| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:03] | Oliver. Your math book looks sad. | 奥利弗 你的数学书看起来很难过 |
| [00:05] | You know why? Because it’s got so many problems. | 你知道为什么吗 因为有太多问题了 |
| [00:09] | You don’t need to tell a dad joke | 你不用通过讲老爸笑话 |
| [00:10] | to remind us you’re a dad. | 来提醒我们你是老爸 |
| [00:11] | Your new cellphone belt clip tells us that. | 你的新手机皮带夹已经告诉我们了 |
| [00:14] | You can get to it quick | 你能快速拿起手机 |
| [00:14] | in case there’s a history emergency. | 以免出现历史突发事件 |
| [00:17] | Hi, it’s Greg Otto. | 你好 我是格雷格·奥图 |
| [00:18] | You want to be a history professor | 你想成为历史教授 |
| [00:20] | but your sweater’s not bulky and outdated enough? | 但你的毛衣不够笨重过时 |
| [00:23] | I’ve got plenty! | 我有很多 |
| [00:24] | And with every order, I’ll tell you one thing | 每订购一件 我就会告诉你一个 |
| [00:26] | that was in Lincoln’s pockets when he died. | 林肯死时在他兜里的物品 |
| [00:29] | A button. | 一粒纽扣 |
| [00:31] | Don’t make fun of Dad. | 别取笑老爸 |
| [00:32] | He buys these outdated sweaters | 他买这些过时的毛衣 |
| [00:33] | ’cause he spends every dime | 是为了把钱花到家人身上 |
| [00:35] | giving his family the best life he can. | 给我们提供最好的生活 |
| [00:37] | No, I actually like these sweaters. | 不 实际上我喜欢这些毛衣 |
| [00:38] | Take the olive branch, amigo. | 有台阶就下吧 朋友 |
| [00:41] | – What are you guys doing? – Making fun of Dad. | -你们干什么呢 -取笑老爸 |
| [00:43] | What have I said about making fun of your father? | 关于取笑老爸这事 我说过什么 |
| [00:45] | Wait until you’re in the room. | 等你在房间时再取笑 |
| [00:47] | That’s okay. Nothing is gonna get me down. | 没关系 什么都不会让我生气的 |
| [00:49] | Tami is moving to Westport. | 塔米搬到西港来了 |
| [00:52] | – Who’s Tami? – She’s from our old block. | -塔米是谁 -她是我们原来街区的 |
| [00:53] | She’s the greatest. | 她最棒了 |
| [00:54] | She held my hand through the tough times. | 她陪我度过了艰难的时光 |
| [00:56] | When Taylor had colic, | 在泰勒腹绞痛时 |
| [00:58] | when Oliver wouldn’t sleep-train, | 在奥利弗不肯接受睡眠训练时 |
| [00:59] | when Dad grew that Mario Brothers mustache. | 在老爸留了马里奥兄弟式胡子时 |
| [01:02] | I always hoped it would turn into a beautiful butterfly. | 我一直希望那会变成一只美丽的蝴蝶 |
| [01:06] | See? It’s so much nicer making fun of Dad together. | 看 一起取笑老爸 就更好玩了 |
| [01:17] | Hey, mommies! | 妈妈们 |
| [01:18] | I want to introduce a new exciting guest — | 我想介绍一位令人激动的新客人 |
| [01:21] | my best friend from my old neighborhood: | 我原来街区最好的朋友 |
| [01:23] | – Tami Gaines! – Hi! | -塔米·格恩斯 -你们好 |
| [01:25] | You don’t have to get that close, baby. | 你不用离那么近 亲爱的 |
| [01:26] | Oh, no. I was just checking to see if I had something in my teeth. | 不 我只是看看牙上有没有东西 |
| [01:29] | I do. | 确实有 |
| [01:30] | This lady right here | 这位女士 |
| [01:32] | is the closest thing to a mommy vlog | 是在出现妈咪播客之前 |
| [01:34] | before there were mommy vlogs. | 最接近妈咪播客的了 |
| [01:35] | She taught me everything I know about being a tough mom. | 她教会了我成为强势的妈妈所需要的一切 |
| [01:39] | It’s not a tough mom. | 不是强势的妈妈 |
| [01:40] | It’s a good mom. | 是伟大的妈妈 |
| [01:41] | Kids need boundaries. | 孩子们需要界限 |
| [01:43] | And sometimes a strong over-the-counter antihistamine. | 有时也需要强效的非处方抗组织胺 |
| [01:47] | Tami knows what she is talking about. | 塔米知道她在讲什么 |
| [01:49] | She has raised two amazing kids, now in college, | 她养育了两个超棒的孩子 现在在读大学 |
| [01:53] | and an adorable 8-year-old named Grace. | 还有一个非常可爱的八岁孩子格蕾丝 |
| [01:56] | Yeah, my youngest one was an accident. | 是的 我最小的孩子是个意外 |
| [01:58] | When our last kid left the house, | 当我们最后一个孩子离开家 |
| [01:59] | my husband and I finally had the place to ourselves. | 我和我老公终于有二人世界了 |
| [02:02] | We watched “Ocean’s Eleven,” and that Andy Garcia! | 我们看了《十一罗汉》 那个安迪·加西亚啊 |
| [02:06] | Remember when we would pretend | 还记得我们曾经每周六晚 |
| [02:07] | to go to mommy class every Saturday night? | 都假装去妈咪课堂吗 |
| [02:09] | But instead, we made a beeline to the Foxwoods Casino. | 但实际上 我们直接去了狐林赌场 |
| [02:11] | Not to gamble. | 不是去赌博 |
| [02:12] | We would just take naps in those comfy sportsbook loungers. | 我们只是在舒服的躺椅上打盹 |
