| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:00] | You got to love public school — free babysitting | 怎能不爱公立学校 免费的保姆 |
| [00:03] | and a convenient place to throw away my car garbage. | 又方便我扔掉车里的垃圾 |
| [00:06] | You ruined my son’s life! | 你毁了我儿子的人生 |
| [00:09] | Ah, Tara Summers — | 泰拉·萨莫斯 |
| [00:10] | my daughter’s boyfriend’s mother. | 我女儿男友的妈 |
| [00:12] | If I had one free punch for anyone in the world, | 如果在这世上我能随便揍一个人 |
| [00:14] | it would be Bryant Gumbel. | 我会揍布莱恩特·冈贝尔 |
| [00:16] | But if I had two, it would be Tara Summers. | 如果能揍两个人 第二个就是泰拉·萨莫斯 |
| [00:18] | Eyo doesn’t want to be an anesthesiologist anymore. | 埃约不想成为麻醉医师了 |
| [00:21] | He wants to be a cartoon artist. | 他想做卡通画家 |
| [00:23] | He spends the day at your house, | 在你家待了一天 |
| [00:24] | and now he wants to “Follow his dreams.” | 现在他就想”追求他的梦想” |
| [00:26] | Sounds like a real bad seed. | 听起来真是一粒坏种 |
| [00:28] | – Hi, Mom. – Hi, honey. | -妈妈 -宝贝 |
| [00:30] | Mama, can Autumn and I have a playdate? | 妈妈 奥托姆可以和我一起玩吗 |
| [00:32] | Why must all of our children insist on getting along? | 为什么我们的孩子一定要坚持合得来 |
| [00:35] | Of course you can, sweetie. | 当然可以 宝贝 |
| [00:38] | Fine. But it has to be at my house. | 行 一定得在我家 |
| [00:40] | If Autumn spends a day with you, she’ll come back wanting | 如果奥托姆和你待一天 她回家后 |
| [00:42] | to be something awful when she grows up — | 可能会说长大了想做可怕的职业 |
| [00:44] | like a teacher. | 比如说老师 |
| [00:46] | Come on. | 我们走 |
| [00:47] | Hey, Mom, is cool if I catch a ride home with my friends today? | 妈 我今天坐朋友的车回家行吗 |
| [00:51] | Yes. And nice job joining the popular clique. | 好 真不错 能打进受欢迎的小圈子 |
| [00:54] | Did you know I was the most popular girl | 你知道吗 我曾经是五千人高中里 |
| [00:56] | in a high school of 5,000 people? | 最受欢迎的女生 |
| [00:57] | I did, because you talk about it constantly. | 我知道 因为你经常提起 |
| [00:59] | Well! Somebody sounds jealous. | 某人听起来有些嫉妒哦 |
| [01:02] | Have you seen Oliver? | 你看到奥利弗了吗 |
| [01:04] | Yeah, he took the bus to ballet practice. | 他坐巴士去练芭蕾了 |
| [01:07] | I’ve been seen talking to my mom for a really long time, | 我已经和我妈聊天太久了 |
| [01:10] | so I’m gonna go while I still have friends. | 我得趁还有朋友时赶紧撤 |
| [01:14] | Bye, Taylor! Have fun! | 拜拜 泰勒 玩得开心 |
| [01:16] | First day without your blankie! I’m so proud of you! | 第一天不带安全小毛毯 真为你骄傲 |
| [01:20] | Is it possible I came to school for nothing? | 有没有可能我来学校一个孩子也没接到 |
| [01:23] | I’ve achieved what every stay-at-home mom dreams of — | 我实现了所有全职妈妈的梦想 |
| [01:26] | a free afternoon. | 拥有一个自由的下午 |
| [01:28] | I’m going to Target to sit on the lawn furniture! | 我要去百货公司坐在草坪家具上 |
| [01:39] | So that’s why I was never picked first for any team sports. | 所以任何团队体育运动选人时 我从没被第一个选上 |
| [01:42] | Anyways, thanks for listening. | 总之 感谢倾听 |
| [01:46] | Katie. | 凯蒂 |
| [01:47] | Shouldn’t you be picking up Oliver from ballet? | 奥利弗学完芭蕾 你不是要接他回家吗 |
| [01:49] | Oh, crap! I forgot. | 见鬼 我忘了 |
| [01:51] | I’m still a little disoriented | 我在百货公司打盹醒来 |
| [01:53] | from getting woken up from my Target nap. | 还有点迷糊 |
| [01:54] | If they don’t want you to put three lawn chairs together | 他们如果不想让你把三张草坪椅 |
| [01:56] | to form a bed, there should be a sign. | 拼成床 应该竖块牌子 |
| [01:58] | You got to be careful, or they will ban you. | 你得小心 否则人家会禁止你再去 |
| [02:00] | Way ahead of you. I rotate Targets. | 早想到了 我每次去不同分店 |
| [02:03] | – I got to go pick up Oliver. – No, no, no. | -我得去接奥利弗 -等等 |
| [02:05] | Before you leave, | 你先别走 |
| [02:06] | I’m doing a reading of my soon-to-be-published book, | 我要为即将出版的书举办一个读书会 |
| [02:08] | “John Stuart Mill and the Consequences | 《约翰·斯图尔特·密尔 |
| [02:09] | of a Thoroughgoing Empiricist Outlook” — | 与彻底的经验主义展望的后果》 |
| [02:11] | I just like saying it — | 说出来真爽 |
| [02:12] | and I need some help choosing a passage. | 我需要你帮助选章节 |
