 很聪明 |
| [06:51] | Okay if I pay with coins? | 我可以付硬币吗 |
| [06:57] | Good hand-eye. Athletic. | 手眼协调能力强 运动神经发达 |
| [07:00] | And you’re very pretty. | 而且你很漂亮 |
| [07:02] | Aw. You can thank my grandmother for that. | 这多亏了我外婆 |
| [07:04] | Oh, you got her genes. | 你遗传了她的美貌 |
| [07:05] | No, I got her money. | 不 是继承了她的遗产 |
| [07:07] | When she died, I used it to spruce myself up. | 她死后 我用她的钱去整容了 |
| [07:10] | I did my lips, nose, boobs, butt, tummy. | 我做了丰唇 隆鼻 隆胸 丰臀和瘦肚子 |
| [07:12] | Even got my webbed feet taken care of. | 连蹼足都矫正了 |
| [07:14] | It must be nice to finally wear flip-flops. | 终于能穿人字拖一定很爽吧 |
| [07:17] | Totally. | 是啊 |
| [07:18] | And I know Grandma will look down on me and smile | 我知道外婆从天上看见我有朝一日 |
| [07:20] | when I achieve my dream of getting on “The Bachelor.” | 实现了上《单身汉》真人秀的梦想 也会笑的 |
| [07:24] | Sorry, you just failed a test | 抱歉 你刚没通过 |
| [07:25] | you didn’t even know you were taking. | 你不知道正在进行的测试 |
| [07:27] | But I’ll watch for you on “The Bachelor,” | 但我会看你在《单身汉》的精彩表现的 |
| [07:28] | then “Bachelor in Paradise,” Then “Big Brother,” | 然后是《天堂单身汉》 《老大哥》 |
| [07:31] | then “Road Rules,” Then “Celebrity Rehab.” | 《道路规则》和《名人康复所》 |
| [07:34] | Thanks. | 谢啦 |
| [07:37] | Welcome. Can I help you? | 欢迎 有什么能帮你的 |
| [07:39] | Our dad is running for City Council. | 我们爸爸要竞选市议员 |
| [07:41] | Would it be alright if we put his campaign sign | 我们能把他的竞选标牌 |
| [07:43] | up in your store? | 放在你店里吗 |
| [07:44] | Sure, anywhere you want. | 可以 随便放哪都行 |
| [07:48] | Hand me some tape. | 给我胶带 |
| [07:49] | Throw a “please” on there, and I might. | 如果你礼貌点 没准我会给你 |
| [07:51] | Please hand me some tape. | 麻烦你给我胶带 |
| [07:53] | – No. – Give me that. | -不给 -快给我啦 |
| [07:54] | No, don’t tell me what to do! | 不 别对我指手画脚 |
| [07:59] | You two are terrible. | 你们太糟糕了 |
| [08:01] | I’m not interested in putting that sign up in my store | 我没兴趣在店里摆那个牌子 |
| [08:03] | or voting for a man who raised such awful children. | 也没兴趣投票给教出这种没家教小孩的男人 |
| [08:07] | Can’t argue with that. | 我没法争辩 |
| [08:13] | There you are! | 你在这啊 |
| [08:15] | Ugh! Damn it, Greg. | 该死 格雷格 |
| [08:16] | I have told you about sneaking up on me. | 我不是说过别偷偷在背后靠近我吗 |
| [08:18] | This is why we decided I shouldn’t have a gun. | 所以我们才决定我不该有枪 |
| [08:20] | Sorry. I’m just kind of stuck on the guardian search. | 抱歉 我就是在找监护人这问题上卡住了 |
| [08:22] | That is your area. | 那是你的领域 |
| [08:24] | I’ve gathered that, but this is a big deal. | 我知道 但这事很重要 |
| [08:26] | – Maybe together — – I don’t want to talk about it. | -也许我们一起的话… -我不想聊这个 |
| [08:28] | Yeah, but I’ve gone through everyone, and the way I see it — | 但我问过所有人了 在我看来… |