| [02:15] | Oh, how about that time | 还记得那次 |
| [02:16] | those Eagles fans painted us green? | 老鹰乐队的粉丝们把我们涂成绿色 |
| [02:17] | We never woke up. | 我们根本没醒 |
| [02:20] | She taught me parenting rule number three: | 她教会我做父母的规则三 |
| [02:22] | always put “Damn” in front of things. | 总是在话前边加一个”该死的” |
| [02:24] | “Pick your damn shoes up.” | “把你该死的鞋捡起来” |
| [02:25] | “Make your own damn breakfast.” | “自己做你该死的早餐” |
| [02:27] | I may be a real mother, | 也许我是真正的母亲 |
| [02:29] | but this is the realest mother of them all. | 但她是所有人中最真实的母亲 |
| [02:33] | – That’s the damn truth. – Still got it. | -那真是妈的实话 -实力依旧 |
| [02:35] | – You’re damn right. – Okay, that’s enough. | -你说得真他妈的对 -好了 够了 |
| [02:37] | I only get six “Damns,” | 我只有六次的限额 |
| [02:38] | or I lose my family-friendly rating. | 不然我就不是家庭友善的评级了 |
| [02:42] | It’s so cool you’re doing a vlog. | 你做播客好棒啊 |
| [02:44] | I wish I had more subscribers, but I’m working hard on it. | 希望我能有更多订阅者 但我在努力 |
| [02:47] | I have more Twitter followers than Oliver, | 我推特上的关注者比奥利弗多 |
| [02:48] | but not as many as Taylor. | 但比泰勒少 |
| [02:50] | That girl is not afraid to show her feet. | 那孩子什么都不怕 |
| [02:53] | Well, you got to keep at it. | 你得坚持下去 |
| [02:55] | Matt and I didn’t get discouraged when we started our small business, | 我跟马特开始我们的小生意时没有灰心过 |
| [02:58] | and look at me now. | 现在再看我 |
| [02:59] | These holes? Put there by a designer. | 这些洞 是设计师放上去的 |
| [03:03] | I still can’t believe that you came up | 我还是不敢相信 |
| [03:05] | with easy-to-rip packaging tape. | 你做出了轻易可撕的包装胶带 |
| [03:07] | If you figured out how to do that with bras, | 如果你搞明白了怎么做这样的胸罩 |
| [03:08] | you would make a lot of teenage boys happy. | 你会让很多十几岁的男孩们非常高兴的 |
| [03:12] | I spilled. | 我弄洒了 |
| [03:13] | Grace! | 格蕾丝 |
| [03:14] | Don’t worry about it, honey. | 别担心 亲爱的 |
| [03:16] | That couch has so much cereal underneath those cushions, | 那沙发上的靠垫下边都是麦片 |
| [03:18] | it’s about time someone added milk. | 也是时候加点牛奶了 |
| [03:20] | Well, here, let me help. | 我来帮忙 |
| [03:21] | I got it. Don’t worry. You go. | 我来就行了 别担心 你去吧 |
| [03:23] | Okay. Well, thank you. | 好吧 谢谢你了 |
| [03:24] | Grace and I still have some boxes to unpack. | 我和格蕾丝还有一些行李没有拆 |
| [03:26] | I’m gonna go stare at them for a second, | 我要回去盯着看一会儿 |
| [03:28] | get overwhelmed, and come right back. | 被烦死 然后马上回来 |
| [03:33] | Don’t forget, after school today, | 别忘了 今天放学后 |
| [03:34] | I need you to be in my vlog. | 我的播客需要你 |
| [03:36] | All you do is embarrass me. | 你只会让我难堪 |
| [03:38] | I promise, I won’t. | 我保证不会的 |
| [03:40] | Maybe I will talk about when you were little | 也许我会讲讲你小时候 |
| [03:43] | and you used to call Wheat Thins “Weenas.” | 你总是把麦子薄饼叫成”麦麦”[英语发音近似唧唧] |
| [03:45] | It was cute, but it was awkward at the supermarket | 是很可爱 但当你在超市里大喊唧唧 |
| [03:47] | when you would scream for weenas. | 还是会有点尴尬 |
| [03:50] | No! | 不 |
| [03:51] | Some kids at school found your vlog, | 学校里有人发现了你的播客 |
| [03:53] | and now they’re making fun of me. | 他们现在会取笑我 |
| [03:55] | How would you feel | 如果我讲了你的糗事 |
| [03:56] | if I told embarrassing stories about you? | 你会有什么感受 |
| [03:59] | Remember when you split your leggings at Costco? | 还记得你在好市多紧身裤裂开的事吗 |
| [04:02] | Who doesn’t wear underwear with leggings? | 谁穿紧身裤的时候不穿内裤啊 |
| [04:04] | That’s why I was at Costco. To get underwear. | 所以我才去好市多 去买内裤 |
| [04:06] | You have an annoying answer for everything, don’t you? | 你对所有事都有讨厌的回答是不是 |
| [04:09] | I can do this all day, baby. | 我可以这样一整天 亲爱的 |
| [04:18] | I give you the basement. | 这就是地下室 |
| [04:20] | You were right! | 你说得对 |
| [04:21] | Oliver and Cooper have the best room in the house! | 奥利弗和库珀的房间确实是整个房子里最好的 |
| [04:24] | Before I convinced Cooper to give up his credit cards, | 在我说服库珀放弃信用卡之前 |
| [04:26] | I should have had him buy me that giant outdoor Yahtzee set. | 我真该让他给我买那套巨大的快艇骰子 |
| [04:29] | It’s called “Yardsie.” | 那叫做”快骰” |
| [04:31] | You don’t have to tell me. I read SkyMall. | 你不用告诉我 我也看《空中百货》 |