| [02:16] | Now, this passage | 这一章节 |
| [02:17] | about his marriage to Harriet Taylor works, | 他和哈莉特·泰勒的婚姻应该可以 |
| [02:19] | but feels a little nichey. Don’t you think it’s nichey? | 但感觉有点太过定位 你觉得呢 |
| [02:22] | So nichey. | 太过定位 |
| [02:23] | So then, I considered this passage | 然后我考虑这段 |
| [02:25] | about when Mill was the colonial administrator | 讲米尔在英国东印度公司 |
| [02:27] | in the British East India Company, | 做殖民地管理人 |
| [02:29] | but then I thought — you don’t put | 但我想 预告片里 |
| [02:30] | “Luke, I am your father” in the trailer. | 不能播出”卢克 我是你爹” |
| [02:32] | No, you do not. | 当然不行 |
| [02:34] | So I was wondering, what’s your favorite passage? | 所以我想知道 你最喜欢哪段 |
| [02:38] | Gosh, honey. | 老天 亲爱的 |
| [02:40] | There are just so many that I love. | 我喜欢的太多了 |
| [02:43] | The first one, obviously. | 显然第一章 |
| [02:46] | And the second one… is just… | 还有第二章 真是… |
| [02:56] | You haven’t read my book, have you? | 你还没读我的书对吗 |
| [02:58] | You know if it doesn’t come in magazine form | 你知道如果不是杂志模样 |
| [03:00] | and have pictures of celebrities, | 上面有名人照片 |
| [03:01] | I have no chance of staying awake. | 我不可能保持清醒地看完 |
| [03:04] | I can’t read this right now. I got to go pick up Oliver. | 我现在不能看 我得去接奥利弗 |
| [03:06] | And they say tired driving is just as bad as drunk driving. | 大家都说疲劳驾驶和醉驾一样糟糕 |
| [03:09] | Do you support drunk driving, Greg? | 你支持醉驾吗 格雷格 |
| [03:12] | I didn’t think so. | 我想也是 |
| [03:24] | Drive! Go, go, go! | 开车 快 |
| [03:26] | Did you just try to pull off | 你刚准备在退休前 |
| [03:27] | one last heist before retirement, | 完成最后一单大劫案 |
| [03:28] | but the crew member you trusted the most | 但你最信任的队友 |
| [03:30] | turned out to be working for the feds the entire time? | 原来一直为联邦调查局工作 |
| [03:32] | What?! No! I just want to leave — now! | 什么 不 我只想离开 快 |
| [03:34] | Punch it! | 快开车 |
| [03:37] | Seriously, Oliver, what is going on? | 说真的 奥利弗 出什么事了 |
| [03:39] | Did something happen in ballet? | 芭蕾课上出事了吗 |
| [03:41] | No, I just want to go. | 不 我只想离开 |
| [03:43] | If you won’t talk… | 如果你不说 |
| [03:45] | then I’m gonna ask your teacher. | 我就去问你的老师 |
| [04:02] | Fine. You win. Let’s go home. | 好吧 你赢了 我们回家 |
| [04:04] | Sucker! | 真没用 |
| [04:05] | Let this be a lesson to you — trust no one. | 就当一个教训 不要相信任何人 |
| [04:07] | – Not even your own mother. – That’s a terrible lesson! | -包括你妈 -这算什么教训 |
| [04:11] | Excuse me, Nina? | 打扰下 尼娜 |
| [04:14] | Oliver has been acting a little weird, | 奥利弗表现有点奇怪 |
| [04:17] | and I was wondering if it’s something that I should know about. | 我想知道是否有我需要知道的事 |
| [04:20] | Actually, there was…an incident. | 事实上 的确有件小意外 |
| [04:23] | Oliver was paired up with Gina Tuscadero. | 奥利弗和吉娜·塔斯卡罗分成了一组 |
| [04:25] | The granddaughter of Pinky Tuscadero, | 粉红塔斯卡罗的孙女 |
| [04:27] | which would make her Leather Tuscadero’s grand-niece? | 那她岂不是皮衣塔斯卡罗的侄孙女 |
| [04:30] | Pinky and Leather are fictional characters from “Happy Days.” | 粉红和皮衣是《快乐时光》中的虚构人物 |
| [04:33] | Gina is a real person. | 吉娜是真人 |
| [04:35] | Well, you’re no fun. | 你真没意思 |
| [04:36] | Oliver and Gina were practicing lifts. | 奥利弗和吉娜在练习托举 |
| [04:42] | And right in front of the class… | 然后在全班面前 |
| [04:49] | …he kind of got a lift in his pants… | 他的裤子也在托举 |
| [04:51] | …if you know what I mean. | 你懂吧 |
| [04:53] | Oliver chubbed out? | 奥利弗的小弟起来了 |
| [04:55] | Yes. That’s what I mean. | 对 我是这意思 |
| [04:59] | We’re not talking about this — not now, not ever. | 我们不谈这事 现在不谈 永远不谈 |
| [05:08] | A-Are you smiling? | 你在笑吗 |
| [05:11] | No. | 没有 |
| [05:16] | Why are you so uptight? | 你为什么这么烦躁 |
| [05:18] | I am your mother. I used to bathe you. | 我是你妈 我以前给你洗过澡 |
| [05:20] | Yeah, well, I got new stuff since then. | 后来我又长了东西 |
| [05:24] | Oliver, come on! Let’s talk about this. | 奥利弗 别这样 我们谈谈 |
| [05:27] | There’s nothing to discuss. | 没什么可谈的 |