| [08:30] | You don’t seem to be getting it, so let me make this clear. | 你似乎没弄明白 我来跟你说清楚 |
| [08:38] | Come on. I could use your input. | 别这样 我需要你的意见 |
| [08:39] | Not my area! | 这不是我的领域 |
| [08:40] | You’re acting like a child. | 你表现得很幼稚 |
| [08:41] | La! La! La! La-la! La! La! La! | 啦啦啦 啦啦啦 |
| [08:48] | Greg, I can’t be interrupted. | 格雷格 我不能被打断 |
| [08:49] | I really want to finish this chapter. | 我真的很想看完这一章 |
| [08:51] | That’s your book safe where you keep your Krackel bars. | 那是你的书保险箱 用来放你的巧克力棒的 |
| [08:54] | We need to talk about this. | 我们得好好谈谈 |
| [08:56] | – I can’t. – Why? | -我没法谈 -为什么 |
| [08:57] | Because thinking about who Anna-Kat will go to | 因为思考谁来当安娜凯特的监护人 |
| [09:00] | means thinking about my baby being raised by someone else, | 意味着想象我的宝贝被其他人抚养大 |
| [09:03] | about her growing up without a mom and dad. | 想到她的成长过程没有爸爸妈妈 |
| [09:06] | It’s too painful. | 这太痛苦了 |
| [09:07] | It upsets me, too, | 我也不开心 |
| [09:09] | but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to deal with it. | 但那不代表我们不用去处理 |
| [09:11] | You ignored that $60 parking ticket. | 你无视了那张60块的违停罚单 |
| [09:12] | – Now it’s like $800. – Oh, damn. | -现在罚金滚成800块了 -该死 |
| [09:14] | I really should pay that. | 我真该去付钱了 |
| [09:16] | Eh, I’ll do it later. | 迟点再去吧 |
| [09:17] | The way I see it, our only option is Kathryn. | 在我看来 我们唯一的选择是凯瑟琳 |
| [09:23] | Luthor’s pretty smart. | 卢瑟很聪明啊 |
| [09:26] | Sit! | 坐下 |
| [09:30] | Still better than my mom. | 还是比我妈强 |
| [09:32] | I’m not thrilled about her either. | 我也不认为她是理想人选 |
| [09:34] | Before I even think of signing off, | 在我考虑签字前 |
| [09:37] | we’re going to test her. | 我们得先测试她 |
| [09:38] | That’s a great idea. | 这主意很棒 |
| [09:40] | Who knows? She might surprise us. | 谁知道呢 没准她会给我们惊喜 |
| [09:41] | Oh, she’s good at that. | 她的确很擅长给人惊吓 |
| [09:43] | In high school, I walked in on her making out with my boyfriend. | 高中那会儿 我撞见她和我男朋友亲热 |
| [09:46] | I was very surprised. | 我真是惊吓极了 |
| [09:59] | Okay, to care for a child, you need the three N’s. | 要照顾孩子 需要做到三件”育”结尾的事 |
| [10:02] | You have to be able to nourish, nurture, and nicely protect. | 必须对孩子进行养育 培育和安全教育 |
| [10:06] | I fudged the last one to make them all N’s. | 最后一项是我编的 为了全是”育”结尾 |
| [10:09] | I’m getting kind of hungry. | 我肚子有点饿 |
| [10:11] | First up — nourish. | 首要的是 养育 |
| [10:14] | Well, why doesn’t Grandma make you some lunch? | 不如外婆给你做午饭 |
| [10:16] | Wouldn’t that be fun? | 肯定会很有意思 |
| [10:18] | Oh, sure. | 好啊 |
| [10:19] | I’ll make you my favorite low-calorie lunch. | 我会给你做我最喜欢的低卡午餐 |
| [10:25] | Uh…Diet Coke, celery, | 无糖可乐 芹菜 |
| [10:28] | and a thimble-full of cottage cheese. | 再配一点点乡村芝士 |
| [10:33] | That doesn’t sound very good. | 听起来不怎么样啊 |