| [04:34] | How do you work this massage chair? | 这个按摩椅怎么用 |
| [04:36] | Let’s try this remote. | 我们试试这个遥控器 |
| [04:39] | Nope. | 不是 |
| [04:43] | Keep on pressing, baby. | 继续按 宝贝 |
| [04:44] | I want a disco ball. | 我想要个迪斯科灯球 |
| [04:54] | Okay, before you get mad, I’d love a gimlet. | 好吧 你生气之前 我想喝杯螺丝锥 |
| [05:01] | Oliver! Cooper!! | 奥利弗 库珀 |
| [05:04] | What’s going on? | 怎么了 |
| [05:05] | Have you been in the bathroom this whole time? | 你一直在卫生间里吗 |
| [05:07] | Yeah. I was using the Japanese toilet. | 是的 我在用那个日本马桶 |
| [05:09] | Did you know the seat has a warmer, | 你知道马桶圈上有加热器吗 |
| [05:10] | and if you sit there long enough, | 而且如果你在上面坐很久 |
| [05:11] | it’ll ask if you’re okay? | 它还会问你是否还好 |
| [05:13] | I know this sounds weird, | 我知道这听起来很奇怪 |
| [05:14] | but I think we’re actually becoming friends. | 但我觉得我们开始成为朋友了 |
| [05:17] | Where did that come from? | 那是从哪儿来的 |
| [05:18] | Our 17-year-old and his idiot friend are drinking. | 我们17岁的儿子和他的笨蛋朋友在喝酒 |
| [05:23] | This is that George Clooney tequila! | 这是乔治·克鲁尼龙舌兰 |
| [05:25] | This is expensive! | 这超贵的 |
| [05:26] | And this is the wine I couldn’t afford | 这是我们周年纪念时 |
| [05:27] | to buy you on our anniversary. | 我买不起的那瓶酒 |
| [05:29] | Remember when the waiter told me how much it costs, | 还记得服务员告诉我多少钱时 |
| [05:31] | and I had to tell him I just realized we were in AA? | 我只能跟他说刚想起来我们在戒酒吗 |
| [05:33] | I’m going to go find Oliver and Cooper. | 我要去找奥利弗和库珀 |
| [05:35] | I’ve been rewatching “Dexter.” | 我在重看《嗜血法医》 |
| [05:36] | I’ve got a few murder techniques | 我有几个杀人的小技巧 |
| [05:38] | that I’ve been wanting to try out. | 一直想试一试 |
| [05:45] | They’re not upstairs. | 他们不在楼上 |
| [05:46] | – They’re not outside either. – Good. | -他们也不在外边 -好极了 |
| [05:48] | This is gonna give us time to research military schools. | 给了我们更多时间来研究军校 |
| [05:50] | And not one of the good ones. | 而且不是那种好的军校 |
| [05:51] | The ones that get closed down after “60 Minutes” | 是那种《60分钟》做了揭露报道后 |
| [05:53] | does an exposé on them. | 被关闭的那种 |
| [05:54] | Guys. That is not the way to go. | 各位 这样不是办法 |
| [05:57] | The more you push back, the more they’ll party. | 你推得越紧 他们越反抗 |
| [05:59] | Then they’ll just learn to hide it better. | 然后他们会隐藏得更好 |
| [06:00] | But we can’t just let Oliver and Cooper drink! | 但我们不能放任奥利弗和库珀喝酒 |
| [06:03] | I agree. | 我同意 |
| [06:05] | But there are other ways. | 但还有其他办法 |
| [06:08] | Guide me, sensei. | 引导我吧 老师 |
| [06:09] | Okay, first, you leave them a clue | 好的 首先 给他们留个线索 |
| [06:12] | to let them know you know about the booze. | 让他们知道你知道酒的事了 |
| [06:19] | Looks like someone moved a bottle. | 看起来有人动了瓶子 |
| [06:21] | No way. | 不可能 |
| [06:22] | No one could have found the bar. | 没人能找到吧台 |
| [06:24] | What’s this? | 这是什么 |
| [06:27] | It’s a Walgreens coupon | 这是格林药房的优惠券 |
| [06:29] | for 50 cents off pomegranate lip balm! | 买石榴味润唇膏可以减50分 |
| [06:31] | You know what this means? | 你知道这意味着什么吗 |
| [06:32] | That someone’s both thrifty and chapped? | 有人嘴唇干裂而且节约吗 |
| [06:34] | No! My mom’s been here! She knows! | 不 我妈来过 她知道了 |
| [06:37] | What are we gonna do? | 我们该怎么办 |
| [06:37] | Please tell me you had them build the El Chapo escape tunnel. | 拜托告诉我你让他们挖了逃生隧道 |
| [06:39] | I did, but it’s not finished! | 我让了 但还没完成 |
| [06:40] | They’re still putting down the mosaic floor! | 他们还在弄镶嵌地板 |
| [06:42] | I knew one day your impeccable eye for design | 我就知道你无可挑剔的设计审美 |
| [06:43] | would come back to bite us in the ass. | 迟早会回来害了我们 |
| [06:45] | And once they know we know, that’s when we drop the hammer? | 等他们知道我们知道了 我们就重重一击 |
| [06:48] | No. What you do next is… | 不 你下一步 |
| [06:51] | nothing. | 什么都不做 |
| [06:52] | Let ’em squirm. | 让他们恐慌 |
| [06:54] | The long wait for you to come down on them with the punishment | 他们等待你的惩罚这个过程 |
| [06:57] | is the punishment. | 就是惩罚 |
| [06:58] | Smart. | 聪明 |
| [06:59] | The scariest monsters in the movies | 电影里最吓人的怪物 |
| [07:00] | are the ones you don’t see. | 就是你看不见的怪物 |