| [05:28] | I’m never going to ballet again. | 我再也不去上芭蕾课了 |
| [05:31] | What’s wrong with him? | 他怎么了 |
| [05:32] | Remember the deal we made when we decided to have kids? | 记得我们决定要孩子时说好的吗 |
| [05:35] | You handle the vagina questions and I handle the penisy ones? | 阴道问题归你 小弟问题归我 |
| [05:38] | Exactly. | 太对了 |
| [05:41] | We had the best playdate ever. | 我们刚刚度过了最棒的玩伴日 |
| [05:44] | Anna-Kat, tell your mom about it, | 安娜凯特 告诉你妈妈 |
| [05:45] | and don’t leave out any detail. | 别落下任何细节 |
| [05:47] | Well, we went to the petting zoo. | 我们去了宠物乐园 |
| [05:49] | That sounds like fun. | 听起来很有趣 |
| [05:50] | It was fun, but then I learned some pretty disturbing things | 是很有趣 然后我知道了令人相当不安的事 |
| [05:53] | about where meat comes from. | 关于肉的来源 |
| [05:54] | – Oh, no. – Oh, yes. | -不 -是的 |
| [05:56] | And after talking it out with Mrs. Summers… | 在和萨莫斯太太谈过后 |
| [05:58] | That’s me. | 就是我 |
| [05:59] | …I’ve decided to become a vegan. | 我决定做素食者 |
| [06:05] | You bitch. | 你个贱人 |
| [06:07] | Have fun with your daughter’s new lifestyle. | 祝你享受你女儿新的生活方式 |
| [06:10] | P.S. — I literally told her how the sausage is made. | 还有 我告诉她了香肠是怎么做的 |
| [06:13] | Bye. | 拜拜 |
| [06:16] | Anna-Kat’s a vegan. | 安娜凯特成了素食者 |
| [06:24] | The quiet makes me nervous. | 沉默令我紧张 |
| [06:25] | If she is a vegan, | 如果她是素食者 |
| [06:27] | that means I will have to cook two meals every meal. | 就意味着每顿饭我得做两顿饭 |
| [06:30] | It doubles my workload. | 工作量增加一倍 |
| [06:32] | And I don’t want to shop at the weird aisle | 我不想在超市奇怪的 |
| [06:33] | in the grocery store. I hate that aisle! | 货架区购物 我讨厌那个区 |
| [06:35] | They sell soup in boxes. It’s unnatural. | 汤装在盒子里 有违天理 |
| [06:37] | They do have nice lotions, though. | 有些洗液的确不错 |
| [06:39] | Just when you think you have everything under control, | 刚以为一切尽在掌握中 |
| [06:40] | your kids change on you. | 你的孩子又变了 |
| [06:42] | I don’t change! You don’t see me having growth. | 我就不会变 你没看到我长什么 |
| [06:44] | I certainly do not. | 当然没有 |
| [06:46] | I’ll handle Anna-Kat. You talk to Oliver. | 我搞定安娜凯特 你跟奥利弗谈 |
| [06:48] | Got it. | 明白 |
| [06:49] | Wait. What’s wrong with Oliver? | 等等 奥利弗怎么了 |
| [06:51] | He had a moment in ballet class where he was… | 他在芭蕾课上出现了 |
| [06:55] | you at my nana’s funeral. | 你在我奶奶葬礼上的情况 |
| [06:57] | We agreed that was not my fault. | 我们都同意那不是我的错 |
| [06:59] | We were packed in like sardines, and you look sexy in black. | 当时挤的像罐头沙丁鱼 你穿黑色很性感 |
| [07:03] | Anna-Kat, animals are actually happy to be eaten. | 安娜凯特 动物很开心被吃掉 |
| [07:07] | We’re doing them a solid. | 我们是帮它们的忙 |
| [07:08] | Non-vegan food is full of hormones, Mama. | 非素食食品充满了激素 妈妈 |
| [07:11] | Do you want me to get my period when I’m 9? | 我希望我9岁来月经吗 |
| [07:13] | I’m gonna kill Tara Summers! | 我要杀了泰拉·萨莫斯 |
| [07:15] | I am a vegan, I will always be a vegan, | 我是素食者 永远都是 |
| [07:18] | and there is nothing you can do to change my mind. | 你做什么都无法改变我的心意 |
| [07:22] | I’ll give you 10 bucks to stop. | 我给你十块钱放弃 |
| [07:24] | Please. | 拜托 |
| [07:26] | Son, you’re an Otto. | 儿子 你是奥图家的人 |
| [07:28] | That means you’re genetically predisposed to humiliation. | 这意味着你有丢脸的基因 |
| [07:31] | Your cousin Freddy kissed his own mother | 你堂哥弗雷迪亲了他妈妈 |
| [07:33] | because he panicked on a kiss cam at a Knicks game. | 看篮球比赛时被”亲亲镜头”选中让他慌了 |
| [07:36] | Your grandfather Reginald had a lactose issue, | 你爷爷雷金纳德有乳糖不耐症 |
| [07:38] | which ultimately made his roommate, | 最终令他的室友 |
| [07:40] | Donald Whoopie, millions. | 唐纳德·琥碧成为百万富翁 |
| [07:42] | – Your great-grandfather Frederick Otto — – Dad, what’s your point? | -你的曾祖父弗雷德里克 -爸 你想说什么 |
| [07:44] | My point is, they didn’t let those | 我想说 他们没让 |
| [07:46] | embarrassing moments define them. | 这些出丑时刻定义自己 |
| [07:47] | Yeah, but it did define them. | 但这些时刻的确定义了他们 |
| [07:49] | All these years later, | 时到如今 |