| [10:34] | Wrong. | 错 |
| [10:36] | Celery is the perfect food. | 芹菜是最完美的食物 |
| [10:38] | You burn more calories chewing it than you get from it. | 嚼芹菜消耗的卡路里比吃芹菜摄入的还高 |
| [10:41] | Then for dessert | 至于甜点 |
| [10:44] | a nice, deep breath. | 就好好深吸一口气 |
| [10:45] | Or a cigarette when you get older. | 或者等你再长大点可以抽根烟 |
| [10:48] | It’s your body. | 自己的身体自己做主 |
| [10:55] | Sorry I’m late. | 对不起 我来晚了 |
| [10:56] | If you watch one “Ice Road Truckers,” You watch four. | 如果你看一集《冰路前行》 就会忍不住看4集 |
| [10:58] | How’s it going? | 情况怎么样 |
| [10:59] | My potential donor just got here | 我的潜在捐赠人刚到这儿 |
| [11:01] | for her fake interview for Tami’s tape company. | 塔米的胶带公司在假装面试她 |
| [11:03] | If this donor has any skeletons in her closet, | 如果这个捐赠人有什么见不得人的秘密 |
| [11:05] | Tami will find them. | 塔米肯定找得到 |
| [11:06] | She figured out a guy in our old neighborhood | 她推测在我们以前住的街区 |
| [11:08] | was a serial killer. | 有个男人是连环杀手 |
| [11:10] | Turned out he was just a lonely man who worked nights, | 结果他只是一个晚上工作的孤独男人 |
| [11:12] | but the cops came and everything. | 但警察什么的都出动了 |
| [11:15] | So, what would you say would be your greatest weakness? | 你觉得你最大的缺点是什么 |
| [11:18] | Would you be on to me if I said I love tape too much? | 如果我说我太爱胶带了 你会怀疑我吗 |
| [11:22] | I would, but I’d still fall for it. | 会 但我还是愿意相信你 |
| [11:24] | Yeah. | 好 |
| [11:26] | Your résumé is really impressive. | 你的简历很惊艳 |
| [11:28] | Just a few final questions. | 最后问几个问题 |
| [11:29] | Does your family have any hereditary baldness, | 你的家族有没有秃头 |
| [11:31] | mental illness, or drug addiction? | 精神疾病 和药物上瘾的遗传史 |
| [11:32] | Yes, yes, and yes. | 有 有 也有 |
| [11:35] | Uh, the interview’s for a receptionist. | 这个面试是招聘前台 |
| [11:37] | Are these appropriate questions? | 问这些问题是不是不合适 |
| [11:39] | You’re right. | 你说得没错 |
| [11:39] | I’m so sorry if I was unprofessional. | 如果我表现得不够专业 我向你道歉 |
| [11:42] | You want to go to the bathroom and smoke a doobie? | 你想去卫生间抽根大麻烟吗 |
| [11:44] | I’m sorry, but I don’t want this job. | 对不起 但我不想应征这份工作了 |
| [11:46] | Thank you for your time. | 感谢你抽时间来面试我 |
| [11:52] | Well, she cut that kind of short. | 她提前结束面试了 |
| [11:54] | Did you really think | 你真的以为 |
| [11:55] | she was gonna go to the bathroom with you and do drugs? | 她会和你去卫生间吸毒吗 |
| [11:57] | You have drugs? | 你有毒品吗 |
| [11:57] | Well, maybe she thought I was an undercover cop. | 也许她以为我是名卧底警察 |
| [11:59] | I get that a lot. | 很多人都这么以为 |
| [12:00] | Oh, she left her keys. I’m gonna try to catch her. | 她把钥匙落这了 我去追她 |
| [12:04] | I, uh — I was joking, officer. | 我开玩笑的 警官 |
| [12:06] | No drugs for me. I’m a good boy. | 我不要毒品 我是个好孩子 |