| [07:01] | Like climate change. | 就像气候变化 |
| [07:02] | We’re not doing that right now, Greg. | 我们现在不做那个 格雷格 |
| [07:11] | I guess we could take | 我们做了这么久作业 |
| [07:11] | a little break from our homework. | 可以稍微休息一下了 |
| [07:13] | Is that what we were supposed to be doing? | 我们本该在做作业吗 |
| [07:15] | I was trying to come up with nicknames for myself. | 我一直在给自己起昵称 |
| [07:17] | All I have so far is “Cheeseburger Larry.” | 我现在只想出了”奶酪汉堡拉里” |
| [07:21] | One thing I have found is that kids love screen time. | 我发现一点 孩子们很喜欢屏幕使用时间 |
| [07:25] | Maybe too much. | 也许太多了 |
| [07:26] | Who are you talking to? | 你在跟谁说话 |
| [07:27] | You guys. | 跟你们 |
| [07:28] | I see that you’re playing video games. | 我发现你在玩电子游戏 |
| [07:30] | My suggestion would be to do your homework first. | 我的建议是先做作业 |
| [07:34] | That’s good time management, mommies. | 那才是好的时间管理 妈妈们 |
| [07:37] | “Mommies” is my new pet name for you two. | “妈妈们”是我给你们新起的爱称 |
| [07:46] | Care to explain this? | 想解释一下吗 |
| [07:48] | I, um… | 我… |
| [07:50] | I got nothin’. | 我无话可说 |
| [07:53] | Franklin? | 富兰克林 |
| [07:57] | Katie Otto? | 凯蒂·奥图 |
| [07:59] | You’ve been served. | 你被传唤了 |
| [08:01] | – A cease and desist order? – Yes. | -制止令 -是的 |
| [08:03] | You are no longer allowed to use images of Anna-Kat Otto | 在没有安娜凯特·奥图的书面许可证明的情况下 |
| [08:05] | without her express written permission. | 你不得再使用她的肖像 |
| [08:07] | How did you even get this? | 你从哪儿弄来的 |
| [08:09] | My mom’s Church Leader, Bob. | 我妈妈的教堂领导 鲍勃 |
| [08:10] | He keeps a stack of them on his desk. | 他桌子上有一摞 |
| [08:12] | He gets a lot from Taylor Swift. | 是泰勒·斯威夫特给他的 |
| [08:14] | He uses her music in his recruitment videos. | 他在他的招聘视频里使用了她的音乐 |
| [08:22] | Remember, I have my Monday night faculty meeting, | 记得 我有周一晚上的教师会议 |
| [08:24] | so I won’t be home for dinner. | 所以不回来吃晚饭了 |
| [08:26] | And you need to find a ride home from school. | 你需要从学校找人送你回来 |
| [08:27] | How will I ever get home | 我不听着星船合唱团 |
| [08:28] | without listening to Jefferson Starship? | 怎么能回家呢 |
| [08:30] | Ha ha. Very funny. | 真好笑 |
| [08:37] | Good morning. | 早上好 |
| [08:39] | Heyyy. | 嗨 |
| [08:41] | How are you boys feeling? | 你们觉得怎么样 |
| [08:44] | Good? | 不错 |
| [08:45] | Good! Good. | 不错 不错 |
| [08:47] | Glad to hear that. | 你们这么说我很开心 |
| [08:53] | Coop, let’s make ourselves useful | 库珀 我们去干点活吧 |
| [08:54] | and deep-clean the kitchen. | 彻底打扫一下厨房 |
| [08:55] | Yeah. Love that idea. | 好啊 好主意 |
| [08:57] | I’m kinda itching | 我手都痒了 |
| [08:59] | to dust the tops of those, uh, curtain rods. | 想去给那些窗帘杆擦擦灰 |
| [09:01] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [09:06] | Soon, the guilt will kick in, | 很快 在愧疚感的作用下 |
| [09:08] | and they’ll do anything to get on your good side | 他们会做一切能讨好你的事 |
| [09:10] | to lessen the punishment. | 以减轻对他们的惩罚 |
| [09:12] | And as a bonus, they’ll develop an aversion to alcohol | 还有个额外的好处 他们会对酒精产生抵触情绪 |
| [09:14] | because they’ll associate it with stress. | 因为酒精带给他们压力 |
| [09:16] | – You’re amazing! – And the best part is — | -你太棒了 -最妙的是 |
| [09:19] | That wasn’t the best part?! Greg! | 那还不是最妙的部分吗 格雷格 |
| [09:20] | There’s a better part! | 还有更妙的部分 |
| [09:22] | Eventually, they’ll confess, | 最终 他们会承认错误 |
| [09:24] | and you guys will have all that fancy liquor to yourselves. | 那些高级酒就全都归你们了 |
| [09:27] | You can drink it, sell it, | 你们可以喝 可以卖 |
| [09:29] | give it to your good friend Tami | 还可以送给你们的好朋友塔米 |
| [09:30] | as a thank-you for this great plan. | 以此感谢她的这个绝妙计划 |
| [09:33] | No pressure, but that last idea — | 不要有压力 但最后一个想法 |
| [09:36] | I like that one. | 我喜欢 |
| [09:36] | We’re gonna have a real bar! | 我们要有真正的酒吧了 |
| [09:38] | Not three half-bottles of Bloody Mary mix | 不用再把3个半瓶的血腥玛丽预调酒 |
| [09:39] | next to the 409 under the sink. | 放在水池下厨房清洁剂的旁边了 |
| [09:45] | Oliver and Cooper are deep-cleaning | 奥利弗和库珀现在在彻底清理 |
| [09:46] | behind the refrigerator right now. | 冰箱后面 |
| [09:48] | They found an old pizza bagel, | 他们找到一块贝果披萨 |