| [07:50] | that’s all they’re remembered for, right? | 大家记得他们的就是这些事 对吗 |
| [07:58] | I’m gonna need some time to regroup. | 我需要点时间重新组织下语言 |
| [08:03] | – How did it go? – Awful. You? | -怎么样 -糟糕 你呢 |
| [08:05] | She almost convinced me that cheese has feelings. | 她差点说服我芝士有感觉 |
| [08:07] | – Had to get out of there. – Well, at least only two | -我必须出来 -至少 |
| [08:09] | – of the three kids are — – Hey, guys. | -三个中只有两个… -你们好 |
| [08:11] | What do you think? | 怎么样 |
| [08:12] | Never mind. Three for three. | 当我没说 三个全中 |
| [08:14] | So you like it? | 你们喜欢 |
| [08:15] | What has gotten into you? | 你什么毛病 |
| [08:17] | You are not allowed to dye your hair | 你不先获得同意 |
| [08:19] | without asking for permission. | 不能染头发 |
| [08:20] | Uh, I’m pretty sure I can, because I just did. | 我确信我可以 因为我染了 |
| [08:22] | – And it’s my hair! – That is not your hair! | -这是我的头发 -那不是你的头发 |
| [08:24] | As long as you live in this house, it’s my hair. | 只要你还住在这个家 那就是我的头发 |
| [08:27] | Everything you have is mine! | 你拥有的一切都是我的 |
| [08:29] | Your liver? I’m letting you borrow it. | 你的肝 我让你借着用的 |
| [08:31] | You could at least admit it’s cute. | 你至少可以承认很可爱 |
| [08:32] | Cute?! It’s not cute! | 可爱 一点也不可爱 |
| [08:36] | A pig in a skirt — that’s cute! | 小猪穿裙子才叫可爱 |
| [08:39] | These girls are killing me! | 这些姑娘真是气死我了 |
| [08:41] | I need to lie down. | 我需要躺下来 |
| [08:42] | Where are you going? | 你去哪里 |
| [08:44] | Target. | 百货公司 |
| [08:49] | My girls are growing up and not bending to my will. | 我的女儿们长大了 不听我的话 |
| [08:51] | They’re forming their own…opinions. | 她们有了自己的意见 |
| [08:55] | It’s your fault, Katie. | 这是你的错 凯蒂 |
| [08:56] | You always ask them “What’s the matter?” | 你总是在他们哭的时候问 |
| [08:58] | when they’re crying. | 怎么啦 |
| [08:59] | Personally, Katie, I don’t see what’s wrong | 在我看来 凯蒂 你的孩子们 |
| [09:01] | with your children being their own people. | 有自己的想法 没什么不对 |
| [09:02] | – Surprise, surprise. – What? | -好意外啊 -怎么了 |
| [09:04] | Taylor is just trying to be popular, | 泰勒只是想受欢迎 |
| [09:05] | and Anna-Kat is just showing some independence. | 安娜凯特只是表现出独立 |
| [09:08] | Who invited lesbian Dr. Phil to breakfast? | 谁邀请女同菲尔医生来吃早餐的 |
| [09:11] | Uh, just because I care about my kids’ feelings… | 我关心我孩子的感受又怎样 |
| [09:13] | Yeah, so dumb. | 真是愚蠢 |
| [09:15] | You’re dealing with a full-on uprising. | 你面对的是全面叛乱 |
| [09:17] | You can’t talk things through with them. | 你不能通过谈话解决问题 |
| [09:19] | You need to crush them before your house | 你得碾压他们 以免你家 |
| [09:21] | – becomes like Angela’s. – Um, my house | -变得跟安吉拉家一样 -我的家 |
| [09:23] | is a safe space where everyone is allowed | 是个安全空间 每个人都可以 |
| [09:24] | to openly express their truths. | 公开表达自己的真心话 |
| [09:28] | Kids! | 孩子们 |
| [09:30] | I respect that you enjoy spraying water in the house, | 我尊重你们喜欢在房子里喷水 |
| [09:33] | but I’ve asked you to stop, | 但我要求过你们停止 |
| [09:35] | and now I’m feeling a little unheard. | 现在我感觉你们有点无视我 |
| [09:39] | I can see you’re not in a place to discuss the issue right now, | 我可以看出来你们现在不想讨论这个问题 |
| [09:42] | so we can talk about it at bedtime. | 我们睡前再谈 |
| [09:43] | Which is, as always, at your discretion. | 当然 你们自己决定 |
| [09:47] | So yeah, I’m a good mother. | 没错 我是个好妈妈 |
| [09:50] | – But your story didn’t prove — – I’m a good mother. | -但你的故事并没有证明 -我是好妈妈 |
| [09:54] | Kids, line up! | 孩子们 排队 |
| [09:58] | You are all going to start behaving right now. | 从现在开始你们要乖乖听话 |
| [10:01] | Okay, Mom, I’ll dye my hair back. | 好的 妈妈 我会把头发颜色洗掉 |
| [10:03] | And I’ll eat meat again. | 我会继续吃肉 |
| [10:04] | And I’ll stop with the erections. | 我不会再勃起 |
| [10:05] | Yes! | 太棒了 |
| [10:06] | I’m the best mom ever. | 我是世上最棒的妈妈 |
| [10:08] | So, which passage? | 哪一章 |
| [10:10] | Oh, God! I must’ve fallen asleep. | 老天 我肯定睡着了 |
| [10:12] | Come on, Katie. What’s your favorite passage? | 凯蒂 你最喜欢哪章 |