| [12:08] | Unless you’re not a cop and you do have drugs. | 除非你不是警察 你有毒品 |
| [12:10] | Then I am a very, very… bad boy. | 那我就是个非常非常坏的孩子 |
| [12:17] | So your mom tells me someone at school’s been bad-mouthing you. | 你妈妈跟我说学校里有人在背后说你坏话 |
| [12:20] | Yeah. | 是的 |
| [12:22] | Chardonnay Linstrum. | 霞多丽·林斯特姆 |
| [12:24] | Here’s what you do. | 你应该这么做 |
| [12:25] | You’ve gotta hit Chardonnay where it hurts. | 你要猛击霞多丽的痛处 |
| [12:28] | Steal her boyfriend right in front of her nose, | 明目张胆地抢她男朋友 |
| [12:29] | then turn to her and say, | 然后再跟她说 |
| [12:31] | “I don’t want him. I just don’t want you to have him.” | “我不喜欢他 我只是不想让你得到他” |
| [12:33] | She doesn’t have a boyfriend. | 她没有男朋友 |
| [12:34] | Oh, well, then just cut the brakes on her bicycle. | 那你就把她自行车的刹车线剪断 |
| [12:38] | Anna-Kat, maybe you should get started on your homework. | 安娜凯特 也许你应该开始写作业了 |
| [12:42] | – See ya, Grandma. – Alright, sweetie. | -再见 外婆 -好的 亲爱的 |
| [12:44] | Don’t do any of that. | 不许那么做 |
| [12:47] | The good thing about the name Chardonnay | 叫霞多丽有一个优点 |
| [12:48] | is she won’t have to change it when she becomes a stripper. | 等她当了脱衣舞娘 就不用改名字了 |
| [12:53] | So, she can’t nourish or nurture. | 所以她既养育不好又培育不好 |
| [12:56] | Let’s not give up yet. | 先别放弃 |
| [12:57] | We still have the last “N” — nicely protect. | 我们还有最后一个”育” “安全教育” |
| [12:59] | Nicely protect? That’s so lame. | “安全教育” 这名称也太烂了 |
| [13:02] | You came up with it. | 是你想的 |
| [13:03] | Oh, yeah. I like it. | 是 我喜欢这个名字 |
| [13:10] | Mom’s gonna kill us if we don’t hang these signs up. | 如果我们不挂这些牌子 妈妈会杀了我们 |
| [13:12] | Let’s get this done | 我们把这事搞定 |
| [13:12] | so I don’t have to spend all day with you. | 这样我就不用一整天都和你在一起了 |
| [13:14] | Dummy says what? | 笨蛋说什么 |
| [13:15] | – What? – It’s just too easy. | -什么 -赢你太容易了 |
| [13:24] | Lindsey? | 琳赛 |
| [13:25] | Oliver, hi. | 奥利弗 嗨 |
| [13:27] | I did not recognize you at first. | 我一开始都没认出来你 |
| [13:30] | You changed your hair. | 你换了发型 |
| [13:31] | – I like it. – Thanks. | -我喜欢 -谢谢 |
| [13:33] | W-When did you get back into town? | 你什么时候回来的 |
| [13:34] | I thought you said you wouldn’t be home from college until summer. | 我记得你说过你夏天才会从大学回家 |
| [13:37] | Actually, um, I’ve been here for a few days. | 其实 我回来有一段日子了 |
| [13:41] | You should’ve texted me, | 你应该给我发短信的 |
| [13:43] | hit me up with the beep-boop-beep-boop. | 电话联系我 |
| [13:45] | Sorry. I was going to, but, um… | 对不起 我本来是要发的 但是 |
| [13:48] | No problem. What are you doing tomorrow? | 没问题 你明天有事吗 |
| [13:49] | I cannot promise as much fun as when we went to prom, | 我不敢保证会像参加毕业舞会那么有趣 |
| [13:52] | but I’ll do my best. | 但我会全力以赴的 |
| [13:54] | Tomorrow is really booked. | 我明天没时间 |