| [09:50] | my AAA card, and Greg’s beret, | 我的汽车联盟卡 还有格雷格的贝雷帽 |
| [09:51] | which now I have to hide someplace else. | 现在我得换个地方藏了 |
| [09:53] | Rule nine, psychological torture works. | 第九条 精神折磨很有效 |
| [09:56] | It just does. | 真的很有效 |
| [09:57] | Now if you could just help me with Anna-Kat. | 要是你能帮我管管安娜凯特就好了 |
| [09:59] | What’s going on with her? | 她怎么了 |
| [09:59] | She refuses to do my vlog. | 她拒绝帮我录视频博客 |
| [10:02] | Why don’t you just use Grace? | 你为什么不让格蕾丝录 |
| [10:03] | Perfect! | 完美 |
| [10:04] | And this’ll give me a chance to get to know her. | 还能给我一个了解她的机会 |
| [10:06] | I mean, it’s not like I can physically force | 我又不能强行逼迫 |
| [10:08] | Anna-Kat to do my vlog. | 安娜凯特帮我录视频博客 |
| [10:09] | She’s already lawyered up. | 她已经请律师了 |
| [10:11] | He’s only 11, but he makes me nervous. | 他只有11岁 却能给我紧张感 |
| [10:19] | Hey, Fiona, can you give me a ride home? | 菲奥娜 你能送我回家吗 |
| [10:21] | My dad has a faculty meeting. | 我爸有个教职工会议 |
| [10:23] | Isn’t that your father right there? | 你爸爸不就在那吗 |
| [10:24] | 保罗·瑞佛和评分者乐团 [取自保罗·瑞佛和奇袭者乐团] | |
| [10:27] | Oh. My. God. | 我的天呐 |
| [10:32] | Thank you! | 谢谢 |
| [10:34] | Alright, this next one goes out | 好了 下一首歌 |
| [10:35] | to all you civil warriors out there. | 献给所有的内战战士 |
| [10:36] | It’s called… | 名字叫… |
| [10:37] | “Gettin’ Readys-burg for Gettysburg”! | 《为葛底斯堡战役做好准备》 |
| [10:41] | Oh. My. God. | 我的天呐 |
| [10:43] | He plays here every Monday night | 他每个周一的晚上 |
| [10:45] | with a few other history professors. | 都和其他几个历史教授在这表演 |
| [10:46] | You didn’t know? | 你不知道吗 |
| [10:51] | * July of 1863 * | *1863年的7月* |
| [10:54] | * at 9:00 a.M., * | *某天上午的9点* |
| [10:56] | * there was a battle for breakfast * | *有场有关早餐的战争* |
| [10:58] | * Instead of boiled eggs and ham * | *比起水煮蛋和火腿* |
| [11:00] | * The Union’s in need of a leader with speed * | *联邦军更需要高效的领导者* |
| [11:03] | * Luckily, they had General George G. Meade * | *很幸运 他们有乔治·戈登·米德将军* |
| [11:09] | * We’re parched from rebellions, and a drink’s what we need * | *暴乱让我们的内心干涸 我们需要喝上一杯* |
| [11:12] | * So pour us that tall glass of General Meade * | *那就给我们倒一杯帅气高大的米德将军吧* |
| [11:17] | * We’re gettin’ readys-burg for Gettysburg * | *我们为葛底斯堡战役做好了准备* |
| [11:21] | * Let’s go and headys-burg to Gettysburg * | *葛底斯堡战役让我心潮澎湃* |
| [11:24] | * I’m feeling sweatys-burg from Gettysburg * | *葛底斯堡战役让我感到火热* |
| [11:28] | * ‘Cause history gets me hot * | *因为历史让我热血沸腾* |
| [11:35] | Oh. My. God. | 我的天呐 |
| [11:42] | The gutters are clean. | 房檐的排水槽已经清理干净了 |
| [11:43] | Now we’re going to brush Luthor’s gums. | 现在我们要去给卢瑟清理牙龈 |
| [11:46] | They’re the gutters of the mouth. | 那就是嘴里的排水槽 |
| [11:47] | Why don’t you come over here first? | 你们先过来一下 |
| [11:51] | It’s happening now. | 要问罪了 |
| [11:52] | What’s she gonna do to us? I can’t take this anymore. | 她会怎么惩罚我们 我受不了了 |
| [11:53] | Pull yourself together, dude! | 振作一点 兄弟 |
| [11:56] | Now do me. | 现在换你给我打气 |
| [12:02] | Here we are. | 我们来了 |
| [12:03] | You must be thirsty. | 你们一定渴了吧 |
| [12:05] | Can I get you a drink? | 要喝一杯吗 |
| [12:08] | W-Water’s fine. | 水就行了 |
| [12:09] | Would you like it on the rocks? | 要加冰块吗 |
| [12:11] | I’m… | 你… |
| [12:13] | sorry? | 说什么 |
| [12:14] | Well, I wouldn’t want to give it to you room temperature | 我不想给你们喝室温的水 |
| [12:17] | and hear you two… | 然后听你们… |
| [12:19] | “Whine.” | “抱怨”[音同红酒] |
| [12:20] | Actually, I’m not thirsty anymore. | 其实 我已经不渴了 |
| [12:22] | Me neither. | 我也是 |
| [12:28] | What was that about? | 刚才那是怎么回事 |
| [12:29] | Oh, just messing with the boys’ heads. | 就是跟男孩子们开个玩笑 |
| [12:30] | Cool. | 好吧 |
| [12:34] | Hi, Dad! | 爸爸 |
| [12:35] | How was your after-school meeting? | 你的课后会议开得怎么样 |
| [12:37] | – Fine. – I’m curious — | -挺好的 -我有点好奇 |
| [12:38] | What kind of stuff do you guys talk about? | 你们都谈些什么 |
| [12:40] | Talking points. | 就一些话题 |
| [12:41] | What kind of talking points? | 什么样的话题 |
| [12:43] | Historical ones. | 历史话题 |
| [12:45] | Okay. I’m gonna go upstairs now. | 好了 我要上楼了 |