| [10:15] | I don’t need to pick a passage. | 我不需要选 |
| [10:17] | I know everything about this guy. | 我了解这家伙的一切 |
| [10:19] | You don’t even know his name. | 你连他的名字都不知道 |
| [10:21] | You keep calling him “Rod Stewart Mill.” | 你一直叫他罗德·斯图尔特·米尔 |
| [10:23] | Mom, my phone’s not working. | 妈 我电话坏了 |
| [10:25] | Get your keys. We need to go get a new one. | 拿上车钥匙 我们得买新的 |
| [10:27] | What is wrong with you? | 你怎么了 |
| [10:28] | Why are you just standing there?! | 你为什么站着不动 |
| [10:30] | This is my life, and I’m being cut off! | 这是我的人生 我断线了 |
| [10:32] | I’m missing things! | 我错过了好多 |
| [10:33] | Well, Taylor, since you’re doing what you want with your hair, | 泰勒 既然你对你的头发为所欲为 |
| [10:36] | I’m doing what I want with my phone. | 那么我对我的手机也为所欲为 |
| [10:38] | You see, it’s mine, because I paid for it, | 手机是我的 是我付钱买的 |
| [10:40] | so I turned the service off. | 我把机停了 |
| [10:42] | You are the worst! | 你是最坏的 |
| [10:44] | A couple of days without her cellphone — | 几天没手机 |
| [10:46] | that just might do it. | 可能管用 |
| [10:48] | And just to be sure… | 为了确保… |
| [10:51] | Where’s all my stuff?! | 我的东西呢 |
| [10:53] | If you’re old enough to dye your own hair, | 如果你年纪大到可以染头发 |
| [10:54] | then you’re old enough to get your own stuff! | 你就可以买自己的东西 |
| [10:56] | – You got rid of all her things? – I did. | -你清空了她的东西吗 -是的 |
| [10:59] | Everything? Her bed, her dresser? | 所有的 床 梳妆台 |
| [11:00] | – All of it’s in the garage. – How did you — | -全在车库 -你怎么… |
| [11:02] | You know how when a child is stuck under a car, | 你知道孩子被困在车下 |
| [11:04] | a mother’s love can give her superhuman strength? | 母爱可以让母亲力大无比 |
| [11:06] | Turns out, it also kicks in when a mother’s really pissed. | 原来 母亲非常生气时也一样 |
| [11:10] | And you. | 还有你 |
| [11:11] | You’re coming with me to shop for your very own dinner. | 你跟我一起去为你的晚餐购物 |
| [11:14] | That sounds like fun. | 听起来很有趣 |
| [11:15] | Sorry, Katie. I just can’t get my head around this. | 抱歉 凯蒂 我想不明白 |
| [11:17] | That dresser’s 200 pounds. | 梳妆台重200磅 |
| [11:18] | Rage, Greg. It makes me strong. | 格雷格 愤怒令我强壮 |
| [11:28] | Welcome to Hell. | 欢迎来到地狱 |
| [11:30] | This aisle is filled with all sorts of vegan nightmares. | 这个货架区充满了各种素食噩梦 |
| [11:33] | Here’s some deodorant that doesn’t work, | 这里有不管用的除臭剂 |
| [11:35] | something called yeast butter, | 还有东西叫酵母黄油 |
| [11:36] | and — ooh — a guy with his hair in a bun. | 还有 扎丸子头的男人 |
| [11:38] | He looks homeless, but he’s spending 15 bucks on hemp milk. | 看起来无家可归 但他花15块买大麻牛奶 |
| [11:42] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [11:43] | For dinner, I was thinking | 晚餐做什么呢 我在想 |
| [11:46] | I’ll just fill this thing with this slimy stuff. | 把这个黏黏的东西塞进这个东西里 |
| [11:49] | As long as it didn’t have parents, I’ll eat it. | 只要它们没爸妈 我就吃 |
| [11:52] | Excuse me. | 不好意思 |
| [11:53] | Everything in this aisle is just so natural. | 这个货架区的一切都是纯天然 |
| [11:55] | Ugh. I need a bath and a turkey leg. | 我需要洗个澡外加火鸡腿 |
| [11:58] | Katie Otto, in my aisle, buying tofu. | 凯蒂·奥图 在我的货架区买豆腐 |
| [12:02] | Give it a rest, Tara. | 省省吧 泰拉 |
| [12:03] | No, it’s still fun. | 不 依然很好玩 |
| [12:05] | Anna-Kat, did you know that leather comes from cow skin? | 安娜凯特 你知道皮革是从牛身上剥下来的吗 |
| [12:08] | Your mother’s purse used to be an animal. | 你妈妈的包以前是动物 |
| [12:11] | Oh. No. Not this purse. | 不 这个不是 |
| [12:14] | Excuse me. | 不好意思 |
| [12:16] | Would you please get that blue jar of Veganaise for me? | 麻烦帮我拿一下那个蓝色罐子的素菜 |
| [12:18] | My pleasure. | 我的荣幸 |
| [12:22] | No. It’s my pleasure. | 不 是我的荣幸 |
| [12:32] | Sloppy joes? | 牛肉酱汉堡 |
| [12:34] | Sloppy joes are my favorite. | 我最爱牛肉酱汉堡 |
| [12:36] | They are? | 是吗 |
| [12:37] | Too bad you don’t eat meat anymore. | 只可惜你不吃肉了 |
| [12:39] | Your dinner is this. | 你的晚餐是这个 |
| [12:41] | It’s called brown-loaf. | 这个叫棕糕 |