| [13:55] | How about the day after? | 那后天呢 |
| [13:57] | I’m sorry, Oliver, I’m only back in town for a little while | 对不起 奥利弗 我就回来待几天 |
| [14:00] | and I’ve got a lot of people to see. | 我还要见很多人 |
| [14:02] | Okay, yeah. | 好的 |
| [14:03] | That’s okay. I’m super busy, too. | 没事 我也超级忙 |
| [14:06] | I’ve got school stuff, | 我要忙学校的东西 |
| [14:07] | before-school stuff, after-school stuff. | 忙校前的事情 校后的事情 |
| [14:10] | It’s quite a bit of school… and stuff. | 就是很多学校的事情 |
| [14:13] | Well, it was good seeing you. | 见到你很开心 |
| [14:17] | Hi, Taylor. | 你好 泰勒 |
| [14:23] | Dude, that was rough. | 兄弟 刚才有点难堪啊 |
| [14:24] | Thanks. Didn’t notice. | 谢谢 你不说我都没注意到 |
| [14:27] | I’m sorry. | 我很遗憾 |
| [14:28] | I know you really liked her. | 我知道你以前很喜欢她 |
| [14:30] | We’ve been talking since she went away to college. | 她去大学后我们也有保持联系 |
| [14:32] | Not anything serious, | 没认真说过什么 |
| [14:34] | but I thought she at least kind of liked me. | 但我本以为她对我多少有点好感 |
| [14:36] | I feel so stupid. | 我觉得自己好蠢 |
| [14:38] | You’re not stupid. | 你不蠢 |
| [14:39] | She is if she doesn’t realize how awesome you are. | 如果她没意识到你有多好 那她才蠢 |
| [14:42] | It’s okay. You don’t have to say that. | 没事 你不用说这种话 |
| [14:43] | I mean it. She’s totally missing out. | 我是认真的 是她错过你 |
| [14:46] | And if it helps, I know how you feel. | 如果有帮助的话 我知道你的感受 |
| [14:48] | I finally got the nerve to go for coffee with Andre, | 我终于鼓起勇气和安德烈一起喝咖啡 |
| [14:51] | the TA I’ve been flirting with all semester, | 就是那个和我调情一学期的助教 |
| [14:54] | and I run into Trip. | 然后我碰到了特里普 |
| [14:55] | And he’s there with some girl from work. | 然后他和一个女同事也在那 |
| [14:57] | Yeah, what’s going on with that? | 那是怎么回事 |
| [14:58] | No idea. | 我不知道 |
| [15:00] | We haven’t talked about it. It’s super weird. | 我们还没谈过这件事 感觉非常怪 |
| [15:03] | Look, I know you would never purposely hurt Trip. | 听着 我知道你从没想过故意让特里普受伤 |
| [15:07] | So whatever you decide, I’ve got your back. | 所以无论你做什么决定 我都支持你 |
| [15:15] | We actually had a nice interaction. | 我们真的有了一次良好的沟通 |
| [15:16] | Yeah, look at that. | 是啊 我们做到了 |
| [15:18] | Lindsey’s hair looked stupid. | 琳赛的发型很蠢 |
| [15:19] | And I’m sure the girl Trip was with had stupid hair, too. | 我敢说跟特里普在一起的女生发型也很蠢 |
| [15:23] | I would give you a supportive hug right now, | 现在我本可以给你一个支持的拥抱 |
| [15:25] | but that’d be so lame. | 但那样也太烂俗了 |
| [15:26] | Yeah, really not cool. | 是啊 确实不酷 |
| [15:30] | We could, and then make fun of each other afterward? | 我们可以抱 然后再拿这个开彼此玩笑 |
| [15:32] | I’m in. | 可以 |
| [15:39] | – Loser. – Dork. | -废物 -呆子 |
| [15:41] | That’s better. | 这样好多了 |
| [15:44] | You know what? | 你知道吗 |
| [15:45] | Feels like we’re putting too much pressure | 我觉得我们对测试凯瑟琳这件事 |