| [12:46] | Getting readys-burg for bed, huh? | 要为睡眠战役做好准备了吗 |
| [12:54] | What was that all about? | 刚才那是怎么回事 |
| [12:56] | Just messing with Dad’s head. | 就是跟爸爸开个玩笑 |
| [12:57] | Cool. | 好吧 |
| [12:59] | Don’t be pointing that camera at me. | 别用镜头对着我 |
| [13:01] | You’re off the hook. | 我不找你拍了 |
| [13:02] | I got Grace to do my vlog with me. | 我找格蕾丝拍视频博客 |
| [13:03] | She’s actually excited about it. | 她很激动 |
| [13:09] | I didn’t want to say anything in front of her mom, | 我不想在她妈妈面前说什么 |
| [13:11] | but Grace is kind of… | 但格蕾丝有点… |
| [13:14] | difficult. | 难相处 |
| [13:15] | She spilled her milk on the couch on purpose. | 她故意把牛奶撒在沙发上 |
| [13:17] | I’m sure it was an accident. | 我肯定她不是故意的 |
| [13:18] | No, she said, “Watch this,” | 不是 她当时说”看好了” |
| [13:20] | and dumped her milk on the sofa. | 然后就把牛奶撒在沙发上了 |
| [13:22] | And then she said, “Got milk?”, | 然后她说”有牛奶吗”[抖音8月流行话题] |
| [13:24] | which is both mean and outdated. | 既讨人厌又过时 |
| [13:27] | You don’t want to do my vlog, | 你不想帮我录视频博客 |
| [13:29] | and now you’re making up lies about a sweet little girl | 现在你又污蔑那个乖女孩 |
| [13:31] | because you are jealous. | 因为你嫉妒她 |
| [13:32] | I’m telling you the truth. She’s psycho. | 我说的是实话 她是个神经病 |
| [13:35] | There’s no way that she’s a bad kid | 有塔米那种妈妈 |
| [13:36] | – with Tami as her mother. – Suit yourself. | -她不可能是坏孩子 -随便你吧 |
| [13:39] | I shouldn’t even be talking to you without Franklin present. | 没有富兰克林在场 我都不该跟你说话的 |
| [13:44] | Grace? You ready to start? | 格蕾丝 准备好开始了吗 |
| [13:46] | I guess. | 准备好了 |
| [13:51] | Hello, all you real mothers. | 你们好 真正的母亲们 |
| [13:53] | My guest today is the adorable daughter of my good friend | 今天的嘉宾 是我的好朋友兼教我做妈妈的老师 |
| [13:56] | and mom sensei, Tami. | 塔米的可爱女儿 |
| [13:58] | Say hello, Grace! | 跟大家打个招呼吧 格蕾丝 |
| [14:00] | No. | 不要 |
| [14:03] | Someone is a little camera-shy. Okay. | 某人面对镜头有些害羞 好了 |
| [14:06] | Today we are going to learn | 今天我们要学习 |
| [14:07] | how to make lunch with whatever you have that’s about to go bad. | 怎么用快要坏了的食物做午饭 |
| [14:10] | For me, that is an open sleeve of crackers, | 我的材料 有开袋的饼干 |
| [14:12] | cream cheese, and strawberries. | 奶油芝士 和草莓 |
| [14:14] | Doesn’t that sound fun? | 听起来是不是很有趣 |
| [14:15] | I want cake. | 我想吃蛋糕 |
| [14:16] | We all want cake, Grace. | 我们都想吃蛋糕 格蕾丝 |
| [14:18] | But we’re having cracker cream cheese strawberry yummy bites. | 但我们有美味的草莓芝士饼干小点心 |
| [14:22] | Have one. | 尝一个吧 |
| [14:25] | Come on! | 尝尝吧 |
| [14:26] | Show everyone how delicious these treats are. | 让大家看看这些点心有多好吃 |
| [14:31] | There you go. | 这就对了 |
| [14:34] | Here, Luthor! | 过来 卢瑟 |
| [14:36] | Grace, do not give that to the dog. | 格蕾丝 别把这个喂狗 |
| [14:38] | Grace? | 格蕾丝 |
| [14:39] | I said no. | 我说不要 |
| [14:42] | I mean it, Grace. | 我是认真的 格蕾丝 |
| [14:42] | Do not… | 不要… |
| [14:45] | Grace whatever your middle name is Gaines! | 格蕾丝·不知道你中间名叫啥·格恩斯 |
| [14:47] | Next time, have cake. | 下次给老娘准备蛋糕 |
| [14:53] | Not cool, Grace! | 这样不对 格蕾丝 |
| [14:54] | I’m coming, mommies! | 我来了 妈妈们 |
| [14:57] | What a fun guest! | 这位嘉宾真有意思 |
| [15:00] | On tomorrow’s show: | 明天的节目内容是 |
| [15:01] | how do you tell the woman that you have held up | 如何告诉你心目中 |
| [15:03] | as the greatest mother in the world | 全世界最棒的妈妈 |
| [15:04] | that she raised a terrible child? | 她养出一个可怕的小孩 |
| [15:07] | Also, do-it-yourself sparkle slime. | 以及 自己动手做闪闪水晶泥 |
| [15:18] | Thank you so much for letting Grace do the vlog, | 谢谢你让格蕾丝参与我的视频博客 |
| [15:20] | but we did have a couple of incidents. | 但我们发生了几个小插曲 |
| [15:23] | She is very cute, but she’s a little… | 她很可爱 但她有点… |
| [15:26] | Monster? | 熊吗 |
| [15:27] | Yeah. She’s the worst. | 是的 没有比她更熊的小孩了 |
| [15:28] | Why didn’t you tell me? | 你为什么不早告诉我 |
| [15:29] | Honestly, I needed a break. | 老实说 我想喘口气 |
| [15:31] | And you look up to me as this great mom. | 你又仰视我 觉得我是个好妈妈 |
| [15:34] | And now I’m not. | 现在我形象尽毁了 |
| [15:35] | What are you talking about? | 你在说什么 |