| [12:43] | And it tastes exactly like it sounds. | 吃起来和名字一个味 |
| [12:46] | Hey, you should picture that next time | 你下次托举吉娜·塔斯卡罗的时候 |
| [12:47] | you lift Gina Tuscadero. | 应该想象这个画面 |
| [12:50] | Okay, Mom. | 好了 妈 |
| [12:52] | I get it. | 我懂 |
| [12:53] | I can’t use your plates or your silverware. | 我不能用你的盘子和餐具 |
| [12:56] | But come on. It’s sloppy joes. I’ll make a mess. | 拜托 这是牛肉酱 我会弄得一团糟 |
| [12:58] | Actually, blondie, you don’t get it. | 金发妹 你吃不上 |
| [13:00] | If you’re old enough to dye your hair, | 如果你年轻大到可以染头发 |
| [13:01] | then you’re old enough | 那么你就可以 |
| [13:02] | to make your own dinner with your own food. | 用你自己的食材自己做晚餐 |
| [13:05] | I’m calling Child Services! | 我要打电话给儿童服务机构 |
| [13:06] | With what? | 用什么打 |
| [13:09] | Uprising crushed. | 叛乱被镇压 |
| [13:10] | Opinions and ideas squelched. | 意见和想法被碾压 |
| [13:12] | Children — sad. Mom — happy. | 孩子们 难过 妈妈 开心 |
| [13:15] | Husband — messy. | 老公 一团糟 |
| [13:17] | How does it taste, Anna-Kat? | 味道如何 安娜凯特 |
| [13:19] | Brown and loafy? | 棕色的 糕味 |
| [13:22] | It tastes like dirt. | 像泥土 |
| [13:24] | I love dirt. | 我喜欢泥土 |
| [13:26] | I just used the family computer | 我刚用家里的电脑 |
| [13:27] | to order myself a pizza and an air mattress. | 订了个披萨和充气床垫 |
| [13:30] | Should be here in 30 minutes or less. | 30分钟左右就到 |
| [13:32] | How the hell did you do that? | 你怎么做到的 |
| [13:34] | I have some birthday money saved up, | 我存了些生日红包 |
| [13:35] | and the Internet is awesome. | 而且网络很赞 |
| [13:37] | It is awesome. | 的确很赞 |
| [13:39] | The Internet, not that she outsmarted you. | 我是说网络 不是说她比你聪明 |
| [13:42] | That’s awful. | 太糟糕了 |
| [13:43] | Brown-loaf awful. | 棕糕式的糟糕 |
| [13:45] | Brown-loaf is my new favorite. | 棕糕是我最新的最爱 |
| [13:47] | Wow, Katie, you have really lost control. | 凯蒂 你完全失去了控制权 |
| [13:53] | I cracked down on my kids, like you suggested, | 我听从你的建议 镇压自己的孩子 |
| [13:56] | but it only made them crappier. | 结果让他们更顽劣 |
| [13:57] | Well, then, you have to double down. | 那你得加大力度 |
| [13:59] | Give Taylor a one-way bus ticket to Norwalk. | 给泰勒去诺瓦克的单程车票 |
| [14:01] | Let her fend for herself, | 让她自己管自己 |
| [14:02] | live in a box with her huffer friends, | 和吸毒的朋友住在纸箱里 |
| [14:04] | and she’ll come crawling back. | 她会爬着回来的 |
| [14:05] | Now, as for Anna-Kat, I’m thinking, | 至于安娜凯特 我在想 |
| [14:07] | uh…dog crate for a few days, | 关几天狗笼子 |
| [14:09] | and then throw in a hamburger. | 然后扔个汉堡进去 |
| [14:11] | Saying things like that is why those people | 说这些话就是那些人 |
| [14:13] | came and talked to you at your house. | 上门找你谈话的原因 |
| [14:15] | You know what I think you should do — | 我觉得你应该 |
| [14:16] | talk to them — not as a parent, but as a person. | 找他们谈谈 不是以母亲身份 而是以普通人 |
| [14:19] | Oh, my God, here we go. | 我的天 又来了 |
| [14:20] | Listen, if you shut your kids down all the time, | 如果你总是禁止你的孩子做什么 |
| [14:23] | they’ll start doing things behind your back. | 他们会开始背着你活动 |
| [14:24] | My parents gave me a long leash, | 我父母给了我很多自由 |
| [14:26] | so I felt comfortable talking to them. | 所以我很乐意和他们谈 |
| [14:28] | And by the time I was Taylor’s age, | 我在泰勒这个年纪 |
| [14:30] | I knew I could tell them I was gay. | 我知道我可以告诉他们我是同性恋 |
| [14:32] | Some of my friends weren’t so lucky. | 我有些朋友就没这么幸运了 |
| [14:34] | They hid who they were and led a secret life, | 他们隐藏真我 导致过着秘密生活 |
| [14:36] | which sucked for them. | 真是差劲 |
| [14:38] | So, sure, your kids need to know you as a parent, | 没错 你的孩子需要知道你是家长 |
| [14:41] | but at a certain age, they need to know you as a person. | 但到了一定年纪 他们需要知道你也是人 |
| [14:44] | Give them your heart and give them your soul, | 把你的心和灵魂交给他们 |
| [14:46] | and they’ll know they can come to you with anything. | 他们就会知道有任何事都能找你谈 |
| [14:50] | If Katie wasn’t here, you and I would not be friends. | 如果没有凯蒂 我们不可能做朋友 |
| [14:56] | So, I’m going to stop taking Doris’ advice | 我不想再听多瑞丝的建议 |