| [15:46] | on these Kathryn tests. | 施加太大的压力了 |
| [15:48] | Yeah. All she really has to do is keep Anna-Kat safe. | 没错 她只要保证安娜凯特的安全就好 |
| [15:51] | That’s right. They’re at the park right now, | 是的 她们现在在公园 |
| [15:52] | and I don’t hear any sirens, so I think we’re good. | 而我没听到任何警笛声 所以应该还好 |
| [15:58] | – Where’s Anna-Kat? – Well, at the park. | -安娜凯特在哪儿 -在公园 |
| [16:00] | You told me to take her there. | 你让我带她去的 |
| [16:03] | And you just left her? You’re supposed to stay! | 你就把她留在那了 你应该留下陪她啊 |
| [16:05] | Well, you never said anything about staying. | 你从没说过任何让我留下的话 |
| [16:08] | Well, I would never have agreed to take her | 我要是知道 |
| [16:10] | – if I’d known that. – Oh, my God. | -肯定不会同意带她去的 -天啊 |
| [16:12] | So you think it’s okay to just leave a little girl | 所以你觉得让那么小的小女孩自己留在公园 |
| [16:13] | alone at the park?! | 没问题吗 |
| [16:15] | The way that your voice is getting all high-pitched | 你声音变得又尖又高 |
| [16:17] | tells me you don’t think it is. | 告诉我你不这么觉得 |
| [16:24] | Wonder where he’s off to in such a hurry. | 不知道他这么着急去哪儿 |
| [16:38] | I can’t believe she left Anna-Kat at the park. | 我不敢相信她把安娜凯特留在公园 |
| [16:40] | I got her. She’s safe. | 我接到了她 她很安全 |
| [16:42] | There was a minor freak-out on the car ride home, but… | 回家路上 在车里有次小崩溃 但… |
| [16:44] | she calmed me down. | 她让我平静下来了 |
| [16:46] | I told you that my mom was a bad idea. | 我跟你说了我妈不靠谱 |
| [16:48] | We just have to make sure that neither one of us ever dies. | 我们只需确保我们俩谁也别死 |
| [16:51] | So start chewing your cereal a little quieter. | 所以现在开始 嚼麦片的时候小点声 |
| [16:54] | That’s the biggest threat to your life that I see. | 依我看 那是对你生命最大的威胁 |
| [16:55] | Amazing. | 太棒了 |
| [16:57] | Oh, you have to do my hair like this every day. | 你得每天都这么帮我弄头发才行 |
| [17:00] | Okay. | 好啊 |
| [17:03] | I love you, Grandma. | 我爱你 姥姥 |
| [17:04] | Oh, I love you, too, kiddo. | 我也爱你 孩子 |
| [17:07] | We forgot the most important “N.” | 我们忘了最重要的一点 |
| [17:09] | Love. Well, look at that. | 就是”爱” 看啊 |
| [17:12] | Maybe my mom is the perfect choice. | 也许我妈是完美的选择 |
| [17:15] | I always wanted a little girl. | 我一直想要个小姑娘 |
| [17:17] | Well, maybe not perfect, but fine. | 也许谈不上完美 但够了 |
| [17:25] | Can we talk to you for a second, Mom? | 我们能和你谈一下吗 老妈 |
| [17:27] | Okay, so I-I took $20 out of your wallet. | 好了 我确实从你钱包里拿了20块 |
| [17:31] | I was gonna put it back. | 我准备放回去的 |
| [17:32] | Not that. | 不是那个 |
| [17:33] | Greg and I have been thinking about it, | 我和格雷格一直在想 |
| [17:35] | and we have decided that if anything were to happen to us, | 现在我们决定了 如果我们俩发生意外 |
| [17:38] | you would be the best person to be Anna-Kat’s guardian. | 你将是最适合安娜凯特的监护人 |
| [17:44] | Are you out of your minds? | 你们俩疯了吗 |