| [15:37] | I don’t have the energy to do it anymore. | 我没有精力再去管教她了 |
| [15:39] | Plus, Grace has built up a tolerance | 再说 格蕾丝对非处方抗组胺 |
| [15:41] | to over-the-counter antihistamines. | 已经产生了耐药性 |
| [15:42] | But you just helped me with Oliver. | 但你刚帮我搞定了奥利弗啊 |
| [15:43] | I can handle the older kids, like my boys. | 我能搞定年长些的孩子 比如我儿子们 |
| [15:46] | But when Grace came around, I was exhausted. | 但养育格蕾丝时 我已经身心俱疲 |
| [15:49] | I was busy with my businesses. | 我那时忙着打理我的生意 |
| [15:50] | I didn’t have time to set up the same rules | 没时间给她立之前其他孩子 |
| [15:52] | as I did for the others. | 要遵守的规矩 |
| [15:53] | And Grace never lets up. | 格蕾丝就没有消停的时候 |
| [15:55] | I don’t know what to do with her. | 我不知道该拿她怎么办 |
| [15:57] | I tried to wrap her up in my damn tape, | 我试过用我的胶带把她绑起来 |
| [15:59] | but it was too easy to break out of. | 但她太容易挣脱了 |
| [16:00] | And yet it still holds the boxes closed. | 然而用来贴箱子却极其牢固 |
| [16:02] | I know. That’s why I’m rich. | 我知道 所以我才成了富婆 |
| [16:08] | You know how to deal with her. | 你知道该怎么对付她的 |
| [16:11] | Don’t forget rule 17. | 别忘了第17条规矩 |
| [16:12] | Rule 17. Rule 17. | 第17条规矩 第17条规矩 |
| [16:15] | I’m just so tired. Can’t we go to Foxwoods? | 我太累了想不起来 能不能去快活林赌场嘛 |
| [16:18] | Pretend to take away… | 假装拿走 |
| [16:20] | Something they love. | 他们喜欢的东西 |
| [16:21] | And? | 然后呢 |
| [16:22] | If they start to cry, then you know it’s working! | 如果他们开始哭 你就知道起效了 |
| [16:25] | Yes! That’s it! | 没错 就是这条 |
| [16:29] | Grace? | 格蕾丝 |
| [16:32] | You seem to have an awfully good time with Luthor. | 你好像和卢瑟玩得很开心嘛 |
| [16:34] | He gets me. | 它懂我 |
| [16:35] | It’s a shame you can’t see him anymore. | 可惜你再也见不到它了 |
| [16:37] | Why? | 为什么 |
| [16:38] | Well, you fed him that food that I told you not to give him. | 你喂它吃了我叫你别给它的食物 |
| [16:41] | And that’s not good for him. | 那对它身体不好 |
| [16:43] | If you’re gonna be around pets, you have to be able to listen. | 如果你要和宠物相处 就必须听话 |
| [16:46] | And it doesn’t seem like you’re able to do that, | 你似乎做不到 |
| [16:48] | so Katie’s gonna put Luthor in the office, | 所以凯蒂要把卢瑟关进办公室 |
| [16:51] | and you can’t see him anymore. | 你再也见不到它了 |
| [16:52] | Then can I get my own puppy? | 那我能自己养只小狗吗 |
| [16:53] | Of course, honey. | 当然可以啦 宝贝 |
| [16:54] | Tami! | 塔米 |
| [16:55] | Uh, no! I mean…no. | 不行 语气太重了 不行啦 |
| [16:58] | Because… you don’t listen. | 因为 你不听话 |
| [17:00] | I’m sorry. | 对不起 |
| [17:01] | If I could play with Luthor, I promise to listen. | 如果能让我和卢瑟玩 我保证乖乖听话 |
| [17:04] | That’s more like it. | 这才像话 |
| [17:06] | Is it okay if I throw the Frisbee to Luthor? | 请问我可以朝卢瑟丢飞盘吗 |
| [17:08] | Please? | 拜托啦 |
| [17:09] | Of course, honey. | 当然可以 宝贝 |
| [17:10] | Thank you for asking. | 谢谢你征求我同意 |
| [17:15] | She asked for permission? | 她居然请求许可 |
| [17:17] | And she said please? | 她还说了拜托 |
| [17:19] | You broke her spirit. | 你挫了她的锐气 |
| [17:21] | I’m so proud of you! | 我真为你骄傲 |
| [17:28] | Why didn’t you tell everyone about my band? | 你为什么不告诉大家我玩乐队的事 |
| [17:30] | Because you didn’t want to betray my confidence? | 是因为你不想背叛我的信任吗 |
| [17:32] | No. You’re cute. | 不是 你真天真可爱 |
| [17:34] | I wanted to wait till we’re all together in the same room. | 我想等到我们都聚在同个房间里再说 |
| [17:36] | You know why I kept it quiet? | 知道我为什么绝口不提吗 |
| [17:38] | Because you guys mock me about everything. | 因为你们什么事都嘲笑我 |
| [17:40] | And I get it — dads get made fun of. | 我明白 当爹的就是小丑 |
| [17:42] | But we get sick of it, too. | 但我们也会腻的 |
| [17:44] | So, when I joined the band, I kept it to myself. | 所以我加入乐队时 就没告诉别人 |
| [17:47] | You may not think it, but I have feelings, you know. | 虽然你可能不这么想 但我其实也是会受伤的 |
| [17:53] | Man! This is way less fun when you make me see you as a person. | 这远没有上次你逼我把你当人看那么好玩 |
| [18:02] | Since when do you play bass? | 你几时开始弹贝斯的 |
| [18:04] | I learned in high school. | 我高中时学的 |
| [18:06] | That’s really cool. | 这很酷 |
| [18:08] | So, what other secrets are you keeping from the family? | 你还瞒着我们什么秘密 |