| [14:58] | and try Angela’s way. | 我会试下安吉拉的办法 |
| [14:59] | I’m gonna embrace the fact that Taylor’s changing | 我会接受泰勒在改变的事实 |
| [15:01] | and try talking to her — like a person. | 以普通人的身份和她谈谈 |
| [15:03] | Hey, if that works on her, maybe you should try it on me. | 如果对她管用 也许你应该在我身上试试 |
| [15:06] | Noooo! | 不 |
| [15:08] | Are you gonna try talking to Oliver again? | 你准备再跟奥利弗谈吗 |
| [15:10] | Yeah. You know, I finally found a passage for my reading, | 我终于决定了读书会读哪段 |
| [15:12] | and it inspired me to try to give him some perspective. | 这些内容启发我跟他谈谈未来 |
| [15:16] | So you inspired yourself? | 你启发了你自己 |
| [15:18] | Yeah, well… | 是的 |
| [15:20] | I guess I did. | 我想是的 |
| [15:22] | Perhaps you should read it. | 也许你应该读读 |
| [15:24] | It may help you with Taylor, as well. | 也许能帮你解决泰勒的问题 |
| [15:33] | You’re doing homework without being forced or threatened? | 你在做作业 没人强迫你或威胁你 |
| [15:36] | Yes. See what you’ve reduced me to? | 是的 看你让我沦落到什么地步了 |
| [15:40] | I came here to tell you that when I was your age, | 我是来告诉你 我在你这么大时 |
| [15:44] | I desperately wanted a belly ring. | 非常想穿脐环 |
| [15:46] | But instead of asking Grandma for permission, | 但我没征求你外婆的同意 |
| [15:49] | I had Jill Tate shove a safety pin | 我让吉尔·塔特用安全别针 |
| [15:51] | right through my belly button. | 穿过了我的肚脐 |
| [15:52] | Didn’t that hurt? | 不痛吗 |
| [15:53] | It would’ve, but I was super hi– | 当然痛 但我当时特别嗨 |
| [15:56] | I had a super-high pain tolerance back then. | 我当时特别能忍痛 |
| [15:59] | So, anyway, | 总之 |
| [16:01] | my piercing got infected, obviously, | 穿孔感染了 |
| [16:03] | but I couldn’t ask my parents for help. | 但我不能向父母寻求帮助 |
| [16:05] | So what’d you do? | 你做了什么 |
| [16:06] | Wore a lot of baggy shirts. | 穿宽松的衣服 |
| [16:07] | And eventually, I had to steal my dog’s antibiotics, | 最终我只能偷我家狗的抗生素 |
| [16:10] | which did the trick. | 有效 |
| [16:12] | But without his medication, Duke lost most of his fur. | 但都克没药吃 失去了大部分的毛 |
| [16:19] | I’m sorry I dyed my hair without permission. | 抱歉我没征求同意就染了头发 |
| [16:21] | Why didn’t you come talk to me first? | 你为什么不先找我谈呢 |
| [16:23] | Because — I knew you would say no. | 因为 我知道你不会同意 |
| [16:26] | Sounds like me. | 是的 |
| [16:27] | How ’bout this? | 这样吧 |
| [16:29] | I won’t automatically say no to things | 我不再不加思索地反对 |
| [16:32] | if you promise to talk to me first. | 只要你答应先跟我谈 |
| [16:34] | Deal. | 好的 |
| [16:35] | – So I can keep my hair? – Absolutely not. | -我可以保留这个颜色 -当然不行 |
| [16:37] | That is not grandfathered into our new understanding. | 这点不纳入我们的新协议 |
| [16:40] | And even with our new understanding, | 哪怕我们间有了新的协议 |
| [16:41] | I still would say no. | 我依然会反对 |
| [16:43] | I don’t see what I’ve won here. | 我没明白我有什么好处 |
| [16:45] | Very little. | 非常小的好处 |
| [16:49] | How did it go? | 怎么样 |
| [16:51] | I gave him my best stuff, but he’s still not going to ballet. | 我读了最精彩的部分 他依然不去跳芭蕾 |
| [16:54] | Ooh. Suddenly, I feel underdressed. | 我突然觉得自己穿得太不正式了 |
| [17:00] | Basically, I told Oliver he shouldn’t let embarrassment | 我告诉奥利弗他不应该让尴尬 |
| [17:02] | stop him from doing something he loves | 阻止他做自己喜爱的事 |
| [17:03] | and he needs to soldier through it. | 他需要勇敢熬过去 |
| [17:04] | And even though it doesn’t seem like it now, | 哪怕现在不太可能 |
| [17:06] | one day, this will all just be a funny story he tells at parties. | 总有一天 这事将成为他在派对上讲述的笑话 |
| [17:08] | I’ve got a much shorter story about my talk with Taylor. | 我跟泰勒的谈话有个简洁版本 |
| [17:11] | I crushed it! | 我大获全胜 |
| [17:17] | Who’s doing this? | 这是谁干的 |
| [17:21] | My reading is in an hour! I can’t find any of my belts! | 一小时后就是读书会 我找不到皮带 |
| [17:24] | Leather belts are made out of animals, | 皮带的原料是动物 |
| [17:25] | so I gave them all a proper burial. | 所以我把它们体面地埋葬了 |
| [17:29] | I will help you kill Tara Summers. | 我会帮你杀了泰拉·萨莫斯 |