| [17:47] | There is no way I’m taking Anna-Kat. | 我绝不可能抚养安娜凯特的 |
| [17:50] | God, I thought I was a bad parent. | 天啊 我还觉得自己是个坏家长呢 |
| [17:51] | You two are even worse, trying to pawn her off on me. | 你们俩更糟 想把她甩给我 |
| [17:54] | But she loves you, Mom. | 但她爱你 老妈 |
| [17:55] | That is the most important thing. | 那是最重要的 |
| [17:57] | Look, and I love her, too. | 听着 我也爱她 |
| [17:58] | But I am done raising kids. | 但我受够养孩子了 |
| [18:01] | Now, I will go and visit her in the, uh — | 我会去探望她的 |
| [18:03] | oh, what is that place where they put kids | 他们把没有父母的孩子 |
| [18:05] | who don’t have any parents? | 送去的那个地方叫什么来着 |
| [18:07] | The orphanage? | 孤儿院 |
| [18:08] | Yes, the orphanage. | 对 孤儿院 |
| [18:11] | Okay, guess we’re back to making sure that we don’t die. | 好吧 看来我们回到确保我们俩别死这块了 |
| [18:14] | Relax. | 别担心 |
| [18:15] | You guys can totally die whenever you want. | 你们想什么时候死都行 |
| [18:18] | I’m 19. | 我19了 |
| [18:18] | If anything happens, I’ll take care of Anna-Kat. | 如果发生任何意外 我会照顾安娜凯特的 |
| [18:21] | And I’ll be there to help. | 我也会去帮忙的 |
| [18:23] | Really? You guys would do that? | 真的吗 你们愿意这么做吗 |
| [18:26] | Of course. | 当然 |
| [18:27] | Siblings take care of each other. | 兄弟姐妹会互相照顾的 |
| [18:28] | And if you two croak soon, I think we have a chance | 而且如果你们俩很快就死 我们应该还有机会 |
| [18:30] | of really turning the kid around. | 让那孩子回到正道上 |
| [18:32] | Of course. The kids! | 当然了 孩子们 |
| [18:34] | Yes. | 是的 |
| [18:35] | Nobody can take better care of this family than this family. | 没有人能比这个家更好地照顾这个家 |
| [18:39] | It was right in front of us the whole time! | 正确答案一直都在我们眼前 |
| [18:40] | I’m so proud of you guys. | 我真为你们感到骄傲 |
| [18:42] | Now that I know that Anna-Kat is going to be | 现在我知道安娜凯特 |
| [18:43] | in the best of hands, I can go back… | 会被好好照顾 我能回到 |
| [18:46] | to looking forward to death. | 等死的状态了 |
| [18:48] | Okay, I took Luthor for a walk. | 我带卢瑟出去散步了 |
| [18:52] | Where is he? | 它在哪儿 |
| [18:53] | What, I have to stay with the dog, too? | 什么 我跟狗也得待在一块吗 |
| [19:03] | How about Taylor and Oliver getting along? | 谁能想到泰勒和奥利弗也能好好的呢 |
| [19:06] | I just wanted them out of the house | 我只是不想让他们俩在房子里 |
| [19:07] | because they were annoying me, but it actually worked. | 因为他们太烦人了 但竟然管用 |
| [19:11] | I’m the best mother of all time. | 我真是有史以来最棒的母亲 |
| [19:12] | I don’t get any credit at all? | 我没有任何作用吗 |
| [19:13] | Nope, credit’s my area. | 没有 称赞是我的领域 |
| [19:15] | Your area is pretending like you’re not checking out | 你的领域是在看皮克斯电影时 |
| [19:17] | the moms in the Pixar movies. | 假装没有看其他美女妈妈 |
| [19:20] | Yeah, I notice. | 没错 我注意到了 |
| [19:28] | I want some new areas. | 我想要些新领域 |