| [18:11] | Even though Anna-Kat’s outgrown it, | 虽然安娜凯特已经过了那个年纪 |
| [18:12] | – sometimes I still watch “Peppa Pig.” – Me too! | -但我有时仍会看《小猪佩奇》 -我也是 |
| [18:14] | I love it when they jump up and down in the muddy puddles. | 我好喜欢看他们在泥坑里上蹦下跳 |
| [18:16] | – It’s so good! – Right? | -好可爱 -就是啊 |
| [18:24] | Hey. Can we talk a second? | 我们能聊聊吗 |
| [18:31] | I’m sorry for saying that you were a difficult child. | 很抱歉我说你是个难搞的熊孩子 |
| [18:34] | After spending time with Grace, | 和格蕾丝相处过后 |
| [18:36] | I now know what one really is. | 我终于知道真正的熊孩子是什么样 |
| [18:39] | Turns out, Tami is not a perfect mom… | 原来塔米不是什么完美妈妈 |
| [18:42] | and I am not one either. | 我也不是 |
| [18:44] | I shouldn’t have forced you to be on my vlog. | 我不该逼你录我的视频博客的 |
| [18:47] | I actually don’t mind being on it so much. | 我其实不太介意去录 |
| [18:49] | I just wish all the stories about me | 我只是不希望我所有故事 |
| [18:51] | weren’t embarrassing ones. | 都是丢人的 |
| [18:53] | I get it. | 我明白 |
| [18:54] | Moving forward… | 从今以后 |
| [18:56] | …you have final say of what I post. | 我发什么内容你说了算 |
| [19:00] | I got here as fast as I could. | 我用最快速度赶来了 |
| [19:02] | Oh, sorry, Mom. I texted him when you walked in, just in case. | 抱歉妈妈 你进来时我发短信叫他来 以防万一 |
| [19:05] | We’re good. | 我们没事了 |
| [19:06] | I’m still billing you for this. | 我还是会让你报销车费的 |
| [19:12] | I haven’t slept. | 我没合过眼 |
| [19:14] | I have this constant gnawing in my stomach. | 我的胃部一直隐隐作痛 |
| [19:17] | And pieces of my hair are falling out. | 我还开始掉头发 |
| [19:20] | Without my hair, I drop from a 10 to a 9! | 没了这头秀发 我就从10分就降到9分了 |
| [19:22] | I know. We’re like mice. | 我知道 我们就像老鼠 |
| [19:23] | And she’s the snake toying with us. | 她就是玩弄我们的那条蛇 |
| [19:25] | Just swallow us whole and barf us up already. | 赶紧把我们生吞了再吐出来得了 |
| [19:28] | That’s it! | 忍无可忍 |
| [19:29] | Mom! Dad! | 妈 爸 |
| [19:31] | What are you doing? | 你要干什么 |
| [19:32] | I’ve had enough. | 我受够了 |
| [19:36] | Hey, fellas. | 孩子们 |
| [19:38] | What’s shakin’? | 咋样了 |
| [19:39] | We know you know. End this already! | 你们明知道的 赶快结束这折磨吧 |
| [19:41] | Yes! We have a bar. We’ve been drinking! | 没错 我们有个酒吧 我们有喝酒 |
| [19:43] | But not even that much. | 但也没喝多少 |
| [19:45] | I just like to hold the snifter in my hand and swirl. | 我只是喜欢举着窄口酒杯摇晃 |
| [19:47] | It’s a WASP thing. | 这是上流美国人爱做的 |
| [19:48] | I’m begging you. Please, punish us. | 求求你们了 快惩罚我们吧 |
| [19:51] | We know underage drinking is wrong | 我们知道未成年饮酒不对 |
| [19:52] | and promise to never do it again. | 保证不会再犯了 |
| [19:54] | Great. | 很好 |
| [19:54] | So we’ll just take that booze off your hands | 那我们拿走你们手上的酒 |
| [19:56] | so you’re not tempted. | 你们就不会再受诱惑了 |
| [19:58] | Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. | 这你不用担心 |
| [19:59] | We poured it down the Japanese toilet. | 我们已经把酒倒进日本马桶了 |
| [20:07] | No! | 不 |
| [20:09] | Oh, well. | 事已至此 |
| [20:09] | I’m gonna drown my sorrows in a 409 Bloody Mary. | 我只好借409血腥玛丽消愁了 |
| [20:12] | Who wants one? | 谁想来一杯 |
| [20:13] | I’ll have a Windex chaser. | 我要杯”清洁剂”追饮[shot后喝的饮品] |
| [20:21] | * Smoke in the sky * | *天空中弥漫硝烟* |
| [20:23] | * Blood all around * | *鲜血四溅* |
| [20:25] | * Robert Lee retreated straight from the grounds * | *罗伯特·李从战场上撤退* |
| [20:28] | * It was a turning point in the Civil War * | *这是内战的转折点* |
| [20:31] | * As they pushed Lee away from Philly * | *他们将李赶出费城* |
| [20:35] | * No cheesesteaks for Lee, showed himself out the door * | *李没芝士牛排吃了 默默退场* |
| [20:39] | * This rebellion is just plain silly * | *这场叛乱蠢得不行* |
| [20:42] | * We’re gettin’ readys‐burg for Gettysburg * | *我们为葛底斯堡一役做好了准备* |
| [20:46] | * Let’s go and headys‐burg to Gettysburg * | *这就出发前往葛底斯堡* |
| [20:50] | * I’m feeling sweatys‐burg from Gettysburg * | *我为葛底斯堡大冒汗* |
| [20:54] | * ‘Cause history gets me hot! * | *因为历史让我热血沸腾* |
| [21:04] | It was so good. | 好棒 |
| [21:09] | What’s his problem? | 他干嘛 |
| [21:09] | I think you upstaged him. | 你可能抢了他的风头 |
| [21:11] | You better pray you never have my class, Otto! | 你最好祈祷不会落入我的班级 奥图 |