| [17:30] | Okay. But I want this face to be the last one she sees. | 好的 但她临终前最后见到的一定要是这张脸 |
| [17:34] | Honey, you look great. Don’t worry. | 亲爱的 你看起来很棒 别担心 |
| [17:36] | Kids, I made a new recipe — | 孩子们 我做了新菜式 |
| [17:40] | veggie chicken. | 素鸡肉 |
| [17:43] | What’s it made out of? | 这是什么做的 |
| [17:44] | Tofu. | 豆腐 |
| [17:46] | And what’s the bone made out of? | 骨头是什么做的 |
| [17:51] | Also tofu. | 也是豆腐 |
| [17:55] | Even though I have to talk things out more with Taylor, | 尽管我需要多和泰勒谈 |
| [17:57] | Anna-Kat is 8. | 但安娜凯特才8岁 |
| [17:59] | I don’t have to treat her like a person. | 我不需要把她当成人对待 |
| [18:00] | Lying to her works just fine. | 对她说谎非常管用 |
| [18:09] | Good crowd. | 好多人 |
| [18:10] | And that’s why I love you. | 所以我爱你 |
| [18:17] | Good evening. | 晚上好 |
| [18:19] | My name is Gregory Otto, and I am the author. | 我是格雷格里·奥图 本书的作者 |
| [18:21] | I’d like to begin the evening with a reading from my book | 今晚先从读我的书开始 |
| [18:24] | “John Stuart Mill and the Consequences | 《约翰·斯图尔特·密尔 |
| [18:27] | of a Thoroughgoing Empiricist Outlook.” | 与彻底的经验主义展望的后果》 |
| [18:30] | “London, 1806. | 伦敦 1806年 |
| [18:34] | A philosopher is born.” | 一位哲学家诞生了 |
| [18:36] | It’s too bad the advice Greg gave Oliver didn’t work, | 真遗憾 格雷格给奥利弗的建议没用 |
| [18:39] | because it was spot-on. | 因为那是非常好的建议 |
| [18:41] | “…John’s father, | 约翰的父亲 |
| [18:42] | historian and political theorist James Mill…” | 历史学家及政治理论家詹姆斯·米尔 |
| [18:45] | Oh, my God. It’s just like “The Matrix.” | 我的天 这就跟《黑客帝国》一样 |
| [18:48] | Oliver can’t be told how to soldier through embarrassment. | 奥利弗不能被告知如何勇敢熬过出丑 |
| [18:50] | He has to see it for himself. | 他必须自己发现 |
| [18:52] | “…all it knows from the external world. | …来自于外部世界 |
| [18:54] | Whatever pleasure is derived from internal processes | 源自内部过程的任何快乐 |
| [18:57] | can be attribute to the external stimuli. | 都可以归因于外部刺激 |
| [19:13] | “Mill’s canonical work on utilitarianism, | 米尔对功利主义的经典研究 |
| [19:17] | aptly entitled ‘Utilitarianism’, | 适当地称为功利主义 |
| [19:20] | argues for a thoroughgoing empiricist, himself, | 支持他自己是彻底的经验主义 |
| [19:23] | a trait inherited from Bentham and all other conclusions…” | 这一特点继承于边沁和其他人的总结 |
| [19:26] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [19:30] | I get what you did. | 我明白你所做的 |
| [19:32] | You were publicly embarrassed, but you didn’t quit. | 你在公众前出丑 但你没有放弃 |
| [19:35] | Yep. | 对 |
| [19:36] | That’s…why I had your mother do that. | 所以我让你妈妈那样做 |
| [19:40] | So you’re not gonna quit ballet? | 你不会放弃芭蕾吗 |
| [19:41] | No. I’m just gonna triple up on tights. | 不会 我会穿三条紧身裤 |
| [19:48] | You. | 你 |
| [19:49] | What? | 怎么了 |
| [19:50] | We talked about one of us embarrassing ourselves to make a point. | 我们谈过我们其中一个出丑来表达观点 |
| [19:53] | Did you really think it was going to be me? | 你认为会是我吗 |
| [19:55] | I thought maybe, but I live a whole secret life in my head. | 我想有可能 但我在脑海中过着另一种秘密生活 |
| [19:58] | I thought you sounded great out there. | 我觉得你刚才读得非常棒 |
| [20:00] | And when your book comes out on tape, | 等你的书出音频版时 |
| [20:02] | I’m gonna read it. | 我会听的 |
| [20:03] | Aww. Thanks, honey. | 谢谢了 亲爱的 |
| [20:04] | I mean that now. Can’t imagine I will. | 我现在是认真的 但无法想象我能做到 |
| [20:12] | Anna-Kat, are you sure this is the place? | 安娜凯特 你确定在这里吗 |
| [20:15] | Honestly, I don’t remember. | 说实话我不记得了 |
| [20:17] | You put me on the spot, and I pointed. | 你带我来这里 我随便一指 |
| [20:19] | Why don’t you just buy a new belt? | 你为什么不买条新皮带 |
| [20:21] | I’m not buying a new belt when there’s a perfectly good belt | 我才不买呢 明明有一条非常好的皮带 |
| [20:24] | buried somewhere in this backyard. | 埋在这个后院 |
| [20:29] | Oh, my — Greg! | 我的天 格雷格 |
| [20:34] | See, Oliver? Another classic Otto story. | 瞧 奥利弗 又一起经典的奥图糗事 |
| [20:39] | That’s it. I’m not having kids. | 决定了 我不会要孩子 |
| [20:41] | This madness ends with me. | 悲剧在我这代结束 |