| [19:30] | I don’t know. Your areas are pretty sexy — | 我说不好 你的领域多性感啊 |
| [19:32] | keeping us all safe, making sure there’s food on the table, | 保证我们的安全 确保餐桌上有食物 |
| [19:35] | being the man of the house. | 成为一家之主 |
| [19:36] | Can we say “Person of the house”? | 我们改成”一家之人”怎么样 |
| [19:38] | – Less sexy. – Right. Continue. | -没那么性感了 -没错 继续 |
| [19:40] | You being so good at your areas | 你对你的领域那么拿手 |
| [19:42] | makes me want to give you access to my areas. | 让我想给你些接近我的领域的权限了 |
| [19:45] | Yeah? | 是吗 |
| [19:46] | Yeah. | 是的 |
| [19:48] | Luthor just dropped a dead rat on my pillow! | 卢瑟在我枕头上扔了一只死老鼠 |
| [19:52] | That’s your area. | 那是你的领域 |
| [19:53] | Go get it, person of the house. | 去吧 一家之人 |
| [20:03] | I have chosen Jillian as my egg donor. | 我选了吉莉安作为我的卵子捐献认 |
| [20:05] | Based on what? Not getting high with Tami? | 基于什么 不跟塔米一起吸毒吗 |
| [20:08] | Well, she is Korean, which will make my parents happy, | 她是韩国人 这会让我父母高兴 |
| [20:11] | and on top of that, I really like her. | 另外 我真的很喜欢她 |
| [20:13] | When I brought her keys, we had a quick chat. | 我给她钥匙时 我们简短地聊了聊 |
| [20:14] | I thought we agreed that it was dangerous for you | 我以为我们已经达成共识 |
| [20:16] | to interact with her. | 你和她接触很危险 |
| [20:17] | Oh, it was only for a second. | 只是很短地聊了聊 |
| [20:18] | Turns out she went to Yale on a tennis scholarship, | 发现她因为网球奖学金去了耶鲁 |
| [20:21] | so my kid will be smart and athletic. | 所以我的孩子会又聪明又会运动 |
| [20:23] | Plus, she’s a great singer. | 另外 她歌声很美 |
| [20:24] | You got all that from handing her her keys? | 你给她钥匙就知道了这么多 |
| [20:26] | No! We met up at a piano bar later. | 不 我们之后在一个钢琴酒吧见面了 |
| [20:28] | After our third martini, we sang every song from “Annie.” | 喝了三杯马天尼之后 我们唱了歌单上的所有歌 |
| [20:31] | The crowd went crazy. Not in a good way. | 人们都疯了 不是好的那种 |
| [20:33] | So you went on a date? | 所以你跟她约会了 |
| [20:34] | No! I just wanted one-on-one time | 不 我只是想有个一对一的时间 |
| [20:36] | so I could find out more about her. | 让我更了解她 |
| [20:39] | Did you tell her you were gay? | 你告诉她你喜欢男人了吗 |
| [20:40] | – No, it didn’t come up. – Did you pay for her drinks? | -不 没提到 -你付了酒钱吗 |
| [20:42] | – Of course I did. – You were on a date. | -当然 -你跟她约会了 |
| [20:44] | No, I wasn’t. We were just having fun. | 不 我没有 我们只是玩乐 |
| [20:46] | I walked her to her car, kissed her on the cheek, | 我送她上车 亲了她的脸颊 |
| [20:48] | and we’re going out to dinner on Friday night. | 我们周五晚上会出去吃晚餐 |
| [20:50] | Oh, my God. | 天啊 |
| [20:51] | I’m dating my future child’s egg donor! | 我在跟我未来孩子的卵子捐赠人约会 |
| [20:54] | Nice, bro. Killin’ it. | 真不错 哥们 |
| [20:57] | Oh, that’s her. | 是她 |
| [20:59] | Hey, babe. | 亲爱的 |
| [21:00] | Oh, my God. I can’t stop. | 天啊 我停不下来 |